Archive of Our Own ^beta

It all happened so fast.

Angus walked into the bathroom, his very own bathroom, and gets ready to take a shower for the first time at the Bureau of Balance.

Stripping himself of his fancy clothes, he turns on the faucet to get that perfect hot temperature. Not too hot to burn his skin, but hot enough to open up his pores. He reaches out his hand to feel the water. Perfect.

Angus walks back over to the sink, carefully taking off his glasses and folds them neatly, wrapping a hand towel around them to keep out condensation.

Angus steps into the shower. First off, shampoo. Scrub, rinse, done. He grabs his new BoB branded loofah & scrubs himself down with a minty soap. He breathes in, and suddenly cannot remember how to breathe out.

The water is too hot, much too hot. His vision goes dark at the edges, hand slipping on the wall trying to find purchase or something to grab onto. Angus doesn't feel the tears at first, but suddenly his eyes are stinging with soap and salt and he doesn't know how to make it stop.

His breathing falters, and in his eleven-year old mind he only has one thought.

I'm going to die here.

His breath hitches, and he somehow remembers how to breathe out. Gasping for air, Angus forgoes the rest of the shower. His skin is blazing red against the heat of the water, and he slowly steps out of the bathtub, still shaking.

Slowly wrapping himself in a towel, Angus sits on the floor of his bathroom, his very own bathroom, and starts sobbing.

His eyes sting. His legs hurt from shaking. His back burns. His vision is still cloudy and he knocks his glasses off the counter trying to grab them.

"H-heart palpitations are normal for a little boy." Angus lies to himself, shakily putting his glasses on his face.

They keep sliding down. His face is too wet for the frames to grip to his nose. Angus practically punches himself in the face trying to straighten them.

Breathing slowly on the floor for a few minutes, Angus tries lifting himself up. He tightens the soft towel around him, loosens it, tightens it, loosens it, and finally finds a good middle area because the feeling of the fabric is too much. He walks out of his bathroom and out of his room, grabbing his Stone of Far-speech idly on the way out.

He's probably locked himself out, but that doesn't matter right now. His feet find themselves at Magnus' door, fists white-knuckled at his sides.

He can't knock. What if this is nothing? What if Magnus laughs at him for standing there feebly in a towel? His vision starts going dark again, and his chest feels like it's collapsing. A sob breaks out and the door opens fast, too fast, he made too much noise, and Magnus is there and staring and he looks like he's judging the boy detective. Angus can't control it anymore and the sobbing falls out of him.

"S-Sir, I don't know what's wr-wrong with me." Angus can barely get the sentence out, wiping his eyes constantly as if to somehow hide the fact that he's crying.

“I’ve got you kiddo.”

Magnus says nothing else. Magnus scoops him up and walks him into his room, placing him gently on the bed. Angus flinches at the initial touch, but cries harder when he realizes that Magnus truly wants to help him. Magnus walks out and Angus can hear him arguing quietly before he comes back with one of Merle's robes. He places it next to Angus and turns around to let him change.

Angus cries harder at the gesture, and changes quickly. "S-Sir? You didn't have to help me, I'm sure this is n-nothing!" Angus shakes his head, confirming only to himself.

Magnus peeks behind him to make sure Angus has changed & turns around. "Angus. I'm going to be upfront with you. What you’re having is most likely a panic attack. I will always help you through one, even if you can’t make it to here again. Just- call me. Always. Never let your fears stop you from coming here. If I'm out training, call me. I. Will. Be. There."

Angus' tears have mostly faded, his face and eyes still burning from saline. He sniffs, and starts wringing his hands.

"I-I don't want to bother you sir, it's nothing, I'm sure. It won't happen again, I promise." Angus' glasses are fogging up at every sentence, and he drops them onto the worn quilt under him to save him the time of cleaning them.

Magnus looks at him, close to tears himself. He kneels down in front of the much, much younger boy and looks him dead in the eyes.

"Any time, Angus. Any. Time. I would come back to you even if we were out searching for a relic. I will be here for you." Angus doesn't know how to respond to this, and starts crying again.

"Sir, um... would it be alright if I stayed here tonight?" He can't bring himself to look at Magnus. He doesn't want to see Magnus have to make the decision of whether he wants him there or not.

"Angus, of course. I'll grab some jammies for you. Wait here, I'll get Taako to come in and stay with you for a bit while I'm out." Magnus rushes out , for once, and Taako soon joins Angus, hugging him close.

“Hey there bubby, is touching okay right now?” Angus nods against Taako’s chest, fingers gripping the hem of his silk shirt.

Magnus comes back after a while, jammies & hot tea in hand, and his heart rises seeing Angus & Taako cuddled together in his bed. He quietly put Angus' things down, and curls up next to Angus, laying an arm over the boy and the wizard as the three of them gently fall asleep.