Archive of Our Own ^beta

Lance liked his classes okay, but sometimes they were boring. He was always trying to find a new way to amuse himself without getting caught.

Lately his amusement had been in the form of a pale boy with long black hair who was so very jumpy.

Lance hadn't scared him yet, but he felt like he would be fun to prank.

Although lance hadn't chose to find his amusement in this boy.

The teacher had sat then together, calling the name Keith for lances neighbor. A name to match the mullet.
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The rest of the third grade was spent next to Keith, who lance was just barely able to coax into recess games lunchtime conversations.

He was spectacularly disappointed when he didn't see Keith around at all the next year or the one after that.
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On the first day of middle school lances eyes were immediately drawn to any head of long black hair in his general vicinity, and was rewarded greatly at the sight of a somewhat greasy mullet that curled above the shoulders of a raggedy red flannel.

Lance didn't waste any of his time being subtle, he walked right up and attemped to startle him as he'd done so many times during their year of friendship.

It threw lance when the only response he got was a soft scoff and a slightly cold glance before the boy strutted away.
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Lance constantly felt like an idiot, in his attempt to recreate their friendship he'd managed to strike up an accidental rivalry, not to mention the more concerning matter of his gradual fall into the abyss that was his crush on Keith Kogane.

He probably spent more time throwing wadded up paper at him and racing him in gym and swapping half-assed insults than he spent hanging out with his friends.

But whenever he though that there was that tugging feeling in his chest that told him it was all because he wanted to hang out with Keith as friends.

But 3 years of rivalry don't just disappear so he made it his 'school year resolution' right before his freshman year of highschool to weasel his way into Keith's life in a more friendly way. And perhaps, eventually, he would weasel into something more.
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He made pretty alright, if not agonizingly slow, progress. It took all of freshman year but by sophomore year he was able to casually wave across the hall or walk to a shared class in nearly companionable silence.

Though the rivalry aspect still remained, he would forever try to one up the boy during PE and always compared their scores after tests.

It was almost a welcome thing, and lance figured there was nothing wrong with a little competition, it was good motivation in friendships.

Lance imagined what it'd be like in a relationship with someone he always tried to one up, and quickly had to rid himself of the thought before he choked on his own spit.
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When lance first saw the bruised on Keith's arm he wrote it off quickly enough as one of the little tussles the boy got into almost daily.

But he was still worried and after he made his quick exit lance though back over the bruise and recognised the shape of it had been splayed.
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The next chance lance got was a week later when he saw Keith fumbling through his locker.
He did his best to instill in Keith the fact that he was there and willing to help.

Keith hadn't taken to it and they had scuffled a bit before Keith escaped and strode away leaving lance to gaze after him worriedly, the ever present crush rearing its head and increasing tenfold.

This boy was too stubborn for his own good, and dammit, lance loved him and his stubbornness, but it was just hurting him more.
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Just a few days later Keith approached him so hesitantly during lunch and lance immediately jumped up and lead him out, dumping his half eaten food in the trash on the way to the library where very few people spent their lunch period.

He let Keith explain the previous night, feeling so much conflicting anger and sadness and tiniest bit of relief that Keith was finally ready to get help, or at least confide in him.

He wrapped Keith in a hug and felt a few tears slip and felt the tiniest shake of Keith's shoulders.

He commanded Keith to meet him after school before rushing out, deciding the following science period would be spent processing this information and plotting.
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Keith was fidgeting by the main entrance when lance met up with him.

Lances first reaction was to softly brush a hand through the ends of his hair in a feigned shoulder pat.

"My parents won't be happy if I'm late," Keith mumbled, shoot lance a look from beneath his bangs that would have taken lances breath away had it not been implying impending abuse.

"I'm sorry Keith, I should have realized. Go, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

Keith's cheeks darkened as lance let his hand ghost a little more obviously through the midnight strands.

"Alright then," Keith turned and set of at a daily quick pace down the road.
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The next day at lunch had Keith muttering the story and grimacing at any pressure put on the right side of his ribcage, so lance was sure to be gentle when he wrapped the shorter boy in his arms.

After some more hushed words lance offered Keith his home and he couldn't think of anything so sweet as the pure hope and hot that filled Keith's violet eyes.

When Keith accepted after slow, weary deliberation and some bumbling words lance felt like a weight had been lifted and a much needed puzzle piece was slid into place over his heart.
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It didn't take much to convince his mom to let Keith stay over and after just a few more agonizingly slow days of comforting Keith at school and restless pacing at home it was finally the day Keith would be going to his house.

Lance made it too school earlier than usual that day, pacing around were he usually found Keith until the morning bell rang.

He reluctantly went to class, every bad possibility slicing into his chest.
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The day ran slowly, and when the final bell rang lance sat himself by the main entrance of the school, hoping beyond hope that maybe Keith had skipped and decided to show up at the end of the day.

The idea sounded so stupid, but it was lances last chance and he didn't want to let it go.

At dusk he finally have up and trudged back home, leaving his mind to blank out during his mile and a half walk.

When lance showed up several hours late and without Keith his mother wrapped him in had arms and let him whimper sadly into her shoulder.
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Lance got exactly 20 minutes of sleep that night and when he arrived at school he didn't even bother to greet his friends, going to where he would meet with Keith.

The bell rang and lance went to sit despondantly in home room until one of the announcements over the loud speaker caught his attention.

"We are sad to inform you that one of our peers has died, so let's take a quick moment of silence in memory of Keith Kogane."

Lance shoved his chair back and stumbled out of the class, ignoring the calls of the teacher and his other classmates.

He locked himself in one of the bathroom stalls, sliding to the floor beside the toilet, holding his head in his hands as he tried to think of some thought, tried to feel the pain that sizzles just above his skin.

It was faint, but everywhere,  burning away at the nothingness that encompasses him. It wasn't heart wrenching or choking pain but a rising one, more like fear.

And it was, because lance didn't know what he was supposed to do, Keith was a permanent fixture. Friends or enemies or rivals Keith had been such a major part of his life, and it was impossible to imagine a life where Keith wasn't challenging him or insulting him or, as lance had been been fond of pretending recently, kissing him.

That was when lance started crying, the idea that he hadn't even told Keith he liked him, maybe loved him. There was the heart wrenching, the choking.

But still there was nothing.

Lance muttered so many quiet words, sad ones, loving ones, a dry ones, empty ones. All for the beautiful, amazing, stubborn bruise ridden boy he'd come to feel so stongly for.

"Keith," the broken sob escaped, "I love you."