Archive of Our Own ^beta

the rain comes down outside the bookshop window, the drops splattering onto the glass and staying there for a moment before sliding down agonizingly slowly. the boy on the other side of the window drags a lazy finger down the water droplet's trail as he looks up from the book he was reading, bored.

dazai osamu's amber brown eyes move to look at the wet pavement, at where puddles formed where there were dented imperfections in the ground. he takes out his phone from his pocket and swipes a finger across the screen to let the music drown out his thoughts, but as if in defiance, his mind deliberately zones out and the boy finds himself in a state he'd simply dubbed his own conscience, where he could be undisturbed by anything at all. letting out a long breath, he slides down to sit by the bookshelf, leaning his head against the window where he can feel the cold glass against the back of his head through his hair, and closes his eyes.

he pulls his legs up to his chest and thinks about how stupid it is that water is associated with blue, because water doesn't actually have a color. the substance itself is transparent. the ocean is only blue because the water absorbs the rest of the colors on the light spectrum. he also wonders what the ocean looks like, because he had never been, despite it being only an hour's drive away from his home. though, he supposes there's no reason to go visit if he's only going to try to imagine what blue looks like; it's a fruitless notion. because -

dazai osamu cannot see blue.

in a world where a person cannot see anything in the color of their soulmate's eyes until they meet them, someone admittedly as heartless and uncaring at the core as dazai would think they could see everything in its original undiluted beauty without the hindrance of something, or in this case, someone as stupid as a soulmate. however even as he lets his thoughts drift mindlessly he can still clearly remember the day he found out that the way that there weren't two grey sections on a color wheel, it was his brain that perceived something differently. he could hear it all in his head: odasaku blinking at him confusedly, then finally widening his eyes in understanding and explaining to him that he cannot see it, he cannot see blue. how utterly ridiculous, he muses as he lightly places down the book at his side.

"ahaha, no, no, there isn't something wrong with you - well, at least not in terms of this, because i think there's something off in your brain. i'm kidding, dazai. relax. anyway, no, you won't be able to see blue until you meet your soulmate. that's the only way, unfortunately for you." odasaku had said, a faint frown slowly forming on his face when the laughter had stopped. he had paused for a moment before continuing. "well, i know that there exists a group of scientists trying to remove this temporary colorblindness, if you could call it that, through surgery, but they've never succeeded despite the large number of generations the project had been passed down for. frankly, it's not worth, dazai. and also, i will guarantee that you'll regret it if you go through with a similar process that removes the discoloration." he'd stared at dazai who'd looked blank because he hadn't been quite sure of what odasaku meant by that. to this day, he isn't.

dazai exhales harshly and reopens his eyes. there's a cat standing in front of him, in its white and ginger coated glory. he recognizes it as the storeowner's pet, so he leaves it be and stands up, dusting off the dirt on his jeans and picking up the book to slide it back into the shelf. the cat still isn't moving, so the boy reaches down. for a second he fools himself into thinking that maybe this time he could actually stroke it, but when his hand is a millimeter away the feline hisses at him and arches its back before dashing back into the safety of an empty aisle. he sighs and runs a hand through his locks. it's still raining outside, but he has no more desire to stay in the bookstore at that moment. he hoists his messenger bag up his shoulder again more securely and walks towards the exit, offering the storeowner and the cat purring on her shoulder manning the cashier an obligatory smile.

dazai stands outside the bookshop as the glass door swings shut with the tinkling of a bell. he stands there for a few more seconds, looking at the empty street, save for someone across the road who is hurrying towards their home, probably. he rubs his dry eyes with the back of his hand, takes a deep breath and steps out into the rain. immediately it pours in rivulets down his skin, and he shivers, feeling the cold droplets seep through his clothes. deciding to finally make a remotely intelligent decision, he runs in the direction of his apartment.

dazai is almost a block away to his home when it happens. his black worn converses splash up water with each quick step, and without looking he already knows for a fact that there's mud coating the bottom of his jeans. he groans at the prospect of more laundry, and picks up his pace even more. he thinks he might fall, but he risks it anyway. when he speeds around the final corner, he finds himself colliding with someone - a stranger. he hears the sound of their umbrella falling onto the ground and he looks away, preparing to ignore them when the other person grips his arm and twists him around with a strong, almost painful hold. dazai hides a wince and stares at their shoes, which are admittedly very nice. "watch where you're going." they say with a startlingly pleasant voice for someone giving a harsh reminder, and dazai looks up at them when he really sees it.

the other boy has eyes the most brilliant shade of blue. dazai isn't sure what to compare it to, but he's sure they're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. around him the grey colors of the apartment buildings burst into vibrance but it's a muted tone when he has the other boy's eyes to look at instead. dazai knows his mouth is probably falling open in surprise but he doesn't care, because he's sure they already think he's stupid. who in their right mind would do such a thing as to rush out in heavy rain without even trying to shield themselves? while dazai is still getting lost in his thoughts, the other boy tugs at his arm after picking up his blue umbrella. dazai stumbles after him into the convenience store, the automatic doors sliding shut after him. he still stands there like an idiot while said boy (dazai wants to ask for his name but he thinks his mouth will stay perpetually open) dries him off with tissues. dazai seriously wants to ask him why he's bothering to do this, because he knows for sure that he wouldn't be doing the same thing. (probably. maybe he would do it if it was for this boy. his eyes are really very very gorgeous.)

"my name, it's nakahara chuuya." the boy says finally after dazai is somewhat dry, dropping a large wad of tissues into the trash can next to the doors nonchalantly. dazai's still largely emotionally affected but he blinks and does his best to regain his previous composure. his face breaks into a grin and he feels largely relieved when his voice comes out clearly and correctly. he'd been worried that he had forgot how to speak. "hi! it's nice to meet you, i'm dazai osamu." when chuuya sticks out a gloved hand for him to shake, dazai ignores him and instead throws his arms around the shorter boy. chuuya lets out a startled noise and tries to slip out of his grasp, but it's easier to keep a hold of him when he hasn't been expecting it. "fuck!" chuuya hisses, "goddammit dazai, now i'm all wet." dazai's grin turns into a smirk and he deliberately glances at the other's crotch. "oh really? i didn't know i have that effect on people."

chuuya flushes and dazai isn't sure if he's embarrassed or pissed. probably both, he concludes, when he finally lets the boy go. he suddenly notices that chuuya's light auburn hair compliments his blue eyes nicely, and he reaches out a hand to ruffle his hair. chuuya expectedly jumps sideways like an irritated cat, and he laughs internally at the comparison. "i have somewhere else to go now, dumbass. your phone, please." chuuya says after recollecting himself, holding out his hand again. dazai is half tempted to pull it so the other boy falls towards him so he can use the "did you fall for me" pickup line, but he doesn't because he's a good person (he thinks he can hear odasaku snicker). he drops his phone into his waiting hand, and he watches with keen brown eyes as chuuya puts in his phone number with ease. he hands it back when he's done, and dazai looks at the number like it's some sort of magic all-revealing spell, when chuuya flicks him in the forehead with surprising force.

"please buy yourself an umbrella, stupid. and take card of yourself, i don't want my soulmate to be someone i need to look after." without waiting for an answer, chuuya steps out of the convenience store. panicking slightly, dazai grabs his arm in a way not dissimilar to when chuuya first did it. "chuuya..." he begins, and realizes he hasn't thought through what he wanted to say, so he blurts out the first thing on his mind. "you have very nice eyes." chuuya stares at him for a second, then a smile finally appears on his face. dazai dies a little internally. "thank you." chuuya answers and stays there by the doors for a moment as though hesitating on something, shifting his weight to his other foot as he bites his lip. and then, he leans forward and presses a chaste kiss on dazai's cheek. before the taller boy can formulate some sort of response, chuuya runs out into the rain under his blue umbrella.

later, dazai leaves the convenience store without an umbrella just to irk chuuya, even though he knows he isn't watching. he feels oddly satisfied when he sees the faintest bit of blue between the grey clouds above.