Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I fucking hate this. I'm stuck in this goddam fucking room and I hate it. I wish I was dead! The window isn't big enough for me to get through to hurl myself out of. FUCK! God. One day I was dragged here by people I didn't know, given a shot that still is throbbing, (it fucking hurts like hell!) and I'd rather be dead than alive! Fuck! Just fucking kill me now! I'm in prison, for reasons I don't know, I don't understand, and I don't give a flying fuck about! I know whatever they're accusing me of I'm innocent. But apparently that didn't stop them, so why the fuck should it stop me? God I'm not making any sense anymore. What was in that shot? I'm just stomping around the room. Sitting on the bed, getting up again. Just walking around aggressively, letting my mind run wild with painful and angry and depressed thoughts. I fucking hate this, I hate myself, I want to die. I can't see anything sharp around here, there aren't any blankets to hang myself from. Maybe I could smother myself with the pillow? Bang my head hard enough against the wall? There is so little room in this fucking cell. I… I don't even have the energy for walking anymore. I sit on the bed. I … I'm crying now. God damn. I wipe furiously at my eyes. I… I can't! I just… I need to die. I sigh and lay in bed trying to find ways to occupy my mind. Death is the only thing that seems to come to it.

. . .

Noon… a letter is slipped under my door. I sit up and stare at it. I'm in prison. Who the fuck is sending me letters? I get up from the bed and walk over to it. I look at it a little bit more on the ground before I pick it up. I vaguely recognize the hand writing. Salvadore.

my dear friend, i hope this letter finds you well. how is prison life going for you? How the fuck do you think it's going bitch!? i know it must be hard, especially in times like these. Times like these? Fuck you. as for me, i will soon start another of my journeys into the unknown. wish me luck. –Salvadore the traveller.

Salva-fucking-dore the fucking traveler. Learn to spell right damn it. Bastard was a childhood friend of mine. A fucking traveler indeed. If I didn't know him any better I would say he was mocking me. Bragging about how he's not in a goddam cell. Yeah, well, good fucking luck.

I groan and lay back down on the blanket-less bed.

Another letter arrives a little later.

friend, i hope you aren't feeling too lonely in that dark cell. just in case. i have put a little bug friend for you in the envelope alongside this letter. –Salvadore

The goddam spider freaked me the fuck out! Didn't even get to read the letter before he came out. Jesus!

Shit. I should just step on the little guy and end his misery now. He shall hence forth be know has Crappy McFuck Face.

Well fuck. Thanks a lot Salvadore. This little ass spider is really going to brighten my day. Best friend I've ever had. Go fuck yourself.

I look down at it. Maybe it's poisonous? If I get it to bite me maybe I'll die by infection?

...

Screw it. I sit on my bed again and watch it scurry around. I wait for it to just crawl out the slot that the letters come though and abandon me like everyone else.

I don't get any more letters till a long while later.

GOOD DAY. WE ARE HAPPY TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED BY ME, DOCTOR MONEY, TO JOIN AN EXCLUSIVE PROGRAM FOR INMATES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

Oh really? Oh I'm so excited? Sarcasm much fuckers?

WE HAVE NOTICED THAT DUE TO THE RECENT OUTBREAK OF A TERRIBLE VIRUS THE POPULATION OF OUR BEAUTIFUL fucking beautiful! NATION HAS STARTED DWINDLING. THIS IS UNFORTUNATE. BUT THERE IS STILL HOPE: YOU.

Me? The fuck are you talking about you ass?

I sit on my bed as I inspect the letter.

Oh shit! Are you the little bitch that shoved me in this cell? And wait… virus? Wait-wait-wait back the fuck up, terrible virus? People are…? People are dying of some freaking virus? Jesus, is that what I'm missing? Good god.

I suddenly become very anxious and my breath becomes erratic.

RECENT STUDIES SHOW THAT 98% OF OUR GREAT NATION'S POPULATION IS ALREADY INFECTED WITH THE VIRUS. Ninety... I gulp. Ninety eight percent… oh fuck. INCIDENTALLY, MANY OF THE REMAINING 2% ARE PRISON INMATES LIKE YOU. WE HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE TO BE VIGILANT AND REMAIN HEALTHY.

Like me? Fuck, what is even that supposed to mean? Tears are coming again, oh god, just kill me now! How the fuck do you expect me to remain vigilant and healthy, by the way? I'm in a goddam prison cell! I'm trembling, oh god, I'm trembling. Fuck am I… really going to die like this? Alone in a cell? Suffering from god knows what. Wasn't I just begging for death a little while ago? Why am I so terrified? Shit.

IN ORDER TO FIGHT DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IN THE DIRE SITUATION YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF IN, YOU WILL BE ASSIGNED YOUR OWN PERSONAL HAPPY-BUDDYtm. ENJOY!

Oh great. Fucking marvelous. This is gonna be good.

I receive a letter from the asshat known as my 'Happy Buddy' within seconds of the last letter Dr. Money sent me.

Hello Hello Hello!!! I Am You Own Personal Happy Buddytm!!! I Have A Present For You!!! FIVE CONFETTI POPPERS!!! HAVE FUN!!!

One accidentally goes off in my hands. Well fuck. There went one. Who does this bastard think he is? Jesus. Leave me alone.

Hello My Buddy Friend Buddy! Did You Enjoy The Confetti??? If So, I Have Another Present For You!!!

No please.

It's A Doctor Money Portable Entertainment Machine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Game Included!!!!!! Have Lots Of Fun :-)

The game came with the letter. I open it and one game is available. I find myself indulging.

This is lame. The game, serpent… fuck there's no point in this! Jesus.

I play the goddam game until I hear from Sal again.

my dear friend, i have started my journey in the far east, with no clear goal in mind. on the road, i met a nice woman who gave me directions to the nearest lake. you know how much i like swimming.

Yeah, didn't I save your ass from drowning when we were kids? Screw it, you know what? Just keep bragging. I don't give a fuck!

friend, this lake is beautiful. it is so peaceful and quiet here. have you ever been so alone that you-you cannot convince yourself of the fact that other people exist anymore? –Salvadore

...

...

...

WELL FUCK YOU, SALVADORE!

friend, i have a present for you. it's a painting that always reminds me of the spirit of travel. i hope it will liven up your cell a little bit. –Sal

I place the picture on the gray wall

I step back and look to see the green, yellow, and blue canvas.

I, dude did you paint this? Fuck, just stop. What are you even trying to do? Sal, I'm in prison, I rather be dead. And you really aren't helping matters.

Another letter? I sigh. Sal…

Hey Buddy!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck! This guy isn't helping either! How Are You Doing??? If You're Feeling Down Maybe A Song Will Help! Lalala Happy Lala Glad To Lalala Be Alive Lala!

...

You know what? I pity you.

Hahahahahaha That Was Fun Wasn't It? I Hope You Keep A Song In Your Heart Always. For You Are Smart And Kind And Important.

You don't fucking know me.

Another letter, wow. Okay now I am really pissed. God damn it leave me alone!

GOOD DAY MR. SMILEY. WE HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU HAVE NOT MET YOUR HAPPINESS QUOTA YET. REMEMBER: YOU WILL ONLY GET TO SEE YOUR DAUGHTERS AGAIN IF YOU MANAGE TO LOWER THE SUICIDE RATES IN PRISON.

...

...

...

... I, I

Oh god… I didn't know. Fuck, dude I, I'm so sorry. More tears? Really? Fucking really? OH Jesus ! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'll be happy, just. Oh my god, don't hurt his daughters! See I'm happy! Happy!

I quickly take out my game thingy and start playing, trying not to let anymore tears fall.

DEAR _______, WE MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY SENT YOU A LETTER ADDRESSED TO A CERTAIN MR. SMILEY. WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS MISTAKE HAS BEEN RECTIFIED AND THAT YOUR HAPPY BUDDY REALLY DOES LIKE YOU AND IS YOUR BEST FRIEND PURELY BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FRIENDLY.

Fuck that noise! You let his goddam daughters go! Why the fuck does he have to keep me happy anyhow? Screw that! Fuck you!

Another letter? Mr. Smiley? God, I am so sorry.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA How Are You Doing???

What am I doing is more the question. And I should be asking you that.

I'm Feeling Sooooooo Great!!!!!!!!!!! You, you don't mean that. You Are My Bestest Friendliest Happy Friend In The Whole Wide World!!!!!!

Please stop! You don't need to lie to me. Please, I know about your daughters, just stop you don't have to push yourself into this act! I'll be happy! If it means you get your daughters back, I'll, I'll hang on. I just, I don't want you do lie to me like this, please. You shouldn't force yourself to do this but… god, I'm so sorry.

I step back from the door as I read the letter. I do my best not to crush the little spider, who for some odd reason hasn't gotten out of the room yet.

I play my game on my bed until I jump at the noise of another letter being slid under the door.

friend, if my calculations are correct, then this letter will arrive at your cell right around bedtime. i hope those prison beds are comfortable… goodnight friend, -Salvadore

They're not Sal… I don't even have a blanket… no, you know what Sal? I'm sorry for being that pissy little brat I was at the beginning. I know you didn't hear me and I know that Mr. Smiley can't either, but for his sake Sal…? I'm going to start being happy.

I peer down at the little spider Salvadore got me from my bed. He is still here, with me. In this tiny little cell. He can leave any time he wants. But he doesn't. Should I think that he's choosing to stay with me? Should I even hope anything(one) would choose to stay with me? I sigh and reach my hand down. I feel the little legs crawl up onto my arm and I resist the urge to swat it away. I look at the little bug through squinted eyes and dim light. Crappy McFuck Face… I'm sorry little buddy. I really am. Maybe I'll give you a proper name it tomorrow?

Chapter Text

Oh God! My back hurts like Hell! Fuck! I open my eyes to stare at the dark gray ceiling. Oh shit, right, I'm in prison. The first day comes back to me in a rush. Sal! Mr. Smiley! Happy… right, have to be happy, so Mr. Smiley can see his daughters. No thoughts of suicide anymore.

...

The bug! Fuck! I sit up so fast I become light headed. God I hope I didn't crush him in my sleep! I look around on the bed, on my body, then I look down at the floor and I see him scurrying around like he was yesterday. Oh thank god.

Alright, I guess I said I might name you better today… Um… give me a moment?

I look up to see a letter has already appeared under my door. Well shit, it's a little early don't you think?

... Mr. Smiley?

Rise And Shine Sleepyhead!!!!! I Hope You Had A Goodnight's Sleep I Sure Did!!!!!!!Hooray!!!!

No my back hurts— I mean, yes, wonderful sleep (what the fuck and I doing?)

To Celebrate The Occasion Of You Getting Up, I Have Sent You A Second Game For Your Portable Entertainment Product!!

Yes, certainly happy to be alive… and in a prison cell. Fuck this is going to be hard. I sit on my bed and open up the PEP. Pep… peppy pep prep, preppy pep prep. Fuck this. The new game is called… Fear. Of. Fire? O-K… Shit.

I start playing the game and losing track of time until another letter comes. Goddam is this really all my days are going to be consisting of?

friend, i have decided to head north, which is as you know, my favorite cardinal direction to head. Heh, that's fucking funny Sal. Heh, I can almost picture you writing these damn things. on the way, i passed by a very interesting river. a sign next to it said that the water changes the direction it is flowing in around this time of year.

Now how the fuck does that work Sal?

I can't believe it but I feel a small lopsided smile on my face. What the hell? I even let out a soft chuckle thinking about it. God am I going crazy? Well maybe this will keep Mr. Smiley happy… the smile falls.

fascinating, wouldn't you say friend? i must stay here and witness the change occurring, my curiosity is just too tremendous to resist the temptation. Dude, I don't give a fuck what you do. I mean… I hope you have fun… and I mean it. And surprisingly I do. as much i enjoy vast landscapes and new locations to explore, sometimes in life one must appreciate the little things. –Sal

...

Wow Sal. You are really making me wish I was there with you aren't you. Maybe… some day?

Another letter is slipped under the door.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I Have Another Present For You! It's A Poster To Remind You To Always Keep A Smile On Your Face!

Oh um… thanks Mr. Smiley. I'm trying for your sa-a-A-A-AHHHHHHH!

I turn after finishing the letter only to see the most goddam creepy ass painting of a smiley face I've ever seen! I let out a scream and fall back onto my bed. I can't take my eyes off the damn thing. Oh my god! The little splatter of red paint on the corner… was that really paint? Oh… dear Jesus….

I now feel beyond uncomfortable in this little cell. By god Mr. Smiley you aren't helping! And trust me I'm trying!

Uh, I don't want to look away from the thing. I'm afraid it might eat me if I look away.

Another letter slides in. I don't recognize this envelope.

Good day! I don't think you know me, but from what I've heard, it seems that you and I are the last people in this town who are still not infected with the virus.

Wait! Right! There's a virus outside, people are dying. There's someone else out there besides Salvadore, Mr. Smiley and the fucktard Dr. Money? You're not infected?... Who are you?

Another letter.

I am the owner of a pastry shop not far from where your cell is. But as I don't want to get infected. I cannot sell my pastries to anyone anymore. Except you. Me? I would really appreciate it if you could come visit me sometime, and maybe have a cup of tea.

Heh, Sweetheart I wish I could, but you said it yourself I'm in a cell. A damn awful one at that!

I look around and catch the eye of the smiling painting and shiver. Uh, hey, maybe you can come visit me? Tea does sound nice.

By the way, my name is Charlotte. Nice to meet you.

Charlotte… I smile softly yet widely. Charlotte, well by sweet baby Jesus it is nice to meet you too!

I can't help but giggle. Maybe I've made another friend? God I hoped so. Mr. Creepy Ass Smiley Face wasn't doing me any favors.

Later another letter.

my dearest companion, the river's change in direction was quite interesting to see. Wish I really was your companion Sal! this is exactly what i love about my travels: you always get to see new and amazing things. –Salvadore

Seriously man, wish I'd been there with ya!

Another letter… from Charlotte oh my god! A smile came to my face again.

I'm very sorry if I came off as too eager in my last letters to you. No, no sweetheart, you're fine! Fact is, I haven't really had much contact with people anymore lately. No kidding with this virus going on! Please forgive me if I made you feel uncomfortable. –Charlotte.

You're, you're fine. You didn't frighten me off… you can't, really… you can't-you can't hear me. Can you? Shit, I can't get in contact with you! Or Salvadore! Or Mr. Smiley for Christ sake! Damn it!

I brewed over that new revelation until another letter slipped through the door.

Hello Hello Hello!!! I Hope You're Enjoying Your 2 Games. They Were Expensive You Know. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh shit, I'd forgotten about those things! I quickly pulled out the game thing and began to play.

HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Please Don't Be Sad

Jesus dude, calm down. I… I mean… Sorry, right, daughters, shit… I'm happy, I'm so very happy. Not sad a bit!

I Know It Must Be Hard All Alone In A Prison Cell But You Must Remain Happy!!!

...

Please

Oh god damn it! I will! I promise. I will.

I sigh. Geez. This poor dude. I should feel so lucky! I sigh again. I look down and see the little spider dude. I smile. Alright man, time to give you that proper name I promised. I reach down and the spider crawls onto me.

Sam?

Carl?

Tim?

Muskrat?

The fuck?

...

Um. Geez this is hard. Little Dude?

Mason?

How about less human names? It's a fucking spider for Christ sake.

Marvin?

Goddamit!

I nearly have a heart attack when another letter slides through.

IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT YOUR HAPPY BUDDY HAS SHOWN SIGNS OF NOT BEHAVING IN AN EXCITED AND HAPPY MANNER. W-what? No! IF YOU WISH TO HAVE YOUR HAPPY BUDDY REPLACED PLEASE JUST SEND US A LETTER AND WE WILL GET RID OF HIM.

No! NONONNONONONO! There is no need to do that! Fuck, he's fine! Seriously please no!

Another letter!

Hello HAHAHA Hello I Heard That Some People Are Reporting Their Happy Buddies To Doctor Money HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Not me! Never me dude! You're, you're awesome.

You Know What Happens To Them Right?? Do You?? You Wouldn't Do That To Me Would You? HAHA

I don't fucking know what they do to them but whatever the fuck it is I certainly do not want it to happen to you! No!

Oh, I'm panicking!

I'm Sorry I Havent Gotten You Another Game Yet I Just Don't Have The Money For It At The Moment

No that's okay! Seriously! It's fine, you don't have to spend one more cent on me! Please don't!

I'm So Sorry

No.

So Very Sorry

No! No no no no no! Don't hurt him! Don't take him away! Fuck, he's a good happy buddy, good good good! Please no no no! Fuck leave him alone!

Nobody can… nobody can fucking hear me can they? Fuck!

Tears start coming again. I'm ranting around my room stomping on the ground. The spider scurrying around my feet narrowly avoiding them. Goddamn it I'm not stopping it this time. I begin to sob. Did I just lose my happy buddy? I fall onto my bed and cry. God I hope not!

A swoosh on the ground by the door.

ANOTHER GODDAM LETTER!

FUCK! SALVADORE!?

friend, is your bug friend keeping you company? have you given him a name? Oh shit, right I have to name him! Margo! Jack! Mark! Damn it! you should. do you remember how we used to sit by the fireside, carving chess pieces out of wood without a care in the world? I break into uncontrollable laughter at that. Remembering for a moment how crazy I must sound. Oh my god, I distinctly remember that I was far better at it than you my friend. Goddamn! I can't wipe the smile off my face! that was a long time ago.

The smile falls so fast I hear it shatter. Well, damn Sal. That… was that really necessary? Damnit. I, I really hate thinking about that now. It, it really was a long time ago.

my wood carving skills have gotten significantly worse, oh really Sal? Heh, didn't know that was possible. I try to regain my shattered smile. but i still tried to make you something to make you feel less lonely. it's the leg of a table im making for you! A what? Oh freaking… what? i know that might not be the most extravagant project, but i hope you like it anyways. –Salvadore

I, I...

...

I look at the long, square, wood piece, the first of supposedly, of four wooden legs of table in my hand. I had picked it up with the letter. I sit it in the corner and back away almost not seeing it, like I'm scared of it. It just sits there, a wooden pole. I walk back up to it and look at it closer. Well damn, Sal. You weren't kidding. But at least the edges are straight. Right?

I sigh and see my little spider friend is inspecting it. I let out a dry chuckle. You approve? I ask it softly. I still have to name you son of a bitch.

What would Sal name you? He'd name you something weird like Xavier or Jehovah. Well. Okay, um…

Dot? You have a little dot on your back. Tomato? I never liked tomatoes. Ezra? I like that name. But I don't know if it fits you.

The light fades. I guess I'll have to go to bed soon. I sit on the bed and fall over soundly. God, why am I so exhausted? Sal? Smiley? I hope you two are alright. Um, Sal? Thanks for the table leg. Smilely? God, I hope you send me a letter soon. Who am I forgetting?

A letter slides under the door.

Charlotte…

It's a nice evening, isn't it? I hope you have a nice sleep. –Charlotte

Tears are falling again. Goodnight Charlotte. Goodnight spider buddy. Goodnight Sal and Mr. Smiley. Is it too much to ask for pleasant dreams for you all tonight?

Chapter Text

I wake up cold. The light, I find, is cold. The morning light was always dim from the window. It just makes everything grayer. Even the paintings don’t hold their color. I roust to something sliding through the slot in the door. I don’t think I’ve moved so fast.

Morning Morning Morning! I Have Some Very Very Good News For You!!!

Smiley. Dear god Mr. Smiley. I wake up with tears crusting my eyes and now I’m crying again, but with a watery smile and tears of sheer relief. He’s alive. Thank God!

I Got You A New Game With The Last Of My Money!!!!!!!! This One’s A Real Blast!!! Have Fun!!!

The last… No! Smiley why?

I look at the game. Piteous moonlight. I didn’t know what that meant and I didn’t care. I found myself making a face of disgust as I look at the stupid game. I throw the device onto the bed.

Mr. Smiley why are you doing this? Why are you wasting your money on me? Why the fucking hell am I so special? Please don’t do this, I’m so worried for you. You and your daughters.

God! Everything in my being is screaming at me to help this poor soul in any way I can. But I fucking can’t!

Don’t Worry About Me Spending All My Money, I’m Okay

I know you’re lying to me. Please. Even for right now, the fact that you’re okay… please take care of yourself.

I was honestly getting an ache in my chest. The words “I’m Okay” seem to physically compress into my chest as if it’s the thing that was keeping my heart pumping. At the same time though, the words were slowly eating away at my heart and numbing the nerves around it. I’m Okay, I’m Okay, I’m Okay. A mantra in my head.

If I knew one thing for sure, is that those words are the biggest lie anyone could ever come up with. Even Doctor Money, of whom I am sure makes a living from lying, could not come up with one that big and subsequently swallowed.

Just Stay Happy For Me, I will, at least… I’m trying... For The Love Of All That Is Holy Stay Happy They’re Watching

Watching? I don’t know what he means, are they watching me? Or him? Fuck, like it matters.

I… I’m beginning to realize that no matter how hard I try. I don’t think I can remain happy. I’m sorry Mr. Smiley. I just can’t. But don’t you worry. I have something else burning up my insides.

Something that hasn’t always been there.  

I begin to pace. I was sick of this room and though I was not sick of the letters, I was beginning to become sick of not being able to do jack shit to help these people who I’ve come to call friends. People I don’t know (aside from Sal, but even then it’s been years) but care deeply about. Like hell I was going to just sit in a cell and let Doctor Money do this to me and to them. I felt something deep in my chest, that burning again, it was not unpleasant. I’d put a name to it soon. Speaking of…

I looked around, the little bug was still scurrying around near the slot at the bottom of the door, but stopped as if it knew I was looking at it and it seemed to turn to look at me. I open my mouth to speak but then another letter slid through the slot. The bug scurried away from the letter.

The world has become such a quiet place…

Charlotte.

So many people are dying… I watch them choke to death form my pastry shops window… maybe you shouldn’t look out those windows. Doctor Money has started selling some kind of antidote… But I don’t trust him.

Good. You’re a smart girl Charlotte. I don’t trust him either.

I will not leave my shop. As much as the loneliness pains me, I need to remain here.

I felt relief, but only slightly.

Yes Charlotte. Stay there. So I know you’re safe. I have a general idea of where you are and I know Sal isn’t anywhere near here. Now where is Mr. Smiley?

The next letter comes a while later.

how are you doing? I’ve been busy thinking about how to escape this place. How are you? i have been busy carving the second leg for your table. may you eventually put a table top on it! Wow did I forget about that quickly.  I look over to the leg of the table in the corner of the room. I put the other one next to the bed. I catch a glimpse of the bug again. God damn it I need to name you. i am starting to feel a little homesick. perhaps it is time to end my journey? –Salvadore

NO!

A sudden anxiety takes a hold of my chest.

Sal if you come back you could get infected! I can’t lose you! You are pretty much the only person from my past I have left! You know this… but… you know nothing of what’s been happening here. Oh no.

I become frantic! My breathing is erratic.

A blue envelope slips under the door.

There Have Been Incidents Of People Getting Upset About How Hard The Games For Doctor Money’s Portable Entertainment Product Are.

Honestly dude, I’ve given up on those stupid games, screw ‘em and fuck Dr. Money. But I haven’t given up on getting out of here and getting to you, Sal, and Charlotte.

Damn… I need a plan

Please Do Remember:

It’s Not About Those Games. It’s About Happiness!

That’s a lie but you don’t mean to this time. No. I think I figured this out. This is obviously about money. And not the Doctor but close enough. Bull-fucking-shit.

Ahh-hh. I need to find a way out of here.

I look to the bug. I squint at it. Salvadore gave that bug to me. Just like the legs of the table there is some sort of thought behind it. A reason to it. A method to the madness. Sal sent this bug for a reason. I knew Sal wasn’t the brightest lightbulb out there. He’s naive, but he always had a knack for seeing something special in even the simplest things. This bug is special, not only to Sal but now to me. I just have to figure out how. I was beginning to think that maybe this bug was my file in the cake. I just had to figure out how to utilize that file.

My thoughts were interrupted when another letter slid under the door.

I found this poster in my attic. I thought it might cheer you up… Oh, um. then again it’s not very cheerful. Uh. Maybe you want it anyway though…

I place what I could only describe as a black and white bleeding heart picture on the back wall of my cell. Though I must agree that it isn’t cheerful, it does make my heart ache only slightly. Charlotte? It’s beautiful.

DEAR_________, DOCTOR MONEY IS TAKING TIME OFF HIS BUSY SCHEDULE TO PERSONALLY TELL YOU THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE.

I grit my teeth to the point where they might crack. ‘EVERYTHING IS FINE.’ He says. Like hell it is. If that isn’t bullshit, then I don’t know what is! Who does this bastard think he is? I really hope if others have contact with this douche they don’t believe a damn thing he says. Bastard!

Aggravated beyond belief, I once again begin my frantic search around the room. Could I use the leg of the table to bash something open? Doubtful. Then something catches my eye by the door. Those are wires hanging there. I look more closely at them but am distracted when a letter slips in by my feet.

Did you get the Doctor’s message? Yes! Charlotte don’t tell me you believe him! I am increasingly concerned by the way he is ignoring the people’s obvious suffering… the antidote he was talking about is only being sold at a ludicrous price… He does not mean well.

I agree whole-heartedly! Damn it. Fuck I need to get out of here so I can… What can I do? I need to save Mr. Smiley and his daughters. But I have no idea where they are. Charlotte’s close but maybe she can help me get the word out to Sal to not come here. But he’s traveling, there’s no guarantee he’ll even get the messages I send him. This all assuming I can even get out of here!

I feel a sudden sense of hopelessness as I look back at the black wires that once held something there. It feels as if my life before I was here in this prison cell was in a past life, but I remember a previous job as an electrician. I recognize these wires as having held a panel of some sort. If I had the panel I could connect them. But then what would that do… Why would a prison cell have wires that held a panel on the inside?

My mind was now occupied with the thought that maybe something wasn’t entirely right here. I feel stupid for even thinking that since I should have known.

I hesitantly touch the wires and feel a painful spark in my fingers which I yank away. They’re still live. I jump and fall back against the wall as another letter is pushed through the slot.

friend! the third leg of the table is finished! Okay, Salvadore now is not the time but… I place the leg by the others and continue reading. huzzah! i have also started my long journey back to my home town NONonononono! Fuck! Sal just wait a few days, hold on for a freaking second! i would say i will probably arrive around tomorrow morning. I gasp so hard I choke on my spit looking forward to seeing some familiar faces! –Sal

…

…

I fall to the floor; my fat ass would never be able to fit through the slot but my hand could. I lean back against the corner of the wall and fold myself up, hugging my knees. Tears are forming. Sal, no. Please. Stay away, I’ll come find you! Just… just stay away!

I feel something begin to crawl up my leg and I freak out for a moment before I realize it’s… fuck I still need a name for it! I hold out my hand and the little bug crawls onto my hand. It almost seems like it’s looking at me.

Hey little guy? What should I name you? Glad you haven’t died yet, from me stomping around. I know. I’m an idiot, probably been scaring you shitless. I sigh. The little bug is still looking at me. I get a strong sense of nostalgia thinking about how Sal sent this little bug to me. I remember a movie he and I watched when we were kids. The name of the main bug character came to mind.

Flik.

It seems to like that name. Flik. I like it too. I wipe my eyes, smiling as the little bug seems happier now that I’ve named it. I smile wider. Come on Flik. We’re going to bust out of here!

I make a move to stand and a letter comes through, Charlotte’s envelope.

The doctor has lowered the price of the antidote. However, it seems to cause various vital organs to fail. People are now not only dying from the virus, but also from the doctor’s cure. I am terrified. –Charlotte

I scramble to my feet holding the letter close, Flik moving around on my fingers. I know, Charlotte sweetheart, I know. I’m scared too. And worried and a lot of other emotions. My head is spinning slightly and my vision is a tad blurry from suddenly standing, but I am undeterred.

I look once again to the wires. What sort of panel could have been connected there? If I had that then maybe? Maybe I could somehow get myself out. But how?

I didn’t understand why I was even allowed to get some of these letters. Charlotte’s included. I didn’t know why she was corresponding with me other than she was lonely and scared. I had to get out of here. And when, not if, I do, I need to visit her.

I take a deep breath and smile to Flik tapping his little legs on the back of my hand. I set him down on the bed and  turn to see another letter slipped through the door.

Most of my cakes have gone bad. I just hope all this is over soon … I’m not so hopeful, but maybe one day. I’m not sure how long I can live all alone. I wish I could come visit you.

I smile and nod.

I feel the same way. I’d love to meet you.

I hope you are getting these letters. I’m guessing you just can’t respond. No, no I can’t… oh no . Do letters still get delivered in times like these? I hope so. … Are you even still alive?

YES! Yes Charlotte I am! Don’t start doing this to me! Oh lord. Oh god, oh fuck! I’m still alive! I’m… I’m still here.

I feel a crushing sense of loneliness. It’s only been three goddamn days and I’m already losing my mind to it. I am just standing in a room, all alone, talking to myself, unable to respond to anyone contacting me outside of this little cell. No one can hear me. No one has been listening.

I look to my little bug friend Flik. I may be alone but I have allies.

friend! Speak of the devil. this one gave me some problems, but your fourth table leg is all done now. the last part will be there shortly. –Salvadore the master woodworker.

The master woodworker. I can’t even understand why that is making me smile so wide it hurts my jaw. I put it with the others. Maybe this can delay you enough so that I can escape.

I look to Flik. I call out to get his attention and hold out my hand. What I do next solidifies my insanity. I begin to speak to him.

Alright buddy, you’ve had every opportunity to skedaddle right on out of here. I don’t know why you didn’t but I have a feeling you aren’t an ordinary bug. Salvadore doesn’t like ordinary things. I think you know what you’re doing. I’m not completely sure. But that’s not the point. I need to get out of here and I need your help. See if you can’t find something I can pick a lock with or some sort of panel I can put on the wall.

Flik seems to give me affirmative and I put him back down on the ground. He turns to look up and me and flicks his little leg, and then he scurries out of the room using the mail slot.

He’s gone.

Question is, will he come back? Did I just lose my only companion in my last few days I have on this earth? Will he die out there?

I sigh and sit down on my bed. I don’t even notice it getting darker. All I can do now is wait. Play my little game and wait for letters and Flik.

Are You Okay? Yeah? Appearantly More And More Inmates Are Killing Themselves Please Don’t Do That For You Sake And Mine

What? But… I, no, I’m not going to do that. That is the exact opposite of what I'll be doing. I don’t even know if it's possible. But trust me Mr. Smiley. I have found a new reason to live. And you are a part of that.

I keep looking at the mail slot. Waiting.

my dear friend, my goodnight present to you will be the table top. now you finally have something to put stuff on in your cell! i hope you actually have stuff to put on it… -Sal

I smack my forehead, barely able to read the letter. I groan a little but a faint smile is on my lips. No Sal, I don’t have anything to actually put on it. Why would I?

I put the table top on it, its small, enough to fit through the little slot. I finally noticed the darkness as I read the letter. I sigh and wonder what the next day will hold. There is a part of me that thinks it will hold nothing but this cell and the red light right outside of it that is now very, very dim. I lay down in my bed and stare at the door. Flik is out there right now, hopefully doing something that will help me. I pray that he is because…

No one is coming to find me. I won’t let them.

I will find them.

Chapter Text

It’s as if my eyes had never closed. I sit up and stand as if there is a great weight on my shoulders. The light coming in from the dulling sun helps my eyes adjust. The grip of anxiety as yesterday’s letters reappear in my mind.

Groggily I look around for Flik, even peeking out under the door. I don’t see him. Wherever his is, he isn’t here. A stone fist seems to grip my heart.

I take in a breath, hoping to relieve the pain and when I open my eyes again, a letter is under the door. The envelope coloring telling me it’s Salvadore’s. Oh god… no.

friend, my journey has come to an end. as you known, i do not have a family to come home to, but that’s not what matters to me. i am just looking forward to the smell of my hometown.

There is too much to say here. Sal, go back. Please. Nothing is the same here. The smell of our hometown, it’s blood and death Sal. They’re… we’re dying. And god, you’re family… I cup my hand over my mouth.

Sal’s adventurous spirit had been there at birth but it was the death of his family that had pushed him to explore the world. Maybe so he could see it all before his time, or maybe he was just running. I never asked.

I turn and see the table, now in the morning light. In all honesty, it doesn’t look bad. It actually looks like a table too.

Another letter comes through.

where is everyone…?

My stomach drops. He’s here, in town, possibly the very air has now infected him. He could be dead soon, just by being here!

A split second of panic takes me until I remember Charlotte. She’s still in town, alive and uninfected. As long as Sal is careful, he should be fine. He might have his head in the clouds. But he knows when things are serious.

I back up a little, accidently running into the table.

I take deep breaths to calm myself, trying not to let the dark thoughts that had been somewhat banished come back.

As if on cue…

Morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Sold My House And My Food And One Of My Lungs HOLY FUCK! But Don’t Worry

DON’T WORRY! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SCHROOMS DO THEY HAVE YOU ON?!?!?

I Spent The Money On Another Game For You!!!! Yay!!!! Have Fun! Be Happy!

OH GOD, OH GOD!!!

I’m in tears as I open the game, triangle wars. I sob as I fall to my knees and curl up on the cold floor. My head is screaming. STOP THAT STOP! PLEASE! DON’T SPEND ANYTHING MORE ON ME! I’M FINE REALLY, HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!

I don’t know how long I stay there, shivering and crying. I hear the next envelope slide under. It takes more effort than I want it to, to look at it.

These streets use to be so lively… Now they are just silent.

OKAY, EVERYTHING IS AGAINST MY HAPPINESS TODAY OKAY? I can’t deal with much more of this. Charlotte please, please, for all that is good, don’t give up hope.

I want to say I’m trying, I want to say I’m desperately looking for ways to get out of this prison cell. But I literally can’t do anything. I’m still here, Flik out there somewhere looking.

I have this old gramophone in my basement… perhaps it is time to break the silence…?

The glistening tears in my eyes seem to elite them at the idea. I’d always had a soft spot for music. It was a life force all on its own. By god, to listen to music again, any kind, would be heaven during the apocalypse. Charlotte, dear, if you can somehow do that, I think it would lift both our spirits. I hope I am able to hear it if you do!

The next letter slides in and I look at it carefully. Sal…

…do you know what’s going on out here? the virus? the organs? … the blood?

I take in a painful breath, as if the infected air has daggers in it.

Yes, Sal. I know enough about it to see that hope is fleeting. For god’s sakes, I’m locked away in a prison, like some sort of princess, damsel in distress. I don’t know exactly what’s happening, but I know it’s bad. As bad as this could possibly get.

Sal. It’s the end of the world.

…

…

…

I sit down on my bed. The mattress is so thin I can feel the steel frame below me. I look up to the window above my bed. Other than the light the comes in, I don’t believe I’ve ever actually looked at it and was thankful for it.

Suddenly, in the silence I hear something. It’s faint, but there, it’s sounds a bit too metallic to be a letter. I stand quickly and bend down to look out I see a small black dot pulling something at least a hundred times bigger than it.

Flik

I nearly throw out my voice as I squeal. Flik! Flik buddy, you’ve made it! And, and you’ve got something! Holy shit! He’s slow in getting here, but I can see his working his little bug butt off doing it. I reach out as far as I can. Come on bud, you’re almost there!

Finally, my fingertips touch something, I gasp as they wrap around something large and rectangular. I resist the urge to yank it in.

I gently pull it towards me and Flik quickly climbs on to my hand as I pull it in the rest of the way.

I’m panting heavily, heart pounding in excitement to see what my little bug friend has brought back to me. A surge of hope wells up. I stand and turn the thing over.

Flik crawling up my arm to sit on my shoulder. Upon closer inspection, I find it’s a panel. With two buttons on it. An arrow pointing up is the top button, and an arrow pointing down is the bottom one.

For a moment, I’m beyond confused, what could this possibly be. But then I look to my right.

The wires.

I gasp as I surge forward. I’m hesitant to try anything, remembering the feeling of being monitored. I look at Flik, he seems to give something of encouragement.

Or I’m just crazy.

I shake my head and begin to mess with the wires, connecting them to the back of the panel and pushing it into the wall. It clicks into place like it was always meant to be there.

I hesitate again, looking at the buttons. This panel fits too well. Why would there be a panel with up or down buttons in a prison cell?

None of this was making any sense.

I sigh and sit back down. Now what Flik?

I look out the window and know that I’m high up. So, what would happen if I press down? It wouldn’t matter the door wouldn’t be able to be opened.

I sigh again and open the game. I might as well play it. As I pull up the game, I suddenly remember what it took to get me this game. Which reminds me that I don’t know what it took to get the others.

A surge of anger wells up from somewhere deep inside me. Before I know what’s happening, my fist slams into the down facing arrow.

My eyes go wide at my unconscious action. I hadn’t even realized I stood up.

I gasp as the room begins to shake, tossing my body around like a puppet on strings. There is loud creaking and groaning as the room seems to dislodge itself from its place. I scream as I watch through the barred window on the door the red light disappears and another appears.

My guts are suddenly being pushed upward as Flik and I descend. I stumble as the descent quickens and I am forced to kneel and hang on for dear life through sheer will.

I squeeze my eyes shut as the descent takes longer than I expected. Exactly how high up was I?

A full minute and a half passes before we stop.

I shake violently as gravity works pulling my up and making me drift for a moment before I fall to my knees, feeling like my stomach and brain have switched places. I fall completely over on my side and try to move as little as possible. My legs feel like they’ve been frozen in ice for a week, numb and wobbly. I lay there for a bit, trying to blink the black spots from my vision.

I don’t realize I passed out until my eyes open again and I sit up and see a letter under the door.

My heart goes to my throat.

MISTAKES WERE MADE. IWILLFUCKINGKILLYOU! I, DOCTOR MONEY, WANT TO PERSOALLY APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVINCENCES THAT MIGHT HAVE ARISEN FROM THE VIRUS OF OUR CREATION. … … … Wait, virus, own creation… WHAT?!?!?!? PLEASE ACCETP THIS FRAMED PICTURE OF MONEY AS A CONSOLATION.

I shakily stand, and hang the picture up. MONEY SURVIVES ALL HARDSHIP

…

…

This was a man whom I’d like to punch in the face with an entire brick wall. Two words pal: Fuck off!

I breathe heavily, trying not to punch the picture on the wall. I should just rip up the poster now. I look to the door. It still isn’t open and I realize belatedly that the room outside my own is not the same. I am now on what I presume to be the first, ground floor of this building. I am beginning to have my suspicions about this so-called prison. Doctor Money hasn’t exactly been a reliable source of information so shouldn’t be surprised. He also seemed a bit distracted around the time of my little escapade so I think for now, I am safe.

I look down to see Flik come out from under the bed, apparently where he’d gone when I’d passed out.

Hey buddy, I’m going to need a favor again. Can you go out and see what you can find? The little bug seems to listen to me once again and scurries back out.

I glare at the poster again and sneer.

I hear the next letter slide under the door and turn to pick it up.

people are dying… their organs are failing because of an antidote for the virus… Antidote? There’s an antidote that’s killing people… that’s no antidote. and everyone is infected… i wonder if i am too.

I clutch the letter to my chest at the last statement and squeeze my eyes shut. Sal please. Don’t think like that I couldn’t bare losing you after all this time. Leave the pessimism to me please? I give the letter a watery smile.

I take a sharp inhale and exhale as much stress as I can in the breath. Now is not the time to regress. Another letter slides through the door.

there seems to be a huge market for working organs –is that why Smiley sold HIS LUNG!?— now doctor money has a big supply, and everyone is rushing to the stores and spending all their money… but those organs are not what they seem.

Sal… what do you mean? I get a cold feeling down my spine that settles just above my gut. Sal?

anyone who uses the doctor’s organs dies a couple of hours later… Oh god... where do they come from? what are they? does it even matter anymore? …are you infected too, friend?

The letter is crumpled by my fist as they fly to my head, tears falling from my eyes once again. My emotions are in full turmoil and I can’t stop the dark thoughts that return.

It really doesn’t matter does it Sal?  God…

…

I curl up in a small ball and pull out my Doctor Money’s Portable Entertainment Product. I can’t beat him…

I play and play. It hurts my cramping fingers, and I can’t see with the tears. I’m going to have bruises where my body is pressed into the floor. I don’t move, I relish in the pain. I listen to the clock, a steady ticking that lulls me like a heartbeat. I’d never hear any but my own now and I hope that it would stop soon.

…

…

…

The ticking, ticking, ticking, grew maddening after a while. I felt the sluggish crawl of time in those ticks and I began to hate it.

Something is not right here.

What are the organs?

What’s going on?

Why am I stuck in this ‘prison cell’?

Why am I just subject to all of this?

Am I just some sort of sick experiment?

Why am I so special? Is any of this even happening?

Am I even receiving letters?

Do I actually know these people?

Are they real?

Am I going mad?!

I’m beginning to breath like a scared rabbit. Rapid fire breaths that give my lungs no oxygen. My head is filled with profanities and wonders of existentialism. I was told at the very beginning that those in prison were a small population that were not affected, but I have only been here not even four full days. I don’t know if I am infected. All I have, all I know, may not be real. My life I had before this, those few memories that I haven’t tried to forget, may not have happened. For all I know Whatever they stuck me with could have given me new memories, and constructed this new reality. For all I know, I have been here far longer than four days. I may have been here all my life and I am truly the only one left. These people may no longer exist if they ever did in the first place.

I can’t even know, if who I am is the real me.

Who am I really?

Who was I before?

Will there be a me of the future, or will I be dead by the end of the week?

Why is this happening?

And why to me?

Please, someone! Answer me!

How much of the outside world can you hear in your cell? How high are you even up? I guess I can’t know. Just listen closely…

I hear violins? Old and static-y but I hear them. Charlotte, love, thank you! I begin to cry I am so happy. I jump up and begin to bounce, my body moves in a strange kind of dance as more tears collect on my lashes. Charlotte yes! I can hear it! God Charlotte, I hear it!

I laugh, and I can’t remember when I laughed like this. It was a full-blown belly laugh like something was actually funny. No this was a laugh that conveyed relief and happiness. It was breathy and almost not there and then it crescendos in a loud almost painful HA AH!

I dance around my cell as if I was dancing with a partner, humming along to the music, albeit poorly.

Charlotte, I hear it! I hear it Charlotte! God, Charlotte… How can I tell her I hear it? How can I tell anybody I hear it?

I’m smiling, though hard with these thoughts, my doubts now swimming just below the surface. How can I tell you I hear it Charlotte?

The music gives a trill and then fades and with it my smile and everything else falls. Charlotte? Dear? I heard it love, I did! Please, can’t I hear it again? Keep it playing! Please…

Could you hear it from up there? Yes! Yes I could Charlotte please! I turned it up extra loud for you. There’s no better times than these for a little music… And yet I feel lonely.

Yes, yes I know! I know you feel lonely, I do too! God, do I want you to be real! God, I want to be free!

There is nothing to do in this cell but scream and cry, hoping futilely that someone will hear you.

Of course I could play the music again… but is it worth it? Yes Charlotte yes it would! It will never be the same magical moment again

Maybe not! Maybe you can never have that magical moment again, but, but it could be a different magical moment. A beautiful moment, with similarities to the first, but all together different. The same hope would be there, maybe stronger! Charlotte please, don’t give up on me now!

That one moment. Inbetween all of the dreary ones

Charlotte…

…

…

…

The letters have stopped. They haven’t come in the many ticks of that insufferable clock. It is growing dark. Charlotte? Sal? Smilely? Please anyone? I need to know you are out there. Alive…

…

…

…

Please.

…

…

Something slides under my door, one more time just before it gets too dark to see. Flik? Flik holy FUCK FLIK!

He has something with him. A piece of paper. I barely make out what it is, but I do. This is the ticket out.

I pull out Doctor Money’s Portable Entertainment Product. I punch in a code with my admittedly sore fingers. It beeps three times and then I see four lines. I turn the paper Flik gave me over, and fill the four lines in.

Sal and I had been little mischief makers. Hacking had been only one of the many things we learned just to mess with people.

Finally, there on the screen of something that was never meant to be more than mindless entertainment is the last fire wall. Do I dare? If I do I know I’ll have to leave quickly. Run, like I’ve never done before. So close to freedom… But I look around the room… it feels like this is all I’ve ever known.

Being trapped in a cell.

Four days ago… I had been on the brink of losing it. I was suicidal, crazy, depressed. I have forgotten what it’s like to be free. Not just from this physical prison cell, but the one I’d made for myself. Even if I go out there… where death and blood and greed reign as kings, will I actually have freedom?

The blinking screen, little numbers counting down in the corner, it’s presenting me something that I don’t know if it can actually give me.

A letter slides under the still closed door.

This can’t go on forever…

Please, don’t do anything brash.

I don’t even know how many people are dead… I am afraid to look. I can only see what’s outside my window… and I see nothing but blood… I think I am alone.

You are not alone.

Everyone is dead

I am not dead.

The city’s lights are going out

Please be real.

The town has no electricity anymore. The only lights I see are coming from the prison

Please don’t die.

One more day

It was too dark to read the rest. I pocket them as I get them. The numbers still counting down…

Tomorrow evening

Until then you must come here

I will wait here

If you can’t make it… well… I fear this world has no place for me anymore

It’s a plate, with something moist and sticky and sweet. Cake… Thank you Charlotte. Thank you so much. I love it.

I am awaiting your arrival. Until then… here’s a cake I made for you

I hope you like it

The little numbers are no longer counting down. There’s a creak and the door can now be opened.

did you hear that wonderful music? i tried to head in its direction, but it was over too quickly… i am so tired

i will just go sleep in some empty apartment around here… god knows there are enough of those now… i need to see you again, friend.

Silently, with Flik on my shoulder I exit the building. It’s too dark to see anything. I just run no destination in mind.

you are probably still in that cell… all alone. tomorrow i will come visit you. but first, let us rest, friend.

…

…

…

I walk for hours, tall dark shape after tall dark shape. The air is thick and no stars are visible. Were they ever to begin with? I go up to a shape and knock on wood. It creaks open and that is the only sound I hear. I travel into the building not knowing where I am. I try to go slow as to not trip on anything. In one of the drawers I find a torch and batteries. My eyes adjust to the light and I find an old bed, looking to have been slept in but now empty. The room is in disarray, as if someone left in quite the hurry. I sit down on the bed, sheets a bit crusty and read the rest of my letters.

Buddy!!! Are You Playing Your Games??? Are You Happy???

I Am Happy But Tired Sleep Buddy Sleep

Tomorrow It Will All End.

End? Perhaps, but not in the way any of you intend. I understand. I know. Hang in there. I will find you. Because I don’t have to wait until tomorrow. Because today…

I am free

Chapter Text

I have eaten only a bite of cake, wanting to save it. I need to keep moving. The bed was too lumpy anyway. Sal is on his way, Charlotte is giving me time, I need to get to Smiley. He can help me send word to Charlotte I know he can.

I send Flik off to collect my letters while I head deeper into town.

I don’t know what time it is. I just keep walking for who knows how long. I’ve lived in this town all my life though, and now that I've gained my bearing's, I know where I am. The inner city is going to be coming up soon. I decide that it’s best to stay the night in the last apartment building on the block.

It’s a few hours later, but maybe not quite midnight yet. Flik finds me, smart little bug he is, and he has letters, pre-written. I look at them with my flashlight. I don’t open them. They’re from Mr. Smiley. I was right. He’d get up early tomorrow and do something horrible. I had to stop him.

I look out into the streets. No streetlight can show me anything, perhaps the streets are line with blood and bodies. I can’t tell. But I can still see movement and hear.

I hear a door opening from the apartments across the street and see movement of a figure exit said apartments. I get up as quickly as I can to follow. Whoever is out this late must have some important date to attend and isn’t afraid of death.

I make it down into the streets once again, Flik on my shoulder.

I follow the movements, and hurry my pace, not daring to light the torch. Neither of us can see each other, only hear, and the person in front of me doesn’t seem too concerned. Maybe they are and I just can’t tell.

We walk for a long while and it’s a real touch and go situation. I fear I have lost them several times but eventually I’m only a few yards behind them. It seems like we’re almost wondering, hoping to get lost, disorienting ourselves in the darkness.

The movement stops and I fear I have truly lost them, this time for good. But then a rusty bell sounds and a very dim light illuminates the side walk for the briefest seconds. I hurry once again towards the figure and the building he steps into.

I hear hushed voices as I grow nearer. I take a chance as the light fades and turn on mine. I have tunnel vision as I make my way closer, finally making it into the building and I see in dim lamp lighting, a man being addressed as Jack Smiley. I have found him.

Mr. Smiley? I called out to him, reaching out. Please, you don’t need to do this.

The man turns towards me and the look in his eyes is one I recognize. The irony of the man meant to keep others from committing suicide now about to do just that is shining in those dead eyes.

He doesn’t know who I am and asks if he knows me. I nod and step forward, closer to him. Two large guards disguised as nurses are behind him. He backs up but nobody here seems to care what’s happening between us.

As I grab his arm, he protests, eventually violently so. But I still manage to pull him out of the building. Nobody follows us and the lights go out.

He howls into the empty night, and begins to weep. His one lung has made him weak and he can’t put up much of a fight. He eventually cries as he passes out and I hold him close. I travers without the help of my light and make my way to the nearest building with a bed.

…

I lay Smiley in the bed. He wakes slightly, crying softly after I feed him a bit of cake.

It's been a long while since I've had any sort of positive human contact it seems. It's even longer since I've cared so much about a person as well.

We don't have a conversation. I tell him I'm from the 'prison'. That I was the prisoner and I got his letters. He seems to quite a bit at the statement. I tell him to get some rest. That maybe we can talk in the morning, if he's feeling better. He stares at me through the darkness. I hug him one more time, trying my best to comfort the poor man, before I move away.

I leave him to his own devices and I hear rustling a little later.

I sit myself by the window with Flik. I look out through the torn out window pane.

The clouds have moved and the full moon is out. By the light of the moon I read my old letters. Reliving the sadness and happiness and fear of each. I don’t even realize it’s past midnight.