Archive of Our Own ^beta

This scene is set directly after Hawke’s primary mission: On the Loose in ACT 3.

“I cannot believe that woman! How dare she put us up to this task and expect us side with her after what we saw! She’s completely mad!”

Anders’ sharp words rang loudly along the walls of the staircase that they descended. Thankfully, the loud clang of the gates being closed behind them didn’t allow the Templars standing guard to hear his cries of fury, but that didn’t stop an angry hiss of a response to fall from his archer companion’s lips.

“Do you honestly believe that the mages aren’t at fault for their actions!?” Sebastian’s angry reply was promptly given, and an angry scowl accompanied his words as the four walked along the gallows path. “The Templars were merely doing what they were told to do, and the mages resisted. Their actions are their fault, and their fault alone.”

“I cannot seriously believe you’re saying that.” Anders snapped back, glaring vehemently at the priest. “After what we saw, you still can’t see that the oppression they face is driving them to these extremes! Even Hawke saw that!”

Hawke winced when he heard his name, and he couldn’t help but feel a small twitch of his lip as the conversation was turned on him.

“That still doesn’t make it true, everyone is responsible for their own actions! What the mages did was against everything –“

“Sebastian, please. You cannot justify what the Templars did with that nonsense.” Hawke’s nonaggressive voice cut Sebastian’s off firmly.  “Does that mean what you did to the mercenaries who killed your family was your fault? Or theirs? Their actions demanded yours. As was the same for the mages.”

“Exactly.” Anders chimed in readily as his pace quickened to fall instep beside Hawke while they walked down the steps to board the small ferry to Hightown. Each of them stepped into the small boat and took a seat. “And each day it grows worse.” The blond mage finished as he adjusted himself on the wooden bench he sat upon.

Hawke shook his head and turned to look at the suspiciously quiet elf who sat next to Sebastian on the other side. He had nearly forgotten Fenris had accompanied them, as the elf had said very little since they had arrived in the Templar Hall.

Fenris had his elbow propped up on the side with his chin resting on the back of his hand. He would have appeared calm or completely indifferent, but the expression on his face was anything but. A dark cloud of anger masked his face, and his vehement eyes deliberately avoided contact with any of the people on the ferry. Hawke had rarely seen such blatant fury in his expression before, at least not so in a place where the eyes of the public lingered. He wasn’t even bothering to hide it.

It would have been unnerving, but Hawke was already so riled up from their encounter with the Knight-Commander he had chosen to ignore it for the time being.

The rest of the short ride to Hightown was silent between the four of them, as they all contemplated what had been said.

Finally, they reached the edge of the docks, and each swiftly exited the ferry.

But no sooner had they set foot upon the dock when the elf, without saying a word, promptly marched away from the small party without even a small glance back in their direction.

Hawke watched him go with slightly narrowed eyes.

He knew for certain that Fenris was upset with his defending of the mages, but his reaction was different from normal this time. Usually he was quick to make his thoughts known in circumstances like these, especially in front of Anders, but the elf hadn’t said even one word since they’d left the Hall.

“He’s just angry that there’s no excuse this time.” Anders’ voice suddenly said beside him as the mage walked up to his side. “You did the right thing, Hawke. Those mages were not at fault.”

Hawke spared Anders a passing glance and a nod before he turned to Sebastian, who was silently watching them from behind.

“There’s no reason to think about this any longer today. We did what we had to.” Hawke said surely, glancing at the two of them. “We can talk about this another time, but for now I think it’s best for us all to get some rest.”

The two agreed, and with mutual understanding, the three parted ways.

~

Yes, he would get some rest. But only after this was resolved.

Hawke stood in front of the Hightown mansion that so famously belonged to the elf. He sighed, knowing that he was about to get his neck wrung for once again standing up for the mages.

It had been a long time since he and Fenris had argued about this issue, as each of them had a mutual understanding of what each other’s stances were on the matter. Each were teaching each other the importance of acceptance on both sides, and it seemed as though, though it was a slow process, that they were both getting better at understanding.

This is why Hawke was reluctant and confused.

He had expected his elven lover to be a bit miffed, but Fenris hadn’t just looked miffed, he had looked furious.

Something was off, and Hawke wasn’t even going to consider going home until it was figured out.

But still…he was reluctant to argue about this. Fenris’s powerful rationale was difficult to refute at times, and his stubbornness was also difficult to get passed.

He was not looking forward to this.

With a sigh, the mage reluctantly lifted a hand and gave the door three sharp raps and waited.

No answer – as expected.

With a deep breath, the mage reached for the handle and attempted to open the door – to no avail.

“Hmm…” Hawke’s brows furrowed.

Fenris usually only locked the door at night, but it wasn’t evening yet, and he was definitely home.

Hawke jiggled the handle a few more times before he stepped back and reached around the corner to search for the spare key that the elf left well hidden in a small crevice in the stone wall.

Nothing there.

Hawke squinted his eyes as he brows furrowed even further, and he looked up towards the mansion windows to see if they were open. He had thought perhaps he could shout his name, but they were closed – and there were also many people around.

So…he was being avoided.

The mage thought about breaking it open with magic, but considering what had just happened, he figured that probably wasn’t the best idea.

“Oohh, no. Not this time.” Hawke mumbled to himself as he adjusted his shoulders and backed up. With a slight smirk, the mage gallivanted around the side of the mansion, mind fixated on the one small chink in the household structure that he had managed to find one day while he had randomly been perusing Danarius’s abandoned things.

“Ah-ha.” With an imagined pat on the back, the mage slowly made his way towards a ledge with only one single window that was on the ground level. With a small push, the window easily gave in, and the frame that held it in place moved aside easily. With a heave, Hawke managed to throw his torso over the edge and follow the movement with a swift swing of his legs.

Wumph

The soft landing was admirable for a rogue, let alone a mage.

Garrett swiftly dusted himself off and turned to shut the open window.

“Right, down to business.” He rubbed his hands together and swiftly proceeded down the hallway towards the main hall of the mansion.

After making a few twists and turns, he managed to find his way to the center of the mansion and swiftly pushed open the door to reveal the large living area. The drafty area was dark and foreboding as usual, and the tilted paintings and random plants popping up throughout the tiled floor would have chased away any cautious person.

Hawke still couldn’t fathom why the elf refused to try and make the areas outside of his main room any more appealing, but he had guessed it had something to do with the fact that either he didn’t care enough to tidy it up, or perhaps he felt it warned away potential intruders.

The mage casually made his way up the steps around the left side, and noted how strangely his anticipation was rising. With a deep breath, he reached the top of the steps and walked over to the, unsurprisingly, shut door of the master bedroom.

Here went nothing.

Knock knock knock.

“Fenris,” Hawke said after he lowered his fist. When the elf didn’t respond, Hawke shook his head slightly and sighed. “Fenris, I’m coming in.”

True to his word, Hawke slowly pushed open the door.

A warm fire was lit and crackling, with random books and various weaponry strewn about the room, it appeared much more lived in than the rest of the mansion.

The elf himself was seated on the bench nearest to the crackling flames. A book was propped in his lap, and had it not been for the sour expression that masked his face, it would have appeared as though he was very absorbed in what he was reading.

“Do you not understand even the simple concept of privacy.” The elf muttered darkly without looking up. The statement barely came across as a question, and half of his face that was illuminated by the fire was bathed in anger.

“I think we both know that I have issues with that.” Hawke responded sarcastically, though he mentally kicked himself afterwards.

Now was not the time.

The elf didn’t respond, instead he continued to stare at the pages in his lap, though it was obvious he wasn’t reading any of it.

Hawke stood there for a moment, judging whether or not it was safer to stand there than to approach him, but after some deliberation, he made his way over to the bench adjacent to where his lover was sitting.

“Fenris, I think it’s important that we talk about this.” The mage said after a moment of sitting in the dark silence. He propped his elbows up on his thighs and folded his hands underneath his chin, waiting for a response from the elf.

He didn’t offer one, and continued to stare at the book in his lap.

“I’m aware that you feel as though those mages were responsible for their actions, but you also must have seen what the Templars were doing that pushed them. We cannot simply turn a blind eye to that.” Hawke continued, he stared longingly at the elf, desperately hoping that he would understand this side.

“We’ve discussed this before, we know that there’s a give and take with both sides, but Meredith overstepped her boundaries, she shouldn’t have –“

“What!?” The sudden outburst from the elf made Hawke blink in shock, while the book that was sitting in the elf’s lap crashed to the floor as he abruptly stood up. “You’re telling me Meredith overstepped her boundaries!?” Fenris bellowed, his hand flying to the side as he gestured. “She has no boundaries! She’s the one who sets them, how could you possibly say that she overstepped them!?” The rage that flowed through his words was enough to make Hawke shrink back, but he merely allowed himself to narrow his eyes as a response. 

“Meredith is not immune to the rules of the city, Fenris.” Hawke reasoned as he watched the elf pace towards the other side of the room. “She cannot be lead to believe that she is allowed to break those rules, someone has to –“

“-Someone like you, Hawke?” The elf spat in response, cutting him off abruptly. “Someone like you has to remind her that she isn’t allowed to say bad things about mages, that she isn’t allowed to blame them for the fact that they’ve turned themselves over to demons. YOU are the one that has to make sure that she sees why they did what they did.”

“Fenris, someone needs to stand up to her, and given my position, I am possibly the only one that is able to!” Hawke’s voice raised as he presented his rationale, and he stood to his feet so that he could more easily face the furious elf. “The crimes of these mages are just as much able to be laid at the feet of the Templars than their own, how can you not see that?”

“Do not think me a fool, mage.” Fenris hissed, his fists clenching in response to his anger. “I know exactly what the Templars face when mages feel as though they have no other option. And I am perfectly aware why mages feel the need to give themselves to demons to protect themselves. But for all that reason, you feel the need to aggravate the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall and blame her for the crimes of those mages. How do you think she sees you now?”

Hawke blinked, suddenly confused by the turn in the conversation.

“Do you believe that she sees you as an aid to the Templars?” Fenris continued, his lips curled in a snarl. “No. You made it blatantly obvious that your stance is with the mages and Orsino. There is no longer any doubt. You even have the gall to claim that she is the reason mages turn to blood magic. You’ve made her your enemy, Hawke. Meredith is already cautious of you seeing as you’re a mage, but for you to openly defy and insult her, do you have a death wish!?”

Again, the most Hawke was able to do was stare stupidly at the man before him. He hadn’t been expecting this at all. He had expected their normal argument about mage rights to ensue, but that wasn’t at all what Fenris was referring to.

“She is already looking for reason to turn you over to the Circle, why prod her!?” The elf yelled, a mix of desperation and fury laced his voice, and if Hawke hadn’t been so fixated on his expression, he might have missed the slight glisten in his eyes.

He suddenly realized what was happening.

“Fenris…” Hawke said quietly, his eyes dropping as they shut. He stood there in silence as realization flooded him.

This made a lot more sense now.

After a moment, Hawke raised his head and slowly made his way over to the elf at the end of the room. Fenris was still glaring furiously at him, but there was something in his eyes that screamed defeat – and most of all – fear.

“I’m not going anywhere; Meredith won’t be able to touch me.” The mage finally said, raising a finger so that he could tilt the elf’s head in his direction. “She can’t.”

Fenris closed his eyes and turned away as he brushed away the hand that touched him. “You’re a fool if you believe that, Hawke.” The elf muttered as he turned away to walk towards the open window near his bed. “Meredith is looking for any reason to lock you away. Anyone can see that. She knows you’re her biggest threat.”

Hawke watched the elf’s back, heavily contemplating his words. “I know that.” The mage finally said, taking cautious steps nearer to him. “But, Fenris…I am the only one who can. I have an obligation to defend these people.”

“And what good will you be locked away in the Circle, hmm? How will you defend your precious mages then?” The white-haired man suddenly snarled, turning his angry gaze on the mage beside him.

“It won’t come to that, Fenris.” Hawke reasoned.

“You’re too naive, Hawke.” Fenris huffed, shaking his head. “I can see it in her eyes, the way she stares at you, waiting for the smallest mistake to justify your imprisonment. And after today…” The elf trailed off, eyes unfocused as he recalled the memory.

Silence filled the air between them, only the sound of distant voices coming from the open window and the light crackle of the fireplace filled the room.

“I just…I don’t know what I would do if they took you.”

Hawke’s head raised at the unexpected words Fenris spoke. Though it was little more than a mumble, they might as well have been shouted for all the impact that they had on Hawke’s heart.

The brunet stared at the elf’s crestfallen face, his heart silently breaking at the image.

“They would make you Tranquil, Garrett…” Fenris’s troubled eyes rose to meet Hawke’s as he said the dreaded words. The mage had barely registered his movements before he found himself suddenly and swiftly wrapping the lithe frame in his arms, hugging him tightly in his strong embrace.

It all made so much sense now.

“I’m sorry I made you worry, amatus.” Hawke mumbled earnestly, eyes closing as he absorbed the warmth of the elf’s lean body. “I will do my best not to be so brash again.”

Hawke’s heart felt like it had been shattered into a million pieces, and he would sooner jump off the roof of the mansion than see Fenris’s eyes so hurt again.

“And Fenris,” Hawke said pulling away slightly so that he could look into the elf’s large green eyes. “Please, have faith in my abilities. Try all they want, we’ve defeated hordes of darkspawn, coterie, and Qunari. I think I could take a few Templars. Plus,” Hawke continued, swiping a few strands of white hair out of the elf’s eyes. “I know you’ll always have my back. That alone is enough for me.”

Fenris’s eyes fell, but he looked more reassured than he had before.

“I love you Fenris,” Garrett continued, tilting his head so that he could catch the elf’s gaze, “and it would take much more than a few crazy Templars to tear me from you.”

A weak smile pulled at Fenris’s lips as the elf allowed his gaze to fully meet Hawke’s. “You had better keep that promise, mage.” The shorter man said affectionately.

Returning the smile, Hawke leaned down and softly closed his lips over the elf’s, allowing the serenity of the moment to fuel the passion of the kiss.

The kiss seemed to last a lifetime, but as soon as their lips parted, Hawke reached up and gently placed his hands on either side of Fenris’s face and brought their foreheads together.

“You have my word.”