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Yeah, okay, so maybe he is a badass S.H.I.E.L.D agent. Maybe he is brilliant. Maybe he did cheat death. All forty-five (okay fine, eight) seconds of it.
But that doesn't change the fact that Agent Maria Hill is a dead-gorgeous, brilliant, badass that has this tendency to turn him into a stammering idiot.
“Alright, Phil, today's it,” he says, slapping his hands against the steering wheel before unbuckling his seatbelt. “You'll ask her to get lunch together. You're always taking a break at the same time anyway.” He climbs out of the car and passes through the multiple security checkpoints, nodding at the guards as he does so. He passes his morning with slightly less of his usual determination, his mind drifting towards a neatly-tied brown bun and a bright smile.
He's grateful it's only paperwork this morning. And reasonably unimportant paperwork at that – budget approvals and the like. Nothing that'll effect the fate of the world.
Noon hits, and he leaves his office, his heart pounding. He reaches the elevator and she's there, turns, smiles at him.
“Agent,” she says cheerfully.
“Agent Hill,” he says.
“Lunchtime?” she asks. He nods. They enter the elevator and stand in silence. When the loud “ding” signals their arrival at the cafeteria floor, they step out.
“It really did look like a poop,” Phil says quickly before stopping dead in his tracks, turning around and getting immediately back on the elevator.
Maybe he'll ask her to lunch tomorrow.
Or maybe he'll hide under his bed and call in sick.
He might be a badass S.H.I.E.L.D agent, but Phil Coulson will take facing down Loki over asking out Maria Hill any day.