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Realistically, Nesta knows that this makes the most sense. She knows that driving downtown and dealing with the traffic is bad enough without the additional headache that comes with parking. She knows that even on the best day you're lucky to find a garage with space available, and it's near impossible to find one that doesn't cost twenty dollars minimum.
Still, she feels almost strange sitting in the back seat of an Uber, rather than the comfort of her own car. Feels strange sitting on the Metro and allowing it to carry her from all the way at the end of the line to downtown. It feels even more strange stepping inside the large office building that Cassian's security firm calls home.
The building management has already decorated the space for the season, a large tree stretching toward the ceiling in the corner, wrapped in red ribbon and with large, silver baubles hanging among the greenery. Perfectly square and wrapped gifts litter the space beneath the tree, and Nesta is confident every single box is probably empty.
The last and only time she's ever stepped inside this building, the lobby was practically bustling with people going to and from lunch, but now, it's practically a ghost town. With the way the sun has already set outside, it's extra eerie walking across the space, the sound of Nesta's heeled boots on the marble floor resounding loudly around her.
"Nes!"
Nesta has to press her lips together to hold back the fond smile threatening to pull free at the sound of that stupid nickname. He's forever the only one she allows to get away with it. She looks toward the sound of that voice just in time to watch Cassian step away from the elevators, his hand raised in an easy wave. She quickly makes her way over to him, only half hearing whatever Cassian says to the security officer sitting behind the lobby's front desk.
When Nesta reaches Cassian, her eyes sweep over his frame, taking in the dark green button down he's wearing, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows so that the muscles and veins of his forearms are on full display, the starting lines of dark ink that Nesta knows stretch further up his arms and across his chest peeking out beneath the fabric. His hair is scraped back away from his face and piled atop his head, but a few dark, curly strands have fallen free and tumble in all which direction, a sign Nesta knows means it's been a stressful day for him.
"You're not ready."
"I know. I'm sorry," Cassian tells her, capturing her hand in both his and bringing it up to his lips, pressing an apologetic kiss to her knuckles. "I just have one more thing to get done today. I promise."
Nesta hums, but it's hard for to stay annoyed when Cassian's hands are so warm against her own, calluses familiar and comforting where they slide against her skin. Hard to stay annoyed when she can see that soft smile of his hiding behind her hand where he still holds it to his mouth. Hard to stay annoyed when those hazel eyes are pinned solely on her, the gold flecks of them seeming to twinkle.
"One more?" Nesta asks, raising an eyebrow.
"One more."
Cassian presses the button to call the elevator back and gestures for Nesta to step inside first when the doors open. He's always doing that, like he's some sort of southern charm gentleman. It had taken Nesta by surprise when she first met him. Sometimes, it still takes her by surprise even now.
He doesn't quite make sense to her. She's never understood how he can be so patient when the scars from her mother, from Tomas, run so deep. Never understood how when she feels spiteful and unworthy that he swears she's something precious. Never understood how her scowl can make him grin, how her rolling eyes can be his favorite.
Sometimes, she thinks he must be a dream, that she'll wake up and find herself alone and cold in a bed of tattered, old sheets. Sometimes, she holds her breath and waits for him to change his mind, for him to realize the thrill of the chase has worn off, for him to turn and walk away. But then he'll look at her with that slow, soft grin, that flickering spark simmering amongst the greens and golds of his hazel eyes.
He'll look at her with that one look meant just for her, and everything else will go quiet.
The elevator doors open with a ding on the sixth floor, and Nesta follows Cassian down the hallway and to his corner office. He steps over to his desk in the center of the room, gathering up a stack of papers and what appears to be a blueprint of some kind. With his arms full, he heads back toward the office door, but he pauses long enough to press a kiss to Nesta's cheek before he vanishes down the office hallway again.
Nesta rolls her eyes at the overly sweet gesture, but she turns her attention to Cassian's office while she waits for him to return, noting the perfectly straight, military handwriting on the whiteboard. Her fingers trail across the wood as she steps around his desk, her breath catching when she sees the framed photos neatly lined there. There's a photo of Cassian with an arm thrown easily around each of his brothers, but there's also a photo of… her.
She recognizes it from back in October, from when they went to the local pumpkin patch. Cassian has his arms draped around her shoulders, his chin propped on the crown of her head. His grin is wide enough that his eyes are closed, crinkles popping at the corners of them. Nesta's own lips are pinched, but even through the camera lens, she can see the dusting of pink across her own cheeks. A heat she can feel echoing across her face now at knowing he keeps this photo on his desk.
"Okay, done," Cassian announces, stepping back inside the office.
"Why would you choose this photo for your office?" Nesta asks, pointing toward the frame.
"I love that photo."
Cassian grabs his coat, sliding his arms through and taking a moment to do up the buttons. He grabs his scarf next, but rather than put it on, he steps into Nesta's space. He hooks the scarf around her neck, looping the knot and offering her a wink.
"We both know how you're always cold, sweetheart."
He slides his hand into hers, linking their fingers, and leads them out of his office and back toward the elevators. As they walk, Nesta can't help but turn her face into the fabric of the scarf, breathing in the familiar pine scent of Cassian's cologne. It's a comfort, having his scent, his warmth, wrapped around her as surely as the hand cradling her palm.
It's only a few blocks to H Street and the Solstice market stretched along the road there, but Nesta still presses close to Cassian, determine to leech as much warmth as she can from his large body. The lights come into view first, sparkling fairy lights strung across the different white tents that make up the vendor booths, curled around the trunks of the trees lining the sidewalks. There's even what appears to be a large Solstice star at the other end of the market. It's like stepping into a snow globe.
It's the smell that hits Nesta next, sugary sweet and chocolaty, the distinct smell of gingerbread. It already has her mouth watering, her eyes darting around the booths to find the source when they properly step inside the market.
They weave through the people and the booths until a vendor selling handcrafted accessories catches Nesta's eye. She drops Cassian's hand so that she can step inside the booth, leaning in and tilting her head so that she can examine the different jewelry pieces on display. The pair of sunflower earrings would make a perfect gift for Elain.
"What do you think, Nes?"
Nesta looks up at the question only to find Cassian now standing next to her with a knitted mask pulled over his head. A knitted mask meant to resemble a husk of corn, his eyes peeking out from holes in the yellow pattern and a few strands of his dark hair pushing through the gaps and sticking up alongside the green yarn husk around his ears.
"What are you wearing?"
It's hard to tell fully with the knitted mask, but Nesta is confident that Cassian is smirking at her. "What? Aren't you feeling corny?"
"I'm going to walk out of here and pretend I don't know you."
"We could make a corno together. It would be hot. What do you say?"
Nesta shakes her head fondly at his antics, but there's no stopping the amused snort that escapes, no fighting the way the corners of her lips tug up of their own accord. Cassian finally tugs the atrocious knitted mask off with a wide grin of his own, blowing a strand of hair out of his eyes and off his forehead. He vanishes to return the mask from wherever he got it, Nesta picking up the sunflower earrings to purchase them for Elain.
When she steps out of the booth, carefully tucking the small, brown bag with the earrings in her purse, she finds Cassian already waiting for her. He holds his hand out toward her, making a big show of wiggling his finger expectantly. Nesta happily slips her hand back into his, but Cassian frowns, bringing their joined hands up to his mouth and pressing his lips against her knuckles.
"Your hands are freezing, sweetheart."
Nesta wants to remind him that they're outside, at night, in December, but Cassian merely turns on his heel and continues walking through the market, pulling Nesta along by their joined hands. He comes to a stop at another of the booths, and Nesta has to swallow down a moan of delight at the unmistakable and delectable smell, at the red looping letters on the sign.
"Two hot chocolates please," Cassian requests from the booth vendor. "One with marshmallows and extra whipped cream and one with cinnamon."
With a smile and a nod, the vendor starts to prepare their drinks, Nesta tugging open her purse and reaching for her wallet.
"Don't even think about it."
Nesta freezes, turning her head enough that she can peer up at Cassian, but he merely keeps a single eyebrow raised until she lets her purse drop back to her side. It's still hard sometimes, to let go of the ghosts that cling and whisper in the back of her mind. To ignore the words that remind her there's no such thing as handouts, that demand she always pays for herself.
The vendor sets down two to-go cups in front of them, Cassian easily pulling out his wallet from his back pocket and paying for their drinks. Nesta is all too happy to reach forward and take hers, sighing at the warmth that seeps through the cardboard and into her hands. She dares to take a small sip, the sweet taste of chocolate and whipped cream blooming across her tongue despite the heat of the drink.
She and Cassian step outside the line of booths, away from the hustle and bustle of the people still moving through the market, to enjoy their respective drinks. It's almost peaceful, standing beneath the twinkling fairy lights, the upbeat instrumentals of a holiday song drifting from the booths on the breeze. With the warmth of Cassian beside her, his scarf still wrapped around her neck, and the hot chocolate cradled between her palms, Nesta almost doesn't mind the cold.
"Look up," Cassian requests, his voice soft and low. Nesta does as he ask, her shoulder brushing against his own as she does, sending goosebumps ricocheting from that spot of contact. "Do you see those three stars there? That's Enalius' belt. With the city lights, you can't see more than his belt, but up in the mountains, you can see the whole constellation."
Nesta's eyes trace the three stars, the slight arch they cut across the sky. "I'll be sure to add trip to the mountains to my bucket list."
"I have a cabin up there. Well, a family one. We should plan a trip to it in the new year."
"Me? In a cabin? In the mountains?"
"I think you'd like it. You could curl up with a big, fluffy blanket and your book while a fire crackles in the fireplace and snow falls outside."
Nesta hums, smiling softly at the picture he paints. "That does sound nice."
"I'd make sure I chop all the wood for us too. I bet you'd really like that."
"Shirtless?"
Cassian laughs at that, the sound as warm and soothing where it settles in Nesta's veins as the hot chocolate she sips. "You drive a hard bargain, Nes."
He wraps his free arm around her waist, tugging her closer and into his body. Nesta tilts her head up to meet his gaze, tracking the way the fairy lights, the moonlight catch in the hazel of his eyes. The softness in his expression, the return of that smile of his, has Nesta's heart tripping over itself in her chest, has her leaning into him even more. And when he tips his head down and kisses her, right there on the sidewalk, she thinks that this might just be what true happiness feels like.
~ * * * ~
They stay at the Solstice market a while longer, enjoying the different foods and sweets and booths, before walking back to Cassian's office building. They take the elevators down instead of up this time, Cassian leading the way through the parking garage and to his truck. He makes sure to open the passenger door for Nesta, waiting for her to settle before closing it and jogging around to the driver's side.
Solstice music plays softly from the speakers when Cassian turns on his truck, providing a quiet soundtrack as he drives them out of the parking garage. He cranks up the heat and turns all of the air vents in Nesta's direction as he turns onto the main road, his hand settling on her knee while downtown fades in the rear-view mirror.
Nesta rests her head against her seat, closing her eyes for just a moment. She swears that the way Cassian's thumb slides back and forth across her knee matches the slow and steady beat of her heart. She swears that his own heart beats in time with hers, tying them together as surely as a golden thread twining between their ribs. She swears that she can feel it then, on the drive back to Cassian's apartment. Can feel it in the comforting warmth that settles all the way down to her soul, that's wrapped in the cab of this truck.
When they step inside Cassian's apartment, Cassian takes off his coat and kicks off his shoes before he vanishes into his bedroom, still humming the last Solstice song that had played on the radio before he'd shut off his truck. Nesta shakes her head fondly and takes the time to peel off each of her own layers, hanging them on the hooks beside Cassian's front door.
She follows behind Cassian, but he moves out of the bedroom as soon as she steps inside, already having changed into a worn pair of grey sweatpants. His hands slide across her waist as he passes her, lingering just a moment longer than they probably need to, as though he simply always needs to be touching her. Even with the heat of that touch, the heat that seeps from his palms and beneath her skin, a shiver still skitters up Nesta's spine, and she has to bite her lip around a smile.
She moves further into Cassian's bedroom, but no matter how many time Cassian assures her, no matter how many times she's stood exactly here, Nesta still needs to take a moment. She still needs to close her eyes and breathe. She still needs to remind herself that with Cassian, there's no expectation, no obligation or guilt when it isn't met like before him. That she can finally let go of her fears and her ghosts.
Breathing deeply and letting out a soft sigh, Nesta shakes her head. She walks over to Cassian's dresser, tugging open the middle drawer and rooting around until she finds a long sleeved henley, the blue fabric soft between her fingers. She changes into it, the hem hitting halfway down her thighs and the sleeves hanging well past her hands. It's as warm and comforting as Cassian's scarf, even if it smells more like his laundry detergent than him.
She shoves the sleeves up to bunch around her wrists and returns to the main room of Cassian's apartment. The man in question has his back to her, standing at the kitchen counter. She can't quite hear with the distance between them, but Nesta is sure that he's still humming to himself. Can see it in the way his head bobs, the way his hips sway. In those sweats he's wearing, Nesta can't help but shamelessly stare at his ass as he moves, at the way his back muscles work as he prepares whatever is in front of him.
"Enjoying the view, sweetheart?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
Cassian laughs easily at that, and Nesta finds herself smiling right alongside him. She grabs the blanket off the back of the sofa, wrapping it around herself and settling down against the cushions. Cassian comes padding over to her, a mug in each of his hands, one of which he holds out for her.
"Your coffee, made just the way you like it."
Nesta takes the mug with a soft, grateful hum, clasping the warm porcelain between her palms. She takes a deep breath of the steam rising from the liquid, daring to bring the mug to her lips and take the smallest of sips despite the heat. Cassian sets his own mug of what Nesta knows is chamomile tea down on the low coffee table and plops down on the sofa as well. He wraps his arms around her thighs, propping his chin on her raised knees.
"You know, your love of coffee at midnight is beginning to concern me."
"I like how it tastes," Nesta tells him haughtily, taking another sip pointedly. "Besides, you're just jealous that my body is able to handle it and yours can't."
"Handle it?" Cassian asks, pressing a chuckle into her knee. "Is that what you're calling staying up until the early hours of the morning?"
"You say that like it's only the coffee keeping me up."
"Just one more chapter, right?" Cassian lets out a long, dramatic sigh, putting on his best pout. "How will I ever be able to compete with those book boyfriends of yours? With their Zaddy shadow powers?"
There's no stopping the laugh that tumbles free from Nesta's lips at that, Cassian grin only growing in response to the sound. "I cannot believe you just said that."
"With their dark hair and their tattoos and their ruggish good looks."
"You are not subtle."
Cassian winks at her, sitting back enough that he can pick back up his own mug, taking a sip of his tea. They speak softly as they both finish their drinks, Cassian telling her about his latest project at work and Nesta telling him about the current book she, Emerie, and Gwyn are reading for book club. It's comfortable and easy, and Nesta can't stop smiling as the minutes tick over into hours.
When they've both drained their mugs, Cassian coaxes them both back into the bedroom, Nesta burrowing beneath the blankets and into him. His arms wrap securely around her waist, tugging her closer still until their legs are a tangled mess. Until his body and his warmth and his scent surrounds her completely. Until Nesta isn't sure where she begins and he ends.
It doesn't take long for Cassian to fall asleep, for his breathing to even out, but Nesta finds herself staying awake. Finds herself watching him. Finds herself giving in to that golden warmth curling in her gut and between her ribs.
The lights are out, but Nesta swears she can see it in the press of Cassian's cheek against his pillow, in the dark strands of his hair soft and sleep mussed against his temple. She swears she can hear it in the soft snores he lets out, in the quiet patter of rain that's started outside the window. She swears she can feel it in the warm weight of Cassian's arms curled around her, in the steady beat of his heart pressed against her own.
There's a quiet snuffle and then Cassian's eyes are blinking open again, his smile soft and sleepy. "What is it?"
"Just…" Nesta sighs softly, giving in to the urge to brush the hair off Cassian's face with gentle fingers. "Thinking."
"About how handsome I look when I sleep?"
"Actually, you drool." Cassian's chuckle is soft, tugging a smile across Nesta's lips. "I was just thinking… that I don't know what I'd do without you."
"The feeling is mutual," he assures her, the soft look that takes over Cassian's face leaving Nesta's breath catching. The one meant just for her. "You're my best friend, Nes."
Nesta dips her head forward, sealing her lips against Cassian's in a sweet kiss. And she knows it for sure, then. She knows that she is in love.