10. ......."rapping her forehead" ....Funny, I didn't know Kyo was a singer..... At this point, I'm just cracking jokes about grammar errors. I can handle misused semicolons or commas. Not expecting you to be perfect. But spelling issues and incorrect phrases in dialogue are things I need to point out. I might have some things to say about overly repetitive word choices in later bits of dialogue. Hey, having a wider range of expressions is important for these stories. I don't want to sound too nitpicky though. I guess it's good I'm not anyone's official writing editor....Yet.
9.5. "I just want you to know that I always want you to feel like you can talk, no matter what Kyo and I are saying ourselves" That sentence needs a small revision. How about, "I just want you to know that you can talk with me, whether I'm with Kyo or not"? That just flows a little better. I didn't bring this kind of stuff up too much before because whenever I read any fanfiction/story I really like or love that still has an 'off' piece of dialogue, I just autocorrect it into what I think works for what I'm thinking in the moment. It's kind of like improv.
9.25. I just felt like bringing this up now because I've seen your writing quality in your later works. Don't get me wrong; I really enjoy your earlier stories as well. I've made that clear several times. However, I feel you can still finetune your dialogue and phrasing throughout your work (and maybe fix some grammar errors here and there if you really feel like it) to make it all flow together more. There are definitely some stories I can tell you wrote early on, versus the ones you wrote later and with more experience. Let me make it clear that this is not some urgent request or demand; it's more of an 'intense suggestion' for what you can do when you have enough free time on this project. You're totally free to decide for yourself on how you approach it.
9.1. Man, this part is dragging on. I've seen your writing updates before as well as the fact that you're willing to edit yourself if I call out a spelling error or something like that. You're clearly dedicated to constantly improving and pushing your abilities. I really respect that. However, I just think you have some things to look over that you may have missed upon re-reading or editing your older works.
9.05. Okay, I promise this is the lost mini point here. I can't linger on this too long. It's just an 'intense suggestion'............I know what I said there, but trust me. It's not intended to be dirty at all in this context. I just really like that line. Kind of reminds me of Deadpool's reasoning with Wolverine. "I didn't lie! I made an educated wish."
9. It's completely normal for someone who's in the early phases of a relationship (less than a year in) to want to prioritize their special someone more over others. It's kind of the 'beta honeymoon phase', if you know what I mean. Though it makes sense Tohru of all people would be worried about accidentally 'pushing away' her other friends in favor of her time with Kyo.
8. Have I mentioned that I also like doing voice acting when I'm reading this story to myself? It helps me visualize everything better. Momiji is really hard to voice though. I'll let you guess as to why.
7. Arisa and Saki probably weren't mad at Yuki because the fan club was never explicitly his responsibility. Also, it's not like they weren't used to dealing with bullies before. Yuki was hardly to blame for the actions of an eccentric and unhinged fan group that was acting on its own.
6. Simply put, the fan club wouldn't give a shit if they knew how Yuki felt. They're controlling, selfish people who don't value anyone's opinions against their actions, not even Yuki's. It's what makes them so insufferable to deal with; they act like they know what's best for Yuki, like somehow he can't be with anyone and should just be a handsome piece of meat to be admired and worshipped. And if he said otherwise, they'd dismiss it and say he 'isn't living up to his potential or status'. What he does with his life, let alone who he chooses to date, is none of their damn business.
5. Seeing this level of commitment and effort for a group school project/event isn't something I'm used to. At my college in Oregon, when I did a group project once my teammates pretty much slacked off, pushed the bare minimum work on me, and blamed me for not 'doing enough'. And in the end, I had to improvise during the live group presentation..........I ended up getting an A-. Was it worth it? Not really. So it's just nice to be reminded that in some corner of the world, effort and teamwork in school are supported and encouraged.
4. I really wish I'd gotten to do parts of high school in Japan. I would have loved to work on a school festival.........If only I knew how to speak fluent Japanese.
3. Aw, damn it! Why you gotta do White Ranger like that? He's just as important!
2. Why did no one suggest a shonen anime theme? .......Honest answer is probably because Mogeta's the only anime that seems to exist in the Fruits Basket universe. Like, nobody talks about any other anime in that series. On that topic, what do you think Tohru's favorite anime would be if not Mogeta? I know Kyo's favorite would probably be Dragon Ball.
1. How much do you wanna bet that Kakeru secretly used his student council influence to get enough people in Tohru's class onboard with the Super Sentai idea?
10) Ok, so, one of the definitions from the Merriam Webster dictionary: 'Rapping: present participle of 'rap,' to strike or cause to strike lightly.' It's very famously used in the Edgar Allen Poe poem "The Raven:" 'While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.' By all means, feel free to snicker at perceived errors, but if you're going to call them out then please make sure they're actually errors. This is a case of a word being used intentionally and correctly.
9.5) The idea with this line is that Tohru is speaking very quickly and a little rambly; she's stressed herself with the idea that she's been rude and so she basically word-vomits a not-that-elegant speech. Yes, it's awkward, but that's kind of the point and my phrasing feels right to me. I know what you mean about mentally making edits while reading, though!
9.25) I appreciate the enthusiasm, but while I have edited all of my stories since I first wrote them and could certainly adjust them even more, with the exception of typos (thanks, typo gremlins) I'm satisfied with where things are now and I'm not interested in making further changes. I love this series dearly and it's still my baby, but I have enough things on my plate.
9.1 and 9.05) You are absolutely welcome to think and wish (even 'intensely,' with no sarcasm meant), no harm no foul. I just want to be abundantly clear here: at this point, my story edits are done. Unless something egregiously wrong comes to my attention (like a continuity error or something like that) the only edits I'm making to my posted works is fixing typos. I fully acknowledge the series isn't perfect, but I'm was never writing with an eye for publication and have ultimately written to my own tastes and preferences.
9) It's not even the beta honeymoon phase, the first year or so of a new relationship is the textbook honeymoon phase (it's actually kind of interesting to think that in most most modern Western relationships, by the time a couple reaches their actual honeymoon they're probably long past the original honeymoon phase)! But I agree, Tohru is absolutely someone who would hate to think she was pushing away her friends, and it probably wouldn't help that some of them (such as Arisa, Saki, and Momiji) would likely play up the 'aww, you don't have time for us now? That boyfriend of yours taking up too much attention?' angle. I can't see Yuki falling into that group, but she'd still worry.
8) Voice acting, as in actually saying the words? That's an impressive level of dedication! I don't do that, but I 'hear' the characters in my head when they're working with me, or when I'm reading a fic that feels properly in character.
7) I go back and forth on Arisa and Saki's views. On the one hand, it's true that the Fan Club wasn't Yuki's responsibility, but its members were acting on his behalf (or at least claiming to be) and he was therefore plausibly in a position where he could have gotten them to back off. While Arisa and Saki are certainly more than capable themselves of handling bullies, I struggle with the idea of them not using every avenue they had to protect Tohru. And as we've seen a couple times in canon, they can be irrational where Tohru's concerned.
6) Eh, I think at least some of the fan clubs members would change their behavior if they knew Yuki didn't approve, either because they wouldn't want to incite his displeasure or because knowing that would make them realize how unreasonable they're being. While the bigger diehards would feel that they knew better than him and put their own desires above his wishes, I don't think the whole club is equally obsessed (especially if the membership is, as Tohru suggests in canon, half of the total female student body).
5) There is admittedly some idealization happening here, and idealization is strong thread throughout most of the series. But I feel like in this scenario, with a bunch of near-adults from a culture where pulling together to get things done is expected behavior (and they're also potentially sentimental about their upcoming graduation) the people involved are more likely to dig in, work hard, and do their best. That said, 100% agree that group projects, in general, suck.
4) It probably would have been an incredible experience! But it probably also would have been a ton of work, so at least you got to save yourself that?
3) White Ranger = best ranger. But he's not part of the most classic grouping, which means sorry, White Ranger, you're out.
2) I mean, the meta answer is because I didn't even think about that, but maybe in-universe that base was covered by the Super Sentai? And hrm...I actually don't read/watch a ton of animanga, so actual titles are a little hard to pull. But besides Mogeta and other shows of that nature (Pokemon/Digimon/etc), I feel like she'd most like low-drama/warm and fuzzy shojo series, something that featured a happy, loving family and a strong friend group. Nothing with graphic violence (or that much violence at all), nothing with lots of angst, something that had a happy ending.
1) If he'd had the opportunity, he absolutely would have; as it is, when he finds out he'll think the gods have smiled on him!
10. The way you phrased it made it sound like you were trying to say Kyo was wrapping his arm around Tohru's head. I just don't hear 'rap' used in the context you were trying nearly as often.
9.5. So the weird grammar is intentional at points? Okay, that kind of clears it up. I'm kind of reading this as if I were imagining it in an anime format.
9.1. Fair enough. Like I said, I have no intention of forcing you into anything you don't want to do.
8. Yeah, I love doing that kind of stuff.
7. I suppose they didn't feel Yuki was in a position where he could've logically stopped it on his own. And I'd like to add something for your previous comment response. You mentioned you felt that Yuki not noticing the fan club's actions made a lot more sense. Honestly, that's exactly what I always thought was going on. I assumed Yuki just simply didn't notice everything they were doing, or likely didn't think it could really be that bad to warrant further action. Hell, the fan club was mostly just a source of minor comic relief in the main series that was usually dealt with by Saki or Arisa before things really got 'bad'. Either way, I'd like to give you credit for being able to showcase and explore the worst aspects and implications of the fan club. There are widespread effects on people other than just Tohru, because unfortunately, not everyone has a 'Saki' or 'Arisa' in their lives.
6. Hey, I know that. Motoko is proof that not everyone in that club was an unhinged jackass. Sure, her methods weren't good and she did inspire a lot of irrational and selfish behavior, but at the very least, Motoko did learn her lesson somewhat by the end. She did genuinely love Yuki but felt like it was impossible to be with him herself. Motoko just comes across as a troubled, insecure girl whose deeper feelings just got twisted and misinterpreted by more extreme personalities who didn't understand how she really felt. I want to believe that people can change; it can be really hard when so many of these fanclub members prove to be practically hopeless in terms of their views.
5. Yeah, I get that. I wasn't just referencing your work specifically though; I've seen several anime/manga that had positive depictions of people bonding together over school festival preparation. It was kind of a wider spreading joke about how Japan's schools might have better work ethics/expectations than America when it comes to student collaboration and teamwork.
4. I kind of wish that I had been in an environment where that workload was expected and rewarded more; sometimes, I really hate how lazy and uncommitted I can be with my long term writing projects. Maybe if I had grown up with a school life that actively supported that more, I'd be better. And I say this because my high school years in San Francisco fucking sucked. I honestly don't have a single good memory from that time, aside from being in an anime club and having a good writing teacher.
3. .......damn it.
2. So basically, Tohru would be a fan of The Fragrant Flower Blooms with Dignity.
10) I mean, he playfully bopped her on the head with the hand holding a towel, which makes a lot of sense in context to me (shades of bopping her on the head with the script). It's fair that it's maybe not the usage you're most used to, but it's still correct and a valid creative choice. I'll also say, coming from a place where I'm genuinely enjoying the bulk of our discussions, that while I welcome constructive criticism about my plots/characterizations/etc. and fully expect my readers to disagree with my interpretations at least some of the time (it would be statistically ridiculous otherwise), I'd prefer not to hear things people dislike about my specific word choices/phrasing/sentence structure/technical nuts and bolts because ultimately, those boil down to creative preferences.
9.5 & 9.1) My grammar choices are almost always intentional, yes. And don't worry, you're not forcing me into anything; I've got pretty strong opinions at this point, so it's not likely I'd go along with something I didn't want.
8) That's fun! While it's not something I've ever considered, I love the idea of adding your own elements of immersion.
7) True enough; or maybe they also didn't think it was worth involving him, or that Tohru would want to involve him, or maybe they were just used to handling things on their own before they got to be friendly with him...there are a fair number of possible explanations. And thanks! There are a few subjects that are treated somewhat lightly in canon that I've dug into more deeply in this series, some of which I honestly didn't think about too much until I started writing about them. The fan club and their toxic love are deeply problematic, for far more than just the girls caught in their crosshairs.
6) It's kind of funny that Motoko is your example of the 'not unhinged' type of fan girl when the fact she's the club president suggests that the club was her idea to start with and she probably either came up with or was heavily involved in the creation of the rules. Yes, we get more context for her feelings and actions than most of the other members that humanize her more, but that's actually an interesting point: who's to say that the other fan girls don't have similar motivations and we just never get to see or hear them? That said, I definitely view Minami Kinoshita as being more selfish.
5) Point! I'd speculate that Japanese students are probably better at collaborating in general due to the overall collaborative/collectivist culture. Either that, or media just likes to include scenes like that to give the impression that they're collaborative.
4) Valid, and I'm sorry you had an unpleasant high school experience to make the whole thing worse. I'm just someone who prefers lower stakes and stress, and who tends to resent having too many required claims on my time. As I am, I'd probably do very poorly in Japan.
3) Gotta draw the line somewhere, right? Though in fairness to the White Ranger, I would have stopped at five if I hadn't needed six.
2) Based on the synopsis, that feels reasonable. I also wonder if she'd be a fan of magical girls.
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Phantomslay5612 on Chapter 3 Sun 12 Oct 2025 11:03PM UTC
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OnigiriCat4Ever on Chapter 3 Mon 13 Oct 2025 02:48AM UTC
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Phantomslay5612 on Chapter 3 Mon 13 Oct 2025 03:33AM UTC
Last Edited Mon 13 Oct 2025 03:39AM UTC
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