I think you don't need to put the end of every paragraph and dialog, but ends and starts of a scene. Is less tiring for you and the reader. So chapter one scene one the riddles murder. Scene too the gardener enter the house. Scene three dialog between death eaters and the gardener's fate. And after every one of that the thought and dialogs of your own story will be more fluid and easy.
That would certainly be an easier way to do it, the only problem is that I would find it difficult to sum up most of the characters thoughts in that way. The best way to describe that proper would be with the discussion on the lack of blood and Dan trying to figure out the mystery. I find it easier to have the characters react as they read along, although I do understand that it can be tiring and confusing for the reader.
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AriadneVenegas on Chapter 2 Sat 04 Oct 2014 07:16AM UTC
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HarryFan on Chapter 2 Sat 04 Oct 2014 02:42PM UTC
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