Comment on Call to Rememberance

  1. svnshine_mxxnlight on Chapter 2 Thu 04 May 2023 12:38PM UTC

    I just wanna start by saying that I’m intrigued with this fic. Super excited to see where this goes. But I also have a lot of constructive criticism.

    The format is a little wonky and it’s a distraction to the reader. Well, for me at least. I really hate indentations and extra spaces between paragraphs on AO3 fics. It’s especially irritating when I reach a paragraph that’s actually just a sentence or two long.

    The pacing is also really fast. I feel like we were only at the station for a second and then we were leaving. Gonna give me whiplash from how fast these settings change lol. It’s like you’re in a rush to get somewhere and I just want to enjoy the ride. I would suggest inserting details and descriptions for both settings and characters and keep in mind what words you should use to convey the mood. This would just be helpful in general, really.

    Dick info dumped and I’m smh. As an officer and a vigilante you’d think Dick would know how much is too much. He just kept talking though. It was OOC. Dick sounded like an anxious, guilty teenager who talks so much in an attempt to hide something when, in actuality, Dick is a grown ass man who’s extremely intelligent and protective of his family. And not only did his nonsense rambling paint Jason and Damian in a bad light, he also gave Dumb and Dumber more ammunition to make nuisances of themselves. And the way he automatically assumed Tim was in trouble with the law and then goes on to say My TiMmY wOuLd NeVeR— I really am smh.

    I don’t know any official police procedures, I just have television as a resource, but I’m pretty sure that this is all wrong. They’re all so unprofessional it makes me want to scream. And Quill… I don’t know what angle he was coming from (and the reader SHOULD know, through context clues or just outright stated) but he was out of line. All these cops were making it personal, trying to guilt trip Dick and it feels forced, superficial and… exaggerated? It feels like the audience is being rallied into hating on Dick for his mistakes but it’s backfiring spectacularly. Probably because these two-second characters are so arrogantly ignorant of anything and everything to do with Dick and Tim’s person lives and they are insignificant. They’re like flies, making noise and just generally being annoying but not able to make any impact at all. I hope a spider comes along.

    So yeah, it’s been a rocky start imo. I think that if you ever decide to go back and edit, that this could definitely be delivered better. There’s so much potential here. I would suggest watching a crime show to really feel the vibe (my personal favorite of mine is Criminal Minds).

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