Hi Orfeo!!! Oh I've been waiting for this story to start being published. I really, really love your use of language here in general. Your descriptions invoke everything to the point where I can almost see Helgen, regardless of aphantasia and the inability to actually visualize. It's made up for by leaning into the sounds, smells and textures of what Saathel is experiencing and I am HERE FOR IT.
So this is what I do, I quote authors to themselves. So I'm gonna do that now :>
A dragon. A tale as impossible could bore its most faithful reader by overstating the incredulousness of its witnesses, but in this situation truth was present: Saathel dropped her bow, mouth ajar. She stood there frozen, the only sign that she lived still in the miniscule droplets of condensed warmth that hung in the cold air as she breathed.
"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck."
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED the shift in tone here. From 'oh this is a Nordic legend' to 'FUCK THIS IS A NORDIC LEGEND' and ahh! Dude. Dude. This was sooo cool. I could feel the panic rise in Saathel as she realized exactly what was happening. AH.
The horse description from brainstorming that one time in the server just was so visceral here. And not only do we get gore but we also get some cultural things for Saathel as a Bosmeri woman, and one who is away from home and how that affects how she is able to interact with her religion and culture and I love, love that. Especially later memories of comparing the Valenwood to Skyrim.
But first:
Saathel crouched to receive the encroaching scent of fiery substrate, ember and char. It awakened a form of primal unease in her to smell the remains of timber houses and thatched roofs engulfed by flames. Spewing smoke. Those threads of blistering heat weren’t the product of a single uncaring mortal, but spun by an unworldly demiurge against which she was powerless.
Calm, Saathel, she reasoned with herself. You’re thinking in the language of prey. But her own thoughts offered little in the way of solace when she ducked under a tree’s branches and saw the thawing drip, heat from the initial blast melting away at what was supposed to be a mountainous morning frost, impassive and perennial. Her encasing of fur, too, felt heavy instead of comforting.
UGHHHH I love this entire section, including her inner dialogue. Her voicing, as I've said before in WIP snippets is fantastic and I sink right into the text in her POV. It's lovely. The close third is amazing.
Too far in to turn back and give in to the nagging thoughts of living a life of minding her own business, she descended into a collapsed series of tunnels dug underground.
“Mole-folk, these Northerners. Just how far have they dug into the—”
YES even her spoken dialogue is A+ mole-folk lmao. I mean she has a point. SO many dungeons. So. Many. And the nagging thoughts of living a life minding her own business made me laugh. She's just perfect, what can I say?
I do love the way this has ended too, even though I'm aware of why I'm still surprised to see she bashed these poor spider-bitten men who just escaped the damned dragon over the head in order to save them. Smh.
Honestly, orfeo, you made the Helgen scene fresh in this way, someone who had been in Skyrim, surviving, lonely, and ended up drawn into the chaos anyway. Almost like she was destined to be there. But looking at it from an outsider perspective is so awesome -- she was not on the cart but she was still there, observing, and perhaps even part of the reason the dragon chose Helgen to begin with. I can't wait to see how you develop the LDB and her adventures and how everything unfolds from here. A triumphant and strong start to what I know will be an excellent fic. I look forward to reading more! WRITE LIKE THE WIND!!!!
How to even thank you for such a heartfelt comment? I know this was left a while back but man I liked leaving that "Unread" sign up so I had a reminder that my friends had enjoyed the fic. Thank you! from the bottom of my heart.
Bosmer LDBs are very interesting to me, you know that. We don't usually see their culture represented in a friendly light and I really wanted to show how it feels to be the chosen one for a place you have no ties to. She's the complainer, always unhappy about Skyrim, and very grumpy lol
Comment on Tower of Three
MareenaVee on Chapter 1 Tue 12 Sep 2023 03:00AM UTC
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ghirahimuwu on Chapter 1 Sat 21 Oct 2023 09:53PM UTC
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