U CAN HEAR MY HEART BREAKING 💔💔💔💔💔 lance )))): I absolutely love the end, where lance is sobbing and has no clue why. way to break my heart Icy :(((((( /j they way lance is desperate to get rid of them because he's terrified :((((((((( 😭😭😭 Also, I absolutely love how you stagger (no clue if that's the right word) a lot of the text in the story!!! For example, "Sniper gave a sharp shake of his head.
No.
He couldn’t listen.
This man was a threat.
They were both threats to the Empire.
They had to be eliminated."
It really highlights a lot of the hesitation Lance feels and I feel like it amplifies the emotions he's feeling. I adore when you use this technique specifically for some reason!!! Instead of one big paragraph you get cut off segments which is BRILLIANT and I have definitely employed this in my stories. The way you write has inspired me so much in the way that I write. Thank you Icy !!!!
Just to clarify Lance isn't crying here; he's hearing a memory of a sob he doesn't know (Hunk from Gone) and it's definitely freaking him out some because these ghost memories and sounds are making him feel things he doesn't understand and it scares him because it has to be bad. He's desperate to make himself not feel these things, to not feel *scared* and not know the cause, and so the only logical option is to eliminate the things that are making him feel this way. Poor sweet thing is so conflicted and doesn't know why. And thanks! I honestly am surprised I don't see more people using one word sentences or even a few works and then separating them into their own paragraphs because in my opinion it really helps just get into the mindset of a character. If you lump them all together they lose that 'punch' as they get lost in the paragraph but on their own it's like damn, sit up and pay attention because shit is going down. I also think for this story in particular Lance's mind has been conditioned so much to obey orders, to not question them, and to remove his emotions that he's sort of compartmentalized even his thought process so it is going to be more jagged than normal and tried to show that too becaues it'd have been easy to say "They were both threats to the empire and had to be eliminated" but separating that into two lines just makes it cut a little deeper, you know? Thanks for commenting, it means a lot :)
forgot to reply earlier oops but BRO :(((( THATS EVEN MORE HEART WRENCHING poor lance :( I know based on what he's gone through in this fic that recovery will likely be a LONG process but I can't wait for him to reunite with the team and remember them And you summed that up perfectly !!! Lumping up the sentences sometimes feels so bland and it's much easier to read when it's cut up. Just like you said, it gives a nice 'punch' and represents Lance's thoughts a whole lot better. 🫶🫶🫶
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klazomaniac on Chapter 4 Tue 19 Sep 2023 07:31PM UTC
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IcyPanther on Chapter 4 Tue 19 Sep 2023 07:41PM UTC
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klazomaniac on Chapter 4 Sat 23 Sep 2023 04:10PM UTC
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