Okay! Just give me a sec. *walks behind a convenient "door" that was definitely 100% always there*
*crashing sounds* Hmmmmm microwave....*a chainsaw goes off* Now where was that bucket *some glass breaks* Ah there it is *car alarms are screaming* Almost done *gun shots?!??* Ah hot hot hot hot *smoke detector is going off* There we go in the bucket,.....? bowl,.....? bucket-bowl! *sounds like a landslide? I would not go through that door if I was you* COMING JUST WAIT A SEC. *plane sounds as if its coming in to bomb you, run, maybe?* *it gets weirdly quiet, very very suddenly*
*The door opens*
Hi there. Sorry that took so long, I couldn't find the bucket-bowl, my microwave was making weird noises, and my speaker decided to play my random sound effects playlist. Yeah anyway- Oh no I forgot to ask, Do you want butter? I think I have some in my fridge *points to the "door"* So do you want some? I think I might have some of that movie theater salt stuff as well?
*for a moment you blink in confusion as the room appears to be empty, then you glance at the darkest corner of your ceiling. Something you can only vaguely call “human” is crouching there. Looking directly at the “person” creates a hissing sound in your ears like static white noise*
Is the salt blessed? I can’t touch salt if it’s been blessed for certain……personal reasons………
Oh Hi there, I almost didn't see you there *sticks finger in ear*... ummmmm I don't think so. Hmmmmm wait a moment. *puts the bowl down at a- a table? where did that-* *the bucket-bowl is put on the Table* Imma just go check real quick. *walks to the "door"* I'll see if it does, I don't think so though.
*disappears before reaching the door*
hmmmmmm *creaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkk* where.... Ah there! *it sounds like digging around in a cabinet but do we really know what's going on?*
It says *suddenly the voice changes to a commercial voice* 'Contains Maltodextrin, Butter Blend (Whey, 'I can't believe its not butter' Butter, Buttermilk), Tears of factory workers, Oleoresin Guanylate, Salt (non blessed)-' *the voice switches back to its regularly scheduled programing* Ah ITS NOT BLESSED, hell I didn't even know that there was blessed salt, also why is there so much stuff in this salt, wait who came up with the idea to sell popcorn salt, its kinda like beer salt, but when did it become such a need tha- *the...."door" opens*
I've got it! Here I'll put it right next to you so you can put the amount that you want in your popcorn. *looks around for a second* Where was that.. Oh there you are, *the Table reappears* *the popcorn salt is set right next to the popcorn* There we go! *the Table- oh f&!k the Table is moving toward you, its moving why?why is it moving??How??* *the Table stops right before, you, a "person" crouching in the darkest corner on the ceiling*
Do you want a drink? I hear that good hosts offer drinks.
*They? glitch, you didn't realize until now that you haven't really seen their? face* *gun* *a mask appears on the face* *the mask is half a sad face while the other half is a happy face* *its almost like its the Comedy and Tragedy masks* *huh that's..... weird*
So a drink? You don't have to want one if you don't want to. Its all in the fun of being here.
*the “human’s” head rotates 180 degrees to remain right-side-up as its body crawls head-first down from its perch, to settle in a crouch on the ground at your feet. You’re becoming increasingly certain that this “person’s limbs have too many joints, but it’s almost cute, in an ugly way? Like a hairless cat.*
*It smiles but It doesn't have a face? At least you can't see one through Their mask? But you know that They smiled with all of Its might.... Somehow?* Of course. Yes. Of course. *while saying this Its head spins around and Its mask floats, lagging just a second behind the movement*
Do you want a seat? One for all of your joints? I'll get you one later, let me get your chocolate milk first. *They walk towards a random point in the wall and the "door" appears and They walk in* I know for a fact that I have some *the "door" closes and disappears*
It's right here in my fridge. *very loud door opening noise, think of a bank vault* Buh buh buh where are youuuuu *glass breaking* There you are. *crane sounds* Let me just get a glass *creeaaakkk* Probably need to WD-40 that soon, anyways which cup....... *gunshots* ^pesky things^ *more glass breaking* YES this one is perfect! *niagara falls would be quieter than whatever It is doing* Now a straw...... THIS one. Yess. *the room that you are in looks normal until They come out of the "door" that suddenly appears again, and the room spins for a moment*
I thought that you would like this cup and straw *the cup is mostly white with some clear blotches, making it look like cow print, the straw has loops upon loops upon loops, it also has, somehow, lights on it?* *you feel the...... Thing's? smile as you look at the cup* It's a really cute cup and I thought it would go perfectly with your drink; also you can never have enough loops in a straw. Anyways here. *It places the cup on the Table that is right next to you*
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