// Oh my... The emotion and feeling within this. I mean... The way you have written this... Even now it feels like Ryuunosuke is viewing all of this (what he is writing down) through a logical position. But even WITH just 'stating things as they are'...there is still SO much emotion!!! And that's what I have ALWAYS loved about your protrayal of Akutagawa. Ryuu is a logical thinker, but (ESPECIALLY when it comes to Dazai), he has SO much raw emotion that he can't help to contain. They're just TOO big... And I think, in a way, they are a part of what made him sicker than he would have been normally, if that makes sense. But it sounds like, in this, he's able to take a step back and acknowledge the situation Chuuya must have been in at the time (and THAT is the logical side of him).// YES!! THIS!!! THIS IS WHAT I WAS GOING FOR!! i don't know why I just.. really view akutagawa as solving things with logic first and hence neglecting his emotions, but now both sides of his are BATTLING!! (to the death.. imsorry) he's able to recognise that in the grand scheme of thing, BOTH of them were children, (all three of them, actually) and yet feelings linger.. especially towards dazai I've always had the headcanon scenario where aku is trying to rationalise his feelings... he KNOWS dazai was a child but he was such a terrifying person nonetheless. nothing can excuse his actions, though, but aku still has conflicted feelings
ANYWAYS
//Ah, THIS!!!! I LOVE THIS!!! The way you wrote down Ryuu's feelings (I also want to say here, because I am not sure WHERE to point it out, that I adore the language you are using in this letter. It feels so...dignified. Regal. The words you choose to use are formal in their nature, but it doesn't feel overdone OR out of place. Ryuu has been shown to SPEAK like this, and I imagine his writing would reflect his words. AND I LOVE IT!!!!// YAYYYYY YOU COMMENTED ON THAT!!!!! I seriously cannot imagine ryuu writing any other way for some reason xD like I imagine him either writing in the most modern way ever (hence surprising many) or being REALLY formal!!! aka how I write!! like he talks SOOO posh in the show that it just makes SENSE!!! I LOVE YOU FOR SAYING IT DOESN'T FEEL OVERDONE!!!! ILY!!!! THANK YOU!! somehow I actually am able to write so much more formally in first person and it works so well for when writing aku LMAO
//Anyway... I digress! xD I love the fact that you clarify Ryuu's hatred towards Chuuya. It is SO complex! He HATED Chuuya because he quickly began to see for himself that Chuuya was NOT the heartless person Ryuu had made up in his mind at the start. Ryuu hated that his perception of Chuuya was SO wrong. Maybe...he hated Chuuya because he WANTED Chuuya to be heartless, in order to give Ryuu cause to hate him. Aaand, I feel like I'm rambling! Just know I LOVED this part!// YASSSSS!!! EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY!!! a part of him WANTED chuuya to be as heartless as dazai was, that way he could hate EVERYONE (Except gin!!) and just focus on getting stronger.. ARGH!!
//My GOSH! Okay... So... This... This creates SO many feelings inside of me! Like.... Think about it from the outside without any emotion or the fact that Dazai was just SO abusive to not only Ryuu, but Chuuya as well, back then. In this moment... The FIRST thought that came to my mind was 'Dazai just SAVED Chuuya...' Okay. He abused Ryuu right then, and also immediately afterwards with more 'training'. And taunted, as you say, Chuuya as well. In this past moment, he was CLEARY the man (or boy) with all of the power. But... The fact remains that he SAVED Chuuya. Because Ryuu admits himself that his aim-in that moment-had been to kill Chuuya. But then.... Who knows... Perhaps-in reality, with what Dazai saw and knew-he was instead saving Ryuu. Who knows. Perhaps Chuuya would have killed him instead, in self defense. It's all very emotionally volatile, and SO intriguing!// toxicness in skk is actually my life LMAAOOOOO in my mind.. dazai was both saving chuuya AND ryuu! i feel like his thought process would be 'dang if they kill each other then that'll be so annoying to clean up.. ugh...!!' BAHAHHA and then he taunted chuuya just for the heck of it!!! because he's... dun dun dun.. DAZAI!! BAHAHAHA!! he was probably like 'ew I can't seem like I was trying to help...!!' + he probably finds it amusing..
//(P.S. I also liked the added little detail of Ryuu seeing Chuuya looking over his shoulder AFTER having been 'put in his place' by Dazai, knowing FULL WELL he could have beaten Dazai to a pulp and defended Ryuu, but didn't (because he couldn't without suffering consequences, himself). I can't imagine Chuuya's struggle. Knowing he has the physical power to do something about the situation, but also knowing his hands are tied).// YESSS!!!!! his internal conflict must be insane I imagine.. in some universes... chuuya said 'FRICK IT' and beat dazai up till bro died BASDHASDH
//Ah, THIS!!! 'I refused to respond'. And now... Ryuu is writing his reply to all of Chuuya's apologies and attempts to make things right between the two of them. "To Chuuya Nakahara. (In response to all of your efforts to seek absolution from me) I forgive you." THIS! When his letter hit in THIS manner. I LOST it. Tears, my friend. Tears. And it makes me sad to imagine that this would/will make Chuuya cry as well. Maybe not breakdown sobbing. But... Shedding some tears...(and then cursing)... Yeah... I see that.// YESSS!!! I WILL HUG YOU!!!! omg chuuya would DEFINITELY DO THAT!! like I cant imagine him doing that one dazai sobbing gif BASDHAS but I imagine it being like.. he wipes his nose.. sniffles a lil.. tears shed.... a string of 130193103 curse words... (positive!!!)
//*ugly crying* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I just CAN'T!!!! I am just SO beyond heartbroken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is just SO beautiful and SO painful!!!!! My heart!!!! I can't take this!!!!!!!!! *more ugly crying*// HEHEHEHEHEHEHE I giggle at suffering . ILY FOR READING!!!!!!!!! IM GONNA HUG YOU... GIVES YOU TISSUES....!!!!! GIVES YOU ITTY BITTY WAN CHUUYA ABSDHASH I added the 'ty for letting me be your boy' LINE AT THE VERY END WHILE POSTING AND THAT EVEN HURT ME..
//Yeah.... Weeeeeeeell.... I mean.... I'm trying not to laugh... But man might not be wrong about their destination... xD// RIGHT?!!? BAHAAHAHA and he only puts the 'see you later' for select people.. hehe..
//Haha! I can only imagine this is directed to Dazai and 'the Jinko'. This made me laugh! Anyway! I will leave you with this! THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATE!!!!// YES!! THIS!! BAHAHAAH.. chuuya be his grave's guard dog xD imagine an odasaku core grave scene.. but its gin and chuuya instead... AHH IMAGINE AT FIRST ITS THE WHOLE MAFIA AT THE GRAVE... THEN IT REDUCES TO JUST TACHIHARA, GIN, HIGUCHI AND CHUUYA, THEN ONLY GIN HIGUCHI AND CHUUYA... THEN ONLY GIN AND HIGUCHI... and then eventually only one..... and then none.............. COUGHS
Comment on Letters of a Coward - Akutagawa Ryuunosuke's To Do List
APurpleZ on Chapter 4 Thu 19 Sep 2024 04:21PM UTC
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