Your translation is a little rough; certain phrases feel a bit "odd", not quite as smooth or conveying the emotion I think it's meant to convey. some sentences feel a little stiff, particularly in narration. There's also a few "rules" of narration-to-dialogue you don't follow and it doesn't seem to be for dramatic effect unless I'm just doofy.
But.
But that aside, this is one of the nicest stories I've ever read. I love the characterizations you have for them. They feel like the bugs I know from the game, but in a new set of eyes. Your version of Vi is hones so much in on her simple nature, but in a fun way. The way she thinks about power in terms of one-shotting Mothiva is so delightfully scary and absurd, and I love how she seems to honestly see no problem with it. She's such a disturbing little gremlin in your eyes, it's amazing. I also love how you turned the badge-building of the game's mechanics into a character power-gamer trait for her. I also love how contemplative Vi is on losing her dear friends... speaking personally I relate to that. And I relate to how blunt you make her.
And Zasp, my goodness, Zasp. He's so... complex the way you write him, in a good way. You make all the characters complex in fun ways, but I can feel your love and fascination for Zasp in both of these chapters. I love how conflicted he is, how calm, how to-the-point he is without being dismissive. The way he dodges issues is so *neat*. And I love his gradual, but very visible growth as interacting with Snakemouth makes him think about his own needs. him asking to go on a vacation with Leif was so sweet and comfy. I love the character growth that's rising so organically from this situation.
You are such a good writer. *And* you can draw. You're an amazingly hard worker. I know this is selfish, but I hope you never stop making Bug Fables stuff. It makes me so happy, the way you see my favorite world.
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TheConflictedWriter on Chapter 2 Fri 27 Dec 2024 06:52AM UTC
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