I really like the repetition in that paragraph, as well as the direct addressing of the reader and the repeated metaphors :DDD Furthermore, the way the paragraph is sort of.. informal?? If you know what I mean. Like a direct conversation instead of an explanatory paragraph?? Anyways I really enjoy how it creates the idea of someone, some omniscient character talking to the reader. Could this be foreshadowing??(if not dw i read too much into things)
“the man spoke calmly, as if he were the embodiment of an ocean breeze. He imagined it to be all the more soothing in person, a tinge of static tainting the man’s timbre as his words channeled through the device, slightly lowering the quality of his speech.”
I love the extensive deacription and also how it creates a very clear image(but a sound?? Idk what to call it) in your head; as well as the erratic depth of description(like how some things are much clearer than others), which is really cool and really creates a good sense of the confusion and disorientation Atsushi feels(felt?).
“Sliding the fabric aside, he winced at the intense blare of the afternoon sun—a harsh difference from the dimmed room. He adjusted quickly, though, dual-toned eyes squinting open, peeping through a gloved hand… “No, you're so wrong it's not even amusing.” Kunikida nudged his glasses forward, shaking his head. “We’re on a plane, dumbass.” “
The casual tone and familiarity lets us know that Atsushi is safe, but juxtaposes the confusion with a sense of feeling uneasy or confused. This creates a sort of uncanny valley effect, where the jokes sort of make it seem like Atsushi *should* know what is happening.
More to come- ill try to do the whole chapter over a couple weeks or so :DD (sorry it takes me ages to do anth!!)(also sorry this is kinda short i was hingry)
AWHWHWHWHWHW I am legitimately malfunctioning at the moment. Thank you so much. I read this on the bus and was smiling like an idiot the whole time.
Anyhow, I'm glad you liked that whole concept with the book and the bookmark! That's actually how this fic started. I was just walking along, and then this random thought came into my mind: "Does a bookmark fall out of a book if you [stab] it?" And I just pondered it for a while. Eventually, I realized, "Wait a minute... isn't Atsushi a bookmark?" And this whole fan fiction kind of just spiraled from there. Back to you, yeah! I definitely tried to make it seem like the narrator was talking to the reader, so I'm really glad you caught that! :D Not to bust your bubble or anything... but, that whole author's note was actually the original summary of this fic (but it was just too long to have it as the actual summary *cries in character limit*, so I kind of just had to improvise it) that I was too attached to scrape. 😅 So, uh, yeah, I'm not foreshadowing an omniscient being with that. :) BUT, it's definitely foreshadowing something~ *wink, wink*
Oh my goodness! Yayayaay! I love describing Fukuzawa's voice for some reason, idk, he's just such a soothing character, like he just creates this "like a warm cup of green tea on a country porch, basking in the soft rays of sunlight as you slowly rock yourself in a wooden stool, watching as feathered critters chirp into the evening hours," vibe, yk?
OMG I didn't even realize I did that lmao. Also, I learned a new word: Juxtapose. Oddly enough, it really fits here. Good word choice. 👍
AAAHHH, this is more than I could ever ask for omg thank you so much, but of course more is always welcome! (≧▽≦) <333 Again, thanks a ton, this absolutely made my day. :) ❤
(also I just saw the bookmark omg ur so sweet ily 😭)
“Atsushi responded with an enthusiastic nod, clapping his hands together and bowing his head in thanks, murmuring a few dozen thank-yous. And, in all truth, he was thankful. His mentor didn’t show it, but he went out of his way to care for him, always finding ways to shelter and protect him. He reminded him of Oda-san… Atsushi couldn’t help but wonder where his teacher had run off to. He just couldn’t fathom the man dead, not yet. It didn’t matter if he had the autopsy report or not, he wouldn’t believe it until he saw a barren corpse. “
ODA?! Ohmigosh…
They obvs have/had a close relationship, as of the way atsushi cares for him, so i wonder what the au could be.. 😮😮😮
“But that’s a topic for another day.”
AOUSGHSNSKSSJ I love the way you make it seem almost like the story is being told by someoen, eg. Now the “person” is hurrying it along, it creates such a nice sense of familiarity with the reader 😋
“Of course, he knows Kunikida isn’t one for dramatic displays of affection, but he couldn’t help it. He just wanted to indulge in some much-needed excitement, something to keep the mood as light as it could be, even if he knew Kunikida would move right past it, ignoring him entirely.
And, of course, the man followed up on his assumption, not even bothering to pay him so much as a glance before he completely moved on from the sight. “
Thsa so mean how could he do that :((
“Alright, this morning, about half-past four, the Agency received an urgent call dictating that we meet with them immediately, and refused to give any further details until we met in person. Of course, we declined and told the man off, for, we do have a Code-of-Conduct when it comes to accepting bizarre requests, such being that, at minimum, we require a reasonable description of a job and a relative assessment of what needs to be investigated, of which the man refused to comply. Well, that was until he mentioned the considerable sum he was willing to pay and, in reassurance, casually dropped seven-hundred thousand yen into our account—”
“Seven. Hundred. Thousand…? Oh. Oh my, that is an um… large… amount.”
Kunikida stared at him for a long moment, perhaps contemplating how he should proceed. Atsushi looked at him in the same light, unsure of how to progress the situation. Embarrassed, to say the least.”
Waow money issues is crazy. The way atsushi is contrasted and it shocks him is good background integration w. Out it being too like “this happened” or whatever.
“As I was saying,” Kunikida went on, a slight hesitancy touching his lips. Atsushi thanked the heavens that the man decided to ignore it; he doesn’t think he’d ever be able to live it down if he hadn’t. “Due to our relatively poor financial circumstances, we accepted the job offer and agreed to meet with him. That about catches you up with the main part of things. Oh, and just so you know, we’ll arrive at the Pulkovo Airport in an hour or two, so don’t get too comfortable.”
“Wait a minute…” There was something about that name, ‘Pulkovo,’ that came across as strange to him. What was it? What was off about it? He knew he’d never gone to any airports called that; in fact, this was his first time flying. So why did it ring a bell? It was the word.”
Backgrounf integration 👍 sigh youre so good at this ist realky nice how you humanise the chqracters with all the msall details.
Anyways ily, sorry this was kinda bad comment but i tried my best to do your greatness justice 🙏🙏
AAAAHHHHH OMG I GOT DRENCHED IN THE RAIN (twice) AND I COME BACK TO THIS MASTERPIECE OF A COMMENT HELLO????? I LOVE U SO MUCH, UR THE BEST ASDFGHYJUIKLO
Moving past my incoherent babbling: yay! I'm so glad you picked on Odasaku's mention! ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´- I can't tell you much about the AU because I don't want to spoil the plot... but without spoiling, Oda joined the ADA in this universe because he never met Dazai, and from that point took the role of Atsushi's mentor. In essence, it's kind of like what happened in the Beast AU where Odasaku joined the ADA because Dazai didn't offer him a job in the port mafia. All I can say after that is that you're probably going to hate me for what happens to him...
Awh, thanks! Honestly, I didn't even realize I did that. 😂 But, I'm glad it familiarizes u guys with the story - I was kind of worried about the limited POV being a bit too intrusive and hard to follow for the reader, so that's a major relief. :)
Lol, the man's got priorities
OMGOMGGG THANK YOU!! I love adding lots of silly little details, so that's really nice to hear that it humanises them!
Anyways, I can't thank you enough for leaving such a nice comment! This legitimately made my year, you're too sweet. (also, how DARE u call your comment "kinda bad" this is going on my wall and there is nothing you can do to stop me 😈😈)
Ahahah, why thank you. 😌 (Lol, I honestly don't even know. I just walk, and my brain goes into overtime. Like, a few weeks ago I was out walking, and I had a whole ass philosophical debate about how the process of cat treat training relates to the human drug trade in my head 😭).
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