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Carlos Reyes read the article title on his phone screen over and over, letters taunting him as if they were coming through the glass and hitting him in the face. As quarterback and the current face of “America’s Football Team,”  he feels like this information should have been disclosed to him via Coach O’Brien rather than the ESPN News feed on a random Wednesday in July. 

Last Minute Trade Between Giants and Cowboys Sends Rutgers Star TK Strand to Texas after Draft; Becomes First Openly Gay Player in National Football League

It’s not like TK had disappeared off of the face of the entire planet after that night four years ago, just Carlos’s.

Carlos had been following the running back’s career since the start, watching him become the star of the Big 10, turning the Rutgers football program into something high school standouts were clamoring for. He watched the feed of TK accepting last year's Heisman trophy, making history as he became the first openly gay college football player to accept the award by coming out during his acceptance speech. Watching that in real time made Carlos’s stomach do backflips; he so desperately wanted that freedom for himself.

The man scanned the article a little more. It touched on TK’s tragic backstory, a mixture of rumors and truth: Tyler Kennedy Strand, 5’11”, 210 pounds, born and raised in Manhattan. Firefighter hero father who died of 9/11-related lung cancer two years ago, lawyer mother who died in a pedestrian accident shortly after. Spent his first year at UT-Austin, before entering the transfer portal and landing at Rutgers after his freshman season, where he led the NCAA in rushing, breaking records left and right. Carlos remembers that year TK was in Austin.

***

Carlos was a junior at the time, a rising star in his own right, already prepping to declare for the draft, discarding his postgrad plan to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a Texas Ranger. TK was an overly-confident freshman, ranked #1 in the nation in high school, known for his flashy touchdown dances and screaming at the referees over what he thought were bullshit calls. There were rumors TK had problems with drugs and alcohol, but Carlos wasn’t sure he believed that; every time he crossed paths with TK at a party the man seemed sober, and never had so much as a beer bottle in his hands. They weren’t close, making small talk in the locker room and working well together on the field, but it wasn’t anything more than that until the end of season cookout thrown by the UT athletic department.

The men found themselves in a random supply closet of the athletic center, bodies pressed against each other as TK shoved his tongue down Carlos’s throat, stumbling into shelving and ripping off their clothing, TK soon making his way down Carlos’s body and swallowing him whole. As soon as they finished, TK grabbed a towel off the shelf next to him, throwing it in Carlos’s direction before straightening himself up and leaving the closet, not uttering a single word to the other man the rest of the day, Carlos replaying the scene over and over as he lay in bed, wondering what the hell was that?

Carlos was hooked from the first kiss.

Hooked enough, in fact, he asked TK to come over the next week under the guise of hooking up again, as they had a couple more times since the cookout—always quick, simple, in discreet places. The locker room showers in the middle of the night; the supply closet yet again. This time, Carlos wanted to add the layer of getting to know each other first. He made them dinner, a simple meal as an act of kindness before jumping into bed. 

Even though Carlos was out to an extent, he didn’t engage in so-called ‘hook up culture’, or even dating culture, at all. He was gay; he didn’t hide it, but he didn’t talk about it, either. He knew this would change once he went pro. Carlos had come out to his parents at seventeen. It had shocked them, the silence coming from the other side of the dining room table speaking volumes. Eventually, after a few tense minutes, his parents hugged him, told him they loved him, and that was that. It had been years of silence, the subject never touched on again. 

He was an NCAA football star in Texas; before that, the darling of the Austin Independent School District, breaking records near-weekly, his crowning achievement winning the state championship for Westlake High his senior year in a nailbiter against the Dillon Panthers, who had been undefeated for six years at that point. It didn’t matter how ‘blue’ and liberal and weird Austin was, the majority of people that filled Memorial Stadium every Saturday in their burnt orange best, the ones that tuned in to ESPN or the Fox Sports Network all over the country weren’t all kind and accepting. The fear of a Tinder date leaking something to the press was more than enough to keep Carlos from pursuing anything romantic. 

So when TK Strand, lean and green-eyed, threw him into that supply closet, Carlos thought that maybe everything could end up fine in the end, that he wasn’t as broken as the important figures in his life made him feel. 

 TK showed up, yellow hoodie and black sweats, bursting through the door to Carlos’s off-campus apartment and immediately threw himself onto the man, pressing him against the wall and tugging on his shirt, buttons scattering across the hardwood floor as TK ripped the white dress shirt off of Carlos’s chest, all the while pressing lips and tongue and teeth to the man’s neck and jawline.

Carlos broke apart from TK, cupping the freshman’s face in his hands.

“Take a breath, tiger,” Carlos said evenly.

TK responded with a confused look on his face when Carlos stopped him from continuing. “What? You’re the one that called me to come over.” 

Carlos smiled as TK leapt for his throat, pressing his tongue against the man’s Adam's apple. 

“Yeah, I did,” gesturing with his eyes over to the carefully set up table in the middle of his dining room. A salad, fish, fresh bread, all from the farmer’s market up the road. He’d even opened the bottle of champagne. Carlos showed love and appreciation for people through food; something that was passed down to him from his abuela and his mother. 

TK’s demeanor changed in a near instant, though the man still obliged, taking the seat at the table that Carlos offered him. Carlos poured the man a glass of champagne, offering the flute towards TK, who tensed up even more.

“None for me thanks,” TK responded in clipped tones. 

Carlos felt himself regretting this decision more by the second. “Sorry, I should have asked.” 

The silence that filled the air was tense, building slightly as time went on. As Carlos grabbed the fish out of the oven and turned around, trying to fill the tension with small talk, mentioning how fresh the fish was because that's what the man from the market told him, he noticed the look on TK’s face growing sour, jaw clenched.

Carlos felt his heart drop to his knees. Stupid, stupid. “Damn, you don't like fish…”

TK gestured to the table’s spread. “This feels like a whole thing.” 

Carlos gently placed the bread down on the table between them. “A whole thing?” Carlos looked around his kitchen again. “You mean dinner?”

TK sighed. “It’s just…I thought that we were clear about everything. I’m not looking…for this,” gesturing yet again to the carefully thought out spread Carlos had prepared the two. 

Carlos took a seat opposite TK. “Well, I’m sorry, I don’t do this a lot.”

“Clearly.”

Carlos swallowed, downing some of his champagne for liquid courage. “I don’t think it’s a big ask to have an actual conversation before we hook up.”

TK scoffed. “Well, it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”

Carlos felt the coldness in the man’s words hit him like a knife to the chest, sinking in deeper as TK continued his cold expression.

TK continued, seeing the change in Carlos’s face as he went on, ignoring it. “Look, I just got out of a relationship, I’m not looking to jump into another–”

“It’s a meal,” Carlos told the other man flatly, “Not a marriage proposal, TK.” 

The harshness of his words seemed to affect TK in some way, the man clenching his jaw before abruptly sitting up and heading towards the door. 

Carlos had enough, not taking TK’s sullenness for an answer. “Why are you being so crazy?”

TK looked back at Carlos, his green eyes shining with tears threatening to fall. “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding,” TK said quietly, opening the door and disappearing into the night. 

Carlos had texted him, trying to apologize, to no response from TK. 

Two weeks later, Coach Rosewater let the team know that TK would be transferring to Rutgers, effectively ending his time at UT-Austin. Carlos couldn’t help but think that he could have been the reason.

Feeling lost, Carlos retreated into himself, abstaining from romantic relationships for years, save for a handful of drunken hookups that soon stopped after being drafted as a 1st round draft pick for the Dallas Cowboys. He was out to his agent Lexi Mitchell, a happily married lesbian, so she understood. But, Carlos knew her and knew she would make every possible date sign some type of NDA. It just wasn’t worth it.

After being drafted, Carlos thought about coming out several times. Sure, there were gay NFL players out there, though none of them came out while active in the league. It would be nice to just be Carlos Reyes; not the carefully crafted, incredibly censored and guarded Carlos Reyes put on display across the country every season, star quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys, leading the league in every statistic there was. It would be nice to show those kids in little leagues, on high school teams, in the NCAA, that it was okay to be who they were, wholly and unapologetically, and still make it as far as he had. 

But…

There were so many things holding him back. The response from his parents made him take several steps back; he didn’t think he could go through that again, over and over. In college, Carlos noticed more than one slur thrown around from the field. He had noticed it while in high school too, the culture that was created in the world of sports; slurs and sayings that were so cruel were also so normalized, a heartbreaking aspect Carlos had considered, then shoved deep down when making the leap from college to professional sports.

 Another factor was the lack of other out NFL players actively in the league. Carlos never wanted to be the first in anything like that; knowing that the history he would make would also make him a puppet-like mascot for the league to show they were ‘woke’ and ‘supportive’. So, he stayed quiet, a handful of people knowing his truth, hoping, praying , that maybe a Packer, or a Raven, or even one of his own teammates on the Cowboys would come out before him to make history.

Now, because of Carlos’s hesitance, his cowardice, TK would be the first. 

It was because of that, that Carlos felt the need to protect TK, for some reason. Not that he thought TK couldn’t handle it. He’d seen the aftermath of his speech, the articles, the vile Facebook comments. TK had taken it in stride, treating life normally, as if he didn’t just make a permanent place for himself in the history of the National Football League. It would be an entirely different story once TK stepped out onto the field of AT&T Stadium for his first official game. 

Carlos swiped out of the article, sending a link to the team’s offensive coordinator, Grace.

Carlos Reyes: Did you know about this?? 

Grace Ryder: Only just found out from Marjan. O’Brien, Tyson, all the higher-ups really kept it quiet. 

Grace Ryder: Judd doesn’t think he’ll make it onto the active roster.

Carlos Reyes: Yeah, I guess we’ll see.

Grace Ryder: Didn’t you two play together at UT? You should reach out, as an old friend, and as captain. Would also probably help him to let him know he’s not alone…

Carlos Reyes: 🙄 Reaching out to him as captain, welcome him to Dallas, nothing else.

Grace and Carlos had started with the Cowboys the same year, quickly becoming close friends. Carlos loved his teammates, but the bond he shared with Grace was special. Another Texas native, she made waves when she left her assistant coaching job at Texas A&M for a job on the Cowboys, where her husband, Judd, was a veteran offensive line center, simultaneously becoming the first female offensive coordinator in the NFL. The pair worked well together; one wouldn’t know they were even married until you discovered their sweet and loving nature behind closed doors. Grace and Judd were two of a handful of people working for the Cowboys that Carlos had felt safe coming out to. 

It didn’t take long for Carlos to find TK’s profile; he followed him that fateful year in Austin and never unfollowed him, though at one point, he noticed TK had unfollowed him. He knew TK’s number was still somewhere in his phone, buried under hundreds of contacts added over the years, but he couldn’t find the strength to look through their last messages he knew were still stored on this phone, even three years later.

Carlos did a quick scroll through TK’s Instagram, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. A black and white photo of the lower Manhattan skyline. A photo of a bearded dragon, basking in what looked like a well kept habitat that still made Carlos shudder. He didn’t know why, but reptiles in general terrified him. 

There was a graduation photo with an older gentleman holding onto a toddler, all three with wide smiles. Uncle and cousin, maybe? Game photos, TK mid-celebration dance in a scarlet red jersey, number 52. A selfie with the same toddler, both boys with their tongues sticking out. As he scrolled down further, he found a photo of a younger TK, holding up a UT shirt, sandwiched in between a man and a woman with similar smiles and light colored eyes; Carlos assumed these were his parents, and this photo was taken when TK first committed to UT-Austin his senior year of high school. The photo left Carlos with a tight feeling in his chest, knowing that both of TK’s parents were now gone, this photo likely one of the last ones the man has of his family as a whole. 

Getting back to why he was on TK’s Instagram, Carlos’s finger hovered over the message button when he was suddenly interrupted by a call from Michelle, one of his best friends back home. 

“Hey, chica.”

“Hey, yourself,” the woman replied. “Remember us little people down I-35?” 

Carlos chuckled. Of all of the teams he could have played with, he’s never been more grateful the Cowboys traded up to select him. Three hours north of Austin, he was able to visit home more frequently than if he played out of state, keeping a loft in downtown Austin for the offseason, in addition to his penthouse apartment in the Highland Park neighborhood of Dallas. Of the two, he preferred the loft. Austin was home, the loft was smaller, cozier, 30 minutes from his parents ranch outside of the city. His Dallas abode took up half the floor of his building; too much space for one person, but his business manager insisted on it, even going as far to insist he buy the other apartment taking up the other half of the floor. Carlos squashed that idea, even before he noticed a new tenant had moved in. It already felt empty enough; he didn’t need an entire floor of a building for himself. 

“I’ve been back in Dallas for a month, surely you can’t miss me that much already.” Carlos had spent the offseason entirely in Austin; four months with friends and family before heading back upstate in June in preparation for training camp. There were endless nights of giggling and fun with Michelle, weeks spent helping his father take care of the family ranch. Save for being on a football field, it was where Carlos felt best.

“You know I always miss you,” Michelle responded in a lilting tone. The pair had been friends since high school, and she is the older sister of one of his closest friends, now a paramedic captain in Austin. One of the only people Carlos had kept in contact with from home, he loved her because she loved him for who he was, not just his skills on the football field that led him to a life of fame that still bewildered the man at some points. 

“The tone in your voice indicates you called for another reason,” Carlos smirked. Michelle was there during the TK “situation,”as she called it. She also had the Cowboys and Carlos on Google alerts, meaning she also knew about TK already. 

“Maybe…heard you have a new teammate.” 

Carlos sighed. “Yeah. Not new to me, I guess.” 

“Do you think he remembers?” Michelle was the one who had pushed Carlos to do the fateful dinner. He still remembers being curled up on her couch, telling her about the tryst in the supply closet.

He’s a 10…and I kind of can’t get him out of my head.

“With the way he absolutely ghosted me?” Carlos scoffed. “I’m sure he forgot about me two days later.”  I never forgot, Carlos reminded himself. 

“Do you think you’ll ever bring it up?” Michelle questioned.

“No…yes…I don’t know, Michelle,” Carlos said, exasperated. He thought of TK joining the team as a fresh start and maybe they could put the past behind them, if TK even remembered it. They made a pretty good team on the field in Austin that season; years of gained experience and a career on the professional level may strengthen that. 

“What do you think I should do? Considering, you know, you got me into this mess in the first place.”

Michelle hummed into the phone. “Test the waters, maybe reach out before training camp? You are the captain, aren’t you? It’s like it's your job or something.” 

Carlos rolled his eyes, knowing it wasn’t visible to the woman on the phone. He wasn’t sure what he did to be surrounded by such levelheaded, feminine energy, but Grace and Michelle were two forces in life he didn’t know he needed until it was right in front of him. “You’re the second person to tell me to do that tonight.”

Michelle let out a laugh. “Tell Grace I say hi.” 

Carlos grinned into the phone, a chuckle accompanying it. There was a brief silence before he moved onto the next question. “How’s Iris?”

Michelle’s tone grew more solemn. “She’s good. Six weeks into treatment. It was rough at first, but the meds seem to be working now.” After another period of silence, Michelle continued. 

“Thank you, by the way. This treatment center is first class. Did you know they have crab cakes on their menu every night? The center is taking them for equine therapy tomorrow. Literally just going to a farm to pet horses.”

Carlos exhaled. “Nothing but the best for my girls.”

Carlos thought about his most kept secret, something that was kept between him and those he held closest to his heart.

Halfway through his freshman year at UT, Coach Rosewater approached him with the prospect of NFL scouts coming to his games once his sophomore year hit, painting a picture of a future for the man that included fame and fortune as a household name. Of course, after the initial shock and glee wore down, 19-year-old Carlos panicked, still reeling from coming out to his parents, and knowing how queerness was portrayed, ridiculed even, when it came to the big leagues.

 So, he did what he thought was right: he married his best friend, Iris, both of them lost, seemingly broken, thinking this would be the cure-all to their troubles; this complicated layer adding even more distress to Carlos when taking that disastrous leap that night with TK Strand.

The wedding wasn’t a big affair; the Travis County courthouse with the only witnesses being the couple in line after them. They tried to make it work, but deep down they knew it was doomed from the start, something that became apparent just a few months in. They meant to get divorced once they figured this out, they really did, but then Iris disappearing one April night put a halt to the proceedings, Michelle finding Iris, now diagnosed with schizophrenia, living in an encampment under an overpass this past March, Carlos already in town for the offseason. 

Carlos had spent the last few years in mourning that his best friend was dead. His father was a Texas Ranger; he knew the probability of someone missing as long as she had been turning up alive. The stages of grief came in waves, but at the end of the day, acceptance always won out. 

Waking up one day to Michelle frantically banging on the door of his downtown Austin loft to tell him Iris was alive, shifted something in Carlos’s world, wanting to keep those he loved closer than ever before. 

Like the person he was, the person his parents taught him to be, he used his wealth on others more than himself. Donations to the local children’s hospitals and LGBTQ+ centers (albeit anonymously), buying a new truck for his father, a new kitchen for his mother. Covering any expenses needed to fix up the ranch that had been in the Reyes family for generations, Carlos lent a hand to it all. This included any and all treatment Iris needed on the path to wellness.

“Do you know how much longer she has?” Carlos asked.

Michelle let out a sigh through the phone. “They’re thinking at least another two months. They want to make sure this is the right combination of medications.” There was another pause on the line. “She really likes it there, Carlos. I think she may volunteer there when she’s done. Help out those who were in the same situation as her.” 

The thought of that brought tears to Carlos’s eyes, feeling them form behind deep brown irises. It was just like Iris to do something like that, help those because she knew what it was like, she had been there. Michelle had been sending photos of Iris to Carlos when she made her visits; the healthy, smiling woman was a far cry from where they found her so recently. 

“Just tell me if you guys need anything from me,” Carlos responded. “Maybe once everything settles you guys can come out here for a game. Owner’s suite, hotels comped, everything. Just let me know when. That includes Mama Blake too.”

“You’re too good to us,” Michelle teased. She quickly responded, the tone of her voice making it seem like she’s treading lightly about to dive into a sensitive topic. “So Carlos…”

Carlos hummed into the receiver. “Hmm?”

“So TK’s pretty much in your life again, whether you like it or not.”

“Yeah?” 

“And Iris is doing better…”

“Can you please just cut to the point, ‘Chelle?”

Michelle took a deep breath before continuing. “Shouldn’t you start the divorce proceedings so when the time comes for you to meet someone, there’s no strings attached for you to… fall in love? Get married? I don’t know, live your life?”

It took everything Carlos had in him not to hang up on Michelle right then and there. 

“Iris needs my insurance,” he said flatly. “And it’s a lot more complicated than that, chica.” 

“And it would be a lot more complicated if the star quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys was arrested for insurance fraud,” Michelle retorted. 

“I just…” Carlos paused. “Let Iris get settled. Then we can talk about it more.” He took a brief pause before continuing, quelling the anger that he somehow still held all these years later. 

“Besides, I highly doubt I’ll be anything more than civil with TK Strand.” 

Michelle chuckled. “I’ll bet money you’re joined at the hip by the first away game.”

Carlos groaned, about to snap back when a text came in from Coach O’Brien. 

O’Brien: Gonna need you to reach out to Strand. Welcome wagon, niceties, all that. Didn’t he play at UT with you? Let him know he’s got a friend.

Carlos started deep breathing, using the exercises he had learned online over the offseason to center himself before a game, anxieties be damned. Third time’s the charm, I guess.

“‘Chelle, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Send Iris my love.” 

“See you later, Superstar,” she giggled. Carlos could almost feel her winking through the phone. “Tell TK I say hi.” 

Carlos groaned, but not before Michelle had already hung up.

Carlos got back to what he was doing before Michelle interrupted, finally clicking on the message button of TK’s Instagram profile.

CarlosReyes_18: Hey man, welcome to Dallas. Let me know if you need anything, I know how scary a new city can be. Excited you’re a Cowboy! 

Carlos’s heart skipped a beat as he watched his message almost immediately go from “delivered” to “seen”, skipping again when the man saw the text bubble popping up, dancing around the screen for 30 seconds before disappearing again.

TK52Strand: message seen

Carlos stared at the screen again for what felt like hours, just like he had when he first read the article stating that TK was heading back to Texas, waiting for a message to pop up. One finally did.

TK52Strand: 👍

Carlos took a deep breath. 

This season is going to be fun.