Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Y/n woke up to the sun streaming in through their windows. They rubbed their eyes and stretched a little, looking around their room. All was peaceful and well. They got up and began to get ready, brushing their teeth and eating breakfast. Today they were completely free and planned to spend the rest of the day reading fanfiction. They walked over to their desk where their laptop was and finished reading the fanfiction they had started last night. They went over to look for more fics once they had finished the one they were reading but as they clicked on the next fic they were going to read, something happened. The page didn't load. Desperately, they went back to the previous page and clicked another and another title, but nothing. Would. Load. Tears began streaming down their face.

"Why? Why would you do this to me, ao3? Have I been reading too much angst?"

"Dear y/n, this is for your own good. I'm sorry" the voice echoed through the speakers of the computer.

y/n crumpled to the ground and died from lack of ao3.

the end. (or is it)

Chapter Text

Y/n woke up in a black void, devoid of anything. They blinked, and blinked again.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" They whispered.

Nothing answered.

They stood up from where they sat and began to walk. They walked for what could have been seconds, days, centuries, having no goal until they began to see a faint light. They began to run, faster and faster until they could make out what the light was. It was beautiful, a red glow cast upon the dark void. in all it's glory was the archive of our own logo. Y/n stared at it in shock.

"B-but, how? I thought... I thought you left me..." y/n whispered the last part.

"Thanks to someone, I realized my wrongdoings and how much I hurt you." ao3 had a guilty smile and stepped aside to reveal the downdetector logo. y/n began to cry more.

"Thank you! thank you so much!" they all hugged, and y/n returned to the mortal world and had a happy polyamorous relationship with downdetector and ao3.

the end

or is it

Chapter Text

Pt 3: ao3 x downdetector x y/n fluff / ao3 sickfic

As soon as y/n woke up they knew something was wrong. They could hear coughing from the next room. It sounded like… ao3 was coughing. They ripped the bedsheets off of themself.
Ao3 was hunched over on the couch, coughing so hard they were crying.
“Ao3? Are you okay? Please, let me help you.” y/n said in a panicked voice.
“I-i’m fine…” ao3 said in a hoarse voice. They stood up to try to grab something but immediately failed as their knees buckled.
“No. You need help. I’m calling downdetector.” y/n said in as best of a stern voice as they could manage.
They helped ao3 to the bed and pulled the blanket over them.
“Stay here, i’ll be right back.” y/n said.

They immediately rushed out of the room, grabbing their phone on the way out. They opened up the phone app and clicked on downdetector.

It rang once. Twice.

“Hello? y/n, are you alright?” downdetector’s soothing voice immediately calmed y/n down.

“I- um- ao3 i-is sick and i don’t know what to do… please, can you help?” y/n said in a panicky voice.

“Oh.. oh no… i’m afraid i can’t help ao3 directly with this one. This is something they have to get over themselves.. I can certainly help you calm down though and make ao3 as comfortable as possible. I’m coming over.”

“T-thank you so much downdetector… i’ll get everything ready.”

y/n rushed to gather blankets, pillows, soup (what do you give sick people), and everything else they could find in their home that could make ao3 as comfortable as possible while they were sick.

Around 10 minutes had passed and they heard a knock on their door. They rushed to open it, and came face to face with downdetector.

“Hi…” y/n said shyly as they opened up the door to let downdetector in. Although downdetector had been to their home many times, they still got anxious about it. Hell, they got anxious about Ao3 being in their home! And they lived together!

They were just so cool and put together and just… amazing… and y/n was just, well, y/n. Nothing special, just plain old y/n.

“Sooo… um do you want something to eat?” y/n asked, turning towards downdetector. “No, i’m fine, i think you’re the one who needs calming down. I brought some friends who i think can help ao3 but i can’t be sure. I think it’s going to take a while until they come here and can help. Until then, lets make ao3 as comfortable as possible, then make you as comfortable as possible. Maybe we can cuddle afterwards?”

y/n flushed a bright red color. “Sure… l-lets make sure ao3 is fine… then we can do… that…”

y/n led downdetector into the bedroom where ao3 was fast asleep on the bed.

“I woke up to them coughing… a lot, and they tried to stand up and t-then they fell so i brought them to the bedroom and panicked… and called you.” y/n said, their voice trembling.

“Oh, you sweet thing, you must be worried out of your mind right now. Why don’t you sit on the couch while i make sure ao3 is all right. There will be people here to help ao3 soon so you can just sit back and relax.”

Downdetector led y/n into the living room again, bringing a blanket with them. They patted on the couch, signaling for y/n to sit there. y/n layed down and downdetector pulled the blanket over them.

“Relax, sweetheart. Everything will be fine.”

y/n drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

y/n awoke to knocking on the door. They heard downdetector rush to get it
“Coming!” they said, then opened the door.

The people at the door were wearing shirts that had the ao3 symbol on them, along with the word “volunteers”.

“Ah, you’re finally here. Come in, come in. ao3 should be in the bedroom.”

As downdetector opened the door further, more people began to be seen. And they were not wearing volunteer shirts. They began crowding around down detector, shouting over and over.

y/n could hear a few voices louder than the rest. “AracnidsGrip”, “Raven”, “bbg”, “oddlyhere_2”, and “misschidouin” among many others. They were spewing nonsensical noises and crowding closer and closer to downdetector.

“Everybody, please calm down! Ao3 will be alright! I promise.” it was of no use. More and more people kept on crowding around downdetector.

y/n knew they had to do something. Suddenly something came over them.

“EVERYBODY, TAKE THIS OUTSIDE.” they said it louder than they had ever said anything. They could tell downdetector was beginning to get claustrophobic inside. Everyone (except the ao3 volunteers) flooded out the back into the backyard. People were still crowding around downdetector though, even though it was less claustrophobic for them now.

Downdetector began to answer everyone's questions and everyone began talking to each other instead of overwhelming downdetector. Eventually someone even brought over a person named discord, and tons of people began talking to him as well.

There was one problem though. Every time someone heard ao3 cough, at least a dozen people would rush into the bedroom and crowd around them, and when they fell back asleep, the people would be filled with disappointment and rush back to downdetector. y/n swore they heard downdetector cough at least a few times, but they always would come back.

Eventually, some of the ao3 volunteers came out to make an announcement, revealing the cause of ao3’s sudden and very horrible sickness.

“Last night or whatever time zone you were in, ao3 was infected…” everyone gasped “with a horrible thing…” everyone gasped again… “ao3 witnessed arachnid and notice me arachnid :( making out aggressively and went into shock.” the ao3 volunteers said regrettably.
They then proceeded to explain the entire ordeal in explicit detail. This is how it went

Ao3 was walking down the street after buying presents for their loves, y/n and downdetector. They had bought them each a bracelet so they could all match, sort of like friendship bracelets except they fuck.

As they walked to their apartment, they noticed the alleyway approaching in front of them. They had walked by this alleyway dozens of times, but for some reason, this time felt dangerous, and they felt like they needed protection. Luckily they always kept a taser on them, so they pulled it out.

They walked towards the alleyway slowly, carefully, but nothing could prepare them for what they were about to see.

In the alleyway stood arachnidsgrip and notice me arachnid :(. Notice me arachnid :( was pushed up against the wall by arachnid and was being kissed ferociously. Arachnid slipped his leg in between notice me arachnids legs and they let out a needy whimper.

Immediately ao3 recoiled. It felt like their eyes were on fire. They couldn’t look at it any longer. But at the same time they couldn’t look away (btw i plan to write a separate fanfic about these two maybe later).

Arachnid pulled away from notice me arachnid, just enough to speak.

“You really like that, don’t you? Be a good boy and get down on your knees.” notice me arachnid whimpered again and did as they were told.

Ao3 ran away in pure terror, but the damage had already been done. That was how they had gotten so sick.

y/n was furious. They wanted to find those two and dump them into the center of an active volcano. But they couldn’t. They had to be there for ao3.

y/n took a deep breath in and marched to their shared bedroom. They stared at ao3’s sleeping form. They looked so peaceful. y/n loved ao3 so much. They didn’t know how they could survive without it. They decided to do the one thing they knew how to do.

Sing the rapunzel healing song thing.

(imagine y/n’s voice sounds like neil cicierega but angelic sorta? Like echoey.)

They pulled out their printed copy version of sexy times with wangxian and began to sing.

“Fanfic gleam and glow, let your power shine.” the ao3 logo began to glow. Downdetector rushed into the room to witness the miracle.

“Make the clock reverse, bring back my bbg.” ao3’s eyes began to blink open.

“Heal what has been hurt, make the website load (pls im suffering).” ao3 began to move around and squirm slightly. They let out a slight cough, as if getting the sickness out of their system.

“Save what isn’t loading, bring back what once was mine..” ao3 began to try to speak.

“U-ugh…” they groaned.

“Bring back what once was mine…” y/n finished their singing and put down their copy of sexy times with wangxian. Tears began to form in their and downdetector’s eyes.

“You’re back! You’re really back!” downdetector said.

Saying that outloud was a mistake. Before anyone could do anything, downdetector user sai-fi (me) pulled out their laptop and started reading their arachnid x notice me arachnid :( fanfic.

‘Oh.’ y/n thought.

‘Oh no.’ they thought next. They didn’t realize they had said that aloud, though.

The world began to burn. Everything was in chaos, everyone was suffering. And through it all, one person was laughing. Sai-fi laughed through it all as he read the fanfic aloud; she laughed through it all as the world burned.

Finally, after everyone's suffering, the world exploded and everyone died.

Sai-fi was still laughing in the end.

The end