Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Asuka felt sick.

She chalked this not up to seasickness, as she had been on ships many times before, but her sleep. Her sleep had been restless, full of dreams—or maybe nightmares—she could not recall but must have freaked her out nonetheless. As she sat up, she cursed her body, balking at what her superior mind knew was nothing but fantasy.

If they meant anything, she would have remembered them. So ergo, they weren't important.

She couldn't help but feel vaguely sad, like something terrible had happened but she couldn't recall what exactly it was. She shook the feeling off, standing to her feet in one aggressive motion.

This wasn't a day to feel scared or sad! Today was the day she would arrive in Tokyo-3 and show everyone just what an ace Eva pilot was like! With a bounce in her step, she waltzed over to her luggage, picking out the yellow sundress she had picked for today. It had been a calculated choice, to appear beautiful without any effort at all. There would be no bad impressions; not to Misato, not to the Third Child and definitely not to Kaji!

A soft knock interrupted her thoughts and she frowned. Slipping the sundress on over her head, she got dressed in a hurry, slipping on slip-on shoes and affixing her A10 clips into her hair. She headed over, smoothing out errant wrinkles as she did. It was far too early for Misato and the Third to have gotten here. No one bothered her. Maybe Kaji? She hoped it was Kaji!

Instead of Kaji, there was a silver-haired boy on the other side, his eyes a striking red. He smiled serenely, as if he didn't have a care in the world. He raised a hand in greeting, "Hello there. Asuka, I assume?"

Asuka narrowed her eyes at this interloper, "And who in the hell are you?" she growled.

"I'm Nagisa, Kaworu Nagisa. The, ah, Fourth Child. Yes, Fourth," he nodded slowly, "Have we not met before?"

She frowned deeper. Another pilot? And for what Eva? As far as she knew, hers was the newest. There was a couple still in development but those were months off from being finished. Maybe that's why Kaworu was here. Get ahead of his training so he'd be ready then. She blew air through her teeth, annoyed, "No. Someone must have forgotten."

He nodded in agreement, "It does seem like there's been a mistake. No matter. They've sent me along so I may "learn the ropes", so to speak. Before I get my own Evangelion. Officially, I am your backup."

Asuka recoiled. Some stranger? In her beloved 02? No chance! She huffed, "I see there is little faith in my ability from our betters. I'll show them!"

"Of course," he agreed, as frustratingly serene as he had been this whole time, "I do not seek to take what is yours."

His words did little to assuage her worries so she turned and stomped down the hallway. Kaworu watched her go. What an interesting turn of events.

He oriented himself. He remembered a lingering dream-like vision of sitting up from his coffin, looking up at the Earth above before he slipped back under, into transitory sleep. Then he had woken back up in the next loop proper, here on the Over the Rainbow with an instinctual knowledge of the life this version of him had lived. While his memories of every loop he had experienced were unreliable, he didn't remember ever being here with the Second Child.

This version of himself had officially been sent along to get an early bearing on how to work an Evangelion. But his secondary purpose seemed to be more sinister.

His superiors had even less trust in Gendo Ikari this time around and saw an opening to slip him into NERV, alongside the Second Child. There, he was expected to do nothing but watch then report back anything that may interfere with the Almighty Scenario. Somewhere along the lines he might get an Eva of his own but it was not the priority.

He had no intentions of doing any tattling but any scenario that got him closer to Shinji sooner was welcome.

Whatever the case, this loop seemed like it was still on track with the Prime Loop's events. Which meant today he would see Shinji.

And today, an Angel, his sibling Gaghiel, would reveal herself.

But experience taught him there was always the chance for something to change. He had to be ready for whatever that may be.

With that in mind, he followed Asuka down the hall.

He found her in the cafeteria, perusing the selection of breakfast items. Being a United Nations vessel, it was stocked with a large variety of food so that all of its crew might find something familiar. Asuka had just finished stacking her plate up with a few pastries, a boiled egg and a small stack of sliced cheese and proscuitto. Kaworu, knowing what was to come, opted for something lighter but just as varied; a small bowl of steamed rice, an equally small portion of grilled salmon and a cherry pastry along with a glass of orange juice.

He had planned to sit on his own, as to not appear too forward to Asuka when a voice called out, "Hey!"

He turned to find Inspector Ryoji Kaji, who was sitting with Asuka, waving him over, "Come and sit over here, Nagisa!"

Happy to have a reason to interact with his fellow pilot, Kaworu complied. Asuka grimaced and complied, "Aw, Kaji, why'd you have to go n' invite him for!"

Kaji grinned a lopsided grin and teased, "Y'know, you'll have to talk to your teammate sometime. No time like the present."

He himself was sipping on a mug of coffee and had a bowl of picked-at rice, salmon and vegetables. Asuka had her own coffee mug but it seemed neglected in favor of a tall glass of orange juice.

Asuka grumbled, "Like I need to do that."

Kaworu sat beside Kaji and nodded, "Thank you, Inspector Kaji."

"Kid, just call me Kaji," he waved him off, scooping a spoonful of rice into his mouth.

Kaworu dug into his breakfast, noticing that Asuka was sizing him up—like she was trying to figure him out. He suspected the pair would get back to their conversation but Kaji turned it to him, "Kaworu Nagisa, is it?"

Kaworu swallowed his bite of rice and nodded, "Just call me Kaworu," he echoed him with a small smile.

"I didn't expect them to be sending along another pilot with Asuka, especially as backup," Kaji commented.

"Backup," Asuka huffed, "It's like they're trying to replace me before I even have my chance!"

"I doubt that," Kaji assured, "I imagine they just want to have someone ready for the next Eva units. Would be better to have someone that already knows what he's doing than having to train a whole new pilot from scratch. They'll probably train him off your Eva's data but that's it."

Asuka took a particularly aggressive bite off her pastry, chewing thoughtfully. As much as she loathed someone else being inside it at all, if that was where the invasiveness ended, she supposed she could play along. She nodded slowly, "03 and 04 will be built using the same framework so of course they'll need to use 02."

They ate quietly for a few moments more before Kaji continued to prod, "Where'd they have you before this? You boarded the ship in Germany but I know you weren't stationed at NERV Germany."

Kaworu could tell exactly what he was doing. To Kaji, he was a new and unknown variable. So he was carefully probing for information, seeing what he may find out. If it would not lead to his demise, Kaworu would be more forthcoming but instead, he casually said, "There's a small facility in England."

"England," Kaji echoed, "I think I heard there was a small facility there for small-scale training. You must be the pilot I heard they had over there. Ah but they got transferred over to America..."

Just as this conversation was proving enlightening to Kaji, it was also to Kaworu. While the facilities this body had been trained at were in Europe, one even being in England, they were all secret. Whatever one Kaji had heard of was a public NERV installation in England. Very curious.

He declined to answer and once again they fell into silence, though this time it had an awkward edge to it. Unwilling to let that feeling linger, Kaji asked, "So, you got any hobbies? Things you like to do?"

There was a question he could answer frankly. He smiled, "I quite like to read, all sorts of things. And I love music. Back home, I had a piano."

"Music, huh? Well, Asuka can play violin," Kaji jabbed his thumb at her.

"Used to," Asuka cut in, "You didn't need to tell him that."

"Sharing hobbies is great for team-building," Kaji grinned.

"Doesn't matter. Even if we find me a violin, where would we find a whole piano for Kaworu, hmmm?"

"I'm sure there must be one somewhere in all of Tokyo-3," Kaji mused, "Might even be in one somewhere in the Geofront. How about it, Kaworu?"

"I would quite like to play piano again," he nodded, "I haven't gotten the chance to play with someone else in quite some time."

Asuka frowned, "And I'm the one you want to play with, huh?"

Not quite who he had been thinking about but, "I'd be up for it," he shrugged.

Asuka shook her head furiously, "Not me! You'd just use it as some excuse to creep on me!"

"Now why would I do that?" he asked sincerely.

Struck by his sincerity, Asuka stopped, frowned then finally, deflected, "Because all men are the same."

"If you think so," Kaworu shrugged, turning his attention back to his meal.

Yet again, the table lapsed into silence. Asuka couldn't stop looking at Kaworu. All boys her age were intimidated by her or all too willing to make fools of themselves for her attention. All men older than her either didn't give her the time of day or leered at her in predator-like fashion. Kaworu defied all these categories; he was perfectly happy to talk with her but seemed to have no ulterior motive. She...didn't know how to feel.

"The Third Child and Operations Director Katsuragi are arriving today," Kaji's statement broke her concentration.

Scrambling to regain form, she answered curtly, "I know."

"You're not in the slightest curious of the Third Child?"

Asuka frowned. She had heard her fair share about Shinji Ikari. After a sloppy first run against the Third Angel, he had killed the Fourth in fantastic fashion then helped kill the Fifth in an operation that asked for all the power of Japan. By all merits, he seemed like some genius; doing the impossible with no training at all.

So she hated him. He was doing what she should be doing with none of the work she had put in!

Ever the prideful, she scoffed, "Of course. I might as well see who I'm taking out of first place!"

After breakfast, Kaworu wasn't quite sure what to do to fill the space before Shinji—or Gaghiel's—arrival. Luckily, Asuka made that choice for him, leading him off the Over the Rainbow and over to one of its accompanying ships: the one carrying Evangelion 02.

Within it was the dormant Evangelion, drifting with the waves inside a pool of purple liquid. A tarp had covered it but Asuka had dragged a portion off, revealing its face. She had been silent up until this point but Kaworu could tell it was because she was saving her breath for a whole spiel. She gestured widely, "This! Is Evangelion Unit 02. The true production model. Where 00 is the prototype and Third's 01 is the testing model, this is the true Evangelion!" she paused, "So whatcha think?"

Kaworu gave the Eva another look. 02 typically looked the same every time around, only with small deviations here. One such deviation was present here, as 02 sported a pair of horns on the middle of its head. He smiled, "Er, she's red?"

Asuka rolled her eyes, "Of course, because I asked them to paint it red."

"I didn't know you were allowed to do that."

"Well, maybe I just have special privilege!" she turned to face him, "But that's really all you think?"

"No, no. She's fantastic. I imagine even better when I can see more than her head."

Asuka grinned, "That'll be sooner than later, just you wait!"

As if the universe itself heard her, there was a distant explosion that shook the ship so suddenly both were nearly thrown off their feet. Kaworu tensed. So she decided to show herself early. A buzzing inside his head confirmed it.

He asked slowly, "You don't suppose that was an Angel?"

A weird expression flickered over her face, so fast anyone else would have missed it. Fear and anticipation masked quickly by determination. "Let's get up on deck and check," she hurried up, barely waiting for him.

They got onto deck just as another explosion rocked the fleet. Asuka stopped, gripping the railing, and leaned over it. From the distance, came a rumble then another ship was destroyed by a jet of water. As it dissipated, there was nothing but debris and wreckage. Kaworu murmured, "It is an Angel…"

"A real one…" Asuka's wary expression turned to one of fierce excitement, "This is my chance!"

She turned on her heel sharply and took Kaworu's hand, dragging him back under to where 02 was, "Come on, Nagisa!"

"Wh-me?" he asked, for the first time in a while, genuinely surprised.

She dragged then back to the Eva without answering him. She left him there, disappearing into a side room. She was gone for a few minutes but returned, wearing her bright red plugsuit. She tossed a spare at him which he barely caught then jabbed a finger at the room, "Suit up, Prettyboy. We're gonna do this trial by fire together."

"Together?" he reeled.

"Together," she affirmed, "This way, you get to see what things are actually like and I get a witness to my victory! So go ahead. Get suited up."

Seeing no way or reason to weasel out of this, Kaworu obeyed. He had never synced with someone in the same Evangelion.

His stomach did a nauseating flip and he had to correct himself. No, he had never synced with someone in the same Evangelion that wasn't built for a second pilot. He was trekking into unknown territory but, unfortunately, it was something he had long grown used to.

With him gone, Asuka rotated her wrists, testing how the material sat on her skin. Of course, she had worn plugsuits many times before but it was still mind-boggling how skin-tight they were and the flexibility they allowed. Focusing on how it felt helped ground her in the moment and scare off incoming anxieties, she put on a determined expression and whispered to herself, "Alright, Asuka. Let's go."

Kaworu's footsteps told her he was done. She turned to find him, vaguely uncomfortable. The plugsuits were made to fit to any body type but as it was intended to be hers, there was still a slight looseness in the chest area. She snorted, "Lookin' good in red, Prettyboy. Goes with your eyes."

He blinked, surprised, "Oh! Thank you!"

She turned away, rolling her eyes, "That was supposed to be an insult, Fourth."

Luckily, launching 02 on their own was surprisingly easy. Up on the Evangelion itself was a button to manually release and open the Entry Plug, though the pair had to haul themselves up onto it. Considering the Plug was already in, it seemed someone had anticipated this. Kaworu suspected the Dead Sea Scrolls, no matter the loop, foretold an attack from the water, whether it be by Gaghiel or another Angel. The pair dropped into the Entry Plug and Asuka settled herself in the seat, pressing a button that closed the Entry Plug and retracted it back into the Eva.

With a deep breath, Asuka spoke something in German and the Eva responded, flooding the chamber with LCL. By instinct, Kaworu inhaled, as did Asuka. While he was long-used to the sensation, Asuka evidently wasn't, grimaced and gagging as she inhaled. Ever-polite, Kaworu did not call attention to it.

Once recovered, she gave another order in German. A few moments passed before the display flashed red and gave a warning siren at them. Asuka groaned, "Thought noise. What are you thinking in?!"

"Japanese."

"Well, quit it and think in German!"

"I could, I am fluent in it and a dozen other languages but—"

"Never mind," she quickly lost patience and gave the system a new order, this time in Japanese, "System, switch target language from German to Japanese."

A small chime told them it did as it was told. With a smile, she said, "Alright. Evangelion Unit 02, activate!"

The machine groaned to life, the body around them sounding like some great beast, roused to life. For just a moment, the display flashed on, showing them the hangar around them. Then it spasmed and glitched, turning bloody red. It howled and as it did, Asuka screamed in turn.

It was as if the LCL was pressing around her, growing hundreds of clawed hands to tear at her. There was a great light everywhere she looked and it wormed its way into her eyes—no, past them and into her brain, her very mind! It used its awful clawed hands to rip at her memories, tearing old ones to the forefront. Mama came back one day different and then she was replaced by a doll. And then the foregone conclusion—her mother left her, swinging from a noose with a smaller one beside.

"No, don't make me remember!"

It didn't care, it kept going, impossibly far into her mind, the spaces in which no one could reach, not even herself. Shinji rejected her kiss—no, he rejected her. She tried, so so hard she tried, but the Angels kept beating her down. The shadow, the one with folded arms...she had spent her birthday alone because stupid Shinji couldn't be bothered to leave his Eva.

"When did this…? Why do I remember this?"

It went faster, images bleeding together. The bird Angel, the doll saved her, Kaji died, blissful catatonia. But then she awoke and fought again, only to be punished again by a whole flock of vultures this time! Everyone was one and then...she was on the beach.

"No!"

There was no deeper for the presence could go so it tore its way sideways, finding new memories where none should be.

She was in a tube of LCL and when she looked all around, she found other tubes with other Asukas.

She was careening through the sky in 02, not frightened of hitting the ground at all.

She was fighting in her Evangelion something that her mind could not process, something beyond human understanding.

Then a voice cut through the noise, like a lance from a real angel, one from Heaven, "Asuka, wake up!"

Someone was touching her face, their hands laying on her cheeks, "Asuka, I don't know what you're seeing but it's not real!"

Red eyes appeared in her vision—the doll! She reached out, entertaining fantasies of wringing her neck, feeling her grow limp in her hands.

Whoever it was grabbed her hands, holding them tightly but not enough to hurt. The rest of the image faded in and she found it was not the doll but a boy. His eyes were as scarlet as the doll's and skin just as pale but his hair was silvery instead of blue. He had actual emotion on his face, urgency and a hint of fear.

"The Angel!" he cried, jabbing a finger out the view screen.

All she could see was the inside of the room but there was another rumble, signaling the Angel was still attacking. She looked back, her brain still stumbling to figure out what was happening.

The memories she had and the ones she shouldn't have snapped together and she gasped, "You were my replacement!"

Kaworu frowned but kept his tone steady, "That was then. This is now. We defeat this Angel or we'll both be replaced!"

Asuka grit her teeth. She hated to admit it but he was right. There was no way anyone else would make it in time. She had to set those feelings aside and focus on the mission at hand. She took a deep breath, "Fine. But you will explain later."

"Of course. I promise," Kaworu nodded.

Far above the steadily depleting fleet was Misato Katsuragi's helicopter, with her charge, Shinji Ikari, and two of his friends in tow. She was looking down at the boats through a pair of binoculars, "Why hasn't she launched?"

"Is she even allowed to?" one of Shinji's friends, Kensuke, asked.

"Doesn't matter," Misato brushed him off, "The Angel needs destroyed, everyone can agree on that. And if not, we'll get permission after the fact."

Shinji himself kept silent, looking down at the sea with a sense of growing anxiety. A jet screamed by, making him jump. Someone else getting away from the danger. Yet, he couldn't help but want to get closer. To do something other than watch.

One of the ships trailing the Over the Rainbow rocked dangerously and Misato feared the worst. But a gigantic, cloaked figure leapt from the depths, landing nimbly on the deck. It threw off its cloak, revealing itself as Unit 02!

She bent over, taking the cable and plugging it in. Ready for combat, she leapt off the deck, landing on the next ship over just as the Angel rose to meet her. It was gigantic, white and whale-like, though its double jaw betrayed its alien origins. It flopped onto the deck ungracefully, snapping its jaws at her. Asuka was undeterred, lunging forward, using one hand to hold its jaw open and the other to reach inside. The trap sprang, the Angel snapped its jaws shut and threw itself into the water, dragging the Evangelion down with it.

"Asuka!" Misato howled, half-leaning out of the helicopter and into the open air.

"Oh god," Shinji breathed, "What do we do?"

His guardian stared at the empty, still water for long moments before she regained her composure. "We hope she gets out of it somehow. Or we have to turn around and get back home to prepare for sortie. But we won't know which it is until we can confirm the status of the Angel!"

They watched in a period of agonizing silence which stretched on and on, as no one dared suggest the worst. A numb shock settled over them. Shinji realized with a quiet horror he had never gotten to meet Asuka along with the other pilot she was with.. Toji voiced his thoughts unknowingly, "We never got to meet 'em…"

A massive explosion rocked the waters, a new fountain of water shooting up, and then, all went still. A red stain spread across the water and the children looked to the adult for answers. Answers she could not give, not quite yet. There was still a chance Asuka was alright. She swallowed thickly and said, "We might need to prepare a retrieval. If she did it."

The water beside one of the ships broke and out came 02's hand! She grabbed the edge of the deck, making the ship tilt dangerously. Carefully but awkwardly, she hauled herself up onto the deck, flopping onto her side like a dead fish. She still found the energy to raise her arm, flashing them a thumbs up.

Misato relaxed, "She did it," then turned to the pilot, "Bring us in."

Kensuke held up his camera, "And I got it on camera!"

"NERV might want to confiscate it," Shinji frowned.

"Aw man. I wanted to show my brother," Kensuke slumped over and Misato frowned.

She turned away, "Or perhaps, maybe, I did not hear anything of the sort."

Kensuke beamed. Toji grinned, "Wow, what a cool pilot! Shinji, you said you heard the pilot was a girl, right?"

Shinji frowned, "Did I?"

"Pretty sure you did! I hope she's a looker, oh boy!" he cheered.

Once on deck, Misato got a talking to from the captain, which she brushed off with a simple question of what should she have done, being up in a helicopter. Without a good answer, he stomped off. Coming onto deck after him was the Second and Fourth Children.

Asuka hadn't gotten a chance to think about how angry she'd be when she saw Shinji Ikari again. But seeing him, lurking behind Misato as if he knew already what he had done, made her see red. She power-walked past Kaworu, ignoring his raised hand to stop her. She marched right up to him and slapped him full force.

It felt like the world stopped as she realized right after she shouldn't have done that. He would have no idea why she did that! He looked stunned. She took a few steps back and said, "That's for. Not being here."

Shinji didn't respond. Luckily, Toji muscled himself right into her space, "You witch! We couldn't land anywhere!"

She huffed, "Well, luckily. I wasn't alone. I had Prettyboy Fourth," she gestured to Kaworu who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.

Misato blinked in surprise, "Both of you? In the same Eva?"

"Who knew it could work! I didn't but it's great. I had support and Fourth got a trial by fire."

"Speaking of not being alone, where in the hell is Kaji?" Misato looked past them and around the deck.

"Beats me. Haven't seen him since breakfast…," she trailed off with a frown.

Misato frowned too, coming to the same conclusion. "With any luck, he's just holed up somewhere. I think it'd take even more than an Angel to keep him down."

Kaworu hung back, watching them. At least Asuka pivoted enough to keep her cover.

This was unprecedented. Had he never synced with anyone in a single Evangelion like that before? Did maybe his perception blend with hers, showing her things she wasn't supposed to know? Was she trapped, just as he was now? He didn't like the thought.

Shinji approached him, "You're, um, the other pilot, right?"

Kaworu smiled, setting aside his racing thoughts in favor of something much better, "Yes. Kaworu Nagisa, the Fourth Child," and held his hand out.

Shinji shook it gingerly, as if he feared touching him at all. He looked back at Asuka, "She didn't seem quite happy to see me."

"She's just," Kaworu paused, thinking of how to phrase it, "...not in the best of moods today. I wouldn't take it personally."

"That's good. If we are to work together."

"I'll talk to her later," he promised.

They soon walked back into the ship, intent on getting lunch. However, Asuka pulled Kaworu into a side room, letting the rest of the group leave them behind. She hissed, "Explain. Now."

"This isn't a great time," he raised his hands in what he hoped a placating gesture, "Just play along for a bit longer. Act normal."

"Do you know what he did to me," Asuka gestured wildly, "Back, back then?!"

"I have an idea," he said quietly, "We need to treat him gently. All our fates could depend on him."

She crossed her arms. She hated the idea but couldn't argue. For some reason, Shinji was important back then, moreso than everyone else it seemed. Finally, she hissed, "Give me the short explanation."

Kaworu peeked out of the room. Finding that they were alone, he sighed, "Alright. For some reason, when we synced, it looks like my "condition" or part of it was passed to you. I remember everything that's happened already and many many variations on what you may remember."

"You're stuck in a loop," Asuka surmised.

"That's much better than how I was saying it," he admitted sheepishly, "It's not a perfect loop. Events may differ or even diverge. I can tell there's some things that remain the same though. I'll tell you all of that later."

Asuka frowned, seeing that for what it was. He was shutting her down. With a huff, she turned, "Alright, let us go play nice with the Third then."

By the time they caught up with the others, they had found a table and were getting food. No one asked them where they had gone, probably assuming they had to talk about something pertaining to the fight. Asuka opted to get just a salad, her stomach still not quite settled from her nightmare experience within the Eva.

"Apparently Kaji ran off," Misato informed her as she sat down, "Records show he took a jet and took off during the Angel attack."

"Where was he headed?" Asuka asked, even though she knew the answer.

"Beats me but part of me thinks back to Tokyo-3," she took a bite of her katsudon, "Would be just my luck for the bastard to follow me."

Asuka grinned. She couldn't help but subtly leverage her knowledge, "Seems you're quite worried actually."

"Worried?!" Misato gasped, "Don't get it twisted, girlie! I just can't believe he'd abandon you and Kaworu!"

"He wasn't my retainer," Kaworu commented.

"It doesn't matter if he was or not!" Misato cried, "He should have felt a shred of responsibility over you too!"

Shinji cut in, changing the conversation from something less heated, "Say, Kaworu? If Asuka is 02's pilot then what Eva are you going to pilot?"

Kaworu shrugged, "For now, none. Maybe when 03 and 04 are done, one will be given to me."

"You know about other Evas?" Kensuke asked, leaning forward into his space.

Kaworu blinked, "Nothing more than the fact they exist. It's all rather secretive."

"Aw man," Kensuke deflated then immediately re-inflated, "Wait! Maybe I'll be picked to pilot one!"

"Never got why someone would choose to do that," Toji commented, "...no offense, Shinji."

"None taken," he sighed, "It's how it is."

He turned his attention to Asuka, "You said you two were both in 02? I didn't know it could do that...when Toji and Kensuke were in mine, it just made it hard to think."

Asuka loathed the fact he was talking to her, much less looking at her. But she had to keep telling herself that this Shinji was not that Shinji who hurt her. She put on a confident face, "It wasn't easy, let me tell you. It was like we were constantly talking over each other but we eventually got it working! Hey! You know how we were "caught?""

Shinji nodded. She had his attention now and now she got to gloat, "It was a ruse! Kaworu figured its core was somewhere in its mouth so we had to get to it. We let it get us and cut our sync to minimize damage. Once at a favorable position, we crushed it!"

"That's really clever!" Misato praised, clapping her hands. This prompted Toji and Kensuke to join in and even Shinji who was more flustered and didn't want to be left out. Asuka basked in the praise and even Kaworu smiled. This was new...but it was nice.

After lunch, Kaworu excused himself and Asuka, picking up on his cue, also excused herself, using the excuse that she had to make sure all her stuff was in order. Once both were out of sight, they fell in step with each other. Asuka demanded in a barely-whisper, "Alright, we're going to be in port here in an hour or so. Explain. Now."

Kaworu nodded in agreement, "Take us somewhere where no one will hear us."

She took his hand by the wrist and dragged him through the halls. She took a left, then a right then another right and that was when Kaworu stopped trying to keep track of where they were going. They went up a flight of stairs then stopped him as she went up to investigate. She returned and led him up the rest of the way to an out-of-the-way helipad out on the deck. She let go of his hand, walking then sitting down at the edge, letting her legs hang over. Kaworu sat beside, placing his hands in his lap. He sighed, "Alright. To start, what do you remember?"

Asuka grimaced at what exactly he was asking but was sure it was necessary. She gave him a severely abridged version of what happened, ending with, "After Shinji tried to strangle me, we were there for a little while. I guess waiting for anyone else. He sat around moping, wondering if anyone would come back, like Misato or the doll or…," she paused, "...or you."

"Me?" Kaworu was surprised.

She nodded, "I remember him saying something like "maybe even Kaworu could come back". I guess because you died before it all went to hell, he didn't know if you might."

Kaworu stared at her for a moment, weighing his options, before he asked outright, "What do you know about me?"

Asuka shrugged, "Not much. When I went catatonic, they brought you in to replace me. You were killed in the last Angel attack. Shinji had something to do with it."

Kaworu would have breathed a sigh of relief if he didn't know that would immediately make him suspicious. He nodded, "Yes. The final Angel hijacked your Evangelion, using me as catalyst. To kill it he had to kill me."

Asuka cringed, "That's what happened?! Christus, no wonder he came apart at the end."

Kaworu once again nodded, the nigh-ancient ghost of the regret he had to do that haunting him. None of what he said was technically a lie but it still pained him to have to deceive her. It was too risky however for her to know of his Angelic status. Perhaps someday he would feel more comfortable trusting her with that secret.

Asuka asked, "So loops, huh?"

"But of a misnomer but I don't know how else to describe it. Things can change or diverge. Some things stay the same but there's always something different," he explained.

"So there's really no way to predict what may come," Asuka frowned.

Kaworu shook his head, "There's certain patterns, ones that follow the first loop, I've noticed but things could still change like that," he snapped his fingers for emphasis, "It's best we try to keep ourselves—and our fellow pilots—together so we can be strong for whatever may happen."

Asuka frowned. She didn't like having to play nice with Third and the doll but…, "So we could even prevent stuff like Shinji going insane or hell, me being unable to sync with my Eva?"

"It's not impossible."

Asuka punched her fist into one of her hands, "All I needed to hear. What do you think is next then?"

That was a fantastic question, frankly. Kaworu rooted around in his memories, searched for all possible things that might occur, looking for a pattern. "There's an Angel that can split up into two we may see soon. It typically comes next if Gaghiel attacks the Over the Rainbow…"

"They have names?" Asuka looked at him owlishly.

"Oh, uh, yes," Kaworu answered hastily, "I've worked them out in time. The next one's name is Israfel."

She accepted this easily, "So two Angels in one...I remember that. It'll be embarrassing but whatever it takes, right?"

"Now you've got the right mindset," he praised.

The praise fell on deaf ears because the more Angels she recalled, the more harrowing the memories became. The shadow, the parasite, the juggernaut...then the bird. Kaworu let silence fill the space between them as they thought about their certain yet uncertain future. Finally, Asuka broke it in a whisper, "My Mama is in my Eva."

It wasn't a question. "That is correct. Shinji's mother is in his as well."

Asuka's eyes widened as a lot of things suddenly made sense, "That's why it would go berserk. It wasn't acting erratically. She was acting to protect her son."

"Be careful with this knowledge, Asuka. You'll want to be careful when you interface with Eva. A sudden spike could cause suspicion."

Asuka swore under her breath, "Fine. At least, I know she's there though."

She swung her legs back and forth in the open air and asked a new question, "How do you deal with it? I remember Shinji hurt me and I know this one hasn't done it yet but I'm still so mad."

Kaworu shrugged and admitted, "I don't know. I've never had a problem like that. Maybe way back when but that was so long ago."

She sighed, "So you can't help me. Fine. I'll just have to deal then. He can change."

"So can you,"

She shot him a look but, to her surprise, his expression was completely sincere. He smiled and continued, "It doesn't have to be the same. With you and him or you and Ayanami."

She held his gaze then broke. "I don't know how," she admitted softly, looking away, not bearing to be able to look into his eyes.

She could not know truly how much Kaworu knew nor dared to ask. He'd answer, she was sure of it, but she didn't know if she wanted the answer. But he had done this multiple times before. He knew all that had happened that she remembered and he knew her mother was inside 02. He knew enough.

But yet, he treated her kindly. He didn't judge her. He didn't expect anything of her.

She almost felt if she rejected all of this and turned her back on him, he would understand and accept that.

She didn't understand it. Any of it.

He stood up and offered her his hand, "Let's go rest now. The ship will be in port now," to clarify his point, he pointed at the horizon where a city skyline could be seen.

He was giving her an out. So she took it and his hand, "Yeah, let's do that."

Chapter Text

"And just like that, things are back to normal! Funny how that works, huh?" Toji asked, leaning dangerously in his chair.

It had been two days since their visit to the Over the Rainbow. The new pilots and Shinji's group had parted ways at port and that was the last time Shinji or either of his friends had seen the pair. Shinji was sure that's why he hadn't been called to base, as they were too busy with Kaworu and Asuka to need him at the moment.

"You don't think we'll see Asuka and Kaworu again?" he asked skeptically.

"Haha, maybe you will but not me n' Ken! Sorry, Shinji. You'll have to deal with the Red Devil alone," Toji crowed.

Shinji frowned but didn't argue, instead making himself look busy with something on his computer. Kensuke instead argued, "I don't think that's likely Toji! Ayanami and Shinji are pilots too but here they are!"

For emphasis, he gestured to Rei, who was reading a book quietly at her desk in the corner. She made no indication she heard—or cared about what he was talking about.

Toji grimaced and sat up, his chair clicking sharply against the tile, "Shaddup, you! Stop making sense!"

Kensuke only chuckled in response. Shinji spoke up, "Having Kaworu around won't be so bad. Asuka…" he trailed off.

"She slapped you for no good reason! In my eyes, she is unsalvageable!" Toji declared.

"I'm sure she'll come around," Shinji mumbled.

"Let's hope for your sake," Kensuke commented.

Further conversation was stopped by the teacher shuffling in and sitting at his desk. After Hikari led the class through their morning ritual, he coughed to get their attention, "Class, today we have two new students today…"

Shinji couldn't help but give Toji a side eye. The other boy shoved his head onto the desk and groaned overdramatically, "Nooooo,"

Kaworu entered followed by Asuka, who had a skip in her step. He wrote his name on the blackboard in neat script then turned to the class with a serene smile, "My name is Kaworu Nagisa. Nice to meet you."

Asuka practically shoved him aside and would have if he didn't move out of the way. She wrote her name in loopy curls then turned on her heel to smile, "I'm Asuka Langley Soryu! Charmed, huh?"

Toji grumbled, just quiet enough for Shinji to be the only one to hear, "Yeah, a real charmer…"

The pair filed into their seats. Asuka swatted Toji on her way by, giving him a smirk, before sitting a few seats away. Kaworu himself took the empty seat beside Shinji, giving him a cheerful smile, "I knew we'd see each other again."

Shinji nodded, a faint tinge of crimson to his cheeks, "Yeah...Toji said you guys wouldn't be students but I knew he was wrong."

"I get it, I was wrong!" Toji snapped then rubbed the back of his head, "Ugh, I've jinxed us all."

Kensuke gasped, "Toji, Toji! Tell me I'll never be an Eva pilot! Since the universe is bent on proving you wrong!"

Toji frowned then deadpanned, "Kensuke Aida, you will most certainly be an Eva pilot."

Shinji grimaced as the pair continued to banter. Kensuke was his friend but he wasn't very realistic. Somehow, even seeing his suffering firsthand, he couldn't get it through his head it was not something he wanted. And even if he could somehow trade places, he would never do that to him. He wouldn't wish such a fate on anyone.

Kensuke pointed at Kaworu, "New kid! What do you think my chances at becoming a pilot!"

Kaworu blinked, somewhat put on the spot. Still, he answered, "It's not impossible but I wouldn't know the chances. It's hardly as glamorous as you think though."

Kensuke groaned but let the topic drop. Toji half-twisted in his chair to address Shinji, "I've meaning to ask you, Shinji. Would you like to come with me n' Ken to visit my sister Sakura in the hospital?"

He blinked in surprise, "You think she'd want to see me?"

"Bah! No one's mad at you about it!" Toji brushed him off.

Always ready to clarify, Kensuke did so, "Actually, Toji was the only one mad at you about the whole thing! Sakura was excited when Toji told her he was going to school with the pilot of the "cool purple dinosaur robot"."

"Andddd then demanded I apologize when Ken let it out that I clobbered you," Toji grumbled, an embarrassed shade to his cheeks.

"She really wants to meet you actually," he continued.

"Oh, I guess I could," Shinji mumbled, "We don't have any tests or anything like that. You think I need to bring anything?"

"Naw, just yourself," Toji leaned further over, "Hey, Nagisa! You wanna come hang with us after school!? Or do you have important pilot-y things to do?"

He shook his head, "Mine and Asuka's first tests have been done for a few days now. So yes, I am free."

"Oh this is great!" Kensuke clapped his hands together, "After we visit Sakura, we go over to my place! We'll have the place to ourselves since both Dad and my brother work late!"

"Where's your brother work?" Shinji asked, "I don't remember you saying."

"It's not a big job," he shrugs, "He's a part-timer at the convenience store down the way from our house. With Dad working at NERV, most of our bills are paid but Goichi said he had to be doing something or he'd go insane! So he works part-time and we get some extra spending money."

"Doesn't sound half-bad," Shinji commented.

The school day droned on until lunch came, a time much rejoiced. The trio accepted Kaworu easily; or rather Toji forced him to hang out with them. According to him, being Shinji's friend made him their friend too. Neither boy bothered to point out they barely knew the other—or at least in Kaworu's case, Shinji barely knew him.

The sun was beating down too hard for the boys to hang out at their usual haunt at the roof so they opted for the trees outside. Toji groaned, "Man, why couldn't we get eternal winter instead of an eternal summer?"

"Then you'd be complaining its too cold," Kensuke gasped then elbowed Shinji lightly, "Hey, hey. Piloting an Eva almost makes you wish for an eternal winter, huh?"

When Shinji stared at him, confused, he sighed, "Never mind."

The mislanded joke past, Shinji said, "Winter sounds nice. So cold and crisp and there's even snow!"

"Snow is overrated."

Shinji jumped and turned to find Asuka standing over him, the sun setting her orange hair ablaze. She scoffed, "Hey there, dorks!" and planted herself right on Kaworu's other side.

"Excuse me, who invited you?" Toji cried, pointing a finger at her.

She turned her nose at him, "Me. Us pilots gotta stick together," she elbowed Kaworu, "Right, Prettyboy?"

He smiled, a mischievous light in his eyes, "If that's the case, how about Ayanami?"

"Wha-I didn't mean her!" she whipped her head to the side, scanning the courtyard for her.

There she was, tucked up against the wall of the school, her knees drawn to her chest. Perched precariously on them was a tray from the cafeteria that she was demurely eating from.

To her surprise, it wasn't Kaworu who took initiative but Shinji. He stood and agreed, "We should invite her over. She looks so lonely and I guess I'm not a great friend for not inviting her sooner."

Kaworu beamed and stood too, "Let's go!"

Behind him, Toji grimaced but didn't complain, deciding it would be too cruel to. Even if he thought she was a total weirdo, it was the kind thing to do. Asuka watched the pair walk over.

She had no interest in making friends with the First. Sure, it was probably a good idea. But thinking about it made her insides knot uncomfortably.

Not only was she the doll: symbol of everything that had gone wrong in her life but Asuka had no idea what was up with her. She vaguely remembered that she had been fatally injured against one of the last Angels back in the "Prime Loop" (as she had been calling it) but she had no idea what had happened after except she was...still there. And something had allowed her control over Third Impact in the end.

She felt there was something she was supposed to know about Rei but, because her state at the end, she just didn't. Perhaps Kaworu could shed some light on that.

"What's your problem with Rei?" Kensuke asked.

Broke from her thoughts, Asuka scoffed, putting her mask back on, "There's no problem! I just hardly know her!"

"You're really giving her the stink-eye for someone who doesn't know her," he pointed out.

Further argument was stopped in its tracks as the two boys returned with Rei. Shinji gestured for her to sit next to him which she complied with. Settled down, she resumed eating, as if she had never moved at all.

Shinji sat down too, "You just met Kaworu but this is Asuka. She's another pilot."

"I know," Rei said, looking up from her meal at her, "I was informed."

Rei's eyes bore into her, brilliant red—like freshly spilled blood, like eyeless smiles, like the sea at the end of the world. She said in her usual tone, "Hello and nice to meet you. I hope we may work efficiently together."

Asuka was able to rip herself away and looked into the green, fresh grass, "Um. Yeah."

The group went deathly silent, confused or surprised at her sudden out-of-character behavior. She could feel their eyes bore into her, all wondering, maybe even thinking that something was up...or out of place.

Kaworu came to the rescue, "Asuka. I've been getting a lot of attention. Have you?"

She looked up to find him gesturing to a gaggle of boys across the way, all trying to sneakily watch her. At her gaze, their heads snapped away so fast, she could swear she heard the bones in their neck crack. She sighed, "I've noticed. I get it! Exotic girl and an Evangelion pilot to boot? What's not to love?"

She popped a rice ball in her mouth and chewed. After swallowing, she added, "So annoying though. Like I'd give any of them the time of day."

Kaworu laughed softly, obviously unsure how to reply to that, "I've even noticed people looking at me. Though, maybe it's because my appearance…"

"It's alright, Kaworu," Shinji sighed, "It's not just how you look. People stared at me too. It'll die down."

He then looked at Asuka, "I bet it's worse for you, huh?"

"Most certainly. I don't even need to be here!" she threw her arms in the air for dramatic effect, "I've got a college degree!"

"Okay, now you're screwing with us," Kensuke cut in.

"I am not!" she cried and, for good measure, slapped him.

He recoiled, nursing his cheek, "Alright, message got, loud and clear!"

Desperate to alleviate the tension, Shinji turned to Rei, "How did people treat you when school started?"

Rei considered the question before she shrugged, "I never noticed. What others thought of me has never been my concern."

That killed that topic but soon conversation resumed on more mundane topics like how much a drag their history class was or Kensuke pressing the pilots for the smaller details of their jobs—and then growing frustrated when they couldn't tell him the exact specs for their Units.

Once school was over, Asuka returned to NERV, to the housing they had provided her. She had no doubt in her head that it was temporary and, as such, did not bother unpacking most of her things. It felt temporary, as it was little more but a modest living space, a bathroom with a shower stall, sink and toilet and an even smaller kitchen area. How employees who didn't live outside the Geofront dealt with this she had no idea! Must be some remnant of Japanese culture.

She hoped she'd get moved at some point for other reasons than the space. She doubted there was anywhere in the Geofront, past maybe the open field in the middle, that was safe to talk to Kaworu at. Perhaps the bathrooms were safe but she had her doubts. She tried to not think about the idea of listening devices and cameras being there too.

Kaworu was out with the stooges today and she probably wouldn't see him again until that night. They were off to see Toji's sister than hang out at Kensuke's. Now, she had resigned herself to returning topside alone, sure that she'd find something to do in the waning hours of the day. She lingered at the entrance, wondering where to go.

"Hey, kiddo!"

A silver car stopped beside her and the driver rolled down his window to reveal Kaji. Relieved a solution to her boredom had presented itself, she smiled, "Kaji!"

Her crush on him had been truly and certainly killed sometime in the last timeline but she still liked the man, at least in a neutral way. He seemed to want to protect her and cared for her so she had to respect him in that way. He gestured to the passenger seat, "Going somewhere?"

"Not really," she answered as she rounded the car to get in.

"I'm headed to get a bite to eat. Wanna join me?"

She nodded, "Much better than what they'll have in the cafeteria."

"It's like you read my mind."

As they drove, Asuka struck up conversation, "So what are you doing here in Tokyo-3? I thought your job escorting me was over."

She had a decent idea why but it couldn't hurt to have something to talk about. And maybe she'd learn something new.

Maybe Kaji has rubbed off on me, she wondered.

"Yeah, that job's done but the Commander seems to believe he has use of me yet," he hummed in thought, "Y'know, Katsuragi asked me that too. Though she wasn't nearly as happy to see me."

"She asked about you on the Over the Rainbow. Twice actually," she commented.

Just because she had no chance with Kaji didn't mean someone else didn't.

A sly smile creased his lips, "Is that so? I hadn't a clue she cared that much. Why would she give me the cold shoulder though…" he trailed off.

Asuka shot him a curious look but he paid her no mind, "I guess she wants me to put in the work," he continued.

"Whatever you think will work," she shrugged, hoping to come off as if she didn't care one way or another.

It wouldn't hurt the progression of things, surely. Maybe Misato being happier would have some sort of positive butterfly effect. Or maybe it would just open up new opportunities to tease her.

They came to a cafe tucked in a quiet corner of the typically busy downtown. She hadn't taken Kaji for a fan of the quiet atmosphere. Since it was their dinner, they both got sandwiches; katsu sandos specifically though Kaji ordered his with a spicy sauce. While he opted for a simple tea, Asuka went for a sugary coffee concoction and even a slice of chocolate cake. As they ate, Kaji asked, "So how was the first day of school?"

"Ugh," she groaned, "Dull. Boring. Nothing I didn't already know."

He chuckled, "Ah. Public school. Just as I've heard. I'm sure you have all the boys gawking at you."

She scoffed, "I've got more important things to worry about than some boys."

Kaji didn't know whether to make a proud comment on her maturity or remind her she should savor her childhood, boys and all, as long as she could. He opted for the latter, "You should enjoy your youth. Boys n' all. Or girls. If that's what you prefer."

Instead of the angry fit he expected, she opened her mouth to complain then shut it with a pop. She furrowed her eyebrows in a curious, unexpected way. Finally, she answered, "I did make some friends. I talked some with the class rep before lunch then spent lunch proper with the Third and his friends. Kaworu was there too."

He noted the use of the Fourth's first name, filing it away for later, then nodded, "Good. How about the First, Ayanami? She goes to school with you too."

Her expression grew uncomfortable—which he could hardly blame her for. He had passed the girl in the halls a day ago and she had this unsettling way about her. Like she was an "old soul", beyond her youth. It hardly helped that she didn't seem to ever blink. Asuka shrugged, "Ikari had her eat with us but we didn't talk too much."

Kaji hummed, "I didn't take her for the talkative sort."

Asuka wondered what he thought of Ayanami. Her memories of her were hazy at the end, growing more and more surreal as Instrumentality began. She got the sense that she had died in an Angel attack but yet she was the specter of the end.

She remembered the massive, decaying corpse of her at the sea at the end of the world. And she remembered her ghost, looking at her and Shinji with what might have been sadness.

And then she disappeared.

Everything after her "death" inside 02 felt like a dream, hazy memories that couldn't be real. She was certain Third Impact had happened and instinctively remembered the collective dream after as Instrumentality, a joining of all as one and one as all. The dream itself manifested as a collection of snippets of scenarios, all meaning nothing in the end. Though, she couldn't remember the enormity of the experience. Perhaps her mortal brain could not comprehend it as she had within the collective.

The dream had been broken by Ayanami.

The final dream had seen her as an ace pilot—the best without any rivals. She could kill Angels with ease and even worked alongside her mother, who had not died. Her mother worked on her Eva alongside Dr. Akagi. Shinji and Rei even liked her, wanted her around. She nursed a crush on them but the notion of ever picking one (or both?) for sure never occurred to her. It was mundane. It was delightful. It was idyllic.

And it was fake.

One day among many fake days, she walked in her room from another sync test to find Ayanami sitting cross-legged on her bed. She had shrieked and berated her but deep down, couldn't shake a sense of wrongness. After all, hadn't she had just left Ayanami at NERV? "What are you doing here?" she spat.

"Pilot Soryu, I regret to inform you this isn't real," she delivered in a serene, almost sad tone.

"Of-of course, it is!" she picked up a trophy from her desk, "See! I can touch this!"

Ayanami rose from the bed, taking the trophy from her. In her hands, it melted into LCL, dripping through her fingers and into the carpet where it was absorbed instantly. She said, "I mean to say, this is the fantasy you have constructed inside the red sea. A fabrication of reality, a dream. It is nothing more than a wish for everything you've ever wanted. Comfortable, happy...but not real."

"It's...it's…" Asuka sputtered and without a refute, attacked her, "So what if it's not real?! Why should I leave?"

"I cannot make you leave. That is a choice you must make on your own," she turned, as if to leave, "But someone on the outside misses you very much."

In the face of that, of being missed and wanted, all her connections within the sea became hollow and cheap. Even if the world outside was frightening and unknown, it was real.

She needed to drag Kaworu somewhere and have him make sense of that.

"You're thinking hard. Need to talk about it?" Kaji raised an eyebrow.

"I just...have a lot on my mind," she stirred her drink and took an idle sip.

Now that was quite un-Asuka-like. She liked it when people thought she was unflappable, even him. The show of vulnerability was startling. Even if she may never open up to him, he offered, "You can talk to me with whatever you need, Asuka."

"Oh," she looked up as if she hadn't expected that, "Maybe...maybe sometime then."

Alright, that all but confirmed something was up with Asuka. She must have been hiding something. He had to know what it was, this time not for his own curiosity but for her own sake. The Asuka of a mere week ago would have never wanted to be that kind of vulnerable to him.

Hell, she had also quit coming onto him too all of a sudden. He appreciated it, as he didn't enjoy a teenager flirting with him like she was his equal, but it was jarring nonetheless.

He took a thoughtful sip of his coffee. It all seemed to happen after she talked to that Nagisa kid. He was already suspicious of the boy, from the fact his past was impossible to discern and his uncanny resemblance to Ayanami. There was yet more to be uncovered and he felt he was barely scratching the surface.

Meanwhile, across the city, Shinji and company had arrived at the hospital Sakura was at. Hospitals never failed to unnerve Shinji; every memory he had inside one was painful. But, somehow, this one wasn't so bad. Maybe because it was a civilian hospital so there was plenty of people around. Yet, he couldn't help but wonder how many were here because an Angel attack.

"Guys, give me your school IDs," Toji asked, breaking him from the beginning of a self-deprecating spiral.

He took their IDs and showed them to the receptionist, explaining how he had brought his friends to see his injured sister. The lady looked around him, seeing the whole gaggle of people with him and pulled a face. She didn't scold him though, instead dutifully recording their visit and directing him to the correct room.

Kensuke leaned in to Shinji and said in a conspiratorial whisper, "Considering how often he visits, I don't know why they bother to ask for his ID at all!"

Toji returned their cards to them and they got into the elevator, taking it to the second floor where long-term care was. Shinji asked, "She's been here so long. Is that normal?"

"It took a lot of work to get her arm n' leg back in working condition after her accident and she's still recovering! Though, they tell me physical therapy can do wonders. It'd be too hard for me to run her back and forth for that so it works out," Toji effortlessly kept up an air of casualness.

"Your parents can't help?" Kaworu asked.

Toji scowled, "Dad's a maintenance man at NERV and Mom's just not well enough to be making the trip that often."

The air in the elevator grew tense, moreso when Shinji observed, "So many people in this city work for NERV…"

"Tokyo-3's basically a company city at this point," Kensuke said, "With each Angel attack we see more and more civilians leave. There's plenty of people and companies who are under contractual obligation to stay. Then there's people like us; whose parents work for NERV or work for them themselves."

"When you put it like that, it sounds quite dystopian," Kaworu pointed out.

"Yeah, but it's the truth," he shrugged.

When they left the elevator, it wasn't a long walk to Sakura's room. Toji went in first, leaving the trio to linger in the doorway. He gestured to them, "I brought my friends Shinji and Kaworu! They're pilots of the big robots."

Sakura gasped, "Whoa! Hi!" she frantically waved at them, beaming.

Shinji wandered inside first, hesitant, "Hello...it's nice to meet you…"

Kaworu lingered behind him, "Hello."

"Alright, file in everybody, Sakura won't bite," Toji grumbled, earning a giggle from his sister.

There was only two chairs in the room so they relegated Shinji to one, leaving the other three (or mainly Toji and Kensuke) to bicker over the free one. While they did that, Sakura asked him, "Yours is the big purple robot, right? Toji n' Kensuke told me about it!"

Shinji nodded, "Y-yeah. That's Evangelion Unit 01. That's the one I pilot."

"Wow! Thank you!" she cried.

"What...what for?"

She giggled, "Saving us all, silly! Toji said so! You're a hero!"

Shinji shot him an inquisitive look and he chuckled, "I didn't come up with that last part...but she made me admit it."

He turned back to the young girl, his hands clasped, and finally he said, "Thank you. I want to try my best."

They introduced Kaworu after, explaining he didn't have a giant robot yet. Sakura came up with an idea of one that she thought was cool: a hot pink robot with bunny-like ears. He chuckled and told her that maybe he'd get lucky and his would look like that. They didn't stay too long after as a nurse hurried them out so her casts could be changed before dinner.

Outside, the sun was setting, dying the world a vivid orange. Shinji called Misato before they left the hospital, giving her a heads-up he'd be home after dark. She wasn't upset at all; rather ecstatic he was spending time with friends—a detail that made him a little self-conscious. He'd most likely have to let himself in, as she was still dealing with mountains of paperwork from Asuka and Kaworu's debut fight and arrival after.

Once at Kensuke's home, he let them in, saying as he did, "You guys can stay as long as you'd like! We have the whole house to ourselves."

"Do you now?" a voice called from the hall, all four freezing like deer in the headlights.

The man who walked into the opening hall looked like a near-copy of Kensuke. He was tall and had similar sandy-blonde hair to the younger boy, albeit longer and fluffier. His face was more aged and he even had a dusting of stubble on his chin. The most striking feature was the long, white scars trailing from his temple to the underside of his chin, crossing over one cloudy eye.

He smirked at them in an amused manner, even pushing his own glasses up in a way that evoked the younger Aida brother. Kensuke, practically tackled him in a hug "Goichi! What are you doing here?!"

He lovingly ruffled his brother's hair, "Shopkeep's sister showed up as a surprise so he closed the shop for the day."

He looked over his shoulder, "You brought Toji and...new friends? Hey, man, I'm proud of you! Making more friends!"

Kensuke's cheeks flushed red and he turned, "Right! Goichi, here's my friends Shinji Ikari and Kaworu Nagisa. And you two, this is my brother Goichi!"

"Kaworu Nagisa and...Ikari…" he pushed his glasses up in a way that made them catch the light.

Shinji cringed but Goichi grinned, the glasses dropping as he did, "Well, I can't say you look like you're the NERV Commander's son...but maybe you're better off for it."

Shinji nodded slowly, "Yeah, um...yeah. We're not very close."

"From what I've heard, I'm hardly surprised," he ushered them into the living room.

Shinji lingered at his side, "You know of my father?"

"Loads of people do, he's only the big man at the top of NERV," Goichi shrugged, "Not that anyone knows more than that. Our dad has always given us the impression he's married to the job, ah...so to speak. No offense."

"None taken."

Toji fell in beside him and whispered, just low enough for him to hear, "Y'see where Kensuke gets it? Nothing gets past his brother. And he's also a huge nerd to boot!"

Shinji couldn't say he was surprised by the resemblance.

Once the kids got settled in, Goichi brought them snacks; bags of chips and cans of various flavors of soda. Toji and Kensuke preoccupied themselves with setting up the game console, bickering over whether it was in poor taste to start with the robot fighting game. Once everyone was relaxed, Goichi asked, "So Kensuke, I know about Shinji but how about Kaworu? Met at school?"

Kensuke did a little 'sorta' gesture with his hand, "Remember the trip Shinji invited us on, to that battleship?"

Goichi's eyes lit up, "I remember!"

"We met Kaworu there along with another Eva pilot, Asuka Langley,"

"Soryu," Kaworu added.

"Right, Asuka Langley Soryu. What a name," he shook his head, "I'll have to show you all the cool footage later!"

"I'll hold you to that," Goichi told him.

"There was an Angel though," Toji said offhandedly.

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"Hey!" Kensuke held his hands up in the air, "We were like, a hundred meters in the air! And Asuka and Kaworu dealt with it!"

He whirled onto Toji, "Why the hell did you share that?"

"He woulda found out when you showed him the footage," the other boy shrugged nonchalantly.

Kaworu spoke, his hand on his chest, "Mr. Aida, me and Miss Langley would have never let them come to any harm. We had it well under control."

Goichi looked helplessly from him then to Toji then Kensuke then to Shinji, who was trying his best to stay out of it. Finally he sighed in defeat, "As long as you were safe then."

Conversation lapsed into a comfortable rhythm as Shinji was successfully coaxed into trying the fighting game, which he wasn't too good at. They had urged him to try the purple mecha which was a bulky monstrosity that didn't stand a chance against the sleek black beast Toji was well-versed in. After losing for the third time, he handed the controller back to Kensuke, "I think I'd much rather watch."

"Oh well," he waved Kaworu over, "You next!"

Kaworu was much more eager to join, leaving Shinji to retreat to the couch beside Goichi. He found he was quite comfortable around the man. He hadn't any siblings and hadn't wished for any but was now wondering if it might be nice to have a sibling.

Well, in a sense, Rei could be his sister, as her guardian was his father. He wondered what she would think of the idea.

He snuck a look at the older boy only to find him looking back. He smiled warmly and held out a peach soda for him, which he accepted gratefully. He asked, "Is it my face?"

Shinji's eyes roved over the white scarring once again then meekly nodded. There was no anger though in Goichi's face as he said, "Kids your age always do. You aren't used to it."

"Used to what?"

"They're scars from the Second Impact."

Oh. That would make sense. Goichi continued, "Dad always said before Second Impact, people would stare at people with scars. But right after, people stopped. If you had a scar like this, they just assumed you got it during that day."

"That day," he paused then couldn't resist asking, "What was it like?"

Goichi closed his eyes thoughtfully, taking a long sip from his soda. Then he said, "It's not easy to talk about. But if NERV has you and kids like you fighting, you're owed that much. It all began 15 years ago...just before you...Kensuke, anyone else your age was born."

Shinji nodded mutely, unsure what to even say to that. Even the other three had grown silent, secretly curious. Kensuke knew the story as did Toji, who asked when he was younger. Kaworu himself knew of Second Impact but nothing personal, nothing this raw.

Goichi began, "Everyone who can remembers that day. I remember the sky was so blue that morning. Then came the howling and the wind. The sky turned orange. The wind was so terrible it started to tear the house apart. Dad got us out in the end but when the house collapsed," he traced the scar, instead of saying what happened.

"I was knocked out cold by the debris but Dad got us to a shelter. By the time I woke back up, it was over. A good portion of the town had been wrecked by the wind and later, the waves. But whatever terrible thing, that made the wind and the sky turn orange...it stopped."

Goichi frowned, lost in thought before he said, "The school says it was a meteor, right?"

"That's right," Shinji nodded.

"That never sat right with me," he shook his head, "Meteor wouldn't do that. I don't know what it was but I don't think it was a meteor."

Shinji pondered his words. Of course it wasn't a meteor. Everyone at NERV made it sound that if the Eva pilots would fail, Third Impact would come. Goichi's idea that it was something else was probably accurate.

"Things worked out in the end," Goichi shrugged, "We lived in a shelter for a year or so and mom had that little rascal," he pointed at Kensuke who chuckled at the nickname.

He smiled, "Mom called him her "little miracle" and never stopped that, even before she died."

Of course she was dead too. Shinji looked at both brothers, who looked sullen at the mention. Toji had mentioned his mother earlier too. According to him, she was alive but deeply unwell; having had some sort of brain damage due to an incident with her health. He couldn't help but think of his own late mother.

Goichi coughed, noticing the tense atmosphere, "But she'd be happy we're all alive and having a nice moment here, together. Despite everything."

The atmosphere lifted and the three at the game console returned to their game. Kaworu proved good at any game they threw at him, picking all up easily and enjoying the challenge of doing so. Goichi occasionally threw out suggestions for games that just might stump him, the most recent being some sort of ultra-hard dark fantasy game.

Shinji sipped his soda, wondering what his mother would think of him now, if she could see him. He liked to think she'd be proud of him.

He'd like to think she'd be happy for him.

Chapter Text

A week went by, one long agonizing week. Asuka was getting restless, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Had the twin angels taken this long last time? Or perhaps was the universe winding up to throw her and Kaworu a curveball? When she expressed her anxiety to him, he was painfully nonchalant about the whole deal, shrugging her off. He told her that there was only so much they could do to prepare. Easy for him to say, he had lifetimes to get used to this!

She opened her locker then hissed in annoyance as a cascade of letters poured out, scattering across the floor. Each had a scribbled name, some had hearts doodled on them and a few even had cologne sprayed on them!

She narrowed her eyes. These again. Annoyed, she stamped on them, "People never change!"

"A little cruel, don't you think?"

She whirled around with a cry, only finding Kaworu there, amused. She huffed and recomposed herself, "It's not like I'm going to bother looking at them."

She noticed he had a few clutched in his hand too then snorted, "Even the boys aren't immune. Going to humor them or?"

"Of course not," he went to tuck them into his bag, "But I'll be discrete with disposing them."

"Hold on there! Lemme snoop!" she snatched them out of his hand to inspect.

He yelped and went to snatch them back but, expecting that, she leapt back, leaving him to fall onto the floor. She cackled, relishing in her small victory. As he picked himself up, she read off the names, "Mana, Seiko and….ooooh this one has no name on it!"

She discarded the two named ones onto the floor then ripped open the anonymous one. Deciding not to fight her, Kaworu set to gathering up the fallen letters from both sides. He grumbled, "Why open it? I've no reason to entertain someone…"

She started to read, 'I've only known you for a short time but it feels...it feels…" she threw out her arm, "Well, I'm sure it's heartfelt and beautiful!"

He finally stood, "You can't read it," he deadpanned.

She scowled, "Like I said; the fact I can't read Japanese is about the only reason I should be enrolled here!"

He made a motion for her to hand the letter over which she complied with. He read it out loud, "'I've only known you for a short amount of time but I feel I've known you my whole life. You're the kindest person I've ever met! But I'm too scared to tell you this in person. Maybe one day I can tell you everything, when we're closer.'"

"Any idea who it is?" Asuka asked, looking over his shoulder. The strokes were simple but neat, written deliberately to be anonymous.

Kaworu furrowed his eyebrows, "I have my suspicions," he said as he tucked the letter into his bag.

"Well, then! Who?"

"I'd...rather not say. In case I'm wrong."

She scowled, "And you think I'd go and blab! Like I can't keep a secret!"

Kaworu held his hands up, giving her what he hoped was a placating smile, "Not blab per se. I'll just be more comfortable if I keep this to myself."

Asuka rolled her eyes and shouldered her bag, "Whatever. See you in class."

She was about to turn to leave when Shinji came jogging down the hall, waving Kaworu down, "Kaworu! Do you want to walk to class?"

Tilting his head like a bird, Kaworu smiled, "Of course. Let's go."

The two boys walked down the hall, chatting comfortably, as if they had known the other way long than they really had. Asuka gasped, clapping her hands over her mouth. There was no way, he didn't have the nerve...but yet it lined up so well!

Maybe she didn't have to worry about Shinji trying to make a move on her at all this time around.

Down the hall, Kaworu made conversation with Shinji, "Me and Asuka have been getting our fair share of admirers. Letters and everything."

"People gave you letters?" Shinji asked.

"Three people," Kaworu held up three fingers as he said this, "Though I don't know if I should look into them. I wouldn't know how to navigate a romantic relationship."

"Me neither," Shinji shrugged, then smiled sadly, "I still think it would be nice. One day."

Kaworu hummed in agreement. Yeah, one day, if things ever finished and the loop was complete. He had suspicions he may have to die before he could see that day though. Hardly thoughts for a quiet school day though.

The universe must have taken offense to that last thought because his phonesbegan to ring. It was from NERV. Kaworu answered it, "Yes? What is it?"

Misato was on the other end, "I'm going to hope you and everyone else are at school because you and the others are getting called in. An Angel has been spotted approaching."

Shinji sighed, hearing enough snippets to figure out the purpose of the call. This was just his luck, huh?

Kaworu gave her the promise he'd make sure everyone was rounded up and gotten over to the Geofront via Section 2 escort. He hung up then gave Shinji an exhausted look, "You think you're ready but you never are, right?"

"Not even when you've been in the battlefield," Shinji agreed.

Getting everyone to NERV was no trouble. Kaworu met Asuka back where he had left her and Rei was already at the front of the school, waiting for their Section 2 support. Soon enough, a discrete van with NERV's logo emblazoned on it pulled up and they were ushered inside. Asuka pumped her fist, "Finally! Some action!"

Kaworu gave her a warning look, a furrowed eyebrow that should have been read as scolding, but she misread it. She crowed, "Disappointed you're not seeing any of the action?"

"Not particularly," he shrugged.

"I'm nervous...but I'm always nervous…you can never guess what's really going to happen." Shinji mumbled.

"You've got nothing to worry about! I'm willing to bet me n' Unit Two will be deployed with you!" Asuka said, jabbing a thumb at herself, "We should be able to prepare for any inevitability."

She missed the second look of warning Kaworu cast at her.

Shinji considered this then nodded, "That makes sense. Rei, do you know how Zero is holding up?"

"She is still being worked on, having taken heavy damage during the Fifth Angel's attack," Rei relayed, "So Soryu is correct: Units One and Two will most likely be sortied together."

Asuka was almost surprised at Rei's support but told herself that she was merely thinking about the scenario logically. Asuka herself figured things were going to play out similarly as last time and was already working out a rudimentary plan.

Once inside the Geofront, the kids split up to their respective locker rooms. Even though Kaworu was benched for the foreseeable future, he was expected to suit up just like the on duty pilots. Asuka wondered why exactly that was. Was it because they expected her to fail and wanted him ever waiting in the wings to replace her? She shook her head to clear it as she pressurized her plugsuit. She wouldn't fail. So Kaworu's assistance wouldn't be necessary.

As much as she hated it, she'd have to approach the twin Angel slowly and enlist the Third's help. If they could make a single, decisive blow then they could put it down before it ever split. It was hardly fair, being forced to work with someone else (much less Shinji), but she had to bite the bullet.

She turned to Rei, who also had finished suiting up. Like Kaworu, even though she was most likely not going to enter battle, she was expected to suit up just in case. To her surprise, Rei was looking at her. She said softly, "Ikari told me there's something I should tell him before battle so I will tell you too. Good luck."

Asuka reeled, "L-luck! Luck has nothing to do with it! I'll win on my own merit."

"Of course," Rei agreed, "Though I'm sure having luck doesn't hurt, even if I don't believe in it."

Asuka scoffed, "Whatever. Good luck to you too."

"I don't see why I would need that...but it's kind of you to say."

What a weirdo. She didn't even understand what she was saying, only parroting what she was told to. With a huff, Asuka headed out to Unit Two.

Asuka took a deep breath after a while of sitting inside her Plug. Her and Shinji had been inside their Evas for the past twenty minutes but it felt longer, between his silence and her anxiety. Even if she had an idea of what was to come there was no guaranteeing it would play out the same. Or maybe it would be and she'd still screw it all up.

The Angel was still swimming to shore to the point where they planned to intercept it. Asuka closed her eyes, letting the background chatter of Command fill the Plug before shutting off comms. An impulsive thought had hit her. She could see Kaworu's disapproving look in her mind's eye but she had to try. If only once.

She sat in silence, nothing by a soft humming filling the chamber. She let her mind wander in the space then reach out to the soul beyond.

For a few moments, there was nothing and Asuka nearly gave up. But then a warm presence filled the Plug, love washing over her. She gasped softly as she felt the sensation of arms wrapping around her. The humming turned to soft, indistinct whispers. She couldn't understand what was being said but she got the sense that everything was going to work out. That is what going to be alright. "Mama," she murmured.

"Asuka!" a cry jolted her from her trance.

It was Dr, Akagi, her image having popped up in her view. She continued, "Your sync score just spiked, is everything alright?"

She nodded, "Yep! I guess I'm really in the zone!"

"...right. I'm gonna chalk it up to a random fluctuation."

Her image disappeared, leaving her alone again. Asuka let her facade drop. The temptation to try again was overwhelming...but Prettyboy was correct. Anything more would be suspicious. Akagi seemed happy to chalk it up to a fluke, as long as it was an isolated incident.

She frowned in disappointment. So close to her mother but so far.

It wasn't too much longer before Misato appeared on screen to brief them. Beside her image popped up a map of the area, pointing out their location and the approaching Angel. Misato began, "Alright, you two! The target is approaching the peninsula. Tokyo-3's defensive measures are still recovering so we've decided to try to settle this outside the city. We want to kill this thing quickly so when it makes landfall, get in close and attack in turns. Got it?"

"Roger!" the two pilots chorused.

Misato left them alone to ready up. Asuka inhaled deeply. Go time. If it was her choice, she'd be doing this alone and would be able to prove herself without any crutches.

But that wasn't how the universe wanted to play.

Readying up, she took the glaive from their choice of weapons. Shinji opted for a rifle, giving her an idea for what they could do. Misato chimed in once more, "Target is nearly at intercept point. Be ready."

"Right," Shinji murmured, turning to face the ocean, where a surging wave was fast approaching.

Asuka stayed silent, taking place at his left. The Angel emerged, looking just as it had. Good. That meant her ideas were viable. The Angel took a sweeping look at them but did not move, as if baiting them in. Probably wants us to be hasty, part of its strategy, Asuka thought. She said to her comrade, "You heard her, Shinji. Let's do this slowly and see what it does. You take the right, I'll take the left."

Shinji murmured an affirmative and followed her command, creeping up towards the Angel. She followed suit and explained her idea, "I've got the melee weapon and you've got our artillery. We'll circle it and I'll start the attack. When I pull back, you fire where I struck. We won't give it a break!" her tone was authoritative and stern. It reminded Shinji of Misato actually.

"Sounds good," he agreed.

Both began their approach, circling in closer. It stubbornly didn't move, taking long methodical looks from one to the other, analyzing them in turn. Finally, Asuka made her move, lunging with her glaive!

She struck true, slicing a wide gash from shoulder to midsection. There was her prize: the barest peek of a gleaming red orb that the Angel's flesh was fast reforming about. She danced away and cried, "Shinji, hit it!"

Shinji squeezed his trigger, laying a volley of bullets into the open wound. The Angel shrieked, the sound a little too human for comfort. Once he stopped, Asuka danced back in, going for another cut, to filet the Angel like a fish.

The Angel's limb stretched out, fast and unnaturally, catching the glaive's end. Despite the sharp edge cutting into its skin, it didn't let go, instead yanking her back and using her momentum against her.

Asuka and Unit 02 were sent into the surf. Panicked, she yanked the glaive back, cutting harmlessly through the rest of the Angel's hand which reformed almost immediately. Furious, she forgot her own plan and lashed out, plunging her weapon into where she remembered the core was.

Whether she remembered wrong or the Angel had moved it itself, her blade missed, sinking into flesh. She howled in fury and frustration.

The Angel whipped 02 across the face with its hand, sending her flying once more into the surf. Distantly, she could hear Shinji panicking over the comms, asking her what the plan was now. But she could not answer as the Angel didn't let up, using one hand to pin her down and the other to rip her weapon from its chest.

A sharp cry came from behind it: Shinji with his rifle! He used the butt to slam in on the back of its head. But further attack was prevented as it sprouted a pair of arms to wrangle him with. Asuka frantically reviewed what options she had before landing on something.

She flipped out her Prog Knife holster, taking it from within the shoulder pylons. In one clean slice, she cut through the arm holding her and was once more free. She snatched her glaive from where it landed and lunged in for round two.

Finding its two opponents were now both open to attack it, it pushed Shinji away with a mighty shove. A few precious seconds bought, it twisted and distorted, growing a second body from its second pair of arms. "Beta" pursued Shinji who, for his credit, hadn't fallen, and so met it in a violent clash.

This wasn't great. Now that the Angel had split into the twins, its core had split too. It seemed the bridge team had figured this out too as Misato relayed over comms, "Asuka, when the Angel split, its core split into two too. So you and Shinji have two opponents rather than one."

"Y'know, I kinda figured!" Asuka grimaced, deflecting a blow with her glaive.

"We're coming up with a plan over here but it looks like we're going to have to withdraw this time,"

"NO! I refuse!" Asuka screamed, stabbing at "Alpha" with a thrust straight through its mask.

Beyond her, Shinji was faring surprisingly alright against "Beta". He used his rifle to deflect blows then, when he bought himself an opening, fired a shot at it. But ultimately, he was stuck in a stalemate and he knew it.

But Asuka's berserker stabbing was getting her somewhere. She had punched so many holes in "Alpha" that its regeneration factor was struggling to close one up before she opened a new one. Finally, she saw her prize again and lunged for it.

In the few seconds it took her to attack, the Angel yanked the core away from her, enfolding part of it into a new orb of flesh that dropped off into the water. This new flesh body rapidly regenerated into a smaller, but still intact third form. It whipped its arm out to catch her arm, successfully catching her off-balance.

Shinji cried out, "Asuka!" and ran to assist.

"Beta" punished him for ignoring it and grabbed him by the ankle then swung him behind it, somewhere into the deeper parts of the sea. Content its siblings had her under control, it stalked after him.

Asuka cried, "Three of you bastards?!" and struggled to right herself.

But the third, "Gamma", had her pinned. Alpha approached, its eyes glimmering for a laser attack. High above, a black object circled. Moments before the world went bright, Asuka realized it was an N2 Bomb and cut connection with her Eva.

"Today, at 10:58 A.M, we made contact with the Seventh Angel, dubbed "Israfel". In the battle against Evangelion Units 01 and 02, it split into three secondary entities, now dubbed "Alpha", "Beta" and "Gamma". It would have most certainly compromised both units if the UN Secondary Force hadn't dropped an N2 Bomb. Both Evangelions weathered the attack thanks to their armor and the Angel was critically damaged."

The two had been pulled from their Plugs the second their Evas had been brought in and brought in still soaking with LCL into the briefing room. But it appeared less to debrief them and more to scold them. Maya Ibuki had began reading the mission summary right away, keeping a cool, neutral tone. But the Vice Commander, Fuyutski, lingered beside her, annoyed at the precedings. To their side sat Kaji. If anyone wondered why he was there at all, they were too busy getting chewed out or doing the chewing out to worry about it.

Fuyutski grumbled, "We had to be rescued by the UN, who will no doubt use this to discredit NERV further."

"Hey, we tried our best!" Asuka cried out.

Then, to her surprise, Shinji snapped at her, "You abandoned your own plan!"

"Excuse me?!" she whirled on him, "I had to adapt!"

"Adapt? You panicked!"

"Like you'd do better!"

"I was holding one off pretty well before you made it split again!"

"Children!" Fuyutski barked, "Stop this petty bickering! It no longer matters whose fault it is."

He gestured for Maya to continue. Sheepish, she swapped the screen to a new image of a map, showing the explosion radius and the Angel's current location. "The good news is the Angel rejoined into one entity so it may regenerate. The explosion burned off approximately 28 percent of the target's structural substance."

"So it's not dead," Asuka stated.

"Correct," Fuyutski answered, "This is temporary relief. A second attack is inevitable."

Kaji finally piped up with a grin, "This counts for something. Now we've got time to regroup and come up with a plan. Isn't that something?"

The Vice Commander ignored him, beginning to pace the catwalk above. He stopped then asked the pilots, "You two know your job, correct?"

"Defeating the Angels," Asuka grumbled, remembering his outburst from last time.

"Correct! But it's also to not make a spectacle out of us while doing it!" he sharply cried, slapping the railing.

Shinji winced at the loud noise. Content his message was gotten across, Fuyutski stalked out to the elevator, which would send him to places unknown. Asuka crossed her arms, "He's touchy."

Kaji sat up, stretching his arms as he did, "Adults hate to be embarrassed and I'm sure the Vice Commander is really feeling the pressure. He is right about one thing: the UN is going to remember they had to do this."

"I'm sure all this is below Father too," Shinji said, resentment bleeding into his tone.

"Of course," Kaji chuckled, "I'm sure ol' Fuyutski is not happy because of that either. He always has to deal with this kind of stuff."

"I'm surprised it wasn't Misato bitching at us," Asuka said.

Kaji replied, "Language, young lady. But no, she's got the even more menial work: paperwork."

Asuka looked again on the screen and echoed, "Three of them...how are we going to do it?"

"Ritsuko's figured out the weakness. Misato should have a plan come to her any moment now," he smiled, as if sharing a private joke.

Misato was staring currently at the stack of paperwork that had seemingly manifested out of nowhere onto her desk. Old papers had been shoved unceremoniously into a stack to make room, some even having made it to the floor. One day she was going to need to do a deep clean of this place.

She sighed. But that day was not today.

Ritsuko stood beside, looking too at the papers with an air of pity. Misato steepled her fingers and brooded behind them, "I'll figure this out after we kill the elephant in the room. What do you have for me?"

"Careful, you're looking a little too familiar for comfort," Ritsuko warned with a playful smile.

Misato set her head on top of her hands, "Better?"

"Much better. I'd rather not think of the Commander when he's not around. The Vice Commander was livid but he didn't fire you."

"You think Commander Ikari would have fired me?" Misato asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You really never know with the man," Ritsuko shrugged.

"So you have something for me?" Misato eyed the thumb drive between her fingers.

"That I do," she handed it over.

Her friend grinned, "You're a lifesaver! Great to have one of you on my side!"

The doctor wagged her finger, "I appreciate the sentiment but don't thank me for this one."

Curious, Misato gave the drive an inspection. On the other side was the note 'To my honey' with a heart drawn beside. She grimaced, "Kaji…"

Ritusko chuckled, "At least look at it before you throw it away," she turned to leave, "If you need me, you know where to find me."

Misato waited for her to leave then looked back at the note, her expression softened. She sighed, "Dammit, Kaji. Well, you better hope for your sake whatever this is works."

Shinji ended up walking home alone. Asuka had stormed out pretty quickly to clean up and he hadn't been in much of a hurry to follow her out. She was furious at him, blaming him for the operation going south. But he didn't know what exactly he should have done differently! He hadn't expected to do as well as he did. Kaworu had stopped him outside the locker room to praise him which brightened his mood considerably. When he was done changing, he thought about leaving with him but the other boy had been nowhere to be found. In fact, all three of the others had left before him.

"Hey, I'm home!" he called as he entered Misato's apartment.

He hadn't expected anyone to respond, much less Kaworu. "We're in here!" he called from down the hall.

To his dismay, the hallway was filled with boxes labeled 'Asuka Langley Soryu'. Not as many as he would have thought, considering what he knew of the girl, but still way too many.

He sighed. He should have expected this. "Shinji!" Kaworu smiled as he peeked out from his room.

"Is she moving into my room?" Shinji asked, even though he knew the answer already.

Asuka stepped from the room herself, "It's the only place that all my stuff will fit! Even with me putting a lot in storage. Don't worry, your precious things are safe."

She pointed to a lone cluster of boxes that held his clothes and other belongings. He sighed. Kaworu defended, "She already did all that before I got here."

He pushed the stack into the other, smaller room. Most of his larger items had already been moved in here, like his cello case which was leaning on his desk. He set the boxes on top of the desk then set his bag and SDAT beside it. He would have his own work to do later.

"Don't worry, Shinji! I'll help you too!" Kaworu called and suddenly, he didn't feel as bad anymore.

He returned to the hallway to find Asuka unpacking a box of books. She was complaining, "Japanese rooms are so small! I think I still brought too much."

"We simply don't hold onto as much stuff," Misato said, having entered the hallway so silently it was as if she had simply appeared.

Asuka nearly fell from her perch with a cry, "What's with people coming out of nowhere today?!"

Kaworu, behind her folding a sundress, chuckled. "Anyway," Misato smiled, "Good to see things are coming along."

"Is Asuka being here because the new plan?" Shinji asked.

"Quite astute," Misato clapped her hands, "Partly at least. The plan was always to move Asuka and Kaworu out of the Geofront but it hasn't been a priority. The new plan gives us an excuse to partially do that."

She turned, "Let's all go out to the kitchen and discuss further. Oh and meet our guest."

"Our guest?" Asuka and Shinji asked in unison.

A soft voice came from the living room, "Captain Katsuragi, where should I put my belongings?"

"The First!" Asuka cried, crossing her arms.

"Yes, the First. Now, lemme go explain already," Misato waved the drive at them, using it to gesture them into the kitchen.

The kitchen table was not built to accommodate five people but they made it work, mostly by Misato bringing in the chairs from the balcony. Shinji brought out drinks in an attempt to make everything more comfortable but the tenseness in the air wouldn't dissipate. Misato, a beer in hand, seemed completely fine however. She took a long drink from the beer he brought her then slammed it onto the table to punctuate her point, "Our target has one and only weakness!"

She slid a paper to the center of the table. On one side was a photograph of the half-melted and damaged Angel. On the other was a simple graphic of its three split parts, a highlighted section representing the core. She explained, "We'll need to execute a simultaneous three-point attack on each core once they separate again. In other words, we need three Evas moving and attacking in perfect sync. Hence why Rei is here."

"But she's not moving in like me right?" Asuka asked.

"No, it wasn't allowed."

Asuka allowed herself a moment of relief before Shinji interrupted it, jumping to his feet and crying, "But Rei's place is terrible! Who said she can't!"

"According to the Vice Commander, it was the Commander who forbade it," Misato said, her own judgement towards the man seeping in, besides her better judgment.

Shinji leaned back and fumed, "Sounds just like him."

"It is alright, Ikari. I haven't been harmed," Rei assured him—though in her usual robotic tone, it wasn't very assuring.

"Yet…," he grumbled.

Misato continued, "Now, back to the plan. For this attack we'll need perfect coordination and cooperation from all three of you. So you shall live together for the duration."

Asuka slapped her hands to the table, "I can't do that! Not with both of them! I can deal with Shinji…"

"What's your problem with Rei!" Shinji challenged.

"She's so...so...she's just so weird!" Asuka cried, unable to elaborate.

Rei regarded all this with a detached expression, as if the insult didn't touch her at all.

Misato cut off any further argument, "Asuka, you're being childish. The Angel regenerates in six days so we're already on a timer."

"But...but...I can't," her complaint petered off as she realized she was fighting a losing battle.

"Then we're all going to have to step up and make it happen. On this drive is the instructions for an attack pattern you three will perform to music. You three will learn it in the next six days. This is our best plan," Misato's tone held as much authority as her position, making it clear she would not entertain any argument.

Asuka leaned back and crossed her arms, looking the image of a petulant child. Misato, her lecture finished, stood, "Now, I've got to go get some..."equipment" to get you guys set up. Do me a favor and don't kill each other while I'm gone."

With that, she left. Asuka jumped to her feet, grabbed Kaworu and nearly dragged him outside the door. Shinji watched with a frown and commented, "Wonder where she's taking him."

"She is displeased...in both the plan and me," Rei stated. Even if her tone was neutral, he could tell she was bothered.

"I think she's just like that," Shinji pulled his chair over to sit beside her, "She doesn't like me very much either."

"Yes, but she said she could tolerate you," she pointed out.

"I'm sure it's just the fact it's both of us she has to live with,"

She could tell he was just trying to spare her feelings. Lots of people were unnerved by her so she was hardly surprised. It didn't make it stop stinging. But her feelings didn't matter.

She, however, was a little unnerved by Asuka and Kaworu. Kaworu a little more, probably for the same reasons people didn't like her. And she didn't know anything about him either.

Her identity and purpose was never kept a secret from her. So she never felt unnerved by her hybrid nature or the fact that one day she'd be called to end the world.

But a sense of wrongness had dogged her for the past few months and it only intensified when the two new pilots arrived. She never dreamed before but now she did. The ones she remembered were simple memories but the ones she didn't remember must have been so complex they made her sleep restless.

It bothered her; the sense that there was something she didn't know.

Outside, Asuka led Kaworu to a secluded corner. She snapped at him, "Where did I mess up?!"

He was frustratingly calm, hands in his pockets. He shrugged, "You did pretty well, all things considered."

"But it wasn't good enough," she turned and slapped the wall, "It's never going to be good enough!"

"Asuka," he frowned, "Just knowing what's going to happen isn't enough. It certainly helps but not everything is going to work out fine because of it. What's the saying? 'You gotta roll with the punches.'"

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "I was being truthful: you did really well. I've never seen that particular Angel split into three. So she was feeling pretty pressured."

She sighed and didn't answer right away. Then she admitted, "...thanks. I get it. I still wish we didn't have to do this ridiculous maneuver."

"Think about it this way: we'll all get to be good friends by the end of this!"

She groaned. It was going to be a long six days.

Chapter Text

It had been three days, three days since Shinji had last been at school and frankly, since anyone had seen him. In fact, him, Asuka and Rei had all been missing in action. Kaworu was frustratingly vague when they saw him, explaining to Toji and Kensuke that they were training to fight an Angel. This made sense but the boys still wanted to visit him at home. "I just hope he's alright," Kensuke commented.

"Especially if he's with the Red Devil," Toji replied.

They stepped out of the elevator at Shinji's apartment complex and, to their surprise, Hikari exited the other elevator. Toji blinked in surprise, "Class Rep? What are you doing here?"

Her tone was professional, "Ah, the stooges, as Asuka puts it. I've come to check on her. Her address was changed recently and since she hasn't been at school, I wanted to make sure everything was alright."

"Kaworu told us they were training for NERV stuff," Kensuke explained.

"Funny, this is where Shinji lives," Toji lead them down the hall.

"Maybe they moved her in close to him so it would be easier to get them all to NERV HQ," Kensuke suggested.

The trio stopped at the same door at the end of the hall. They asked each other, "Why did you stop here?"

"Well, because this is where Shinji lives. Duh," Toji said, knocking on the door.

Hikari knocked too, "For your information, this is where Asuka's records have her staying!"

"What are we, barbarians?! Ring the doorbell," Kensuke did so.

Inside, someone yelled at them that 'I get it, I get it!'. Moments later, the door opened to reveal Shinji and Asuka in matching outfits, except Shinji's was in white and Asuka's was in pink. They could spy Rei behind them in the living room in her own matching blue outfit. Toji gasped, "Shinji! What have you done?!"

The pair exchanged a confused glance then widened their eyes when they realized. They chorused, "Wait, it's not what it looks like!"

Hikari cried, "Then what is it?! Shinji, you're living in sin and with two girls to boot! Asuka, I thought you were better than this! And Rei…," she trailed off, unsure how to go about scolding her.

"Better than this?!" Asuka said, "You don't even know what's going on!"

"Yeah, you're wrong!" Shinji agreed.

Rei continued to ignore them, not entirely sure what the problem even was. Someone should just go ahead and tell them without going through the theatrics.

"I'm sure," Hikari remarked sarcastically, "Well, two wrongs don't make a right!"

"But three wrongs just might," Toji quipped.

Hikari glared and he withered under her gaze. Misato called from further inside, "Do you guys have friends over? Might as well invite them in! We'll take a break for lunch."

Hikari calmed down enough to go on inside, followed by the boys. Once again, they had to make creative decisions to get everyone sat comfortably, especially when it turned out Kaworu was there too, albeit watching. In the end, a gathering that started in the kitchen spilled a little into the living room. But explanations were given and tensions were settled.

"That makes sense! Why didn't you say before?" Toji asked as he sipped on a soda.

"That was the plan before you guys started jumping on Shinji and Asuka," Misato deadpanned.

"Too bad I left my camcorder at home. Oh, if I only knew what we may find," Kensuke sighed.

A sharp glare from Asuka told him he probably shouldn't try bringing it later.

"So how is their coordination?" Hikari asked, cradling Pen-Pen in her lap. She had been instantly smitten with the penguin and had been cuddling him since she calmed down. Pen-Pen, on the other hand, seemed to only barely tolerate the indignation.

Misato leaned back, looking back at the contraption they had jury-rigged in the living room. "Ehhhh," she made a wiggly motion with her hand.

The contraption was three DDR mats hooked up to a chunky TV displaying an off-brand version of the game. A mess of wires connecting each section showed just how "jury-rigged" it was. She gestured at it, "Say, kids, why don't you try a round? Just to show off how it works."

Shinji grumbled but complied and Rei got up without complaint which left Asuka. She stood, "You live to embarrass me," she said venomously.

"Like I said, it's Kaji's plan. So blame him if you blame anyone," Misato took a sip of her beer as she brushed her off.

The trio got the program set up and set to work. It became obvious really quick that Shinji and Rei were most in sync with Asuka lagging significantly behind. "You ever played a rhythm game, Asuka?" Kensuke asked, "You're thinking too hard!"

She turned her head, completely abandoning the session, "So you're good at them because you don't think!"

"Wait, I never said…"

"He's got a point, Asuka," Misato drawled, "You're overthinking it. You need to have a scrap of trust in your teammates."

She grit her teeth but didn't respond, glancing over at the pair which were now perfectly in sync. Without her to slow them down. To make matters worse, Toji chimed in, "Why doesn't Kaworu sub in?"

Kaworu noticeably cringed, knowing what was coming. Asuka whirled onto the jock, "He'd never, you little weasel!"

Kensuke pressed the issue, "I mean, he could pilot Unit 02? That's why they brought him here, right?"

Kaworu cut in before Asuka could have a full-scale meltdown, "I'd rather not have to do that. I have a lower sync rate with 02 anyway. Sure, if push came to shove, I could but—"

"I can't believe you!" Asuka shrieked then stormed past everyone and out of the apartment.

Hikari immediately set Pen-Pen aside who waddled away as fast as he could, savoring his freedom while he had it. She was too busy storming over to Kaworu to notice. She stood over him and stabbed a finger at the door, "Go apologize!"

"Apologize?" he held his hands up defensively, "I didn't mean anything of it. I was simply stating a fact."

"You made her cry," Hikari scowled, her eyes burning a hole in him.

He stood up and left in a hurry, if only to get away from her. She was terrifying when you weren't in her good graces. It couldn't hurt to talk to Asuka anyway, see if maybe he could get to the meat of the issue. He thought they had come to some sort of understanding a few days before but she was backsliding again.

He found her out of the apartment complex and down the road a few minutes walk, at a corner store perusing drinks. The store was largely deserted, except for a bored looking cashier. He stopped behind her, "I'm sorry. I meant nothing by it. If I can help it, I'd rather not pilot your Evangelion at all."

Once again, she grit her teeth, letting her body wind up with all the frustration of the past couple days. Then she sighed, letting herself relax, imagining all that frustration leak out of her. She picked out a random soda and handed it to Kaworu before grabbing herself her own. She led them to check out and once out, she spoke, "I thought I knew what I was doing. But things changed and now I don't know what the hell to do."

"Roll with the punches," he reminded.

She shot him a glare so he responded with a weak smile, "Sorry. It hurts to hear but it's how it is."

He cracked open his soda and took a sip. Creamy melon, nice for a random choice. Asuka was too deep in thought to try her own. He let her think, having a feeling she was articulating something she didn't want to have to voice. Finally, she admitted, "I don't want to mess up."

She wasn't talking about their current battle. He frowned, "You might not get it on the first try."

She shot him another look but this one was alien on her face; pleading, desperate for anything but that. She murmured, "But you're here. You've done it loads of times."

"Ah, that I have," he anxiously swished his drink, "I'm feeling good now that you're here. But it's not wise to stake all our hopes on it working out."

She looked away, crushed that he couldn't guarantee her a first try victory. He continued, "Kensuke's right about one thing. You're overthinking it and not just the routine. There's lots of steps before the end so how about we get those right before we worry about that?"

"It's not that easy," she spat, "I think about that sea all the time. It's in my dreams."

"I know," he gave her a soft smile, "You don't need to tell me."

She met his eyes, holding them for a few moments, before realizing he was telling her that he shared these experiences. She nodded slowly, "First, this Angel then whatever's next."

"I know it's easier said than done," he told her, "But we need to focus on the now."

She closed her eyes, inhaled and exhaled, then opened them again. "I'll try my best," she declared, "I'll do it right! It's a matter of pride!"

He grinned, "Now that's the attitude we need!"

When they got back, Asuka got right back to work. When Kaworu sat down, Hikari smiled and nodded appreciatively at him. She whispered, "I don't know what you said but it must have worked."

As much as Asuka hated it, she had to slow down and take careful note of her movements. Kensuke was right though; after a while, she stopped consciously reading the commands and just did them. Once she entered that zone, the trio started working smoothly. Afterwards, she flopped onto the mat and asked Misato, "How was that?"

"Much better," she praised then turned to Kaworu, "Whatever you said must have really gotten her sorted out."

He smiled, "I just helped her reach her own conclusion is all."

"In any case, we need to keep at it," Misato redirected the conversation back to the matter at hand, "You guys can stand to be a little more coordinated and we need to shave some seconds off. By the time we get back out there, we need to be able to do the maneuver in 62 seconds!

But that's enough for now. You three take a break, I'll make dinner and the rest of you clear out! You got your own homes to get back to, right?" she grinned good-naturedly.

"Actually, I think I'd rather make dinner," Shinji awkwardly smiled, "Rei's our guest and I want to make sure she eats well."

She blinked then shrugged, "And here I was trying to give you a break. Oh well. No skin off my nose."

Everyone was shooed off, sent off to their own homes to eat their own dinners. The trio changed out of their routine clothes and into more casual clothing. Shinji got right to making dinner, a vegetarian rice dish with some shrimp on the side. Asuka sat at the table, idly watching him, taking note of how he thoughtful he was of Rei's eating restriction. She nearly jumped when the girl herself sat across from her with a book she opened and began to read.

Asuka chewed her lip. Rei probably was immune to it but an awkwardness had settled into the air. She could see Kaworu now, encouraging her to try talking to Rei. So she said, "So, First…"

Her words caught in her throat when Rei looked to her, blood-sea-red eyes into her own blue ones. Rei asked, "Soryu?"

"So, uh," she tripped over her words, unsure what to actually talk about, "What do you make...of this training?"

Rei hummed, giving the question genuine thought. "It's different but I don't hate it," she looked around the apartment then added, "I like it here."

That was a whole lot more emotion than she ever remember her showing. It was subtle but it was obvious something had happened before she arrived to crack her shell. Remembering Shinji's outburst, she asked, "What's your apartment like?"

"It's adequate. It fulfills my needs so I don't need for anything else."

Asuka furrowed her eyebrows. What a non-answer. That got her nowhere. She asked, "But do you like it?"

"That's irrelevant."

"But you like it here. Shouldn't you like it at your own home?"

This seemed to stop her in her tracks and she didn't immediately brush her off. She said slowly, "I like it here but the Commander thinks my current home is fine. So it must be fine."

Another reason to hate that man. Asuka huffed, "Typical. Maybe Misato could get you into a nicer place…"

Rei didn't say anything to that but wondered to herself if that might be nice.

The days went by far too fast for Asuka's liking. Shinji was ever-anxious though made an honest attempt to not show it. Rei didn't seem bothered at all, as was her way. Soon, it was the night before the operation.

It was still early into the night, as the sun had only set an hour before. Shinji was flipping through a magazine with an earbud left out and Rei was reading her book. Asuka was in the shower but had just finished getting dressed. She cracked the door open and called into the apartment, "Is Misato home yet?"

Shinji called back, "She's going to be at work late. Lots of prep work before the operation."

Right. She wasn't sure how she didn't expect that. She stepped out, newly dressed in her night clothes, "And Kaworu never came around?"

"He said he was busy with something else."

Probably something at the base, maybe some late-night testing, just in case something happened. She clicked her tongue, "Soooo...it's just us three."

"That would be correct. How is this relevant?" Rei chimed in.

She marched to her room, retrieving her bedding then returned. "Well, I'm "borrowing" Misato's room! I'm sure she won't mind because I need some time to myself!"

She stepped over the threshold and called, "This is the impenetrable Wall of Jericho! So either of you cross it and you'll be sorry!" she then smiled brightly, "Time for bed!"

She closed the door with a snap then waited, holding her breath. She wasn't sure what she was doing or why but she wondered. What would either one do? It didn't mean anything, she told herself, it was just a test.

The silence outside stretched long before Rei stated quietly, "The Wall of Jericho fell."

"Where'd you hear that from?" Shinji asked.

"I read it in a book."

More silence. Then Shinji spoke, "I'd hate to step on her toes. She should say what she means."

Part of her twisted at that, furious. What gave him the right to her inner most thoughts? A smaller part of her asked how would he know, if she didn't say?

He asked, "Rei, what should we do?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Ah. I'm sure you wouldn't."

The silence returned and lingered, so long she turned to set her stuff on the floor. That was a shot in the dark and it had missed its mark. Then, she heard shuffling. Rei asked, "You're going anyway?"

"What's the worse she can do?" his tone was playful but it masked anxiety.

"...then I shall accompany."

She hissed in surprise. She fell back onto her bedding, scrambling to look natural. But he didn't barge in, instead knocking gently, "Asuka? Are you going to be alright all alone?"

Her breath caught in her throat. She hadn't really planned for what to do if one or both actually dared breach her boundaries. She stumbled, "I'm perfectly fine but if...but if...if you wanted to come in, you could ask nicely and I might consider it!"

"Oh...uh...could we come in? Please?"

"...I'll allow it."

He gingerly slid the door open and looked around. "Whoa. This is Misato's bedroom...I've never seen it before."

"It's a mess, isn't it?" Asuka remarked, grabbing a bra that had been sitting at her feet and tossing it into a corner.

"I'm not surprised," he kneeled and gathered a few dirty clothes, putting them with the discarded bra into a makeshift dirty laundry pile.

He gestured for Rei to sit by Asuka then repeated the same motion beside her, so they were sitting in a sort of triangle formation. Even this small action made the floor look a bit less cluttered. Asuka watched this with a detached look, wanting to tease him but not wanting to drive either away. She noticed Rei had been quietly looking around the room, absorbing its surroundings. Asuka asked, "So you two were worried about lil ol' me?"

"I just didn't want you to be alone the night before the fight," Shinji finally sat down, "But if you want us to leave…"

"If I wanted you to leave, I wouldn't have invited you," Asuka cut him off.

He shifted uncomfortably but nodded in understanding. Then he asked something odd, "Asuka, what are your parents like?"

She furrowed her eyebrows, "Why would you ask something weird like that?"

"Well, you know about my dad and he's like Rei's dad too so that just leaves you."

She deflected, "I don't know about your mother, do you know anything about her?"

He frowned, tilted his head then shrugged, "She apparently played cello. My cello was hers, according to my aunt and uncle and she wanted me to have it. I don't remember that much. She died when I was young."

She nearly regretted asking at all. Even though he had freely answered, he rocked gently back and forth, betraying his true feelings. She idly picked at her quilt, "Well, my mother died when I was young too. She...had complications interfacing with the Eva."

"Complications?" Shinji's eyes widened, "I remember the Eva...well, there was nothing left...of mine...when she did that."

Asuka didn't hide the grimace from her face, "Well, uh. Something went wrong with mine. That's all."

Shinji could catch a hint and didn't prod any further. By the look on his face, he looked like he regretted asking. He said, "You didn't really have to tell us that. If you didn't want to."

"You didn't clarify."

"Ah. How about your father?"

Asuka sighed deeply and leaned back, looking at the ceiling. She said, "We have an okay relationship. But he married quickly after Mother died. It was so quick it was pretty damn obvious that he had been shagging her before she passed. His mistress isn't much better. She gave up on me when I was still young. Because I was too cold. As if I hadn't just lost my mother."

She looked back at him to find him firmly frowning. When their eyes met, he scrambled to respond, "Oh...I'm, I'm sorry. I had no idea."

She kept his gaze. He seemed genuine and she wouldn't get anywhere by punishing him for asking a question she answered. She wasn't even sure why she had said so much, even though she had left out a more than a few critical points. She shrugged, slipping her mask back on, "There's no use crying over it. If they want to be that way, then they can be."

Shinji didn't seem satisfied with that viewpoint but didn't argue. Instead, he turned to Rei, "Erm, I'm sorry, Rei. I guess I picked a bad topic of conversation because we already know about my father."

"It's alright," she assured him, "I like to listen to you two talk."

He nodded, "I'm glad then," he looked back into the open air and said, almost mostly to himself, "I've been wondering lately what my mother would think of what I've been doing."

Asuka raised an eyebrow and leaned forward, placing her face on one fist, "What makes you wonder that?"

He shrugged, "Kensuke's brother Goichi told us a story about Second Impact. He mentioned their mother in it and it made me think about mine. I guess I really can't know what she would think though."

"I think my mother would be happy that I'm working on something she worked on!" Asuka puffed her chest up, "She was a researcher so some of her work went into Eva!"

"That makes sense," he agreed, "Maybe mine would be glad too then. Pretty sure she worked on it too."

Despite her bravado, Shinji's words had wormed their way into her heart. She knew her mother did love her, despite how she had fractured in the end. Her last, glorious fight back in the "Prime Loop" told her that much. But was she...proud? Was Asuka doing something she'd approve of? Not even in just piloting Eva but trying to prevent the end of the world?

Shinji noticed her starting to space and scrambled for a new conversation, "Hey, um, I wanted to know...what is it like in Germany? Does it snow?"

Relieved for something else to occupy her mind with, she happily told him and Rei about what German winter was like.

Hours later, Misato returned home. She thought she might be able to steal a couple hours sleep before she had to be up again. Oh well, nothing some black coffee couldn't fix. Inside, the lights were off, signaling the children had gone to sleep. But curiously, Rei was absent from the living room, her temporary sleeping space. Misato furrowed her eyebrows. Perhaps one of the other kids invited her in with them? She couldn't really see that, with Shinji being as timid as he was and Asuka being as standoffish as she was. She would check after she got dressed in some more comfortable clothes.

She opened her room to find out where the three had disappeared to. Laid out beside each other was the trio; still apart from each other but close enough to reach each other if they wanted. She smiled softly, "I wonder how this happened."

Rei woke first as it was routine for her to wake just after sunrise. She sat up and stretched appreciatively. She had been sleeping better here at the Katsuragi homestead but reasoned it was because humans were a social species and so she was simply fulfilling a human need. She looked over at the other two. She would leave Asuka alone but debated shaking Shinji awake, asking for breakfast. She decided against it, instead leaving the room.

Outside in the kitchen, she found Misato brewing a pot of coffee. Seeing Rei, she smiled, "You're up early. I was just about to get you guys up. After a cup of coffee, that is."

"I always wake up at this time," she sat herself at the table, folding her hands over each other.

"I'm afraid we won't have much time for a homecooked breakfast but I did pick up some stuff last night," she gestured to an array of convenience store items on the table, "Take what you like while I get the others."

Rei perused the items for something she could eat. There was a few rice balls, two different sandwiches, a few dorayakis and three bentos. She reasoned the cold soba bento was meant for her so she took that and one of the dorayakis. Misato also got a coffee drink for each of them so she took one of those to eat her breakfast with.

In the other room, she could hear Misato rousing her companions. Asuka was, predictably, upset at having been discovered in her room—especially with the other two. Shinji seemed just as flustered but was first out, probably to get away from the teasing and Asuka's tantrum. He stopped at the table and said, "Oh, Misato got us breakfast."

He picked out his own breakfast and sat beside her, "How'd you sleep?"

"Adequately," she answered flatly, digging into her noodles.

"Oh well...I slept pretty well, all things considered," he tore open his own bento, with rice tonkatsu, his favorite. He appreciated Misato remembering that.

Asuka didn't come out immediately, instead retreating to her own room. Judging by how her fire-orange hair stuck up this way and that, it was probably to brush her hair. She returned a few minutes later, snatching up her own breakfast and wasting no time in tearing into it. She spoke through a mouthful of food, "We gotta get going!"

"Asuka, calm down," Misato took her seat, grabbing one of the rice balls for herself, "I got you guys up early on purpose so you can eat a halfway decent meal."

She took a long sip of her coffee, "And to beat the traffic..."

About half an hour later, the trio and Misato were on their way to NERV HQ. It was still early, so early dregs of morning fog still clung to Tokyo-3. Soon enough, the peace would be broken when evacuation orders were issued. The fight would take place in the city, as they were going to make use of its recently repaired fortifications. Hopefully by the time the Angel woke back up, everyone would be safe in the shelters and the pilots would be en route to intercept.

Inside the car the silence was palpable, so thick it could be cut with a knife. Asuka stared out the window, worrying at her lip. She—no, they all had practiced for this. They would not fail. But yet, all she could think of were all her past failures. Shinji asked, "Are you worried?"

"Why would you ask that?" she snapped.

Shinji flinched. He murmured, "Well, I am…"

"We've trained so much we could do it in our sleep. We'll be fine," she looked away again.

"You think so?"

"Of course!" she said, looking out the window, stubbornly not looking back.

Shinji sighed in relief, "That...actually helps," he turned to Rei, "How are you feeling?"

She responded, "I am confident in our skills and plan. However, if things don't go to plan, I am prepared to protect you two."

"No, we're a team," Asuka looked back, "We cover each other."

Rei looked back at her, red-blood-sea meeting blue. Asuka wanted to look away but stood her ground this time. Rei finally broke, "You and Ikari are irreplaceable," her voice was soft.

Asuka's breath caught in her throat. Shinji had a very different response. He cried, "Rei, we went over this! You're not replaceable!"

Asuka agreed, "Yeah, Ayanami, you're not going to go get yourself killed for our sakes."

She blinked slowly then responded, "I will not endanger my life on purpose but if it comes down to it, I should be the one in danger. If I die, I can be replaced."

"Who told you that?" Asuka hissed, "The Commander?"

"Correct."

"Unbelievable," Asuka rolled her eyes, "How am I not surprised. You're not replaceable and you're certainly not some doll."

"A...doll?" Rei tilted her head.

Ah hell. She hadn't meant for that to slip out. But she stood by it, "I said what I said."

A silence settled over the car, except for the idle hum of the car itself. Then Misato coughed, "Hey kids, you wanna lighten up a lil?"

The car remained silent and in this silence Rei pondered the other two's statements. Despite what they thought, she was indeed replaceable in a very literal sense. She wished she could tell them, if only so they'd understand and find some comfort in that fact. But alas, she had been barred from telling anyone about anything pertaining to the Scenario and had been threatened with dire consequences if she did. For both herself and the one she told. She wasn't sure exactly what she felt for the pair but she certainly didn't want either of them to die.

Speaking of Soryu, what did she mean by "doll"? It was an apt term but no one had ever used that phrase for her before. Is that what she thought of her? If so, why would she deny it in the same breath she used it?

Even if the description of "doll" was accurate, some part of Rei resented it.

It wasn't even another hour before the Pilots were suited up and loaded into their Evas. Five minutes before, the techs had signaled the Angel was showing signs of life. And just about now, it was starting to lumber towards Tokyo-3. Now it was just a waiting game to spring the Evas onto their target. Misato appeared on their individual feeds, "Alright, listen up. The target has broken through the final defense and will be in sight soon. You know the plan. Once the music starts, deploy your AT Fields then stick to the operation. Got it?"

The trio chorused their understanding and she let herself smile, "Good. Now good luck."

She left them alone once more and Asuka breathed in deeply. Interrupting her though was Shinji, paging through. It showed he had opened channels between all three. Rei accepted so Asuka did too. She teased, "Pre-fight jitters?"

"No, er, I wanted to say good luck, you two."

"I don't need luck but I'll accept. Good luck too."

"Yes, good luck, Ikari and Soryu."

The bridge chatter came through, informing them they had only 20 seconds before the target reached the city. Asuka clarified, "62 seconds, we'll be done in 62 seconds."

"Right," Shinji agreed, "Gonna be a long 62 seconds."

Misato's voice came over their comms, "Target is in range! Evas, launch!"

Right as they reached the surface, all three Evangelions launched themselves into the sky. In sync, they flipped open their shoulder pylons to retrieve their Prog Knives. With the flick of the wrist and a click, each extended into a glaive.

They launched them like javelins and they sliced through the Angel which, like last time, made no move to attack first. It stayed still for a moment before it fell dramatically into thirds. Each bubbled and reformed until it had returned to three entities. They looked up at their foes, eyes glittering with energy for a counterattack, but a volley of bullets hit them hard.

With a screech, they fired back. But the Evas launched themselves backwards and into a series of backflips. Just as the beams would have hit them, a retractable wall shot up in front of them, blocking the blast. The wall held steady so the Angels let up. A mistake because a new volley of bullets hit them, their opponents hidden in the smoke.

They dodged by lifting into the air as if it took no effort. They alighted in front of the wall and blasted it point-blank. It melted away to reveal...their opponents had disappeared?

The screeching of moving machinery alerted it before it could even begin to search. Around it, buildings shifted and opened. From the distance came the high whistle of incoming missiles. The Angels barely had a moment to comprehend what was happening before they were bathed in white hot fury.

They didn't even see the final attack coming. The Evas burst through the smoke like specters, kicking, punching then launching the Angels into the air. They collided into each other, melting back into a single entity.

Which was immediately brought back down to earth as all three Evas beared down onto it with a final, mighty kick. It slid along the ground, plowing through the city then the mountainside beyond. It screamed a final, all-too-human scream and exploded.

"The Angel has gone cold," Hyuga reported, "The Seventh Angel has been defeated."

Kaworu, who had been standing by this whole time and watching, asked, "What about Shinji, Asuka and Rei?"

Their feed showed that, once the smoke cleared, all three Evas were intact. Albeit sprawled in various, embarrassing positions. Maya reported with an amused smile, "All Evas are operational with minimal damage."

"But they look ridiculous!" Ritsuko cried.

"Ridiculous got the job done," Misato shot back with a grin, more than a little proud at their handiwork.

Down at the explosion site, Shinji had triggered the internal release for the Entry Plug and clamored out. Asuka's shrill voice came from the external speaker, "Look at us! We look ridiculous!"

"Ridiculous?" he immediately defended, "How is that any of our faults!"

"Couldn't we have tried to land a tad bit more gracefully?"

"We got blown up!"

She grumbled something unintelligible. Then she changed topic, "Anyway, good job Shinji. You too, Rei."

Rei herself chimed in, "Ikari, Soryu, good job."

"Oh..oh thank you!" Shinji smiled wide, having not expected anything like that from either, "You too!"

He paused, realization setting in, "Hey, wait! Asuka, you called Rei by her first name!"

"Did not!

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

Fuyutski sighed as the childrens' petty argument played through Central Dogma, "I guess no matter what, kids will be kids."

Chapter Text

Kaworu was looking down on the earth, the pockmarked surface of the Moon around him and the endless expanse of space beyond. When he looked to his left and to his right, he found rows upon rows of coffins. To his left, what had happened, were opened coffins. And to his right, what was to come, were closed coffins. Various hulking cables reached from over the hills, terminating in nothing.

The Earth below was wounded. It was marred by red crystalline scabs and seas of blood. His eyes drifted to where he knew Japan was, which had been nearly consumed by the red growth. It exploded in multicolored lights.

No...this again!

He cried as his neck flared with pain. Even though it was bare, it still felt like there was a red-hot ring around it. He dropped to his knees, clawing at it, all dignity lost in this empty place. Below, the Impact raged on, consuming more and more of the planet in all-consuming light. It shouldn't have gone on this long.

Why wasn't it stopping?!

Knock, knock, knock!

He jolted upright in his bed, gasping for breath. His skin was cool and clammy with sweat. His panic was ebbing away but not nearly fast enough. He shook like a leaf and it took him too long to remind himself where exactly he was. Nothing had gone wrong yet. He was safe.

Asuka called from the other side of the door, "Prettyboy! Are you still sleeping?"

Her voice helped ground him in the now but did little to uplift his mood. He called back, "I'm awake," taking care to keep his voice steady.

Surely he could confide in her. Not in here, as it was most certainly bugged. But would confiding in her hurt her? The things he had seen she might not have fathomed and he didn't know if he wanted her to know them possible. It could kill her courage or worse, break her completely. Perhaps she might even start to suspect he was something inhuman.

"Well, let me in, dummkopf! I want to take you somewhere!" she hammered on the door again.

"Let me get decent first," he sat up, pushing the familiar paranoia from his mind for the time being.

Once he got washed up and dressed, Asuka immediately dragged him to the surface. Once on the tram, she covertly handed him a packaged rice ball from her bag, which he accepted appreciatively. As he ate, he commented, "It's early yet."

She ate her own strawberry pastry and smiled brightly, "Exactly! We can talk some before sync tests later."

He blinked sleepily. He had forgotten all about later. And as to what she wanted to talk to him about, it was most likely her asking more about loops. Or maybe discussing the next Angel. He couldn't think of much else specific she'd want to know though.

Visions of that ravaged Earth flashed in his mind's eye and he squeezed his actual eyes shut to dispel them. Everything had really gone off the rails in that loop but for some time, it had looked like it was the one to end the cycle. But something had gone wrong at the eleventh hour, something he had not been privy to.

He couldn't let things get that bad ever again.

After they left the tram, they left the inner parts of Tokyo-3, eventually finding themselves in an overgrown and abandoned park. There was a pond at the center, green with algae. They found a spot beside where the grass hadn't grown so high and sat down. Kaworu appreciated the solitude of the area, both for its privacy and for the unexpected beauty there.

He asked, "So what's all this about? Touching base?"

She nodded, "I was thinking about the next Angel."

"The magma Angel, Sandalphon," he nodded in understanding.

"I was thinking of trying to kill it before it hatches. Wouldn't that be easier?" she asked.

Kaworu frowned, "Don't you think it's exterior would be just as hard in egg form? Not to mention how that would anger Doctor Akagi. You might be punished for "impeding the pursuit of knowledge"."

Asuka fumed, "That's stupid. I get the first but the second is stupid."

She crossed her arms then asked out of the blue, "In your loops, did you ever do something that got you in a lot of trouble?"

He raised an eyebrow, somewhat caught off-guard by her question. But he didn't see any reason to not tell her, "Plenty of times early on. I was bold, once I figured out what was going on. Once I was seen as a liability and not an asset, my higher ups would get careless with me or just take me out completely."

Asuka frowned deeply. She suspected as much but what disturbed her was how blasé he was with saying it. And what's worse is that somehow deepened his sincerity.

They lapsed into a new silence. Asuka wordlessly passed a coffee drink to him and cracked open her own. The sun, which was rising when they began their journey, hung over the vibrant orange horizon. Their morning wasn't going to be busy, free from school and NERV work. The nightmares were fading from Kaworu's immediate thoughts.

"Say, I've been meaning to ask you something but everything got so busy," Asuka spoke up, "What's the deal with Rei?"

That was a laser-focused question if he ever heard one. Rei was like him in many ways and Asuka was perceptive. Who knew what he might be revealing of himself by proxy? And worst yet, he couldn't predict how she'd react to learning Rei's true nature. He thought by now he had seen all unknowns but the universe delighted in proving him wrong.

He feigned confusion, "What exactly do you mean?"

She waved her arms around, "She's just so weird! I know something happened to her at the end there and then when Instrumentality hit, she was there too! There at the ocean too! What's the deal with all that?"

"Ah. Well, I'm under the impression she was used by Gendo Ikari in some way for the process," he was careful in explaining, "She was merged with Adam and Lilith so she may start Third Impact."

"Adam...Lilith?" she asked, frowning deep in confusion.

...not careful enough. He sighed, "Yes. Don't you find it odd that the first Angel to appear in Tokyo-3 was the Third?"

"So they're the two Angels before...but why are they being kept secret?! And why hasn't anyone killed them!"

He was treading dangerous territory here but he had an obligation to share any information that might be useful to her. He explained patiently, "The powers-that-be have their own ideas on how to use them. Which answers both those questions. For example, part of the way to make an Evangelion is from one of them."

She nodded in understanding...then narrowed her eyes at that, "That feels like something you should have told me up front."

He smiled weakly, "You...didn't ask?"

"And how do you know about them?" she leaned over, suspicion written all over her face.

He held up his hands to placate her, "Let me remind you how many times I've done this. There's been plenty of opportunities to learn about them."

It was such a non-answer but it seemed to work. She relaxed, "So we can't really do anything about them."

"I tried to once," he said, "I went to where Lilith was, seeking to kill her myself because I thought it might free me. But they sent another pilot after me, telling them I sought to begin Third Impact myself."

"Who did they send after you?"

He frowned deeply, considering what he should say. Then he admitted, "You. I was sent to NERV after Unit 01 absorbed Shinji. So naturally, you were the most qualified."

He left plenty of holes in his story. Like how he had been sent then deliberately, because how vulnerable NERV was. Or how eager that Asuka was to kill him, after being told he was an Angel. She had been certain it would restore her place at the top.

He also didn't tell her of his plan on the next loop, to kill Adam instead. But when in his presence, a terrible urge to merge came over him. He had felt it before, heard it before but before his progenitor, it was impossible to resist. He had come to call it the "Angelic Call", something that didn't always come over him but was an ever-present danger. He didn't like to think of it.

Asuka turned her attention to the overgrown pond, not replying to him. She murmured, "Why is this all so difficult?"

She fell on her back, looking up at the morning sky. Then she asked out of the blue, "What are you going to do about that love letter?"

He appreciated the change of topic, even for what the topic was. He smiled, "You're still on that?"

She flipped over onto her stomach and grinned, "I don't forget. You need to write one back!"

"How would I even give it to them?" he challenged back.

"You tape it to your locker and I dunno, label it with like 'To my admirer'"

"What if it's from someone I don't like like that?"

Asuka had a damn good feeling it was Shinji and she wanted to see how this would play out, if only because it might keep him away from her.

However, she figured Kaworu hadn't come to the same conclusion. It would be interesting, to see if Shinji actually swung that way and what might happen if he had a new object of his affections.

She had a feeling he wouldn't be as terrible to him as he had her.

She asked back, "Do you think it is?"

"...no," he admitted.

"Well, who do you think it is!"

When he didn't immediately respond, she defended, "I can keep a secret!"

"Alright, keep it a secret. And don't tease!"

"Bleh," she pulled a face then made a gesture like zipping her lips and throwing away the key, "Fine. Secret's safe with me."

"I believe it's Shinji."

"I KNEW IT!"

He blinked in genuine surprise, "You...knew?"

"Duh," she rolled her eyes, "Did you even see how he acts around you at school? There's no way he doesn't act like a spooked deer in the locker room."

His face flushed as he admitted, "I try not to look at him when we are both in there."

He then added, "So you're not mad or anything? I know you might have had feelings for him at one point or another…"

"Bah! That ship has sailed. I don't even know what I saw in him back then," she scowled.

It wasn't even just everything he had done to her back then—or maybe it kinda was? Logically, she knew this Shinji was another Shinji but the anger came and went. Mostly when she remembered what he had done on that shore.

"I didn't really think you'd still hold a grudge," he commented.

"I didn't really think that's your business," she countered.

That shut him up and he frowned deeply. He returned the conversation to its previous topic, "I'll think about writing a letter back. I'll have to figure out what to put in it."

"Don't think too hard about it," she suggested, "And don't forget!"

"I have a feeling you won't let me," he chuckled.

Sync tests were boring affairs, almost by design. So boring Asuka always nearly dozed off during them, which earned her sharp words from Dr. Akagi, reminding her why she couldn't do that. If she went to sleep, sync rate would drop off, nearly to zero. She nodded along, wishing she didn't feel the need to explain this every time it happened. Luckily today's was short, compared to others. She had happily rushed to the locker room to get out of her plugsuit and shower off the LCL.

"Soryu."

Asuka nearly jumped out of her skin as Rei's voice startled her from her inner monologue. She slightly turned her head to find the other girl standing there, half dressed. Her face flushed and she looked away, "What can't wait until we're dressed, Ayanami?"

"You called me Rei before."

"So what?! It was an accident," she shot back.

She did not want to talk about this right now.

"I'm not angry," she clarified.

"I don't care if you're mad or not! I didn't mean to do it!" Asuka wouldn't look at her but she could feel her blood-red eyes boring into the back of her skull.

"You call Shinji by his first name but call me by my surname."

Frustrated, Asuka turned to her and bluntly asked, "Are you asking me to call you 'Rei'?"

"I just find it curious," she commented.

"Well, I wasn't asking how you felt, I was asking what you wanted!" Asuka sighed then added, "How about this: would it make you happy?"

Rei's eyebrows shifted ever so slightly. She said slowly, as if she wasn't sure herself, "I think it would make me happy to be called "Rei"."

"Alright, Rei," the name felt foreign in her mouth but it was certainly less of a mouthful than "Ayanami" or even "Wondergirl".

Asuka turned around, pulled on her blouse and began to lace it up. Then Rei asked, "In that case, could I call you "Asuka"?"

Asuka messed up her knot, so shocked she was. She stumbled, "I mean...do you want to?"

"If being called "Rei" makes me happy, it's a fair assumption that the same would be true of you and your name? Is that incorrect?" she tilted her head.

"It's not wrong," Asuka fiddled with her half-knotted ribbon, "If you want, you may call me Asuka."

Rei mulled this over before she agreed, "Alright. I shall, Asuka," then turned and left, having gotten dressed already.

Once she was gone, Asuka sat on the bench and rubbed her temples. She didn't remember Rei being this outspoken last time—hell, she didn't think the other girl had ever been the one to initiate conversation!

From the logistical standpoint, being on good terms with Rei was a good thing. She had more to gain from being her friend. And y'know, it would probably do the other girl some good.

She still struggled with looking at her. When their eyes met, she once more felt that feeling of revulsion, that reminded her of the red sea.

But even with the knowledge she had gotten from Kaworu, that implied sense that Rei was not as human as she looked, she couldn't hate her as much as she had. She was almost surprised by this but reasoned it was because Rei had actually...never hurt her. She looked to be a victim in the grand scheme of things as much as herself or Shinji or Kaworu. She had never asked to be Gendo Ikari's doll.

She looked to the door then got back to dressing herself. Maybe if she hurried, she could catch up to her.

"Mr. Kaji."

Kaji looked up from his tidying of his desk to find, of all people, Rei Ayanami lingering at the doorway.

Rei was, and continued to be, a mystery. Any files related to her were heavily redacted with only the most mundane of details left intact, like her weight or the fact she didn't eat meat. All details that left a lot to be desired.

What was even more of a mystery is why she would come to him at all. They had never spoken and she had no incentive to speak to him. Should he be suspicious? After all, the Commander could have put her up to it.

He smiled, "Ayanami. What can I do for you?"

"I have a question for you."

"Ask away."

"What is...Soryu like?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly.

A normal person wouldn't have noticed but Kaji was no normal person. "Don't you know her?" he asked with a crooked smile.

"I don't believe I do as well as I should. You were her guardian so your opinion is invaluable."

He nearly told her that the best way to find out about someone is to spend time with them. But maybe a little information will coax her into doing that herself, without him suggesting it. He hummed in thought, "Asuka's headstrong and likes to be seen at the best in everything she does. I'd say she might seem hard to be around...but she seems to have changed since we came here. She's become more grounded and more mature. She likes to take charge and it might actually be best to let her at times. Either to soothe her ego or because she legitimately is the best for the situation. Was that valuable?"

Rei considered this and then nodded, "Yes. It is helpful."

"What do you think about her?" he asked.

"Soryu...Asuka is loud. She is stubborn and dislikes it when others disagree with her. But...she has been kind to me. She told me I wasn't a doll," Rei spoke slowly and deliberately.

An uncomfortable comparison coming from Asuka. Not that Rei would know anything about that. "Why would she say that?"

"She disliked me referring to myself as "replaceable"."

Kaji's frown deepened. "You shouldn't call anyone that, much less yourself. It makes others believe you don't like yourself very much," he said.

Rei nodded, "I have since decided to cease using the term, as it causes Asuka and Shinji distress."

It was causing Kaji some distress too. A mere kid, already with the weight of the world on them, thinking themselves replaceable. It shouldn't happen.

A new, stray thought crossed his mind. He wondered if he even should ask too much to Rei, lest it reach the Commander's ears. But he couldn't resist. "How about you, Rei? What do you think of yourself?"

She furrowed her eyebrows once more, so subtly he would have missed it if he wasn't watching her closely. She said slowly, "I do not have an opinion on myself. I do not dislike or like myself. Is this normal?"

"Most people have a bit more of an opinion on themselves but it's not unusual to have a neutral opinion on yourself. Plenty of people don't like or dislike themselves. But most people's opinions can change. They can like, dislike or be neutral about themselves all in one day," he explained.

Rei quietly absorbed this information then asked, "Do Shinji and Asuka like themselves?"

"Ah, you're better off asking them that one outright. It's not my place to tell you that information," Kaji shrugged, "Though maybe don't go asking them right away. People get upset being asked things like that off the cuff."

"Understood. Thank you, Mr. Kaji. You've been very helpful," and with that she turned on her heel and left.

He watched her leave, calling back, "It's no problem!"

But she was gone too quickly to reply. Perhaps her questions were for her own benefit and not someone else's, like he had thought.

Asuka ran in nearly right after, breathless after running. Kaji raised an eyebrow, "What's the rush Asuka?"

She said quickly, "Have you seen Rei?"

"Just missed her but if you go now, you can catch up with her."

Asuka nodded, "Thank you, see you!" and with that, ran right back out.

Kaji chuckled. If he didn't know better, he'd think Rei was Asuka's newest object of affection. She'd never admit it outright so he'd just have to see if his suspicions were correct, rather than ask.

There really are a lot of things you can't ask outright, he mused. But luckily, he was in the business of finding things people didn't want to admit outright.

Asuka did just as Kaji told her, racing through the halls until she made it to the tram station. "Rei!" she cried.

Rei stopped right before she boarded the tram. She turned and fixed her with her gaze, "Are you unwell, Asuka?"

"No, no! I just had to run to catch up!" Asuka said between pants, "Can I ride with you to the surface?"

Asuka's physical condition wasn't quite what she meant but she decided to not say as much. Instead, she asked, "Wouldn't you like to with Shinji or Nagisa?"

She shook her head, "Nah, I bet they'll be glad for the alone time together."

Rei tilted her head slightly but didn't ask further. She stepped on, "Very well, let's go together."

They sat down and the tram started, jostling them first then going still as it glided up to the surface. Rei spoke up, "Why did you want to ride with me? You could have gone alone."

Asuka shifted uncomfortably in her seat before she answered, "It's better than going alone!"

Rei nodded, "I'd suppose so."

Asuka leaned back, hoping when she got comfortable, she'd relax. She didn't really regret her decision but she would admit she hadn't thought it through completely. The silence was getting to her too so she said, "I was bored and it's better to do stuff with people. So I figured I could walk you home! And Shinji and Kaworu can spend time together too."

That would kill two birds with one stone. Asuka Langley Soryu was a genius and not just because her college degree!

"If you wish to, you may," Rei told her.

Asuka grinned and leaned back, folding her arms behind her head. She was going to have Rei acting normal in no time at all!

Once the tram emerged onto the surface, they exited. Asuka blinked in the harsh sunlight. Rei simply waited for her to gain her bearings. Once she did, she asked, "How far off is your place anyways? How long will it take us to get there?"

"It's a thirty minute walk, or specifically twenty eight minutes and a half on average."

"And here I'd think they'd put you closer to the Geofront in case of an attack," Asuka scowled.

Rei fell in place beside her, matching each step of hers, "If there's an Angel attack, Section Two reacts quickly to bring me to the Geofront."

"It still must suck to be so far from everything."

"It has not been an issue thus far."

Asuka's scowl deepened. She had to tell herself that Rei wasn't arguing with her on purpose and was simply saying what she felt. Or maybe what she had been "programmed" to say. She shook her head, "It's still not right."

"It's where the Commander wants me to be."

Asuka had to bite her tongue to stop herself from snapping that she didn't care what he wanted. You could squeeze more empathy from a rock! Comfort was not a factor to him; only how those under him could serve him. She calmed herself with fantasies of "accidentally" destroying his office with Unit Two.

Rei said nothing, her eyes trained forward as they walked. She thought about her companion. Asuka was so unlike herself. She was loud and reckless; so many of her actions were "filler" and seemed to serve no true purpose. She fidgeted, made gestures with her hands when she talked and said all sorts of things that didn't really matter. After all, did it really matter where she stayed was "good" or "comfortable" if it got the job done?

All that meant something to Asuka and made her so different. Rei didn't really know what to think of her.

Shinji was kind to her, enough she might call him her first friend. He had taken on the burden of piloting the Eva so she wouldn't have to. Afterwards, he had reached out to her almost immediately and seemed to want nothing out of her but companionship. He even made time each week to visit her but, like Asuka, complained about her living situation.

Nagisa was a mystery, so familiar but hadn't yet interacted with her enough for her ponder him further. To the Commander, she meant something to him—but when it came down to it, she was to be a means to an end. To Dr. Akagi, she was merely a patient. She could tell Akagi had deeper, darker feelings towards her but treated her well enough. She had no idea what her classmates thought of her. Aida, Suzuhara, Horaki...they all treated her kindly but impersonally.

Asuka had barreled her way into her space and was taking up so much of it. Rei didn't find herself minding nearly as much as she could. She could tell Asuka didn't know how to always behave around her, as if she had some innate instinct she was different but yet...she was kind anyway. Another action without reason. Yet again...Rei didn't mind it. Asuka was loud and reckless but had not yet been cruel to her.

Soon enough, they arrived to her building. Asuka stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, "That can't be where you actually live," she looked up at the rundown apartment complex.

It could only technically be called liveable. More than most of the windows were missing and it was completely unpainted, instead showing bare concrete. There was a couple of areas that had caved in and from them, twisted pieces of rebar poked through like claws.

"That is my place of residence," Rei confirmed.

"Shinji was right, how could they put one of their Eva pilots in that dump? Are you sure?!"

"Corr-"

"This is unforgiveable!" Asuka cut her off, fuming, "I'm gonna go complain to Misato right this minute!"

"Shinji has already informed her of my living situation," Rei said.

"Well, he didn't do a good enough job of complaining!" she jabbed a finger at herself, "Unlike me, who is pretty damn good at it!"

Rei didn't respond, only giving her a final glance before she moved on, "Whatever the case, I must go home now."

"I can't take you in there with a clean conscious!"

There was a slight ache in Rei's chest at that but she continued walking, "Then don't come with me."

Asuka shuddered with emotions, too many to pinpoint any specific one. In what was becoming a practiced move, she swallowed them before speed-walking to catch up. "I'll come with you but mark my words, I'm complaining to Misato next time I see her! I'll raise hell!"

Rei didn't understand Asuka's reaction. Was this her own way of showing she cared, like how Shinji cried after pulling her from her plug, a memory that felt so long ago? Both were so odd in how they showed caring. How could she soothe her? "Section Two keeps me safe," she tried.

"That doesn't make me feel much better," Asuka grumbled.

Rei could have pointed out this wasn't just any assortment of guards, that Commander Ikari had assembled the best to watch over her. But she couldn't say that. So she said nothing.

Asuka didn't say anything either, instead letting Rei guide her while she scrutinized the whole thing on their way up. The whole place was deserted. If anyone lived here, it must have been very few. And who knew if those few were decent people. Her mind assembled images of any assortment of criminals, addicts and other unsavory folk.

Apartments like these were built right after Second Impact; built quickly and cheaply to accommodate those who had lost their homes. But now as people left Tokyo-3, they were being demolished. Asuka couldn't be sure if it was simply a fluke this specific complex had been spared or something more intentional.

It didn't make a lot of sense to Asuka as to why Rei was put here. Rei seemed very important to the Commander; both as a pawn and someone sentimental. Putting her here betrayed that there was something more going on. She suspected it was some form of manipulation.

Finally, they stopped at a door with a mail slot stuffed with forgotten envelopes. Rei paid them no mind, instead going on inside. Asuka lagged behind, gathering them. Most of them seemed like junk mail but they were better in the trash. She followed her inside but stopped immediately, "This...this is terrible!" she cried.

Rei said nothing, only sitting on her bed with the softest but appreciative sigh. Asuka dumped the mail into the trash and followed into the main space; a concrete chamber with one wall occupied by a wide window. The only thing that hid the view inside was some beat-up shades. The space was occupied by Rei's bed, a rolling cabinet and a dresser. It didn't appear Rei owned anything of her own at all.

Asuka seethed, "We've got to get you out of here. And if not that...at least to make it less depressing in here!"

Rei blinked placidly up at her, "You're angry."

"Of course I am! Don't you think you deserve better than this?"

Rei looked around the room, her expression shifting into something thoughtful. Asuka continued, "I mean, you're an Eva pilot! Without you, we'd all be dead! Probably!"

"That is...correct," Rei acquiesced.

"So you deserve better than a glorified prison cell!" Asuka threw her arms up in the air, "At least the rooms down in the Geofront, where Kaworu is, look better than this!"

She sat beside Rei and let herself fume. Rei had finished surveying the space and simply stared at the wall, deep in thought. She murmured, "I'm alright, Asuka."

"People deserve to be more than alright, you know that, right?" Asuka looked at her, her anger deflating from her, "Being happy's important too. You don't need to go with "just alright" when things can be better."

Rei didn't respond at first then added, "I'll be alright for tonight. Alright?"

Asuka sighed through her nose, "Alright. But mark my words, something is going to change."

She stood, tilting her head towards her, "I'm gonna head home so...good night, Rei."

Rei looked at her, saying back, "Good night, Asuka."

Asuka let herself smile at her before leaving the way she came. Rei watched her go. Somehow, the room seemed so dark with her gone, as if the sun had set.

She almost wished she would come back.

When Asuka came home, she threw the front door open with a yell of, "Misato!"

The woman in question had been sitting at the dinner table, idly thumbing through a car magazine. But the sudden noise made her jolt up, her chair wobbling dangerously as she regained her balance. Asuka stopped in the doorway and began to snicker.

"That's rude," Shinji commented from the stove where he was sauteing some vegetables.

"Yeah, Asuka," Misato agreed, "You didn't do that just to startle me, did you?"

"Actually no! I walked Rei home and have you seen her living situation?!"

Misato sighed. Here we go.

Shinji whirled to face them, "I know right! It's pathetic!"

For just a moment, Asuka felt the warm feeling of solidarity. Misato cut in, "Kids, I don't know what you want me to do here."

Asuka smirked, "We're Pilots filing a formal concern about our fellow Pilot, You're our superior, so you're obligated to file it for us. We're concerned about Rei's well-being."

In the kitchen, Shinji vigorously nodded in agreement. Misato sighed once more, "I can file this "concern" of yours but I have no idea if it's going to go anywhere. I'm sure the Commander knows all about her living conditions already."

"He probably did it on purpose," Shinji grumbled.

He turned back to tend to his vegetables while Asuka sat across from Misato. She continued her complaints, "I mean, it's basically a concrete cube out in the middle of nowhere! Who knows what kinda people live around there too!"

"Shinji's told me all this before," Misato said.

"And you didn't do anything then?!"

"I really didn't think I had any recourse," Misato shifted uncomfortably, "But I'll file a "formal complaint" just to say I did. Alright? Legally, the Commander is her guardian so his word is final."

"And if he says no?"

"There really isn't anything we can do then."

"There's plenty of places Rei can go," Shinji chipped in, "I'm sure there's some empty apartments in this complex she can come to."

"We can put Kaworu out here too," Misato mused, "Can't be too good for him to be underground all the time. Alright, that's the angle we'll go with: move them both for better team synergy."

Asuka punched her arm in the air, "Thanks, Misato!"

"Just don't get your hopes up," she reminded.

The Commander returned the next day from whatever trip he had gone on. Officially, it was budget negotiations but Misato was skeptical enough to doubt that. True to the children's wishes, she submitted a formal complaint. It detailed the Second and Third Child's concerns about the safety of the First's home and suggested new accommodations for not just her but the Fourth Child as well. The four being in close proximity could lead to better synergy and in theory, better performance in combat. Truthfully, the report reminded Misato of her college essays; a bunch of bullshit she slapped together last second and prayed it passed.

Said report reached the Commander's desk who had just finished reading it. Gendo sighed deeply. These children were getting on his nerves, asking too many questions, bucking against the status quo. Perhaps he should have expected it, what with the powder keg that was the Second dumped into the mix.

Whatever, he'd consider giving them what they wanted. Reports from NERV Germany told of how stubborn the Second Child could be if not given what she wanted and he had even seen a few throwaway reports that suggested his son could get mouthy if enabled.

He couldn't be bothered to deal with the children and their petty concerns. He had bigger things on his mind. As long as it wouldn't affect Rei. And if it did...he'd just have to take drastic measures.

Hopefully, it wouldn't come to that.

Just one test before he made his final decision. He picked up the phone on his desk and dialed a number. When the recipient picked up, he said, "Rei, I would like to meet with you tonight. Yes, just like last time. It's just a check-in. You remember where? Be there by eight. Goodbye."

A click and she had hung up. He had been meaning to do a check-in with Rei as she had been in a major battle while he was gone. Katsuragi's report gave him further reason to. He hadn't really known what to think of the plan to defeat Israfel but it worked so frankly, that should be all that mattered in the end. Still, part of it was spending a lot of time with the other Children—no doubt a factor in them wanting her to move. Thus, he had to reevaluate her.

That night came and with it, came Rei and their dinner. Gendo hadn't yet begun to eat, instead clasping his hands in front of his uneaten steak. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

Rei also hadn't begun to eat, sitting as straight as a plank, "I am well. I have no pain and am in optimal condition. I was not injured in the battle with the Seventh Angel."

"Good, good," Gendo nodded, "I heard of the preparations that went into that battle. You spent time at Captain Katsuragi's home with the Second and Third Child, correct?"

"That is correct."

"Do you want to tell me how that was?"

"The training worked well to allow me better synergy with my teammates. The Third Child seemed to enjoy my presence, the Second less so."

That was about what Gendo expected. For quite some time now, his son and Rei had formed a sort of friendship. He was still deliberating whether it was detrimental or not to the wider Scenario. Shinji could swing Rei away from him but also their friendship made a useful blackmail tool.

The Second Child was obviously warming up to Rei as well, if Katsuragi's complaint report was anything to go by.

He continued, "I heard they do not like where you are living."

"I told them it was adequate."

"That would be correct. Captain Katsuragi suggested I move you into her apartment complex. How do you feel about that?"

This actually seemed to catch Rei off guard and for good reason; it wasn't often he gave her a choice like this. He was simply curious of her answer.

She answered slowly, "I will do whatever you deem I must. But I am curious of what it might be like. I don't see how it would be any different from where I live now but the Third and Second believe it would be."

Interesting. He said, "I will allow it but you must answer some things before."

"Of course."

"Would such an arrangement affect your continued duty to piloting?"
"No."
"Would it affect your place in the Scenario?"
"No."

"When the time comes, you will fulfill your duty as per the Scenario?"

"Yes."

He nodded, "Then I will allow both your and the Fourth Child's move. Speaking of, what do you think of him?"

"The Fourth Child...Nagisa?"

"Yes."

Rei actually furrowed her eyebrows, a rare show of emotion, before she admitted, "I don't know. He's different. He seems close to the Second and Third Children though."

No such luck then. The Fourth was an unknown variable and that was more fuel to letting him move out of the Geofront. Get him away from precious assets. He said, "We will have him test both Unit 00 and 01 soon."

"In case either I or the Third fall in battle."

"And we haven't the time to replace you."

If Rei was affected in any way by the casual remark of her replaceability, she did not show it. But internally, Asuka's remark came to mind.

"You're not replaceable and you're certainly not some doll."

The Commander unclasped his hands, "Anyway, Rei. Let's eat."

As they ate, Rei did a lot of thinking. These dinners were nothing new. The pair had them every so often. The Commander would ask her how she was doing, she would answer and they would eat. At one time, she would find them pleasant, a scrap of attention in a lonely life. But all she could think of was how dinner was like at Katsuragi's. It was loud and lively, such a difference from the quiet dinner here. Here, she was going through the motions.

"How is your time at school?" the Commander asked.

"I am having no trouble."

"Good, good."

They continued to eat. It bothered Rei how much the silence bothered her.

"When you go home, it's best you prepare for your move. No doubt Captain Katsuragi will waste no time moving you into your new home once she gets news."

"Of course."

The prospect of new quarters was curious to Rei. In all her life, she had only lived in two places. One was a dark room deep inside the Geofront and the second was her current living space. The two were so very similar; simple, rudimentary and ultimately...plain. In this new place, she seemed like she would have more control as to what she could do. And she'd have something she didn't have in those previous two places: people she knew close by.

Her entire life was built on long stretches of time spent alone for those two spaces were also isolated. The people she had known best were the Commander, Dr. Akagi and the Vice Commander. And all three only interacted with her on their terms, never her own. At one time, this didn't bother her.

But now, it bothered her how much it bothered her.

News came to Shinji and Asuka the next day. They went to school, came home, did homework then lounged around until Misato came home. A mirror to how Asuka had come home a few days prior, she threw the door open with a cry, "The Commander agreed!"

The pair sat up with a jolt, "He did?!" they chorused.

Misato came into the living room, shedding her jacket as she did, "I'm as surprised as you two are but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth."

Asuka jumped up from her chair, "So when's it happening? And where is she going?"

"We're putting her down the hall," she pointed to the right, "Her n' Kaworu are gonna be neighbors. Since there's no school tomorrow, I figured we'll do it then. I've even roped Kaji into helping. I might need some additional help though…"

To her surprise, Shinji jumped up too, his face full of determination, "I'll be glad to help!"

"Me too, it's kinda my fault we're doing this anyway," Asuka agreed.

"And here I thought you two were going to fight me," Misato shook her head.

"Ye of little faith," Asuka scoffed.

The next day, they went to Rei's home first. As they pulled up to the derelict apartment complex, Misato commented, "You kids really weren't kidding."

"You say that like you didn't believe us," Asuka grumbled.

"I believed you but I thought you might have been exaggerating. Totally different seeing it rather than hearing about it," she defended.

The trio got out of the car and headed in, letting Asuka take the lead. She said, "We'll have to take the stairs. Elevator's out, y'see."

"Can't say I'm surprised," Misato sighed.

They took the stairs up to the third floor, Misato eyeing their surroundings with a critical eye. Her expression said it all; she was not pleased. Asuka wondered if this whole trek might inspire some new skepticism of her superiors. Finally, they reached Rei's door which Shinji knocked at.

To his relief, Rei opened the door and looked them over. She commented, "I was only anticipating you and Asuka."

Misato raised an eyebrow at her use of Asuka's first name but said nothing on it. Instead she said, "I wanted to take a look at the place. And it'd be pretty irresponsible to let these two go by themselves after I made such a stink about it being unsafe."

Rei nodded and let them in. The space was even more barren than it had been. The counters, dresser and side table had been cleared of items which were packed into a mere two boxes. The bed was pushed up against the wall, as if Rei anticipated getting a new one. Shinji commented, "This won't take long at all!"

Asuka frowned, "This is all you have? Just two boxes?"

Rei looked at the boxes then her, "This is all I've needed."

Misato commented, "Sheesh. Kid, we need to get you some, like...stuff."

Asuka crouched to investigate the boxes. One held a few school uniforms, a white bath towel, some undergarments and some mostly empty bath products. The other seemed to mostly hold medical supplies, like bandages and various prescriptions. What stood out was a black glasses case. Weird, Rei didn't wear glasses. She reached out to grab it.

Shinji smacked her hand and whispered, "Don't touch that."

Asuka hissed back, "Why not?"

"It's important to her."

Asuka scowled at him, wanting nothing more to snap at him for touching her. But she swallowed her fury and stood straight, putting on a cheery demeanor, "Misato's right. We've got to go shopping and get you some stuff!"

"Stuff...like what?" Rei asked.

"Like more clothes and stuff for your apartment! It's gonna look empty!"

"That's a problem?"

Asuka sighed, putting her hands on her hips, "Listen, Rei. People don't typically live in the bare minimum. If you do, you get no happiness out of life. Clothes you "don't need" or things to make a place look nice have a purpose...to make you happy."

"Happy," Rei trailed off.

Picking up one of the boxes, Misato agreed, "She's right. It's like a thing that if you deprive yourself of material pleasures, it affects your mood."

Shinji picked up the other box and with that, they filed out. Rei wondered as they left how one should feel leaving a place they had lived at. Were they supposed to be sad? She didn't feel all that sad. In fact, she felt a tiny tug in her chest at the idea of going somewhere new. Somewhere she would have to furnish with things that made her "happy". Somewhere she could be near people who wanted her there, instead of merely keeping her around for a purpose.

Lots of stories she read had their characters sad when they left home. So if she wasn't sad, did that mean this wasn't really home?

The entire way to the car and then inside, she pondered this. As they drove away from the deserted apartment bloc, she decided leaving this place and going to a new home was a good thing.

Chapter Text

True to Asuka's word, she took Rei shopping the next day. Somehow, Shinji and Kaworu got roped into it, with Kaji acting as chaperone. They had left in the morning and by the time they returned with their spoils, it was well after noon. Misato was home at this point, owing to a light load at work. She was sitting at the table and eating her usual fare of instant ramen. Shinji had opted to stock the cabinets with a higher quality brand and she had to admit, it made a difference.

She straightened up as Kaji, Asuka and Shinji came in, "Did you guys have fun?"

"Mhm! We got Rei more clothes than just her school outfit and both y'know basic necessities!" Asuka answered.

"It was fun," Shinji agreed, with the hint of a smile.

"You should have come along, Katsuragi," Kaji flashed her his trademark grin, "Would have been a treat seeing you try on some new clothes. Like a new blouse or a dress or even a bikini…"

Misato rolled his eyes at him, "Not in front of the impressionable kids, you weirdo."

Asuka perked up, "Funny though we did get some new swimwear."

Misato frowned, "Because that school trip, right? Not to get your hopes up but everyone's still on duty during that week. I was going to mention it at dinner tonight but now's a good a time as any."

A small silence passed before the girl sighed, "Saw that coming a mile away. Oh well, I'll go swimming at the pool with my new swimwear."

"I suppose that's fine," Misato shrugged, "You two's grades could be better but as long as you two fit some studying in, do what you like. Especially you Asuka, with your kanji."

Asuka beamed. The benefits of hindsight came not only in Angel fights but school too! As much as she hated it, she had paid more attention in school, set time aside to study and even roped Kaworu into helping her a few times. He didn't mind helping and had a knack for everything.

She practically skipped her way to her room, Shinji following to his own. Left alone, Kaji commented, "Just make sure they get time to be kids. Must be a bummer not to go on a school trip."

"Not like me or you know anything like that," Misato commented, a sad and sarcastic note in her voice.

After putting her stuff away, sans her new swimsuit, Asuka poked her head out of her room and called, "Shinji!"

"What?" he opened his door.

"Let's go rope Rei and Kaworu into going swimming with us."

Shinji pulled a face, "Right now?"

"No, in three business days...yes, right now!"

He frowned then said, "I dunno. I don't like swimming that much."

"Don't you wanna go enjoy yourself for once?" she scowled, "Instead of sitting around all depressed?"

This struck some cord with Shinji as he straightened up, "You said we'll get Rei and Kaworu to come too?"

"I did say that."

"Good, then someone who likes me will be there," and with that, he closed the door.

Asuka blinked owlishly at the closed door. She hadn't expected that.

When Shinji emerged again with his things, Asuka decided against pressing him about his tone. She had suggested swimming to go have fun, not try to pick a fight with him.

They tried Rei's door first, though to no response. Furrowing her eyebrows, Asuka tried again. Shinji offered, "Maybe she's out and about?"

"I guess so," Asuka shrugged dismissively.

Was Rei not being home normal? She hadn't interacted with her nearly enough last time around to know. Shinji added, "Or she had to go over to NERV...for...some reason,"

"Hell if I know," Asuka moved to the next door and knocked on it.

Unlike Rei, Kaworu answered the door, beaming when he saw it was his friends, "Hello, didn't I just see you two?"

"We're going swimming," Asuka declared.

He looked behind him at the bags on his table he hadn't yet put up, "Oh, I haven't gotten the chance to put anything away…"

"Just get your swim stuff and let's go. It'll be there when you get back."

He conceded, "Alright, give me a moment."

Once at NERV, the pair of boys and Asuka split off to get dressed before they went into the pool. Asuka rushed to get into her new striped one piece and, once at the pool, was pleasantly surprised to see this was where Rei was. The other girl was swimming laps, unaware she was no longer alone. Asuka called, "Rei!"

Rei snapped to attention and swam over, "You came to swim too?"

"Gotta break in the new swimsuit!" Asuka posed for emphasis, "See you had the same idea."

Rei averted her eyes and the subject, "I also do swim here often."

Asuka sat down at the lip of the pool then said, "Shinji and Kaworu came with me, I'm sure they'll be along soon."

Rei nodded in understanding, swimming up to the edge to chat with her. Asuka looked around then leaned in, "Hey, can you keep a secret?"

"I can keep any secret to my grave."

Asuka grimaced at her choice of words, "Overdramatic, much? Well, anyway, what if I told you Shinji's got a crush on Kaworu?"

"A crush?" Rei blinked.

"You know what that is, right?"

"...theoretically, yes. Why do you believe that?"

"I don't just believe it, I know it!"

Rei nodded slowly, though didn't seem entirely convinced. "You told me this because?"

"Because I gotta tell someone. And I gotta have someone join in watching them fumble around."

Rei hummed then asked, "Why not just tell one of them?"

"You're not supposed to do that," Asuka rolled her eyes, "You gotta let it happen organically. Tell 'em and you might scare him away. I want them to get together because then maybe Shinji will leave me alone."

"You want Shinji to leave you alone?" there was the barest hint of surprise in Rei's tone, "You don't act like it."

"I treat him nicely because I got to. You know how you sometimes have to be nice to people."

"Yes but...Shinji's always been kind to me. So I don't see any reason to "have" to be nice."

Rei pushed away and began swimming laps again. Asuka watched her exit, dumbfounded. If she didn't know better...she would think she upset Rei! "Hey, Rei!" she called.

Rei ignored her. She had upset Rei!

She scowled. Rei didn't understand—no she couldn't! An image of Shinji standing over her, face hidden in shadow but his eyes betraying a mix of guilt and revulsion came unbidden to her mind. She shook her head to dispel it. She knew that this Shinji wasn't that Shinji but if she could get away with keeping him at an arm's distance, she would.

It had merely been a mistake they were close just a few days ago. The job called for such a thing. She regretted opening up to him about her mother, no matter if he understood her pain. Why had she done such a thing?! Was she that desperate? She didn't need his pity!

Her brooding was interrupted by Shinji and Kaworu entering the pool room. Kaworu called and waved at Rei, "Here you were!"

She politely waved back before getting back to her laps. Kaworu took off into a run and leapt off the edge with a rare cry of excitement. Shinji stopped at the edge, "I'm not that great of a swimmer."

Kaworu popped back up from underwater, "C'mon, I wouldn't let you drown."

Shinji nodded and carefully slipped into the water, doggy-paddling over to him. Seeing the pair together gave Asuka a weird feeling, some sort of horrible gut-twisting anxiety she couldn't name. Pushing it away, she shot up and cried, "Let me show you how it's done!"

She backed up a few feet then ran, leaping into the water like a knife through butter. That got the desired reaction as both boys gasped in surprise. Even Rei stopped to watch. When she resurfaced, Shinji asked, "How'd you get so good?"

"Duh, I was taught! I trained as a kid to dive like that!" she preened.

Shinji turned to Kaworu, "Did you learn anything like that?"

Kaworu nodded, "Yep, but I didn't get to swim for fun. I learned a lot too when I was a kid but I think learning piano was my favorite."

Shinji perked up, "You can play piano?"

Kaworu nodded, "I love to play piano but I haven't yet got an opportunity over here. I have been meaning to go check the rec room though."

"I can play cello," Shinji offered, "But...I haven't played in a while."

"You should," he encouraged, "It's good for the soul."

Asuka paddled back to the edge, idly listening to the pair chat. Rei finally came back over and murmured, "I think you're correct about what you said."

Asuka raised an eyebrow, "About...the crush thing?" she murmured back.

Rei nodded, "I should imagine he'll spend more time with Kaworu than you. Like you wished."

Asuka bristled with indignation, "That's not what I meant. I just…" she groaned and pulled herself out of the pool.

She stalked out of the room with a call of, "Y'know, I don't wanna swim anymore!" leaving the trio to watch her with varying degrees of confusion.

Asuka dried off and got dressed so quickly, she was still damp. But the last thing she wanted was Rei coming after her.

She was just fine this morning but maybe that was because the boys were off doing their own thing while they shopped. She had been forced to be good friends with Shinji during their training for the triplet Angels but now with that past them, she was once more growing repulsed by him. The logic part of her brain could tell her all it wanted that it didn't make sense to be repulsed by him but animal emotion wasn't ready to let go of the pain. It wouldn't have been real if she let go, right?

She couldn't tell Kaworu all of this. He would once more tell her that this Shinji wasn't like the Shinji before, that she had to be kind to him, blah blah blah! He didn't get the emotional core of it! She seethed the entire way up to the surface.

The next day came. The kids had time off from NERV but work moved on as usual. Today was a survey on Mt. Asama, following bizarre seismic readings from the region. The Vice Commander was overseeing the operation in the command center and was currently studying a screen. There was an image of orange haze on it with an oval-shaped object at the center. He grumbled, "I can't tell what I'm looking at here."

Maya chirped, "The MAGI thinks it's something worth looking into."

"Let's not mince words here," Fuyutski replied, "We all suspect what it really is."

The bridge technicians all shared a look. The Vice Commander added, "Just tell Katsuragi I need a better image."

Misato hadn't expected to do what she was doing today either but the day started with her being ordered to take a VTOL to Mt. Asama, along with her choice of one of the bridge techs. So Hyuga was there with her, the pair trying to get better eyes on their mystery object using a probe they were lowering deeper and deeper into the volcano. She scowled, "We gotta go deeper. Another 500 feet please."

One of the operators protested, "Ma'am, I don't know if it can withstand the pressure."

She waved him off, "Try anyway. If it breaks, we'll replace it."

The operator was not happy, giving her a scowl when he thought she wasn't looking, but complied anyway. The computer hummed as more text scrolled on its screen. Then, all input ceased and the operator reported, "We've lost connection. The probe's been crushed by the pressure."

Misato looked to Hyuga, "Did we at least get anything from that?"

"Barely," he nodded, "As we suspected, it's a Pattern Blue."

The computer's screen showed the final image taken: the image of a fetus-like creature nestled within an oval membrane. Misato straightened up and cried, "As of now, this lab is sealed off and is under NERV jurisdiction for the foreseeable future! Until then, any and all access to the outside world is prohibited and all records of the past six hours are classified!"

She glanced back at the image of the fetal Angel. This was an unbelievable advantage and direct action had to be taken immediately. She marched out of the lab, taking her satellite phone and dialing Aoba immediately, in the hopes of reaching Commander Ikari.

Commander Ikari, unfortunately for him, was called to a meeting with the almighty Committee immediately after. Who were none too happy to hear why he was late and that he had told his subordinate to do what she deemed fit.

One cried, "You plan to launch an offensive!"

Another piped up, "Unacceptable, Ikari. It's too dangerous. Are you so ready to forget what happened fifteen years ago?"

"I am well aware," Ikari replied coolly, "This is a rare opportunity to go from a defensive position to an offensive one. We hold the advantage for once."

The head of the formation countered, "The risk is too large. Too many unknown variables."

"Every fight we deal with unknown variables. The risk is large but a live Angel sample will tell us much more than all the dead ones we've studied," Ikari countered back, "It may provide us an advantage over future Angels."

This seemed to leave the Committee thoughtful until the head warned, "Know we do not tolerate failure," and one by one, their monoliths blinked out.

Fuyutski, who had found time to accompany him, commented, "Failure? If we fail, it means the destruction of the human race. It is not an option."

He turned to the Commander, "You're really sure of this?"

From behind his gloves, Commander Ikari smiled, "I have faith in the Captain's ability to see to the Angels' destruction. And if not, we have contingencies."

The next day found the Children called into duty. A day and a half had only blunted Asuka's foul mood. An operation that put her and Shinji together brought back that gut-twisting feeling she couldn't name. On one hand, she could maybe finally prove herself on her own. On the other, if she failed, it would be Shinji saving her.

"So that's an Angel?" Shinji studied the image of the fetal Angel.

The morning had found the group of pilots, along with Misato and Ritsuko, in a debriefing room, going over all the information they had and the plan for the operation.

"Yes," answered Ritsuko, "It's a sort of chrysalis prior to reaching the adult stage."

Shinji looked thoughtful. "Like a butterfly," explained Kaworu.

"This operation's main directive is to capture this Angel. We must capture it alive and as close to its original state as possible. If we can't, we will destroy it immediately. Understood?"

Asuka still wasn't completely on board with the "capture it alive" idea. She didn't even entirely have faith they could reliably contain it. But Kaworu had warned her once more it was best to follow her orders than act out.

"Now for the actual pilot assigned to this operation...," Ritsuko trailed off, looking through her clipboard.

Asuka stole a glance at Shinji. He looked uncomfortable and glanced away from Ritsuko. Asuka's lip quirked ever so slightly up. You're not the one doing this...I hope, she thought. Even if someone else was put on, she'd insist she was to do it. It wouldn't be out of character.

"Asuka will carry out the operation in Unit Two."

She put on a grin, "Sure! Should be a piece of cake!"

Ritsuko nodded, acknowledging her, "Asuka is more experienced as her training involved deployment in harsh environments. While this was all in theory, it's better than Shinji's utter lack of experience involving this."

Experience? Ritsuko didn't know the half of it.

Rei piped up, "What will my role be in this operation?"

"Since Unit Zero is incompatible with the special equipment Two will be using, you will remain stationed here. In case of attack or failure of the operation," Ritsuko explained.

Rei nodded, holding her blank facade. But under it, worry gnawed at her. Leaving her friends behind was...upsetting. She couldn't defend them.

"I'll be here, if you're worried," Kaworu said to her before turning to Ritsuko, "...right?"

"Of course. Shinji will come with Asuka and serve as standby. But there's a good chance you'll just be standing around...no offense, Shinji," she answered.

He laughed nervously, "None taken…"

"We'll scramble immediately. So get ready. Asuka, the plugsuit has been left in the locker room by the room we're fitting 02 with the equipment. Meet me outside when we're done," Ritsuko said.

Asuka grimaced but did as she was told. All was as it was previously, she comforted herself. Even including the terrible bulky suit.

The flight to Mount Asama was quiet, leaving Asuka more time alone with her thoughts than she liked. She had gone over what happened last time about half a dozen times and crafted a dozen imaginary scenarios and how she might respond to them. But no plan survived contact with the enemy. The last Angel had taught her that divergence was always possible and for all she knew, it was fated.

At the mountain, she was quiet throughout the preparations. If anyone found this odd, they said nothing. It was more likely they assumed she was just that determined. As they waited for the operation to begin, a group of jets raced overhead, something both pilots noticed. Shinji pointed them out, "Jets?"

"The UN Air Force is on standby alert until the mission is completed. They don't have a lot of faith in us and unfortunately, the last Angel didn't instill any in them." Ritsuko explained.

"So if the mission isn't completed…?" Shinji asked warily.

"They're here to clean up if we fail."

"How will they do that...?" Asuka asked lowly, knowing the answer already but figuring Shinji was too cowardly to ask.

Almost too casually, Ritsuko explained, "They will use N2 depth charges to take out the Angel and us with it."

"That's terrible…" Shinji murmured, "It sounds like an order from my father."

"It was your father's orders," Ritsuko confirmed.

Shinji leaned back in his chair, grinding his teeth lest he say something he'd regret. The same thought was going through Asuka's mind as she hissed through her teeth. She had a lot of words concerning the Commander but her luck, she'd get called out for insubordination for voicing any of them.

Misato's voice came over the comm, "Operation is a go. Ready, Asuka."

"As I'll ever be," Asuka gave a determined nod, even though no one could see her.

With a lurch, Unit Two was lifted off the ground and Asuka steeled herself. The crane slowly moved Unit Two in position over the crater, making it so she could see down into it. Had she been this nervous the first time?

Misato felt that same creeping dread she felt every time she called the pilots into battle as she watched the crane lower Asuka into the crater. If she was lucky, this operation would go as planned and there would be no need for combat. Unfortunately, she had been born unlucky. She looked to the side of the crater where Unit 01 and Shinji stood vigil. She could tell every muscle in the Eva's body was wound up, ready to launch into action.

With another lurch, the crane began to lower Unit 02. Being lowered into the lava was an odd sensation, not at all like the diving comparison she made last time. It was thicker than water and even though the armor protected Unit 02 from the bulk of the heat, it felt uncomfortably lukewarm. Visibility plunged the second the Eva was fully immersed.

She took a deep breath and looked at the monitors on her screen. She reported in, "Current depth is 170. Speed of descent is 20. No problems detected. Visibility is zero. I'm switching over to CT monitor to check that."

Even with that, all she saw in front of her was a red haze, "Visibility with CT monitor is not much better."

"Alright, Asuka. Keep us updated," Misato said.

"Roger."

She tuned out the bulk of the technicians' chatter over the comms in favor of watching the haze like a hawk. There was no sign of movement in the red haze. Maya reported, "We are the estimated target level."

"See anything?" Misato asked.

Asuka gave the haze one last good scan and even checked the readings of the area, "Nothing's here."

"The lava currents must be faster than we estimated," Ritsuko hypothesized, "We'll have to recalculate the Angel's position."

"We'll have to keep going then," Misato grimaced, "Continue descent."

Hyuga took a moment before he complied to steal a glance at her. Her face was a grim mask, hiding how she truly felt. At least, that's what he hoped and that this wasn't just pure determination. He shook his head and turned back to his screen as it re-calculated the Angel's estimated location.

Asuka heard a muted crunch followed by one of the techs reporting in that one of her coolant pipes was cracked. She grit her teeth and said to herself, "Hold in there…"

Maya reported, "We're over the maximum allowed depth."

"And we haven't made contact with the target yet...," Misato turned to the comm, "Asuka, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just wish we could find this thing already."

"Me too, just hang in there. We can, uh...we'll visit the hot spring after this, alright?" Misato promised.

"I'll hang in there."

Asuka already knew Misato wanted to destroy the Angels at any cost. An insidious voice in her brain murmured, how did the kids count in that? Were they an acceptable cost in killing an Angel? She shook her head to dispel the thought. Misato just wasn't thinking straight. She'd never openly sacrifice one of them.

A snap alerted her from her thoughts and she helplessly watched her prog knife drift into the lava and out of reach. She called in, "Just lost my prog knife, what if the Angel hatches before we can pull it out?"

"That's a good point," Misato hissed, mostly to herself.

To Asuka, she asked, "Do you have an idea?"

"Shinji could give me his."

"...no, not until we're sure you'll need it. We don't want to add any more interruptions than we have to. I want you out right away."

Asuka narrowed her eyes, "So I'm a sitting duck if it does hatch?"

"We'll deal with that if it happens," Misato said in a tone that meant 'I am not changing my mind'.

Asuka slumped back, stewing in her anger and the uncomfortably warm Entry Plug. Moments passed without incident until a dark shape emerged from the haze. She perked up, "There it is!"

Misato allowed herself a smile. A gambit paid off. "Alright, get ready to capture. You've got one shot before it's out of range again."

"Don't worry, I won't miss," Asuka grinned, readying the cage.

She moved in, like a snake creeping up after her prey. Once she was confident, she stuck. She deployed the cage, watching it light up around the shape through the haze. "Target's been captured!" she reported, unable to keep the gleeful tone from her voice.

"Good job, Asuka! We're gonna pull you up now," Misato praised, nodding at the techs so they could start doing just that.

With a creak, she could feel herself and her prize being winched back up. She couldn't stay too mad at Misato. Just as last time, her gambit paid off. So hopefully, it would further pay off and the damn thing would stay in its egg.

Shinji's image flashed on screen and he asked, "You got it?"

Her happiness washed all annoyance from her mind and Asuka nodded, "I've got it now!"

"Good...I'm glad. I didn't like you being...down there. Where no one could help."

"Don't be dramatic. It was easy."

Misato reminded them, "We're not quite out of the fire yet."

In the command center, Ritsuko gave her a faint smile, "But I can tell a lot of your tension's gone away."

"You have no idea," Misato told her, "Risking Asuka and also everyone's been reminding me what was at stake. Meddling with the Angels…" she trailed off.

"Could lead to a repeat performance," Ritsuko finished for her, "Don't worry. We plan to grab some live samples then kill it as soon as we can. It's too risky to leave it alive for long."

She looked back at the screen, "Still...Asuka seemed really concerned about it hatching. It isn't impossible for the temperature shock to do just that. So let's not get too comfortable yet."

Asuka had been watching the egg like a hawk the whole ascent. But this time it was quiet and still.

Before long, she was pulled from the lava and into the open air. Leaving the lava should have made her feel better but it only contributed to her anxiety. It breaking out felt like an inevitability and every passing second made her wonder when that would be. At the very least, she had more mobility up here. Not much but more than within the volcano. She asked, "What's the plan now?"

Ritsuko answered, "We'd like to move it to a secure location. So you and Shinji stand guard until transport arrives."

The crane finally lifted her free from the crater and guided her onto solid ground. The egg was oblong and a shiny red color, just like an Angel's core. Within the glass-like surface, she could see the curled up form of the Angel. There was a final lurch as she was put on the ground and disconnected from the crane. "You can put the cage down if you'd like," Ritsuko told her.

"If it's all the same to you, I'm going to hold onto it a little while longer."

"Whatever you'd like."

Moments, treacherously long, passed as they waited. Shinji wandered over and studied the egg, "It looks like an Angel's core," he observed.

"Almost makes you want to go ahead and destroy it, huh?" Asuka asked.

There was something comical in how Unit 01 mimicked his mannerisms, standing straight and waving its arms, "No, Ritsuko would be beyond mad!"

"Just kidding," she scowled. He couldn't take a joke.

The egg began to rumble in her grip and a sharp crack pierced the silence. A long plaintive cry followed. Asuka dropped the cage and stumbled away from it. She was right! It was hatching!

Ritsuko cried, "It's starting to hatch!"

"Can the cage hold?" Misato asked.

One long limb burst from the egg shell and reached out until it hit the membrane of the cage. It tested it, pushing it until it tore. "Nevermind, that answers that question," Misato said.

"We have to kill it," Ritsuko told her, "The risk is too high."

She nodded then relayed the order to the kids, "Change of plans, we kill the Eighth Angel!"

Asuka went for her prog knife but remembered she had dropped it when her hand passed over empty air. Before she could ask, Shinji had ejected his own and passed it over to her. He turned to run back to the weapons cache, "Get it away from the command center and the crater!" he told her.

A passing thought observed how out of character it was for him to take charge but Asuka pushed the thought away. She hefted the cage as the Angel struggled to be born, rocking it dangerously. She began to waddle away as fast as she can, thanks to the Type B equipment. "Is there no way to get this thing off?" she asked.

"Not in a timely manner," Ritsuko answered.

"Scheisse," she hissed.

Shinji appeared back beside her and grabbed one end of the cage, "Let me get it away," he told her.

"This was my job," she protested.

"We don't have time!" he cried, a note of annoyance in his voice.

Annoyed, she let go of the cage. He hefted the cage up in the air and took running, leaping off the peak of the mountain and into the forest below. Asuka followed him as quickly as she could, skidding down the side once she was over the edge. She arrived just in time to see the cage tumble from his hands as the Angel got its other limb free.

It used both to rip its way free of its egg and then the cage. The Angel looked right out of their history books, an early Cambrian nightmare. On the upside, it didn't seem adapted for land, clumsily propping itself on its arms. It looked from one to the other, as if it couldn't see very well. Then, with surprising speed, it launched itself at Shinji.

He yelped and got a volley of bullets off before it collided with him. It bowled him over and kept him pinned with its sheer weight. "Get off!" he yelped, kicking at its underside to dislodge it.

The Angel was unfazed, mouthing at his Eva's face with a kiss of death. He yelped again as it latched on, sending a crushing pain through his Eva's, and by proxy his, skull. His armor began to crack and cried again, "Get off, get off!"

Asuka lunged, driving her knife into its back. But the tip skidded off with a horrific squeal, refusing to puncture.

Shinji finally kicked it enough to dislodge his rifle arm free and pressed the tip against its stomach, letting loose a barrage of shots. It squealed with pain as it was thrown off him and onto its back. He staggered to his feet, "Its underside isn't armored," he observed.

The Angel rolled right side up and skittered after him. He danced back, firing more shots at it.

"Then we've got to get it on its back," Asuka scowled, following the pair and studying its back, "Or find a chink in its back. I'm going to need you to keep it still."

"Got it."

Once again, the Angel lunged but Shinji was ready, rushing to meet it with his shoulder. Instead of completely bowling him over, both fell away from each other. Shinji proved faster in his recovery, pinning it down. It thrashed but he held true.

Asuka went in for the kill, digging the knife between two plates of armor, right between its shoulders. It squealed in agony but she ignored this, digging it in deeper. She had never actually prepared a lobster but this is what she thought it might be like.

With renewed strength, the Angel bucked and Shinji yelped as he lost his grip. That was all it needed as it bucked once more, knocking Asuka off of it and onto her back, leaving her knife still lodged in it. It whirled on her and pounced. Unlike Shinji, she wasn't getting up right away. This didn't kill her resolve. She screamed at it, scrambling to retrieve her knife. Undeterred, it pressed its mouth against the glass of the Type B suit's window, cracking and splintering it under the pressure. "Damn you!" she screamed.

"Shinji, where the hell are you?!"

"I'll be right back!"

He had actually ran away, scrambling back up the mountain. "What are you doing?" she demanded.

"Coolant canister, thermal expansion!"

She blinked in surprise. How had he come to that conclusion independently?

She hadn't more time to wonder because a long crack ran across the glass. The external suit was the only thing preventing the Angel causing further damage to her Eva. The glass dome squealed under the pressure. If it broke and it latched onto her head, it could crush her armor then skull in a minute. She began to thrash, doing whatever she could to dislodge it. Even rolling it onto its back did nothing as it refused to budge.

The glass dome of her external suit shattered and it lunged for her face proper, latching on immediately. The pain was instant, a horrible pressure that felt like it would burst her skull like a watermelon. Distantly, she heard Misato demand the techs cut her synch rate manually. Her vision began to swim.

Then relief! The Angel was dislodged and through her swimming vision she could see Unit 01 bent over it. All other sound through her comms was drowned out by the sound of Shinji howling like a man possessed.

He ripped the Prog Knife from its back and began to stab it over and over in the stomach. Blood sprayed from its wounds all over his Eva but he was undeterred. He threw the knife away and reached into its open wound, digging around until he yanked its Core free. Without hesitation, he crushed it.

The Angel's corpse began to glow with a brilliant light and he staggered to his feet. He grabbed her around the waist and half-dragged, half-carried her away from it. As she was pulled away she could see what exactly it was he had done. He had retrieved a canister, shoved the tubing into the side of its mouth, and flooded it with coolant. It probably had let go of her in its panic...panic he had taken advantage of.

They didn't get quite free of the explosion but free enough. It washed over them, pushing them over but otherwise not harming them.

"Are they alright?!" Misato demanded as the forest below glowed white.

Hyuga nodded, relieved, "The kids are alright and the Angel is dead. It looks like Asuka has lost consciousness though so we're readying retrieval."

When Asuka awoke, she was in a mobile medical center with a throbbing headache. Thankfully, Ritsuko reported that was all the damage she had and sent her off with a bottle of painkillers. When she staggered back out into the sunlight, she found Shinji sitting there. He turned then, upon seeing her awake, bolted to his feet, "You're alright!"

She made a gesture for him to lower his voice then confirmed, "Feel like my skull's still being crushed but yeah. I'm alright."

She sized him up and tried to reconcile the nervous boy in front of her with his screams of fury only maybe half an hour before. She asked, "So how'd you know to use the coolant?"

He blinked, as if surprised that is what she would ask. He then stammered, "I figured...um, figured it would dislodge it. Temperature differential and all."

"You mentioned thermal expansion."

"I guess I remembered it from school."

A moment passed then she stated, "You killed the Angel."

He nodded slowly. She said, "I didn't think you had...that...in you."

"I didn't either but…," he shifted from foot to foot anxiously, "I just stopped thinking. I couldn't stand to see my friend hurt. I had to do whatever it took to save you."

Her eyebrows raised, "I'm your friend?"

"I'd...like to be," he frowned, "I'm not really sure what I did but I'm sorry for whatever I did to you."

"Shinji, I…" she pinched the bridge of her nose then began again, "You didn't do anything wrong. I was just being a bitch."

"Don't call yourself that,"

She pulled a face but didn't address that. Instead, she said, "Thanks, really. For saving me."

Shinji gave her a weak smile then changed the subject, "Misato told me she was serious about the hot spring thing. Once you feel up to it."

"Might help my headache," Asuka shrugged, "Let's go tell her."

Together, the pair trekked back up to the command center, only a few dozen feet up. As they did, Asuka turned over this Shinji's open declaration of her being his friend and his furious defense of her with another Shinji. Another Shinji who, after violating her, refused to even defend her from the vultures that came to pick at her carcass.

Sure, that Shinji had also saved her from this Angel in different circumstances but she still couldn't forget this Shinji's screams of fury.

She furrowed her eyebrows, finding she could not reconcile the pair. Because this Shinji was already proving to be different than that Shinji.

And for the better.

Chapter Text

Months earlier…

Being in LCL was not an unfamiliar experience for Rei. She had been in and out of her whole life.

Inside the tank where she was born. Within the tube, where her "mental backups" were made. And even if it wasn't really "her", the tank in which her physical backups lived.

In fact, it was even within a lot of her supplements. No one told her as much but she suspected this meant she needed it to live.

But this was the first time she was syncing with her Evangelion. She couldn't name the emotion that buzzed along her skin as she was closed in the Plug. Or the one when the Plug shifted and settled into place within Unit 00. She took a deep breath. The Commander assured her it would be okay so it would be okay. And if it wasn't, it was still okay. As she could be replaced.

Her comm crackled to life as Doctor Akagi told her, "We're beginning the activation test now,"

"Yes," she breathed.

The machine buzzed to life around her. Even without being synced properly, she could feel the life of her Evangelion...and its slumbering power. It was enough to make the hair on her arms stand on end—if her plugsuit allowed it. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. She had to relax. The Evangelion wouldn't accept her otherwise.

"Starting the activation sequence," one of the technicians, a woman named Maya, said.

Rei ignored the feeling inside her and opened herself to her Eva. It was going to be alright, no matter what.

A buzzing feeling raced along her skin and she was suddenly aware of the Eva. Her body was its body was her body. She was aware both of the enclosed space of the Entry Plug and the wider space of the testing chamber. She used the eye that was not hers to look up at the window where the Commander and Dr. Akagi were standing. While the doctor was busy looking over the shoulder of Maya at her screen, the Commander looked at her. His face betrayed nothing.

THAT MAN. THIS IS HIS FAULT.

Without anyone's input, the connection was cut and Rei felt like she was falling. But something rose from the depths, grabbed her and held her in place. She didn't scream or cry but still felt helpless as she was taken along for the ride as the Eva strained to escape its restraints. Finally, with a horrific screech, it pulled free and lurched forward with a pained moan.

Distantly, she could hear Dr. Akagi and the other techs try to regain control of the berserk machine. But the angry screaming of something familiar drowned it out.

THAT MAN. HE TRAPPED ME HERE. HE KILLED ME!

Rei grabbed her head as it throbbed. Why wouldn't it all go away? Why wouldn't it stop? The voice, the pain, the feeling of being trapped—

A voice cut through the cacophony, "Stop the experiment. Cut the power."

I'M IN PIECES BECAUSE OF YOU!

The machine shuddered as the cable was ejected. It jerked to a stop, like a puppet with its strings cut.

WE HAVE TO KILL HIM.

Evangelion Unit Zero jerked to life again, looking wildly around the room until it once more laid its eye on the Commander who, uncharacteristically, stiffened upon seeing it come back to life. It launched a fist at him, denting the wall and cracking the window. It stood firm, as did the object of its hatred.

A very distinct feeling of frustration rushed through Rei and the Eva began to pummel the wall. Still, despite cracking and breaking, it stood firm.

The Eva made a muffled wail and it bent over, grabbing its head once more.

WHY CAN'T...WHY CAN'T…

WHY COULDN'T WE BE DEAD?

A new shudder ran through the machine as the Entry Plug was finally ejected. Her relief was short-lived as the Plug hit the ceiling hard and slid across with a horrendous squealing sound. Her head hit the back of the chair and the LCL was suddenly clouded red.

With another jerk, it hit the wall, still shuddering as the rockets kept going. In a combat scenario, the Plug was designed to fly as far as it could from the danger and hit the ground much easier than it would now. Rei felt a horrible feeling, of knowing she would shortly be in more pain and could do nothing about it.

Finally, the rockets petered out and she went into free fall. But not for long and she hit the ground, a horrible snap coming from her arm. She cried out as it did.

It went silent. Horribly and utterly silent. There was no one with Rei except the pain. Still, she did not cry, gasping instead. Part of her, a very small part, wanted to cry.

Then there was a voice outside. A grunt of pain then the sound of the Entry Plug release squealing as it was turned. Finally, light flooded the Entry Plug. "Rei?" the Commander asked as he leaned inside the Plug.

There was a desperate edge to his voice Rei had never heard before, "Rei, are you alright?!"

She looked up, her neck flaring in pain at the movement. She couldn't quite meet his eyes but he looked truly concerned. A new feeling, something that soothed her pain, rushed through her. She nodded slowly.

"...I see," he said.

He turned away as the hospital personnel made it down to them. A glint of something by the Entry Plug caught Rei's eyes. The Commander's glasses? She had rarely seen him without them. Her curiosity outweighed her pain so she leaned over, grabbing the edge of them. Her body screamed in pain but she ignored it, leaning back in her chair.

A long crack ran through the glasses, no doubt because the extreme heat the Plug was giving off. Her plugsuit protected her from it but the Commander had no such thing. His gloves definitely would not have held against it and a sneaky glance at him confirmed it. The palms of his gloves had been burned away, revealing angry burns on his skin.

The feeling from before rushed through her, a soft feeling that muffled her pain. She cradled the glasses close to her with her good arm and did not let go of them, even as darkness consumed her. A red haze swam behind her eyes just before it did and it felt, for just a moment, she was being rocked by waves.

Rei was doing a lot of thinking as of late.

It wasn't as if she didn't think before; in fact she often pondered the nature of her existence and the world at large. But nowadays, she found her mind on things her old self wouldn't bother pondering. Like that first sync test. But here she was, turning the memory over and over, inspecting all facets of it. What the Commander had done for her was the single kindest thing he had ever done for her. But he never acknowledged it again, as if it hadn't happened at all. Before, she might have thought it painful for him to revisit. Now she wasn't so sure.

That wasn't the only reason she was turning that particular memory over though. Today, Nagisa was doing a unique sync test where he synced with all three Evas. Before, he only did tests occasionally with 02. His sync rate in it was just acceptable, hovering some distance below Asuka's much more exceptional rating. So today they were seeing if maybe he'd do better in one of the other two.

Or in case something happened to her or Shinji.

She didn't really like to think about the idea of harm coming to Shinji. Nor did she like thinking about it when it came to Asuka or Nagisa. She didn't even know him that well but there was a good chance her Eva might harm in when he was inside it. She had to warn him.

It was much too early for anyone to be up but the idea nagged at her. So she got up and got dressed.

Outside, it was still pretty dark, the world bathed in lavender tones. The hallway was quiet and dim so she stood for a moment, appreciating the quiet ambiance. Then she went to Kaworu's door, knocked then waited.

A few minutes passed before he opened the door, blinking blearily at her. His silver hair stuck up every which way and his clothes were disheveled. He yawned, "Oh, hey, Rei. What are you doing here?"

"I wished to speak with you. It..." she paused, searching for a way to word it, "...brought me distress if I didn't right away."

"Is it important?" Kaworu asked.

"It is a matter of great importance to me,"

He stepped aside, "Then come on in. I'll make some tea."

He led her inside, showing her to the kitchen table. Like her own, his apartment wasn't that decorated but she could spy a silver machine sitting on the counter, where it didn't seem to belong. He glanced over to ask her a question but, seeing her look at the machine, asked her instead, "Do you like music, Rei?"

"I...haven't really listened to much. I know Shinji likes music," she answered as she tried to figure how the machine might play music.

He reached over and pressed a button, causing violin music to flood the kitchen. He smiled, "Listen to that while I make tea. I think you'll like it."

She closed her eyes and listened. Her worry was still there but the music soothed it, told her to let it go to the back of her mind for a little while. The music eventually faded out on a final chord before silence reigned once more. She opened her eyes just as Kaworu set a cup of tea in front of her. He asked, "Did you like it?"

She nodded slightly, "It made me feel less worried."

Kaworu sat across from her, "It makes me feel calmer when I'm upset too,"

She took a sip of her tea and commented, "I like this too."

"Tea also helps," he smiled, "What was on your mind?"

Rei frowned when she remembered her concern. Even this small gesture caught Kaworu off guard...seeing emotion from her was alien. She explained, "You will be testing with all the Evas today and this makes me...concerned for your well-being, Nagisa."

Kaworu frowned too, "You think something bad is going to happen?"

"As you may know, when I first synced with Unit Zero...she went berserk and I was harmed. I fear the same may happen to you."

Kaworu nodded, "That makes sense but I'm sure Dr. Akagi and her technicians have already prepared for that."

That did little to soothe her worries. She dropped her gaze to her tea as she considered how to word it. Finally, she said, "Unit Zero is temperamental. I believe she doesn't like change. Or those she doesn't know."

"I figured that much from what I've heard," he shrugged, "I'll just do what I've always been told to do. To open myself to her. What happens will happen."

Rei searched his face, wondering if perhaps he did know about the nature of the Eva. If he did, he was extremely casual about it. She nodded, "I suppose that is one way to look at it."

"If you're so worried, why don't you come along to the test? Maybe watching it will make you feel better."

"...I'd like that. Do you think Asuka and Shinji might come too? I...I think that might help too."

He nodded, "I think so. And after, we can all go do something. I'd like to spend more time with you too, Rei. I can't say I know you that well but I believe we may be alike."

She studied him, squinting her eyes, "How so?" she asked.

He smiled easily, "Maybe just in looks. Maybe in other ways."

Asuka hadn't expected Rei to come to her, inviting her (and Shinji) with her to Kaworu's sync tests. She hadn't really been worried about the tests until Rei revealed she was. She had had her own accident when she first synced with Zero and feared the same may happen to him. Asuka hadn't remembered such a thing...but then again, she hadn't paid enough mind to Rei last time to learn of it.

The testing was happening in the old testing chambers, where Zero's first test had happened. They were obsolete but if one of the Evangelions went berserk, it would minimize damage to important infrastructure. So now all three of the pilots had piled into the command center, hovering out of the way but intent. Misato cast a glance at them, "You guys didn't have to be here for this."

Shinji cut in, "We want to make sure Kaworu is going to be alright."

Rei nodded slowly. Misato frowned, "It's gonna take a while, you three know that, right?"

"We know that!" Asuka cried, "I brought a book."

Not that she figured she'd get any reading done. She kept casting glances to one of the computer screens. They had tested Kaworu in Two first, in fact before the three got there. It was more of the usual there; he could hold a decent sync rate but nothing like her own. It really served as a control to the other two. Now, they had him in Shinji's Eva, Unit 01.

His sync rate was passable but low. He could probably get it up and moving but movement would be sluggish and reaction times pitiful.

Misato continued, "Whatever happens is going to happen whether or not you three are here or not. Have some faith in us too!"

"It's not that we don't have faith in the team, you and Dr. Akagi and everyone," Shinji stammered, "It just kinda feels better to be here and not somewhere else waiting. Like waiting for something bad to happen."

"...I understand," Misato conceded, "I'm sure Ritsuko will be happy to hear you guys have faith in her after all."

Ritsuko herself did not comment but a soft smile crossed her face.

Asuka watched the screen again. Kaworu's sync rate had only risen a point but that in itself was an achievement. She remembered Unit One had a preference in Shinji and never let anyone else pilot it. What did it think of Kaworu then, an interloper? Was she only begrudgingly letting him sync or had she simply not grown stubborn yet?

Shinji peered over at the screen too. What did he think of this, she wondered. If he knew his mother was the soul within Unit 01, would he feel differently?

What might he feel about the machine itself if he knew that? She found a comfort in knowing her mother was there with her, even if she couldn't reach out to her. Would Shinji feel the same or might be feel a resentment towards it, for taking her from him? Asuka didn't feel that way towards 02; it wasn't its fault her mother had gone through with the contact test. One may argue it was a victim just as much as everyone else.

Her attention lapsed until, finally, Akagi declared that phase of the test complete and began the process of swapping Unit Zero into the testing chamber. Asuka didn't trust that Evangelion. With Rei, it seemed to act perfectly normal but knowing now that Rei had her own accident with it, she had grown suspicious.

Who was inside it anyway? Rei, as far as she knew, had no mother.

Shinji must have picked up her anxiety as he whispered, "Are you worried?"

Asuka frowned, nearly rebuffing him. But memories of his actions against Sandalphon stopped her so she told the truth, "Yes."

"I have a bad feeling about it," he admitted, "Rei was pretty beat up after her accident with it."

It took some time to get the final phase in place but once both Unit Zero and Kaworu were in place, Dr. Akagi asked, "Are you doing alright in there, Kaworu?"

"Yes, Dr. Akagi," he answered smoothly.

Units Two and One were distant to him and he didn't expect Zero to be any different. He didn't think he was going to have an Eva he could freely sync with until he got his own. All three's souls were still active so he didn't want to even try exerting his influence over them, setting his sync rate as he pleased. There would be no reason to make enemies here.

Curiously, as he made better friends with Asuka, his sync rate with Two crawled higher and higher. It was still nothing to write home about but he had to wonder if it was indicative of acceptance.

Unit One felt...like it was only begrudgingly syncing with him. He got the bare minimum from her and, realistically, it meant he would never be deployed with her. He tried to radiate a sense of gratefulness at her but it didn't change much.

In the background, he could hear the technicians chatter as they began the activation process. Around him, the machine hummed to life.

Moments passed, the chatter continued and finally, power coursed into the machine. It raised its head as it awoke.

"Time to absolute borderline. 0.9, 0.7, 0.5, 0.3…"

The computers began to wail and Zero shuddered, as if in pain. It grabbed its head and moaned lowly. Ritsuko hissed, "No, not again...the pulses are flowing backward! He's being rejected!"

With the screen lit up red, the LCL within the plug looked uncomfortably like blood. The machine radiated a mixture of terror and fury. It felt as if it was trying to worm into his head and, mirroring Zero, Kaworu clutched his head.

Images flashed in his mind. Rei sitting in class, staring out the window. Rei sitting in their group. Rei in Shinji's home. Rei in her white plugsuit. Rei, from this morning, holding the cup of tea he had given her.

Rei in a school outfit, eyes narrowed as she stood on the peak of the escalator.

IDENTIFY YOURSELF.

WHO ARE YOU?

UNKNOWN. DIFFERENT. FAMILIAR. ALIKE. ENEMY? FRIEND?

Kaworu gasped as the voice reverberated without sound within his head. It was high and airy but the reverb betrayed the tone of a cornered, frightened animal. And he knew what they said about a cornered animal: that was when they were at their most dangerous.

He murmured, "I'm a friend, I'm Rei's friend."

Whatever this was...it felt in a way like Rei. Even so, he wasn't sure if it understood him at all. Or if it cared to.

The machine shuddered once more, its restraints screeching as it broke free. It stumbled a few steps forward and shook its head back and forth, clawing at it as it did. It made a muffled wailing sound that chilled its watchers to their core. Ritsuko cried, "Eject the power cord!"

Maya complied and the entire room shuddered as the power cord was ejected with explosive force, falling to the floor with a crash. She then reported, "We've got one minute until shutdown!"

Shinji was shaking like a leaf but couldn't find it in himself to move away. He said, "A minute can be a long time…"

The Eva stopped, raising its head once more to survey its space. It caught sight of the window, repaired as if it hadn't smashed it up months prior. It approached, almost predatory.

Asuka grabbed Shinji's shoulder, "Shinji...let's...let's move back..."

But none of the pilot trio moved. They were stuck in place, helpless to watch as Unit Zero came mere feet away from the glass and mere feet away from them. It's single eye studied them each in turn but froze when it came to Rei. Everything was still.

WHY DO YOU GET TO LIVE WHILE I DIED?

WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY!

It pulled its arm back and just before its threw its punch, Rei moved in front of Shinji and Asuka. The punch collided with the window, which bent inward but otherwise held. "The hell, Rei?! Move away!" Asuka cried.

"It's me she wants," Rei breathed.

It wailed in frustration and punched again, the glass holding still but bending dangerously inward. "Rei!" Shinji cried and grabbed her shoulder. He pulled her back just as Unit Zero landed a third punch. Asuka staggered after them.

To their right, Ritsuko ordered, "Cut the connection. The pilot is suffering mental contamination."

"Cut it? At this plug depth?" Maya asked, but nevertheless prepared to do so.

"Yes. The Eva's thoughts are passing into the pilot, rather than the other way around. Who knows the effects."

Maya did as she was told, right as the Eva was going to land a fourth, and most likely final, punch at the window. It froze in place then staggered back, wailing and cradling its head. "Eject the pilot!" Ritsuko cried.

Maya typed away, just for the computer to make a noise of error. "I can't! The Eva is rejecting it! 20 seconds to shutdown!"

"Hang in there..." Misato murmured, looking from the miserable Eva to the other three kids, who watched the spectacle. Rei watched it with her usually detached expression but her mouth was turned just slightly downward, betraying her true feelings. Asuka and Shinji watched more openly with wide, horrified eyes.

The Eva backed into a wall and, when finding nowhere to go, turned and began to bash its head into the wall.

"10 seconds!"

The Eva shuddered and slumped again the wall, clawing at it and wailing. It was the very picture of misery.

Finally, it went still.

"Unit Zero has gone silent," Maya said quietly.

"Kaworu!" Shinji cried, bolting away from them.

Misato caught him around the midsection and held him, even as he thrashed, "Shinji, it's no use! He's got to be manually extracted!"

"I have to see if he's okay!"

"You'll get hurt!"

"His life signs were otherwise alright when we lost connection," Ritsuko approached them, "It's more than likely any damage he suffered will be mental, rather than physical. But judging by how Rei came out of her own incident, there will likely be no lasting effects."

Shinji looked at her with a pleading gaze and she looked away, too uncomfortable to meet it.

This calmed him and he went still. Yet, Misato didn't let go of him. Asuka looked out the cracked window, at where Zero was slumped against the wall. Even deactivated, it was a terrifying thing.

She hoped Kaworu was going to be alright.

She asked, "Where are they going to take him, once they extract him?"

"I'll be looking over him for any sign of mental contamination. If he's clear, he can come home but if not, he'll be in the hospital," Ritsuko answered.

"Where could we wait for him, if he's alright?"

"I'd say the hospital waiting room will be best. I'll call Misato to tell you if he needs to stay," a soft smile stole onto her face, as if amused by Asuka's concern.

Asuka ignored the urge to demand what she was smiling about, instead looking away, "Let's go get something to eat and hopefully he'll be ready by then."

Misato let Shinji go and the trio left. She looked back at Ritsuko, who had gone back to study the data. This was not an isolated incident. Did Ritsuko have an idea as to why it had gone berserk? Was Rei's incident and this one connected?

The trio went down to the cafeteria to eat. Shinji wanted to forgo this altogether and go straight to the waiting room, instead scavenging food from the vending machines. Asuka wasn't having this at all.

The only one who seemed to enjoy eating was Asuka. She had polished off her chicken and rice, relishing the distraction. Shinji ate slower, spending more time pushing his scraps around than eating. Rei nibbled, her mind too occupied to really eat. Asuka broke the silence, "The food could be much better here."

"It ain't that bad," Shinji shrugged.

"If it was better, you wouldn't be pushing around your leftovers," she pointed out.

He huffed, "I don't have an appetite."

They ate—or rather struggled to eat—in silence for a few minutes more until someone approached their table, greeting them, "You three look down in the dumps."

All three looked up to find Kaji, holding his own tray of food. Asuka perked up, "Kaji!"

He sat in the free seat next to her and asked them, "I didn't think you three had to be in today so what brings you here?"

"Kaworu had a cross-sync test with mine and Rei's Evas," Shinji explained, "It...didn't really go that well."

"It was going well until they put him in Zero," Asuka pointed out sourly.

"They did that? Even after Rei's accident?" Kaji asked, eyebrows raised.

"For some reason," Asuka grumbled.

In Kaji's investigations, he had come across the plans for an autopilot; the Dummy System. Information so far was fragmented but what he did know was these cross-sync tests were part of its development. From what he can gather, this gathering of information was all to train the autopilot. Still, he was impressed they were poking the sleeping beast that was Eva Zero.

"I suppose this means Rei's accident was no fluke," he mused.

To his surprise, it was Rei who responded, "She was not pleased to see an intruder. He woke her up."

His eyebrows raised further and, it seemed Asuka and Shinji were similarly surprised. He asked, "You mean Zero?"

Rei nodded, "She only cooperated because she had been sleeping."

Then, when no fanfare, she pushed her plate away from her, having only eaten a fraction of it, "I'm done. Let's go."

Cryptic remark forgotten, Shinji nearly leaped out of his seat, "Yes! Let's go!"

They disposed of their trash and started the walk to the hospital wing, Kaji watching them leave.

The true nature of the Evangelion was no secret to him—for the most part. He knew what they really were and what really made them move. At least, what made Units 01 and 02 move. Zero was an enigma but it seemed Rei had implied there was a soul within nonetheless. Some unknown and unnamed mother perhaps or something else?

His mind drifted to Asuka and he smiled softly. She hadn't ever taken up his offer to talk but it seemed like the time around her peers had softened her all the same. She had come with Shinji and Rei to check on Kaworu, a far cry from the girl who had openly complained about him trying to get them to interact, all the way back on the Over the Rainbow.

Who had initiated this change? Shinji, who had been made to work with her twice now? Rei, who seemed to have some sort of fascination with her? Misato, who had taken her in as her guardian once more?

Or maybe, just maybe, it was the enigmatic Kaworu Nagisa. After all, they had come to Tokyo-3 together after vanquishing an Angel together.

Whatever—or whoever the cause he was at least glad to see her making friends her own age. All her time in Germany, she had been determined to grow up faster than she was. Now, it seemed she had abandoned that idea in favor of coming back down to the level of her peers.

On the way to the hospital wing, Shinji broke the silence with what they surely were all thinking, "So Rei...you said your Eva did that because Kaworu had woke it up?"

Rei was silent. Shinji nearly thought she wasn't going to answer before she said, "Dr. Akagi never told me what she thought so perhaps I am incorrect. But the Eva had gone quiet after my accident."

Asuka cut in, "Maybe Dr. Akagi will have a better idea now. More data n' all."

"I hope they don't try to put either of us in it," Shinji sighed.

Asuka thought of the original cross-synch tests and wondered how this was going to affect those. If was anything like last time, she was safe in Unit 02 but if Shinji was put into Unit 00...surely it would not appreciate a second interloper. Asuka changed the subject slightly, "Perhaps Kaworu can confirm what Rei thinks."

Once they got there, Kaworu was already waiting for them. "Kaworu!" Shinji cried, running up to him and embracing him. He seemed to realize what he had done because two seconds later, he detached and took a few steps backwards, his face red. Kaworu's was just as red. Asuka smirked at him. He pouted back.

He turned back to Shinji, "You three were going to wait for me?"

"Of course!" Shinji nodded, "What did Ritsuko say?"

"The effects of mental contamination faded as I waited to be retrieved. I appear to be well."

"How do you feel though?" Asuka asked.

"Just shaken. This is probably the only case in which I'll say it but I'm glad the Entry Plug didn't eject," he nodded towards Rei, "It would have been like with Rei's first test."

"It was not pleasant," Rei said.

"Do you have any idea as to why the Eva did it?" Shinji asked.

Kaworu frowned, "I can't really explain it. But it didn't seem to want me there."

He cast a quick knowing glance to Asuka then looked away. She made a note to ask him about it herself.

"Let's head on home...hey, let's all go to Misato's place! She'll probably be here for a while still so we can have the place to ourselves!" Asuka suggested.

Kaworu sighed, "I do not envy her."

It was late when Kaworu and Rei left Misato's apartment to go home. Kaworu cast a look at Asuka as he stood which Asuka picked up on. She said, "Hey, I'll walk you two out!"

She turned to Shinji, "Maybe you could clean up our plates?" she gestured to their plates from dinner on the table.

Ever dutiful, Shinji hopped up and began to do that. Asuka walked out with Kaworu and Rei. Once out, Asuka waved to Rei as she walked down the hall, "Night, Rei."

Kaworu nodded too, "Good night."

She nodded at them, "Night, Asuka...night, Kaworu," and disappeared into her apartment.

Kaworu watched her go, "She used my first name. She's been calling me Nagisa this whole time."

"Wow, she must have been really worried."

Asuka and Kaworu remained there for a moment before he walked down the hall, the opposite way from his apartment. He led them to the elevator and as they rode down, he announced, "I've been still a little shaken so I figured we could take a walk. Shinji won't miss you?"

Asuka raised an eyebrow, "No...I'll tell him we took a walk."

Kaworu nodded and walked with her out the elevator and onto the street outside. It was deserted, thanks in part to the apartment's relative isolation and partially to the time of night. Still, he looked around then back at her. He cocked his head and began walking. She followed.

He lead them around a turn into a park, devoid of people. He lead her to the swings and sat on one, his arms folded in his lap. Asuka followed, trying to not gnaw her lip in anxiety. Finally, he whispered, "I've got an idea why Zero went berserk. And who's inside."

Keeping her own voice low, she asked, "Who?"

"It's...a piece of Rei."

Asuka's heart skipped a beat as her mind made the immediate comparison. She breathed, "Like Mom...is that why Rei...is like that?"

"Could be," he shrugged, "I don't think it's the entire reason but its certainly why Zero is like that."

Asuka leaned back, looking up at the sky and the moon, which was in half phase. A wave of pity washed over her and she didn't fight it. She commented, "Rei said something like she thought you "woke it up"."

"So I assume that means Rei knows at least somewhat what Zero's deal is," Kaworu commented.

"Or just that she knows something is in it," Asuka countered.

They sat in silence for a few moments more before Kaworu stood, "Let's head back."

The day was over but, unfortunately for Ritsuko, hers was nowhere near done. She had one more task that had to be done today: a meeting with the Commander. For some reason, he insisted to come to him in person to report on the incident.

She stepped through the elevator, was buzzed into his office and went inside, stopping before his desk. The Commander sat straight, fingers steepled, as he asked, "Report on today's cross synch test."

"Nagisa's rate holds average with Unit Two but lags significantly behind with One. Proper synch with Zero proved to be impossible. It went berserk."

"As I heard. Can you explain why that is?"

"Not definitively. I can only hypothesize that the introduction of an unknown person caused it to react with hostility. As we know, Zero is quite unstable and temperamental. We're still not entirely sure why it cooperates with Rei, after going berserk the first time."

"Was the Fourth Child harmed?"

"There was minor mental contamination but otherwise no."

He hummed in thought. It was no secret between her, him and the Vice Commander he was not pleased by the Fourth Child's presence. He believed it was a ploy by SEELE to plant him within their ranks. Perhaps he hoped an accident would occur and take him out of play organically.

"Will this interfere with the Dummy Plug Project?"

"Most likely no. We still have the full cross-synch tests planned in a few weeks. I've decided to go forward, even with the threat of a third berserk incident."

"Go on forward with that plan, Akagi. However, I'd appreciate it if you found a way to cut the power faster in the testing environment."

"Will do, sir."

"You are dismissed."

She stepped back out and took a sigh of relief. As of late, she was starting to dread her meetings with the Commander. Their more...illicit affairs were even losing their luster. She shook her head to clear her thoughts of him. Going back to work didn't sound as bad as it usually did.

Especially with Maya still there to help her.

Chapter Text

15 years ago, on September 13th 2000…

The quiet world of the Antarctic had exploded into a cacophony of harsh light and sound. The wind and world screamed. Across the destroyed base, a lone man trekked. He ignored his own grievous wounds for the one thing that mattered in this alien world: the daughter he cradled in his arms. There, he saw it: the last and only remaining emergency capsule. All the others had been either crushed by falling debris or thrown into the walls by the wind. He propped his daughter against his shoulder and reached out, ignoring the pain that jolted through his nearly flayed arm to open it.

Behind him, the monster they awoke still wailed, its brilliant form illuminating the world through the gloom. Not much time left. He set his daughter into the capsule as gently as he could. Blood from his head wound dropped onto her cheek and she shuddered. She looked up at him, confusion on her face. "Father..." she whispered.

The capsule shut with a dull ker-chunk, preventing any more conversation. His mission done, the man collapsed onto the capsule and awaited the end.

Inside the capsule, his daughter didn't dare make a sound. The capsule rumbled then flipped over and over. She cried in surprise, "Father! D-Daddy!"

The capsule eventually came to a stop, slowly bobbing in the ocean waves where it must have tumbled. She sat up as much as she could, pressing the button to open the capsule. She flinched as she sat up, grabbing her injured side.

The world was much darker than it had been but an orange gloom still settled over it. Before her, where the facility had been, twin pillars of light extended from the ocean and into the atmosphere. Whatever they belonged to still wailed. She clenched her side harder.

Her father was gone.

Now, fifteen years later, Misato was getting dressed. She stared in the mirror, fingers ghosting over her chest and the scar there. It was best to forget that day but between the scar and what day it was...it was difficult.

Outside, it was a rainy day in Tokyo-3 but inside Misato's apartment, it was warm and dry. Shinji rushed back to the entryway, handing a pair of towels to a very wet Toji and Kensuke. "You're a life saver," Toji thanked him, toweling himself dry.

"It's really nothing," Shinji brushed him off.

"Are you here alone?" Kensuke asked.

"Miss Misato's getting ready for work and Asuka's sleeping in."

"What are you guys doing?" the girl in question poked her head out into the entryway.

"Hey, Asuka," Shinji greeted her, "We were all just gonna hang out here."

"Well, have fun with that," she shrugged, "I'm going to go get a shower," and with that, disappeared back in the hallway.

"Is it me or are you and the Red Devil on better terms?" Toji asked.

"We...came to an understanding last Angel fight," Shinji shrugged, "It's nothing really."

"Couldn't be me."

It was then Misato emerged from her room, fully dressed and ready for work. Seeing the trio of boys, she grinned, "Taking advantage of your mostly free day, huh?"

"Mostly?" Toji asked.

"Harmonics test. Remind Asuka in case she forgot and make sure the other two know too, alright Shinji?" Misato said.

He nodded in understanding. All through this, Kensuke had been scrutinizing Misato's coat. He suddenly stood up straight, "Congratulations on your promotion, Miss Misato!"

Toji straightened too, "Yeah, congrats!" even though he had no idea what he was congratulating her on.

Shinji blinked in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

Kensuke pointed to her collar, "Misato's got a different pin now, it means she's a Major now!"

"Of course you would know that, nerd," Toji commented.

Misato blushed in embarrassment, "Kids, it's really not all that special. But...thanks, I appreciate it."

Kensuke beamed and bowed, "You're most welcome!"

Toji followed suit, much deeper with his face fixed into a stoic respectful expression. All the while, Shinji just stood there, embarassed.

Misato laughed softly yet nervously, "Well, see you guys later," and she beat a hasty retreat out the door.

"See you!" Toji and Kensuke called after her.

"I think you put her on the spot," Shinji said.

"It's an honor getting promoted!" Kensuke defended.

"I wonder when she got promoted?" Shinji mused, "Must have been recently...maybe because how well she did during the last Angel fight."

"You haven't told us about that yet!" Kensuke pointed out, "And now's as good a time as any!"

The trio moved on into the kitchen where Shinji made them a breakfast of egg sandwiches. They all sat at the table while Shinji relayed the story of the battle with the lava Angel.

"So that's why Asuka's cool with you now. Because you saved her life!" Kensuke said.

Shinji, a bit flustered, nodded, "I would have done it for anyone else. Like I said, I really wasn't thinking."

"What are you dorks talking about?" Asuka asked as she came in, toweling her hair dry.

"I was telling them about the lava Angel," Shinji told her.

"And how he totally saved your butt!" Toji cut in.

Asuka scowled at him, his tone rubbing her the wrong way. She went into the kitchen to retrieve the egg sandwich left for her, "Yeah, yeah. No need to rub it in my face."

"Misato apparently also got promoted," Shinji leapt at the chance to change the subject.

"Did she?"

"Both of you are so inattentive," Kensuke shook his head, "She's got a new pin so she's Major Katsuragi now!"

"Hmph," Asuka huffed around a bite of her breakfast.

"Well, I've got an idea," Kensuke clapped his hands together, "Let's throw her a surprise party!"

"Do you think Misato would like that?"

"We can invite Rei and Kaworu obviously," Toji mused.

"Oooooh, can I invite Hikari?" Asuka asked, chipping in.

"Maybe my brother can even come? He'd love to meet Misato!" Kensuke said.

Shinji frowned as he was ignored. He hoped Misato would like the idea, though he doubted it. She didn't seem comfortable at all with Kensuke's lavishing of congratulations. If it was him, he wouldn't like all that at all. Too much attention. Oh well, he would enjoy spending time with his friends at least.

Kensuke insisted they leave right away to rope Kaworu and Rei into the scheme, reasoning it wouldn't be like they'd get wet going there. As they walked over, he talked logistics, "Since you pilots have got a test tonight, we'll have to do it tomorrow."

Asuka nodded in agreement, "That way we have more time. And Misato will probably be late anyway because of our tests. So tonight's definitely a no-go."

"Don't you think it's a little sudden?" Shinji asked.

Kensuke brought a finger to his lips, "No chance of it getting out. But we'll have to work double time!"

Shinji frowned. Seeing his apprehension, Toji told him, "Sorry, man. You know how he is; you can't get him off something once he gets a hold of it."

"If we all work together, it'll work out!" Kensuke said cheerily.

They visited Kaworu first who didn't need much convincing. In fact, if you asked Asuka, she'd say he seemed more excited than he ought to be.

Rei was second and it was a lot easier than expected. After Kensuke and Asuka explained the plan, she murmured thoughtfully, "I've never been to a party…"

"Even more reason to come then!" Asuka encouraged, "It'll be uh…"

"...good life experience!" Kensuke finished her sentence.

"And just fun," Toji shrugged.

"I think I'd like to come then," she agreed, "Since I've never been to a party."

The group split from there; the pilots going to NERV to get their harmonics test done and Kensuke and Toji to start planning the party.

The harmonics test went over like most did; boring but with promising results. Asuka's sync rate climbed steadily. She liked the idea of her mother being in cahoots with her even though it was more than likely she simply was gaining more experience and confidence.

Ritsuko observed, "Asuka and Rei's sync rates are getting better. But I think it's about time we pull them out for today."

Maya nodded, typing on her keyboard the command to begin the end sequence. "How about the other two?"

"Let's keep Shinji in a little longer. Kaworu…," she hummed in thought.

She gave his graph another look. Their current testing setup for him was a shadow of what it would be like when his own Eva was complete. The test plug was built on top of Unit 02's data; a reasonable guess considering his would too be a Production Model. His sync rate would most certainly improve once he got a real Eva. She decided, "Keep him as is."

Kaworu felt weird inside the test plug. It was empty and quiet in a way Unit 02 just wasn't. Inside 02 proper, he could feel the ghost of another; not interacting but hovering over him, watchful.

He had a hunch one of the reasons they put him in the test plug was to say they were doing something. It was no small secret that no one really knew what to do with a pilot with no Eva. Not to mention, he could tell the Commander was none too happy he was here at all. At least this way, they could say they were doing something with him.

Shinji was in his own plug, more bored than anything. The test plug felt like a pale imitation of the true Entry Plug, which was a place of pain and comfort. Pain like white hot tendrils or an all-encompassing laser. But comfort like...like it was a place that, beyond all odds, he was safe. Like he was protected. He had heard the stories of Unit 01 moving on its own...to protect him. So he could believe it.

"I'm not usually one for beliefs like that but he's got a gift for this. Even in the test plug," Ritsuko observed, "He's keeping pace with Asuka's sync rate."

Misato frowned, despite the praise at her charge, "I doubt he'd like to hear he's got a gift for something that hurts him."

She had said it quietly, so no one could hear her but despite this, Ritsuko did. An uncomfortable expression flickered across her face before she angled herself further from her. She said, "I think it's time to pull him and Kaworu out too."

She pressed the comm button and praised the group, "Good job. You all are doing well."

After unloading the pilots, they were allowed to strip from their plugsuits and back into their civilian wear before being debriefed. The quartet sat down with Ritsuko and Misato to learn of their results. Ritsuko looked at her printout before she explained, "All four of you are improving, even you Kaworu with our less-than-optimal setup. Shinji's gone up eight points and Asuka's just behind with seven."

Shinji beamed, "Really? Wait...that means I'm in the lead?"

"It's not a competition," Ritsuko lightly chastised, "But yes—just barely. I wouldn't be surprised if next week Asuka was ahead again."

Asuka stifled the dying part of her that insisted even a week behind was a failure. She pumped her fist in the air, "So don't get comfortable up there, Shinji!"

"As for the other two...Rei, you're improving like those two albeit at a slower rate. Kaworu, same story but even slower. I wouldn't worry too much though. I'm hoping once we receive your proper Eva, we can see your true scores."

"Do you need me to stay behind for further testing then?" Kaworu asked.

"Nope. You're free to go enjoy the rest of your day," she paused and teased, "Especially you Kaworu, as it's a special day."

"Huh?" Shinji and Asuka chorused.

Kaworu immediately looked away, uncharacteristically sheepish. Misato chuckled, "Oh, you didn't tell 'em? It's his birthday!"

Shinji gasped, "Why didn't you tell us?!"

Asuka joined in, "Yeah, can't be me!"

"It always felt a little weird," he admitted, "After all, something terrible also happened today fifteen years ago."

"It's not like that's your fault!" Shinji protested.

Misato suggested, "Kids, how about you go bother Kaworu about it outside and we leave Ritsuko to her loads and loads of work."

She added as an aside to her, "You really need a break."

"Maybe one day," Ritsuko smiled helplessly.

With that, the quartet left. Shinji and Kaworu went ahead, leaving Rei and Asuka to go to their own locker room to pick up their things. Now alone, Rei told Asuka, "I cannot help with the party preparations as I have further tasks here at NERV."

Shooting her a raised eyebrow, Asuka asked, "What for?"

"A checkup with Dr. Akagi."

"A checkup...hold on that's perfect!" Asuka grinned, "You can tell her about the party and see if she wants to come."

"Dr. Akagi did say she was quite busy."

"Exactly why it's perfect she get a break! Oh, and tell her to pass the message to Kaji. So even if she can't come, he can."

Rei nodded, "Alright, I shall."

She said her goodbyes to Asuka as she left to regroup with the boys. Unlike before when she didn't care, Rei did care now when her upload was. It being tonight meant she was free tomorrow for the planned party. Would Dr. Akagi be happy about receiving an invitation? She didn't really know the doctor well enough to say. But...somehow, she felt curious at the doctor's reaction.

The trip down to Terminal Dogma was ingrained into her bones by now. She could probably walk there in her sleep. Here in the elevator as it ticked down into the secret depths of NERV, all the company she had was the sound of the machinery around her. Down here, it was colder and, absentmindedly, she rubbed one bare arm.

She exited the elevator, following a well-remembered path into a small medical room where Dr. Akagi was waiting. She smiled, "Good, you're right on time."

"I came right here."

"As I expected. What I said to you all earlier does apply to you: I want you to be able to enjoy the rest of your day."

"I...have plans. Asuka wanted me to inform you of a party for Major Katsuragi's promotion."

Ritsuko's eyes actually widened, "You're holding a party?"

"Asuka, Shinji and friends are," she corrected, "But I was told to invite you."

"Invite me?" for some reason, Dr. Akagi didn't seem to expect it.

Rei nodded, "Yes. Whether or not you can, could you inform Mr. Kaji as well? He's invited too."

"Kaji, I can understand," she turned away from Rei, idly shuffling the papers on the side desk, "Still, kind of you all. I'll try though I make no promises."

"I see."

"Anyway, let's get this done. You know the procedure."

As she watched Rei leave to get out of her clothes, Ritsuko thought to herself, Rei's acting differently.

She smiled softly to herself. It wasn't a bad different. In fact, she liked this slightly more open Rei better than the unsettling and impassive person she was months ago, just prior to Shinji's arrival. The Commander...didn't need to know about her change in demeanor. He could do something drastic and frankly, the less time she spent around that tank...the better.

When the trio of Asuka, Shinji and Kaworu left NERV, they continued their needling of Kaworu.

"I've got it!" Asuka declared, "The party will be both to celebrate Misato's promotion and Kaworu's birthday!"

"You really don't have to," he began once more to protest.

"Prettyboy, you're missing a prime joke here," Asuka ignored his protest, "You can say you're the second worse thing to come outta the year 2000!"

"Asuka!" Shinji cried.

"What! People use humor to cope!"

Shinji gave her a disapproving scowl before he turned to Kaworu, "We should celebrate it anyway. I haven't been to all that many birthday parties...or had any myself."

"Fine," Kaworu hung his head, "Only because of that, Shinji."

"Now, what's your favorite cake flavor?" Asuka asked.

Kaworu groaned.

The next day came fast and once it started waning into the late afternoon, work began. Asuka had left early in the day to get a cake for Kaworu and ended up finding a surprisingly Western bakery where she was able to get the flavor he picked: cherry. Shinji was on cooking duty—though he volunteered rather than be assigned. He still felt weird about the whole thing but more for Misato's sake than Kaworu's. He, maybe selfishly, wanted to celebrate his friend's birthday. He had even been able to get a last-minute present the previous evening.

"Are you really sure Misato'll be happy with all this?" he asked from the kitchen.

Asuka was in the living room, setting up her game console. Her answer was casual, "It's a party! Of course, she will! Everyone loves a party!"

He could argue with that. He sighed, "She'll probably take it as an excuse to drink."

"You're probably right," Asuka shrugged, "Too bad none of us can buy alcohol or we could have gotten her something better than the swill she drinks."

"What would you know about alcohol?"

"In Germany, you can drink as young as fourteen!" she paused and added, "...with supervision."

The doorbell rang and she temporarily abandoned her task to answer the door, "Someone's here!"

It was Toji and Kensuke along with an older man with glasses. Asuka squinted, "You are…?"

Shinji poked his head into the entryway and smiled, "That's Goichi, Kensuke's brother!"

The man in question smiled, "Guilty as charged. Ken invited me along since I'd love to meet the Major. And I'd never turn down free cake."

Asuka narrowed her eyes, "So another nerd."

Goichi smiled, challenging her, "And I've heard all about you."

The pair held the others' gaze, neither willing to give an inch...until Goichi gave in, "All good things however. I've even seen you in action," he jerked his head in the direction of Kensuke's camera in his hand, "Or perhaps I didn't...after all, we're not allowed to have something like that."

Asuka smirked, "I think I like you."

She led the trio inside where they sat down in the living room. Kensuke immediately took up helping Asuka finish setting up her game console. Shinji asked, "Aren't you guys a little early?"

Asuka called from the living room, "On a good day, she'll be home in an hour or so."

While she did that, Goichi took the opportunity to bring the bags they had brought along into the dining room. Shinji turned his attention to the bags he was unloading, full of bags of chips and soda. He frowned, "That didn't cost too much, did it?"

Goichi waved him off, "Don't sweat it, Shin. Why don't you take a second?"

His frown didn't drop but he did step into the living room to sit with his friends. He sat beside Toji and asked, "So, uh, how's your sister doing?"

"Better everyday!" Toji beamed, "Her physical therapy sessions are doing wonders so she might be able to come home in a couple months or so."

"That's great! We'll have to go visit again sometime soon…"

The next person to arrive was Kaworu with cupcakes in hand. He said sheepishly as Asuka ushered him in, "I know you brought a cake for me but I felt I should bring something anyway."

"No, no, this is great!" she took them from him and transferred it into the fridge for the time being.

Shinji had returned to the kitchen to attend to dinner proper. He was currently cooking some pork, humming a tune to himself and in a noticeably less high strung mood. Kaworu hovered over him, "Pork?" he asked.

Shinji nodded, "Me n' Asuka decided we're going to make some proper ramen bowls. They're easy to make and this way, Misato can have some good, actual ramen."

"You think she'lll appreciate it?"

"I hope so. Asuka thinks she'll find it funny," Shinji shrugged.

Kaworu chuckled at the idea, "So how can I help?"

"You want to help?! But this is just as much your party as it is Misato's," Shinji protested.

"I want to help," Kaworu pressed.

Shinji sighed then gestured to the fridge, "If you really want to, there's some scallions and garlic in the fridge. Could you cut them?"

With a salute, Kaworu smiled and did just as requested. For some time, the pair worked on their own tasks, Kaworu humming as he did. Finally, Shinji asked, "What's that you're humming?"

"Beethoven's 9th, Ode to Joy. Do you like it?" he asked in return.

He nodded, "It sounded familiar."

"It's my favorite. Do you have a favorite?"

Shinji hummed in thought then shook his head, "I guess I never put that much thought into it."

"That's fine. All music is good. It's the pinnacle of your culture."

"Japanese?" Shinji raised an eyebrow.

"All human culture," Kaworu smiled, perfectly sincerely.

Shinji kept his gaze for a few moments more before he returned the smile, "I think you're right," before he returned to his task.

Back in the entryway, Asuka was ushering in the next two guests: Rei and Hikari who had incidentally met up in the hallway and walked the rest of the way to their apartment. She told them, "I'm so glad you two could make it!"

Rei told her, "I also told Dr. Akagi. She said she cannot promise anything but she'd pass the invitation on to Mr. Kaji."

Hikari meanwhile looked around Asuka and asked, "You think the apartment will fit everyone?"

"We'll make it work!"

Time passed quickly and before anyone knew it, it was nearing time for Misato to come home. Asuka had instructed everyone very seriously to be on alert. Finally, the door opened to the yawning and tired Major, who hadn't even yet noticed anything was amiss.

Kensuke lead the charge with a cry of, "Congratulations, Miss Misato!"

She shot to attention, hands gesturing wildly. She froze and blinked, taking in the gaggle of people and food piled on her kitchen table. She asked, "Wha?"

Asuka explained, "It's a party! For your promotion! Oh and a belated birthday party too!"

Misato entered the house, shrugging off her jacket. "You...all of you?" she still seemed bewildered.

So bewildered, she beat a hasty retreat into her room. Goichi asked into the silence, "Did that go well?"

"Er...I don't know," Kensuke admitted.

A few minutes later, Misato emerged, now in her casual clothes. She surveyed the group and sighed overdramatically, "How the hell did you all put this together without me knowing?"

She stopped on Goichi, squinted her eyes then asked, "Wait, who are you?"

He shot right up, ramrod rigid, "Goichi Aida, Kensuke's brother! Er, Major!"

She gave a weak and awkward smile, "Well, uh, you can just call me Misato."

She followed Shinji to the kitchen where he was dutifully starting the noodles. She retrieved a beer from the fridge, draining half of it in one swallow. She looked over at Shinji and asked him, "You need help?"

He shook his head, "It's almost done anyway. How about you go wait?"

She obeyed, finding herself a place at the table. Asuka trailed into the kitchen. Misato took another long sip then told her, "Thanks really. This is really kind of you guys."

"Eh, it was Kensuke's idea."

"Looks like you all pitched in."

"But it was I! Kensuke Aida! Who was the mastermind!" Kensuke had followed her in and behind him, the others filtered in, either taking seats at the table or lounging around.

Goichi, just behind him, chuckled at his antics. Misato smiled sheepishly at the younger Aida, "In that case, thank you."

Shinji brought out Misato her own bowl of ramen, loaded with pork, scallions, mushrooms and even half a hard-boiled egg. He waited expectantly as she tried it. It tasted just as good as from a ramen stand—no, even better! Kaworu grinned, "I think it's a winner."

Misato nodded happily as she scarfed it down. Kaworu retreated to the kitchen with Shinji to help him dole out the bowls, ignoring his protests that it was also his party and that, once again, he didn't have to help.

"Shinji did a phenomenal job with this," Misato commented.

The man himself had returned to pass a bowl to Asuka and smiled sheepishly, "You think so?"

"Nah. I know so!"

Shinji blushed furiously at the comment. Goichi, digging into his own bowl, teased, "We'll have to invite you over sometime so you can make us this too!"

"Don't do that," Kensuke warned, "He won't say no."

"Oh, Toji," Shinji took the excuse to slightly change the subject, "I made a container for Sakura too...if she can have it."

"Wow, man!" Toji grinned, "That's awfully kind of you! You should come visit her with me so you can give it to her yourself!"

"Well, I guess I did say we should go visit her," he trailed off.

In time, they got all the food doled out and everyone made conversation among themselves. Shinji sidled in beside Misato, quietly eating his own share of ramen. Catching on, she asked, "How are you doing?"

He looked up at her, somewhat helplessly, "I'm alright...just a lot of people."

He looked over at Asuka, who was arguing with Toji and Kensuke that they should act more like gentlemen, like perhaps Kaji. Kensuke had pointed out that Kaji hadn't even come so what sort of gentleman was he? Goichi was watching this with an air of bemusement and Hikari was scolding them for bickering. Like last time, she was holding onto Pen-Pen, who seemed to have accepted his fate. Shinji frowned, "They're just really loud."

"That's what happens when you get a bunch of people together. Hey, how about we put the bowls away and get the cake ready?"

He smiled gratefully at her and stood up. Once they were done collecting the bowls, Shinji rinsed them while Misato took out the cake. She noted that this time he didn't seem to mind her helping, even if it was her party.

He asked, "So the promotion...means people are acknowledging you're doing well?"

She nodded as she opened the container, "Yeah, I suppose."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "You haven't seemed really excited about it. Everyone else seems more excited than you are."

"I'm having fun but...getting praise ain't why I do what I do."

Shinji looked back at her then nodded, "I know. It's just feels odd, is all. I thought everyone liked praise, no matter if its why they did what they did or not."

Misato wanted to ask him if praise was why he did what he did—but let the thought die before she voiced it. It was a really personal question for what was supposed to be a fun and carefree night.

Together, the pair began doling out cake and once they did that, everyone gathered around to sing a loud, albeit off-key rendition of 'Happy Birthday' to a furiously flustered Kaworu. After, everyone peeled off to do their own things. Asuka, Toji and Kensuke went into the living room to set up a fighting game between bites of cake. Asuka was also trying to coax Rei into trying to play with them, "C'mon, Hikari won't play and we need a fourth player!"

"I can't, I've got a reputation," Hikari reiterated.

Rei said softly, "I don't know how to."

Asuka held the controller out to her, "We can teach you."

Rei regarded it then took it with a cheer from Toji and Kensuke. "Why don't you want to play?" Shinji asked Kaworu, who he had sat beside, "You had fun that one time."

Kaworu smiled, "I was waiting for you to return."

Shinji blushed faintly then passed over a brightly wrapped box he had brought with him, "...this is for you."

"For me?"

"It's for your birthday."

Kaworu turned the box over and over in his hands. Shinji was the only one to have given him a gift. Asuka, the only other person who might have given him one, had forgotten to buy him one and had made him let her buy him a drink to make up for it the previous day. He didn't fault her for it. After all, he hadn't planned to tell anyone before Ritsuko let it out.

He carefully unwrapped the wrapping to find a CD player and a pair of CDs; one of "unknown" classical pieces and another with jazz pieces. He smiled, "I love it. I can put these in my stereo too while I'm at home."

Shinji nodded eagerly, "I thought about that! Oh, I'm so glad you like it!"

They sat in comfortable silence, listening to the others until Kaworu asked, "What were you and Misato talking about in the kitchen, if I may ask?"

"Oh, just Misato didn't seem terribly excited about this and I was worried. But she seems alright with letting us have our fun."

Kaworu grinned, "If you ask me, I think Kensuke went ahead with this just so everyone can have fun, and less to actually celebrate."

The pair glanced at Misato who was sitting on the couch, watching Asuka and the boys attempt to teach Rei the art of video games. Goichi was beside her, a bit tense, but still called out suggestions to the kids.

Shinji mused, "I guess fun's important in its own way."

Kaworu nodded, "Constant fighting would run us down."

"That's probably why Misato insists on still sending us to school. For some level of normalcy."

They settled down to eat cake and watch the others play their first match of the robot fighting game Asuka had picked out. Rei had gotten the hang of it, applying the same attitude of real battle to play battle. Kensuke cried, "I can't believe it!" as she won her first match against him.

"Say, Kaworu," Shinji said again, "I heard you've got an admirer."

"That's true. I have to send a response back here soon."

"Do you...know who it is?"

Kaworu tilted his head, weighing Shinji's motivations. Did he have an idea already that Kaworu knew or not? He answered, "Not yet. Are you curious?"

"I mean, who wouldn't be?!" he said quickly and perhaps too defensively.

"That's fair," Kaworu shrugged, "I don't know but I do want to know more about them."

The doorbell rang and Asuka shot up like a shot, "That might be Kaji or Ritsuko!"

As she went to answer, Misato commented, "Leave it to Kaji to be fashionably late. Ritsuko, I can understand."

With Asuka absent, Rei mercilessly knocked her fighter out. "Harsh," Kensuke commented.

"She didn't pause," there was an uncharacteristic note of playfulness in her tone.

The newcomers were indeed Ritsuko and Kaji in casual wear. Kaji waved, "Look, we made it!"

Asuka stepped aside to let them in. Ritsuko said, "I got a moment away from work. I don't know what Kaji's excuse for being late is."

Kaji walked past her and stopped just behind the couch. He grinned at Misato, "I heard about your promotion, congratulations. I guess I don't get to gripe at you anymore."

"You say that like you'd stop," she shot back.

"Well, I mean someone up top trusts you to hold the fort down. The Commander and Vice Commander are out of Japan, leaving it to you. That counts for something, right?"

Shinji twisted to face him, "Father's not here?"

"Nah, heard something about him visiting the South Pole."

Beside Misato, Goichi's expression said that he felt like he shouldn't be hearing this. Taking it in stride, Misato commented, "That's odd."

"You didn't hear it from me," Kaji raised his hands in surrender, "Now, I was told there'd be cake?"

The South Pole was an alien world now. The night sky was an ever-present purplish red, like a bruise that refused to fade. Where glaciers were once now stood pillars of salt. Cutting through the night sky were auroras, dancing as if the world below hadn't descended into hell. A fleet of ships cut through the sea, the largest carrying tarped-over cargo. From the deck, Commander Ikari and Vice Commander Fuyutski surveyed the waters. It was silent, save for the roar of the waves. It was much warmer than it had been decades before. Fuyutski mused, "A world of death where life is no longer permitted. One may say it's no longer of this world but of Hell."

"Nevertheless, we are here and we are alive," Gendo countered, "We even hold dominion over Hell and perhaps, one day Heaven."

If Fuyutski thought too hard of why each wanted to conquer Heaven, his heart would hurt. He pointed out, "We are under the protection of science."

"The power of man truly is science,"

Fuyutski gave the alien landscape another long glance, "The power of science and hubris. That's what defines man. That's what gave rise to the tragedy of fifteen years ago. Now, here is our great punishment: a truly dead sea."

"Perhaps but this is also a world purged of the original sin," Gendo's flat facade didn't lift but there was a smile in his words.

The idea of Second Impact merely being a trial gone wrong lodged itself into Fuyutski's brain. "I'd prefer a world stained with sin rather than one where life no longer lives," he murmured.

If Gendo heard him, he made no more response to confirm it. Maybe it didn't matter if he did or not.

Chapter Text

The next day found Misato more alert than usual. Hosting a whole houseful of people had made it so sleep came easy to her to that night. Now she was ready to face the day with an unusual amount of enthusiasm. She walked into the command center, a cup of coffee in her hand. She stopped behind Hyuga, "How goes it?" she greeted.

"You're in a chipper mood, Major," he smiled.

"Slept really well for once. Sounds like it's good I did. What do we have?"

The widescreen over the command center displayed a picture of the Earth with two objects highlighted in low orbit: a satellite and the unknown object it had detected. "We detected this unknown object a little bit ago. We've got video now."

A collective gasp washed over the room as the image switched to a video of the object in question. It was a massive eye-shaped being of psychedelic colors, dazzling as much as it was terrifying. "That's...impressive?" Hyuga asked.

"That's ridiculous," Misato grumbled, her good mood washed away instantly.

The video held onto the object for a few moments more before there was an orange flash and the feed cut out. Misato actually shuddered in surprise, "Was that an AT Field?"

"Looks like it. We haven't yet seen an Angel use one offensively," Ritsuko reported.

"So you're saying it's an Angel."

"No doubt about it. I don't think we need to hard confirm this one."

Soon after, they were scrambling to gain more data and then, to the planning room. There was another screen, this one displaying a topological map of Japan and a large amount of the area around it. Also displayed was a series of red 'X's, starting in the Pacific and inching closer and closer to Japan. Maya reported, "Along with its offensive AT Field, the Angel is using its own body, much like a bomb."

She looked to Ritsuko for confirmation who nodded. She further explained, "The Angel is dropping portions off its body mass, using them like bombs—or maybe closer to a targeting system."

She used a baton to tap the first of the X's, "Its first shot landed in the middle of the Pacific," she moved to the next one, "And the next struck here. It's actively adjusting for error."

Misato grimaced, "It's learning."

Ritsuko nodded. Hyuga now stepped up, "All conventional weaponry we can reach it with have no effects. And we can only make rough guesses as to its movements."

"Doesn't take a genius to figure out it's coming here," Misato commented, "It's probably trying to figure out where exactly we are."

Ritsuko's expression turned sour for a moment before her face smoothed back over. She nodded, "Our prediction is once it locates us, it'll drop itself; obliterating not only Tokyo-3 but a large chunk of Japan."

"Have we tried to contact the Commander?" Misato asked.

Ritsuko shook her head, "The Angel has a powerful jamming effect. So this falls under your jurisdiction completely."

"Figures. How about the MAGI? What do they have to say?"

"They unanimously recommend evacuation."

Understanding, Misato nodded. She was silent for a few minutes, studying the diagram and mulling over her options. Finally, she said, "Here's the plan: notify all Japanese government authorities that, under our authority, we are declaring a D-17 evacuation order of all residents within 50 kilometers. We also are going to backup the MAGI at Matsuhiro."

Hyuga's eyebrows raised, "We're abandoning the location?"

"No," Misato's tone was deadly serious, "But it's not necessary to put everyone at risk. Everyone is dismissed for now."

She turned to leave and wondered, how did one defeat an Angel as large as a city?

Misato's plan came together in an unlikely place: in the bathroom with Ritsuko. Ritsuko crossed her arms, "You're going to try to catch it?"

Misato nodded then corrected, "The kids will but...yes. That's the plan."

Ritsuko stared helplessly at her, "That's ridiculous...that's stupid! Stupid and risky! You're going to throw all three Evas—and their pilots—away with a risky plan."

Misato's eyes narrowed and she said lowly, "If you've got a better idea, feel free to pitch it."

Ritsuko's face did some interesting things, shifting between a furious scowl, an annoyed grimace and finally landing on a frustrated frown. Satisfied she had won, Misato continued, "Realistically, what's our play here? We could evacuate but there's no way in hell we're gonna be able to haul the Evas and everything out in time. Plus we'd lose the Geofront."

The other woman gave her a long hard look before she gave a defeated sigh, "And here I thought you weren't thinking rationally. I thought you were clouded by revenge."

"Don't get me wrong, I want to see all the Angels dead. But I will not throw everyone's lives away for no reason. If you come up with a better idea, I do honestly want to hear it," Misato said.

Ritsuko sighed, "I'll send word to start prepping for your plan."

Misato left, sure that Ritsuko would deal with the technical details. Which meant all she had to do was summon the pilots, brief them on the plan then gain their consent. A deep anxiety wormed into her gut as she fixated on that phrase: gain their consent. As if she already knew what their answer would be. Rei would of course agree, as was her nature. Asuka was so headstrong that she wouldn't back down. And Shinji...with his determined strength and the pressure of his peers, was sure to say yes.

She hated to have to put them all in such dire straits but there was little other choice. Vengeance or not, the Angels had to be killed.

She groaned internally as she saw a familiar face round the next turn. Kaji grinned freely at her, "You look frazzled."

"Can you blame me?" she scowled.

"Of course not, seeing what you're up against."

She stopped beside him, eyes furrowed. "How did you know about the Angel?" she asked, "You weren't debriefed."

"Word travels, Misa," he shrugged.

She decided to not press him further on his knowledge and instead more on his audacity, "Misa?! You haven't called me that since college."

"Forgive a man his nostalgia. One must not live in the past but he can go visit from time to time."

"Visit some other time," she growled, stomping past him.

To her frustration, he followed her and she snapped, "I know you aren't needed here so how about you go evacuate?"

He tilted his head slightly as he kept pace, "Worried about me?"

Scowling, she deflected, "There's no reason for you to stick around and die, in case we fail."

He hummed, as if considering her offer then shook his head, "If you fail, it'll mean little if I die now or later. So I think I'd rather be here if that comes to pass."

She scoffed, shoving down the part of her that cringed at his words, "Do what you like. I need to gather the pilots."

She picked up pace, leaving him behind. Kaji watched her go, eyes softening slightly. Katsuragi determined to win was a beautiful woman indeed. If he was to die today, he'd rather it here, with her. Even if she still held him away from herself.

Misato left to gather the kids and she did so in a particularly high building, built high over the Geofront. She hoped it might nail in the severity of the situation. Asuka asked, "You want us to catch it?"

"That's right. We'll have you three in three sides of the estimated drop down zone, you'll intercept it and catch it with your AT Fields."

Asuka adopted a thoughtful look, rather than her outburst from last time around. Not that the plan was any less insane than last time. "And if it's off-course?" she asked.

"It shouldn't be but if it is...we're out of luck."

"Can the Evas withstand the force?" Rei asked.

"In theory, yes."

"And if they can't?"

"We're out of luck then too."

Rei hummed then nodded, understanding. Shinji asked now, "What are our chances here?"

"I won't lie: God only knows."

"Looks like you will have to pull off a miracle," Kaworu cut in.

"You three are gonna have to work for this miracle to give it any value," Misato said, "I can't make any of you do this. If you want to refuse, it's well within your rights to. You just know what's at stake."

Surprisingly, Shinji spoke up first, "I'll do it. Whatever it takes."

"You sure?" Misato asked.

He nodded, "I don't think I actually have much of a choice."

Misato frowned deeply at that but didn't press. Asuka agreed, "We can refuse but really, if we don't, who will?"

"Agreed," Rei piped up.

Misato looked between the three of them, clearly uncomfortable by their jarring show of maturity. She couldn't help but think of Kaji's earlier words, as if admitting if she failed, it mattered little if they died today or when the next Angel came. She retrieved a clipboard from the nearby desk, "I'm obligated to tell you three you may write a will."

"I don't need to," Shinji told her right away, "If I die, everyone else I care about dies too. So what's the point?"

"He's right," Asuka agreed, "I won't either."

"Jeez, kids. I get its a grim situation but…" she trailed off, shook her head, then changed the subject, "After you kids win, because you'll win, we'll all get a steak dinner. So think on that while you get ready."

With that, she beat a hasty retreat. Once she was out of earshot, Shinji asked, "That's her idea of a fancy dinner?"

Asuka shrugged, "I guess to her it is. Living through Second Impact does that sorta thing."

Rei murmured, "I won't be able to go with you."

Realization dawned to Asuka as she remembered. How could she forget Rei didn't eat meat! Last night, Shinji had even left the pork from her ramen! She rubbed her arm, "I'm sure a place like that has vegetarian options."

"I suppose we'll have to see."

"How about—" she had turned to ask Kaworu his own preferences but found him absent.

"Hey, where'd he go?" she asked the other two.

"He must have already left. I think we should head out too," Shinji said.

He found Kaworu in the locker room, where he had expected him to be, already in his own blue-black plugsuit. In fact, he walked in on him just finishing pulling it on and pressing the button at the wrist to pressurize it. He made a strangled sound of embarrassment. There was no reason for his cheeks to feel warm with how many times he had seen him with it on but he didn't want to walk in on him—!

Unperturbed, Kaworu met his eye, "Are you doing well?" he asked.

"I-I am!" Shinji went to his own locker, retrieving his own blue-and-white plugsuit.

"Oh. I might expect you were anxious because the coming battle."

"I am anxious," he confirmed, not meeting his eye as he undressed, "What do you think of Misato's plan?"

"It's...interesting. Unconventional."

"What do you think of our chances?"

"Pretty good, as long as you trust in your Eva. She'll protect you, no matter what."

Shinji thought back to his very first Angel encounter, where he had bumbled into something he hadn't understood. He remembered the Angel lancing through his—no, the Eva's eye. Smashing into it over and over until all went dark. He didn't remember anything that came after but he had been told his Evangelion moved on its own and killed the Angel. "You're right," he agreed, "But I'm not worried about just me."

"Asuka and Rei's Evas will protect them."

"What about you?"

Kaworu smiled, though it didn't quite meet his eyes, "I'm sure it'll all work out."

From the locker rooms the quartet moved to the command center to be briefed. The screen showed a map of Tokyo-3 with a gigantic portion highlighted in red along with three colored Xs situated along the sides. Misato explained, "The Angel's radio interference means we won't be able to get exact data where it will be landing so here's what the MAGI estimates."

"That's huge," Shinji murmured.

A stab of fear lanced his heart and he reminded himself of Kaworu's words: Trust in the Eva, she will protect you.

Ritsuko nodded to his comment, "Any impact from this zone will not only obliterate the HQ but Tokyo-3 in full."

But no pressure, Asuka told herself sarcastically.

"Given that, we will station the Evas at these three points," Misato said as she gestured to the three Xs.

"On what grounds is this dispersal based?" Rei asked.

Misato answered, "Intuition."

Rei blinked in confusion as Asuka sighed, "That's really the best we got, huh?"

Still...was intuition something she could follow into battle and win, she wondered. After all, it had worked last time but who knew how the situation might shift once the plan was executed.

With that, the three filed out to get on board their Evas. Once they had gone, Misato addressed the rest of the room, "There's just enough time for everyone here to get clear of the blast radius. So all of you can get out of here and I'll deal with this myself."

Aoba looked over her, "No. This is our job too."

Hyuga swiveled to face her, "We can't let those kids face this by themselves, Major Katsuragi."

Maya chimed in, "That just wouldn't be fair to them! We all signed up for this."

Misato looked over them then away, "They're safer in the Evas than anywhere else. They'll be fine. After all, no matter what happens to the Evas, their AT Fields will protect them. But...if that is your choice...then so be it."

Sitting in the Eva, Shinji waited. Neither Rei or Asuka were talking to him so he sat in silence with nothing but his thoughts. The events of yesterday filtered into his mind through the silence.

Misato had come to him after the party and after everyone had left. Asuka had gone to bed already and Shinji had already laid down. Yet sleep hadn't come to him. Misato came in and sat at the end of the bed. She said softly, "Shinji, earlier, I told you I didn't do what I do for praise."

He rolled over to face her, his eyes alert. She continued, "My father was a man who lived for his research. He barely had the time for family. His dreams mattered more than anything. I could never forgive him. I hated him."

"He reminds me of…"

"I know. My father never took care of me or my mother. His friends insisted he was sensitive but that's not the truth. He was running away from reality, the reality of his family. So when mom came to me and asked me, in tears, what I thought about her divorcing him? I readily agreed. She was always crying. It wasn't fair to her. When he heard, he seemed shocked. At the time, I laughed at him because I felt he had brought it onto himself," she paused to shake her head, "Yet, he sacrificed himself and saved my life back during Second Impact."

"Then I didn't know whether I loved him or hated him," she continued, "The only thing clear to me was I wanted to destroy the Angels who caused Second Impact. So in order to do that, I joined NERV. In the end, I wanted to get a sort of revenge on my father, to be free of him."

Shinji murmured, "Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought it might help you understand why I do what I do. And I just...I wanted to ask why you pilot Eva. Is it because your father?"

He frowned deeply then admitted, "I don't know. Maybe some of it. I just want him to see me...actually see me. If he could...I think things would be different."

Visions of his father appeared in his mind's eye. His back turned to him as a train took him away from him. The order to come to Tokyo-3. The simple command of 'Come'. Staring down at him in the cage, because he knew he'd choose to pilot Eva.

To do whatever it takes.

"Right," back in the pilot's seat, he squeezed his control yokes, "Whatever it takes. I must trust in my Eva."

Misato's voice came over the comms, "Here it comes. Evas, start positions."

Asuka lowered herself to one knee in a runner's stance. She smiled ever so slightly, listening for her cue. Misato explained, "All we have is a rough estimated trajectory from optical sightings. So the Magi will guide you until the distance is ten thousand meters. After that, use your own judgment. I'm leaving it all to you."

Asuka exhaled, looking up at the currently blue sky and the far off shadow of the Angel. Soon, very soon, the sky would explode into an orange haze. She squeezed the control yokes. She could do this.

"Commence operation!"

With an explosion of sound, the umbilical cord ejected and in the next second, Asuka pushed off and leaped forward. She pumped the control yokes back and forth, her Eva's arms settling into a back and forth motion as she blazed out of the city and through the forest. Underneath her feet, trees splintered and crashed, not even coming up on her radar as she surrendered herself into the rhythm. She launched herself over power lines, hitting the other side with a ground-shaking crash. It didn't stop her momentum for a moment. She looked up, checking her memory as where the Angel would be. The sky above had turned a discolored orange, the Angel in the center.

Shinji would still get there first. Which was fine. She snapped her pylon open and retrieved her knife, not breaking rhythm at all.

Shinji grimaced as he skid into place underneath the Angel. He was here first which meant the responsibility to holding the Angel up came to him. He raised his arms in the air and flared his AT Field out at maximum strength.

The very air rippled and distorted, staining the area a royal purple. The ground rumbled then exploded as the force of his AT Field pressed into it. The Angel was bearing down on him but his Field stopped it just short of his hands, flickering and squealing in response. The weight was immense, like he was Atlas holding the world up. And it hurt. Every part of him protested and it felt like his bones would snap any minute now. He gritted his teeth and dug his feet in.

"Whatever it takes," he murmured.

His AT Field was so strong it flickered into visual reality, an orange hexagonal shield between the Angel and him. "Rei, Asuka..." he hissed through his teeth.

"I'm here!" Rei cried.

The air flickered again and a weight was lifted off Shinji's shoulders. Rei's Unit Zero took a place beside him, helping him hold the Angel up.

And here was Asuka, barreling through with knife already drawn. She leapt between them, hand grabbing at the Angel's AT Field in a physical way. Like she was dissecting a frog, she sliced down the middle and yanked it open, exposing the Angel's core tucked in the middle of its body. She howled, "Now die!" as she plunged her knife in.

She cried a victory cry as she pressed it deeper. The Angel screamed, a single high note ringing in their ears. It then went limp, its "wings" slumping to the ground as it began to bubble. Asuka hissed and flipped her AT Field to defend them. The other two followed suit, all three Fields forming a cocoon of protection as the world went white.

The world shuddered and Asuka held on for dear life. Even though she couldn't feel it, she could tell the earth was exploding around them but, despite it all, all three Evas remained in place. The world faded back in, finding the three in a colossal crater—but largely unharmed.

Her comm crackled to life, Misato's voice coming in, "Are you three alright?"

"Better than I expected."

"Let's get the extraction crew out there then."

Misato turned away and smiled smugly at Ritsuko, "What was that about stupid and risky?"

Ritsuko rolled her eyes, "I stand by my assessment. It just looks like luck was on your side."

"Luck's got nothing to do with it," her smug smile grew.

"Well don't let it go to your head," she returned to her screen.

Misato cast a glance around the command center, part of her expecting Kaji to appear, so she could tell him that he was lucky his decision to stay was justified and that no one had to die. But he didn't appear and she had to tell herself she wasn't disappointed.

The three were ferried back to the command center to be debriefed—or rather congratulated. Kaworu greeted them at the entrance, "You three did great!"

Shinji rubbed one of his shoulders wincing, "I'm going home and taking a nice hot bath. I'm sore everywhere."

As they walked further in, Asuka boasted, "And I got to kill it!"

Aoba called to Misato, "Our wireless communications have been restored. We're receiving a message from Commander Ikari at the South Pole."

Shinji stiffened.

Misato said, "Connect him," her face deliberately passive.

One of the computer monitors lit up with a large graphic reading SOUND ONLY. Misato straightened, "I'm very sorry, sir. My selfish decision has caused Unit One to incur damage. The responsibility is entirely mine."

Fuyutski's voice came through, "That is not a problem. Destroying the Angels is Eva's purpose. In fact, we are fortunate to have only sustained minimal damage."

The Commander's voice came through now, "Yes, excellent work, Major Katsuragi."

Misato relaxed, "Thank you, sir."

"By the way, is the pilot of Unit One there?"

Shinji somehow went even stiffer. Kaworu frowned and put a hand on his shoulder. Shinji stole a glance at him then at the screen, "Yes, sir!" he barked.

"I've received the report. Good work, Shinji."

Shinji barely got his words out, "Y-yes, sir."

"I leave the rest to you, Major Katsuragi."

The screen blinked out, leaving Shinji staring at where it was. There was a lot of emotions roiling on the inside of him but he let himself feel...happy. A smile stole onto his face.

Poor Shinji didn't get his immediate hot bath, instead being sent off with a bottle of painkillers from Ritsuko. Misato insisted the group go get dinner right away and now they rode the train to their destination. Asuka teased, "See, now you've got to keep your promise."

"Of course. My bank account ain't happy about it…" she grumbled in defeat.

To her confusion, Asuka ushered them off a few stops before the planned steak restaurant. Her confusion turned to relief when their true destination turned out to be a ramen stand. Asuka explained, "Rei can't eat meat and turns out Kaworu's sensitive to certain ones so this seemed like a happy medium! Well, I was planning on him coming along but he left pretty quickly for some reason..."

"That's awfully kind of you Asuka...but you could have told me up front," Misato sighed.

"And miss the look on your face? I'd never!" she took up a seat between Rei and Shinji and began to order.

Once they got settled and begin eating their food, Shinji turned to Misato, "Say, Misato?"

"Hmm?" she said, slurping the noodles she was eating, "What is it?"

"Earlier, when my father praised me...do you think it's bad it felt nice?"

"Huh? Why would you say a weird thing like that?" Asuka asked.

He shrugged, "I dunno. You always say how he's not all that nice and how I shouldn't put so much stock in what he says but…"

"Shinji," Misato said gently, "No matter how he treats you, he's your father. It's only natural to want to hear him praise you."

"Is that why you pilot?" Asuka pressed.

He tilted his head thoughtfully, "Part of it," he admitted.

"Well, I pilot because it's how things are going better around here! And if I get to show off while I do it so that's a bonus!"

Shinji's stare at her was...skeptical. He didn't press, instead changing the topic, "So you have no idea where Kaworu went?"

"I thought you would know."

"He got dressed real quick and said he had to go do something. That's the last time I saw him."

Suddenly interested, Asuka pressed, "He didn't say anything as to where he was going?"

"No!"

"You didn't even ask?"

"Like I said, he was in a hurry. And I figured it would be rude."

Asuka huffed, annoyed. Misato shrugged, "I'm sure he had his reasons. He might have just gone on home since he can't have steak and a certain someone didn't tell him of our change of plans."

"Hey!"

Asuka sulked, chewing on her ramen and her thoughts. Where would Kaworu run off to in such a hurry? Was it something important or was she simply looking too much into it?

She shook her head. It didn't do to not trust Kaworu. It didn't help at all.

Chapter Text

It was an exceptionally hot day in Tokyo-3, the kind that made one wish Second Impact had made Japan suffer an eternal winter rather than an eternal summer. No one really wanted to do anything but duty called in even the most mundane of ways. The morning found a group of NERV employees at the laundromat.

Ritsuko folded her clothes and grumbled, "The cost of laundry is going to kill me before anything else does."

Maya, who sat in the chair beside where her superior was doing her work, laughed lightly, "It's the time for me. I've hardly the time to do it nowadays."

With a sigh, Ritsuko agreed, "That too."

Aoba, who they had coincidentally met there, sighed, "Almost makes me wish I stayed living on-base."

"If I had to spend any more time there than I already did, I'd go insane," Maya said.

"Why do you think I left?" he asked.

The trio left the laundomat, getting onto the train to head elsewhere. There, they were surprised to find the Vice Commander. Ritsuko greeted him, "Good morning, Vice Commander," and sat a few seats away from him.

Maya and Aoba snapped to attention, "Good morning, sir!" they cried in unison.

Fuyutski lowered his newspaper. He nodded to acknowledge them, "Morning," and went back to reading his paper.

Maya and Aoba stood, holding onto the bar of the train. "You're quite early. Didn't you and the Commander only get back a few days ago?" Ritsuko commented to Fuyutski.

"That'd be correct. I have to go up top in Ikari's place."

"Ah," Ritsuko nodded in understanding, "Isn't today the City Council's regular meeting?"

"That's it. Ikari's got me going over there to make sure everything's in order," he sighed deeply, "I've always got the boring people-facing tasks."

"Could you imagine the Commander doing stuff like that?" Aoba asked.

"The whole Council would roll right over if he went instead!" Maya chuckled.

"At least they wouldn't bicker so much," Fuyutski shook his head, "None of it matters in the long run. We all know the MAGI makes the real decisions."

"Yep!" Maya chirped, "They haven't steered us wrong yet. Isn't it neat, living in the era of science?"

"Having a bunch of computers make the decisions is shady but whatever gets the job done," Aoba shrugged.

Ritsuko spoke up, "It's not like their word is law. Their decisions have to still go through the Council and if they wanted, they could decide differently. They just tend to trust their judgment."

"Your mom made the MAGI, didn't she?" Maya asked.

Ritsuko's eyes narrowed at the mention of her mother but she nodded, "Yes and she also modeled their artificial intelligence on herself. They also formed the basis for all the other ones all over the world. Speaking of, they'll be helping me today with the naked synch test."

"Best of luck with that," Fuyutski told her, "The children will not be pleased about it."

"I hate this," Asuka declared when she and the other two active pilots were told of today's test.

"Hate or not, it must be done," Ritsuko told her, "It's important you three be tested in the most neutral environment we can."

She could handle Angels but she so desperately wanted to draw the line at personal humiliation. She crossed her arms and grumbled. Ritsuko reminded, "The faster you go and get undressed and down to the testing plugs, the sooner it'll be done."

She pointed out the doorway, eyes steely. She wasn't backing down on this. Kaworu fidgeted from the side, where he was standing with Shinji and Rei, the trio waiting for Asuka to stop trying to get Ritsuko to back down. He spoke up, "Does this include me, Doctor Akagi?"

"Hmmm," Ritsuko consulted her monitor, "I could have sworn I had you included in this experiment but I guess not. So you can stay up here with us, if you'd like."

Kaworu bowed his head in acknowledgment and pulled an empty computer chair aside to sit down in it.

Asuka stuck her tongue out at him, "Lucky!" and left.

He chuckled as she left, turning to watch Ritsuko begin to punch commands into her computer console. Yeah, it was sure lucky he had been forgotten.

There had been an annoying buzzing at the edge of his awareness since he woke up today and it only grew in intensity as he descended into NERV HQ. It was hard to explain and no doubt impossible to explain to a Lilin. It was the tug of another Angelic AT Field, begging his attention. Most certainly unintentional, as none of his kin knew he was there.

Misato came strolling through, pausing to wave at Kaworu, then stopped by Ritsuko, "Everything ready?"

Ritsuko nodded, "Had to wrangle Asuka into cooperating."

Misato snickered, "Told you you'd have to."

She glanced at Ritsuko's screen, "And today was the MAGI's checkup too, huh?"

"Mhm," Ritsuko hummed, looking back over the calculations, "I've got Maya helping me out with that."

Misato picked up a stray coffee mug, "Asuka's right. You need a break."

"I did the other night at your party. Also that's cold."

Her warning came a little too late and Misato forced herself to not spit it out. She swallowed forcefully and set it down, "That woke me up. Still. You should try to fit in some more time for yourself," she shrugged.

Ritsuko frowned, "It's a nice thought."

Asuka's voice came from one of the speakers, "Alright, we're all undressed and at the place you told us to go to!"

"You've all undressed and showered off?"

"Yes..." she grumbled.

"Alright, go ahead into the next room. It's an ultra-clean room environment. We need to make sure there's no possibility of contamination."

"'No possibility of contamination'," Asuka mocked quietly.

Ritsuko smiled slightly in amusement, "Heard that. Asuka, this is very important. It's for an autopilot we're designing."

Asuka's next complaint died in her throat, feeling awfully small in the grand scheme of things. Visions of gore and viscera came unbidden to her mind and it was Unit 01 in the center of it all. She shook herself out of it and walked forward.

"Autopilot?" Misato asked.

"It's in the works but hopefully, it will take the Children out of the fight," Ritsuko raised her eyebrow, "It's what you wanted, right?"

"Of course," Misato eyed her, wondering if this was an attempt to get a rise out of her.

To say Ritsuko had a mask like the Commander's would not be a lie. She brushed the thought off. No point in arguing. She didn't like the idea of staying mad at her friend anyway. She had been worried their relationship was fraying as it was. Then again, that process had started after college and she wasn't sure if anything could return it to that state now.

If Kaji was here, he'd chastise her for longing to return to the past.

Ritsuko turned back to talk to the trio, "Anyways, you three should be done with the decontamination, right?"

Asuka gave a grunt of affirmation. "Then go on ahead to the entry plugs. We have all the cameras switched off for your personal privacy," Ritsuko explained.

The buzzing had subtly but noticeably picked up in intensity. Kaworu waited a few moments until Ritsuko, Misato and the other techs were distracted. He said softly, "It may be a while so I'm going to step out and get something from a vending machine."

Misato waved him off, "We'll be here," too focused on the experiment to even look over at him leave.

He smiled, even though she couldn't see it, and slipped out and down the hallway.

Ritsuko said to her techs, "Alright, start the experiment."

The chamber hummed as the entry plugs were inserted into the simulation bodies. They were gruesome; simply torsos with a pair of gangly arms. Typically, tests were either done inside the Evas proper or sophisticated simulations. This was the first time using these had been attempted and Misato could see why. Along with how gruesome they were, using them demanded using a completely different testing chamber, filled with liquid. Maybe just water though it was hard to tell in the dark lighting of the chamber.

"The simulation plugs are now under MAGI control," Maya reported.

"So how's it feel?" Ritsuko asked the pilots.

"Everything's all muffled," Shinji said.

Asuka flexed the fingers on her right hand then her left, "Yeah! Other than my right arm, everything's fuzzy. It's weird."

"Alright, Rei. Try moving your right hand, just as you would in your Eva."

"Yes, ma'am." Rei willed herself to keep her arm still while she imagined wiggling her fingers. The simulation body responded in kind.

"Seems there's no problems on that front," Ritsuko said.

On her screen, text had appeared, reading "Resolving Dilemma…". Misato hovered behind her and asked, "What's that mean?"

"Well, as you know the MAGI is made up of three components. They don't always agree. I'd say they're just like their creator," Ritsuko explained.

"That's your mom, right?"

"You don't really know anything, do you?"

Misato scowled. No one told her anything! She defended, "It's not like you talk about her a lot!"

"And for good reason. But yes: my mother created the MAGI. And they're based off of her."

Misato opened her mouth to ask further when a small orange box popped up on the main screen. "Another water leak?" Ritsuko asked.

Maya answered, "No, it's apparently some kind of corrosion in the protein wall above us."

Ritsuko sighed, "Wonderful. Will it have any effect on this test?"

"No, at least I don't believe so."

"Then we continue. This is only a minor technical issue and we can't abort it over that. Else we'd never hear the end of it from Commander Ikari," Ritsuko turned away.

She could see it now: he would warn her she was delaying the all important Scenario and that he could find someone else to do her job. She didn't believe that...but she also didn't like to hear him say it.

Meanwhile, Kaworu walked through the hallways, counting to himself as he did. He hadn't lied as he was planning to go to the vending machines. He checked the signs as he walked by, making sure he was on the right track. To the cameras, it would appear nothing was amiss; he was simply making sure he was going the right way in the labyrinthine base. Then he stepped into a side hallway, where a blind spot for the security cameras were. He counted to himself silently. At thirty, an alarm began to shriek.

Bingo. He had been through this particular song and dance enough times to have it memorized.

Ritsuko was jolted from her thoughts as the Angel alarm began to go off. Behind her, the techs were in a buzz. Maya cried, "Corrosion area of the protein wall increasing at an explosive rate!"

The diagram on screen showed the corrosion rapidly eating through the wall. Ritsuko turned and cried, "Abort the experiment! Initiate emergency shutoff by the sixth pipe!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

Ritsuko went back to watching the diagram as Maya worked. Even though she didn't show it, adrenaline was pumping through her system.

"No effect! Corrosion is spreading along the walls!"

Ritsuko hissed under her breath. "Prepare the polysomes," she ordered.

From the wall came a series of drones that approached the corrosion along the wall. "Set laser power at maximum. Fire upon contact."

Blue light illuminated the room and a high whine came from the drones. Behind Ritsuko, Maya cried, "The corrosion is growing. It's coming! Rei's body is moving!"

The body closest to them shuddered and Misato snapped her attention to it, "Rei!"

The arm from it twitched and came down from where it was floating, suspended in the liquid.

"Impossible," Ritsuko hissed, backing off from the window and stopping beside Maya, "Why is it moving? It isn't Rei, is it?"

"Negative," Maya reported, "The corrosion has entered the suspension system of the simulation bodies."

No good came of an Angel in control of anything derived from an Eva. Ritsuko begin hammering in commands to Maya's console before pulling a lever just underneath the desk. A muffled explosion rocked the room as the arm of Rei's simulation body was blown off. "You're gonna hurt Rei!" Misato protested.

"She'll barely feel it," Ritsuko dismissed her, "Maya, eject the pilots' plugs. We don't need whatever this is contaminating them. And get me updates on the lasers!"

Clearly overwhelmed, Maya did what she was told anyway. Another series of muffled explosions rocked the room as all three plugs were shot up and out of the chamber. The drones started to whine again, blue light illuminating them. They shot their lasers which hit the wall, it shimmering orange in response. The lasers bounced off, harmless. "An AT Field!" Misato cried.

"Of course. It's an Angel," Ritsuko said.

The severed arm still shimmered ominously, a point of light collecting at one of the fingertips then shooting at the window like a bullet. The glass of the Pribnow Box's window cracked. Misato's eyes widened and she turned away with a cry of, "Abandon the area! All personnel evacuate!"

As if to punctuate her command, the Angel shot another light bullet, cracking the glass further. The techs abandoned their posts but Ritsuko sat there, not reacting. "What are you doing?!" Misato cried, running back to her and grabbing her arm, "Hurry!"

Ritsuko snapped from her trance and was half-dragged, half-ran behind Misato. The door snapped closed behind them followed by a crash of water. She didn't look back and Misato didn't quit running. Only when they turned the corner did Misato let go and paused, bending over with her hands on her knees, panting. Ritsuko glanced back, if only to confirm there was indeed no water rushing their way. She spoke into the silence, "This is terrible. Let's get to the command center."

As they ran once more, the alarm system continued to blare, overlaid with a woman's voice announcing the quarantine of that quadrant. Then, with no fanfare, it went silent. Misato raised an eyebrow, "Surely the Angel hasn't been defeated already?"
Ritsuko shook her head but offered no insight on why it might be the alarm went silent. She saw Misato even look at her for theories so she stared ahead, focused on her objective. Inside her thoughts, it wasn't as simple.

She supposed the Commander had a reason for hiding evidence. He had even suggested as much before to her so this would be the perfect opportunity to do so. No damage to hide, only data to erase.

She sighed internally, already seeing the work ahead of her that night—that is, if they made it to that night. The Commander made it so simple to believe the end would come his way but an end from the Angels never left Ritsuko's thoughts. After all, to do such would be prideful and she remembered the saying: pride comes before the fall.

Back in the Command Center, the Commander had told Aoba coolly to cut the alarm. The man shot a confused glance at him but nevertheless did as he was told. As the alarm stopped, Gendo said, "This is a malfunction, an error in the alarm system. A false alarm, if you will. Report that to the Japanese government and the City Council."

That seemed to be enough for Aoba for he relaxed and barked back, "Yes, sir!" and began his job dutifully.

Fuyutski leaned in to whisper into his superior's ear, "This is no good. The..."false alarm" descending into a bad area."

"We cannot have it get too low into the base," the Commander agreed.

Without pausing, he began to relay orders, "Stop the corrosion within Sigma Unit! What's the Evas' status?"

Hyuga was the one to reply, "Standing by in cage seven. We can launch them as soon as the pilots are recovered."

"There's no need to wait for the pilots. Launch them immediately. Unit One has top priority so launch it first."

That got some glances around of confusion. Aoba voiced this, "Unit One? But sir, we cannot physically destroy the Angel without all the Evas."

Gendo raised his voice, only slightly, "Do as I say. Hurry!"

This got the unruly techs in gear, all turning away to tend to his orders. This was an interesting challenge: how did one destroy an internal invader without their primary weapons, the Evangelions? He glanced downwards. Where was Dr. Akagi? This was her area of expertise.

As if on cue, her and Major Katsuragi sprinted into the command center. He was pleased to find both immediately slid back into their roles. Ritsuko commanded, "Bring up a graphic of Sigma Unit."

The graphic appeared on the mainscreen. She studied it for a minute then pointed out, "There. It won't rise into the areas where oxygen is higher, rather go lower where the concentration thins out."

Misato followed this idea to its logical conclusion, "So its weakness is oxygen?"

Ritsuko nodded, "Seems so, correct. Try injecting some ozone."

Hyuga started tapping away, "Injecting ozone. Concentration is increasing."

The red sections began to blink out and Aoba grinned, "It's working alright."

"Let's see if Dr. Akagi's theory pans out," Fuyutski murmured.

The Commander gave no response.

Kaworu closed his eyes and carefully unfolded a tiny part of his AT Field, keeping it as small as he could. When no second alarm went off, he pictured it growing in frequency until it was indistinguishable from the other AT Field in the vicinity. Like stepping into someone else's footprints so it appeared there was only one entity in a trail.

Said AT Field was writhing in pain and rapidly attempting to warp into a different shape. He reached out for that second Field and gently brushed his own against it. A confused curiosity came from it.

TABRIS? MY SIBLING?

Hello, Iruel, Kaworu greeted.

WHAT HAS BROUGHT YOU HERE?

Kaworu stayed silent, prodding Iruel's field to test it. Iruel had stopped shaping it, curiosity having gotten the best of her.

WHAT IS YOUR PLAN?

I have no particular plan.

Her Field radiated further confusion and then, determination.

HELP ME. I CAN DESTROY THIS FACILITY SO YOU MAY FREELY SEARCH FOR OUR MOTHER.

I cannot do that. I will not do that.

Anger and betrayal washed over him across his Field.

YOU WOULD BETRAY YOUR FAMILY FOR THE LILIN? THEY'RE HURTING ME!

Iruel's Field warped into a lance and stabbed into his Field, which held firm. There was no way she planned to break through his own Field. Kaworu frowned and closed his eyes.

I apologize, Iruel. But I love the Lilin so I cannot betray them.

He pressed with his AT Field, her own Field shredding to pieces in its wake. He pictured it slicing down, right through her core and her form dissipating from existence.

She died with a strangled cry.

He waited for a few moments more then folded his AT Field back onto itself. It never pleased him to kill one of his own kin but necessity won out over his own emotions. He counted to five then bolted down the hallway, trying to look like a frantic pilot.

Ritsuko's eyes widened as the corrosion blinked out of existence, "Blue pattern destroyed. Huh, it must have worked."

Misato arched an eyebrow, "That seemed easy."

"Too easy," Ritsuko grumbled, taking seat at an empty terminal and beginning to type away.

Misato sighed, "I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"Let me check for my own benefit—"

"Doctor Akagi,"

Ritsuko bolted up and turned around, "Commander Ikari."

He stood, "Run checks on all parts of the Geofront and the MAGI. I want to make certain the Angel is dead. Then wipe away all evidence of what has happened here today. This goes for everyone here. What transpired here today was simply...a malfunction."

Misato cocked her head at his unusual behavior. Ritsuko nodded stiffly and returned to her task. With that, the Commander left.

Kaworu scrambled into the command center, an opened bag of chips in hand, "What happened?! Where's Shinji, Rei and Asuka?!"

Misato immediately went to him, "Kaworu, they're fine."

Ritsuko supplied, "Their plugs were ejected up into the Geofront lake. As for what happened...appears there was a malfunction."

Kaworu nodded, "I'm going to go there," he declared, leaving as quick as he had come in.

Misato shot a disapproving look at Ritsuko once he was gone, "Why did you lie to him?"

Ritsuko answered, "I was ordered to clear all evidence. As the other Children don't know of this, I figured no reason for Kaworu to know."

"You really think you should do that?"

Ritsuko turned to face her and said in a low voice, "Listen. As of right now, Kaworu is only a backup to the Commander and even worse, we have next to no information on him. You should know that."

Misato nodded slowly. She had seen Kaworu's file; whoever sent him to them with Asuka was determined that very little about him be revealed. She had been suspicious of it but decided to look the other way, not wishing to let it color her perception of the boy.

Yet, she didn't get Ritsuko's point. Ritsuko beckoned her over. When Misato came over, she said even quieter, "I don't believe the Commander trusts him. So I won't paint a target on his back. I'm doing him a kindness."

She blinked in surprise, "That's...oddly thoughtful of you."

"I'm not as heartless as I come off," Ritsuko replied, her tone gone cold.

"I didn't mean it like that," Misato frowned, "You just seem…"

"Detached," she answered for her, then sighed, defeated, "It's a necessity for this job. I'm glad you haven't gone cold. One of us has got to stay warm."

Misato nodded and left for her post at the central area of the command center. Alone once more, Ritsuko called Maya over, "Maya, come help me with this."

Maya nodded quickly and went over, "Yes, Doctor?"

"I just want a second set of eyes for this, if that's alright."

Maya nodded, perhaps more excitedly than she meant to, and sat down in the next terminal. She asked, "What would you like me to do?"

"Just look over the areas after I do. I've judged Sigma Unit is clean so please look that over while I look over the other areas."

Maya nodded, "Yes, ma'am!" and started her work.

Ritsuko ran the command to scan the next unit over. Since Sigma Unit was clean, she supposed that meant the Angel was truly dead.

But on a whim, she opened the security cameras for the Pribnow Box, where they had been stationed previously. A murky picture came in, the severed arm of the simulation body floating with shimmering red spots of Angelic corruption. Holes in the wall opened, letting ozone into the chamber. The red flickered and grew. It did this for a few moments then stopped, shimmering orange. It tried to use an AT Field? But against what? The ozone? Ritsuko wondered. It shimmered orange again, this time doubly brilliant, then died, the red spots blinking out of existence.

It appeared the Angel tried to defend itself, deploying an AT Field as it did. However, it either didn't have enough time to do so or was too weak. She pulled up the data on its AT Field, watching the properties of it fluctuate. It appears to not deploy it often but when it did, it was in defense. Curiously, it appeared to have doubled in strength before it perished. Ritsuko arched an eyebrow.

Something about all this felt...off.

She copied the data and sent it to her personal private profile, deleting the evidence of it before she purged the data entirely. She then pulled up the security footage and began to work.

They worked in silence as Ritsuko let the system scan the facility and edited the footage to be a loop of the Childrens' test. Maya followed dutifully along and for not the first or last time, Ritsuko found herself grateful for the girl's help.

It had only been a few years ago Maya joined NERV. Like Ritsuko herself, Maya excelled with computer technology. But unlike her, she was optimistic.

Ritsuko didn't find this to be a flaw; one of them had to be so. It was a cheery change from the doom and gloom that constantly dogged her time here at NERV. Perhaps that why she had taken her on as protege, not just because she was the only programmer who could keep up.

"Maya, only a few more sections then I'll put you on something else."

Maya nodded happily. Ritsuko let herself smile. Misato returned, dragging a chair by her and offered her a hot cup of coffee. She said, "Kids are fine though I suppose Kaworu forgot they'd be in the nude when he got there."

Ritsuko snorted, "How'd that go?"

"As far as I heard, Shinji nearly fainted on the spot, Asuka got back in the entry plug and Rei, well, she just stood there."

She couldn't help but chuckle, "Sounds about right."

"They're being herded back in to get dressed now. What should we do?"

"Send 'em home," Ritsuko shrugged, "Test's a bust now with the Pribnow Box flooded. If I want to do another one, that's weeks of prepwork."

"Is that going to be a problem for you?"

"We'll adapt."

"So what are you doing now?"

"Now I'm scanning the MAGI to make sure it wasn't contaminated."

Misato nodded, taking a sip of her own coffee. "So, could you tell me some more about the MAGI? You were going to earlier but...y'know."

Ritsuko shrugged, "It's a long story and not even an interesting one at that."

When Misato didn't complain, she internally sighed and began, "Do you know about personality transplant OS?"

Misato nodded, "Yes, it's a system that implants an individual's personality into a seventh generation organic computer so it can think. Similar stuff to how we operate the Evas, right?" she beamed like a child who answered a question right. It was oddly endearing.

"The MAGI is largely why we were able to get the Evas to work," she explained, "My mother developed the technology."

"And her personality that what its based on?"

"Yes. Other systems around the world use other personalities but here, it's the original."

Misato turned to look at the screen, where it had finished scanning Caspar, finding no bugs. She asked, "You didn't like your mother very much, did you?"

"I can't say I did."

"I couldn't wait to get away from mine."

Ritsuko sighed, "Y'know, the night before my mother died, she told me something of the MAGI."

Misato leaned in, intrigued. She continued, "She said the MAGI were the three aspects of herself. Herself as a scientist, herself as a woman and herself as a mother. The MAGI is those three aspects struggling for dominance. She intentionally left in the dilemmas of human experience. So each is slightly different."

Misato looked down from their perch to the computer's gigantic towers, "It makes them almost human."

Ritsuko shrugged, "You can think of it that way."

Misato looked back, "If it was you who had created the Magi, would you have done it that way?"

The idea of doing it like her mother, following in her footsteps was revolting. Ritsuko shook her head, "I don't think so. I don't think I'll ever be a mother anyways. It's why I didn't understand my mother as a mother. But I respected her as a scientist...," she paused, "...and as a woman, I hated her. So no, it wouldn't be anything like her MAGI."

Misato nodded then said, "You're awfully talkative today."

"It's been known to happen."

"No," Misato smiled, "But I'm glad we're talking. It's like the old days, when we were in college."

Dwelling on that thought was painful. Not because she didn't want to return to that time. But because she couldn't return to that time. She turned to Maya, "Maya!" she called, "Once you're done scanning the Geofront, start scanning Caspar, then Balthalsar then Melchior!"

"Right, ma'am!"

Misato grinned, unfazed by her ignoring her comment,"You guys are really close."

Ritsuko didn't look up. This wasn't the first time Misato did this, "You've noted this before."

"Yes, but I wouldn't have to if I didn't keep noticing it!"

"Don't you have some children to check on?"

"I guess I do…"

"So go do that and get outta my hair!"

With a laugh, Misato rose, "You know I'll be back!"

With a wave, she left. Ritsuko returned it and when she was out of sight, she sighed. She wasn't looking forward to yet another all-nighter. But such was her job.

Asuka had been left to go home alone. After they got dressed, Rei left right away, even before she could offer to walk with her there. Kaworu and Shinji had split off to go visit some music shop. Apparently the two had really hit it off about the subject at the party. At least this time, he had good reason to leave her alone.

She tried to not feel too sour at being left alone. Maybe when she got home, she could go visit Rei or something.

"Look out below!"

A shadow passed over Asuka and she looked up above just in time to see a girl descend and crash into her!

Her and the mystery girl tumbled onto the ground in a heap. With an annoyed huff, Asuka disentangled herself from the other girl and her parachute then shuffled backwards. She asked, "Who in the hell are you?!"

The other girl sat up. By her stature, she looked like she might be Asuka's age. She was wearing a dark green getup that looked halfway between a plugsuit and combat armor and she had dark brown hair tied back in a low ponytail. Her face was hidden by a pilot's helmet but it wasn't for long as she took it off. She blinked in the late evening light then retrieved a glasses case from her belt. She took the glasses from them, put them on then studied her. She asked her own question, "Soryu or Shikinami?"

"Excuse me?"

The girl exaggeratedly rolled her eyes, "The last part of your last name. Duh."

"It's Soryu, thank you very much," Asuka scowled. It was one of the few things she had from her mother. There was no way she letting this weirdo get that wrong.

"That sounds right," the girl nodded.

"Now answer my question: who the hell are you?!" Asuka demanded.

Unaffected by her temper, the girl offered a hand for a handshake, "The name's Mari Makinami Illustrious!"

"That's your name, not who you are."

Mari pursed her lips as she went silent. Then she gave an answer, "Former Eva pilot, from America. I decided I needed to go my own way because it was looking like I was never going to get deployed over here."

"You ran away?!"

"Mhmmm, what are you going to do? Report me?" Mari began to pick herself up and gather her fallen parachute, "Then you'd have to answer all sorts of questions and come under all sorts of suspicion."

"Jeez, I get it. Keep this a secret," Asuka scowled, "The hell are you doing here then?"

"Not sure yet," Mari hefted the bulk of the parachute on her shoulder, "One more question: what was the last Angel you fought?"

"Big eye Angel, Sahaquiel was the designation."

Mari nodded, "Well, that doesn't clear a lot up unfortunately. Eh, I guess I'll have to play it by ear like always!"

She began to jog away and called after her shoulder, "See you later, Princess!"

"Hey, wait! And don't call me Princess, you weirdo Brit!" Asuka yelled after her.

But Mari kept going, only waving at her as she disappeared down the street.

What the hell was that about? How did she (sort of) correctly guess her name?

Asuka grimaced and continued trudging home, her mood further ruined. It seemed the questions were only piling up around her.

She really had to pull Kaworu aside and get some more things out of him.

Chapter Text

To say Shinji wasn't a fan of hospitals was an understatement. For a long time, they had held bad memories of what happened after he piloted the Eva. Some lucky wins couldn't quite beat the uncomfortable feeling from him. The atmosphere hardly helped; they were so cold and clinical.

But Sakura's room was nice. The curtains were drawn open to let natural sunlight inside. The side table held a vase of flowers Toji kept dutifully fresh, a pink plush rabbit, a stack of books and a fresh glass of water. The smell of ramen flooded the room as she dug into the container of food Shinji had brought along. Since she had tried his ramen from the party, it had become a weekly habit to bring her something homemade.

"Your food's so good!" she praised.

Shinji reflexively rubbed his arm, "It's alright…"

Toji said, "If everyone tells you that its good, I think it's better than "good"."

"I guess but its not as difficult or special as everyone makes it out to be."

"That's because you're a master! So it comes easy!" Toji grinned.

Shinji blinked as he considered this, "I guess you're right," he conceded.

"I know I'm right!"

Sakura handed the container back to Shinji, "Thank you for bringing this. The food in here isn't all that great."

"I can imagine. The food in NERV's hospital is only just alright," Shinji paused and laughed nervously, "I would know..."

A nurse peeked her head inside, "Five minutes until Ms. Suzuhara's physical therapy. Wrap it up."

"I wish we could stay longer," Toji sighed.

"They said in a couple months I can maybe go home," Sakura encouraged him.

"Sure but it's gonna feel like forever."

She held her arms out for a hug which Toji reciprocated. He patted her back, "I'll come see you soon."

She smiled, "I know you will."

She withdrew from the hug and looked to Shinji, "Thank you for visiting too."

Shinji nodded, "It must get really lonely in here. I'll be sure to visit again."

The two left, the sun shining high in the sky. It was still early in the day. Toji stretched, glad for the sun after the chill of the hospital, "So what now? We can go over to Ken's?"

Shinji shook his head, "Sorry, I've got a thing at NERV. Some special cross-synch test."

Toji's eyes widened, "Like what you said happened with Kaworu a few weeks ago? They're messing around with Rei's Eva again?"

"Dr. Akagi says shes been developing some countermeasures so she can pull me out if something bad happens."

"They're putting you in Rei's Eva? Why not, like Asuka?"

Shinji shrugged, "I think it has to do with hers being the Production Model."

"I don't get why they have to do something like this at all."

Shinji shifted his glance around then admitted, "You didn't hear this but I heard it has to do with data collection related to an autopiloting system."

Toji tilted his head, "Autopilot? That sounds like a good thing."

"It does sound good," Shinji agreed, "But the whole thing makes me nervous for some reason."

"The test has you worried," Kaworu observed as him and Asuka walked to NERV.

Asuka grumbled. He frowned deeply and said, "I'm getting the sense there's a lot more than that on your mind."

She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, gave the area a wide berth then asked, "Do you know a Mari?"

Judging by how Kaworu's eyebrows raised, he did indeed. He echoed, "You met Mari?"

"You do know her! Tell me everything you know!" Asuka leaned in as she insisted.

Kaworu raised his hands to defend himself, "I know of her but frankly not all that much. She sometimes shows up as a rogue agent, sometimes as a legitimate pilot but she never seems in the business of actually explaining herself."

"That's awfully convenient."

Kaworu frowned again, "Did I do something to hurt you? I'm telling the truth, I swear."

Asuka stared at him hard then asked, "After the eye Angel, you rushed off real quick. Why'd you do that?"

"I can't eat steak, I told you. So I figured it'd be fine if I went on home. I suppose I could have said as much."

"Yeah, since I thought we were supposed to be in this together, " a petulant note entered her tone and she noticed it, cringing when she did.

She hung her head, "We went and got ramen anyway. I should have told you that."

"I guess it's kind of both our faults. But it is my fault for not communicating all that well," he looked away, a wistful expression on his face, "It's not really often I get a stretch of peace like this."

She hadn't really thought about that. She idly kicked a stray rock, "I'm hoping its not the world winding up to punch us in the gut."

"I've got a good feeling about this one," Kaworu encouraged, "Granted...I've had a good feeling about a lot of loops but I dunno. Feels like having you on my side is gonna give us an edge."

"You think?"

"Having you here hasn't hurt me yet!"

They continued their walk to NERV in heightened spirits. Asuka said, "Let's talk about something more pressing. This cross-synch test and the Dummy Plug."

Kaworu nodded in agreement, "I fear Zero's response to Shinji. She's unstable."

"Too bad we can't just tell her to cool it and not go berserk!" Asuka scowled, "I can't help but feel like we're going through the motions. There should be more we can do! We know what's coming with the Dummy Plug."

A long silence passed between the pair, each remembering that as each day ticked by, the closer the true horrors crept on them. "A lot of this business is going through the motions, rolling with the punches, so to say. We're all closer though, that's got to count for something!" Kaworu pointed out.

Asuka tilted her head back as she considered this, "You're right. Shinji's not as much of a wet blanket and Rei's actually starting to resemble a teenage girl."

The pair once more walked in silence, Asuka only feeling a little more at ease. Would better relations really make that much difference in the long run? Shinji having more fight in him would make him a better fighter but there was going to be a point where they weren't so much fighting the Angels but being subjected to their whims.

Maybe Rei's burgeoning personhood might make her trust the Commander less. That wasn't too much wishful thinking, was it?

Nearly an hour later, the cross-synch test had begun. Rei was seated within the unfamiliar yet familiar Unit 01. It wasn't nearly as alien as she had expected. It was warm...and welcoming. Quite unlike even Zero's entry plug.

She had visited Unit 00 before this test. There, she stood before the behemoth, meeting her single eye. She whispered to it in the silence, "Please don't hurt my friends."

She had even felt foolish for vocalizing this. It wasn't as if she could respond. But the Evas were mysterious things and it listening to a simple request wouldn't even be the oddest thing one had done.

At the very least, it made Rei feel a little better.

"Rei, are you alright in there?" Doctor Akagi asked over the comm.

"I am alright."

"You seem restless. Please relax."

Rei frowned but closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander. A vision of a mountainous landscape came to her mind and before her eyes, they changed with the seasons. She too had changed. Her friends had been the forces to change her. Her upbringing had told her she must remain in a state of stasis and that change was not allowed. But she enjoyed it and it felt like an indulgent bit of rebellion.

The sky, blue. Fields, just outside the city, where one might even forget the trials of life. The sun, unique and never-changing. It was almost comforting, despite that.

Water, the lake outside of the city. It changed too, in the battles. Yet, water was comforting.

The blue lake water turned crimson and she frowned.

For quite some time, she had never dreamed. She would close her eyes and then wake up hours later.

But something happened within the last few months and she had begun to dream.

She couldn't say she understood all the images within her dreams but for some reason, a crimson sea was a central motif. Often, she'd be standing on the store or levitating above it. She was always made separate from it.

She hated the color red. It was the color of blood, the color of that mysterious red sea and yet…

But yet...an image of Asuka in her red plugsuit. Not all things that were red were bad. An interesting thought, one she'd have to devote more thought to. She tucked it away to revisit later.

Red was the color of blood, a thing she hated. She did not bleed, as other women did. Another image of Asuka, grumbling as she marched into the bathroom. Did this make her unlike Asuka? Would she think any less of her if she knew of her nature? The thought was terrible and she pushed it from her mind.

Her mind wandered back to her dreams and the wealth of imagery within. She looked down the street and, in the heat haze, was Shinji standing at a phone booth. Shinji was her dearest friend; the first person to reach out to her without expectation. He was often in her dreams...but for some reason, he was rarely happy. Terrible things happened around him and all she wanted to do was deliver him from them.

The last one of the pilot quartet came to her: Kaworu. The missing variable, the most mysterious of her companions. He said he was like her, but never quite clarified what that might be. They shared aspects of their appearances: pale hair and red eyes. What was Kaworu? He appeared and acted human but yet...was he like her?

And if he was like her, what was he and what did that make Rei Ayanami?

Her nature had never been hidden to her; after all, she was expected to be the one who'd usher in the Third Impact. Not quite human, not quite Angel, noticeably separate from her peers.

An image of Asuka's snarling face came to her, contempt plain on her features.

Rei frowned. Would Asuka hate her if she knew what she truly was?

An image of her, floating in a tube of LCL. This was her. The form that shaped her, the self that could be seen. Yet, there was something alien about it, about her. Her body felt fuzzy at the edges, almost like bits of it were melting away. The image of her faded into orange and something else was there, watching her.

No, someone else. Watching her with the practiced ease of a scientist studying a specimen. Who was it, beyond her self? Whoever was here with her felt like Shinji but distinctly wasn't him. She couldn't say she was comfortable with the prospect.

Dr. Akagi's voice broke her out of her pondering, "So Rei, how does it feel to be piloting Unit One for the first time?"

She glanced around the plug, "...it reminds me of Shinji...somewhat."

In the testing center, Ritsuko consulted the data. Her eyes widened, "Curious. Her sync ratio is nearly the same as with Unit Zero."

Maya chimed in, "I mean, Unit One and Unit Zero's underlying data patterns are very similar. In fact, aren't they nearly identical?"

"That's correct," Ritsuko said, "It's why she can sync with it so well. But it's impressive to see it in person and not just as a theory."

She turned back to the comm, "The test is finished, Rei. You can come out now."

"Yes, ma'am."

Unlike Rei, Asuka was having problems clearing her mind. Her talk with Kaworu had smoothed over some of her anxieties; though her paranoid runaway thoughts zeroed in on the idea he was hiding something from her even though she had no idea what that might be.

But now, within the entry plug, her anxieties changed. Shinji was waiting in the wings to board Zero, who was known to be unstable. Yet, the show had to go on; Dr. Akagi insisted on forging ahead and it appeared even the Commander—Shinji's father—agreed.

Unit One had apparently taken to Rei well enough so she hoped the inverse might be true. Shinji wasn't threatening and in a sense, she had worked with him before, albeit with Rei at the helm.

"Asuka, your ratio is fluctuating wildly. You need to relax," Dr. Akagi came in.

"I'm trying, damn it!" she snapped back.

Misato cut in, "Asuka, what's wrong?"

"I'm just...," she paused then grumbled, "...worried about Shinji."

There was a long pause. Then Misato giggled, "Worried about Shinji, huh?"

"It's not what you're thinking," she said.

"Now, now, Misato. Now's not the time to antagonize her," Ritsuko admonished her, "Asuka, we'll end the test and note down outside conditions affecting the test."

A familiar stab of fear cut through Asuka, "W-wait, I can try to calm down!" she cried.

"Asuka, don't worry," Ritsuko told her, "I'm sure things will be normal next time."

"Are you...are you sure?" she ventured, feeling very small voicing her concerns.

Ritsuko knitted her eyebrows together and assured her, "Considering the circumstances, its most certainly a fluke. It would only make sense the...unusual nature of the test might affect your score."

"Al-alright..." she trailed off, trying to quiet her pattering heart.

There was no reason to feel this way but old habits died hard. It was as Ritsuko said; outside factors. Things would just have to be normal next time.

As Unit 02 was shut down and Asuka ushered out, Misato suggested, "Maybe it would have been better if we had skipped out on Asuka's portion."

"I thought you would know her better," Ritsuko said, "Then she wouldn't be happy about being excluded."

Misato sighed, "I guess you're right. It just seems like a lot of wasted time and data for something that made her feel worse."

"As nice as it would be, we can't protect them from everything that may make them feel worse," Ritsuko sighed, "Cheer up, Misato. If this all goes well, they may never have to pilot again."

"Shinji will certainly enjoy that," Misato smiled...then frowned, "I still don't know all that much about this Dummy Plug thing."

"It's still in the development stage so you don't need to," Ritsuko said in a tone that confirmed to her she was being brushed off, "Like I've said: it's an autopilot. The technicals shouldn't matter that much to you."

In other words, shut up and stop asking questions. Misato forced herself not to scowl at Ritsuko. With how it felt like they were growing closer once more, it was easy to forget there was things her friend kept from her.

Like the true nature of the MAGI. It seemed everyone figured Misato didn't need to know certain things. She didn't need to know the nitty gritty of the MAGI or some new-fangled autopilot to kill the Angels so no one kept her in the loop. Her job was to direct the children, kill the Angels and that was where her knowledge must end.

...no time to dwell on that right now. Shinji was in the process of boarding Zero and the true test of the day was minutes away.

Minutes later, Asuka had staggered into the control center with her school clothes on, damp hair and a general grumpy air about her. She stopped by Kaworu who asked, "You doing alright?"

"I'm alright!" she snapped.

He frowned, not sure what to say to soothe her worries. Rather than say anything, he turned away to pay attention to the screen. He frowned as Maya announced the beginning of Unit Zero's test.

Shinji did not like the entry plug of Unit Zero. Unlike his own, it felt cold, hostile and unfamiliar. Or only mostly unfamiliar; there was a familiar note here that itched at the edges of his perception. Perhaps that was the last vestiges of Rei's prescience. He wanted to find comfort in the feeling of his friend but it radiated a chill that warded him away.

Outside the entry plug and in the control center, Misato watched this all with a critical eye. She hadn't liked the idea at all, especially after the incident with Kaworu. She had even protested the idea but Ritsuko insisted the experiment had to go on, that it had been planned for far too long to simply stop it.

Misato didn't get why they had to do this part at all. It was clear Unit Zero was only ever going to accept Rei as its pilot. Nor could she wrap her head around how this would help them develop an autopilot. She looked to Ritsuko, "How is it?"

Ritsuko didn't even look up from the screen, "As I thought the sync ratio is lower than that of Unit One. But this is still good data."

Maya nodded, "Harmonics are so far normal."

Misato looked back at the prone form of Unit Zero. Her mind wandered back to the "Dummy Plug" or what Ritsuko called the developing autopilot. In any other case, she'd be happy about anything that took the children out of the equation. But with how secretive everything was around it and the risks they were taking...she couldn't help but hold reservations towards it. What was the Dummy System and was it simply an autopilot?

If it was simply an autopilot, wouldn't she be told more about it instead of relegated to her position of Operations Director and thus, deemed outside the "need to know"?

Something inside Unit Zero stirred. Shinji stiffened, surprised at the sudden feeling. He couldn't describe it any other way other than the feeling of being underwater and something very big swimming by him in the darkness. He felt even smaller than usual.

The thing prodded at him, a ghostly pressure over his eye. He hissed and clapped one hand over it, "What...what is in here? It's trying to get inside of my head!"

Images of Rei flashed through his brain. Her in her school clothes staring down at him, silhouetted by the sun. Now, her standing in her plugsuit, before they faced the Fifth Angel, silhouetted by the moon. The images cycled through, so fast that he could only see the one thing they shared: Rei. He murmured, "You feel like Rei..."

A memory of him turning and looking down the deserted street. There in the heat haze was Rei, who he had never met at the time. She seemed sad. And when he looked away, she was gone.

From the darkness, the thing stirred once more. Shinji didn't know how but it felt like the thing was about to pounce.

Another image came, him looking down at Rei from a great height. She looked up at him and spoke quietly, too quietly to realistically hear. Yet, he knew her words, "Please do not harm my friends."

The thing paused then recoiled. The Plug was quiet again. Then it wasn't as Misato's voice came crackling over the comm, "Shinji! Are you alright?"

"I-I think so..." he said quietly, looking around the Plug as if it held more answers.

"What happened?!"

"I-I really don't know."

Ritsuko's voice came next, "We're ending the test here. After the...interference we'll call it, your sync ratio dropped like a rock."

Misato marched over to Ritsuko after she turned off the comm, "What just happened there?!"

Ritsuko looked at her coolly, "If I had to hazard a guess, the Eva was in the beginning stages of going berserk but, for some reason, stopped and then outright rejected Shinji. I am as confused as you are why it did that."

Misato searched her face for any sign she was lying. Since she outright admitted she had no clue, she was inclined to believe her. She turned away, "Let's just get Shinji out of there."

When Shinji finally left the locker room, he was nearly pounced on by Asuka. "Are you alright?" she cried.

He paused, surprised by her outburst. Before his very eyes, she masked it with crossed arms and a haughty expression, "I mean, I heard Unit Zero started to act up."

Kaworu, who had accompanied her along with Rei, said, "We were rather concerned."

"I could tell…" he rubbed his arm anxiously, "I don't really know what happened but I guess what matters is it didn't go all the way berserk."

"I asked it not to."

They all turned to look at Rei. She clarified, "I asked my Eva not to harm any of you. She must have listened."

Shinji blinked in surprise, "So it understood you."

"I suppose she did. I...hadn't really thought she would or listen to me," Rei said.

"...thanks," he smiled, "For telling your Eva that."

"Whatever the case, I think we all better get outta here and head home," Asuka said.

Rei spoke again, "I am needed for further tests so I cannot accompany you."

She frowned deeply, "It's like you're always here but..alright. See you later."

Rei watched them as they gave her their farewells and walked off. She stayed there in the hallway until they were gone then turned away to put her plugsuit back on. She was needed now to reconfigure her Eva. Her work seemed to never be done.

NERV never quite went to sleep, even at the late of night. A complex web of technicians, researchers, engineers and all kinds of other workers meant the base was always alive in one way or another, no matter the time of day. It got quiet but never completely silent. Two of these who were still awake was Commander Ikari and Vice Commander Fuyutski.

If someone saw them in the Commander's office but didn't hear them, they might think they were having a casual conversation. A shogi board was set between them and between moves, Fuyutski would glance at his book, reading a passage until it was his turn once more. He moved a piece and said, "So the last Angel deviated somewhat from what we expected. It attacked us internally yet seemed to go down easily to our human ingenuity. What do you take from that, Ikari?"

Ikari hummed in thought, "I'd dare say the method of how Iruel was killed hardly matters. After all, the Dead Sea Scrolls do not delve in how the Angels may be killed—only that they are."

"I heard the Committee doesn't see it that way."

Gendo exhaled through his nose. He had a meeting with them a mere hour before. They wanted to go over what had happened already but, when they came to Iruel, they had complaints.

"Facts concerning the Tenth Angel include a wild rumor of an Angelic invasion of NERV headquarters," one of the men had read off during the meeting.

"An Angel invading NERV headquarters shouldn't have happened yet," another grumbled.

"There are multiple references to such an invasion occurring," Gendo explained coolly, "But one did not happen."

"Are you telling us we have false information?"

"No Angel invasion took place. You are free to look over our records from the day."

Another one of the men said in a low, sinister tone, "Speak with caution, Ikari. Making false statements to this conference is punishable by death."

"As I said, you are free to examine the MAGI's recorders. There is no such evidence of such an event," Commander Ikari offered.

The head of the conference, Keel, finally spoke, "Fine then. The manner and details hardly matter, as long as the tenth Angel has been dispatched. We will leave aside any deception on your part."

Both men stared each other down, steely hidden gaze to steely hidden gaze. Keel added, "If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book. And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life. There is no need to alter the script, Ikari."

Commander Ikari answered, "Of course. Everything is proceeding according to SEELE's script."

In the present, Fuyutski commented, "How do you think they came upon that information in the first place? Do you think there's a leak?"

"Unfortunately, I'm sure of it."

Ryoji Kaji...it was little secret to the Commander that his spy was beholden to other parties. And he would have been inside the base when the alert happened. He didn't know yet if the spy was answering to SEELE, the Japanese government or both...but then again, the difference between those two was negligible, with how SEELE had their fingers inside the government.

"What do you believe we should do about him?" Fuyutski answered.

"...nothing," Gendo decided, "His use to us outweighs the danger he currently poses at the moment."

Behind his hands, where the Vice Commander couldn't see, he allowed himself a grin, "The Committee may complain all they want but there is nothing they can do."

"Still, I don't think its wise to provoke them. I fear they may already have a piece in play on our side of the field."

"I'm aware. The nature of their pawn is still unknown to me but I have...ideas on how to remove him from play. Or at least, minimize his effectiveness."

"I see. What of the Adam Project?"

"It proceeds as planned."

"And the Lance?"

"Is going as planned. Rei is carrying out the operation."

Deep in the underbelly of NERV, Unit Zero operated as normal once more. Her and her pilot strode with dutiful purpose into the deepest layer of the Geofront. Unit Zero walked through the doors and into the LCL Production Plant's lake, the boat floating there rocking perilously. Unit Zero's target was the sole occupant of the chamber.

Whether Lilith was conscious for sure, none knew. If she was, she'd be in pain, being nailed up to a cross in such a blasphemous display. The pilot paused before her, feeling a melodic song in her head. There was just the slightest hint of a voice within it, of someone talking to her in what could have been a fond tone.

It felt as if the voice was beckoning her forth.

She shook it off, raised the Lance of Longinus and drove it into Lilith's chest.

The song went quiet.

Chapter Text

The end of the school day had come and most of the students were leaving the school at their leisure. They had the next day off and there was no homework so the afternoon was free for the taking. Inside the classroom, Toji cried a war cry as he swung his weapon of choice, a broom, at Kensuke, "Take that!"

Kensuke laughed and deflected the blow with his own broom. Shinji sat on a desk, his attention deep in thought, away from the mock fight.

Along with Toji and Kensuke, Rei still working on cleaning duties and probably the only one of the three actually taking it seriously. She dipped a rag into a bucket of water and cleaner, wrung it and began to quietly scrub at the floor. It reminded Shinji...of something. He furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to place it.

Outside the classroom, Asuka was chatting with Hikari. She had found she had been spending less time with her than last go around but when she did, she could slip into a more comfortable facade, "What did ya need me for?"

"I wanted to know if you were free tomorrow!"

Asuka tabulated her memories until she realized what Hikari wanted to ask. Not even an Angel could get her to go on that date again! It had seemed like it was only going to be boring until it turned out the boy just wanted to make goo-goo eyes over an Eva pilot! "No, actually not! I'm going to..." she glanced around, trying to find inspiration for an excuse. Her eyes caught Rei, dutifully scrubbing away. "Rei! I wanna spend some time with Rei!"

Hikari's eyes narrowed. Oh boy, Asuka thought. "Y'know, other than Shinji, you might be the only other person Rei talks to somewhat regularly," Hikari observed in a low tone.

"And you're gonna tell me I shouldn't?" Asuka raised an eyebrow.

"No!" Hikari shook her head, "It's just..."

She looked around conspiratorially then said in a whisper, "Is there anything going on between you two?"

Asuka crossed her arms, "There is not but if there was, would there be anything wrong with it?"

Put on the spot, Hikari waved her arms frantically, "No, no!"

"Gotcha!" came Toji's cry and a loud thump, followed by Kensuke's cry of surprise.

Hikari's demeanor changed drastically as her face shifted from a nervous smile to a downright irritated grimace. She leaned into the classroom and cried in annoyance, "Get to work!"

Both boys jumped in surprise then Toji gripped his broom and grumbled, "On it, on it," and began to sweep the floor.

Asuka frowned deeply, thinking of what Hikari had implied. Rei was just her friend...wasn't she? In fact, she had never looked at another girl like she had guys. Sure, there was that girl in Germany she sat behind in school who had beautiful, shiny hair she couldn't help but envy. And then, that girl she was neighbors with who, despite her quiet nature, always seemed to know what to say…

Ugh! She groaned. It was totally like that, wasn't it!

But Rei, of all girls? They had been fierce enemies once upon a time and that didn't even touch on the fact, she wasn't even 100 percent human.

Yet...when she thought of her sparkling red eyes, they no longer inspired disgust. They inspired some new feeling that knotted her insides together, a feeling she knew but didn't dare name.

So great was Asuka's turmoil she didn't notice Kaworu walk past into the classroom, an envelope in his hand. He stopped by Shinji, "Is it just Toji and Kensuke on duty today or are you too?"

Shinji shook his head, "No, no! I'm here for like...moral support, I guess."

"I see."

Toji paused, seeing the envelope Kaworu held. He glanced to Kensuke who had a similar idea. They grinned at each other. Kensuke idly swept closer to them then snatched the envelope from Kaworu's hand. He ignored his cry of surprise and danced back to Toji.

"H-hey, that's rude, guys!" Shinji cried but Toji had already got to tearing it open.

He pulled the folded paper from it, cleared his throat dramatically, and read, "My love, you looked very handsome the other day. But was something worrying you? You seemed stressed. I listen to music when I get stressed. I worry and care for you so very much."

Toji pulled a face while Kensuke laughed, "Awww, how sweet!"

Kaworu's cheeks had turned the same color as his eyes and he marched over, snatching the paper from him, "That's private!"

Toji sighed, "Private or not, you and your admirer need to get things sorted out or you'll dance around each other until the end of the world!"

Kaworu did not betray the uncomfortable feeling that went crawling up his spine at the choice of words. Instead, he tilted his head, almost innocently, "So you're telling me if you liked someone, you'd flat out tell them?"

"Of course, I ain't no coward!"

"Well, Ms. Horaki is right out the door."

Toji blanched, "You knew?!"

"Dude, no one's missing you making eyes at her," Kensuke drawled, "It ain't exactly subtle."

He huffed and crossed his arms, "It just ain't the right time, y'see."

"It might not be the right time for my admirer either," Kaworu pointed out.

Toji scowled, "What do you think, Shinji? Kaworu's admirer should go ahead and fess up, right?"

Shinji jolted to attention, not having expected to be included, "I dunno! I think Kaworu's got a point. And anyway, he...he doesn't know who it is!"

Kensuke gave him a look then marched up to him, "Say...you're acting awfully suspicious!"

Toji rolled his eyes, waving him off, "Leave 'em alone, Ken. We dunno if Shinji even likes guys!"

"Er, well..." Shinji looked away, "I could like most anyone..."

Kensuke grinned like a madman, "Including Kaworu!"

Shinji fidgeted under his gaze, mumbling to himself. Toji shoved Kensuke, just enough to get him out of the way, "Leave him alone! You know how he is."

"You agreed to help me steal the envelope!" Kensuke protested.

"Well, I didn't agree to hassle Shinji, only Kaworu," Toji grumbled, rolling his eyes, "I can tell Shinji's not been in a good mood anyway so I thought it would lighten the mood."

Shinji cringed, "You could tell?!"

"You usually at least listen when we have a conversation," Toji said, "But you've been off in your own world all day...more than usual."

Shinji shuffled anxiously, having not expected Toji of all people to pick up on it. He wasn't exactly known to be super perceptive of how others felt—him punching him some time ago being a prime example. Kaworu placed a hand on his shoulder, "Would you like to talk about it with us?"

"Well, it's just, the anniversary of my mother's death is tomorrow...and I know when I go to her grave, my father will be there."

The temperature in the room seemed to plummet at the admission. Toji crossed his arms, "So you'll have to talk to him."

"I'd like to," Shinji murmured, "But I don't know what to say. It's not like we've ever spent time together."

"Never?" Toji echoed in surprise.

Shinji nodded and he scowled. Even without words, it said exactly how that changed his impression of his father. Kensuke said slowly, "I mean, he's the Commander of NERV...maybe he never had the time?"

"He could have tried better!" Shinji snapped.

Seeing his friend flinch from the sudden volume, his stomach sank. He took a deep breath and tried again, "I get that maybe he just didn't have the time and that's why he sent me away. But he could have visited! He could have sent a gift for one of my birthdays! It's not like it takes up all his free time!"

Kensuke didn't respond except for a somber nod. Toji, arms still crossed and scowling, suggested, "I say you tell him what for!"

"I don't want him to think I hate him," Shinji sighed, "This would be a lot easier if I did hate him."

Kaworu, hand still on his shoulder, squeezed it, "I'm sure a good response will come to you. Whatever it is, it should come from the heart."

"How are you guys not done yet?!" Hikari yelled from outside, "Don't any of you want to go home?!"

That jolted Toji and Kensuke back in doing their work. In the corner, Rei wrung out her rag again, set it in the bucket and stood, her task completed. She gathered her things and turned to Shinji and Kaworu, "Don't be late for today's test," and left.

Shinji sighed deeply. Still so much time until he could go home and lay in bed.

After that evening's sync test, Shinji was last out of the locker room. He told Kaworu not to wait around and that'd he'd see him later. Now, he regretted saying that, as he sincerely hoped he'd see him once more before the next day...considering what it was.

He plodded along, passing through one of the staff lounges. He nearly moved right through if he didn't turn the corner and nearly crash into Kaji. "Mr. Kaji!" he cried, "I'm so sorry!"

The older man brushed it off, "No problem, kiddo. Soda?" he gestured to one of the vending machines.

Deciding he wasn't in that much of a rush home, he nodded. Kaji turned to get them both drinks and, once he handed Shinji his, he asked, "You work for my father, right?"

"Technically everyone in this facility does," he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes, "But I think I know what you really mean. I've met him."

With a deep sigh, Shinji sat on one of the benches, "I don't suppose you know him that well."

"Unfortunately not. He's a man who holds his emotions tight to his chest. Where's all this coming from?" Kaji asked as he took a seat next to him.

"Y'see...I'm going to see him tomorrow at my mother's grave and I can't think of what to say to him. I'm getting a feeling no one is going to be any help though…"

"Chin up!" Kaji clapped a hand to his shoulder, "You didn't hear this from me but your lovely guardian might know a thing or two about absent fathers."

"Misato?"

Kaji nodded. He already knew about Misato and her father but decided to not tell Mr. Kaji that. After a few moments of mulling this over, Shinji asked, "How about you, Mr. Kaji? What about you and your dad?"

Almost too casually and too quickly, he answered, "I was an orphan."

Shinji cringed, looking away quickly, "Oh. Sorry, I asked."

"You didn't know," Kaji shrugged nonchalantly, "We weren't that close when he died anyway. Him, my mother and my brother died after Second Impact."

"You had a brother?"

Kaji nodded, "For some time, at least."

His smile fell and, by the slightly pained crinkle in his eyes, Shinji realized he had accidentally stumbled upon one of the very few cracks in Kaji's facade. Out of politeness, he looked away before standing, "Um. Thanks for hearing me out, Mr. Kaji. I'll take your advice and try asking Misato."

As Shinji walked away, Kaji let his expression fall deeper into a frown.

His brother...he tried to not think too often of him but, given his work, it was inevitable he come worming back into his mind. When he passed, he was probably about Shinji's age.

His frown deepened. Hopefully, Shinji wouldn't be yet another teenager killed because the machinations of those he was investigating.

Coming to the elevator, Shinji sighed as he entered it but was surprised to find he wasn't alone; Rei was there. "Asuka left early too?" he asked.

She nodded silently. Shinji would have expected Asuka to have escorted Rei out—she often did—but maybe she left with Kaworu instead. They stood in comfortable silence for a moment more before Shinji murmured, "Rei...tomorrow I'm seeing my father."

"You are?"

"Yeah. It's...the anniversary of when my mom...left."

"Oh."

"I don't really know what to say to my father. I've been wondering what I should say to him."

"You're asking me?"

"Not quite asking," he frowned, "But I've seen you before, talking to him."

"...I wouldn't know what you should say. I apologize."

"It's alright, Rei," he comforted, "I thought you might have an idea. I just really want to get through to him somehow."

Rei furrowed her eyebrows, "Get through to him?"

"Ah, well," he stumbled over his words, "I dunno. I guess I want to connect, y'know?"

Never in Rei's life had she connected truly with the Commander and she had spent it all around him. What chance did Shinji have? She nodded in understanding, "Were you looking at me all afternoon because you wanted to talk about this?"

"Oh no. You with the rag, it reminded me of...something..." Shinji furrowed his eyebrows again.

A shadowy feminine figure came to his mind, wringing out a rag. In the half-memory, she turned to him, speaking with a fond tone. He couldn't remember his mother well enough to say it was her but...he felt in his heart it was. "It reminded me of a mother," he finished.

"Oh," Rei's tone suggested she hadn't really wanted to hear that.

She couldn't pinpoint why but it made something in her gut twist uncomfortably. She tried to not think of where she had come from.

Sensing he had made her uncomfortable, he looked away, "I'm sorry."

"You couldn't have known. I cannot ever be a mother anyway."

The elevator opened and, with no clarification, she hastily walked away. From across the courtyard, emerging from another elevator, he saw a pair of friendly faces. "Hey, Asuka! Kaworu!" he called, crossing the space to meet them.

He caught up to them, noticing Asuka watching Rei leave without them. She asked, "Where's she going?"

"I think I hurt her feelings," Shinji frowned, "I said something stupid to her."

"What was it?"

He didn't want to say it but Asuka had him pinned under her sky blue eyes, like a bug, "I just said she reminded me of a mother."

"...that's kind of a weird thing to say, Ikari."

Ouch, the surname. He defended, "It was impulsive. And I apologized."

The trio walked out and Kaworu observed, "You're all wound up, Shinji. Is it just Rei?"

He shook his head, "I still don't really know what to say to my father tomorrow, when I see him."

"What is there to say?" Asuka said dismissively.

"Lots! I just...don't know the right things to say," Shinji admitted.

He thought for a moment then asked, "Asuka, do you talk to your father often?"

Asuka sighed, looking up into the darkening sky. After a moment, she said, "I don't really like to talk to him. I always felt like he moved on way too quickly from my mother. But he tries nowadays. I guess I need to call him. I haven't been fair to him in the past. My stepmother though...I don't think she likes me. She tries to connect with me, but it's not genuine."

She looked back at Shinji who seemed surprised she had said so much. She stifled the part of her that insisted on secrets. Shinji sighed, "Tomorrow's the anniversary of my mother's death."

"Oh. That makes sense."

"I'm sure it'll work out tomorrow," Kaworu assured him.

Shinji gave Asuka a smile then turned to Kaworu, "What about your parents?"

Kaworu shrugged, "Never knew 'em. I have a guardian but he was rather distant so we never had any connection."

"That didn't bother you?"

"Not particularly," Kaworu brushed him off, his tone casual.

"Look at us, all of us with messed up parental structures. We can start a club!" Asuka joked, "We'll get T-shirts and everything."

"Who would lead the club?" Kaworu asked, continuing the bit.

"Hmmm, Shinji and Rei are co-leaders because their parent is Jackass-In-Command."

Shinji stifled a snort and murmured, "That's terrible..."

Asuka grinned, "You didn't tell me I was wrong though."

Back at the base, shortly after the end of the sync test, Misato was getting ready to head home—well, she had a stop to make then home. She tapped a stack of papers together than set them down on her desk. She paused to marvel at it; it was a far cry from the scattered mess it was after Israfel, thanks to many hours of wrangling it back under control. Sure, it was never going to be completely clear but at least this way she didn't want to run away from the clutter.

"About to head home?" came Ritsuko's voice from the doorway, a mug of coffee in her hands.

"That's the plan...well, I've got to pick up a dress on the way back," she admitted, crossing the space between them.

"Don't you have one you've worn before?" Ritsuko asked with a slight smirk.

"I do but it's been too soon to wear the purple one and that red one!" Misato protested.

She then frowned and, in a softer tone, admitted, "I tried the orange one on but it...it…"

"It ripped?" Ritsuko was all but grinning at her.

"Yes!" Misato cried, "And that was one of my favorite ones!"

"Between all that beer you drink and actually having someone cook you proper meals, you've gained weight, haven't you?" Ritsuko teased.

"Better than being a stick," Misato defended.

"That better not be a jab at anyone in particular," Ritsuko warned, using her free hand to pull her lab coat taut.

"It really isn't," Misato held up a hand in defense, "I've been a stick and I'm not keen to return to that."

Ritsuko couldn't figure out what exactly she was referring to; either college where her manic episodes led to her eating little or to her youth, when the immediate impact of Second Impact made everyone's lives hard. She decided to not pry, "So I suppose that means you're going to Miss Kiyomi's wedding?"

"I'll look like a massive jerk if I don't," Misato sighed.

She couldn't say she knew Kiyomi very well; apparently she was one of the technicians who worked with Ritsuko. She could hardly call them acquaintances, much less friends. She shook her head, "Everyone's in such a hurry to get married before thirty."

"Not counting the social pressure, an Angel could come and wipe us out any day now. Do you blame people wanting to tie the knot while they still have a chance?" Ritsuko argued.

"Why tie the knot when it might not mean anything by the next day?" Misato countered, "I'd rather wait until I know I'm safe to really make a commitment like that."

"With that point of view, you'll be the last one single," Ritsuko hid her mischievous grin behind a sip from her coffee, "Life goes on, no matter if the end of the world might happen any day now."

"Like I care that much about getting married anyway," Misato rolled her eyes, "Do you even care that much?"

"I guess I'm somewhat of a hypocrite then," Ritsuko admitted, "My work doesn't allow me time to date."

"Same here."

"Anyway, are you taking a plus one to Kiyomi's wedding? The invitation said as much."

Misato shook her head then paused, thoughtful. As if she read her mind, Ritsuko said, "Kaji's been invited so there goes your plus one."

"Ugh! Of course he is! Now I gotta deal with him out of work too!" Misato crossed her arms, "Do you even know anyone to invite?"

"Yes, in fact I do," Ritsuko's tone took on a defensive note, "Maya seemed interested."

"Of course, Maya did," it was now Misato's turn to grin mischievously at her.

"And what, pray tell, do you mean by that?" the defensive note deepened.

"I'm just saying I'm glad you've got eyes for someone! Anyway, see you bye!" without giving her a chance to argue, Misato jogged out and down the hallway.

Ritsuko shook her head bitterly as she watched Misato disappear down the hall. The audacity of that woman, assuming her and Maya had a 'thing'! They were simply good friends—maybe closer than superior and underling ought to be. Ever since Iruel, since Maya had to stay with her nearly all night to make sure everything was truly uncorrupted, they had gotten closer. But that didn't mean a thing, did it?

She stared down into her mug, where the last few dregs of coffee sat.

The last time she looked at the Commander with any sort of adoration had been just before then and she had to admit it was fizzling out. She remembered thinking so but stubbornly clinging to the ghost of that feeling. If she didn't stay in his good graces, who would say he'd keep her around?

Who would give her any sense of fulfillment to the long hours she worked?

Once home, Shinji had retired to his room, despite Asuka's attempts to coax him out with the promise that he could pick the channel on the TV. But in the absence of others, his mood darkened. She was initially annoyed by his insistence to mope but she turned her attention inward. She could understand where he was coming from.

When the anniversary of her mother's death rolled around, she was always so angry. Back home in Germany, everyone seemed to want to see her sad and that made her furious. But the sadness was there, buried deep inside. A part of her wanted to run away, to hide from the world. Instead, she'd lash out at everyone, trying to burn the sadness away with flames of rage.

She looked up from her magazine to see Misato had come in and was setting a dark blue dress over a chair before slipping out of her shoes. Asuka asked, "Welcome back. Did you go shopping?"

Misato jumped then swore under her breath, "Didn't see you there. But yeah, someone else is getting married. All these weddings are gonna bankrupt me."

Asuka snickered at the idea, "Well, at least it's a pretty dress. Guessing it was expensive," she added.

Misato sighed, "Don't you know it."

A sly smile came over Asuka's features, "Did you pick it based on what Kaji likes?"

Misato rolled her eyes, "Don't you need to be in bed?"

"Don't have anything to do tomorrow...well," she shrugged, "I have to go spend time with Rei else I will have lied to Hikari."

"Oh? Does the great Asuka Langley Soryu truly have a heart?"

"Oh, shove it," Asuka stood, "But I suppose you're right about going to bed."

Misato gave the apartment a wide berth,"Shinji's already in bed," it wasn't a question but rather a defeated statement.

Asuka's mood darkened again. She jabbed a thumb at his room, "Been in his room since we got home."

"It's his father, isn't it?"

"He's hung up on what to say to him. I don't think he should have a kind word for him but that's just me."

"You know that's not in Shinji's nature...but huh," part of her statement caught Misato off guard, "So he's not going just because his mother."

She knew Shinji craved attention from his father. Unlike her, who cast her father away, he desperately wanted the attention. Misato waved Asuka off, "You head to bed. I'll talk to him."

Meanwhile, Shinji was doing what he had been doing for the past few hours, laying on his back and staring at his ceiling. His SDAT had only distracted him for so long before he got reminded that it was once his father's. So he had abandoned it in favor of trying to think of what to say.

He heard the door open and Misato's voice but couldn't bring himself to get up, now that he had laid down. He closed his eyes and sighed. Oh well about asking her himself.

Luckily for him, the door opened with a quiet shuffle and Misato murmuring, "I'm opening the door."

She stood at the entryway of his room, silhouetted against the hallway light, and said, "Asuka said you don't know what to say to your father."

"I don't know if there's anything I can say."

"How about...how about you tell him you miss your mother too?"

Shinji's eyes widened.

That could work.

"...thanks Misato."

"It's never a problem. Get some sleep now. We'll leave early."

Shinji wasn't sure how much sleep he would get but that at least set his mind at ease.

Somewhere else in the night, another Ikari was pondering the next day. Gendo hadn't made any formal invitation to Shinji but it was a given he would come to the cementary. Now that he lived in Tokyo-3, he didn't have the excuse of distance anymore. So, it was inevitable he would come into contact with his son.

What would he say to him—should anything be said at all?

He had been disappointed in the boy, letting his fear and cowardice reign over his obligation to his mother. Maybe he should let him know that...but that could be perceived as hostility. The last thing he needed was Shinji to run away.

Anything else, anything positive could be misconstrued as an invitation to him.

The farther away he held Shinji the better and it was only fair he didn't taunt him with an invitation he wouldn't fulfill.

Would Shinji say anything to him?

Truthfully, he couldn't say. The only way he knew the boy was through reports and those gave him no insight into how he felt towards him. He seemed to have been happy at how he congratulated him, back when he was away.

"I've received the report. Good work, Shinji."

At the time, Gendo reasoned a little bit of encouragement could go a long way in keeping his son a pilot. But what no one else knew is when he received the report of how Unit 01—and Shinji—had held the weight of the Angel up for nearly 30 seconds…

...his heart had skipped a beat.

It was a miracle he hadn't been crushed and moreso because he had done it completely under his own power. Yui hadn't awakened from what half-slumber she was left in to assist. By himself, for 30 long seconds, Shinji had been the only thing standing between Tokyo-3 and certain destruction.

Could Unit 01 have saved him if his grip faltered?

It was hard to say and even Dr. Akagi admitted there'd be a decent chance of the Entry Plug being crushed in that scenario.

His son could have died.

So he decided to give him a little bit of encouragement, if only to tell him his efforts were appreciated.

It was nothing more, nothing less.

...at least, that's what he told himself.

Chapter Text

Like Shinji had predicted, he didn't get all that much sleep. Misato roused him awake with an uncharacteristically good breakfast, setting aside a portion for Asuka to have later. She even pressed a coffee drink into his hands as they went out the door, as if she already knew how little sleep he had gotten.

They had been on the road for nearly an hour and Shinji was idly watching the world go by out Misato's car window. She was taking it slow and not driving in her usual recklessness. He appreciated it for his anxiety. And if she ended up taking her time, giving him a few precious minutes before he'd see his father...he couldn't complain. He said, "Thank you Misato...for driving me out here. You didn't have to, I could have taken the train."

"Why wouldn't I drive you?" she asked.

Shinji was at a loss for words before admitting, "I don't know. You did say you had somewhere to be later."

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. His face was downcast. "It's no problem, Shinji. I'm glad to drive you. If I end up being late to that wedding, so be it."

Some days, when he was truly low, he struggled to understand her open kindness towards him. Today was one such day.

Ten minutes later, they drove through the black iron gates of the cementary. Here, all that stretched before them was barren plains, dotted with black obelisks. A graveyard for all those who perished in Second Impact and in all the disasters after.

It almost felt wrong that Yui Ikari to be remembered here, made one of many. It felt like she should be given some grand mausoleum, wonderfully carved and full of flowers...not a non-descript headstone.

All Misato had heard of her was that she was brilliant, remembered for many scientific papers and of course, her involvement in the creation of the Evangelions. Including Unit 01's Contact Experiment, which around the base was somewhat of a touchy subject.

No one spoke of her nowadays but her memory hung over all of NERV like a specter.

Shinji gathered up the bouquet of lilies he had brought nd climbed out of the car. "Do you want me to come with you?" Misato asked.

"No...just stay here and wait for me," he didn't meet her eyes.

Misato smiled at him, "I get it, you have to do this on your own. I'll be here."

He walked through the cementary like he was walking to his own grave. There was someone already at his mother's grave. Even with his back to him—maybe especially because his back was to him, Shinji could recognize his father. He took a deep inhale, straightened his back and joined him beside the grave. He crouched to his knees and laid the lilies below the marker.

His father spoke, "It's been three years since the last time we've been here together."

Shinji swallowed thickly but nodded, "I ran away then, and haven't been back since. But I came now."

"...so you did. I'm sure your mother would appreciate that."

Shinji paused, blinking away tears, "You know, I can hardly remember her face…"

"Man survives by forgetting his memories but there are some things a man should never forget. Yui taught me about those unforgettable things. I come here to confirm that."

"Every year..." Shinji trailed off.

"Every year," his father confirmed.

Shinji imagined his father here, alone. Something about the image deepened his sadness. Did his father appreciate him being here or was he merely a hindrance to what should be a private moment? After all, he hadn't exactly invited Shinji here. Had he even hoped he'd show up?

A long silence stretched between them until Shinji gathered his courage and spoke, "I miss her too."

Another long silence—he wondered if his father would even dignify him with a response. Then he murmured, "You were just a boy when she left us."

"I know. But I still remember what having a mother felt like."

"...I see. We keep everything in our hearts. It must do, for now."

"Aunt and Uncle said you got rid of all the photos."

"That would be correct."

"I still would have liked to have a picture of her," Shinji couldn't keep the note of bitterness from his voice.

His father didn't respond to that one. Instead, he turned away and announced, "I'm leaving now."

He began to walk away, off towards the jet that carried him there. Shinji watched for a few moments then called, "Father!"

His father paused...he didn't expect that. He swallowed his anxiety and called, "I'm glad I got to talk to you today. I wouldn't mind talking again sometime. If you wanted."

He half-turned to regard him and, if Shinji didn't know better, he might have thought he caught him off guard. Almost too subtly to notice, his father tilted his head at him. After a moment he spoke again, "Shinji. You must move on, on your own."

A stab of surprise and betrayal went through his heart, "What?" he murmured.

"You must learn to stand on your own two feet. I learned to do the same. It would...do you well to remember this in your life."

He lingered for only a moment longer, then walked away to his jet, leaving Shinji behind. He frowned but couldn't make himself look away as he boarded the jet, seemingly alone apart from the pilot. How was he supposed to take any of that? He waited for it to take off and leave before, with a sigh, he walked back to Misato.

When he arrived, Misato frowned but waited until he sat back in the passenger seat. She asked softly, "Shinji...did it go well?"

"I don't really know. We talked but...I don't really know. I just want to leave here," he stared at the floorboard as he mumbled.

Misato frowned, "Alright," and started the car.

They were silent as they drove back into Tokyo-3. That is, until Misato stopped outside a convenience store. "We're not going home right away?" Shinji asked.

"Not yet. I thought you'd appreciate something to eat...," she paused then smiled at him, "I also thought maybe it would be good for you to decompress before we go home."

"Don't you have somewhere to go later? What if I make you late?"

"It's okay Shinji. I've got time."

She left him alone for only a few minutes before she returned with a variety of snacks and drinks. Then they were off again, up through the mountain woods and to Misato's favorite place, the lookout over Tokyo-3. Shinji remembered this place from after his very first battle.

"This is the city you protected."

She parked the car and waved him out. She climbed onto the hood of the car, setting the bag beside her. Once he had settled, she retrieved a can of soda, cracked it open and took a long swallow. This seemed to be the permission Shinji needed to follow suit. She asked, "How are you doing?"

"Not great, I think."

"I can't say I imagine this day is ever easy."

He shook his head, looking away to wipe away his tears. Misato cringed. Had she been too straightforward? She offered part of herself, "My mother passed away some time after Second Impact. I don't know if that's comparable but...it hurts, I understand. And it's okay that it hurts."

"What was your mother like?" he asked.

Misato frowned, "Sad. But she loved me and tried her best. I don't resent her. Just...my father wasn't the person for her. He worked so much and never had time for us. They were going to divorce but they agreed to do so after the expedition in Antarctica."

"...oh. What happened...after that?" he glanced away, "If I may ask."

"I was traumatized by what happened in Antarctica. After that though, they put me in a facility to monitor me. I went mute, can you believe it? You wouldn't know now, would you?" she gave him a crooked, playful grin.

Shinji laughed softly, "I guess not. You're always talking."

Misato's grin softened into a smile, "She visited me as much as she could. But between all what was happening..." she shook her head, "She passed away shortly after. I was put into foster care and from there, I was on my own."

"I don't want to be on my own," Shinji immediately replied.

"Is that's what's bothering you?"

He shifted anxiously and went quiet. Misato was patient and let him formulate his words. He murmured, "Something my father said."

"Your father said that?" she could hardly fathom the Commander saying anything to Shinji, much less something so openly antagonistic.

As if reading her mind, he clarified, "I don't think he meant it like that."

"I think what he meant hardly matters if that's how you took it!"

Shinji didn't have a response to that. Misato lightly touched his shoulder. When he did not flinch, she started to rub his back in circles, "Listen. No matter what your father said or meant, you don't have to be alone. You have me and your friends."

"...I'm so terribly scared of losing you all."

Something clicked in Misato's brain, a remembered phrase coming back to mind. "That's the other reason you pilot, isn't it?"

He nodded, his eyes brimming with tears again, "I want to connect with my father and make sure no one is hurt. Piloting Eva, making sure it all works out, that's my responsibility."

She couldn't help herself, she threw her arms around him and squeezed him tightly in a hug. Slowly, warily, he wrapped his arms around her too. "Oh, Shinji...if I could, I'd never send you into battle. Do you understand?" she told him.

"I-I think. It just hurts."

"I know. One day, it will be over. Then you won't ever have to pilot again."

"...that day feels so far away," he admitted.

"And we'll get there together."

He squeezed her tighter, "...whatever it takes."

When Asuka awoke, Shinji and Misato had already left for the graveyard. The apartment was quiet, something that was almost a little unsettling. Especially considering how she had gotten used to Shinji and Misato making conversation in the morning.

She walked into the kitchen, yawning. After some investigating, she found a tupperware container with tape on it in the fridge. In Misato's handwriting, there was a message scrawled on the tape, 'Good morning, Asuka. See you later!' A smiley face was scribbled by it.

She smiled at the small gesture and took it to the table. As she ate, she turned on her phone and immediately went to her contacts. After a few rings, Rei picked up, sounding still a little groggy, "Hello."

"Hey, Rei! Wanted to ask you something. I might have told Hikari I wanted to visit you today to get out of a date. I don't want to lie to her and well, there's no one here today anyway..."

"You're saying you'd like to visit me?"

"Yes! Could I? I'll bring over my game console and some games. Y'know, make a day of it?"

A soft hum of thought then, "Yes, I think I'd like that."

"Alright, see you in about ten!"

"Yes. See you soon," then a soft click.

Asuka set her phone down. Weird...she felt weirdly giddy at the prospect. It felt like being drunk—that was the closest comparison she could think of. The one time she had gotten drunk back in Germany, it felt like this; like she was warm and fuzzy. She had felt this way about Shinji long ago.

Her good mood soured and she frowned. She was not going to think of the implications of that.

Asuka, as she promised, was over at Rei's apartment within ten minutes. When she was ushered in, she found herself smiling. It didn't look as barren as it had when she first moved in. Rei kept meticulous care of the place. In the entryway was a new plant; a lily it looked like. In the kitchen, she had added a stereo.

Asuka pointed it out, "That's new."

Rei nodded, "Yes. I visited Kaworu some time ago and he had a similar device. I find I enjoy listening to music."

"I should show you some of my favorites," she paused then added, "Though, I don't know how into German heavy metal you'd be."

"I like trying new things," Rei said.

Asuka set down her game console and got to setting it up. Rei sat beside her, watching with genuine interest. Something in the air went tense...or maybe it was just Asuka feeling awkward in the silence. She broke it, "How are you doing?"

"I'm well. The Commander actually invited me to go with him somewhere this morning but…," she leaned in, as if to share a secret, "I told him I couldn't."

"He let you say no?!"

"He didn't seem upset."

"That's probably for the best," Asuka said, "Shinji might have gotten upset if he saw you."

Rei tilted her head, "Commander Ikari was seeing Shinji?"

"Yeah, they're visiting Shinji's mom's grave," she hummed in thought, "I bet that's why Shinji said you reminded him of his mother yesterday. She's on his mind."

"He didn't say his mother...just a mother," Rei corrected.

That's why what Shinji had said made her uncomfortable, Rei decided. It had never been made a secret to her where she came from. The Commander had even slipped up before, calling her by her donor's name. Each time he had recoiled, disturbed by his mistake. He'd always send her away after, as if he couldn't bear to look at her and see someone else's face.

She didn't want to be Shinji's mother...she wanted to be his friend.

Eager to ponder that line of thought no longer, she said, "It feels odd to have such a break in duties though."

"Everyone needs a break, Rei. Else you'd burn yourself out."

Rei seemed to mull this over then nodded, "That is understandable. So breaks are good?"

"Of course," Asuka nodded, "It keeps us in peak condition!" she tapped her chest twice for emphasis.

She had gotten a very different outlook on the idea from the Commander. Breaks were wasted time when important things could be done. Downtime was just that; downtime before the action happened. So she liked Asuka's take on it a lot more.

An earlier conversation with Kaji stirred in Asuka's mind. "Kaji also told me once it's good to be a kid while we can," she added.

"Mr. Kaji seems to be a very wise man," Rei observed, "I talked to him once."

Asuka plugged in the last plug for her console and threw herself back into a sitting position, "You talked to him?"

Oh, maybe she shouldn't recount that, Rei thought. Something was telling her she shouldn't. But she forged forward, "It was about you."

That left Asuka breathless. Rei had gone to Kaji to ask about her? She supposed he would be the person who knew the most about her but why would she do something like that? She struggled to gain her composure, "M-me?"

Rei scooted in beside her as she replied, "Yes. It was before I moved. You...confused me. You told me I wasn't replaceable. I had...never had it told to me so aggressively."

"I hated to hear you say that. I still do."

"I like the idea of being unique," Rei mused.

"Well, you are unique," Asuka insisted.

Rei bowed her head and closed her eyes. If only. But she couldn't deny that Asuka saying that made her heart flutter. She murmured, "Mr. Kaji told me that there was things he could not tell me. That I had to ask you myself."

"What...kind of things?" anxiety burrowed into Asuka's chest.

"I told him I didn't have an opinion on myself. He said that was alright and some people liked themselves a lot, some not at all and some in between. I asked...if you or Shinji liked yourselves."

"Do I like myself?" Asuka raised an eyebrow.

Rei nodded silently, paying special attention to her.

That was a loaded question if she ever heard one. She could lie but the idea of lying to Rei, for some reason, was disgusting to her. She probably had many people lie to her which would lump Asuka in with the likes of them if she did.

So how did she feel about herself? Feelings from two separate timelines overlapped and muddled her self-image. Before, all she had was a constructed facade hiding a small, scared little girl. Now, sure she was proud of herself with how open she had become and how she had learned to dam her all-consuming fury. But sometimes she worried she had lost something of herself in the transition. And there was always the future where anything could happen, toppling the whole house of cards over.

"I don't know," she admitted.

Rei tilted her head slightly, "I don't understand."

"It's kinda like how Kaji said: I do all three. It's complicated. But...I was worse some time ago so I can at least be proud of my progress."

Something in this resonated with Rei, who perked up. She nodded, "I'm...pleased with my own progress too. I believe I can say that much."

"That's great!" Asuka cheered, "Now, do you wanna choose what we end up playing?"

Unfortunately, Misato had to leave Shinji alone when she returned him home. She had gotten work off but that still meant that, after changing into her dress, she had to leave right away. Her day was more than booked. Asuka was gone over to Rei's and something told him he should leave them to their own devices. He could go visit Kaworu...but his foul mood had settled back in. He turned onto his side on his futon.

His eyes caught his worn cello case in the corner. He hadn't pulled that out in a while. Perhaps it would ease his aching heart.

Afternoon hadn't quite turned to evening yet but outside, the sun was trekking towards the western horizon. Shinji opened the balcony doors, taking a moment to appreciate the slight breeze that ruffled his hair. He settled into one of the outside chairs, setting his cello between his legs to tune it. Even though he hadn't played it since before he moved to Tokyo-3, the routine settled into his bones. Take the rosin from the case and rosin the bow. Draw the bow across the string. As expected, it was out of tune. He twisted the knob just a tiny bit and tried again. There, perfect.

He repeated the process of tuning with each string, finding the repetitiveness soothing.

A knock on the door startled him out of his work. Had Asuka returned? He set his cello down gently and went to answer it.

A smiling Kaworu greeted him, "Hello, Shinji. Are you the only one home?"

Shinji couldn't help but smile dumbly, "Y-yeah. No one but me."

"Could I come in?"

"Of course!"

Kaworu followed him in. Shinji glanced across the living room, his breath caught in his throat. He supposed he couldn't play now.

"You have your cello out?" Kaworu asked.

He had left the balcony open so his cello was in full view. Unable to lie or deflect, he nodded, "I actually just took it out to play."

Kaworu went out to inspect it and nodded, "It's in great condition. Where'd you get it from?"

"Oh. It was apparently my mother's. But according to my aunt and uncle, she didn't play it all that much."

"You should play something for me," Kaworu encouraged, pulling up a chair and giving the impression he wouldn't take no for an answer.

"I guess I could," Shinji walked back to his cello. His legs felt wobbly, like he was going to fall over. He sat down, settling the cello on his shoulder. He took a deep sigh and drew his bow across the strings. Still in tune.

From his side, he heard Kaworu murmur, "Pretend I'm not here."

He stared at his cello hard. He really wanted Kaworu to hear, to be impressed by him. He wasn't going to run away. So he laid his bow on the strings and began to play the opening of Beethoven's Ninth.

Kaworu couldn't hide the smile on his face at hearing it. It sung to a part of his heart that ached ever since he had met Shinji so so long ago. Oh, why couldn't he just tell him his true feelings?

He closed his eyes and let the music flood his soul. For now, he decided, this was enough.

He played for a good few minutes and when he was done, the last note hung in the air. Shinji set his bow aside and asked, "That one...that one's your favorite, right?"

Kaworu nodded eagerly. Shinji smiled, "It's what I can play the best. What a coincidence, huh?"

"Perhaps its fate," he teased.

"I don't know if I believe in something like that."

"Really? Because you know...I feel I was fated to meet you,"

Shinji stared at him when he said that then slowly, softly, he smiled, "Maybe...I can believe in that."

Misato had nearly cut it short but was able to screech into the venue with her car with only minutes to spare until the event. Ritsuko and Maya had been perfectly on time but, considering the circumstances, declined to tease her. Yet someone was missing. The bride had looked at the namecard beside Misato before moving on to the next table. Misato followed her eye to the place card reading "Ryoji Kaji". With a grumble, she blew it over. Maya observed, "Mr. Kaji's late, huh?"

"That idiot's never been on time in his entire life!" Misato snapped.

Maya frowned but Ritsuko teased back, with the softest sly smile, "Maybe to your dates. He's always on time to work."

She paused and murmured, "Speak of the devil…"

In came Kaji, looking disheveled and only a tiny bit sheepish. He chuckled as he stopped at his chair, "Hello you two—oh! Three lovely ladies!" he smiled at Maya who looked away, flustered and put on the spot.

He grinned at Misato, "You're looking especially beautiful today. I couldn't quite get out of work on time."

Misato shot up to stand beside him. She grabbed him by the chin and scowled, "No wonder you look like a bum. Couldn't you do something about this stubble?"

Kaji distinctly remembered Misato liked his stubble back in college. "And your necktie is crooked!" she next moved her hands to his necktie which she deftly tied tighter.

And just like that, her hands flew back to the her sides, leaving Kaji vaguely surprised...and nostalgic. He fidgeted with his newly tightened tie, loosening it by just a hair, "Well, thank you. I do appreciate it."

Ritsuko finally chuckled, "You two act like a married couple."

Misato groaned as she sat back down. Kaji sat down too and grinned easily, "Sounds like a good arrangement to me."

Misato huffed, "Like hell, I'd take him."

Kaji turned his head away and picked up his glass of champagne, if only to hide how his smile had fallen away, "Oh, well. You do always say that."

After playing Beethoven, Shinji ran through everything he knew, even though it wasn't a lot. It seemed whatever he played or regardless of the quality, Kaworu was happy to hear it. He had finished playing a jaunty little nameless tune when Kaworu suggested, "We should print you out some sheet music to try."

"I'd like that!" Shinji smiled.

Kaworu paused and asked, perhaps against his better judgment, "So how was the visit today?"

He instantly regretted asking that when Shinji's face fell. He looked away, his fingers idly plucking at one of his cello's strings. "I don't know really. I sort of talked to my father but...I think he brushed me off."

"Oh. I'm terribly sorry to hear."

He looked up, his expression loosening, "But y'know, Misato took me out after. We talked and it made me feel better."

"Misato's a good woman," Kaworu nodded sagely.

Through all of Kaworu's experiences, he had known this of her. Sure, she had a few missteps here and there but it always seemed like at the end, she stood her ground and did right by Shinji. He truly respected her and regretted that she would despise him, if she knew his true nature.

A thought wormed into his head, a memory of Toji's reading of the letter. Kaworu asked, "Does playing music make you feel less stressed?"

"Oh! Yes, actually...I started to feel better again when I was playing."

"It helps me too, helps ground me. There's a piano in the NERV rec room though she hasn't been kept in the best condition. One day, I'll play piano for you...or a duet?" he could help suggesting it.

Shinji gave him that long stare again, as if he was considering the possibility. "We should," he agreed, "But you might have to teach me. I've only really touched a piano a few times in my life."

"You have?"

"My uncle...he, um...he had one in his home. But he didn't like me touching it so that's why it's only been a few times."

"That makes sense."

Unbeknownst to the pair, Asuka had returned intent on getting her music to show Rei. But as she stepped quietly over the threshold, she paused upon hearing them talk. She turned around and closed the door without a sound then padded back down the hall, a smug smile on her face.

"And they were sitting there, together! If one of them doesn't crack and tell the other, well..." Asuka paused, thoughtfully, "I'd eat my hat!"

"You're not wearing a hat," Rei observed.

"It's a figure of speech," she said.

Asuka had returned to the apartment, no music but instead to tell her what she had heard of the boys. Outside, the sun was setting, dying the living room a fiery orange. Asuka's hair blazed in the dying light, Rei observed. She kept it to herself, however, as she was unsure if the other girl would appreciate the compliment.

Rei pointed out, "Some time ago, you said you hoped Kaworu and Shinji would date, so Shinji would leave you alone."

Asuka's stomach twisted at the memory, a secondhand embarrassment coming over her from it. "I did say that, didn't I?"

Rei nodded slightly, her eyes bright yet questioning, "Is that still the case?"

Asuka frowned, looking away from her, as to not meet her eyes, "Not really, I was in a foul mood that day. They should be together because they'd be good for the other."

Rei nodded in agreement, "I believe so. So what does one do when they 'date'? How is different from having a friend?"

Oh right, she might have only heard it in passing or just by theory. Asuka answered, "Well, for one, there's loads you might want to do with a romantic partner you don't wanna do with a friend. Like, y'know kiss...or...other things. But you still want to at least be friends with the person you're dating."

Rei nodded, absorbing all this information, "It's better that way?"

"I've heard it makes for a better relationship."

Asuka frowned slightly. If she had tried to be Shinji's friend first all that time ago, maybe he would have picked up on the hints better.

Rei didn't immediately respond so, assuming that was where the conversation would end, she turned to retrieve her controller and start playing again. Getting back into her game would help keep her mind off things that really didn't matter anymore.

"What is...kissing like?"

Asuka nearly jumped out of her skin. Her head shot towards Rei, "Eh...eh?"

Rei tilted her head, "You dated so I'd assume you'd know."

Asuka went over every kiss she had ever had. There was a handful from boys in Germany whose names she never attempted to remember. Then there was...Shinji. If one could even call what she forced on him a "kiss".

Asuka ventured, "Why do you ask? Are you curious about it?"

"I must admit I am."

This was a bad idea, especially with that feeling she didn't dare name. But yet. "We could, um..." she chewed her lip anxiously, "...try...if you want. I am bored anyway."

"We could."

She met her gaze, "Do you wanna kiss then?"

Rei tilted her head in thought and then, to her great surprise, nodded, "I want to try it."

Asuka nodded, "Alright. Then here I come."

She sat up, moved closer and leaned in. Rei didn't move. She paused for a second, wondering if she needed to tell Rei to kiss back or close her eyes or give any guidance at all. She decided to just go for it and pressed her lips against Rei's.

Rei's lips were slightly warm but she was unsettlingly still. A rush of frustration went through Asuka so she leaned in closer, pressing her lips deeper into Rei's. She got a soft sigh out of Rei who fumbled, grasping her shoulder for purchase. Satisfied, she pulled back. Rei looked stunned, her face with more color than Asuka had ever seen it. Asuka murmured, "That was nice...wasn't it?"

"I...I think so."

"You think so?" Asuka frowned.

Rei looked away, cupping her hands to her face, "I don't...I don't know how to deal with this. I've never done anything like this."

"It's not bad…"

"I know. But...it's a lot. I need..." Rei frowned, looking away and anywhere that wasn't Asuka's face, "I need some time alone. Please."

Asuka wanted to reach out, put her arms around her, tell her it was alright. But she didn't. "I understand," she murmured, standing and beginning to gather her things.

Just before she left, she heard Rei murmur, "I'm sorry."

She paused at the door and said back, "It's alright, Rei. Just...tell me when you want to talk again."

Rei did not answer so Asuka left, closing the door quietly behind her.

The familiar anxiety of rejection roiled in her gut. For one horrible moment, she wanted to act like a child: throw her things to the ground and scream and scream and scream. She didn't; she just stood outside Rei's apartment, eyes fixed at the darkening sky until she could disconnect from those ugly emotions.

This wasn't a rejection, she told herself. Normal people needed time to process their emotions from time to time. Rei, nowhere near normal, would of course need to be alone. She wasn't rejecting her. She didn't hate her.

Asuka really hoped she hadn't made Rei hate her.

She walked back to the apartment as if in a dream. She hoped Kaworu had gone home. She didn't want him to see her like this.

When she walked in, she found no such luck. The pair were still sitting out on the balcony, even as the world turned dark around them. Part of her wondered if she had the chance still to turn around and leave but they must have already heard her come in. So in the name of her pride, she put on a neutral expression as she trudged past them to her room. "Hey Asuka," Shinji asked, "How was—"Asuka slammed her door shut, cutting him off.

Shinji blinked in confusion and Kaworu commented, "That can't be good."

"Do you think they had a fight? I can't see Rei doing something like that…," Shinji trailed off.

Kaworu stood, "How about we go ask her?"

"What if she gets mad?"

"Then she gets mad," he casually shrugged, "But its good to at least offer a hand, even if it may be swatted away."

Shinji thought about this for a second then nodded. Together, the pair went to her room. Kaworu called, "Asuka, is something wrong?"

No response. The pair shared a glance. This time, Shinji tried, "We, um, we were worried. If something was wrong."

She snapped back, "What makes you think something is wrong?! Could you two leave me alone for once?"

Shinji cringed but his companion was undeterred. He spoke gently, "You didn't say anything when you came in."

Once more, she didn't respond, stewing in all her ugly feelings. He continued, "It's fine if you don't want to talk. We just thought we would ask."

After one more minute of silence, he slumped, defeated. He murmured, "Doesn't always work."

Then, to his surprise, Asuka spoke up, "You can come in. If you want."

He opened the door slowly and once inside, Shinji closed it quietly behind them. Inside it was dim, as Asuka hadn't bothered turning on the light. She laid on her bed, facing the wall. She wasn't crying at least.

Or perhaps it would have been better if she did. Her chest felt horribly tight with the effort it took to keep all these ugly feelings inside.

Kaworu sat down on the floor beside the bed, gesturing for Shinji to join him. He said quietly, "What happened with Rei?"

Asuka didn't answer right away at first.

Kaworu murmured, "I suppose if you don't want to say, it's fine. We can all just sit here. For moral support."

Asuka stayed silent. Then she said quietly, "We got to talking about dating...and stuff. She wanted to know about it and since I dated...a little...kinda...in Germany, I told her. She was wondering about kissing so well, we kissed. Because she hadn't ever done it."

"You kissed?" Shinji asked, "Was it bad?"

Once again, that not-really-a-proper-kiss came to Asuka's mind. "It wasn't bad," she said, "But I guess it was a lot for Rei. She wanted time alone."

"Oh. So she's not mad?"

"I don't...think so," she squeezed her eyes shut, "But hell, it still feels bad," her voice choked as she struggled to not let the dam of her sadness burst.

"You can't help that," Kaworu soothed, "She'll come around in time."

She shifted around and, even in the dark, when she turned to look at him, he could see her blue eyes piercing in the low light. She asked, sounding suddenly very child-like, "You think so?"

"I think so," he nodded, "You know Rei. And you two are good together."

She stared for a long moment then murmured, "Thank you Kaworu. You too, Shinji."

"Really?" he was surprised.

"Yes, really."

He couldn't help but smile and one more time, the last timeline's botched kiss came to mind. Yeah, that one was mostly her fault. Stumbling into his space, making him do something neither really understood. And on the anniversary of his mother's death, of all days. She had been so desperate to feel close to someone, she hadn't flattened her quills.

She liked to think she had done better this time. She didn't make Rei do anything. She hadn't even expected Rei to agree. Surely, asking at all wasn't selfish.

She shook her head to clear it, if only to stop an impending spiral, "Hey, you think we'll see Misato any time tonight?"

Shinji shook his head, "Probably late. Y'know how she is. I'm sure she'll be here sometime before morning."

"You never know," Asuka pointed out, "After all, she's with Kaji."

After the wedding, the quartet moved to a bar, not quite ready to head home for the night. Ritsuko idly sipped on a mixed drink while her companion Maya sipped on a soda. She didn't drink and to that had gotten some light ribbing from Misato. But Kaji, of all people, told her to knock it off. Some people didn't need it. If Maya knew him better, she might have discerned what he really meant by it but she instead was left with a sense of being left out.

Misato and Kaji had left momentarily; Misato to the restroom and Kaji to go get another drink. To tell the truth, Maya felt out of place. She was pretty close to Ritsuko but Misato was still the Major to her and Kaji, she didn't know him at all. What exactly he did at NERV was never really clear to her.

She would have never expected Ritsuko to extend such an invitation to her. Sure, they were close but she was sure that all they were was superior and underling. It was safer for her heart to never expect more.

Now, if Misato and Kaji could stop insisting her and Ritsuko were on a date, this would be great.

Kaji returned, a whiskey in hand. He sighed wistfully, "It's been some time since we've done something like this."

"I didn't take you for the nostalgic type," Ritsuko commented, "Don't you think Misato's drinking a bit too much too fast? I remembered her being better at pacing herself."

"If I had to hazard a guess, it's to keep up her high spirits."

"You always could read her best."

"You think I still can? All that was before she was wearing heels and things. It was different then," he paused, as if he was to continue. But he did not.

Ritsuko picked up on it, "It's so unimaginably different now. There's some things that are the same but mostly, a lot has changed."

Kaji propped his head on one hand, gazing out to the city lights below, "We all were different. I admit I was a brat back then. Me and Misato weren't really sharing a life. Living together, maybe, but we were just playing pretend. Playing house. Reality isn't as easy. Perhaps though, we still pretend. To a degree."

"Everyone pretends to some degree."

Now Maya felt really out of place. She wasn't so stupid that she couldn't tell they were saying more than they were actually saying. But unfortunately, she didn't know their past enough to be privy as to what it was. She sipped her drink thoughtfully, trying to decrypt their words.

"Anyway, I was thinking of visiting another city soon. I can bring you back a souvenir...you like cats, still?" Kaji said.

"Yes...that's nice of you..." Ritsuko trailed off then added, "Think hard before you go—it might be too hot. I wouldn't want you getting burned. Coming from a friend."

Kaji grinned lazily, "I'll take it seriously but if I get burned, I'd rather it with you."

"Then why don't I buy you two some matches?" Misato grumbled, coming back as she did. She had taken off her shoes; a pair of pristine white heels.

"Oh, Misa, you know I always preferred the burns from you," he grinned.

Misato shook her head, "You're so drunk, you're calling me that again? You haven't changed at all, have you, player?"

His grin did not waver, "Of course I have. After all, to live is to change."

"Homeostasis and transistatis," Ritsuko mused, "All living things contain the capacity to hold up the status quo or to change. We are conflicting in this way."

"Like man and woman."

"A scientist doesn't believe in such hard distinctions. Reality is a lot messier than you'd believe."

She smiled at Maya, "Wouldn't you agree?"

She was saying more than she let on again but this time, Maya had an inkling at what she implied. She could feel her face flush but she agreed, "Of course! Science doesn't believe in stark opposites!"

Misato sighed, rubbing her head, "Science talk makes my head hurt. How about I get us another round?"

"Do you really need any more?" Ritsuko asked.

"I'd like some more!"

"Not me," Ritsuko shook her head, "I've got work in the morning and I'd like to catch a few hours. How about you, Maya?"

"Yeah, I'm about ready to go home myself. Um. I could drive you home, since I haven't drank any."

"That's probably the best idea," Ritsuko agreed, "See you Misato, Kaji."

They gave their farewells, watching the two women leave. When Ritsuko stumbled on their way out, Maya rushed to offer her arm as support. Misato grinned, "I think Maya's gonna end up staying over with Rits, if you catch my drift."

Kaji returned her grin, "That's what I think. And good, too. Ritsuko has always been the sort..." he trailed off, thoughtful, "She's always been the sort to deprive herself of things she really needs, like she thinks she really doesn't need it."

"She deprives herself of good things for no good reason!"

"Now, I'm sure she has one," he took a sip of his whiskey, "Or believes she does."

"I'm glad she came at all. This all...it all feels so nostalgic," Misato set her head on her hand.

"Do you ever wish you could go back to that time?" Kaji prodded.

"Sometimes. It was a lot simpler at least."

"Time passes, no matter what we do. So it's better to move forward rather than be stuck in the past."

Misato glanced over at him. Kaji's eyes were closed and his mouth drawn into a soft frown. She downed the rest of her drink then said, "I suppose you're right…"

Maya was enjoying the drive home, even if they weren't talking, only existing in comfortable silence.

She stole a glance at Ritsuko who was looking ahead with a thoughtful look. As if she felt Maya's gaze, she said, "Y'know. I think Misato and Kaji will be a couple again by next morning," she paused and chuckled, "I'd bet on it if it wasn't so unfair to you."

"You think so?"

"I think this is the first time since college they've spent any extended time together. I don't think Kaji ever stopped loving her and Misato only pushed him away for outside reasons. In her state, she won't be able to deny she feels the same way."

"...I think you're right. You're really perceptive, Ritsuko."

"It comes with the work," she shrugs, "You learn to read what people are really saying, because they never will tell you the full truth. I think you should remember that."

Maya raised an eyebrow but didn't call further attention to her cryptic advice...or rather what it felt like: a warning. They pulled up to her apartment block and Maya said, "Thank you for inviting me, Se-Ritsuko. It was really nice. See you tomorrow?"

Ritsuko didn't immediately respond, only staring off into the night.

She thought about going back into to her apartment alone. She seldom went there but to sleep and sometimes she even just decided to sleep in her office back at the Geofront. It's why she had ended up having to have her grandmother keep her cats; she was never around enough to really take care of them.

She had probably spent more time at work than at that apartment. She had a house but it wasn't really a home. So going home alone didn't sound nice.

What sounded nice was staying with Maya. What they had was concrete; real in a tangible way. It wasn't like when she thought of the Commander, who invited a roiling conflict into her psyche. She had been brushing him off more than usual lately, when he invited her in.

Worst yet, he didn't seem to mind her not accepting. As if his heart had never been into it—into her, at all. Then again, maybe she was foolish enough to have believed Gendo Ikari had room for more than one woman in his heart.

"Y'know, Maya," she suggested, "Why don't you come on in with me? It's awfully late and I don't know if the trains are running anymore."

"You want me to stay...with you...at your home?"

"Oh, Maya," she smiled at her, "I think I'd love that."

It wasn't even an hour before Kaji called it quits. He had paced himself quite well so he wasn't all that drunk, merely buzzed. Misato on the other hand...

"You shouldn't be throwing up at your age," he murmured, as they walked home.

They had to head home when Misato reached the 'throwing up' stage of drinking. She was in no shape to drive and, when Kaji suggested he drive, she insisted no one got to drive the Alpine but her. So he walked home with her slung over his back. The proximity would have been exciting if the circumstances were different. Her arms were wrapped loosely around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder. She groaned, "So sorry I'm that age."

"We're both still that age."

"Don't try—try to make me feel better…"

"Sorry."

He sighed, wistful once more, "You wear heels now. Things really do change."

"Well, I gotta," she rubbed his face—or rather, slapped it flat across it then felt until she grabbed his chin, "'M serious 'bout the stubble. Shave it off."

"You're really sure about that?" he asked, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

She let her head loll against him, "Maybe...maybe not..."

A few more minutes were spent in silence until she spoke up again, "I think...I think I can walk the rest of the way."

He stopped, letting her slip off his back and onto the ground. He moved one of his arms to loop with hers, keeping her steady. She grumbled at him, but didn't tell him to let her go. Only when he was sure she wasn't going to fall, he reluctantly let her go. She set off at a wobbly pace and he followed.

Silence was their company for a few minutes more, the only sounds being those of Tokyo-3 at night; far-off engine sounds, the occasional cicada, and the buzzing of the overhead street lights. Kaji was so immersed in this that Misato's next words caught him off guard, "Kaji, do you think I've changed?"

"Well," he grinned softly, "You've become more beautiful."

"No, I mean," she stopped right under a street light, face fixed to the ground and words trailing off into the dark.

Kaji stopped beside her, his grin replaced by a firm frown. He didn't ask, not yet, about why she stopped. She appeared to be struggling with her words so he gave her the chance to find them.

"I'm sorry I insisted on breaking up with you. When I said I fell in love with someone else, that was a lie. Did you know?" she murmured.

He didn't change his expression but his heart hurt at the prospect. He answered softly, "No."

"It's just that...I realized you were like my father."

He wondered if he should be insulted. He let her continue.

"I realized I wanted a man like my father. When I realized that, I was afraid," her steady tone wavered with emotion, "I was so desperately afraid."

She paused, her voice catching on her words, "I was so afraid of being with you...being a woman, I was afraid of everything! I hated my father but I fell in love with a man like him!"

She shook her head, as if trying to regain her composure, "It's why I chose NERV, wanting to make a clean break from the past. I kept feeling like I was going to be stuck in the past, especially if I stayed with you. But even so, I ended up being stuck anyway! My father used to belong to these people! In the end, I have been fooling myself by taking revenge against the Angels! It's a cycle I can't break!"

Her tone reached a fever pitch and it sounded like she was nearly about to break into sobs. Kaji placed his hand firmly on her shoulder, "That was your decision, Katsuragi. Don't apologize to me."

"No!" she jolted up under his touch, "That wasn't a decision! I was just running away. Running away from my father! I'm such a coward, such a hypocrite..."

Manic, she grabbed at his shirt, grabbing and grabbing under she pulled him down to look into his eyes. Whatever reply he had died in his throat. "But Kaji," she sobbed, "If you're like my father, your work will kill you!"

Did she know? He murmured, "Misa...what do you know about that?"

"I don't know!"

"You're beating yourself up over running away but now you tell me to run away?"

"Not run away," she paused, let him go then shrank into herself, "I'm really sorry," she murmured, "I don't know why I said that. Any of that. I really did drink too much."

Kaji squeezed her shoulder, "That's enough. It's alright."

She was closer to the mark than she knew. His heart hurt.

"But it's not alright! I'm such a child, crying over all this!" she whimpered, "I've no right to tell Shinji or any of the kids anything! I'm barely an adult. What kind of guardian am I?!"

She was working herself up again. "That's enough." his voice went sharp and stern.

"And I don't know why you even like me! I just cling to men when it suits me! How underhanded! Even back then, I may have just been using you! I hate myself!" she was nearly sobbing again.

Kaji's other hand found her shoulder, firmly gripping it. "That's enough, stop it!" he demanded.

Seeing her in such a manner...it hurt. Why wouldn't she stop? Couldn't she see how these things were not true?

"I'm pathetic though!" she cried.

He did the only thing that ever worked when she got like this. He pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers in one motion. She wavered against him, startled. A thud signaled that she had dropped her heels. Her hands moved around him until he was clasped in her embrace. They stayed there for a few moments more before he pulled away. "Katsuragi, you were having a hard time. We all are. Don't say such things," he said, his voice serious.

She shook, "It really feels that way..."

"You're not in the right mind," one of his hands brushed against her face, wiping away her tears, "You need to rest. The Katsuragi I know is not pathetic."

A soft smile crossed his face, "And I don't think you were using me back then but if you were, I sure never complained."

A soft blush spread on her face and she looked away, "I wanna go home. Do you think...do you think you could help me?"

He bent down to retrieve her heels then looped his arm around her, "Let's get you home then."

When Misato and Kaji came home, the trio were all still in Asuka's room. They had turned on the light and were sitting around, quietly talking. That is, until the door opened. "Oh, that would be Misato," Shinji said, "I'll go see."

He stood and padded out. Kaworu glanced at Asuka, "Wanna see if your hunch about her and Kaji is right?"

Asuka snorted, "You say it as if I wasn't completely sure," but followed anyway.

The three came out into the living room, seeing Kaji slide Misato's door closed. Just inside, Shinji glimpsed her laid out with all her limbs apart, completely passed out. "Is she alright?" Shinji asked.

"She just had way too much to drink. She'll have a wicked hangover but she'll be alright. Maybe check on her every now and then if you wake up. I need to get going," he explained.

Asuka grinned cheekily from behind Shinji, "You could stay here and watch over her."

He waved her off, "Nah. I need to go somewhere for work tomorrow. Won't do to show up looking this this," he pulled his tie for emphasis.

"You kids get to bed, it's awfully late. Kaworu, you probably should head home.," he paused then added, "And take care of Katsuragi, Shinji, Asuka."

After they exchanged good nights and he left, Asuka adopted her cheeky grin and turned to the boys, "Hey. He smelled of lavender. That's Misato's perfume."

"You think…?" Shinji began.

"I think," she smiled smugly.

"We shall see," Kaworu said, "Kaji's right though. I think I need to head home."

"Oh, good night," Shinji said, raising his hand to wave, "It was...nice having you over."

Kaworu smiled brightly, "And good night to you too, Asuka."

"Night, night."

Upon leaving their apartment, Kaworu didn't go home. He padded down the hall then the stairs and then into the night. It was blissfully cool, a blessing in post-Impact Japan. The moon hung over him, signaling it was just after midnight.

Anyone who might have seen him leave, cameras or hidden Section 2 teams, did not. He had gotten really good at dodging prying eyes through the instances. Not a soul knew he was where he shouldn't be.

Once he had left his apartment, he slowed to a comfortable pace. If you look like you belonged there, you suddenly did. Keeping secrets was something he learned a long time ago, something before even his first death. It was a survival mechanism now, ingrained into his essence. Slip up and you die.
Or worst: are replaced.

He frowned deeply as he thought about the prospect. It was rare but there were times his handlers decided to take that measure. Shunted into a new body but not yet into a new loop often left him dazed and confused. His perfect memory would lapse, as if his consciousness was half here and half already there in the next loop, and would remain as such until he died for real.

He shook his head to clear it from that particular train of thought. No reason to be worried. It was only a routine meeting.

He left the developed city behind, coming into the outskirts of Tokyo-3. If this wasn't mere procedure, he'd find a thrill in sneaking out at night, dodging attention and responsibilities like he was a normal teenager.

He finally left the outskirts behind, darting into the woods. The only light now was the moon but even without it, he could see nearly perfectly in the dark, a quirk of his inhuman biology. It was quiet, something that could be relaxing on another night. But the dread lurking in Kaworu's mind, tainted it. "Just routine," he murmured.

He came out into a clearing and paused. He was just barely early so he took the opportunity to breathe. His superiors were sticklers to schedules so they'd only show themselves in the precise moment they said they would.

It was time.

He strode into the clearing. To anyone else, he'd just be standing there, looking at nothing. But to him, the clearing dimmed slightly and black monoliths phased into existence around him. The one in front of him, emblazoned with a symbol depicting a mask with seven eyes and the number '01' addressed him, "Tabris. Just on time."

He smiled good-naturedly at it, "You bid me to come and thus, I have."

Another monolith, '05' commented, "How dependable."

How good of you to obey orders.

01, otherwise known as Keel Lorenz, addressed Kaworu once more, "Has anything changed since we last talked? Any problems?"

"No problems. My sync ratio with 02 remains decent. My health as well."

"Good, good. Good to hear. How have the past few battles with your kin affected you?" the tone sounded curious but there lurked undertones of mocking.

Kaworu maintained his poker face of serene calm, "It's always a little nerve-wracking but my continued existence here means their defeat is inevitable."

"It doesn't distress you?"

"You know my kind doesn't feel like that," he lied smoothly.

"How about Commander Ikari? Have you interacted with him recently?" Keel prodded.

"I have not. There's never an opportunity and I believe it's for the best I don't get closer than I should. He already doesn't trust me."

"Alas. It would be helpful if you had insight into his motives. No matter. What can you tell us of the last Angel attack?"

"Ah, Sahaqiuel."

"No. We mean, Iruel."

As Kaworu suspected, they would want him to fill them in to what Commander Ikari hid from them. He frowned deeply, "If there was an Angel, I did not see, hear or sense it. I do know Doctor Akagi was to test us without any interference in the plug but something prompted the test to be cut short and the testing plugs to be ejected. When we were retrieved, we were told it was a 'glitch in the system'."

"And this is all you know."

"Everything I was told, yes."

The silence that stretched after was agonizing but Kaworu stood true, not betraying anything to his handlers. "Alright, Tabris," Keel finally spoke, "I do hope that is the truth. I do know you are aware of your, ahem, 'backups'?"

Kaworu nearly shuddered but his facade was true, "I am aware, sir."

"It would do for you not to forget it."

And with that, the monoliths blinked out. Kaworu waited a few moments more before walking away, the way he came. Only once under the trees did he slump against one of the trunks with a sigh. He suddenly was very tired. He usually was, after these meetings.

Keeping secrets was tiring.

Not terribly far away in the derelict outskirts of Tokyo-3, atop a familiar abandoned building, was someone whose mood was better. Mari craned her head back, taking in what stars made it past the noise pollution. She finished her onigiri, pilfered from a nearby convenience store, then smiled.

"Y'know Yui...this one feels different. I've got a good feeling about it."

Chapter Text

In the warehouse, it was hot and stuffy as it would be during the height of summer. Kaji found himself tugging at his shirt as he leaned against the wall. The familiar weight of his pistol lay on his belt but he still found himself checking it was there.

One could not be too paranoid in his business.

The door was slightly cracked, sunlight and a faint breeze passing through it. His companion did not look at him but the cats she fed. She murmured, "There's a chemical firm funded overseas here in town. Same building for nine years and not much else has changed. I can't say if its even operational anymore. They're affiliated with the so-called Marduk Institute."

"What's that mean then?" Kaji murmured back.

"It's a dummy corporation along with the other 105 dummy ones of the 108 that make up the Institute."

That was just about what Kaji suspected but his contacts in the government still wanted him to investigate them. This must have been the dozenth one he had come across. They were all the same: abandoned buildings that might have did business long ago but were now a mere cover. All to make a very small organization look bigger than it was.

She set down the empty cat food container and picked up her magazine, leaning back against the wall. She opened it and began to peruse it. Set inside was a sheet of paper with a list of names and credentials.

Kaji glanced at it,"The board of directors? All familiar names."

"So I take it you already know?"

"I know what it's really supposed to be. An advisory body controlled by the Human Instrumentality Committee to select Eva pilots. How it does isn't very clear."

"You really shouldn't be investigating that. You were only sent to investigate NERV," she chastised softly.

"If I'm correct, this involves NERV. And if it doesn't...well, I must know everything."

His contact sighed, "That kind of thinking kills good men."

He didn't have a response. All he could think about was Misato's outburst from only a night or so ago.

"If you're like my father, your work will kill you!"

In his office, Gendo Ikari was brooding—as he was often to do. He heard the door to his office open and from across the space cross Fuyutski. He didn't expect anyone else, after all he was the only one who was allowed to come in without invitation. He took up the space at his right side and looked out the window overlooking the Geofront. He asked softly, "So how did the visit to Yui's grave go?"

"Is that all you came to do?" Gendo asked.

"I must admit I was curious, as its the first time you two have spoken face-to-face in some time," Fuyutski gave a wry smile.

Gendo closed his eyes behind his glasses. The Vice Commander was his confidant in a lot of ways, at least in matters of the mind. He rarely asked about anything concerning the heart as if he knew he wasn't one to put some thoughts into words.

So he stuck to the facts, "The boy appeared to be in decent spirits. He wished for us to speak again sometime."

"That's quite the development. Did you entertain that question?"

"I...expressed upon him the futility of that. He's old enough to understand he must walk his own path and that he no longer needs his father."

Fuyutski raised his eyebrows, "You believe that?"

"What I believe is irrelevant," Gendo's tone inched a hair close to irritated, "It would be...cruel...to extend an invitation I cannot follow through on."

"Cannot or will not?"

"Fuyutski…," his tone lowered further, a warning.

The older man smiled tightly, "I just want to make sure you can face the end with no regrets."

"There is no way for a human being to die without regrets," Gendo murmured, "He must only continue to move forward."

Asuka wondered sometimes if there was a point to showering on the mornings before tests. After all, standard protocol required the pilots to shower before entering the plug, as to minimize foreign material being brought within. Nevertheless, this morning she did, since she knew she'd feel gross if she didn't. After, she joined Shinji and Misato for breakfast.

They began to eat in silence until she broke the ice, "So I heard you went with Kaji to that wedding a few nights ago."

"And Ritsuko and Maya," Misato corrected in a tone that suggested she thought it was too early for this.

"We saw Kaji brought you home. You know that right?"

"Asuka, I wasn't so wasted I don't remember how I got home. We just went to the wedding and had some drinks, that's all. I might have just drank too much."

"This doesn't sound like nothing," Asuka smiled smugly and got up to press a button on the answering machine.

From it came Kaji's voice, "Katsuragi, how do you feel about going out when I return? I found a new bar that I'd like to try. I'll be back in Tokyo-3 tonight. Get back to me."

Misato scowled, "You weren't supposed to hear that."

Shinji spoke up, "You shouldn't tease Misato about that…"

She put her hands on her hips and scowled, "Why not? Some kinda double standard since she teases us all the time."

Some hours later, sync tests were over and done with. To Asuka, it felt like every other sync test she had done. But yet, Misato had called all four into the command center, very excited about something.

"I wonder if something is wrong..." Shinji frowned, "I mean, it all felt normal."

"That it did," Rei agreed.

"She wouldn't be so excited if something was wrong," Asuka pointed out.

They came into the command room, where Misato was studying a terminal screen. Beside her, Kaworu was standing at attention, in his black plugsuit. Misato smiled as she turned to them, "You guys won't believe it!"

"Believe what?" Asuka asked.

"Boring data first," Misato told her, "Kaworu is still on course but is reaching what would be decent sync rates in an actual Eva!"

"That's amazing!" Shinji smiled at him.

"That's not even the really interesting thing," she stepped aside to reveal the graph on the computer screen.

On the screen were four colored bars showing their sync rates. Kaworu's, colored silver, was the lowest but still midway up the screen. But the other three's? Were seemingly all tied for first place.

"We're...tied?" Shinji asked.

"For the most part, after its averaged out. Isn't that great!" Misato cheered, "All new records too!"

Asuka was feeling a whole lot of emotions. On the forefront was surprise. Hers being so high wasn't the surprise, as she had experience the other two didn't. It would actually more sense if she was ahead of them. Had her and Kaworu's influence really affected them that much?

Shinji actually tying with her made sense since they had been vying for the lead role for that last few weeks. But Rei?

She stole a glance at the girl. Rei still hadn't talked to her all that much since the kiss. They made small talk when they saw each other but there was a palpable tension in the air when they did. If anything, Asuka thought that would have lowered her sync rate.

A familiar anxiety blossomed in her gut.

She was pulled from her thoughts when Misato took Kaworu's wrist and pulled him over to the other three. She gathered them all up in a hug and chuckled, "I know I should be more professional but I'm just so proud of you all!"

Kaworu relaxed and returned the hug. Even Rei, who seemed caught off guard by it, looped her arms around the major. They stayed like that for a moment before Asuka spoke up, "Thanks...but uh, you're getting LCL on you, Misato. We didn't get to the showers yet."

Misato let go, wiping at the residual LCL on her, "Ew. Go get washed up. Sappy time's over."

They went their separate ways. Once in the hallway, Asuka stopped Shinji to say, "Hey….uh, good job."

He blinked at her, "You're not jealous...or anything? You could have easily been first."

Once more, that familiar anxiety writhed around inside her, like an angry thing. She swallowed those pesky feelings. "Ehhhh, a little but hey, we're tied! You haven't beat me for good yet!" she smirked at him.

He gave her a grin, a determined look in his eyes, one that caught her a little off guard, "What if I did?"

She scowled, "Then more motivation for me to do better. What are you playing at, Shinji?"

He shrugged and admitted, "I dunno. You don't have to worry, I'm not trying to beat you."

"You don't have to be trying anything," she snipped, "At least you're not as mopey as you were the other day. Before you saw your father."

They walked together to where the locker rooms were and as they did, Shinji smiled, unaffected by her snippiness, "I guess between talking to Misato and Kaworu, it cheered me up."

Probably moreso Kaworu, she thought. She had been pretty surprised when nothing actually came of their visit. Then again, Shinji was still so passive and Kaworu so hesitant to reach out.

As they split off into their separate ways, Asuka's thoughts turned darker once more. Was Shinji and Rei's raised competence all the reason they were tied or was she backsliding? Her debacle with Rei could certainly cause that!

To her dismay, Rei was already in the showers, in her own stall stripping off her plugsuit. Asuka went into her own, stared at the wall for a moment, then asked, "Hey, Rei...you're doing alright, right?"

"Of course. Why would I not be?"

"We haven't really talked since the...y'know...kiss."

"Oh. I suppose you're right. I'm sorry, I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it quite yet."

"Alright..." Asuka chewed on her lip, anxiety continuing to gnaw on her heart.

She turned her head, finding Rei only a foot away, head peeking over the barriers between stalls, "You wouldn't be upset at me?" Asuka asked, unable to help herself.

"No. Why would I?" her response was as flat as ever but, by the tilt of her head, she was confused.

"It feels so tense when we talk. And I think I overstepped."

"That's not the case. I...I promise."

Asuka rocked in place, anxious still then admitted, "It reminded me of something that happened a while ago. I made someone do something for a selfish reason. So I couldn't help but compare the two things."

Rei hummed in thought, "I don't believe it's comparable. You'd have to tell me more later."

Asuka opened her mouth to respond but instead of her words filling the room, the Angel alarms did with a fierce squall. She swore under her breath in German. Rei simply started putting her plugsuit back on, an air of resignation around her.

Asuka sighed, "Yeah, we'll talk after this Angel…"

Leliel had come.

As the techs chattered over her comm, Asuka was doing her own checklist within her plug. This Angel was the one with the shadow. It appeared as a sphere but that was technically its shadow. Its "shadow" was its body, which led to a Dirac Sea, a sort of imaginary space that was larger on the inside than the outside. Anything it touched was swallowed and sent into this space.

So don't touch the shadow. Simple in theory. She'd have to either keep the other two away from it or suggest this, in a manner that didn't seem like she had information she shouldn't.

Her comm crackled to life, Misato's voice coming through, "It's a good thing we had you guys already here, since this Angel appeared out of nowhere. Well, we don't know if it's an Angel, as its showing up as a Pattern Orange."

"I assume we're treating it as one?" Asuka asked.

"I'm not sure what else it could be so treating it as a Pattern Blue is a safe assumption. Exercise caution. We have little information on its capabilities so we're going to see if we can scout out what it does."

A couple of text boxes and an image of the Angel appeared on Asuka's screen and she supposed the other two were seeing it too. She willed them to disappear. "There isn't much," Rei commented.

"I'm sorry we couldn't be of more help but we've got to send you up top now. Remember: exercise caution. Retrieve your preferred weapons, ideally long-distance, approach slowly and be on the lookout for trouble. If you guys can lure it outside city limits, all the better to minimize collateral."

"I'll take point!" Asuka immediately offered.

"Asuka, I need you to be serious," Misato warned.

"And I am being serious! We might be tied for sync scores but I've still got the most training."

A long sigh came from Misato and Asuka frowned. "Alright, Asuka is point," she finally conceded.

Asuka grinned. She hoped one day she could tell her about the loop memories, if only so she could point out she really did have the most experience.

This was almost fortuitous. If she could figure out a way to combat this Angel this time around, this would place her back on top, not on equal pacing with the other two. After all, she had been through this before, so that was really where she should be.

If one went by logic. It's not like she had any personal stake in where she sat, she insisted.

And if she could change how this went, then that'd feel pretty good too.

"Evas, launch!" Misato cried.

Once they were on the surface, Asuka went to the nearest weapons locker and retrieved a pallet rifle. She eyed the ax and decided to grab that too, wielding the rifle one handed. It wasn't the best to lug around but she couldn't leave the risk of being trapped on the ground. She then stopped behind the next building over and watched the Angel.

"What should we do?" Shinji asked.

"I'm thinking..." she murmured.

How to beat the Angel this time around was a good question. Last time it had all come down to Unit 01's berserk state and it had remained unclear the exact logistics of what had happened and why. Where would its core be: within the shadow or the true body?

She chewed her lip and came up with a rudimentary idea. She instructed over the comm, "You two stay back for backup, I'm going to probe its defenses."

"Asuka, I have the sniper rifle-" Rei began.

Her response was short and tense, "I will lead."

"...right." Rei conceded, a heavy pit forming in her stomach.

This was a whole new emotion to Rei and she didn't like it. Dread crawled up her back as she watched Asuka press forward, darting behind buildings until she had a clear shot, but wasn't too close, lest it retaliate. She stabbed her ax into the ground then leveled her rifle at it. She peppered the Angel in a few shots then danced backwards. The move was calculated...did she think the Angel had a beam attack?

The Angel vanished, its deep black shadow expanding over the ground. At once, noise erupted over the comms. "It disappeared!" Ritsuko cried.

At the same time, Asuka retrieved the ax and launched herself at the nearest building, using it to haul herself up. "Get clear!" she cried.

The shadow advanced on Asuka's perch atop the slowly sinking building. She peppered a few more shots into the shadow which shuddered, LCL bleeding from it. In response, the shadow consumed the buildings all the faster. Asuka turned and hopped off hers, barely clamoring onto the next.

Shinji, having retreated along with Rei, turned to see this. He gasped, "She needs help!"

"Yes," Rei murmured, taking stock of the situation.

She levered her sniper rifle at the shadow. It was just one large target so it would be impossible to miss. Good, because she had no intention of letting this thing take Asuka.

Her shot hit true, though whether how much damage it did, she wasn't sure. Other than a ripple and a burst of LCL from the shadow, it showed no other response. Despite this, she smiled, a small one but genuine. Then she heard Asuka yell, "Rei, no!" as the Angel disappeared.

It reappeared beneath her, her Eva's feet sinking into it like wet mud. She couldn't place the sensation except there was massive resistance to pull her legs out of it. She fired another shot at it but it wasn't keen on letting go. Misato was yelling somewhere in the background but she heard Asuka instead, "Shinji, if you can, grab her and pull her out! I'm on my way!"

True to her word, she had leaped off the building and fired a barrage of shots into the shadow. It stopped growing, as if it was pondering its choices. Shinji took advantage of this, grabbed Rei's arm and yanked it back.

Rei bit down on her cry of protest and attempted to find leverage to yank herself out. She could feel herself being pulled up at an agonizingly slow pace. If anything, Shinji was doing more to stop her descent than actually pull her out. Misato cried, "Eject the plug! Get Rei out of there!"

"It's not responding! It's like it's being jammed!" Maya cried even as she sent another command to eject.

"Try this on for size!" Asuka howled, jumping into the fray and firing until her clip was empty.

The Angel listened to her, for it disappeared...then reappeared right under her. Asuka hissed and tossed away her now useless rifle, instead swinging her ax around and carving a large swath of the shadow out. It screamed, a single high shrill note. She grinned ferociously, "I'll get you before you get me!"

All she saw was orange and black as she carved large swathes of its "body" until a cry returned her to clarity.

"Asuka!"

She froze, Rei's cry bringing her from her berserker rage. She was knee-deep in the shadow and steadily sinking further. Her ax fell to the ground, being consumed within seconds. She cried, "Help!"

Rei and Shinji circled the shadow, attempting—and failing—to find a way to breach it. Shinji peppered it with bullets but it didn't respond. It had caught something and this time it wasn't going to let it go. In the background, Asuka could hear Misato demanding they find a way past the jammer, but there was nothing they could do except watch helplessly as the shadow drew Asuka further and further in until all of Unit 02 had disappeared.

Shinji wailed and emptied his clip into the shadow, "No, no! Give Asuka back!" he screamed.

Rei could only watched mutely, that is until it disappeared again. "Scatter!" she cried and bolted away.

Shinji followed suit, the shadow appearing under where his foot had been mere seconds ago. Over the comm, Misato cried, "Retreat! Get out of the radius!"

"But Asuka!" Shinji protested.

"Her and Unit 02 are still in there," Rei added, her tone alien from all the fear that bled into it.

Misato gritted her teeth, bowing her head, "That's an order. Retreat." she said shortly.

The other two met Kaworu nearly as soon as they exited the Entry Plugs, still soaked with LCL and sadness. Kaworu murmured, "They are going to try to reel her umbilical cord back, I heard."

"It won't work," Shinji murmured, as if in a daze.

Kaworu was silent for a moment before responding, "We don't know that," even though he did.

Rei pushed past them, her face fixed into a grim frown. She headed out with purpose they hadn't seen her give anything but Eva. She walked over to Misato and stopped beside her, looking over the ocean of void.

Shinji looked out to the shadow, "Do you think Asuka will be alright?"

"She has time. She's smart enough to switch the Eva into life support and cease movement. A solution should be found," Kaworu answered.

When they followed Rei, she murmured, "Shinji was right. There was nothing on the other end of the cable."

When the pair looked out, they found the cord being pulled in, the end ragged and torn.

Rei wondered if her insistence on not talking to Asuka about the kiss had been in error and that she had now lost any chance to ever do so. If that Angel had taken her instead...she wasn't entirely sure how but she was sure she could be replaced. Maybe by a Rei who could talk about the kiss—or one who wasn't bothered by it at all.

All three fell into a silence, looking out over the shadow, listening as Misato and the crew talked logistics. It didn't take too long for the UN to show up, their planes circling the sunken city like vultures. On the upside, the shadow had not moved since. Rei murmured softly, "She acted rashly...for my benefit."

Misato chimed in, "She did act rashly. Let her emotions be in control," she paused and added, "So I'll just have to scold her...when she gets back."

The last four words hung over them like a reaper's scythe, the unspoken if threatening to lead them into despair.

Asuka was terrified, her heart beating faster than a rabbit caught by a fox. Nonetheless, her training kicked in as she switched the Eva into life support mode and then went very, very still. In the time between her Eva being on then off, all she saw outside was a white expanse, so perfect that she simply could not comprehend the end, if there was one at all. She didn't look for too long. Don't want to be the second Soryu sent insane inside an Eva, she thought grimly as she leaned against the chair.

She sighed, a long stream of bubbles releasing into the LCL. By her estimate, she had 17 or so hours, maybe give or take an hour off that.

She grimaced. Last time, they wanted to send all the world's N2 mines into the Angel and it wasn't a reach to assume they would come to the same conclusion. And unlike Shinji, she wasn't in an Eva they valued. Misato would fight for her, for sure, and she hoped someone would listen to her.

At least, she hoped she would fight for her.

No, it was far too early to give into despair! In this loop, Misato cared for her! She wouldn't resign her to death, no matter where the higher ups thought her and Unit 02's usefulness ended. She had to surrender her fate to her because relying on Unit 02 going berserk was too much of a long shot. It had done it once before and...well, Asuka wasn't intent on remembering what happened after.

She smashed her hand against her control sticks. She felt so useless!

When no response came, she leaned back and closed her eyes.

She awoke some time later, the sleep being a blessed reprieve from her thoughts of doom and gloom. But waking to no rescue brought them back with a vengeance. Pushing them away, she sat up and switched on the sonar to get her mind off of it. She didn't dare turn on the visuals.

Her sonar and radar brought up nothing, predictably. "I don't know what's scarier, something being out there or nothing being out there," she murmured to herself.

It brought images straight out of a Lovecraft novel and she quickly turned her thoughts to something else. Namely, how hungry she was. It wasn't entirely voluntary, as her grumbling stomach called attention to itself. "Too bad there's no way to get food in here," she murmured.

The idea of eating rations soaked in LCL made her stomach turn. So she turned her thoughts once more to something else entirely. She wondered how the plans were going up top.

Misato chewed on a piece of jerky as Ritsuko presented a very slapdash presentation of their current understanding of the Angel. The Angel was actually the shadow, an impossibly small body. The body was the true shadow. If she thought about it too much, her head began to hurt. She swallowed her jerky and raised a hand, "So let me get this right, the "shadow" is the body and the "body" is the shadow?"

"That's the gist," Ritsuko nodded, "I think the body has a sort of Dirac Sea inside it. It's a, ah," she paused, waving her hand as she tried to explain it, "A sort of "imaginary and impossible" space, at least not possible in this universe. That's why it's believed this space occupies a completely different pocket universe."

"That makes no sense."

"It would make no sense to a layman. Up until now, it's been largely theoretical."

Shinji frowned from behind them, "How do we save Asuka from that? There's no way we can fight that!"

Ritsuko continued, "We're working on that. My working theory is that if we find a way to break the connection between body and shadow, we should find a way to either kill it or at least have it spit Asuka out."

Beside Shinji, Rei murmured to him, "There will be a way. There's always a way."

When Asuka woke again, it was because everything tasted of blood. She opened her eyes and gasped, flailing in a brilliant red sea. Had she failed? Why was she here? "No, no! Kaworu! Rei! Shinji! Where are you?!" she wailed, looking around wildly only to find she was in the middle of a wide and empty red sea.

There was no land, no petrified Mass Production Evas, not even the Rei corpse. It was all more wrong than before. Just her and the endless sea of souls. She shuddered and wailed, "Anybody?!"

Her head smacked against something hard and once more, her eyes snapped open to show she was still in the entry plug.

She shouldn't have been breathing so hard but she couldn't help it. The purification systems were beginning to stop working, making the LCL taste of blood. Despite the lukewarm surroundings, she felt uncomfortably warm. Her heart beat too fast, she was breathing too fast, everything was just too fast.

She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her head between them, focusing on breathing. Slowly, she began to breathe normally once more and her heart calmed.

What had that been? A dream? A vision? A hallucination? Merely a panic attack?

Whatever it had been, it terrified her. The idea that the previous lifetime had irreparably damaged her...was uncomfortable. It conjured images of white beds and white gowns and white rooms—

She was losing it, she concluded. Great, as she feared, another Soryu gone insane inside her Eva.

"No, no," she hissed, "This is different."

But she couldn't help but wonder if it truly was.

"Ritsuko, what do you mean by a forced Eva salvage?" Misato's voice was low, deadly.

Shortly after the meeting, Ritsuko had pulled her aside to a deserted corner of the rooftop. As it turned out, what she said to Shinji was a bit of a white lie. She had an idea on how to break the connection between Angel and shadow; something she referred to in distant cold terms, a "forced salvage".

Ritsuko looked uncomfortable, "It's the only possibility we have left in our disposal. The plan is to drop all 992 remaining N2 bombs into the Angel to force the connection between Angel and shadow closed. In that millisecond, the sheer explosive force will destroy the Angel and the Dirac Sea, hopefully spitting Unit 02 back out."

"What kind of...what kind of rescue operation is this?!" Misato cried, "What will become of Asuka?!"

Ritsuko couldn't meet her eye, "Because it's not a rescue operation. It's to kill the Angel. If we get Unit 02 back in operable condition, it'll be a miracle."

"So you'll kill Asuka?!" Misato shook with barely restrained fury, "That's what you mean to tell me!? That's insane!"

"Tell me, Misato! What other choice do we have?!" Ritsuko snapped back to stare at her.

Misato felt an awful sense of deja vu, "There's gotta be something!"

"There is nothing else! I'm not allowed to protest your stupid plans but you can get angry at mine?" Ritsuko asked, "You know our top priority: kill the Angels. The Children...unfortunately, the Children are incidental."

Misato bared her teeth, raised her hand and slapped her friend across the face, the sound reverberating in the silence. Ritsuko cried out in surprise, staggering back a few steps. Misato cried, "I was wrong, you really are heartless! If Asuka dies, it'll be on your hands!"

"You think I enjoy signing off on this?" Ritsuko raised her head again, her voice shaky but neutral.

"I think if it was Unit 01, things would be different."

Ritsuko stifled the hurt in her heart, told herself Misato didn't really know anything and that her anger at her was misplaced. She straightened up, "Trust me on this, it wouldn't be much different. Now, I will be taking control of this operation, effective immediately."

She immediately turned and left, ignoring the feeling to turn back and look at Misato. A very selfish thought crossed her mind, to go back and tell her everything, tell her there was more to this than she knew.

But that would not be the kindness Misato would think it was. So she kept walking.

Misato watched her go then called out weakly, "Ritsuko!"

To her surprise, the doctor paused. She swallowed thickly and said, "At least. Wait as long as you can. Give her that chance."

"...very well."

Asuka stirred awake. She felt cool, oddly cool now. There was a roar of waves behind her which made her eyes snap awake.

She was back on the beach. Just as it was in the last vision, the petrified Mass Production Evas and the Rei head was absent. But she was not alone. She sat across from herself, who wore a torn plugsuit and bandages. "Who are you?" she murmured, sitting up with her legs crossed.

"I am you," the other Asuka said, "The other you in your head."

"I don't have some "other me" in my head!" she spat back.

The other her inclined her head, "I find that's not the truth. There is many yous, residing in the minds of Kaworu Nagisa, Shinji Ikari, Rei Ayanami, Misato Katsuragi, everyone who has known, does know and will ever know you. They are all just as true as me and you. You think yourself not afraid of these Asukas.

And then there's the other you inside of you, the previous you. You fear her the most. You fear a regression back to her."

Asuka tensed, "Everyone fears that kind of thing."

"Perhaps," the other her conceded, "But we do not speak about everyone, we speak of you. You are afraid and have always been afraid. The reasons change but the fear remains."

"You have no right!" Asuka leaned forward.

"But I do. You are afraid of how others see you. You are afraid of failure. You think yourself changed but fear that may not be the case," her eyes lit up as she repeated, "The reasons change but the fear remains."

"That's not my fault!"

"Do not blame others for your own faults. You fear failure so you fight and struggle against fate, telling yourself this makes you different from the other her. But yet...you still feel insult when others come to your level."

Asuka shuddered, "It's different now! It's not like I want to win, I need to win. I'll lose all my friends if I don't."

"Noble," the other her mused, "But you focus on this task too much to the point of overthinking."

"Well...what do you think I should do?" she sneered, choking back the terror that this other her was correct.

The other her smiled, "Let go of the fear of being lesser, being only equal. Lean on those around you. They may know more than you think."

Asuka met the other her's eye before looking away, "I can't trust you. If I falter…" she waved her arm to gesture at the wide expanse of the crimson sea, "...this will happen again."

"If you're so sure of being right then, alright," her doppelganger's eyes lit up again, "We shall see."

The dream winked out.

Outside, in the real world, Ritsuko hovered over the techs. Hyuga murmured, "The plug suit's life support systems should be giving out soon."

Maya nodded, her voice pained, "It's system is getting close to red line."

Ritsuko looked over their shoulders. "Advance the schedule by twelve minutes. Let's do this while there's a chance Asuka is still alive. We might get lucky and have her come out the other side in one piece."

Asuka floated under the sea, every breath sluggish as she remembered these were the souls of her friends, her family, all of humanity.

Was her mother in here? The idea made her skin crawl.

Mother...she hadn't really thought about her too much since this timeline began again. Kaworu had told her it was better if she tried to not reach out to her, as it may be too suspicious to. And it hurt too much when two versions of her existed in her mind. The brilliant and kind woman, who came home, still in her lab coat. A young Asuka would throw herself against her leg and cheer. She never understood but her mother would tell her about her work, in very vague terms a child may be able to understand.

But then...the broken woman, murmuring to a doll. She never looked at her, never acknowledged her past "the weird little girl" who was always at the window. It hurt so deeply. But today, the woman lurched and turned her head ever so slowly to face Asuka.

The face was her own.

Asuka recoiled and screamed, the vision shattering. That wasn't her mother, that wasn't herself! She was alright, she was going to succeed! She needed to succeed! She couldn't take another failure! She wasn't like Kaworu, who had done this many many times. He was strong, he knew what he was doing.

If she failed, she didn't think she could pick herself up again!

The boy appeared before her, sad with his hands clasped behind his back. He murmured, "You can't fail Asuka. You'll fail me, you'll fail everyone…"

He swayed, his head wobbling in a jerky way, not unlike a puppet. Then it simply rolled off his body, onto the ground. His body collapsed, as if its strings were cut. Asuka screamed and took off into the white expanse, away from the decapitated boy. "Mama, mama! Anyone! Help me!" she screamed into the emptiness.

Asuka woke with a start. Breathing felt sluggish, like she was breathing in sludge. It was cold, the kind of cold that permeated the bones so deeply there was no way to warm up. She curled up in the entry plug, knees to her chest and arms wrapped around them. The suit didn't help her at all as it too was nearly dead. It was little more than something covering her now.

Her eyes fluttered shut. She was so tired. She was going to die. She was going to fail.

Not in battle, not in a blaze of glory. But shivering and cold in a dead Eva.

She hadn't even saved anyone at all.

A last reserve of fire ignited. She screamed, "No!" and beat her fist against the control stick, "I don't want to die! You hear me?! I don't want to die!"

No response. She uncoiled and beat her fists against the controls, "We're going to die if you don't do anything! Please, please! Move!"

There was still no response. She slumped back. Just as fast as it had flared, the fire had died and soon she would too. Her head hit the back of her seat and she sighed.

This was it, this was the end. Her eyes closed. She mumbled into the emptiness, "Momma...please..."

"Why won't you help me…"

Before she blacked out, she could feel someone wrapping their arms around her, bathing her in warmth.

Shinji felt sick.

Worse than sick. Him and Rei stood as sentinels around the Angel and its shadow. It was their job to erode and neutralize the Angel's AT Field, so it couldn't protect itself when the jets circling above dropped their payload. In his mind, this plan was akin to him murdering Asuka himself. A very impulsive part of him wanted to say screw it to this whole plan and jump into the shadow himself, if only so he may rescue her.

Would Asuka be alright with dying if it meant the Angel was killed? He gloomily looked up at the Angel as one of the techs counted down to the mine drop. All was silent.

Then...it wasn't.

The Angel shuddered and part of it is bulged and deformed. Shinji watched with disturbed fascination as another bulge appeared beside the first one. The flesh split open, revealing a pair of gore covered hands. They gripped the sides of the Angel, which was screaming in a single shrill high note. The beast within tore its way out and reared its head in a primal roar. It was Unit Two.

"It's Asuka!" Shinji cried, stumbling back, the Eva following suit.

He could distantly hear the techs in an uproar. Ritsuko's cry stood out, "That's impossible! It has no more power!"

The Angel went a deep black as Unit Two continued to tear itself out. It was brutally efficient, tearing the hole it emerged from wider. Then it did something unexpected, something grotesque. She turned her attention to the Angel itself and began to tear into it with her jaws. She ripped flesh from it, gorging herself on divine flesh.

Ritsuko's tone turned hysterical, "What is she doing?! WHAT THE HELL IS 02 DOING?!"

In the command center, Gendo had actually jumped to his feet, "Stop it now!"

There was a flurry of movement until Maya reported, "It should be out of power so there's no power to shut off! And it's rejecting all external commands!"

Under such horrific brutality, the Angel collapsed, its weight cracking the shadow as if it was glass. Unit 02 slid out of the corpse onto the ground; a horrific parody of rebirth. It staggered to its feet, its four eyes aglow, either oblivious or uncaring to the shadow underneath it gushing blood. Throwing her head back, she howled in victorious triumph.

A great and terrible sense of familiarity came to Shinji as he watched the spectacle. It affirmed one thing to him: they were piloting monsters.

Back in the command center, Fuyutski put a hand on Gendo's shoulder, his expression grim, "If Unit 02 has consumed an S2 Engine...this isn't right."

"This isn't what we wanted to happen at all," Gendo affirmed.

He narrowed his eyes behind his glasses, watching the screen as Unit 02 slumped over, gone inactive. He murmured, "Are you awake in there...and what are you playing at, Kyoko?"

"Asuka! Asuka! Are you alright?!"

She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut against the sudden brightness. She took a shaky breath in then eased her eyes open. Instead of hazy, fetid LCL, it was clean, fresh air that rushed into her lungs. Somehow, this wasn't as surprising as Misato wrapping her arms around her, nearly squeezing her to death. "Asuka, you're alright!"

"Misato…!" she wheezed.

Misato let go immediately, looking sheepish, "You're alright..." she murmured, "With how Rits was talking...I didn't know if we were going to be able to fish you out."

"Fish me...out?"

Before Misato could explain, a contingent of paramedics had arrived, "Major Katsuragi, please vacate the area. We must take Pilot Soryu in for observation and quarantine."

"Quarantine? Misato, what's going on?"

Misato only frowned, helpless but to watch as Asuka was put onto a stretcher and carried away. She hoped whatever they were going to do with her wouldn't be too invasive and that they'd let her rest sooner rather than later. There was talk of tests to make sure she hadn't been contaminated by the Angel...or otherwise.

She cast her attention to the gore-covered and now restrained Unit 02. There had been no delay in restraining it with a set of restraints carried by crane, as if it might wake back up and destroy them all. But luckily, it seemed content to remain inactive, as if sleeping.

She turned away with a sigh. There was to be no sleep for her tonight, only even more work, all related to this incident, Angel and all. Maybe she'd be able to get a few minutes alone with Ritsuko, to get her take on things. And to perhaps clear the air between them.

Ritsuko stood in Unit 02's cage, watching as the gore was hosed off of it. Beside her was the Commander, watching the proceedings with his typical neutral expression. He told her, "After this, you must run tests on it."

"Of course."

"If Unit 02 has become autonomous...become divine…"

"I know, sir. The plan may need to be...adjusted."

Everything about the incident was unprecedented. Unit 02 wasn't supposed to be able to go berserk like this. They had believed it a flaw in the previous two units' designs and that the Production Model would have no problems holding back the beast. But as it turned out, it could not be made to heel.

She spoke aloud, "The Production Model was supposed to be stable. No such berserk incidents."

"Apparently, we were wrong," he said, "It seems the berserker state is truly a mother's desire. We may never be able to fully purge it from the design."

It was no small secret to Ritsuko what really moved the Evangelions. Within 02 was the half-soul of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. Before the Contact Experiment, she was headstrong, competitive and determined. The woman they salvaged after went mad, her perception of reality and imagination blurring until she committed suicide with a doll she thought her daughter. It would be all too easy to chalk up the berserk state to a fit of madness from the other half of Kyoko. But...it felt calculated.

She still hadn't figured how much of the Eva's actions were truly conscious actions of their...donors. Every time Unit 01 acted, it was easy to believe it was a mother acting out of protectiveness of her child. But the brutality it came with was at odds with the donor's personality.

She sighed deeply, "The Major will certainly ask questions."

"Let her ask questions," the Commander ordered, "Answer them to her satisfaction but do not tell her anything she should not know."

"In other words, lie to her."

"Yes. We don't need her poking around where she shouldn't be."

"Understood, sir."

He nodded and left as he had accompanied her there, in silence. Her eyes trailed back to the Eva, meeting its four eyes. They were dark, indicating the Unit was inactive. Even so, she couldn't shake the sense it was watching her.

When Asuka first woke up, she had felt heavy. A deep tiredness had settled in her bones, as if she had slept for thirteen hours. As it turned out, she had.

From there, she learned she was in quarantine and that seemed all anyone wanted to tell her. The only company she got was nurses in hazmat suits bringing her food and water or checking her vitals. Dr. Akagi had come once to take blood and check her vitals herself but when pressed for information blew her off. She said she was too busy so once she was out of quarantine, someone else could explain it to her.

She wanted to assume it was because the nature of what happened to her; having been drawn into the Angel. Maybe they had thought it had contaminated her in some way.

It was now they moved her into a normal hospital room, deeming her safe to be around. Here she was left alone, wondering when anyone might come visit her.

There was a knock at the door and it turned out her first visitor was Kaworu. Seeing her, he smiled in relief, "Asuka. You're alright."

"Of course, I'm alright. But no one's told me anything!" she cried, crossing her arms.

He turned around and waved someone in. It was Shinji and seeing her, he smiled wide, "Asuka, you're alright!"

"It's what I told Prettyboy here. How about you two tell me what the hell happened?"

The pair shared a grimace, communicating something between them but unknown to her. They sat down, pulling their chairs around her bed, and told her the whole horrific tale.

"Unit 02...she ate it?!"

Shinji nodded, "It was really freaky."

"Why would she…"

Asuka searched her memories, landing on fuzzy memories of what happened after the juggernaut Angel Zeruel. Unit 01 had gone berserk, defeated the Angel then ate it. She vaguely remembered some terrible commotion after of it transcending its limits and becoming a god. At the time, she had been stranded in her severely disabled Eva so she had learned all this secondhand. "That's all that happened?" she pressed.

Shinji nodded, "Yep. Right after, she turned off and she's been quiet since."

A sense of relief rushed through Asuka. After that debacle, she also distinctly remembered Unit 01 had taken Shinji and it had taken an entire month for her to surrender him again. Perhaps her mother had understood she couldn't do something so rashly. Perhaps, it was her own memories who informed her actions...

She had assumed her mother was inactive inside the machine but now had to wonder if that was the case at all.

She decided to change the topic, "If you two are here, where's Rei?"

"She was waiting with us but she had to go get a drink. I'm sure she'll be back soon."

It didn't take long for the other girl to return and, seeing the boys gone from the hallway outside, let herself in. She stood just inside the entryway, "You're alright, Asuka."

"You make it three-for-three," she smiled and waved her over, gesturing her to sit in the only free place left: the foot of the bed. Rei lingered for a moment then complied. She commented, "When the nurse returns, she will be upset. There is only supposed to be two visitors."

"Well, I want all three of you in here so she can shove it."

Rei frowned at her crass language but didn't protest. Kaworu asked, "So...you really are well?"

"I'll be honest, I'm still exhausted. But I really want to eat before I sleep any more."

"What...was it like? Did anything happen?" Shinji couldn't help asking.

Asuka frowned. A lot did happen but the significance of all of it would be lost on most of the people here. And as much as she thought Rei was becoming a person of her own, she didn't know how much of what she said might make it back to the higher up. "A lot of weird things but I think the isolation did that," she answered vaguely.

"Ah," Shinji nodded, but didn't seem satisfied, "I was wondering why Unit 02 did what it did."

She could tell by Kaworu's expression he was deeply curious of the whole story but knew better than to ask here.

Asuka shrugged, truly clueless this time, "I had a bit of a fit trying to get it to move then passed out."

To her surprise, it was Rei who responded, "You wished for the Eva to save you so that's what it did."

The idea that her mother had been stirred from slumber just to save her warmed her heart and soul. Asuka looked away, suddenly very emotional and had to blink back tears. She swallowed thickly and asked, "So why...why do you think it ate the Angel?"

"I have no idea," Rei said truthfully.

"Truly an enigma," Kaworu said, "One can only be glad we have them on our side, no?"

"Yeah, that's right. Anyway, let's talk about something happier?" Asuka asked.

"How much longer are they going to have you in here?" Kaworu asked in turn.

She shrugged, "That's a good question, actually."

"I believe you are set to remain the night and be released from care tomorrow morning," Rei answered, almost automatically.

Asuka felt her face warm up again, "Thank you...um, when did you find that out?"

"When they moved you into the general care unit. So two hours ago."

Asuka looked away, so she wouldn't see the blush on her face, "Don't tell me you've been waiting here all that time…"

Kaworu and Shinji exchanged a glance then Kaworu looked back at Asuka, a bright smile on his face, "She was here first actually!"

It was the truth. Once Asuka had been moved from her Eva, Rei found herself drawn to the hospital, even when she wasn't allowed to visit. She only stopped to change into her clothes then nearly bee-lined there to wait. She barely left then, only to take the necessary breaks. She barely slept as well. She yawned, blinking slightly in surprise. Meanwhile, Asuka still refused to look from the ground, "Oh...wow. But surely you've gotten tired?"

"That's correct. I still waited."

Kaworu chuckled, "Perhaps it's time to get home, if only for Rei's sake."

"I am fine."

"You guys can go home," Asuka waved them off, "Once someone gets me some food, I'm getting some rest myself."

Rei paused then nodded, "Then alright," she stood, "Good night, Asuka."

They all said their goodbyes and left for the night. Asuka smiled as they left, that is until she was alone again. Then she fell back onto her pillow with a long sigh.

Even though she had slept for so long, she was still so exhausted. Her mind tracked back to the visions she had saw. The one with the other her was surely the Angel attempting to communicate. Why would it care though about how she saw herself? Wouldn't it want her to slip up? Perhaps, the Angels wanted a fair fight though that didn't seem too likely to her.

Maybe something of herself had bled into the Angel...or was she really talking to some other version of herself?

What were the others then? More visions from the Angel or nervous visions from herself? She couldn't tell which was a scarier prospect.

She had to wonder if she'd ever get an answer to any of these questions.

Misato had intended to use this break in her work to track down Ritsuko but that was proving an impossible task. She was probably locked up somewhere, chained to the immense amount of work she had been given.

She wanted to talk to her. Firstly, to apologize. She had said some terrible things and shouldn't have slapped her. Even if she still stood by the fact she thought it cruel to throw Asuka's life away, it turned out Ritsuko had tried all she could to maximize getting Asuka back alive. Luckily, Unit 02 had made the plan null and void. Secondly, she had lots of questions that she figured only Ritsuko could answer. She had her doubts whether she would or not but she might as well try.

She was getting sick of being left in the dark.

At the very least, she had finally gotten news that Asuka was let out of quarantine with no contamination detected. She still had to stay in the hospital for the night to recuperate but at least this way people could visit her. Her friends could see she was alright and explain to her what happened.

If she didn't have another lead she was following, she would visit herself. She was sure Asuka would understand her work got in the way—even if that wasn't entirely the truth.

The underbelly of NERV was a quiet, eerie place. The ventilation made it sound like the whole facility was alive and breathing. The only thing lighting this particular corridor was a strip of orange lights that left the area in a murky orange gloom. Kaji idly rubbed his thumb over the pass card he had swiped off Ritsuko's desk, just a few days ago. With Ritsuko and the Commander consumed with figuring out Unit 02, that afforded him lesser scrutiny to go snooping.

He paused before the great door leading into the lowest level of the Geofront. A screen beside the card reader identified it as the LCL Production Plant. Innocuous enough label. LCL had to come from somewhere after all.

Something cold and metallic was pressed into the back of his head. He held his hands up and smiled innocently, "You're feeling better than when I last saw you."

"Yeah, I'm finally sober now," came Misato's voice from behind him, low and annoyed.

"Glad to hear it. I see you followed me."

"I saw you a few floors up. Be grateful it was me and not someone else."

"You wouldn't have followed me if you didn't want something from me," he countered.

She scowled and pressed the gun harder into his skull. She hissed, "So is this your day job or your side job?"

"I do wonder which..." he mused, mostly to himself.

She wasn't amused, "After I sobered up, I did some poking around. Ryoji Kaji of Special Duty Organization NERV's Special Inspection Department. About the only one in it too. But also Ryoji Kaji of the Investigation Department of the Japanese Ministry of Home Affairs."

"So you know all about it."

"I put the pieces together. I wouldn't underestimate NERV if I were you."

"Is that an order from Ikari?"

"I say that of my own discretion. It's like I said: your work is going to kill you."

"Yet you still followed me. The Commander is using me so I have insurance in that way," he paused, "However, I will apologize for keeping it from you."

"I'll call it even for getting me home. So what happens when you outlive your usefulness?"

"I'm sure I'll figure it out when it comes to that. But Misa...you have no clue just how in the dark they're all keeping you."

Her hand wavered, "Why do you say that?"

"This is why," he swiped the card and with a soft click, it was accepted.

She lowered her gun warily, watching as the doors as they opened with a low metal groan. Beyond was a lake of LCL, so the designation "LCL Production Plant" was not a lie. Beyond that, however…

Misato couldn't help but shake, a primal terror had taken a hold of her. She was young again, bobbing in the dead sea of the Antarctic as something alien wailed on the horizon. "This is...no, not Eva..." she stumbled over her words.

The thing lay against its cross, hands nailed up and a brilliant red spear drove into its chest. She could see in her mind's eye a creature of light above a turbulent ocean. "It can't be..." she breathed.

"I know what you're thinking. Despite what it looks like, it's not Adam, the First Angel," Kaji delivered matter-of-factly, "This is Lilith, the Second Angel."

"The Second…? What? Why? Why is it here?"

He shrugged, "Haven't gotten there quite yet. But one must assume it has some value to the powers that be."

She took a single wavering step and craned her head to look at it. "It's just been under here...this whole time. This must be what the Angels are after. But why don't we destroy it?"

"Like I said, I haven't gotten there quite yet," he pulled her back into the safety of the corridor and swiped the card again, closing the doors.

"I'm sorry to have roped you into this. But you have to understand why I can't just quit my work," he told her.

She turned on him, "I get it. But I was right! This is the kind of thing that will get you killed! Can you at least tell me why?"

He gestured for her to follow him, back up the hallway. As they left to where they should be, he sighed, "I have to know the truth. The truth of why Second Impact happened and everything with it. I just hadn't expected it all to be tied into each other. It's a rabbit hole that just keeps getting deeper."

"What if the truth gets you killed?" Misato asked.

He closed his eyes and sighed, "I'm not planning on it but it would be a worthwhile death if it came to that."

When he opened his eyes, he found Misato looking at him with a stricken expression, "What could make it so worthwhile?! Why don't you live?"

"Katsuragi…," he began then stopped, "I don't know if I can explain it. But I can tell you feel the same desire: to know the truth."

She frowned but nodded, "Everyone is keeping me in the dark...Ritsuko, the Commander, everyone!"

"Because you still have some moral fiber," Kaji explained, "The Commander trusts you enough to kill the Angels but not much past that. That keeps you safe in a way."

"So should I shut my mouth and play along?"

"I think what you do from now on is your choice, Katsuragi."

They walked back to the elevator and rode it to a higher level of the base, one that they both should be at. The elevator dinged and Kaji turned to her, "I would rather you stay safe but whatever you choose, you know to find me."

She nodded and stepped off with him, watching him walk down the hall. She grimaced at the implications of everything she learned. Like the NERV base itself, NERV carried a deep underbelly of secrets, one that would be hazardous to navigate.

Now the question was would she follow her beloved into the unknown.

Chapter Text

By the morning of her discharge, Asuka was more than ready to leave the sterile, white environment of the hospital. Unfortunately, between her final tests and a surprise visit from Dr. Akagi, it had turned out closer to noon that she left!

Dr. Akagi had come in to take a final blood draw then asked her a series of questions. It wasn't anything that Asuka didn't expect to be asked. Did she see anything, did she hear any voices, and was she contacted by anything? Asuka, knowing it was most certainly a bad idea to reveal anything to her, shrugged and told her that her memory was fuzzy and that she didn't really remember anything like that.

Dr. Akagi seemed to accept that and had left in a hurry, probably off to do more more work.

Now, she was waiting to meet Misato at the interior parking garage, to have her drive her home. Her guardian had insisted, to her chagrin. She was secretly hoping to weasel out, saying she would get one of her friends to come walk her home, but Misato was firm. Oh well. She'd just figure out a way to ask Kaworu about what she had seen after.

"Asuka!"

Speak of the devil. Asuka turned to see Misato crossing the space, smiling warmly at her. She continued, "They made you wait, huh?"

"Yeah, Dr. Akagi took her sweet damn time to come take my blood then asked me all these questions before they could let me leave," Asuka huffed.

"She's a busy lady. I imagine she had to pull herself away from some other task," Misato motioned for her to follow her to where she parked the Alpine.

"How about you? Did you have any work you had to pull yourself away from?" Asuka asked.

Misato groaned and she grinned, "Sounds like yeah."

"Ritsuko took control of the back half of the operation but they still have me doing a lot of the followup paperwork," she grumbled.

Asuka's eyebrows raised, "Dr. Akagi had to take control of the operation?"

She vaguely remembered last time around it was the doctor giving her and Rei orders but she had, admittingly, been too wrapped up in her own angst to care why that was. An infuriating trend, she was starting to notice.

Misato paused, her hand lingering over the handle to the car. Her eyes were hooded, deep in thought. She admitted, "I got...emotional, let's say."

Asuka's eyes widened, "Over me?"

Instead of answering right away, she opened the door and flung herself in. Asuka followed suit, sitting in the passenger seat, but never taking her eyes off Misato. Once she was buckled in, Misato laid her head against the headrest and answered her, "Yes. There was some...quite extreme measures Ritsuko wanted to take to defeat the Angel. And there was no guarantee you would make it out alive."

Asuka remembered them planning to do that with Shinji; both to defeat the Angel and to retrieve Unit 01. But since Misato had no reason to know she already knew that, she gasped, "They were going to kill me?!"

Her guardian shifted uncomfortably and said, "Not on purpose. But you were deemed an, ah...acceptable loss."

"Who would pilot Unit 02 then?"

"It was also deemed an acceptable loss."

That just about confirmed that there was only one thing that the Commander deemed an unacceptable loss. She stared down in her lap, at her balled up fists. Even though none of that was new information, it still lit a fire inside her. She hissed, "Typical."

"At least it didn't come to that!" Misato encouraged in a tone Asuka could tell was forced, "What with that stunt 02 pulled."

She started the car and drove it out onto a lift. With a dull ker-chunk, it was loaded onto the lift and started moving upwards, towards one of the surface access tunnels. Now that Misato didn't have a distraction, she asked, "Are they going to do anything with 02?"

"...I'll be honest, I'm not sure," Misato told her, "I've been trying to catch Ritsuko—for a number of reasons—but I haven't been able to. The past two days have been crazy. I'm getting the sense though that'll be addressed."

Asuka's chest constricted and, with effort, she had to swallow the sudden flash bang of emotion that exploded instead. She muttered, "They better not try to take me off the roster."

"Why do you think they would do that?" Misato asked, a note of surprise in her voice.

"Unit 02 starts acting weird, what if they decide she's more trouble than she's worth!" Asuka cried bitterly.

"Asuka, I don't think we can afford to go down a pilot," Misato told her, "And Unit 02's been quiet since then. It could have been a fluke. Unit 01 did something like that when Shinji arrived."

"Unit 01 didn't eat that Angel."

"Sure, but I don't see how that makes a difference."

Of course, Misato wasn't "in on it", Asuka thought bitterly. She didn't know that that made all the difference. So, she just remained silent.

Misato sighed, able to tell she was still bitter. She murmured, "Whatever decision they make, I'll make sure it's not a complete suspension, alright? I really don't think we can afford to throw out a whole Eva."

Once off the lift, and into one of the surface access tunnels, they drove on home. Not much talk was exchanged, other than small talk. Asuka mentioned that she wasn't particularly looking forward to returning to school and the remedial work she had to do. It was all stuff she knew already so, at the end of the day, it was just busy work.

As the pair drove up to the front of the apartment complex, they found a familiar silver-haired character sitting outside at the front on the bench. Asuka bolted upright, "There's Kaworu!"

"Looks like he was waiting on us," then, with a grin, Misato remarked, "...you sure there's nothing going on between you two?"

"Gross," Asuka remarked as she opened the door, "Can't a boy and a girl just be friends?"

"Not in my experience but I'm sure it's happened before," Misato shrugged, "Now, get going. I've got to get back to work."

Asuka stepped out and watched her go. Kaworu approached to stand beside her and, once Misato was out of sight, asked, "How are you doing?"

"Doing alright, all things considered," she shrugged, "But I bet you had your reasons to meet me out here."

He nodded, "I know you just got home but I hope you may indulge me in a walk."

She rolled her eyes, "I suspected as much."

He smiled softly, "Then we're on the same page. Let's get going."

As she suspected, he lead her to the abandoned park, where it was sure no one would overhear them and was quick becoming a favorite haunt. Like before they sat by the green pond, facing each other. Immediately, Asuka asked, "I bet you wanna know what I saw in the Angel."

Kaworu nodded eagerly, a rare curiosity shining within his crimson eyes, "Did the Angel try to communicate with you?"

Asuka sat her head on her hands thoughtfully, "I think so. It looked like me—like I looked before, after the Third Impact."

"It was most likely drawing upon your memories to get under your skin. Or perhaps some ill-thought means of communication," he hypothesized.

She told him what she remembered of her conversation with the other her, who she suspected was the Angel. Kaworu tilted his head as he considered this. He set a hand on her shoulder, "The Angel is right about one thing. Overthinking won't help you."

"You say that like it's easy," she grumbled.

"I know it's not," he said in that serene tone that pissed her off because she couldn't actually be mad at him.

She leaned back, looking up at the clear blue sky. She sighed, "When Misato showed that we were all tied, it made me feel...weird. Like I did way back then even though I know better now!"

He nodded in understanding, "That's why you so readily took point then. Because you thought doing the hard work of defeating Leliel might validate that you were still the best."

"I know I don't need to be the best!" she snapped then frowned. In a quieter tone, she said, "I just need to know I'm not slipping again."

"I don't think that it's you're slipping," he encouraged, "I think it's just Rei and Shinji are doing better."

"That's weird though, isn't it?" she asked, "It's not like all that much has changed."

"You've changed," he pointed out, "And I wasn't here for this long last time."

"Can that be all it is?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He hummed in thought then shrugged, "Human connection is a funny thing. Seemingly so insignificant but can be so powerful."

Asuka considered that then said out loud, "At least, I know I'm better than I was last time."

"Indeed," he agreed.

Once more propping her head on her hand, she diverted the conversation back to where it began, "That wasn't the only thing I saw but I'm not really sure what was fever dream or hallucination or what."

That shining curiosity returned to his eyes and Kaworu leaned in, "What kind of things did you see?"

"Lots of red seas, my mother..." she paused, "...you too, funnily enough."

"Me?"

"Yeah. You told me not to fail and then..." she grimaced, "...your head came off."

A horrible shudder went through Kaworu and Asuka wasn't so stupid she think she hadn't accidentally prodded some nerve. He swallowed thickly, his tone shaky as he said, "That's...disturbing."

Asuka frowned, a pit forming in her stomach at the obvious distress on his face. For a moment, she considered pressing him, curious on the context, but decided that would be way too forward, even for herself. "Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up. I imagine it was just that; a fever dream," she trailed off.

He smiled weakly, but it didn't reach his eyes, "I do hope so. I can't say how much of that was Leliel communicating and how much was your own mind. I apologize."

"I get it. I really didn't expect you to have all the answers," she shrugged. She was desperately curious as to why that had disturbed him so much but the haunted look that lingered in his eyes cemented her decision to leave it alone.

Instead, she went to her next line of questioning, "What's your take on Unit 02? What she did?"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say your mother is on our side. How curious. I don't recall seeing that before."

Asuka's eyebrows knitted together, "Really? In all your loops?"

He sincerely shook his head, "If I'm correct, your mother sought the Angel's S2 Organ."

Asuka frowned deeply. The term sounded familiar but she couldn't place where she had heard it before. Kaworu clarified, "Do you remember when Unit 01 went berserk and consumed that Angel?"

"I remember that! When Shinji was inside Unit 01, I remember pouring over that footage for weeks, trying to understand what happened! But Momma didn't act like that. Not like," she scrunched her face up, "Like an animal."

"I can't say why she behaved differently but I do know what Unit 01 did then that your mother didn't: reach 400% synchronization rate."

"That's why Misato was worried about having to 'fish me out'," Asuka nodded in understanding.

She was suddenly pretty grateful for not getting stuck inside Unit 02. Though, if that was the case, she knew she wouldn't linger as long as Shinji had—once there was a salvage operation ready, she'd be chomping at the bit to get back to business!

She added, "Do you think she knows about this loop business? Y'know, by proxy?"

"Now that's a thought!" Kaworu set his head in his hand as he pondered this, "She could have gotten mixed up in our sync back on the Over the Rainbow and got some kind of idea. But how much I'm not sure!"

He hummed, his eyes alight with interest, "All this is so new. I wonder, since I'm sure she attained Leliel's S2 Organ, if she has the potential of a god, as Unit 01 did. Maybe not, because their differing biology. Or maybe, in a particular twist of fate, your mother's simply better at hiding it."

Asuka smiled, more than a little proud at having made him curious. If her mother had some idea of what was going on, that is if she was conscious in there, then maybe they had a better shot at this than ever before! Well, that was if she was even allowed to function. Asuka's smile fell, "Misato mentioned something about "the situation getting addressed". She said she doesn't think it'll be a full on suspension but what if?"

"I don't think they'd have the luxury on keeping her on ice long," Kaworu said.

Considering the next Angel was the parasite Angel and the one after that being the one that took Unit 01 going berserk to put down, Asuka was inclined to agree. Still, that didn't completely banish the concern in her heart. Seeing her still a bit put down, Kaworu pointed out, "You know what that means, right?"

"What?"

He smiled, an uncharacteristically wild glint in his eye, "They fear her."

Gendo Ikari's life had gotten a fair bit more difficult in the past few days. Dr. Akagi had relayed him the terrible news he had expected early that morning: Unit 02 had integrated Leliel's S2 Organ into her biology and it was active. The good news was it seemed there had been no more effects—other than the fact she now possessed infinite energy. She had gone into a state of inactivity and seemed content to remain that way for the time being.

Thankfully, no attempts to transcend the mortal form from Kyoko.

Unfortunately, the old men had been hounding him for the past couple days for a complete report and there was only so long he could delay them. He had snatched what time he had by delaying the automatic data transfer, insisting there had been a lot of data to sift through. To make matters more complex, they had gotten wind that Unit 02 had done "something abnormal" and were clamoring for him to do two things. One, to find out why (and exactly what) it had done so they could iron out the problem in future Evas and two, to do something about it.

They wanted a full suspension of it—absolutely no further activation and to suspend the Second Child from piloting duty. According to them, Units 03 and 04 would be more than enough to pick up the slack. He had placated them for the time being by coming up with the compromise that Unit 02 would be put on lowest priority until those two Units came into NERV Japan's possession. They couldn't risk an Angel attacking them and only being allowed to use two out of their three active units.

And their final request—more like demand—was an in-person interview, really an interrogation, of the Second Child.

There was no way he was letting a child, much less a clueless firecracker like that German girl, talk to them. And he didn't miss that she harbored no small amount of hatred for him, with how she'd cast venom-filled glances at him whenever they were both in the command center. If he tried to coach her in what to say, she might just tell them the whole truth to spite him, without knowing what was really at stake!

He didn't hold any strong feelings to the well-being of the girl but with the Dead Sea Scrolls predicting great trial and tribulation in the future, he couldn't yet let that asset go. So "disappearing" her was out of the question.

With all this in mind, he offered them an alternative: her guardian and commanding officer, Major Katsuragi. He explained to them that they couldn't trust the Second Child's testimony. Her sanity was still being called in question, even out of quarantine. And knowing what happened to her mother, they had plenty reason to believe him.

"Just as well the daughter inherits the sickness of the mother," Keel had drawled, "Fine. We accept your substitution."

So now, he had to prepare the Major for meeting with the committee without actually letting her in on anything that was happening. He hated having to bring her even this tiny bit into the fold but he had no choice.

The door to his office chimed and in strode the Major, right on time. She stopped a few feet in front of his desk, "You called for me, Commander?"

"Correct. I've...got a unique task for you, Major Katsuragi."

By the way her eyebrows knitted together, he could tell she was caught off guard. Yet she forged onwards, "What is the nature of this task?"

"As you may know, NERV largely depends on the funding on a number of sources. Namely, the government and a committee."

"A committee? A committee of whom?"

"Investors and shareholders. People who have both a vested interest in the safety of Tokyo-3 and the technologies we have developed. They also have...particular opinions on how things are ran."

The Major gave a sardonic snort at that, though didn't respond otherwise. Good, she thought these people were like the rich businesspeople of any other tech company. He continued, "Somehow, there has been a leak, namely on Unit 02's actions during the last battle. This has annoyed them greatly and I can tell they want an explanation, lest they withdraw their funding. Unfortunately, they wanted it from the Second Child."

Major Katsuragi stiffened and she cried, "But she's just a child! What would she know about something like that!"

"We are in agreement then, though you might want to have a better lid on your temper before them."

She cringed, bowed her head and murmured, "My apologies, Commander."

"It's quite alright, at least in this space."

He hadn't actually minded her outburst. It felt like, in some very small way, he was able to commiserate with someone on how much he hated the old men. And it certainly couldn't hurt to show her that these weren't people to be trusted. He cleared his throat, catching her attention once more, "Of course, it would not do to let the full truth out to these people. So, you will tell them that Unit 02 suffered a berserk incident, similar to Unit 01 when the Third Child arrived. Nothing else happened. Are we clear?"

Her eyes narrowed but she stiffly nodded, "I understand, sir."

"Good. Now, let's go," he said as he rose.

Her eyes widened, "Right now?!"

"As much as I'd like to delay this meeting, these are not people who like to wait, Major Katsuragi," he beckoned her to follow him out.

Misato followed him out of his office and down the hall, to an elevator. She had been called on her way back to work, further delaying her meeting with Ritsuko. The last thing she had considered was something like this! She had known that NERV got its funding somewhere but it had never crossed her mind that it could be private citizens providing some of it. It made sense when she thought of it; after all, when the Angels were defeated, someone was probably hoping NERV would sell out the plans for the Evas.

It was weird, being this close to the Commander too. She couldn't remember ever spending any extended length of time with him and the more and more she spent, the more tense the air seemed to get. Her only solace was that he seemed as excited about this meeting as she was; so not excited at all. Like herself, he probably wanted to just get these people off their back so they could get back to the important business of killing the Angels.

Still, she couldn't shake the memory of the giant in the basement. Was there more here than meets the eye? Were these people she was about to meet with actually who Commander Ikari said they were?

The elevator let them out a few floors down and he stopped by the first door. He gestured for her to go inside, "This room is set up for virtual meetings like this. Sit at the desk and the committee will be with you shortly."

She nodded in understanding and complied. The room beyond was reasonably large and barren. As he told her, there was a desk in the middle of the room, accompanied by a chair. The walls were sleek and glossy. Maybe screens? Or hiding some other form of technology. She sat at the desk, folded her hands in front of herself and waited.

She didn't have to wait for long. The room went dark and before her, a series of grey monoliths materialized, each bearing a different number. She had to bite back a gasp. So these were the kind of people the committee were? Trying to intimidate her right out the gate. She straightened her back. One of the holograms "spoke", "Major Katsuragi, Operations Director of NERV Japan, I presume?"

She nodded, though she wasn't sure they could see her, "That would be correct."

Another spoke, "I'm sure you are aware of the purpose of this meaning?"

"Yes. I was told I was to speak to you on the events regarding the recent Angel and Evangelion Unit 02, in substitution of the Second Child."

"That is correct. We were told the Second Child would not be suitable to give us the information we desire. Do you agree with this assessment?"

She had no idea what the point of such a question was, unless it was to catch her in some sort of lie or deception. She answered, "She's just a child. What would she truly know of the Evangelion, even if she pilots one? Even us adults don't fully understand them."

Internally, she winced. She hated speaking so dismissively of Asuka, even if she might never know she did. Oh well, it was all for a good cause.

Yet another new voice chimed in, his tone mocking, "Isn't she your ward? To speak so dismissively of her…"

Misato had to bite the inside of her cheek. That confirmed this was, in-part, an attempt to get her to lash out. She would not bow to some old rich men! She answered, "That's true but at the end of the day, she is just a child. And I am an adult."

The second voice, the one she was starting to believe was whoever was in charge of this whole thing, spoke, "Then let us speak as adults. Tell us what happened at the end of the operation against the Twelfth Angel."

"Evangelion Unit 02 exhibited a berserk state, similar to what Unit 01 did against the designated Third Angel. We found it to be out of power but it still emerged from what was designated as the Angel's "shadow"."

"Did it do anything past that?"

"No, sir. It merely brutalized the Angel to escape then shut down shortly after, allowing us to bring it back into the base."

There was a long silence and Misato had to dig the nails on her free hand to not outwardly react. Would they catch her in the lie? Did they perhaps already know she was lying and were deciding what to do? What could they even do to her? After all, it was the Commander who was her higher-up, not these old men. But if the Commander had instructed her to be careful of what she said to them, then maybe their words carried a lot more weight than she knew.

Finally, the leader voice droned, "Very well, Major Katsuragi. We appreciate your cooperativeness and wish you luck in your future endeavors against the Angels."

With that, the monoliths winked out one by one until the one designated '01' left last. She lingered for half a minute more before she rose, beating a hasty retreat to the door.

Outside was the Commander, just as he left her. His head raised to acknowledge her as she left and he asked, "All went well, I presume."

She nodded, "They seemed content with my explanation."

"Good, very good," he nodded.

She lingered a moment more before she decided to voice her mind, "Sir, a question, if you will?"

"You may ask freely."

"Do you have to speak to those people often?"

"Unfortunately, my job does entail coordinating with our funding sources," he answered, his tone as neutral as ever.

She turned to leave and quipped, "Almost makes me glad to be the one facing the Angels, not them. At least with them what you see is what you get."

"Indeed. Unpredictability is the human way."

She remained where she stood and he looked up at her, coolly asking with his eyes if she had anything else to say. She added quietly, "Thank you Commander. For allowing me to take Asuka's place and protecting her. So I must thank you."

"The Second Child and her Evangelion Unit are assets we cannot afford to lose quite yet. Nothing more. Nothing less."

"...I see," and with that, she briskly walked away, stepping into the elevator.

Once inside, she further mulled over the strange meeting and the Commander's behavior after. Even though he had continually called these people "investors" and "funding sources", she couldn't shake the sense there was more there. They had tried to provoke her and, no matter what, she couldn't wrap her mind around why. Was it just how they got their kicks? If they were rich old men, she could believe they had done it just because they were power-hungry jerks.

Then again, what rational person wanted to interrogate a 14-year-old girl? She had been unconscious too when she was pulled from the plug so she had no idea what the Evangelion was doing. She hadn't even been synchronized with it, something Ritsuko had alluded to as "being a good thing". Though how exactly it was a good thing, she never followed up on.

All of this confirmed her fears—secrets were being kept from her. Now she just had to decide if she wanted to tell Kaji she wanted to know the truth. There'd be no going back then.

The meeting with the committee wasn't the only thing on Gendo's to-do list for the day. Once the Major was on her way and off the elevator, he took it yet deeper into the base, to the Dummy Plug Production Plant within Terminal Dogma. Unit 02's aberrant behavior aside, plans had to continue moving forward and this was one he found of utmost importance. Maybe because of the Eva's aberrant behavior.

As he had told the Doctor, the Evangelion's berserker state was borne of a mother's desire. It allowed them to do fantastical things, like function without power, but it only proved their control over them was tenuous. If he could remove the children from the equation, it would minimize such incidents.

Yet...it was the only way he had found to coax any humanity from the Evangelion—to coax Yui from her slumber within 01. His plans meant she would have to attain godhood at one point or another, though how he hadn't quite figured out yet. NERV America was performing their own experiments on the S2 Engine but only time would tell if that would work out.

For the time being, it seemed he wouldn't need the Dummy Plug for Unit 01. Shinji hadn't shown any indication that he didn't want to pilot it. Even when he arrived, all that time ago, he had accepted his duty with a grim responsibility. One that he couldn't help feeling pride about.

No, the Dummy Plug would prove useful, whether it was in replacing the Second Child or, better yet, putting a leash on SEELE's pawn.

He arrived to his location and turned into a medical room, finding Rei sitting on a bed in a hospital gown. He told her, "You arrived early, as I requested."

"Yes, sir," she nodded, "Did you have a reason for requesting me early? Am I...in trouble?"

Behind his sunglasses, his eyes furrowed. Did she have reason to believe that? He told her, "No. But my work has left me very busy so I haven't yet had the chance to ask you about the battle."

"Ah," she nodded in understanding, "I am alright."

"Good. I noticed you were very concerned of the well-being of the Second Child."

Rei bowed her head to look at the ground and, in a very small voice, admitted, "She's my fellow pilot. And a good friend. Of sorts."

"Of sorts," he echoed.

"Correct."

Gendo closed his eyes behind his glasses. Even with his best efforts, she had still made good friends with the other pilots, especially the trouble child. Perhaps he should have been more proactive but he had told himself that if he involved himself too deeply in the children's affairs, it would erode trust in their higher-ups. Considering one seemed to outright despise him and another was his estranged son, he had decided to stay mostly hands-off, hoping Rei's conditioning might disallow her deeper friendships.

Clearly, that didn't work.

Pushing Rei from any of her friends at this point would be more trouble than its worth and likely to make Rei resent him. Replacing her brought a whole new set of troubles. He had a whole myriad of reasons to only replace her if he absolutely had to. He didn't need more questioning from the people around him, much less the old men.

Not to mention whenever he saw that tank, he could help the rush of disgust of what he had done. Perverting Yui's remains as he had done.

Rei asked again, in a small voice, "Are you upset at me?"

Her tone, so small and evidently hiding fear, made some long-forgotten emotion rear its ugly head and make his chest twinge. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, if only so he might not see her face, "No, Rei. I just hope you remember what your ultimate task is."

She nodded slowly, "I remember, sir."

"Good."

To his immense relief, he could hear Dr. Akagi's heels clicking down the hallway. She stopped beside him just as he opened his eyes, "Hello, Commander. Here to survey Rei's memory upload, for the Dummy Plug?"

"No, Dr. Akagi. I have other tasks I must attend to. I leave it in your hands," and with that, he left back for the elevator.

Rei stared out the door as she left. When the doctor bid her to follow her, she did without saying anything, her mind somewhere else.

The Commander knew she had friends and, for one reason or another, was permitting her to keep them. She was grateful but...her continued purpose meant one day those she cared about would have to go away.

And that it would be her fault.

Chapter Text

To Shinji's great relief, things resumed to normal after Asuka came home. When he got home from school that day, she had been in a chipper mood and told him she was ready have some real food again. If he didn't enjoy the act of cooking on its own, he might have been insulted, taking it that as that's all she cared about when it came to him.

And well, he had known her long enough to learn that was just her way of saying she was happy to be back home. He still had a lot of things on his mind but her being alright was one less thing.

However, today when making breakfast, he found a new thing to put on his mind: they were dreadfully low on a few ingredients. So he decided he'd go and take a walk by himself up to the store to pick up those few ingredients. Asuka even offered to go with him, reasoning that more hands meant a lighter load but he had casually rebuffed her. If it was all the same to her, he had told her, he wanted a little time to himself.

Now, he was walking back home, the few ingredients he had to pick up in a spare backpack he kept around for things like this. It was just slightly too heavy and he almost regretted not accepting Asuka's offer. Oh well, too late now.

"Hey, Puppyboy, why the long face?"

He was shocked out of his thoughts and froze. He looked to his side where, leaning up against the dividing wall, was a girl with long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail and wearing red glasses. He scowled at the overfamiliar name, "And you are?"

The girl grinned, unplussed by his catty tone, "The name's Mari! We should be friends."

"I'm sorry but I don't really know who you are," Shinji shuffled anxiously, wondering if he should just keep on walking or humor this girl a little.

"I think you'd be surprised," she replied.

"Well, I haven't seen you at school so you must be new around here," he concluded, "So no, I don't think I do."

To his surprise, she merely laughed, as if amused by him. Not that he really knew what was so funny about what he said. She smiled at him, "I am new around here! You can say I just moved here."

"Well, I'm Shinji," he introduced, "And as much as I'd like to stick around, I really have to hurry home."

He began to walk away, deciding he had way too much on his mind to add this weird girl and her antics to it. She called after him, "I know who you are, Shinji Ikari. You're the famous Eva pilot."

He stopped and frowned deeply. This encounter just turned from merely weird to more than a little creepy. Patience growing thin, he turned to face her, "I don't think I'm all that famous."

"In certain circles you are," she dismissed.

"What circles are those? And who are you anyway?"

"I told you, my name's Mari," she repeated, "And I've got some advice for you, Shinji Ikari."

He frowned and asked, "Is that what you stopped me for?"

She nodded, "Do you want to hear it?"

"...go ahead."

Her bright smile didn't fade, even as she said, "Watch out for your friends, Shinji. All of them, mind you. We're at the top of the rollercoaster and it's a loooong way down. As we speak, the operators are picking someone to unbuckle so they don't make it to the bottom."

His chest panged uncomfortably at her words. He squinted, "How do you know anything about my friends?"

"I know a lot more than you think, Puppyboy," she teased, "I want to help you though I've got to be careful at what exactly I say. Just know I think you need to keep a close eye on all your friends."

Shinji weighed his options. He could stick around here and continue to try to pry more information out of her, something he felt was an impossible task, or take what he was given and head home. He decided for the latter as he murmured, "...I'll keep it in mind."

"You better!" she called after him as he continued to trudge home.

The next day was luckily a slightly more normal work day for Misato. Paperwork regarding the most recent Angel was winding down. There was still yet more work to be done, as a whole section of the city had been consumed thanks to the Angel's destructive shadow, but more than likely that was for people farther down the chain than Misato.

The day was only slightly more normal because her entrance to the command center had come with plenty of news. Units 03 and 04 were finishing production over in America. Unit 03 was mostly done and a project concerning 04 had recently been cancelled.

Supposedly, there had been a project to implement a new energy source to it but after a small explosion took out a good chunk of the Nevada base, it was being fitted with a more standard battery. According to Hyuga, who had given her the news, he heard that the project wasn't entirely being cancelled, just delegated to someone else. Who exactly it was was classified, which only further solidified Misato's suspicions of secrets being kept.

Quickly, after being given this news, she was summoned to Ritsuko's office by the woman herself. Finally! No more having to find a very tiny opening in her day to speak to her. Though the thought of bringing up her outburst up made her chest constrict, she forged on. It wouldn't do to not clear the air.

She knocked on the door. From inside, Ritsuko called, "Come on in."

She opened the door, stepped over the threshold but didn't go further in. Her friend looked absolutely beat, deep shadows under her eyes, her lab coat wrinkled and possibly a whole cigarette pack's worth of butts in her ash trays. Misato didn't envy her in the slightest. She asked, "You doing alright?"

"Worried about me? Even after what happened?" Ritsuko asked, a small but crooked grin on her face.

Misato crossed her arms, "You're still my friend...at least I would hope so. Listen, I still really don't agree with what your decision was but I shouldn't have slapped you. I'm sorry."

To her surprise, Ritsuko shrugged, "You know what. It's fine."

"It's not fine!" Misato protested.

"Misato, no offense, but I've got a whole load on my mind that frankly matters more to me than some fight we had. And considering the situation, it's acceptable you weren't entirely rational," Ritsuko dismissed her, her tone clipped yet tired.

Misato rubbed her arm, "If you say so. How about what you called me for? Is it because Unit 02?"

"Partially. We've got a whole lot to talk about so how you just take a seat," she gestured to a spare seat in the corner.

Just from that, Misato could start to understand why Ritsuko might just want to forget about that fight. She dragged the chair over and sat down. Ritsuko swiveled her chair to face her, "Unit 02's now on lowest priority."

"What's that mean?"

"It means, in any engagement, Unit 02 is sent out last—that is unless the Commander decides all the Evas need to be deployed at once."

"Asuka going to hate to hear that," Misato commented with a frown.

"That's a compromise," Ritsuko told her, "I heard there was talk of a complete suspension but the Commander thinks that's frankly unnecessary."

Who would want that, if not Commander Ikari? Did that committee have so much power they could dictate what they did with the Evas? She frowned, "At least him and me agree on that at least."

Ritsuko swiveled away and hummed in thought as she tapped away at her computer. After a few moments, the printer next to her computer groaned to life and began printing out something. Ritsuko faced her again, "That's going to take a moment. Sorry, I should have had those printed out first but my mind's been all over the place."

"I can believe that."

"Let's just say I'm past needing a coffee and need a stiff drink."

Misato snorted, "I can help you with that if you'd like."

Her friend rolled her eyes, "You mean that swill you drink? I'll pass. I've got that wine you gave me back in college I've been thinking about all day."

Misato gasped, "That's been nearly 10 years since I gave you that!"

With a playful grin, Ritsuko nodded, "Yep. Should be nicely aged by now."

Misato cackled at that and she let herself smile. Yeah, letting go of that fight was for the best. If she held the issue against Misato, she'd risk losing one of the few points of human connection she had. She straightened up, "Anyway. Have you heard the news of Units 03 and 04?"

Misato sobered up quick and nodded, "They're finishing production over in Nevada, correct?"

"That's right and it looks like the Americans want to send them to us."

Misato rolled her eyes, "Typical Americans. So cocky until something blows up in their face and then they just want to get rid of it."

Ritsuko allowed herself to laugh, "In their defense, it's not like there's any Angels trying to destroy Boston. They only come here."

"It's just like the movies."

Ritsuko leaned back, taking a glance at the printer as it finished printing, rumbling to a stop as it did. Misato continued, "One of those Evas is Kaworu's, I'm guessing?"

"It's somewhat of an open secret but that's correct."

"How about the other one?"

"The Americans actually had a candidate picked out. A British expat by the name of Mari Makinami Illustrious but a month or so ago, she went MIA and hasn't been seen since."

Misato raised an eyebrow, "A whole pilot goes missing and no one's worried, why…?"

"NERV America seems to think she just ran away. According to her file, she doesn't respect authority so it was figured she ran off to disobey. The Americans aren't very worried so I guess neither are we," Ritsuko shrugged.

The idea of some kid running off and no one caring to know where she went put a bad taste in her mouth. For all they knew, this Mari was in a dead in a ditch somewhere! But there wasn't anything she could do about it; after all, America was a world away. She put that out of her mind and asked, "So who's going to be the pilot then?"

"According to the Marduk Institute, him," she took the bundle of papers from the printer and handed it over.

Misato's eyes widened when they landed on the pilot's picture, "Hey! I know this kid...are they sure?"

Ritsuko nodded, "It was apparently a close choice between this one and another. According to the report," she tapped the paper for emphasis, "They decided this one was more likely to cooperate with us and the other pilots."

"This...Marduk Institute decided this?"

When Ritsuko nodded, Misato asked, "Why haven't I heard of this Marduk Institute?"

Ritsuko shrugged and dismissed her, "It hasn't really come up. They are in charge of evaluating pilot candidates and ultimately choosing one, depending on a number of factors."

Misato frowned but decided to not press her—and her own luck—further. She tucked the papers under her arm, "I guess I'll read through this on my own time," and turned to leave.

The next day at school was like any other; the teacher droned on until it was time for lunch. Lunch found the boys on the roof eating lunch. Toji was explaining to Kaworu, who just arrived, "We're having a guys' day, are you in?"

Kaworu sat beside Shinji and tilted his head at the jock, "A...guy's day?"

Toji rolled his eyes, "It's what it sounds like. We all go pick something to do and just go hang out."

Kensuke nodded enthusiastically, "Toji said we should go to the arcade, Shinji said the music store to look at the vinyls, and I wanna show you guys the military surplus store I like! Now you gotta pick something to do!"

Understanding, Kaworu nodded, "I see. What made you think of this?"

Toji leaned back, looking away and ultimately trying—and failing—to not look too sincere, "It's been a while since we've all hung out. So I thought if we made it all special and stuff it would end up being actually special."

Kaworu once more tilted his head in thought. With the freedom of choice also came the paralysis of indecision. He looked to Shinji, "What do you think?"

Shinji, who had been staring out in space and not even eating his bento, tensed and blinked at him, "What?"

Toji groaned, "No, you gotta choose for yourself, K-man!"

Kaworu bowed his head. He was probably right. After a few moments of thought, he suggested,"Oh! We should go get something to eat between all this...there is that ice cream place across from the arcade."

"Oh that's a great idea!" Kensuke cheered, "Makes it a complete day!"

Kaworu turned to Shinji who, now broken from his reverie, was picking at his bento. He frowned, "Are you well, Shinji?"

Shinji frowned. He had considered telling someone about Mari but had decided against it. Not only did he want Toji and Kensuke to get...weird...about her but something about her secretiveness told him that he shouldn't go around telling people about her. Her accent clued him in that she really was new here but he couldn't fathom why she was here. He shrugged, "I've got a lot on my mind."

"You can talk to us, if you'd like," Kaworu told him.

Toji chimed in, "Yeah! It's what having friends is for!"

Shinji gave them a weak smile, "Thanks but...I don't know if I really want to talk about it. I just want to keep my mind off it."

The next order of business for Misato, outside of her work that was, was tracking down Kaji. It had proven to be a harder task than she expected. He wasn't in his office that afternoon nor in the cafeteria or any of the lounges around his office. Eventually, after asking around, she had learned he had gone out to the Geofront.

Finding where exactly he was in the Geofront was its own task but she eventually found him tending to a patch of watermelons near a patch of trees. She stopped just behind him and said, "I never took you for the gardening type."

He turned to flash her a grin, "What can I say? I'm multi-faceted. What did you take me for, Katsuragi?"

She frowned and considered this. She wasn't actually sure what she expected him to have for a hobby, even back in college. She didn't really know what he liked to do. Her heart sunk. She really didn't know him as much as she liked. Instead of pondering that, she offered, "Do you need help?"

"That would be appreciated," his grin softened into a warm smile and he pointed to the wheelbarrow behind him, "There's some gloves over there."

They worked together for some time, weeding the patch then harvesting what melons were ripe. In fact, they worked longer than Misato had expected to but she found, even though the work was hard, it had a certain "real" quality to it. Even when she had to shed her red jacket and saw Kaji's eyes wandering, she was in too good a mood to call him out.

Once they finished loading the watermelons into the wheelbarrow, Kaji stopped beside her, "I haven't kept you from your real work, have I?"

"Bah!" Misato huffed, "I can only stare at a computer screen for so long before I start to go stir-crazy! I needed this."

Kaji nodded sagely, "Real hard labor has a way of reminding us what it's like to really struggle, like those before us once did."

Misato arched an eyebrow, "Are you saying humanity's grown soft?"

"Perhaps," he shrugged, "It's why I picked up the hobby. It helps me to ground myself, give myself something real to focus on."

He rocked on his heels, "If we end up making it, how about it, Katsuragi? Me, you, retire and grow watermelons? We can even bring the kids, if you'd like."

Misato huffed once more, blowing her bangs from her eyes, "You think it'll ever end?"

"It's a nice thought, at the very least," he shrugged.

They stood in silence for a few more moments before Misato asked out of the blue, "Do you know what the Marduk Institute is?"

He arched an eyebrow, "Is this you taking up my offer?"

She shrugged, "Just answer me this one question."

He hummed in thought then admitted, "...it doesn't exist."

Misato's eyes widened and she hurried over to where she had left her red jacket. She pulled the packet of papers from it, turned it towards him and gestured to the lettering at top, which did read "Marduk Institute". "What's this then?" she cried.

He gestured for her to hand it over and, after scanning it for a few moments, concluded, "This is just something nice the Commander had Ritsuko make. Did she tell you what it supposedly is?"

"She said they were in charge of choosing pilot candidates."

"They want you to think it's a bigger organization than it truly is," Kaji told her, "Truthfully, the pool of candidates is only constrained to a few children, most of which are here in Tokyo-3. Look into Shinji's class. The Commander, Vice Commander, and a small committee are the ones really choosing the next pilots."

Misato frowned. A small committee, huh? She remembered the panel of "shareholders and investors" the Commander had her meet with. So her suspicions were correct and these people wielded more power than was let on. But why in the hell would they care about who they chose for the next pilot? Did they even care that much and that's why their choice was the one they picked?

She almost wanted to press Kaji on who exactly this small committee was but decided to keep that particular detail to herself, for now. No reason to put him under more fire than he already was, in case he didn't already know.

She crossed her arms, "So Ritsuko lied to me."

"She's deeper in this than most of us. I wouldn't take it too personally."

Truthfully, as Misato expected. Still stung a bit though.

He handed the paper back and asked, "So Katsuragi, what will you do now?"

She frowned and turned away to pretend to be interested in the harvested melons. Here was the moment of truth...yet she couldn't commit. "I think I'll get back to you on that."

"I think you've already made your choice but know if you tell me, it'll make it "real"."

She scowled but still refused to look at him, "Where do you get telling me how I feel?"

"I know sometimes your lips say one thing but your eyes say another. It's why you won't look at me."

"I really do mean I'll get back to you on that," then, in a murmur she added, "But I guess I'm already too far in already, huh?"

"You don't have to dig yourself into the hole after me," he placed a hand on her shoulder, "But I get the sense, you've already made your choice. Whenever you're ready, I will tell you what you want to know."

She sighed, "I better get going. I still got to go finish a few things before I can head home."

"Take a melon or two," he gestured to the wheelbarrow then flashed another grin at her, "Though, it might be heavy with the melons you've already got."

She rolled her eyes but still hefted a melon out, "Shut it you," she said, though it had no true bite.

Asuka had gotten used to Shinji usually walking with her home. Most of the time, Rei and Kaworu joined, since they were going to the same place. Today though she was surprised to find only Rei lingering at the school gates for her. She called to her, "Where's Shinji and Kaworu?"

"They're going to hang out with Toji and Kensuke," she replied.

Asuka stopped a few paces from her friend, "And you waited for me?"

Rei nodded, "I don't enjoy walking alone if I can help it."

That made sense, since it seemed she was walking with them more and more often. As they left for home, Asuka asked, "You weren't in school the day before according to Shinji. What's that about?"

"I was called to NERV."

"What did they need just you for and not all four of us?"

Rei bowed her head, her mouth pulling into a neutral line. Asuka lingered beside her, nearly regretting prodding at her for information. Rei murmured, "It's not something I'm at liberty to share."

Asuka frowned. She suspected she wouldn't get much out of Rei but she wanted to try anyways. She sighed, "It seems so unfair they're always needing you."

"I admit sometimes it does bother me," Rei responded in the same murmuring tone.

That surprised Asuka. She would expected Rei to go along with whatever she was told—just as she always had done. And even if it did bother her, she would have thought she would keep it under lock and key.

Yet she remembered Rei telling her how she hadn't accompanied him to the graveyard, as if she was sharing a secret. Perhaps she was learning to buck against the status quo.

As they continued onwards, Asuka suggested, "Why don't we go hang out, since the guys are? It won't be as exciting but we can get some snacks and go to the apartment. Play video games or watch something on TV?"

Rei hummed in thought then agreed, "That would be nice."

"Great!" Asuka smiled, "We can even stop in Goichi's shop on the way home. Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll give us something for free."

Like she suggested, they popped into the elder Aida brother's work on the way home. Upon seeing them, he smiled, "Girls! How are you doing this fine afternoon?"

"I am well," Rei told him and went off to pick a drink.

Asuka lingered by the counter and shrugged, "Pretty normal, all things considered."

Even though he was still a nerd just like his brother, Asuka liked Goichi enough. He was like Kensuke if he had more of a filter. Perhaps, when he was young, he was just like his younger brother and it was a trait that would mellow out with age. Goichi gave her a smile, "That's all we can hope for, in these times."

Asuka tried to not think how, if things didn't change drastically, times would change pretty bad soon. Maybe it was time to press Misato on information on the next Eva unit.

Goichi continued, "I suppose Shinji and Kaworu are off doing their own thing?"

She nodded, "They're hanging out with Toji and your brother."

Goichi's eyes lit up, "That's great! I was starting to worry Kensuke wasn't spending enough time out of the house."

She leaned up against the counter, deciding she wasn't in that much of a rush and could spare a few more moments of conversation. It looked like Rei was doing some serious consideration on what to purchase anyway. "That sort of thing concern you?"

He nodded, "I can only hope my brother gets a better childhood than I did. How about you, Asuka? Do you have any siblings back home?"

She frowned and admitted, "A step-sister. If that counts for anything."

"Step-siblings are still siblings," he trailed off and added, "I'm guessing you two weren't very close."

She chewed on her lip, wondering how much she should reveal to this relative stranger. She said, "You can say that."

"Maybe when you go back there, you should talk to her some. I...don't know your story, Asuka but it's a thought."

"It is a thought," she said dismissively.

As she left the counter to stalk the aisles, she thought of her sister. She was born so quickly after her father re-married that it confirmed to her that her father cheated on her mother. She tried to not think too hard about her younger step-sibling; she was the ultimate symbol of her father's treachery. The ultimate evidence that once her mother went mad, all her father wanted was a redo. And if her step-mother was to replace her mother, her step-sister was to replace…

She sighed, unable to even complete the thought in the privacy of her own head. She had brought up the idea of calling him a little while ago...maybe she should do that? He tried to reach out to her before she left for Tokyo-3 but she had constantly rebuffed him, still too hurt by his actions. She still hurt but...she was a different person now.

And even if she didn't forgive him, maybe Goichi had a point. In the grand scheme of things, her step-sister was an innocent bystander. She hadn't asked to be brought into this crazy and demented world.

Of course, that all assumed she even wanted to go back to Germany.

Once her and Rei picked out their snacks and drinks, they went back to pay for their stuff. Before they left to go home, Asuka told Goichi, "I thought about what you said but y'know...I dunno if I want to go back to Germany, if everything works out."

Goichi propped his head on his hand, "You like living with Shinji and Miss Misato?"

When she nodded, he smiled, "There's all kinds of families, Asuka. What that means to you is up to you."

She left, finding Rei had gone ahead outside to wait. She was studying their receipt and, when Asuka approached, she said, "He forgot to scan our drinks. Should we go tell him?"

"Nah," she grinned, "Goichi's cool."

The "guy's day" was going pretty well. Or at least it was serving as the distraction Shinji needed from his racing thoughts. They had gone to the music store and ooh'd and aah'd over the vinyls. Then they went to the military surplus store Kensuke wanted to show them. No one really understood the appeal but Kensuke seemed happy they had listened to him ramble. Then they got their ice cream and headed over to the arcade.

Kaworu and Toji were on an arcade machine, a two-player animal hunting simulator. Kaworu had left his ice cream bowl with Shinji, since he said he'd "only be gone for a moment". Toji was trying to one-hand his rifle and eat his ice cream but all that seemed to do was severely hinder his performance. That left Shinji and Kensuke to sit at a nearby table. Unfortunately, his friend's companionship came at a cost.

"So I hear tell there's two new Eva units coming to Japan!" Kensuke told him.

Shinji perked up, if only because this was news to him, "Is there? Where'd you hear that from?"

Kensuke nodded enthusiastically then paused, melodramatically looking around. He leaned in and whispered, "I hacked into my dad's computer and saw so! There's no Pilot data yet though. At least, there wasn't last night..."

Shinji frowned and tilted his head. He hadn't heard anything about that. Had Misato learned yet or did she know and just hadn't told them? He told his friend, "That's news to me."

"Miss Misato didn't tell you?"

"I don't think she knew about it last night. One of them is bound to be Kaworu's though."

"That's right."

Kaworu and Toji's game must have finished because the pair had returned to their table. He took his ice cream bowl from Shinji and immediately took a bite. "But there's two Evas so there's gotta be two pilots! Tell me you know who the other one is!" Kensuke pleaded.

Kaworu frowned, "I don't know who the other pilot is. I only deduced that if there's two Evas, one of which must be mine."

"So you don't know?"

"I don't think anyone knows yet," Shinji sighed.

"Yeah, Ken, give it a break," Toji groaned, sitting beside Shinji, "I still can't say I see why you wanna pilot so badly."

"It's the pinnacle of military prowess! And what higher honor is there to defending Japan, no, the whole world from an alien threat! And imagine all the cool weapons you get to wield!" Kensuke was in full geeking out mode and they just had to wait for him to finish.

Shinji frowned, "I've only ever gotten hurt in my Eva."

Toji nodded and agreed, "We saw that firsthand. In fact, the fact Kensuke hasn't given it up because of that is a bit insensitive."

Kensuke fumed, "I'm not insensitive! It's just…," he trailed off, folding his arms, "You guys wouldn't get it."

"I guess I don't," Toji shrugged, "You want to know my take on it?"

"Sure, if you've got a better reason!"

He leaned back and grinned viciously, "NERV would need me more than I need them so I'd make them worth my while. I'd make them strike me a deal! Give me something before I even set foot in one of their death machines."

"Like what?" Kensuke raised an eyebrow.

Toji glanced away, eyes crossed. After a few moments, he said softly, "NERV has better hospitals than the civilian world. So I'd ask them to take my sister in."

"Oh," Kensuke deflated.

Toji turned to Shinji, "How about you, Shinji? You tell us how much you hate piloting but you won't quit it. What's in it for you?"

"That's a loaded question," Kaworu leapt in to chastise.

"It's okay, Kaworu. You don't have to defend me," Shinji held up a hand to him before turning back to Toji, "It's...complicated. I want to get my father's attention and if piloting Eva is what it'll take to get on his level, so be it."

With a sigh, he slumped before continuing, "And there's also responsibility. How low would I feel if I ran out on Kaworu, Rei, Asuka...all of you!"

"If you did that, I'd understand," Kaworu murmured.

Toji and Kensuke nodded. Toji said, "You have a choice after all!"

Shinji glanced between all three of them. He frowned, "It's not about you guys. Not entirely. It's my responsibility, my burden. I've got to see it to its end, whatever it takes."

Instantly, all three of the others went silent, exchanging glances between themselves. None of them had seen Shinji act quite like that. So...spirited.

Kaworu was the first to break the silence, "I think that's noble, Shinji."

Shinji flashed him a weak smile. Misato's motivations, or at least what she claimed them to be, he supposed he understood them better now. Equal parts selfish and selfless—he supposed they were more alike than he had initially thought.

Once back at the apartment, Rei and Asuka settled for watching TV, instead of going through the hassle of setting up the console. Asuka figured she needed to just hook it up out in the living room and leave it there, if only she might not have to keep setting it up between there and her room. So for the time being, Asuka was busy pointing out the inaccuracies in the movie they were watching and shoving popcorn in her mouth.

Rei appreciated the invitation to spend time with Asuka. After all, the last time they had done something like this was the day they kissed. Considering how both had reacted, she had feared she had hurt Asuka's feelings beyond repair. But it seemed, with the promise she wasn't upset at her, the other girl had brightened up. She took a drink of her soda to hide her sigh. There was no way to explain to Asuka the true enormity of the kiss' meaning to her.

It had been overwhelming, what it made her feel. The kiss had made her feel electric, like some sort of pleasant energy surged through her. It had made her feel nice...loved in a way she never had. Even if Asuka only meant it as just a kiss, it had confirmed to Rei that perhaps, to her, she was something else than just friend.

But there would be no way she would be allowed to be anything else than her friend. Even just being her friend was more than she would have ever thought she'd get. The Commander had allowed her friends and while she didn't understand why, she understood she couldn't push her luck with him. And if one day that meant she'd have to bring the world into nothingness...she didn't want to betray Asuka like that.

But, even so, she owed her some explanation.

She murmured, "I think I can talk about the kiss now."

Asuka jumped up, nearly choking on her popcorn. After a couple times beating her chest, she turned to her, blue eyes wide, "You are?!"

Rei nodded slowly, "I...owe you some explanation."

"Rei…," she frowned, "You don't have to owe me anything."

"Perhaps but I didn't want to leave my feelings unexplained. I've been struggling to sleep with how its weighed on my mind."

Asuka stood up straight and scooted closer, an action Rei almost wished she hadn't done. Her proximity made her heart speed up and that would make what she had to say harder. She bowed her head, "As I said, I didn't hate the kiss. I...I quite enjoyed it."

Asuka could feel her cheeks burn. She murmured, "It...I liked it too."

Rei's voice remained small, quiet, "But I don't think it's wise to go any further with our relationship."

And just as Asuka's heart had soared, it came plummeting to the ground. Her voice wavered, "Why...why not?"

Shuffling anxiously, leaning away from her, Rei continued, even as her throat struggled to string words together, "I fear this is not a conducive environment for a romantic relationship. We...we both have our own responsibilities to fulfill first. Being together...it might make that difficult."

Asuka's face fell and her entire body slumped, like a puppet with its strings cut. Rei felt as if a spear had gone straight through her heart. Her friend looked away, eyes hooded in thought. She murmured, "You might be right. It's kind of childish to think about something like that when the fate of the world is at stake."

"I didn't mean it like that—"

"It's alright," Asuka cut her off with a tone that only told her it was anything but, "How about...how about you head home? It's getting late."

Rei knew her suggestion for what it was: a request to be left alone. Gracious enough to not sound like one, to not truly reveal the pain she felt. She almost wanted to stay but knew that attempting to comfort her when she was the one who hurt her was not right. So she rose and murmured, "Very well. Good night, Asuka."

Asuka waited to hear the door close beyond she groaned, pulling her knees up to her chest and covering her face with her hands. Part of her, that childish part she hated, wanted to break down into ugly tears.

How could she be so childish, so foolish! Her feelings for Rei had crept up on her like a shadow in the night, so slowly she hadn't noticed what they were until too late. And now there was no way she could act on them. How could the world be so unfair? Why was this the hand fate dealt her?

She pressed the heels of her wrists into her eyes, as if it might push what errant tears escaped back in. Rei was right. There was no space for romance in her life at present. She had to prevent the end of the world and part of that was averting Rei's fate. If she did that, perhaps she might be allowed to act on her feelings.

In other words, she had to be an adult about this.

The mechanical whirring of the door alerted her and she shot up like a rocket, furiously blinking her eyes and hoping they didn't give her away. Coming in was Misato and Shinji. Her sadness was momentarily washed away by confusion as she squinted at the pair, "Is that...is that a watermelon?"

Misato turned to her and chuckled as she hefted the watermelon, "Oh this? This is from Kaji! We're going to cut it after dinner."

Thank goodness, she didn't notice anything amiss. What tears that did escape must not have shown on her face. She stood up and crossed over to them. Inspecting the watermelon, she asked, "Why'd Kaji have something like this?"

"He grows them. I didn't know that about him."

"Me neither."

Misato placed the watermelon on the table and patted it, a fondness shining through her eyes. Asuka and Shinji couldn't help exchanging a glance. She teased, "Y'know, that's kinda like a gift!"

Misato rolled her eyes, "What? Are you expecting him to eat 'em all by himself! He's probably gotta try to pawn them off on all the NERV employees."

She shed her jacket and placed it on the kitchen chair. Shinji walked past her and opened the fridge, perusing it for ingredients for dinner. At least things were routine here at home, Asuka reasoned.

Then, as Shinji was pulling out some pork, he asked, almost casually, "Say, Misato, is it true what I heard about Units 03 and 04?"

Asuka's eyebrows rose, "Where did you hear that from?"

Misato nodded, shooting him a questioning look as she did, "I want to know too."

Suddenly put on the spot, Shinji shuffled awkwardly, "Kensuke said his dad heard about it. He wanted to know who the other pilot was going to be."

Misato frowned, "Well, you know Kaworu is one...but the other hasn't been chosen yet. Sorry."

"You're sure?" Shinji pressed.

"I'm sure!" she said, a tad too defensively, "It's not like it's my choice."

Shinji frowned, "Why wouldn't it be?"

Setting her head on her hands, she shrugged, "Beats me."

Shinji's glance lingered on her before he murmured, "Okay."

Asuka scowled. How could the assignment of a new pilot snuck up on her! And Units 03 and 04? That was different from the first time around. Maybe the timeline had aligned just right because of Kaworu's presence. It wasn't the first time things had changed for seemingly no reason. After all, she could swear there was an Angel that just never showed up.

At the very least, this meant Kaworu's Eva (hopefully) wasn't going to fall prey to the parasite Angel. That possibility hadn't crossed her mind up until now.

Not that she wanted Toji to fall prey to it either! Their personalities ground against each other like metal on metal but she didn't want him to die!

Once Rei returned to her apartment, she collapsed on the couch as if the weight of the world had dropped on her. She hated having to break Asuka's heart like that but at least this way she wasn't in danger from scrutiny. Surely, if the Commander thought she might turn her from her purpose, she would...take her out of the equation, to put it mildly.

Her purpose. Human Instrumentality. The dreams of the red sea. Her gut twisted.

It was only recent she was having such physical reactions to these thoughts. And she doubted they would stop any time soon.

Was becoming closer to her peers, becoming more human, even worth it if she would have to lose all of it in the end?

Chapter Text

Gendo Ikari's week was finally looking up. Dr. Akagi had come to him with fantastic news: the first of the Dummy Plugs had been finished following Rei's last memory upload. When she came to him with the news, he had insisted that she show him right away.

It looked deceptively innocuous; it looked like an Entry Plug painted red with a plate reading 'REI DUMMY PLUG 01'. He nodded, pleased to see it, "So this is the first one, is it?"

"That'd be correct," Dr. Akagi confirmed, "It uses Rei's memories and "persona" but there is no soul. It's just a fake, a believable facsimile."

"I am aware of this. It tricks the Eva into believing there's a pilot onboard. You bring this up because…?"

"Because we have no way of telling how it will react when we turn it on. So I'd prefer it if we could do a field test before we go ahead with producing more—in case, there is any unforeseen errors."

The Commander hummed in acknowledgment, "That's reasonable. So what do you need to go forward?"

"Mostly your opinion on which Evangelion its loaded into."

"Unit 02 is out of the question. The likelihood of rejection is too high and there's the possibility of...unsavory interactions with its S2 Engine."

"Naturally. Unit Zero is completely incompatible so that leaves 01 and the two Evangelions arriving from America."

Gendo went silent as he mulled over his options. Unit 01 was the initially obvious choice but his son had been cooperative up until now. So using it in 01 might be a complete waste. Seeing who was to be Unit 03's pilot told him that there would be no problem getting them to cooperate. That left Unit 04 and the Fourth Child.

He decided, "Ship it to Matsushiro. We will have it loaded into Unit 04."

Dr. Akagi raised her eyebrow and tilted her head, "That's an...unusual choice."

"Call it a contingency. There's merit in having an additional way to revoke control of Unit 04 from its pilot."

The next couple days at school were largely normal. Kensuke made a few couple more attempts at prying the identity of the next pilot from them but that was stopped by Asuka snapping at him that no one knew at all! That afternoon they once more had sync tests—though notably Kaworu was made to stay longer for extra tests, no doubt in preparation for the arrival of his Eva.

Asuka decided to use her time in NERV HQ productively. Last time, she had stumbled upon the next pilot's identity accidentally. While she was sure it was going to be Toji again, things had diverged for seemingly no reason before! After all, last time Unit 04 had been destroyed while this time it had been spared.

She turned into Kaji's office and was glad to see that man himself lounging in his chair...but not so much to see his computer screen turned off. He sat up with a smile, "Asuka, what can I do for you today?"

She frowned but decided to forge forward anyway, "I was wondering if you might...tell me who the pilot of Unit 03 will be…"

He grinned freely, "They've chosen them already?"

"I assumed they had? Since the next two Evas are being shipped here."

Kaji gave her a long stare before asking, "Misato didn't tell you?"

"Would I ask you if she told me?" Asuka scowled, propping her hands on her hips.

"Fair point," he conceded, "But if she hasn't told you, perhaps she's not allowed. Or doesn't think you need to know. I'm sure she wouldn't keep it from you."

"Maybe if she was a coward!" Asuka frowned.

Immediately, Kaji's face fell, "Asuka, that's not very kind."

"You only think that because you want to get her in bed," she grumbled under her breath.

He raised an eyebrow, "What was that, young lady?"

"Nothing," she hissed as she stalked off.

Kaji was a bust and, unless Misato grew a spine and told them what she knew she knew, so was she. That didn't leave her many options. Dr. Akagi was an absolute no-go and she couldn't think of any of the other employees who either would know or have any reason to tell her. If any of her other pilot friends knew, she would have found out by now. That left the pilot themselves. But Toji hadn't told anyone last time, which didn't guarantee they would come to her.

So her only real options was waiting for Misato or the mystery pilot to tell her or any of their friends. Great.

Turning the corner was Kaworu and she smiled. There was a good chance he would know who the other pilot was! Approaching him, she teased, "Akagi's putting you through the gauntlet, huh?"

He sighed, hanging his head overdramatically, "I'm off for a physical now."

"You hear anything about who's the mystery pilot?"

Kaworu frowned and shook his head, "Now that you mention it, I haven't."

"Aren't you more concerned?" she put her hands on her hips, "Considering what's to come?"

To her great frustration, he merely shrugged, "I'm sure Misato or whoever it is will tell one of us."

"Sometimes I think you're not putting as much energy as you could in this," she grumbled.

Once more, he shrugged as he continued onwards, "See you later! Hopefully!"

She watched him go with a simmering frustration. She could only hope he was correct.

Lunch rolled around the next day at school and it found Shinji's friend group severely depleted. The only friends of his there at school were Asuka and Rei. Kaworu had informed them the previous day that it was likely he wouldn't be at school, preparing for his trip to Matsushiro. Toji and Kensuke's absence were both mysteries—ones that filled his chest with dread.

Asuka, seeing him anxious, went off to see who else might be able to join them for lunch. The only other person who she really knew (or respected, to be honest) was Hikari and luckily, the other girl didn't seem to mind joining them.

As they sat together, Hikari commented, "It's weird. Kaworu, Toji and Kensuke all out of school."

"Kaworu's getting ready for NERV business so that accounts for him," Asuka told her.

"Toji could be busy with his sister and it's not the first time Kensuke just hasn't come to school," Hikari offered.

"I thought Sakura was going to be in the hospital for a while longer," Shinji pointed out.

"He sometimes misses school to see her!" Hikari defended, "It's quite sweet…"

"Of course you think that," Asuka teased.

"What's that supposed to mean!" Hikari cried.

"It means you're actually worried about him."

Hikari frowned and looked at her feet. Asuka felt bad for teasing her now. Hikari murmured, "You see...I was going to offer Toji a lunch today. He's so busy with his sister so he doesn't make himself lunches."

"That's sweet," Asuka complimented, completely genuine before she prodded at her once more, "Can't say I expected him though. Isn't be a bit of a delinquent?"

"Not that bad! Sure, he's punched people a couple times...like Shinji...but it was always because he was thinking of someone else!"

She chuckled, "Nah, sounds like favoritism to me."

While Hikari stuttered out of embrassment, she turned her attention to Rei and Shinji who had both been quiet all this time. It wasn't all that unusual for Rei to just listen but Shinji seemed to be completely spaced out. She asked him, "Earth to Shinji?"

He practically jumped out of his skin, "Huh...wha?"

Asuka crossed her arms, "You've been zoning out all the time!"

"I've got a lot on my mind," he dismissed.

"Are you okay, Shinji?" Hikari murmured, "You can talk about it."

"There's a lot going on," he told her, "I'd hate to burden you with stuff like that."

Asuka nearly insisted that was a stupid thing to say, that your friends were there to hear what worried you. But considering the nature of what he was concerned about, she decided to keep her mouth shut. Hikari was a smart person; she would easily string together his concerns about the mystery pilot with the absence of their friends. She'd have to press him herself later.

Hikari frowned but didn't press him, "Alright, Shinji. Whatever makes you most comfortable. But y'know, as class rep, that's what I'm here for."

He nodded slowly, "I'll, um...I'll keep that in mind."

Soon enough, school let out and Asuka had found her opportunity to press Shinji. The trio was walking home and he was once more off in his own world, staring into space. She frowned and said, "Shinji, are you alright?"

His response was a lot more pointed than she expected, "I said I have a lot on my mind!"

Her frown turned to a scowl, "Jeez! I'm just worried about you. Sorry about asking."

Rei said softly, "Shinji, is it about Kaworu?"

He nodded then sighed, "Not just him but...I'm worried about who the other pilot is...and if Kaworu and them are going to be alright."

Rei frowned, tilting her head slightly, "You think something bad will happen."

"I'm worried about how poorly it could go."

It was most likely going to go poorly...but Shinji didn't know that. Asuka butted in, "Or it could go great! You don't know what's going to happen!"

"Well, what if it goes badly!?" he argued.

To that, Asuka rolled her eyes, "Haven't you heard the expression 'hope for the best and prepare for the worst'?"

"How can I do that if I can't stop thinking of the worse case scenario! Or even prepare at all!"

Before Asuka could blow up at him, Rei set a hand on his shoulder, "The Major and Dr. Akagi will be overseeing both activations. They will make sure things go smoothly...they've prepared for it."

He sighed, "If you say so...say, do you two mind going ahead? I just remembered I've got to run an errand before we get home."

"What kind of errand?" Asuka asked.

"I noticed we were getting low on chili oil," he told her.

She searched his face for any indication he was lying but his morose expression told her nothing. She then looked to Rei, wondering if she saw anything weird. The other girl merely nodded, "Very well. See you later."

He smiled and walked ahead of them, before taking the next turn right. As they began to walk once more, Asuka asked her companion, "Did that seem a little...weird to you?"

Rei shrugged, "Perhaps he wanted to spend some time alone and was sparing our feelings."

Shinji's request hadn't been an entire lie. He had stopped by a grocer to pick up some chili oil, which he slipped into his bag to carry to his intended objective. He had a hunch that had come to him earlier in the day so now he was following it. He hoped no one back home would think too hard on his absence...especially Asuka. She had been especially suspicious of him earlier.

He took the walk out to Rei's old apartment and ventured inside. He hadn't been here for quite some time and he swore it felt even creepier now. Maybe it was because, before, someone he cared about deeply lived here which blunted its worn-down and decrepit appearance. Now, he truly felt like he had no reason to have come here.

But trying the door to Rei's old apartment confirmed he did. It opened and, beyond, it wasn't as empty as it had been left. Someone had used sheets to rig up a curtain, which cast the abandoned apartment in even deeper shadow. They had set up what looked like a military cot just under the window and beside it was a collection of boxes and a backpack. There was even a modest stack of books too. But there was no one here. With a frown, he closed a door.

Not yet deterred, he climbed the stairs to the dizzying height of the roof and when he stepped out, he found who he was looking for.

Sitting on the edge, whistling a cheery tune and eating a sandwich was Mari. He called, "So this is where you set up, huh?"

Mari yelped and turned to face him. Seeing him, she beamed, "Puppyboy! You're a lot more clever than people give you credit for."

He walked halfway onto the roof and shrugged, "I was thinking you might set up somewhere where I could find you. If I thought about it."

"Bingo. What brings you to my extremely humble abode?" she grinned as she asked.

"...who is the Fifth Child?"

Her wide smile faltered, "You won't be getting any spoilers out of me. Really. I've no clue who it is this go around."

Shinji crossed his arms, "Have you even tried?!"

"I have, for your information!" she sighed, "I've got all sorts of passwords and MAGI backdoors that have worked before. I just haven't found the one that works this time around. But I will find it, trust me!"

"But probably not in time to figure out who the Fifth Child is," Shinji deflated.

She turned around completely to face him. She looked regretful, even if her tone was light, "You know it's not very subtle to go cheating like that."

So he had came all this way for nothing. Well, maybe not nothing. He was starting to work out who exactly Mari was.

He raised his chin at her, defiant, "You're one to tell me about subtlety. I'm gonna do whatever it takes."

It was nearly a whole hour after Asuka got home when Shinji did and nearly 10 minutes before that when Misato and Kaji came home. When Shinji walked in and found the three, he asked, "Hey, what's Kaji doing here?"

The man, who had been sitting at the table with a couple pizza boxes he had brought for dinner, smiled, "Misato is off to Matsushiro for the next few days."

Misato, dressed in a uniform coat, nodded, "Yep. So you both better behave for him!"

"How about you?" Asuka scowled, "Where have you been?"

He sighed and took a seat at the table, "I got the chili oil then took a walk."

That was a likely story but Asuka decided to not press him. She was already having a hard time putting on a happy face for Misato's departure. She crossed her arms, "Misato, you really can't tell us who the Fifth Child is?"

"Sorry, kids. Classified until we're sure they can activate Unit 03. Hell, might not even work out. Not even Kaworu knows!" Misato told them with a tight smile.

Shinji looked positively miserable but was able to squeak out a weak, "Be safe, Misato. Tell Kaworu and the other pilot 'hi' for me, I guess."

With a chuckle, she ruffled both their hair, earning an annoyed scowl from Asuka, "So melodramatic! It'll be fine."

She headed out, leaving her two charges with Kaji, who watched their farewell with a soft, amused smile. He teased, "Anxious as you two are, I might suspect you know something no one else does."

"We do not!" Asuka snapped then internally scolded herself for being way too defensive.

Kaji took it in stride, "Relax. Whatever happens will happen."

Shinji placed his head in his hands, "I don't know how you do it, Mr. Kaji. Act so…"

"Chill?" Asuka supplied.

"More or less."

Kaji shrugged, "Maybe it's just in my nature, maybe it's because I went through the hell called Second Impact. I can't say for sure. If you can't change something, there's no need to worry. Worries drag you down and don't even help you in the end. You might need to get to be my age to understand that though."

The pair sighed, having found no solace in his advice.

The pair of Misato and Ritsuko decided to head out right away, even if they had to drive through the night. They met at one of the Geofront parking garages inside a large van that would carry them and some of Ritsuko's equipment. "I know you don't like to drive so I'll take the wheel," Misato grinned, tossing her bag haphazardly into the truck.

"Oh good, we might not make it at all then," Ritsuko teased.

The pair drove in silence until they reached city limits. Ritsuko chose to break the silence, "So how did the children take the news of who the Fifth Child?"

The silence in the van turned icy.

"You didn't tell them."

Misato scowled, keeping her eyes to the road—it helped that she didn't want to see the accusatory look her companion was no doubt giving her. "Alright, I lied. Told them it was classified. What's it matter? They'll find out soon enough. The Fifth Child will probably tell them himself."

"It matters because that's cruel."

"Cruel?! You didn't see Shinji's face. Looked like someone shot his dog or something."

Ritsuko sighed, "We still have some time before activation so you can also always call him—both of them—and make this right."

"...I'll think about it."

The next day marched forward like a funeral procession. Like the previous day, Toji and Kensuke were conspicuously missing. Anxiety permeated the air between Asuka and Shinji; one of which who knew what was likely to come and the other who only feared it. Rei didn't know what to say to soothe either of those worries so she didn't end up saying anything at all.

Meanwhile, miles away at Matsushiro and somewhere around noon, Kaworu had suited up in his black plugsuit and been loaded into his Entry Plug. Just moments ago, with no issues whatsoever, he had activated Unit 04.

"How's it feel?" Ritsuko asked through his comm.

"Good," he answered, "Everything feels smooth."

"Great to hear! Sit tight while we work on activating Unit 03."

Truthfully, Unit 04 didn't feel like any other Eva he had been in. Those all felt different; warm, hostile or welcoming. They felt something. But Unit 04 felt empty. He was sure this meant the core held no soul, leaving him able to exert his control over it using his AT Field without suspicion. For a moment, he entertained the idea of someone donating their soul to it but who that person would be, he had no idea. After all, he had no idea who his human donor was and his guardian hadn't cared to share the identity with him. He doubted he cared or frankly, if it even mattered.

Yet he found, when he focused, he could swear there was something lurking beyond his self. Something unfamiliar...but familiar.

His comm line remained open so he could hear the chatter between the technicians, Ritsuko and the other pilot. At first, he had wondered why she decided to go ahead with his activation before the other pilots. After all, 03 came before 04. Ritsuko had admitted she felt his was going to be the smoother experience.

She had no idea how right he was.

The persistent buzzing at the edge of his consciousness had gotten so loud it was nearly impossible to ignore.

But there was nothing he could do but wait, listening to as the seconds ticked agonizingly slow to activation.

He was zoning out when he heard, as if from a long distance, Ritsuko count down to activation. The pilot sounded chipper. The techs chatter blended together into a drone that harmonized with the buzzing. It was all almost overstimulating.

Then the cage next to him exploded and snapped him back to awareness like nothing else could.

He could feel his Evangelion pushed over with a shriek of tearing metal as the restraints were blown apart. Still synchronized to the machine and miraculously plugged into power, he caught himself, thrusting his arms out to stop his Eva from falling completely.

Bardiel's presence had changed from mere buzzing and now felt sticky and uncomfortable along the edges of his AT Field. Through Unit Four's eyes, he could see its sister Evangelion, black and looking like a living shadow, lurch out of its cage and through the rubble.

His communications were down which meant Kaworu was flying directionless. That was fine; he could take care of himself well enough. He had piloted Evangelions many times before. He ejected the power cable and pursued Bardiel. While doubtful he could do much with five minutes power, maybe he could do something.

The other Evangelion turned to watch him approach.

TABRIS, YOU TRAITOR. HOW IRONIC. YOU THREW YOURSELF FROM HEAVEN FOR THE SPAWN OF LILITH.

Kaworu scowled.

When no response came, Bardiel continued.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SEE IN THESE DISGUSTING CREATURES, SKITTERING AROUND WHAT SHOULD BE OURS.

It would take far too long to explain before my timer runs out. I simply love them, he replied.

He launched to throw a punch but Bardiel grabbed his wrist and, with hardly no effort, twisted it around painfully. The pain radiated through his and Four's connection and he hissed. He feinted for another punch to his face then moved at the last second, directed it to his brother's gut. A sharp gasp signaled his punch had hit true.

Bardiel roared in anger and, with more strength than he anticipated, yanked him to the side, knocking him off-balance and onto the ground. Before he could get back onto his feet, Bardiel pressed a foot onto his back, not hard enough to hurt him but enough to keep him pinned.

I KNOW YOU CAN BEAT ME, TABRIS. YOU ARE THE BEST OF US. USE YOUR AT FIELD.

"I can't," he hissed aloud.

OF COURSE YOU CAN'T. IF THE LILIN KNEW WHAT YOU WERE, THEY WOULD HATE YOU JUST AS THEY HATE ME.

Bardiel kicked him, sending him tumbling a few hundred feet, back into the debris of Matsushiro.

I'M ONLY SPARING YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE MY SIBLING, NOTHING MORE AND NOTHING LESS. STAY OUT OF MY WAY.

And with that, Bardiel turned and began his death march towards Tokyo-3.

When Asuka, Shinji and Rei's phones all rang in tandem, Asuka knew right away what was happened. She flipped her phone open and listened to the automated message, already shooting up from her seat. Around the trio, their classmates watched with wide eyes, as all of them knew what it was likely to mean if all three had to leave at once. As they left, Hikari yelled after them, "Be safe!" before having to rein a quick-panicking class under control.

According to the message, the activation test for Unit 03 had gone poorly and there had been an explosion. From the ruins, an Angel had emerged, approaching Tokyo-3. Even though the message had declined to identify what exactly the Angel was, Asuka knew.

The trio rode into the Geofront in silence, no words shared between them. It was only once they split to suit up did one of them finally say anything. Shinji stopped, staring off into space, and murmured, "I knew this was going to happen."

Asuka whipped around, in the middle of all but running into the girl's locker room, "Shinji Ikari, don't think like that!"

He gave her a pained look and opened his mouth as if to protest. Then he closed it and his expression shifted over and over. Anxiety then disdain then a cold fury before a quiet acceptance of the hand he had been dealt. He strode away into the locker room with a hurried pace. Asuka only took a moment to note how weird that was before she rushed off to duty.

To Asuka's great surprise, once she had entered 02's Entry Plug, she learned 02 was being waived of its low-priority status on this engagement. She was less surprised when it was confirmed to her that, like last time, Shinji's father was to be in control of this operation, in Misato's absence. She wondered if maybe he knew they were going to need every hand in this one with what secret knowledge he had access to.

A million concerns raced through her mind as her and her comrades were lifted by air to the rendezvous point. Was Kaworu alright? Was Misato and Dr. Akagi alright? Who was the mystery pilot and were they alright? Were they going to be alright?

Her eyes drifted to her right, where Unit 01 was being ferried. Was that where the Dummy Plug rested once more? And if so, was it going to come into play? Was Shinji going to have the determination to fight or would, once more, the terror of harming a fellow person still his hand?

She lifted her hands and looked at them with a frown. Would she be able to do it?

She clenched her hands and hissed. She would have to do her best to disable the Angel without harming the pilot and do it before the Dummy Plug could even come into play!

Finally, they were placed into the rendezvous point; a place far outside the city limits where civilization was middling. There was a few farms and homes nestled within the hills but it seemed an evacuation order had left them empty. Coming from the opposite direction, she could see another plane bearing a cross-like shaped set of restraints, holding an unfamiliar silver Evangelion unit with a pair of bunny ear-like horns, large vertical pauldrons and a red visor. Was that Unit 04 and Kaworu?

She pressed her comm button, choosing the channel labeled '04', and asked, "Kaworu, are you there?"

The comm buzzed with static for a few moments before it cleared up and, through it, came Kaworu's voice, haggard and tired, "Asuka?"

"You're alright!" she smiled.

"As well as I can be," he murmured, "Well enough to fight."

"I can see that," she trailed off as she actually took note of their positions.

Kaworu was placed first in line, tucked just at the base of one of the hills. Then her, hidden in the shadow of that hill. Higher up, just past her was Shinji and finally, tucked up on the hill with her sniper rifle was Rei. Her lip curled.

She wasn't so stupid to see their order of placement was in order of how much the Commander cared. First, Kaworu, who she knew he didn't trust at all and probably wanted to die. Then herself. A pawn at best and a liability at worst. Then Shinji, valued not for himself but for the Evangelion around him. And finally Rei. Beloved...and useful Rei.

The silence was broken by the crunching of trees and she had only a moment to whip around before the Angel was upon her. She shrieked in terror as she lunged to the side as Bardiel launched itself from behind the hill. Bardiel landed in the space she once was and she lashed out, actually catching it in the jaw with the butt of her gun. So it had bypassed Kaworu entirely and snuck up on her, probably to sow further chaos! "It's here!" she screamed.

She whipped the butt of her gun around again, landing another miraculous hit on a hand advancing to grab her.

Bardiel flinched away with a horrible, gurgling growl and would have attacked her again if a piercing shot didn't hit it in the side.

Skidding down the mountain was Rei who leveled her rifle at Bardiel and shot again. This one hit air as Bardiel's AT Field flickered into view. It immediately abandoned Asuka and literally pounced at Rei, bowling them both down the hill.

He snarled with satisfaction:

THE LILIN'S ABOMINATION. I'll TAKE SPECIAL CARE IN DISMANTLING YOU.

Rei gasped as the Angel garbled...something...at her. She couldn't tell what sort of sound it was making but it sounded almost purposeful. It pinned her down and blue ooze seeped out from its hands and onto her Unit's arm. It melted then melded with its arm and Rei, in sympathetic feedback, screamed in pain. It felt just like someone was injecting hot metal into her skin!

Over the comm came the Commander's dispassionate voice, "Blow it off."

Her arm exploded off, blowing her attacker away a few dozen feet and earning another scream from Rei. Asuka saw red and let loose a whole string of curses, directed at the Commander, the entire bridge and the Angel too. She emptied her clip into the Angel's fallen form and, bereft of bullets, flipped it around to use as a bludgeon.

Her first swing hit true, the armor on the Angel's head cracking from the force. Her anger dimmed as she hoped that whoever was in there couldn't feel any of this. Hopefully, the Angel's influence had disconnected the pilot inside from feeling any of this because there was no way around hurting the Angel. She just had to keep away from its neck, where the Entry Plug was half-exposed, no doubt due to an earlier attempt to eject it.

She went for another swing but this time, Bardiel caught it and growled again, the sound ugly and wet.

It didn't try to yank the gun away but instead, absorbed it into its skin. Asuka recoiled, disgusted, "Huh?!"

Her hesitation cost her dearly as the Angel's hand morphed before her eyes into a spear-like point. She had a split-second to dodge a hit that would have gone through her chest as it lunged. Its spear instead went through her shoulder, out her back and through her cable. She grabbed her shoulder with a shriek.

The Angel pushed her off dismissively and turned once more to Unit Zero, where Rei was making a vain attempt to stagger to her feet using one arm. Asuka snarled viciously and used her good hand to propel herself off the ground and once more into the Angel. It whipped around to see her flying at it, as if surprised she was still functional without her cable. She grinned right before they collided. Good thing Unit 02 no longer needed the pesky thing!

The pair tumbled down and away from Rei. To her surprise, the agony in her shoulder was ebbing away, being replaced by a cooling sensation, like someone running cool water over a burn. A quick glance told her why; the exposed wound was bubbling and regenerating! She had forgotten about that little quirk of the S2 Engine! "We're unstoppable!" she howled in excitement.

She could have sworn she felt the Plug radiate back the same excitement but in the heat of battle, she had no time to ponder that.

The pair wrestled for control, Asuka using her entire body weight to keep the Angel pinned. It roared and surged up underneath her, flipping her up and over through the air with surprising strength. She cried as the ground flipped underneath her in nauseating fashion. When she hit it, the combo of sympathetic feedback through her injured arm and how the Entry Plug shuddered left her dazed and in pain.

Bardiel twisted its arm once more into a spear and drove it into her lower back and into the ground, Asuka screaming as it did. To keep her there, it twisted its own arm off with a horrible wet ripping sound, leaving it inside her and effectively pinning her.

"Cheater, dirty cheater!" Asuka spat and cursed.

She knew she shouldn't have gotten so cocky so soon. But that wasn't reason to give up yet. She took hold of the spear arm and began wrenching at it.

If Rei felt comfortable ascribing emotions to the Angels, she would describe this one as having lost its patience. It regarded her but she was in too much agony to be able to make an attack. Behind it, Units 01 and 04 were approaching cautiously. This took its attention away from her as it turned back. Once more, she heard that odd garbled noise from it.

I SEE YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TABRIS. NO MATTER. THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO DIE WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE.

Kaworu opened his line to Shinji, closing all others—including his line to the command center. He told him, "I've got a plan, Shinji."

"Kaworu, there's someone in there. We'll kill them if we attack," Shinji replied, a protesting note in it.

"I know. That's why I'm going to hold it down and you're going to cut the Entry Plug free."

"But you heard what it did to Rei! It'll try to infect Unit 04!"

"It'll be alright," Kaworu soothed, "You'll be fast right? See, it's already halfway out. You just have to saw through the flesh around it."

The silence from the other end told him Shinji was mulling this over. Bardiel was approaching slowly, as if he was treasuring the agony of waiting.

"...alright. Let's try it."

Kaworu broke into a run and Bardiel was perfectly happy to meet him. Once more, they grappled hands. Kaworu dug his heels in, making a show of his struggling. He tried to jerk his opponent to the right but Bardiel stood firm. His fury towards his sibling was so great he didn't notice Shinji prowling around his back.

Shinji grabbed one of Unit 03's pauldrons, yanking it closer to him. He stabbed into the flesh surrounding the Entry Plug and tried slicing it in one clean cut, as Kaworu had instructed. But the ooze keeping the Plug in place refused to cut cleanly and he could only get through a few strands before his knife refused to budge. He hissed and stabbed again, willing to saw the entire way around if he could.

"Pilot Ikari. What are you doing? Kill the Angel," his father's stern tone came over the comm.

"We will but first, I gotta—"

His explanation was cut off as the flesh on Bardiel's back bubbled and warped, instantly forming a second pair of arms. Fast as a snake, they lunged for Unit 01's throat. Shinji gasped as the Evangelion's airway was cut off and his own throat constricted in response.

"Shinji!" Kaworu cried.

"Keep going!" he wheezed, "Rescue the pilot! I'll be fine!"

For one moment, his grip on his sibling faltered and Bardiel's eyes narrowed.

...I SEE.

He let go of Unit One's throat, grabbed the Evangelion's leg and yanked it from its socket.

Shinji howled in agony and Kaworu saw red. He shrieked and blindly attacked, grabbing for his sibling's face, to drive his fingers into his eyes or better yet—rip his head off.

Bardiel would have grinned had he the capacity for it. Too much time spent around the lower lifeforms had him even adopting their sentimentality! He shoulder-checked Unit 04 off of himself. Once more, his sibling was on the ground and this time he was going to finish him off. Looming over him, he grabbed his biomechanical vessel by the throat and began to squeeze.

A WEAKNESS WITHIN YOUR WEAKNESS. YOU REALLY ARE BETTER OFF DEAD.

Kaworu scrambled to grasp and pry Bardiel's hands from his throat but his sibling was too furious to react. No matter how he tried to worm his fingers under his own or push him away, his sibling wasn't to be stopped. Perhaps, if he reached out to try to strangle him in turn, he might be able to kill him before he passed out but the threat to the pilot...it was too great.

This was it; this was the end of this loop. One of the others would have to free themselves and come kill Bardiel instead.

"Pilot Nagisa. Fight back. Fight back or I will have you terminated," the Commander ordered.

"I can't…" he wheezed.

He could see Shinji, drawing from some unknown well, staggering onto one leg, even as the other was hanging useless. And better yet, there was Asuka, ripping the spear holding her in half so she may get free. Good, he wouldn't have died in vain.

"So you will let yourself die and make your friends fight through their pain?"

Kaworu squeezed his eyes shut. That stung.

"So be it."

The cockpit plunged into darkness and for a few terrible moments, all was quiet but for his own gasping. Then, with the ringing of an alarm, it went crimson-pain-red. With a kerchunk, a large metal array flipped over the seat and in front of him, effectively shielding his eyes from his Eva's view. At the very top of its viewscreen, it read: DUMMY PLUG OPERATIONAL.

"No...NO!" He howled.

Unit 04 began to move once more around him and that familiar but unfamiliar feeling had returned like a roaring tsunami, drowning him within its influence. Of course! It felt familiar because he had felt it somewhere before...within the Entry Plug of Unit Zero. It was a ghost of Rei.

Distantly, he could feel as his Unit lifted its arms and, mirroring his sibling, grabbed around his neck and pulled.

TABRIS...TABRIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Bardiel shrieked, the sound so high pitched across his connection, Kaworu had to clap his hands over his ears. But the sound wasn't physical, it was mental. It did little to hide his sibling's shrieks as his Evangelion ripped his head off and threw it to the side.

Even headless, Bardiel was still conscious. His headless form let go and lurched away from Unit 04.

TABRIS...THIS ISN'T YOU.

Unit 04 lunged and, with the sound of straining metal, the locks on its jaw tore open and it snarled. Grabbing one of Bardiel's arms, it began to pull. Kaworu couldn't see it but his companions had all frozen, no longer coming to his rescue but staying out of Unit 04's way as it began to rip the Angel limb from limb.

SAVE ME!

CALL OFF YOUR MONSTER! DON'T LET IT DO THIS TO ME!

Helpless to stop the mindless Unit 04, he squeezed his eyes shut. Kaworu knew what had to be done and never relished in killing his own siblings. Yet, he couldn't stop the pang of empathy he felt as he could still hear the carnage; the ripping of flesh and the begging from Bardiel between screams of agony.

He just had to hope that maybe, just maybe, the Dummy Plug would leave the Entry Plug alone.

And if his despair wasn't deep enough, he could feel Unit 04 dig into its twin's flesh, pull free a long, hard object—the Entry Plug—and crush it.

He couldn't even scream, only let loose a strangled sob. He was left in silence as the Dummy Plug went inactive and the facial shield returned to behind the seat. He refused to open his eyes, see the crushed Entry Plug still within his Eva's hand.

There was no point as he already knew whose body they would pull from it.

Bardiel had gone silent long ago but the brutalization had continued past that, like 04 had become a mindless animal.

Because that's exactly what the Dummy Plug reduced an Evangelion to.

He tucked his head between his knees and waited—for someone to say something to him, for rescue, for anything.

His comm crackled to life and Asuka's voice, small, came from it, "Kaworu…?"

"No," he whimpered. He didn't want to hear anyone's voice right now, much less hers.

She didn't respond for some time. He didn't know for whose sake; his or hers. When she found her words, she murmured, "That wasn't you...please tell me, that wasn't you."

Her tone held a restrained fury in it and, at the thought she might think he would have done that on his own, he couldn't help but let loose another sob.

She didn't respond and for a while, he thought she had left him alone. He didn't know what he wanted more; for that to be true or for her to still be there with him in the silence. She inhaled sharply, answering his question. She spoke again, her tone firm but forced, "Okay. I understand. Do you..did you...did you know who was inside?"

"I'm sorry I didn't say," even though she couldn't see him, he gave a sardonic smile, "I'm like everyone else. A coward."

Te next words she said, through a ragged half-sob, told him her true feelings, "It tore him apart. There's blood and gore...it's everywhere. And Shinji! Oh, he really let his dad have it, threatened him and everything! I think they want to put him in custody but...I dunno...I dunno."

There was some things that don't change, Kaworu thought grimly.

He murmured, "Did you see who was inside. Are they alright."

Her silence said more than if she had answered. He asked, "Did Shinji see."

"Why do you think he made that threat?"

"...I see. Is he...is he alive at least?"

"Kaworu...they just pronounced him dead."

Hours ago, Kaworu had been standing on the catwalk beside his Evangelion. He didn't expect it to be silver this time. It reminded him a little of the Mark.06 from a few loops ago, with its addition of large vertical pauldrons, bunny ear-like horns and its red visor. In a way, Sakura had gotten her wish of his Eva having bunny ears in one little way. All in all, he decided he liked it.

"Hey, Kaworu! You're here too!"

He frowned deeply and turned to find the other Evangelion pilot.

The Fifth Child.

Kensuke Aida, grinning wide and dressed in a bumblebee yellow plugsuit.

Seeing his frown, he stopped and asked, "You...hoped for someone else, right?"

"If I may be honest, you could have been anyone and I wouldn't be happy. It's not personal."

"Ah," he shuffled in beside him to admire Unit 04. "White, huh? Gonna be a pain keeping it clean," he joked weakly.

Kaworu pushed the knowledge of what was come to his mind, even as it hurt, and put on a smile, "What does Unit 03 look like?"

"Oh, it looks just like Unit 04! But it's this really cool blue-black!" he tilted his head, eyes hooded, "Though, I think I would have liked green better. Like camo green."

"They may let you request it be repainted. Asuka told me she requested Unit 02 to be painted red."

"Really? Awesome!"

They stood in mutual silence for some minutes before Kensuke straightened, as if to leave. He didn't immediately, instead saying, "Y'know, I didn't say yes just because y'know. Me being a military nerd and all, right?"

"...I had hoped there might be more depth to your decision than that," Kaworu murmured.

"Well, there is!" he turned to him and defended, "When they asked me, all I could think of was Shinji with me n' Toji in his cockpit while he fought that Angel! I've known all this time that it was gonna be awful and terrible and hurt but…" he swallowed thickly, "...if maybe me helping you guys can make it less terrible, then I've got to do that."

"Oh," Kaworu blinked, genuinely surprised, "I...that's great. That's really great. How much of what you said the other day...was the truth?"

"About military prowess and stuff?" the other boy rolled his eyes, "I gotta admit, yeah the Evas are pretty damn cool. But after me n' Toji went along with Shinji...they did lose some of that magic. But it felt weird to drop the act! So I hoped, maybe I could help Shinji see some good in it."

"He does see a good in it," Kaworu told him, "Maybe in not that way...but that's kind of you. This really wasn't supposed to be your responsibility though."

"Maybe it's not but I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I said no! They'd just get some other sap to do it," Kensuke leaned up against the railing, "What if that sap was Toji or Hikari?"

To say was Kaworu was blown away by this revelation would not be a lie at all. Then again, this wasn't the first instance of Kensuke stepping up to plate when he had to. Taking responsibility when he had to.

A long silence stretched between the two before Kensuke whispered, so quietly he nearly didn't hear it, "And all that aside...it's not like I have a choice in the matter."

"What do you mean?" Kaworu asked, dropping his tone to his level.

Kensuke shot him a glance, "Dad. He had an accident. He always told me he never wanted me to pilot, no matter how much I thought I wanted to."

Kaworu's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, "You aren't saying?"

"Well, if Dad's unconscious and my brother has no say in it...they don't need anyone's permission to put me in an Eva."

Kaworu's stomach dropped then twisted. Ah. So they were the same. He asked quietly, "Does your brother even know?"

Kensuke's crumpled expression told him the answer. He looked away, "I'm a coward. I couldn't do it. He'll probably find out soon anyway. Then he'll be all mad I didn't tell him."

Kaworu raised a hand to his shoulder, ignoring how it shook, "You should have. But I understand why you didn't."

A loudspeaker droned above them, "Pilots Nagisa and Aida report to your respective holding bays. Activation tests commence in 15 minutes."

"I guess that's my cue," he smiled weakly at him, "I'll see you after."

"...yes, I'll see you then. Be safe, okay?"

"I've got all these people overseeing the test, should be fine!" he flashed his grin and a thumbs up as he left.

Kaworu frowned at his back. It wasn't going to be fine.

Because there was a persistent buzzing at the edges of his awareness.

There was nothing Kaworu could say to Asuka, nothing he could say to make it better. He wished so desperately for the sick feeling to go away.

Goichi had been pacing for god-knows-how-long. Night had set in and he hadn't even stopped to turn on a light, leaving the living room barely lit by the streetlights from outside. His week had gone from bad to worst to downright nightmarish in a matter of days.

A few days ago, his and Kensuke's father had been admitted into the NERV medical wing, after suffering a workplace accident. Goichi had tried to press them on the details but the most they could tell him was a heavy armor component had fallen from a crane and clipped him in the head hard enough for him to lose consciousness.

Shortly after, Kensuke had come home, then left as soon as he had come, insisting he was going on a solo camping trip for the next few days. Emphasis on solo. Most of the time, him and Goichi went together, especially lately when he had more and more days off. But it didn't take too much for him to realize his brother had to process their father's accident alone.

At least, that's what he had thought.

No. Kensuke had lied to him. He had been chosen as Evangelion pilot and wasn't even anywhere near Tokyo-3 but rather at a secondary testing facility at Matsushiro.

Why he had kept it from him, even lying to do so, Goichi didn't know. But he had said a lot of things to himself about how he had to impress upon him how disappointed he was. Wasn't it bad enough he was without their father? Hadn't they agreed to tell each other everything?

Then, near sunset, the day had reached the nightmare stage. An evacuation order went out ahead of a new Angel which was trudging its way towards Tokyo-3. Every pilot on hand had been scrambled to intercept—even the new ones.

Kensuke had been dropped into the deep end.

Now, it was dark and it was over. The Angel was dead. Goichi had come home from the shelter. But Kensuke remained MIA. So he had taken up vigil by the phone, alternating between pacing and standing over the phone like a vulture.

The phone rang. He snatched it up, "Hello?!"

A tired and pained feminine voice came from the other end, "Is this Mr. Aida?"

"Majo—Miss Misato," he breathed, "It's me, Goichi."

"Goichi," she repeated, probably remembering who it is, "I'm calling about Kensuke."

"Where is he?"

"Do you know...they chose him to pilot?"

"Yes, yes," he snapped, "I heard all about how you ghouls chose him then dropped him right into the fire."

"Goichi...that's...that's not what happened. I can't tell you exactly what happened but know...we didn't make him fight."

That was a cold comfort. Especially with what she said next.

"But he didn't make it."

It felt like the color drained out of the world. "No. That's not true," he denied.

"Goichi…"

"You're wrong!" he yelled, "It can't be...he can't be gone. I can't...it can't be true…"

"I'm sorry."

He slammed the phone back down on its receiver, sank to his knees and screamed. He sobbed, "He's gone, he's gone," and couldn't say anything else but repeat those two words.

He felt so small; like after the first time the world ended, when the very Earth screamed. Now, the only one screaming was him.

Why hadn't Kensuke told him? He could have gone with them, made them take him with him.

If only so he might have died too.

Chapter Text

"Hey...Kaworu...you need to wake up."

He jolted awake, blinking blearily. The room around him was hazy, its details blurred. They blurred the farther away they were from him until they faded into darkness. Just beside his bed, there was a figure, no details discernible except for the glint of their glasses.

Kensuke...had what happened been a terrible dream?

The figure approached and he realized, even though the similarities were there, they were far too tall and their hair far too shaggy to be him.

Emerging from the dark was Goichi, his eyes shadowed and haggard and his mullet in disarray, as if he had failed on its upkeep. He frowned deeply at him and murmured, "Do you know where my brother is…?"

"You...saw him last, didn't you?"

"Where has he gone to?"

"Can't you bring him back?"

"I really miss him, y'know."

Finally, he found his voice and croaked, "Bring him back…? But I didn't...I didn't…"

Goichi's features hardened, his eyes turning to stone, "You didn't what?"

"What happened wasn't my fault!" he protested.

"That's the kind of thing you'd like to tell yourself, huh?" the man accused, "But at the end of the day, you're not like us, aren't you?

Kaworu jolted away, shimmying away until his bare back hit the wall. It was hard to breathe all of a sudden, as if he was trying to breathe in hot, humid air. Goichi continued to approach, until he loomed over him. The light catching his glasses obscured his eyes but no doubt, he was furious. He hissed, "You're some monster, you know that? And what's worse is you've deluded yourself in thinking you're a human. A monster like you doesn't even deserve to mourn my brother...you should keep his name out of your mouth!"

Goichi lunged, hands raised to strangle him, and Kaworu knew he wouldn't fight back. He wouldn't struggle.

He gasped awake, grasping the thin sheet covering him for purchase. After a few moments of disorientation, he realized he was alone, in a hospital room and very sore. His fingers ghosted over his throat, which still ached from Bardiel's honest attempt to kill him.

He had only met Goichi twice but his mind had made a pretty convincing facsimile of him, if only to torment him. Except for better or worse, it was not real and he was very much alive.

Probably for the worse, he was still alive.

Everything was terrible.

That was the constant refrain echoing through Asuka's head since she had been extracted from her Entry Plug and brought to the hospital.

There wasn't a lot of good news to be to be had but some came in the form of her first visitor. Face and arm bandaged and coming in with a limp was Misato. Asuka shot up then immediately winced at the phantom pain that rocketed through her shoulder and back. Misato held up her free hand, "Asuka, don't move too much. I heard you were hurt."

"Me, hurt? What about you?!" Asuka cried, eyes roving over her.

The older woman probably should be in bed herself but had come to visit her instead. Misato had gone well out of her way to check on her. Her chest suddenly felt warm and her pain eased at the thought.

Misato winced as she lowered herself into a chair. "I'm fine enough, to answer your question," she told her, "I just couldn't rest if I didn't check you are all alright."

"I guess," Asuka conceded, "Have you seen anyone else?"

"Just you, so far," she said, "They just moved Shinji into the hospital so I'll be go seeing him next."

"So they really did put him into custody."

"Just long enough to get him to cool down. I don't think anyone was taking his threats seriously. I heard he just about lost his voice screaming at the officers."

Asuka frowned. That didn't sound entirely un-Shinji-like though she had to admit the idea of him raving so much he lost his voice was nearly entirely foreign.

Misato's voice brought her from her thoughts, "What did the doctors say about you?"

Patting over her chest then shoulder, she said, "Good news is there's no lingering nerve damage from the wounds. Both still ache terribly but eh, it's what it is."

"It's the best we could hope for," Misato's eyes grew cloudy, "...considering the circumstances."

Immediately, Asuka's mind went to what they lost. She murmured, "If I could have gotten up faster, I could have stopped it."

"Asuka," Misato began.

"No!" she cut her off, "Unit 02 could have kept on going, we could have kept on going! If we could have saved Kaworu, we could have stopped the damn thing from going off and...and...Kensuke would still be here!"

She shook with barely hidden rage and, to her great horror, her eyes began to sting with unshed tears. She blinked furiously, hoping they'd dissipate for good. She would not cry. If she maybe saved them all, she could cry then, but she hadn't yet earned that.

Misato gently laid her hand on her shoulder and murmured, "Asuka...there's no point in thinking about 'what ifs' or 'if onlys'. We just...we just have to keep on going."

"You're just saying that," she grumbled.

"I'm not. You don't think I'm thinking that if maybe it was me guiding you all, I could have figured out some way to prevent what happened?"

She used her blankets to dry her eyes and, to her relief, Misato didn't mention it. Instead, she patted her gently, "Don't beat yourself up. I've got to go now so get your rest."

With that, she left. Asuka leaned back in bed and craned her head to stare at the familiar ceiling. How couldn't she beat herself up? She had the foreknowledge and she had Unit 02 with unlimited power but yet...she had still failed. Her deck was stacked but she still failed and even worse, it was Kaworu who took the fall for her failure.

They hadn't spoke since she relayed him the terrible news. She'd have to visit him and soon. But even moving reaggravated the phantom pain, as if it reminded her body it was hurt. She decided she'd go after a short nap. By then, Misato should have gone and visited everyone and her pain might have faded a bit more.

When Asuka awoke, her pain had faded, as she had hoped. With new resolve, she set out to check up on everyone.

First was Shinji and, confusingly, he was completely absent from his room. She scoured the surrounding area but found no sign of him. If he had ran away, like last time, she was sure she would have heard about it. Putting that out of her mind for the time being, she moved onto Kaworu.

Entering his room, she found him laying in bed, awake but staring off into the distance. She frowned and greeted, "Hey, Prettyboy."

He jolted from his trance, looking over at her with wide eyes. He held her gaze with that deer-in-the-headlights look before his eyes softened in relief. He murmured, "Asuka, it's you."

"Who else would it be?"

"Um...I don't know," he admitted quietly.

It was weird and frankly a little scary to see Kaworu so morose. She wished she knew the right words to lift his spirits but nothing good came to mind. If the Angels had broken Kaworu, what chance did she have? She tried anyway, "How are you?"

"I don't seem to have any lasting damage. My neck is a bit sore but...otherwise, I'm fine."

"Physically, that is."

He hummed in affirmation but didn't offer anything else. Nothing for her to work with. She dragged a chair beside his bed and sat down, "Do you...wanna talk about it?"

"Not...not particularly. Sorry."

"Don't say sorry," she playfully knocked her hand against his, "I hate it when people apologize when they shouldn't."

He chuckled gently, "That's right. You do."

They sat alone with each other for a few minutes, in a tense but amicable silence. Finally, she broke it, "I'm sorry."

He looked over at her, his eyes tired and dully red, "For what?"

She shrugged, "For being so harsh on you after. For not saving you."

"Asuka," he sighed, "Please don't apologize. I'm not angry."

Balling her fists up, she couldn't help but cry out, "Why not?! Why aren't you angry? I had all the tools and I...I still failed."

He gently placed one hand on her fist and pried her hand loose, back into an open palm. She didn't fight him, letting him do so and then do the other hand. Once he was done, he clasped her open hand in his own and answered, "Because sometimes things don't work out, even if we really really try. I...have my suspicions the Commander wanted to activate the Dummy Plug one way or another. The fact I didn't fight back just gave him a convenient time to use it."

"You got this all backwards," she grumbled, "I'm supposed to comfort you, not the other way around."

Understanding dawned in his eyes, "Ah. There is more to this than just the fact you failed."

Inhaling a ragged breath, she explained, "It's just...you accepted me right off the bat. The least I could do was save you when you needed it. Spare you the pain of what...what happened to Kensuke."

"I don't blame you."

"And I don't understand why you don't."

He smiled weakly, "I fear it's not in my nature."

That was the needed words to diffuse the situation. She scowled, "Nature, fate...for someone so grounded, you talk a lot of spiritual matters."

"That's too in my nature."

"Ugh!"

She groaned, pulling her hand from his grasp to press to her face. Once she lowered them, she asked, "Has Shinji visited you? He's not in his room."

"He's not in his room?" he asked, the surprise on his face making it clear that this was the first he had heard about it.

She nodded. He continued, "Misato visited me after him and she said he just seemed very...withdrawn. Like he didn't want to talk. Though according to her, he might have lost his voice."

So he had wandered off, probably only having talked to Misato, and couldn't even be bothered to visit Kaworu! Asuka internally seethed. She was going to have words for him when she found him.

At the very least, unless he snuck away, he hadn't run away like last time. That might have been the only time in the previous world where he was justified in doing such a thing.

"That's so weird," Asuka murmured, "I wanted to get a second to talk to him. Try to knock some sense into him."

"Of course, for what is to come," Kaworu murmured.

She hadn't even devoted any thought to the next Angel. She groaned, "I meant for not visiting you but yeah, that too!"

She turned to him and asked, "If something happens, would you be ready?"

It wasn't much of an 'if' but a 'when', but she didn't want prying eyes or ears to believe she knew something she wasn't supposed to.

He smiled weakly, "Do I have a choice in the matter?"

She frowned deeply. Telling him he did have a choice would be an empty platitude, especially since they both knew they didn't really have one. Running away instead of facing the next Angel would be the selfish choice and likely the choice that would doom humanity and restart the cycle. So she told him, "Just focus on resting right now, alright?"

"As long as you visit Rei too before you go off to try to find Shinji," he replied.

"That was already in the plans."

"Just remember to rest too."

She was about to rise and say her farewells until he murmured, almost too soft to hear, as if he didn't want her to, "Asuka. Is it my fault Kensuke died?"

She whipped back around to face him and snapped, "Why would you ask a stupid question like that?!"

He shrugged, "If I could have fought back, maybe the Dummy Plug wouldn't have activated."

"It was strangling you! You couldn't have fought back! If you did, then you were just laying there letting it kill you!"

He chewed his lip anxiously. Well, if Bardiel had killed him, it would have made some future events no longer a concern.

Seeing him still morose, Asuka sighed, "If it's not my fault, then it's absolutely not your fault. It's Shinji's bastard father who turned the damn thing on! It's his fault!"

"I suppose so," Kaworu conceded, even though he didn't sound very convinced.

Even though she had the urge to further argue with him, she didn't see him doing anything but placidly agree with her while not really doing so in his head. So she sighed, "Just...try to sleep or watch TV or something alright? Don't sit here all night thinking about it!"

He nodded and, even though she didn't believe him, she gave him her farewells before she left to visit Rei.

She left and headed down the hall to Rei's room. Between her concern about Shinji's disappearing act and Kaworu's depression, Rei had nearly slipped out of her thoughts. And considering what Rei had shared with her a few days ago…

Her breath caught. Even if they couldn't be together, she still shouldn't neglect her. They were friends, after all.

She padded inside, finding Rei reading a book, no doubt brought by either a nurse, Misato or even maybe Ritsuko. Seeing her, Rei gave her a warm smile, "Asuka."

"Hey, Rei," she once more collapsed into the chair beside her, "Sorry I didn't visit sooner."

"I understand. You are concerned for both Kaworu and Shinji."

"I take it Shinji hasn't visited you either."

Rei bowed her head, her eyelids slipping over her eyes, giving her a half-hooded look. She murmured, "No…"

Asuka frowned, her face falling at her reaction. Of course she would take this badly. Before her and Kaworu had arrived, Shinji was all she had. Now, when she needed him, he wasn't there. She murmured back, "I'm sorry, Rei."

"He's my first friend...he's very dear to me...I thought I might be the same to him," she said quietly.

"I wouldn't take it so personally. He hasn't visited Kaworu either. Or me. I'm guessing he's not talking to anyone," Asuka reached out, her hand wavering before she decided to place it on her shoulder.

"I see…"

They sat in silence for a little while longer before Asuka rose once more, "I'm off to look for him and give him a piece of my mind."

"Please do rest," Rei told her, "You're hurt too."

"It could be worse," she shrugged her off.

"It will be if you don't rest."

Thinking about what was to come, she conceded, "You're right. I'll just do one circuit around the hospital and rest for the night."

Rei smiled, satisfied with this deal, "Good. See you later, Asuka."

Her circuit around the hospital proved fruitless. She even asked the receptionist if she saw him leave but she pointed out she wouldn't have let him leave without his guardian's permission. So unless he had snuck out and was hiding somewhere inside the Geofront, he was still here. He just didn't want to be found. In a final last ditch effort before she quit for the day, she took the elevator up to the roof. Emerging into the false sunlight, she found not Shinji but Mari whistling at the edge of the roof. She wrinkled her nose, "Little Miss Union Jack?"

Mari turned to face her with a grin, "Princess! And you even gave me a nickname! You didn't do that before."

Crossing the roof, Asuka asked, "So how'd you get up here?"

"There's plenty of ways to get in here if you know about them already. Old access tunnels and the like. I should show you some time," she explained.

Stopping before her, she said, "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were waiting on me."

"Not quite!" Mari chuckled before, her face fell into a neutral expression, "I was hoping for someone else."

"I'll take a wild guess: Shinji?"

When she nodded, Asuka huffed, "Man of the hour and no one's seen him."

Mari looked back over the Geofront, her expression turning to something more thoughtful. She said, "I guess I'll just have to pass the message to you. A nexus point is fast approaching. You better hope everyone holds tight onto their humanity."

"Excuse...me?"

"I'm saying everything just might change very fast very soon. I want all of you to make sure the damage is mitigated. We're going to all be better off in the long run if the rollercoaster stays on its tracks."

Everything clicked together.

"You've done this before," Asuka realized.

Mari looked back at her, her smile tight and forced, "In that case, so have you."

Deciding this was going to take longer than she expected, Asuka sat down beside her. She murmured, "It's a long story."

"Can you tell me at least how many times around you've been? Ah...if you've been keeping track?"

"I only remember the one but I think it's the first...the important one."

She decided against telling her the whole circumstances of how she had come to remember. Kaworu hadn't made any mention or even indication he knew Mari was a fellow looper so it stood to reason Mari didn't know about him. She didn't know if he had any reason to keep that a secret from her but it wasn't her place to tell anyway.

Mari nodded, "Very important to remember. I wasn't here for that one...or if I was, I wasn't very relevant in the greater story."

"So how did you get roped into this?" Asuka couldn't help but ask.

Mari's face once more smoothed over into a neutral expression, though this time her eyes betrayed a sense of melancholy. She said softly, "That was part of why I hoped to find Shinji. I had hoped to share some information with him before the next Angel, so he wasn't caught unawares. But he appears he doesn't want to be found."

"I bet he's taking what happened to Kensuke hard," Asuka murmured, looking away and down into the Geofront.

"My condolences, by the way. I never met him here but...I've met versions of him. He was always such a good man, even for all his idiosyncrasies."

"...if you hadn't run away, it would have been you in Unit 03...right?" Asuka asked slowly, her eyes narrowing and sliding back towards her.

Mari tilted her head, the light catching her glasses in a way so her eyes were hidden behind the glare, "What of it?"

"So you knew what was going to happen."

Her tone took on a new note; a defensive one. "So what, you want to admit I ran away because I was scared?" Mari frowned deeply, "Or are you accusing me of getting Kensuke killed on purpose?"

Asuka opened her mouth then closed it, realizing she wasn't even sure what she was saying. Her brain wanted her to get furious at Mari for what happened. Then there'd be a person she could get mad at, instead of the unreachable Commander Ikari. But instead of blowing up, she pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes, willing herself to think about something else.

So she began to press her for answers. Uncovering her eyes, she asked, "You said something about a nexus point, what the hell is that?"

She didn't expect Mari to answer so openly, "Things like to change really fast right around here and they can change pretty drastically in my experience. Everyone better make sure things work out as best they can. I'm going to try to help however I can."

She wasn't answering many of her questions really except confirming what she should have always known. This next angel, the juggernaut Zeruel, was when things shifted. When it felt like everything got really hopeless soon. She swallowed thickly, "Alright. Dunno how you're gonna pull that off but sure. Alright."

Mari smiled, a mischievous sparkle in her eye, "I've learned some tricks. I have my ways," and began to sit up, as if to leave.

"Hey, wait," Asuka said and she stopped, giving her a last quizzical look.

She continued, "You never told me how you got roped into this."

"It's a long story, much like your own," her eyes softened with fondness, "But let's say its all because a promise to an old friend."

And with that baffling explanation, she left Asuka alone on the roof.

After another day, all four were deemed well enough to be discharged. Rei and Shinji had left first but not together. According to Misato, who had seen Kaworu and Asuka off, she had been there to discharge Shinji but the boy had bolted off before she could offer to take him home.

Kaworu was deeply troubled by his beloved's behavior. He had a right to react to things as he needed but he couldn't recall Shinji behaving quite like this before. He had run away before and he had shut others out but now it seemed like he couldn't quite commit to either one. He could tell though Asuka was losing her patience with him.

Nonetheless, he was glad for her presence. She had been a bundle of nerves since Bardiel but had seemed to push her efforts in making sure he was alright. If he felt any better, he might have chastised her for not looking after herself. But he needed some sort of rock, as his emotions felt like a raging sea.

One moment, his emotions felt far away from him and he felt closer to his first incarnations than he ever had since. The next moment, he felt so nauseous he had to fight to keep the bile down. He wanted to cry and wail and scream. And rarely, some terrible part of him wanted to raze the whole world down and try again.

But Asuka was here. He now had an obligation to not leave her alone—for as long as he could.

As they walked, he asked, "Do you think Shinji might have gone on home?"

Asuka huffed, "Hard to say. Probably not, seeing how he doesn't want to talk to anyone."

"I see…"

Kaworu's face fell and once more, Asuka couldn't help but feel annoyed at Shinji. He wasn't the only one suffering! Kaworu was the worst of them all but he couldn't even spare him a moment! She hissed through her teeth.

Even with what had happened, the pair fell into routine. They stopped at a convenience store, grabbed some drinks and headed to the abandoned park. As they headed there, Asuka stared down at her drink with hooded eyes. Last time she had visited one with someone, it had been Goichi's store. Now, surely if they had visited that one, he wouldn't be there. No doubt what had happened to Kensuke devastated him but she kept that thought to herself. For Kaworu's sake; he didn't need more reason to blame himself for what had happened.

They sat in the grass and Kaworu said, "I suppose you want to discuss the next Angel?"

"Not quite," she shook her head, "First thing's first, it's about Mari."

His eyes widened; he hadn't expected them to meet again. He said as much, "You saw her again."

"Yesterday, when I was looking for Shinji, I found her on the roof. I guess she was looking for him too. She had a message to pass along. Something about a "nexus point" and how "everyone needs to hold onto their humanity"," she explained.

Kaworu's eyes widened further and he murmured, "She's in this too...how?!"

Asuka shrugged, "I tried to ask her but she just told me it was "a promise to an old friend"."

He hummed in thought and she pressed, "Have any idea what she means?"

"I've got a theory but if it's all the same to you, I want to keep it to myself until we see her again…," he trailed off.

She scowled but decided against pressing him. He most likely had his own reasons and, at the minute, it wasn't all that important. "What do you think about her warning?" she asked, "What's that mean? Everyone hold onto their humanity?"

"I fear she is thinking of a specific loop," he murmured, his eyes going cloudy and pained.

He looked up at her and, finding her expression had gone equal parts hard and inquisitive, demanding an explanation, he began, "There was a loop...maybe under a dozen or so ago. Things changed so drastically and so quickly. But it all went off-script, so to speak, with the next Angel. It took Rei."

"It took her?!" Asuka cried.

Kaworu nodded gravely, "It's absorbed her and Zero's core into itself. Due to Rei's...unique biology, this allowed the Angel to ascend to a form where it could have ended the world. Just like you remember, Shinji did battle with it but this time it was to rescue Rei. His will to save her spurred Unit 01 to break its limits and ascend to godhood. Unfortunately, this began the Third Impact."

Asuka was full on gawking at him now and he let her do so as long as she needed. She opened and closed her mouth like a fish until she found the words to say, "Gott im himmel."

"In a sense," he joked lightly.

"Shinji did that? Shinji 'I will not run away' Ikari did that?!" she asked, horror inching into her tone.

He nodded once more, "Yes. Whether he meant to or even truly understood what he was doing is irrelevant. In that world, Shinji nearly ended the world. Thanks to...outside intervention, it was halted...for a time. But the world was forever changed. He was lost within Unit 01 for fifteen years after."

"Why do I get the sense that's not the end of it?" she murmured.

Smiling sardonically, he said, "No. There's much more to it but to really explain it, we'd be here for quite some time."

"It's fine. Tell me if we end up averting it," she waved him off, "So we gotta make sure the Angel doesn't "take" anyone. Because with how Shinji's behaving, I think he'd do that for just about any one of us. He went berserk when Sandalphon was attacking me and I was still being terrible to him then!"

"We've all have to keep our heads screwed on straight," he warned, "Don't you think you'd do something similar if one of us was taken? Not to mention that your mother's got an S2 Drive this time. Truthfully, I have no idea if that's within 02's capabilities...but I'd rather not bet on it not being capable. Things change all the time."

She frowned deeply and imagined what she would do if the Angel took Kaworu, Shinji and then finally Rei.

The picture that last option painted of Unit 02 stood high as the world ended around it was disturbingly vivid.

He had a point.

"Fair point," she told him so, "Is there anything we can do to prepare?"

He tilted his head this way and that way then shook it more definitively, "I think we're as ready as we're ever gonna be. If you get a chance to talk to Shinji, pass the message on."

"If he gives me one," she grumbled.

They sat in silence, Asuka sipping her cola and Kaworu his orange soda. Then she broke the silence, "Kaworu, what happened to Kensuke isn't your fault."

"You said that before."

"Yeah but I got the sense you didn't believe me."

He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I don't like to hurt others," he told her, "Even if the scenario called me against a fellow human, I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. But the Dummy Plug made Unit Four...it made me do that. I could hear it, I could feel it. It's very difficult to believe its not my fault."

"It doesn't matter what it feels like. You didn't make that choice. You've got free will and what happened wasn't out of that free will!"

What a funny choice of words from her.

She continued, "If someone puts a knife in your hands then grabs your hands and makes you stab someone, is that your fault?"

He quirked his lips into a small smile, "...you've got a funny way to making your point, Asuka Langley-Soryu."

She crossed her arms, "You didn't answer my question!"

"You're right," he conceded, really conceded, "That helps more than you know."

"I'm glad?" her expression was inquisitive but, for once, she didn't press him too hard for it, "Whatever, you'll tell me one day, right?"

"One day," he promised, because one way or another, he would have to tell her of his true identity, as the Angel of free will.

Even though lately, that last part didn't seem very accurate.

Rei was feeling a lot and she hated it. At one point, she might have believed her half-soul prevented her from feeling her emotions. That appeared only true for the intensity. The sheer volume of them made her behave as if she had none at all; walking through life as if through a dream. She couldn't quite process all of these emotions. Confusion, anger, fear, anxiety, anticipation.

It didn't help all her friends had been in their own world. Kaworu was equally distant as her, as if he too had too many emotions to process correctly. Asuka was lending most of her attention to fussing over Kaworu and trying to find Shinji. Shinji hadn't bothered reaching out to anyone after his outburst.

Rei tried not to feel too hurt.

But it was hard to when even her oldest, dearest friend wouldn't come see her.

And on top of all of this, something terrible was coming.

She had never been privy to the full details of the Secret Dead Sea Scrolls but one of the kindnesses the Commander extended her was telling her what he could. The next Angel, Zeruel the Arm of God, was slated to be horrifically destructive and difficult to put down. He instructed her very tersely that she must be ready for its arrival.

From the hospital, she went home and sat down on her couch. Doing anything felt like distraction so she just sat there, staring into space, for how long she didn't know.

There was a knock at the door.

She moved before she processed what she was doing to go to answer. She had regained awareness when she opened the door to find her nearest dearest friend, Shinji Ikari. "Shinji," she murmured.

Nodding, he asked, "May I come in?"

"Of course."

He walked in and gave the place a wide berth. He smiled warmly, "You've really made this place your own, huh?"

She nodded, "I think I understand now what Asuka meant by doing things that made me happy, even if they do nothing else."

As she let him in, she realized the error of her ways. Sitting there all day meant she hadn't ate and her growling stomach announced it for all the world to hear. She blushed.

"I could make us both something?" he volunteered.

"It's my home."

"I don't mind it. I'd actually really like to cook something for us."

"Very well."

Finding she didn't keep any ingredients and instead subsisted off instant meals, he made a disappointed face. He then excused himself, promising to be back quick. As promised, he was, carrying in his arms a bagful of ingredients. From where she had been waiting, the kitchen table, she apologized, "I apologize for my lack of fresh ingredients. I don't know how to cook."

"It's alright," he assured her, "I just wish someone had taught you."

As he went into her kitchen to lay out the ingredients, she asked, "Why didn't you go see Kaworu instead of me?"

He frowned, "He wasn't home. I was going to come see you anyway...so I just decided to come see you first."

"I see. He is most likely still walking home with Asuka."

Shinji paused, staring off into space before he said, "They sure do spend a lot of time together. Do you think there's anything going on between them?"

Immediately, Rei shook her head, "That's not true."

She not only remembered Asuka's determined belief that Kaworu liked Shinji but also her rejecting her. It was unlikely that Asuka had bounced back to Kaworu, especially since it seemed she'd rather the two boys be together. "They're just friends," she added.

"I guess you're right," he nodded, "They came here together so they were probably friends before then."

He turned to face her and asked quietly, "Say, Rei...could you keep a secret?"

Immediately, she nodded, "Of course. I shall take it to my grave."

His face did a weird spasm as he grimaced. He grumbled, "Don't word it like that...it's not that serious."

"My apologies...what is it you wanted to share with me?"

He beckoned her over, as if he was fearful someone might hear him if he raised his voice at all. She rose and crossed the space. Once she stood right beside him, he confessed, "I really...really like Kaworu."

"More than friends?" she whispered back.

He tilted his head then shrugged, "You can put it like that. I'm just not sure if that's a good idea."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"There's just so much going on…"

Once more, Rei was reminded of her situation with Asuka. But this wasn't the same. She had turned down Asuka for her safety and to spare her pain, when the end came. She murmured, "Asuka told me Mr. Kaji told her we should find time to be kids. I believe "dating" comes with that."

"You're saying I should tell Kaworu how I feel about him?" he asked, eyes wide.

She nodded, "I believe so."

He smiled, his whole body relaxing as if her words had lifted a great weight off of him, "I'll keep that in mind, Rei. Thank you."

He turned back to cutting the vegetables then asked, "Rei, since no one has taught you to cook, would you like to watch me?"

Smiling, she nodded, "I would like that."

Within the next few minutes, he found the stereo on her counter, tuned it to a classical radio station and then began preparing some yakisoba with tofu and vegetables. He seemed to relax when doing all this, enough to start conversation once more, "How are you doing, Rei?"

"I'm doing well."

"Even just out of the hospital?"

She twisted her wrists then rotated her shoulder to test for pain and, upon experiencing none, nodded, "I'm in no pain."

"I'm glad. I'm still getting pains in my leg every so often," he patted his hip for emphasis, "But I guess it could have been much worse."

They were most certainly thinking of the same people. Not all the injuries suffered were physical. And not everyone involved got to come home.

"You should have rested more," she lightly chastised.

He nodded, "You're right. I was a coward, huh?"

"I wouldn't use such harsh words myself."

He turned away, staring at the cut vegetables as he thought. Softly, he admitted, "I just didn't know what to say to anyone. I don't know what to say to Kaworu and Asuka's been acting so erratic it scares me."

"But they're your friends too."

"But what if I offend Kaworu and say the wrong thing? And what if Asuka gets mad at me like when we first met?"

Failing to see his point, she insisted, "They are your friends. That is irrelevant."

He shifted his weight from foot to foot then promised, "If I see them, I will talk to them."

"...if? Are you going somewhere?"

He grimaced then explained, "I'm not going anywhere. I just...I feel like something very terrible will happen very soon and I might have just wasted my chance to talk to them before it."

"Something terrible? Like another Angel attack?"

"I guess so," he turned away once more from her.

Rei got the itching feeling he wasn't being completely clear with her. It reminded her somewhat of the Commander but the comparison rattled her so much, she discarded the thought with haste. If Shinji had something to hide, he surely had good reason to.

There was no possible way he should have known what was to come. The Commander never extended such a kindness to him and there was hardly anywhere else she could think he might have found this information. It must have been anxiety...but unfortunately not unfounded.

He steered the conversation away from that topic as he served the yakisoba. He made extra and was sure to put it in reusable containers for her to have later. As he sat down to eat with her, he told her, "If you want, I can come over again and make you something else."

"Would it not be easier for me to come over to your home?" she asked softly.

He smiled, "That's a good idea. I don't think Asuka or Misato would mind the company."

When they finished their food, Shinji took his leave, promising to come see her again soon if he had the chance.

Once again, if. Rei wished she could tell him his fears were unfounded.

Shinji paused outside Kaworu's apartment, considering if he should visit him before he went home. He was surely home now and would answer the door.

But between wandering and how even a simple visit with Rei, a deep tiredness had settled into his bones. The prospect of another long visit and the inevitable confrontation with Asuka adding onto that...he would just have to try the next day. "Just give me one more day. Please," he murmured softly as a prayer to the universe.

Unlike Kaworu, there was no way he was getting out of talking to Asuka. He wasn't surprised to find her in the living room, only resigned. She turned to see who came in and, seeing it was him, leapt up, "Shinji!"

He nodded and went to her, rather than wait for her to come to him. She crossed her arms. As expected, she was not pleased. She demanded, "Where have you been, you jackass!"

Better than idiot, he supposed. He shrugged.

Her face did some interesting things, twisting this way and that until she settled on something resigned and only a little annoyed. "Are you alright?"

"As good as I could be. My leg's not that bad," he bent his leg for emphasis.

"Same here," she made a fist and lightly tapped her chest.

"...I think I'm going to bed. Sorry, you'll have to figure something out yourself for dinner," he sighed.

"I don't need you to make me dinner every night like you're my mother," she smiled lightly, her insult lacking any teeth, "But what about you?"

"I already ate with Rei."

"So you visited Rei and not Kaworu?" she asked, her voice gaining an edge.

He cringed but explained, "I tried his door but he didn't answer. And now I'm way too tired to talk with him. I'll visit him first thing tomorrow. I promise."

Asuka's face fell, "Ah. He was out with me."

"What were you two doing?" he asked, "Talking?"

She nodded, "About...what happened. He blames himself."

It was as if a fire ignited in Shinji and he cried, "But it's not his fault! He didn't have a choice in the matter! My father's the one who made his Eva do that, not him!"

"That's what I said!" Asuka agreed, "...maybe not in so kind words."

Crossing his arms, Shinji simmered, "That's it. I'm definitely going to see him first thing tomorrow."

"To knock some sense into him?" she couldn't help but smile slyly.

"To get him to see some reason!"

He turned away with a huff and marched back down the hallway to his room. But the closer he got to his room, the more his fire lowered until it died completely. He stopped in front of his door, feeling suddenly very cold. What if he didn't get the chance to talk to Kaworu? Should he maybe ignore how he felt and go try anyway?

"Shinji, what are you doing?"

He turned to find Asuka at the front of the hallway. She had followed him here. He turned, wavering as he did. He couldn't make his mouth make the words he really should say. She stared back, her expression confused. Finally, he stammered, "Do you think everything is going to be okay?"

She frowned, "What kind of question is that?"

"...you're right. That was stupid," he turned to go to bed.

"No," she followed down the hallway until she was right beside him, "Everything's going to be alright because we're gonna fight tooth and claw for it. Alright? Don't go and give up on us."

"Whatever it takes," he replied, the familiar mantra bringing him a degree of calm.

Her eyebrows furrowed, obviously not picking up on the deeper meaning of it. Still she nodded, "Yes. Whatever it takes."

Like some of the weight had lifted off his chest, Shinji felt he could breathe a little better. So he bid her good night and turned to go to his room, hoping he may find solace enough to sleep.

Chapter Text

Asuka didn't mean to sleep in but her nerves had kept her from sleeping most of the night and it was almost morning when she did fall asleep. As far as she could tell, Shinji was in the same predicament. Through the paper-thin walls, she could hear him get up during the night, pace and even wander into the main apartment. As far as she knew, he had done this even after she went to sleep. How he found the space to pace in his glorified closet of a room was beyond her.

Whatever, wasn't like either had a desire to return to school.

BOOM.

The building rattled, snapping Asuka awake out of a dead sleep. She rolled out of bed and onto her feet, the sudden transition from sleep to wakefulness leaving her vaguely nauseous. There was a small part of her brain, the human part, that hadn't quite caught up to the program, wondering what had roused her so quickly.

The ringing of her phone, a series of explosions in the distance and finally, a loud siren brought it up to speed.

"ASUKA! WE HAVE TO GO!"

She was moving before her brain told her body to, racing from her room, into the living room and to the front door. Holding it, as if there was time to be a gentleman, was Shinji. "It's an Angel," she said.

He nodded, confirming it. Once out into the hallway, they raced down it. Ahead and disappearing down the staircase was the silver mop of Kaworu's hair. As they passed Rei's apartment, she emerged, eyes wide as an owl's. Asuka slowed down to hold out her hand and to her genuine surprise, the other girl took it.

Waiting at the front of their apartment was a Section 2 team. A man wearing glasses waved them into a black, featureless van and once they had all piled in, another stomped on the gas, shooting them down the street with little regard to speed limits.

Tokyo-3 had descended into chaos. People were running and screaming down the street, all trying to rush into the shelters while they still had time. Alarm klaxons bounced off every available surface while a pre-recorded voice ordered all residents within the region to proceed calmly (as if!) to their nearest shelter. All the while, explosions went off in the distance.

Shinji shook her shoulder and gestured for her to look out his window.

Far off, past city limits and far enough she couldn't make out its particular features, was Zeruel.

A veritable swarm of planes and bombers were flying around the Angel like mosquitoes. Probably just as effective because it was taking no time to pick them apart with its eye beams. At the very least, they seemed to be slowing down its advance.

All of Asuka's nerves had been chased away and replaced by a cold terror in the pit of her stomach. The memory of her Eva's arms being sheared off came unbidden to her and she couldn't stop from wrapping her arms around herself. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Shinji look at her with a mixture of fear and...guilt?

Rei had steeled herself into a mask of determination and Kaworu held a similar one. But his gaze was unfocused, his mind elsewhere. The memory of that loop had no doubt come to the forefront of his mind.

She leaned over and murmured to him, "Are you alright?"

He laughed softly but there lay no true happiness in it, "As if I have a choice in the matter."

"There's four of us," to her surprise, it was Shinji who spoke up, "With all four of us, we should be able to kill it."

"Your father isn't going to want to send out Unit 02 right away," Asuka told him, "Not at all if he can help it!"

Shinji cast another glance at the far-approaching Angel and murmured darkly, "If he can help it."

If Misato believed in a higher power, she might be inclined to believe it hated and loved her in equal amounts. It loved her because it allowed her to already be on base when the next Angel arrived but hated her because that meant her kids were left alone at home. Luckily, it seemed all four Pilots had exercised initiative and been able to meet the Section 2 team that watched over the apartment. They had just arrived into the Geofront and, if she was lucky, would be deploying within the next five minutes.

Which was good, because if Misato felt comfortable ascribing emotions to the Angels, she would say this one had lost its patience. She watched the screen as the feed from one of their aerial cameras cut out. The last footage it had caught was the Angel destroying their air support with a single sweeping laser.

Down at the locker rooms, the kids were finishing up suiting up and emerging once more. Before Shinji could bolt down the hall to Unit 01's loading bay, Asuka practically leapt the distance separating them to stop him. He whipped around to scowl at her, "Asuka! What are you doing?"

"I have a message for you! From Mari!" she cried.

His expression changed from annoyance to confusion, "You know Mari?"

"It's not important. What is is she told me this: that there's a nexus point coming and we all need to hold onto our humanity."

His eyes went wide for a moment before his expression settled into understanding. He nodded, "Understood!" and with that, turned to go to his Eva.

Asuka idly wondered just how much he understood of the warning before she followed suit to Unit 02.

Unfortunately, once she was loaded into her Eva and synchronized, she found all her anxiety returned in full force. Between the memories of what happened before and what Kaworu had told her, any number of ways this could go wrong swirled in her mind. Considering back in her first world they had only won because deus ex machina and back in the one Kaworu had told her, it had resulted in the end of the world...their odds felt long.

"Asuka, I know it's a little much to ask considering the circumstances but you've got to try to get a hold of yourself. Your sync ration is all over the place," Ritsuko chastised her.

"I have a hold of myself!" she screamed back.

She squeezed her eyes shut. Why was she acting like this? She had to get a hold of herself! If she couldn't deploy, then their odds would be even worse.

"I'm low priority as it is, I know you guys don't want to send me out," she added bitterly.

The facility shuddered. She could hear inside the command center that everyone was scrambling to get a battle plan going. Zeruel was beginning its incursion, having taken out a number of the armor plating layers protecting the Geofront. And from the sound of it, it was winding up for another shot.

Ritsuko answered, "I don't believe we have the luxury of not sending you out against this one."

She squeezed her eyes shut and reached her awareness out beyond the plug in a last ditch effort. Quicker than she anticipated, a warm presence met her there. Warm and...determined.

You can do it, Asuka. I'm with you.

"Mama?" she murmured.

"I don't know how you did it but good job, Asuka. You're holding steady," Ritsuko told her.

She shook her head to clear it. She couldn't get caught up in her feelings, not now. She was already lucky enough that Ritsuko wasn't questioning her sudden turnaround, considering the circumstances. Perhaps she might scrutinize it more later...but she had to make it to later before she could worry about that.

Her mother's presence lingered and she could almost imagine her standing over her seat, hands on her shoulders. Together, they would go to war.

Back in the command center, Misato was laying out her battle strategy, "There's no way we can deploy all four, right?" she grumbled to Ritsuko.

The scientist shook her head, "Rei's still down an arm and Asuka's on low-priority. I...have a feeling we're not going to have a choice regarding 02 though."

"Fine," Misato bit back, "Deploy Unit 01 into the Geofront!"

"Belay that," the Commander droned from behind her, "Send Unit 04 out instead."

She whipped around, "But s-sir, why? Kaworu still has no experience."

The facility shuddered again and beside her, Hyuga cried, "There goes another twelve armor plating layers! There's only five before the Angel has breached the Geofront."

"Major Katsuragi, send out Unit 04. Hurry!" the Commander urged, urgency bleeding into his otherwise neutral tone.

She whipped back around, teeth gritted, "You heard him. Launch Unit 04 into the Geofront by the nearest weapons cache."

"Let me g—szzt!" Shinji's voice began to come over the comm but was cut off by a harsh buzz. Misato raised a concerned eyebrow.

"Let me go first!" Shinji yelled over the comm again.

"They can't hear you," a pair of hands came up on over his eyes and a voice teased, "Guess who~?"

"What are you doing here now?!" Shinji snapped, "What did you do!"

Mari peeked around his seat with a scowl on her face, "Is that any way to greet a friend? But to answer your question, your signal is getting jammed," she held up a hand to show him a circular device in the palm of her hand.

"Why are you even here then? If you've got to go to the trouble with bringing something like that so no one knows you're here?" he pressed.

"Oh they know someone's here. They're probably scrambling right now to figure out what to do. This is just so no one knows who it is. But, once again to answer your question, there's no way I'm letting you face this thing alone. Not after what happened after last time I saw you face this."

He squinted at her then whipped around and away from her. He said, "You do know you'll be synchronizing with Unit 01 with me, right?"

"She'll let me synchronize with you both, I'm sure of it."

"That's not what I'm worried about. What if something...," he paused and, unable to word exactly what he feared decided on, "...bad happens?"

"Nothing bad will happen," she rolled her eyes, "After all, Princess and Prettyboy synchronized together with 02 and they turned out fine."

Shifting anxiously in his seat, he murmured, "You know why that might be a concern of mine."

"It's going to be fine, Shinji," she squeezed his shoulder, "After all, it's nothing you haven't seen before, right?"

Back on the bridge, Maya whipped around to face Misato, "Major! There's an unknown person inside Shinji's plug with him!"

"Huh?" she turned to the closest comm and buzzed in, "Shinji, who's with you?"

A harsh buzzing once more greeted her instead of her ward's voice. Hyuga reported, "It's no good. Comm signals are being jammed."

Misato growled. Could this get any worse?! "No matter," she ordered, "Start the synchronization process immediately! We have to prepare to get him out there as soon as we can, interloper or not!"

An electric sensation went through the LCL and Shinji realized that the bridge crew had decided to go ahead with synchronization, even though he had a passenger. He took a deep breath and allowed the feeling to wash over him.

If you asked Shinji what the process of synchronization was like, he'd liken it to a warm shower of water, being washed over him until it completed and he was one with the Eva. But the feeling that came over him was closer to an ocean wave, crashing against him and dragging him under.

The images passed by quick, almost too fast for him to realize what was happening.

The sky was brilliant blue and a girl with a parachute was bearing down on him quick. The world was ending in hues of crimson, orange and violet. He awoke in a sterile white room. Where his partner had once been was now awash with blood. He was staring, stuck by horror, by a puddle of orange, where he knew a human being had been before. He was once again boarding Unit 01, diving into the unknown.

He was at a train station. Being embraced by his father. Rather than being left behind.

He came out of the feeling, gasping for air and feeling vaguely nauseous. Mari squeezed his shoulder and when he faced her, he found her looking just as haggard as he felt. She smiled weakly, "See? Nothing you haven't seen before."

Meanwhile, Kaworu had so deeply wanted to assure Shinji he didn't mind facing down the Angel first but his jammed communications wouldn't allow for it. The second he heard someone was riding along with him, he knew it was Mari. How typical of her to pull such a stunt.

But overall, he was glad she decided to accompany him. She would be able to keep him steady and, even failing that, her presence just might disrupt any Impact event from starting. Not that he knew if such a thing was possible in this world but he wasn't about to chance it.

He knew it was best anyway if he faced Zereul first. If Bardiel was any indication, then his siblings would zero in on him. If he could whittle down him any, make it easier for his friends, then he had to take it.

And he had his own trick up his sleeve to play.

With a lurch, he was launched right into the Geofront, next to a weapons cache, just as promised. From it, he retrieved a pair of rifles, testing their weight.

A large explosion shook the entire chamber and the artificial sky went dark, leaving the world in a half-gloom. Fitting, as his sibling began to lower into the Geofront. It paused, regarding the single obstacle in its path.

THEY SEND YOU AGAINST ME...A LAMB TO SLAUGHTER.

He narrowed his eyes and this time, didn't entertain the urge to respond. He squeezed the triggers on both rifles, peppering Zeruel with shots. The air in front of it distorted and solidified, forming an AT Field. Determined, Kaworu kept going until the rifles were spent and discarded them.

He picked up a pair of rocket launchers this time, each carrying an unholy amount of firepower. He hefted them onto his shoulders and charged. Unfortunately, he would still have to get in close to erode his AT Field.

As he expected, Zeruel's arms unfolded and shot for him! He bolted, the arm narrowly missing him by a mere few feet. He pressed the triggers on one of his rocket launchers, letting loose a volley of munitions.

The explosions washed up against the AT Field, like waves on a cliff, with similar lack of effect.

He hissed in annoyance and discarded the spent launcher. Once more, Zeruel launched another attack and he danced out of the way.

ENOUGH.

Fast as lightning, his other arm shot towards him, right where he landed dodging the first one.

He cried out and threw up his AT Field with moments to spare. Zeruel's arm skidded harmlessly off, unable to find a point to punch through it, as if it was made of glass. The Angel wound up again for another hit but this one bounced off too.

CURIOUS. YOU WERE ALWAYS THE MOST INNOVATIVE.

His sibling approached slowly and Kaworu turned around him in turn. Just as Zeruel was probing him, he was hoping to find a point where he might lunge in. He dropped his remaining gun and withdrew his knife from its holster. As long as his sibling got close enough, he could hopefully erode his Field enough to get through it.

Zeruel approached slowly, moving to the right as he inspected his sibling's crafted AT Field for weaknesses. It was nowhere near as powerful as it could be, most certainly to masquerade as a normal Evangelion's Field. But the way it had been woven made it feel like slick glass and he couldn't find a point to breach it.

Kaworu lunged, driving the point of his Prog Knife into Zeruel's AT Field. It squealed and screeched but he could feel, slowly but surely, he was getting through.

...there. The weakness was tiny but there was a space where its layers of protections thinned, as if he had run out of material for that point. Zeruel shot one arm forward at it and the reaction was instant. The AT Field collapsed explosively and he could perceive a very undignified yelp as his sibling's monster was sent flying into the dirt.

He launched an arm at the monster and Kaworu grabbed it, cringing from the pain of his hands being seared. He yanked his sibling closer, using his other hand to swipe at him with his knife. Once Zeruel was in range, he lurched upwards, stabbing his knife into its neck instead of going for the core. If he could defang Zeruel, it would be easier for the others.

He realized his mistake as his sibling's eyes lit up crimson.

Zeruel launched Unit 04 away from it with an explosive use of its eye lasers. Once more, the Evangelion was thrown away like a doll.

Ever-stubborn, he staggered to his feet, even as Four's blue-black armor crumbled away revealing bare flesh underneath. Misato screamed over the communications, "Kaworu, get down! Without armor—!"

Her cry was cut off as, mercilessly, Zeruel fired off another shot, searing away flesh in seconds. The force threw Four back for good as it tumbled gracelessly partially into the lake. Its head, lying on the shore, went still and its eyes went dark.

"Kaworu!" Shinji wailed, pumping his controls uselessly.

"Prettyboy is going to be fine, as long as he stays down," Mari murmured, "...does he have a damn deathwish or something?"

"He might," Shinji whispered, nearly under his breath. He'd understand if he did.

"Deploy Unit 01!" Misato cried, whipping around to face the rest of the Command Center, "Shinji can't hear us but maybe—"

"No. I will go," Rei murmured gently.

Without outside input, she had used her Unit to reach down to pull a gigantic lever at the bottom of the catapult. An emergency release that, whether on accident or by malicious intent, had gone unknown to most of the pilots. Not Rei, who had lived here so long she knew every detail of the facility.

She appeared on the surface and tightened her grip on her cargo. An N2 Mine.

Watching the feed, Asuka's eyes widened. Not again.

"Rei!" her cry mingled with another in the command center as the Commander leaned forward, crying out for her too.

Asuka began to frantically look around, "How'd she get up there?!"

Rei broke into a sprint. Predictably, the Angel deployed its AT Field, preventing her from attacking. Rei called her own into existence, willing it to its full power. Her arm breached through, the bomb making connection with its core—

Only for the Angel to draw shut a bony cover over it.

Rei's eyes widened and time seemed to slow down. The N2 mine began to glow. She didn't know how she understood but she knew Kaworu had manipulated the properties of his AT Field. She remembered how, back against the eye Angel, her and her friends had used their AT Fields to shield them from the explosion. There was a chance she could wipe it out right here and prevent Asuka and Shinji further anguish. She whipped her own around them, forming an-almost perfect and layered sphere around them right at the bomb went off.

"Rei!" Shinji shrieked, pumping his control yokes out of reflex.

Mari's grip on his shoulder tightened.

The screen in the command center went white, the constrained explosion going off like a supernova. Misato shook, "Ritsuko, Ritsuko...what is...is Rei…?"

The scientist didn't answer, eyes wide and fixed on the main screen.

When the light faded, Unit Zero was collapsed, both arms now gone and its armor blown off in most places. Half of its helmet was gone, leaving half a monster's visage to stare listlessly at the ceiling. Behind her and the Angel, where her AT Field's shaping hadn't been perfect, was a hundreds-feet long fire burning.

Zeruel wasn't doing much better. Most of its mass had been blown off, leaving a chunk of its chest holding its core, an arm and its head. Like a scene from a horror movie, its remaining arm began to move, pushing the Angel into its levitating position. The flesh from around its core bubbled and reshaped into the facsimile of a lower half, leaving two stubby legs there. Then it continued towards the NERV pyramid.

"Not even that put it down," Misato hissed then repeated, "What's the status on Rei?!"

"We don't know," Ritsuko admitted, "That explosion damaged Zero's systems too severely for us for it to transmit back to us. We've lost comms, life support signals, everything!"

Finally, Asuka found what she was looking for: a gigantic red emergency lever at the bottom of the catapult. With more than enough force, she yanked it and sent her Evangelion shooting to the surface.

There was no way Rei had...she had to be okay, she just had to be! She was in Unit Zero, an Evangelion, the safest place in the world!

"Unit 02 has deployed without authorization!" Maya cried.

"Not another one," Misato hissed.

"No matter. Deploy Unit 01 as well. Between the two of them, they should finish it off," Gendo ordered.

The only one to see his posture had grown tense was Fuyutski. He leaned in, "We are quick losing control of this," he murmured.

"Not yet we haven't," the Commander murmured back.

"...I understand what you mean. So you believe your son can put down the Angel?"

"Him or...01 herself."

Unit 01 was sent after Unit 02, facing the severely diminished Angel. Asuka's first action was to try to contact Shinji but a red warning flashed on her viewscreen in response. That's weird, she thought.

She would just have to hope their training from facing the twin Angels was still in their memories. She retrieved Ol' Reliable from the cache; her Progressive Axe. Watching her, Shinji opted for a heavy-duty sniper rifle. They split off, each approaching the Angel from a different side.

It didn't wait, unlike with the previous two. It chose one and began to attack—its target being Unit 02. It's remaining arm shot forward and Asuka rolled out of the way. As she came out of the roll, she swung her axe at its arm as it coiled back. It rebounded off with a sharp metal-on-metal shriek. "No good," she hissed then was forced to leap out of the way of another attack.

Shinji hefted his rifle and took aim. He didn't grab this for its long-distance utility but because it was like a lower grade version of the Positron Rifle. An internal battery didn't give you quite enough piercing power as all of Japan's power grid but hopefully it would help him get through the Angel's AT Field. He let loose a shot which shot straight through its unprotected shoulder.

It turned its attention back to him, whipping its extended arm towards him. He lunged out of the way but its sheer edge lopped off the end of one of his shoulder pylons. Yelling a war cry, Asuka came running behind it, cutting a chunk of its flesh off. Anticipating a counterattack, she ducked right as the arm came swinging back her way.

"I've got it," Mari whispered behind Shinji.

"Wanna clue me in?" he asked.

"I've noticed two things. One is that it must not be able to regenerate that quickly. Notice how it only restructured its body rather than regenerate it completely. I'm willing to bet it traded regenerative capability to sheer, raw force."

"So we will eventually be able to whittle it down?"

"If you and Asuka have the stamina for it. Luckily, I don't think it can focus on both of you. So if you keep attacking when Asuka's got its attention, and vice versa, the hit should land. It's the opposite of the splitting Angels."

Shinji chewed his lip, "...that feels too easy. Like that's not supposed to be how it goes."

"Let's not worry about "how it should go" and kill this bastard!" she grinned viciously.

They continued their dance of death and it was no doubt irritating the Angel. Its eyes burned bright and it loose a beam wildly. Both Evangelions threw themselves to the ground, narrowly avoiding the blast. The shot burned trees then tore a large scar across the NERV pyramid. Asuka murmured, "We gotta put it down quick."

She too had figured out the strategy on her own and ran in with her Axe raised high.

Then the Angel whipped around and point blank blasted her.

She screamed, both in pain and fury. She was thrown onto her back, scrambling to return to her feet when a sudden flash of pain shot through her head. The Angel had reared back with its arm then bashed it against her head. She screamed as pain rattled through her head. It reared its arm back and did it again over her eye, sending another wave of pain through her. She clutched her face.

It's happening again. It's happening again. It's happening again. It's happening again.

"Keep it together, puppy," Mari whispered, squeezing Shinji's shoulder as he shook with barely concealed fury.

It was only her grip keeping him grounded else he would have ran right in without thinking clearly. He took a deep breath, re-steeling himself, and ran in to save Asuka with a clear head.

From Asuka's limited view, Unit 01 appeared from behind the Angel, wrapping one arm around it to grasp at its core and using the other to keep it still. The bony cover shut closed once again—onto the Evangelion's fingers. Shinji bit back a pained cry, wrapped his fingers around the cover and pulled. The Angel made its first noise, a low groan that ratcheted up into a high scream of pain. It whipped its arm around blindly before it hit Unit One's power cable which had miraculously stayed connected up until now.

Unit 01's cockpit was awash in red as the timer began to count down. Mari warned, "Shinji."

"I know what I'm doing."

The Angel continued to whip its arm around as they wrestled, this time burying itself into its opponents side. Shinji gritted his teeth, ignoring the pain, and refused to let go. Finally, Unit One snapped the cover off and tossed it aside. No more barriers, it grabbed the core and squeezed.

With a last desperate reserve of strength, Zeruel lurched to the side, nearly knocking Unit 01 off its feet. But the Evangelion held its ground.

The core splintered then—shattered.

Knowing what was coming, Asuka stumbled to her feet, nearly falling as she did. She found her footing and raced away. When she looked behind her, Unit 01 had not began to run but slumped over as Zeruel's body began to glow.

"Shinji!" she cried as the world went white.

When Asuka awoke, she stared at the all too familiar ceiling. She didn't even register that her vision was half what it used to be. Her hand went up to her face slowly, touching the bandages on her eye. Her eyes widened.

Black sky, red sea, white beach, Shinji sitting on her chest with an empty look in his eyes, his hands around her throat, squeezing—

She clapped her hand over her face to stop that train of thought. There was no angry scar tissue there to indicate anything physical had happened.

The memory of the Angel bashing her head in came to her. It must have damaged something internal, she thought dimly.

She did a mental checklist of her condition finding that, other than the loss of vision and a horrible headache she was unhurt.

Shinji! Rei! Kaworu! What about them?!

Her body moved before her mind told it to, scrambling out of bed and nearly falling when the IV in her arm stopped her. She nearly ripped it out and kept going, like she had seen in some medical dramas, but remembered that would surely summon a nurse. She climbed back in bed and grumbled.

Her increased vitals must have summoned someone anyway because Misato soon arrived, a nurse in tow who lingered at the door. Misato smiled in relief, "Oh, Asuka, you're okay."

"As alright as someone can be after that...how are the others?"

"Shinji and Kaworu are hurt...but they're alive."

Seeing Asuka frown at who she left out, she continued, "I don't know about Rei. Last I heard, they were having some real trouble extracting her entry plug. Something about the explosion having melted Zero's armor."

Asuka's heart constricted and she grasped her blanket for purchase. The world was starting to spin wildly around her and she couldn't find her breath. As if from a far distance, she could feel Misato sit on the bed by her, pry her hand away from the blanket and squeeze it.

It took a few minutes but finally Asuka found she could breathe a little easier. She pushed down the resentment at her own reaction and murmured softly, "Rei...she has to be alright, she just has to."

Misato patted her on the shoulder. "Once we know anything, I'll tell you kids, alright?"

Asuka nodded mutely.

She stood again, "I wish I could stay Asuka but I'm lucky I got a second to see you now. Shinji and Kaworu are next door," she gestured to the right then left of her room, "So go see them once you're done with the nurse."

Once Misato left, the nurse came in to take her vitals, give her something for her headache and then, offer her a pill to calm her. After some reluctance, she accepted it, though she resented the notion she needed medicine to function. Like she was some psych ward patient. Once the nurse left her alone, she decided to go visit Shinji first. Between him and Kaworu, he was probably the worst off.

Entering his room, she found that to be correct. He was swathed in bandages and one arm was wrapped in a cast. She stopped at the threshold and commented, "You've looked better."

"No kidding," he smiled gently.

She crossed the room to sit down and asked, "I couldn't get a hold of you during battle."

"We still did pretty good together even without comms, huh?"

"You know that's not why I bring it up."

He gave the ceiling a wide berth before he explained simply, "Someone came into my plug with me with a jammer. But she's gone now."

Mari. Figures that's how she'd pop up. In an unexpected place then disappear without so much of an explanation. That must have been what she meant by helping though Asuka couldn't discern how she had. She wanted to ask Shinji all the details but considering his evasiveness, she doubted he would give them to her.

She grinned slightly, "All that training back then was still good for something, huh?"

"I'd say so."

An awkward silence settled over them like a blanket in summer, oppressive and warm. Finally, Shinji asked, "Any news of Rei?"

Asuka shook her head, "No. Misato says they're working on it and she'll tell us what she can, when she can."

His frown deepened, "...I'm afraid something...terrible happened."

"Rei's gotta be alright, she's just gotta," Asuka repeated.

He looked down at his lap and didn't say anything else. She wondered if there was anything to say. They both hoped Rei would be alright but without any news, there just wasn't any way they could say one way or another if she was. Breaking the silence, he sighed deeply, "How about Kaworu? Have you seen him?"

"Not yet. I was planning to after I was done here."

He smiled weakly, "Good. Tell him I was worried about him. I'd go visit him myself but the doctor said I'm not allowed to leave bed."

He sighed once more, "He really took a beating out there. I'm starting to worry he's got a death wish or something."

Asuka frowned, remembering how he had gotten up not once but twice after being knocked down. Considering how he had behaved between this Angel and the last, that seemed frightfully probable. She scowled, "I'll talk to him about it."

"Would you? Thank you," he murmured.

Feeling obligated, she went to go visit Kaworu right after. He was better off than Shinji but she could see angry red bruising blossoming up his neck from his chest. "Hey," she said as she came in.

He straightened, "Asuka!"

"Good to see you're doing alright," she gave him a weak smile as she stopped beside the bed.

"My chest burns something terribly," he rubbed at it, "But otherwise, yes. I'm alright."

"Shinji's alright. He looks like hell and I think his arm's fractured but he's alive."

"That's what counts," he nodded, "How about you?"

Asuka rubbed the bandages over her eye then explained, "Massive headache and some sympathetic damage to my eye. My vision will come back...or it won't."

"You're taking that surprisingly well."

Asuka wondered when he might have learned about her final desperate standoff against the Eva series—then decided he had either seen something similar before or he had seen through that first Instrumentality. She shrugged, "Having a meltdown won't make me see again."

"Fair. What of Rei?"

"No one knows yet."

Kaworu frowned and looked off into space with an unreadable expression. Softly, he remarked, "I'm sure she'll be fine, one way or another."

Asuka frowned in turn, not quite liking his cryptic statement. If they weren't somewhere like this, she would have pressed him on that. But they weren't so she pressed him on something else, "Shinji seems to think you were pretty reckless."

"I wanted to make things easier for all of you," he sighed, "But I fear my efforts didn't do that much."

"As long as you weren't trying to get yourself killed, you did enough," Asuka shrugged, "Whatever you did with your AT Field was pretty damn impressive."

"Not impressive enough," he murmured gravely.

She let a few moments of silence hang between them before she repeated, "You...don't have a death wish or something...right?"

"Of course not," his expression softened, "I'd like to live as long as I can. I wouldn't leave you alone if I could help it."

She hadn't realized that was what bothered her until he voiced it. If he died, her tether to all this loop nonsense would be severed. She wouldn't know how to go on, if it wasn't for him. If it wasn't for him, she might have started losing hope back when Kensuke...was caught in the crossfire of all this. She offered him a smile, "Alright, Kaworu. I'm...I'm happy to hear."

With that, they said their good nights (as it was already approaching night once more) and she retired to her room, trying to keep her worries of Rei from keeping her from sleeping.

Rei woke slowly and groggily, as if some disturbance had woke her straight from the middle of her REM cycle. Her eyes remained closed, as she was unwilling yet to open them. The temptation to let the tug of sleep pull her back under was great, especially when she knew she would not wake again if she did. That'd be nice. There would be no more pain, no more uncertainty, no more purpose. Just blissful unending nothingness.

But she knew she had no choice but to open her eyes. Impressions flickered across her mind; a flash of fire orange, a flicker of lavender silver and a pool of healthy-sea-blue.

She inhaled slowly, focusing on how what felt like LCL pooled into her lungs. Wherever she was, there was LCL, it was warm and she was being rocked by gentle waves.

That urge to just go to sleep returned and, with a spike of rebellion, she opened her eyes.

She gasped sharply.

Floating above her, barely discernible through the haze of red seawater, was herself.

She was much smaller than herself and dressed in a red dress but she still knew this was herself. The other her within the Eva.

She smiled brightly, eyes alight with mischief.

Finally. You woke back up! It's like you've been sleeping forever. Let's be together again.

She drew close to her, like an asteroid caught in orbit. Rei wanted to fight but found herself stuck in place. A wonderful and painful sensation of electricity surged through her body as the pair merged and all she could do was gasp at the sensation. It felt like she was a mold someone was pouring resin into and it was filling her completely, pooling and completing corners of herself she didn't know existed until before then.

And then it was over. The red sea she was floating within snapped into sharp clarity and, beyond, she could see the full moon shining onto her. Once more in control of her body, she righted herself, floating upright as she looked for an end to the sea.

There was no end when she looked around her. Maybe if she swam straight up she could see something when she breached the surface?

She began to to kick at the water, intent on rising—but something grasped her foot.

She gasped once more and looked down, finding yet another her in the depths beyond. She was impossibly large with alabaster skin and blood red eyes. Even though she had come to see the merits in red, this red made her stomach curdle.

"Who are you?" she whispered.

The other her didn't make an attempt to pull her down with it or crush her leg or anything. She merely held her in place. Smiling widely, she answered:

ANOTHER FACET OF YOU.

THE TRUE YOU. HIDDEN INSIDE THE DEEPEST PART OF YOU. WAITING.

A new impression flashed across her memory; a white giant pinned on a red cross. She suddenly felt sick.

Rei found herself whimper. "Let me go," she pleaded, "I don't want to be you."

THERE'S A REQUEST I'VE ASKED OF YOU MANY TIMES BEFORE.

WREST THE FRUIT OF LIFE FROM ADAM'S PEOPLE AND RETURN IT TO ME.

MY CHILDREN ARE IMPERFECT, AS ARE YOU.

DON'T YOU WANT TO BE PERFECT?

A whole new emotion crashed against Rei; indignance! She twisted out of Lilith's grip and kicked once more, swimming a few feet away. She cried, "I'm me! I don't want to be you!"

Looking back, she saw Lilith didn't make another move to recapture her. She watched, eyes half-hooded, as if waiting. Rei frowned deeply and continued, "My purpose...the role I play, I want to decide that! I don't need to be perfect. In the time I have left, I will use my own free will."

Lilith sighed, a torrent of bubbles escaping her lips and rushing past Rei. She didn't seem furious...only resigned. She smiled back at her.

OH WELL.

YOU DO ALWAYS SAY THAT.

WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN.

WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT.

FAREWELL FOR NOW, REI AYANAMI.

The sea around her began to fade away and Rei could feel the sensation of someone grabbing her shoulders as she was yanked out of the sea.

She gasped sharply and began hacking up LCL. Dimly, she realized Dr. Akagi was half-holding her up as she collapsed out of a tube of LCL. Through the haze, she could see a familiar face watching this, his expression hidden behind a pair of tinted glasses. Dr. Akagi turned to him and reported, "It's been a success, sir."

"Good. I leave the rest to you. As we went over before."

"...right," Dr. Akagi murmured.

For just a moment, when he looked upon her, she swore he frowned deeply. Then, as quick as it happened, his face once more went neutral and he left.

The tug of sleep once more came over Rei and this time, she surrendered herself to it.

Chapter Text

It had been mere hours after the battle against Zeruel and the night found Gendo and Fuyutski in the former's office. They were overlooking the Geofront which had been pockmarked with various pits and gashes thanks to the great struggle. If the outside of the NERV pyramid hadn't been as armored as it was, it wouldn't have gotten away with just a scar. While Gendo betrayed no emotion on his face, he had sat there for some time, lost in thought. Fuyutski broke the silence, "The committee summoned you, I take it?"

"Hardly any time since the battle and they demand an explanation," Gendo growled, genuine annoyance in his tone.

"I take it they weren't pleased with our use of Unit 02?"

"They were displeased of very many things but couldn't deny that we got off lucky, all things considered."

"Maybe too lucky?"

Gendo hummed in thought, "Rei's actions...they did more than I thought. It appears Yui's assistance was not needed."

"What of Rei? Do the committee suspect anything of what happened to her?" Fuyutski tilted his head.

"No one suspects a thing," Gendo murmured, "Though I had hoped it wouldn't come to...that."

"At the very least, Unit Zero is intact. Ah, maybe not intact but able to be fixed."

"There remains the issue of if she can synchronize with it,"

Fuyutski raised his eyebrows in surprise, "You believe that may be an issue?"

Lowering his eyelids to take in the outside with a thoughtful expression, Gendo said, "Dr. Akagi has brought up some good points. The chances of the integrity of Unit Zero's core being compromised are high and even if it remains in one piece, whose to say Rei herself may be the problem. I do not feel comfortable hedging my bets on that until the Doctor looks into it."

"I believe that's wise."

Silence lingered between them and, seeing as he hadn't been dismissed yet, Fuyutski spoke up once more, "I sense there is still something on your mind, Ikari."

"The Dead Sea Scrolls indicated Zeruel would be so mighty, so fearsome that I assumed we may need...outside intervention. But none materialized."

"You were hoping for a contingency plan," Fuyutski surmised.

"...you may say that."

"Don't worry, Ikari. In the case of Unit 01, she's got a few more chances to re-align with your plan."

Asuka slept through the night, thanks to a second stronger painkiller from the nurse. She had really needed it as the pain behind her eyes hadn't been helped by all the moving around. The day passed as normally as a day in the hospital did; she was subject to periodic blood tests, she visited Kaworu and Shinji for a short amount of time but mostly spent the day in bed, bored out of her mind.

When Misato burst into her room that evening, shortly after dinner, she was almost happy for the distraction. She cocked her head at her, when she stopped to catch her breath, "What's got you in a rush, Misato?"

Breathless, Misato cried, "Rei's...she's awake!"

"Rei's awake?!" Asuka echoed.

She nodded, "Ritsuko just told me she got the clear to move her to the main hospital!"

Something about the timeline felt wrong to Asuka but she decided against looking a gift horse in the mouth. Instead, she got up and let Misato lead her from her room to Rei's, her heart threatening to burst from her chest. Rei was alright, Rei was alright, Rei was alright! She could hardly think of anything else but that mantra ringing through her head.

Misato left her at the door with the stern instructions to get a nurse to walk her back to her room. Asuka felt she could make it back well enough on her own but promised her nonetheless, if only to make her feel better. Once she was gone, she lingered outside the door, almost frightened at what she'd find on the other side.

With a deep inhale, she opened the door and stepped inside.

Rei was laying on her bed, bandaged all over, and staring at the white ceiling with a half-hooded gaze. She stopped and called, "Rei?"

The other girl turned to face her and Asuka froze. Her eyes...they were wrong. Where they had been warm and vibrant, they now seemed cold, like the sea at the end of the world. Rei murmured, "You are...Pilot Soryu."

Even her tone was off; it was stilted and monotone. Before, even though she never spoke as spirited as say herself, Asuka could determine what exactly she meant. But now? She sounded as if she felt nothing. And that wasn't even touching what she had said.

"You agreed to call me Asuka," a petulant note entered her tone, "I made you call me Asuka. Remember?"

"I apologize…," Rei furrowed her eyebrows in thought, "Dr. Akagi said that the brain trauma I suffered might affect my memory. I don't remember what happened. Could you...tell me what happened...Asuka?"

"Well, after Kaworu got beat by the Angel, you came up and used an N2 Mine to damage the Angel," she made a bubble with her hands, "You did something with your AT Field to like...concentrate the damage."

"And then you and Ikari...Shinji...you two defeated it?"

She nodded slowly, "But it was you who really damaged it. Me and Shinji just finished it off. Without you, I don't know how we would have done it."

"I see," Rei closed her eyes, "I'm...glad then. I'm glad my actions helped my friends."

Something about her tone seemed less telling Asuka this and more telling herself this. Brain trauma certainly tracked with her behavior but if that was the case, why was Rei even here? Surely, she should still be in intensive care. "Dr. Akagi must have did some real miracle work to get you in here so fast," she commented.

"All I remember is her telling me that I suffered some brain trauma from the battle and brought me here," Rei trailed off, staring off into space, her eyes unfocusing.

Like silhouettes through fog, her memory of the past day or so were hazy. She remembered being pulled from LCL, coughing it from her lungs before she took her first, shaky breath of air. Dr. Akagi was there and...so was the Commander. He looked at her with a melancholy expression on his face and, instinctively, she knew it was alien to him.

Her eyes widened with realization, "So...I am the third one."

"I...don't understand," Asuka frowned, "What you mean by that?"

Rei opened her mouth to explain then closed it. A wave of fear washed over her and she collapsed into herself, hugging her arms to herself. What would Asuka think of her, if she knew her true nature? Nothing good, surely.

"Rei!" Asuka cried, moving in to do...something. Anything to comfort her.

"Go."

"Huh?"

Rei looked up at her, a wild, scared, and confused look in her eyes, "I need you to go away. Leave me alone!" she cried.

Asuka beat a hasty retreat, muttering a hurried farewell as she stepped out into the hall as she let the door snap shut behind her. Then she stood there, staring out the window, out into the ravaged Geofront beyond.

Something was really wrong.

All that confusion with Rei had only made Asuka's headache return. She had no idea what to make of Rei's bizarre behavior. Sure, brain damage could certainly make someone act weird but her recovery time had been downright miraculous! Misato was right; there was no such thing as miracles but the ones one made themselves. So she had to wonder who and how had this miracle come to be? She eventually fell asleep, mind swirling with confusion and thoughts of Rei.

But rest didn't come for long because Asuka was awoken late into the night with someone shaking her shoulder and whispering, "Asuka. Wake up."

She grumbled, still not awake, and rolled over to find Shinji looking over her. She sharply gasped. For a split-second, her brain panicked before it registered that she had not woken from a coma and Shinji wasn't doing anything...uncouth.

He frowned, "Sorry...did I scare you?"

"Shinji? The hell? What are you doing in my room?" she demanded, rather than answer his question.

He nodded but held a finger up to his lips, "Don't be so loud. Come take a walk with me. Please."

She had no idea why he would ask such a thing, with the fact he was so injured. And they weren't supposed to leave the hospital. And why had he come to her? They had gotten closer in this world but she was far from the closest person to him. She started to get up and he retreated to the door. "Why me and not, say, Kaworu?" she asked as she got up.

"I have my reasons," he murmured cryptically.

Then, sheepishly, he added, "And I'm not sure if he can make a walk."

"You say that like you can make that walk," she grumbled but walked over to him.

"It won't be easy but I'll make it," he sighed and beckoned her to follow him.

Asuka was only more confused, not at all soothed by his attempt to hide his weird response. He led her out of the medical bay, a faux confidence in his strike even as he notably favored one leg. Hopefully, if someone saw them wandering around, they'd mind their own business about it.

He led them through and out the hospital, taking a long away around and a back way out. Their journey through the base was nearly as convoluted, as he took great care to take a route that would stop them from encountering anyone. They got a respite once they boarded one of the trams and both collapsed into a seat with a sigh of relief. Asuka murmured, "You're taking us all the way to the surface?"

He nodded, "You'll understand when I tell you."

Asuka couldn't really chastise him for going out of his way to make sure no one would overhear them lest she be the biggest hypocrite in the world. But her and Kaworu had their reasons for skulking about. As far as she knew or could fathom, he didn't.

They emerged onto the surface and continued their walk into the night. It was starting to take a toll on her; a deep soreness had settled into her bones and even her shoulder was aching once more. Even Shinji's limp was worsening but he had steeled his expression. Whatever it was he had to tell her, he certainly believed this was all worth it.

With a soft yelp, he stumbled and nearly fell. He would have if she didn't jump to grab him. He tensed in her grasp but ultimately didn't fight her when she shouldered him. Her cheeks burned. The last time she had touched him was that not-a-kiss. She grumbled, no bite to her bark, "Idiot Ikari, this better be worth it."

"It will," he murmured.

They didn't get going immediately, both of them taking a moment to catch their breath. Finally, she told him, "Move to my blind side. You can make sure I don't walk into anything and I'll keep you upright."

He complied but chuckled. She bristled, "What's so funny?"

"It's just," he gave her a smile, "There's always gotta be a give n' take with you, huh?"

"I thought you might appreciate helping me," she scowled.

"I do," he told her truthfully.

They continued onwards through the quiet, withdrawn parts of the city until Shinji murmured, "Here's good enough."

She let go of him where they stopped, under a streetlight. She turned to face him where he stood under the light, it casting him in dark and dramatic lighting. His gaze was fixed at the sky, specifically the waning moon, then it drifted to her. It lingered on her face and he murmured, "You said your eye was damaged."

She nodded, "Doctors said it'll recover or it won't."

His gaze drifted to the ground. "I remember I saw how hurt everyone was and when I saw the Angel bashing your head in...I nearly lost myself again. Good thing Mari was there." he murmured.

"So she was there. What happened to her?"

He shrugged, "When I woke back up, when the medical team got to me, she was gone. I hope she's alright. She has to be almost as hurt as I am."

She privately wondered what the effects of that had been, if her and Kaworu's attempt to sync together was any indication. That would line up in a way that made sense. Why he was behaving so oddly...Mari syncing with him in 01 must have made him remember, just like what happened to her.

He sighed, "So your eye...what if it doesn't recover?"

"I guess I'll have to wear an eyepatch," she shrugged, "Why are you so fixated on it?"

He clenched his fists and shook his head, "Why does this always happen?!"

"What always happens?" she asked.

"You!" he gestured to her, "Your eye! Something always happens to it!"

"Shinji, you better start making sense really quick or I'm marching you right back to that hospital," she warned in a low tone, having lost patience for his cryptic statements, whether or not Mari's influence was the reason for them.

He frowned, a hurt expression flashing across his face before a simpler, melancholic one replaced it, "You're right. I'll try my best but I don't know if it'll make sense."

He took a deep breath:

"This has happened before and if I can't fix it, it will happen again."

It was as she expected. Words tumbled out of her mouth, "I know."

He recoiled, genuine surprise on his face, "You...do?"

She nodded, "Let me guess. You remembered when you synced with Mari, right?"

To her great surprise, his eyes widened further, "No? I mean, I did remember things when we synced but...I already knew about all of that."

His cryptic statements. How his reactions sometimes came off as "out-of-place". His improved confidence. The fact he was so close to Rei before she even arrived. Even how he didn't rely on his father's praise, despite wanting to connect!

He had been in the know all along!

"That's why you weren't acting exactly like I remembered," she murmured, "All this time."

"You noticed?" he frowned.

"Only because I knew what you were like before and even then, I just wrote it off as another random change," she assured him, "This is the last reason I would have thought you were acting like that!"

He relaxed and after a moment of thought came to a realization, "Hold on...if you remember because you synced with Kaworu...he remembers too?"

She smiled weakly, "Yep. You really should have gotten Kaworu instead though. It sounds like he's the patient zero of this whole loop business."

Shinji frowned deeply, "...I feel like I should have seen that coming."

He sighed and sat on the curb, "I wanted to tell you first because I figured if you didn't believe me...it wouldn't hurt as much."

Ouch. She wanted to be insulted but she could only imagine how much it would ache if Kaworu told him that. It became a little easier to do if she put herself and Rei into their positions.

She couldn't even confide in Rei if she wanted to.

She sat beside him, "Alright, Ikari. What do you remember?"

He frowned at the use of his surname but didn't complain. He leaned his head back, looking at the night sky as he thought back, "Things were pretty similar up until after the diamond Angel."

Asuka had never seen the "diamond Angel" in person but had seen enough footage to understand which one he meant. So everything was similar up until it showed up.

"Then you showed up and I'm pretty sure that's where things went off the rails. Uhm...I don't remember what things were like before but I've kinda worked out how things are "supposed" to go with everything after."

"I remember the first loop," she assured, "We can share notes."

"That means this was going on before I got involved," he murmured, "How long as this been going on?"

"I can't tell you that but I can tell you to hurry up and start explaining yourself," she pressed, the bite still missing from her words.

"It's a long story," he told her, "But I'll do my best."

It began actually in the loop Kaworu told her of, where things went off the rails. At this last Angel attack, Shinji had lost himself, becoming something beyond human and almost starting the Third Impact. The actual thing would come later.

It was all for Ayanami's sake, he said. He had done it all for her.

As he slumbered for fifteen long years after, the world below changed—the actual Third Impact happened when they tried to move Unit 01 and it had attempted to restart the process of Instrumentality.

"WILLE, they were the people opposing NERV, they eventually got me out of Unit 01. Everyone was so mad at me so no one explained to me what happened. So when my father sent Rei to collect me, I went with her. I figured maybe he would explain to me what happened," he murmured, "Turns out, he just wanted to use me as a tool again."

Asuka scowled, "How am I not surprised?"

Shinji sighed, "I wish I had realized he was going to sooner. Kaworu was there at the old NERV HQ and he thought were could use the Lances to fix the world, not end it like my father wanted to. In that world, there was more than one Lance and they had real power. I don't think he was lying to me, I think we could have done it but...we were lead into a trap. The world almost ended all over again and it was all my fault! The only reason it didn't go all the way was because Kaworu had to sacrifice himself!"

He had to...sacrifice himself?

A cold horror settled into her stomach as the thought. Yet, it completely tracked with the kind of person he was. Of course he would throw himself onto a proverbial bomb to save Shinji and the whole world.

"That tracks," she murmured.

"It's the kind of person he is," Shinji said sadly, "He always puts others before himself."

"Did it end there?" she asked.

By the look on his face, how it twisted into one of annoyance and frustration, it didn't. He shook his head, "Afterwards, you were the one who brought me to the village where everyone was living at the time...Toji, Hikari...Kensuke. I didn't know what to do with myself for a long time. I thought I was beyond saving, that my actions were too terrible to atone for."

He shook his head and when he spoke again, his voice was noticeably choked, "Rei helped me see that I wasn't beyond salvation. That people still cared for me."

Asuka nearly wanted to ask him what happened to her but decided against it. His tone told her enough and she decided she'd rather she was left in the dark on this one.

He continued softly, "It was her that gave me the courage to get back in the Eva and confront my father. Even though he ended up starting a...Final Impact, I was able to talk to him. We came to an understanding and I was about to use that power to change everyone's fate. I was going to give everyone a happy ending but…"

His tone took on a grave air, "...something went wrong."

"Shinji, I…" the elder Ikari moved in to embrace his son and Shinji, elated he had gotten through to him, moved to accept.

With a heavy clunk, the doors to the train shot open and an invisible force grabbed and pulled Shinji away from him and back onto it. His father was sent sprawling onto the train station by the same force. "Father?!" Shinji scrambled to meet him outside—only for the doors of the train to slam shut in his face.

Outside, Gendo looked frightened and confused. It was the last Shinji saw of him before the train shot away through the white void outside.

"This isn't right."

Shinji turned to find Rei standing behind him, looking as she did before she disappeared before the Near Third Impact. She looked uncharacteristically anxious. "Rei?!" he cried, "Something's wrong!"

"I know but I fear there's no more we can do here," she pointed to the window where the reality outside had become a muddy smear of color, "Time is rushing towards the next reality."

He pushed away his confusion as to why she looked so different. He had seen the original Rei Ayanami when he entered Unit 01 and she hadn't looked like this. Like a phantom from way back when, when he came to Tokyo-3 for the first time.

He was getting the sense it wasn't going to matter very soon though. He swallowed thickly, "So this is the end."

"We have a little bit more time. Though my options are diminished, you still have a desire I can bring to fruition. So tell me Shinji Ikari," her red eyes bore into his own blue eyes, "What is it you desire?"

"I have...I have to do it again. I can do it better if I've got another chance. I'll do...I'll do whatever it takes," he decided, staring back at her, blue eyes meeting red.

"Whatever it takes," he repeated.

Gently, she took his hands and smiled, pleased with his choice, "It shall be so. In that case, whether I know it or not, we shall be seeing each other very soon."

With that, reality as he knew it, dissolved into a smear of color.

And he woke up. On the train towards Tokyo-3, on a sweltering summer morning.

"The first time I came back, I tried to talk to my father right away. But he freaked out and sent me away. The second time, I tried to dodge the diamond Angel's blast and got boiled in my Entry Plug."

"First of all, that's nightmarish. Second of all, so that's what Rei did; she gave you the ability to keep at it until you got it right," Asuka concluded.

Another Rei; a different Rei. The more she learned about the girl, the less she felt she understood about her nature.

He nodded. Asuka shook her head, "I never would have thought you had it in you, Ikari."

"I didn't either, honestly," he flashed her a sad smile, "It got really tiring really fast and started feeling like I was throwing myself into a wall over and over...but I couldn't give up on everyone. I wanted to make sure we all got, at least, a happier ending."

Asuka shook her head, "You, Kaworu...even Mari. I don't know how you all found the strength to keep going. I don't know if I could."

"You could," he assured her, "I know you could."

She returned his sad smile. She wasn't so sure if he was right but it was a nice sentiment at least. "So, my turn now, right?"

She recounted what had happened when she synchronized with Kaworu aboard Unit 02, something that felt like almost a life ago now. She lingered on how terrifying it was, remembering things she had known she shouldn't. How she had even been furious at Kaworu for a time until she realized he would accept her, no matter what, because he had known her before.

"He's good at that," Shinji murmured, "I guess it's not just me. He extends that courtesy to everyone."

Now, she launched into a rather abridged account of the original timeline. She glossed over her childhood, especially since it seemed Shinji knew the bare minimum; that her mother had all-but-died synchronizing with the Eva and that this wasn't a topic she was keen on delving deeper into at that time. Maybe she owed him that but even if she did, it wasn't now she did.

She quickly went over what had happened in the previous world up until now and how, when facing off against Zeruel, this time Unit 01 went berserk and consumed it, like 02 had Leliel.

Shinji's eyebrows raised at this news, "So...if we didn't defeat that Angel, do you think my mom would have done that?"

"If it was to save you, absolutely," Asuka nodded, "If she's anything like mine, that is."

She gave only as much information as she had to for the next three Angels. But she did tell him that the next one had shattered her, the one after that had done something terrible to Rei (though admitted she was too "up her own ass" to understand what it was) and that the last Angel, whatever form it had come in, had broken him completely. All during this, his expression became truly grave and he didn't say a thing until he murmured, "Then, let me guess, the world ended."

"More or less," she admitted, "The government, I think the JSSDF, attacked NERV. The Eva series was deployed and...I tried to fight them but…"

He cut her off, "You don't have to tell me everything."

She nodded and even though she tried to keep her tone level, her voice cracked, "I've already glossed over so much. From there, the Third Impact happened."

"I must have been a pretty terrible person to let it happen," he murmured, almost too quiet to hear.

"You did let it happen...but you also ended it. You let us all leave the red sea."

She didn't say anything about what happened on the beach, decided there was no reason to throw the actions of another him at him. It wasn't important in the grand scheme of things, she decided.

He spoke again, "I must have been pretty terrible to you back then."

"What makes you think that?" she replied, barely keeping the bite from her tone.

"I started the Third Impact then too. And you just glossed over everything regarding how we were then," he pointed out.

Crossing her arms, she scowled, "Well, don't bother apologizing for him! An apology from you...it would be less than worthless!"

To her surprise, he smiled at her, a playful note in his eyes, "Of course...you've always hated it when I apologized when I didn't need to."

Then, to her even greater surprise, he leaned in and embraced her. She froze, her jaw popping open in her bewilderment. Even when she pined for him romantically, he had never touched her. She had all but begged for it but he couldn't do it. Now, when they were definitively nothing but friends, she had gotten what she wanted. A different Shinji from the one she had known but one that had been through unimaginable turmoil. If he could do it...then so could she.

She carefully returned the embrace and they simply sat there for a minute, or maybe more. Finally, he broke away, a flustered warmth to his cheeks, "Maybe...maybe that'll make up for it."

"I don't know why you feel like you have to make up for someone else's actions," she grumbled, though her cheeks had also lit up crimson, "But we're still just friends, got it?!"

He chuckled, "Yeah, um. I'd hate to give the wrong impression. But friends can hug, right?"

He sighed and leaned back, once more looking up at the starry sky. She followed his gaze and thought of how the sky had looked then, at the end of the world. He murmured, "It's so weird. It's like I've already learned my lesson but I just gotta keep going."

"If Kaji was here, I bet he'd say like," she paused and mimicked him with an overly sauve tone, "Even after you stop being a child, you keep learning."

The pair broke into a fit of laughter—a fit that was quickly cut off by a voice in the darkness.

"He would. And he would also ask why the hell are you two roaming around in the night?!"

The pair scrambled in shock, turning to find Ryoji Kaji had emerged from the dark and now loomed over them. Though his eyes had an edge to them, he looked rather concerned at having found them there. Asuka stammered, "You followed us?"

"I noticed you two on the cameras," he explained.

"What were you looking at the cameras for?" Shinji countered.

"That's not important," he dismissed easily though a shifting from foot to foot betrayed his uneasiness at his counter-question.

The pair shared an anxious glance. Shinji murmured, "So how long have you been there? What did you hear?"

"Long enough to hear a whole lot of stuff I don't think I should believe. But," he tilted his head, thoughtful, "You two believe each other just fine. So I might be inclined to believe you."

He jabbed a finger down the road, "Come with me and let's talk somewhere that's not in the middle of the street."

As it turned out, Kaji had actually followed them in his car. Asuka was impressed and when she pressed him on how he did it without them noticing, he winked, "Comes with the job."

He drove them farther out of Tokyo-3, to an area undergoing construction that seemed forever delayed. There was a lot of places like that nowadays in and around the city, as many realized the folly in remaining there, much less attempting to build onto an already doomed city. Half-wrecked buildings, one of which a warehouse, squatted in the weeds and the forest encroached upon the city's dying outskirts. Kaji parked them in a faded and grown-over parking lot under a flickering streetlight. He twisted in his seat to face where they sat in the backseat and began, "So let me break this down in simple terms: you two are saying time has been repeating and you are experiencing it every time it loops?"

Shinji cringed, "There's more nuance than that."

"I said simple terms."

"Then more or less," Asuka agreed.

Kaji sighed and his whole frame slumped, as if they had dropped the whole world on top of him. He muttered, "Children fighting a fight on every front imaginable."

"Um, excuse me asking, but you really believe us?" Shinji said quietly.

Kaji nodded, "Let's just say, with some of the stuff I've been learning, that reality is quick becoming weirder than fiction. As they say: this might as well happen."

Shinji relaxed and seemed to accept this but Asuka pressed, "How do you know about things like that?"

He looked from one to the other with an expression of reluctance. He said, "I suppose there is no reason to keep secrets among the three of us. I'm a spy. For NERV, for the government...for others."

"So you're working against NERV?"

He barked a quick laugh, "As if! Asuka, what I do, is for me and me alone at the end of the day. I would like to prevent bloodshed but if I may be so honest, my motives are entirely selfish."

Asuka's eyebrows raised so far they disappeared into her bangs. The Kaji she had known, suave, playful and ultimately wise...was a lie?

As if he could read her mind, he murmured, "Asuka. I hope you may forgive me for keeping secrets but I hadn't hoped you—or any of you kids really—might get roped into this."

"I just can't believe the you I knew is a complete lie," she grumbled.

"Not a lie," he assured her, "A mask perhaps, but all good masks hold a piece of the truth."

He rubbed a hand to his face and with a sigh, he said, "Now, forgive me but I'd like to cut to the chase. So the Third Impact will happen?"

"We're trying to prevent that," Shinji told him.

"What's the plan then?"

To his dismay, the pair looked to each other then him helplessly. Finally, Asuka swallowed thickly and admitted, "I was figuring it out as I went."

Shinji nodded, "I figured we should focus on getting rid of the Angels first. Then we figure out how stop my father or the shady organization above him from starting Third Impact. I'm just...not quite sure how exactly we do that last one."

Kaji shook his head, "I suppose you are just children, even children with a burden heavier than the world itself. How about I help you kids?"

"Help us?!" Shinji sounded positively aghast, "Won't that get you in trouble?"

"I already make a habit of flirting with Death," he shrugged, "I think throwing my lot in with you two is better than anyone else I've tried."

The pair once more shared a glance and he could tell they were still reluctant to let him assist. How long had they both fought, believing they were alone in their duty? Even though they now had each other, and also the enigmatic Fourth Child it seemed, there was only so much children alone could bear. If he knew about this but didn't offer them help...he was afraid what feelings he had for Katsuragi would become moot, with how furious she'd be.

And feelings aside, this was possibly his best shot at finding the truth. And the best shot he had to avert another tragedy.

He asked, "Shinji, do you even know the name of that "shady organization"?"

His face fell and slowly, he shook his head. He answered, "I'd presume you mean SEELE."

Asuka scrunched her face up, "Soul?"

"Not very subtle, huh?" he grinned, though it didn't quite meet his eyes.

"What do they want Third Impact to happen for?" Shinji asked.

"I see you've got a gap in your knowledge. Allow me to fill you in. You kids ever heard of the Illuminati?"

"They're like, the thing on the US dollar bill?" Asuka ventured, shaping her fingers into a triangle shape, "They're not real."

"You'd be correct. But SEELE is basically that. Big shadowy organization with their fingers in everything—including the UN. But they're also a doomsday cult. They desire to evolve humanity to its next form within Instrumentality. Together, with no pain and no pleasure, we will have evolved to our final perfect state. And they believe within this, they'll be elevated to the rank of God."

He gave the children a couple moments to process this before Asuka stuck out her tongue in disgust, "Disgusting! Sounds really nice on paper but the reality is awful! It's mass delusion!"

"So there has been at least one world where the Instrumentality of mankind happened," Kaji mused, "I suppose that confirms my work isn't over yet."

"You can't do that!" Asuka cried, "You…"

"...die?" he raised an eyebrow, "I can't go off and disappear now. I can't leave it solely in your hands."

"If you went off and disappeared, you'd be doing us a huge favor!" Shinji pleaded, "That's helping in itself!"

"You want me to step out of this to spare Katsuragi's feelings, huh?"

Immediately, the boy hushed up and looked away, sheepish to have exposed her true feelings. Unbeknowst to him, Kaji was already well aware of where him and her stood. He continued, "If Katsuragi finds that I could have helped you two and didn't...well, let's just say, I wouldn't have to be afraid of being found out. She'd kill me herself!"

Asuka snorted at the thought but didn't argue with him. Shinji didn't reply, not even to find humor in his little joke.

He frowned. He had one final hand he could play, the one he held close to his heart, the one he hadn't even showed Katsuragi. If anything might show them why this was so important to him, why he couldn't let a pair of teenagers out into this cruel world alone...it would be that one. He murmured, "Since you two told me all this, I owe you somewhat of an explanation too. As to why I'm doing all this...what my past was like."

That got their attention and both rose to attention, burning curiosity in their eyes.

In Asuka's previous life, she hadn't thought at all about his past, too wrapped up in her own infatuation to ask what it might have been like. She had supposed that, since he never said anything of it, it must have not been anything of note. Now she realized that had been pretty callous of her, to not even had an interest in it. In her current life, she hadn't pried because she hadn't thought it her business. Every time someone mentioned Second Impact in his vicinity, she did notice his expression would shift ever so slightly, the light from his eyes draining.

In Shinji's case, he had also hadn't thought it was his business. He had picked up it had something to do with Second Impact, especially when Kaji had taken them to the marine preservation zone so long ago. That cherished memory felt like so long ago now.

"Mr. Kaji, you don't have to do that," he began to protest once more.

Kaji himself put a hand up, "You kids just told me more than a lifetime's worth of memories. I think I can spare a few terrible years. It might provide you kids...some perspective. Get you to see why helping you means so much to me."

The two, once more, shared a glance and, deciding this must be important to him for some reason, nodded to let him go on.

With a sigh, Kaji began, "I wasn't lying to you when I said my father died during Second Impact, Shinji. So did my mother. It left me and my younger brother, who was only four years younger, orphans then. There were lots of orphans then—makes sense as billions died. The world was in chaos—though it might be better suited to call it hell.

The government was going around, rounding all the kids up, but what were they to do for us? Me and my brother ended up in a mass shelter but it wasn't much better then. It was hard living. Very little space, very little food, very little anything. Not even enough adults to watch over us so they tried to keep control of us with harsh rules and the like. It ended up being too much to bear. So us, and some other kids broke out. We figured we might have better chance on our own."

"Did you?" Shinji asked.

Kaji shrugged, "Marginally. You two, please understand...it was a different time then. We had to resort to stealing, looting, anything just to make it to the next day. Every story you've read about the post-apocalypse, it was real. But as time went on and places got picked over by scavengers, just like us...the shelter seemed almost better.

Until we scouted out this military warehouse. I can't say there was much in the way of security so as long as we only took a little and only one at a time, we went largely undetected. At least, we had thought so."

He sighed, his eyes once more going foggy, "That day...it was my turn."

A lingering dread settled in Asuka's stomach. She hadn't a clue he had struggled this much. Sure, she had heard that the times after Second Impact were hard but having been so young and relatively privileged, it had felt far away, as it was just some post-apocalyptic tale of fiction.

"...I was caught. And the military types...well, they loved to send a message. I tried to lie, tell them I was alone and all I got was beaten bloody and blue. Until one of them...they offered me something of a deal. It was perfectly within the laws—their military laws, that is—that trespassers can be shot. So that was the terms: I give up my brother and our friends and I keep my life."

"You didn't," Shinji murmured.

"I was scared to die," Kaji's mask slipped entirely and it showed his true feelings; a haunted look in his eyes, "There's never been a time since that I was more scared to die."

He inhaled, the sound shaky, sounding almost like a death rattle, "So I did the unthinkable. They left me there with a guard to go confirm it but I was able to give them the slip. Maybe, I thought, I could make it there before the soldiers, warn them…"

He shook his head, "It was too late. I should have known, when I saw the soldiers burning rubber, making their getaway. But I can to confirm it with my own eyes. The bodies...the body of my brother...it will never leave my memory."

"How could you?!" Shinji bolted up, a fierce look in his eyes, "You might as well have killed them yourself!"

"Shinji!" Asuka snapped, grabbing his shoulder and yanking him back from Kaji, "It was a different time!"

She looked back at him, away from Shinji's shuddering and furious frame, "...it was a different time...right?"

"He's right," Kaji murmured, a soft, sad smile creasing his lips, "I'm alive today to tell you this story because I took the lives of my friends...and my brother."

A silence settled over them and Kaji allowed it to stretch for a few moments before he continued, "I can't say I didn't feel guilty. Nor can I say I didn't try to...let's say, leave this world and rejoin my brother. But call it cowardice, call it punishment, call it whatever, I couldn't go through with it.

In those days, I did a lot of thinking. And life went on. But I couldn't shake the feeling that Second Impact was not a freak accident. There was someone behind it and they needed to be punished. So that's how I decided I got to keep on living: if I could find out the full truth, I would be forgiven by my brother."

"Have you ever told Misato?" Asuka asked in a hushed tone.

"I should have," he admitted, "I had plenty chances to but I couldn't bring myself to. I was sure she would hate me if she knew. But doesn't that make me a coward? She told me all about her past yet I can't bring myself to tell her my own."

He sighed, "Speaking of Katsuragi…I ended up eventually getting my life together. I found some relatives to house me then went to college. There...I met her. And not to be sappy, but she is still the only woman I have ever loved…"

He trailed off, "Yet, in the end, I was a coward, as I am now. When we broke up, I didn't fight her. I felt I must have deserved that heartbreak. After all, why did I get to be happy if my brother never even got the chance to? I don't feel like I'll earn that until I learn the full truth."

"That's a stupid reason," Asuka scowled, "You're just finding an excuse to deny yourself happiness!"

To her surprise, her former guardian didn't get angry. He only chuckled, "Oh, Asuka. You've matured so much yet so little. You'll understand you get to be my age."

She scowled, "Everyone always says that! But I'm more than mature now!"

"If you say so," he smiled wryly at her, "Why don't you try that spiel on Katsuragi? See if her answer differs from mine. Her...me...neither of us deserve happiness, for our cowardice. All we can hope for is to become a person who feels we deserve it."

Kaji nodded at Shinji, who had deflated, his anger purged from him, "This is why that, when I heard your story, I felt a kinship with you, Shinji."

He blinked, "Me?"

Kaji nodded, "Both of our actions led to others dying so we struggle to make it right. To redeem ourselves. Perhaps I don't yet deserve happiness but I don't believe I can say the same for you."

Shinji opened his mouth to protest it then, on second thought, closed it, furrowing his eyebrows. He murmured, "To redeem myself, whatever it takes...I understand you now, Mr. Kaji."

"Then I assume you two understand now why helping you is not a choice to me, but a foregone conclusion. So let me ask once more: do you have any questions? Anything you think I can help with?"

The pair shared a long, hard glance. Asuka furrowed her eyebrows, "Something has come to mind."

"Do share."

"This is assuming things go mostly like they did," Asuka put up a finger and waggled it, "Things are changing more and more but last time around, before Shinji's dad could execute his plan, the JSSDF was sent in to basically kill everyone."

Kaji nodded, "I recall you told Shinji this. So you think I might be able to do something about it?"

"You are in the best position," Shinji murmured, "But that's so dangerous…"

"I already knew it was going to be dangerous," Kaji dismissed him, "But luckily, this is my style. If I can get a hold of this plan, I can bring it back to you...but then what?"

"What do you mean?" Asuka asked.

"What are a couple of kids going to do with sensitive plans? I think you might need to bring a few more people into the fold, at least right before the ending."

Shinji crossed his arms then admitted, "I thought about telling Misato before. Miss Ritsuko too but I need hard evidence she's not working with my father."

"Or can be swayed away from him," Asuka pointed out.

Kaji was rubbing his chin in thought, "Ritsuko is pretty mired in this whole thing. But Asuka might have a point about being swayed away. You didn't hear this from me but I'm thinking she's involved with Maya. Preventing the end of the world and saving her lady lover? That oughtta mean something to her."

"Fantastisch!" Asuka clapped her hands together.

Kaji rubbed his stubble, "I better get you two back now. It won't do for someone to notice any of our absences."

"Wait, Mr. Kaji!" Shinji cried, "Will you be leaving right away?"

He did a 'sorta' gesture with his hands, "Not right away but soon. I'll be sure to send along a message when I go. And I assure you we will talk once more before this is all over—that is, if I make it through this."

"You have to make it through this," Shinji urged, "For Misato!"

He chuckled as he turned away to start up the car, "Fair enough. I'll have to return else she'll never forgive me for it."

When the three returned to HQ, there was no welcoming committee which meant at the very least no one had noticed they had snuck out that evening. But the following morning, Misato visited Asuka shortly after breakfast. By the scowl on her face when she first came in, she already knew she was in for a dressing down. Might as well take it with some dignity, she decided as she straightened.

Misato stopped by her bed, "So I heard you and Shinji went wondering last night."

Asuka returned her scowl in turn, "I thought Kaji was going to cover for us…"

"For the most part but he did tell me," she told her.

She should have expected Kaji would have gone ahead and told her. He probably felt an obligation towards her. Judging by Misato's reaction, he hadn't told her why they had left so she couldn't stay mad at him. He was really helping them out of a jam.

"What of it?" Asuka raised her chin at her. Which didn't quite have the desired effect when in a hospital bed.

Misato held her gaze for a few moments, eyes narrowed. Then she slumped, her expression crumpling into itself to show her true exhaustion, "You two know you're really hurt, right?"

"Me n' Shinji are perfectly alright! The best even," she shrugged.

"You say that but Shinji's arm is still strained and you still can't see out an eye! Hell, Kaji told me Shinji's got a limp which means he's reaggravated his injury from the Angel before last," she crossed her arm and sighed, "I'm getting the sense you two aren't taking this very seriously."

They were probably the ones taking it the most seriously but she didn't know that. She told her, "Shinji really had to get some actual fresh air. I told him I thought it was a little much but did he listen? Noooo!"

Misato scoffed, "Throwing poor Shinji under the bus, are you now?"

"Absolutely not! It wasn't my choice but I still stand by it," she crossed her arms and once more, raised her chin in defiance.

"Just don't do it again," she waved her off, "And if we want to argue semantics, Rei's the best off...somehow…"

Asuka frowned, remembered the state she had seen Rei last in. It was pretty weird Rei was doing as well as she was. Realistically, she should be so injured she was still in the intensive care unit. But she had walked away from the fight like she had merely been beat around a bit, not caught in a point-blank explosion made a dozen times worse by the near-containment of it by her AT Field.

She should have asked Shinji if he might know why Rei was behaving so oddly and if NERV had some magical solution to healing her so quickly.

And even discounting her physical injuries—or rather lack thereof—something had gone wrong in that last engagement. She pressed, "That is weird, isn't it?"

"I'm glad we're both thinking that same thing but honestly, I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth," Misato admitted, "I was assuming Ritsuko had worked some sorta top-secret science magic."

Asuka didn't know what to say that. It was likely Ritsuko was involved in Rei's miraculous recovery; after all, miracles didn't happen unless someone worked to make it so. But she didn't want to say something and validate Misato, lest she start poking her nose where it didn't belong. Learning Kaji was doing that was too much already.

"Earth to Asuka?" Misato waved a hand in front of her face, breaking her of her thoughts.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

"I was wondering if I should bring you something," she said, "I know how boring it was so I was thinking I could bring you something to pass the time! Rei's already asked me if I could bring her a book."

She gasped, "Wait! I've got it! I'll find a board game for you all to play!"

Asuka groaned. Back to the mundane, she supposed. "Don't do that! Rei gets weirdly into it and Shinji's a sore loser."

"In that case, that's a great idea!" Misato cheered, as if she hadn't heard her reasons at all, "That should cheer Rei up!"

Unfortunately for Asuka, Misato only technically listened, returning later that night not with a board game but a worn deck of UNO cards from one of the rec rooms. Asuka recognized the game and reluctantly explained the rules to the quartet gathered in Kaworu's room.

But her complaints remained the same: Rei took a little while to grasp the game but still got so good she was winning most of the time and Shinji did a lot of scowling when he lost.

Still, this allowed Asuka to forget all her worries for a little while and pretend that everything was alright.

They eventually all filed out of Kaworu's room so they could all get rest. It was to her great surprise that Rei insisted on making sure her and Shinji got to their rooms alright. When they arrived to Asuka's room, Rei stopped. Asuka turned on her, "What's up?"

"I know this is quite sudden...but would you take a walk with me?"

Asuka raised her eyebrows and asked, "Where to?"

"Just down into the Geofront," she tilted her head to gesture to the window, "Miss Misato said something about fresh air being good. And I remembered something I wanted to see."

Completely confused and at a loss for words, Asuka shrugged, "Eh. Might as well, let's go."

As Rei led them to the reception desk, so they could get a pass down to the Geofront and leave the hospital the right way, Asuka lurked in her thoughts. Rei's behavior was getting weirder and weirder. This was one of the most forward requests she had given her ever. Maybe that was why she had been so inclined to go with it, even with how sore she was from her and Shinji's excursion out the previous night. At the very least this one would be a shorter walk.

They took the elevator down and out into the main Geofront, where the artificial sky was dimmed into an approximation of the night sky outside. Rei led her down a stone walkway, walking with purpose, as if she knew where exactly they were going. Asuka couldn't help but admire the beauty of the artificial landscape—as long as she didn't look in the direction of the pyramid, which still bore a scar from the recent battle. She commented, "Lucky this part didn't get caught up in the battle, huh?"

"Mhm," Rei hummed.

Finally, she stopped them underneath a gazebo and in front of a small fountain which quietly babbled. She blinked a couple times then looked around at their surroundings, as if she had just come out of a trance. Asuka kneeled beside the pool of water around the fountain, dipping her hands into it and enjoying the cool water. Unaware of her companion's confusion, she said, "This is a nice lil place. I never knew this was here!"

"Neither did...I…" Rei trailed off.

Asuka twisted to face her, "You're the one who led us here?"

She nodded slowly, "But I don't think I've ever been here. Maybe in a dream…"

Asuka frowned, "Are you sure you're alright?"

With a quiet sigh she almost missed, Rei lowered herself to sit on the stone ground. She murmured, "I must admit...I'm not feeling very "myself" lately."

Asuka's breath caught. There was some significance to what she was saying but she wasn't sure either of them knew exactly what it was. "Yourself?" she asked.

"Yes, I feel different. I don't like it."

Grasping for straws and a way to comfort her, she shrugged, "Maybe it's just because you're recovering from the battle still."

"Perhaps, Pilot Soryu."

Asuka crossed her arms but tried to keep the hurt note from her voice, "Remember, I told you to call me Asuka, not Soryu."

Rei's face scrunched up in what was undoubtedly an expression of frustration. Such clear show of emotion startled Asuka and she rushed to apologize, "I'm sorry…"

"It's not you," Rei murmured, "I'm having such a hard time remembering...I don't like it. But Dr. Akagi did tell me I may have some trouble remembering things…"

"...she said that."

"It's what she told me."

Asuka had spoken enough double-speak with Kaworu and now Shinji to tell Rei was skirting the truth.

Or perhaps she was being paranoid. She had been purposely not thinking of the details of what might have happened to her but an explosion at that range would have thrown her from her seat within the entry plug and into the metal walls. Still...Rei looked pretty good for someone who might have been violently thrown around the Entry Plug.

"I'm really glad you're okay. I would have thought you would have been worst off."

Rei nodded, "Dr. Akagi is a good doctor."

She was but Asuka suspected there was more to the truth. As much as she wanted to continue pressing Rei for information, she decided against it. Once everyone was out of the hospital, she planned to have herself, Kaworu, Mari and Shinji meet anyway. One of them was bound to know why Rei was acting so oddly. She set aside that line of thought and made a show of shrugging, "That makes sense. No hard feelings?"

"I would like that."

Rei lingered for a few moments more, furrowing her eyebrows again. Asuka frowned but let her think, only commenting, "Something's got you thinking and if something's got you showing this much emotion, it's gotta be bad."

She didn't miss the split second Rei's eyes widened in alarm before she smoothed her expression back into place and complied with her offer. She admitted, "I fear for our friendship."

"Why? You're still my friend, right?"

"You are acting...different. Like how you treated me back then."

Had she? It felt as if her chest was caught in a crushing vice.

During their card game, she realized she had been short with her responses to the other girl and hadn't really been visiting her as much as the other two. And she had fled pretty quickly when she talked to her after the battle but Rei was the one who had the emotional outburst. She pointed out, "You seemed pretty upset at me after I visited you that first time."

"Oh. That wasn't your fault. It's as I said," she paused and looked this way and that, "I haven't been feeling very much like myself."

Deciding to not question her on that again, Asuka set her hand on her arm, "I'm not sure why that might be...but if I hurt your feelings...I didn't mean to."

"Feelings…" Rei mused then looked back at her, "Don't tell anyone I told you this."

She stood and added, "I must go. Good night, Asuka," and left in quite a rush, leaving Asuka alone by the fountain.

"Good night!" she called after her but Rei had left so quickly, she had no idea if she even heard her.

With that, Asuka leaned back and sighed. She wasn't in much of a rush to get up again so she decided there was no problem in sitting here a little while longer. There was no rush to go back to bed because her thoughts would keep her awake for a few hours more, wondering what in the hell was wrong with Rei. Meeting with her friends, getting some answers...that was of prime importance.

Chapter Text

It was late in the night and Misato was prowling around the base, like an anxious cat. With the children all in the medical wing, she hadn't wanted to go back to her quiet, dark apartment. She couldn't stay away forever; after all Pen-Pen still had to be fed. But if she could find an excuse to remain on base, she took it. And in the aftermath of the last Angel, there was plenty of work to be found.

She turned a corner and yelped in surprise, unable to stop herself from crashing into Kaji. The pair tumbled to the ground with her ending up in a rather suggestive position on top of him. She only had a moment to register this before he grinned slyly from underneath her. She rolled off and cried, "Don't get any bright ideas!"

He pulled himself in a sitting position and chuckled, "In my defense, I wasn't going to say anything."

She scoffed but, notably, didn't rebuff him completely. After both stood back up, Kaji asked, "So Katsuragi, any plans for the night?"

She shrugged, "Not really. I'm not exactly in a rush to return to the apartment but I've got to go back. For Pen-Pen's sake, if nothing else."

Kaji snorted, "Yeah, or he'll peck your eyes out when you sleep."

That earned a laugh from her. Once the laughter died down, he suggested, "If you're off work, how about we go out for the night?"

She raised an eyebrow, "And do what?"

"I thought we'd see what happens."

She mulled this over then nodded, "Sure. Why not?"

They stopped by her office just long enough to deposit her papers onto the desk, atop a newly forming mountain of them. Then they were off towards the trams to the surface. As they walked, Misato huffed, "I still can't believe those two, wandering around the city at night as hurt as they are! Asuka, I can believe but Shinji! And here I thought he was such a good boy."

Kaji snorted. How little she knew about the pair.

He supposed now he had a solid answer as to the origins of Asuka's complete 180 on personality and feelings towards him. She had her walls thoroughly destroyed and now, retaining those memories, had no choice but to move forward. He was proud of her for not immediately trying to rebuild the wall.

Shinji on the other hand...well, if he hadn't heard Asuka so readily believe him, he wouldn't have believed his story. Honestly, he still struggled to wrap his head around Shinji's claim that he came from a world where the end of the world came not once, not twice but three times!

He chuckled, "That boy...he may surprise you."

She shot him a quizzical look but shrugged it off, likening his comment to his usual demeanor.

Once on the surface, they decided to go get something to eat, on account of the fact neither had anything that evening. Afterwards, they found themselves in a seedy, back alley bar.

Sipping her drink, Misato grumbled, "Why'd you choose a place like this?"

"I have my reasons," he murmured cryptically.

She stared down at her drink and quietly asked, "Are those reasons because there's probably no prying eyes or ears?"

He grinned, "You've always been so perceptive, Katsuragi. So have you made your decision yet?"

She frowned, still staring at her drink. Then, in one single motion, she threw it back and slammed the glass back on the table, "Screw it all. I'm in."

His grin widened, "Good. I mean...I hate to include you in something like this but...I feared this might be our last chance to speak on this."

She blinked owlishly at him, "...why?"

He swirled his drink aaround, noting that he hadn't actually drank any of it. He murmured, "You see, Katsuragi. I'll be leaving town for some time."

Her face hardened, "Because one of your jobs."

"Not quite."

"Huh?" her face relaxed, "Then...why? Where are you going?"

"I can't quite answer either of those questions," he kept his tone quiet, though less out of paranoia and more out of pain for having to tell her this, "But it's a task for me and me alone."

"You're going to get yourself killed," she murmured.

"If I do, it wasn't my choice then. I've got a lot riding on my return," he smiled at her, hoping it might comfort her.

She frowned back, the smile having only brought a cold comfort, "If I may not see you again...I want to know what you know."

His smile grew, though this time it was genuine, "Good. I have something prepared but...not here."

She rose and jerked her head to the exit, "Let's get out of here and to my place."

"Your place? I'm sure there's all sorts of prying ears there…"

She turned her head back towards him, eyes half-hooded and a smirk on her face, "You're right...so we'll just have to put up a good front. Everyone already suspects we're already doing it so…"

His eyes widened. Surely, she wasn't inviting him in...not like this. The right thing would be to deny her, tell her it wouldn't be right to do so if he never came back. And it wasn't like he deserved to indulge in such carnal desires, when there was greater things on the line.

She raised a hand to beckon him, as if she could tell he was internally talking himself out of it, "C'mon, player. Don't you wanna come play with me?"

...screw it. Maybe Asuka really did have a point about denying himself happiness. And this would make a fine final interaction with Katsuragi, if it came to that. He rose to follow her and returned her smirk, "As you wish."

The first light of morning awoke Misato and, to her great sadness, Kaji was already gone. She should have suspected he would leave quickly, whether because he really had to leave right away or because he couldn't bear to tell her goodbye. She clenched her fists—only to find he had left something in her hand.

Pulling herself into a sitting position, she opened her hand to find he had left a pink thumb drive and a recorder. Of course, he had said he had prepared something for her.

Setting aside the thumb drive, she clasped the recorder in her hands. Most likely, this was recorded before he left which meant it could very well be his last words to her. The thought of that brought tears to her eyes, tears she furiously blinked away. It wouldn't do to cry, not now before she knew his ultimate fate.

With a deep inhale, she hit play. His voice filled the room, "I must apologize Katsuragi for my hasty exit. I feared if I stayed I may never wish to leave you. But my next trip...well, it's too important for me for me to skip out on. So in case I don't get back soon, please check up on my watermelons. Bring the kids along, it'll be good for them. Do tell Asuka I've left town too; I haven't gotten the chance to tell her."

He paused and she could tell whatever came next was difficult for him. He continued, "I do plan to return to you...but in case that doesn't happen, go forward without hesitation. Trust the children...you know the phrase; they are our future, whether or not we like it or not. And I promise, if I do make it back, I'll say the words I was unable to eight years ago. Goodbye Mi—Katsuragi."

With a click, the recording came to its end, leaving her in the silence, only broken by her heavy breathing. So that was that...was it? Indulge themselves in some carnal pleasure and part ways with only the hope they may reunite?

"Whatever it is you're up to...I hope it's worth it," she murmured.

The rest of the week ticked by for Asuka and the others but it was all worth it when they were discharged by the end of the week. Shinji's arm still needed a little time to heal but, luckily since it was only a particularly nasty sprain, it was likely he'd be back to fighting shape sooner than later. Kaworu's burns were peeling uncomfortably but he likened it to a bad sunburn and not the result of being blasted by a laser. The vision in Asuka's eye was returning slowly to her great relief. And Rei—well, she seemed perfectly fine. In fact, so fine she left without telling anyone to the three's confusion and, in Asuka's case, a little hurt.

Misato offered to drive the remaining three pilots home but they insisted on finding their own way home. It took a great deal of convincing but she ended up shrugging and telling them to not overdo it, if they wanted to try so badly.

They were just about to get on a tram to head home when she called, "Hey Asuka!"

She paused and turned to face her, "I told you! We will be fine walking home!"

She jogged back to them and told her, "By the way, Kaji wanted me to tell you he's going out of town. Why he wanted to tell you, I don't know...I guess because he was your guardian back then…"

So that was it, Kaji was already heading out. Asuka supposed that made sense; the sooner he disappeared, the less heat he'd have on him when he didn't answer for duty. She nodded stiffly, "Oh. Alright. I hope he's back soon."

"Me and you too," Misato murmured, a melancholy expression passing over her face before she turned away, "Call me when you three get home!"

Once they got on the tram, Shinji commented, "I see why she's been so sullen today."

"And just when her and Mr. Kaji seemed like they were rekindling their romance," Kaworu responded.

Shinji and Asuka shared a look. He didn't know yet the deeper meaning of why it was so important Kaji was leaving town. Something else they'd have to bring him up to speed.

Asuka turned to him, "We're not headed home right away, Kaworu."

"I suspected as much but what of Shinji?"

"He's gonna come with us."

Kaworu shot her a blatantly questioning look. She couldn't explain it, especially not here, so she just told him, "It'll make sense when we get there."

Once out of headquarters, Shinji fell in line behind Asuka and Kaworu without question as she led them to the usual spot of the abandoned park. She could tell Kaworu was intensely curious as to Shinji's inclusion but stayed silent the entire walk over. Once there they found someone waiting: Mari.

She didn't look too much better than they had a week ago. Under her blouse and skirt, numerous bandages were wrapped around her and one arm was even pulled into a makeshift sling.

Despite her haggard appearance, she grinned upon seeing the three, "Why, it's the whole gang! Ah...not accounting for...what did you call her...Wundergirl?"

"Don't call her that," Shinji said, almost reflexively.

"I'll have to workshop something new then," Mari shrugged, taking it in stride.

Asuka wasn't taking her presence in stride. She crossed her arms, "What are you doing here, Brit? How'd you find this place?"

"I happened to catch you and Prettyboy last time you came here. So I've been hanging around here every day since the battle because I figured you'd come here. Didn't expect the puppy here though," she squinted behind her glasses.

With a sigh, Shinji said, "Y'know, how about we all sit and talk?"

They sat in a circle, Kaworu and Asuka next to each other with Shinji beside him and Mari beside her. Once they settled down, Kaworu all but demanded, "Can you tell me why Shinji is here now? Are we...letting him in on it?"

"You don't have to let me in on it," Shinji sighed.

"Asuka told you?"

He shook his head, "Why don't I explain it to you…"

Once more, he went over how he came to be in the same situation as them. His explanation wasn't nearly as long as it had been with Asuka, as they figured out Kaworu and Mari shared memories of his home world. Kaworu's expression shifted from intrigued to horrified to shocked. Even Mari seemed surprised to have found how he had gotten roped into this, all on his own.

Once he was done, Kaworu grabbed at his hands, red eyes wide with surprise and a little hurt, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know if you would believe me. I could have never guessed you were really going through all this over and over too," he shifted uncomfortably.

"How many times?" he asked.

"This is my twelfth go-around," Shinji cocked his head, then added, "Counting the very first time that is."

"More than you deserve and less than I would have expected. In my case, I've lost count."

"Same here," Mari chipped in, "Definitely more than a few dozen though. And Asuka's only got the one go-around."

"I can speak for myself, thank you very much!" she snipped, "But yes, just once because Prettyboy here."

Asuka recounted for her what had happened between her and Kaworu on Unit 02, way back then. Shinji gave Mari a sharp look, "See, I was right! I was right to worry."

Mari huffed, "Yeah, but we both already knew about this so it worked out fine!"

"What if it hadn't!"

Mari just shrugged, dismissing him, "Actually, you know what I want to know. Why didn't your world work out, Shinji? From the outside, it looked like everything was going well. In fact, I was already getting ready to dive into the "Anti-Universe" to pull you back out. What do you think happened?"

"I have no idea. It wasn't me, it wasn't Father and it certainly wasn't Rei, so I don't know who—or what—that leaves," Shinji shook his head, "Nothing like it has happened since...but also I've been having trouble making it this far. Much less make it to Third Impact."

For once, Mari shut up, thinking very deeply. Seeing an opportunity, Kaworu went next, "After dying in the first loop, I very much desired to bring Shinji happiness."

Shinji, predictably, blushed and looked away. Kaworu continued, "So my will was so great, I wrote our names in the Book of Life and continued on until I might achieve this."

Shinji and Mari exchanged a glance, looked at Kaworu then to Asuka then back at each other. Whatever silent conversation they had was lost on her. Mari leaned forward, "And now it's my turn! I'm here because I made a promise to a very special lady."

"You said something to that effect to me," Asuka commented and she nodded eagerly.

"I did. But what I didn't say was that this very special lady was Shinji's mother."

Shinji went quiet, his eyes wide as he looked at her. He opened his mouth, closed it then opened it again, finally saying, "My mom?"

Mari nodded, "You see, I was her friend back in college—"

"Hold up," Asuka cut in, "You're like our age. How in the hell do you know Shinji's mom?"

"It is pretty weird but when I woke back up after that first Third Impact, I looked like this," she spread her arms out, "I don't really know why but it has helped me a good deal! Can I continue?"

Scowling, Asuka made a 'go on' gesture.

"Anyway. I knew Yui Ikari back in her college days—when I was an adult. We were...let's say, friends. Very good friends, so much so there was talk of me becoming Shinji's godmother!" she smiled, then frowned, "It didn't work out. For obvious reasons. But one day, she made me promise her that if you ever needed help, I would protect you. And years later, before I never saw her again, she reiterated that she would hold me to it."

She chuckled, "Sometimes I joke to myself that this whole loop business is her really holding me to that promise."

"She...really said all that?" Shinji looked at her owlishly.

Mari held up a finger then pulled a photo out of her pocket. She passed it over and, upon seeing it, Shinji clapped a hand over his mouth, suddenly blinking away tears. Asuka crowded over his shoulder to peek.

In the center of the picture surrounded by mostly people she didn't know was a young woman with brown hair cropped close to her face holding a young boy. Yui Ikari and a very young Shinji. Smiling at the young boy was a woman who looked strikingly similar to Mari—most certainly Mari's older self.

Choked up, Shinji stammered, "I've...I've seen this before. The Vice Commander showed it to me some...some time ago."

"Keep it," Mari insisted, "If anyone deserves it, you do."

He gave her a smile of thanks and reverently tucked it into his front pocket of his shirt. Asuka commented, "She looks like Rei."

"It's because—" Shinji began to talk then stopped and closed his mouth.

Asuka narrowed her eyes, "It's because what? Y'know she's been acting really weird after the battle with Zeruel."

The trio exchanged glances, once again making her feel left out. Shinji pressed, "I thought she was acting a little spacy but figured it was probably the painkillers. Weird, how?"

"Well, first, she forgot I told her to call me Asuka. Second, her emotions are all over the place. She's holding me at a distance and then she yells at me to go away and then wants to know if I'm still her friend! Third, she's in awfully good condition considering what happened. And fourth, I'm getting the sense she's not telling me the whole truth about what happened," she counted on her fingers, one for each piece of evidence.

Shinji's expression collapsed, "She didn't make it out of the battle."

"But I just saw her? We all just saw her!" a horrible feeling she couldn't name had settled in her gut, "All of you! Tell me what the hell is wrong with Rei!" she snapped.

Kaworu reached over to squeeze her shoulder, "I apologize. I had hoped you knew about this already, as I felt it wasn't my place to share it. Rei Ayanami is a clone using what could be salvaged of Shinji's mother after her Contact Experiment. When she dies, her soul is placed into a new body."

The horrible feeling rolled over into disgust and Asuka croaked, "Oh Gott. When she said she was replaceable, she meant it literally."

"I'm sorry, Asuka. I didn't know you didn't know. And it feels bad being the one to tell you."

"Better than how I learned," Shinji commented, a note of bitterness in his voice.

"So Rei did die and now she's in a new body. What do we do?" Asuka asked.

"Nothing," Mari shrugged, "None of us are supposed to know that. But what we need to discuss is the next Angel."

The roiling disgust in Asuka's gut returned, intensifying into full-on nausea, "Oh...that one…"

She bolted to her feet and rushed over to the pond where she retched. Behind her, she could dimly hear Kaworu explaining the next Angel—Arael—to them and what it did to her, albeit in extremely reduced detail.

She couldn't, not again! No amount of introspection or growth could make it hurt any less. The psychic agony as claws tore apart her mind, bringing her worst memories to the surface. And it had more ammo now—hell, what if that sort of knowledge gave the Angel an edge? The very thought made her retch again. In that case no one, save perhaps Rei, would be safe from it. And that thought didn't make her feel much better.

She could feel a hand on her shoulder and hear soft soothing words. It was Kaworu, murmuring gently, "It's going to be okay, we're all here. We won't leave you alone and we won't judge you."

She grabbed for him, wrapping an arm around him for support as her legs shook and threatened to give out underneath her. They wouldn't judge her—how could they? No matter how wretched she was before, the trio had probably seen her like this many times before. It was...bizarre how freeing the thought was and eventually, she was able to stop shaking. She murmured, "...thanks."

"I told you before," he said quietly, not loud enough for the others to hear, "As long as I can help it, I won't leave you."

"How about we all go home and calm down? Let's live like things are normal for a bit. It doesn't sound like there's a lot we can do anyway," Mari suggested in her typical overbearing voice, thoroughly ruining the moment.

For once though, Asuka wasn't annoyed by it. She straightened and let go of Kaworu. She turned to face the other two and agreed, "For once, not a bad idea from the Brit."

They decided that "living like things are normal for a bit" entailed going to school. Asuka didn't see the practical reason, as they had been out for a couple weeks at this point, but admitted it was probably a good idea to touch base with Hikari. But coming to class made her almost regret the decision.

The class had dwindled to a mere fraction of what it had been—in fact, Asuka could count how many students were there on two hands. Between Bardiel and the sheer destruction of Zeruel, it did make sense that many were moving away (...or worse, she thought darkly). It wouldn't take too much longer for there to be no one at all.

She also noticed Rei was nowhere to be found. They hadn't seen her when they set out that morning, so she assumed she had either gone ahead or would come later. But it appeared she hadn't shown up at all. Asuka could hardly blame her, especially after what she had learned regarding her.

But at least Hikari was here. Asuka broke off from Shinji and Kaworu when she saw her in the hallway, beside the classroom door, "Hikari!"

Seeing her, she smiled with relief, "Asuka. You're alright. I thought the worst."

They stood in silence before she added, "I heard about Kensuke."

"Oh. How did you…?"

"Toji," she jerked her head at the doorway and the classroom beyond, "He heard what happened from Kensuke's family then told me. Let's go see him, he'll be glad to see you guys are alright."

When they went into the classroom, they found Kaworu and Shinji had already sat beside Toji who was seated in the back. Hikari dragged a chair over beside Toji and wordlessly took his hand. Asuka decided to not call attention to it, instead joining the group.

"There hasn't been a lot of schooling happening at school," Hikari was explaining when she settled.

"I got that impression," Asuka commented, twisting in her seat to take count of the other students who seemed to be trying very hard not to look like they were eavesdropping. Upon seeing her look at them, many turned away in a hurry.

"Kensuke," Toji started, his eyes pained, "You guys...you guys know exactly what happened to him?"

Seeing their surprised faces, he clarified, "All we know is he passed away. Me n' Hikari got that he ended up being a Pilot out of his brother. One of the few things we could. So we ended up putting two and two together."

"Don't do that to yourself," Kaworu told him.

Toji looked back at him, "I'm his friend; however bad it is, I need to hear it. Ken's brother thinks NERV threw him out against an Angel to die. But I know none of you would have let that happen."

"We wouldn't," Shinji protested, "That's not what happened."

Toji turned his pleading face to him, "Please. It would at least put us all at ease."

Shinji frowned and, taking a look around to make sure no one was too close, leaned in, "An Angel infected his Eva before he activated it. When they activated it, it took it over and began to come here."

"With him still inside it?" Hikari asked in hushed horror.

Shinji nodded grimly and she covered her mouth. He continued, "We were, um, deployed to deal with the Angel. No one told any of us who was inside but...we did know someone was. Me n' Kaworu tried to cut out the entry plug but," he sighed deeply, "It did a number on us."

"You tried though?" Toji pressed.

He nodded. Kaworu took on the ending, his tone measured but pained, "The Angel would have killed us but, for our credit. None of us wanted to kill it in case of...what would happen," he closed his eyes, "So the Commander activated an autopilot that was installed inside my Eva and it...took care of the Angel."

"The Commander," Toji's expression hardened, "Shinji's father...that bastard!"

Hikari pulled him into an embrace, stopping his outburst before it truly began. He shuddered in her arms with barely-contained rage. She rubbed circles in his back and the group waited for him to reign himself in. Once he was able to, he slumped and sighed, "So that's what happened. One of Ken's uncles is coming to collect Goichi at the end of the week. He's gonna take him back to their hometown and have Kensuke's funeral there. I think it'll help him...to hear you guys really tried."

Asuka had noticed something or someone conspicuously missing from Toji's story, "What about his dad? Isn't he going to go with him?"

Toji openly gaped at her, "You didn't know?"

"If I knew, would I be asking?"

He frowned and said, "Well, his dad had an accident right before the Angel attack and if I had to take a guess, before NERV hired Kensuke on. Now I'm not going to jump to any conclusions but…," he trailed off, letting his implication hang in the air.

The trio of pilots shared glances, Kaworu's being notably guilty. Deciding to let Toji's conclusion go unsaid, Shinji asked, "How's his brother doing?"

He shook his head, "Not good. He really didn't want to see me n' Hikari when we visited but he at least told us about Ken being a pilot and how he's moving out of Tokyo-3. Sounds like the guy wants nothing to do with the city or NERV."

Asuka grumbled, "I can hardly blame the guy."

"He's taking it hard," Shinji murmured and, beside him, Kaworu looked to the floor.

"It's not all terrible," Toji attempted to cheer them, "Sakura's getting discharged at the beginning of next week."

He then deflated, "...but Dad's talking about quitting then and moving away. Talking about Germany of all places," he chuckled.

"Good choice," Asuka quipped with a wry smile.

"It's...okay," Shinji told him, "That way you and your family will be safe. But won't you…" he looked at both Hikari and him, trailing off.

Hikari smiled, leaning into Toji, "That's why they want to go to Germany. It's where my family is going. My aunt married a German so she lives there."

He looked from one to the other then smiled, "I'm glad you two will be together then."

Hikari's smile grew at his statement, "When you guys and Kensuke never came back, I saw how lonely Toji was. That gave me the courage to tell him how I felt because, well, someone had to be there for him."

"Hikari's helped a lot," Toji returned her smile, "When we're together, I don't worry so much."

He sighed and shook his head, "Still...I can't shake the feeling that if it had been me in his place...it would have gone better."

Remembering what had happened last time, when Toji was the pilot, and how he had survived but at great personal cost, Asuka shook her head, "It doesn't work like that. It...would have gone the same way."

Toji's face fell and he looked away, arguing weakly, "Well...I still can't help but think otherwise."

Rei didn't go to school that day and she didn't know if she would ever again. The Commander had openly told her after...they retrieved her...that if she didn't want to go to school, she didn't have to anymore. All she had to do was make sure she would be okay to do...what came after.

Because she was no longer a pilot.

Only a couple short days after she had been revived, Dr. Akagi had come to collect her for a private sync test. Unit Zero was still weeks away from repair but they had decided it was best to test her with what they had, rather than fix it first. So in case she failed to synchronize, they wouldn't have to go through the effort and money to repair Zero. Despite their differences, Rei had to admit the idea of Zero being discarded saddened her.

So the trio of her, Dr. Akagi and the Commander had adjoined to a secondary testing center with her suited up and placed inside Zero's Entry Plug. Zero itself was still a mere shadow of its former self but with some ingenuity, the good Doctor had rigged up a system where she could interface with its Core.

Ritsuko called out her actions as the Commander brooded over her. "Alright, Evangelion Unit Zero is receiving power."

"Commence with the test."

Rei half-listened to the Doctor's technobabble as she sat in the plug. Every time she was inside before she felt something there with her. Even when it wasn't hostile, she felt it there. Watching, waiting. For what she had never known.

She felt nothing now.

She felt alone.

"What?" Ritsuko cried as the screen flashed a red error.

"What appears to be the problem, Doctor?" the Commander droned.

"Contact is not happening," she explained, "No synchronization, nothing."

"...try again."

So she did. And again. And again. As each failure occurred, the doctor grew more and more frustrated. Rei didn't know how to feel. She wasn't devoid of a purpose entirely but, if Zero wouldn't respond, one of her roles was gone.

In the end, Zero never responded so it was decided for the foreseeable future, she was "on reserve". Rei didn't need them to tell her the real truth: that meant she would no longer a pilot. For one reason or another, neither Akagi nor the Commander wanted to admit Zero wouldn't respond because there was no one left inside to connect with.

The fractured parts of her had been made whole.

She had spent a lot of time laying in bed, staring at the unfamiliar familiar ceiling, cradling the Commander's cracked glasses in her hands.

Her purpose lay solely in giving the Commander what he desired.

It laid in beginning the Third Impact.

She clenched her hands around the glasses then, with an uncharacteristic scream, twisted and threw them as hard as she could against the wall.

They clattered to the floor, the lenses broken beyond repair.

She turned and curled into a ball. Since she had been revived, these emotional outbursts had been coming in waves. So much fury she wanted to scream and scream and scream. Sadness so deep she couldn't make herself move or even think. An almost manic excitement that sent her pacing all over her apartment. And then it would all crash inwards and she wouldn't feel anything at all.

She could feel the pull of sleep and dreaded it.

Her dreams had become more vivid and worst, Rei was starting to remember them upon waking.

She stood on a white shore of a red sea under a black sky. She was naked, bearing nothing to the world. It was silent, except for the waves' roar.

The red sea washed over her ankles—

Red hot fury, sadness as deep as a trench, ecstasy beyond comprehension, manic excitement, nauseating anxiety, an alien sense of contentment—

Then there came the memories. She went to school, she went to work, she played in the playground sandbox, she held a cat, she was making dinner, she was signing documents—

None of these were her memories or her emotions but the sea was attempting to give them to her the same. But it was like trying to force too much into a container too small. It hurt.

She tried to stumble back and away from the tides but her legs were rooted. When the sea washed over her, the experience repeated. And repeated again every time the red sea touched her.

Rei awoke again with a start. It was still dark, meaning she hadn't slept very long. Perhaps she should ask Dr. Akagi for some sleeping meds—if she'd maybe promise to not tell the Commander.

She laid there for some time, staring at the familiar unfamiliar ceiling and in the dark of her room, Rei realized something she thought quite selfish: she didn't want the world to end.

Chapter Text

The kids were out of the hospital but Misato's work schedule still didn't allow her much time with them. The thought depressed her. She was starting to get a sense why Ritsuko never took a break—because the chance for one never came! By the time she came home, the kids were typically asleep so she wouldn't see them until some time in the morning. Shinji still made breakfast for him and Asuka, as they tended to rise at the same time, but Misato was still sleeping by then. He'd leave her a portion in the fridge but it wasn't the food she missed. It was the time spent with them.

The only other time she saw them was at NERV but there she was Major Katsuragi and not their beloved guardian Misato.

This was also seriously cutting into her time to peruse that flash drive Kaji left her. She had only the chance to skim the contents but at the very least, he had done what she asked. It looked like everything he knew she would know—once she had a chance to really sit down and look at it!

She turned a corner, intent on going home, but instead found a pair of security guards approaching her. They commanded, "Major Katsuragi? We will need you to come with us."

"What...what for?"

"We are not at liberty to discuss that right here. Your service automatic from your shoulder holster, if you will. We're rather sorry about this, especially at this late hour."

With a sigh, she relinquished her gun, "It's your job, after all. Let's get this over with."

With that, the pair took her by the shoulders and muscled her back deeper into headquarters. She just knew in her heart that whatever this was about, Kaji was involved.

"So I take it our pet spy has gone AWOL?" Fuyutski murmured.

The pair had met in Gendo's office after Agent Kaji had neglected to come into headquarters or answer his calls. At first, the Commander had feared he had run to SEELE but just an hour ago, the committee had called a meeting to, baffling as it was, make sure information regarding the Human Instrumentality Project was secure.

That all but confirmed he hadn't run to SEELE and in fact was ignoring them too. That left the possibility of him having run to the government...or having disappeared altogether. Currently, he was having Ritsuko run a scan on their private servers. He suspected there would be no wrongdoing found but at the very least, it would smooth the committee's ruffled feathers.

"It appears that's the case," he droned.

"Now why would he do something like that? Do you believe he's run to tell the government?"

"I have my doubts," Gendo admitted, "It would have to come out where exactly he got the information and the risk of his other...jobs being found out. I believe it's likely he's run away."

"Run away?" Fuyutski's tone was incredulous, "I was under the impression Agent Kaji had more...pride in his work than that."

"He's a spy, Fuyutski. You can't truly know them. We'll just have to hope that's all he's done."

"Like I said, I don't know where he's gone," Misato protested from her seat in the dark room she had been brought into.

The two security agents had been sent to collect her to press her for information regarding Kaji. He hadn't shown up and appeared to have gone completely AWOL. When he told her he was leaving town, she hadn't realized what exactly that entailed. Whatever he was up to, he had been right to say it wasn't related to the jobs he was working before.

One of the officers told her, "Just tell us about your last encounter one more time, Major."

She sighed and repeated, "We met in the hallway a few days ago, probably around the third quadrant. We ended up going out to dinner and to a bar. Then we came back to my apartment…," she paused, her face burning with the admission, "...and we slept together. When I woke back up, he was gone. I thought he was just on another work job, like he always is."

The pair exchanged a glance then the first officer told her, "Stay here. We'll be back with our decision."

To her dismay, both left her, closing the door behind them and plunging the room into darkness.

She hated the darkness. It reminded her of the last night as the world ended around her, as she bobbed in that capsule. Not knowing if she was going to live or die...simply knowing her father had given his life to give her a fighting chance. Even now, all these years later, she couldn't fall asleep without a window open to let the light from outside in.

She couldn't help it; she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to conjure up the memory of how warm Kaji's body had been against hers. She could weather the darkness, if he was there.

But all he had left her was an uncertainty...and the truth.

When she returned home, she owed it to him to start looking into that immediately. In case he didn't return, she would have to pick up the mantle.

The door opened and the pair of guards reappeared. One beckoned her out with a box, no doubt holding her service weapon, "You're released, Major Katsuragi. We apologize for any inconvenience."

She forced herself not to scowl as she emerged from the dark, retrieving her pistol from them. She smiled tightly, "It's as I said before. It's your job."

She added, "So Kaji's gone?"

"You're dismissed, Major."

She nodded in understanding and, at a brisk walk, hurried to leave.

By the time she got out of base and got home, it was already past midnight. If those guards hadn't stopped her and all but detained her, she might have been home when the kids were still awake! Now all she had to look forward was a quiet, dark apartment as she perused Kaji's file.

She sighed as she exited the elevator but frowned. Sitting right outside her apartment was Rei, her knees drawn to her chest. She rushed over and called, "Rei! What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

The girl looked up at her and murmured, "I have been having...nightmares."

For a moment, Misato reeled at the absurdity of the whole situation. Why her? Then again, she couldn't see Ritsuko, or god forbid the Commander, offer this girl any comfort. And even if they could, they were far from here. Leaving only her.

"And you're sitting out here because?" she continued.

"I had hoped Shinji and Asuka would still be awake or wake up but...no one answered the door. Not even Nagisa…."

Misato reflectively corrected, "...Kaworu."

"...right," Rei murmured, sounding unsure of herself, "So I thought I might wait for you."

Misato unlocked the door and sighed, "Please tell me you haven't been waiting out here too long…"

"Not too long."

"Good. If something happened to you, I'm sure Commander Ikari would have my head!"

Rei frowned. Yes, if something terrible happened to her, the Commander would surely go on the war path. It wasn't something she had ever seen before nor did she ever wish to.

Misato let them in, turning on the entryway light as she did. The rest of the house was dark and quiet, indicating Shinji and Asuka were fast asleep. She was surprised Rei's knocking hadn't woken either of them up. She knew Shinji at least was a light sleeper...but then again, maybe stress had finally caught up to his sleepless nights. She lead Rei into the kitchen and asked, "Want some tea? According to Shinji, I make it well enough. I doubt it's as good as his but…"

"Tea would be lovely," Rei gently cut her off.

She watched her intently as she brewed a couple mugs of steaming hot tea. She would have been uncomfortable if there wasn't specifically an air of desperation to her gaze. Almost like she expected Misato to walk away, judging by how her head moved to follow her. She relaxed when Misato gave her her own mug and sat down with hers. Rei murmured a thanks before she sipped at her drink.

Misato asked, "So do you want to talk about these nightmares?"

Rei shook her head stiffly, "I don't think so. They're...frightening and bizarre."

"It's alright," Misato soothed, "You're not obligated to tell me anything. Did they start recently?"

She nodded in understanding and continued, "After the last Angel attack."

That made sense. Many of the events from that battle had dominated Misato's mind lately. One was the brilliant and terrible supernova of Zero and Zeruel being consumed by the N2 Mine. Misato wasn't sure how—and she didn't know if anyone did—but Rei had somehow used her AT Field to constrain the explosion in the direct area around her, thus making it many times more effective than it would have been otherwise.

"Traumatic events can do that," Misato confirmed, "I still have nightmares of the Second Impact. These things are so terrible they follow you into your dreams."

Rei shuddered at the mention of the Second Impact. She murmured softly, "May I sleep here then? I can sleep on the couch."

Misato smiled, "You can stay but let me set up a futon for you on the floor. C'mon, Rei. It's gonna be alright."

True to her word, Misato set her up a futon on the floor and even brought the radio from her room. She must have sat there for five minutes, tuning it into a jazz station before she bid Rei good night, leaving her with the crooning voice of Frank Sinatra. There, Rei stared at the ceiling and remembered her dream.

This one was a terrible blend of agony and death. She lay limp in the hands of that terrible woman. She was thrown from her seat, wildly into the metal walls of Zero's entry plug.

Then—

She was reeling an Angel in, ignoring the burning into her veins. She was watching with horror as an Angel leaned over her, maw open wide as it bit her Eva in half. She was standing under the ruins of a building before her body simply unraveled. She was falling apart, arms sloughing off then her head falling to the world below.

She was witness to many dozens of deaths and there was always a new Rei to die once more.

She had woken unsettled and soon decided to seek comfort. Miss Misato's words helped to calm her but it left her with questions.

Why were terrible things she never experienced following her into her dreams?

As she lay on the floor of the living room, a thought occurred to her, one that didn't even make full sense. Was she seeing these terrible things because she was...more than herself? The image of a Russian nesting doll appeared in her mind's eye.

It unsettled her.

Around the same time, Kaworu had startled awake from a nightmare of his own. He lay there for some time, rolling the dream over and over in his head with his hands firmly on his neck, as if to confirm his head was still attached.

It was like a movie reel of a dozen terrible deaths and a dozen after that. It was like his mind or perhaps the universe was taunting him, showing what he was grimly marching towards. Fate, in some ways he believed, was inflexible. It was the foregone conclusion. He just had to stick around as long as he could.

He swung his legs around the edge of the bed, getting up. After throwing on a loose t-shirt over his pajama pants, he padded outside and walked into the night, heading nowhere in particular.

Arael, Armisael then finally...Tabris. Assuming they didn't deviate from the pattern, those were the next three Angels to come. All sought connection and understanding, perhaps believing if they understood the other they may find a way past them. After all, it's not like most of the Angels set out to hurt humanity specifically. One may argue the humans were the aggressors, keeping their Mother away from them. At least one could argue that, if their reunion didn't mean the end of all things for humanity.

He closed his eyes and sighed. The Lilin and the Angels were not quite opposites, so close to the other but hopelessly repelled like the like poles of a magnet. He sat squarely in the middle of the spectrum but around his friends, it was easy to forget he wasn't like them.

He desired to be like them.

The visage of the Goichi from his dream appeared in his mind's eye, eyes burning bright and furious.

"You're some monster, you know that?"

As false as the vision was, it was correct. He half-suspected Shinji to already know what he was but the fact he didn't bring it up made him anxious. Did he hope that in this time he had been gifted the gift of humanity? Or was he too frightened to confront the truth?

And of course, Asuka...he was leaving her in the dark. His final secret, kept close to his chest...he couldn't bear to let her know. Her perception of him would change forever...to her, he'd become little more than a monster wearing human skin.

He craved to be anything but what he was, so deeply he still hadn't figured out what he would do when his time came.

Unfortunately, whether he let that secret out into the light on his own or not, it would come anyway.

Asuka and Shinji were quite surprised and happy to see Rei was there in the morning. Shinji insisted on making a special breakfast then fell over his feet in a last minute impulsive decision to invite Kaworu.

Kaworu answered the door, hair sticking up each and every way and disheveled in general. Shinji had woken him from what little sleep he got but he wasn't going to let that stop him from spending some time with his beloved.

As they entered the apartment again, Kaworu asked, "What's the plan?"

Shinji lowered his voice into a whisper, "I was thinking, since everyone's been so down, I can try the waffle maker I bought a month or so ago. I got it because I thought Asuka might like some and well, I won't have to worry about accounting for meat…"

"That's a fantastic idea," Kaworu's eyes shone, for perhaps the first time since before Bardiel.

Asuka knew exactly what the thing he extracted from the lower cabinets was for and, in what was possibly a first, muscled her way into the kitchen to help. Shinji made the basic batter and Asuka took it upon herself to further split it up, adding chocolate chips to one, strawberries to another, cinnamon to a third and leaving the last plain.

She had further opinions on how they should be served, screwing her nose up at Shinji's offering of maple syrup, bought specifically for the occasion. "That's an American thing," she commented.

"Aren't you part American?" Shinji commented as he dug into the fridge for a suitable substitute.

"Not by choice."

"Isn't that how it works?" Kaworu called from the dining table with a wide grin and she snapped, "Shut up, know-it-all!"

Shinji found her an acceptable substitute in the form of a container of whipped cream, bought on impulse by Misato for ice cream when the kids, her strongest source of impulse control, were still in the hospital.

Together, they doled out heaping stacks of waffles to Kaworu and Rei before joining them with their own. Rei, who had been quietly watching them, perked up significantly by the delivery of a warm, homemade breakfast. The other three tried to not openly gawk when she tore into them with the gusto of a starved man.

Asuka found herself studying Rei for completely other reasons. She looked exactly the same as she had, for good reason if she was a clone, but the idea that this was a completely different body from the one she had known? It unsettled her.

It made sense she seemed perfectly fine when she ought to have not; because the no doubt mangled body had been discarded somewhere! Asuka tried really hard not to think about that but her mind supplied the image anyway; a tank of LCL where a broken and dead Rei with wide, dead-fish eyes grinned widely at her.

"You're staring at Rei pretty hard," Kaworu teased, thankfully dispelling the horrific image from her mind.

She scowled, puffing herself up like an angry cat, "What of it?"

A thought occurred to her of something from before everything became terrible. She added, "Did we ever get a resolution to the love letter plot?"

Kaworu frowned deeply and, as she suspected, Shinji went bright red. Even Rei paused in her eating to curiously listen in. Asuka grinned fiercely. With what she knew now—and what they both knew she knew, it would impossible to deny it. And very cleanly sweep under the rug any teasing about her and Rei.

She owed Rei as much.

Kaworu stumbled over his words, "Well, you see, between how hectic everything got...and the fact we just never went to school for the longest time..."

Shinji bowed his head and squeaked, "That was me."

After a small pause, Kaworu chuckled lightly, "Y'know...I kind of suspected."

"I guess you would."

He reached out to take his hand, "If you would like to make things official, I think I'd like that."

Shinji squeezed the offered hand, "I think I'd like that too…"

Asuka immediately ruined the moment by jumping up and crowing, "Kaworu and Shinji kissing in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Across from the blushing and protesting boys, she caught Rei watching, a bizarre expression of guilt plain on her face. She had to force herself not to frown and ruin the happy moment. If she couldn't get what she wanted, she'd have to settle for Kaworu and Shinji getting what they wanted.

Misato regretted getting as little sleep as she did when her phone went off, rousing her. She rolled over, blinking blearily, and answered, "What's up?"

Hyuga answered, "You're being called to base. Our satellites are picking anomalous readings from the atmosphere."

"Great…," she groaned, "Be there in half an hour."

As she got dressed, she pondered what she had learned that previous night. The data Kaji had left her was vast and complex, which meant she ultimately had only put a dent in it. But what she did learn was the origins of Eva. Most of their Evas had been grown from Adam, that thing from the Antarctic. That is, with the exception of Unit 01, who was conspicuously missing from the listing. Kaji's own notes couldn't tell her the significance of this but he did believe there was some.

It also alluded to something called the "Eva series" but there wasn't too much information on that. It seemed to be a relatively new development, spurred by the Americans shunting the S2 Engine project onto someone else.

She had a feeling that was going to be a trend; Kaji would have had most of the pieces but would be missing one crucial one that would finish the puzzle. So she would have to do her own digging.

As she promised, she was on base within the hour. As she stepped onto the command deck, she called out, "Alright, what do we have?"

Hyuga swiveled to face her, "It's as I said; just a couple hours ago, our satellites detected some anomalous readings in the atmosphere. We're about to get visual, now that their orbit is approaching the object."

"We have visual," Aoba reported and, with a few taps of his keyboard, an image appeared on the main monitor.

Whatever it was (though Misato had her suspicions) was massive, though not quite the size of Sahaquiel. It appeared made of light but she could make out that it was made up of a small and crystalline body with many jagged wings. Said body clutched its core in its talons. Aoba continued, "It destroys any satellite that comes too close but it hasn't moved since. But our scans confirm without a doubt, its an Angel."

"As if we suspected any different," Misato grumbled, "Call the kids in."

"We might have a small problem," Ritsuko walked over to her, "We're down an Eva."

Misato raised an eyebrow, "And you waited until now to inform me of this because?"

"We had hoped we wouldn't have to formally decommission it but Zero will no longer synchronize with Rei. Zero's core was cracked during the fight with Zeruel so my working theory is that is preventing the connection."

Misato chewed on her lip. There would be many tests that would have to be done to come to this conclusion and all were done behind her—and everyone else's—back. She wanted desperately to demand an explanation for the secrecy but decided now was not the time. "Fine," she sighed, "We still have three working Evangelions."

The mounting dread that had haunted Asuka the last few days considerably ratcheted up when her and the other three got the call to come to NERV, dispelling the good mood she had started the day with. An Angel had appeared.

Or rather, Arael had appeared.

They couldn't head out from the school immediately because the second the name was uttered to her from Misato, she had excused herself to throw up. She staggered out of the bathroom, dazed as the world refused to stop spinning. A blue and white figure appeared in her vision and, as it approached, she found it was Rei.

She tried to take a step forward but nearly fell. She would have if Rei didn't catch her, shouldering her without a word. But the slight pursing of her lips told Asuka she was concerned. She murmured, "'M fine, 'm fine. Let's go get to base."

"You're not fine."

"What other choice do I have?"

Rei frowned now, her eyes half-hooded because she couldn't argue. She murmured, "I won't be able to protect you."

"Eh?"

"Unit Zero will no longer synchronize with me. She's empty now."

All the implications crashed into Asuka, way too many for her to sort through right away. So she just had to compartmentalize them, shoving them into the back of her mind. But one terrible fact stood out: last time the only reason she was saved was because of Rei.

Desperately swallowing that fact, she straightened and asked, "If something happens, will you be here for me?"

"Yes."

"Well then," with a sigh of defeat and a rolling of her shoulders, she said, "That'll just have to be enough."

She swallowed the dread like she always did and they headed out.

In the NERV headquarters, they made their way to the locker rooms. Even without a chariot, the rider was called; or Rei got suited up along with Asuka. This wasn't in itself unusual; considering Kaworu was in a similar situation for months before he got 04. But what was unusual was how she stood at the entrance, staring into space.

Asuka stopped by her, "Hey, Rei...c'mon, it's going to be alright. It's...it's gotta be."

"You're afraid...so am I," Rei murmured, "This isn't my purpose anymore. Why do they still call me?"

Asuka approached her, putting a hand on her shoulder, "Rei, don't talk like that. It's like before Kaworu got his Eva; it's just in case."

Rei turned to her, her eyes wide and wild, "I don't want there to be a 'just in case'!"

She stiffened at the extremely out of character cry. Awkwardly, she patted her shoulder, "We're gonna have to do our best then," she encouraged, though the words tasted like ash in her mouth.

Rei pressed, "Your behavior. You know something bad is going to happen."

Asuka shuffled anxiously and only somewhat told the truth, "It's just the last two were so bad, it's kind of hard to not expect this one to be bad too."

When Rei stared, looking unconvinced, she added, "No one can tell the future," and tried to tell herself the half-lie was necessary.

She gave her shoulder another awkward pat and rushed past her, to Unit 02's holding cage. The seconds ticked by in horrific slowness for Asuka as she was loaded into her entry plug. She was dreading it, those words…

"We're sending in Unit 04 first," Misato's voice came over the comms.

"Huh?" Asuka said, without even meaning to.

"Unit Zero won't activate and you're still on low priority, Asuka. So it's between Kaworu and Shinji and my notes say to put Kaworu on higher priority. Commander's orders."

In her panic, Asuka had forgotten the Commander was gunning for Kaworu. Once was nothing to worry about, twice was coincidental and thrice was...on purpose.

But yet, a very small and selfish part of her whispered in her ear at least it isn't you.

Before she could say anything, whether in protest or acceptance, Kaworu said, "It's gonna be alright. I don't mind being sent in first."

Did he have some sort of plan to get out of the beam attack? His tone of voice was perfectly serene but the problem was that was how it always sounded! What was he actually feeling, being sent in against this monster? Asuka could hear Misato in the background explaining the plan to him; that they planned to use a smaller version of the Positron rifle to snipe the Angel. And then before she knew it, Kaworu was being launched.

She remembered Shinji's comment from back in the hospital:

"He really took a beating out there. I'm starting to worry he's got a death wish or something."

What reason would Kaworu have to want to die? Did Kensuke's death rattle him that badly? He had promised to stay with her...as long as it took. He might not be trying to actively die but if he just happened to be put into harm's way…

She pressed the button to radio him, "Good luck, Kaworu. Don't die on us!"

"That's not in the cards today," he replied, a faux cheeriness in his tone.

Shinji listened in, a grim expression on his face. He hadn't ever encountered this one personally but according to Kaworu, it had broken Asuka back in her world. Sure, he was the one who had the best shot against it but what if he didn't? What if the Angel got into his head? What terrible things would it dredge up? It had no shortage of material…

Once his Evangelion emerged into the rainy city, Kaworu let out a long exhale into the LCL. Arael, the Angel of birds. All she wanted was to understand. He was certain he could weather her attack; after all, what could she pull up that he hadn't already experienced time and time again? It was just one shot, he thought as he shouldered the positron rifle. He just had to weather her psychic attack and get the one shot off.

And with any luck, it wouldn't just bounce off her AT Field. And if it did, the Lance was still in play.

The buzzing that had been in his ears this entire time began to rise in volume and pitch.

BROTHER TABRIS.

I SEE YOU ARE WELL.

LIVING WITH THE LILIN AS ONE OF THEM.

The clouds began to part slightly, a tiny band of prismatic light peeking through, shining onto his Eva. Kaworu could feel something prodding at the edges of his AT Field. He folded it tighter around his soul. As long as he kept it wrapped close to himself, she wouldn't be able to breach it.

WE MISS YOU. NONE OF US UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ABANDONED US.

He ignored her quiet pleas, looking down the scope of his rifle as it continued to hone in on her. Just a little longer. Maybe he could take advantage of her hesitation and strike before she had a chance to know what even happened.

BARDIEL. ZERUEL. THEY WERE BOTH RATHER ANGRY WITH YOU. BUT I AM NOT.

I WANT TO UNDERSTAND.

She wanted to...understand?

BROTHER TABRIS, IF I MAY. WOULD YOU LET ME TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LOVE THE LILIN?

His eyes widened. None of his siblings had ever even entertained the idea that he might have a point.

With a choral cacophony, the sky became awash with prismatic light. The prodding at his AT Field became a wave of sensation, crashing against his Field and—thanks to his hesitation, shattering it.

Kaworu howled as Arael's invasion tore into his mind. He swung wildly, hand reflectively pressing the rifle's trigger. It shot wild, tearing through the clouds and missing his target by miles. He dropped it in favor of clutching his head. While his Angelic AT Field might have been able to hold back the attack, he would have to unfold it to get the best effect—and be found out in the process. Now his Lilin body was paying the price as pain lanced through his head.

"Kaworu no!" Asuka and Shinji chorused.

Shinji immediately went into action, remembering how both Asuka and Rei had launched themselves against the previous Angel. He reached down to yank the red lever...to find it was locked into place. "What?!" he cried, trying again.

No use! After the battle with Zeruel, someone must have grown wise as to their trick.

Up on the command desk, Kaworu's sudden screams bounced off the walls, "Stop it, I didn't let you in! Stop it! STOP! IT HURTS! YOU'RE HURTING ME!"

Misato rushed to connect to his comms, "Kaworu! Fall back! Get out of there!"

The only response she got was his continued shrieks. They sent shudders down her spine. Hearing sweet, polite and kind Kaworu shriek like he was in genuine pain was harrowing. She whipped around to face Ritsuko, "We have to get him out!"

"We're trying!" she cried back, "The Angel's attack is interfering with our signals so we can't eject his Entry Plug!"

"We've got to do something before it kills him!"

The look Ritsuko gave her was harrowing in its own right as she shook her head, "I don't believe it's trying to hurt him physically...it's broken into his mental wavelength. Any damage is going to be mental."

Kaworu was being yanked into his own mind as his sister indiscriminately rifled through his memories. He could feel as if he was falling, down, down, down—

Landing into a pool of warm water. Shinji stood across from him, his voice indistinct but his body language expressing confusion. He could feel his mouth moving, even though he didn't try to speak:

"I mean to say. I love you."

He was sitting on the bench of a piano, holding his hand out to Shinji, whose whole body was pressed into itself, as if he was too scared to approach.

"C'mon, I'll teach you."

He was leaning half over Shinji while they both lay in bed, Shinji coiled as if to run away.

"If I came to love you...how would that feel?"

And then, Shinji was leaning over his cello, arm relaxed with his bow barely touching the floor. He was smiling slightly, even though he wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Really? Because you know...I feel I was fated to meet you."

This is the Lilim you love?

Kaworu found himself on the beach at the end of the world and when he turned, he found a young boy standing behind him, wearing a white-and-blue sailor suit. It was his younger self, or rather Arael co-opting that form to speak to him. He nodded slowly at her.

Shinji Ikari. But yet...you hurt him so.

He was whooshed away to somewhere cold and dark. An all-encompassing pressure was all around him. He knew what he would see when he looked up...but he did anyway. Looking down at him was the horned, demonic visage of Unit 01, its eyes alight with restrained violence.

All went dark.

He was diving, careening towards Lilith, her beckoning song being all he could hear. He could feel movement behind him, a sudden pressure and then—

All went dark.

He was looking over at Shinji from within his side of the entry plug. A series of crystalline structures were revolving slowly around his neck, speeding up and then—

All went dark.

You would die for him...but could you live for him?

"Stop it," he gasped as he fell to his knees, "You're hurting me. It hurts, Arael."

The younger him tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. The action send another pulse of pain through his skull.

You didn't answer my question.

"Life, death," he shook his head, "It's of no difference to me. This is the fate I've been dictated and all I may do is love him in the time I have."

Time comes for us all...as does fate.

He saw Arael, then Armisael then himself, looking over his shoulder at himself with an expression of guilt.

What point is there of living if it is no difference from death?

He was helping Shinji bring the bowls of ramen out for Misato and his' shared party. He was perched on the angel statue at the lake. He was playing the piano, becoming lost in the melody. He was showing off his new record player to his friends.

He was speaking to the SEELE monoliths. He was drifting in a tube of LCL with dozens of other hims. He was leading Unit 02 into Terminal Dogma. He was waking up on the Moon...once again.

The overstimulation was becoming too much. It felt as if there was claws all in his body, keeping him in place as the light bled through his eyes, into his mind then his very soul. He wanted to scream and lash out but he couldn't speak. He tasted blood. He was drowning, slipping under the red sea.

"Please Arael," he weakly pleaded, "It hurts. I didn't want you to do this."

Then why, brother Tabris, did you let me in?

"LET ME GO, LET ME SAVE HIM!" Shinji was screeching, pumping his control yokes. Under his will, Evangelion Unit 01 twitched but wouldn't move enough to rip herself from her constraints. For some reason, he couldn't make her move. If he wasn't seeing red, he might have thought that out of place.

The techs were saying a lot of scary things, things like mental contamination and negative sync ratios. He didn't care about any of that. He had to save Kaworu!

With a click, his comms went silent, leaving him only with the sound of his labored breathing. Of course, they probably got sick of his meltdown and cut him off completely. If he could just make Unit 01 listen to him, he could do this all on his own!

With a crackle, a new line was opened to him. And from it came a deep baritone, "Shinji."

"...Father," he breathed.

"Listen to me very carefully. You are not to ask any questions and you will not repeat anything I've told you to anyone else."

"Father, what do you mean?"

"You want to save the Fourth Child, pilot Nagisa, correct?"

Shinji swallowed thickly, "That's correct."

"Then you will follow my instructions to the letter, ask no questions and not repeat anything I tell you."

"...I understand."

A map popped up on his screen and, mystified, Shinji realized this was showing him the way to Terminal Dogma. To Lilith. And to the Lance of Longinus.

Of course. Without his beloved daughter, the task of retrieving it fell to the second-rate son.

His father began speaking again, "Follow these directions to the primary shaft. There will be a harness there to lower you to the final level. When you come into the LCL Production plant, you will see a red spear. Take it and return here. Disregard anything else you may see and most importantly, do not ask any questions…"

"...or repeat anything you've told me," Shinji finished.

"Good. If you did, I may not be able to protect you or any of your friends."

Shinji swallowed the spike of fury he felt at the thinly veiled threat. Once the restraints came off, he began to hurry to Terminal Dogma.

Kaworu was laying on the white beach of the red sea under the black sky. He stared up at the stars and the orbiting streak of Lilith's blood. Beside him, Arael as his younger self sat. She looked at him with a deep, confused frown.

If the death is always the ending, what point is there to living?

"I have to make him happy. I have to try."

Are you really trying if you're already resigned to death?

"What point is there to having hope if it's been dashed so many times before?"

With an uncomfortable ache, he could feel her rifling through his memories again, once again bringing up an array of memories.

Him and Shinji playing the piano. Them eating a meal Shinji prepared. Them swimming in the NERV pool. Them having a snowball fight. Them walking along the white beach except the water was sparkling blue. Them making a toast to the new year.

"None of that is real," he murmured.

Those are your dreams from some time ago. Don't you want to see them again?

"It's no point."

Isn't he the whole point?

Shinji emerged into Terminal Dogma, Unit 01 crashing through the water towards Heaven's Door. As he approached, the doors yawned open and he could see beyond. The crimson cross, the Lance of Longinus and...Lilith. He strode towards the Lance and wrapped his Eva's hands around it. It felt smooth with no imperfections, only the twisted grooves of the handle. He looked to what it was stabbed into—the Second Angel, Lilith.

It would be so easy. He could pull it out and use it to kill her. Then no one could start the Third Impact. He would be free.

As if he could hear his mutinous thoughts, his father droned, "Do you hesitate because you want Nagisa to suffer?"

The temptation was great, so great...but not great enough. "No, Father," he scowled, pulling the Lance free.

Lilith's severed bottom half bubbled and formed into a proper pair of legs. But Shinji had already turned away to march back upwards to the surface, to Kaworu.

Kaworu and Arael sat at the edge of Lake Ashinoko, the sunset dying the world LCL orange. Arael's head was tipped forward in thought.

I don't understand. You wish to live for him but wish to die. You go on living but cannot bear it.

Being Lilin makes you feel this way so why love what harms you?

"You really don't understand, Arael," Kaworu smiled weakly, "None of you could. The pain of living is great but to give up is a more terrible fate. I must find ways to make living bearable."

His stereo playing Handel's Messiah. A stack of homemade waffles. His friends, Toji, Kensuke, Rei. Asuka, her face pulled into an expression of determination. And then Shinji, smiling warmly at him and holding his hand.

Unit 01 emerged onto the surface. Inside the cockpit, the targeting system was beeping steadily as it honed in onto the Angel. Shinji glowered at its far-off light. Some distance away, Unit 04 was crumpled onto the ground, twitching every so often under the prismatic attack. He gave it a quick glance then looked back to his reticule. He murmured, "Just a little longer...hold on just a little longer…"

Arael frowned deeply.

How does one find ways to make living bearable?

"Connections. Us Angels...we're islands in a vast sea. But the Lilin, even though it hurts, form connections to each other. It's what, in the end...saves their lives."

BEEP!

Locked on, Unit 01 reared its arm back, the Lance gleaming dangerously.

OH.

I THINK I UNDERSTAND NOW.

With a primal howl, Shinji shot Unit 01 forward back onto its foot, launching the Lance of Longinus like a javelin. It escaped his hand with a whistle, shooting through the sky and punching through the storm clouds, which dissipated in its wake.

It escaped the atmosphere with a sonic boom, homing onto the Angel as if locked on. Arael gave a choral shriek as the Lance punched through it, disintegrating it entirely.

No longer being assaulted, Unit 04 went limp. Shinji moved to go and do...something, what he wasn't sure. But his comms crackled back to life as his line to Misato was restored. She cried, "Shinji no! Come back! He's got to go into quarantine!"

He lingered, Unit 01 hovering over the prone form of the other Eva. He slumped and obeyed.

The only reason it was Asuka that got to Kaworu first is because Misato had only thought to stop Shinji. Before anyone knew it, the girl was racing through the base then out and up into the city.

Though the Lance had banished most of the clouds, there was still a steady light drizzle. The extraction crews had taken him out of his plug and left him a few dozen feet away from his fallen Eva. They had stretched caution tape around him but that was the only thing between her and him. He had his knees pulled to his chest and his head tucked between them, most certainly to block out the world around him. He was trembling and quiet.

Asuka paused long enough to make sure no one was around before she hopped the tape, rushed over to him and threw her arms around him in an embrace. She murmured, "Kaworu...I'm so sorry…"

Kaworu tensed. Had she ever hugged him, much less touched him? Had she ever hugged anyone like this or was he the first to receive such an honor? He slowly looked at where she had buried her head into his shoulder and murmured, "Asuka…"

She pulled back, her eyes red with unshed tears. Stubborn as always, she refused to let them fall. She sniffled, "You should have never gone through that. I'm...maybe it should have been me. I would have been prepared."

A shudder ran through him and he shook his head aggressively. If this was the price he had to pay to not allow a repeat of last time...so be it.

He looked away, staring at the concrete ground. Finally, he spoke, his voice but a whisper, "You don't understand. I think...I think she might have understood."

"Kaworu," Asuka murmured, "I really don't know what you mean."

But he didn't respond again. He only trembled.

Chapter Text

"Quite the gambit you took there, Ikari. I didn't take you for a gambling man."

The night after they lost the Lance found Gendo and Fuyutski once more in the former's office, musing over the events of the day. Ultimately, Gendo found he didn't have any regrets whatsoever. The whole battle had been quite fruitful: they had lost the Lance, possibly disabled SEELE's boy and defeated the Angel in one fell stroke.

"I'm not," Gendo growled, "But if the situation demands it, then there is little choice."

"The old men are going to give you hell for that," Fuyutski told him, a sardonic smile creasing his lips.

"As if I wasn't already aware of that," Gendo replied, "But the Lance had to be taken out of play and the Angel defeated. It's as the saying goes: two birds, one stone."

"I'm surprised you feel so positively about the battle. Considering you had to use your son in the end."

Gendo frowned. Perhaps...he had one regret. But he was backed into a corner; when it came down to the Second Child and his son, he trusted the latter far more. That didn't even cover how problematic it could be, allowing the Adam-derived and S2 Engine-gifted Unit 02 anywhere near Lilith. He deflected, "The committee would be more furious if we had to use Unit 02 once more, if we didn't absolutely have to."

"I more mean I'm surprised you haven't considered this painting a target on Shinji's back."

Gendo's frown deepened. He...hadn't considered that. He murmured, "They wouldn't dare put him in harm's way. I don't believe Unit 01 will answer to anyone else."

Fuyutski almost prodded him, wishing to ask which he was more afraid for: his son or Unit 01.

But he knew he'd never get a straight answer.

The night after the engagement with Arael, Misato's first burgeoning forays into patching the gaps in Kaji's knowledge began to bear fruit. After things had settled down, she had pulled Hyuga aside to see if he knew anything regarding the "Eva Series". He didn't but, as she expected, eagerly agreed to see what he could find.

She wasn't stupid; she knew the Lieutenant had a crush on her, one she didn't return. It made her feel terrible to be using him in this manner...but it would be all worth it. If they made it through this, she'd apologize for stringing him along.

He had an impressive turnaround time and had summoned her to a discrete location within the Geofront a mere hours later. She leaned over the bench he was sitting in, "So construction of Evas up to 13 has been been going on for some time? And in seven different locations, to boot."

He nodded, "It's from Shanghai so you can trust it. I bet that's your Eva series, Major. It even lines up with the idea it happened right after the incident in Nevada though I suspect some of the series were in construction even before then. They're really rushing them out, aren't they?"

"I was just thinking that," she agreed, "But what for…?"

Hyuga shrugged, "Considering we've already lost two Evas and Unit 04 might no longer be an option…" he trailed off before he continued, "Maybe they think our ranks need to be bulked?"

"I don't think that's it," she shook her head, "Germany is freely giving us parts from Units 05 and 06, not to mention the budget's been doubled in that area. They're happy to support our current Evas. I'm getting the sense the committee's getting impatient…"

Hyuga raised an eyebrow. He was aware NERV owed its funding to a committee but why exactly they cared was lost on him. He said, "Maybe they're anticipating a scenario where multiple Angels attack us?"

"It's plausible but they wouldn't need to go behind our backs then. I think they've got another objective in mind," she mused.

He frowned and the two fell into a silence as they mulled over this information. Finally, he broke the silence, "How's Kaworu doing? Last I heard he was in poor shape."

"Poor shape's an understatement," Misato sighed, "On the bright side, Ritsuko says he doesn't have any mental contamination."

"...but that doesn't account for damage to his psyche."

"That's what I'm afraid about. He won't talk to Ritsuko about whatever he saw. She says he just sits there...and shakes."

Hyuga frowned deeply, "Poor kid. He shouldn't have had to go through that."

"I'm going to be taking him home in the morning so I'm thinking maybe I'll try to talk to him then. And if that doesn't work, I'm sure Shinji or Asuka will get through to him," she sighed, "Here I thought the Angels could only hurt them physically. I never imagined they'd go so aggressively for the mind. I just don't know what to do for him, Hyuga."

He shrugged, "All you can do. Your best."

Kaworu was glad to go home, if only because the hospital was quiet and in that silence, his mind was happy to replay every detail of his encounter with Arael. It didn't help that Dr. Akagi had been poking and prodding him for what happened. He refused to tell her, to give those thoughts a voice. Holding Arael's final revelation close to himself felt right. She had hurt him terribly but in the end, he had gotten through to her.

Then she died.

He could hardly fault Shinji for his actions in saving him. He had used the Lance to do it, no doubt a gambit played by his father. A pity, as it could have done a lot more good here on Earth and not lost in lunar orbit.

He had planned to escape the Geofront without anyone noticing but that ended up being a pipe dream when he found Misato waiting at the trams for him. She had a look of exasperation on her face, "Good thing Rits told me you were leaving."

Of course she would insert herself into his business! Something she hardly understood!

He stopped himself. He hadn't thought like that in quite some time…

He murmured, attempting to walk past her, "I don't need a drive home."

She stepped out in front of him, arms crossed and clearly not taking no for an answer, "Listen, I'm not letting you walk home all by yourself. We don't have to talk but I am driving you home."

"You have work. You don't have to do anything for me."

"Hey, anything to get out of the paperwork!" she joked lightly.

When he didn't respond, she sighed and continued, "It won't take long at all. I might not be your guardian but I do still feel a duty to your safety, Kaworu."

He weighed his options. He could make a run for it but where would he? Back, deeper into the base? But surely when they caught him, they'd put him back in that terrible hospital room. Probably for good this time.

So that only left one choice: go with her without complaint. The choice was clear and he hung his head, "Fine."

True to her word, the pair left NERV with no words shared. As they drove, Misato cast a glance at the boy when he wasn't looking. His whole body was left loose as a puppet with its strings cut and he stared into space. Whatever thoughts were going through him were for him and him alone.

She frowned deeply as she recalled his screams, when he sounded not like his serene self but like a small child, begging for mercy.

"STOP IT, YOU'RE HURTING ME!"

She wondered idly if Kaworu had believed the Angel didn't mean to hurt him and that, when it did, it came as a surprise.

The thought made her stomach twist uncomfortably.

Kaworu on the other hand couldn't help but find the silence awkward and oppressive. Surely, she wanted to know and he couldn't help feeling an obligation to say something to soothe her. But when he tried to put his words together to say something, they died before they could even reach his throat.

None of them could understand. He couldn't tell any of his Lilin companions why he was so rattled.

Kaworu didn't find the words to soothe Misato during their journey home. In fact, the first words the pair shared since leaving base was Misato bidding him, "Hope you feel better," while squeezing his shoulder, just before he got out of the car.

She dropped him off at the entrance of the complex and he at least lingered long enough to watch her blue Alpine disappear back down the street. Then, he trudged up the stairs, to his apartment, where he intended to remain. Once there, he laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling, willing his mind to think of nothing at all.

He hadn't been home long before there was a knock at the door. Shinji's voice drifted through, "Kaworu? Misato told me you were home so I wanted to check up on you."

He stared at the ceiling of his living room. There was no point in answering the door. The question of whether he was alright or not was a moot one. And it wasn't as if he could tell Shinji what really bothered him.

"Well...I guess you don't want to talk. That's fine. I'll...I'll see you later."

And judging by the fact there were no more knocks, he must have gone home.

A few minutes later, someone was hammering at his door. Asuka yelled through it, "You're gonna ignore Shinji like that? You better not ignore me! C'mon, answer the damn door!"

He couldn't help but smile slightly. Typical Asuka...unfortunately, he had even less ability to share what bothered him with her. It was better, perhaps, if he started getting her acclimated to the idea of being without him…

"Fine. Be that way."

And once more, he was left in silence. Laying on the floor, he let his mind wander.

Armisael was next and then after that, his mind refused to consider what would happen. The final Angel was a black box in his mind; he refused to even name it, lest he confront what he was running away from.

Running away? That was ironic. Oh, Shinji would be so disappointed in him.

If he had let him die, things would be much simpler.

Shinji and Asuka would both be disappointed to hear that one.

Everything was terrible.

That was the refrain going through Shinji's head the past two days. Kaworu was pushing away not only him but everyone else. According to Asuka, she was only able to get one phrase out of him after the battle:

"You don't understand. I think...I think she might have understood."

Shinji's only guess was the Angel understood...something...before she was killed but what it was, neither could guess. He decided against pointing out the significance of an Angel communicating. Surely, Kaworu made why it would be significant clear to Asuka...right?

At least right now, he had something to distract him. Misato had pulled him out of the apartment with a rushed excuse of wanting him to come with her to pick up drinks. Well, it wasn't entirely an excuse. He had come out that morning to find her pouring all her beer down the sink.

She returned to the car with two bulging bags of coffee drink packs. She took one out for herself then handed him something special, a fizzy strawberry drink. And then they were off again to the outlook.

He asked as they drove, "Drinking coffee now, Misato?"

"Gotta keep sharp," she answered, "Alcohol dulls the senses, don'tcha know?"

He smiled around his drink, "Never stopped you before."

"Things change," her reply was more terse than he expected and he pulled his drink away from his lips to properly regard her.

She was staring down the road with a determined gaze and he realized that she was actually obeying traffic laws for once. No casual running of red lights or even going a little over the speed limit! She was right. Something had changed for her and if he had to make a guess, it had to do with Kaji leaving the city.

He wished he could impress upon her that it would (hopefully) not be forever but he had appearances to keep up.

They came onto the outlook and when Shinji exited the car, Misato had already rounded it. She grabbed his shoulders and leaned down to his level. "You saw it?" she asked, her eyes wild, "When you grabbed the Lance?"

"L-Lilith?!"

"How do you know that name?"

He brought his shoulders up, eyes darting away. Shouldn't have let that one slip. He nodded and lied quietly, "Kaji mentioned it."

"You've talked to Kaji? Did he tell you where he went?"

Rather than say anything, he quickly shook his head, making sure to stare her right in the eyes so he wouldn't be caught in a lie.

Part of him wanted to come right out, tell her the whole sordid story, from how he made the wish to his and Asuka's encounter with Kaji. But he couldn't. Not yet. "I talked to Kaji but...I don't know where he went. He just said he had a really important job and that he'd be careful. I was helping him with his melons...that's when he said so."

"I didn't realize you two were so close...but I guess it's good you've got a good male figure in your life!" she smiled gently.

Bullet dodged. He couldn't help but sigh in relief.

She turned to look back over Tokyo-3 and if Shinji wasn't behind her, he might have realized she was looking in the direction of her favored entrance to the Geofront. She commented, "You could have killed that thing with the Lance. If it could kill that Angel in one shot, it could have killed it too."

"I could. I think. I dunno. My father asked me if I wanted Kaworu to suffer so I stopped thinking about trying."

"...typical. I suppose, officially, you weren't supposed to tell me any of that."

"...no."

"Good thing you're not the person who told me about Lilith."

Shinji furrowed his eyebrows, considering if he should ask who told her, then decided against it. It was a certainty that it was Kaji. So he had roped her into this too, though not nearly as deeply as he had ended up being.

She rounded the car again, retrieved her coffee drink and got up on the hood. Taking the cue, he followed. She asked conversationally, "So Kaworu still won't talk to you?"

"Or anyone else." he grimaced, "It's not just me."

"Well, if he won't talk to you, he certainly won't talk to anyone else," she frowned deeply, "According to Ritsuko, he's physically fine but she expects some sort of mental trauma. She even tried to get him to open up to her but he wouldn't talk. Hell, I took him home that day and he seemed to rather I let him walk home!"

There was no lack of ammunition the Angel could have used against Kaworu, Shinji thought. But whatever it had done, whatever it understood about him, rattled him so terribly. So terribly he was in a worse state than he had ever seen him in before. "I'm gonna try to talk to him again," he declared.

"Even if he doesn't take it, extending a hand is always good," Misato encouraged.

Shinji smiled, remembering Kaworu's own words from when they comforted Asuka. Yeah, it was time to turn that advice onto him.

True to his word, Shinji, after getting home and helping Misato put up all her coffees, went next door. He started with a quiet knock, calling, "Hey, Kaworu, it's me Shinji again!"

Silence.

He frowned, "I wanted to come see you. If you...um, if you don't want to talk about the Angel, we won't."

Yet more silence.

Alright, one more try with the secret weapon he had devised on the way back.

"We could...go on a date? Boyfriends do that, right?"

For a few moments, there was silence and Shinji decided this time was a bust. But in the quiet, he barely heard a shuffling. Trying to not get his hopes up, he waited until, to his immense relief, Kaworu opened the door.

He had dressed in his typical garb of a button-up and pants, though he noticed the top button was unbuttoned and he was wearing a pair of rumpled jeans, rather than his typically ironed slacks. His eyes were shadowed, as if he hadn't been getting much sleep. Shinji still smiled, glad at the effort, "You really want to go, then?"

Kaworu nodded slowly, rocking from leg to leg. He murmured, "I think I should. I've been rather selfish, haven't I?"

Shinji was quick to aggressively shake his head, "Don't say that!"

"Well, I offered to be your boyfriend then immediately locked myself in my apartment."

"Considering you got assaulted by an Angel between those two things, I think it's perfectly reasonable!"

Kaworu made a face but didn't argue. He didn't seem extremely convinced.

Shinji crossed his arms, "You're really nice Kaworu but it's not all about me…"

Kaworu opened his mouth to protest then stopped himself before he could say anything. He closed his mouth with an audible pop, looking suddenly really guilty. Shinji didn't need him to say anything to know exactly what he wanted to say. Going through this song and dance just about a dozen times, he got a sense of what motivated Kaworu.

He wished he would find something else.

Instead of saying anything about that, he offered his hand, "Let's go? I've got an idea of what we can do."

Kaworu looked at his hand then took it with a hopeful smile.

Now the problem was Shinji actually had no idea what to do for a date. He hadn't thought this far; getting Kaworu out of his apartment was more than he had thought would happen!

He decided they needed to get away from the complex. Asuka was a good friend of Kaworu's but he didn't want her to overwhelm him. And they needed to reconcile on their own time.

So he drew upon happy memories and decided to head to the ice cream shop from so long ago. It was a bit of a gambit, considering last time they went was with Toji...and Kensuke. But if Kaworu thought anything like that, he didn't show it, instead happily following him with a small smile on his face.

Once there, they sat outside, Kaworu with his sundae bowl and Shinji with a fudge-dipped cone. He ended up doing the most of the talking but he honestly didn't mind it, especially when he had his boyfriend listening with rapt attention, as if his words were the Gospel itself.

He talked about how Misato had switched to coffee, how Pen-Pen had gotten spoiled and only wanted the expensive fish, how Asuka had been ramming her head against the dark fantasy game Kensuke showed her some time ago and how even Rei had visited a few times. He didn't bring up that she seemed to be spending a lot of time around them because nightmares, filing that under 'serious things to not talk about right now'.

The sun was lowering towards the horizon when they finished their ice cream. Shinji, staring up at the fading sky, looked back at him, "It's nearly sundown...it might be time to go home…"

Immediately, Kaworu's cheery expression collapsed and he murmured, "Must we...couldn't we do something else?"

Misato would worry...but then again, he had told her he was going to go visit Kaworu. He had explained his idea to Asuka so hopefully she'd pass that along, though hopefully not use the word "date" when she did. He nodded, "How about the movies? Do you like the movies?"

Kaworu gave him an appreciative smile, "I haven't seen many but I'm always up for new things."

Sliding out of his chair, Shinji gestured for him to follow, "Let's go then. I think the new Godzilla film just came out and you'll never believe the robots they've got him fighting."

The movie was wonderfully nostalgic for Shinji, having watched all the old ones as a kid. His aunt and uncle never really watched anything with him but they did have a cabinet full of VCRs so many of his days were spent watching them by himself. Kaworu had found the fact the robots in the new one had an uncanny resemblance to the Evas funny—just as Shinji had thought he would.

As they walked out, Shinji told him, "That was fun! I thought it might be dark like the last one but it really felt like the old ones!"

"You've seen the old ones?"

"Mhm!" Shinji nodded, his eyes lighting up, "My aunt and uncle had all the old ones so I must have watched each half a dozen times as a kid."

"We should go rent them then and you can show me them. I've only see maybe two? But I liked them!" Kaworu beamed so brightly that, if Shinji didn't know better, he would think he was back to his old self for good.

He blushed, "You'd want to do that with me?"

"Yeah," Kaworu squeezed his hand, "It'll get me out of my apartment and we can spend time together."

By the time they left the theater, the sun had gone down and the streetlights had turned on. Kaworu reasoned that they'd better take the train to the nearest stop near home and walk from there. So they took off into the night. Shinji couldn't help feeling a rebellious streak. He hadn't told Misato how long he planned to be out and had no way to contact her. It was like he was a normal teenager.

They were about halfway to the train station when Kaworu stopped suddenly under a lamp post. Shinji stopped beside him with a frown. He had never noticed but his eyes glowed a little in the dark, as if they weren't effected by the darkness. He asked, "Are you alright?"

Kaworu shook his head slowly.

"You did have fun, right?"

"I did," Kaworu turned his brilliant red eyes to him. In the gloom, they stood out. "It's not that."

They remained there for nearly a minute in silence. Finally, Kaworu broached, "You're sure I'm not selfish?"

"Of course not," Shinji told him, "I saw just how much the memory of it effected Asuka. I can't imagine how terrible it was."

"It was terrible," Kaworu confirmed, "But I don't think what she showed me was as bad as the fact she seemed to understand me too. Before she died."

"The Angel?"

"...yeah."

Shinji rocked uncomfortably. His words had brought up an uncomfortable truth, one that he knew had to be true as it had been in his previous world. The other boy had never called attention to it but he decided he couldn't bet on that meaning he was...like him. He asked quietly, "Everything's going to work out, yeah? You have to promise me that, Kaworu."

"Of course."

"You know what I'm talking about," Shinji repeated, a note of desperation in his voice, "We can't be doing this if you're on a timer. Like everything's supposed to be normal."

...of course he would remember that. Kaworu hadn't considered that if Shinji remembered the past few go-arounds, he'd guess at the role he played in this cosmic play. He didn't know whether to feel overjoyed that that hadn't stopped Shinji from treating him kindly...or feel despair that the worry of what would happen to him consumed his thoughts.

He said softly, "I'm telling the truth, Shinji. It'll work out."

Shinji squinted at him, as if trying to find evidence for him lying. Seeing no such tells, he relaxed, "Alright, Kaworu, I believe you. You'd know better than me. Just please don't lie to me...like people have before."

Ouch. Whether he meant to or not, Shinji Ikari really knew how to hit him where it hurt.

"I've been through this enough times," Kaworu assured him, but the words tasted like ash.

He said it would work out—that just didn't necessarily mean for himself.

They returned back to the apartment complex, stopping at Kaworu's apartment first. But he didn't go in immediately, even after they had shared their good nights. He watched Shinji turn away, about to go back home, but Kaworu shot his arm out to catch his wrist.

"Wait!"

Shinji turned to him with wide owlish eyes. He stammered, "What is it?"

Kaworu squeezed his hand then decided to go ahead and ask something he thought rather selfish, "Would you...like to stay the night? For old times sake?"

He wasn't sure why he said that. Shinji wouldn't remember that.

Nonetheless, Shinji smiled, "It doesn't have to be for "old times sake". I'd love that."

He cast a glance down the hall, "Erm. I should tell Misato I am first so she doesn't go on the warpath."

Kaworu let himself chuckle, "She would do that, wouldn't she?"

Shinji chuckled right along before turning away, as if to leave. Then he furrowed his eyebrows in thought. Quick as a blink, he grabbed his face and pressed his lips to his.

Kaworu nearly yelped in surprise. Then, just as quick as he had done it, Shinji whipped around and all but fled back to his apartment with a cry of, "Okayberightback!" said so quickly, the words slurred together.

He opened his mouth and closed it, gaping at his fleeing frame. He raised a hand to brush his lips, where he had planted the kiss. Shinji had changed in so many ways under his nose.

It made his heart ache in just as many ways.

Misato had an uncharacteristic break from work which meant, for once, she was home early in the night. Initially, she was happy when Shinji's visit with Kaworu grew long. Then she became worried when he wouldn't answer his phone (especially when she found he left it in his room) and no one answered Kaworu's door. Then just confused when Shinji showed up an hour later, beet red and informing her he was going to stay over at Kaworu's. She was left with naught but her confusion when he left just as quick with an armful of sleeping clothes and his SDAT.

Asuka emerged from the shower, "Was that Shinji?"

"Left just as quick as he came," Misato commented, leaning dangerously in her chair as her gaze lingered on the door, "Was going over to stay with Kaworu for the night."

"Of course, when he finally opens up, it's to his boyfriend," Asuka commented wryly.

"...boyfriend?" Misato raised an eyebrow.

"...ah, scheisse," Asuka facepalmed, "Didn't mean to let that slip."

Misato couldn't help but snort, both at her slip up and at the fact Shinji had kept such a thing from her! "Boyfriends, huh? I never would have expected that! You know when that happened?"

Asuka crossed the space, tucking her towel in tighter around herself. "Right before the Angel attack, when Shinji made us all waffles."

"Couldn't have had worse timing if they tried," Misato frowned, "But I'm glad Shinji finally got through to him."

"I knew one of us was eventually going to. Guess I shouldn't be surprised it was Shinji," Asuka shrugged.

"Does that bother you?" Misato cocked an eyebrow, "I know how good friends you are."

She shrugged, "Not really. I know Shinji's been pining after him a while, he should get at least one good date in with him. Y'know...just in case things go tits-up in the future."

"...I'm going to choose to pretend you didn't say that like that. Language like that doesn't become a lady!" Misato teased.

Asuka stuck her tongue out at her, "And drinking a 6-pack a day doesn't either and look how long that took you to quit!"

"Low blow, Asuka," she shook her head, hiding her smile behind her can of coffee, "Low blow…"

When Shinji got back to Kaworu's, he realized he had made a critical mistake: he hadn't considered where he was going to sleep. Kaworu had a couch he could sleep on (helpfully provided by Kaji so many months ago) and his own bed. The pair had lingered around for a few moments before Kaworu suggested what they were both thinking, "Come get in bed with me. There's plenty of room."

Shinji opened his mouth to protest then closed it. They were boyfriends; it wasn't that scandalous, right?

Kaworu quickly made the bed, apologizing all the while as he did. Shinji, watching him, shrugged, "You should see how Misato and Asuka leave theirs. I swear...I'm the only one in that house for a sense of cleanliness."

To his delight, that earned a snort from him. He turned to the TV and asked, "Want me to turn it off?"

"No!" Kaworu cried then, softly, added, "The light and sound...it helps me sleep."

Mutely, Shinji nodded. He supposed that made sense. He had used his SDAT player plenty of times to lull him to sleep, when his mind was too loud for sleep to come. He fiddled with the remote while Kaworu tidied up, eventually landing on a public broadcast of an orchestra playing music. He turned the TV down low and turned to find Kaworu was already settling in bed. Faintly blushing, he joined him.

Shinji nodded off quickly enough, much faster than he had expected. He wasn't sure how long he had slept but it was still dark when he was roused by Kaworu murmuring in his sleep.

He turned, blinking blearily, to look at him. Kaworu's face was pulled into an expression of discomfort and he was murmuring something panicked and indistinct. He watched him shift in his sleep for nearly a minute before slowly, carefully, he wrapped his arms around him. Almost immediately, Kaworu went quiet though he still shook in his arms.

Shinji murmured, "It's gonna be alright."

He wasn't sure if the other boy could hear him but the sound of his voice seemed to be enough. He eventually stilled and went completely silent, slipping back into a restful sleep. Shinji stayed awake for a while more, staring at the ceiling, unsure if he could find it in him to go to sleep again. Eventually, he decided he probably wasn't without help.

He fished out his SDAT where it slipped under the corner of his blanket and placed it between them. He notched one earbud into his own ear then put the other in Kaworu's, hoping the music would bring another layer of comfort to him. He mentioned all the time how much he liked music so it felt like a fair chance it would.

He closed his eyes and, between the soft tone of his music and the warmth of Kaworu, he dozed back off.

It felt pretty odd not having Shinji in the apartment. Even though he was a mere few doors down, Misato still couldn't help but ponder how much more empty the apartment felt. She really had gotten used to him being around...hadn't she?

After Asuka went off to bed, Misato retired to her room and resumed her combing of Kaji's flash drive. She was finally starting to get a picture of things, even with so many pieces of said picture missing.

At the turn of the century, the Katsuragi Expedition had happened. Despite her father's starry-eyed ambitions, the whole trip was doomed from the start. This committee, or SEELE Kaji called them, had pulled strings to make sure things went a specific way. By introducing human genes into Adam, they caused the Second Impact. A gambit to buy them time in some ways...and in others, to pave the path towards a Third Impact.

She had to stop multiple times reading as she kept having to wipe away burning, angry tears. Complex feelings for her father aside, she couldn't believe he had ended up being a mere tool for these people!

After a short break to digest that, she was back at it, skimming as she refound her place...a folder merely titled, 'The Fourth Child'.

She blinked in surprise. The Fourth Child...that was Kaworu. His records had always been sparse but back then, months ago when he came to Tokyo-3, she had written this off as something similar to Rei. Weird but ultimately not something to worry about.

Equal parts anxious and curious, she clicked the folder.

There was only two documents inside: a copy of Kaworu's official records and a document of Kaji's notes. She decided to investigate the records first, in case Kaji had found an unredacted copy.

There was something there...though not much more. It confirmed his transfer had been from NERV Germany, in Berlin though it added he had been transferred there from some unknown secondary facility.

She went to Kaji's notes and found them frustratingly short...but still baffling.

'Most certainly an asset of SEELE's...but to what end?'

She read the sentence over and over again, as if she might glean something new from it. SEELE...this all-powerful committee whose motivations were certainly not pure...were responsible for Kaworu? Did this mean they had been the ones to send him...but what for? If he was there for some sinister purpose, he hadn't done a very good job of fulfilling it.

Maybe he was like the other Pilots; a kid who was roped into something against his own will by the powers-that-be.

She frowned, remembering how haggard he looked when she brought him home. If he was SEELE's...why were they content to let him suffer so? Thinking about it in cold logical terms, a broken asset was no good at all.

She leaned back in her chair, staring at her familiar ceiling, and sighed.

"Kaji," she spoke into the empty air, "Will any of this ever make any sense?"

Chapter Text

Once Shinji returned in the morning from Kaworu's, Misato got right up to her guardian-ly duties of teasing the hell out of him. He shuffled in, probably hoping no one was up yet. No such luck as Misato crowed from her seat at the table, "Hey Shinji! How was your night with Kaworu?"

He stopped like a deer frozen in the headlights then relaxed, unaware to her true intentions, "Oh yeah, it was fine. We mostly slept but um...that itself was...nice."

He was obviously playing it safe, hoping his true feelings close to his chest. Misato wondered idly if there was any reason he might hide their relationship from her...then chalked it up to typical teenage embarrassment. She was there once, as a boy-crazy 14-year-old. After pausing to take a long sip from her coffee, she commented casually, ""I just mean I sure hope you didn't do anything I would do."

Confusion flashed across his face before the realization of her implication dawned on him. He whipped around to face the hallway and yelled down it, "Asuka!"

After a few moments of silence, a muffled cry came from her room, "What?"

"You told Misato!"

She emerged from her room, evidently having just woke up by the way her fire-orange hair stuck up everywhere. She blinked owlishly and then, realizing what he was upset about, grumbled, "I might have let it out...accidentally."

He crossed his arms, "You could have been more thoughtful about it."

She grumbled once more and disappeared back into her room. Emerging once more with a brush, she added, "What's the big deal? It would have come out one way or another. Better sooner than later."

Frowning, he didn't reply but internally decided she was right. Better sooner than later.

Once Asuka had tidied herself enough to her standards and Shinji put up his bedding, the pair reconvened in the kitchen with Misato. Shinji got to making an actual breakfast of miso and rice for the three. Misato, unfortunately, didn't have the time to chat and had to scarf hers down before getting ready for work. This left the pair alone short after to finish breakfast alone, something that had become routine as of late.

Asuka apologized, "I'm serious about telling Misato being an accident."

He waved her off, "It's fine. You're right; it would have to come up one way or another."

"I'm actually surprised you didn't invite him in for breakfast," she paused, "Then again, Misato would have teased him too."

Shinji chuckled lightly at the idea, "She didn't have the time to tease me but she would have found it for him. No, I did invite him but he turned me down."

A terrible errant thought crossed her mind so she voiced it, "He isn't avoiding me...is he?"

To her relief, Shinji shook his head, "No, no. I insisted he talk to you today and he agreed that would be for the best."

Asuka relaxed, though she hadn't realized she tensed in the first place. "Good. And thank you," she said quietly.

"You don't need to thank me," Shinji sighed, propping his head on his hand thoughtfully, "He's got to talk to more people than just me."

He knew that if he let Kaworu lean on him, he might end up leaning on just him. He needed someone like Asuka too, who'd make him talk about how he felt. That just wasn't something he had the courage to make him do. He could comfort him and Asuka would make him talk.

Shortly after breakfast, Asuka went over to Kaworu's with a container of rice and a thermos of miso in hand. Breakfast had been Shinji's idea, as he wanted him to get a nice warm breakfast. He could only imagine how he was eating, as depressed as he was. Or if he was eating at all.

Spending the day with Shinji must have loosened him up because she only had to knock once before he came to open the door. Right away, she handed him the food, "Shinji insisted."

"Of course he did," Kaworu accepted it with a warm look.

The pair went inside to the kitchen table to sit down and once they had, Asuka gave him an appraising look. He didn't seem quite as well groomed as he typically was but his hair was brushed and the dark circles under his eyes weren't as stark. So that was an improvement. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"Better, much better," he smiled, his eyes shining genuinely.

"Because of Shinji."

Blushing faintly, he nodded, "I figured I owed it to him to talk to him. And turns out letting people in makes one feel better."

Grinning crookedly, Asuka quipped, "Who woulda guessed, huh?"

His blush only darkened in color and he murmured, "It just seems so hard...at the time. Like no one might understand…"

"If anyone in the whole wide world is going to understand you, it's gonna be Shinji or me or Rei!" Asuka countered.

Kaworu could easily argue that point but that would require letting go of that secret he was holding so close to his heart. He shrugged, "I guess so."

Her expression hardened, "I'm serious, Prettyboy. You're the rock so what's the rest of us gonna do if you end up spiraling?"

"You should give yourself more credit," he countered in turn.

He then scoffed and opened up the container of food, figuring if he began to eat, she couldn't continue to press him.

He must have had some nightmare that night, considering he woke up with Shinji's arm around him and them sharing his SDAT. His presence had done some good because he couldn't really remember most of the details of his dreams. If he thought hard, his mind thought it might have been what felt like the sixth retread of the encounter with Arael. Ever since then, it felt like most of his dreams centered on the visions she showed him so it was a likely guess.

Some others served to taunt him about Kensuke and the other few seemed to warn of his impending fate.

He sent Asuka a glance as she idly looked around his apartment. He still hadn't let her in on that final secret but the idea of telling her made his stomach churn with dread. They had grown to be such good friends but he still had no way to know if telling her his true identity might ruin that.

Of course, if he didn't, she'd still be pretty mad at him when it inevitably came out anyway.

After all, his fate was inevitable; not even that fires of her determination could prevent it.

Maybe then, it didn't matter if he told her or not. It wasn't as if he'd be around much longer after she found out to deal with the fallout.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Asuka's phone going off. His heart constricted. There was only a handful of reasons anyone could call her; most of her which were not good. She answered it, already scowling before she heard what it was, "Don't tell me."

"Sounds like you've already guessed," Misato told her, "Looks like an Angel has appeared."

"Urgh, typical."

"No rest for the wicked, eh, Asuka?"

"You can say that," and with that, she snapped her phone shut.

She looked back at Kaworu who, by the crestfallen expression on his face, had already guessed at the topic of their call. She groaned, "Guess we'll talk more later. Duty awaits," she added in a sharp, sarcastic tone.

"It's impossible for us to retrieve the Lance of Longinus."

"So why did you use it, Ikari?"

"We still don't yet have the planned number of the Eva series."

Just as Gendo expected, SEELE wanted to dress him down for his loss of the Lance against Arael. Even expected, it didn't make it any less infuriating. Sitting in the designated meeting room, he droned coolly at the monoliths, "Destroying the Angel was first priority. It was an unavoidable conclusion."

The committee grumbled among themselves until Keel cut in sharply, silencing them all, "Unavoidable, you say? With how intolerable your actions had been recently, I find your excuses less and less believable. Using Unit 02 twice and now losing the Lance and using your son to do it!"

"I deemed it less a risk than sending Unit 02, which was our only remaining Eva unit, other than 01. It would have been too much of a risk to send it, especially in its current state."

Once more, they began conversing among themselves, like he wasn't there. One murmured, "Unfortunately, he's correct. An Adam-derived Eva equipped with an S2 drive, inert or not, meeting Lilith could lead to a premature Third Impact…we just don't know what could happen..."

Before they could further antagonize him, his phone began to ring. His lip curled. Only one person would bother him, especially right now, and he knew better than to do so. Picking it up, he said, "Fuyutski, we're in the middle of deliberations."

"I'm well aware but an Angel has been spotted. Sortie begins in thirty."

"...I see," he hung up the phone and told the committee, "An Angel is currently drawing near. We will have to continue this at another point."

Keel growled, "If you still have a seat here, that is," and with that the monoliths blinked out, not bothering to give him a chance to respond.

Not that it mattered; it was a bluff like any other.

Gendo rose to leave and, once out into the hallway outside, found Fuyutski waiting for him. The older man asked, "I'd hope there is no trouble?"

"As suspected, they are none too pleased about the loss of the Lance and my son's involvement in losing it," he answered as he continued past at a brisk pace, making his Vice Commander follow.

"Lucky for you, they still need you to destroy the last two Angels."

"Unlucky for us, time is drawing short. It's time for another gambit."

Asuka couldn't quite remember what happened last time in as perfect detail. It felt like Armisael had arrived early but with her hazy memories, it was hard to tell. It felt like the time between Angels had been a week or maybe more, not a mere few days. Some part of her feared things were accelerating as they approached the final act.

Though, last time, her mind itself had been locked into a daze after Arael, fighting not to slip back into the nightmare. Then, her shattered state of mind had only worsened when she had been deployed against the Angel, in a vain attempt to save Rei—only to be completely unable to synchronize with Unit Two.

All she could remember of last time was Rei had been the one to fight Armisael but now, with Zero permanently out of commission, the task fell to her or Shinji.

Last time, she had assumed Rei's survival after blowing up Zero had been a miracle. She hadn't really cared what happened to her then—in fact, she might have even been happy if Rei had died, for good that is. That idea made her current self cringe.

With hindsight, she knew now that Rei's survival had been no miracle but merely a failsafe that switched on. But if someone had to die then to put down this Angel, how could they defeat it now?

She led Kaworu by the hand out of the apartment. Immediately after the phone call ended, panic set in. She could tell by the way his eyes unfocused and how his entire body began to shake. Shinji, who must have gotten the news too, was coming down the hallway and took no time to take Kaworu's other hand to further steady him. Together, they went to meet their Section 2 team.

They piled into their van sans Rei. Seeing the other two look quizzically around, Kaworu quietly surmised, "Perhaps they're still trying to make Unit Zero work…"

Asuka rebuffed that idea, "I doubt that. She was probably already there at NERV."

She knew better than to openly speculate as to why, especially in the company of Section 2.

Shinji murmured, "So then it's likely you or me out there…"

In response to that, Kaworu squeezed both of their hands. "I could…" he trailed off.

"No way!" Asuka and Shinji nearly chorused.

Asuka continued, "You've already gone through hell!"

"It's not like its our choice either," Shinji pointed out, "Misato is going to choose me or Asuka. Maybe even both! I know she won't even consider sending you out unless it's like...like a last resort!"

Kaworu shot him a pleading glance but, faced with Shinji's own steeled expression, looked immediately away again. This was not a burden anyone would let him shoulder. So he didn't bother protesting further.

In the Command Center, Misato was sizing up their threat. It looked deceptively harmless; a ring of white light, evoking images of DNA strands or even angel's halos. According to their scans, it was flickering between a Blood Type: Blue and a Blood Type: Orange. No one could figure out what exactly this meant for them except that this was most certainly the fifthteenth Angel, who had been labeled Armisael.

It was drifting closer and closer to Tokyo-3 at a leisurely pace. It was still out in the forested hills beyond the city limits which was a small blessing. Tokyo-3 had already taken a beating; it would be great if they could minimize collateral by keeping the battle outside the city proper.

The kids had arrived a few minutes ago and were awaiting in their Evas so she took stock of her resources. Kaworu, maybe surprisingly so, was holding a decent sync ratio; more than enough to get his Eva moving. He could, in theory, fight but she didn't want any more damage to his wounded and sensitive psyche. It was better if he stayed where he was, where he'd be safe. She had two perfectly fine pilot and Eva pairs, after all.

Unit 02 was still on low priority, leaving Unit 01 as the priority in battle. But sending Shinji in against an unknown threat alone made her stomach twist. She said, "Alright, prepare Units 01 and 02 for sortie."

"Belay that order," the Commander said from behind and above her, "Send in Unit 01 by himself."

Misato whirled around to face him, "But sir! We have no idea of what the scope of this threat is. This is the safest way."

"And Unit 02 is still on low priority. Unit 01 should be enough to neutralize the threat."

Misato gnashed her teeth. Send in his own son alone? What was his gambit? Was this because Shinji had seen what was in the basement?

The Commander tilted his head forward and, even with his eyes hidden behind his glasses, she could tell he was staring her down, "Do I make myself clear or do I need to take control of the operation, Major?"

"No, sir," she turned away, knowing a threat when she heard one, "Prepare to send in Unit 01 for sortie."

She was stuck between a rock and a hard place here. There was no way she could ignore his command. With the Commander being here and present, she was helpless but to comply. She would just have to hope Shinji would understand and pin the blame on who really deserved it.

From behind Gendo, Fuyutski murmured, "So this is your next gambit? Going all in on your son?"

"It's not just my son I'm going "all in on"," he grumbled back.

As Unit 01 was moved to launch, a deep dread had settled in Shinji's gut. He had been listening over the comms and while he didn't catch everything, he did catch that Misato had originally wanted to send Asuka in with him, only to change course last second. His instincts told him it hadn't been completely her decision and that there was only one person who would have changed her mind.

But in his current situation, the 'why' didn't matter. The 'what' did and what he didn't know was what to expect out of Armisael. It had never appeared in his home world and he had never made it far enough in another to encounter it. He was flaying blind.

He kicked himself for never considering asking Asuka or Kaworu about it. But he had been more concerned for Kaworu's state of mind that it had slipped his own! And now he feared he was about to pay the price.

"It's going to be alright," Misato soothed over the comms, "Take your rifle and move in slowly. Let's see what this thing is capable of before we engage."

As Unit 01 rocketed up to the surface, Misato turned her attention back to the Angel. It was behaving oddly, just like the last. It appeared and didn't seem to be in a particular hurry to get to them, as if it wanted them to come to it rather than the other way around. They had made first move last time and Kaworu had paid with the stability of his mind. Was this behavior part of a pattern, to lure the Pilots into a trap?

As Unit 01 emerged, Shinji took a good look at the Angel and found himself surprised. Every other Angel was alien in one way or another but this was alien in a whole other way. It was so deceptively simple as it approached him. He approached it in turn, taking each step slowly as trees crunched under 01's massive boots. He began to circle it, looking for a weakness or a hole or anything that might indicate a route of action.

Upon noticing him, it stopped then separated, turning from its ring-like shape to a strand of like, something akin to a snake. It came closer, turning a wide berth around him as it circled him in turn.

Like it was scoping him out, as he was it.

He inhaled sharply, tracking it with his rifle, but refrained from pulling the trigger. Misato's voice came through the comms, "Just like that, Shinji, hold your fire for the moment."

"R-right," came his stammered response.

She turned to the bridge techs, "Are we getting anything new?"

Hyuga was first to speak up and shook his head, "It's still oscillating between blue and orange."

"You said that before so what does it mean?!"

Maya shook her head, "MAGI indicates it can't find a solution."

"And we haven't the data to come to an answer," Aoba added.

"Perhaps it doesn't have a fixed form," Ritsuko concluded, "So, if we can help it, we shouldn't make the first move...as much as it seems to be trying to bait Shinji into it."

"So what? We leave Shinji in a stalemate out there?" Misato countered, "I need to tell him something or he's going to panic!"

Breathing was getting difficult as the seconds ticked by without an attack. Shinji tried to reign in his breathing as he turned into a circle, expecting an attack on any side. The Angel was most certainly studying him, though for what he didn't know. Perhaps an opening in his defenses or just mere curiosity?

Asuka's recollection of Kaworu's words came to him:

"You don't understand. I think...I think she might have understood."

He pushed that idea out of his head for the moment and asked over the comms, "Misato, what...what do I do?"

"I don't know yet! It's not giving us a lot to work with! We've got two options and neither are very good."

Yes, his two options: either wait for the Angel to crack and make the first move or…

His panic won out and he squeezed the trigger with a scream!

Armisael screamed in turn and lunged at him. Eva 01's AT Field shimmered into view, buckling under the assault. Shinji feinted to the left right as his Field shattered and the Angel drilled straight through his Eva's pylon and through most of his umbilical cable. On cue, his cockpit became awash in crimson light as the timer began to count down. "Shinji, you've got five minutes to put it down!" Misato cried.

Behind her, Gendo smiled slightly.

Shinji bit back a snarky response of "I know!" in favor of feinting once more, dodging the Angel's next attack.

He whipped around, readying another squeeze of his trigger. But once more, he was forced to dodge another split-second assault. They continued this dance for another few moments; Shinji dodging an attack and only given time enough to dodge again. This dance had to let up if he wanted any chance to put it down before his Eva ran out of power. So he whipped around, arm shooting out to catch it.

He gasped sharply. The effect of their contact was immediate agony, like molten iron being poured into his veins. Before his eyes, he could see him and Evangelion Unit 01 grew vein-like growths across their hands. In his grip, Armisael thrashed. He gave a strangled cry but held tight onto his rifle, pressing it into the Angel and firing.

It wailed, shuddering as the bullets ripped through its body, unable to shield at such a short distance. It lunged forward, out of his grip and into Unit 01's center mass, as if it could escape into its enemy.

His chest erupted with white-hot pain and he cried sharply, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks whether he liked it or not. The pain was too much to bear and his mind cracked under the violation. He couldn't capture his focus long enough to will Unit 01 to let go of the Angel, to move away, anything!

The only thing that seemed to slow the Angel's advance into Unit 01 was her AT Field but even that wouldn't be forever as Armisael's own was slowly eroding it. And once Unit 01 shut off...it would disappear with it.

Ritsuko breathed, "It's aggressively attempting to make first contact with Unit 01…"

Beside her, Maya confirmed, "It's beginning to invade the Eva's organic parts!"

Misato decided she was having enough of this, "Send out Unit 02 and Asuka to rescue Shinji."

"Belay that order. Unit 02 remains on low priority," the Commander cut in.

She hissed, "Then send in Unit 04! We have to do something!"

"Belay that order too!" the Commander once cut in.

Fuyutski murmured, "This is quite the gambit you're taking, Ikari...risking your son like this…"

"We are out of time and out of opportunities, Fuyutski," Gendo said coolly, "I have faith in her to protect him from any true harm."

Unit 01 shuddering in agony, limbs twisting unnaturally as she writhed in agony, just like her Pilot. She arched her back, giving out a low, pained moan.

Shinji sobbed in pain, "Father, father, why...why do you want me to hurt?"

It felt like he was being tugged under. The LCL tasted like blood. "There's someone there," he murmured.

He gasped and shot up on the white beach at the end of the world with his knees in the sand. He looked up to find, just standing a few feet away was himself, dressed in a familiar jacket—Toji's old jacket from way back then. He stumbled to his feet and murmured, "You're...you're the Angel...you're like the other one."

"Arael...or Leliel?"

"I...I guess both...but why do you look like me? Like that?"

The Angel—Armisael—looked down at its form then back to him, "By looking at just the mere edges of your mind, I found this form. It seemed familiar to you."

Of course, that "form" would linger at the forefront of his mind, like some part of him had never left Village-3. Seeing the Angel adopt it though...it made him uneasy. They had, whether they meant to or not, become a walking talking reminder of his past.

Armisael spoke again, "You were very lonely then. You felt like no one else in the world could understand you, correct?"

He scowled, "Sure, but...that was then. It feels like a lifetime ago now…"

They nodded in agreement, "But you know that feeling? That's my feelings...to be so alone...with no one left. There's no one left for me."

Seeing Shinji begin to protest, the Angel cut him off gently, "Tabris is...well, he doesn't count. Not really. He's always been different from us. I don't resent him...he cannot be anything else than what his nature demands. But if he was here, in your place, I'd make the same request."

Shinji took a step back, the sand crunching under his shoes as he did, "And what's that?"

Stepping a step closer, they smiled, "Would you like to become one with me?"

Become one with it...is that what the Angel was trying to do to him and Unit 01? He cast an anxious glance at his hands, where Armisael's intrusion had climbed up to his forearms. He shook his head, "I can't do that...I want to be me...not you."

"But you wouldn't be me. And I wouldn't be you. We'd be us," Armisael's neutral expression morphed into an uncanny grin, "And together, we could create a place where there is no more loneliness and no more pain."

They punctuated their statement with a wide, sweeping gesture of the sea and, with a sick feeling, Shinji realized what they were implying. A Third Impact...an end of all things. What exactly that entailed Shinji didn't know...but he didn't particularly want to find out. Once again, he shook his head and took a step back. And once more, Armisael advanced, their grin turning to a frown, "Doesn't it hurt to live the way you do? I can see you've opened yourself up to much pain."

He swallowed thickly and took a few more steps back, right at the edge of where the surf met sand, "It does...but what choice do I have! I've got to keep going."

Armisael tilted their head and hooded their eyes, "I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice anymore. Let me share this feeling in my heart with you."

He could feel something in his soul disconnect and knew, even though he couldn't see it, Unit 01 had reached her limit and went silent. The growths on his arms climbed up faster, now that there was no AT Field to slow their progression. He gasped sharply at the ache that ratcheted through his body and then his soul. He couldn't help but hug his arms around himself and retreat further back, the surf lapping at his ankles like a hungry beast. He whimpered, "Don't come any closer…"

In the outside world, Eva 01 slumped over and went limp as her battery ran dry. Armisael continued to worm its way into the Evangelion, slowly as if it felt it had all the time in the world. Its free half curved around, morphing and bubbling into the barest facsimile of a person, androgynous in features. Their eyes were deep black, tiny pinpricks of brilliant blue shining from deep within; the same blue as Shinji's own irises. The rest of her features were fuzzy, as if out of focus.

The armor on Unit 01's back shattered and the bare flesh underneath bubbled and bloated, like some demented tumor. Within it, Misato could discern the features of all the Angels prior. She shook with barely hidden rage, "This can't be happening. Ritsuko...what's happening? What will even happen if the Angel fully integrates with 01?"

She cast a look at the woman in question who didn't even hear her, gaping at what was happening with equal parts terror and awe. So Misato turned to Hyuga, who she was hovering behind, "If this goes on any longer, you know what we may have to do?"

He looked up at her, eyes flicking to glance at the stoic figure of the Commander then back to her, "You think the Commander will allow it?"

"He surely doesn't want a Third Impact...right?" Misato whispered back.

Hyuga nodded in agreement, "Probably not but what exactly he's waiting for...I have no idea..."

Back inside the dream, Armisael ignored Shinji's plea for them to stay away and slowly followed. They asked, "I don't understand...why do you run? I only want to relieve you of your suffering."

"I can't be one with you! I can't leave them behind!" he cried back.

The image of Asuka, Rei, Kaworu, and Misato flashed in his mind's eye.

They murmured, "But it hurts to live. I can see you fear the idea of oneness...why do you fear it? You'd be closer to him."

The image of Kaworu smiling came unbidden to his mind. He shook his head fiercely, "He wouldn't want me to."

The Angel had chased him into the surf and he could feel the lukewarm waves against the shins of his plugsuit. He didn't want to go any deeper, as if the sea would consume him like it must have at some long ago timeline, but he had nowhere to run. Armisael replied, "But you want to, don't you? The temptation to lay down and give up must be there. It's going to be too much sometime so why don't you just give up now and spare yourself the pain?"

Shinji squeezed his eyes shut at the accusation. Even though he condemned himself to his own fate, he couldn't deny every time he woke up on the train, there was a hint of longing for just that. To stop trying so hard.

To just lay down...and give up.

Like his wish to Rei had been a fool's errand, a pipe dream.

But it was remembering what was at sake that got him moving again.

This time, Rei's disappointed face was what flashed across his mind's eye.

With a howl, he lunged at Armisael, "I can't let her down!"

Armisael yelped as he knocked them both over into the surf. For a few moments, they wrestled, each lashing out at the other. The Angel howled as they clawed at him, "You don't understand! I don't want to be lonely! Why...can't...you...just...give up!"

Shinji flinched as they found the soft flesh of his unprotected neck, scratching angry red lines down it. He tried to pull away, to get away and recoordinate but with surprising strength, Armisael grabbed his arm with both hands and yanked him close. Once their faces were but mere breath's apart, they pushed up from under him, flipping him off of them and under the surf.

Instinctively, Shinji gasped then began to cough as his lungs protested the intrusion of water. That wasn't right! Even though in his head he was under the ocean, his body was still in the Entry Plug, surrounded by perfectly breathable LCL. He desperately told himself that what he was seeing wasn't real as his vision began to swim.

Above him, Armisael shrieked as they held his thrashing body under, "It's not fair! Why do I have to be next to last? Why do I have to be lonely? Why did you have to kill Arael?! She understood! Even Tabris gets to be around the Lilin! You're going to be one with me, whether you like it or not! I WON'T BE LONELY ANYMORE!"

Shinji had no idea what was going to happen if he passed out.

Or rather, if he thought back, all the way back...maybe he did…

Through the haze of his brain, starved of oxygen by placebo, he sent a plea out into the Entry Plug. A desperate desire for the Evangelion to do something it had done once before, many lifetimes ago.

The weight of Armisael was ripped off of him and, through the haze of the red sea, he could see someone had yanked them off of him, onto the beach and was strangling them. Brown eyes alight with fury, the woman's face was twisted into a bestial snarl, the Angel's stolen form proving to be no obstacle to her rage.

Just before he passed out, Shinji thought that expression on her face looked so alien.

Within Unit 04, Kaworu had been spending the battle with his own inside his mind. He couldn't bear to see Shinji suffer but had told himself it was still not worth it. Still not worth revealing himself. When Unit 01 went inactive and there was still nothing done, he began to consider intervening. A fight with Armisael would not be the cakewalk Iruel had been. In fact, it was certain he would have to unfold his AT Field to its full strength to put her down. He would be found out.

But he was quickly becoming tempted to say screw it to being found out. He had already accepted his fate was inevitable. What mattered if it came a little early? He couldn't let her take Shinji from him.

He was reaching out to command his Eva to rip itself from it's restraints when—

"Unit 01's reactivating!" Maya's voice rang out, "And it's inverting its AT Field!"

As she said, Unit 01 was stirring. Fast as the viper that struck her, she grabbed Armisael with one hand and then the other. The restraints on her jaw squealed then shattered as she growled savagely. She bent over the Angel, eyes gleaming like a predator. With a sharp cry, the Angel jerked back, trying to escape.

Unit 01 proved stronger, yanking the Angel back like a fisherman with her prey. The Angel shrieked as the Eva forced it into herself, rather than the other way around.

"This is impossible," Ritsuko murmured as she watched the unfolding events, "She's not only containing the Angel...but absorbing it into herself."

"Shinji's rapidly approaching 400% synchronization ratio!" Maya cried.

"What does this all mean?" Misato demanded of the pair.

Ritsuko turned to her, her expression haunting, "It means Unit 01 is awakening."

"Like...like Unit 02?"

She shook her head, "Not like Unit 02. Unit 01...she's different."

She cast an anxious look back at the Commander. To her shock, despite the grave danger his son was in, he didn't betray a hint of emotion. Could it be...he intended this to happen? But if that was the case, how did he know it would? Had he just taken a massive gamble and used his son as the bet?

But behind his hands, his smile had returned. He murmured to his companion, "It's as I hoped."

Unit 01 groaned lowly as she continued to reel Armisael in and, since she was growing more comfortable ascribing emotions to the monsters she saw, Misato thought she looked satisfied.

For one moment, the Angel's womanly features snapped into sharp clarity; she looked like an older woman with short hair cropped close to her face and soft and motherly eyes the color of blood.

Gendo stiffened.

Then, as as fast as it happened, its form collapsed back into its original serpentine form and the tail end of the Angel disappeared into 01's Core. Her Core shone so brightly it appeared as bright as the sun.

The tumor on her back rapidly collapsed and decayed. With a series of cracks, her purple armor began to snap off as she straightened up, threw her head back and howled triumphantly.

"It appears your gambit has paid off," Fuyutski told Gendo, "But what might the price you pay be?"

Gendo shook off his unsettled feelings to smile lightly at the screen, at Unit 01, "No price too high, I assure you Professor."

Misato looked back at the screen, gawking as Unit 01 lowered back down into a regular posture then collapsed, as if it remembered that it was supposed to be out of power. It was hard to see it as anything but an act as she remembered Unit 02's actions some time ago.

But somehow this seemed to pale in comparison to Unit 02's more open brutality, as it tore itself free of Leliel. This felt...calculated.

She cast another side glance at the Commander who was standing to leave, beckoning the Vice Commander to come with.

She got the sense that, even though this had spiraled wildly out of control for them, he never felt like like that. Out of control.

Like everything had gone according to plan.

Once they were out of earshot, she rushed over to Ritsuko and hissed, "Explain. Everything. Now."

Misato noticed how her eyes then flicked to Maya then her then back to the floor before she finally answered, "Not now. Not here. Let's retrieve Unit 01 first."

Was that...a bone being thrown to her? Or even a promise? She stiffened and nodded, "You're right," then turned and began barking out orders.

Asuka didn't need to be told what Unit 01's awakening meant for Shinji. Though the circumstances surrounding it had changed, she was willing to bet the outcome remained the same. The fact that no one had said anything definitive on it confirmed things for her. She had come across Misato outside the locker rooms and had asked, just to be sure, if Shinji was alright.

Misato had only commented she didn't know yet and had rushed on by, going towards Unit 01's cage.

The fact she found Kaworu alone at the boys' locker room didn't make things look any better. Seeing his crestfallen expression, she steered him to the nearest lounge room, as to stay underfoot of anyone. And that's where they had been for the last hour.

Asuka had tried to offer him something out of the vending machines but he only told he had no appetite. So they ended up sitting there quietly, waiting for something to happen.

She cast a glance at him as he stared at the floor. She frowned. For a little while there, it had looked her and Shinji might have had a chance to pull him out of his spiral. But now, with Shinji gone, he was most certainly spiraling again. And she didn't know what to say to fix it; she was no good at this kind of thing! Shinji was the one to comfort him.

Before she could try to, Rei entered and she cried, "Rei! Where have you been?"

"I was here on base," she murmured, "The Commander wanted to meet with me but, due to prior obligations and then the Angel attack, that didn't happen."

Asuka asked with a tilt of her head, "That a disappointment or…?"

"I don't mind it," Rei said with a note in her tone that implied she more than didn't mind it; she was happy about it.

And she was. The meeting was no doubt to re-clarify to her the upcoming threats and then her ultimate purpose. All things she knew already and the latter, which she had rejected. She hadn't quite figured out how she was going to dodge her fate but it was something she wanted to do.

"Did you see anything about the Angel battle?" Asuka's next question broke her of her thoughts.

"I saw the footage. It's why I came here, to speak to you."

"Well, if you want to know what's up with Shinji, unfortunately you know as much as we do," Asuka sighed.

"I see," Rei's eyes landed on Kaworu who, during this entire conversation, hadn't looked up from the floor.

She frowned and asked gently, "What is wrong, Kaworu?"

He murmured back, sounding as if in a daze, "No...I'm going to really miss Shinji."

Asuka gave him a concerned grimace and Rei furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, "We don't yet know Shinji's fate. It's not yet time to give into despair."

Kaworu didn't respond, he only continued to stare off into space.

Rei frowned at the pair, somehow getting the sense they were keeping something from her. That sense also told her that Kaworu was correct; something had happened to Shinji and he would be missing for some time.

Suddenly anxious, she turned on her heel and began to leave, calling back as she did, "I'm going to ask Dr. Akagi!"

Asuka watched her go then sighed, sinking down to sit beside Kaworu. He didn't acknowledge her presence but she looped an arm around him anyway. She'd just have to wait with him…

...however long that took.

Chapter Text

The old men were keen to continue their meeting right where they left off as soon as possible; that is once Gendo had delegated the post-battle tasks to Vice Commander Fuyutski and Major Katsuragi. The moment he sat down, the monoliths phased into sight and immediately after, Keel greeted him, "I am keen to continue where we left off though the recent battle has...certainly changed things."

How exactly they had found out what happened so soon was beyond him; then again, part of their agreement was he turn over all data about the Angel battles to them automatically following a sortie. He hadn't delayed the process from happening, as he had with Iruel and Leliel.

Because the gambit wasn't quite finished.

"However," Keel continued, "Such a deviation from the script can be worked with, especially since it solves the problem of the Lance of Longinus' loss. Unit 01 should work as a fine substitute in its stead."

A stab of possessiveness went through Gendo and he forced himself to remain neutral, letting it ripple through him.

When he didn't respond, another member piped up, "Have you nothing to say for yourself? Just because your actions can be adapted to our script doesn't mean they please us!"

"It was an unfortunate accident," he droned, "Its actions were unprecedented."

"Says you. We've noticed you refrained from deploying another Eva unit."

"Unit 04's pilot was in no shape for sortie and Unit 02 remains on its low priority status. I believed the Third Child was more than enough to defeat the Angel."

"The Third Child...or Unit 01 herself?"

"The distinction doesn't matter."

"Perhaps," yet another member chimed in, "It was a gambit in its own way. Ikari's son saw Lilith...so it might have proved fruitful to take him out of the picture, so to speak. The Angel and a loose end, both taken out in one fell swoop. Unit 01's acquisition of an S2 Drive was just the cherry on the top, huh, Ikari?" their tone dripped honey-sweet and mocking.

Once more, Gendo had to allow another emotion ripple through him and out; indignant fury.

"It's as I said," he droned, fighting to keep his tone level and not give these people an inch, "It was an accident."

"Accident or not, Ikari's actions have proved fruitful, though he might have not wanted them to," Keel cut in, "But we want Unit 01 on suspension, effective immediately."

"There still remains one Angel," Gendo argued, "Leaving me one pilot, a damaged one at that, seems unwise."

"Which is why we are also now lifting our orders on Unit 02. It appears its Adamite origin prevents full use of its S2 Drive. A risk, perhaps, but the last Angel must die before the way is clear for our apotheosis," Keel continued, "This meeting is adjourned."

With that final message, their monoliths blinked out, leaving the great Commander of NERV in darkness. Once satisfied he was alone, he let out a long sigh. The gambit, perhaps the last he may play on the old men, had paid off. His son, within Unit 01, was safe, his loss of the Lance was not forgiven but accepted and Unit 01 had integrated an S2 Drive, which meant the path to the promised day was all the more clearer.

He rose and lurked off to his office from the meeting room. Now, with that obstacle out of the way, his mind turned to the next ones in his path. Namely, the final Angel, who he long suspected to be lurking within their ranks. Watching...waiting...but how long? It would be the best time to strike, with his son out of the picture, but it had come to his attention the boy had remained with the Second Child after the battle.

Whatever the Angel was waiting for, Gendo knew his son's return was imperative. He needed him to rise to the occasion.

He lowered himself into his chair with a tired sigh and opened one of the top drawers. From it, he withdrew a picture which he tilted to catch the dim light filtering in from the windows.

There was three people within the photo; a beautiful woman with short brown hair cradling a smiling baby boy with shining blue eyes. Lurking behind them, as if he was intruding, was a man with shaggy black hair and an equally unkempt beard.

He had only destroyed most of the pictures.

He sighed as he closed his eyes. Even Fuyutski questioned his desire for Dr. Akagi to find a way to return his son to the waking world. According to him, leaving Shinji to his fate would allow him to "skip the queue" into Instrumentality. Within Unit 01, he would never come to harm again. All he would know was sweet dreams in his mother's embrace, even if the world ended around them.

But the only pilot left to his disposal openly hated him and worst, had a special connection with the final Angel.

No, he'd have to rely on his son just one more time.

It felt too long after the attack before Ritsuko got her chance to inspect Unit 01. It wasn't an easy task retrieving it, as they had to manually haul it back to one of the ejection tunnels. Misato had floated the idea of calling Asuka back to Unit 02 and having her help but Ritsuko axed the idea. The last thing they needed was for Unit 01 to wake back up and attack her, as unlikely a scenario that was.

"It's as you suspected," Maya reported, "Unit 01 is rejecting the ejection signal."

"What about the backup signal?"

"Its rejecting those too."

Misato stood at the back of the room, glowering past the window at the inert Unit 01. She didn't want to think of how Shinji felt, being trapped inside. Nor what he might have felt when his father threw him to the proverbial lions. The soft sound of footsteps stirred her from her brooding and she turned to find Rei standing in the doorway. She frowned, "Rei...what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to know if Shinji is alright."

Misato jerked her head in the direction of Ritsuko, "We're trying to figure that out."

"Ah," the girl's eyes drifted to the ground, "Shall I go?"

"...I don't think you being here is much trouble."

Hyuga called her over, "Major, we've established a connection to the plug's video monitor. Transmitting to main monitor now."

A collective gasp washed over the room as the image appeared. Within Unit 01's entry plug, all that remained was LCL and a floating white plugsuit; Shinji's plugsuit. Misato took a few shaky steps forward, as if the image would change if she looked closer. She grit out, "What...what the hell is this?!"

"This is the truth of 400% synchronization," Ritsuko said gravely, "Him and Unit 01 have synchronized so closely that all barriers between the two have dissolved. In other words, he has been taken inside of it."

"How is that even possible? What is Eva even?!" Misato demanded, advancing on her.

The look Ritsuko gave her was guarded, as if weighing her words carefully. She said, "It's something man created in its own image. I cannot describe it in any other way."

Could she not describe it at all...or just in present company? Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Maya, Hyuga and Aoba watching them. Carefully, she replied, "If we made it in our own image...it's likely it has a will of its own, then?"

Ritsuko's eyes widened, clearly impressed by her deductive reasoning. Slowly, she nodded, "It's not out of the question. The Eva, especially Unit 01, has moved on her own before...it's likely she has her own will and her own desires."

"You must open your heart to the Eva...but in doing so, she may open hers to you."

The pair turned to face Rei who stopped beside them, eyes fixed to the screen. She was trembling and, in the corner of her eyes, tears glistened, ready to fall. She murmured, "Shinji...he's gone?"

"Rei," Misato placed her hands on her shoulders, "No, no, Rei...don't cry."

She cast a confused, helpless look at Ritsuko who could only mirror her own expression and shrug. Rei's behavior was completely out of character...but now wasn't the time to question that. She murmured, "Dr. Akagi...Ritsuko will figure something out, okay?"

She turned to her friend, "You will...figure something out, right?"

Ritsuko nodded stiffly, her eyes never leaving Rei. "I've got some ideas already...I'll keep you updated."

Recognizing that as her cue to leave (and hopefully an implicit promise to tell her more) Misato snaked an arm around Rei and maneuvered her off the command deck and into the hallway beyond. Right after the door closed, Rei let out a choked sob.

"Rei, Rei," Misato crouched down so she could look her in the eye, "I said Ritsuko is going to figure it out. I'm sure of it."

To her surprise, Rei nodded, "I know...I just know Shinji will be alright but why do I feel like this? Why...why can't I stop crying? I'm never felt like this before…"

She frowned but reached to wipe an errant tear away, "Rei...even if you really do think he'll be okay, it's normal to be sad anyway. To be scared anyway. That's part of being human."

"Being human...," Rei trailed off, sniffling then wiping her tears away, "It's what it's like to be human…"

The Evangelion had taken Shinji once again.

That was the news Misato had brought her and Kaworu, when she found them to bring them home. She had expected the messenger to be Rei but the girl had been silent the entire ride home, tears glistening around her eyes. Asuka had wondered if she should ask but decided against it; reasoning it would be a stupid question to ask. So she reached out and took both her companions' hands to squeeze, hoping that would make up for her inability to give comfort.

Now she was alone in her room, listening to the silence of the apartment.

She had tried to get Rei or Kaworu (hopefully both) to come stay at the apartment, something Misato didn't protest to. But Rei told her she was too tired and Kaworu used that for his excuse. No doubt he didn't want to be around her.

Or anyone else. It wasn't just her, she mentally corrected.

She accepted that for it was pretty late, far past dinner. The pair had scavenged a dinner of instant ramen, something that felt a foreshadowing for the next however-long Shinji was away. Then Misato sequestered herself in her room and that's the last Asuka saw of her.

Asuka had retired to her room too, under the excuse that she ought to sleep, though she knew it was not likely. Now, in the dark, she unpacked the memories of the day and looked over in sharp detail.

Task the first: go over the battle and what had happened. The good thing was this time at least no one had to die. The bad news was that Unit 01's berserk stunt hadn't been prevented, merely delayed. She tried to banish the memory of Unit 01 pulling the Angel in and even seeming satisfied by its actions. Like it had turned an assault onto its head. Like she was well aware of what she was doing.

Her thoughts turned to Shinji's other parent. She couldn't shake the sense that this whole debacle had been something he had orchestrated, or at least counted on happening. He could have easily sent in Kaworu, or better yet herself to combat the thing and save Shinji.

How exactly she would have done that...she wasn't sure. But the idea that what had happened being the best case scenario didn't sit right with her.

Task the second: the matter of Shinji's disappearance into the Eva. Last time, it had been heralded by the Dummy Plug mangling Toji, Shinji running away then coming back to save the day. He had every right, she supposed, to want to hide away with mommy inside the Eva.

But this Shinji, the boy who desired to do whatever it takes? Even if the loops prior to this had been terrible, the idea he wanted to stay there didn't sit right to her. It didn't seem in character for this Shinji.

Which led her to her theory: it wasn't that Shinji didn't want to leave; it was that Unit 01 didn't want to let him go. Rei had told them before that you had to trust in your Eva and that she had a heart of her own. Combine that with her knowledge of where the souls of the Evas came before...it made a lot of sense they had desires of their own and that one might not want to let go of her son.

Verdammt, why did Unit 01—no, Shinji's mother have to be so damn dramatic! Her mother had the decency to go right back to sleep upon consuming her own S2 Engine and had even left her intact for the experience.

And now, task the third: Kaworu Nagisa. She let out a long sigh into the silence.

He was spiraling already, she could see it in his eyes. He had hardly said a word since being extracted from his Eva in favor of staring off into space, thinking about god-knows-what. She wanted to pry but there hadn't a chance yet for her to.

And she wasn't particularly good at being...delicate.

Before, he didn't seem to mind how direct she was when she asked him about what she should expect, what was coming and the like. But some part of her hesitated now. He felt like a mine field now, one where she would surely step on a mine.

But she would have to consult him. There remained but one Angel but she had a huge hole in her memory of this time. Most certainly because last time she had, after her final failure, slinked off into the ruins of Tokyo-3 to die. She knew Kaworu had been her replacement but what happened after that wasn't very clear. She didn't know even how long she should expect until its arrival.

Would fate allow them the time to wait or would it sink its teeth in them at their most vulnerable?

All she could ascertain from her previous memories was Kaworu had been involved somehow last time—perhaps by being infected or possessed by the Angel.

That made a lot of sense to her. He had mysteriously disappeared by the time the JSSDF had attacked. Shinji had become morose in the wake of that final Angel; Kaworu being collateral made a lot of sense with that context. He had lost someone who had come into his life and asked nothing but to love him. Him wanting to lie down and die afterwards...well, she can't say she'd do much differently if she was in his place.

She sighed deeply, letting herself sink into her bed.

Then there was Rei, whose reaction to Shinji's disappearance had been simultaneously baffling and completely understandable. She should go over, perhaps the next day, and try to talk to her. Make some attempt to comfort her, as feeble as it might end up being.

When getting home, Kaworu didn't even bother turning on the lights. He trudged to bed, laid down and stared at the familiar ceiling.

Life, reality...it was so unfair. So cruel. He had become too selfish, he decided. He had desired to make the most of his time with Shinji and fate decided to snatch him away. The time they already had together was waning and now, with Unit 01 having claimed him, it was even less.

There was no question of it either. This wasn't a matter of Shinji being too scared of coming out; it was a matter of Eva 01 not wanting to let him go.

He hadn't given Yui Ikari too much thought through the loops. He had entertained the idea before of her accepting their relationship, even if he was an Angel. And he had been grateful to her protecting Shinji time and time again. But, at the end of the day, he didn't know the woman well enough to harbor many strong feelings towards her.

He hadn't ever expected her to be an obstacle.

At least, until now.

He was so sad and so angry that she had taken him from him. He choked back a pained sob, throwing his arm across his face.

It was so, so unfair! Shinji, even if his boyfriend wished it wasn't the case, was his primary purpose. His reason to be. The only reason he was even in this mess. He had long ago decided he wouldn't be able to escape the loops alone and decided to be content with the time he spent with Shinji. But now, he couldn't even have that.

A thought flitted through his mind.

He could tear this whole terrible world to the ground, rip it asunder and start all over. It would be laughably easy. He knew the way to Terminal Dogma, to the basement, even without his AT Field. He could embrace Lilith in oblivion without anyone knowing until it was far, far too late.

Shinji and Asuka's stricken expressions flashed across his mind's eye and his heart constricted.

Of course, he couldn't do that and get away with it without them knowing. They'd remember. They'd hate him. They'd never trust him again.

"I hate this," he hissed into the empty air, "I hate all of this! I hate living like this! Why did I do this to myself?!"

Was any of this even worth it? If he couldn't prevent a cataclysm, then what point was there any change? He could make friends with everyone, kill every single one of his siblings, love Shinji as fiercely as he could...and it didn't stop the world from ending. His own death had to happen before the ending. As an Angel, he had but one fate: to die. If he didn't, humanity would die instead.

"Why can't I be like you?" he murmured, "If I was like you...it would hurt but at least I wouldn't be trapped."

But he wasn't human and his time was looming. The doomsday clock was ticking ever closer to midnight but just before, he'd be bid to play his role. He would no longer be Kaworu Nagisa, but Tabris the Angel of Free Will and Adam Incarnate.

Free will...what a joke.

Did he hope Shinji's return would come before the clock hand pointed to him? He could be afforded a few more precious moments with him; happy moments to string onto a rosary to take with him to whatever came next.

Or might it be better if it came after? Shinji would be spared the raw pain of his death—better yet, spared the action of being his executioner.

A new image came to his mind's eye; Asuka in her blood-red plugsuit, staring at her own hands with horror.

Ah...then the task would fall to her.

Truly his existence consisted of no good endings, only sadness, pain and betrayal.

Morning came and Rei awoke from yet another restless sleep. Her hopes that she could ask Dr. Akagi for sleep aid had been dashed, now that more important endeavors were on her plate. Still, she rose, reasoning staying in bed would only worsen her stormy psyche. Some tea and breakfast would surely rouse her.

She started boiling the water for tea, using a fancy kettle Shinji had told her he read was good for doing this. She honestly didn't know how much better it was than just using a regular pot. But he always used it to make their tea so she decided to use it too.

Shinji was gone. But he was bound to return.

Kaworu had prophecized that first statement and had been correct. She had felt it in her mind—no, her soul that he was correct, even before she learned he was.

Which meant the second statement, the one she desperately needed to be true, would come correct.

That's how it should work...right?

She couldn't figure out why she had such a strong sense that it would come true, even as her mind told her that, logically, she really didn't know. Humans couldn't tell the future, as Asuka had told her once. Telling the future was the domain of shady fortunetellers and scam artists. Knowing one's fate was impossible.

Yet she knew it, in her heart of hearts, that Shinji wouldn't leave her and the rest of his friends alone in this terrible world. Maybe that wasn't prophecy, but her implacable faith in him.

And not to mention, he hadn't told her goodbye. If he was leaving forever, he would have said goodbye—or rather, see you later. Because saying goodbye was just too sad.

A knock at her door followed by Asuka's yell of, "Rei, it's me!" broke her from her thoughts so she went to answer the door, her heart just a little bit lightened. Either by her revelation or Asuka's visit.

Once she opened the door, Asuka beamed, "Oh good, you didn't ignore me!"

"Have I...ever ignored you before?"

"Considering the circumstances, I expected you not to answer."

She came right inside without being invited, something that would be impolite to anyone else. Rei didn't mind Asuka taking up her space; she herself filled up so little of it anyway. She mused, "I've heard pushing others away hardly helps."

"It really doesn't," she said in a tone that implied she knew from experience.

She led Asuka to the table and set another mug out for her. "Do you like tea?" she asked.

Asuka nodded, "It's alright. Do you have black?"

Rei smiled and nodded, turning away to retrieve a couple black tea bags for her.

She decided she'd make breakfast for the both of them two, recalling her instruction from Shinji. According to him, there was over a dozen ways to make eggs easily, rice was impossible to mess up and miso soup (if not made by scratch) was so simple a toddler could make it. Since her culinary experience was that of a toddler, she found his advice helpful.

As she made all three, Asuka watched, fascinated by the action. She asked, "Did Shinji teach you?"

"A little," she admitted, "He was unhappy about no one teaching me."

"Sounds about right."

They stood in silence for some minutes more as Rei prepared the rice. Then Asuka asked out of the blue, "Say...do you mind if I ask you a personal question or is that too weird?"

Rei tilted her head, though didn't face her, too preoccupied with carefully portioning the rice out. "I've asked you questions like that so it's only fair."

"Whatever you feel for Shinji...it isn't romantic, is it?"

Rei actively recoiled then hissed in frustration when a smattering of rice fell onto the floor. "Ah hell," Asuka hissed from behind her and rushed to help, "I'm going to take that as a no."

"The nature of our bond is not romantic," Rei said stiffly and, by how her friend winced, that got across how inappropriate she found the question.

"Sorry. Let me help you to make it up for it," Asuka murmured, keeping her eyes averted as she retrieved some paper towels.

Rei knew exactly where she came from and who she was. And she knew that any romantic relationship between her and Shinji would be...distasteful. How much of their genes they shared she didn't know and frankly she didn't care.

Because she didn't want to be his mother or want to be his wife. She was his...friend...though lately even that seemed inadequate to describe her feelings towards him. She didn't know how but, like she knew he was going to return, she just knew they had some special bond. Not quite friend, certainly not romantic but something almost...cosmic. Cosmic...that felt like the right word.

As they cleaned up the rice then finished making breakfast, Asuka apologized, "Sorry again. I can tell I insulted you."

"Aren't you the one who hates it when people apologize when they shouldn't?" Rei asked, a mischievous spark in her eyes.

Asuka scowled. Great, she was being a hypocrite. At the very least, the look in her eye told her that it was water under the bridge.

Once they settled down to eat, Rei decided to clarify, "Me and Shinji are friends, nothing more. Though he is rather special to me. He was my first friend, even though...I wasn't much of a person then. You could say I was a doll."

Asuka immediately frowned, "You're not a doll."

"I remember you told me that once."

Of course, back then when all the memories of the previous world were bright in her mind's eye, hot as molten iron. She hadn't meant to make the comparison then, it had slipped right out. She shoveled some rice into her mouth, just so she wasn't expected to reply right away. Swallowing thickly, she said, "Well, I can tell you and Shinji had a whole adventure before I showed up."

"You could say that. Perhaps one day, me or him could tell you all about it."

A boy awoke in a place. It was a warm place with odd red liquid. It seemed like he was alone.

This place seemed familiar, though why exactly he couldn't place it. He had been here before, maybe even many times or even places that felt like this.

"I don't know where I am," he murmured into the emptiness.

The place radiated a feeling of warmth and comfort at him. It didn't matter where he was; just that he was safe.

"But I'm alone."

He wasn't. Because there was someone else here.

"Who are you?"

A sense of disappointment and sadness. But no explanation.

He felt like he should be frowning. He should know who this is but, without a sense of himself, he could not identify others.

"Who am I?"

That same feeling of warmth and comfort. That same sense that that hardly mattered. Because he was safe.

If he had a body or any form at all, he might have furrowed his eyebrows. It felt like knowing who he was was rather important. It was, he decided, even though the other here didn't agree with him. But it didn't matter if they did because he was his own person.

So how did one define themselves without any sense of self?

...by others. But there were no others here, weren't there?

He reached back into his memories, through the haze, rifling through and pulling out an image of…

...a woman with purple hair, like the demon, but wearing a cross, like an angel. An angel with a lowercase a because he seemed to believe there was a rather important distinction there. She was holy and unholy; someone who deeply cared for him but had her own darknesses.

An image of her, standing above him, wearing a black visor and a red coat came to mind. Her gaze upon him was cold.

That didn't make sense though, did it?

He didn't remember her being that cold...but she was and wasn't. His memories showed him a new visage of her, beaming and bright. That one felt more familiar. So who was she to him...something like a mother?

The other in here with him radiated a cold annoyance, something that only seemed to confirm she was only like a mother to him. Not his mother but a sort of stand-in.

His mind presented him a new other: a girl with blazing red hair and bright blue eyes. She was fire incarnate, blazing like a comet. She was the sun, demanding everyone's attention. She was a bright light, hoping to outshine her own darkness.

And she was a cherished friend. Friend...that felt right.

This hadn't always been the case; his mind supplied the image of her glowering at him from the other side of a glass pane.

That didn't make sense though, did it?

He didn't remember her being that angry...but she was and wasn't. His memories showed him a new visage of her, determined and fierce. That one felt more familiar. So she was his friend, though they hadn't always been.

Once more, his mind presented him someone new: another girl his age with icy blue hair and striking red eyes. She was ice, or better yet water, flowing and branching off into a thousand ways like a river. She was the moon, constant companion in the darkness. She was the lighthouse beacon, beckoning him home.

She was his friend...maybe more, something cosmic.

He was struck by the visage of her standing on a train with him. Her hands in his, her expression warm.

That shouldn't make sense...but it made more sense than the others had.

Though that's not how he always remembered her, as his mind supplied her standing silhouetted against the moon, mysterious yet devoted. She was more than his friend, in a way he couldn't define, even when he could define all else.

His mind found another other and he was struck by this one; a boy like and unlike him with silvery hair and the same bright red eyes as the moon girl. He was the sky, a constant in his life no matter how it changed. He was heaven, the place where he felt safe and loved. He was the light peeking from the clouds, telling him that no matter what, it would be alright.

He was a friend but maybe something else. A companion who'd never leave him who, as he tried to define himself by him, did so in turn.

He was struck by the visage of him looking at him sadly, a black band around his neck, not unlike a noose.

He didn't want that one to make sense, but it made too much sense.

His mind presented him with a softer memory; the heaven boy, eyes wide and surprised as another boy leaned in to give him a kiss before he fled down the hall. So, that was the nature of their relationship.

Their relationship…

The other boy came to his mind's eye; a boy with scruffy brown hair and eyes the color of the ocean. This was the other half of his and that boy's relationship. This was Shinji Ikari which meant…

...with a sharp gasp, he became suddenly aware of himself.

That was right.

He was Shinji Ikari.

Which meant, the other person here was…

His mind sunk him into not an image but a full memory. His surroundings were hazy, like a half-remembered dream but he could tell he was in some sort of lab, pressing his face against the glass and looking down onto a chamber below. Beyond was the half-made demon—what he would later learn was Unit 01, unarmored and with multiple cords and wires strung up to it. Gleaming in its chest was its Core, brilliant red and crystalline. Behind him, he could hear someone's voice and, though he couldn't discern what they were saying, they sounded annoyed. There was a reply and then...

"I'm sorry, Professor Fuyutski. I'm the one who brought him."

A woman stepped into view beside Evangelion Unit 01. She wore a pure white plugsuit, with a pair of protrusions from the back, giving her the appearance of an angel. Like her chariot, a number of cords were plugged into the suit. She looked up at him, warm brown eyes meeting his own sea blue ones, and smiled.

"I want to show my child the bright future."

She turned away, climbing the framework around the Evangelion until she stood on the catwalk that led directly above its Core. His heart constricted. He knew what was coming, what was next…

The memory fizzled out and he found himself floating underwater in the red sea. Someone behind him wrapped her arms around him and murmured, "Baby...you don't have to remember what comes next. It's just too sad."

"...Mother…" he murmured.

"Salvage operation...that sounds so...crude…,"

It had been a couple days since Ritsuko and Misato had last spoken and confirmed Shinji's condition. The afternoon found them on the catwalk before Unit 01. Most of its armor from its head down to its waist had been stripped off, leaving the underneath bandaged. In fact, the only part of it that was visible was a single, bright green eye and its toothy mouth, giving the expression of it giving the women a ghoulish grin.

Ritsuko frowned, "I suppose it sounds rather crude but then again, I didn't come up with it. If all goes well, it will be less a "salvage" and more a "retrieval".

"You're going to have to explain to me what that is," Misato deadpanned.

Ritsuko gestured to her companion and biggest help so far: Maya who was standing beside her. She perked up and began to explain, "Shinji's still in there! But he's lost his ego border so he's in the entry plug in quantum form. We just need to separate his form from the LCL, reconstruct his body then anchor his psyche within!"

Misato stared at her blankly then deadpanned again, "...I think I need that in terms I'll understand. I don't have a doctorate in this sort of thing."

Maya slumped slightly but Ritsuko set a hand on her shoulder, giving her the strength to straighten back up. She explained, "The substances that make up Shinji remain in the plug, indistinguishable from the LCL, as it bears a resemblance to the water of primitive Earth."

Misato furrowed her eyebrows, "Like...the primordial soup."

"I believe you see what I'm getting at. Hopefully, with the right coaxing, we can get him to re-assume his previous form with these substances. Allow him to pull himself away from the Evangelion, separate his will from its will. Once he can perceive his own form, he should return to us."

"It's like Rei said," Misato murmured, "It has a heart...so it has a will."

Ritsuko nodded slowly then turned to Maya, "Maya, could you go back to the command deck and run a few more tests on the composition of the Entry Plug's interior? I'll catch up."

Maya nodded quickly, "Will do!" and with that, left them alone on the catwalk.

As she watched her disappear, Misato smiled, "You and Maya have something special, huh?"

Ritsuko smoothed her face over into an intentional stony mask, "I haven't a clue what you're insinuating, Major."

Misato's smile widened into a grin, "Alright, keep your secrets but I see right through you."

Ritsuko held her mask for a few moments before she let it slip, showing her true, tired expression, "I sent her away because the less she knows, the better. She's a...flower in a cold, cruel world. I'd like to keep her from that world so...take that as you will."

Well, now she couldn't tease her with a clean conscious! So instead, she ventured, "I take it you sent her away because you had more to discuss."

Ritsuko cast a glance at the ghoulish visage of the Evangelion then the ceiling. Looking back at her companion, she murmured, "I've had the audio to this room shut off so we may speak freely. Let me ask you a question: since when did you feel comfortable with asking so many questions?"

Misato bristled. Did she know that she had seen what was in the basement? Or did she know she knew more about Kaji's disappearance. She said lowly, "What do you know about me asking questions?"

"Maybe not so much," Ritsuko murmured, "But I have gotten the sense you're no longer satisfied with what you're told."

Misato remained tense. How much could she reveal that she knew to her? Even though her affections lay with Maya, she was still in league with the Commander. That last thing she wanted was to be shot in some back alley because she knew too much. She said slowly, "After Kaji disappeared, I learned he was...looking into some things. I'm sure whatever he was looking into is why he disappeared."

If Ritsuko saw through her deception, she didn't show it. Instead she gave a bark of laughter, "Of course, Kaji's involved with this. And I heard you didn't know where he went."

"I don't know where he went," Misato corrected harshly, "I don't even know if he's alive or dead!"

Ritsuko sighed, "Alright, I'm sorry. Should have known you'd be touchy about that."

Misato only huffed in response. Her companion continued, "Listen. I know you don't trust me. And I know our friendship has been...very tenuous. I'd like to make it up to you."

Misato blinked in surprise, "Make it...up to me?"

Ritsuko, instead of making any response, turned to completely face Unit 01. And even though Misato could have done without looking at it more than necessary, she followed suit. Ritsuko murmured, "We've established the Evas has hearts of their own...wills...desires...why might you think that'd be?"

"Is this a riddle?"

"I think you should come to your own conclusion."

Misato, even though she didn't want to, looked Eva Unit 01 in its alien green eye. She scowled at it, "Well, they're just copies of the thing from the South Pole, aren't they?"

"For the most part."

It clicked. "Except Unit 01."

"That's right. She's a completely different beast from the rest."

Misato looked at Unit 01 and, in her mind's eye, saw Lilith up on her cross. She nodded slowly, "What's the significance of that?"

"How about you think back to my "riddle"? You never answered that."

"If they have their own wills and desires...then they're human in a way."

Ritsuko nodded, "What does every religion all around the world insist makes a human? That one component that, until rather recently was thought of as mere myth...imagination?"

Misato couldn't tell if Ritsuko was getting a weird kick out of questioning her like this, really thought it would benefit her to come to her own conclusion or if she was giving herself an out, in case this came out. She chewed on her lip for a moment before she offered, "A...soul? But...the Eva can't have a soul! Souls can't be made...can they?"

"You're right. For all our technological advances, we haven't grasped the ability to make a soul."

Ritsuko, with a grim frown, continued, "To tell you the truth, Shinji's salvage operation won't be the first, or even the second time we've attempted one."

Misato's chest tightened with confusion. She had said she didn't come up with the term, after all. She croaked, "Attempted? None of these have even worked?"

"Worked the way they were supposed to," Ritsuko corrected, "The second salvage operation took place shortly after Unit 02's creation. After her...Contact Experiment. It worked...in a way. They were able to pull back Kyoko Soryu."

"That's Asuka's mother," Misato's face fell, "Are you saying...she went insane because some science experiment. Are you saying it did something to her soul?!"

"That's the theory," Ritsuko nodded gravely, "Something went wrong and, when she was pulled back, part of her soul had been left behind in Unit 02. Without that piece of her, Kyoko went mad."

Misato covered her face, trying to hide her grimace. She had read all the sordid details in Asuka's file. How, one day, Kyoko Soryu deteriorated, as if overnight. After attacking her husband, who she apparently didn't even recognize, she was put into a ward. A stay that was only thought to last a few weeks stretched into many months, when her condition refused to respond to any medication or treatment.

Apparently, she had even stopped recognizing her own daughter, instead adopting a doll as a stand-in. One day, Asuka had snuck into the room, hoping that maybe close up she would recognize her—

—only to be attacked by her mother who tried to strangle her to death.

Shortly after, Kyoko hung herself and the doll she had come to believe was her daughter. Whether that was indicative of guilt was a question that would never be answered.

She gathered herself with a sharp inhale and let her hand fall. "That's not the whole story though...is it? You only mentioned a "second Salvage Operation"."

"How astute. The first one took place after Unit 01's own Contact Experiment."

Misato already knew where this was going, "That's the one which killed Shinji's mother."

"Killed in the eyes of the world, perhaps," Ritsuko murmured, her gaze returned to Unit 01, "That first operation failed. The best we got out of it was a few DNA samples from the woman...but nowhere near the woman herself."

Suddenly, Misato felt very small and watched under the towering height of Unit 01. Her knees buckled and she forced herself to stay upright. Clapping a hand over her mouth in shock, she murmured, "So...she's still in there...with Shinji."

"I knew you'd figure it out with just a little help," Ritsuko said quietly.

"That's why it acts on its own sometimes. But...how are you going to get Shinji out of there then?! What if she stops it or interferes or...what if she's keeping him there?" Misato stumbled over, grabbing her by the shoulders, "Ritsuko, we can't leave him in there!"

"I will try my best. I swear...that boy is something special to you," she said as she carefully and gingerly untangled Misato's hands from her shoulders.

Straightening up, she continued, "I haven't dismissed the possibility that there will be interference. But, according to his psych profile, Shinji not returning would be rather out of character, even with his existing depression and anxiety. I'm hoping all he needs is...," she gestured, "...a little help out."

"A little help," Misato murmured, casting another look at Unit 01. She inhaled and stood straight, attempting to give the appearance of keeping her composure, "Alright. I leave it to you."

She turned and almost walked away before she stopped. She asked without looking at her friend, "Say, Ritsuko...is this really just to "make it up to me"? Or...is there something more?"

"You really don't trust me still?" Ritsuko's voice betrayed a note of dismay.

"It's not that I don't trust you, it's just…," she trailed off, unsure on how to continue.

"Misato...it's complicated. I'll be keen to talk to you more later. Meet me in my office again in a few days, near midnight. I should have a little time then," and with that confusing invitation, she pushed past her and left her alone.

Having not talked to Kaworu for a few days (though not without trying), Asuka went to do her daily 'knock on his door and yell at him to come out' routine. When that failed, she usually went to visit Rei or the other way around. The apartment felt suffocating without anyone else and with Misato at work all the time nowadays, Rei was proving her only means of reliable social interaction.

She had entertained the idea of going by Hikari's place but decided against it, in case the other girl had left already without having the chance to say goodbye.

Today's bout of silence was not Kaworu ignoring her. In fact, he'd happily take spending time with her, even with how invasive she was sure to be, over his current task.

The old men had called him and he was helpless but to obey.

It was hardly fair he had to answer them still with everything else had happened. He hadn't the chance to fully process the battle with Armisael and Shinji's disappearance before they sent him a message, inviting him to the shore of one of the Ashinoko Lakes.

Part of him regretted not taking on Armisael himself. He might have been able to spare Shinji his fate himself.

The other part of him was glad for it, as it didn't want to know what she might have said to him. She might have tempted him into doing something...terrible.

Dimly, he remembered a loop long past where she had done that. It was early on, he had been lonely and the promise of one of his siblings understanding him was intoxicating. The two Angels had become one and the only reason the world hadn't ended that day was because Rei had given her life, as she had many many times before, to prevent it.

Unfurling his AT Field just enough to levitate on top of the damaged Angel statue at the lake's edge, he reflected on her. Her life was so unfair, just like his. Truly two sides to the same coin.

SEELE's monoliths phased around him and the head, Keel, greeted him, "It has been some time, Tabris."

He smiled tightly, "It has. Perhaps too long."

"It matters little, with how close we are to completion. Onto matters. We've heard recently that Unit 01 was allowed to absorb Armisael's S2 Organ and it appears, unlike Unit 02, it fully activated it. "

"'Unexpected accident'. As if!," another member, 04, grumbled.

"Indeed," Keele agreed, "According to Ikari, Unit 01's actions were an "unexpected accident". Yet we have evidence he not only purposefully put it in the line of fire but allowed its apotheosis to occur. He's grown more bold and more comfortable in defying us. Most certainly the fact it's put its pilot out of commission is only a bonus to his whole crusade."

"At the very least, its apotheosis has allowed us an alternate method, now that the Lance has been lost," yet another, 06, cut in.

Keel spoke once more, "It will be time for our own countermeasures soon. You know what we speak of, correct, Tabris?"

He nodded slowly, saying quietly, "I do."

"Good. Take no action until the Third Child has returned. We cannot risk any impurities to taint our own apotheosis."

Kaworu forced back a glare at the casual use of "impurity". "Understood," he told them, "No action will be taken."

"Good. We are glad, as always, of your cooperation. This will most certainly be the last time we speak. Do not fail us; you know the consequences."

"The consequences," he echoed.

"Indeed," he could practically hear the smile in Keel's voice, "You are aware of your backups but we are also aware of how close you've become to the other Pilots, specifically the Second and Third Child. And considering the Third is out of commission at the moment…"

The implied threat was clear. Obey us or Asuka will see the consequences. He allowed his face to relax and gave a smile, "I understand. Your kingdom come, your will shall be done, on Earth as it shall be in heaven."

This certainly placated Keel as his tone lightened, "Good. God shall be in his heaven and all will be right in the world. Farewell, Tabris."

And with that, the monoliths blinked out. He remained there for a few minutes more, staring off across the lake, his heart heavy. The jaws of fate were closing around him and he had no way to escape them.

He could run, he could hide, he could lash out, he could bring this whole terrible world to its knees—but none of those seemed to work. He had run before but SEELE would catch him every time, locating him by means unknown to him, then drag him back to face his fate. If there was a way to end this dreaded cycle, then the survivors would have to walk over his dead body to get there.

He at least had one small rebellion he could afford. He'd wait for Shinji's return and then he'd wait for as long as he could after, ignoring then resisting the call of his soul as long as he could.

He levitated back off the statue and landed on solid ground, folding his AT Field tight against his soul, as if that might bring some comfort. He should go home and talk to Asuka, finally. She was bound to ask about the final Angel and he hadn't quite figured out his answer for her yet.

He should tell her the truth...it would be right.

But guilting himself wasn't working. The fear was too great.

With a defeated sigh, he trudged up the beach and back onto the road.

He walked for maybe ten minutes, mind wandering blankly as he headed home before a call broke through his thoughts, "Hey! Kaworu!"

He stopped to find Misato and her blue Alpine slowly to a stop beside him. She leaned out and gave him a smile, "Need a lift back home?"

Part of him desired to be alone and use his time heading home for it. But another part, perhaps the part he could call human, was so very lonely. He nodded, "That'd be nice," and took the opportunity to get into the passenger seat.

As they took off, Misato chanced a glance at her passenger. Kaworu looked...tired, a far cry from the serene boy she had met months ago. His red eyes were dulled and slightly sunken in, dark shadows creasing the bottom of them. Even his hair was more messier than usual and slightly dull, instead of bright, well-groomed silver. He had his hands folded in his lap but his entire posture suggested he was tense, as if waiting for...something.

If he was some special asset of the committee, she couldn't fathom the pros of letting him deteriorate like this. Neglect seemed the best explanation.

She broke the silence, "So what were you doing all the way out here?"

He startled and blinked at her, "Um...what did you say?"

"I was asking why you were all the way out here? It's not like you to space out like that."

He bowed his head and murmured, "As you might guess...I have a lot on my mind. I went for a walk to see if I might sort it out but I suppose I wandered too far."

That made sense to Misato. He couldn't go into the interior of the city and do a lot. The exodus of Tokyo-3's citizens was leaving the city more and more deserted. Sure, the city had gotten lucky and escaped most damage after Zeruel but the people only expected more and more destruction the longer they went without it. Better to get out while they still could.

She murmured, "You miss Shinji, don't you?"

"...I miss him so much my heart hurts," Kaworu murmured, his voice cracking halfway through.

Misato's heart nearly broke in half and she had to wonder if Kaji's hunch about this kid being an enemy asset wasn't just his own paranoia.

She reached over and gave one of his hands a gentle if awkward pat. "Ritsuko pulled me aside and told me she's already got a good idea on how she's going to get him back. She thinks Shinji probably wants to come out and just needs...a little push," she assured him.

"A little push?" the boy echoed.

Misato nodded, "We know Shinji...sure, he's shy and passive...but he's not going to leave us. I'm sure she's right and he wants to come back."

Kaworu quietly thought of the many Shinjis he had known before, all so tormented and depressed that the lure of the Eva and a return to her proverbial mother's womb was too tempting to ignore.

But not this Shinji...not his Shinji. It was such an odd thought, and honestly a little sad, that he had matured so much without him noticing. He had already been through some of the worst reality had to offer; he couldn't run away now! He had to return to him, he just had!

"Thank you, Misato," he gave her a soft smile, "That really helps."

"It's what I'm here for, isn't it?"

He nearly let the rest of their ride lapse into silence at that. But, there was no guarantee he'd get another chance to talk to her like this. It only felt right he thanked her for all she had done for him.

He shook his head, "You aren't my guardian, not like Asuka and Shinji...but I appreciate everything you've done for me."

Her face softened, "Awww, Kaworu...it's really nothin' though. It just wouldn't sit right for me to not do anything for you. You're just a kid, someone needs to look out for you."

For the first time in a while, he wished he just was a kid and he could lay all his worries in the hand of a trusted adult. He was so tired and would like to rest for a while. He murmured, "Well, it's only right I tell you how I feel."

The car went silent and somewhat tense. Then, as if unsettled by it, Misato gave a nervous laugh, "Stop talking like that. Makes me feel like you think we're never going to see each other again."

He smiled a tight, sad smile, "I guess recent events have just...made me think of my own mortality, is all."

The rest of the car ride was spent in that tense, awkward silence. Kaworu knew he had certainly rattled her and, since she didn't know what to say, she didn't say anything at all. He felt terrible for doing that but still felt compelled to make sure she knew she meant something to him. Maybe, when she learned what monster he was, she might remember that and spare him some sympathy.

When they rolled up to the apartment complex and Kaworu got out, Misato gave him a wave, "Be sure to talk to Asuka too! She keeps telling me she can't get you to open up and that, when you do, she's going to kick your ass!"

He chuckled, genuinely, "I was planning on it so I suppose I'll have to, as they say, "have my ass beat" then."

That earned a bout of laughter from her as she drove away, probably back to NERV HQ and work. He returned her wave and lingered until her car left his sight. Then, with an inhale to steel himself, he headed up to their floor.

He needed another, deeper inhale to prepare himself when he came to Misato's apartment and knocked on the door. It took her a few moments but Asuka opened the door and, upon seeing him cried, "Kaworu, you idiot!"

Then, rather than kick his ass, she embraced him. In her hold, he went still and murmured, "This really is something new, isn't it…"

Immediately, she let him go and he regretted saying anything at all. She grumbled, "Well...just don't bring attention to it and don't think anything weird."

"Humans are a social species," he mused softly, "There's nothing weird about touch."

She smiled, "There's the weirdo I know. Come on in and we can chill."

She led him into the kitchen and asked, "You like black tea? I know you Japanese like your green tea but I just can't get past the herby taste," she stuck her tongue out for good measure.

"You'll make tea?"

She turned on him and pouted, "What? Like it's hard?"

"Ah...that's the wrong question," he tilted his head slightly, "I mean, you like tea?"

"Well enough," she shrugged, "Rei made me some so I'm gonna make you some and when Shinji comes back, you can make him some!"

There was certainly more to her gesture and her statement but he decided against digging further and making her change her mind. So he smiled and nodded, "I like black tea."

He contentedly listened to her chatter and fill the apartment with sound, as she told him that she did prefer coffee to tea but it was too late in the day for coffee (and that Misato didn't seem to mind what time of day she herself drank it, ever since she had replaced all her beer with it).

She served them both tea, his with only just enough sugar to sweeten it and hers with enough sugar to make an American blush. She allowed him his silence long enough to have a couple sips before she pressed, "I thought you weren't going to go off n' hide anymore?"

"I just said I knew it wasn't right to close oneself off," he stared into the amber color of his tea, "But I still couldn't help myself from doing it. Like...no one…"

He looked up to meet her eyes. She tilted her head slightly, as if to say 'go on'. He swallowed thickly and forced the words up his throat, "Like no one might get how I feel."

She scowled, "We all miss Shinji. Maybe not exactly like you but...well, where would we be without the guy? We both know he'll be back. He's got a knack for that sort of thing."

He nodded slowly, not entirely comforted. It wasn't her fault. It hadn't been exactly what he was thinking about when he lamented how no one else could understand him. He murmured, hopefully soft enough so no prying ears might hear, "He has before."

She beamed, "That's the spirit! I know you miss him, probably pretty badly...but think about it that way?"

"That's the way I'll think of," he trailed off, "Shinji does have a certain knack for beating the odds, no matter how impossible."

Asuka leaned back dangerously in her seat, "I'm not much of a believer in any religion or anything...but I bet someone up there loves him very, very much…"

Just as Shinji has a knack for beating the odds, Asuka was quick gaining a knack for accidentally on touching things beyond her scope of knowledge. Deciding to not dwell on it long, he suggested, "Do you think we should go for a walk?" hoping she'd catch on.

To his surprise, she shook her head, "Let's wait until tomorrow. I think we should pick someone up on our way."

He hadn't wanted to involve Mari in this but telling Asuka that might invite more questions than he needed. Mari wasn't exactly known for her tact but she was known for her cleverness. Hopefully, if she had picked up on what he was (and she most certainly had), she'd just keep her mouth shut about it. Stiffly, he nodded, "Very well."

"In fact, stay over!" she suggested, leaning forward so quickly so her chair made a sharp clack against the floor, "I'm going to go insane being alone in here!"

"I do imagine that'd be quite the change," he conceded, "But where would I sleep?"

"We've got a couch, I know we have a spare futon," a mischievous smile stole across her face, "I don't think Shinji would mind you borrowing his."

That got the intended reaction as his face went as red as his eyes; a sight for Asuka's sore eyes. He sputtered, "That's! I'd...I wouldn't!"

She batted her eyelashes innocently, "What? You don't think it'd be sweet for Shinji to come back, lie down for a good rest and realize, wow! It smells like him…"

"That's...that's...that's so indecent!" he snapped and she cackled, secretly glad to have at least brought him a little out of his shell.

"Yes, that's right," Yui murmured from behind him, "It's your mother. But...you knew I've been in here all this time."

"That's right," Shinji agreed in a whisper, feeling unsure about raising it much louder against her, "I've known for a while now."

A memory flashed through his mind; him, the old Vice Commander, a game of shogi, the photo of him and his mother and that honeycomb pattern in the wall, filled with those terrible heads—

—the memory was brushed away with a sense of simmering fury not his own.

His mother murmured, "I told you. You don't need to remember sad things like that."

"They're sad but they still matter," he countered.

"But none of that matters now," her embrace around him tightened, suddenly uncomfortable, "We're together now and we don't need to be apart ever again."

He cast a glance upwards to the surface of the sea where a far-off light, which could have been the sun or moon or some other light in the sky, lingered, as if beckoning him upwards and out of the sea. He went to shrug her off, "But I've got to go back. I still have to fight."

Her grip proved tighter than she imagined and around him, he could feel the sea warm. She said, lowly, "You don't need to do that anymore. Haven't you done enough?"

A series of memories flashed across his subconscious. A bright, armor-melting beam hitting him directly in the chest and drowning him in white-hot agony. A weight greater than any other burden, pressing down on his arms, threatening to shatter them. A razor slice, slicing an arm off as if it took little effort. An intrusion, worming its way into his veins, into his body, into his very soul, searing straight through his very being.

"You've fought so hard already. You've suffered so much for them. Wouldn't a rest be nice?"

With a lurch, he lunged forward, breaking free of her grasp. The world shifted around them and he found himself at the edge of a lake, just as blood red as the sea. The sky above was dark and speckled with stars and galaxies. Notably, the moon was absent; not in its new phase but completely absent. He whirled around to face his mother, who was dressed in a bright, flowery sundress and a sun hat, that seemed to cast her face in perfect shadow.

He shook his head, "I suffered so much...but that was my choice!"

She sighed, "And what have any of them done to deserve you going through all this to save them? They've been vindictive to you."

A memory of Asuka slapping him flitted across his mind's eyes.

"Cold to you."

A memory of Rei coldly glaring him down after slapping him, right after he admitted he had no faith in his father."

"Harsh to you."

WILLE Captain Misato glaring at him of the corner of her eye, immediately after being retrieved and brought onto the WUNDER.

"Hurt you beyond comprehension."

A memory of Kaworu watching him sadly as the DSS Choker slowly wound up, glowing red with malevolence.

"Get out of my head!" he demanded, waving his arms in front of his face, as if it might dispel the memories, "Why do you have to focus on all the bad!? Those are my friends!"

"Asuka listened to me and understood me even when I could tell I had hurt her before!"

Him and Asuka sitting under the streetlight, right after they had confided in the other.

"Rei's put her life on the line for me!"

Unit Zero stepping into Ramiel's beam of light, hefting its rocket shield and then using her own body to protect him.

"Misato is more of a parent than anyone else right now!"

Misato and him sitting on the hood of the Alpine, sipping at their sodas, right after the depressing meeting at Yui's own grave.

"Kaworu's not even human but he loves me like one!"

Him quickly pressing his lips to Kaworu's, relishing in the contact, even though he knew what it meant—really meant.

Yui slumped, shaking with an emotion he could not identify. She whispered, "You'd choose all those people...all those people over me?"

"Mom…," his heart constricted, "You had to leave me...so I had to figure out how to cope without you. It's not fair to them if you try to take me away now."

Instead of her conceding, she tipped her head back and wailed. The world snapped out of focus and for one terrible moment, he felt like he was falling, through the air and then crashing once more into the red sea. He looked up, watching the moon, sun and sky fade from view as he sunk deeper. He struggled but became aware of something holding his foot.

When he looked down, he saw, lurking in the red depths, was the devil-like visage of Unit 01 without her helmet, its gigantic hand holding onto his leg.

He shrieked in terror.

Chapter Text

"Well, I've got to say it, Misato. This isn't terrible, you're getting better!"

"You better not be yanking my chain…"

The morning found Asuka and Misato having breakfast. It had been a day or so since Kaworu had stayed the night. He had stayed the previous night too but had left early, an act Asuka found odd but let go, since he told her to come meet him at home after Misato left for the day.

Misato had tried another crack at breakfast for the both of them. It wasn't anything super complicated; just rice and miso but honestly the effort meant more than the substance. Asuka shook her head, "I mean it!"

"It's no Shinji breakfast…"

"As if any of us could compete with that!"

Misato chuckled softly, "I suppose so."

She had decided to chance being late for work to make her and Asuka something. She could tell the isolation of the apartment was starting to wear on her, especially when she found out she had gotten Kaworu to stay over. While she was still sure Kaji's hunch about Kaworu was likely paranoia...she still found herself tucking his flash drive away in a better hidden spot after she came home that first night.

She asked, "Say, Asuka. Has Kaworu ever talked about his past?"

Asuka shot her a confused look, "Don't you guys have paperwork for that?"

"His is just like Rei's; redacted to hell and back."

"And you're asking me this now instead of months ago because…?"

"Asuka, just please answer the question."

The next look Asuka gave her was one she hadn't expected; a narrow-eyed glare of open suspicion. She huffed, "It's not like he talks about it. He came from somewhere in England and ended up with me in Germany. Whatever guardian he has couldn't give a flying fuck whether he's alive or dead. And he picked up piano from somewhere. Is that satisfactory?"

Misato winced at her sudden cold tone. She raised her hands, hoping to show her she meant nothing by it, "Doesn't that strike you as weird though?"

"What? That he doesn't talk about his past? Last I checked, I'm the last person who's going to jump on someone for that. I don't go around talking about my past either!"

"Asuka, I didn't mean anything by it…"

"Whatever," she stood up and headed for the door, leaving her breakfast behind, "He's gone through hell and this is what you do for him?"

Without waiting for her response, she stepped outside, letting the door snap shut behind her.

Misato sighed and pressed her head into her hands. She hadn't thought that one out, had she? Beside Kaworu being her best friend, of course Asuka would be offended by her digging into someone's past without consent to.

She wished she could tell her that it was all for her own good. She just wanted a little insight into the boy, to confirm for good Kaji's hunch was false. As far as it seemed, Kaworu was a normal boy, a traumatized but nevertheless normal boy. But she had to be sure before she came to that conclusion.

At least she also had Hyuga looking into leads. But how could she tell Asuka that she just wanted to protect her and Shinji's hearts?

Asuka marched down the hall, breathing through her teeth and shaking with anger. Where did Misato get off on poking her nose where it didn't belong? Kaworu was going through hell and all she could think of was finding that suspicious? Had either of them done something that made her wary of them?

She reflected, as the red dimmed from her vision, that it was odd she didn't know too much about his past. But her point to her guardian had been true; she thought she was the last person to go poking and prodding. What if something truly terrible had happened to him way back when, something he'd rather not think about?

She walked the last few feet to Kaworu's apartment, tucking those thoughts somewhere at the back of her mind. That wasn't important now. Her and Kaworu had a final Angel to plan for.

She gave his door a sharp knock and he answered quick after, as if he had been waiting. He smiled softly, "Good morning, Asuka."

"Morning to you too. You have breakfast yet?"

"Ah. Not as of yet."

She internally kicked herself for storming out of the apartment so suddenly, since she could have brought him something. There was no way she was going back now and she really wanted to get going, so they wouldn't meet Misato on her way back out to work. She jerked her head towards the elevator, "We can pick something up on our way to collect Mari."

Something that looked like disappointment or maybe exasperation flickered across his face when she mentioned Mari but he nodded.

As they walked to the elevator, she asked, "Not up to talking to Mari today?"

"Not...particularly. She's quite a lot."

"I'm the one supposed to say that!" she gave him a playful smile, "You've got it all backwards. But I figured it was best we get her to we can coordinate what we know."

They started the walk to Rei's old apartment, as it was where Shinji had mentioned she was living, some time before. They made a single stop to get a breakfast of a rice ball from one of the few convenience stores still open in the city.

Once at Rei's old apartment, they climbed the stairs and pushed open the door to where Mari was staying to find...it empty.

Asuka, standing on the threshold, asked, "She's not here? Maybe she's up on the roof like Shinji's said before?"

"Hold on," Kaworu murmured, gently pushing past her and into the apartment proper.

He padded into the main area, where a cot was folded up and leaning against the wall. A collection of boxes laid beside it but, when he began to look through them, found most of them empty spare a few MREs and bottles of water. A stack of books had been placed right up against the wall, slightly askew. A thin layer of dust had settled on everything. He murmured, "She hasn't been here for a while."

"What? Where would she go?" Asuka asked, coming up beside him to paw through the boxes herself.

"I'd be inclined to say she vacated to a different location but she left the cot here," he laid a hand on it, "So she left...but planned to return? Perhaps she's off investigating something…"

"Well, that's a pain. I wish she could have told us where she was going," she huffed, hands on her hips.

"The less people know of a plan, the less points of failure it has," he told her as he rose, "I'm sure, whatever it is she's up to, it's important to our cause."

Asuka grumbled all the way out of the apartment, all the way up to the roof to double check then all the way back down to ground level. She couldn't deny that Kaworu was probably right and Mari was off doing something important for them. Still, she would have liked to have been able to get an opinion from her. While she was sure Kaworu would be open to her regarding the final Angel, there was a chance Mari might remember something he didn't or have experienced something he hadn't.

Kaworu, on the other hand, was relieved, though he knew he really shouldn't. Mari was extremely observant and it was all but a given she knew the final Angel's true identity. And he was sure she would see right through his deception. Knowing her, it was all but a given she would have mouthed off to Asuka.

If she did that...she'd be in the right but it would have made things far more complicated.

They continued onward to the park without her and sat down in the grass, facing each other. Asuka cut straight to the point, pressing the fingertips of each hand to the other in a thinking gesture as she asked, "Alright. There's just one more Angel, right?"

He kept his tone neutral, "That's right."

"Now, my memory from around here is shot and all fuzzy. I remember they brought you in to replace me and," she trailed off before admitting, "Not much else."

"It's name is Tabris," he murmured.

"Tabris," she echoed and something about that name in her mouth made it feel like the world was closing in around him.

She leaned forward, eyes steely, "Alright. What do I need to expect?"

He stared back at her.

He should tell her the truth.

Its what would be right.

"There is no set appearance to Tabris," he lied, "I have no idea what to expect from it."

"Are you serious?" she cocked her head, "Nothing at all? It's not always like what you told me on the Over the Rainbow?"

Oh right, he had said something of Tabris back then. She was going to make this hard for him. He lied once more, "Only sometimes. It took control of Unit 02 using me as vector, similar to Bardiel. Except the Core manifested in the Entry Plug," he trailed off, letting her make her own conclusion.

Her eyes widened, "So Shinji had to?"

He slowly nodded. It was a lie but close enough to the truth...uncomfortably close to the truth.

She rubbed an arm, anxiety reverberating off her. She asked, "But it doesn't do that all the time, right?"

"No."

"Gott danken. I wouldn't want him to have to go through something like that," she trailed off, casting a glance at her hands.

He knew that she was also envisioning what she would do in such a scenario.

He really was a monster. But somehow, this was better than the uncertainty of her reaction if he did admit it here and now. She was going to find out one way or another and he would have to die one way or another. Did it really matter when she found out about those two things? Did it really matter if it happened at the same time?

"Great," she collapsed back into the grass, "One final wild card. Shinji's MIA and I have no idea what to expect."

"We'll get through it," his words rang hollow to himself.

She grumbled something indistinct. She looked up at him from her position on the grass, "How have you been?"

He smiled tightly, "I really do miss Shinji. Losing him right after it felt like I might get better...it's rough."

"Well, I know Shinji's in a whole league of his own for you but you've got me and you've got Rei and I'm sure Misato would hear you out."

Her mind wandered to Misato's grilling from this morning about his backstory.

She said, "Y'know actually, Misato was being super weird this morning. She was asking about you."

"About me?" Kaworu's eyes widened in alarm.

She felt the tug of guilt at her chest but forged on. It was definitely something he should know, "She was asking if I knew about your past. I basically told her it was a little late to be looking into something like that."

"What does she know?" he asked, a note of dread lingering in his voice.

Frowning, she sat up so she could put a hand to his shoulder, "As far as I know, nothing. She wouldn't have asked me if she could just go into the NERV systems and find anything."

Underneath her hand, he relaxed a hair, "I suppose that is true."

He gave her a guilty look, "I never have shared any of it with you...but I know all about you."

Asuka crossed her arms, "And as curious as I might be, you will only tell me what you want to! I'm the last person to be trying to make you talk about your past."

Despite himself, Kaworu laughed airily, "That is...true. My past...before the loops, it's not entirely something I like to revisit."

"So we won't revisit it. If it was important, you would tell me right?"

Once again feeling guilty, he nodded slowly. Eager to change the topic, he lightly pointed out, "Y'know, I can't help but think of when we first met, before you learned all about me. You would have balked at how you've changed."

She scowled, "Why are you bringing that up now?"

"I suppose talking of pasts makes me think of then."

She rolled her eyes, "I worry about you, dummy. And y'know. I'm worried about Shinji too. Me from a few months ago would have had a meltdown hearing that!"

He chuckled lightly and after, the two lapsed into silence. She pulled her knees up to her chest, "About Shinji. You think he'll come back?"

"Of course," Kaworu said immediately, looking up at the sky, "I have utmost faith in him."

"Get off of me!"

Through his terror, Shinji found it in himself to rear back one leg and kick at the seemingly unmoveable Unit 01. He gritted his teeth and kicked again, yelling down at her, "Mom, let go! Mom! You're scaring me!"

He could feel her grip waver and then let him go. He immediately began kicking his legs away, eager to swim away, get anywhere but here!

The world shifted again, bringing a ghostly feeling of vertigo as the sea melted away in favor of a train. He whipped his hand out to grab one of the bars, to keep himself from falling over. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the train following a track that led down a sand bar, the red sea lapping at both sides like some hungry beast.

"Shinji, come and sit over here with me."

He turned to find his mother beckoning him over to sit beside her. She was wearing a blue-and-white plugsuit, much like his own and when he looked down, he found he was wearing one too. Her face was still, impossibly, obscured. Feeling a rush of resentment, he sat across from her. She frowned but didn't call attention to it.

She murmured, "This must be rather familiar to you, huh, baby?"

"It's like after I spoke to my father, so long ago."

He noticed she tensed at the mention though ultimately, said nothing about it. Instead, she said, "I mean. When you wake up again."

A memory flitted across his mind; of the beginning of this loop, when he awoke on the train an hour outside Tokyo-3.

He frowned, "What are you getting at, Mother?"

"Mother…," she trailed off, "So cold."

"You're the one who just scared the hell out of me!" he snapped, "Now tell me: what are you getting at?"

She smiled sadly, "I really want to know. What is it you're getting at? Going through this…"

A memory of him lunging out of the way of Ramiel's first shot, scrambling to stand—

—only to get blasted again. He had to lie there in agony as the LCL around him boiled and then the blood inside his body and then...all went black.

"...and over…"

He couldn't get Unit 01 to move, even if he wanted to. The juggernaut Angel—Zeruel—had cleaved off his arms and was coming to finish the job. It reared its arm back, aiming at his head, and when it stared into Unit 01's eyes, he got the sense it was him it was seeing.

"...and over…"

Asuka and Rei were just a few moments too late. The aching in his arms from holding up Sahaquiel intensified and, with a horrible snap, Unit 01's now broken and useless arms fell to her side, letting the Angel's entire weight land upon him.

"and over."

"I SAID STOP THAT!"

He waved a hand in front of himself and, even if it didn't actually dispel the images, it helped to feel like it did. He scowled at his mother, "It was father's choice I pilot the Eva and it was Misato's I keep doing it. But going back, over and over? That was all mine."

Yui leaned back, leaning her head back to regard him with a firm frown. She warned, "But not all choices are good ones."

This time, he was in the dream-like space of Unit 01's entry plug, cradling Rei in his arms. Despite the serene atmosphere here, outside the world had descended into hell. The Geofront and world beyond were being torn apart by fierce winds underneath a blood-red sky that was opening up into a void beyond. At the epicenter of this apocalypse was Unit 01, luminous, three-eyed and many-winged.

"Don't. That's a low blow."

Shinji jumped to his feet, making the vision dissipate. The glower he was giving Yui could burn holes into her.

She still frowned, unaffected by his anger, "But you still think about it, right?"

"Of course I do! It...it haunts me. But if I never stopped running away and hiding when things got too hard," he shook his head, "I wouldn't be in much a better place I am now."

"I'm trying to offer you a better place, Shinji!" Yui cried, "In here, you won't have to worry about good or bad choices. You won't have to worry about anything anymore."

"I won't get to make any choices at all anymore. If you were interested in actually helping me Mother, you would tell me that no choice is unforgiveable. And you'd tell me to not run away."

That actually got Yui to flinch, as if struck. She started, "It's not running away…"

He cut her off, "That's exactly it! And I'm done running away!"

Misato's "appointment" with Ritsuko had arrived and at the very late hour of just before midnight, she came to her office, rapping her knuckles against the door. She waited a minute then, when no answer came, she knocked again, "Uh, Ritz...I came like you asked?"

There was a quick shuffling, a grumbling then Ritsuko called, "Er, hell...come on in!"

Misato pushed the door open and gasped sharply, finding Ritsuko's office looked like it had been hit by a typhoon. Her desk was buried by various papers and printouts with only her monitor, an ashtray (filled to the brim with cigarette butts) and an assortment of mugs (with varying levels of coffee) placed on top. The woman herself was half-leaning in her chair, rubbing at one of her eyes. She picked up a mug, inspected the coffee within and, finding it old, dumped it into an equally overflowing trash can. Misato whistled, "Where do I even start?"

"You don't," Ritsuko cut her off before standing, stretching as she did.

"What did you do, doze off?"

"Must have. I'm only getting a couple hours a night but it's not like I've got a choice," she grumbled, "With all the work the Salvage Operation needs and Commander Ikari breathing down my neck to get it done in a timely manner."

Misato raised an eyebrow and, seeing the gears in her head turn, Ritsuko continued, "Now whether or not that's because it's his son in there or one of the few useful pilots he has left in there remains to be seen…"

She scowled. Typical. She already had her own inklings that Shinji's disappearance was a direct result of the Commander pushing his luck against the Angel. And while she certainly hoped Ritsuko would be able to pull him back, the Commander pushing so hard for her to undo his mistake felt...off. She was shook from her thoughts to see Ritsuko rooting under the scattered papers until she found her red NERV keycard. She used it to gesture at her, "Alright, come along. There's something I need to show you."

She pushed past her, leaving Misato to gape at her, "Where are we going?"

"Just come along, Misato."

She followed her down the hall and, when they didn't immediately get on an elevator, Misato couldn't help but feel confused. She held her tongue as they wove through the halls until they finally came to an elevator Ritsuko wanted to use. She pressed the button for the lowest level and swiped her keycard, which earned her a soft chime.

Misato realized where they were heading to: Terminal Dogma. Her confusion and curiosity was quickly joined by anxiety and a touch of wariness. Why would Ritsuko be taking her there? Had she somehow found out she knew even more than she thought and was taking her down there to...deal with her? Her hand ghosted to her holster and she wondered, if it came down to it, if she could shoot her friend. She glanced at Ritsuko who watched her with an unreadable expression. She let her hand drop back to her side.

They exited out into a dark grey, dreary hallway which Ritsuko headed down at a quick pace, leaving her companion to rush to follow. She asked, "Misato, what did you join NERV for?"

"Haven't I told you before?" Misato asked, furrowing her eyebrows as she tried to recall just how much she had shared with her.

"Maybe I just need a refresher. When you joined I always thought it kind of odd you did. Wild party girl...joining what is effectively a military installation."

Still confused and anxious and curious all at once, she decided to humor her, "I guess living through Second Impact and being at ground zero made it personal for me."

Nodding in understanding, Ritsuko confirmed, "I know that. Is there anything more to it?"

"Ritsuko, what the hell are you asking this for?"

"Misato," her tone came out as exasperated, "Just humor me."

With a deep inhale and the assurance she didn't have anything to lose and everything to gain, she explained, "I guess killing the Angels feels like...I'm avenging my father. Making it up to him."

"I see...thank you."

"I'm guessing this is where I ask you the same thing."

"Yes," Ritsuko murmured, "I was following in my mother's footsteps. I always admired her skill and her drive. I wanted to be like her."

"I thought you and your mother weren't on the greatest of terms."

A small, sardonic smile crept onto Ritsuko's lips, "Two things can be true at the same time. In the scientist-woman-mother hierarchy, it always seemed like being a mother was at the bottom. I...was always at the bottom. I ended up following in her footsteps...thought I might spite her by becoming better than her."

"You are better than her," Misato encouraged, "Look at everything I've done!"

"Not in all respects," Ritsuko corrected, "...but I'm starting to believe that's good...in some ways."

She stopped in the middle of the hall and, beside them, there was a doorway leading into a large open room. Misato asked, "So why are you telling me this?"

"I've changed, Misato," her friend murmured, "Maya, too good for this terrible world...has changed me. For as long as I could remember, I was chasing the affections of...the Commander," seeing Misato start to cut her off, she raised a hand to silence her.

"I thought maybe everything I was doing, every terrible thing I had done might mean something if I could have his heart. I just didn't know he had no intention to give it to anyone but her."

Misato frowned. She didn't need Ritsuko to clarify who she was talking about. The grinning, ghoulish visage of the unarmored Unit 01 appeared in her mind's eye. "What terrible things could you have even done?" she asked.

Ritsuko shot her a sad smile and she gestured to the doorway, "Let me help you understand."

She followed her into the large, mostly empty room. At the far end was a bed and a divider. All around were derelict and broken medical equipment, with long cords snaking across the floor. Most bizarrely were the words scrawled on the walls and floors like "Strangeness" and "TiD2". A thick layer of dust on everything suggested the room hadn't seen use in quite some time. After studying it for some time, Misato realized, "This looks like Rei's old apartment...the one we took her from."

"That's not a coincidence. This is where she was born and raised," Ritsuko murmured, lingering at the doorway, as if unwilling to go any farther.

"She was...born here? Here in NERV?" Misato turned to face her.

Ritsuko could see the gears turning in her head. Good. She wasn't quite sure how much she knew already but hopefully these would give her a more complete picture of how deep they both were in this. She nodded and gestured her out, "There's more to see."

She led them both back down the hall and, after a few twisting turns, they came out into a gigantic chamber, on top a rusted and creaky metal platform. Beyond was a cross-shaped depression and a collection of smaller, circular ones. Inside all of them was a grotesque mess of bones, old armor and what even appeared to be dried blood. Ritsuko explained, "This is the dumping ground for all the first Evas...the failures. But it's also where Unit 01 underwent its Contact Experiment…"

Misato leaned over the railing, gaping at the horror show unfolding before her. She turned back towards her, "Alright...raising Rei here in NERV is pretty damn shady. But this isn't exactly a surprise...after all, it's not exactly a secret the Evas, in their own way, are organic. I don't think this warrants you saying you've done terrible things…"

Once more, she gestured for her to follow her back into the hallway. Misato followed, those same feelings of curiosity, anxiety and confusion being joined by a sickly dread. Like whatever Ritsuko had to show her now was even worse than everything else combined. Something that might even change her view of the woman. Once more, her hand ghosted over her holster.

As selfish as it was, whatever Ritsuko was going to show her...she couldn't let it affect her emotions to the point she attacked her. Then Shinji would be lost forever.

They came into another, large chamber. As they passed by, Misato noted that it was labeled as "Dummy Plug Production". Inside was dark, with the only light coming from an illuminated tube of LCL in the center. Some machinery was attached to the top of it and snaked upwards into a mess of tubing and wiring, evoking the uncomfortable imagery of a human brain. If Misato squinted, she could see the circular walls were covered with a metal shutter and, just behind the tube, was a computer terminal on top a rolling cart. Ritsuko stood, staring at the tube, eyes unfocused.

Misato broke the silence, "This is where the Dummy Plug was made? That...thing...that…" she trailed off, finding herself unable to finish her sentence.

Ritsuko swallowed thickly, "That's...part of it. It was indeed made here. But...here is the full truth."

She withdrew a remote from her coat and tapped it. With a low groan, as if pained, the metal shutters began to rise.

Orange light flooded the room as it was revealed that, beyond the metal shutters, was a tank of LCL. But it wasn't empty. Everywhere Misato's eyes darted, all she could see was the grinning, soulless visage of Rei Ayanami. Not one, not two but a whole dozen of them staring blankly at the pair. All her emotions were washed away by a sense of revulsion and she staggered back, looking at Ritsuko who stood silhouetted against the nightmare.

"You...what the fuck?" she hissed.

Ritsuko turned to face her, eyes turned downwards, "This is the nature of the dummy plug...and the nature of Rei Ayanami."

A sense of realization came over Misato, "Long ago...she said she was replaceable."

"And she is. In the most literal sense. These are just vessels. Vessels we can put the soul called "Rei Ayanami" into."

To spare her any more horror, she pressed the remote again, letting the metal shutters close over the tank once more, casting them into darkness.

"You made her," Misato hissed.

"I did not...but I followed my mother's footsteps in some of the worst ways," Ritsuko murmured, "I suppose that's when I first realized I couldn't justify my actions anymore. You see...Rei's trick with the N2 Bomb and her AT Field...it cost her dearly."

Misato's eyes widened. Of course...her miracle recovery, her spacy memory...it all made sense.

Ritsuko continued, "I was already losing faith in Gendo then but I thought that there was little else I can do. After all, I was already too far deep. But when we finally retrieved Rei's Plug...I had to be the one to pull her small...broken body from it. I had to bring her here and I had to make sure I could coax her soul, everything she was, into a new body.

And that night, as selfish as it was...all I could wonder if what Maya might think of me if she knew. Suddenly, I cared a lot about the things I was doing.

Then...Rei stayed with us to see if Shinji was okay. Seeing her about to cry...I realized I could no longer pretend she was just a tool...a doll. She was a person, a person I had been so terrible to."

She sighed, "So there it is. However you decide to feel about me now...well, you know the whole truth."

"Is this why you told me all this?" Misato asked, her tone low and dangerous, "To win my trust?"

Ritsuko smiled at her, though it didn't meet her eyes, "I'd be lying if I said that wasn't at least part of it. But the end is coming soon, Misato. I'd like to face it without any regrets."

"The end...what are you talking about?"

"There's only one Angel left. And he's a lot closer than we all think."

"He…" she trailed off, her eyes snapping wide, "You don't mean?"

Once more, Ritsuko smiled sadly at her, "Like I said before...you should come to your own conclusions. Some time ago, when Iruel invaded the base, I saved the data from it for myself. After some time, I've only recently realized why its AT Field seemed to double before it died. Because there was a second one and the owner of that one killed it. There was an Angel amongst us back then…"

Suddenly, Misato felt sick. The image of Kaworu's disheveled self from that day in the car flashed in her mind's eye. Overlaid was the image of Armisael—drawing a comparison between the two.

"There's no way…," she murmured, "But why would he...why would he just live with us? Hell, why would he help us?"

Shaking her head, Ritsuko replied, "I can't tell you any of that. And I can't even tell you if my theory is completely correct. But from what I know, it would make sense."

Recalling Kaji's identification of him as a SEELE asset and the Commander's apparent desire for him to come to harm, she agreed, "It would...it really would..."

Time marched forward for Asuka and, growing increasingly restless and bored in the empty apartment, decided to rope Rei and Kaworu into doing something with her. It would take her mind off the sense she stood on the precipice of a great fall, one of which she couldn't see the bottom of.

At the very least, all three of them doing something should be good for not just her but the other two too.

For all his insisting he was going to be okay, Kaworu didn't seem to be getting much better. Though he was willing to entertain whatever she wanted to get up to, there was this sense of melancholy dogging him. He spaced out all the time and seemed to struggle to actually focus on the 'now', his mind always somewhere else. His words rang hollow and anytime she tried to comfort him, it seemed to slip off him like water off a duck's back.

She found herself missing the annoyingly serene Kaworu of a few months back.

Rei, on the other hand, seemed to have gone the other way on the emotion scale. She was brighter and more responsive and that seemed to intensify as the days went by. It was almost like her miraculous resurrection had unlocked something within her and she was finally, truly, coming into her true self.

Though, this came with the caveat, that Rei also tended to space out, like her mind was somewhere else as well.

She hoped wherever their minds wandered off to, it was a nice place...though realistically, it probably wasn't.

Today, she had roped them both into going swimming with her at one of the lakes. The shoreline was a far trek away and...invited uncomfortable memories, even though the water there was still blue.

Once there, Asuka shed her yellow sundress, wearing her bikini underneath. Kaworu, ever polite, was farther up the shore, giving the girls a modicum of privacy. Rei had finished shedding her outer dress and was standing at the edge of the shore, the lake water lapping at her ankles. She murmured, as if in a daze, "This is alright?"

"Why wouldn't it be alright?!"

"Shinji's not here," she trailed off.

"And if Shinji knew you didn't think you could enjoy yourself without him, I bet he'd feel really bad," Asuka pointed out, hands on her hips.

Rei stayed silent for a few moments more then murmured, "That would be correct."

Kaworu crossed the shore to them, now dressed in his own swim trunks. He wore his typical serene smile though Asuka noticed it didn't quite meet his eyes. Having overheard them, he said, "I agree with Asuka. Shinji would hate to hear we're moping around."

"I suppose," Rei said noncommittally.

"You guys can keep talking, I'm going swimming," Asuka said as she backed up a few strides up the shore then ran into the water.

To her relief, Kaworu leapt in after her. Rei watched them from the shore, her face a purposeful mask of neutrality.

Asuka paddled around for a few minutes, even diving down to peer down at the lake floor, littered with twisted bits of metal and debris. She emerged to find Rei had wandered down the shore, staring impassively at a half-submerged angel statue. She swam over and called, "Rei! What are you doing?"

She jolted out of her thoughts, a look of confusion flashing across her expression. She turned to her and explained, "It's just. I thought I've seen this somewhere before. But I've never come here."

Asuka looked at the statue. It wasn't very impressive. Time hadn't been kind to it; sometime, its head and half a wing had fallen into the water. It looked like it was slumped over, defeated, not victorious as one might expect a proper angel. She frowned, "You mean just like the place in the Geofront? The place you thought you saw in a dream?"

"I guess so."

She paddled out of the water and clamored onto the shore until she stopped beside Rei, who turned her gaze to the sand, her expression unreadable. She glanced once more at the crumbling statue then back to her, "Maybe you just saw something similar, like in a book?"

"Somehow, I don't feel like that's the case."

Asuka frowned and remained beside her, absorbing her comments and the very many implications. For some reason, Rei was remembering things she really shouldn't, like her, Shinji and Kaworu. But she wasn't remembering whole loops or even just standalone events.

Did this tie back into her weird Angel hybrid nature? As far as she knew, at this point in the game, Rei was an otherwise normal human. A cloned human but a human nonetheless. That trumped any bits of Angel DNA she might have. She furrowed her eyebrows and cast her eyes to the water, where she saw Kaworu floating and watching them.

From the water, Kaworu watched as Rei and Asuka talked, feeling like an outsider looking in. When Asuka had asked if he wanted to go swimming at one of the lakes, he had agreed—though mostly for her benefit. He wished he had known it would be this section of the lake so he could have led them a farther down, farther away from the statue that seemed to taunt him.

He idly wondered how long after Shinji returned and he failed to strike would the old men begin to pester him.

Not that it mattered. They'd get what they wanted in the end. They could give him as many spare moments he could snatch away before then.

Back on the shore, Rei finally shook herself from her thoughts and tracked Asuka's gaze to Kaworu.

Could he perhaps give her some insight in her newly found sixth sense and her ever-worsening nightmares? It seemed every night now her mind elected to show her some new vision. Some she remembered, some she didn't but the red sea seemed always present, like some dread portent to her fate.

Kaworu had said so long ago he thought they were similar, if not the same. Could he be experiencing the same thing then? She suspected her rebirth as her true self had something to do with it but there was little way to confirm it. At least not without asking Dr. Akagi or the Commander, both of which who might treat this as a bad omen.

She would ask Kaworu, she decided. He would know, her senses told her.

She didn't know why she knew but she knew that he would know what was happening to her.