Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ugh, another boring ass adventure. Of course the cry baby had to have suggested a “fast food adventure” of ALL things. Jax had already worked in fast food for years before he got trapped in the circus, going back felt like more of a trap then the damn circus did already.

But this time, things were different.

Jax, already being fed up with this adventure and the “new” Gangle mask, tried to avoid her as much as possible. The fact she had the audacity to ask Caine for punishment to those who didn’t do a good job??? That was SO obviously targeted at him, it was unfair. He just hated it.

Avoiding Gangle proved to be tougher than usual, there wasn’t really anywhere to hide, and even if he did find a place to hide, he’d just get in trouble for not working or whatever. Seeing her so confident was almost uncanny, and it wasn’t even in a good way, she was just being a somewhat creepy bossy bosser-tin.

Standing in the hallway of the Spudsy’s, looking out one of the drive through windows that was just a bit aways, pondering about how dumb this adventure was, and how dumb Gangle was. Before suddenly hearing that grating voice from behind him…

“Ohh Jaaaxx~!” Gangle sing-songed from behind him. Jax turned around. Great.

“The bathroom looks like a biohazard and needs a good scrubbin!” She did some dumb movement with her arms, trying to be… encouraging? Sure didn’t feel like it.

“Well I dunno, shouldn’t, like- a biohazard crew take care of that?” Get off his back. Go away.

“Ooohohoo, JAXY boy, don’t you wanna be a model employee?” She made the dumbest, smuggest face. My lord, was she annoying.

“No, I don’t care about any of this.” Maybe being direct would help her take a hint?

“Well that doesn’t really sound like a can-do attitude to me!”

“It’s not.” Go away.

“Hahaha- bad!” She laughed stiffly.

Jax, personally, was getting sick of this.

“I liked you better when you were sad.”

You could almost hear glass cracking, as her expression changed before recollecting herself, weirdly physically.

She laughed breathily, “WELL! Maybe you just need some moooorrre…”

“Mor-?”

“TRAINING!” Rudely cutting Jax off who was trying to finish her thought. She made a quick movement to a new “encouraging(???)” pose, startling Jax a bit. He went stiff, looking at her. He was almost sure she was losing it.

Before he could really finish any thought about her attitude, and process what she had even just said, giant hands emerged from the, suddenly dark, hall behind him. They SQUEEZED him tightly. It hurt. The hands violently pulled him back into the darkness, muffled screams coming from Jax.

He was suddenly tugged into a room with nothing in it. The hands let go and disappeared. No doors, no windows, no anything… how the hell did he get in here???

“Wh- huh-?” Looking around.

Oh. Caine.

His thoughts were cut off by the loud sound of an old, staticky TV starting up, the screens light blaring into the room. Cheery music emerged from it. Jax’s attention immediately drew to the image on the screen.

“Hi! Welcome to Spudsy’s! In this video-“

Wh- what the heck is this? Oh, “training”. He was not paying attention to much of what Gangle was saying at all, before blurting out at the TV,

“When did you make this?”

The Gangle in the screen kept talking,

“Now I know what you’re thinking, I don’t want a career in fast food. I wanna be a comic artist and eventually launch my own manga inspired webcomic! And it’s cool to have dreams, but you also need to remember that they’re completely unrealistic, and you need to stop trying.” She pointed at Jax on the other side, even though that was very obviously targeted towards someone else.

There was a brief pause in the video, barely giving Jax ANY time to process. The whole environment was overwhelming, the bright TV, the loud sounds, her grating voice… but she just kept talking.

“But before we get into all that, first things first! Are you smiling?”

Was she, actually asking him? Through the screen? He stared for a moment before deciding to attempt at responding.

“Uuhhhh, noo?” 

Gangle's face dropped.

“Why not.”

Wh- before Jax had any sort of time to process that very strange interaction, he was grabbed violently by large, mechanical hands. Four of them this time. One for each of his limbs.

He panicked immediately, but he couldn’t get away. The hands manhandled him, bending him every which way, in ways that, even in this cartoon body, felt unnatural and painful. He groaned in discomfort, stuttering out attempts at asking the hands to stop… before he had a realization as they undeformed his body.

He was suddenly crashed right up against the TV screen, his cheek pressing hard against it. He tried to keep his eyes on it, straining them to look to the side at Gangle. He had to make sure of his thought-

“WAIT- wait, uuhhh- nobody can see this, right-?” His voice shook nervously, giving a weak smile towards the screen. Gangle didn’t answer his question.

“It’s time for your employee reevaluation.”

Her face contorted into an uncomfortable smile, making weird wave motion with her ribbon arms. Her head tilted, before the screen suddenly started flashing black and white, both of Gangle’s comedy and tragedy masks along with it.

It was overstimulating. A weird song of annoying beeps accompanied each frame of it flashing between the images of the masks, on beat, loud. Bright, burning into his eyes.

His pupils might as well have been dots. He was already tired and overstimulated by this damn fast food place, the thought of being back at a place like this worried him enough. But this. This was bad. 

Jax’s ears went back, pressed against his head, trying to drown out the sound. Shutting his eyes tight. In the past, he almost never had sensory issues with flashing lights and sounds, but this situation just felt different. It was too much all at once, he was feeling too much all at once. Both physically and mentally. Oh yeah, he hadn’t forgotten about the hands holding him.

Deciding to turn his focus to them, he tried breaking free. Before he even started, he knew it was useless. As he struggled against them, he felt them… start to give out?

His hope was short lived, very short lived, as the hands proceeded to grip on tighter. It hurt. Bad.

He groaned in agony, his skin pulling between their fingers. He gave up struggling, but the hands didn’t let up any.

Jax looked into the blinding lights for a moment more before pressing his eyes shut as tight as he could. The light still pooled in through his eyelids. Why would Caine program something so realistic? This was pretty much supposed to be cartoon land.

Shit. When did he start crying?

That’s something he had always hated about himself, he was always such an involuntary crier. This situation was WAY too overwhelming for him. Tears dripped down his face intermittently, making the fur under his eyes damp. Shitshitshit.

He kept his ears pressed against his head, tilting his head downward. The light pooled in a bit less, looking down was helping. He let out a sigh of relief, calming ever so slightly.

A fifth hand appeared, gripping his face and forcing it back up at the screen.

He let out a tiny yell. More contraptions came down, forcing his eyes open, not even letting him blink. 

He shook in the grasp of the hands, sobbing now. Curse himself. Of course he was bawling like a baby. He would’ve bet a lot on the fact he looks pathetic right now.

His eyes tried to force themselves shut so hard, it hurt so much against the contraption. It burned. His eyes burned.

Suddenly, the flashing lights stopped, but Jax’s shaking didn’t.

Gangle once again appeared on the screen, the whole spiel she spat out started up again. He kept being held in such an awkward position, tears still streaming out of his eyes.

The tape had finally reached the same point,

“First things first, are you smiling?”

His body trembled. He couldn’t even choke out a response, all that came out was a sad, pathetic sob. He was very overwhelmed. With no one really around, emotions he buried came to the surface much much quicker.

The Gangle on the image stared. And stared. Before finally, speaking again.

“Why not.”

Her face dropped in the same, scary way. Jax had expected the lights to start up again, but they didn’t. A weird sort of training video song started up again, a questionnaire appearing on the screen.

What the heck is even going on. Jax was trying so hard to calm his breathing back down from his sobs, but it wasn’t much working. Processing was about to be a serious problem if he had to think about fast food questions now.

The screen flashed with a question, a voice, somewhat like Gangle’s, but more monotone, accompanied it.

“What is the proper place to put frozen products?”

“The… walk in..?”

“Correct!” 

The TV blurted out, his ears pressed back down as he flinched at the loud, obnoxious voice. It continued.

“Where should designated breaks be taken?”

Huh? Wasn’t there multiple places you could take a break? He reached into his mind, trying to remember. The TV interrupting his thoughts,

“Time's up! Incorrect!”

Wh- there’s a time limit??? 

Suddenly, static filled his body, his mind went blank.

He was being electrocuted.

He SCREAMED in horror as his body convulsed, every muscle tensed, but they had nowhere to go, still being held by the hands.

He couldn’t hold himself, keep himself safe from the pain. He just had to power through it… if you could even call it that.

His thoughts were frazzled, rattling around inside his head, hurting every time they hit the wall of his skull. His head pounded.

He blinked hard, lugging his head back up his shoulders to gaze at the screen. 

Shit. He had missed a question.

“Time’s up! Inncorect!”

The loud voice hurt his head worse this time, as he prepared himself mentally.

Sparks went through his body again. More intense. More violent. Everything burned and ached. It wouldn’t stop.

It just kept going.

His throat felt raw, how long had he been screaming for?

Thank god. It finally stopped. He breathed heavily, trying to force himself to listen.

“What is th~ )&@-/*%##_€>>£”

His brain blocked it out, he couldn’t hear it. He tried to choke something out,

“Wwwait… I couldn’t hear- AaaaAAAHHHHH-“

The TV didn’t even wait that time, electricity ran through him again. More and more violent. Longer and longer. His fur looked terrible, standing up. Smoke started to seep off of him as heat pulsed through him. He somehow managed to choke out another sob, his throat throbbing from just the tiny sound. He began to take great notice of the uniform he was wearing.

This went on for what felt like forever. It was mostly questionnaires that Jax struggled to focus on. What was scary is that the more some sort of tolerance built up so he could focus on a question, the worse and worse it would get when he said something wrong. Eventually the whole monologue from Gangle would play again, and then back to the flashing lights, and then back to Gangle, and back to the questions, then back to Gangle, the lights, then-

Gangle.

After a while, it finally let him go… one of the hands stood him back up on his now very shaky legs, and pushed him right back into the hall they had snatched him from. He looked less than alright. The hand gave him a few pats on the head before disappearing back into the darkness. His ears went down at the touch.

The smell of fast food overwhelmed him after only smelling the scent of… burning. His first instinct was to look at the clock, which had barely changed…

“Ugh are you KIDDING ME.”

The crew one by one was teleported back to the circus after finishing a little meeting with Caine, after finishing their shift.

Thankfully, Jax was the first one back. Though, he was a bit irritated at his score of a  B+. Ugh, he’s never done that “well” before. At least Caine had been decent enough to reset his body, no more feeling like he had been struck by lightning a hundred times over, but he was still incredibly burnt out.

Though the circus was glaringly bright, especially after the darkness of the fast food place, the quietness calmed him. He slouched with no one around to present himself to, and strutted straight back to his room.

Walking through the door with his face plastered on it, and locking it behind him. He kept his room dark, he liked it that way. It also allowed him to ignore the mess it was becoming. He trudged through random stuff scattered on the floor, and face planted onto his bed, groaning.

The actual weight of what had happened to him hasn’t even actually hit him yet, though he’s very aware it happened. All the processing power of his brain had been completely depleted before the reevaluation thing had even happened.

Reevaluation. Ugh, just thinking of the word made his skin crawl.

Slowly gaining some strength to lug himself fully onto his bed, pulling himself up far enough to flop straight back down, his head landing on a pillow. 

He curled up around it, laying on his side now. He kept his eyes open for a moment, staring at the ever so slightly visible wall in front of him, his eyes searching for nothing in particular. Thinking…

What even just happened? The actual damage that it had done actually started to crash into his mind.

Closing his eyes, hugging the pillow tighter against himself, his fingers fidgeted with the fabric casing of it.

The whole ordeal was horrifying to think about, but he couldn’t stop. The images of it kept flashing in and out of his mind. Starting to cry again, immediately shoving his face into the pillow. God he was such a wuss. He needed to learn how to stop being so emotional.

The one thought that truly terrified him? Having to look at Gangle tomorrow. And- him? Scared of facing Gangle? What kind of shit was he on? But god, did that not make him feel any better.

Would the others realize something was wrong? There’s no way his demeanor wouldn’t be off tomorrow. Surely someone would notice…

Uh oh, Pomni.

He had an actual conversation with her after he went through that, asking how she was doing. God damn it, why would he do that? He’s not supposed to care about anyone. But damn it if she wouldn’t notice something was wrong.

His thoughts spiraled and spiraled, until he finally tired himself out, falling asleep.

A very restless sleep, dreaming about what was to come, or rather, what had already happened.

Chapter Text

Jax groggily opened his eyes, looking around a dark room that he was mostly sure was his.

He could never quite tell where he was when he first woke up.

He sat up, stiff. Rubbing his eyes before he swung his legs over the side of his bed. Only it felt odd, more like a… leathery texture?

Before he could process, a muffled static filled his ears as a light shone at him. He flinched at it, groaning, before his eyes adjusted and he could see straight.

He focused in on the source of the irritating light and sound, who the hell was playing this, this early in the morning?

Shit.

Gangle’s familiar voice began to soak into his ears, repeating those same lines of dialogue he had heard earlier. Jax panicked.

He leaped off of his bed, or rather, the chair? Never mind that- he has to get out.

As he looked around frantically, he finally realized he was not in his room. It was that room. There was really nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

He decided to bolt to one of the corners. Maybe he could just sit in a ball and ride it out? Nope. He yelled as a giant hand harshly grabbed his arm and tugged him backwards. Jax reached out at nothing to grab onto, his feet sliding across the floor, making a squeaking sound, as he was dragged back to the TV.

Another hand appeared, grabbing onto his other arm. The hands pinned his arms behind himself, holding them together like the non sentient hands thought the world was going to end. Jax’s skin turned and twisted around his arms painfully.

He kicked his legs around desperately, trying to break away. It didn’t work, it didn’t do anything but tire him out. He panted as the TV kept talking at him.

He wasn’t paying the slighted attention in anything, before he heard-

“Time’s up! Innocorect!”

Not again not again not again-

Pain wretched through his limbs, worse than he remembered. A scream tore out of him as the electricity burned his throat, tears streaming down his face.

He was truly in fight or flight mode.

There was no capacity left in him to listen. He needed to get out. He was terrified. His ears were pinned back, and big big eyes.

His mind raced as he struggled in the grasp of the hands, the loud sounds of the TV drowned his ears, but not any more than his own thoughts. Everything just jumbled together into a big mess of anything and everything. He shook.

Apparently the arms, or Gangle, or- whoever was behind this, got tired of him fighting. Two more arms came from the shadows and held his legs apart, stretching them from his body. It felt like he could feel every string of muscle being torn apart… if he had any.

They proceeded to stretch his arms away from his torso as well, stinging rang through his body, and rigging filled his ears. The hands didn’t let up any.

He broke, and decided to just start pleading.

“Pl- please- let me go.. please. I- I’m sorry-“

His voice sounded so broken up, he continued to plead.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

Jax’s eyes shot open, as he sat up straight in his bed. He immediately felt around his body with his hands in a panic. No hands that weren’t his, no pain… good.

In his panic and relief, he barely registered the voice coming from outside his room,

“Huh- uh- yeah-?” He called out, realizing someone was calling for him.

“Jax! How come you’re not at breakfast? It’s almost over, a- and it looks like Caine is preparing to tell us all about the adventure soon.” She sounded a bit… worried?

She, as in Pomni, of course.

Jax ran a hand over his face, both in tiredness and relief. He groaned,

“I’ll be there in a bit, short stack.”

He sounds kinda annoyed, not what he intended, but it’d work. He didn’t want her to care about him.

“Alright, see ya.”

He could hear the sounds of her footsteps and the bells on her hat fading away, just kinda watching the door, listening for them to disappear.

He put his hands over his face and groaned, curling his knees up. He then hugged his arms around his legs, resting his head on his knees for a short time, his ears droopy.

He was so tired. And… scared? Was that the feeling? He couldn’t tell. He couldn’t process it. And he had just had to relive it, but worse.

Would he have to relive it every night? Shit. He already had trouble sleeping, a major insomniac, but now? Would he even sleep at all? He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to close his eyes again. 

He stared straight ahead at nothing in particular, his eyes dilated. Just… trying to breathe.

Yeah he was… freaking out. His hands grasped harshly onto his arms, digging into them so it hurt. He needed to stay present, he literally just said he’d be there in a bit. Most people assume that would mean soon. Well, at least Jax thought so, now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure what the general consensus on it was.

Well, there wasn’t much here to base a consensus on, maybe if he stopped being a jerk and actually focusing he’d know, maybe it would’ve come up. But that’s never gonna happen, so wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which gets fuller first.

He groaned, just thinking about how embarrassing of a person he was annoyed him to no end.

Unfolding himself from his safe little ball, his eyes scoured his dark, messy room. He could just barely see the outlines of the stuff scattered around.

He started to notice his arms were hurting, oh yeah, he did do that-

He shook them a bit, flapping his hands. It didn’t really help honestly. He just started to shuffle to the end of his bed, hopping off. His blanket followed him as he slid off, dropping to the ground with a soft thud.

Ugh, he’d pick it up later.

Dragging his feet to his door, kicking random objects on the way, and stopping just before it. She shook himself awake, and checked himself. Ears up straight, good posture, smile.

He slinked out the door with his face plastered on it, locking it behind himself, and strutting down the hallway. He usually tried to do this as speedy as possible, to ignore the other doors. He hated acknowledging them.

He walked into the main area, seeing that the breakfast food had already been cleared up and vanished. Great. Guess it wasn’t his turn to eat today. He’d manage.

He decided to ignore all other inhabitants for now, and walked to the kitchen. It was kinda odd because the floor was the same, I mean, what other kind of floor is an AI gonna put in a cartoon kitchen anyways? It was your pretty average kitchen, but bigger. Fridge, stove, microwave, counters, etc. Not like most of it worked anyways, Bubble would just have some cooking animations at each one.

He walked himself over to a cabinet and grabbed a cup, and walked over to the fridge for some water and ice. He had always strangely liked water, he’d say it’s the best drink honestly.

The fridge was one of those ones where there’s a little indent on the outside, with a dispenser and a few buttons for water, ice, crushed ice, and whatever. Caine had originally added some dumb ideas to it, but after some convincing from the cast members, begrudgingly removed it.

He never really knew why there was a crushed ice button, why would anyone want that? When he had tried, it just seemed like it made it harder to drink, whether just drinking it normally or with a straw.

He got a couple ice cubes and filled the rest with water, walking over to a tiny circular table with 4 chairs around it.

That was another thing about ice, he never understood why people liked it in pop. Like- it just made it watered down and icky tasting, and it’s not like warmer pop tastes bad. At least not to him. Ugh he just remembered something from his fast food job in the real world.

There was always this old couple that’d come in, and get two coffees. And the woman always wanted half of her coffee to be hot water? Like what? There’s no way in hell that actually tastes good. But then again, he never liked coffee, though he always wished he would when he got an opening or closing shift.

Shifts. Fast food. Spudsy’s.

His mind ran back through the events of yesterday once more. It was torture. It had lasted for what actually felt like forever, he was convinced he was put in some sort of slowed time, just so he could experience more pain. And why had the dream been worse? Something he had hoped the hands wouldn’t do was stretch him, and apparently that implemented itself into his dream…

Yikes.

He sipped his water, thinking about it all over and over again, the reevaluation and every interaction he had with Gangle flashed through and through again. Just the memory of her fake cheery voice in that happy mask made his skin crawl. He shivered.

“Hey, Jax?” Pomni had entered the room, unintentionally startling him.

He quickly fixed his image, straightening himself back out,

“Heya Pomni, what can I do ya for?”

He plastered his cheep smile back on his face, though he wasn’t exactly sure if it was working… he just hoped it was.

“Is something going on? I haven’t seen you nag anyone today.”

She put a little sarcasm in it, but she seemed genuine. God damn it, he forgot she seemed to read people pretty well. And she had probably put a pin in what happened between them last night somewhere in her brain. Well, nothing really happened, but the conversation was unusual for him. Out of character.

“I’m doing just fine. What’s it to ya, short-stack?”

Dumb ass why would you add that last part- that’s like just saying ‘oh yeah I’m actually falling apart.’ And admitting you just lied. Please don’t notice please don’t notice.

“Well, I just wanted to check up on ya. Make sure you’re alright, y’know?”

Why though??? Why do you care about me???

“Whatever.”

He laughed her off, hoping she’d go away.

“Alright, you might wanna finish up soon, I think Caine’s about to start.” Wandering back off to the main area.

Jax did a little “Mmmhm.” In response, going back to his thoughts, immediately starring holes into his water. He rubbed the side of the glass with his gloved thumb, humming.

He sighed heavily, pushing himself up from his chair, and carelessly tossing the glass into the sink. It shattered. He chuckled.

Strutting back into the lobby, scanning over the characters scattered in the room.

Pomni and Ragatha were sat on a couch, chatting away about who knows what. Gangle and Zooble were sat on another one of the couches, both hunched over a sketchbook, momentarily looking over at what the other was doing. Seeing Gangle with her happy mask made him shudder a little. It seemed Kinger was just over in his pillow fort… who to bug first?

He thought for a moment, before making a beeline to Pomni and Ragatha, mostly for Ragatha. She was fun to bother. Pomni? He didn’t really wanna bug her at the moment, but if he got a good reaction out of her while bugging Rags, a win is a win.

“Heya, licorice hair, pom pom.”

“Ughh will you STOP calling me that? That’s not even like- a relevant thing anymore!” The doll huffed. Jax grinned.

“Well what if I don’t wanna? Ever think about my feelings, licorice hair?” That’d get her. Classic hypocrisy.

“I DO! ALL THE TIME! Why do you think I still try cheering you up?!”

There it is ladies and gentlemen, classic, good ol’ Ragatha. You can always count on her for a decent reaction. Though, part of his attention fell to Pomni. She looked at him, annoyed, but decided to not bother with him. It kinda… stung? Was that the word for this feeling? He shook it off.

“I dunno, you do an awful lot of complaining about my feelings for someone who cares about them.” He said condescendingly, with his smug grin.

Ragatha just sputtered, she didn’t know what to do will all the audacity that was just thrown at her. Jax finally let out a loud laugh he had been holding in, whipping a fake tear from his eye, and starting to strut away.

He took one final glance at Pomni… it still stung…

Why? Why did it sting? Why did he care so much? He doesn’t want friends. He doesn’t need them. He knows what happens when you care about others. 

But the way she had an unbiased opinion on him, like no one else in the circus, made her feel safe to him somehow. Thats why he “confided” in her at Spudsy’s.

Spudsy’s…

He glanced at Gangle, who in turn looked up over at him. He panicked on the inside. But only on the inside… he hoped he hadn’t made a face but really couldn’t tell. Well to late now, might as well walk over and try to torment her. No matter how scared he was…

“GOOD MORNING MY WANDS AND WINGS! ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER AMAZING ADVENTURE!!! Everyone too the stage!!!” Caine appeared out of thin air and yelled.

Everyone groaned, including Jax. But his was more of a fake one, in reality he had never been more happy to see the pair of dentures. It ment he wouldn’t have to interact with Gangle like he had been about too.

And on that, why did he feel like he had to? Was it to like- confront his fears? Or just keep the mask up? He didn’t know himself, he didn’t know why he was gonna make himself do that. He wanted to stay FAR AWAY from her.

Keep it together, dude.

Everyone walked up to the stage as both Caine and Bubble appeared on it.

Jax made sure he was as far away from Gangle as possible. It was such and uncontrollable fear, and he hated it. He hated admitting, even if to just himself, that he was scared of her.

“Today’s adventure iissssss… The Marvoulous Makeup Magazine! That’s right! In today’s adventure, you’ll have to compete with one another to do the best makeup job possible on our contestants!”

An image of a few differently colorered mannequin NPCs appeared behind him, as he pointed at it with his cane.

“Each contestant will have a different sence of style, it’s up to YOU to determine the best full face of makeup for them!!”

“How do we know who wins?” Bubble helpfully chimed in.

“I’m so glad you asked! Once you’ve completed the look, they’ll be a button for you to press to send them off! At the very end, there’ll be a show as our lovely contestants strut their stuff on a stage! Whatever contestant gets the loudest cheers from the audience, wins!”

Huh, well this should be easy. Not to win of course, but to just completely mess up and see how stupid he can get it to look. He already started pondering what he should do. Maybe he’ll do the opposite of whatever is asked of him? Or maybe he’ll just think of the ugliest possible thing with what they’re askin? Oooo maybe both! He rubbed his hands together in glee.

“Alright everyone, into the-“ Caine started, before being cut off. Not by anyone talking, but by Zooble just walking away.

He took a DEEP breath.

“Ok yeah, whatever, fine. I don’t care… ANYWHO! Into the portal chat!”

“Don’t call us that-“ Jax tried-

Before getting shoved into the portal along with the others. The feeling of Caine’s hands made him shiver. He didn’t want to feel hands on him anymore. He was already dealing with some sort of phantom touch of the big ones from Spudsy’s. 

He hoped no one he was pushed against felt him shivering. He’d never hear the end of it.

Everyone fell to the other side of the portal, the force of Caine pushing them was rather harsh this time around.

Jax peeled his face from the floor as he looked around. It was kinda your average makeup room, like you’d see at a college’s theater. Long row of shelf and mirrors for sitting down at, and a bunch of supplies scattered about. The ground was a sort of light gray concrete, and mostly everything else was white besides from doors and chairs, and the supplies of course.

An idea hit him as he was looking around, maybe he could just rush through this and start using random things on the walls! 

Not in really any sort of malicious intent, more so because the walls honestly look like the perfect canvas, and he remembered liquid eyeliner being pretty fun to work with. Of course he’d never admit to having used it before.

Before he could finish his thoughts of what to make, the NPCs walked into the room in single file lines, each holding an inspiration picture. They each sat down at a chair, which Jax was just now noticing had everyone’s door icons on the back! Minus Zoobles.

A light purple one sat at Jax’s chair, and set the inspiration photo on the shelf in front of it.

Jax slinked over and bent over, looking at it. It was mostly a collage of gothic style things, honestly looked like it’d be pretty fun to do. He liked drawing random patterns. But he didn’t wanna participate in some dumb adventure, and he wanted to keep his image up of course.

He’d put a mental image of the inspirations in the back of his mind to doodle something out later. 

As much as he hated the thought, he was somewhat enjoying this. It was getting his mind off yesterday.

Oh and here we go about yesterday again. The thought of the blinding lights, the irritating noises, the just… everything. His ears started to go back again at the thought of it, completely zoning out.

What snapped him out of it though, was hearing Gangle’s laugh from across the room. His ears shot back up in attention, he looked rather scared. He looked at her and Pomni having a conversation, as Ragatha had already gotten to work, and Kinger was just kinda talking at his NPC.

He shook himself out of it, and decided to focus on the task at hand, ruining this thing’s face.

He walked over to where he had seen most of the supplies being kept, and pulled out some liquid eyeliner and put it in his pocket, then grabbed some ugly shades of blush, contour, lipstick, etc.

He was gonna make this thing look as ugly as possible.

He started by grabbing a sponge, and putting WAY too much foundation on it. A color that did not match the NPC’s lavender at all, it was more of a neon green.

He smeared it on unevenly, before admiring his work, and grabbing the next thing.

He grabbed a big brush and some red contour, putting it in places that contour honestly didn’t make the slightest bit of sense in. He knew that though, he used to be a theater kid.

Sloppily putting it back down and grabbing some highlights, yellow. He put it on THICK. It honestly looked horrible, he snorted at the sight of it.

He glanced over to the others who were all at work, actually doing the job. Losers.

He turned back to the NPC and grabbed some lipstick. It was a neon yellow, the absolute ugliest kind of neon yellow. There weren't really any lips to apply it to… he decided to just draw a line smile on its face, thinking, and then adding some eyes. It was just your basic, wonky smiley face.

Jax then grabbed some pencil eyeliner and scribbled it around the makeshift eyes. It was uneven at best.

He stepped back and admired his handy work, he could’ve done even more, but he didn’t really feel like it. He found the button Caine was talking about, each station seemed to have one, and pressed it. The chair with the NPC slid unnaturally out of the room, on the opposite side it came from. He assumed that side led to the stage. 

Jax grabbed the liquid eyeliner out of his pocket, and sat himself on the floor in front of a wall on the opposite side of the shelf and mirrors.

Popping the cap off and getting to work. He was doing so relatively quietly, so no one had really noticed yet, being in their own worlds fixing up the mannequins. 

He made intricate designs, circles, swirls, spikes, dots, etc. There was really no rhyme or reason to it, just doodling. He was honestly having a pretty good time.

Until…

“What are you doing, Jax?”

Gangle had suddenly asked from her station as she pressed her button, sending her finished NPC off. She asked with some sort of genuine interest, like she had forgotten what she did to him the day before.

Did she just think he was tough enough to handle it? Because who the hell would even remotely “handle” that?

He stuttered, “Oh- I uh- nothin, just shut up, ribbons.”

Oh yeah, nice keepin it chill, Jax.

She hummed in annoyance, and went over to Ragatha, questioning what she was doing with her NPC.

Jax let out a sigh of relief, relaxing muscles he didn’t know he had tensed. He gave himself a little wiggle in the wrists, trying not to think about it. 

God her voice made his skin crawl.

After a while, everyone had finished up their makeup jobs, they were all ushered out into the front row of an auditorium. It was dark, mostly colors of black and maroon, and the stage was a dark wood. It looked pretty nice.

One by one, each mannequin walked on stage, did a few poses, and walked off. Jax, of course, laughed hysterically. The others didn’t really find it funny, except for Pomni, who gave a small chuckle. It made Jax smile a little, genuinely.

Eventually, Gangle had won, everyone was expecting that. I mean, she was the designated artist of the cast.

Her happy mask was rolled out on a big tapestry, opening and falling open from the top of the stage. 

He felt his stomach sink a bit, he looked away and dropped his ears a little. His eyes searched anywhere but the stage, and the real Gangle, sitting not too far away from him.

He hoped no one noticed. And he just wished this to be over.

They had finally been let out. Jax didn’t feel good… mentally. 

He didn’t stick around for whatever Caine had to spit at them in the slightest. He made a beeline for his room, walking with a purpose.

The weight of everything that happened at Spudsy’s was only just now starting to hit him like a truck. He thought it had already been processed, but he was wrong. Very wrong.

He could feel his breath catch as he speed walked to his door, and slammed himself inside. Panting.

He pressed his back against his door, as he frantically locked it with one hand once he remembered to do so, and sliding his back down the door as his knees buckled.

He sprawled his legs in front of him, keeping his back against the door. Breathing.

Crying.

Crying? When did that start?

Shit dude, keep it together.

He curled his knees up and put his hands over his face, trying to make the tears go away. The weight of everything came all at once. His chest felt so heavy.

He sobbed into his hands. What else was there to do?

He tried to keep quiet, but it wasn’t working much as he slid into his breakdown. Sobs were ripped out of his throat in broken cries. The memory of everything came back and replayed over and over again.

It was unbearable.

His ears pressed against his head as he curled further into himself. He removed his hands from his face and looked around his room. His messy room.

Before he could even process, he pushed himself to his feet. He felt angry. He walked himself over to his dresser, and just stared at it for a moment.

No no don’t do it-

Before he could get the better of himself, he threw his arms to the side and violently shoved everything off the top of it with a yell. It all crashed through the floor, some things broke. He slammed his fists on the top with a loud bang.

He stepped back and looked at the mess, it only made him sob harder. Why did he do that?

He wiped one of his eyes with his palm, his other hand just kind of holding his face. Trying to give some sort of normal feeling of touch, other than the robotic hands he could still feel all over himself. They made him feel unsafe.

He quickly moved himself over to his bed. He had a queen size, so it was rather comfortable. He grabbed his blanket from the floor, and lugged himself and it onto the bed.

Making sure the blanket was tossed over the bed good enough, ready to sleep under, and bringing it over most of himself as he got into the spot of the bed he usually liked to sleep on. He grabbed one of the many pillows he kept on his bed and hugged it to himself, curling up around it, while also still holding onto some of the blanket.

The blanket always brought him much comfort, it was almost a sort of silky texture, but not quite. The kind of blanket that comes with most bed sets, of the kind you’d get on your hotel’s bed. It was always the best kind of texture for a blanket to him. 

The pillow itself had a slightly fluffy texture, usually he would’ve just grabbed one of the many plushies he kept secret, but he needed something bigger to hold onto today.

It was only the middle of the day, but he already wanted to go to bed. He was so tired. He tried to calm himself, fiddling with the texture of the pillow. He was shaking.

Would anyone notice if he just hid in his room for the rest of the day? He wasn’t actually sure. One part of him said they wouldn’t, they don’t give a damn about him, but the other part said yeah, eventually they’ll realize it’s peaceful.

He just ended up crying himself to sleep. But he didn’t wanna sleep, he knew what’d happen next if he did.

Chapter Text

After another horrifying nightmare, he woke up in a cold sweat, sitting up, identifying his surroundings. God this was horrible. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Each nightmare felt worse and worse. This time? It choked him.

He honestly wasn’t even sure what time it was, let alone what day it was… he decided to begrudgingly get up from his comfy bed, that almost felt like it was dragging him back down. 

He trudged over to his door, through the stuff that was already on the floor, and now the new mess he made. He really had to clean this up… maybe it’d get his mind off things.

First? He needed some water, he was really thirsty. Did he cry all the water out of his body? Was that even possible? Water.

He quietly slinked out his door, looking at Pomni’s face on the door across from his. He sighed, continuing.

After he shut his own door behind himself, he made his way down the hall, observing everything. The lights in the circus still seemed dark, meaning it was probably night of the same day, he assumed. 

He made his way into the kitchen, grabbing a cup and once more heading to the fridge. The familiar sounds of the fridge struggling to grab ice and drop it into the cup filled his ears, it was a strangely comforting sound to him, something familiar. Getting water, only filling the cup about half way.

He didn’t wanna sit down, he didn’t wanna give himself any sort of rest as that’d just make him fall asleep sooner. He didn’t want to sleep ever again honestly, not if it ment…

No, don’t think about it- dude what did I just say? Don’t think about it?

Tears involuntarily fell down his face, damn it.

He drank his water, the coolness of it sliding down his throat, a little shiver ran through his body. It was actually quite cold out here. 

This time, he walked over and gently set the cup in the sink. It seems the broken one had already been cleaned up at some point yesterday while he was out of commission.

He made his way back out to the lobby, but before he could continue down the hall with everyone’s rooms, he heard two voices coming from behind the curtains on the stage.

They were muffled, he couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, so he quietly shuffled over, listening.

It happened to be Caine and Bubble. Caine was pitching ideas for adventures and NPCs, while Bubble was giving less than helpful feedback.

“What do you think about… giant carnivorous plants! Yes! Perfect!” Caine praised himself.

“You already did that.” Bubble responded, rather monotonously.

Had Caine already done something with that in the past? Jax tried to remember, he could’ve come up with anything. Eh, maybe it was an adventure before his time.

“Hmmm,” Caine scratched the top of his gums, that didn’t seem pleasant, but whatever.

“How about evil versions of the circus members? Each one will act like their opposite! For example, Bubble, Ragatha would be rude and nasty! Jax would be sweet! And Gangle would be confidant!” Caine suddenly came up with.

Nope. Bad. He had to stop that somehow.

Jax pushed open the red curtains nonchalantly before Bubble could respond, looking at Caine, who was floating with Bubble just a few feet away.

“Great idea, dentures! Mind if I pitch an idea though?”

“Go ahead, my furry fellow-! Were you crying?”

Oh yeah, he was. He quickly whipped his face.

“Nope! Anywho, I’m not really sure an “Evil Gangle” would fit the adventure, how bout someone else to replace her? Like saayyy… Orbsman!”

He just bull shifted his way through that, saying the first NPC that came to his mind. Of course it had to be Orbsman- There really was no rhyme or reason to it, he just didn’t want any more confident Gangle.

“Great idea, Jax!” Caine exclaimed, floating over and patting Jax on the head. He flinched at the touch, Caine didn’t notice. Thank god.

“I’ll make sure to include that in a future adventure!” 

“Great, thanks, toothy.”

“No, thank you!” Caine pointed at Jax before floating back over to Bubble.

Jax nodded, and closed the curtains, walking away. That went somewhat successfully.

Finally being able to drop the smile again, he kept his head low as he walked, hands on his hips. His ears drooped. Little soft pats followed his feet as he slinked through the hallway. 

He kept his eyes down once he reached the hallway. He didn’t wanna see all the xed out faces, until he heard the clicking and shuffling of a door opening.

His eyes shot up in attention, it was Gangle. She looked at him.

She looked at him. He panicked.

He was worried his panic was way too obvious, but he was more worried about not having her eyes on him anymore. Just seeing the pile of ribbons made his stomach twist.

He quickly arrived at his door, going inside, and slamming it behind him. Oh yeah good going Jax, wake the whole circus up why don’t you.

He realized he didn’t even attempt to put on his fake little smile and act… shit. There's no way she wouldn’t tell anyone, at least she’d tell one person, Zooble.

Uuuughhhhh, he groaned out loud. This was so dumb, he was so dumb.

He hated himself.

But… anything to keep himself sane.

He waltzed over to his bed, face planting and letting out a frustrated yell into the mattress. He let himself deflate a bit with a long sigh, letting his muscles relax. A strange pain crept up his back as he did so, but it wasn’t unfamiliar to him. He’d had that pain for as long as he could remember, honestly.

After he caught enough of a breather, he pulled himself all the way into his bed, and pulling himself back under his blanket.

Tonight, grabbed a plushie to hold onto, a small fluffy aligator with floppy arms. The plush also had beads in his butt, hands, and feet. Jax enjoyed the texture they provided, and the small crunch noises that came from them when squished. It was a nice fidget, a nice distraction.

A nice distraction to not fall asleep, though sadly, he was so tired, and the dreams hadn’t drilled into his head yet that they were just going to get worse. As much as he didn’t want to fall asleep and experience it again, he wasn’t scared enough to keep himself awake, no matter how hard he tried.

He eventually fell asleep, having another horrible nightmare.

Jax shot up into a sitting position once more. What was this, the 2nd or 3rd night? 

Once he regained consciousness of where he was, he started to calm down again. 

God… that was… bad. 

This time, nothing new was added, it was just the electrocution, being stretched, the choking, but it was all so, SO much worse.

He guessed his mind couldn’t come up with much else for the arms to do to him, and honestly? He didn’t wanna give himself any ideas in case he fell asleep again… which he was gonna make sure he didn’t. He didn’t wanna go through that again.

He sat on his bed, a bit hunched over, processing, thinking.

He honestly felt so burnt out, if that was even the word for it. His body felt so heavy, heavier than usual. That was it, he decided.

He was honestly just going to stay quiet. He felt like annoying or bugging anyone would just make him feel worse at the moment, mostly because he felt like if he talked for a moment too long he’d just start crying.

You know you’re not in a good mental place when your usual interactions sound like torture themselves.

Starting to go through his mind with how he’d keep himself awake… he hated coffee but, if that’s the only thing with caffeine in it here… I mean, he’d drink hot chocolate till he explodes but that wouldn’t necessarily keep him awake, for him, it’s probably make him sleepier if anything.

He could probably go outside the tent, it was usually cold during the night, that’d have to keep him awake. Walking should keep him awake… he hoped.

Right, breakfast. He had to get up.

He threw his legs over the side of his bed with a little flop, sighing before pushing himself to his feet, shuffling some stuff on the floor out of the way in the process… oh yeah, he hadn’t cleaned that up yet… he’ll do that tonight to keep himself up. 

Trudging through his room and to his door. Taking a deep breath, checking himself, before walking out. 

Today, everything somehow seemed even more obnoxious. Bright and loud colors burned into his eyes, he blinked. Ugh.

Shaking himself out of it before strutting to the lobby. Once he got there, he took a gander at the table. It had a bunch of your basic breakfast items on it, eggs of all kinds, sausage links and patties, bacon, toast, pancakes, waffles, French toast, etc.

Jax scanned it before just getting the usual, a sunny side up egg, some toast, and sausage links. He grabbed a fork and headed to his usual seat, silent.

The fact he was completely in his own world of thoughts made it easier to not talk. Though that part of him was nagging at him to say literally anything at all. 

As most of the others continued eating or grabbing food around him, they noticed his withdrawnness, varying reactions passing through everyone.

Pomni exchanged a look with Ragatha as she sat down. The two had been talking recently, they both noticed how Jax had seemed off, and they were wondering if something happened. His behavior this morning pretty much confirmed it, but what happened?

Pomni took her seat next to Jax, glancing over at him. He was just staring into his plate as he took tiny, uninterested bites of toast dipped in yolk.

He looked so… she wasn’t exactly sure what, but it was off. The only word she could come up with was “tired”.

A bit later after everyone had finished eating, they all went to relax on the couches, it was the comfiest hang out spot to wait for the adventure. Pomni and Ragatha sat on a couch as Kinger stood behind them, having some sort of conversation Jax couldn’t make out. And Zooble and uh… were on one of the other couches. Jax sat alone on one, stretched out on the length of it. He put his hands behind his head and stared at the tall ceiling.

Spudsy’s kept going through his head over and over again. His brow furrowed a bit in some sort of worry. It made him feel sick.

Before he was able to spiral further into the details of what he’d gone through Caine appeared and thoroughly startled him, he sat up quick.

“HELLO MY LITTLE BEAN SPROUTS!!! I apologize for today’s adventure, as there isn’t one!”

Everyone let out a sigh of relief, Caine didn’t seem to notice. Caine snapped his fingers in an exaggerated motion to recapture everyone’s attention.

“Today, I’m doing some mandatory updates on my systems and programs, so today will be one of those break days you all keep begging for! So both me and Bubble will be out of commission for today, so don’t get into any trouble!”

And with that, him and Bubble, who was just kind of floating there the whole time, poofed in a cloud of smoke. And with that, the cast had the day off!

Thank god, is what Jax thought at least. Or rather, thank Caine? He didn’t know, didn’t care right now. He’s already making a beeline for his room.

He figures hey, maybe he should just clean up right now, get it over with and then figure something else out. He just needs literally anything to distract himself. He couldn’t deal with what happened, couldn’t process it, and he knew he couldn’t, not without help. And Jax? No way in hell would he be asking for help.

On that, why would anyone help him? He’s an asshole to everyone, he’s put on this front of “not caring” for so long that he’s even been able to fool himself at times. No one would help him. No one’s coming to save you.

He finally made it to his room and sauntered in.

Pomni watched as Jax left the lobby and disappeared down the hallway, before turning to Ragatha, sighing. 

“Ok so, about Jax then.” 

Everyone had turned to pay attention. It was clear they had been talking about it amongst themselves, and Caine suddenly letting them take a break day and Jax immediately leaving just presented itself, so Pomni felt now was a good time to talk.

“Uuh.. Gangle. You said you had an interaction with him last night? Pomni asked after a moment.

“Y-yeah, last night, I was leaving my room to go get something to eat, and he was walking down the hall when I came out, and when he heard the door open and saw me he kinda just… froze. He looked like a deer in headlights before he just- panicked? And went into his room.” Gangle explained.

“That’s so strange, especially because you’re his favorite target.” Zooble interjected.

A little murmur of agreement between everyone arose at Zooble’s statement.

“And.. nobody knows why he’s acting like this? I mean, no one can even come up with anything?” Ragatha asked the group, worried.

Everyone racked their brain, and they had been for a while now.

“Hm, well… when did you notice the behavior again?” Zooble asked Pomni. As much as Zooble hated the guy, this was rather concerning behavior. Sure he deserved mostly whatever bad thing he had coming to him, but whatever could’ve happened seemed… wrong. Like- he deserved to get beat up or something, not completely traumatized.

“Um- a couple days ago, I think it started during the um… Spudsy’s adventure?” The jester questioned herself.

“Good, we can start there, anyone remember anything that could’ve happened to him during the adventure?”

The room filled with um’s and huh’s as they scratched their brains, none of them could quite reach anything. It had seemed like just another adventure as far as they were concerned, until Pomni remembered that weird interaction they had.

“Well, I don’t know what could’ve happened, but I remember something from what I think would’ve been after the fact… maybe we could use that to narrow in on what happened?” She started, the others listened in as she continued.

“So, near the end of his shift, a little before, he walked up to the counter from behind and asked how I was doing… At first I thought he was just gonna make fun of me or something but when I gave a vague answer, his response seemed genuine? He seemed very tired. But- like- not in the usual way you’d be after a long shift…”

The room pondered over what she shared, everyone was in deep thought over it. Something had to have happened, his behavior was too unlike him.

“Well, do you think-“

Gangle had started before everyone went silent, hearing the harsh sounds of quick footsteps approaching from the hall with their rooms. It was Jax! Aaannnd he looked like shit.

“Jax-?” Ragatha had tried to speak up to him, but he didn’t make eye contact, or really any sort of contact. 

He kept his distance, quickly making his way to the bathroom, one of the many rooms that surrounded the circus’s floor level, with his head and ears down. He slammed the door shut.

Everyone just kind of blinked at each other. What even just happened? If anyone wasn’t worried before, they sure as hell were now.

No one quite knew what to say, just processing how it looked like he had just crawled himself out of hell.

The faint sound of running water could be heard with how quiet they were being, along with the faint sound of the water systems squeaking as it struggled to gush out steaming hot water. 

…what?

Everyone looked at each other before Ragatha spoke up again in a more hushed voice so Jax hopefully wouldn’t hear the conversation.

“Poor guy… I think he’s going through some sort of breakdown…” Ragatha said, only somewhat sympathetically.

It was hard to be sympathetic for someone who was such an asshole… but she knew she had to be the bigger person here. It wouldn’t be right to just not make an attempt to help. But how?

The doll thought for a moment before looking over at Pomni.

“Pomni, I think you’d be our best bet with getting through to him. He… seems to like you, or at least tolerate you… maybe you could-“

She was cut off by the sound of the bathroom door quickly opening, as Jax once more walked with a purpose, beelining back to his room. Making no eye contact.

…his wrists looked wet, holding them away from his body slightly as he walked.

That didn’t look good. It seemed like they were running out of time to turn this around before it kept getting worse.

It clicked in Pomni’s brain what had just happened, though she wasn’t sure if anyone else had realized.

“..you were saying, Ragatha?” Pomni asked.

“Oh! Yeah-“ she snapped out of staring down the hall he disappeared to. “Well, maybe you’d be able to get him to talk about what happened. He doesn’t seem to hate you as much as everyone else, you have a mostly unbiased perspective on him. I think he’d appreciate you trying to talk the most, if at all, you know?”

She made a good point, though knowing that rabbit, it’d be a tough chore to get through to him. But she’d be willing to. 

“Alright. I’ll do it.”

“Great, when do you think you’ll do it?”

“Mmm… probably when I figure the time is right, I don’t wanna scare him by just waking up and asking out of the blue, you know?”

“Yeah I get it, just- make sure it’s soon. We don’t want him to… you know.”

“Yeah, nobody deserves that. Not even him.”

Ragatha nodded in agreement. The cast went silent before Zooble spoke up again.

“I guess, just don’t give him a power trip, try to keep him grounded in reality.”

“Yeah, of course.” Pomni agreed.

“Do you think we’ll see him again today?” Kinger suddenly asked.

Pomni flinched a bit- she honestly forgot he was even there.

“I um, I dunno… I mean, he’d gotta come out some time, right?”

Gangle suddenly spoke up,

“I- I think I thought of something… that um- might’ve happened.”

The cast turned to look at her, what did she remember? Because it looked like it hit her like a truck.

“I think… this might’ve been partially my fault.”

“What? Gangle- you can’t blame yourself-“ Zooble tried to say without even hearing what happened, before they were cut off by Gangle.

“No. I mean- really. I really think it was my fault… or at least- I helped push it along.”

She took off her comedy mask that hadn’t broken for a few days now, and set it to the side. She sniffled.

“Earlier in the day, I had asked Caine if he could have a punishment ready for those who did a bad job… aka Jax… and he readily agreed. Later when he wasn’t doing what I asked, I put him through some sort of employee training… I’m not even sure what it exactly was, it was just something Caine had set up, so I used it.”

She rubbed her ribbon hands together, looking at her lap, continuing.

“I didn’t think much of it, until now…”

She seemed like she was doing some HARD reflecting.

“I just- I was so caught up in myself and the new mask and the new me that I- I can’t remember what he was like when he got back. I can’t remember most of that half of the shift… I don’t even remember why I put him through that.”

Things started to click in everyone’s brains… Caine could sometimes go overboard with things, especially because he wasn’t programmed off of human feelings and emotions. He couldn’t understand the difference between funny and traumatizing.

What happened when he got taken?

That’s why he was gone for so long…

That’s why he acted like that towards Pomni…

Everything came together, except for the one missing piece… 

What happened to Jax?

For the rest of the day, everyone decided to relax, knowing they couldn’t do anymore at the moment other than wait.

Everyone kept a look out for any sign of Jax, but he never came out. He stayed put in his room. Everybody’s worry only grew.

It would be like walking on eggshells around him, Pomni would need to handle this as gently as she physically could.

All they could do now was play the waiting game, and try to enjoy their day off.

Chapter Text

Jax sat on the edge of his bed, hunched over and his arms crossed. His heels rested on the slightly protruding bed frame, one of his legs bouncing rapidly.

His eyes were currently in scribbles, he stared at nothing in particular on the ground, though his eyes glanced around rapidly.

He’d been able to keep himself up all night, it was morning now. He was exhausted. Jax was usually the type to take frequent naps all the time, and typically loved sleeping… not anymore though. He couldn’t go through it again.

He finally got around to cleaning the mess he made, sometime last night once everyone went to bed, he took the broken stuff out and threw it away, before continuing to rearrange all the scattered collectibles.

It actually looked half way decent. The top of the dresser was still a bit of a mess, sure, but it was miles better. Jax figured that had to be worth something.

There wasn’t much else for him to occupy himself with, and he didn’t wanna break more stuff, he knew it’d only make him feel worse again. And with that, he was left back to his thoughts that would spiral and spiral.

So he sat on the edge of his bed. It let his mind remember what he had done last night, besides clean his room.

His mental state kept worsening and he needed something to get his mind off it, and there was only one more thing his frazzled mind could think of at the second. Go to the bathroom and burn his wrists. That had to pull him out of it.

He had speed walked himself to the bathroom, and just his luck, every damn person in that circus was still in the same place, watching him. It felt like he could feel their eyes burning into him. Someone had tried to say something to him, but it was fuzzy to him. He ignored it.

Once he got into the bathroom he immediately turned on the hot water as high as it could go, he waited for it to turn as hot as it could be, before forcing his wrist under. He hissed at the sensation, his other hand holding his arm there as it shook. He pulled it out for a moment before pushing it back. He winced.

After he was sure that wrist couldn’t take it anymore, he swapped them, repeating the process.

After a few more moments, he turned off the water. Calmed down now. 

Jax took a towel from a ring on the wall and gently dabbed some of the water off, so his fur wasn’t as damp, and put it back where he found it.

He let out a sigh, before starting to mentally prepare himself to quickly walk past the cast again. 

Inhaling, and pushing his way back out the door.

As much as it had calmed him down, he knew it wasn’t a healthy habit to get into… ughh damn it.

It seemed over the past few days he’d cried himself dry. As long as no one was around that made him more consciously think about things, he didn’t have that strange urge to cry anymore. He just sat in silence, besides the rubbing of fabric from him bouncing his leg.

Hm, his leg was getting sore from it, so he switched, bouncing the other, the edge of the bed frame digging into his heel. It kinda hurt, but it was grounding him. And plus, it was better than burning himself again sooner.

He finally shook himself out of his little spiral, his eyes became solid again, finally focusing on objects again. He sighed, putting his face in his hands, both mentally and physically exhausted. Sliding his hands down his face and looking up at his ceiling.

His ceiling had glow in the dark stars and a moon scattered around it, though they weren’t glowing at the moment, only the vague outlines of them were visible to him.

His eyes scoured the ceiling, looking at each star. God he wished he could see the real stars again.

No, don’t think about that.

He realized it must be morning now, judging from the light pooling through the crack underneath his door. He pushed himself up.

He put his arms up and stretched, giving a long yawn. God he was tired.

He slouched a bit and scratched the back of his head, moving the scratching to the side of his head and leaning into it, it gave brief comfort.

This time while he walked to his door, he didn’t have to kick stuff out of the way, that made him feel a little better. But only a little.

He didn’t even remotely have the energy to put on an act or straighten himself up, he just opened the door and walked out.

He kept his thumbs in his pockets, trudging his way through nothing but air, but it sure felt like trudging. He made his way out to the main area.

Bubble was setting up the breakfast table with the food, huh, looks like Jax was early. He said nothing to Bubble, and Bubble said nothing in return. Jax wasn’t even sure if he knew he was there.

Jax went to go sit on a couch to wait for Bubble to be done with setting up, he was quite hungry to be honest.

Crying when you’re hungry has got to be one of the top worst feelings, because then it just hurts your stomach way more than it usually would. And it’s not like you can go grab food at that point, or someone else would see you crying or that you were crying. 

Jax crossed his legs as he leaned back into the cush of the couch, a hand absentmindedly fiddled with the fabric on the pants of his overalls.

Suddenly, what felt like out of nowhere to him, a hand was gently placed on his shoulder from behind.

“Jax?”

Jax FLINCHED at the touch, almost skittering away as he frantically pulled himself away and to his feet, turning around.

Oh. It was just Pomni.

He visibly relaxed, letting out some air.

“Jeez Pom- you can’t do that to me.” 

“Pfft- sorry.” Pomni laughed lightly.

Pomni walked her way around the couch, over to stand in front of the tall purple rabbit, looking up at him.

He looked… not great.

“Do you think… we could talk?” Pomni asked gently.

“Hm? About what?” Jax was already dreading this. He looked away, scanning for an exit if he needed it.

“Well, I wanted to ask what was going on with you. You’ve been acting off lately.”

“Aww really? You pay attention to me that much? I’m flattered.”

“Jax, I’m serious. Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

Jax just looked at her, exhausted. Honestly that one quip took everything out of him, he wanted so so desperately to keep making a joke out of the whole thing but… he couldn’t muster the strength to. He felt weak.

His eyes searched the floor as he thought about what he should do, before his ears pricked up a little at Pomni talking again.

“Look, I promise I won’t make fun of you, or tell anyone about anything you don’t want me to.”

She made sure to keep her distance, it was clear he didn’t want to be touched at the moment. Her hands were over each other in front of herself, gently fiddling her fingers.

“…promise?”

“Promise.”

Jax thought for a moment more, before he sat back down on the couch. He rested his elbows on his knees. Pomni proceeded to sit a comfortable few inches away, putting her hands neatly in her lap.

Jax immediately lost any sort of train of thought he had, just trying to think, but when he looked over at Pomni, she was just patiently waiting.

Every part of his body screamed at him to get up and leave, or immediately start deflecting again, or do ANYTHING but talk to her about his feelings.

He took a deep breath.

“I… something happened… at Spudsy’s.”

“Yeah? Can you tell me more about that?”

God he was struggling to form words, it all kept playing through his mind alongside screaming at himself to stop talking. 

“…Gangle. She um…”

He made a motion with his hands, he didn’t know where to start or how to say it. I mean- he was supposed to be the bully towards Gangle, she’s a cry baby! Him? Afraid of her? He found the idea ridiculous even though he was living it.

“Please take your time, Jax.” She said so so softly.

No yeah that really got to him. A few tears ran down his face as he sniffled.

He opened his mouth to talk again, but immediately shut up by the sound of someone walking in. The two looked over at Ragatha who was just walking in, the doll gave them a friendly wave.

Ugh, of course Ragatha was a morning person.

Pomni waved back as Ragatha walked over to sit at the table, which had apparently been set up for a while now.

Pomni turned back to Jax and gave him a little nod to continue. Jax became unsure…

“I got put in some sort of room… there was nothing in it besides a TV, and uh…” He spoke in a very hushed voice, even though they weren’t even close to the table.

God talking about traumatic events is hard-

“These hands grabbed me and the TV kept flashing lights and I got electrocuted over and over-“

He just kinda sped through it all at once, he didn’t wanna have to go into detail right now, and he didn’t wanna think about it anymore.

No yeah that took a moment for Pomni to process. A lot was just thrown at her in such little words. She took a moment before speaking again.

“Ok…, I think I understand.” No the hell she did not, what did any of that have to do with the other?

“But, if I can ask, how exactly did that go down?”

“… One after the other. It’d ask questions and then if I took too long or got it wrong it’d electrocute me, and then after a while of that it’d go back to flashing lights with her face on it. And then there’d be clips that were more like your average training video with her and her “happy” mask on it.”

It all suddenly spilled out as he recollected it. He hugged himself tightly. God why did he share all that- he was so scared. Of what? He doesn’t have a clue.

“I see…” Pomni thought out loud, “Thank you for telling me. Has anything else been going on?” She was sure there was, but she wanted to try and get it from him.

“Yeah…”

“Would you be able to tell me about it?”

“…no.”

“That’s ok, you don’t have to. Thank you for telling me what happened Jax.”

He nodded in response. Pomni was fine with him not wanting to talk anymore about it, quite frankly she was already surprised with how much he told her.

Jax glanced back at the table, everyone else had come out for breakfast by now. He wiped his face with his arm and turned back to Pomni, pointing an accusing finger at her.

“You tell anyone about this I swear-“

“I won’t. I won’t.” She cut him off, reassuring him.

He just looked at her for a moment, his eyebrows were furrowed but he almost looked desperate. His eyes searched her face for any sign that she was lying, but couldn’t find any.

He sighed, running his hands over his face before standing up.

“..thanks.” He mumbled out, before going to get breakfast. It was sincere.

Pomni watched him go. The pit in her stomach from thinking about what he had told her made her no longer hungry.

Slowly, everyone, besides Pomni, had finished up their breakfast, and cleaned up their area, throwing away plates, whipping crumbs off the table, etc. Jax, personally, had not eaten much of anything. He hoped the pain of hunger would help keep him up, but that was really only half of why he didn’t eat much. 

Pomni had stayed sitting on the couch. Just pondering what she’d been told. It was a lot to take in in just a short sentence. And… to what extent? How far did everything he told her go? Just how bad exactly was it? It was honestly, really hard to think about. No one, not even Jax, deserved that.

Suddenly Caine appeared on the stage!

“GOOD MORNING MY LOVEY DOVES!!! Today’s adventure should sure be fun, as I’ve revamped the water physics in the circus! Today’s adventure is OCEANIC ODYSSEY!!!”

The title of the adventure appeared in big bubble letters behind him, a mix of deep blues and greens for the letters with some bubbles scattered in it.

“That’s right! Today, your task is to go diving and observe some of the sea life you can find! But be careful, as staying underwater too long can be harmful. And watch out! There’s also violent predators lurking in the waters! They’ll snap you up if given the chance!”

Well, guess it wouldn’t be a Caine adventure if there wasn’t a random threat…

“Sooooo good luck my little adventurers, and have fun!”

With that, he snapped his fingers and a portal to the adventure appeared. Everyone begrudgingly walked through.

On the other side, they were met with a lovely under water lab looking place, the walls, floor, and ceiling were made of glass, and there were white tables scattered around neatly against the walls. There were several glass tubes that connected to more rooms, and in the middle of the main room there was a circle in the floor with a door on it, presumably to go through to observe the sea life.

The cast started to wander around the place, getting more of a feel for what in the world they might be expected to do. Jax looked around rather uninterested. He was so tired, and he kept thinking about the conversation he had with Pomni.

Shit. Why did he tell her all that? Is he dumb? Uugghhhhh this was gonna cause issues for him, he could feel it.

He was lost in thought, before the confused chatter from others broke him out of it, he looked over, tuning in.

“There’s nothing for us to wear out into the water?” Pomni asked to be sure.

“No! I checked the cabinet that’s literally labeled for it, and there’s nothing!” Ragatha answered.

Pomni walked over to check, opening the cabinet, and sure enough, nothing.

Well this adventure was gonna be even less pleasant now, now they had to go out there in their normal clothes and get them all wet. Dude that’s going to be SOOO uncomfortable, not to mention heavy. Jax started to think about who it’d probably not be an issue for, probably Zooble.

Wait- Zooble? They’re on this adventure? He blinked for a moment at the realization, quite frankly confused. What had he missed while he was in his own world earlier?

Not like he was gonna know now, no way he was gonna ask.

He shrugged mentally, before looking back at the tables. It looked like everyone got their own stack of papers to document something on. He was pretty good in chemistry class with labs, maybe this would be a breeze? He thought before an NPC appeared out of what definitely felt like thin air.

A character, who looked like she was made of water, appeared in the middle of the room, standing, or rather floating, on top of the doorway down.

She looked to be in the shape of a dolphin, she was very shimmery. The ends of each fin looked like sea foam, and she had white eyes that seemed to float on top of the “water”. Three little goldfish swam around inside her. 

“Hello there, my friends, welcome to the station!” She spoke in a kind of deeper, velvety voice. It honestly sounded really calming.

“I am Azure, and I’m here to help guide you on your first day as Elite Ocean Observers! You will be going down through this hatch, and observing some of the wild life around us! I’m sure some of you have already noticed, but each of you have your own stacks of 5 sheets of paper! Once we get back to the station, you will write observations you’ve made there!”

She made a little motion over to the sleek tables that lined the place, everyone who hadn’t seen them glanced over.

“Please don’t feel pressured to fill the whole paper, we just made sure to give you extra paper in case you like to be more thorough!”

“Is there anything more specific that we’re observing?” Ragatha asked.

“Nope, it’s anything that catches your eye! You can write about behaviors, colors, shapes, habitats, etcetera!”

Ragatha nodded, before looking out the window at all the sea life swimming past.

Someone had started to ask about the missing suits, but Jax honestly had started to tune the rest of the instructions out, he figured as long as he just wrote down stuff, it’d be fine.

After a while, he tuned back in just as Azure was finishing up.

“Alright then, if there’s no more questions, we can head on down!”

The dolphin floated up a bit, she moved almost as if the air itself were water, and the door opened. The smell of a lake or a beach wafted up towards them.

One by one, the characters seemed to just hop in without second thought- huh? With nothing? Can’t they not- y’know, breathe?

Jax turned his head back up to Azure once the last person hopped in.

“Uuhhhm… what?”

Azure laughed, “I get it, you didn’t listen?”

“..nope-“

“That’s ok, so, you’re friends hopped right in because we’ve given them, and you, the power to hold your breath for much much longer under water. You should have no issues! You’ll know when you start to run out of breath, and you should have more than enough time to get back to the hatch!”

Jax gave a slow nod, and looked back down at the hole. It was strange.

Not the hole, but the strange sense of comfort he felt when she said “that’s ok.” And proceeded to tell him gently what he missed…

“…Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome, Jax.” She spoke so warmly… genuinely.

Jax nodded, before hopping in!

The sounds around him immediately muffled and bubbled, he kept his eyes tightly shut for a moment before slowly opening them. It was odd, the sensation of the water against his eyes was there, but it wasn’t necessarily bugging him.

He looked back up through the water at Azure. She gave him a friendly wave, before floating away into the station.

Jax looked around. It was actually kind of beautiful. There was colorful coral all around, and plenty of brightly colored fish. He floated peacefully for a moment, noticing the others in differing distances away from himself, observing different things.

He swam slowly through the water, observing the wildlife and seeing if anything caught his eye, when he finally spotted something and swam down to the ocean’s floor.

It was a tripod fish, he always thought these things were weird. I mean- what kind of biological joke was this thing? Poor fella. Jax crouched beside it, the fish stayed in place on its three long fins. This seemed to be a pretty healthy one, no parasites, no noticeable injuries… good job man.

Jax mentally applauded the fish before he swam away, peering at the others for a moment.

Pomni was a few yards away, observing some honestly really cool looking jelly fish, he searched the back of his mire for what they were called again… wasn’t it called like a… mauve stinger? The moon jelly? He couldn’t exactly remember,  but it was purple and looked cool.

Kinger was observing a school of clown fish a bit aways, he seemed to be really invested in it. Good for him.

Jax turned his attention back to the task at hand, and swam back down to some coral. There were a bunch of pretty purples, it was really cool to look at. Different types of tropical fish swam through them as he admired it. Damn, Caine, you really did improve the water graphics, huh?

He just admired the peacefulness of it for a moment. It felt like it’s been way too long since he’d actually felt happy as of lately. He watched the way the light moved through the water and made pretty patterns as it hit the corals.

It was nice for a moment. But only for a moment.

Suddenly, Jax heard screaming from behind him, as something Caine said earlier flashed through his head.

“And watch out! There’s also violent predators lurking in the waters! They’ll snap you up if given the chance!”

The rabbit whipped around to see Pomni getting dragged to a deeper part of the ocean floor, by a rather scary looking octopus. Pomni clawed at the mud and rocks but couldn’t keep any sort of grip against the pull of the creature.

Jax’s stomach sank. His eyes scattered around at the others, no one was helping her??? Everyone seemed to be in shock or didn’t know what to do, and honestly, Jax didn’t know what to do either, he just knew he had to do something. 

He swam over as fast as he physically could. Pomni had tried to kick at the tentacles that had her, but it only angered the octopus, making it thrash her around in the water. Her head came scary close to a big rock as it did so.

Jax knew he couldn’t just take the thing on, he’s a literal twig as is… what could he do?

He could distract it.

He looked around and found a decently sized rock, and threw it as hard as he could at it. Well that didn’t work- the rock lost nearly all momentum and sank. Oh yeah, they’re in the water. He watched as it dragged Pomni further down, it was almost over the edge of the hole.

Only one thing left to try.

He swam over, trying to dodge the moving tentacles as he got close. He gripped onto one of the tentacles and bit down as hard as he could. 

If an octopus could scream, it would be right now. It thrashed around, and turned its attention to Jax. But it had loosened its grip on Pomni, and she was able to wiggle out unharmed, only a bit dizzy.

The sea creature GRABBED Jax tightly. It hurt. He tried so hard to free himself, but the octopus only wrapped another tentacle around him and tightened its grip.

Jax panicked, it reminded him too much of what had happened at Spudsy’s when those hands had grabbed him. He froze up.

He was horrified.

The faint sound of voices yelling came from the background, but the rabbit had simply started to shut down mentally, he was going to have a panic attack.

“Caine! CAINE!” 

Someone was yelling for Caine, hoping he would come. Jax could only just barely make out the words as he started to get dragged down. He suddenly noticed it was getting harder to hold his breath. He needed to breathe. He needed to get back to the hatch at the station.

He struggled at the realization, but the tentacles quickly tightened. It squeezed his stomach in, forcing out an exhale, which in turn forced an inhale.

Water filled his throat and lungs in an instant. His eyes watered and burned. He found himself in a constant state of choking on the water, as his body convulsed and tried to couch, but in turn only brought in more water. 

Jax knew he couldn’t die, but this was still a horrifying experience none the less. It would still feel like he’s drowning. And it sure did.

Suddenly, very suddenly, he was on the ground. Cold, hard, smooth ground. All the water was gone, including from inside him. His clothes were dry too… It was jarring.

He breathed heavily on his elbows and knees, his butt sat on the back of his legs. He stared daggers into the ground. 

Caine must’ve finally heard someone calling for him and helped out.

Jax lifted his head up, it still felt heavy. Once his eyes focused, he felt the gaze of every circus member on him. It scared him.

He quickly tried to wobble to his feet, but he still felt too off from drowning and suddenly stopping, it didn’t look natural at all when he got to his feet.

As Jax tried to steady himself, he suddenly felt hands grab his. He looked down at who it was.

It was Pomni, she was trying to help him stay steady.

“Are you ok?” She asked, so worried.

The purple rabbit panicked. He yanked his hands away, stumbling back in the process, but he was able to stay standing, his breath still heavy.

He looked at her, almost dazed, processing. Shitshitshit. This wasn’t what he wanted, but it was all he wanted at the same time. Someone caring about him.

Pomni still looked at him, still worried. He didn’t like it he didn’t like it he didn’t like it.

“Yeah… I’m fine.” He tried to brush it off and end the situation, but his legs wouldn’t move.

“Are you sure?” The jester stepped closer again, worried worried worried.

Jax stepped back.

“Yes. I’m fine. Quit asking.” His ears went down a little. He was panicking. Way too many emotions and situations passed through him in the last few minutes, he was overwhelmed.

“Jax, please let me-“ She reached out a hand before Jax slapped it away.

“NO-!” He cut her off. “No- no please- just stop. Stop talking. Stop prying. Just stop.”

Pomni stared at him, not with anger, but sadness. She almost looks like she understood. It made him more scared.

Jax breathed heavily as he brought his hands up to his chest, fiddling his fingers together anxiously. He stood straight up after he noticed he was slouching, kinda putting a tad more distance between the two without stepping back more on his already unsteady feet.

“I-“ he inhaled, “I should’ve-“

He didn’t even know what he was going to say, should’ve what? Not told her everything this morning? Trusted her? Saved her? Cared about her? He didn’t wanna say most of that, especially in front of the others.

He stopped himself.

He folded her arms and slouched in on himself again, and started to make a dash for his room, speed walking on his long, lanky legs. 

He ignored the pleas of Pomni behind him. No matter how much he wanted to turn around and cry in her arms. No matter how much he wanted her to comfort him. He wouldn’t allow it.

And he didn’t even know why anymore.

And it was strange, that mean, nasty part of himself still left a sneaking thought in his head, he wished he would’ve had a bigger outburst. He wished he would’ve been meaner.

What? No he didn’t. He didn’t wanna hurt Pomni. What? Yes he did.

Ugh. The two ideas of himself fought in his brain. It hurt.

His attention was drawn to Caine and Zooble having a conversation as he walked, he couldn’t quite make it out, but he didn’t need to. 

Because he was immediately dragged right back, along with everyone else, to the couch area. 

Well this is somewhat embarrassing. The others glanced at him with varying emotions before everyone’s attention was drawn back up to Caine.

“Zooble just got done telling me how much you all seemed to like the suggestion box adventure, so I wanted to ask for your direct opinions on the last one!” Caine prompted.

“Well, I didn’t mind it, it was nice to have something grounded in reality.” Pomni replied.

Both Ragatha and Gangle immediately spoke up, talking over each other about how it didn’t go so well for them.

Jax kinda froze, being prompted to think about that day again. He looked like a deer in headlights.

“And well, I don’t think it went well for Jax, either.” Gangle had spoken up for him.

She wanted to try to start making it right with him. But Jax took it more as a jab.

He looked at her with a mix of anger and fear.

“Alrighty! So how about this idea for you,” Caine broke the uncomfortable silence, “We’ll do a lighting round!” 

The scenery around him slid over to the stage, and the letters “lighting round” appeared in a cool electric font in front of him as he continued.

“Going through all the suggestions in the suggestion box in rapid succession! And if you don’t like one, you can all vote to skip it!”

Caine gave a little smile and a thumbs up.

“What? Now?” Jax asked, annoyed, and quite frankly fed up with the day and all the shit he's been through in such little time.

“That’s right! So grab your bones, and pop your pansies, because here we go!”