Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Do you know how much we miss you at McKinley?”

“I know, I know, I miss you guys too…”

“It’s nice having these ladies nights at my place. My dads love you guys.”

Even though Kurt wasn’t a biggest fan of the term ladies night since he came out to his friends, he knew that’s exactly what these were. They all slept at one of their houses, ate junky snacks, and watched some sort of romcom or dramatic romance movie. This week it was Rachel’s week, which meant they all crowded onto Rachel’s bed with popcorn, sodas and watched Moulin Rouge for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“So, Kurt.” Mercedes turned to him, pulling his attention from Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend. “What’s it like being surrounded by tons of cute prep school boys?” She questioned with a teasing smile, nudging him softly and causing him to laugh.

“It’s actually really nice… I mean, I feel a little like an outsider there, but they make me feel like I actually belong since they’re all seemingly oblivious to the whole thing. Though, there’s this one guy… Oh my god, I’ve only known him for a few days, but he’s just that amazing. And he’s actually gay, so that’s a plus!” He grinned as he explained how his first week at Dalton went when it came to the students there, and he let out a soft sigh as he thought about Blaine. Blaine with the adorable smile, and drop dead gorgeous voice.

“Ooooh, any pictures of this mystery man?” Rachel asked, suddenly curious as to who he was talking about.

“Uhm…” He hummed as he pulled his cellphone out from where it was tucked in his side, pulling it out to check through his pictures. He found the picture that Wes had taken of them when they were in library studying one day, and Blaine was glancing over his shoulder, trying to help him do his calculus homework. For being younger than him, Blaine was really damn good at math. “Here’s one. Wes, a friend of Blaine’s I met, told me once when it was just the two of us, and I quote, ‘It’s really cute and amusing to watch you fawn over Blaine, I feel like I need to document every time you guys do something cute.’ So far, he wasn’t exaggerating. That one is Blaine, if it wasn’t obvious.” He said, pointing to the guy standing over his shoulder. “According to Wes also though, he’s the most oblivious person in the world when it comes to romance.”

“He’s not the only one, you know?” Mercedes laughing, giving him a knowing look that made him groan.

“Oh god, don’t remind me…”

……

One year ago – Sophomore Year

“Kara!”

“Mercedes!”

“Oh my god!”

“Mercedes, what?!”

“I think Karofsky is totally checking you out!” Mercedes whispered, but still loudly, to the brunette beside her.

Kara sighed, rolling her eyes. “No way, what makes you think he’d be interested in me?” She mumbled, holding her books to her chest.

Kara Elizabeth Hummel looked like most girls. She was lean and busty and curvy, and her dark brown hair usually ran down her back with her bangs pinned off to the side, though that day her hair was done in a French braid that Brittany had done earlier that day. “Your hair is like really soft spaghetti…” She had said, and Kara had figured it was a compliment. Her outfit choice of the day was a bright pink blouse, the first few buttons undone and she had a black scarf wrapped around her neck. She wore a black skirt that came up to her knees, and a black pair of ankle high boots with short heels that clicked softly as she walked beside Mercedes down the hall.

“Who wouldn’t be interested in you girl? You’re drop dead gorgeous!” Mercedes scoffed as if what she had said had personally offended her in some way, and Kara just rolled her eyes again.

“No way…” She mumbled, suddenly feeling really dysphoric.

……

“Well, technically I wasn’t being oblivious, more or less self-doubting.” He shrugged and laid back against the pillows on the bed, the bowl of popcorn rested in his lap since he was in the middle of both girls. “Like, David couldn’t possibly like me if he actually knew what was going on in my head… He’s not my type anyway. Too mean and scary.”

“If I had known that before, I wouldn’t have tried to set you guys up on a date.” Mercedes said in reply, choking back a small laugh when Kurt shot a glare towards her at the memory. “I also wouldn’t have if I had known then that you preferred to be called Kurt.”

……

One year ago – Sophomore year

It was a Sunday afternoon at the Hummel household, and Kara was sitting in the living room with her father, who was watching his recordings of Deadliest Catch. Kara was brushing her fingers through her hair that she had laid over her shoulder, looking at it with a small frown. She loved her hair, of course, but she was thinking it was time to maybe take a small risk, and ask for something different.

“Hey, dad?” She asked suddenly, looking up at him. He turned his attention from the TV, which was on a commercial now, a small smile spreading across his face at his daughter.

“Yeah sweetie? What’s up?” He questioned back, and Kara couldn’t help but smile a bit at the nickname. His father had always called him that, though he used it a lot more often now, ever since her mother passed away.

“Can I call Mercedes over? She owes me a haircut from that time I helped her put highlights in Rachel’s hair, and I could use a trim.” A grin grew on her face when her dad nodded an agreement, and she quickly pulled her phone out of her pocket, calling up Mercedes.

…

“Kara, that’s really short… Are you sure you want to cut that much hair off? It’s got to be almost a foot of hair!” Mercedes protested a bit as they sat in the girl in question’s room, Mercedes gripping a pair of scissors with one hand, and a ponytail full of thick brown hair in the other hand.

“I’m positive Mercedes. Please, you can cut it now… Like I showed you.”

“You mean the snippet of the male model you showed me?”

“The extremely attractive male model I showed you.” She nodded, and held her breath as Mercedes mumbled a hesitant “okay” and reached up with the scissors, cutting the ponytail off.

“No turning back now.” She pointed out as she brushed out what was left of her hair, parting it and looking it over to figure out what she wanted to do next to make it how Kara wanted.

“Good, I don’t plan on turning back now.” She breathed out, though she still felt nervous. She was positive this is what she wanted, though she was still nervous about it. What if it didn’t look good? It would take ages to grow back out at least a little longer. Her back was facing away from the vanity she had pushed up again the wall, so she couldn’t see Mercedes cutting away at her hair. She could only feel it, the feel of the scissors snipping off more and more of her hair, and the feel of Mercedes’ fingers touching and brushing through her hair to get it how she wanted it.

“You’re helping out with the car wash tomorrow, right?” She questioned as she took a moment to stop, looking over the reference image again, trying to commit it to memory. She had been a little nervous about doing it at first, but now that she had started, the look really did look good on Kara. Just goes to show that the girl can pull off any look.

“Of course! The glee club needs the money, so I’m glad to help in any way that I can.” She grinned broadly, knowing that they’d need the money to rent a bus if they were going to get to their next competition.

“Great! Make sure to look smokin’, but are comfortable enough to not sweat like crazy.” Mercedes told her as she knelt down in front of her, looking over her hair to make sure it looked good. She smiled as she brushed the hairs off of her and onto the ground, grabbing the broom to begin sweeping it up. “Thank god your room has hard floors and not carpet. You’re done by the way; if you want anything else touched up, just let me know.”

“Thanks-.” She started, though cut herself off when she turned around and saw her reflection in the vanity mirror, seeing her new haircut. “Wow… I look great…” She said breathlessly, reaching up to run her fingers through her now short hair, a small smile spreading across her lips. “Uhm, Mercedes? Do you think you could show yourself out? I’m gonna hop into the shower and wash all this hair off me… It’s really itchy…” Kara mumbled as she stood up, and Mercedes nodded, watching as her friend walked into the bathroom connected to her bedroom, and left once she finished cleaning up the hairs.

After she took a quick shower, she stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body, going to sit herself down at her vanity. Without her makeup on, with the added haircut, it made her smile wide.

Quickly, she dropped the towel from around her body, standing to head into the bathroom, tearing open the medicine cabinet to search through it quickly. She grabbed the ace bandage she saw on the shelf, wrapping it around her chest haphazardly. She knew this wasn’t the safest way to do this, but she didn’t really have much else to use. She wrapped it tightly around her chest until she was sufficiently flattened before going to her dresser, pulling out an outfit for herself. She pulled out a baggy t-shirt and loose fitting jeans that she kept around for as work clothes, pulling them on herself after a pair of underwear and socks.

Getting up from in front of her dresser, she went to stand in front of her full length mirror, looking over herself and taking a shuttering breath. “I am Kurt Hummel…” He said to himself, looking over his reflection with a sad smile, taking a shallow and shaky breath because of the constriction on his chest. “I am Kurt… Son of Burt and Elizabeth Hummel… I think I like guys who like other guys, and I look handsome as hell… Well, as handsome as I can look with these clothes on.” He said to himself as he looked at his reflection, a small tear running down his face. “Yeah, I’m Kurt… I’m Kurt to myself, and probably about it…”

“…Kara?” A voice came from behind him, and he took in a choked gasp, turning around to look over his shoulder, seeing his father standing there with a bit of a confused expression on his face. His eyes went wide as he looked down over himself, and he sniffled loudly, reaching up to wipe his eyes from the tears.

“D-dad? W-what are you… How much of that did you just see?”

“Well, Mercedes said you looked really good with really short hair, so I waited until I heard the shower stop to see how your hair looked, and… Well, I walked in right in the middle of you wrapping your chest up in ace bandages.”

“You saw me naked?!”

“I’ve been seeing you naked for sixteen years, buddy.” Burt sighed as he crossed his arms a bit, but he still had a soft and understanding smile on his face. “So, uhm, Kurt. Do you wanna help me cook tonight, or do you just want to order out?”

A large grin spread over his face when he heard his dad call him Kurt, and he ran over to him to throw his arms around him tightly, his eyes tearing up again. “Thank you…” He whispered into his chest, taking in shallow breaths. God I really need to do some online shopping for binders… He thought to himself as he held onto his father, reaching up to wipe away tears from his face again. “And I want to cook… I found this really good chicken recipe I’ve wanted to try.”

……

“Wait, I thought I was the first person you told?” Mercedes gave Kurt a bit of a look when he finished telling Rachel about the first part of the memory of Mercedes setting him up with David Karofsky, and he glanced over his shoulder at her.

“I never exactly told my dad, he just heard me talking to myself, and he’s called me Kurt ever since… I mean, the first month he’d slip up sometimes, but I don’t really blame him, he got better.”

“So the haircut kind of prompted your whole transgender coming out and stuff?” Rachel questioned, raising a brow at them. “And this supposed date with Karofsky?”

“Pretty much.”

……

One year ago – Sophomore year

“I can’t believe your dad let you have this awesome SUV, Kara. It’s just… Wow.” Mercedes gushed as her and Kurt washed at the car, and he flashed her a small smile, nodding in agreement.

“It was my birthday present this year, I love it! And it’s nice having a mechanic as a dad, especially with a car that would be so expensive to take care of in the shop.” He laughed, cringing internally at how girly of a giggle he had.

“Well, enough about cars. Let’s talk dates.” Mercedes started the new topic, and Kurt flashed a strange look, blinking at her. “You’re still single right?” A nod. “Great! Well, I set you up on a date. With Karofsky.”

At that, Kurt choked on air and stared at her with wide eyes. “W-what?” He questioned, his voice getting high pitched, as it usually did when he was nervous. “Mercedes… I thought I made it very clear, I’m in love with someone else.” He said, glancing over her shoulder at his (at the time) crush, Finn Hudson.

Though, when Mercedes turned around, Rachel was now standing with a wet sponge in hand, she and Finn washing at the same vehicle, and Mercedes gasped, whipping her head around to look at Kurt in shock. “Rachel?” He asked in a loud whisper, but still a whisper.

Kurt’s eyes widened, but he found himself blurting out “Yes, for many years now” nonetheless. Shit, shit, shit, abort! He hissed to himself, biting his lip as he set the sponge down, backing away. “Uhm, I have to… I gotta go.” He turned on his heels and began to run off, though he could hear Mercedes right behind him. Great, now Mercedes thinks I’m a lesbian…

He ran into the halls of the school, to his locker, where he had a can of hair spray. He used that to distract himself until Mercedes got to him, and he glanced over his shoulder.

“You never told me you were a lesbian, Kara… You can tell me these things, you know.” He knew it was coming, but it still felt like a punch to the stomach.

“No, Mercedes… No, I’m not a lesbian. I mean, I’m gay, yes, but not that way…” He choked out, just letting it out, knowing there was no use in hiding it now, or she’d just think he were a lesbian until he told her otherwise.

“Wait… What? Kara, what are you talking about?” Mercedes gave him a confused look, mixed with concern at the fact that her friend looked like he was about to cry.

“I’m transgender, Mercedes.” He blurted out, looking down at her. He had always been a lot taller than his other girl-friends. “I don’t like it when people call me Kara, I don’t like my body, I don’t like how all of the guys I like could date me, but I’d feel guilty using them for my own pleasure. I just want people to know to call me Kurt, to treat me as a man, even if I’d be a very effeminate one…”

“Oh my god, Ka-, Kurt… I’m really sorry, I had no idea…” Mercedes whispered and reached out to soothingly run a hand up and down his arm, trying to calm down his shaky breath. “…You know, I think I have an idea, if you want to come out.”

…

“I’m suddenly feeling really nervous about this idea, Mercedes…”

“Kurt, relax. You’re looking extremely handsome. We’re just lucky my brother said we could borrow some of his clothes, and you both are around the same size.”

The night before, Kurt had slept the night at Mercedes’, and before they had gone to school that day, Kurt and Mercedes made sure as hell that Kurt didn’t look anything like Kara, but Kurt. Loose fitting jeans, the binder Kurt had bought himself online, a plaid shirt and nice shoes. It was all loose fitting enough to hide his natural curves, and with Mercedes’ help, he now found himself sitting in the passenger seat of her car, extremely nervous.

“I’m gonna die, Mercedes… I am going to literally walk onto the campus and just drop dead. I can’t, I changed my mind…” He breathed out, his heart beating erratically in his chest.

“Well, it’s too late to turn back now, Kurt.” Mercedes rolled her eyes and climbed out of her car, walking over to the other side where Kurt was seated, pulling open his door and holding a hand out to him. “So, are you coming or are you gonna sit in my car all day?”

Hesitantly reaching a shaky hand out to her, he grabbed it and pulled himself out of the car, his satchel thrown over his shoulder. It was now or never, and he knew if he didn’t do this now, he never would. So, with his arms linked with Mercedes’, they both strutted through the parking lot and into the school. Kurt could immediately feel the eyes of people who knew who he was on him; curious, disgust, and amusement. He ignored them though, and walked with Mercedes to their first class. They both shared American History first period, so they went there. As Kurt sat down in his desk, he pulled out a piece of paper for the quiz he knew was coming, and he wrote on his paper for the first time ever: Kurt Hummel. And it remained that way ever since.

……

“You know, I’ve never heard the whole story as to why and how you came out… I just remember you coming into school that one day dressed way differently.” Rachel said when Kurt finished explaining to her what exactly had happened that caused him to come out to everyone at school, but then her face deadpanned. “Wait, you pretended to have a lesbian crush on me?”

“It just sort of happened!”