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Chapter Text

Karma is a bitch. That much Xue Yang was sure of. It wasn’t like he would have expected anything different, not with a past as dark as his, but there was still a part of him that screamed Isn’t it enough yet? Haven’t I suffered enough? The answer was usually No, followed by something else joining the pile of misfortune that was his life. And so it didn’t really come as a surprise when the homeless shelter sent him away during the late-autumn thunderstorm. It wasn’t their fault, they were probably doing their best, but the irrational part of Xue Yang that always took over when life slapped him in the face wanted someone to blame who wasn’t himself.

“Are you serious?” he asked the young woman behind the reception desk. He couldn’t remember her name for the life of him, but she was in on Mondays and Wednesdays and she usually was kind, if a little stiff.

“I’m sorry,” she said and the quiver in her voice reminded Xue Yang of his bad reputation. Most people associated him with outbursts of violence, as if he ran around randomly attacking everyone who looked at him the wrong way. It should have made him angry, that even she seemed to fear him, but it just sobered him up. His rigid posture deflated, and he pushed away from the counter.

“Ah, whatever,” he said, “It’s not that bad outside.”

The weather picked this exact moment to flash lighting through the tall windows. Thanks, Xue Yang thought bitterly, I didn’t expect you to be on my side anyway.

The receptionist fiddled with a sheet of paper on her desk, her eyes flicking up to Xue Yang and back down again. “I’m really sorry, but we’re already accommodting more people than we’re allowed, and I don’t want to get into trouble. I mean–“

Xue Yang held up his hand to silence her and flashed her a grin he hoped looked reassuring. Judging by how she flinched back it verged more towards threatening, and he quickly dropped it.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s just a thunderstorm, I’ll find somewhere to take cover.” And with that he turned, not wanting to see the pity that was bound to appear on the woman’s face sooner or later. Still, when he pushed open the door leading to the outside, he was just about to say Fuck it and stay in the shelter anyway. But the look of fear on the woman’s face flashed before his eyes again and he sighed. What was one more night out in the cold?

And so he ran through the downpour, trying to shield his face from the biting wind best as he could, but it didn’t help. By the time he found a bridge that provided at least some semblance of cover, he was soaked to the bone. His dark sweater and torn pants didn’t do anything in the way of keeping out the cold, and now clung wet to his body. His long hair was dripping, and he knew it would need at least four hours to dry completely.

“Well, that takes care of the shower at least,” he murmured to himself and slumped down against the graffitied wall. He pulled up his hood in an attempt to get warm, but he might as well have tipped a bucked of ice-cold water over his head. He cursed violently, and the empty space around echoed the words back at him. This was all so damn frustrating, especially because deep down, he knew that he had only himself to blame for it. It was not like he’d been homeless since only yesterday. He knew how important it was to hurry to the shelter as soon as dark clouds so much as posed the threat of rain. But this time he didn’t notice before the first drops of rain hit his face, startling him out of his reverie. He had been carving, a small stone statue that would resemble a dragon if he ever managed to finish it. Carving was his thing. Most homeless person had a thing they did in an attempt to make money, and his was stone carving. He wasn’t exactly sure anymore when and how he picked it up, but he was pretty decent at it. He had always been good with his hands, even after losing one of his fingers. It wasn’t an important one anyway.  

He pulled the small would-be-dragon out of his pocket and examined it. It still looked more like a turtle (or was it a tortoise?), but he’d get there. He always did. And so he took the small chisel he always hid in his shoe, and started to carve. It was not like he was going to sleep anyway.

-

The next morning arrived with thin rays of light that pushed through the dense blanket of clouds overhead. Xue Yang opened his eyes and yawned. Looked like exhaustion had won the battle after all. His neck was stiff, and his back felt as if someone very heavy had walked over it, but that was nothing new. He stood and stretched, but immediately dropped his arms when a sharp pain flashed through his spine.

“Fuck!” he yelled, and his echo agreed. His clothes were stiff after having dried on his body, and he could only imagine how his hair must look like. He felt disgusting, but by now that was pretty much his default. If he headed to the shelter right now, he still had the chance of arriving before it closed temporarily. The shelter expected people to occupy themselves during the day, and only allowed sick or otherwise handicapped people to stay. Xue Yang’s desire to use one of their few washing machines won over the pain in his back, and he hurried though the slowly busying streets. It wasn’t hard for him to get through crowds – most people stepped away as soon as they saw him, more often than not with apprehensive looks on their faces. He didn’t care. He was used to it. At least that’s what he liked to tell himself every time a pang of hurt dared to surge though his chest.

He arrived at the shelter around ten or eleven, and he knew he was too late. Again. Still, there was no harm in trying, and so he pushed open the door and carefully glanced around. The entrance hall was empty, as he had expected. Somewhere from the back rooms he could hear a dry cough, but other than that it was quiet. He steeled himself, put on his most pathetic-looking slouch and slowly approached the reception desk. The woman from before was gone, and instead there was someone Xue Yang had never seen before, which was strange because he knew all the employees here.

The man looked so out of place that Xue Yang shortly thought he had entered a holy temple instead of a dirty homeless shelter. Then the man looked up and Xue Yang thought nothing at all anymore. The other’s features were flawless, like on those posters that Xue Yang sometimes saw across the town, advertising products he would never be able to afford. His hair was a deep black and tied up in a short ponytail, and the few strands that hung over his eyes looked elegant rather than messy. He wore a bright white shirt and an even brighter smile, which was now directed at Xue Yang.

“Can I help you?” he asked and put down whatever documents he had been working on. Xue Yang felt a frown creeping onto his face and he knew it was unfair, but he didn’t like the man. He was too perfect, too immaculate to be working in a place where the unwanted and the discarded were kept.

“Who are you?” he asked, his voice rough from not using it.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I should have introduced myself. I’m Xiao Xingchen,” he inclined his head and to Xue Yang it looked suspiciously as if he wanted to make a bow. “Today is my first day here, so I’m not quite sure how everything works yet,” he laughed, a bright sound in the dim room. 

Huh. Now, that’s convenient.

“Well,” Xue Yang drawled and replaced his frown with a grin. Who cared if it looked threatening? He sauntered over to the counter and leaned on the wood, looking down at this Xiao Xingchen. “I’m sure you’ll do just peachy.”

Strangely enough, the smile on Xiao Xingchen’s face didn’t vanish. If anything, it grew a bit wider.

“Thank you,” he said, as if Xue Yang deserved anyone’s gratitude, “Might I ask your name as well? I hope to learn all the resident’s names.”

Xue Yang laughed because that was such a ridiculous thing to say. They all pretended to care, as if they were here to help people instead of to earn money.

“Xue Yang,” he said. “I’m a resident of this fine establishment, and I wish to use its amenities.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed again, and it was such a strange thing to hear laughter following something he said instead of scorn, that Xue Yang was taken aback.

“If you want to take a shower then go ahead, it looks like you need one.” As soon as the words had left his mouth, a look of horror appeared on Xiao Xingchen’s face and for a second Xue Yang thought he was the reason for it, even though he hadn’t done anything. But Xiao Xingchen got up from his chair and now he bowed for real and Xue Yang’s mouth hung open.

“I didn’t mean to insult you, I just…” and he gestured in Xue Yang’s general direction, “You look cold?” He looked insecure, helpless, and honestly a bit ridiculous.

“What the fuck?” Xue Yang huffed quietly and wondered if Xiao Xingchen was maybe making fun of him. He had to be, no one in their right mind would ever apologise with a fucking bow.

“Yeah, I wanna shower and use the washing machine. That okay?” Xue Yang said with a glare because he certainly didn’t need yet another person to condescend him. Xiao Xingchen just nodded, still looking slightly distraught.

Xue Yang stomped in the direction of the washing room, half angry and half relieved that at least he wasn’t being sent away again. He threw his clothes into one of the machines and added the spare ones from his backpack for good measure. That would leave him about an hour of time in the shower. Not that that was allowed, but somehow he doubted this strange Xiao Xingchen would stop him. The water wasn’t warm by any means, but it was clean and somewhat soothing, and he stayed there for far longer than necessary. The shampoo and soap provided by the shelter was nothing special, but it made Xue Yang feel slightly more human again. When he considered himself clean enough, he wistfully stepped away from the flowing water and tied a towel around his waist. He transferred his clothes in one of the tumble driers and sat on top of it while he waited. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend he sat on one of those massage chairs he had once seen in a shop window. Not that it did anything to relief his back of the pain that still firmly clung to his spine. His eyes snapped open when he heard the door creak open. Inside peaked a young girl, around eighteen, with messy pigtails and glasses. When she saw Xue Yang dressed in only a towel, her face scrunched up.

“Yikes.” She turned her head away but stayed in the door.

“What do you want, four-eyes? You playing sick again?”

“I told you not to call me that, jerk. My name is A-Qing,” she huffed. “And I’m not playing sick, I am sick.”

“Sure you are,” Xue Yang said and hopped off his makeshift massage chair as the drier announced the end of its work. “Look, I know your vision sucks, but would you mind giving me a bit of privacy here?”

A-Qing slammed the door shut and Xue Yang laughed. She was too easy to get a rise of. He didn’t know why exactly she was here; it wasn’t like the people in the shelter exchanged their sob-stories at the dinner table, but he knew that she was like him. Unwanted. Most young people here were.

After he had gotten dressed in his still-warm clothes, feeling the cleanest he’s been in weeks, he opened the door just to find A-Qing still leaning against it. She stumbled backwards against him with a yelp and Xue Yang had to steady her to prevent her from falling.

“Let go of me, jerk!” she yelled and pushed him away. He quickly raised his hands, aware of how much A-Qing hated to be touched.

“Calm down, four-eyes. What’s your deal today, you seem even pricklier than usual. Someone call you ugly again?” he leaned a bit closer and gave her one of his most threatening smirks, “Want me to beat them up for you?”

A-Qing huffed something that sounded almost like a supressed laugh, but then she crossed her arms and shrugged.

“I don’t care what others say about me.”

“Then what is it?”

She looked around to see if anyone was watching them, but the hallway was empty and quiet.

“It’s about the new guy. Have you seen him?” she whispered.

“’course I did,” Xue Yang grumbled. “He’s weird.”

“Right?” A-Qing said with a bit more enthusiasm, now that she knew they were on the same page, “He asked me if I wanted him to fix the holes in my jacket. With threat and needle. He actually had a sewing kit with him!”

“He apologised to me and bowed,” Xue Yang shrugged, and A-Qing’s eyes widened.

“Do you think he’s a psychopath? A serial-killer maybe?”

Xue Yang couldn’t help but laugh, always a bad thing to do in front of A-Qing, who was too quick to assume that people were laughing about her.

And sure enough, “What?” she hissed and glared at him. “I’ve read a book about that once! The worst psychos are always the inconspicuous ones.”

“I’m not arguing with that, but…” Xue Yang supressed another laugh, “Have you seen that dude? He looks like someone who helps old people cross the road and regularly adopts stray kittens. Hey, maybe he’ll adopt you.”

“I don’t wanna get kidnapped by some lunatic!” A-Qing yelled.

“Are you in danger of getting kidnapped?” A soft voice asked from the end of the hallway. Xue Yang whipped around and A-Qing reflexively stepped behind him, as if Xue Yang was the right person to go to for protection. As if she needed protecting from the man who looked like an apparition more than a human and now regarded her with a concerned look.

“I can phone the police if you are feeling endangered,” Xiao Xingchen said and came a step closer. Xue Yang felt A-Qing clinging to the back of his sweater, something she had never done before. He sighed. Someone should stop her from reading all those damned horror stories.

“Don’t worry about her, she’s overreacting,” Xue Yang said and grinned, “You’re better off if you only believe half the things she tells you.”

“Hey!” A-Qing kicked the back of his leg.

Xiao Xingchen chuckled. “You two seem close. Are you friends?”

“Best friends!” Xue Yang said at the same time A-Qing said “Hell no!”

She apparently felt secure enough to step out from being Xue Yang and directed a glare at Xiao Xingchen. “I’m sick! I’m going to lay down.” And then she stomped off, exuding the air of someone who was definitely not sick.

Xue Yang turned to Xiao Xingchen, who was still chuckling, and used the opportunity to give him a once-over. He was tall, probably taller than him as Xue Yang noticed with some annoyance. White shirt and dark jeans clung to his slim body and Xue Yang was quite proud of himself that he managed to not stare for too long.

“Was there something you wanted?” he asked, and Xiao Xingchen quickly stopped laughing.

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You’ve been away for a while. But it looks like you found the showers.”

Xue Yang raised an eyebrow.

“I mean…you’re clean again and…”

Xue Yang’s other eyebrow joined the first one. “I’ve been living here for 6 years, of course I found the showers. You need to work on your jokes, Xiao Xingchen.” The name tasted slightly sweet on his tongue. Xiao Xingchen had the audacity to blush, and at this point Xue Yang wondered if it was all a fever dream. Maybe he was still lying under that bridge, slowly dying of hypothermia.

“Do you want a brush?” Xiao Xingchen asked.

Xue Yang faltered. “Do I want a what now?”

“A brush. For your hair? I know how annoying it can get when you don’t brush it.”

“What the fuck is your deal?” Xue Yang snapped because this was going too far. A fucking brush?

Xiao Xingchen flinched, and the smile vanished entirely from his face. Xue Yang felt a sting of guilt, but he ignored it. He didn’t need this guys ridicule, or pity, or whatever it was he directed at him. Xiao Xingchen just nodded, gave a curt apology, and walked back to the entrance hall.

Xue Yang was left alone in the long hallway, and he wondered why it was that all he ever did was hurt people who didn’t deserve it.

Chapter Text

Xue Yang didn’t see Xiao Xingchen the next day, or the one after that. It wasn’t like he wanted to – it was just that their short interactions had been the most interesting thing in his life in a long while. Well, interesting might be the wrong word. Irritating would be more appropriate. Infuriating, maybe. But the next days passed without any further incident. A-Qing still pretended to be sick, though the other workers knew her tricks, and on Sunday she got kicked out.

“No sick person can scream like that,” she said in a mocking voice that came surprisingly close to that of Ming Su, a particularly nasty worker.

“Well, you did yell at him to ‘get his dirty fucking fingers off you’,” Xue Yang pointed out with a not insignificant amount of satisfaction in his voice. They were sitting next to each other on a busy sidewalk, and Xue Yang carved away at his stone dragon while A-Qing shot glares at people who gave them funny looks.

“He grabbed my arm, what was I supposed to do?” she asked with a pout, as if Xue Yang had scolded her.

“Break his wrist?” he suggested with a shrug, “Or tell me to break his wrist, if your skinny arms are too weak.”

“Shut up,” she muttered and threw a candy wrapper at him, “What are you doing there anyway? Is that a fish?”

“It’s a dragon, you cretin,” Xue Yang said indignantly.

After an hour, A-Qing complained that she needed to stretch her legs, and she scurried off to wherever she spent her time when she wasn’t annoying Xue Yang. Another two hours later and Xue Yang had finished his little stone dragon. He examined it from all angles and decided that it definitely did not look like a fish, thank you very much. With a sigh he got up and almost fell to the ground again when his left leg decided that it was too tired to obey his commands. For a few steps the numbness in his leg made him limp in a poor imitation of an old man, which got him an exceptionally pitying look from a passing woman. She pressed a few coins into his hand and hurried along, muttering something that sounded vaguely like “And at such a young age, what a waste.” Xue Yang was a bit dumbfounded. Many a people had called him a waste, sometimes of time, sometimes of space, but no one had ever paid him for it. He grinned at the money, already having decided what to buy with it.

He arrived back at the shelter when the sun was starting to sink behind the tall buildings of the town. In his hand he held a bag of candies, from which he popped one into his mouth as he pushed the door open with his foot. Behind the counter sat a worker called Zhen Fu, and Xue Yang’s already good mood improved by another large margin. Zhen Fu was an idiot, but he was a gossiping idiot and Xue Yang had waited for someone to pester since Thursday.

“Yo, Zhen Fu!” he called though the hall and several heads turned in his direction. He noticed with bitter satisfaction that some eyes were filled with fear at the sight of him. But Zhen Fu was undeterred, he just briefly looked up and rolled his eyes.

“What do you want?” he asked snidely.  Xue Yang gave him his most poisonous smile.

“Just have a chat with my good friend, that’s all,” and he audibly crushed the hard candy between his teeth.

“What about?” 

“Oh, nothing special. I just heard you have a new addition to the team. Another kind soul to care for the poor homeless of this city?” he wiggled his eyebrows and passed Zhen Fu a candy, which he eyed suspiciously.

“Yeah, what about him? You have a problem with him?” Zhen Fu somehow sounded hopeful, as if the prospect of Xue Yang filing a complaint about his co-worker would brighten his day.

“Nah, not really. What’s his deal though? He seems kinda…weird.”

“Hah!” Zhen Fu spat, and Xue Yang know he had him. “Weird is putting it mildly. If I didn’t know better, I’d say the guy’s a damn saint. He doesn’t work here. He volunteers.”

Xue Yang pulled up both eyebrows. “People still do that?”

“Well, he does apparently. Something about wanting to help those less fortunate. I’m honestly not sure if he’s kind or just stupid.”

He said something else, but Xue Yang wasn’t listening anymore. He was certain that there was something off about that Xiao Xingchen. No one did work like this from the goodness of their heart. He had to be getting something out of it. Maybe he wanted to use the homeless for some kind of smuggling cartel? God knows there were enough corrupt workers here. 

“Hey!” a voice pulled him away from his (admittedly ridiculous) conspiracy theories and back into reality. “Is that candy?”

“No,” Xue Yang said and turned to A-Qing, “It’s small rocks I’ve wrapped in candy paper and put into a bag.”

She slapped his arm and reached for the bag, but Xue Yang held it just out of her reach. “What do little four-eyed girls say when they want a piece of candy?” he asked in an annoying sing-song voice.

“Give me the fucking candy,” A-Qing deadpanned.

“That’s my girl.” Xue Yang tossed the candy at her head.

-

The next day was a Monday, which meant that the woman whose name Xue Yang kept forgetting would be at the reception again. He didn’t care to meet her after she’d sent him out into the pouring rain, and so he left early when the sun was just beginning to crest over the buildings. It was a cold day, and his hoodie did little to keep away the biting wind. He pushed his hands deeper into his pockets and made his way to the small park right next to the big shopping mall. He liked the contrast between the tall building with its glass front and the quaint park with its little pond. It was like the small patch of nature still held some significance, even among the much more prominent buildings. It somehow made him feel like he belonged. Xue Yang walked slowly, observing the people who rushed by on their way to work, or god knows where. Sometimes he envied them for the business in their lives. He often tried to find a job. Every time he saw a “help wanted” sign in the window of a convenience store or coffee shop, he would go inside and ask if they still looked for help. Most of the time the only thing they gave him was a shocked look before mumbling something about already having hired someone. But they didn’t take the sign off the window. Xue Yang used to feel disheartened at that, disappointed even. Now he just felt tired. Once he had managed to get a trial shift at a gas station. But as he already said, Karma was a bitch, and during his shift someone attempted to rob the station. Attempted, because despite his slender build, Xue Yang was quite adept at fistfights, and he managed to beat the assailant unconscious. It doesn’t need saying that he didn’t get hired after that.

He sighed. He shouldn’t care about that anymore, but he had always been one to hold on to his petty grudges. Speaking of not being able to let go, Xue Yang’s thoughts slowly drifted over to that new worker, who seemed so adamant on being a good person - on doing good for the sake of it, and not just for himself. That alone made him untrustworthy in Xue Yang’s book. People didn’t do anything without expecting something in return. Especially not something as unpleasant as volunteering at a homeless shelter. At this point, Xue Yang was impatiently waiting for Thursday to arrive, if only to get a better understanding of what exactly it was Xiao Xingchen wanted to accomplish.

But Thursday was still three days away, and there was nothing interesting to do in the meantime. That was one of the worst things of being homeless, of having no real purpose in life: days just blended together into one singular mass and everything became a monotone grey. Xue Yang could no longer remember the last time he had felt significant, or even just a part of the world he was living in. He just existed from one moment to the next, never really sure how he still managed to hang on. Xue Yang was desperate for a reason to keep going, even though he would never say that out loud.

He tried to push the depressing thoughts into a far back corner of his mind that was reserved solely for them, and slumped down onto a park bench. He was just about to close his eyes, when he saw it. A flash of white out of the corner of his eye. But it couldn’t be. He just imagined it, because he had been thinking about the man. He still turned his head, only to confirm his doubt.

But no.

There he was, Xiao Xingchen, in a stupidly clean looking white coat, strolling through the park like some kind of spirit who had accidentally manifested among the unmown patches of grass. For a moment, Xue Yang contemplated calling out to him, but then he remembered the unspoken rule that inhabitants of the shelter should never approach the workers in public (because apparently, they were just that much of a stain). And so he pushed the urge down and settled on observing the man, who seemed to be deeply lost in thought. He looked so at peace that Xue Yang was surprised he didn’t fall asleep while walking.

Suddenly, there was a loud splash from the pond next to Xue Yang as two ducks landed simultaneously on the still surface, and Xiao Xingchen turned to follow the noise with his eyes. Xue Yang quickly averted his gaze – he didn’t want to get caught staring and also give the other a chance to ignore him and continue on his way. But apparently Xiao Xingchen was not keen on living up to Xue Yang’s expectations. Only a few moments passed before Xue Yang heard footsteps approaching.

“Hello…Xue Yang, wasn’t it? From the shelter?”  

Xue Yang looked up and immediately felt a very irritating sting in his chest at the sight of Xiao Xingchen’s smile. The other stood there in the bright sunlight of the early morning and looked downright fucking ethereal with his smooth white skin and his even whiter coat. The only dark thing about him was his hair, smooth and black and perfect, just like the rest of him. Xue Yang scoffed, which Xiao Xingchen apparently took as a reply to his question.

“Oh, I could have sworn I had gotten the name right.”

Xue Yang rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in an attempt to shield himself from the goddamn aura of purity Xiao Xingchen exuded.

“No, you’ve gotten it right,” he said. Somewhere in his mind, two forces were engaged in battle, one wanting to tell Xiao Xingchen to fuck off, the other wanting to ask him to sit down. Xue Yang settled on neither, simply staring at the spill of black hair down Xiao Xingchen’s shoulders, as that was the only thing about the other that didn’t blind him. Xiao Xingchen, ever undeterred by any rudeness Xue Yang had to offer, sat down next to him, close enough that Xue Yang was able to make out a faint wooden smell, mixed with something sweet.

“Are you enjoying the morning?” Xiao Xingchen asked.

Xue Yang couldn’t help himself; he gaped at the man before him. “Are you making fu… small talk?”

“You ask that as if it were something strange,” Xiao Xingchen chuckled. Xue Yang didn’t say that it was, that no one had ever attempted to make small talk with him because honestly, that would sound pretty pathetic. And so he shrugged and tore his eyes away from Xiao Xingchen’s smile. Really, was there anything about the man that wasn’t bright?

“I’m just killing time,” Xue Yang muttered because it sounded better than This is the only place that doesn’t make me feel like I’m some sort of alien.

“You chose a good place. The chrysanthemums are beautiful here,” Xiao Xingchen gestured at the flowers around them.

For a moment, Xue Yang didn’t know what to say. Then he decided on “You’re so weird,” because someone finally had to tell the poor guy.

“Hah, people keep saying that,” Xiao Xingchen laughed awkwardly and looked down as a slight blush crept into his cheeks. Xue Yang stood up. This was too much. The entire situation was so unfamiliar that it felt more dangerous than any of the countless fights he had been in. Xiao Xingchen looked up alarmed, and with shock did Xue Yang realise that the expression on the other’s face was a familiar one. Regret. Regret as in I shouldn’t have said that, something Xue Yang had thought more often than he dared to count. And he knew how it stung, the knowledge that you said something you couldn’t take back, well aware that you’ve just made another irreversible mistake. So he sighed and plopped back down onto the bench.

“Whatever. It’s not like it’s the bad kind of weird anyway,” he said as nonchalantly as possible, not looking at Xiao Xingchen. The silence that followed was almost unbearable, and so Xue Yang put on a grin. He didn’t know where the sudden urge to reassure Xiao Xingchen came from, and how it had managed to replace his mistrust for the man.

“So, what’s your deal? Four-eyes and I have been making bets.”

Xiao Xingchen relaxed, the stiffness vanishing from the line of his shoulders and a small smile reappeared on his face.

“Four-eyes? A-Qing you mean?”

“Everyone calls her four-eyes, you better go with the flow, Xiao Xingchen,” Xue Yang said, knowing A-Qing would kill him if she ever found out. It was still worth it, because Xiao Xingchen seemed to be gullible as hell. He nodded.

“And what kind of bets have you been making?”

“Well, we heard that you’re volunteering at the shelter and we’ve been betting on what you’re getting out of it.”

At that Xiao Xingchen laughed, but the brightness of the sound was slightly dimmed by the sadness in his eyes.

“Getting out of it? Well, I suppose–“

“Xingchen?”

The darker voice came from behind them and Xue Yang turned on instinct, ever vigilant of any kind of danger that might be headed his way. There stood a tall man, dressed in a crisp dark suit and an equally dark trench coat. His black hair was short and the expression on his face solemn. All in all, Xue Yang thought, he looked like he just came from a funeral.  Something about him was familiar, but Xue Yang couldn’t quite think of what exactly it was.

“Zichen, you’re here already,” Xiao Xingchen said and got up. Xue Yang didn’t feel disappointed at that, he definitely did not.

The man nodded and his eyes wandered to Xue Yang. They widened slightly when they landed on his face. “Who’s your…friend?” he asked, and something in his voice suggested hostility.

“I’m his protégé,” Xue Yang grinned, purposefully wide so that his canines were exposed. People always told him that they were uncharacteristically sharp. Xiao Xingchen laughed and shrugged.

“More or less. This is Xue Yang. He’s one of the people staying at the homeless shelter,” he said and smiled at Xue Yang, who kept his eyes firmly on the much more familiar animosity in the face of Xiao Xingchen’s friend.

“I…see.” There was a slight hesitation in the man’s voice as nodded and inclined his head, “I’m Song Zichen. Nice to meet you.” His tone indicated that meeting Xue Yang was anything but nice.

“Shall we go?” Song Zichen asked Xiao Xingchen, who nodded, much to Xue Yang’s annoyance.

“Well, I’ll see you on Thursday, Xue Yang,” Xiao Xingchen waved and made his way out of the park together with his friend. Xue Yang felt something while watching his retreating form, although he wasn’t really sure what it was.

-

“He’s triad,” A-Qing said with finality.

Xue Yang snorted. “Triad? You on the organised crime train again?”

A-Qing ignored him, “Did he carry a suitcase? I bet he did. So, this Song Zichen is a member of the triad, and Xiao Xingchen is his informant or something. Maybe he wants to get homeless people to spy for him.”

Xue Yang almost regretted telling A-Qing about his encounter. Almost. Her conspiracy theories were even funnier than his own. It was Wednesday evening and they sat next to each other in the already mostly empty dining hall. A-Qing had an open book in front of her and Xue Yang had started to carve another statue. He attempted a crane, but the intricacy of its wings proved to be problematic.

“Maybe we’re approaching this from the wrong angle,” Xue Yang mused as he tied to chisel a feathery texture into the stone, “Maybe he’s just doing something super mundane, like work in an office or something.”

“Yeah. A triad office.” A-Qing said.

“Why don’t you ask him when he’s in tomorrow? I bet you two bags of candy that he’s actually just another Mr. Boring.” At least then his lie to Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t be a lie anymore.

“Deal,” A-Qing said, “But you ask. I don’t want him to murder me in my sleep.”

-

Xue Yang got up early on Thursday. Not that he had ever slept longer than 6AM, not with the mattress being about as comfortable as a solid brick of stone. But for some reason he wanted to be up before anyone else, just so that he could take a shower without people pressing him to hurry the fuck up. He hopped under the cold stream of water and thoroughly cleaned himself. The water couldn’t quite get rid of the tangles in his hair, but he supposed he could borrow A-Qing’s comb afterwards. Memories of Xiao Xingchen asking if he wanted a brush flashed before his eyes. He inwardly cringed when he remembered his own reaction. It had been rash, just like everything else Xue Yang did, and definitely not something Xiao Xingchen deserved. Ever since meeting the man in the park, the possibility of him actually just wanting to be nice had entered Xue Yang’s mind. Even though that was hard to believe. At least he didn’t seem to have taken Xue Yang’s unreasonable outburst to heart and turned it into a lifelong grudge against him, as Xue Yang himself would have done. 

Xue Yang stopped his reminiscing when the cold water started to feel uncomfortable against his skin. He stepped outside the shower and hastily dried himself off to get into his clothes before other people could make their way into the washing room. By the time he was done with everything, the shelter had become busier, and people shuffled through the hallways. He looked for A-Qing, but she wasn’t in her room or her usual spot in front of one of the few heating units. Xue Yang was just about to check the entry hall when something hit the back of his head. He whipped around, ready to strike back at whoever it was, but before him stood A-Qing, book in her hand and grin on her face.

“You ready to buy me two bags of candy?”

Xue Yang smiled sweetly, “No, but I’m ready to eat two bags of candy.”

“Let’s wait until the others are gone. He’s more likely to drop his cover with fewer people around,” she said ominously and looked around in a way that screamed ‘please notice me, I’m tying to be inconspicuous’.

Xue Yang got the strange urge to ruffle her hair, even though that would most likely get him a kick in the shin. But it did make him remember something.

“Hey, can I borrow your comb?”

Her eyes narrowed and he knew what was coming, “What’ll you give in return?”

“My eternal gratitude and the knowledge that you did something good for once.”

A-Qing rolled her eyes but still shuffled through her bag.

“Fine. But you owe me something.”

Xue Yang gave an exaggerated bow and started brushing his hair, carefully trying to work out all the tangles. He should cut it again, but his scissors had been stolen and his knife wasn’t sharp enough.

It took about two more hours until most of the people had left the shelter and by that point Xue Yang was sure that not a single knot was left in his hair. A-Qing had started reading again, a book titled The Murder on the Second Floor.

“Let me guess,” Xue Yang drawled as he ran the comb through his hair again, now more out of boredom than necessity, “The killer is a member of the triad?”

A-Qing glared at him and snatched her comb out of his hand.

“Don’t you have a bet to lose?” she hissed. Xue Yang shrugged; might as well get it over with. He got up, stretched, and made his way slowly to the entrance hall. It was empty save for the person sitting behind the reception counter. He was wearing white again, because of course he was, and looked as flawless as ever. Xue Yang was glad he had taken that shower and brushed his hair – somehow it made he feel more entitled to talk to Xiao Xingchen. He almost rolled his eyes at the thought – as if appearances were the main cause to set them apart, and not their general position in life.

Xue Yang sauntered over to the desk, a grin plastered onto his face. Xiao Xingchen looked up when he heard the approaching steps and the corners of his lips stretched into a smile. It looked honest, not like the ones people sometimes directed at Xue Yang when they deemed him worthy of their pity.

“Hello, Xue Yang. I would ask if you are enjoying the morning, but I have a feeling you’re not one for small talk.”

Xue Yang made an exaggerated gasp and leaned against the desk. “Was that a joke?”

Xiao Xingchen didn’t reply, but his eyes were lit up with mirth. They aren’t white, Xue Yang thought dumbly. Of course not, Xiao Xingchen wasn’t blind. Instead they were a warm black, if black could even be such a thing. Well, since Xiao Xingchen’s appearance didn’t seem to be bound to the same rules as that of mere mortals, it wasn’t impossible.

“You still owe me an answer,” Xue Yang said casually, as if he hadn’t been staring deeply into the other’s eyes for the past ten seconds. 

Xiao Xingchen blinked. “An answer?“

„What are you getting out of this? You know, volunteering and stuff.”

That same sad look reappeared on Xiao Xingchen’s face and Xue Yang wondered what it meant.

“Would you believe me if I said that I’m just doing this because I want to help?”

Xue Yang was about to say no, when something stopped him. He didn’t know what exactly, maybe the expression on Xiao Xingchen’s face, maybe the way his voice dropped a few cadences.

So, “I don’t know,” Xue Yang decided on, and realised it was the truth. “It’s hard to believe, but, well. Maybe there are people like that. Or maybe you’re a member of the triad and want to use homeless people to establish an information network.”

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened with every word out of Xue Yang’s mouth. For a moment it was quiet.

“What?” Xiao Xingchen blurted out, his voice reaching a surprisingly high pitch. With his mouth agape and his eyebrows scrunched together, this was the first time he didn’t look like a heavenly official who had just descended to the mortal realm. “Triad? I – what? But…” 

His eyes flicked from Xue Yang down to the files on his desk, as if he half expected to find a sheet saying, “Welcome to the Triad”.

Xue Yang laughed. His arm slipped from the wooden counter as he bent over and clutched his stomach while unrestrained laughter spilled from his mouth. Xiao Xingchen looked utterly confused, with hints of alarm in his eyes, and Xue Yang found it even prettier than his usual dignified look. That thought sobered him up quite a bit because no, he definitely didn’t think Xiao Xingchen was pretty.

Xue Yang straightened himself and gave the perplexed man before him an apologetic look. “Told you we’ve been betting.”

“And…and you thought I was in organised crime?”

“A-Qing thought you were in organised crime. I thought you were a boring office worker.” He didn’t mention his first theory that Xiao Xingchen wanted to establish a smuggling cartel in the shelter.

“I…I don’t know what to say,” Xiao Xingchen admitted, and he looked halfway between laughing and crying.

Xue Yang shrugged, “If it makes you feel better, the first time we met she was convinced I was Yakuza. There is just something about that girl and organised crime.”

“Why would she think that?” Xiao Xingchen sounded seriously interested, as if he was a psychiatrist trying to determine someone’s sad past.

Xue Yang just wriggled the fingers of his left hand in front of Xiao Xingchen’s face. “Apparently there’s something about chopping off the pinky of disgraced members.”

Xiao Xingchen looked at the empty space where Xue Yang’s finger used to be for just a second, before his eyes found Xue Yang’s again.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and there it was again, that honest tone so completely free of pity. The usual annoyance that was there whenever people talked about his hand didn’t come. Instead, Xue Yang felt strangely warm. Wasn’t autumn supposed to be cold?

“Ah, whatever. It’s been gone for ages. So?”

“So?”

“What are you doing if you’re not trying to achieve world domination by volunteering at a homeless shelter? I mean, you have to earn money, right? Otherwise we’d be on the same side of this desk.”

Xiao Xingchen cringed and looked down again.

“I… I own a flower shop.”

Xue Yang spluttered. “Holy shit.”

“What?” came a loud shriek from the hallway. Xiao Xingchen’s head whipped around and he saw A-Qing standing there, staring at him with her mouth hanging open.

“I win, four-eyes. Flower shop owner is about as boring as it gets,” Xue Yang said, even though he found it pretty damn interesting.

A-Qing came out of her hiding spot and gave Xiao Xingchen a cold look, “He has no proof that he’s telling the truth.”

“Uhm, I have, actually,” Xiao Xingchen said and dug around in the bag that was standing on the floor next to him. “Here.”

He slid a little card over the counter and Xue Yang and A-Qing bent over it almost greedily.

It was a white business card with a little flower design on one side. “Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze – Flower Shop. Proprietor: Xiao Xingchen”, it announced. Xue Yang and A-Qing looked up at the same time and gave Xiao Xingchen an incredulous look. He sighed.

“Go ahead. Say it.”

“That name sucks,” A-Qing said.

“That name is amazing,” Xue Yang said.

Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing looked equally surprised at Xue Yang.

“What? It’s so stupid that it’s practically guaranteed to stick in everyone’s mind.”

“Or really?” A-Qing adopted a mocking tone. “Where did you buy those beautiful flowers?”

Xue Yang caught on immediately and pretended to be swirling a wine glass, “At the Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze of course.”

A-Qing shrugged. “I guess it works.”

Xiao Xingchen was quiet for a second, then he burst out laughing. It was a nice laugh, open and unguarded, and Xue Yang wouldn’t mind hearing more of it. He noticed how Xiao Xingchen closed his eyes when he laughed like that, and that there was just the slightest hint of a dimple in his cheek.

“You’re not getting anything from me though,” A-Qing jabbed her finger at Xue Yang, who tried and failed to look away from Xiao Xingchen. “You said office worker, and that’s about as far away from flower shop owner as it gets.”

“Now you’re being a sore loser,” Xue Yang complained, his eyes still glued to Xiao Xingchen, who was now wiping tears off his face.

“What were the stakes?” Xiao Xingchen asked. He was slightly out of breath and his face was flushed, and Xue Yang’s thoughts entered an incredibly dangerous territory. He dug his nails into his palm and bit his lip, but the damage had been done. Xue Yang cursed his own weakness and forcibly tore his gaze away from Xiao Xingchen.

“Two bags of candy,” Xue Yang pouted and glared at A-Qing. “You ate half of the one I bought the other day.”

“Well, I lent you my comb,” she retorted. Xue Yang didn’t miss the way Xiao Xingchen’s eyes flicked to his now-smooth hair. Xue Yang’s hand immediately came up to tangle in the strands as a weird kind of self-consciousness took a hold of him. Xiao Xingchen followed the motion with his eyes. It was very quiet for a minute and the atmosphere verged on ‘inside of a volcano’. Then, Xiao Xingchen seemed to snap out of his reverie and bent down to rummage through his bag. When he came up again, he placed two pieces of candy on the counter.

“Here’s a consolation prize. It may not be a whole bag, but at least…”

He didn’t get to finish because Xue Yang and A-Qing simultaneously lunged for the treats. Xue Yang half expected it to be some organic, sugar-free herb candy, but when he popped it into his mouth, he tasted artificial sweetness and bliss with hints of lychee. He hummed contently. A-Qing eyed hers a bit suspiciously, but in the end the promise of sugar was more alluring than the fear of poison, and she quickly discarded the wrapping.

For a moment, silence spread through the room while its noisiest inhabitants were too busy savouring their treats.

“Thanks.”

The word would have been inaudible, had it not been for the quietness and it made Xue Yang almost choke on his spit. A-Qing didn’t look at either of them, she just turned and marched out of the hall.

“Well, that’s a first,” Xue Yang muttered, candy clacking against his teeth. “Looks like sugar is enough to make her join the triad.”

“And for you it wouldn’t be?” Xiao Xingchen pulled up an eyebrow, the cynic expression somehow not matching the softness in his face.

“Am I that easy to read? Three meetings and you’ve already figured me out.”

Xiao Xingchen smiled and shook his head. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Maybe I’ll figure you out when we spend more time together.”

This time, Xue Yang really did choke. He coughed violently and swallowed the remainder of his candy. Xiao Xingchen jumped up and hurried over, carefully patting Xue Yang’s back.

“Are you alright?” he asked, as if his casual offer of company hadn’t just sent Xue Yang into a coughing fit.

“Sure,” Xue Yang pressed out after he managed to get enough air into his lungs. He realised that Xiao Xingchen’s hand was still on his back, tracing small circles against the fabric of his sweater. The warmth felt foreign, and Xue Yang struggled to remember the last time anyone had touched him like that. Gently, without the intention of violence behind it.  But Xue Yang’s sweater was dirty and entirely unfit for something as clean as Xiao Xingchen’s hands, and so Xue Yang quickly straightened and took a step back.

“I uh…better get outside and leave you to your important work,” he said weakly and hoped that none of his embarrassment showed on his face. Xiao Xingchen looked a bit concerned, but he nodded.

“Xue Yang!”

His name was called just as Xue Yang was about to step out of the door. He turned his head and saw Xiao Xingchen still standing where he had left him.

“If you ever need anything…please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Xue Yang didn’t know what to say to a request like that – a request made for Xue Yang’s benefit, but by someone else.

“Okay,” he agreed, even though it wasn’t okay at all.

-

Xue Yang returned to the shelter several hours later when it was already dark outside, and the chill of the autumn evening started to seep through his clothes. The first ting he noticed when he entered the shelter was that the person behind the reception desk didn’t wear white. The pang of disappointment that surged through him was entirely uncalled for though, and completely unreasonable to boot. When Xue Yang walked past the reception, the woman (who he faintly recalled to be called Wan Jin), did a double take and squinted at his face.

“What?” Xue Yang snapped, wondering if there had maybe been an arrest warrant issued for him because of his latest fight. Granted, it had happened several weeks in the past, but sometimes these things came back after months to bite him in the ass. But Wan Jin’s expression didn’t look like she was about to hand him over to the police.

“You’re Xue Yang, no?”

If anything, that made Xue Yang grow even more suspicious, and he narrowed his eyes at her. Almost every worker in this shelter knew his name, if only because of his problematic past and the rumours that surrounded him like nasty flies.

“And if I was?”

She rolled her eyes and slammed something on the counter. “No need to be so dramatic. The pretty boy who was in before me asked me to give this to you.”

Xue Yang knew who she meant, of course he did, there was literally only one pretty boy in the whole shelter, which was all the more reason from him to glare at her. Still he stepped closer to the counter and eyed the small thing on top of it. Unsurprisingly, it was another piece of candy. He felt a laugh bubble up in him, but he quickly forced it down, not willing to show any kind of strong emotion in front of people who may or may not use it against him.

“Oh. I see,” he just said and snatched the candy.

“You’re welcome!” Wan Jin shouted after him, as if she had been her personal gift to Xue Yang.

The shelter had plenty of bedrooms of varying sizes and capacities, but there weren’t any ascribed beds. That didn’t mean that there was no order to the sleeping arrangements – almost everyone had a usual spot to which they stuck. Xue Yang’s was in the smallest room by far, which some might see as a disadvantage, but it also meant that he had to share it with only one other person. It was an old man who wasn’t in often, and if he was he mostly just slept, so he was part of the list of people whose name Xue Yang couldn’t be bothered to remember. All things considered, it was probably the most private room in the entire shelter. And since most people knew at least of Xue Yang and his reputation, there had never been anyone trying to contest his right to the room. But today when Xue Yang pushed the door open, he found someone already occupying his mattress. He groaned.

“This is the male ward, four-eyes. But I forgive you, maybe you need new glasses and didn’t see the sign.”

A-Qing didn’t as much as bat an eyelash at his weak insult and threw something in his direction instead. It hit him in the chest, which was quite the accomplishment considering it was a small piece of paper. He picked it up and recognised it as Xiao Xingchen’s business card.

“So, a flower shop, huh?” A-Qing sighed, almost sounding disappointed.

“You believe him that easily?”

“Well, at first I thought the shop might be a front, but…well, Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze is just too embarrassing to be connected to the triad. He’d get fired immediately.”

“Maybe you should pay him a visit there, make sure he’s not doing anything illegal,” Xue Yang suggested with a smirk and plopped down next to her, making sure he was far enough away to not touch her.

“Maybe you should pay him a visit, considering how you leered at him the whole time,” she shot back.

Xue Yang dropped the candy he had been unwrapping.

“I didn’t – I wasn’t leering at him, what the fuck?”

A-Qing grinned triumphantly. “You wouldn’t be so quick in denying it if you didn’t know it was true!”

Xue Yang threw whatever he was holding at her face and realised too late that it was the candy.

“Thanks!” she laughed and dodged to the side when he lunged at her. She quickly jumped up and skipped to the door. “If it makes you feel better, I think he was leering back. Good night, jerk. Sweet dreams.”

“Yeah, I hope you choke on it!” Xue Yang called after her, even though it was the depth of pettiness. A young girl of barely 18 shouldn’t be able to make a simple statement sound so lewd. He cursed and fell back onto his mattress. He hadn’t leered. Hadn’t even as much as stared! And he doubted that Xiao Xingchen even possessed the ability to do something as un-heavenly as leering. But A-Qing had always been way too wrapped up in her conspiracy theories, and so he didn’t think about it anymore. At least not for too long.

Chapter Text

It was a Monday when it happened. Xue Yang was late – the sun already started to set, and he was supposed to meet A-Qing at 4. They had decided to pay a visit to Xiao Xingchen’s flower shop. Not to go inside, of course, they didn’t want to be responsible for the shop getting a bad reputation. No, a quick look was all they needed – mainly to confirm A-Qing’s suspicion that it was painted completely white. And Xue Yang had definitely only agreed to it because A-Qing had been bugging him so much, and not at all because he was interested himself. Although Xue Yang did wonder if it had one of those large windowfronts that would allow a glimpse of the shop’s inside. He also wondered if Xiao Xingchen ever got stains on his clothes during work, or if they repelled any kind of dirt and soil that came near them.

Xue Yang was still lost in thoughts when he took a shortcut through one of the back alleys to reach their meeting point faster. And that was when he heard it.

“Xue Yang.”

He froze. The voice wasn’t loud, but he would recognise it anywhere.

“I can’t believe you’re still out and about. I somehow expected you to be dead by now. Or at least rotting in some cell because the police finally caught you.” The smile was audible in that voice, and Xue Yang found his anger flaring up.

“They already did that, as you might remember. But then again, there has always been little room for storage in your brain, right, Wen Chao?” Xue Yang pulled his lips up into a grin and turned to face the man. There were at least four people in front of him; Wen Chao and three of the usual goons he always dragged along. The man himself wasn’t a very tall or imposing guy, even less so because Xue Yang knew of his pathetic character. But being the son of a rich businessman came with its merits, and the ability to afford bodyguards was certainly one of them.

“You might think you’re off the hook, but I know that loose ends are always bad for business,” Wen Chao sneered.

“What, did your daddy order you to finish me off? Have you still not learned how to think for yourself?”

“No one ordered me to do anything,” Wen Chao spat, literally and figuratively, “I just think it’s better to finally get rid of the last piece of garbage.”

Xue Yang scoffed. Wen Chao had never liked him, even when Xue Yan had been working for his father. Especially when Xue Yang had been working for his father. Because of some twisted reason, Wen Chao always regarded him as a rival, even though Xue Yang’s job had been the lowest of the low. Still, Wen Ruohan had shown a certain amount of respect for Xue Yang and his skills, something that couldn’t be said about his incapable son. And so Wen Chao tightly clung to the grudge he held against Xue Yang and tried to make his life as hard as possible. The worst thing was that Xue Yang couldn’t even hate the idiot for it because he himself was just the same. It was so easy to hang on to resentment, and so hard to admit your own mistakes.

“Fuck off, Wen Chao. The whole business has been over for months, everyone is in the clear and can live happily ever after.”

“That might be true,” Wen Chao admitted and for a second Xue Yang honestly believed he would get to walk away unscathed. But then Wen Chao continued and crushed that hope under his words. “It’s just that some people don’t deserve a happily ever after.” And with that he made a jerky motion with his head and the three goons behind him charged towards Xue Yang.

Xue Yang was a good fighter, always had been – mostly because he fought unfair. But against three men who were about twice as big as him, the odds were definitely not stacked in his favour. Well, not that they ever really were.

Xue Yang somehow dodged the fist of the first one who came charging towards him, only narrowly sparing his nose a crooked fate. The second man lunged at him mere seconds later, but Xue Yang was too quick and jumped to the side, leaving the man off-balance and almost falling over his own feet. But the third managed to come at him from a bad angle and Xue Yang saw him too late to react. He felt a sharp pain at his cheek where the man’s beringed fist left a deep gash in the skin. A second punch landed against his jaw, and Xue Yang bit down hard on his tongue. He felt a tickle of blood run down his chin and stumbled backwards, but he didn’t get far as his back made sudden contact with something unyielding, and he was grabbed from behind. One of Wen Chao’s goons took both of his arms and twisted them back while another walked up and kicked Xue Yang hard in the stomach. At this point, Xue Yang was fairly certain that they would kill him. There wasn’t enough air in his lungs to scream for help and not enough strength in his arms to free himself, so all he could do to save some face was to clench his teeth and swallow the blood that filled his mouth.

“Are you down already?” Wen Chao drawled from some feet away, “I would have expected more from my father’s most…skilled puppet.”

“If you really want to test my mettle, why don’t you come at me yourself?” Xue Yang grinned, feeling blood seep out of his mouth. If he had to die, he might as well have some fun along the way.

“No thank you, I don’t like to touch trash.”

“You didn’t seem to think so when you were all over that girl…What was her name? Wang Ling something?”

Wen Chao’s face turned an ugly red and he took a step forwards, pulling a long knife from his belt. It was a pity, Xue Yang thought, that the last thing he got to see was Wen Chao’s ugly face, and not…well. At least getting stabbed was not the most painful way to go, and with a bit of luck Xue Yang’s corpse would even look dramatic. As Wen Chao came closer, Xue Yang kept the grin firmly on his face and retained eye contact, refusing to back down in his final moments.

A sudden loud noise from one of the side alleys made Wen Chao stop mid-motion and his eyes flicked in the direction of the sound. When Xue Yang risked a quick glance as well, he saw a small cat jump on a low windowsill. Xue Yang felt the grip around his wrists loosen slightly as the goon got distracted by the animal. It was all the diversion Xue Yang needed. He focused his remaining strength into his legs and lurched forward, pulling his arms out of his assailant’s grasp. He didn’t bother with dodging Wen Chao. Instead, he used the other’s surprise to shove him into the dirt before darting to the side into one of the darkened alleys.

“Get him! Get him!” Wen Chao shrieked behind him. But Xue Yang was fast and he didn’t care where he was going; he just ran. Adrenaline surged through him as he flew through the maze-like side streets of the city. Left, right, left again, straight. Xue Yang prided himself on knowing the city pretty well, but panic blurred his vision and left him disoriented. After minutes of sprinting, he turned sharply into a small backyard and cowered down behind a dumpster. His lungs felt as if they were burning and his legs had become useless as soon as he’d shifted his weight away from him. He strained his ears to hear any potential followers, but the streets lay silent safe from the distant rush of traffic. When the adrenaline slowly left Xue Yang’s body, pain immediately rushed in to fill the vacant space. His face felt almost numb with pain, his shoulder hurt with every movement and he could practically feel a bruise forming at his stomach. But he was alive, yet again saved by circumstance and luck, as if someone wanted to see him suffer for just a while longer. He slumped against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. Just for a while. Just until…

-

When he startled back into consciousness it was already dark, and with the moon overhead being obscured by clouds a distant streetlamp was Xue Yang’s only source of light. He groaned when he tried to lift his head and felt a sharp pain in his temple. Great. He had no idea where he was, no way to call for help, and no one to search for him. When he tried to stand it became quickly apparent that it was out of the question – his legs protested at even the smallest effort and refused to carry his full weight. And so he stayed there, sitting behind a dumpster in someone’s backyard, with nothing to do except for cursing whatever malevolent god had decided to make Xue Yang its punching bag. A faint shimmer of light on the horizon announced the beginning of a new day and it brought with it the realisation that No, Xue Yang really won’t be missed by anyone. Well, maybe by A-Qing, but she would probably just think he’d moved to another shelter. Maybe by Xiao Xingchen.

Unlikely, a voice in Xue Yang’s head said, you’ve known him for three days and were rude to him all the time.

Xue Yang snorted. Oh, well. It was not like –

A shadow fell over Xue Yang and startled him out of his self-pity. For a moment he expected to see Wen Chao looming over him with a knife in hand, but the shadow was way too small to be Wen Chao. 

“What the fuck, man?” A-Qing yelled before she knelt down and slapped Xue Yang’s shoulder. “What the hell was that? Who were those people? I thought they were going to kill you! I tried to distract them with that cat, but then you ran off and I didn’t…you were so fast! I thought you died!”

There was a sting in Xue Yang’s stomach that didn’t come from the bruise. He felt oddly warm, as if he had contracted a fever as a little bonus to all the other things. A-Qing looked desperate and tired and sad, and Xue Yang wouldn’t have that. 

And so, “Careful,” Xue Yang said and swatted her hand away, “Or I’ll think that you might care about me.”

“I don’t, you damn idiot. But you beat up that one asshole who touched me, so I’m repaying the favour. We’re even now!”

In the faint rays of sunlight, Xue Yang thought he might have seen a glint in A-Qing’s eyes, but he probably only imagined it.

“We need to get you somewhere…I don’t know, safe?”

“How far to the shelter?” Xue Yang asked and straightened slightly, careful to not lean on A-Qing in the process.

“Way too far for me to carry you!”

Xue Yang chuckled and regretted it immediately as pain flared up in his stomach. “Everything is too far for you to carry me, four-eyes.”

“I know!” she yelled and jumped to her feet. “We go to the flower shop!”

“Listen, I’m not dead yet, no reason to buy –“

“No, you idiot! Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze!”

Xue Yang stared at her as if she had lost her mind. “Have you lost your mind?” he asked, for good measure.

“Why? It’s close and Xiao Xingchen said he wanted to help people. Well, good for him, he’s now got the unluckiest idiot in the whole city to take care of!”

“Hey! Listen to me! Listen! We can absolutely not go to Xiao Xingchen! Just think about what it’ll look like when a young girl with badly died green hair and a bloodied and bruised delinquent turn up in front of a pretty little flower shop!”

A-Qing quietly glared at him. Then,

“Fine. Whatever. Have it your way.”

And with that she grabbed his arm and pulled it over her shoulder.

Xue Yang was so startled that he didn’t protest when she dragged him up. “You really don’t need –“

“Shut up. I’m helping you. Just…shut up.”

She didn’t look at him, just walked forwards with Xue Yang half draped over her side. She was much smaller and much thinner than him, and he was sure the contact made her extremely uncomfortable.

“Please, A-Qing. I can walk. You don’t need to do this.”

“It’s fine. I know the fastest route to the shelter. Come on.”

And so they made their way through empty streets, slowly inching forward, and Xue Yang felt equal parts guilt and gratefulness in his chest.

“You realize that I’m expecting payment for this, right? Two bags of candy won’t cut it,” A-Qing muttered next to him.

“I’m getting you a lifetime supply of candy once I’m healthy enough to rob a bank,” Xue Yang said, and it was only half a lie.

The sun slowly lit up the tips of the buildings around them and when they stepped out of the side streets, Xue Yang realised something.

“Four-eyes…where are we?”

“On the way to the shelter,” she muttered and yanked at his arm, “Stop talking, you’re heavy.”

“I know your eyesight is bad but…I think you’re going in the wrong direction.”

“I literally just saved your life, can you not be an asshole for like, two seconds?”

Xue Yang counted to two in his head and said, “Yeah, this is definitely the wrong…Oh. Oh no, you didn’t.”

Some ways in the distance he spotted a small white house amidst the dark brick buildings around it.

“You’re a devil, you know that? A four-eyed devil with not a sliver of mercy–“

“Do you really want to insult the only person who’s keeping you standing?” A-Qing snapped as she relentlessly pushed on. When they were only a few metres away from the house, Xue Yang saw the many pots of flowers in front of the entrance, all coloured in soft pastels because of course they were. Over the door hung a plaque that read Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze in fancy calligraphy, and Xue Yang realised with horror that the decorated window was lit up from the inside. He had almost hoped that Xiao Xingchen wasn’t in, that it was too early for anyone to work, but apparently Xiao Xingchen’s diligence extended to his workplace as well.

“I know you can’t see properly, so I’ll read it out for you. It says ‘Closed’,” Xue Yang said and pointed to the sign on the door. A-Qing unceremoniously let go of Xue Yang, whose legs immediately faltered under the added weight and made him stumble straight against the door. It made a dull thud and Xue Yang cursed as pain shot through his shoulder.

“What the fuck, four-eyes, I’m hurt–“

He didn’t get any further because the door behind him was pulled open, and what little support it provided vanished. Xue Yang’s body tilted precariously, and he closed his eyes in preparation of a painful meeting with the ground. But the impact never came. Instead, his head hit something soft and yet sturdy, smelling of earth and sweetness. Xue Yang heard a soft gasp and then there were two arms encircling his upper body in an attempt to hold him upright.

“What – A-Qing? And Xue Yang? What are you doing here?” A familiar voice came from somewhere above Xue Yang’s head and with dread did he realise who was embracing him so tightly. Xue Yang struggled to straighten himself, to get away from Xiao Xingchen as quickly as possible, as if that could undo the damage that had already been done. Xue Yang staggered backwards, his breath slightly elaborated from shock and pain. A-Qing immediately stepped towards Xiao Xingchen and said with a pleading tone worthy of a prize,

“Please, I don’t know what happened, but he’s badly hurt! Can you help?”

“No, it’s fine, you don’t need to,” Xue Yang mumbled and wanted to turn away, but there was a hand around his wrist, holding him back.

“Come inside,” Xiao Xingchen said firmly and draped Xue Yang’s arm over his shoulder, half dragging and half carrying him over the doorstep and into his shop. Xue Yang was painfully aware of the state of himself, and how all that blood and dirt must now be staining Xiao Xingchen’s usually so spotless clothes as well. But he was too tired to fight against the hold on his shoulder and, quite frankly, the warmth radiating off of Xiao Xingchen made it hard to not lean into his touch. Or maybe Xue Yang was just selfish like that. He barely registered the layout of the shop as he was being led through it and into a back room with a comfortable couch and several bookshelves and cupboards in it.

“Here, lie down,” Xiao Xingchen said quietly and guided him onto the soft cushions. Xue Yang muttered something about not needing to lie down, but it came out weak and he felt his eyes drooping as he spoke. As soon as his head rested against the couch there were hands on his face, carefully tracing the wounds Xue Yang hadn’t seen himself, but knew were there. The touches were light and feathery, almost like flower petals falling onto his face. A second later Xue Yang frowned at his own ridiculous thoughts. He must have gotten hit harder than he thought.

“Will he be alright?” A-Qing asked, and somewhere in her voice lingered a hint of concern.

“Yes, don’t worry,” Xiao Xingchen’s said from way too close to Xue Yang’s ear, “It looks like he has several cuts and bruises, but nothing life-threatening. At least not from what I can see.” 

Xue Yang slowly opened his eyes to observe the scene around him. Xiao Xingchen was kneeling right next to his head and his face was filled with worry. A-Qing stood in the door, as if she didn’t dare to cross the threshold.

“This is really unnecessary,” Xue Yang muttered and tried to sit up, but Xiao Xingchen softly pushed him down again.

“You just say that because you haven’t seen yourself,” A-Qing snapped, “You look even worse than usual. I bet that cut is gonna leave a scar.”

“I hope it does. It’ll me look more dangerous.” Xue Yang tried to grin and he felt the crusted blood around his mouth crack.

“We should really treat those wounds,” Xiao Xingchen said, ignoring their bickering. “A-Qing, would you mind going to the drugstore a few buildings away and get some gauze and ointment? They should be open already. Unfortunately, I don’t have those things in my shop.”

A-Qing nodded and Xue Yang somehow managed to quickly swallow the sarcastic remark that threatened to escape him because apparently he still had some decency left in him. Xiao Xingchen briefly went outside with A-Qing to give her some money, which provided Xue Yang with enough time to sit up and look around. The room was fairly small and it looked more like a library than part of a flower shop. There was a lot of white and green everywhere and it was a bit like sitting in one of the posters that advertised furniture. A few minutes passed before Xiao Xingchen returned, a glass of water in hand. He tsk-ed when he saw Xue Yang sitting up.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re unreasonable,” he sighed, though not unkindly, as he passed Xue Yang the water.

“All the time,” Xue Yang replied and drowned the glass in one swig. “I’m bad at learning from my mistakes though.”

“A fault confessed is half redressed.”

“Which fortune cookie did you get that out of?”

Xiao Xingchen chuckled and sat down next to Xue Yang, a wet towel in hand.

“Would you…let me clean your wounds?” he asked carefully.

Xue Yang didn’t meet his eyes, instead he looked down on his own dirt-encrusted hands. “You really don’t have to do this. I can do it myself. I always–“

“Please?”

Xue Yang’s eyes were drawn to meet Xiao Xingchen’s gaze – he had to make sure that what he’d heard hadn’t been a hallucination. He searched the other’s eyes for anything familiar, pity or annoyance maybe, but he only found honesty. And so Xue Yang slowly nodded, because denying what had almost sounded like a plea was impossible.

Xiao Xingchen smiled and held Xue Yang’s chin between thumb and index finger to keep his head steady. His eyebrows drew slightly together when he carefully dabbed the cut on Xue Yang’s cheek with the wet cloth. It should have stung, but Xue Yang was too distracted by Xiao Xingchen’s face so close to his own. The other’s expression was focused; his eyes narrowed and his full lips slightly parted, completely distracting Xue Yang from any coherent thought he might have formed. After what felt like hours but were probably just minutes, Xiao Xingchen drew back.

“There. Now we just have to wait for A-Qing with the ointment.”

Xue Yang wanted to thank him, but the word was too heavy against his tongue, and so he settled for the next best thing.

“Are you…aren’t you going to ask what happened?” he asked quietly.

“No,” Xiao Xingchen smiled at him and Xue Yang was baffled at the simplicity of the answer. But then Xiao Xingchen continued, confusing Xue Yang even more. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m very worried, but if you don’t want to tell me, then you’ll have your reasons. But if you do want or need to talk, then please know that I am happy to listen.”

This was so beyond anything he would have expected that Xue Yang nodded in compliance without really intending to do so. Thankfully, there was a knock at the entrance and Xiao Xingchen got up to let A-Qing inside, sparing Xue Yang any further speechless embarrassment. This time she showed no hesitation and stepped right up to the couch Xue Yang was sitting on.

“How is it?” she asked with the voice of a mother talking to a child that clumsily fell down the stairs.

“Cleaner than when you left, but still painful as f–“ he looked towards the open door and saw Xiao Xingchen preparing gauze and ointment, “as hell.”

“Seriously, who did that?” she asked in an uncharacteristically serious tone.

“Would you believe me if I said the Yakuza have come back to get me?”

She kicked him in the shin.

“Hey now, don’t hurt him any further,” Xiao Xingchen scolded and gently pushed her aside to sit down next to Xue Yang. Xue Yang noticed how A-Qing glared at the man when he touched her but didn’t say anything.

“Keep still,” Xiao Xingchen murmured and applied some ointment onto the wound. Xue Yang’s skin tingled where the other touched him, but he was pretty sure that just came from the sore skin.

When Xiao Xingchen was done, he inspected Xue Yang’s face again and sighed. “Unfortunately, I can’t really do anything about those other bruises since I’m no expert. Maybe you should consider going to a hos–“

“Oh, definitely not,” Xue Yang interrupted quickly, “Really, I’ve had worse, they’ll all heal up on their own eventually.”

Xiao Xingchen didn’t look convinced and Xue Yang didn’t understand how he could care so much.

“I have crazy regeneration powers. Just ask A-Qing.”

“It’s true. His stupidity always regenerates, no matter how often he gets hit in the head.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed and shook his head. “Well, if you’re sure. You can stay here for the day and…regenerate. I’m going to open the shop now, but don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything.”

And before Xue Yang could so much as think of a protest, Xiao Xingchen already stood and made for the door. It was then that Xue Yang noticed something odd about the other. At first, he wasn’t sure what exactly it was, but then he realised. Xiao Xingchen wore a blue apron, embroidered with the name of his shop. It was the most colour Xue Yang had ever seen on him, and it made him look a lot more approachable than the usual stark white. Then, Xiao Xingchen left the room and it felt empty without his warmth to fill it.

“Wow. He might be a saint,” A-Qing observed and plopped down on the now vacated spot next to Xue Yang.

“He’s come a long way from triad to saint.”

A-Qing scoffed, “Well, not many would have helped your sorry ass.”

Xue Yang didn’t reply for a moment, but then the last remains of his manners piped up. “But you did. I owe you one, four-eyes.”

“You bet you do,” she said, and then, a lot quieter, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“What was that?”

“Don’t push it, jerk.”

-

Around noon A-Qing grew bored and left the room to “do something productive” as she said, whatever that entailed. Xue Yang used the sudden privacy to snoop around the room. Most of the books were flower-related, from encyclopaedias to illustrated books. There was even one on flower language. Xue Yang snorted and pulled it out. It was just as stupid as he had expected, but also strangely entertaining. He was so engrossed in it that he didn’t notice Xiao Xingchen entering the room until the couch next to him dipped slightly.

“Are you enjoying the book?” Xiao Xingchen asked with that natural smile of his that always made Xue Yang wonder if palpitations was something to be concerned about.

“Oh, definitely. This is ridiculous!”

“It might be to you. Some people enjoy speaking in flowers.”

“Do you?” Xue Yang asked, suddenly feeling bad for his condescending comment.

“I think it can be fun to say something without having to think of the appropriate words.”

Xue Yang considered it for a moment and then shrugged, “Yeah, I guess words can be pretty misleading at times.” He skimmed through the book until he reached the section for “T”.

“Are you feeling better already?” Xiao Xingchen asked suddenly.

“Yes, quite a bit actually. All thanks to your diligent care.”

“Oh please, don’t mention it,” Xiao Xingchen got up again. “Would you like some food? I always bring something from home.”

“I’m not hungry,” Xue Yang lied and nonchalantly changed the topic. “Do you live far from here?”

“Only a few streets, it’s a short walking distance. Are you sure about that food? I made noodle soup.”

“You already did way too much for me, I can’t go eating up your lunch as well!” For some reason Xue Yang felt heat rise into his face, but not from anger. The prospect of eating something Xiao Xingchen cooked was a bit too much.

Xiao Xingchen chuckled and went to a small desk in the corner, “No need for modesty, I always have too much anyway.” And he produced a large container from the desk.

“Just let me quickly warm it up.” He opened one of the cupboards to reveal a microwave.

“Why don’t you just live in here?” Xue Yang blurted out, “Damn place has everything.”

A few minutes later they sat in amicable silence and ate their soup. Xue Yang thought he’d never eaten anything more delicious. He would have left something for A-Qing, but he was so hungry that his bowl was empty before he could stop himself.

“That was great. Do you cook often?” Xue Yang asked after he picked the final noodle out of the bowl.

“It can’t be avoided if you live alone.” There was a faint sadness in Xiao Xingchen’s smile. “Although I often eat out with my friend.”

Xue Yang didn’t ask for clarification on that – he remembered the distrust in Song Zichen’s face all too well.

“Well, I should probably get back to work.” Xiao Xingchen took their bowls and put them aside before he walked towards the door.

“Wait!” Xue Yang called before he could stop himself. “Is there anything I can help you with? I mean just…to repay you or something.”

“You don’t need to repay me for anything, and you should rest,” Xiao Xingchen almost scolded.

“But I’m fine! It doesn’t even hurt anymore.” He attempted to stand, but a sudden surge of dizziness made him sway slightly.

“Unreasonable. Well, if you really want to, you can help me close the shop in the evening. But until then, rest!” Somehow Xiao Xingchen’s tone didn’t allow for any objections, and Xue Yang obediently sat down again. He was lucky A-Qing wasn’t here. She would never let him hear the end of it.

About four hours later the door to Xue Yang’s momentary sanctuary opened again and Xiao Xingchen entered.

“How is the patient feeling?” he asked and Xue Yang, as if to prove that he wouldn’t be a bother any longer, leapt up, only feeling a slight dizziness in his head.

“Absolutely perfect. Completely recovered. Able to help,” he said with a wide grin that betrayed his thoughts. But Xue Yang was a master at ignoring reason, and the lie remained unnoticed. Maybe that was because Xiao Xingchen wasn’t looking at him anymore but at the table.

“What is that?” he asked and stepped closer, reaching out to examine the small white object.

“It’s nothing!” Xue Yang said and snatched it up quickly, “Just a stupid thing I do to pass time.”

“Would you…show me?” Xiao Xingchen asked with genuine curiosity coating his voice. It made Xue Yang cringe, because he knew he couldn’t refuse the other if he spoke in that tone. And so he stretched out his hand and showed Xiao Xingchen the small crane he’d been working on. Xiao Xingchen looked at it for a long moment before he moved to take it from Xue Yang’s hand. Before he could make contact, his eyes flicked up to meet Xue Yang’s.

“Can I touch it?” he asked, hand hovering in the air.

“Sure,” Xue Yang shrugged, his eyes fixated on a point on the wall.

Xiao Xingchen carefully took the small statue, his fingers brushing the empty space of Xue Yang’s missing pinky.

“It looks beautiful,” he said simply, turning the crane in his hands. “You’re very talented.”

Xue Yang would have laughed it off with a self-deprecating joke, had his throat not closed up completely.

“It’s not finished,” he finally managed to press out.

“Oh, I see,” Xiao Xingchen said and handed it back. “You’ll have to show me once it is! Well, you can come and help me clean the shop if you’re feeling up to it. No heavy lifting though.” And with that he strode out, as if he hadn’t just reduced Xue Yang to an incoherent mess. It took him at least five minutes to collect his cynicism and dignity from where it had spilled all over the floor.

In the end, Xue Yang was more of a hindrance than a help when it came to cleaning the shop. He kept getting distracted – by unfamiliar flowers, by pretty decorations, by Xiao Xingchen’s general existence. During work, some strands of hair had come away from Xiao Xingchen’s ponytail, and Xue Yang found himself wanting to brush them out of the other’s face. It was such an absurd notion that he considered taking up that offer of a hospital visit after all – maybe he had a concussion.

“Xue Yang?” he heard a soft voice and snapped out of his reverie; attention immediately drawn to Xiao Xingchen’s face.

“Sorry, did you say something? I kinda spaced out.”

“Will you be okay? You still look a bit out of it, and it would be no shame to–“

“No!” Xue Yang cut him off, much louder than necessary, and almost flinched at his own tone. But the compassion Xiao Xingchen showed him was too much, he didn’t know how to handle it any more then he knew how to handle all the kindness. “I’m fine, really. You’ve done too much for me already, I…” His hand came up and he absentmindedly scratched at the gauze that was taped onto his cut. In a few steps, Xiao Xingchen was next to him and grasped his wrist.

“No scratching,” he said, and more gentle, “Xue Yang, I know you think you’re a burden, but you’re not. Not even a little bit.”

He’s this nice to everyone, a voice in Xue Yang’s head screamed, you’re not special. Don’t flatter yourself.

But there was another voice, softer and kinder. Or maybe you are. Maybe he really doesn’t smile at other people like this.

Xiao Xingchen was so close, gently holding his wrist, and Xue Yang wondered what he had done to deserve this, and how long it would take for him to destroy it. Still he nodded.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Xiao Xingchen agreed and dropped Xue Yang’s hand. “Well, we better hurry if we want to finish up before nightfall.”

It was the We that stung in Xue Yang’s eyes, as if they had been exposed to bright light for too long and now threatened to spill tears. He turned quickly, not because he was so eager to work, but because he needed a reason to look away from the man in front of him. For a while they worked in silence. Then, Xue Yang took a deep breath and made a decision that felt a lot more dangerous than starting a fight with three people.

Xiao Xingchen was behind his counter, wiping flecks of soil off the wood. Xue Yang dug around in his pockets for some last remnants of change and maybe a bit of courage. What he found were only some meagre coins, definitely not enough to buy anything at all. Still he walked up to the counter, carefully leaning against it as to not make it dirty again.

“Hey, Xiao Xingchen?”

The man in question looked up in surprise when Xue Yang’s coins clattered onto the wood.

“How much for a Camellia?”

For a heartbeat, Xiao Xingchen stared at him with wide eyes, and Xue Yang thought he had gotten it wrong. But then the other started laughing; the kind and deliberate laugh that always sounded like a gentle breeze.

“You’re a quick learner. I already told you, there is no need to thank me.”

In the end, Xue Yang still insisted on buying him the Camellia. It was a lot easier than saying the word.

-

When he returned to the shelter, Xue Yang found A-Qing sitting on the steps in front of it, short of jumping up when she saw him.

“Did you stay with him until now?” she asked disbelievingly. Xue Yang briefly considered lying, but then he remembered that A-Qing had probably saved his life today, and he relented.

“I did. He insisted on changing the gauze again before I left.” Xue Yang sat down next to A-Qing and tossed her a candy. “He told me to give this to you, and to tell you that you can come around whenever you like.”

They both knew she wouldn’t. She still caught the candy and looked at it contemplatively.

“Wow. He’s just way too kind. People are going to take advantage of him.”

“I won’t let them,” Xue Yang said, surprising both himself and A-Qing.

“Oh boy,” she grinned, and it was like things were back to normal, “You have it bad!”

Xue Yang shoved her shoulder and glared. “The only bad thing I have is the misfortune of having you around.”

Chapter Text

When Xue Yang woke up on Wednesday morning, his stomach felt as if he had done about a hundred sit-ups too many. He could barely lift himself up from the mattress and groaned in pain as he tried to stand. Given the choice, he would have stayed in today. But an acute lack of money, coupled with the unwillingness to show any kind of weakness drove him out of his room. He considered just wandering the streets in hopes of selling a stone statue or, if he was lucky, finding a ‘Help Wanted’ sign, before one look at his clothes told him that he had to make another trip to the washing room if he didn’t want to get mistaken for an escaped murderer. His sweater was still caked in dried blood and dirt from the previous night’s misadventures. Xue Yang knew from experience that any traces of blood severely lowered the chances of getting hired anywhere.

When he stripped down in the washing room, he almost flinched at the sign of his stomach. There was a very unhealthy-looking black bruise that stretched across his skin. He just hoped that a bruise was all it was, and that there would be no lasting damage to any organs or something like that. In comparison, the cut on his cheek looked almost insignificant. When he peeled away the gauze to have a closer look at it in the mirror, he was surprised to find it crusted over without any sign of infestation. Other than the discolouration, his face didn’t seem to have taken too much damage, which he was quite happy about. It was not that Xue Yang cared about scars, he already had plenty of those all over his body, but scars that couldn’t be hidden underneath clothing would make him stand out even more, and not in the good way. People already considered his general presence a threat to their safety, he didn’t need to give them any additional visual justification.

It took Xue Yang a lot longer to shower than usual because somehow every lift of his arms sent a sharp pain through his stomach. He cursed the human anatomy and tried his best to wash his hair without moving too much. More than once did another person enter the room, just to hastily leave again once they realised who it was they disturbed. Situations like this had Xue Yang grateful for his bad reputation. By the time he was done, most other inhabitants had already left the building. Only A-Qing sat in the entrance hall, arguing with the woman Xue Yang kept forgetting the name of.

“I’m just waiting for my…for a guy, it’s not like I’m bothering anyone!”

“But it’s the rules that everyone has to go outside during the day if the weather–”

“I know the damn rules, I’ve been here for a while already. But what are like, five more minutes? He’s gonna–“

“I have been summoned?” Xue Yang asked and walked deliberately slowly into the room. Had he worn a cape instead of a hoodie, it would have been quite the entrance.

“Fucking finally!” A-Qing groaned and shot the woman a venomously sweet smile, “We’re going to head out now, so you can do whatever important task you have to accomplish in peace.”

As he followed A-Qing outside, Xue Yang briefly turned and sent the woman an apologetic shrug. She looked mildly disconcerted.

It was a cold and clear day outside, the streets busy with people who didn’t have to work or were on their break as Xue Yang wandered around in his strange company. He got along with A-Qing alright, but he had never really thought of her as a friend. But then again, he had never really thought of anyone as a friend. He’d been a loner ever since he could remember – too many experiences had slowly convinced him that he wasn’t wanted or needed, and too few people had ever tried to prove him wrong. At some point, he’d simply accepted the fact that he was better off on his own. The shelter, of course, made that even clearer. Most of the people there steered clear of others – it was easier and safer to keep to yourself. But somehow A-Qing was different, despite her occasional paranoia. Xue Yang wondered for how long she’d been alone that world hadn’t quite robbed her of the need for human company yet. In the past weeks, she had gradually become more trusting towards Xue Yang, and the word friendship had made a first tentative appearance in Xue Yang’s mind. As if he had any idea what it was supposed to mean.

“How are you doing? Your face looks a bit better than yesterday. Not good, but then again, it never has,” A-Qing jabbed her elbow into Xue Yang’s side, hitting the edge of his bruise and it took all his self-control to not yelp in pain.

“I’m fine,” he pressed out, “As good as new.”

“I’ve been thinking,” A-Qing said, and Xue Yang was legally obligated to cut in with “Well, that’s new.” She just rolled her eyes and continued, “Maybe we should get Xiao Xingchen something? You know, ‘cause he helped us.”

“Technically, he only helped me,” Xue Yang reminded her.

“Yeah, but he gave me candy. And he’s kind of…I don’t know. Just nice, I guess.”

“Well, we’d need money if we wanted to get him something. Did you miraculously develop any skills that would help with getting a job?”

A-Qing glared at him, “Watch me, jerk.” And then she transformed in a way that made Xue Yang almost question his eyes. She tugged some strands of hair out of her pigtails, curled her shoulders inwards, and adopted a sickly-looking slouch as she limped up to an old lady examining a shop window.

“Excuse me, madam?” she said in a tone so pitiful that Xue Yang couldn’t help but be impressed. “I really don’t mean to bother you, but I don’t have a home, and I haven’t eaten in two days, so I was just wondering if you maybe have a coin or two to spare? But please don’t worry if you don’t, I’ve always gotten along somehow!” Those last words came out rushed, and the old woman’s face scrunched up in pity at A-Qing’s hasty act.  

“Oh dear, I’m so very sorry,” she said in a way other people might talk to their pets, “here, it’s not much, but maybe you can buy yourself a small meal from it.”

“Thank you very much, that is too kind!” A-Qing bowed deeply.

When the old woman turned and walked away, A-Qing expertly straightened her posture and examined her winnings. Xue Yang stepped up to her and clapped slowly.

“Incredible. You really are a master of your craft,” he said without any sarcasm. He himself had never been one for begging, not able to find a way past his pride, but A-Qing made it look almost entertaining.

“It’s not much though,” she grumbled and shook her fist, making the coins inside clink against each other. “At this pace, we can maybe buy him something good in a year or so.”

Xue Yang shrugged, “I bet he wouldn’t want anything anyway.”

“Maybe you could pay him in favours,” she said with an eyebrow wiggle. Xue Yang shoved at her shoulder and almost sent her tumbling to the ground. 

“Wow, so defensive,” she grinned, but dropped the topic when she saw the expression on Xue Yang’s face. “Hey, why don’t you sell your one of your figurines again? Didn’t you make a crane recently?”

Xue Yang’s hand automatically reached for his backpack, where the still unfinished statue was stored.

“I don’t know,” he muttered, “It’s not done yet.”

But he felt like there was another reason for his hesitation. Xiao Xingchen liked the crane. And stupid as that might sound, the delicate white statue somehow reminded Xue Yang of him. A-Qing groaned.

“Seems like stealing something is our only option then,” she said not quietly, earning her some shocked looks from passers-by.

“Don’t even think about it,” Xue Yang made sure to strip his voice of all humour. This wasn’t something she should have to consider.

“It was just a joke…” A-Qing muttered, but didn’t press it further. They walked in silence for a while before A-Qing opened her mouth again, and somehow Xue Yang knew what was coming before she spoke.

“Hey. Who were those people who beat you up? One of them said you were his father’s…puppet? What’s that even mean?”

“Trust me when I say that you’re better off not knowing about any of that shit. It’s not worth it anyway. It was just an old employer. And no – not organised crime related.”

“But will they come back? They seemed pretty intent on going after you.”

“Can you blame them?” Xue Yang replied and winked at her.

“Ugh, gross!” she made gagging noises. “Someday I’ll make you tell me. Just you wait.”

Xue Yang laughed. “I’d like to see you try, four-eyes.”

-

When Xue Yang awoke on Thursday, the sun was already shining through the small window of his empty room and illuminated the ever-present dust particles that floated languidly around. The open window tried its best to replace the stagnant air with a cold breeze from outside but didn’t quite manage to get rid of the familiar stale smell. If there was one thing Xue Yang missed from his previous life, it was the fresh air and the smell of laundry detergent in his tiny apartment. But he had soon learned that it was useless to linger in a past long gone, and so he focused on the merits of the present. Which weren’t many. But it was Thursday, which meant there was one more than on other days. Xue Yang had planned to wake early, but his traitorous body had apparently determined that now was the time to get its long overdue sleep. His mind joined his body in being traitorous when it decided to remind Xue Yang that the only reason that he wanted to awake early was to spend more time with Xiao Xingchen.

Ridiculous.

But still a good enough reason to finally get up. Xue Yang stretched and his back made a very unhealthy noise, a mixture between a snapping branch and a creaking door. When he pulled on his sweater, he was reminded that the pain in his stomach was still at large and he grunted in discomfort. Stepping into the hallway, the smell of mediocre food hit his nose, not tempting enough to draw him to the dining area. Instead he found himself walking to the entrance hall because it was Thursday and…well. He was weak, apparently.

The room was almost empty, with most of the residents grabbing a quick breakfast, but behind the reception desk sat a man dressed in white, and on the desk sat…

Xue Yang groaned. “Four-eyes? Why are you awake already?”

Both looked up from their conversation, A-Qing with a grin that looked slightly frightening, while Xiao Xingchen’s smile was as warm as ever when he met Xue Yang’s eyes.

“Good morning. How are you feeling, have your injuries gotten better?” He immediately stood from his chair and made his way around the desk to get a closer look. Xue Yang felt slightly startled and extremely exposed when Xiao Xingchen’s flawless face came so close to his that he could almost count the other’s individual eyelashes. Xiao Xingchen seemed to be unaware of the personal space he was invading and examined the cut on Xue Yang’s face. At least Xue Yang thought that was what he was doing; he was too distracted by the sweet and woody smell that came with Xiao Xingchen. It took all his self-control to not inhale too obviously.

“Looks good! With a bit of luck, it will only leave a faint scar,” Xiao Xingchen said, and to Xue Yang’s horror he reached up and gently touched the area around his wound. That was all it took to rob Xue Yang of any clever quips he might have uttered, leaving him only with a grunted “Uh- whatever.”

“You shouldn’t be so indifferent about your own well-being,” Xiao Xingchen said, but his smile betrayed his scolding tone.

“God, this is so painful to watch,” A-Qing muttered and put on her ‘yikes’ face.

Xue Yang knew exactly what was going through her head and he quickly cut in before Xiao Xingchen could ask for clarification. “What are you even doing here, four-eyes? You usually don’t get up before noon.”

“Well…” she drawled in a tone that indicated imminent danger, “I wanted to make sure to thank Xiao Xingchen for what he did because I was sure you wouldn’t. But then I heard that you did give him your thanks–“ Xue Yang could only watch helplessly as she continued to speak “–in form of a flower.”  It was as if she savoured every word, and Xue Yang knew this would follow him to the grave. But Xiao Xingchen was oblivious to Xue Yang’s inner torment, or maybe he just took pity on him, because he said,

“It was very thoughtful. The Camellia is still doing well in a vase on my desk.”

“You…you kept it?”

“Of course I did!” Xiao Xingchen sounded almost insulted at the insinuation that he would throw away a flower.

“Of course he did!” A-Qing echoed with very obvious undertones that made Xue Yang want to tape her mouth shut. But again Xiao Xingchen was undeterred; his smile just widened and he chuckled.

“Well, I’m glad you two are still getting along so well. A-Qing, you should keep an eye on your friend here, make sure he doesn’t get himself into trouble again.”

“But I’m just a little girl,” she said with an exaggerated pout, “What am I supposed to do when more of those criminals go after him?”

That got Xiao Xingchen to frown. “Is that a possibility?”

“No, she’s just up to her neck in conspiracy theories. I definitely scared them all away,” Xue Yang huffed and glared at A-Qing.

“Xue Yang, you have to be careful,” Xiao Xingchen said and laid his hand on Xue Yang’s shoulder. The man did really have no concept of personal space. Xue Yang wasn’t bothered in the slightest. “If there is anything you’re worried about, please let me know. Or the police, they–“

“– are always eager to help some random bum from the street,” Xue Yang interrupted bitterly before he could stop himself. “Ah, don’t worry, Xiao Xingchen. I can stand my ground.”

“Well, I still worry about you. But if you’re sure…”

I still worry about you. It sounded so strange that Xue Yang was almost tempted to turn around and check if there was another person Xiao Xingchen was talking to. People didn’t worry about Xue Yang. If anything, they were worried by him.

“I’ll tell you if he gets himself into trouble again,” came A-Qing’s unqualified remark from behind.

Xiao Xingchen turned towards her and Xue Yang heard the smile as he spoke.

“Thank you, A-Qing. I knew you are very reliable. Oh, that reminds me,” he walked over to his desk and dug through his bag, leaving Xue Yang standing bereft and confused in the middle of the room, “I have something for you. I remember Xue Yang mentioning that you’re a big fan of organised crime, so…here. Maybe this something that might interest you.”

He pulled something out of the bag and handed it to A-Qing. It was a book, and Xue Yang could see that the title had something to do with ‘50 most dangerous crime bosses’. Great. It wasn’t like A-Qing head was already full of conspiracy theories. Why did Xiao Xingchen even own something like that? Xue Yang had a hard time imagining the other curling up on the pristine white couch he definitely owned and read a copy of ‘The most gruesome murders that have ever been committed’. But A-Qing was mesmerised; she stared at the book like other people looked at a particularly large diamond.

“Thank you,” she breathed and skimmed through the pages. “This is great!”

“I’m glad you like it,” Xiao Xingchen said happily. Xue Yang wondered if he knew how much such a small gesture meant.

-

Unfortunately, the day eventually moved past morning, and Xue Yang and A-Qing had no reason to stay in the shelter that wasn’t “spending time with Xiao Xingchen”. Alas, that was not enough reason to ignore the shelter’s rules, even though Xiao Xingchen would probably never reprimand them. But the last thing Xue Yang wanted was for Xiao Xingchen to get into trouble because of him, and so he grabbed A-Qing and they excused themselves for the day, leaving Xiao Xingchen to whatever paperwork he had to do.

“I think I’m really gonna do it,” A-Qing said after they’d been walking aimlessly for a few minutes.

“Do what?” Xue Yang asked and glared at a young boy who chased after some pigeons. The boy’s wide eyes started to fill with tears, and he ran off to a woman who was probably his mother.

“Look for a job. I can’t keep begging forever,” A-Qing replied and looked around as if a job might be lurking behind the next corner.

“Good for you,” Xue Yang said, “What was it Xiao Xingchen told me? ‘A fault confessed is half redressed’ or something like that.”

A-Qing snorted, “You sure he said that, and you didn’t get it in a fortune cookie?”

Xue Yang shrugged, his mind already back in the small room of Xiao Xingchen’s flower shop. A-Qing snapped her fingers in front of his face.

“Hey! I’m telling you about my future plans here, don’t space out. Anyway, you’ve been in the business longer than I have, you must have had some jobs before?”

Xue Yang halted abruptly. “Seriously?”

“I don’t mean those delinquent jobs. You must have had other ones! Like, low paying but still paying.”

“Don’t take me as a role model here,” Xue Yang muttered. He wasn’t very keen on remembering that part of his past.

“What, did you do any…dirty stuff?” she sounded sarcastic, but Xue Yang’s blank expression made her eyes widen. “You mean, you…”

“Look, I was desperate, okay. And hungry. Now drop it and think about a job that’s actually fitting for you. Anything you liked in school?”

“Tsk. What is there to like about school?”

Xue Yang shrugged, “I quite enjoyed beating up my classmates.”

“Yeah, I had one of your kind in my school. Unfortunately, I was the classmates.”

Xue Yang grew quiet then, yet again reminded of his remarkable talent to be an inconsiderate asshole.

“I like reading,” A-Qing continued, apparently not really bothered, “But I can’t go work in a bookshop now, can I?”

“And why not?”

“I don’t know, don’t they want like, proper people to work there?” She threw her arms out and almost hit a man who walked past her in the face. He was about to say something undoubtedly mean, but a single look from Xue Yang made him scurry along.

“You are proper people, four-eyes. Fucking hell, I hate this society.”

“Help me then.” She said, and it was a demand more than anything, “If you think it’s so easy, then help me.”

“I didn’t say it was easy. I just think it’s worth trying. You don’t really have anything to lose. But sure, I’ll help.”

“It’s a promise then.”

“Pinky promise,” Xue Yang grinned and flicked her forehead with his left hand.

-

They separated after that, A-Qing going to scout out various book shops in the city and Xue Yang going to sit uselessly on a bench in his favourite park. He absentmindedly carved away at his crane statue, which was slowly coming along and now resembled a bird more than a strange winged snake. The day was mild and there were few people in the park to distract Xue Yang from his work. Every now and then, laughter would drift over and make him look up expectantly, even though he knew Xiao Xingchen to be at the shelter.

Oh boy, you have it bad!, A-Qing’s voice echoed through his head, as if he needed a reminder of his absolutely pathetic state of mind. He didn’t know when exactly he had stopped denying that he liked Xiao Xingchen. Liked him in a way he had absolutely no right to. Sure, Xiao Xingchen was kind to him, showed him a respect Xue Yang had long since written off, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything – Xue Yang was just so used to being treated with contempt that he now mistook ordinary kindness as something it was not. Xiao Xingchen had even said so himself: He liked helping people. He was just a genuinely good guy. And Xue Yang was…well, he was Xue Yang. Sometimes he wondered if Xiao Xingchen knew of the rumours that followed Xue Yang like clouds of dark smoke. But that couldn’t be possible, right? He couldn’t know about the rumours and still act like Xue Yang was someone deserving of kindness.  

Xue Yang stared down at the now-finished crane, its throat elegantly curved and its wings spread widely, and he wanted to swap places with it, wanted to become a delicate little object worthy of Xiao Xingchen’s admiration. A few drops of rain made him look up and he realised that the sun had vanished behind a thick blanket of clouds. It must have turned evening already, judging by the spots of dark orange that were visible in the sky. The gentle dribble slowly turned into a not-so-gentle shower, and Xue Yang quickly packed his things to get to the shelter before it got overcrowded again. When the building came into sight, he couldn’t help but wonder what Xiao Xingchen would do if there was no more space for Xue Yang. Would he still let him stay? Would he… Xue Yang violently shook his head because the thoughts that rushed through it were just too pathetic to linger on. He ran up the steps to the shelter and was just about to pull at the door when it slammed open and almost into his face. He stumbled backwards and slipped on the rain-slick landing, but a hand closed around his wrist and pulled him forward.

“Xue Yang!”

He looked up and was surprised to see Xiao Xingchen, slightly dishevelled and with a look of dread on his face.

“We have to go!”

And with that, Xiao Xingchen’s fingers slipped from Xue Yang’s wrist to his hand, and he clutched it tightly as he pulled Xue Yang with him. For a second Xue Yang was at a loss for…well everything, really, as his world was narrowed down to the one small point of contact between them. He curled his fingers around Xiao Xingchen’s almost automatically, marvelling at their softness. He didn’t want to imagine how his own calloused fingers must feel like under Xiao Xingchen’s smooth skin. Then, he finally found his bearings again.

“Xiao Xingchen, wait! What’s going on? Did you kill someone? Do you need me to hide the body?”

Xiao Xingchen didn’t even chuckle, so whatever had happened had to be serious.

“No time for jokes! A-Qing is in trouble!”

Xue Yang stopped very abruptly and Xiao Xingchen stumbled backwards instead of simply letting go of Xue Yang’s hand.

“What?” There was a sudden emptiness in Xue Yang’s head.

“Please, let’s just get to the car, I’ll explain on the way!”

Were he not so overwhelmed by the whole situation, the prospect of riding a car with Xiao Xingchen would have excited Xue Yang. But the way Xiao Xingchen looked up at him from a couple of stairs further below, hair slowly soaking in the rain and desperation clear on his face, made Xue Yang nod without any further comment. Hands still linked, they made their way down the street and away from the shelter.

“I didn’t think you had a car,” Xue Yang called as he followed Xiao Xingchen through the downpour.

“I don’t,” he yelled back.

“Then how…”

They came to a halt in front of a large black vehicle. Xue Yang knew nothing about cars, but from the looks and size of this one, it must have been absurdly expensive. Next to it, holding a black umbrella was –

“Xingchen? Who did you bring?” Song Zichen asked.

“This is Xue Yang, you’ve met before. He’s A-Qing’s friend, I figured he might want to come,” Xiao Xingchen replied hastily and was already getting into the car, while Song Zichen and Xue Yang stared at each other. Xue Yang couldn’t for the life of him remember where he had met the man before. Song Zichen looked very unhappy with the situation, but with a jerk of his head he indicated for Xue Yang to get into the car, and Xue Yang complied. He took a seat in the back, while Xiao Xingchen sat next to Song Zichen in the front. The way Song Zichen looked at the other, concern softening the hard lines of his face, made Xue Yang frown. The atmosphere in the car was uncomfortable, even with Xiao Xingchen there to balance the inexplicable hostility between Xue Yang and Song Zichen.

“So, what happened?” Xue Yang asked impatiently when the silence became unbearable.

“I got a call from the owner of a bookstore,” Xiao Xingchen explained immediately, “Apparently, a young girl tried to steal from him and when he caught her, she gave him my number and begged him to call me before he called the police.”

Xue Yang closed his eyes in exasperation. He should have seen it coming. He should have gone with her.

“But she’s okay, right? Nothing happened, and we’ll get her back?”

“The owner didn’t sound unreasonable, I’m sure we will reach an agreement.” Xiao Xingchen turned in his seat to give Xue Yang a reassuring smile.

“Yeah…an agreement,” Xue Yang muttered, when he suddenly remembered something. “But what about you? Can you just leave like that?”

The smile on Xiao Xingchen’s face flickered ever so slightly, and dread filled Xue Yang’s stomach. This was exactly what they had been trying to avoid, and an unreasonable anger at A-Qing welled up inside of him.

“They will understand, Xingchen,” Song Zichen said calmly and laid a hand onto Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder, “You’re just helping.”

Xue Yang wanted to slap the other’s hand away, but he could only watch in silence as Xiao Xingchen’s expression softened at his friend’s words, and he turned to the front again. Xue Yang felt the barrier between him and Xiao Xingchen stronger than ever, as if the back of the car was suspended behind a thick wall of glass. He stared down at his hands, at his missing finger that always managed to pull him back into reality from whatever ridiculous daydreams he might get captured in. He heard Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen talk, but he couldn’t really understand the words. He didn’t want to. He stared outside the window, where the darkening world got blurred by the streaks of rain against the glass.

The ride didn’t take too long, and eventually they came to a halt in front of a small second-hand bookstore, whose windows emitted a warm glow out into the gloomy street.

“Xue Yang?”

Xue Yang snapped out of his thoughts and found Xiao Xingchen turned towards him, already half out of the door.

“Are you coming?”

Xue Yang looked at him for a moment, at the wet stands of hair that partly obscured his eyes, at the small smile, barely visible but still there.

“Maybe I should…stay here. It’s not like I make the best impressions,” he said, trying to sound as casual and detached as possible.

“Nonsense. Don’t you want to help A-Qing?”

For a second, Xue Yang’s eyes flicked over to Song Zichen. The other man regarded him with a calculating look, as if he was trying to read him. Xue Yang was determined to reveal nothing and abruptly turned away.

“Yeah. You’re right,” he said hoarsely and pushed the door of the open. “Let’s go.”

The three of them walked through the still pouring rain, and Xue Yang was only slightly annoyed at Song Zichen’s looming presence behind him. It wasn’t that Xue Yang was scared of him, it was just that the way the tall man treated him felt strange. What connected someone as sombre as Song Zichen to the brightness that was Xiao Xingchen was beyond him. But then again, the same could very well be said about Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen. Maybe Xiao Xingchen was simply someone who attracted his opposites.

When they entered the bookstore, a small bell above the entrance announced their arrival. The inside of the shop was warm and dry and welcoming, and it would have been a nice place, were it not for their reason for being there. Xue Yang’s eyes immediately scanned the room, wandering over shelves and shelves of books, most of which looked old and used.  There were a few tables with wingback chairs around them, and in one of those sat a small girl with pigtails, looking utterly lost and alone. When she heard the sound of the bell, her head snapped up and there was panic in her eyes that only intensified when she saw who had come in. Xue Yang’s legs acted on their own and he hurried over. But before he could reach her, a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Excuse me? Are you her guardian?”

Xue Yang turned and found himself face to face with a tiny old man who regarded him with suspicion.

“We are,” said a soft voice from behind the old man. Xue Yang’s eyes widened, and his mouth hung open as he realised the implications that came with Xiao Xingchen’s casual lie. Luckily, the old man had already turned away from him, so he was oblivious to the apparent shock on Xue Yang’s face. Xiao Xingchen stood there, a friendly smile on his face that didn’t quite reach the levels of brightness it usually did. Son Zichen, meanwhile, had adopted an expression so stern he looked more like Xiao Xingchen’s bodyguard than anything else.

“And we are terribly sorry about her behaviour,” Xiao Xingchen now continued, “I don’t know what drove her to do that, but I’m sure it was a one-time-mistake. Right, A-Qing?”

Xue Yang turned just in time to see A-Qing stiffening in her chair, eyes downcast and fingers digging into the soft armrests.

“Yes,” she muttered to her feet. Xue Yang took the opportunity to walk over to A-Qing while the old man was preoccupied with Xiao Xingchen, who was still making very eloquent apologies.

“What the fuck was your game here?” Xue Yang hissed, quietly enough to make sure only she would hear him. She looked up, and for once there was no defiance or conviction in her eyes. Instead she looked desperate, as if she was about to shatter at the smallest touch. And so Xue Yang didn’t touch, he just crouched down and jabbed his finger at her.

“It has to look like I’m lecturing you, so look like you’re ashamed.”

It was an entirely unnecessary thing to say, as A-Qing looked about as ashamed as was humanly possible. Xue Yang had no idea how to handle this version of A-Qing, the one that wasn’t constantly throwing with words sharp enough to cut skin. He was about to say something else, but someone stepped next to him and Xue Yang had never been so glad to see Xiao Xingchen.

“It’s okay, A-Qing. This very kind sir agreed that there is no need to involve the police,” Xiao Xingchen said with a smile. Xue Yang got up and stared at him.

“For real?” he asked, as this was not how things went down in his experience.

“Yes. But only if A-Qing volunteers to help out in the shop for the next month. Rearrange the shelves, take stock of the books, things like that. This won’t be a problem, right, A-Qing?”

Xiao Xingchen gently touched her shoulder and instead of shattering, A-Qing’s posture softened, as if Xiao Xingchen’s hand alone managed to hold her together. She looked at him as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing, and Xue Yang could relate.

“I…I’m so sorry!” she said with a sob. Xue Yang had never seen her cry, or show any strong emotion that was even somehow related to sadness. But here she was, sitting in that big chair, with tears threatening to spill over if she dared to blink.

“You don’t have to apologise to me. You should do so to this gentleman,” Xiao Xingchen gestured to the old man. For a moment, A-Qing didn’t move, as if she was being weighed down by her own pride, but then she got up and stepped towards the shop owner.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to steal.”

It was a lie, Xue Yang could hear it in her quivering voice, but it was good enough for the inexperienced, and the old man sighed.

“It’s alright. The recklessness of youth is not something to condemn. But make sure to listen to your–” his eyes flicked from Xue Yang to Xiao Xingchen, and Xue Yang prayed, begged, that he didn’t say the f-word. “–your guardians–” Xue Yang breathed a sigh of relief, “–and I do expect you to come here every day, timely at 7 in the morning, to help me run the shop.”

A-Qing nodded hastily, almost eagerly. Xiao Xingchen thanked the man again before the four of them made their way out of the shop and into the still rainy evening. Song Zichen had been quiet the whole time, standing next to the door and observing the whole scene with an unhappy expression. Now that they were outside again, he let out a small sigh and grabbed Xiao Xingchen’s arm to hold him back.

“Please don’t make me do this again, Xingchen. I’m basically neglecting my duties,” he said quietly.

Xue Yang and A-Qing were a few steps ahead of them, already having reached the car, but Xue Yang could still hear every word.

“I’m so sorry, Zichen. I know how much you dislike things like this. It’s just…I had no one else to ask,” Xiao Xingchen said apologetically.

“I did this for you, so it’s no problem. Just…just don’t make a habit out of it. It’s still illegal, Xingchen, and I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I won’t! Thanks, Zichen, I’ll make sure to pay next time we get dinner.”

It hurt. Something inside of Xue Yang’s chest hurt. Out of the corner of his eye he could see A-Qing looking at him, but he kept staring straight ahead. He locked eyes with his own reflection in the car’s dark window. This is what you get for your delusional hopes, his reflection told him, and Xue Yang had to restrain himself to not punch the glass.  Something touched his clenched fist and he looked down. Slender fingers gently brushed his skin.

“Are you alright?” Xiao Xingchen asked. Xue Yang pulled his hand away.

“Sure,” he said in an attempt to sound normal. “Yeah, that was great. You’re a life-saver.”

“Thank you so much, Xiao Xingchen. I didn’t mean to get you into trouble, really! I just…I…” she fell quiet when Song Zichen joined them at the car.

“I’ll drive you back to the shelter,” he said, and it was the first time he addressed someone other than Xiao Xingchen. “You can get in.”

A-Qing looked slightly intimidated, another expression Xue Yang had never seen on her before, and she hesitantly got into the car. Xue Yang followed because he could feel Xiao Xingchen’s questioning look burn against his skin.

The drive back was quiet, and only A-Qing made conversation by apologising repeatedly. Xiao Xingchen reassured her that it was alright, but that she shouldn’t do it again, which she promised intently. Xue Yang tried to say something once or twice, but he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth. The conversation between Song Zichen and Xiao Xingchen played in his mind on repeat, and he tried to make sense of it, to piece together a puzzle from which parts were clearly missing.

I had no one else to ask.

I did this for you, so it’s no problem.

Xue Yang tried to tell himself that he had already known. That there was no way someone like Xiao Xingchen had interest in someone like him. It wasn’t like Xue Yang had gotten his hopes up. It wasn’t like that…

The car came to a stop in front of the shelter.

“If there is any more trouble, let me know,” Song Zichen said to Xiao Xingchen.

“Thanks again, Zichen,” Xiao Xingchen smiled and opened the door. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

A-Qing hurried out of the car to catch up to Xiao Xingchen, who already made his way up the stairs to the entrance. Xue Yang wasn’t too keen on being alone with Song Zichen in an enclosed space, so he hastily scrambled out of the car.

“Xue Yang.” Song Zichen didn’t shout, but his voice was carried strong and clear through the open window.

Xue Yang stopped dead in his tracks and turned. Song Zichen eyed him sternly.

“What?” Xue Yang asked, almost challenging.

“You have changed. Don’t get Xingchen into trouble,” the reply came. And with that, Song Zichen closed the window and drove away, leaving Xue Yang to stare after the car.

It was impossible. No human being could have this much misfortune. But, of course, life happily proved Xue Yang wrong on that assumption.

He knew Song Zichen. 

Chapter Text

- 6 years ago -

Xue Yang was barely 20, reckless and arrogant. Having never been shown something akin to kindness or caring, he was certain that the only way to survive in this world was to face it with the same cruelty it had always shown him. He knew he didn’t possess much other than his cunning and his ability to adapt. And so, he stuck to the shadows to make sure he stayed invisible in a world that had no interest in seeing him.

He was employed by Nightless Enterprises, a large cooperation under CEO Wen Ruohan. Xue Yang wasn’t even sure what exactly it was the cooperation did. He just knew they were making lots of money and even more enemies. And those enemies were exactly what he had been hired for. As unsuited as he was for most kinds of social interaction, when it came to intimidation Xue Yang was a prodigy. He knew how to read peoples’ fears and play on them, he knew which words to use to really make them hurt, and he knew what topics could make someone break. He liked harming with words, but sometimes physical violence was needed to really convince someone of what was best for them. Xue Yang wasn’t beneath the occasional beating, but torture was something he rather avoided. There was no fun in hurting someone defenceless. The only sin Xue Yang was not yet guilty of was murder, and he’d rather keep it that way. Death was so…boring, so definitely and absolutely finite. And Xue Yang hated boredom as much as he hated endings.

Which was why he always dreaded returning to the emptiness and silence of his flat after a day of hard work. At least the people Wen Ruohan sent him to talked to him, even if it were just pleas and curses. They kept him busy, kept his mind away from the memories that always came rushing in when he was alone with nothing to do but drown in his own thoughts. Memories of a childhood long gone, just as empty and void of light as his life was now. Memories of observing the people around him, their joy and happiness only feeding his hatred for them. No, Xue Yang definitely did not like other people, nor did he want them to like him. Fear was much more useful, after all. So much better suited for someone like him…

Sometimes he thought back to the moment that had shaped his life into what it was now, the moment he always remembered clear as day. He had been twelve, waiting outside the teacher’s office while his teacher talked to the head of the orphanage Xue Yang lived in. He could hear their voices through the thin wooden door, could hear the disdain in his teacher’s voice. Xue Yang was “bright but broken” he said, and the words echoed through Xue Yang’s head like a shout though a vast cave. Bright but broken, and Xue Yang took those words and turned them into his own personal excuse. Why bother with learning, why bother with finding a proper way through life, when any brightness he possessed was dimmed by the broken state of himself?

And so he ended up in the dark parts of town, the parts that allowed him to pretend brightness didn’t exist, and broken was all he had. Violence had come easy to him, the only skill he could ever really pride himself on, and others noticed as well. It was one of Nightless Enterprises’ executives, a man called Wen Zhuliu, who offered Xue Yang employment. Xue Yang had agreed because what else was there to do for him in life? His job at Nightless Enterprises was the closest thing to a ‘normal life’ he could hope for – a steady income, a small place to live in, a purpose.

He kicked the door to his apartment open and stepped into the dark and silent emptiness. For a moment he just stood there, let the feeling of loneliness wash over him and embraced it, trying to turn it into an armour. His job today had been bad. The man he had been sent to was uncooperative and proud, the worst kind of people Xue Yang had to deal with. He had stubbornly refused to respond to Xue Yang’s poisonous words, and so violence was the last resort. It hadn’t been pretty and it hadn’t been fun, and Xue Yang wanted nothing more than to take a shower to scrub the feeling of breaking bones off his skin.

Standing in his narrow hallway, he heard nothing but his own breathing mingling with the faint sound of traffic from outside. He felt like screaming, but there was no use in straining his voice when no one was there to hear it anyway. He stepped towards his bathroom, and it was then that he noticed something was off.  He couldn’t tell exactly what it was, but it felt different. Something was wrong about the atmosphere, about the air in the hallway. He switched on the lights. They illuminated the bare space, almost mockingly reflecting off the one single picture that hung on the wall. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Xue Yang carefully moved forward, and his hand reached for the knife at his belt. His intuition had always been peerless, the only thing that really protected him from whatever the world threw at him. But his living room was just as quiet as the hallway. A bookshelf, an empty couch, a dying plant.

There was a sudden sharp knock at his front door that made Xue Yang flinch despite of himself. He slowly turned around and frowned at the door, pointing his knife at it. He wasn’t expecting anyone. In fact, he couldn’t remember ever getting a visitor in this apartment; with the only person knowing and caring that he lived here being Wen Ruohan. Xue Yang tightened his grip around the knife and quietly approached the door. No sound came from the other side, and he knew that whoever stood there was ready to attack him as soon as the door opened. Xue Yang extended his hand ever so slowly and laid it onto the handle, readying himself for a fight. With a strong yank he pulled the door open and made to lunge forward, but he didn’t get far. Everything passed too quickly for him to exactly know what happened. He didn’t get a chance to raise his knife before two strong arms blocked his hand and pushed him backwards. All air left Xue Yang’s lungs when his back slammed hard against the wall behind him. His vision went blurry for a moment and he felt himself getting spun around, cheek pressing against the rough wallpaper. His arms were being twisted behind his back and the smallest movement sent a jolt of pain through his shoulders.

“Don’t try anything,” a voice said right next to Xue Yang’s ear. The treat was clearly audible in the low tone and it sent a shiver down Xue Yang’s spine.

He slowly twisted his head to the side, careful as to not provoke his assailant. Out of the corner of his eye, Xue Yang saw the silhouette of a tall man with short, inky black hair. His face was half in shadows, but Xue Yang could see a mouth contorted in displeasure. The man looked entirely unlike any of the low-lives Xue Yang had taken care of in recent weeks. When Xue Yang’s eyes slowly trailed down the other’s body, the reason for the unfamiliarity became glaringly obvious: he was wearing a police uniform. Xue Yang felt alarm verging on panic, but somehow he still managed to force a grin onto his face.

“Good evening, Officer. How might I be of service?” There was the tinge of mania to his voice that always came through when Xue Yang wasn’t in control of a situation. The man behind him seemed unfazed.

“It speaks of your character that you need me to remind you of your actions,” he said coldly. “Xue Yang, you are being arrested on suspects of assault, torture, and murder. You have the right to remain silent, and–”

The man’s words merged into a blurred sting of nonsensical sounds when Xue Yang felt metal winding around his wrists. This couldn’t be happening; he had been assured that there would never be a way to trace anything back to him. Wen Ruohan had people specifically employed to clean up after Xue Yang. Wen Ruohan. There was no way he would abandon Xue Yang, not with all the good work he had done for the company. Nightless Enterprises needed Xue Yang. He did get a bit calmer at that thought.

“There must be some kind of misunderstanding here, Officer, I have done no such things. I live a humble li–,“ Xue Yang gasped in pain when the metal around his wrists tightened.

“I highly advise you to make use of your right to stay silent,” the police officer said and started to walk Xue Yang out of the apartment. There were two other people in uniform outside, looking disgusted as Xue Yang was walked past them. The smile had molten off his face like liquid wax and all that remained was an emptiness that filled him up completely. He barely registered how he was being pushed into the police car and how the officer told him yet again to not try anything.

And that was Xue Yang’s first encounter with Song Zichen.

-

Xue Yang stood in the pouring rain until Song Zichen’s car vanished around a corner. It must have been less than five minutes, but it felt like a small eternity. His clothes were drenched in water and his mind was drenched in memories.

So Xiao Xingchen knew. He had to know. There was no way Song Zichen hadn’t told his friend about the delinquent that got away with a murder charge. It didn’t matter whether or not Xue Yang actually did kill someone. There was no returning from even the faintest rumour about being a killer. Xue Yang walked up the steps to the shelter almost in trance. He didn’t notice how he opened the door or stepped inside, until the sudden absence of wet drops against his skin made him realise the change of scenery. Xiao Xingchen stood in front of the counter, talking to Wan Jin. Judging from the way Wan Jin gestured around they seemed to be discussing something serious. A-Qing was standing next to Xiao Xingchen, looking like she wanted nothing more than to vanish into thin air.

“-don’t know how to handle it. There is something called violation of supervisory duties, you know. I can’t just ignore you leaving your work.”

“I agree,” Xiao Xingchen nodded because of course he did. “I wouldn’t want you to take the fall for me. I will let our superior know about this as soon as I can. He can take the necessary steps.”

Wan Jin gaped at him, obviously confused at how easy he conceded.

“I mean…” she said slowly, eyes flicking down to the crestfallen A-Qing. “I…I wouldn’t rat you out or anything. Nothing happened after all, and…you did help a little girl.”

Xue Yang could see A-Qing’s shoulders stiffening – she hated being called ‘little girl’ – but she didn’t say anything and just continued to stare to the floor.

“But I still violated the shelter’s rules. I should really–“

“You shouldn’t.” Xue Yang found himself saying without really intending to do so. “You had a choice and you made the right one. I…You’re needed here.”

Wan Jin frowned at him but didn’t object. “Let’s just forget about it,” she sighed. “Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“Of course. Thank you for your help and your understanding,” Xiao Xingchen said, even though he didn’t seem quite convinced. Wan Jin shrugged and took her place behind the reception desk while Xiao Xingchen walked over to Xue Yang, A-Qing following close behind.

“Well, all in all this went smoothly, didn’t it?” Xiao Xingchen smiled.

A-Qing still looked distressed. “I’m so, so sorry, Xiao Xingchen. I really didn’t think I–“

“No,” Xue Yang cut in because worry and desperation had congealed into anger inside his chest, “you clearly didn’t think. Why the fuck would you try to rob a bookstore? One second you talk big about wanting to turn your life around, the other you go to steal a fucking cookbook or something.”

A-Qing looked like Xue Yang had hit her.

“What’s done is done, there is no need to–“ Xiao Xingchen said softly, but A-Qing interrupted him with a hand motion and took a step towards Xue Yang.

“You… Don’t act like you’re such a fucking model citizen! I tried to steal something, so what! It’s not like I wanted it for myself, I just…whatever! It’s still a whole lot better than killing someone, isn’t it?”

The room grew very quiet, except that A-Qing’s last words still echoed between the walls. Or maybe it was Xue Yang’s head that kept replaying them like a broken record. Xue Yang huffed a laugh, short and humourless, and it broke through the silence like a bullet through glass. Xue Yang didn’t need to look at A-Qing or Xiao Xingchen to know the expression on their faces – shock mixed with fear. Maybe disgust. And so, he stared into the middle-distance as the liquid rage that had been burning in his veins froze into shards of ice. Then he simply turned and walked out of the door because what else was there to do? Someone may have called his name, but he wasn’t sure. The ringing in his ears was too loud. He knew that it had to happen, sooner or later. He had grown too complacent in his borrowed happiness.

The rain was still pouring when Xue Yang made his way through the deserted city, like the sky was determined to shed tears for him since his own had dried up long ago. The last rays of the sun had finally vanished behind the rooftops of the houses and left the streets below to the dim illumination of lanterns. Xue Yang walked without a destination because there was nowhere for him to go anyway. The knowledge filled him with a strange kind of numbness. He felt drained and empty, as if all his emotions had stayed in the shelter together with Xiao Xingchen, who was the only one who had ever shown any kind of interest in them. But Xiao Xingchen was a good man, and he didn’t deserve Xue Yang’s tarnished past to sully his present.

Xue Yang let out a choked cry that sounded strange to his own ears. He drew back his fist and slammed it as hard as he could against the nearest brick wall because maybe that would overshadow the sharp pain in his chest. But the only thing he achieved was to tear open the skin at his already scarred knuckles. He stared at his hand in disgust, rough and damaged and missing a finger. Not a hand meant to be gentle, and certainly not a hand meant to touch others. A while ago, Xue Yang had wondered how long it would take him to destroy what little happiness had come into his life with Xiao Xingchen. Turned out he didn’t even need a month. He almost laughed at that, because that was what he did, right? Destroy things and laugh at it. He drew his arm back again, determined to break this hand that could only do harm. But before it reached wall, there was a warmth at his wrist as fingers closed around it and stopped the motion. Xue Yang’s heart skipped a beat, and then another when the faint smell of earth and flowers drifted through the pouring rain.

“Stop.” Xiao Xingchen said firmly, and then, softer, “Stop.”

Despite his better judgement and despite all determination, Xue Yang couldn’t stop himself from turning around. The man before him was soaked, and yet his dripping clothes and the tangled strands of hair that clung to his little rain-wet skin did nothing to rob him of his beauty. Xue Yang’s heart ached at the sight, at the little drops of light that were caught at the other’s lashes like tears. His gaze never left Xue Yang’s, but those slender fingers brushed from Xue Yang’s wrist down to his hand, careful to not touch the raw skin at his knuckles. Ever so gently, Xiao Xingchen pried open Xue Yang’s fingers that were still curled into a fist.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Xiao Xingchen murmured and smiled, and Xue Yang felt himself break.

“What are you doing?”, he snapped, but it wasn’t anger that was burning in his eyes, “You have no idea! You come here with your morals and your…your virtues, and you think you can change things. But you can’t begin even to understand what’s going on here, what kind of people you’re dealing with! You don’t even know me!”

But you know of me, so why are you still here? Why are you torturing us like this?

Xiao Xingchen looked at him and there was hurt in his eyes, and in this moment Xue Yang despised himself more than ever. He wanted to turn and leave, get as far away as possible from this man who did not yet hate him.

But before he could take a step backward, Xiao Xingchen had already taken one forward, and he wrapped his arms around Xue Yang’s waist, pulling him close. Xue Yang stumbled against the other’s chest, too overwhelmed to even grasp a coherent thought. Xiao Xingchen’s smell, his warmth, his whole existence exuded such a sense of safety that Xue Yang slowly, so very slowly, allowed himself to fall apart. He didn’t weep, or cry, or sob. He just stained Xiao Xingchen’s already wet clothes with the tears he didn’t even knew he still possessed. 

“You’re right,” Xiao Xingchen murmured into Xue Yang’s hair, “Even if I try as hard as I can, I can’t change everything. And I don’t presume as much. But the fact that I don’t know you…that’s something I can change. That I want to change. If you let me.”

Xue Yang couldn’t speak, even if he wanted to. He raised his arms to push Xiao Xingchen away, to put some distance between him and that unfamiliar closeness, but all he ended up doing was curl his finger into the soft fabric of Xiao Xingchen’s jacket, holding on as if he was afraid the rain would otherwise drown him. They stayed like that for a long while, until the downpour turned into a drizzle and until the tears head dried away.

“Please don’t leave me,” Xue Yang said quietly, muffled against Xiao Xingchen’s chest, and he prayed that the other didn’t hear those utterly pathetic words.

But, “I won’t,” Xiao Xingchen said, and Xue Yang heard him smile.

Eventually, Xiao Xingchen pulled back and clutched Xue Yang’s shoulder with his hands.

“Xue Yang, I’m going to ask you something and please, know that it’s not out of pity or necessity, and that you can decline if you are uncomfortable with it in any way.”

Xue Yang felt his breath hitch in his throat.

 “Would you like to come over to my flat? You could take a warm shower, and I could take a look at those wounds.”

Out of everything Xiao Xingchen could have said, this was the thing Xue Yang least expected. He gaped at the man before him, not quite sure if he was real or an image conjured up by his already cracked mind. Xiao Xingchen waited patiently without saying anything. Xue Yang knew that he had to decline because he was sure that, in all those timelines out there, not a single one existed in which was he supposed to set foot into Xiao Xingchen’s house.

And so, No, a very rational voice in Xue Yang’s head said.

“Yes,” Xue Yang said out loud while rationality yelled at him angrily. “I mean, if…if it’s alright. You don’t have to–”

Before Xue Yang had the chance to realise what was happening, a hand suddenly covered his mouth.

“Shh. I offered, didn’t I?” Xiao Xingchen said merrily, apparently entirely oblivious to the effect he had on Xue Yang, whose mind had gone entirely blank. When Xiao Xingchen removed his hand, Xue Yang could still feel the warmth against his skin, and he unconsciously raised his hand to his lips.

Xiao Xingchen had the audacity to laugh.

“Come on, let’s get out of the cold. I think we both deserve a hot shower.”

Were they different people in a different situation, Xue Yang would have made a sarcastic comment, or maybe a stupid innuendo. But they were Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang, about to spend the evening in the former’s flat, and so Xue Yang did the only thing that seemed appropriate: he shut up and followed.

-

Xiao Xingchen lived in a house at the edge of town, small compared to the rest of the looming buildings but still big enough to provide space for at least ten apartments. Xiao Xingchen held the door to the foyer open for Xue Yang, who obediently entered. They hadn’t spoken a word on the way here and Xue Yang was grateful. He was too busy trying to process that he was being invited into someone’s home, and that said someone was Xiao Xingchen of all people. He felt slightly guilty at the thought to impose on the other like that. When they stepped into the elevator Xue Yang was faced with his own reflection, wet and dishevelled, next to a similarly drenched Xiao Xingchen. Strange, Xue Yang thought, how the rain of all things made them more equal. They rode up to the top floor where Xiao Xingchen led him to the door at the end of the hallway. The mat in front of it bid Xue Yang welcome, but he didn’t know in how far the cursive writing could be trusted. Only when Xiao Xingchen gently tugged him inside did Xue Yang step over the threshold.

They both dripped water all over the wooden floor, but Xiao Xingchen didn’t seem perturbed in the slightest. He just pulled off his shoes and gestured for Xue Yang to do the same. Xue Yang felt a bit lost in the quaint little flat, surrounded by all those pretty flowers and clean furniture. He had always considered his own flat comfortable, back when he still had one, but compared to this it had been little more than a hovel. After Xue Yang had left his shoes at neatly as possible in the corner, Xiao Xingchen led him into the living room.

“It’s very small,” he said, almost apologetically, as if his flat wasn’t the most homely place Xue Yang had ever been to. The room was a mixture of white, brown, and green, lit by warm ceiling lights. “But it’s enough. Here, make yourself comfortable.”

He guided Xue Yang over to a soft looking, but very small couch.

“I shouldn’t…I’m still drenched,” Xue Yang protested weakly.

“Don’t worry, the covers are washable,” Xiao Xingchen said as if that was enough of a reason for Xue Yang to ruin them. “I would like to clean your wounds first, raw skin like that can get infected very quickly.”

He hurried out of the room and left Xue Yang alone with his own thoughts. As unreal as this situation was, Xue Yang couldn’t deny the excitement that surged though him. He didn’t want to admit that he felt a horribly selfish thrill at the thought of Xiao Xingchen trusting him enough to allow him entrance to his flat. Xue Yang was still wary, of course, but the unpredictability and unexpectedness that followed Xiao Xingchen around rendered any of Xue Yang’s attempts to read the other’s intentions futile. How could Xue Yang even try to understand a man who calmly let an alleged murderer sit on his couch and –

“Found everything,” Xiao Xingchen announced and sat down next to Xue Yang. He put a bowl with warm water and a cloth in it onto the table before he turned towards Xue Yang.

Xue Yang thought that, by now, he should be used to Xiao Xingchen having absolutely no concept of personal space, but he was still slightly started by the sudden proximity. Xiao Xingchen hadn’t even bothered with drying off the traces of rain and some drops of water ran from his hair down his face. Xue Yang followed them with his eyes until they vanished beneath Xiao Xingchen’s collar. It was slightly mesmerizing, and Xue Yang flinched when he felt a gentle touch.

Xiao Xingchen carefully took Xue Yang’s left hand into his and examined the damage done to the knuckles. The skin was scraped open and still bleeding, but Xue Yang was too distracted to really feel any pain. He wanted nothing more than to pull his hand out of Xiao Xingchen’s. Seeing their fingers so close next to each other felt like some stupid metaphor for the differences between them. Where Xiao Xingchen had fair and smooth skin without even the smallest imperfection, Xue Yang’s was calloused and scarred from too many fights. And then there was the empty space around his pinky, where only a stump of healed-over flesh remained.

“This doesn’t look too bad,” Xiao Xingchen said quietly as he brought Xue Yang’s hand closer to his face. Xue Yang’s whole body was tense, and his fingers were so strained that they trembled slightly. Xiao Xingchen traced the form of Xue Yang’s fingers almost absentmindedly, as if he was trying to relieve them of some of the tension. When he reached the missing pinky, he stopped, and Xue Yang’s fingers curled involuntarily as to not make the empty space too obvious. Xiao Xingchen’s eyes flicked up to meet Xue Yang’s, and Xue Yang had no idea what he found there, but it led to him slowly shaking his head. He lifted Xue Yang’s hand up and then, without warning, he gently pressed his lips against the scarred skin of the stump.

 Time stopped existing.

Xue Yang couldn’t do anything but stare at the man before him. Xue Yang’s bloodied hand was a stark contrast against Xiao Xingchen’s white skin and the warmth of the other’s soft lips felt almost scalding. Xue Yang didn’t know how long they stayed for that; maybe it was the fraction of a heartbeat, maybe it was a minute. But then, suddenly and without warning, Xiao Xingchen dropped Xue Yang’s hand and looked at him with shock in his eyes.

“I’m sorry! I don’t…that was very untoward, I’m really sorry.”

A faint trace of dark red stained Xiao Xingchen’s parted lips where Xue Yang’s blood clung to the soft skin. Heat pooled low in Xue Yang’s stomach and he couldn’t do anything against the wild urge to crush his mouth to Xiao Xingchen’s and lick the blood away. He felt his arm jerk, but years and years of self-control prevented him from giving in to that entirely uncalled-for desire. They stared each other for a moment and Xue Yang could only hope that the want wasn’t too visible on his face.

“I, uh…I should…” Xiao Xingchen gestured to Xue Yang’s still untreated hand, and Xue Yang offered it up without a comment, partly because he didn’t trust himself to speak now.

Xiao Xingchen worked in silence, his pale skin coloured in a shade of red that rivalled the blood he was wiping away. Xue Yang thought it looked beautiful, but then again, he had long since made peace with the fact that there was nothing that could make Xiao Xingchen’s appearance any less breath-taking. While Xiao Xingchen cleaned the wound, Xue Yang let his mind drift back to the other’s unexpected…action (kiss, Xue Yang’s mind supplied, but that was too laden of a word). It carved into stone the certainty Xue Yang had been aware of and ignored for a while now; that he was beyond saving, that he had fucking fallen for Xiao Xingchen like the unteachable idiot he was. It also gave him a sliver of hope that there was some of the same…attraction on Xiao Xingchen’s side, even though a part of himself still vehemently denied that possibility.

“Xue Yang?”

Xue Yang snapped out of his reverie and looked up. His hand was clean and no bloodstains remained on the raw knuckles. Xiao Xingchen still held the hand gently in his own, as if he didn’t trust Xue Yang to not immediately destroy it again.

“I was just asking if you wanted to take a hot shower? Your hand is still freezing.”

“No!” Xue Yang said immediately, maybe a bit too loud going by how Xiao Xingchen flinched, but he didn’t care. “I mean, you’re freezing, too, aren’t you? And don’t lie, I see you shivering. You go first.”

Xue Yang could basically hear Xiao Xingchen’s internal conflict between not wanting to argue and not wanting to be a bad host. Finally, he sighed.

“Alright, I’ll go first. My tiny flat is your tiny flat,” he gestured around and smiled, “make yourself at home.”

Xue Yang gaped after him as Xiao Xingchen went into the bathroom. He always managed to say the most substantial things in the most casual tone.

Make yourself at home.

As if the word home hadn’t been absent for Xue Yang’s vocabulary for the past six years. Xue Yang heard how the water in the bathroom was turned on and he desperately tried (and failed) to not think about Xiao Xingchen taking a shower. For all his grand talk about distancing himself from the other and for all his resolve, Xue Yang had very quickly grown weak. But what was he to do, when Xiao Xingchen kept fucking caring so much? Xue Yang couldn’t remember the last time someone had actually cared about him. He couldn’t remember if anyone ever did. And here was Xiao Xingchen, following him into the pouring rain, inviting him into his home, nursing his wounds, kissing –

Xue Yang shook his head. He could still feel the imprint of Xiao Xingchen’s lips against his skin, otherwise he might have thought it all a hallucination. It was confusing and frustrating and he wanted more. The water in the bathroom stopped and Xue Yang hadn’t moved an inch – he was too busy overthinking everything that had happened in the past hours. He wanted to talk to Xiao Xingchen and ask him about his motivations while simultaneously wanting to live in blissful ignorance for the rest of his life. Xue Yang would have never described the life as a homeless person as simple, but compared to this, it was a goddamn cakewalk. How could one single person make everything so much more complicated?

Xue Yang got his answer when the door to the bathroom opened and Xiao Xingchen stepped back into the room. He was dressed in a simple white sweater and his loose, shower-wet hair fell down his shoulders. His skin was slightly flushed from the warmth and his ever-radiant smile was back on his face.

Well, this was just unfair.

“Okay, you can– are you alright? You look a bit pale,” Xiao Xingchen said, worry audible in his voice.

“No, I’m – I’m fine. Great.” Xue Yang gestured around as if his hands could somehow communicate what his speech was lacking.

Xiao Xingchen still looked somewhat concerned, but he nodded. “Would you mind wearing some of my clothes? Then I can wash yours.”

Xue Yang had foolishly thought that there was no way he could get any more agitated, but then Xiao Xingchen just had to come along and ask Xue Yang to wear his clothes.

“Yeah. I mean no. I don’t mind. I– do you? You don’t have to give me your clothes, I can just wear mine again.”

“Are you always that quick to deny anything that’s being offered to you that isn’t candy?” Xiao Xingchen gave him a toothy grin and Xue Yang’s heart made some very unhealthy stutters.

Xue Yang sighed and stood up to make his way towards the bathroom. “I won’t ever be able to repay you,” he muttered quietly. If Xiao Xingchen had heard him, he didn’t reply. 

When Xue Yang entered the bathroom, he found himself in a small but tastefully furnished room. It was still pleasantly warm and parts of the mirror above the sink were fogged over. A set of towels and some clothes lay on a little table next to the shower, very white, very clean and very un-Xue Yang-y. He shook his head and felt a smile creep onto his face because this was all so ridiculous and endearing and fucking overwhelming. But as if the long minutes of overthinking had managed to clear his head, Xue Yang found himself gradually accepting the situation. He stripped out of his wet and dirty clothes and laid them down as neatly as possible, like that could somehow make it better. His stomach was still heavily bruised, but the colouration had changed to a lighter yellow and as far as Xue Yang knew that meant it was healing.

He gingerly stepped into the shower cabin and turned on the water. It was scalding hot and he had to supress a loud yelp. After having fiddled with the regulator for a bit he managed to cool the flowing lava down to a warm and gentle stream. It felt so soothing that Xue Yang spent the first five minutes just standing there and letting the water wash over him. The raw skin on his hand stung a bit, but it was a small price to pay for the comfort of a real shower. Suddenly he realised that this was Xiao Xingchen’s water he was wasting, and so he quickly scrambled for the bodywash and shampoo. It was nothing like the one in the shelter; this one actually smelled good. Smelled like Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang probably used way too much of it, but somewhere along the way he had stopped caring – maybe because his mind was half-convinced that this was a dream and nothing he did would have any consequences. It was with some regret that he turned off the water and stepped out of the cabin into the now somewhat cold room beyond. The mirror was so fogged over that it didn’t reflect anything anymore, and Xue Yang had to open the window to get rid of some of the steam. The cold breeze from outside made him hurriedly dry himself off. Then he picked up the clothes Xiao Xingchen supplied. It was a plain white shirt and some fleecy sweatpants. Xue Yang pulled the shirt over his head and found it fitting pretty well, even though it was slightly too long. The pants were almost ridiculously comfortable, but one look in the mirror told him that white was definitely not his colour.

When Xue Yang finally emerged from the bath he felt cleaner than he had in months. Xiao Xingchen wasn’t in the living room anymore, but Xue Yang heard noises coming from the kitchen. Xiao Xingchen stood at the counter and filled two large cups with hot water. He looked up when he heard Xue Yang’s footsteps approaching and there was a strange expression on his face; almost startled, with his lips parted in surprise and his eyes slightly widened.

“I – I’m making tea,” he said after a moment and smiled, but it looked a bit panicked. Xue Yang didn’t know why.

“Uh, okay,” he replied weakly and added, “I took a shower,” because apparently they were stating the obvious now.

The whole situation was so awkward that Xue Yang let out an involuntary laugh. That seemed to lift some of the strain off Xiao Xingchen and he joined in.

“Come on, we can sit down and talk a bit. Heaven knows it’s overdue,” Xiao Xingchen said and walked past Xue Yang, who suddenly felt very cold. Still he followed him back into the living room, where he stayed standing slightly insecure in the middle of the doorway.

Xiao Xingchen gestured to the seat next to him on the couch, but Xue Yang found himself unable to move. Of course he was aware that it was impossible to pretend the events at the shelter had never happened, but Xue Yang had always been good at ignoring the uncomfortable. Xiao Xingchen’s smile dropped and he looked down. Xue Yang wanted to walk over and sit next to him, he really did, but his legs wouldn’t obey him.

“Xue Yang,” Xiao Xingchen said into the silence, “I just need you do know that I’m not…I’m not doing this because I want something. Not in the way you think.”

Xue Yang’s heart sank. An icy feeling overcame him, threatening to drown him in its frigid waves. He knew that he had been fooling himself, but the hope had still been there, unwanted yet undeterred. But Xiao Xingchen continued.

“Please don’t misunderstand. I just mean that I don’t expect you to repay me. I’m doing this because I want to. I’m doing it for you. And for me, because everyone is a bit selfish, right? I like you. You’re a good person. You deserve happiness.”

It was too much. His voice echoed in Xue Yang’s head until it was just distorted static. Only those three small words were still clearly audible among the noise. I like you.

“How can you still say that?” Xue Yang managed to choke out and finally found the strength to move as he took a step towards Xiao Xingchen. “You knew, didn’t you? The whole time. Song Zichen is your…your friend, how could you not know?”

Xiao Xingchen looked at him for a long time before he spoke. His expression was unreadable, or maybe it was just that Xue Yang was unfamiliar with its softness.

“Yes, I know. After we met in the park, Zichen told me that you two had encountered before, under different circumstances, but–“

Xue Yang laughed humourlessly. “Different? He had to take me in for assault and torture. For fucking murder!”

“And yet he told me you were never found guilty of those things.”

“I–“ Xue Yang started and didn’t continue because what was he supposed to say? How could he confess all those past sins to the one person he didn’t want to disappoint? He felt his posture slump in defeat.

“Come here,” Xiao Xingchen said, and Xue Yang finally complied, dragging himself over to the couch and sitting down, as far away from Xiao Xingchen as possible.

“Zichen said you were absolved of all charges, with no doubt remaining of your innocence. You’re a good person,” he repeated, and Xue Yang finally couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m really not! Song Zichen must have told you! I just didn’t go to jail because I …well, let’s just say I had an influential employer who didn’t want to see me found guilty. But I am, Xiao Xingchen. Maybe I didn’t kill anyone, but I tortured and hurt countless of people. I deserve everything I got.”

Xiao Xingchen was quiet. Xue Yang didn’t dare to look at him, afraid of the disappointment or disgust that he was going to see there. He wanted nothing more than for Xiao Xingchen to get angry, to yell at Xue Yang and kick him out of his flat. At least that would be something Xue Yang could understand. But when Xiao Xingchen finally spoke, his voice was quiet, almost inaudible.

“Do you still hurt and torture people?” he asked.

Xue Yang slowly turned his eyes to him and was met with an expression that didn’t carry the fear he would have expected. Xue Yang swallowed and wanted to say something, but it was as if the words weighed down his tongue.

“I– I don’t, anymore. But that… it’s no excuse.”

Xiao Xingchen fell silent again, eyes filled with melancholy. Then, “Do you regret what you did?” he asked, his voice firmer than before. Xue Yang stared at him. Did he regret what he had done? Did he wish he could travel back in time to that one gloomy day of his childhood, tell his past-self to not listen in on the conversation behind the closed office door? Tell him that he wasn’t yet as broken as they said?

“Regret?” he murmured, the word sliding off his tongue and shattering the silence, “What’s the point? What’s done is done.”

“Yes. That is the point.” Xiao Xingchen smiled sadly when he saw the confusion in Xue Yang’s face.  “The point is that, even though the past remains the same, people change. You did terrible things, and I’m not trying to excuse that. But the world punished you for it and from what I can see, you punished yourself even harder. Still continue do so, in fact. But, Xue Yang.” Xiao Xingchen scooted closer ever so slightly, just enough so that his outstretched hand could touch Xue Yang’s shoulder. “Haven’t you left that road already? Aren’t you genuinely trying to be a good person now?”  

He looked at Xue Yang expectantly, but Xue Yang couldn’t bring himself to answer. There was truth in Xiao Xingchen’s words, and they stirred something in Xue Yang, as if a part of himself he kept locked away tried to open its cell door. But the other part, the one he had been cultivating over the past years and that kept him from getting too comfortable with himself, still held that door shut. When he didn’t answer, Xiao Xingchen briefly squeezed his shoulder and continued.

“I don’t want to claim that I understand what you’re going through, but whatever path you are walking now, or want to walk in the future, you don’t have to do it alone.” He moved closer again, deliberately and slowly, as if to give Xue Yang the chance to pull away should he want to. He didn’t. And so, Xiao Xingchen’s fingers slid from Xue Yang’s shoulder down to his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Xue Yang stared down to where their hands met. He stared until his eyes burned and his vision began to blur. And then he took a deep breath and gave voice to the words he hadn’t dared to say out loud for the past six years.

“I don’t think I deserve acceptance. Yours least of all. I haven’t done anything good to make up for all the bad. Even if it was on another’s orders. Even if I never killed anyone. I still…well, if those six years on the street have taught me anything, it’s that everyone is responsible for their own life.”

Xue Yang closed his eyes in an attempt to keep the tears from overflowing, but he could still feel them burning trails down his cheeks. He wanted to say more, wanted to yell at Xiao Xingchen that he had to stay away if he didn’t want Xue Yang to ruin him. But he knew the way his voice would break on the words, and so he kept his mouth shut. Xiao Xingchen let go of his hand, only to wrap his arms around Xue Yang and pull him close. Xue Yang helplessly tilted forward on the couch and his head came to rest against the Xiao Xingchen’s chest. The angle was a bit awkward, but it was warm and soft and safe, and Xue Yang’s hands came up almost automatically to clutch at Xiao Xingchen’s shirt.

“There is too much weight on your shoulders,” Xiao Xingchen murmured quietly, “You have to allow someone to help you carry it. If you want my acceptance or not, you already have it.”

Xue Yang felt his tears seep into Xiao Xingchen’s shirt, and he was eternally grateful that the other didn’t mention it. Somehow, his emotions felt a little less like a burden around Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang didn’t know for how long they stayed like this before he finally trusted himself to speak again. He sat up, feeling a rush of cold that came with the sudden distance between him and Xiao Xingchen.

“I don’t want to make excuses,” he said, looking down at his missing finger instead of at Xiao Xingchen. “I don’t want to talk about my oh-so-sad childhood, or about how I ended up being a damn…I don’t even know what I was. I just did a lot of dirty work for a big corporation.”

He briefly looked up, only to make sure Xiao Xingchen wasn’t looking at him with disgust on his face. He saw nothing but neutral attentiveness. And so he cast his eyes down again and continued.

“On the day when your friend got me, I had been on another job. I… I don’t even know what it was anymore,” that was a lie, he remembered exactly what he had done, but saying it out loud now wouldn’t make a difference, “And somehow the guy I… I intimidated, he got killed. Of course my fingerprints were still all over him. I’m sure Song Zichen told you about the trial, and about how bad things looked for me. And that I was simply…let go. Just like that. Well, turns out I could have been traced back to my dear employer, and he didn’t want the stain of a convicted felon on his payroll. I don’t know how much he paid as a bribe, but to him it was probably insignificant. Needless to say, he kicked me out after that. Made sure I never found another job, too. Well, that’s all there is to it. Not really a sad tragedy. It is my own fault.”   

“It was.” Xiao Xingchen said. Two hands came to either side of Xue Yang’s face and tilted it upwards, forcing him to meet Xiao Xingchen’s eyes. “It was your fault. And now it’s over. I think it’s remarkable, how you’ve grown around the mistakes of your past.”

Xue Yang stared into those dark eyes, warm pools of blackness for him to sink into and find the acceptance he so longed for. And then Xiao Xingchen came closer, and Xue Yang knew that he had already drowned. It was innocent, the way Xiao Xingchen kissed Xue Yang’s forehead; just a soft press of lips against skin, and yet it felt more intimate than anything Xue Yang had experienced before. His entire world narrowed down to the space he occupied with Xiao Xingchen – his very own small home. When Xiao Xingchen gathered Xue Yang into his arms, there was no strength nor will left in Xue Yang to resist. He simply followed the motion, curling his arms around Xiao Xingchen’s back and burying his face in the crook of the other’s neck. The uncertainty of before had vanished and Xue Yang’s body fit perfectly against Xiao Xingchen’s as they sat there, wrapped up in each other. And finally, in the quiet of the warm room, with his senses being numbed by the sheer proximity of Xiao Xingchen, Xue Yang managed to say out loud what he’d been keeping to himself ever since they met.

“Xiao Xingchen, I…I’m sorry. And thank you. For everything.”

Xiao Xingchen didn’t reply, but his arms tightened around Xue Yang, and that said enough.

Xue Yang lost all perception of time, but after what could have been seconds or maybe hours, Xiao Xingchen slowly drew back. His face was slightly flushed, and he wore a bright smile that made Xue Yang’s heart ache pleasantly.

“I hope you don’t expect to leave this flat tonight.”

Xue Yang choked out a laugh. “Wow, that didn’t sound like a threat at all.”

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened and he hastily shook his head, “Oh god, I didn’t mean to threaten you, I just mean that you really should stay here, you know because it’s late, and–“

“Okay.”

“What?”

“Okay. I’m staying.”

“Oh…great!” And Xiao Xingchen smiled as if he was actually happy about having a former criminal stay in his apartment for the night. And maybe, Xue Yang thought (Xue Yang hoped), maybe he really was.

“I’m taking the couch though,” Xue Yang said at the same time Xiao Xingchen said, “You can sleep in my bed.”

They both stared at each other defiantly, before Xiao Xingchen’s expression softened.

“This couch is way too small for anyone to sleep on. And yes,” he added when Xue Yang opened his mouth to protest, “I know you’re probably used to worse, but that doesn’t mean you always have to settle for the worst option.”

“But where will you sleep?” Xue Yang blurted out, because the only possibility that came to his mind was certainly not what Xiao Xingchen intended.

To his greatest surprise, Xiao Xingchen blushed. And not in a dainty light pink, but in a very violent red.

“I, uh…I don’t want to sound creepy or weird and…ah.” He scratched the back of his neck and looked at the ceiling, as if the appropriate words for the situation were written up there (They weren’t. Xue Yang had checked).

“You know, I have a really large bed, a friend insisted on buying it, in the case I ever-,” Xiao Xingchen cleared his throat, “-but yes, there is space for two people. Enough that we wouldn’t even be touching or anything. I mean, it would be no problem for me, you being there, but of course I’d understand if it made you uncomfortable and you’d rather not.“

The urge to lean forward and kiss him was so strong that Xue Yang could barely restrain himself. He watched Xiao Xingchen’s lips stumble over the hasty words, as if he had any right to be nervous. Xue Yang could almost imagine their softness, the way they would feel against his own. It wasn’t like Xue Yang was inexperienced when it came to kissing, but gentleness was not really something he was good at. He realised too late that his own body had betrayed him, leaning closer to Xiao Xingchen until their faces were only centimetres apart. Xue Yang pulled back quickly when he saw Xiao Xingchen staring at him with wide eyes, those plump lips slightly parted. Xiao Xingchen slowly raised a hand as if to touch them and Xue Yang scooted back quickly, aware that he might just have ruined everything (again).

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, I just… but I really didn’t mean to make you uncom–“

Xue Yang didn’t get to finish his apology because Xiao Xingchen’s hand suddenly changed course mid-motion, grabbing the front of Xue Yang’s shirt and yanking him forward. There was nothing gentle about the kiss. Xiao Xingchen’s fingers tangled into Xue Yang’s hair to tip his head to the side and then his lips were on Xue Yang’s, warm and hard and demanding. There was an urgency to it, an unrestrained want that would have startled Xue Yang, were it not for his own overpowering desire. And so his mouth readily opened on a moan when he felt Xiao Xingchen’s tongue against his bottom lip, the sound almost completely swallowed between them. Xiao Xingchen shifted, his hand trailing down to Xue Yang’s waist, pulling their bodies closer together, as if Xue Yang hadn’t already completely lost himself in the other. A sound escaped from Xiao Xingchen’s mouth, low and purring, and more than hearing it Xue Yang felt it vibrating down his spine and through his body. Xiao Xingchen licked into his mouth, completely claiming Xue Yang, and Xue Yang was more than happy to offer himself up. Then, from one second to the next, Xiao Xingchen recoiled like Xue Yang had burned him. He looked shocked, almost desperate.

“I’m sorry! I – didn’t you want to?”

Xue Yang breathing came out ragged, he felt bereft and cold and confused.

“What the hell do you mean?” Xue Yang said a little more aggressively than intended.

Xiao Xingchen’s hand came up and he gently ran two fingers across Xue Yang’s cheek. When he pulled away to show them, Xue Yang needed a moment to process what he saw.

“You’re crying,” Xiao Xingchen said unnecessarily, his voice stained with worry.

“I…what? No, I’m not,” Xue Yang quickly wiped his face with his sleeves, feeling wetness through the thin material.

“If I was too rash, then–“

“Don’t you dare apologise! Trust me, you would know if I didn’t want your tongue down my throat,” Xue Yang almost yelled. “And I do! Want to kiss you, I mean. I just…god, this is so stupid. I’m stupid.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed, openly and freely, and Xue Yang shot him a glare.

“I’m glad,” he said, “I’ve been wanting to do this ever since you said Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze was a good name for a flower shop.”

All the sarcastic remarks Xue Yang had prepared vanished into thin air. “You’ve been wanting to kiss me since back then? But what about your…what about Song Zichen? I thought…” he blurted out.

Xiao Xingchen laughed, “You thought I was in a relationship with my best friend? Zichen has about as much interest in romance as you have in healthy food.”

“He… So, you…? But why? Why would you want to kiss me? No. You know what, don’t answer that. Fuck it. Just do it again.” Xue Yang leaned forward, but Xiao Xingchen stopped him, laughing even harder.

“Don’t you think we both need a bit of sleep?”

Xue Yang could only stare in disbelief, “Yeah sure, I’ve just been on the most intense emotional rollercoaster of my life and you expect me to sleep.”

And with that he grabbed the back of Xiao Xingchen’s neck and pulled him forward without feeling any resistance. Xue Yang didn’t think had ever tasted something as sweet as Xiao Xinghen’s laughter against his lips.

Chapter Text

They did go to sleep eventually, even though Xue Yang had a hard time letting go of Xiao Xingchen. It was strange, he thought, how quickly one could get addicted to something they had never experienced in their life. The kind of physical contact Xiao Xingchen offered was one such thing. His hands were gentle and imperious at the same time, his lips soft yet demanding. It was almost intoxicating, and Xue Yang couldn’t quite understand what he’d done to deserve such a thing.

“Your eyes are drooping,” Xiao Xingchen remarked after he gently pulled away from another languid kiss.

“That’s my sexy gaze,” Xue Yang murmured, not quite successful in supressing a yawn. “Hey!” he complained when Xiao Xingchen got up and reached for Xue Yang’s arm to pull him to his feet.

“You’re so unreasonable,” said Xiao Xingchen with a smile that didn’t match the words.

“Strange, I think I’ve heard that before.”

“And it still holds true. Come on, you need to sleep. There is a young girl you have to talk to tomorrow.”

Xue Yang looked to the floor as he allowed Xiao Xingchen to pull him up.

“I don’t think she’ll want to talk to me. Or ever see me again, for that matter…Why are you laughing?”

“Because that’s the exact same thing she told me when she refused to follow you.”

Xue Yang was so surprised that he let Xiao Xingchen guide him to the bedroom without any further protest, trying to imagine a version of A-Qing that felt bad for an insult she’d thrown at him. But as soon as he saw the bed that occupied about two thirds of the room’s space, his thoughts went in an entirely different direction.

“I can see why this is called a bedroom. There’s really nothing else to it, huh?” Xue Yang poked the mattress with his finger, not at all surprised at how soft it was. Then he turned back to Xiao Xingchen, who was still standing in the doorway, as if he was the one who had to ask for permission to enter.

“What?” Xue Yang asked at the other’s hesitation.

Xiao Xingchen shook his head like he had to get rid of a thought and stepped inside. “Ah, nothing. I’ve just never had…well, company in this room.”

“I don’t know how you did it, but that just sounded super dirty,” Xue Yang let himself fall onto the edge of the bed and shot him Xiao Xingchen his most feral grin, at which the other almost stumbled. It was hard to imagine that this was the same person who had kissed Xue Yang senseless only minutes earlier.

“Unfortunately, my offer to take the couch has been revoked due to the recent events,” Xue Yang drawled and tilted backwards so that his back came to rest on the soft sheets.

He felt the mattress dip next to him and then fingers threaded through his hair in an idle motion,

“Who said I’d still allow you to take the couch?” Xiao Xingchen retorted, and Xue Yang barked a laugh.

But for all his bravado, Xue Yang grew very quiet when it came to actually laying down. There he was, covered by light sheets that smelled like fabric softener and Xiao Xingchen, only centimetres apart from the man himself. Xue Yang lay on his back, staring straight up at the ceiling, and had to discover that all tiredness had left his body.

“I’m glad I followed you.”

Xiao Xingchen’s voice was loud in the quiet room. Xue Yang turned his head slightly to the right to see the other looking at him, a smile on his face. Illuminated by only the faint light that came from outside, it looked even more gentle than usual.

“I’m…I’m glad, too. And grateful. Really grateful.”

The mattress shifted slightly when Xiao Xingchen scooted closer and extended his hand towards Xue Yang to rest it gently against his shoulder. He didn’t say anything, but the warmth of his presence drew Xue Yang in like a moth to a flame. Like a damaged man to a healer. Xue Yang turned onto his side and slowly edged closer to Xiao Xingchen; afraid he would break something if he moved to quickly. When he was close enough, Xiao Xingchen wrapped his arms around Xue Yang’s waist and drew him in. Xue Yang pressed his face to Xiao Xingchen’s chest and breathed in the now familiar scent. For all his experiences when it came to sex, this was something completely new for Xue Yang – simple and yet so incredibly complex. He wasn’t sure how to describe the feeling, but contentment probably came closest. Maybe bliss. Xue Yang didn’t close his eyes, instead he tightened his grip around Xiao Xingchen, pulling their bodies closer together still. For some reason, a small voice in the back of his head kept telling him that, if he went to sleep now, he would wake up and find it to have all been a dream.

“You need to sleep,” he heard Xiao Xingchen murmur and felt breath ghost over his hair.

And so Xue Yang did, because trusting Xiao Xingchen was the easiest thing in the world.

-

When he slowly came to consciousness Xue Yang was, expectantly, slightly disoriented. He stirred awake to a very pleasant feeling, which was unusual considering the first thing he normally felt after waking was his scratchy blanket at the shelter. But now his whole being seemed to be wrapped up in softness, and for a moment he wondered if he had ascended to heaven. When he felt movement behind him, he remembered that that was exactly what had happened. Xiao Xingchen was pressed against Xue Yang’s back, arm draped over his waist and face buried in his hair. His breathing was sleep-slow, but his grip around Xue Yang was tight. It was the most comfortable Xue Yang had ever been and he would be content to stay like this forever. But life was cruel, and he felt Xiao Xingchen’s arm twitch when the other slowly started to wake up. Xue Yang would not surrender without a fight though and so he grabbed Xiao Xingchen’s hand and kept it in place.

“What are you doing?” Xiao Xingchen murmured sleepily against his hair, and Xue Yang’s heart stuttered in a way that was definitely not healthy.

“I’m still asleep, don’t be so inconsiderate.”

Xiao Xingchen chuckled, and Xue Yang felt him move, and a second later there were warm lips against Xue Yang’s neck. “Don’t we both have to be somewhere?”

Xue Yang tilted his head ever so slightly to allow Xiao Xingchen better access without drawing any attention to the movement. “Yeah. Right here.”

Xiao Xingchen hummed against his skin, a low sound that sent a shiver down Xue Yang’s spine. And then, from one second to the next, the warm body against his back withdrew in one swift motion, leaving Xue Yang to scowl indignantly over his shoulder.

“I didn’t know you were so cruel,” he complained, but Xiao Xingchen only laughed.

“Come, we can eat some breakfast before heading to the shelter. How do you like your tea?”

Xue Yang stared at him for a second, then he burst out laughing.

“Xiao Xingchen, the last proper tea I’ve had was about 6 months ago from some shitty street vendor, so I have absolutely no standards.”

Xiao Xingchen’s face reddened and he murmured an apology for his inconsideration, but Xue Yang had never been less offended ever in his life. He swung his legs out of bed because the prospect of having breakfast with Xiao Xingchen was a bit more appealing than the soft mattress. Xue Yang stretched languidly, preparing for bis back to protest the motion, but he discovered that the usual stiffness in his neck was entirely absent this morning. When he looked up, he found Xiao Xingchen still standing in the doorway, staring at him.

“What? Is it my hair? It’s always like that in the morning,” Xue Yang said, tying smooth down his the mess on his head.

“No, it’s just…” Xiao Xingchen cleared his throat and looked away, “you look good in my– in white clothes.”

Xue Yang felt a grin spread over his face that lacked any of the usual cynicism that accompanied his normal expressions.

“I’d love to see you in black.” Xue Yang cocked an eyebrow and stepped closer to Xiao Xingchen, trapping him between his body and the wall, and wrapped his arms around the other’s waist, simply because he could. Xue Yang grinned when he saw Xiao Xingchen’s conflicted expression, and because Xue Yang was kind and wanted to help with the decision, he kissed Xiao Xingchen’s throat, tasting the skin as he trailed his lips over the pulse point. He would have questioned the reality of the situation, but Xue Yang was done questioning and the only thing left now was simple want. Unfortunately, Xiao Xingchen’s will seemed to have been trained on some celestial mountain, because even though Xue Yang could feel him lean into his touch Xiao Xingchen still somehow managed to get some distance between them.

“Please,” he said (and Xue Yang could imagine at least four different scenarios in which the plea would have been more exciting), “you’re not making this any easier.”

“Have you met me?” Xue Yang allowed himself to enjoy the expression on Xiao Xingchen’s face for only a second longer before he relented. “I’m just messing with you, come on.” And with that he grabbed the other’s hand and looked at him expectantly. The look of amused confusion was just as enjoyable, and so Xue Yang still counted it as a win.

“So, what’s for breakfast?” Xue Yang asked as he was being led into the small kitchen. He almost expected a wide array of fruit, wholegrain bread, homemade marmalade, and whatever else people considered healthy. But Xiao Xingchen shot him a sheepish glance and opened a cupboard.

“I, uh…I don’t actually have all that much to choose from,” he muttered as he pulled out a box of cereal. Sugary, unhealthy, store-bought cereal. Xue Yang was delighted.

“Oh, thank goodness, I was afraid you were gonna feed me quinoa or some sh– something like that.”

He reached for the cereal, but Xiao Xingchen held it in his outstretched hand, and it hit Xue Yang with a very sudden and painful realisation that Xiao Xingchen was indeed a quite a bit taller than him.

“What?” Xue Yang complained and almost jumped to reach the cereal, had the sliver of dignity he had left not stopped him.

“Nothing. I just thought it was cute.”

Xue Yang stared at Xiao Xingchen. He had been called many things, some of which he would never repeat in front of anyone who still had some semblance of innocence to them, and cute was by far the strangest of them all.

“Cute.” He echoed, just to make sure that was the word he heard.

“Absolutely.” Xiao Xingchen grabbed two bowls from the shelf and began to fill them up with cereal. When he turned to reach for the fridge, Xue Yang stopped him by grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him down to capture his lips in a kiss. Xiao Xingchen made a small noise of surprise, and before he could react Xue Yang had already pulled away again.

“You’re so weird,” said Xue Yang because apparently Xiao Xingchen needed to be told again.

“So I’ve been told.” Xiao Xingchen reached past Xue Yang and pulled a bottle of milk out of the fridge, not without leaning closer to Xue Yang to brush his cheek with a kiss. “And if this is what ‘weird’ gets me, then I won’t change.”

“Yeah,” Xue Yang murmured and watched Xiao Xingchen prepare their breakfast, “Yeah, me too.”

Instead of eating at the kitchen table, they took their bowls to the living room and sat on Xiao Xingchen’s small couch. It wasn’t often that Xue Yang got sugar for breakfast – the shelter offered flavourless oatmeal on their best days – and the sweetness of the chocolate cereal was almost enough to distract him from the man next to him. Almost. He still couldn’t stop himself from leaning against Xiao Xingchen as they ate, making the whole affair unnecessarily difficult. But Xiao Xingchen didn’t complain, and Xue Yang enjoyed the warmth they shared between them way too much to care about the occasional splash of milk that landed on his clothes. That was until he realised that it were not, in fact, his clothes he was sullying.

“Ah damn, I’m sorry Xingchen, I can wash these for you,” he said after a chocolaty stain appeared on his sleeve.

Xiao Xingchen looked up from his bowl. “Don’t worry, I–“ and he trailed off, an odd look on his face that soon changed into a wide smile. Xue Yang gave him a questioning look, and as an answer Xiao Xingchen leaned forward and pressed his lips to the corner of Xue Yang’s mouth.

“Just a stray piece of cereal,” he shrugged.

Xue Yang gaped at him and quickly wiped his sleeve over his mouth, staining it even more. “Oh, for god’s sake.”

Xiao Xingchen just laughed, apparently entirely unbothered by how Xue Yang ate like a fucking 5-year-old.

“Don’t worry, your things should have dried by now, so you don’t have to go out in dirty clothes,” Xiao Xingchen smiled as if that was Xue Yang’s biggest worry.

“Thank fuck, I couldn’t bear to go outside in dirty clothes!” Xue Yang felt the sarcasm dripping off his voice together with a few drops of milk. Xiao Xingchen looked at him for a long while, seemingly wanting to say something but thinking better of it.

Just as Xue Yang was about to ask what was wrong, Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened and he jumped up.

“Oh, we really have to go, I can’t afford to be late, not after I already got reprimanded! Your clothes are hanging in the bathroom.”

He hurried into the bedroom, pulling his shirt off on the way, and before the door slammed shut Xue Yang got a very good look at his bare back, white and sculpted like the rest of Xiao Xingchen. Huh.

Xue Yang remained seated for just a while longer before dressing himself, for no reason at all and especially not because his legs felt very unsteady right now, thank you very much. With his clothes clean and soft and smelling like laundry detergent, their torn edges and holes almost looked like an intentional fashion statement rather than a sign of too much wear.

Xiao Xingchen was already packing his bag by the time Xue Yang came out of the bathroom. The other was dressed in a white turtleneck and dark slacks that made him look almost unfairly beautiful.

“Ah good, there you are. We really have to fly now, but we’ll make it in time,” Xiao Xingchen was almost halfway out of the door.

“Oh, wait! I think I forgot something, I’ll be right there.” A sudden thought made Xue Yang run back into the bedroom. But instead of looking for whatever forgotten thing he’d just made up, he took the carved white crane out of his backpack and put it onto Xiao Xingchen’s pillow. It was the next best thing to a Thank You he could offer.

-

They arrived at the shelter out of breath and with about two minutes to spare. Xiao Xingchen’s hair was slightly mussed and Xue Yang was sure his own looked like he’d gotten into a hurricane on the way here. When they entered the shelter next to each other, the nameless woman behind the reception desk was tapping her pen against the wood. She looked up and was about to say something when she saw Xue Yang trailing behind her colleague.

“Uhm…Xiao Xingchen? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, of course! I’m sorry I’m late.”

Xue Yang shrugged, “Technically, we’re just on time.”

The woman’s eyes drifted over to him and her eyebrows now threatened to touch her hairline.

“I, uh…well, okay. No worries. I’ll. I’ll take my leave then if it’s alright.”

“Yes, of course!” Xiao Xingchen hurried behind the counter, smiling another apology as the woman took her bag and went towards the door, not without giving Xue Yang another inquisitive look to which he replied with a suggestive smirk. Her steps quickened and Xue Yang was very pleased with himself.

Xiao Xingchen, luckily oblivious to the exchange, was unpacking his bag. “When are you going to talk to A-Qing?” His tone was offhanded, but Xue Yang saw that he gazed at him from beneath his long lashes.

“Well, certainly not now, she’d kill me if I woke her up at seven in the morning.”

“Are you sure you’re not trying to put it off?”

“Xingchen, do you want me to die?” Xue Yang draped himself dramatically over the desk and gave Xiao Xingchen a tortured look, “She’ll hate me even more!”

“No, I won’t. I guess,” a mumbled voice came from the direction of the corridor. Xue Yang immediately straightened himself.

A-Qing looked like she always did, the green dye in her hair almost faded and her glasses slightly crooked. But Xue Yang knew her for a while now and he noticed that the scowl on her face was a little more sheepish than dismissive and instead of being crossed, her arms hung loosely to her side.

“Oh. That’s good. I guess,” Xue Yang didn’t quite know how to handle the situation – the quarrels he’d had so far were always with people he didn’t care about. Mending something broken was usually not something he did. A-Qing seemed to be the same way because they stood opposite each other without saying anything, awkwardly looking in different directions. Xiao Xingchen kept quiet and pretended to sort through some of the papers on his desk, the traitor.

Xue Yang closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and finally found fitting words somewhere in a dust-coated region of his brain. “Look, I’m sorry I patronised you, okay? I know I have no right to play the upholder of moral standards.”

A-Qing looked to the ceiling, then to Xue Yang, and then to the ceiling again.

“You don’t…ugh. You don’t really have to apologise,” she told the overhead light, “But I shouldn’t have called you a murderer. I know you aren’t. You’re a jerk, but not a killer, no matter what people say.”

A small weight lifted from Xue Yang’s shoulders, and he sighed. “No need to get sappy, four-eyes. It’s no big deal. I just overreacted.”

That finally tore her gaze away from whatever wonders she had discovered on the ceiling and she looked at Xue Yang with a pout. “No, you didn’t. Just accept the fucking apology.”

“Fine, whatever. Let’s just say that evens out your saving my life.”

“No way, you still owe me candy for that!”

Xue Yang rolled his eyes and turned to Xiao Xingchen in hopes of a little help, but the other was looking at them with a bright smile and shook his head. “That was surprisingly endearing.”

“Shut up,” Xue Yang muttered. “Why are you up anyways, four-eyes? Were you so worried about me that you lost sleep over it?”

“You wish. I have to go to work, idiot.”

“Ah yes I forgot. You robbed a bookstore and got a fucking job out of it.”

She had the decency to blush and avert her eyes. “Well, yeah…”

“Hey. I’m happy for you.”

A-Qing’s head snapped up and she stared at Xue Yang with strangely glistening eyes. It took her only a moment to recover, though. “Who’s being sappy now, huh?”

She left soon after, mumbling something about not wanting to be late on her first real workday, and Xiao Xingchen looked after her with a look of delight on his face.

“See, that was easier than expected, right?”

“Xiao Xingchen, it’s not polite to say ‘I told you so’,” Xue Yang grumbled and returned to his slouch over the reception desk, “Now little A-Qing has a job while her presumed role-model…ah well,” he stopped himself before it got too pathetic and shot Xiao Xingchen a grin instead. “At least she didn’t get kissed in the past 24 hours.”

Xiao Xingchen ducked his head and mumbled something that might have been ‘You don’t know that’. Xue Yang was just about to ask him how he could kiss Xue Yang breathless in one moment and act like a shy wallflower in the next, but unfortunately some other resident entered the room, ruining Xue Yang’s fun. Xue Yang glared at the man, whose eyes immediately widened in shock and who then hurried out of the door.

“No sense of privacy,” Xue Yang muttered and sighed dramatically, “Xingchen, I think I have to leave for a bit, otherwise I might get you fired for acts of indecency.”

Colour crept up Xiao Xingchen’s face and he looked around as if the mention of indecency alone posed a threat to his person. But then he reached forwards and took Xue Yang’s hand into his own, lifting it up to press a quick kiss against the fingers. Xue Yang gaped at him and only just managed to restrain his urge to reach over the table and commit said acts of indecency he’d just threatened.

“Xue Yang, if you want to, you can–“

All of a sudden, the entrance door slammed open and Xue Yang snatched his hand back on reflex. He whirled around to curse at whoever dared to disturb the moment, but the words died in his throat. Before him stood a tall man dressed in a black suit and a red tie, with his long hair slicked back and a disinterested expression on his face.

“May I help you?” Xiao Xingchen asked friendly, but Xue Yang already knew the answer.

“Not anymore,” Wen Zhuliu said and regarded Xue Yang with an unsettling neutrality. “As chance would have it, the person I wanted to talk to is right here.”

Xue Yang’s hand curled into fists and he became acutely aware of his one missing finger. His heartrate quickened as he tried to think of the best course of action to take.

“A quick word, Xue Yang?”

“Ah, sure,” Xue Yang tried to sound as nonchalant as possible and quickly turned to Xiao Xingchen. “He’s an old friend, we probably have some catching up to do.” He could absolutely not risk anyone of the Wens knowing about his connection to Xiao Xingchen. And so, he disregarded Xiao Xingchen’s worried look and walked out of the door, closely followed by Wen Zhuliu.

As soon as they were outside, Xue Yang let his mask slip.

“Why the fuck did Wen Chao send his guard dog?”

Wen Zhuliu remained calm and gestured down the street.

“We might want to talk somewhere more private. If it makes you feel better, you can choose the spot.”

For a moment Xue Yang was conflicted, not wanting to play into the other’s hands while also not wanting to risk Xiao Xingchen overhearing the conversation.

“Fine,” he spat. “But if this is some kind of–“

“I’m not here on Wen Chao’s orders,” Wen Zhuliu said simply and gestured for Xue Yang to lead the way. Xue Yang wasn’t keen on turning his back to the man whose job at Wen Enterprises was even worse than his own had been, but he didn’t really have another choice. He was curious now, about what a ruthless killer like Wen Zhuliu might want from him. In the end, Xue Yang decided to lead him to the park, a place not too public to be overhead and not too private to get murdered. 

“A strange choice,” Wen Zhuliu said, but didn’t comment on it further.

“So?” Xue Yang crossed his arms and leaned against a tree, keeping his eyes trained on the other man.

“I simply want to issue a warning.” Wen Zhuliu said matter-of-factly. “Wen Chao is out to kill you.”

“I know. He already tried.”

“He won’t stop. It would be best for you to leave the city.”

“And why the fuck should I believe you? Aren’t you Wen Chao’s most loyal puppet? Why help me, the perpetual little stain on Wen Enterprises?”

“To settle the debt between us. You saved me once. I give you an opportunity to save yourself.”

Xue Yang stared at him, trying to spot any hint of deception on Wen Zhuliu’s face, but he was as unreadable as ever. It was true that Xue Yang had saved him, back when they’d still been colleagues. Not because they’d been close, but because Xue Yang had always believed that the more people owed him, the better. And apparently, he was right.

“What is he planning?” Xue Yang asked. “You gotta give me a bit more here.”

“That, I do not know. He might not even have a plan yet. But he is talking about it constantly. It’s only a matter of time before he finds you again. You’d do well to disappear.”

Xue Yang glared and dug his fingers into the bark of the tree behind him. “Well, sorry if I’m having trouble taking advice from someone who chopped my finger off.”

Wen Zhuliu didn’t show a hint of emotion. “I told you what I wanted to. If there is nothing else, I’ll take my leave.”

“Yeah, thanks for nothing,” Xue Yang called after him. After he had made sure that Wen Zhuliu was out of sight, he whirled around and slammed his fist against the rough wood of the tree. His wounds tore open again, but he didn’t care. He knew that there was no way he would be allowed to live his life in peace and quiet. He knew that a curse had to follow the blessing that was Xiao Xingchen. But it did nothing to quench the rage that welled up inside of him. Wen Chao was a persistent little piece of shit, and Xue Yang knew that he wouldn’t rest until Xue Yang was dead, or at least very incapacitated. Still it sickened him to give up everything good that had come to him just because of some stupid asshole with daddy issues. He slumped down to the ground and buried his head in his arms, as if closing his eyes to the world around him would make it stop turning.

Wen Zhuliu might have been the one to give Xue Yang the warning, but he didn’t doubt for a second that the man would bat an eyelash if Wen Chao ordered him to kill Xue Yang. After all, it had taken only a word for Wen Zhuliu to chop off Xue Yang’s finger, and that had been mere days after Xue Yang had saved the other’s life. But his own safety wasn’t really what worried Xue Yang. So what if they killed him, it wasn’t like his life was particularly valuable. No, what really tore at him was the thought of what would happen if they found out about Xiao Xingchen. What would happen if they took away the only good thing in Xue Yang’s life. If his own selfishness and desire would cause Xiao Xingchen to get threatened, then Xue Yang wasn’t sure he could go on living with himself.

But selfish he was, and now that he had gotten a taste of what it was like to be…well, to be liked, he couldn’t just forget about it. And, as hard as it was to admit to himself, Xue Yang could no longer deny that Xiao Xingchen had become important to him, in a way that no one else ever had. Xue Yang lifted his head from his arms and looked up, unsurprised by the realisation that the world had indeed continued turning, inconsiderate of Xue Yang’s problems.

The sun stood high over the buildings and the park filled with more people, mostly workers who took advantage of the good weather to eat their lunch outside. Xue Yang observed them, ordinary people with normal lives, to which Xiao Xingchen could be counted as well. He didn’t deserve to be put into danger just because of his connection to a homeless guy he was kind to. Xue Yang’s hand involuntarily came up to his lips, as if he could still feel residues of Xiao Xingchen’s touch there.

“Fuck,” he muttered, and got up.

But he didn’t return to the shelter – instead he wandered the streets aimlessly without seeing or caring about where he was going. He didn’t want to think, but thoughts kept pouring into his mind.

Memories of Xiao Xingchen’s hands against his skin.

Memories of his own hands gripping a knife, etching patterns into some poor fool’s flesh.

Before he even realised it, Xue Yang tasted salt against his lips, even though he hadn’t eaten all day. By the time the sun was on its descent, Xue Yang had successfully managed to walk halfway across town without having any real recollection of doing so. He slowed his steps and numbly walked back in the direction of the shelter. Xiao Xingchen’s shift should have ended by the time Xue Yang arrived there. He couldn’t bear facing the other now, not with his head feeling like it had been ripped apart by two conflicting sides inside of him.

When the shelter came into view, Xue Yang heard his name being called, and the sudden sound dragged him forcibly back into reality.

“Where have you been? Xiao Xingchen said you went off with an old friend? What the fuck, you don’t have friends?”

A-Qing stood in front of him, hands at her hips and scowl on her face. Xue Yang did his best to slip on a mask again, hoping the tears hadn’t turned the skin of his face too slick for it to stay in place.

“Shut up, four-eyes, I’ve got you, don’t I?” he said and walked past her. “Is he gone already?”

“Yeah, you just missed him,” A-Qing trailed behind him and huffed in annoyance, “He seemed kinda distraught. You sure you not in trouble again?”

Xue Yang turned, grinning down at her. “I’m sure. It might be hard to believe, but that was really an old friend of mine. Not sure he’ll want to meet again though, not after he saw where I ended up.”

He was surprised at how easily the lies came to him. A-Qing was only partly convinced.

“Well, he’s no real friend then. Xiao Xingchen–“

“How was your first real day at work? It might just be a trick of light, but you look smarter already,” Xue Yang kept his tone jovial as he held the door open for her, but he was sure his face betrayed his put-on composure. But the distraction seemed to finally put A-Qing’s mind to other things.

“Oh, it was good! Old Man Li said I was a big help, and I think he meant it? He even brought lunch for me, so that was nice.”

“Sounds like you’re finally walking on the righteous path. Weird thing to say, but I’m glad you tried to steal a book. Speaking of, why’d you do it?” Xue Yang knew the answer already, he wasn’t stupid, but anything to keep A-Qing’s mind off his own activities.

“I wanted to get something for Xiao Xingchen. And yes, I know it was stupid and he wouldn’t want me to do bad stuff because of him. So don’t tell him, okay?”

“Of course not. We villains have to watch out for each other, right?”

“Tch. Speak for yourself.”

When they reached the corridor, A-Qing suddenly punched his arm.

“Thanks for all your help,” she said simply.

“I didn’t do anything,” Xue Yang frowned, not sure what she was referring to.

“That’s what you think. But let me tell you something: there actually are people you’re important to. I can think of at least two.” And with that she skipped to her room, leaving Xue Yang standing in the empty corridor. It took him a while to get his bearings.

“That girl…” he muttered and turned towards his own room, “One day in a bookshop and she already dishes out wisdoms.”

Chapter Text

Xue Yang startled awake to a loud noise. His eyes snapped open and he sat up too quickly, causing a sudden bout of dizziness to wash over him. He looked around the dim room for the source of whatever had pulled him out of his uncomfortable sleep. He could make out a shape on the mattress on the opposite side of the room, moving up and down with slow breaths. Xue Yang slumped back down onto his mattress. It seemed like his roommate had decided to re-emerge from whatever dark corners of the earth he had vanished to. Judging from the smell that wafted through the room, these dark corners were about at sewer level. Xue Yang couldn’t help but compare this morning to the last, where he’d woken up in a soft bed to a warm body pressed against his. The memory was enough to make him get up and out of the room, no longer willing to endure the stark contrast. It was surprisingly late, if the amount of people already up was anything to go by. The water in the shower seemed even colder than usual, and when someone came in to complain about him taking too long, Xue Yang was just about ready to commit his first murder.

For a moment, he considered asking A-Qing to help him come up with a revenge plan, but then he remembered that she was most likely at work already. His mood plummeted even further and by now he was almost eagerly looking for someone to take it out on. It had been some weeks (when did Xiao Xingchen start working here again?) since the last time Xue Yang had felt anger in such an irrational way, and it seemed all the stronger for it now. He needed to get out. The walls felt too narrow, not leaving enough room for the boiling feeling inside of him. And so he marched through the entrance hall, not unaware of the startled stare another resident gave him, and slammed the door open. It was cold outside – apparently winter had at last decided to take the reins from autumn. The sky was overcast and grey, as if it wanted to accommodate Xue Yang’s mood. The streets were all but vacant, be it because of the early hour or the threat of rain, Xue Yang didn’t know and didn’t care. All he knew was that he needed to get away from the shelter that was a constant reminder of his past and present failures. He felt a strong pull from the direction in which he knew Xiao Xingchen’s flower shop to be, almost like a gentle breeze pushing him there. He scoffed a humourless laugh and resisted his own desire, feeling a grim satisfaction at the self-inflicted hurt in his chest. Instead, he took one of the back alleys, almost hoping to bump into someone who was looking for a fight. But luck wasn’t on his side because when was it ever? And so, he emerged on the main street unscathed and unhappy, but at least his smouldering anger slowly died down without anything to add to the pyre. Xue Yang sighed, a defeated little sound, and turned his steps towards the park. There was nowhere else for him to go.

As morning went on the sky remained the same, and by the time Xue Yang reached the park a slight wind had joined the dark clouds. There weren’t many people amidst the trees, now bare with the beginning of winter. Where only weeks before had been the warm red and orange hues of crisp leaves, now only thin skeletal branches remained. Xue Yang slumped down on one of the benches, glaring at a bird that dared to disrupt the gloomy day with its cheerful chirping. An old couple took the bench next to his, throwing him the occasional unsettled look. He slowly turned his head towards them and gave them a smile slick with sweet poison, which had them avert their gaze quickly. Xue Yang sighed, suddenly utterly tired of everything and himself. He slowly stood, wondering if there was a place in this city he was welcome at. An answer came with a sudden shout.

“Xue Yang!”

He flinched at the unexpected sound of the familiar voice and turned around almost on instinct. He tried to grasp at a coherent thought, but they all escaped him when he saw Xiao Xingchen coming towards him. His hair was tied up in a messily perfect ponytail with some strands hanging over his eyes, and he was wearing his work clothes. There was a determination to his step that made Xue Yang’s breath hitch in his throat, and he almost expected to get scolded for something yet unknown to him. But when Xiao Xingchen came to a halt right before him, he didn’t say anything. Instead, he reached up in one fluid motion, his hand firmly grasping the nape of Xue Yang’s neck, and he crushed their mouths together in a kiss that was entirely inappropriate for a place that wasn’t a bedroom. Somewhere in the back of his head, a small voice reminded Xue Yang that he was supposed to keep his distance from Xiao Xingchen. But the voice was quickly shut up by a tongue pressing against Xue Yang’s lips, and despite all his resolve he readily opened his mouth to allow Xiao Xingchen entrance. It spoke for the last remnants of his self-control that Xue Yang didn’t moan into the kiss, even though that would have probably gotten him entertaining reactions from the people around. Instead, he simply wrapped his arms around Xiao Xingchen’s neck and arched his back to press their bodies closer together. He felt Xiao Xingchen gasp into his mouth as fingers dug hard into Xue Yang’s hip. In the end, Xue Yang was the one to break away, breathless and dizzy and feeling like he might collapse any second. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the shocked looks of the elderly couple, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was entirely captivated by Xiao Xingchen before him, who looked flushed and dishevelled and gorgeous, and Xue Yang was briefly startled by the realisation that this man had just kissed him.

“Xingchen, what–“

“Thank you. I…I wanted to thank you,” Xiao Xingchen panted, the tips of his ears brightly red against the desaturated world around.

“I don’t know what for, but if this is your way of saying Thank you, then I can come up with a few things you haven’t thanked me for yet.” Xue Yang wanted to reach forward, to tangle his fingers in the soft strands of Xiao Xingchen’s hair, to touch the porcelain skin of the other’s neck. He only barely managed to restrain himself.

Xiao Xingchen now rummaged through his bag and pulled out a small object. It was the white stone crane Xue Yang had carved and left on the other’s pillow. Elegant, pale fingers traced gently against the ragged edges of the stone as Xiao Xingchen held it as carefully as if he was handling a living animal. “This is gorgeous. Really good. All these little intricacies…I don’t even want to imagine how long it took to make this.”

Xue Yang could only watch, captivated by the idle motion of Xiao Xingchen’s hand caressing something Xue Yang had created. “Xingchen, if you don’t stop then I’ll have to thank you, and I’m sure that will get us banned from this park.”

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes snapped up and he blushed furiously, but the look in his eyes was determined.

“I mean it though, Xue Yang. You have talent.”

Xue Yang stared at him, and with a sudden clarity that broke through the fog in his mind, he knew that there was no way he could leave the city behind. Leave Xiao Xingchen behind. It might be selfish and stupid and reckless, but Xue Yang didn’t care. He didn’t want to be without the man who looked at him like he was worth so much, who made him feel like he belonged somewhere.

“Xiao Xingchen,” he murmured and tentatively clutched the front of the other’s shirt, feeling like he needed to keep the man close so he wouldn’t suddenly disappear.  Xiao Xingchen stepped closer, covered Xue Yang’s hands with his own and squeezed lightly.

“Look, I…I don’t know who that was yesterday, or what he wanted, but…if you’re in trouble, then–“

“No trouble. He just wanted to catch up on old times, and I doubt I’ll see him again,” Xue Yang said with the sincerest smile he could muster. It didn’t seem to convince Xiao Xingchen in the slightest, and he kept looking at Xue Yang with worry etched into his brow. Xue Yang wanted to reach out and smooth out the frown, but his hands were still covered by Xiao Xingchen’s, and he had no desire to break the contact.

“Okay,” Xiao Xingchen said eventually. “Alright. Just, if anything comes up, let me know. Please.”

“I will,” Xue Yang murmured and looked down, no able to meet the honesty in Xiao Xingchen’s face with his lies.

“I actually wanted to ask you something else,” Xiao Xingchen stepped back, and Xue Yang felt the cold wind of early winter hit him. “I…look, I know you think you don’t need help from others–“ Xue Yang laughed, but Xiao Xingchen shook his head, “–and I’m not doing this out of pity or anything like that. I’m doing it because I want to. Because you really deserve it.” He looked genuinely distressed, and for the fraction of a moment Xue Yang felt a strange new kind of guilt. Was it his fault, that Xiao Xingchen felt the need to justify himself like this? “So. Do you…would you like a job at my shop?”

Xue Yang had expected something like this, and somehow it still came as a surprise.

 “A…job?” he echoed bewildered and looked up. “With you…” A past version of him would have denied instantly, insisting on not needing anyone’s charity. But this version, the one that wanted nothing more than to spend more time with Xiao Xingchen, well…

“Yes, I mean…it’s just a flower shop, and I know for most people it might not be the most exciting thing, but you could–“

While it might have been important to hear what he was supposed to do, Xue Yang wasn’t really interested. Instead he tipped forward and covered Xiao Xingchen’s mouth with his own, swallowing whatever suggestions he was about to receive. He heard a disapproving tsk from somewhere behind him, which sounded suspiciously like the old couple had still not moved from their spot on the bench. But that just made Xue Yang grin against Xiao Xingchen’s lips and he very languidly dragged his hand down the other’s back. Unfortunately, there were still things Xue Yang needed to say, and so he reluctantly drew back. His hardship was rewarded with the sight of a very pink-lipped and flustered Xiao Xingchen.

“Xingchen, I know I can be…how should I say? Selfish and stupid, maybe. But there is literally nothing I’d like to do more than work at your shop. It doesn’t matter what I have to do, I’ll clean the bathroom for all I care.” The small voice of reason inside of Xue Yang’s head peaked up, presumably to tell him that he shouldn’t get any closer to Xiao Xingchen than he already was, but Xue Yang didn’t listen. He was too distracted by Xiao Xingchen who stared at him with wide eyes, his beautiful and kiss-swollen lips parted slightly. Then, Xiao Xingchen chuckled, and it soon turned into a full-fledged laugh.

“I’m glad. I didn’t think it would be this easy, but I’m so glad,” he said, as if he was the one to be grateful for Xue Yang’s response.

“Wouldn’t be easy? Please, Xingchen. I get to help you and get kissed breathless by you during breaks? That’s called living the dream right there.”

The old couple got up and hurriedly moved away with an extremely sour expression when Xue Yang leaned in for another kiss.

-

After that, Xiao Xingchen had to hurry back to Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze because apparently he had left the shop on a whim after wanting to clear up things with Xue Yang, and damn, if that didn’t make Xue Yang want to commit another public taboo. But his mood had improved so much that even the gentle beginnings of icy rain felt like a refreshing drizzle. There was someone he definitely had to tell about this as soon as possible, and so he made his way over to a certain bookshop.

It wasn’t too far away, so by the time Xue Yang arrived he was still mostly dry. Library Pavilion, a sign above the door read, which Xue Yang completely ignored the first time he went to the book shop. The windows shone their warm light out into the cloud-shadowed street, and inside Xue Yang could see A-Qing walking around, occasionally stopping in front of one shelf or another. He felt a grin spread over his face at the sight of her looking so seriously enveloped in her work. After observing for a few more second, Xue Yang finally tore his gaze away and opened the door, the little bell above announcing his entrance.

“Just a second, I’ll be there in three seconds!” A-Qing called out, shoving a few books inside the shelves.

Xue Yang counted to three in his head. “Bad service, I want to talk to the manager.”

She whipped around, dropping one of the books she’d been shelving onto the floor and cursed.

“And now you’re cursing at a paying customer. Worst employee ever,” Xue Yang shot her a shit-eating grin and slumped down onto one of the comfortable chairs.

“Paying my ass,” A-Qing said and picked up the book only to hit Xue Yang with it. “And look at the mess you made, now guess who’s gotta clean that up you fu–“

“A-Qing!” A stern voice came from a door to the side and the old man entered, hands on his hips and brows creased. A-Qing shrunk to about half her size and fiddled with the book in her hands. “What did I tell you about using bad words? I’m sorry, Sir, she has such a potty mouth.”

Xue Yang snorted with laughter and the man – Old Man Li if Xue Yang remembered correctly – eyed him suspiciously. “Wait, aren’t you her guardian?”

“I am, I wanted to check up on her progress. How is she doing?” Xue Yang sat up from his languid slouch in an attempt to look like someone responsible enough to take care of another person. A-Qing looked with a horrified expression, but Old Man Li’s face softened.

“Oh, just fine, just fine. She’s being a big help with finally getting all these books in order. And she certainly has a lot of enthusiasm. If only you had taught her to not cuss so much.”

“My apologies, that is something we never quite managed to break her out of,” Xue Yang sighed dramatically and winked at A-Qing when Old Man Li wasn’t looking. She made a very rude gesture in his direction.

“But,” Xue Yang continued and swallowed hard, “she’s been talking constantly about how much she enjoys her time here. She’s very grateful for the opportunity.”

A-Qing gaped at him and Old Man Li looked slightly moved.

“Has she now? Well, A-Qing, I’m sure we can arrange something for when your punishment is over.”

“I–“ A-Qing choked out and cleared her throat, which didn’t help at all, “Thank you, Old Man Li, that…that would be so great.”

“Ah, no need, no need. I’m grateful for the company. Well, I have some paperwork to do, you can talk for a bit as long as there are no actual customers in.”

Old Man Li disappeared into the backroom again and A-Qing visibly relaxed. She was quiet for a moment, staring at the book in her hands as if she had trouble understanding the title. Granted, The Secret to Demonic Cultivation did sound rather ominous.

“Thanks,” she said without looking up.

Xue Yang snickered. “What are you thanking the book for, giving you insights into Demonic Cultivation?”

Her eyes snapped up at that and a familiar frown scrunched up her brows. “I’m thanking you, jerk. But you clearly don’t deserve it, so forget it!”

Xue Yang stood up and causally walked over to her, trying to prevent a grin from spreading over his face.

“As your guardian I have to make sure you behave like a proper young lady, and calling someone older than you a ‘jerk’ is definitely not proper.”

A-Qing’s eyes narrowed, and Xue Yang discovered that Demonic Cultivation was a very painful thing when the edge of the book hit his forehead.

“God fucking damnit,” he pressed out between clenched teeth, “So this is what I get for raising you!”

They glared at each other for a moment before simultaneously bursting out into laughter. A-Qing punched his arm. “I am grateful, you know. But I also know that you’re like, the worst influence one could wish for.”

“Well, not anymore. I finally decided to become a hard-working member of society,” Xue Yang said and picked a random book from the shelf. The Collection of Turmoil. This bookshop was weird.

“Huh? You got a job? Where?” A-Qing snatched to book out of his hand and put it back to its proper place.

“Let’s just say, if I were a member of the triad, my street name would be The Florist.”

A-Qing’s eyes widened and she her mouth hung open as the realisation hit her.

“Damn! So he really did it!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well,” A-Qing drawled and shot him a sly grin, “He asked me before if it would be inappropriate for him to give you work. I said that it couldn’t be more inappropriate than the looks you always give him.”

“You–! …what did he say?”

The smug expression on A-Qing’s face looked way too dangerous for Xue Yang’s liking. “He just blushed and mumbled something unintelligible.”

There was some blissful silence for a minute as Xue Yang considered the words while A-Qing sorted through a high stack of books, all looking like they were at least 200 years old. Then, suddenly, her casual voice broke the peace.

“So, is he fucking you yet?”

The noise Xue Yang made was one he would rather forget.

-

That night, Xue Yang didn’t sleep. He closed his eyes, but each time the darkness settled behind his eyelids he saw Xiao Xingchen’s face with half-lidded eyes and kiss-swollen lips, and every hope for a peaceful rest melted away with the heat that rushed through Xue Yang’s body. This was, without a doubt, A-Qing’s fault, as was everything bad that had happened to Xue Yang ever. Why couldn’t he have befriended a girl whose language wasn’t about as poetic as that of a dirty sailor? Xue Yang groaned and turned over, making the bed creak loudly under his weight. No, sleep was definitely not something Xue Yang would get this night.

Expectantly, he felt and looked like death the next morning. He managed to get his hair somewhat under control after a long shower, but the bags under his eyes remained dark even after he splashed ice-cold water into his face. He had already resigned himself to spending his first day at work looking like a walking corpse, when rescue appeared in an unlikely form.

“Oh wow, you look like a vampire. And not the good kind.”

“And whose fault do you think that is?” Xue Yang grumbled.

A-Qing looked genuinely confused and Xue Yang didn’t know if he should be relieved or offended at that.

“I need to be at work in 20 minutes,” A-Qing shrugged and grabbed Xue Yang’s wrist to drag him along with her.

“So what? Why– A-Qing, this is the lady’s bathroom, you should really use your first paycheck to buy new glasses. Oh wait, you’re not getting paid.”

“Shut up, jerk, I’m helping you. Unless,” and she turned to him with a grin so sharp Xue Yang felt its edge against his throat, “you want Xiao Xingchen to see you looking like that.”

“You–!“

“Sit!” She pushed him unceremoniously onto a toilet lid and dug around in her backpack, “I can’t believe I’m wasting this on you, it took me four hours of begging on a playground to be able to afford it.”

To Xue Yang’s confusion, she produced a small pot out of the bag and held it next to his face.

“Not quite your skin-tone, but it’ll work.”

“Four-eyes, is that concealer?”

“Yeah. And?”

Xue Yang raised both his hands in surrender. “Nothing. By all means, give it your best shot.”

And so, A-Qing went to work and Xue Yang wondered how he went from almost-assassin to flower shop assistant getting covered in makeup. Halfway through the process, the door got pushed open and in came Nameless Woman, eyes immediately widening in shock.

“What?” Xue Yang asked as dignified as was possible for someone who was getting concealer smeared on while sitting on a toilet seat, “Can’t you see I’m getting prettied up?”

She spluttered something unintelligible and walked backwards out of the room. Xue Yang laughed at her expression, but he immediately stopped when A-Qing almost stabbed him in the eye with her brush. About five minutes later she seemed more or less satisfied with the result and regarded him critically.

“Well, it’s better than before. At least you don’t look like you’re going to puke blood anymore.”

“What a relief. I’ll make sure to recommend you to all my friends.” Xue Yang looked at himself in the mirror, surprised at how well A-Qing had done her job.

“Wow, to all zero of them?”

“Hey, I have a friend!”

A-Qing rolled her eyes and shouldered her backpack, already marching out of the door. “He doesn’t count as a friend if you’re thirsting after him like a man in the desert.” The door slammed shut behind her and Xue Yang was left standing there with denial halfway out of his mouth. He seriously missed the good old days where he had been the one to tease her.

-

Half an hour later, Xue Yang stood in front of Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze. He had left the shelter in a hurry and all but ran through half the city to not be too late. But the large windows of the shop were still dark and Xue Yang wondered if he had gotten the time wrong. Or maybe he had misunderstood Xiao Xingchen, and he actually hadn’t been offered a job in the first place. Or maybe–

“Good morning! Sorry I’m late, I already ran as fast as I could.”

Xiao Xingchen came jogging up to him, absolutely not looking like someone who had been running at all. His short ponytail was perfectly smooth and his face wasn’t even flushed. Xue Yang would have found it unfair, were he not too busy marvelling at Xiao Xingchen’s bright smile so early in the morning. The other was carrying a small paper bag and waved it around while fumbling in his pockets for the keys.

“I had to get this before opening today. We can’t have you– Oh, shoot.” He dropped the keys as he was trying to fit them into the lock. “What a morning, right?”

Xue Yang stared at him, hopelessly out of his depths. Xiao Xingchen didn’t seem perturbed in the slightest, he happily knelt down to grope for the keys without even a hint of annoyance.

“It’s not always like this, I promise!” he smiled, as if Xue Yang wasn’t utterly endeared by his clumsiness. “Here, would you mind?” And he handed Xue Yang the keys and stepped aside to let him through to the door. Xue Yang finally found his words again, as if they had been handed to him by Xiao Xingchen together with the keys.

“I’ve been on my first shift for a minute and I can already tell that my new boss is amazing.”

Xiao Xingchen beamed, and Xue Yang dropped the keys.

When they finally managed to make it inside the store, Xiao Xingchen was laughing and Xue Yang wasn’t sure if this job was good for his heart rate.

“You can drop off all your things in the back room if you like. And you can get dressed there as well,” Xiao Xingchen went ahead to turn on the lights before he opened the door to the room Xue Yang had very vivid memories of.

“I didn’t bring any spare clothes,” Xue Yang said, as if he owned any work-appropriate clothes in the first place.

“Oh, I know.” Xiao Xingchen waved his paper bag around again, “That’s why I got you a uniform.”

And he pulled a blue apron out of the bag, looking exactly like the one he was wearing save for the little stitched-on name above the chest. 

“Oh.” said Xue Yang and reached for the apron almost automatically. The cloth was soft against his hand and probably of a better quality than anything he owned.

“Here, let me help you tie it,” Xiao Xingchen offered and took the two attached strings to secure it at Xue Yang’s back. “There, all d–“

Before he could finish, Xue Yang had already turned around and snaked an arm around his neck. Xiao Xingchen’s hands, still fiddling with the apron, were conveniently already around Xue Yang. The surprised yelp Xiao Xingchen let out was greedily caught by Xue Yang with his mouth. He slowly and deliberately moved his lips against Xiao Xingchen’s, knowing that this was something he could simply do now. Xiao Xingchen was quick to respond, and Xue Yang could feel him smile against his mouth.

“See,” Xue Yang murmured, drawing back just enough to move his lips, “this is how a morning should start.”

“I’ll keep it in mind. Now, as much as I’d like to continue this until noon, we have a shop to open,” Xiao Xingchen sounded more amused than anything, but Xue Yang immediately recoiled.

“Ah, damn. Sorry, I’m not used to being a productive member of society. Tell me what to do, chief.”

Turned out that there was a lot more to opening a shop than just turning a sign from ‘Closed’ to ‘Open’. They carried large pots outside to arrange them in front of the shop, and Xue Yang learned that some colours did apparently not go well with others (“What? I just own black clothes anyway, I never needed to worry about colour.”). After that, Xiao Xingchen insisted on sweeping the floor, even though he’d already done so the evening before (“You’d be surprised at the keen eyes of some customers.”). By the time they were done putting up little decorations, they had about five minutes left until opening.

“So, what am I supposed to do when there are actual customers in? Charm them with my endless charisma to make them spend all their money? Threaten them into buying the most expensive flowers?”

Xiao Xingchen made a very un-Xiao-Xingchen-like snort and Xue Yang would give his last piece of candy to hear it again.

“To be honest I…I thought that you could maybe get your own little corner in the shop to work. We could set up a desk and some tools for your carved figurines. Many customers buy little trinkets and such for their bouquets. Maybe you could even take commissions.”

Xue Yang started laughing. “I mean, it’s a nice thought, but I know from experience that people don’t really want to buy those. When I tried selling them on the street, I’d get 15 yuan for one, tops.” 

Xiao Xingchen looked so honestly shocked that Xue Yang wondered if he might have misunderstood something.

“People really love taking advantage of the less fortunate, huh,” he murmured as if the whole world had just disappointed him. Xue Yang would be happy to punish the world for that.

“It’s no big deal,” he said instead and shrugged. “But I’d happily make some statues for you. Just…don’t get your expectations up too high.”

“Nonsense!” Xiao Xingchen snapped and Xue Yang almost flinched, “I can guarantee that they will sell. In fact, we can make a bet. And if I win, you have to keep working here.”

Xue Yang gave him an incredulous look. “That’s not how bets work, Xingchen, you’re basically rewarding me for losing. Also, I don’t have any proper stone left.”

“Oh, we’ll order some, and then we can set everything up tomorrow.” A small, almost mischievous smile appeared on Xiao Xingchen’s face. “Consider today your trial shift. You can help me with the customers, maybe make a bouquet or two.”

Xue Yang’s eyes widened because he was pretty sure that handling delicate flowers or the even more delicate disposition of customers was not his expertise. But before he could put a voice to his panic, the bell above the door jingled, announcing a customer and the possible death of Xiao Xingchen’s respect for Xue Yang.

But in the end, it went a lot better than Xue Yang had expected. From his few experiences in customer service, people were either in a bad mood, a hurry, or a state of confusion. But apparently, flowers attracted a different kind of buyers and Xue Yang was surprised at how friendly everyone was.

He spent the first part of the day in the background, arranging flowers, cutting off leaves, or marvelling at how well Xiao Xingchen handled other people. His kindness didn’t waver for one second, not even when a guy demanded an entire bouquet to be remade because the position of one flower bothered him. Xiao Xingchen complied with a smile and a “Of course, sorry for the inconvenience” where Xue Yang would have buried the garden shears in the asshole’s hand. Around noon a delivery came, and Xiao Xingchen had to check it for completion, leaving Xue Yang alone in the shop.

“Don’t worry,” Xiao Xingchen had assured him, “there are usually no customers around this time. And if there are, I’m sure you’ll be just fine.”  `

It took the universe about two seconds to prove him wrong and show just how much it was against Xue Yang living a peaceful life. He was in the process of cutting the stems off some roses (apparently that made them stay fresh or something), when the bell reminded him that his existence was ruled by misfortune.

“Oh, did Xiao Xingchen finally get an assistant?” A middle-aged man called from the door when he spotted Xue Yang. “About time!”

He marched up to the counter with determination and slammed one hand onto the wood.

“I’ve been telling him for months that he has to relax every now and then. You’ll make sure he gets some rest, no?”

The man was so abrasive and loud that Xue Yang didn’t bother with putting on his weak imitation of politeness.

“Sure, I’ll make sure to keep him nice and relaxed.”

“Good…” he leaned forwards, and for a second Xue Yang wondered why the man ogled his chest, before he continued, “…Xue Yang! Now, I’d like some flowers for my wife. It’s our twenty-second-and-3-months-anniversary.”

Xue Yang stared at him. “It’s your what now?”

“Ah, hello Dr Qiu, how are you?” Xiao Xingchen, actual angel and life-saver Xiao Xingchen, entered the shop with a large crate in his arms, filled with tiny flowerpots. Xue Yang hurried over.

“Let me take this, Xingchen, and you talk to that weird uncle over there before I call him something inappropriate,” he muttered and took the crate, its weight nothing in comparison to the hardship of having to entertain customers.

Xiao Xingchen grinned and patted his shoulder, “No worries, Dr Qiu is really nice. Which anniversary is it today?” he added, louder now.

“Twenty-two-tree,” Dr Qiu said proudly. “And I see you’ve finally managed to snag an assistant! He looks industrious!”

“That he is,” Xiao Xingchen confirmed just as Xue Yang unceremoniously dropped the crate on a nearby shelf.

“Then why doesn’t he prepare me a bouquet for today? I want to see his skills.”

Xiao Xingchen and Dr Qiu turned to Xue Yang expectantly, who gave them an incredulous look. “Yeah, I know like, two flowers.”

In the end, he just randomly picked flowers whose shapes seemed to go well together, and by the look on Dr Qiu’s face, he didn’t fail completely. He was still glad when the man finally left.

“What’s his deal? Is he crazy? Do you want me to get A-Qing to do a background check on him? Maybe he’s triad.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed and slapped Xue Yang’s arm. “He’s just a romantic. He gets his wife flowers every month. It’s actually kind of cute.”

“I can think of better ways to celebrate an anniversary,” Xue Yang muttered, but luckily Xiao Xingchen didn’t seem to have heard because the bell had just announced another customer. It was a boy who couldn’t be older than eighteen, wearing some faded band shirt (Little Fairy, it said, a very strange name for a metal band) and looking so out of place that Xue Yang felt a sudden burst of empathy.

“I, uh. Want to buy flowers.”

“You’ve come to the right place then,” Xiao Xingchen said quickly, as if he knew of the sarcastic remark that threatened to escape Xue Yang, and gestured around. “Any specific wishes?”

“Yeah. I think. They’re for my, uhh, friend. I don’t know what he…what exactly is fitting.” 

Xue Yang stepped up next to Xiao Xingchen because this was too good to just let it pass.

“For your friend, huh?” he said with a sly grin and almost expected Xiao Xingchen to stop him. But when nothing happened, he continued, “And what exactly is the occasion for this friendly gift of flowers?”

The boy’s ears turned a bright red and he looked down at the counter. “Just…saying thank you, I guess? Maybe ask if he…” he trailed off, and the red spread from his ears to the rest of his face.

“Well, you’re in luck, Xiao Xingchen here is an absolute expert when it comes to flower language,” Xue Yang curled his arm around Xiao Xingchen’s waist and smiled innocently, as far as that was possible, “Right, Xingchen?” He pulled the other closer and shot him a doting look. Xiao Xingchen chuckled, and Xue Yang felt a firm hand on his back, which turned his feigned innocence into smugness. The boy’s wide eyes flicked from one to the other, clearly overwhelmed. But Xiao Xingchen, patience unwavering, just gave a gentle smile.

“I would be more than happy to help. How about some Gladioli to tell your friend that he’s a very special person in your life? Or Irises to express your trust in him?”

The boy looked a bit relieved at Xiao Xingchen’s friendly explanation and nodded, but Xue Yang was not done torturing him yet.

“Hmm, that sounds nice. But Xingchen, how do you say in flower “’I’m secretly into you, please make out with me?’”

The boy’s eyes snapped to Xue Yang and if red had a superlative, the boy’s face would be it. Xiao Xingchen diligently played oblivious.

“Well, for that we could use some white Acacias for secret love, and then a few Jonquils as a request for your friend to return your feelings. And then garnish the bouquet with a mistletoe, should you indeed want to make out with him.”

The boy was very quiet, avoiding Xiao Xingchen’s pitying smile and Xue Yang’s suggestive smirk.

“Okay,” he said with sudden resolve.

“With the mistletoe?” Xiao Xingchen asked neutrally.

“…okay.”

Xue Yang gave him a thumbs up.

“You really are an expert matchmaker,” Xiao Xingchen observed as they watched the boy leave, a huge bouquet in his arms.

“I just don’t want him to make the same mistakes I did. If I knew how to speak flower, I’d have flooded your desk in the shelter with mistletoes.”

Xiao Xingchen blushed ever so slightly and pressed his lips to Xue Yang’s cheek, just as the bell piped up again. One day, and Xue Yang already wanted to tear it down. But when his eyes wandered over to the door, his mood brightened. Because there stood one of his favourite kinds of customers. It was a young woman dressed in a fashionable shirt-skirt combo, her hair elegantly styled and her makeup impeccable. There had been four of the kind already, and he had noticed the pattern after the second one. Even though they did order flowers, they seemed to be much more interested in the owner than in the shop. A grin spread over Xue Yang’s face. He’d been looking forward to this ever since the fourth one had left only after shooting a very questioning gaze in Xue Yang’s direction.

“Good day,” the woman greeted and smiled brightly at Xiao Xingchen, who returned the expression and inclined his head.

“How can I help you?”

“I, uh, I’m looking for some flowers for my windowsill. Something white and pretty.” The woman’s eyes were practically glued to Xiao Xingchen, and while Xue Yang couldn’t fault her for that, he also couldn’t let it stand. He stepped forwards, brushing deliberately close to Xiao Xingchen.

“White and pretty? And you’re sure you’re talking about flowers?” Xue Yang all but purred and his eyes dragged deliberately over the length of Xiao Xingchen’s body.

The woman either had a thick skin or a thick skull, because she didn’t react to his question at all. Instead, Xue Yang found her eyes trained on him.

“Oh. Are you new here?” she asked and her eyes lit up. Xue Yang frowned.

“This is Xue Yang,” Xiao Xingchen said happily, “He’ll be working here from now on.”

“Mmh, nice to meet you,” the woman said, her smile now directed at Xue Yang, “The flowers don’t need to be white, I like dark ones, too.”

Well, fuck.

Xiao Xingchen made a strange noise that sounded suspiciously like a supressed laugh, but when Xue Yang looked at him, his expression was as professional as ever.

“I’m sure we’ll find something to suit your tastes. But I’m afraid our black flowers are taken already.”

Xue Yang could feel fingers lace through his own, squeezing his hand and sparking electricity over his skin.

“That was fun,” Xiao Xingchen said when the woman left the shop with a pink orchid. “I was really hard not to laugh in front of her.”

“It was really hard not to shove you against the wall and kiss you senseless in front of her,” Xue Yang said and Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened slightly before they took on a mischievous glint.

He stepped closer to Xue Yang and pushed him towards the wall. “Oh, that can be–“

The bell jingled and Xue Yang declared it his new mortal enemy.

-

When the last customer, a young man who bought an impressive amount of turnip seeds, left the door, Xue Yang realised that he’d barely noticed the time passing. Usually, his days dragged on into eternity and by the time he went to bed he felt like an entire week had passed. But today it came as a surprise when Xiao Xingchen announced that it was time to close the shop. He untied his apron, still a clean blue, and Xue Yang noticed with horror that his own was covered in dirt and soil, even though he had no idea where it all came from.

“I’ll get it clean by tomorrow,” Xue Yang said quickly, but Xiao Xingchen pulled it out of his hands and stuffed it into a bag that was already filled with other blue cloth.

“Don’t worry about it, I have a washing machine in the shop,” he said casually, “I already expected you to be a messy worker.”

“Hey! It only shows how industrious I am. God, your customers are so weird, Xingchen.”

“They didn’t seem to think the same of you. Especially not that nice lady.” There was an edge to Xiao Xingchen’s smile and it sent a pulse of heat through Xue Yang.

“Yeah, well,” he muttered and stepped closer, “what a pity that I’m taken.”

Xiao Xingchen grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. It didn’t last long, but it was forceful and hot and left Xue Yang breathless.

“That you are.”

It didn’t take them long to finish closing the shop, but the sun had already set behind the skyline by the time they stepped out onto the street.

Xiao Xingchen locked the door, and when he turned around there was a big smile on his face.

“Well, I’d say you passed your trial shift with flying colours.”

“Wait, seriously?” Xue Yang looked at him suspiciously, not sure if Xiao Xingchen was pulling one of his (admittedly very few) pranks.

“Of course. My customers loved you and you’re a diligent worker. So, welcome to the team!”

It took Xue Yang a moment to realise that Xiao Xingchen had started to move, and he hurried to catch up. “So my non-existent brain-to-mouth filter didn’t ruin everything? That’s new,” he said despite the honest relief in his chest.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’d be surprised at how charismatic you really are.”

“Well, so are serial killers,” Xue Yang muttered and Xiao Xingchen laughed.

“Maybe it’s good if you spend more time with people that aren’t A-Qing.”

They spent the rest of the way to Xiao Xingchen’s flat with a Q&A about how, when, and why the shop came to be, and Xue Yang marvelled at the normalcy of the situation. It was so easy to talk to Xiao Xingchen, as if it was a natural thing to do. When they reached the familiar building the other was living in, Xue Yang felt a sting of regret. 

“Well, I guess I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow, boss,” he gave a crooked grin which he hoped looked normal.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Xiao Xingchen looked honestly confused, and Xue Yang’s grin slipped.

“Wh– Oh, right, it’s Sunday tomorrow, I forgot. Is the shop closed on Sundays?”

“No, it’s open, but that’s not what I mean. Aren’t you going to come inside?”

Xue Yang spluttered. “Inside? What, with you? But I…the shelter and…”

“If you’d rather sleep in the shelter then–“

“What, no! I just didn’t think, you’d want me to…“

“Xue Yang, if my past actions still haven’t made you realise how much I want you, then I’m either very bad at kissing, or you are very oblivious.” Xiao Xingchen forcefully pulled the door open and looked expectantly at Xue Yang, whose expression had become defiant just for the sake of it.

“You’re a great kisser and you know it,” he glared and walked up to Xiao Xingchen. “But maybe you have to remind me once more, just to be sure.”

“Only if you come inside. Your choice.”

And Xue Yang did. It was the easiest choice he’d ever made.

Chapter Text

Xue Yang was not a peaceful sleeper – his nights were restless and he frequently startled awake because of reasons that eluded him. From the state of his hair each morning he knew that he either spent his time in bed tossing and turning, or he was getting abducted to a very stormy area every night.

It was different in the soft comfort of Xiao Xingchen’s bed. With two arms wrapped firmly around him in a warm embrace, Xue Yang’s sleep became calm and peaceful. He awoke slowly, in the same position he fell asleep in, with his back pressed against Xiao Xingchen’s chest and the other’s breath warm against his hair. As soon as Xue Yang stirred, Xiao Xingchen let out a small noise of protest and the arms around Xue Yang’s waist tightened, as if Xue Yang had any intention of leaving the bed. But getting up was furthest from his mind; in fact he was reluctant to even move, out of fear to pull Xiao Xingchen out of his serene slumber. But Xue Yang had never been good at resisting temptations, and so he smoothly turned around to bury his face in Xiao Xingchen’s chest and inhale the flowery smell that had become synonymous with contentment. Unfortunately, his victory was short-lived when Xiao Xingchen murmured a sleep-tinged “Good morning,” and pressed a brief kiss on the top of Xue Yang’s head.

“It’s still so early, we can stay in bed a while longer,” Xue Yang said and hoped that years of lying had prepared him well for this moment. Xiao Xingchen just huffed a laugh.

“Mhh, the clock behind you tells a different story.”

Traitor, Xue Yang thought darkly and vowed to get rid of the thing at the next opportunity.

“It’s Sunday, Xingchen, why is the shop even open? Let’s just stay in bed, yes?”

Xiao Xingchen chuckled, and Xue Yang felt the vibrations from where he was pressed against the other’s chest. A hand ran lazily up and down Xue Yang’s spine before coming to rest at the small of his back. Xue Yang eyes slid closed involuntarily and he almost believed in the delusion that he had managed to convince Xiao Xingchen.

“Business before pleasure,” Xiao Xingchen said, still sounding half-asleep.

“And what pleasure would that be?” Xue Yang purred and hooked his leg around Xiao Xingchen’s thighs. He noticed with satisfaction that Xiao Xingchen’s breath hitched in his throat and the hand at Xue Yang’s back twitched.

“I was thinking we could get dinner after work.”

That made Xue Yang release some of the tension in his leg. “Dinner in like… a restaurant?”

“Mmh. I know a very good hotpot place. We could celebrate you getting a new job.”

The last time Xue Yang had been to a restaurant was during his time at Nightless Enterprises. He hadn’t actually eaten anything, just stood there to look intimidating while Wen Ruohan was discussing something with a partner.

“As long as there’s no dress code,” Xue Yang muttered, successfully overplaying the excitement he felt.

“Then it’s settled,” Xiao Xingchen said, gave Xue Yang a final squeeze, and got out of bed. How he managed to resist the allure of the soft covers, Xue Yang would never understand.

-

It was a rainy day, the streets painted in soft aquarelle that blurred the sharp edges of the houses. Xue Yang used to hate the rain, the way it pricked cold needles against his skin and weighed down his hair. But underneath an umbrella, tightly clutching Xiao Xingchen’s arm, even the rain became a trifle. It was fascinating, Xue Yang thought, how much more bearable life became with just one single person to go through it with. While they were walking, Xiao Xingchen told him about all kinds of strange customers he’d served, and Xue Yang was happy to just listen to his voice. It made him feel a kind of belonging he’d never felt before, as if Xiao Xingchen was the one who had given him a purpose. And even though Xue Yang would never admit it out loud, he knew it to be true to a large extent. When they arrived at the shop there was a small note pinned to the front door, crude words smeared onto crumpled paper. ‘You can fetch the table whenever’, it said.

“That sounds ominous,” Xue Yang frowned at the paper, “is it a threat?”

Xiao Xingchen made that small giggle of his, the one that was halfway between ridiculous and endearing. “I told you I’d get you a table to work at. I asked my friend if he had a spare one and apparently, I can…well, fetch it whenever. Would you mind taking care of the shop for a bit? It’s Sunday, and a rainy one at that, so there probably won’t be any customers.”

“That’s exactly what you said last time, and then there was that crazy old doctor,” Xue Yang blurted out and didn’t quite manage to suspend all the panic from his voice.

“I have complete faith in you,” Xiao Xingchen smiled, gave Xue Yang a quick kiss on the cheek, and went outside, white coat fluttering behind him. Xue Yang stared after him, dumbfounded and certain that he would never get used to this.

At least this time Xiao Xingchen seemed to have been right. Xue Yang saw the occasional silhouette hurrying past the shop’s windows, but no one came inside. He used the spare time to rearrange some of the crates in the storage. Halfway through he found a book about flower care and tried to commit as many names as possible to memory. The doorbell pierced the comfortable silence and Xue Yang almost flinched at the much-hated sound.

“Be right there,” he called, praying that it was just Xiao Xingchen who had returned. But when he went back to the shop proper, it was empty. He immediately reached for the garden shears underneath the counter, almost expecting someone to attack him. Then there came a voice from behind the…the chrysanthemums?

“Horrible customer service. I want to talk to the manager.”

Xue Yang dropped the shears and groaned. “What the actual fuck, four-eyes, I was about to stab you with gardening equipment.”

A-Qing stepped out from behind the flowers and gave him a mean grin. “And now you’re cursing a paying customer! Well, well, how the tables have turned.”

Xue Yang rolled his eyes, refusing to dignify her with an answer. Instead he took a candy from the jar on the counter that was meant for children and popped it in his mouth.

“What do you need flowers for? I always took you for more of a switchblade kind of girl when it comes to gifts.”

“And here I was hoping to make use of your expert knowledge in flowers to make me a fitting bouquet,” she said and tossed her hair dramatically.

 “Sure, let me get the book from the back so I can look up how to say ‘four-eyed devil’ in flower.”

For a moment, Xue Yang thought he’d won this one, but then A-Qing’s grin started to almost glow with malicious energy.

“Aww, why so cranky? Didn’t get much sleep last night? I noticed you weren’t at the shelter.”

 Xue Yang should just be the bigger person and ignore her. He knew she was trying to get a rise out of him, but he believed he was finally mature enough to ignore her.

“Ooh, did you spend the night at Xiao Xingchen’s?” she crooned with a smirk and Xue Yang would not let her get the better of him, he would not. “Did you talk about your feelings ‘til the wee hours of the morning?”

 Fuck being the mature. “Well, who knows, maybe I was busy getting properly and thoroughly fu–“

“Oh, good morning, A-Qing. What a nice surprise,” came a voice from the door and Xue Yang bit down on his tongue so hard that he felt blood flooding his mouth. Of course now would be the time that fucking doorbell didn’t issue a timely warning.

“Good morning, Xiao Xingchen!” A-Qing said with a smile too sweet to be innocent, “The bookshop is closed today, so I decided to come and see what this idiot here is up to.”

“He’s doing quite well,” Xiao Xingchen huffed as he somehow manoeuvred a square wooden table through the door. Xue Yang hurried over to help him.

“Of course I am, I was practically born for customer service,” he slurred through a mouthful of blood. They carried the table to the corner next to the counter, in between some vibrant pink flowers that may or may not have been peonies.

“Sure, given those customers have no problem with manic smiles and bad sarcasm,” A-Qing hopped onto the table and dangled her legs. Xiao Xingchen smiled and swallowed visibly, but refrained from commenting. Xue Yang felt only slightly betrayed.

“Well, at least my boss appreciates my qualities,” Xue Yang said and slung his arm around Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder.

“I’m sure he does,” A-Qing smirked, “So, Xiao Xingchen, you really are stealing my brother from me.”

The silence that followed her words was very loud. Even Xiao Xingchen couldn’t hide the surprise on his face, and Xue Yang had trouble closing his mouth. A-Qing’s face adopted the colour of the maybe-peonies she was sitting next to.

“I…uh…” It was rare to see her at a loss for words, and Xue Yang felt a smile spreading over his face that was a lot softer than he intended.

“Aw, four-eyes, I didn’t know you–“

She jumped up and boxed him against the chest. “I dare you to finish that sentence!”

Xue Yang didn’t. He just raised his hand and ruffled A-Qing’s hair. She didn’t recoil, only looked at him with an exaggerated pout. “You’re the worst,” she said.

“You too,” Xue Yang replied.

Xiao Xingchen smiled happily at them, looking the way Xue Yang felt.

-

Eventually, A-Qing left to “sort out something important” as she put it. It was still fairly early, but the rain was relentless, the constant plip-plop of waterdrops against the window created a monotone rhythm. Xiao Xingchen sat behind the counter and read a book, while Xue Yang set up his new workspace, laying out tools and small blocks of stone Xiao Xingchen had gotten him from somewhere. It was a comfortable silence, defined by mutual agreement, rather than the quiet solitude Xue Yang was used to. When he started to chisel away at the first statue, the scraping of metal against stone was almost deafening in the soundless space. He looked up with the intention to apologise, but he found Xiao Xingchen staring at him, a soft expression in his eyes as he observed Xue Yang work.

“What?” Xue Yang asked, insecurity making him run a hand through his hair to smooth it back.

Xiao Xingchen’s face lit up with a smile. “Nothing. I’m just happy.”

They looked at each other, Xue Yang with an undoubtedly stupid expression on his face and Xiao Xingchen with his blinding smile, and Xue Yang was at least 110% sure that he was in a dream. Or maybe it was a nightmare, he thought, when the bell above the door jingled merrily.

Xue Yang pointedly ignored it, and Xiao Xingchen turned towards the door very slowly, his eyes lingering on Xue Yang for a moment longer. Just before he turned away completely, he had the audacity to wink, and the heat that rushed through Xue Yang at that was entirely inappropriate.

He couldn’t care less about whatever idiot decided to buy flowers on a Sunday. His eyes lingered on Xiao Xingchen and he mentally counted the seconds until closing time.

-

When Xiao Xingchen finally turned the sign from “Open” to “Closed”, Xue Yang had almost finished his carving. It was a Lotus flower, nothing intricate or special, but he was satisfied with how it turned out. There had been five customers in total and all of them had shown an annoying amount of interest in Xue Yang’s work, and he had to restrain himself from telling them to fuck off on multiple occasions. Xiao Xingchen had been amused, and his smile alone had been worth having other people stare at him.

“Xiao Xingchen, you have to tell your customers to not disturb the master at work. I can’t focus when others gape at me like that.”

“And here I was thinking you enjoyed the attention,” Xiao Xingchen smiled and extended his hand for Xue Yang’s apron.

“I enjoy certain people’s attention,” Xue Yang said pointedly and pulled the apron over his head.

“And certain people enjoy giving it to you.” Instead of taking the apron, Xiao Xingchen took Xue Yang’s wrist, pulling him close. He claimed Xue Yang’s mouth in a slow and deliberate kiss that was over way too soon.

“Let me put these into the washing machine before we head out,” he smiled gently, and Xue Yang was sure he knew exactly what he was doing, and he enjoyed it.

“You’re cruel, Xiao Xingchen! Merciless!” he called after the other as he vanished in the back room. Well. Xue Yang was going to get his revenge at some point.

It took longer than expected for Xiao Xingchen to put some damn pieces of cloth into a washing machine, and after ten minutes Xue Yang was growing tired of looking at flowers whose names still eluded him. Finally the sound of footsteps announced Xiao Xingchen’s return, and Xue Yang whirled around dramatically to lament his boredom. The words died in his throat and his mouth was left hanging open without a single sound escaping. For a moment he thought his eyes were playing a trick on him, but even after rapid blinking a few times, the image before him remained the same. Xiao Xingchen stood there, wearing a fitted waistcoat over a tight shirt, and slacks that clung very favourably to his legs. His entire attire was a deep, saturated black. Xue Yang had never been so turned on his entire life.

“Fuck,” he muttered when he found his words again.

Xiao Xingchen raised a hand to scratch at his neck and he actually looked fucking embarrassed. “Ah, is it bad? You said you wanted to see me in black, and I–“

Xue Yang stepped closer. He had no strength nor the desire to resist the magnetic pull that was emanating off Xiao Xingchen.

“Bad?” he echoed and came to halt right in front of the other, his hands coming up automatically to rest against the crisp fabric of Xiao Xingchen’s waistcoat. “Yeah, it looks bad. So bad, in fact, that we definitely cannot go for dinner with you wearing this. We should get home and I should get you out of these clothes, piece by piece.”

With each word spilling out of Xue Yang’s mouth, Xiao Xingchen’s face got a little redder and his eyes grew a little wider.  Xue Yang tasted revenge sweet on his tongue and he slowly pushed Xiao Xingchen backwards until his legs hit the counter. Xue Yang braced his hands on either side of Xiao Xingchen’s hips and bent forwards to press his lips to the other’s neck, right above the spot where the top button of his shirt was undone. He trailed his mouth up a little, just to make sure the mark would be visible, before he sucked at the smooth skin, satisfaction running though him when he heard Xiao Xingchen’s small moan.  

And then Xue Yang gathered up all his self-control, and pushed himself back. What he was rewarded with was the image of Xiao Xingchen slumped against the counter, eyes closed, and breath elaborated and throat marked by Xue Yang’s mouth. For a moment, he considered giving up on revenge and giving in to his own desires, but that would be no fun.

“Ah, but Xingchen, I’m a bit hungry, so maybe we should go for the restaurant after all.”

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes fluttered open, and when they met Xue Yang’s their usual warmth was almost eclipsed by the same darkness that clung to his clothes.

“Should we?” he said with a hoarse voice that sent a shiver down Xue Yang’s spine. Xiao Xingchen straightened himself and adjusted the waistcoat with a slightly trembling hand.

Xue Yang grinned. Revenge was a wonderful thing.

-

The restaurant Xiao Xingchen had picked was a small place in walking distance of Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze. It was tucked away in a side alley, and if Xue Yang didn’t know better, he’d half expect it to be a front for a more… unsavoury business. A-Qing would be delighted. But the inside quickly revealed that it was, in fact, just a normal Hotpot place. Several tables were cramped into the small space and most of them were already occupied, but Xiao Xingchen led Xue Yang to one right at the window that was being kept empty by small Reserved plaque. It was a casual little restaurant, but Xue Yang still felt significantly underdressed, to no small part because of the walking fashion magazine cover that was his company. He quickly slid into one of the chairs, grateful that the table obscured his jeans that were torn at the knees.  A waitress came over and handed them a menu that came with a wide smile.

“Hello, Xiao Xingchen. No Song Zichen today?”

Xue Yang felt something that would have been jealousy if he weren’t so sure that Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen were only friends. He still couldn’t resist giving the woman a sweet smile.

“Song Zichen broke up with him, I’m here for consolation.”

 Xiao Xingchen spluttered, and the woman’s eyebrows shot up. “What? I always thought…”

“He’s joking,” Xiao Xingchen blurted, his face a very pretty shade of pink, “Song Zichen and I are just friends.”

“Aw, you’re no fun.”

“This is Xue Yang,” Xiao Xingchen muttered and if Xue Yang had one yuan for each time Xiao Xingchen had introduced him the past week alone, he’d be able to buy some fancy clothes himself. The woman looked like she tried to supress a grin and shrugged.

“Alright, it’s none of my business. Here’s the menu, let me know when you’ve chosen.”

Xiao Xingchen let out the breath he’d apparently been holding and looked at Xue Yang with something like exasperation. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

“Says the guys who almost kissed me into unconsciousness once,” Xue Yang retorted and that dragged a laugh out of Xiao Xingchen.

“I’ll make sure to stop doing that then,” he said and there was a challenge in his tone that Xue Yang was more used to from A-Qing.

“Don’t you dare!” Xue Yang slapped him with the menu.

They passed the time until their food arrived with idle talk. Xue Yang learned that Xiao Xingchen was home-schooled and that he had never really gotten the chance to play with children his age (“Oh, that explains a lot,” Xue Yang said). He also learned that Xiao Xingchen had opened Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze not too long ago, and that he earned the money for doing so by doing accounting (“So you did have a boring office job at one point,” Xue Yang said).

After the table between them had been laden with food, Xiao Xingchen looked up a bit sheepishly. Xue Yang swallowed the large piece of beef he’d been chewing on. “What?”

“What about you?”

Xue Yang looked down. He’d been expecting the question, but that didn’t make it any less uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want, I just–“

“No. No, it’s okay. I want to tell you.” Xue Yang dragged another piece of beef through the boiling broth to stall for some time and watched its colour change. Xiao Xingchen didn’t say anything, he just sat there patiently. Xue Yang let go of the beef and it vanished beneath the cloudy surface of the liquid. He took a deep breath.

“I grew up in an orphanage. I know, Surprise! It wasn’t too bad. They were all kind and friendly and treated the children with care. I wasn’t…popular with the other kids, but I got along with them. Chances of adoption were very slim, and the workers there made no secret of it, so we all pretty much assumed to be there until we turned eighteen.” Xue Yang paused and poked around in the pot with his chopsticks, searching for the stray piece of meat that would have turned tough by now. Xiao Xingchen had put his own chopsticks down and was looking at Xue Yang. “Well, I left when I was sixteen. Not because someone had decided to adopt a boy that was a known troublemaker. I just thought I had better things to do.” He paused at that because it was a lie, and he didn’t want to lie to Xiao Xingchen. “My teacher said I was ‘Bright but broken’, and that I wouldn’t have a good life if I didn’t change.” Saying the words out loud was different from replaying them in his head, and Xue Yang fell silent.

“I don’t know how you were back then,” Xiao Xingchen said and reached across the table to take Xue Yang’s hand, “But I know how you are now. And you might have been broken at one point, but you rebuild yourself out of your own strength, and you only grew brighter because of it.”

Xue Yang slowly looked up and met Xiao Xingchen’s eyes. He hesitated for a moment, and then he nodded. “Almost right. No one can rebuild themselves all on their own. So, thank you for your help. And, I’m sorry it took me so long to accept it.”

A smile spread over Xiao Xingchen’s face and he squeezed Xue Yang’s hand tightly. “It’s a steep learning curve.”

“It’s more an abstract painting than a curve, but I get what you mean,” Xue Yang muttered and Xiao Xingchen laughed. He rested his chin on the back of his hand and sight dramatically while giving Xue Yang a wistful look.

“If only you hadn’t been so hungry… Then we could have stayed at home and I could, hm, how do you say…kiss you into unconsciousness now.”

Xue Yang’s head snapped up and he felt the soup he had just been drinking drip down his chin as he stared open-mouthed at Xiao Xingchen.

“You!” he almost yelled and wiped at his chin with one hand while pointing the other at Xiao Xingchen in indignation, but the other only smiled innocently.

“Me?”

“Am I interrupting something?” The waitress asked and waved the bill while Xue Yang tried to preserve his last remnants of dignity by ignoring her.

“Not at all,” Xiao Xingchen smiled and handed her the money.

“Please come back soon.”

“We will,” Xiao Xingchen said. “We won’t,” Xue Yang said. The waitress chuckled and left, and Xue Yang was sure that his reputation suffered some heavy and unfixable damage tonight. Not that he cared about that, especially not when Xiao Xingchen took his hand when they left the restaurant and didn’t let go of it until they reached his home. Our home, a foolish little voice in Xue Yang’s head announced and he didn’t silence it.

They stepped into the elevator and Xiao Xingchen turned, mouth half-opened on unspoken words that were to slow to escape before Xue Yang pushed him backwards until his back hit the mirror. The elevator doors slid closed and Xue Yang’s mouth was on Xiao Xingchen’s while his hands fumbled with the buttons of that damned waistcoat that had been taunting him all evening. The upward motion of the elevator combined with the heat of Xiao Xingchen’s tongue against his was enough to make Xue Yang feel dizzy, but Xiao Xingchen’s hands were on his waist, keeping him from swaying to the side. One of his hands slid underneath of Xue Yang’s shirt, trailing up his side, while Xue Yang had finally managed to push the waistcoat off Xiao Xingchen’s shoulders.

From somewhere came the faint sound of a bell, but Xue Yang was too distracted to pay it any mind. But then, “I, uhm…excuse me?” a small voice came from behind and Xue Yang was dragged out of his kiss-induced daze. He slowly turned his head, letting his lips trail deliberately across Xiao Xingchen’s jaw.  In the open door to the elevator stood a young man, face just as flushed as Xue Yang’s but for entirely different reasons. Xue Yang’s lips stretched into a languid grin when he recognised Xiao Xingchen’s neighbour.

“Oh my…Oh no. I’m so sorry Huang Li, this…I don’t know what to say. This is very uncalled for and I’m really sorry,” Xiao Xingchen said apologetically and completely unnecessary, as Xue Yang thought (he may or may not have deliberately let his shirt ride up his stomach to make sure he looked inappropriate enough for the both of them).

Huang Li muttered something that sounded vaguely like a “Don’t worry about it” and stepped to the side to let Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen exit the elevator. Xiao Xingchen almost stumbled in his hurry while Xue Yang walked more slowly, shooting Huang Li a toothy grin on his way out. He only turned around when the elevator door had closed and saw that Xiao Xingchen had already vanished in the apartment. Xue Yang smiled to himself and followed, finding Xiao Xingchen leaned against the living room wall, and a suffering expression on his flushed face that looked like he had been caught stabbing his best friend through the heart. Xue Yang sighed and leaned next to him.

“Aw, Xingchen, no need to be so embarrassed. I bet he enjoyed watching.”

Xiao Xingchen’s face turned even redder, if that was at all possible. “That’s not helping,” he muttered.

Xue Yang tipped his head to the side to rest it on Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder. “You know that thing you do, where you’re an actual sex god in one moment and a flustered schoolboy in the next, and I really l–,” he bit his tongue before something too harsh could escape his treacherous mouth, “–like that about you.”

Xiao Xingchen chuckled, a slightly pained sound, and he absentmindedly tilted his head to let it rest on Xue Yang’s.

-

If there was one thing Xue Yang would have never thought he’d get, it’s a normal workday routine. Back when he was still employed at Nightless Enterprises, routine had been as much of a foreign term as workplace safety. Afterwards, when he stayed at the shelter, routine had become something dreaded that kept his life a small bubble, unable to escape from. But working at Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze came with the kind of stability he’d never known he longed for. When he got up on Monday, it wasn’t with the acute awareness of his own insignificance. He didn’t drag himself out of an uncomfortable bed to take an icy shower while ten other people waited for him to finish. He didn’t walk though tight corridors, feeling the scared eyes of his fellow residents against his back.

Instead, he opened his eyes to the sight of Xiao Xingchen’s peaceful face, slack with sleep and unfairly beautiful. He slowly disentangled himself from the soft sheets to take a quick shower, but when he stepped under the warm stream he stayed there until the decreasing temperature told him that he he’d probably wasted enough water. Xue Yang had actually planned to make a small breakfast, but when he came out of the shower the smell of sweet congee already hung in the air.  As he stepped into the kitchen, Xiao Xingchen looked up and shot Xue Yang a slightly sleepy smile, at which Xue Yang’s heart skipped a beat or five.

“Morning,” he said and waved a wooden spoon around, “I’m making breakfast.”

“I see that,” Xue Yang replied and sat down at the table, his chin in his palm and his eyes glued to Xiao Xingchen. “One of these days I’m gonna be faster than you, and then you’ll have to eat whatever I brew.”

“I’m looking forward to that,” Xiao Xingchen said as if the thought of Xue Yang cooking didn’t fill him with horror at the very probable housefire that would follow. He joined Xue Yang at the table, two bowls of congee in his hands.

“Another day of work. I hope you’re not tired of it yet.”

“Tired of doing what I like together with the guy I like? Yeah, poor me. The struggle I have to endure each of these days!” Xue Yang sprinkled the table with congee as he accompanied his words with a dramatic gesture. Xiao Xingchen tried and failed to hide his smile behind his bowl.

“Ah, I’m going to lunch with Zichen today,” he spoke faster than normal as if he wanted the words to get out as quickly as possible. Xue Yang waited for a pang of jealousy, for his insecurities to rear their head again, but it never happened. Instead he just felt a sliver of unease, but it was more because of the past he shared with Song Zichen instead of the fear of being replaced.

“Alright, I’ll pay a visit to A-Qing then. I’m sure she’s dying to see her brother again,” Xue Yang said easily and Xiao Xingchen looked relieved.

“You’re really important to her. You know that, right?”

“I mean…” Xue Yang started, stalling for time by shoving another spoonful of congee into his mouth, “We have a common ground, I guess. And…well, she’s probably important to me, too.”

-

“Magnificent! A simply marvellous idea. Fantastic!”

Xue Yang cringed. Dr Qiu stood in front of his worktable, a lot closer than necessary, and bent forwards to eye the two little stone figurines Xue Yang had finished. An overly aggressive cologne wafted over the small distance between them, and Xue Yang scooted back as inconspicuously as was possible on his creaking chair.

“I would like to commission one statue for our next anniversary,” he announced with his boisterous voice, “Can you do people? I want you to carve my wife!”

Don’t be overly sarcastic to customers, Xiao Xingchen’s voice said in Xue Yang’s head, while the man himself looked over in amusement.

“I can do the shape of people. Faces don’t work well in these dimensions,” Xue Yang waved his current project, a tiny butterfly, in front of Dr Qiu’s face.

“Sure, sure, of course. The shape is enough. I will bring you a photograph tomorrow.”

He was the second person today to request a personal carving, and Xiao Xingchen looked almost smug at being proven right. Xue Yang wanted to kiss that pleased smirk off his face, but even he was aware of the thing called work etiquette.

After Dr Qiu finally left (not before making sure Xue Yang knew how utterly amazing his skills were) a black car drove up and parked before the shop.

“Ah, Zichen is here already,” Xiao Xingchen said and smiled to himself. “We might as well take our break right now, I doubt there will be any customers in the next five minutes.”

“Sure,” Xue Yang shrugged and followed Xiao Xingchen outside.

“Give A-Qing my best wishes and tell her to come over ag–“

They were on their break and so work etiquette could go to hell. Xue Yang didn’t let Xiao Xingchen finish and pressed their mouths together in a heated kiss he knew could be seen from inside of the car. “I’ll see you in an hour,” he said against Xiao Xingchen’s lips and pulled back. There was a smile on Xiao Xingchen’s face that was just a bit too knowing for Xue Yang’s liking.

“Have a nice break,” he said and squeezed Xue Yang’s hand before getting into the car. Xue Yang couldn’t see anything behind the tinted windows, but he could feel Song Zichen’s eyes on him, undoubtedly displeased at what Xue Yang had done with his friend. He couldn’t deny the satisfaction he felt at that.

When he arrived at the bookshop Xue Yang saw that it was once again empty, which was no surprise, given all it had to offer were century-old books on cultivation. The doorbell jingled when Xue Yang stepped inside, and he glared at it – was he to be haunted by these damned things wherever he went? Old man Li was nowhere to be seen, but A-Qing sat behind the counter, nose buried in a thick book called ‘The Execution at Carp Tower’. She briefly looked up, a smile on her face that said “welcome, dear customer” as much as it said “how dare you disturb me”.

“Oh, it’s just you,” she huffed when she saw Xue Yang.

“Just me? Is that a way to greet your brother?”

The faintest hint of red appeared on her cheeks. “Ugh, why are you the worst? What are you even doing here, did Xiao Xingchen finally get tired of your annoying face?”

“Is that jealousy I hear there?” Xue Yang grinned and sauntered over to the counter to lean on it. She glared at him and slapped his arm away.

“Tsk, you wish! If anything, I’m grateful that I finally don’t have to watch you thirst over him all the time anymore!”

“So harsh, four-eyes! And here I even brought a flower for my favourite little sister,” he placed the geranium on the counter and a piece of candy right next to it. She immediately snatched the candy away, but eyed the flower with suspicion.

“What does it mean?” she asked and Xue Yang grinned, popping a candy in his mouth as well.

“Look it up. I’m sure there is a book on flower language amidst all these ancient tomes.”

A-Qing opened her mouth on an undoubtedly mean reply, when the door to the backroom opened and old man Li came inside.

“Oh, A-Qing’s guardian is here again, how nice. Did you two want to have lunch together?”

A-Qing’s expression changed from a snarl to a smile in a matter of seconds. “Only if that’s alright,” she said hastily.

“No worries, no worries. I can manage for an hour, not that there are many customers anyway.”

A-Qing thanked him with a bow that looked like she’d learned it from Xiao Xingchen.

“How come you’re so docile when you talk to him and so prickly when you talk to your beloved brother?” Xue Yang asked when they were outside.

“Because I actually respect him,” she said and grinned, “Hard to respect your beloved gege when you witnessed him pining after his crush for an embarrassingly long time.”

“Oh wow, rude!” Xue Yang said indignantly, “I didn’t pine, I simply admired Xiao Xingchen’s perfection.”

“Ew, you’re tuning into one of those insufferable couples, I can tell. Hey, buy your little sister lunch!” She pointed to a burger joint and went over without waiting for a reply. Xue Yang sighed and followed.

“I didn’t even get my first pay-check yet and you’re already bleeding me dry.”

A-Qing turned around to stick her tongue out at him, and promptly bumped into two guys who just came out of the shop. She looked like she was about to apologise, but one of them grabbed her wrist and Xue Yang saw her entire body go rigid.

“Hey, watch where you’re going,” the youth complained and tugged at her arm to turn her around to him.  Xue Yang saw her struggle against the hold and he darted forwards to help, but before he could do anything, A-Qing had already kicked the youth in the shin and yelled, “Don’t touch me!” in a voice laced with panic.

“The fuck is your deal?” The guy’s friend said and pushed her shoulder, “Didn’t your parents teach you any manners?” He went to push her again, but Xue Yang had finally reached them. He placed himself in front of A-Qing and grabbed the guy’s wrist.

“Didn’t your parents teach you to pick on people your own size?” The condescending expression felt familiar on Xue Yang’s face, like an old friend he had neglected for too long.

“What the fuck, let go of me!” The youth yelled and drew his other arm back to strike at Xue Yang, but the attempt was clumsy and predictable, and Xue Yang only had to lean to the side to evade it. The motion left the boy off balance and Xue Yang sent him tumbling to the ground by simply letting go of his wrist.

“There, I let go of you. Now fuck off,” Xue Yang said with a smile he knew looked dangerous. It took all his self-control to not kick the guy in the face. Distraction came in form of a fist that was aimed at his face but missed by a large margin when Xue Yang sidestepped it. The boy’s friend had apparently decided to try his luck as well, giving Xue Yang the chance to dust off his old fighting skills. Not that they were actually needed when faced with two teenagers. His attacker turned around and attempted another punch at Xue Yang, who intercepted his forward-motion and drove his elbow into the youth’s stomach. He toppled over right next to his friend and wheezed in pain.

“Is this quite enough now? I mean, I can go and seriously hurt you if you’re that determined,” Xue Yang drawled and inspected their crumpled forms with mild interest. They glared up at him and scrambled to their feet. One of them spat in Xue Yang’s direction before stumbling away, his friend right behind him.

“You alright, four-eyes?” Xue Yang immediately turned to find a wide-eyed A-Qing behind him, unconsciously rubbing at her wrist. “A-Qing? Hey!” He snapped his fingers in front of her face and her eyes finally focussed again.

“Fuck!” she said and stumbled backwards wringing her hands. “He…he just grabbed me and I–“

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, they’re gone now,” Xue Yang turned to the people surrounding them, staring curiously, and snarled “What the fuck are you looking at?” The small crowd immediately dispersed, and A-Qing slowly calmed down. There was a glint in her eyes, but she didn’t cry.

“Sorry. I’m sorry, I overreacted, I just –“

“Don’t apologise. Hey, what’s your gege good for if not for scaring away bullies,” Xue Yang grinned and A-Qing let out a shuddering breath, half laugh and half sob.

“Insufferable jerk,” she said and stepped forward. She didn’t so much punch his shoulder as lightly touch her fist to it. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, it’s out of character,” Xue Yang stood again and ruffled her hair. She didn’t flinch back and he felt a surge of warmth at that.

“Alright. Then, buy me my burger already!”

“That’s more like it!”

The burger joint was small, but there was still a vacant table for them to indulge in their extravagant meal. Xue Yang ordered two of the largest burgers they had on offer, with a side of fries and a milkshake. A-Qing’s eyes grew wide at the sight and she had already popped ten fries into her mouth before they’d even sat down.

“This is good,” she informed him through a mouthful of potato sticks.

“And I thought I had bad manners,” Xue Yang replied, mouth equally stuffed.

They ate in silence for a while, too busy with savouring the greasy delicacy to bother with communication. Then A-Qing spoke up again.

“It was my uncle, you know.” 

Xue Yang swallowed the bite he had taken. “What?” he asked, knowing full well what she was referring to. A-Qing shrugged and stared at the fry she was holding, as if she expected it to continue telling her story.

“He took me in after my parents…left me. He told me they died, but I don’t think that’s true. Whatever. They were gone. It was alright for the first couple of months. He lived alone and was barely home because of work, so nothing had really changed. And then…” she trailed off and took a large bite of her burger, chewing slowly and staring stubbornly out of the window. Xue Yang knew how uncomfortable it was to tell someone about the parts of your life that ruined you, and so he let her take her time.

“Then, one day, he came home with a woman I had never seen before. He said she was his girlfriend and had just returned from working abroad. Whatever, I thought, just one more person to ignore me,” she let out a short, humourless laugh, “If only. She hated me. I don’t know why, it wasn’t like I did much. Maybe it was simply that I was there, you know?” And oh, how Xue Yang knew. “And then my uncle started to hate me as well, for making her moody and annoyed. But he couldn’t just send me away now, could he?”

Xue Yang couldn’t help it, he raised his hand and gently placed it on A-Qing’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Her eyes snapped up and for a moment, Xue Yang thought she was going to slap his hand away. But she just looked at it for a while and a tiny smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

“It started small. A slap against my hand when I reached for a second helping of food. A shove when I was in the way. But it didn’t stop. At one point he had beaten me so badly that I couldn’t walk for two days. And that’s when I left. Because everything was better than living there. I guess he got his wish, in the end. It says a lot about me that that’s the thing which annoys me most, right?”

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said, “It shows that we’re even more alike than I thought.”

She looked at him surprised, as if she had expected him to say something different.

“This fucking world is so damn nasty, so what’s wrong about wanting a bit of that horror to hit the right people?”

A-Qing’s eyes grew even wider and the sheen over her eyes looked like it was about to overflow, but Xue Yang still had something to say.

“You’re one of strongest people out there, four-eyes, and I mean that. Call me sappy all you like, but you’re genuinely badass. All that shit and you’re still going strong. And now look at you, having fought back all on your own, turning your life around just like that. You should be proud of yourself.”

She really did cry now, big tears spilling down her cheeks and salting the fries. She took Xue Yang’s hand that was still resting on her shoulder and pulled him out of his seat. And then, without warning, she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his shirt, muffling her sobs against the fabric. Xue Yang’s brain needed a moment to catch up with the situation, but then he gently hugged her back, careful to not squeeze her too hard. She didn’t let go of him for well over five minutes, but eventually her shoulders stopped shaking and she pulled back.

“Fuck,” she said, wiping her face with her sleeve, “Fuck, this is the worst and if you tell anyone I will kill you.”

Xue Yang chuckled, “I wouldn’t dare.”

“You’re the best big brother one could wish for,” A-Qing muttered into her sleeve, apparently determined to make Xue Yang cry as well. He didn’t because there were boundaries that were just not meant to be crossed. Instead, he smiled at her. “As your big brother, I’m obligated to tell you that you’re gonna be late for work.”

“What?” she shrieked and stared at the clock that hung over the counter. “There are still seven minutes! Save your sister from getting fired!”

And so, they ran though half the city, Xue Yang wistfully thinking back to the untouched milkshake they had to leave behind on their table. Xue Yang should have been back at the flower shop five minutes ago, but the thought of A-Qing wandering the city alone made him too uncomfortable. Not that he would ever tell her that. After he had made sure that she was safely back at work (with a minute to spare, no less), he hurried to Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze. By the time he finally slammed the door to open (Ding-Ding, greeted the fucking bell), he was 15 minutes late. Xiao Xingchen stood behind the counter and gave him a stern look.

“You’re late,” he stated with accusation in his voice. Xue Yang’s stomach sank.

“I know, I’m sorry, I had to – Hey!”

The corner of Xiao Xingchen’s mouth twitched treacherously and finally stretched into a full-fledged grin.

“Got you!” he looked almost excited, and it was the cutest thing Xue Yang had ever seen in his life. He still put on a pout and crossed his arms.

“I just had a heart-to-heart with my adoptive sister, and this is how I get rewarded!”

 “Don’t be sulky,” Xiao Xingchen hurried over and took Xue Yang’s face in his hands. “I’m happy you two had some time together.” He pressed his lips to Xue Yang’s forehead and smiled, “I know you miss each other.”

“We do not,” Xue Yang protested half-heartedly and drew back, only to claim Xiao Xingchen’s lips with his. But before he could even attempt to deepen the kiss, the bell above the door jingled.

-

Thursday was a special day. The flower shop was closed because Xiao Xingchen had to work at the shelter, and he had asked Xue Yang to take stock of the flowers. After their shared breakfast, something Xue Yang had come to consider a daily highlight, Xiao Xingchen had handed him the key to Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze. It might have been something ordinary to anyone else, but to Xue Yang it spoke of a level of trust no one else had shown him before. He would have been nervous, had it not been for the casualness with which Xiao Xingchen handled the situation. Xue Yang had stared at him, muttering a “Sure,” before taking the key, and Xiao Xingchen had simply kissed him as a thanks. “I’ll see you on my break,” he’d said as they separated, Xue Yang making his way to the flower shop and Xiao Xingchen to the shelter. The irony of it all didn’t go past Xue Yang.

He smiled to himself as he walked through the busy streets, the key jingling in his hand, making him feel like just another ordinary worker. When Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze came into sight, he froze. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. Gleaming shards were scattered on the ground in front of the shop, and where once had been a clean and polished window now only jagged edges of splintered glass remained. Xue Yang stumbled towards it, his limbs feeling oddly numb. The inside of the shop didn’t look any better. The display was a mess, its usually intricately placed flowerpots were scattered over the floor, their soil staining the usually so clean wooden boards. And there, right in front of the counter, lay a large brick which had attached to it with a coarse thread a piece of paper.

Chapter Text

Xue Yang didn’t bother with unlocking the door – he simply climbed through the smashed window, the jagged shards of glass tearing at his jeans, but he didn’t care. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be a bad dream and he would wake up any second now, warm and safe in Xiao Xingchen’s arms. But a piece of glass scraped his arm, and he didn’t wake up. His knees met the ground with a hard thump, and he didn’t wake up. Xue Yang felt like crying, but he had no time to waste on tears, not now. He scrambled over to the brick that lay on the ground and ripped off the paper that was attached to it, almost tearing it up in the process. He unfolded it with trembling hands; from anger or desperation, he did not know.

This is a friendly warning, the paper told him in crude characters, Hand yourself in and the Bright Moon can keep shining.

Xue Yang let out a shaky laugh, more manic than anything, that echoed through the empty space. This was so ridiculous and overly dramatic that he didn’t need a signature to know it was from Wen Chao. The knowledge made him relax ever so slightly – at least it wasn’t from one of the more menacing characters of Nightless Enterprises. Just another one of Wen Chao’s whims, a desperate try to show that he was more powerful than Xue Yang. But it was different this time, wasn’t it?

Wen Chao didn’t threaten Xue Yang, no, that wouldn’t matter and Xue Yang would simply write it off as a minor inconvenience. This time, it was Xiao Xingchen he threatened, and that was something Xue Yang would absolutely not allow. The very thought of Xiao Xingchen in the hands of that nasty piece of human garbage sent a wave of anger through Xue Yang and he crumpled the paper in his hands. He would march right into Nightless Enterprises and drag Wen Chao out by his hair if he had to.

A second later he realised how stupid an idea that was, and that it would most likely lead to Xue Yang ending up dead in a ditch. But then, what was he to do that didn’t involve infiltrating Nightless Enterprises and serving himself to Wen Chao on a silver platter? He wasn’t exactly keen on dying, not anymore, not since fate had finally decided he had suffered enough. He slumped down and desperately tried to think of an option that could assure both his own and Xiao Xingchen’s safety, but there was nothing. Xue Yang buried his face in his hands and groaned. Of course this had to happen now, when he had finally gotten used to the idea that maybe, eventually, it was possible for him to live a peaceful life after all. Maybe he could ask Wen Zhuliu for help. He almost laughed at himself for the ridiculous though – Wen Zhuliu was as loyal a lap dog as they came, and he’d made that very clear to Xue Yang. It left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth when Xue Yang realised that, for all his dark dealings of the past, his only real contacts were an eighteen-year old girl and a man who was too good for the world. He didn’t have any shady underground connections or weapon dealers to ask for help. It looked like he was truly on his own in this, with no one to rely on.

He jumped to his feet as if struck by lightning when a horrible thought entered his mind – he was alone, that was true for now, but he wouldn’t be for long. As soon as Xiao Xingchen found out he would try to help Xue Yang, insist that they get through this together, and Xue Yang realised that he couldn’t allow it. This was his fault, his past that was ruining their present, and he didn’t want Xiao Xingchen to put himself in danger because of that. Xue Yang looked around frantically, as if a solution to all his problems was hidden somewhere between the orchids and the azaleas. And to his greatest surprise, it was. There, right next to a pot of roses on the counter, stood a small sign. All attempts at robbery will be reported to the police.

Ten minutes and a sprint though half the city later, Xue Yang stood in front of the local police station. It loomed over him, a tall concrete building with an uninviting entrance, and Xue Yang swallowed heavily. His last visit to this place had been…unsettling at best.

-

- 6 years ago -

Xue Yang didn’t remember anything of the ride in the police car, or how he was dragged out of it and into the station. When his brain finally caught up to the world around him, he found himself sitting in a square room with grey walls, his wrists bound by handcuffs that were connected to the table in front of him. He numbly noted that it was probably an interrogation room, and that he should be thinking about the lies he was going to tell, but he couldn’t grasp a coherent thought. It felt like he was deep underwater, where the world was dark and muted. This couldn’t be happening, it had to be a mistake. Wen Ruohan would get him out of this, he just had to wait and stall for time.

Xue Yang’s head snapped up when the slam of a door pulled him out of his numb state. Steps approached, and there was the officer who had taken Xue Yang in, a tall and solemn looking man with dark hair and even darker eyes. He looked indifferent as he sat down in front of Xue Yang, and in his panic Xue Yang could only grin at him. The man lay a stack of papers and files onto the table and for a moment, he just looked at Xue Yang.

“Why did you do it?” he asked in a tone that was more statement than question.

“Why did I do what?” Xue Yang replied, unable to wipe that stupid grin off his face. He knew how manic it looked and how much worse it made the situation, but he couldn’t control it.

“Why did you torture and kill He Su? Was it on a whim, or was it on an order?”

“He Su?” Xue Yang said slowly while his blood turned to ice. “I didn’t kill a He Su.”

The police officer nodded, more to himself than to Xue Yang, and opened one of the folders to slide a photograph across the table. On it was the corpse of a man Xue Yang had seen only hours before. He recognised some of the wounds to be his work, but he definitely had no recollection of the large knife that was sticking out of the man’s chest.

“I didn’t do it,” he said, more out of reflex than volition, and looked up at the officer. The other’s eyes narrowed as they bore into Xue Yang’s and one of his eyebrows twitched.

“Then why were your fingerprints on the corpse?”

Xue Yang swallowed heavily and bit down hard on his lip. “Don’t I have a phone call or something?”

“Why?” came the immediate retort, as if the question had been waited for. “Who do you want to call?”

“Look, this is all a misunderstanding, okay?” Xue Yang said because he didn’t know what would happen if he threw the name of Nightless Enterprises around carelessly. “I didn’t–“

“What is your connection to Wen Ruohan?” The officer asked tonelessly, and Xue Yang froze. There should have been nothing in his apartment to prove he was in any way connected to Wen Ruohan, that was one of the first rules he had been told after getting employed.

“I…I’m not…”

“We know Wen Ruohan to be involved in several…more than unsavoury business practices. If you agree to provide evidence, or a statement in court, I can offer a milder punishment for your crime. Presumed you did act under his orders.”

Xue Yang stared, his mouth too dry to form words. “I hope I can rely on your discretion and loyalty. There will be no second chances should you betray our trust.” Wen Zhuliu’s voice echoed through Xue Yang’s head. He had witnessed first-hand that those words were no mere threat.

“Don’t I have the right to talk to a lawyer?” Xue Yang asked, his voice turned hoarse by the dread that was closing up his throat.

For the first time, an emotion became visible on the police officer’s face as he looked at Xue Yang with disappointment. “Very well,” he said and stood, “Should you change your mind, you know what to do.” He walked over to the door and opened it.

“Officer!” Xue Yang called out, desperation painfully audible, “I didn’t kill him. I really…really didn’t kill him.”

The door slammed close behind the Song Zichen.

-

And now, six years later, Xue Yang stood in front of the same station’s entrance and was engaged in a mental discussion with himself. He should just go inside; it wasn’t like they would arrest him on sight, right? He hadn’t even done anything incriminating in, like…three months or so. Well, he did beat up those jerks who bothered A-Qing, but they wouldn’t go as far as to report him to the police. Xue Yang slowly reached for the handle, only to flinch back before he could make contact. The door opened and a woman in uniform stood in front of him, looking surprised.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sir, did you want to come inside?” she asked friendly and Xue Yang cringed.

“No,” he said on reflex and she looked even more surprised. “I mean, yes, I…I want to talk to an officer.”

Well, no going back now.

“Who did you want to talk to? Any officer, one a particular one?” the woman asked and guided him inside of the foyer. Several benches stood in the large room, some of them occupied with people who stared down at their hands and looked like they’d rather not be here. Well, it was not like Xue Yang could think of any good reason to be sitting in a police station. He was led to a large desk by the woman, who gestured for him to sit down before taking a seat herself, pulling out some papers from underneath the table. When she looked at him with a friendly smile, Xue Yang realised that he was expected to say something, and so he cleared his throat.

“I, uh…want to talk to a Song Zichen. Does he work here?”

The woman’s smile faltered and her eyes widened. “Inspector Song? Are you sure? I, I mean, I’m not sure he’s available at the moment, he is usually very busy. May I inquire about your purpose here, Sir?”

“My purpose?”

“Yes, why is it that you need to talk to the Inspector? Maybe there is someone else who would be able to help you, since I’m not even sure Inspector Song is in at the moment. He has a lot of important responsibilities.”

Xue Yang took a deep breath and fought down the panic that threatened to make a home in his stomach. “Could you…could you tell him that Xue Yang is here with more…information regarding his employment?”

The woman frowned at him, but judging from the confusion that was clearly visible on her face, she didn’t know who Xue Yang was. He felt immense relief at that – he didn’t know what would have happened had the woman realised she was talking to a former convict.

“That is awfully vague, but I can try,” she finally said and stood, “You can take a seat over there in the meantime, I will get back to you shortly.”

Xue Yang nodded and walked over to the benches, joining the people sitting there in looking slightly pitiful and extremely anxious. He made eye-contact with a small man in a large hat, who was the only one still wearing a very pleasant and very fake smile.

“No need to be nervous, they are all quite friendly here,” he said as if he was talking to a child that was new in class. A door to the side suddenly slammed open and a tall and muscular police officer with a thunderous expression approached the benches. “Ah. Almost all of them.” The small man let out a sigh when the officer came to a halt right in front of him.

“Well, well, well. You again, Meng Yao,” the policeman hissed and gestured to a corridor. “You know the procedure by now.”

“Always a pleasure to see you, too, Superintendent Nie,” ‘Meng Yao’ replied and stood. He barely reached the officer’s shoulder. The two made their way out of the foyer, but not before the small man gave Xue Yang a final wave. Something about him was oddly familiar, but Xue Yang couldn’t put his finger to it. Maybe it was that ridiculous hat.

Unfortunately, the distraction was not nearly enough to calm Xue Yang’s nerves. Minutes passed and he grew more agitated by the second. Why was it taking so long? What if Xiao Xingchen decided to check up on the shop and saw the smashed window? Even though Xue Yang had taken the brick with the message away, would Xiao Xingchen really think the broken window to be just a prank? What if Wen Chao was still there, waiting for a chance to abduct Xiao Xingchen? Xue Yang’s leg twitched and he was about to get up and follow the woman through the door she had vanished behind. He didn’t know what would be worse – if Song Zichen wasn’t available, or if he was.

Just as Xue Yang decided to say fuck it to police station etiquette and follow the woman, the door slammed open with a loud noise that shattered the solemn atmosphere, and in strode a man who exuded an air of authority. All heads snapped up and Xue Yang involuntarily jumped to his feet.

“Inspector Song, there is no need for you to postpone the meeting, I can–“ the woman hurried after Song Zichen, but he silenced her with a simple hand motion.

“Xue Yang,” he greeted, expression as neutral as ever. “Come with me.”

Xue Yang glanced at the woman as if she could somehow tell him what to do, but she looked irritated and slightly annoyed, and just turned around without saying another word. So Xue Yang braced himself and nodded. He felt the eyes of everyone on him as he followed after a briskly walking Song Zichen. The station’s corridors were a maze, and after a few turns Xue Yang stopped bothering to remember the path. He simplemindedly trailed after Song Zichen, who was wearing a black suit instead of the uniform Xue Yang had seen on every other person so far.

“In here,” Song Zichen said and opened a wooden door for Xue Yang to enter. The room behind was brighter than the rest of the building, and several flowers and plants were placed on the desk and the shelves. Xue Yang couldn’t help but grin at that – it was obvious who had helped Mr Stern-Face over here with the decoration.

“Nice office,” said Xue Yang, his brain-to-mouth filter yet again malfunctioning. “Congratulations on the promotion.”

“Thank you,” came the indifferent reply from Song Zichen, who sat down behind his desk. “You have information regarding Wen Ruohan.”

Xue Yang tore his eyes from a photograph that stood on the Inspector’s desk. It showed Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen together in front of Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze. Xiao Xingchen wore his usual bright expression and, if Xue Yang’s eyes didn’t betray him, he spotted the smallest smile on Song Zichen’s lips.

It was entirely absent from the face of the one right in front of him, and so Xue Yang hastily sat down. “More or less,” he replied and put a crumpled paper down in front of the Song Zichen. The Inspector took it and looked at it for a moment, his expression slowly shifting from neutral to displeased.

“What am I looking at?” he asked and fixated Xue Yang with a cold glare.

“I found it today. Xingchen asked me to take care of the shop and when I arrived the window was smashed in and this lay inside.”

“I told you to not get Xingchen into trouble,” Song Zichen remarked immediately.

“Well, it’s not like I asked for this!” Xue Yang’s voice raised without his permission, “It’s that absolute moron Wen Chao, he’s been after me ever since his daddy considered me to be a more useful asset than his own son.”

Song Zichen slammed his hand onto the table.

“Do you have any proof that this is actually from Wen Chao? Otherwise I’ll have to remind you of the disaster of a trial six years ago. We cannot afford another empty charge against Nightless Enterprises.”

The defiance in Xue Yang’s posture softened a bit with the wave of shame that lapped at his conscience. Song Zichen might consider him innocent when it came to the murder, but from the way he looked at Xue Yang, he still believed him to be a massive coward for not standing up to Wen Ruohan. But Xue Yang had been young and inexperienced and fucking scared, so who the hell was Song Zichen to still hold that against him?

“I don’t. But from what it looks like, it’s still the first thing in six years you have against Nightless Enterprises.”

“Don’t get cocky with me,” Song Zichen frowned, “But you’re right. And that is why we can’t approach this carelessly.”

“You believe me?” Xue Yang gaped, “Just like that?”

Song Zichen gave him a look that might have been considered sarcastic, were Xue Yang not certain that the other didn’t possess any emotions akin to sarcasm.

“Xingchen trusts you. I have no idea why, frankly spoken, and I’m certain he could do better than this–“

“That makes two of us,” Xue Yang scoffed.

“–but I’m not going to tell him who to be with. And you are important to him. Don’t you dare doubt that.”

There was a lot Xue Yang would have expected, but this wasn’t it. The unexpected words, stated like facts instead of an opinion, stunned him into silence and he looked at the man before him. Xue Yang tried to discern any intentions on the officer’s face, but Song Zichen’s expression was as unreadable as ever.

“He’s…important to me, too,” Xue Yang said slowly. It was weird, sitting in the police station and admitting his feelings to the man who had once wanted to put him into jail.

“Good,” Song Zichen nodded, and Xue Yang wondered if didn’t know about the basics of human interaction, or simply didn’t care for them. “Now, if there is anything else you could tell me? If this really is the doing of Wen Ruohan’s son, then I doubt this warning will stay as such. From what we–“ he suddenly stopped, and for a moment Xue Yang was confused. Then he heard it too. Rapid steps were approaching, and an irritated-sounding voice echoed through the hallway outside. One moment later, the door burst open.

“– can’t simply march in here and disregard every single aspect of the protocol, there are rules here, Sir, and they need to be followed!”

“I don’t care about the damn rules!” another voice yelled, and if Xue Yang didn’t know their every cadence by heart, he would have doubted his ears. Song Zichen’s eyes widened, practically confirming Xue Yang’s suspicion, and Xue Yang turned around. There stood Xiao Xingchen, his hair dishevelled and his face slightly flushed. His eyes immediately focussed on Xue Yang and his expression turned into equal parts anger and relief. He lunged forwards to pull Xue Yang against his chest and Xue Yang’s arms automatically went around Xiao Xingchen’s waist as he held him tight.

“You’re here,” Xiao Xingchen breathed and his entire body went slack against Xue Yang. Xue Yang almost stumbled under the sudden weight in his arms, but he managed to keep them both standing.

“It’s fine, you can go,” he heard Song Zichen say to the young officer who had accompanied Xiao Xingchen.

“But, Sir,” he started and fell silent after a single stern glance from the Inspector. The door closed and Xiao Xingchen slowly pulled himself away from Xue Yang.

“What, the fuck, Xue Yang?”

“Xiao Xingchen!” Song Zichen and Xue Yang said simultaneously, in the exact same indignant tone.

“What? I take my break at the shelter, make my way to Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze to visit my boyfriend, and the only thing I find is a smashed window and no one!”

“Boyfriend?” said Xue Yang, the word tasting strange against his tongue.

Song Zichen sighed. “Please, not now. Xingchen, are you okay?” He stepped over and examined his friend closely, looking like if he was ready to send him to the hospital at the sight of even the smallest injury.

“Fine, I’m fine, Zichen. You should ask Xue Yang, he was there during the attack!”

“No, he was not. He was just the first one at the scene.”

“Ah. I see. Well, I’m glad you’re okay,” Xiao Xingchen said to Xue Yang, but there was a strain to his voice Xue Yang couldn’t quite place. “So, what happened? Do you have any idea?”

“I, ah…I’m not so sure. It might have just been random vandalism,” Xue Yang forced himself to look at Xiao Xingchen, but he found that lying didn’t come as easy as it used to.

“Might just? Does this have something to do with that man who came to the shelter a while back?”

Song Zichen gave Xue Yang a glare and turned towards his friend.

“We suspect it has something to do with the people Xue Yang used to be employed by. There is apparently still some…bad blood involved.”

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened and he didn’t even seem to notice how his hand closed tightly around Xue Yang’s wrist. “Those Wens you have been investigating for such a long time?”

Song Zichen nodded and handed him the scribbled note from the shop. “Wen Ruohan is the head of Nightless Enterprises, but his son, Wen Chao, is already building up a reputation on his own. All non-traceable, of course, thanks to money.”

“Wen Chao...” Xiao Xingchen muttered and glanced at Xue Yang, “And you think he did this?”

Xue Yang swallowed. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid – Xiao Xingchen getting involved in the mess that was his past. “Maybe. I mean, he’s pretty dumb, so you can never really know what he’s up to. But I guess something like this would be his style.”

“After all this time, he is still after you?” Xiao Xingchen’s hand still clutched Xue Yang’s as if he expected him to slip away at any second. And maybe that wasn’t too far from the truth.

Xue Yang shrugged, forcing false nonchalance onto his face, “I’m hard to resist.”

Xiao Xingchen didn’t react, he just glanced from Xue Yang to Sing Zichen and back again. “But, this is a chance, isn’t it?” he said matter-of-factly, like a scientist who had just come to a final conclusion.

“Xingchen, don’t–“ Song Zichen started, but Xiao Xingchen was undeterred.

„We can set a trap, no? You can install some cameras in the shop, and if it really is this Wen Chao, you can catch him red-handed when he returns. And if it isn’t him, well, no harm done, right?”

Xue Yang flinched at his words and snatched his hand out of Xiao Xingchen’s grip to point at him. “This is a horrible idea! You can’t play bait like that, what if he hurts you!”

“But he isn’t after me, right? You’re the one we should be worried about,” Xiao Xingchen turned towards him and smiled, but there was something horribly, horribly wrong about the expression. Xue Yang realised that he had never before witnessed Xiao Xingchen fake a smile. He was stunned into silence and could only stare at the other.

“It’s actually not too bad of an idea,” Song Zichen admitted, much to Xue Yang’s horror, “As long as we have someone stand by on surveillance at all times, there should be no danger to you. I will of course take care of it personally as often as I can.”

“Thank you, Zichen,” Xiao Xingchen said, and nodded to his friend, “I’m sure we can manage if everyone contributes.”

For some reason, Xue Yang felt the need to justify himself, to say something that would make Xiao Xingchen understand, but he didn’t know how. He reached out for Xiao Xingchen’s hand because maybe his actions could convey what his speech lacked, but just before he could make contact, Xiao Xingchen stepped forward and out of reach.

“Zichen, do you have a photograph of this Wen Chao? I’d like to see his face.”

“Ah, of course,” Song Zichen rummaged through a cabinet behind his desk. Xiao Xingchen stood with his back to Xue Yang, who desperately wanted the other to look at him, needed to see the expression on his face.

“Xingchen,” he started, his voice oddly small.

“Here it is,” Song Zichen interrupted and slid a picture across the table. Xiao Xingchen picked it up and examined it. “If you see him anywhere, call me immediately. I will send someone over to install cameras tomorrow, and there will be at least two people observing the shop as long as you’re working.”

“Song Zi– Inspector Song, do you really think this is a good idea?” Xue Yang asked in a last attempt at damage control. Xiao Xingchen turned to him now, and there was still that smile on his face, so fake Xue Yang wondered how he kept it on for so long.

“Xue Yang, I won’t let you carry this burden alone. I thought you’d know. That’s why you didn’t come to me, right?”

Xue Yang swallowed against the clump in his throat as he looked at the unflinching expression on Xiao Xingchen’s face. This time, he was sure, he had ruined it. Only that he didn’t understand why, why his worry was such a burden. Song Zichen sighed.

“There is nothing we can do otherwise. We can’t just march into Nightless Enterprises and demand Wen Chao to offer himself up. This is the only way. And it allows us to eliminate most of the risks.”

Most of the risks.

What is most isn’t enough? Xue Yang wanted to ask, but he bit his lip.

“It’s okay,” Xiao Xingchen said turned to Xue Yang. “We can trust Zichen.”

“You two should stay together for now. Don’t go anywhere alone, and don’t do anything reckless.” Those words were directed at Xue Yang, and Song Zichen made no attempt to hide it. “Any rash action poses an unnecessary risk. Go home for now and pretend that everything is normal.”

Xue Yang laughed, a harsh and deprecating sound and not at all what he had intended.

“We will,” Xiao Xingchen said determinedly, and instead of Xue Yang’s hand, he grabbed his wrist again. “Come on.”

“What about the shelter?”

“I already let them know about the break in and they gave me the day off.” Xiao Xingchen’s voice was matter-of-factly and Xue Yang desperately searched for any kind of emotion in it.

They left the station soon after, Song Zichen reminding them again to be careful. On their way to the apartment building, Xiao Xingchen didn’t let go of Xue Yang’s wrist once, but he also didn’t look at him, keeping his eyes firmly on the street ahead. Xue Yang searched for words to say, for something to break through whatever wall had been constructed between them, but he couldn’t find them amidst the confusion in his mind. Only when they reached the door to the foyer did Xiao Xingchen let go of Xue Yang.

“Xingchen –“

“Let’s get inside first,” said Xiao Xingchen and, instead of calling the elevator, took the stairs to the topmost floor. Xue Yang followed, glad about avoiding the cramped space of the small elevator, where the silence between them would have been even louder. When they reached the door at the end of the corridor, Xue Yang felt panic well up in him at the prospect of the imminent conversation. He didn’t know what to expect, or how to communicate his own motivations. Never before had there been a need for him to justify his actions – either because he didn’t care, or others didn’t care. But now he wanted to clarify, to explain, but he was afraid that all he could offer would be inadequate.

When Xiao Xingchen closed the door behind them, a harsh atmosphere settled in the usually so bright flat. Xue Yang felt it heavy against his shoulders, as if his past came with physical weight.

“You weren’t going to tell me.”  Xiao Xingchen said, not a question but an acknowledgement. “You were going to put yourself out there, take care of everything by yourself.” Xue Yang didn’t meet his eyes. “You even went to Zichen instead of to me.” His voice cracked on the last syllable and it sounded so hurt that Xue Yang involuntarily looked up.

“Xingchen–“

“Why?”

Xue Yang froze.

“Why don’t you trust me still?”

There was a tear rolling down Xiao Xingchen’s cheek, and something in Xue Yang shattered. He was sure it was his heart. He took a step forward, halfway reaching out to Xiao Xingchen, but the other stopped his hand.

“I know that trust needs to be earned. That it can’t be given away easily. I just thought that…you had given me yours.”

“I have. I do! I trust you, Xiao Xingchen! Please,” Xue Yang said and he heard his own voice break against the words, “I just didn’t tell you because I thought–“

“You thought you were putting me in danger. You didn’t want me to be involved in something that could hurt me. Isn’t that right?”

Xue Yang didn’t reply because Xiao Xingchen had said everything there was to say. Their hands still put up a barrier between them, and Xue Yang didn’t find the strength to break past it.

“But what about me?” Xiao Xingchen asked, and with each word his voice grew more desperate, “How am I supposed to feel when you get hurt without trusting me to help you?” He dropped Xue Yang’s hand and stepped past him. “How am I supposed to feel when I can’t be there for you? I want to be with you, Xue Yang. I really do. But you still keep me away.”

Xue Yang turned on his heel and wrapped his arms around Xiao Xingchen in one fluid motion, pressing himself to the other’s back. He held him close, as if that could eliminate the distance his actions had put between them.

“I’m sorry,” Xue Yang said, and he had never meant anything more in his life. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t think…I didn’t know. If I had known that you – but this is all so new and I…I was selfish. I didn’t realise–“

“Yes,” Xiao Xingchen interrupted, and covered Xue Yang’s hands with his own, “You were. It hurt.” He gave Xue Yang’s fingers a squeeze.

“I never meant to hurt you. Really. I did, and now I can’t take it back. But I trust you, Xiao Xingchen, more than anyone, more than myself,” Xue Yang let out a strangled laugh, harsh and desperate, “I thought I could keep you safe, but I…I see how stupid it is. To want to protect the person you love while putting yourself in danger. I wouldn’t want you to do that for me and...”

Xiao Xingchen turned in his arms, staring at him with an expression so soft it made Xue Yang breathless.

“I love you, too.” Xiao Xingchen said, plain and simple. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Xue Yang’s in a gentle kiss before pulling back almost immediately.

Xue Yang stared at him, his mouth hanging slightly open as he tried to process what had just happened. “You…I…”

Xiao Xingchen smiled, a small one that barely stretched his lips, but it was bright and honest again, and to Xue Yang it looked like home. “Let’s endure this together.”

“Fuck, Xiao Xingchen, I love you so goddamn much.” The words felt more natural than Xue Yang had expected, like they were a fact simply spoken out loud. Xiao Xingchen laughed and buried his face in Xue Yang’s chest.

“You’re such an idiot, I can’t believe I ever fell for you,” he said, voice muffled against Xue Yang’s shirt.

“I know, right?”

Xiao Xingchen drew back, “But I did, and you better accept that.”

“I will. I do. I’m sorry.”

“Good. Because I accept every part of you. Present, past, future, whatever. I thought you knew, but apparently, I have to spell it out,” he said, almost chidingly.

“It’s a learning curve,” Xue Yang said and Xiao Xingchen chuckled.

They stood there for a while, wrapped up in each other without saying a word, and it was enough. Then Xiao Xingchen wordlessly took Xue Yang’s hand and led him into the living room, where they both slumped down on the sofa in silent agreement, Xiao Xingchen curling into Xue Yang’s side and clutching his shirt.

“Just promise that you’ll talk to me in the future. Don’t shut me out.”

“Pinky promise,” Xue Yang said and Xiao Xingchen laughed, took Xue Yang’s left hand, and kissed the missing finger.

-

Surprisingly enough, life didn’t change too much after that, with the exception that Xue Yang grew hyper-aware of his own inexperience. He used to consider himself street-savvy, with a trick up his sleeve for even the most unlikely situations, but something as complex and, quite frankly, frightening as a relationship was something his experiences with the local underground couldn’t help with. What was strangest for him was his constant need to do something for Xiao Xingchen. Once, they were passing by a convenience store and Xue Yang found himself pondering if he should make dinner or something, before remembering that the closest he had come to cooking was heating up rice in the microwave (which had turned out dry and slightly off-tasting). Xiao Xingchen, meanwhile, continued to be the same as always, unbothered by both the threat hanging ever-present in the air, and Xue Yang’s fault in getting him involved. (“Look what I got us!” he’d said during one memorable lunchbreak, producing two pieces cake out of a box and making Xue Yang almost drool on his shirt). If anything, he was even more enthusiastic than usual, bustling about the shop and making sure every customer left with a smile. And so they continued their work like normal, only now Xue Yang gripped his carving tool slightly tighter each time that dreaded doorbell announced another potential assassination attempt.

It was about a week later, on a Wednesday, when Xue Yang gradually felt the strain of anticipation wear off. He opened his eyes to the feeling of a body pressed against his back and the sight of white outside of the window.

“It’s snowing,” he said unnecessarily and yawned. It was the first night since the incident that didn’t have him startle awake because he’d seen Xiao Xingchen getting hurt in his dreams.

“Mmh,” Xiao Xingchen replied sleepily and kissed Xue Yang’s shoulder blade. “Snow’s good for business.”

“Ever the ruthless salesman, huh?”

“Of course. I have employees to pay.” Xue Yang felt a smile against his skin and turned around to capture it with his lips. Xiao Xingchen made a startled noise in the back of his throat, but he readily responded to the kiss.

“Your employee is sick and needs to stay in bed all day,” Xue Yang murmured and hugged his arms around Xiao Xingchen to prevent him from getting up.

“My employee is fine and needs to work on his morning routine,” Xiao Xingchen chuckled and pried Xue Yang’s hands off him.

“Slave driver.”

Xue Yang wanted nothing more to be the first to get out of bed, to prepare breakfast for Xiao Xingchen instead of the other way around. He really did. But the snow outside threatened cold, and the bed was wonderfully warm, and so he stayed there helplessly while listening to Xiao Xingchen’s bustling in the kitchen.

“Stop hibernating and come get your coffee,” came a soft voice from the living room and Xue Yang finally managed to relocate from the bed to the sofa.

“One day–“

“One day you’re going to be the one to get up first. I know. Here, drink,” Xiao Xingchen’s voice was so affectionate that it was enough to warm Xue Yang’s entire body. The coffee managed to lift his spirits even more, and by the time he had finished his cereal, Xue Yang felt like a human more than like a living corpse. Xiao Xingchen scrolled through his phone while sipping tea, and Xue Yang took advantage of his distractedness by placing his feet into Xiao Xingchen’s lap and stretching out on the couch. He took another look out of the window and smiled at the white flakes outside. He used to hate snow, the coldness and wetness it always brought with it, and how it managed to find its way through the holes in his clothes. But now, as he lay in the comfortable warmth of Xiao Xingchen’s apartment, he found it rather pretty. Two days ago, Xiao Xingchen had grabbed both A-Qing and Xue Yang and dragged them to a clothing store to buy winter-appropriate clothes. They had both protested heavily, insisting that Xiao Xingchen shouldn’t spend so much money on them, but Xiao Xingchen had just laughed and shoved a ridiculous amount of warm pullovers into their hands for them to try on. And so Xue Yang had ended up with five different black hoodies, all soft cotton and warm fleece. They almost made him look forward to going outside. Almost.

“It’s wet.”

“I know.”

“And cold.”

“I know.”

“Really cold.” Xue Yang clutched Xiao Xingchen’s arm and pressed himself as close as humanly possible. “My hands are freezing off.”

“We should buy you gloves,” Xiao Xingchen said and took Xue Yang’s hands in his, brought them up to his mouth and blew warm breath against them. Xue Yang shivered, and not from the cold.

“My lips are freezing off as well,” Xue Yang pouted.

“You really have no shame,” Xiao Xingchen chuckled, but still bent down to warm Xue Yang’s lips with his own.

“Mmh,” Xue Yang hummed, and they continued their way to the shop. “You have enough shame for the both of us.”

When they reached their destination they found Bright Moon and Gentle Breeze lying quietly before them, the replaced window showing no signs of damage. Ever since the incident, Xue Yang expected to arrive to another sight of destruction, but so far nothing had happened.

As soon as Xiao Xingchen unlocked to door, Xue Yang rushed inside and sat down on the heater. Xiao Xingchen shook his head at him but couldn’t quite supress his smile.

“What? I’ve been living on the street for six years, the snow has traumatised me.” Xiao Xingchen used to flinch each time Xue Yang brought up his past homelessness, but he had gradually gotten used to Xue Yang taking it as an excuse for peculiar habits.

When Xue Yang had acclimatised sufficiently, they prepared the shop for the opening hours. Xiao Xingchen had been right – the snow drove all kinds of people into the shop, be it to briefly warm up while perusing the flowers, or because they wanted to buy a reminder of the passed warmth. Xue Yang listened to Xiao Xingchen making idle conversation, while carving a snowflake and occasionally adding his valuable opinions to the conversation. Most of Xiao Xingchen’s regulars had quickly grown used to Xue Yang’s presence, but sometimes Xue Yang wondered if they would have accepted him as readily were he still his past self.

The sudden presence of someone sitting down on his workbench startled Xue Yang out of his thoughts. One of his tools scattered to the ground. He didn’t need to look at his spontaneous customer.

“Yo, four-eyes, how’s it going?”

“Good! Old man Li let me leave early because of the weather.”

“How kind of him. I wish my boss would let me leave early, too.” Xue Yang glanced over at Xiao Xingchen, and added with a crooked grin, “Even better if he leaves with me, so we can–“

“Ugh, can you not flirt in front of me, please?” A-Qing groaned. She was wearing one of her new clothes as well, a soft, pastel green hoodie with pink cherry blossoms that, in Xue Yang’s humble opinion, made her look way too innocent.

“Are you enjoying your job? I hear Old man Li offered you employment?” Xiao Xingchen joined them at Xue Yang’s work bench.

“Yes! He said I can start working for real from next week on. And it’s all thanks to you.”

Xiao Xingchen ducked his head. “I’m sure you being a helpful and kind person played a much bigger role in your hiring.”

A-Qing made a jerky movement, as if her own body stopped her from getting up and hugging him, and she was left looking at Xiao Xingchen with a slightly pained expression.

“Ugh, Xiao Xingchen…” she said and Xue Yang grinned because he knew exactly how she felt. Xiao Xingchen smiled and gently patted her head.

“Don’t undersell your own abilities, A-Qing. You’re a very capable young woman.”

A-Qing looked like she was about to burst into tears, and Xue Yang could basically hear her defence mechanism spring into action.

“Well, more capable than certain other people in this room,” she sniffed and threw Xue Yang a half-hearted smirk. He would have retorted with something equally sharp, were he not the diligent older brother who had to look out for his newfound sister. And so he softened his reply to, “Sure, more capable at putting books in the shelf maybe,” and threw her one of the stray candies from his pocket.

She caught it and immediately unwrapped it. “Xiao Xingchen, you need to discipline him more, he’s still a jerk,” she said casually and dangled her legs.

“I’ll do my best. Unfortunately – oh, one moment!” Xiao Xingchen hurried over to the counter to help out a new customer, and A-Qing all too happily used his distraction to narrow her eyes maliciously at Xue Yang.

“Or are you so bitchy because he still hasn’t f–“

Xiao Xingchen and the customer both looked up at the loud noise A-Qing made when Xue Yang pushed her off the table.

-

“A-Qing has gotten so snappy,” complained Xue Yang an hour later, when he and Xiao Xingchen were on the way home. “She’s constantly bullying me, Xingchen, you have to tell her to stop.”

“Strange, I always feel like you both bully each other an equal amount,” he mused, while rubbing Xue Yang’s cold fingers between his hands.

“Yes! And I’m supposed to be the only one bullying,” Xue Yang pouted, swaying closer to Xiao Xingchen.

“You’ll manage,” Xiao Xingchen said with an affectionate smile and slung his arm around Xue Yang’s shoulder. “You’ve fought through so much, I’m sure you can handle a bit of teasing from your sister.”

Xue Yang tried and failed to keep up his sulky expression. The concept of family that had become so present in his life felt too warm to keep up a cold front.

“Xingchen, did you know that you have the ability to make people’s lives a hundred times better by just being a part of it?” Xue Yang asked, because clearly someone had to tell him. Xiao Xingchen halted abruptly and when Xue Yang turned to face him, his expression was halfway torn between disbelief and amazement – an expression Xue Yang knew all too well from himself.

“I…” Xiao Xingchen started and didn’t finish, looking a bit helpless in the snow. Xue Yang took his hand and pulled him forward so they fell into step next to each other.

“No need to get flustered, I’m just stating the facts. Ask A-Qing. Hell, I bet even Song Zichen would agree with me on this.”

Xiao Xingchen didn’t reply, but judging from the smile on his face, Xue Yang had finally said the right thing. It was a good feeling. It felt like more.

And so, when they finally arrived in the warmth of Xiao Xingchen’s (of their) flat, “Okay, you can sit down and relax. I’ll make dinner today,” Xue Yang said and pushed Xiao Xingchen in the direction of the living room.

“Ah, you really don’t have to–“ Xiao Xingchen sounded more panicked than grateful, but that was something Xue Yang could live with.

“I’ve watched the cooking channel for like…two hours, I won’t burn down the house, pinky promise!” 

“Well, if you’re sure,” Xiao Xingchen still sounded a bit worried, but the smile on his face was enough permission for Xue Yang.

“I’m sure. Relax and let your…let me do something for you!”

Finally, Xiao Xingchen nodded and sat down on the couch while Xue Yang went into the kitchen. He’d observed Xiao Xingchen often enough to know where all the pots and ingredients were, but he still needed an embarrassing amount of time to find everything he needed. Finding your scalpels and hammers has always been so easy for you, his mind provided unhelpfully, and Xue Yang quickly shook his head to rid it of the unpleasant memories. He was halfway through cutting the vegetables when he heard it. The doorbell. Strange, Xue Yang thought, who would visit them at this hour?

Maybe Song Zichen and Xiao Xingchen had planned a movie night? Xue Yang chuckled at the thought of the two of them watching an over-the-top drama while discussing the intricate plot.

Or maybe it was A-Qing, who had decided that Xue Yang wasn’t the only one who deserved a comfy bed. He frowned. With A-Qing there every night, his chances of – But guessing would get him nowhere and he heard Xiao Xingchen getting up to open the door. For a moment, there was silence. Then a loud crack echoed through the flat and Xue Yang flinched. The hand holding the knife slipped and Xue Yang absently felt it cutting through his flesh, but he didn’t care. Still gripping the knife, he ran out of the kitchen and towards the entrance.

When he rounded the corner, Xue Yang stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide in horror.

“Well, well, well. Look who’s found himself a new benefactor. Huh, you win some, you lose some, I guess.”

Wen Chao had one hand lazily draped around Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder while the other held a blade to his throat.

Chapter Text

“You’re so resilient, Xue Yang. Just like a roach.”

Xue Yang swallowed against the panic that rose up in his throat. His hand holding the kitchen knife trembled.

“I told you to offer yourself up. Hell, I even gave you a chance to skip town altogether. But did you take it? Well, I hope you realise that this is all your fault. You could have prevented it so easily.” Wen Chao pressed the blade against Xiao Xingchen’s throat, a fine red line appearing across the pale skin. Xue Yang dropped the knife and raised his hands.

“Okay. You win,” he said and grinned. The expression felt so forced that it hurt. “I thought you wouldn’t find me here. Well, guess I was wrong.”

“I never did take you for the domestic kind,” Wen Chao said dryly and nodded towards a man Xue Yang only now noticed standing behind him. Wen Zhuliu stalked forwards and restrained Xue Yang’s arms behind his back.

“Well, you got me. Tough luck for me. But there’s no need to take the poor fool here as well,” he jerked his head towards Xiao Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened and he looked like he wanted to say something, but Xue Yang couldn’t allow it. “I don’t care about him all that much anyway. I mean, he’s a good cook, but that’s about it.”

Wen Chao’s eyes glinted maliciously. “How sweet. You want to save your sweetheart? Well, I think we’ll still take the both of you, just in case.”

Xue Yang willed his anger down and put on a disinterested expression. He was sure it looked fake. “Whatever. If you’re so keen on dragging some florist with you, be my guest. You’ve always been good at picking on the weaker ones.” 

The grin on Wen Chao’s face turned into a sneer. “You should watch your tongue.” The red line across Xiao Xingchen’s throat dripped blood onto his white clothes.

“Alright!” Xue Yang almost yelled, his façade crumbling into pieces at the sight of Xiao Xingchen’s horrified face. “Alright. Just…please, Wen Chao, let him go. He has nothing to do with this, okay? I’ll go with you without making a fuss. But leave him out of it.”

Wen Chao looked satisfied and squeezed Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder. Xue Yang wanted to rip his throat out.

“Not so detached after all, huh, Xue Yang? Ah, but unfortunately, we can’t risk pretty boy over here alerting his police friend. What? Did you think I didn’t know?” Wen Chao sighed dramatically, and the blade moved precariously against Xiao Xingchen’s skin. Xue Yang felt like he was going to go mad.

“I had Wen Zhuliu keep an eye on you. Imagine my surprise when he told me you’ve been talking to the same police guy who tried to bring you in back then. Fucking shameless. Then again, you were never above begging, were you? Just look at you now.” He lifted the blade to touch it against Xiao Xingchen’s cheek.

Xue Yang involuntarily struggled against the grip of his captor and gritted his teeth. “What the hell do you want? Just kill me and be done with it, stop your fucking power play!”

Wen Chao laughed. “That’s what I’m talking about! Just like back then, when you were kicked out! Priceless!”

-6 years ago-

“Please! It wasn’t me, I swear!” Xue Yang kneeled on the ground, not looking at the man before him. “I don’t know how it happened, I–“

“Pathetic.” Wen Ruohan said and Xue Yang immediately stopped talking. “Not only that you killed without permission, threatening to compromise the whole organisation, no, you don’t even have the decency to man up and admit your mistakes. You disgust me. I considered you more honourable than this.”

There was a stifled laugh from next to Wen Ruohan, and Wen Chao spoke up. “I told you, father, you can’t trust someone from the streets. They’ve never been taught honour.”

“Honour is not something you teach. It’s something you have,” Wen Ruohan shut his son up with a passing gesture. “And you, Xue Yang, don’t have an inkling of it. What did I tell you upon your employment?”

“Always follow the instructions. Never let anything you do get traced back to Nightless Enterprises,” Xue Yang said immediately, eyes still firmly trained on the ground.

“One simple rule. And not even that was achievable for you. When did I ever give you permission to kill? You know we have other people for that.”

Xue Yang swallowed. He wondered how he would be killed. A simple slash across the throat? A sword to the heart? The Wens always did prefer blades over guns.

“Answer me,” Wen Ruohan said calmly.

“You didn’t.” Xue Yang quickly replied. There was no use in denying, even though it was the truth. “I was out of line. Please let me set it right. I can–“

“And you didn’t even do it skilfully. I would have expected you to kill with the same precision with which you instil fear. But it seems I misjudged you.”

“Please, let me prove–“

“But you’ve been useful. For a long time. It’s a pity it couldn’t be longer.” Xue Yang heard Wen Ruohan stand up. “Get out of my sight before I decide to kill you after all.”

Xue Yang’s head snapped up and he stared at his former employer. Wen Ruohan looked at him with a neutral expression. Wen Chao stepped forward and glared at Xue Yang.

“But father–“

One look from his father was enough to shut Wen Chao up.

“Didn’t you hear me? Get. Out. Try to live your life. See how you manage without me.”

Xue Yang scrambled to his feet and fled the room, then the building, then the premises. He didn’t stop running until his legs collapsed under him.

-Now-

“Apparently my father was of the opinion that you wouldn’t make it. What, with him making sure you’d never find another job in the industry. But…well obviously it wasn’t enough to take you down,” Wen Chao drawled and twisted one strand of Xiao Xingchen’s hair around his finger.

“But I knew. From the first moment your filthy shoes touched the floor of the headquarters I knew you were a backstabbing, pathetic little cockroach. If only father had listened to me.” He lazily twisted the blade in his hand and cut the strand of hair, looking at it with disinterest. “But as it was…I had to do something.”

Xue Yang barely registered what Wen Chao was talking about. His eyes were focussed on Xiao Xingchen, pressed against Wen Chao and unable to break away. He met Xue Yang’s gaze and the reassurance that was always visible in his eyes was still there, only that now it was stained with desperation. Xue Yang struggled against Wen Zhuliu, but the man’s grip was unwavering. Wen Chao sighed.

“I didn’t expect it all to get so messy. I mean, I did have to provide the police with some information. Just a small hint as to who the murderer might be. But who could have predicted they’d trace it back to Nightless Enterprises so quickly? And then you didn’t even end up in prison! Ah, but whatever, in the end it still turned out well, didn’t it?”

The words took a while to register with Xue Yang, but when they did, his eyes snapped up from Xiao Xingchen to Wen Chao. “Wait…you killed that guy?”

Wen Chao laughed and the blade came dangerously close to Xiao Xingchen’s eyes.

“You’re slow for someone my father once regarded so highly. Of course I killed that guy. There was no other way to get you out of the picture. The bribe my father had to pay was a small price compared to finally getting rid of you.”

“Disgusting.”

All eyes immediately turned to Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang had never seen him truly angry, but now Xiao Xingchen’s face was contorted into a snarl and the way his loose hair partly covered his eyes made him look almost dangerous. Xue Yang was stunned.

“To ruin someone’s life just because you feel inferior to them…I fear for everyone you know,” Xiao Xingchen spat and Wen Chao gaped at him. It took him a moment to recover.

“Huh, the little flower boy has guts!” he said and pressed the blade against Xiao Xingchen’s cheek. “You should be more aware of your position. You really wanna make me angry?”

Xue Yang watched in horror as Xiao Xingchen turned his face ever so slightly and the sharp edge broke through his skin. “I see no reason to fear cowards.”

Wen Chao stared at him, his face turning redder by the second.

“Good,” he finally snapped. “Very good! I see you two really deserve each other! Wen Zhuliu. We’re going.”

Wen Chao turned and took Xiao Xingchen with him, blade now against his throat again. Xue Yang didn’t need Wen Zhuliu to push him forwards – he followed almost desperately, afraid to take his eyes off Xiao Xingchen for even a second. The descent down the stairs seemed endless, but it still wasn’t enough for Xue Yang to think of some sort of plan for how he could turn the situation around. Each time he came up with something, there was a significant risk of Xiao Xingchen getting injured in the process. If only Wen Zhuliu wasn’t there to keep Xue Yang’s arms in an iron grip.

“Xiao Xingchen, wasn’t it?” Wen Chao’s voice came from the front and Xue Yang’s head immediately snapped up while he struggled against Wen Zhuliu’s hands.

“Stop,” the man warned, but was almost completely drowned out by the laughter of his boss.

“I hope you’re aware of your own stupidity. Getting it on with some random punk from the streets? How naïve can you get?”

Xue Yang’s mouth opened on an almost automatic reply, ready to insult Wen Chao with words he was still very familiar with from his youth. But Xiao Xingchen got there first.

“I don’t know where those deep-seated insecurities lie that give you the need to belittle others on baseless claims, but I certainly hope that one day you’ll find a way to deal with them.”

Xue Yang stared at Xiao Xingchen’s back as he uttered the words in complete calm, and even Wen Zhuliu seemed surprised, judging by how his steps briefly stuttered.

For a moment, everything was quiet. But Wen Chao was not someone who took a defeat with grace.

“Apparently you’re eager to join that asshole back there in death. Well, that can be arranged,” he spat, and the brief feeling of schadenfreude quickly left Xue Yang.

“If you lie a hand on him–“

Wen Chao turned his head and shot Xue Yang an ugly grin. “Are you not only dumb, but blind as well? My hands are already on him, if you hadn’t noticed. So behave.”

Xue Yang swallowed heavily and tried to calm himself by imagining various ways he could hurt Wen Chao if only Wen Zhuliu let go of him.

When they reached the end of the stairs, Xue Yang was disappointed to notice that the foyer of the apartment building was empty, and the dark street outside didn’t look any better.

“Why the long face? Aren’t you looking forward to visiting your old stomping grounds again?” Wen Chao sneered at Xue Yang before he pushed to door open and stepped outside. Xue Yang realised with dread that the overly expensive car Wen Chao drove around in was parked only a few steps away. Once they were in there, they had little chance of escaping. Panic gripped him and with it came the irrationality that had always preceded his worst life choices. Xue Yang knew of ways to free himself from Wen Zhuliu, but it would leave him hurt and potentially unable to save Xiao Xingchen. He could also try riling up Wen Chao to the point where his cruel attention would shift more towards Xue Yang, but the chances of Xiao Xingchen getting hurt where too high.

Xue Yang was so wrapped up in his desperate and unrealistic escape plans that he almost didn’t notice how Wen Zhuliu’s grip around his wrist slowly loosened. The breath hitched in Xue Yang throat and he stilled. Now the hands that previously held him back so tightly drew back and Xue Yang allowed himself a second of utter confusion. Was Wen Chao’s most loyal lap dog betraying his master? But it didn’t matter, not now, not when Xue Yang finally had a chance to act.

“Wen Chao!” he yelled as loudly as he could and lunged forwards in the same breath. Wen Chao flinched and turned around, his eyes widening when he realised what was happening. He pushed Xiao Xingchen away from him almost on instinct and swung the knife in Xue Yang’s direction instead. But in a direct fight, Wen Chao stood no chance, and judging from the panic on his face he knew it. Xue Yang simply blocked the swing and grabbed Wen Chao’s wrist. Bitter joy flooded him as he remembered the most painful things one could do to the delicate bones of a human wrist. But this was not the time for it and he simply twisted, feeling tendons shift and bones shatter. Wen Chao screamed in pain and dropped to his knees. Beginner’s mistake, Xue Yang thought and kicked hard against Wen Chao’s chest, sending him sprawling to the ground. He followed immediately after, straddling Wen Chao’s waist and using his knees to pin the other’s wrists to the ground.

“I hope you’re aware of your own stupidity. Picking a fight with a random punk from the street? How naïve can you get?” Xue Yang hissed, drew his arm back, and drove his fist into Wen Chao’s face as hard as he could. Something broke, but if it was a nose or teeth Xue Yang didn’t know and didn’t care. He just knew that it wasn’t enough. That nothing would be enough unless Wen Chao finally stopped moving. And so he hit again, and again, until no skin was visible underneath the layer of blood. He drew back for another punch.

“Xue Yang, stop!”

The voice made him still immediately. He became aware of his heavy breathing, the sweat that plastered his hair to his forehead, and the blood that clung to his hand. Fingers closed around his raised arm, soft and gentle.

“Stop. It’s enough.” Xiao Xingchen said again. Xue Yang slowly stood up, leaving the unconscious Wen Chao lying on the ground, and turned to Xiao Xingchen. The red slash across his throat stood out starkly against his pale skin and Xue Yang automatically reached out to touch it, as if his fingers alone were enough to erase the trace of his past mistakes. He stopped himself just before making contact.

“Xiao Xingchen, I’m so…so sorry. This is all my fault, I never–“

He was stopped by a sudden forward motion as Xiao Xingchen pulled him into his arms, holding on to him as if he wanted to remind Xue Yang of his place in the world. Xue Yang slowly allowed himself to return the hug, breathing in the familiar and calming scent of Xiao Xingchen.

“It’s okay. Nothing is your fault. Everything is okay,” Xiao Xingchen muttered and traced gentle circles along Xue Yang’s back.

“He could…he could have…”

“But he didn’t. It’s all good. We’re safe.”

“Safe…?”

The word tugged at something in Xue Yang’s memory and a chill ran down his spine. He pulled away from Xiao Xingchen and whirled around to stand protectively in front of his boyfriend. But what he saw when he turned rendered him speechless.  Wen Zhuliu stood there, arms raised up and face distorted in anger. And behind him, pointing a gun to his head, was –

“Song Zichen?” Xue Yang gasped, not sure if he could dare to believe his eyes.

Song Zichen only gave a curt nod. “Reinforcements are on the way. That was good thinking, Xue Yang, charging at Wen Chao like that.” When he looked at Xue Yang, there was something like approval in his eyes, as if the whole evening hadn’t been strange enough already. Xue Yang could only nod dumbly and if it weren’t for Xiao Xingchen gently holding his hand, he surely would have collapsed to the ground.

“Are you okay, Xue Yang? Your hand is bleeding.”

That, at least, pulled Xue Yang out of his daze. He turned around sharply and stared at Xiao Xingchen’s worried expression.

“My hand is bleeding? Oh no, whatever will I do? Xingchen, there is a gaping wound across your throat, and you worry about a stupid little cut on my hand?” As he said the words, the gravity of the situation suddenly settled in full force.

Xiao Xingchen chuckled, but it sounded a bit insecure and his hand slowly came up to touch the wound. Xue Yang stopped it.

“Don’t touch it, what if it gets infected? We need to get you to the ER as quickly as possible! Song Zichen, have you called an ambulance already? What if there was poison on the blade? What if–“

Suddenly there were two hands on either side of his face and Xiao Xingchen forced Xue Yang to look at him.

“Hey! It’s just a shallow cut. Nothing to go to a hospital for, really.”

For a moment, Xue Yang stared at Xiao Xingchen’s face, then his gaze was drawn towards the red slash again.

“But–“

“My eyes are up here, Xue Yang,” Xiao Xingchen said, and it almost made Xue Yang laugh, were it not for the lingering dread that cancelled out all other emotions.

“Please, Xiao Xingchen. You need to let someone look at this, what if there is really something bad, what if I–“ the words died in his throat before he could say them. Saying them would make them too real.

“Xue Yang. Look at me.”

Xue Yang slowly raised his eyes until they met Xiao Xingchen’s.

“This is not your fault. None of it. You didn’t hurt me. He,” he glared at Wen Chao’s unconscious form, “did that.”

“He’s right,” came another voice, the stern neutrality to Xiao Xingchen’s gentle reassurance. Song Zichen had joined them, having handed Wen Zhuliu over to the incoming reinforcements.

Xue Yang looked at Xiao Xingchen. Squeezed his eyes shut. Took a deep breath. And…nodded.

“Okay,” he said and tried his best to sound convinced. “Okay.”

Xiao Xingchen nodded encouragingly. “It’s a learning curve.”

Xue Yang let out a shuddering laugh. “It sure is.”

“Could someone get over here and get this stain off the floor?” Song Zichen didn’t yell, he didn’t as much as raise his voice, but there were immediately two officers at his side to take care of Wen Chao. Xue Yang had to hand it to him, Song Zichen sure knew how to issue commands.

“Why are you here? Are you…did you install cameras in our flat?” Xue Yang asked horrified. Song Zichen threw him an exasperated look.

“Of course not. A panicked girl came running to the station, claiming she saw “the mafia entering the house of a civilian”,” he frowned slightly when Xiao Xingchen smiled widely and Xue Yang started laughing manically.

“Anyway, Xingchen,” Song Lan continued undeterred, “Xue Yang is right as well. You both have to get a check up at a hospital. It’s protocol.”

Xue Yang would have never thought he’d be so grateful for a protocol. Or for Song Zichen, for that matter. Xiao Xingchen sighed.

“Alright, if it’s that important, then we’ll go. Is there anything else we have to do here?”

“Yes, you could clean the blood off the pavement and while you’re at it, maybe make sure the Wen-offspring hasn’t dropped anything relevant,” Song Zichen said without a twitch in his expression.

Xue Yang gaped at him. “Was that sarcasm, Inspector Song?”

Song Zichen shrugged and turned around. “I’ll have one of my officers drive you to the hospital. See you tomorrow.” And then he was already giving orders again while Xiao Xingchen followed his departure with a fond expression.

“We can be really lucky to have such reliable friends, can’t we?”

Xue Yang nodded, even though now that all the adrenaline had subsided, the gesture felt way too difficult. “We have to thank A-Qing for saving us.”

“So now it’s the mafia? Is there any branch of organised crime she hasn’t covered yet?”

-

The drive to the hospital went by in a blur. Xue Yang was so tired that he almost didn’t register how he was being guided into a police car together with Xiao Xingchen. He immediately scooted over to lay an arm around Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder, seatbelts be damned. Xiao Xingchen rested his head on Xue Yang’s shoulder, apparently just as tired.

“Hey, Xingchen,” Xue Yang muttered, “we can pretend to be a tragic gangster couple who’s being put in jail.”

The police officer who was driving eyed him warily through the rear-view mirror. “No roleplaying in my car.”

It spoke for his exhaustion that Xiao Xingchen didn’t even blush at that.

“Ah, sorry, Officer…” Xue Yang looked at the young man.

“Mo Xuanyu, Officer Mo,” he grumbled, obviously unhappy to have been given the incredibly important task of driving two injured civilians to the hospital.

Xue Yang nodded, feeling his eyes slipping shut. “Thank you for your service, Xiao Mo.”

He was being shaken awake rather roughly.

“We’re here,” someone said, sounding like a grumpy teenager.

“Hey, I’m injured,” Xue Yang complained, unwilling to move because Xiao Xingchen was curled into his side and still sleeping.

“That’s why we’re here,” Officer Mo said, and he almost sounded as exasperated as his superior. “Would you please get out of the car?”

“Why?” Xue Yang drawled and gently nudged Xiao Xingchen, who just groaned a bit and clutched his sweater a bit tighter.

Officer Mo rolled his eyes and gestured around. “Look, I’m a police officer and I have a lot to do, so–“

“Eager to watch the Inspector wipe the floor with Wen Chao?” Xue Yang grinned, who would have liked to see the spectacle himself.

“You’ve never been to one of the Inspector’s interrogations. They’re…something else.”

“Oh, believe me,” Xue Yang muttered and finally managed to get Xiao Xingchen to move out of the car, even though his eyes were still closed. “I know. Anyway, thank you for driving us, I’ll make sure to recommend you to all my friends.”

Officer Mo rolled his eyes and got back behind the wheel.

“Ugh. Get well soon, or whatever,” he said and drove away.

Xue Yang, who had to carry not only himself but also Xiao Xingchen up the stairs to the hospital, was very tempted to call for help. But as soon as he made it up to the door, help arrived by itself. A nurse pushed the door open and stared at them. “What happened? Is he unconscious?” she asked urgently and helped Xue Yang with his burden.

“No, just tired. But his throat got slashed,” Xue Yang said and the nurse gasped.

“His what now? We have an emergency here,” she called out and three more people rushed to their side.

“It’s just a shallow cut,” Xiao Xingchen mumbled and lifted his head for them to look at the wound. For a moment, the foyer was completely silent as the nurses examined Xiao Xingchen. Then the tension in the air dissipated at once.

“Alright, we should still let a doctor examine this. And you, what about your hand?”

Xue Yang looked down and frowned at the large cut in his palm. The only wound he got out of this dangerous confrontation was one he inflicted on himself. Unacceptable.

“Ah yes, I got that from the attacker as well. It hurts a lot. Ouch,” he said and waved the hand around. One of the nurses guided them to a room at the end of a corridor and made them sit down next to each other on an examination table. “I’ll get the doctor, one moment.”

“Hey, Xue Yang?” Xiao Xingchen’s voice sounded small, as if he was barely awake. “Did we just help arrest a dangerous criminal?”

Xue Yang huffed a laugh, “We sure did. And you were infinitely more badass than I was. How the fuck did you remain that calm?”

He felt Xiao Xingchen shrug. “He was pathetic.”

“Xingchen? I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m still sorry that you got dragged into that mess.”

Xiao Xingchen turned his head and pressed his lips to Xue Yang’s throat, humming against the skin. “We got through it together.”

Just as Xue Yang was about to return the affection, the door to their room got pulled open. The woman standing there threw them a quick glance before getting some salves and bandages out of a cupboard.

“Seems like your injuries aren’t all that bad,” she noted and went to examine Xiao Xingchen first. “This is just a shallow cut–“

“Told you so,” Xiao Xingchen said.

“–but we should still treat it–“

“Told you so,” Xue Yang said.

The doctor sighed heavily. “–though I cannot promise that no scar will remain.”

 “Well, scars are pretty hot,” Xue Yang muttered, and the doctor added another one to Xue Yang’s collection of exasperated looks.

“Sir, why are you here, do you have an injury as well?”

Xue Yang held up his hand, “Got this nasty cut.”

She squinted at it. “It’s a bit jagged. Did the attacker use a kitchen knife?”

Xue Yang choked, which was good because it meant he didn’t have to answer that.

About an hour later they exited the hospital again, Xue Yang with a bandage around his hand and Xiao Xingchen with one around his throat.

“Ugh, Xingchen, you’re so much cooler than me,” Xue Yang complained.

“Was that ever a question?” came a voice from ahead.

“Would you look at that! Our saviour graces us with her presence!” Xue Yang grinned at A-Qing. She shot him a glare and stomped towards them.

“The fuck? Who were those people? They looked like they were about to drag you off to some torture chamber!”

“That’s ‘cause they were. I meant what I said, four-eyes. You saved us,” Xue Yang said, more serious than he intended.

“You really did, A-Qing,” Xiao Xingchen added. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

She stared at them with wide yes. Then she lunged forwards and threw her arms around them both. Xiao Xingchen looked more startled then he did when a knife was pointed at his throat.

“Guess I’ll have to watch out for the both of you,” A-Qing muttered when she pulled back.

Xue Yang grinned. Family, huh?

-

“I can’t believe Mr. Police Inspector didn’t sent anyone to take us home!” Xue Yang grumbled while they waited for the elevator to stop. “Honestly, we got attacked by some lunatic and have to take a cab home. What if the driver was crazy as well?”

Xiao Xingchen chuckled, seemingly revitalised by the nap he took on the way home. “I’m sure Zichen has a lot of other things to worry about at the moment, and the chances of us being attacked twice in the same night are pretty slim.”

Xue Yang eyed him warily. “I wouldn’t have expected you to take this all so lightly. Weren’t you afraid at all?”

The elevator arrived on their floor and they stepped out.

“Oh, deadly afraid,” Xiao Xingchen said. “But not because of that idiot with the knife.”

Xue Yang frowned at him. “Then why?”

The door to their flat was still open, but no one seemed to have taken the opportunity to steal some of Xiao Xingchen’s orchids.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen when we got out of there.”

Xue Yang’s frown deepened. “You were afraid of being saved?”

“I was afraid of you leaving me after we were saved,” Xiao Xingchen said simply and closed the door behind them.

Xue Yang stared at him as the meaning behind those words became clear.

“Oh,” Xue Yang said.

“I thought you’d blame yourself and…well…” he turned to face Xue Yang and his smile was radiant. “But you’re still here.”

Xue Yang moved forwards almost automatically. “I’m not leaving you anymore.” He took Xiao Xingchen’s face into his hands and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. “You’re stuck with me indefinitely.”

Xiao Xingchen made a low sound in the back of his throat. “Good.”

And then, without any warning, he grabbed Xue Yang and lifted him up with strength Xue Yang would never have expected from a florist. Xue Yang instinctively wrapped his legs around Xiao Xingchen’s waist, pressing himself as close as he could. There were lips on his, hard and demanding, and then Xiao Xingchen licked into his mouth, his tongue hot and slick against Xue Yang’s. Xue Yang lifted his hands to tangle them in Xiao Xingchen’s hair, freeing it from the loose ponytail and scraping his nails gently against the other’s scalp. Xiao Xingchen moaned into his mouth and Xue Yang eagerly swallowed the low sound, feeling it slowly vibrating down the length of his spine. He shifted slightly as he tightened his legs around Xiao Xingchen, almost desperate for more contact. Xiao Xingchen inhaled sharply, and Xue Yang felt a sudden jolt of pain in his bottom lip when Xiao Xingchen bit down on it. A few droplets of blood caught between their tongues, and the taste sent scalding heat through Xue Yang that pooled low in his stomach.

“Xiao Xingchen,” he murmured against the other’s mouth and there were no other words left in him.

Xiao Xingchen’s lips trailed from his mouth down to his jaw and then to his throat and Xue Yang tipped his head to the side to allow for better access. He felt those lips suck at his pulse point as if Xiao Xingchen wanted to mark him, as if Xue Yang didn’t already belong to him completely.

“Bedroom,” Xiao Xingchen murmured against his skin and loosened his grip on Xue Yang, whose unsteady feet landed on the ground again and barely kept him standing. Xiao Xingchen grabbed his hand and dragged a flushed and dizzy Xue Yang with him, crossing the suddenly vast expanse of the living room to all but kick the door to the bedroom open. He turned to pull him towards the bed, but this time Xue Yang was faster. He pushed against Xiao Xingchen’s chest, sending him stumbling onto the mattress, from where he looked up at Xue Yang from beneath dark lashes.

For a long moment Xue Yang allowed himself to commit the scene into memory; Xiao Xingchen on his back, breath elaborated, and silken black hair spilled across the white sheets. Then Xue Yang stepped forward at the same time Xiao Xingchen reached out for him. When Xue Yang found himself straddling the other’s waist, feeling every small movement of Xiao Xingchen between his thighs, he realised that he had no idea of what to do. Xue Yang was no stranger to sex, not by a long shot, but until now it had all been meaningless, and suddenly he was afraid of doing something wrong. The uncertainty must have shown clearly on his face because a small smile spread over Xiao Xingchen’s face and he hooked his finger underneath the collar of Xue Yang’s shirt, tugging him forward and claiming his lips in a reassuring kiss. Then there was a sudden sharp motion, and Xue Yang felt the world getting jerked to the side without warning. It took him a moment to realise that his back was now pressed against the softness of the mattress. Xiao Xingchen knelt on top of him, one hand on either side of Xue Yang’s head. He looked down at Xue Yang, his eyes flicking over his face with an expression that was almost reverend.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathed, “I’ve always thought so.”

“Fuck, Xingchen.” Xue Yang pulled Xiao Xingchen down, trying to let the kiss speak in a way he never could. His body arched up as and he hooked one leg around Xiao Xingchen’s waist, pushing down as he tried to eliminate all space between them. Xiao Xingchen moaned, but the sound didn’t get the chance to escape their joined mouths. Xue Yang felt it hot against his tongue and it made him embarrassingly desperate for more. He reached up to trace the shape of Xiao Xingchen’s jaw with his fingers before continuing downward. Xue Yang startled briefly when he felt the bandages that still covered Xiao Xingchen’s throat and the breath hitched in his throat.

“It’s okay,” Xiao Xingchen murmured, took Xue Yang’s hand and kissed his palm. Xue Yang was too far gone to argue in any way, and so he simply nodded. Xiao Xingchen smiled and let go of his hand, and Xue Yang used the opportunity to fumble with the small buttons of Xiao Xingchen’s shirt. Xiao Xingchen sat up slowly and undid them with nimble fingers until his shirt hung loosely from his shoulders. A simple shrug made it flutter down and all Xue Yang could do was stare, marvelling at the unblemished ivory of Xiao Xingchen’s skin, at the toned lines of his body. He’d seen it on other occasions, but right now, in this moment, with Xiao Xingchen straddling his lap and the other’s chest heaving with elaborated breaths, the sight almost took Xue Yang’s breath away.

“Sit up,” Xiao Xingchen said, and Xue Yang obeyed without hesitation. Xiao Xingchen’s hands travelled down to the hem of Xue Yang’s plain black shirt and he looked up expectantly. Xue Yang slowly lifted his arms, despite the self-consciousness that gnawed at him. So far, he’d somehow managed to avoid letting Xiao Xingchen see him shirtless like this. But right now he was desperate for more skin contact, and so he didn’t let his hesitation show when Xiao Xingchen tugged the shirt up and drew it over Xue Yang’s head, discarding it to the floor. His eyes trailed over Xue Yang’s torso and Xue Yang felt exposed in a way he never had before, feeling a strange urge to cover the countless scars on his body. But there weren’t enough fingers for that, even if he still had all ten. Xiao Xingchen didn’t speak, he just traced the scars with his eyes and then with gentle fingers, as if a simple touch could erase them from Xue Yang’s skin. Then those fingers reached the point just below Xue Yang’s ribs, where he knew black ink to be staining his body.

“Jiangzai,” Xiao Xingchen murmured, a statement rather than a question. Xue Yang answered anyway.

“It seemed appropriate at the time.”

Xiao Xingchen smiled and his hands pushed gently against Xue Yang’s shoulders, guiding him back onto the mattress.

“If this is the disaster you bring, then I happily accept it.” And with that he bent down to trail his lips down Xue Yang’s throat, gently nipping at his collar bone before continuing further, kissing the thin scar right above Xue Yang’s heart. Xue Yang’s eye closed and he didn’t bother with supressing the small moans that escaped him. He clutched Xiao Xingchen’s shoulders, careful as to not destroy the perfect canvas of Xiao Xingchen’s skin.

“Xue Yang.” His eyes fluttered open to find Xiao Xingchen looking at him, eyes dipped into the shadow of his long lashes. “Touch me.”

Xue Yang was still for a second, and then something in him broke. Maybe it was the worry that hadn’t let go of him since Wen Chao’s attack. Maybe it was the false gentleness that was so unlike himself. He grabbed Xiao Xingchen’s face with both hands and pulled it close to his, taking in the other’s unguarded expression. When Xue Yang hooked his other leg around Xiao Xingchen’s waist as well, heel digging into the small of his back, Xiao Xingchen’s lips parted on a moan, and Xue Yang took the opportunity to cover them with his own, claiming the warmth of Xiao Xingchen’s mouth with his tongue.

“Xue Yang, I want–“

“You. I want you, Xingchen, please.”

And Xiao Xingchen complied.

-

Xiao Xingchen’s head was pillowed on Xue Yang’s chest, his arm slung over Xue Yang’s waist, and his name still clung to Xue Yang’s lips. Xue Yang’s entire existence was wrapped up in the other, and he never wanted it for himself again. Nothing he had ever experienced in the past came even close to this, to the feeling of Xiao Xingchen’s breath against his skin and the delicious ache that still clung to his body. He wanted to say something, but words weren’t enough - they couldn’t hope to do justice to whatever it was he was feeling, and so Xue Yang just continued to gently run his fingers through Xiao Xingchen’s hair. Xiao Xingchen hummed and turned his head slightly, pressing a kiss against Xue Yang’s chest.

“I love you,” Xiao Xingchen said, speaking the words against Xue Yang’s skin as if he wanted to engrave them there, next to the promise of oncoming disaster.

The words had been foreign to Xue Yang his whole life – words he heard people utter around him, to those important to them. And Xue Yang had never been important to anyone, nor did he have anyone important to him, so those words and their meaning never held much significance. But now, for the first time, he thought about their implications. He looked down at Xiao Xingchen, whose eyes were half closed and whose breath was steady against Xue Yang’s skin. himk

“I love you, too,” Xue Yang said quietly, almost as if he was unsure of how to pronounce the words. “I…Xingchen, you’re the most important person in my life. Please don’t think I’ll leave. Not if you don’t want me to.”

Xingchen looked up at him, his eyes wide in surprise and his smile impossibly bright.

“That won’t happen,” he said, and he sounded so sure that Xue Yang immediately believed him.

Chapter Text

Karma wasn’t so bad after all. That much Xue Yang decided when he took account of his current situation. The sun filtered through the large window of the flower shop’s backroom and reminded him that winter was now slowly making way for spring. Warmth enveloped him and the delicious smell of fragrant soup hung in the air, while the last traces of sweetness still lingered on his tongue. Xue Yang yawned and stretched, thoroughly at peace with himself and the world.

“Don’t complain when I spill hot noodle soup over your face,” Xiao Xingchen chided while he tried to navigate the chopsticks to his mouth without dropping noodles on Xue Yang, who was resting his head snugly in Xiao Xingchen’s lap.

“I would never complain about anything you do,” Xue Yang replied and resisted the urge to sit up and steal some food – that would mean he’d have to relinquish the comfort of Xiao Xingchen’s thighs, and he wasn’t quite read to do that.

“That’s a lie. Just this morning you complained about me refusing to stay in bed with you.”

“I wasn’t complaining about you, I was complaining about the general unfairness of the world that denies me the pleasure of staying in bed all day. With you.” Xue Yang grinned at him and reached up to caress Xiao Xingchen’s cheek.

Xiao Xingchen huffed, but didn’t quite manage to hide his smile behind the bowl of noodles.

“You’d almost think you find those noodles more interesting than me,” Xue Yang fake-pouted and shifted on Xiao Xingchen’s thighs to get at least a small gasp from him. He wasn’t disappointed.

“Xue Yang, I am going to spill this if you don’t stop. Unlike other people, I find proper nutrition somewhat important.”

Xue Yang sighed dramatically and sat up, careful as to not bump the hot bowl in Xiao Xingchen’s hands. “I like nutrition! I just had two pieces of cake,” he gestured to the empty plate on the table, still smeared with some cream.

Xiao Xingchen only gave him an exasperated look. “Really?”

“What? It’s not my fault that you’re such an expert baker!” Xue Yang leaned against Xiao Xingchen’s side and dangled his legs over the sofa’s armrest. Xiao Xingchen shifted almost unnotably to make the position more comfortable for Xue Yang. Xue Yang rested his head against Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder and smiled, tempted to close his eyes and revel in his contentment. Instead, he took out the phone he’d bought from his third wage and saw that he had two unread messages. He snorted.

“Here, look at this. A silent cry for help,” Xue Yang raised the phone over his shoulder and held it under Xiao Xingchen’s nose, so he could see the picture of A-Qing with a book titled 5-Minute Meals for Dummies, followed by the message ‘your sis is starving’.

“She, at least, appreciates my cooking,” Xiao Xingchen leaned forwards without dislodging Xue Yang from his side and put his now-empty bowl on the table.

“Hey, I appreciate your cooking as well,” Xue Yang said indignantly. “It’s just that I appreciate your baking even more.”

Xiao Xingchen shifted and laid an arm around Xue Yang’s shoulder, pulling him a bit closer and pressing a kiss to his temple.

 “You can invite her for dinner tomorrow, Zichen is coming as well. We can have a little celebration.”

“Oh? What are we celebrating?” Xue Yang asked.

“I don’t know. Do we need a reason?”

Xue Yang shrugged and nestled into the warmth of Xiao Xingchen’s embrace. “We can celebrate our four-months-and-four-day anniversary, I guess.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed and nudged his shoulder. “When did you start counting?”

“When I first saw you at the shelter,” Xue Yang said. It seemed like half a lifetime ago now, when he’d arrived at the shelter and seen a man he’d considered a whole realm out of his league. That he was now curled up against said man, feeling his breath warm against his skin, was just short of unbelievable. Sometimes, Xue Yang was still afraid of waking up.

“Ah, good times,” Xiao Xingchen smiled, adoration clearly audible in his voice. “Didn’t you think I was triad?”

“No, that was A-Qing. I thought you were the leader of a smuggling ring.”

“Oh, my mistake.”

They started laughing at the same time and Xue Yang turned his head to kiss Xiao Xingchen’s throat. The wound there had healed up nicely and the faint scar was barely visible anymore. Only when Xue Yang leaned in close to trace his lips across Xiao Xingchen’s skin like this could he see the pale outlines. He trailed his lips upwards over Xiao Xingchen’s jaw and to his mouth, where he was met with pliant softness and a small chuckle. They shared a slow and deliberate kiss, one of those that made Xue Yang’s toes curl with the knowledge that this was something normal now. Xiao Xingchen drew back and ran a hand through Xue Yang’s hair to push it back from his forehead and press another kiss there.

“Break is almost over,” Xiao Xingchen said merrily and made to stand up.

“And so the cruel world rips you from my embrace yet again!” Xue Yang said and mimicked fainting. Xiao Xingchen only chuckled and pulled Xue Yang mercilessly to his feet.

“Don’t you have six more statues to finish?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me!” Xue Yang groaned, even though he was already looking forward to it

-

From: four-eyes
Received: 19:34

which temperature for bedding

To: four-eyes
Sent: 19:36

gotta ask the bf for his wisdom

To: four-eyes
Sent: 19:41

bf has imparted his wisdom. 60°C

From: four-eyes
Received: 19:44

k
see u tomorrow
is there gonna be dessert

To: four-eyes
Sent: 19:45

of course
szc is gonna be there as well
no talk about corpses at the dinner table

From: four-eyes
Received: 19:46

ure boring
ok whatever 
good night

To: four-eyes
Sent: 19:46

good night to my fave lil sis <3<3<3<3<3

From: four-eyes
Received: 19:47

Ughhh

“Did she manage?” called Xiao Xingchen from the shower. Xue Yang poked his head into the bathroom again.

“I sure hope so, but I guess we’ll know if she perished during her fight with the washing machine when she doesn’t show up tomorrow.”

He heard Xiao Xingchen chuckle and observed the silhouette behind the milky glass wash its hair. Xue Yang grinned, taking a seat on the floor in front of it.

“It’s a miracle she hasn’t burned down her flat yet. The last time I visited, she scorched our nacho cheese. It was impressive.”

“Ah, don’t be too harsh on her! It’s her first own flat, after all. And if anything goes horribly wrong, she can always ask old man Li next door for help.”

“I still can’t believe that trying to steal a book earned her a job and a flat.”

“You always learn the worst lessons,” Xiao Xingchen chided, but he sounded amused. His silhouette told Xue Yang that he was done with washing his hair and now moved on to his body. That was Xue Yang’s cue. He quickly undressed and joined Xiao Xingchen in the shower to help him with that arduous task.

-

“You want to bet again? May I remind you of the past four times you lost?”

“That’s why I’m so desperate to win!”

“You know that Zichen is very punctual, while A-Qing is…well. Sometimes a bit late.”

Xue Yang snorted. A-Qing’s sometimes a bit late could range from 10 minutes to an hour. But this time, Xue Yang was sure A-Qing would be on time, and it may or may not have something to do with bribery. He didn’t save up one of Xiao Xingchen’s cupcakes for nothing.

“I have a good feeling about this. Come on! The usual stakes.”

Xiao Xingchen sighed and nodded while slicing some meat for the hot pot. Xue Yang had been banned from meat-cutting for at least a month, ever since the last demonstration of his knife skills had almost led to him losing another finger, and so he begrudgingly set up the table.

About ten minutes later the doorbell rang. Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen looked at each other.

“Remember,” grinned Xue Yang. “Waffles for breakfast for one week if it’s A-Qing.”

Xiao Xingchen didn’t dignify him with an answer and made to open the door. Xue Yang held his breath. The door creaked open.

“Ah,” he heard Xiao Xingchen say. And then, a bit louder: “Good evening, Zichen.”

Xue Yang groaned. Then there came the noise of someone running in the corridor.

“Did I make it?” A-Qing yelled and there was a startled gasp, probably because she just barrelled straight into Song Zichen. “Sorry – oh, goddamnit!”

Xue Yang poked his head out of the living room. “No cupcake for you, slowpoke!”

Xiao Xingchen turned and shot Xue Yang a sweet smile. “And no complaining for you at having to get up for one more week.”

Song Zichen sighed and shrugged his coat off. “Sometimes I wonder whether work isn’t more relaxing than this.”

Xiao Xingchen chuckled and let their two guests inside. A-Qing was already needling Song Zichen about his latest cases. Song Zichen answered each of her questions with precise and straight-forward answers and Xue Yang tried and failed not to smile at that. (“How exactly did he do that?” A-Qing asked giddily. “He cut the tendons in his assailant’s wrist and then sliced the arm open length-wise,” Song Zichen answered matter-of-factly. A-Qing beamed.)

“Okay, no more talking about any murders or injuries until all food is gone,” Xiao Xingchen announced and gave A-Qing an especially stern look. She ducked her head and nodded, quickly taking her seat next to Xue Yang, who already slouched on his chair.

“How was work, four-eyes? Any new mysterious books that may or may not be cursed?”

“Nah, just some old tome that’s filled to the brim with rules. Like…at least two thousand of them. Old man Li has no idea where it came from, and I’m pretty sure no one is ever going to buy it. How about you? Progress on any of the love stories?” She eyed the bubbling pot on the table longingly, but Song Zichen and Xiao Xingchen were still busy setting up the ingredients.

“Nope. I think that one stuck-up dude who always wears a headband still hasn’t even reached first base. He bought a ridiculous amount of flowers meaning ‘I love you’ today. Honestly, that guy has the stamina of a 10,000-year-old cultivator.”

A-Qing snickered maliciously. Trying to figure out the relationship status of people who bought flowers with especially romantic meanings had become her and Xue Yang’s favourite past-time activity. “Well, since you’re an expect on pining, you should show some compassion.”

“I’m in a happy relationship, four-eyes, the only thing I’m pining after at this point is Xingchen’s d-“

“Xue Yang.”

Xue Yang immediately clasped his mouth shut and Song Zichen shoved his elbow off the table to place down a plate with vegetables.

“Do not corrupt her.”

Xue Yang could have said that A-Qing was far worse than him, but he was very bad at arguing with Song Zichen, and so he just grinned and shrugged. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want my little sister to become morally unstable.”

A-Qing kicked his leg under the table. 

Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen joined them at the table, and as soon as Xiao Xingchen had said “Please enjoy the food.” A-Qing was already digging in. A few minutes passed where everyone was too focussed on their meal to talk. Then Xiao Xingchen nudged Song Zichen’s shoulder.

“How is the trial going?”

Song Zichen didn’t answer until he had swallowed his food and then dabbed any remaining traces of soup from his mouth.

“It is going well. Since we have hard evidence against Wen Chao, he will not be able to escape justice. As for Nightless Enterprises itself, that proves a little more difficult, but we are getting there. Wen Ruohan has lost many of his supporters, and Xue Yang’s testimony has been tremendously helpful.”

Xue Yang grinned at Song Zichen. He didn’t bother to swallow before talking.

“Always happy to be of service! Lucky you, Xingchen, your boyfriend is a real hero!”

Song Zichen looked only mildly disgusted.

“Of course he is,” Xiao Xingchen smiled and took Xue Yang’s hand to press a brief kiss to the back of it. Now it was A-Qing’s turn to look mildly disgusted.

“How come Song Zichen and I can’t talk about murder, but you can be openly sappy like that?” she pouted.

“Because our sappiness doesn’t include spilled human organs,” Xue Yang said and took a bite of tripe.

“Xue Yang is right,” Song Zichen nodded and Xue Yang almost flinched. He was still not used to Song Zichen agreeing with him on anything. “I can tell you about the case with the man who cut out other’s tongues after dinner.”

He sounded almost fond and regarded A-Qing with an expression that, in some realm, might have been considered a smirk.

“Speaking of sappy, A-Qing,” Xiao Xingchen said and smiled at her. Oh. Xue Yang knew that smile. It was the innocent one that always meant that the next thing Xiao Xingchen said would definitely not be innocent at all. “Old man Li told me you have a new regular at the shop ever since you started working there?”

A Qing turned as red as the chili flakes she was sprinkling over her food. Xue Yang looked from Xiao Xingchen to her and back again. “Wait, what? What do you mean? What does he mean, A-Qing? What did I miss?”

Xiao Xingchen took a sip of soup and shrugged. “Just that there is a young boy who’s apparently very interested in ancient literature. What’s his name again? Ouyang something?”

“I don’t like him,” Xue Yang said without missing and glared at A-Qing.

“Well, good thing no one cares about your opinion!” she shot back and flicked a peanut at his head.

“So you like him?” Xue Yang raised his eyebrows. “You, mistress of the cold heart?”

“So what?” A-Qing said stubbornly. “He said I was pretty and he bought me sweets.”

“Wow.” Xue Yang said. “I can’t believe the exact same trick worked on the both of us.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed and A-Qing tried her best to suppress her smile. Only Song Zichen calmly continued eating his vegetables.

“I like spending time with you,” he said nonchalantly. “It reminds me of how lucky I am that I do not have to worry about things like that.”

Xiao Xingchen smiled affectionately and patted his shoulder. “You’re the only sensible one at this table, Zichen.”

-

“Do you sometimes wonder how we ended up here?” Xue Yang asked, sitting on the countertop and dangling his legs. A-Qing and Song Zichen had left some time ago and, despite A-Qing’s protests that she didn’t need a babysitter, Song Zichen had insisted on driving her home. Xue Yang was very grateful for that.

Xiao Xingchen considered the question for a moment and then shook his head. “Not really. I mean, I know very well how it happened.”

“Oh?” Xue Yang took another of the dishes Xiao Xingchen had rinsed and started to dry it with a towel. “You mean to tell me you don’t believe fate has brought us together because we’re actually soulmates or some shit?”

Xiao Xingchen snorted and slapped Xue Yang’s arm, leaving a wet and soapy handprint. “Don’t you think you’re giving fate way too much credit? After all the work we did?”

“Work?” Xue Yang echoed and jumped off the counter to slot himself behind Xiao Xingchen, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Xue Yang, think about where we started. You thought I was evil because I wanted to help you. I thought you were immature because you refused to accept help. And then we gradually started to work towards understanding each other. You think it was fate’s doing? No, it was us. We made this. Together.”

Xue Yang answered by tightening his grip and burying his face in the crook Xiao Xingchen’s neck.

“Damn, I can’t believe I fell in love with a poet.”

Xiao Xingchen chuckled and petted his head. “No poetry, just honesty.”

“You thought I was immature?”

“You want to say you weren’t?”

“No. I want to say I still am.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed, turned in Xue Yang’s arms, and gave him a firm kiss on the lips.

“You’ve grown, Xue Yang. Accept it.”

Xue Yang grinned and nodded.

“Alright. Just today. Just because it’s you. I’ll accept it.”