Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rey felt him before she saw him.

“Is this to become a common occurrence?”

Her eyes narrowed at the familiar voice and she whipped around, her hand instinctively going to grasp at the hilt of her lightsaber at her side.

“What do you want?” She half snarled, her eyes sizing him up and down.

“Where are you?” He answered back instead, his own eyes scanning the room around her.

She swallowed instead of replying, her eyes still trained on him. He was robed fully in black, gloves and all, but he wore no helmet…only his hood covering the black curls that blew just slightly in the wind.

He was outside.

“I don’t want to do this now—”

“Where are you?” He repeated, his gaze finally falling to her.

With a grunt she ignited her saber and slashed at him, her lips in a tight line. His reflexes were quicker than hers and he blocked the move with his own lightsaber before hers had the chance to strike him.

“Why should I tell you?” She shot back, pushing her lightsaber against his, the clash of light creating a purple hue between them. Was this to be how all their meetings were to go? Questions neither of them could answer and pushing each others thoughts out?

“You’re alone,” he stated.

So she wasn’t doing as good of a job pushing him out as she believed.

I don’t want to do this, Rey, I don’t want to fight.

His saber was the first to switch off.

She followed suit.

“And you?” She asked as she watched him return the hilt of his lightsaber to his belt.

A knowing look was the only answer she got.

She sighed, feeling her initial apprehension toward him and this bond slowly begin to dissipate. She turned away from him again to return to what she had been doing before the Force decided they needed to see each other. Maybe if she ignored the bond long enough the Force would disconnect them. It hadn’t worked before, but it was worth trying. She adjusted the reflective tin she had squandered away to her quarters on base to use as a mirror and began to wrap the top of her hair in a bun with a leather strap. She would have to hurry so she wouldn’t be late for morning reports. She never slept much anyway, so no one would believe that she had overslept if she were late and the last thing she needed was Finn or Poe questioning her—

“Do you always wear your hair like that?”

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at his reflection that had appeared behind her in the mirror.

“No.”

She paused.

Had she worn her hair like this all her life? She didn’t remember her father and her memories of her mother were few, but she remembered her brushing her hair at night and…and putting it into three little buns, all in a row down the back of her head. She had never really tried anything else except wearing it down to sleep or bathe.

Maybe she had always worn her hair like this.

“Yes,” she mumbled, casting her gaze downwards to the floor.

She heard him hum in response and she went back to tying the strap around her hair, looping it over and over again until it was tight—

She felt the leather of his gloved hand on top of hers and she stopped.

“Why?” He whispered, his voice more curious than before.

She could only stare at him through the mirror.

Because it’s what I’ve always known, it’s familiar, it’s all I have left of my parents….

“Why not?”

His lips twitched up in what she could only assume was amusement. His hand slid away from hers to comb through the hair that she didn’t hold in her hands, his fingers breaking through the tangles that had set up overnight.

“Haven’t you ever wanted something…different?”

What was he getting at? Surely the Force hadn’t connected them just to have a conversation about her choice in hairstyle. Really, she expected more from the Force. There was always a reason for their connection, always something—

“You don’t really worry about your hair when you’re trying to survive.” She tied off the end of the leather strap.

“Is that what you’re doing now? Just trying to survive?”

She watched with narrowed eyes in the mirror as he let the strands of her hair that he held fall loosely from his grasp. It was almost mesmerizing to watch it fall piece by piece back to her shoulders like sand slipping out of a hand.

She let the heavy breath she released be her response to his question.

“Have you ever tried braiding it?” He asked, his voice almost timid as if he had been working up the nerve to ask.

She shrugged, gathering hair for her next bun. “Never learned, no one ever showed me how.” Their eyes locked on each others through the mirror. “I didn’t even know what a braid was until I came to the Resistance and met your mother.”

She felt him wince inwardly through the bond at her words. She didn’t mention General Organa much during their Force connections. Honestly, the past handful of them she had spent jarring her saber at his throat until the Force separated them again, until they were alone in their respective worlds.

Alone.

Always alone.

She shook herself out of her own musings in time to see him removing his gloves, tucking them into the belt around his waist.

“What are you…”

“I know how to braid…”

They both said at the same time.

She turned her head to look over her shoulder at him, her mouth slightly agape. Had he just…? Did he really know…? Well, knowing who his mother is…but…no, he was fooling with her—

A rare smirk passed Ben’s lips.

Oh yes, of course, the thoughts. Again. She really had to meditate more.

Slowly, she closed her mouth, turned back to the mirror and untied the strap from the first bun she had made, letting her hair fall loose and dropping the strap to the floor. They both were still for a moment, neither knowing who should move first. But then the floor creaked beneath her as he approached her from behind, closing the small distance between them. She shivered as his bare hand brushed through her waves, parting it and then sectioning it off into three neat sections. His fingers were cold as they grazed her scalp but his touch was gentle, as if he were afraid he would hurt her. As if he already hadn’t.

If he could hear her thoughts through the bond he made no mention of it.

Rey swallowed.

It was like watching someone weave a basket. His eyes were focused on each lock of hair as he intertwined them with each other, his fingers graceful and articulate. Her eyes were focused on the mirror ahead of them, watching him. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if she should talk or if she should just continue to watch in silence. It was an odd thing to have your hair done by someone else. It felt foreign and…different. Not bad by any means, no, but…different. Then on top of it all for it to be Ben doing her hair, well, it felt even stranger.

But not bad. Never bad.

Her eyes trailed after him as he bent down to pick up the strap she had dropped on the floor a few minutes ago, one hand holding the end of her braid secure. He tied it off and then draped the tail over her shoulder, only a small tuft of hair on the other side of the strap left unbraided.

Now she really didn’t know what say.

So she admired her reflection instead.

“It’s not the most intricate, but I’m a bit out of practice and—”

“I like it.”

And she did. Really she did. It was strange to not see her hair slicked back in her buns but it was the good kind of strange. The kind that sparked a feeling of warmth deep within her. Like how she felt the first time she had climbed into the Falcon: new and unusual yet…natural. Like coming home.

She was overthinking things. It was a change of hairstyle, insignificant and small, nothing to get worked up over.

Still, the feeling lingered.

“Thank you,” she said, finally turning around to face him and a smile of her own toying at the corners of her lips.

“It suits you,” he replied, stepping closer to coax a strand of hair out from behind her ear to better frame her face.

She felt the heat rise to her cheeks as she glanced at the ground. How had she gone from wanting nothing more than to slash him through with her saber to letting him braid her hair? Had he planned to do it or was it truly a spur of the moment coincidence. Why had she let him do it? Those hands that had killed so many, but felt so soft and harmless in her hair. Perhaps he felt it too. The light that radiated from him, betraying his dark aura that he so desperately was hanging on to. She shook her head and looked back up.

“Ben, I…”

But he wasn’t even there to tell her not to call him Ben. He was gone. Just as quick as he had appeared, he had left.

The Force really was on her nerves that morning.

And she was late for morning reports. 

When she arrived late to base (which honestly was not late by any means), no one even questioned her lateness. Instead they complimented the braid that laid neatly down the nape of her neck, not even giving a second thought to the fact that she didn’t even know how to braid hair. That is, no one but a pair of warm brown eyes that knew better, admiring Rey from behind a makeshift podium, memories of a young boy practicing the same braids on her own hair many years ago passing through her mind.

Rey didn’t notice.

Chapter Text

Like clockwork, he appeared the next day.

She had been on mission with Finn and Poe, BB-8 somewhere not too far behind. She hadn’t even noticed she was staring until Finn had asked what was wrong as she looked just past him off into the distance. She was staring at him of course, materialized in the midst of the woods they searched like a black omen against the blaring green of the leaves and grass.

She blinked.

“Oh, nothing, Finn…I just…”

He tilted his head to the side. It was like he was tantalizing her, beckoning her. Her eyes bounced between where he stood and where Finn was in front of her, trying to figure out a way to ignore the pull she felt toward the connection. She was on mission. She couldn’t just abandon it, she needed to stay focused to keep on track. Her eyes roamed back to him as she watched him unlatch the back of his helmet, pulling it off and shaking his hair loose from its restraints. She had to find a way to get around Finn, to get him off her trail or something. The Force always had a reason, always…Her eyes landed on a thick section of trees that covered the entrance of a cave just a short sprint away from them.

“I need to see what’s in that cave,” she said suddenly, her eyes snapping back to Finn.

Finn glanced over his shoulder toward where the cave lay. Her heart skipped for a moment, fearing that he could see him too. But he didn’t show any signs of seeing anything out of the ordinary and she sighed in relief, fiddling with the tie of the strap around her waist.

“Are you sure Rey? BB-8’s coordinates show that the map leads us another way—”

“I’m sure.”

She laid a reassuring hand on his arm. “I have to go by myself though.”

Finn flustered at this, crossing his arms and giving Poe a glare across her shoulder. “What is it?” His voice lowered, so Poe couldn’t hear. “Is it…”

Ben smirked from behind him, eyes still on her. She feared the worst for a fleeting moment. Finn could see him and was just better at hiding his reactions than she realized. Her ruse would be over and they’d have to turn and go back to base—

“Is it the Force? Is it telling you to…go in there?”

Rey smiled from relief.

She nodded.

“Alone, though,” she restated, taking her hand from his arm.

Her eyes glanced up to make sure Ben was still there.

He was.

“I’ll be fine, go with Poe and I’ll catch up with you.”

And that was how she found herself walking defiantly toward a cave that the Force most certainly had not told her to go in, the Supreme Leader of the First Order following close behind her heels.

“You’re outside I suppose?”

She ignored him and kept walking. She couldn’t answer him back lest she raise Finn and Poe’s suspicion even more. She hadn’t told them about the bond and had no plans to. Ever. It was her burden, her business, her weight to carry—

“I’m a burden then?”

“Get out of my head,” she grumbled back under her breath.

“It’s not as if I have a choice.”

He was shoulder to shoulder with her now. Where was he walking in his own world? Why didn’t the Force just materialize him in the cave if it knew where she was going? The Force was just so…strange at times.

She pushed aside the branches of the trees that shrouded the entrance and entered the cave, igniting her lightsaber to let the glow be her light as she ventured a bit further inside.

“Is it dark where you are…?” She heard him ask from behind her.

“I’m in a cave.”

The familiar voom of another lightsaber echoed off the cave walls followed by the warmth of a red glow. She turned around so that the two lightsabers were held between them, the light casting shadows on each their faces.

Thank you.

“Why did you leave the traitor?”

“Finn is not a traitor.”

Ben raised an eyebrow, turning the hilt of his lightsaber around in his hand. “Depends on who you ask I suppose.”

She didn’t answer that.

“You kept it.”

She narrowed her eyes in confusion. “Kept what?”

“The braid.”

“Oh.” Her other hand reached back to tug the tail of it over her shoulder. “Yes, I…” Didn’t want to take it out. “It was a big hit,” she said, a slight laugh to her tone. “No one has ever really talked to me about my hair before…they think I did it,” she added after a moment, blush creeping to her cheeks against her will.

He lowered his lightsaber as she talked, his other gloved hand coming up to stroke the hair that had fallen out of his carefully woven strands. His saber switched off.

“And would a cave in the middle of a mission be an...alright place to practice your braiding skills?”

She lowered her lightsaber too.

“What do you mean? I don’t know how to…” But she stopped as he reached through the bond to rest a hand on her shoulder, guiding her to turn around so her back was towards him. Her braid was pulled over her shoulder and she felt his hands raking through her hair, easily combing out the braid he had done only the day before.

“What are you doing?”

“Jedi padawans wore a braid when they were training…ah, but you would know that had you a sensible teacher,” his voice was low enough that she barely heard him.

She hadn’t known that.

“And I suppose you would be that sensible teacher?” Another gentle pull on her hair, another brush of gloved fingertips across her neck.

“I never liked my braids,” he mused instead of answering her question.

Her imagination was flooded with images of a small dark haired boy with a small braids littering his hair, chasing a droid around a white marble floor.

The images were gone just as soon as they had come.

Ben. It was Ben.

“That was you,” she stated as she felt him stop mid-braid.

“That was a fool, too young to know any better, too young to realize the corruption around him.”

She frowned, trading her lightsaber to her other hand.

But the flashes of images came again, this time more vivid and colorful. Long dark brown hair looped into intricate braided patterns…soft hands criss crossing hair until another set of hands came to rest on top, guiding them in the right direction…”You must put this piece over first, Ben”….

“Stop, stop…” he whispered, his grip on hair becoming tighter with each passing second.

“Leia...Your mother taught you how to braid, didn’t she?”

He was silent but she had seen all she needed to. It was there, so obviously there: the light in him. If only he would just take the time to breathe and let it wash over him. Ben was still there, she knew he was, she could feel it. And he loved his mother, loved her so very much.

“I have no mother.”

And with that he set the finished braid back across her shoulder.

Rey turned around, holding her lightsaber down toward the ground. She looked at him in the blue shadows that made his eyes glow in the cool tones of the light. Tired. His eyes were always so tired.

“You don’t hate her. I know you don’t…and she loves you and misses you. I see it in her everyday—”

“You feel only what’s on the surface, only what the light side of the Force wants you to feel. You have to look deeper, Rey. If you would've had a decent teacher you would know that the light is fickle, the light hides what is not good. You have to realize that.”

He stood, quietly seething over her but voice still calm. “I could show you, if you’d just come with me. I could show you everything the light is robbing you of—”

“And if you came with me? I could show you how wrong you are. How the light side doesn’t lie to you, it’s the dark side, Ben, that is full of falsehoods. I’ll bring you home, all you have to do is follow me. Follow the light. Ben…”

He lifted his hand to smooth over the bumps in her hair where the top of the braid was uneven. “It isn’t as simple as you make it out to be. Nothing is that easy…”

She tilted her head further back to truly look at him, his eyes cast down to stare into hers.

“Will you show me how you braid?”

He blinked, confusion taking over his features before his hand dropped from her hair and back to his side. She could feel him fading, his form becoming transparent as the Force decided they’d had enough of each other for the time being. His voice was soft, but she could still make out his words as he vanished from her view:

“One day.”

Chapter Text

“Ow, ow, ow,” Rey whimpered under her breath as her hair was tugged once again.

“Just hold still, it’s all tangled…if I could just get this piece here…”

She stole a glance at her mirror from where she sat cross legged on the floor, straining her neck against Ben’s grasp on her hair.

“Well it hurts,” she snapped, still trying to catch a glimpse of what her hair looked like.

“Well you shouldn’t have asked me to help then.”

She groaned.

He had a point.

There was to be a ceremony tonight on base for the heroes of a recent mission that saved a whole city from a fleet of First Order soldiers…and Leia had asked her at their last training session to help hand out the medals. The reason why was beyond her, she could hardly be considered a resistance hero herself— she seemed to fail every mission she was given. But she had agreed and been told that she should wear something other than her usual…attire. She really didn’t have much else and had somewhat unwillingly accepted the grey dress Leia had sent over to her quarters that now hung on the back of her door, taunting her with its lace and flow-y layers.

It was just like the Force to make Ben appear as she sat in front of her mirror, struggling to recreate the braid that she had reluctantly shaken out a few days ago and replaced with her familiar buns. Her arms were starting to ache, but she was determined to do it. She didn’t know how long he’d stood behind her quietly watching before she noticed the shuffle of his feet coming to stand closer to her, hovering over the place where she sat on the floor.

“You should’ve put that piece under, not that one and you missed picking up that strand—”

Her lightsaber was too far away for her to easily reach this time.

“Yeah well if someone had taken the time to show me how I’d know,” she spat back, glaring up at him.

His face remained in the same locked-in expression that he always seemed to have when observing her. Not quite confusion, but not amazement either. Interest? Interest.

“I could show you now?”

The instinct to roll her eyes was too strong to resist.

“I don’t have the time to learn right now.”

“Why?”

She let go of the hair she was holding with a huff, her hair falling back down out of the twisted jumble that she had put it in.

“There’s an honoring ceremony tonight…I’m supposed to hand out medals,” she explained as if she were embarrassed.

Ben tilted his head. “And you aren’t receiving one?” 

She shook her head. “It’s for resistance heroes.”

His lip twitched and something in his eyes seemed to spark but she couldn’t tell whether it was out of amusement or anger.

“And,” she continued, shaking the rest of her hair out, “it is formal….which means I can’t show up dressed like—”

“A scavenger.”

Her lips pursed but she nodded, wondering if he could feel the discontentment rippling from her.

“There’s something else,” he said all too knowingly, eyes still boring into hers.

Why did the Force always let him be so perceptive? There was always a reason for their bond, always something and she hadn’t the courage to actually ask what was going through her mind but as always the Force was a step ahead.

“I am only capable of one hairstyle apparently and it is not formal in any capacity.”

“And?”

She glanced down, fiddling with a loose string from her boot.

“I don’t suppose you could…assist?”

And that was how she had ended up with Ben seated (very close, mind you) behind her on the floor, his legs on either side of hers and hands entwined in her hair once more.

She was starting to think he had a weakness.

Or maybe she was the one with a weakness.

“Can I at least look at it?” She asked, sinking back down against him as he worked.

“When I am finished you can,” he answered.

Another tug. She winced. Did he have to pull quite so hard?

“It’s been a while, ok?” He’d definitely heard her thoughts again. “I don’t exactly make it a habit of braiding people’s hair.” But as soon as he said it, Rey could feel the realization in his own mind; the realization that slowly it was becoming a habit.

He grumbled as he looped another piece of hair in.

“Do I at least get a clue as to what it looks like?”

“No.” But the Force betrayed him, filling her mind with flashes of two braids circling the crown of someone else’s head like a halo. Soft curls…intricate patterns…the brush of a blue dress as someone walked by…

“You can stop invading my memories anytime now,” he said, his voice tight.

She smiled. She quite enjoyed his childhood memories that his mind was so willing to hand over to her. They made her feel…fuzzy? It was nice. They were warm and full of love and innocence. It was sweet.

“As soon as you stay out of my head,” she shot back inclining her head so he could better work on it.

He tsked his tongue but didn’t say anything more, instead focusing on the braids that he wove. She did her best not to yelp out in pain again, but her face still scrunched up every time he happened to snag a sensitive section.

“There,” he whispered, reaching around to pull a few loose pieces out around her ears.

She lurched forward for her mirror that she had pushed off to the side after he had told her to hide it because her hair was going to be a surprise. She brought it in front of her face, taking in her appearance. It wasn’t quite up to par to the ethereal updo she had seen in Ben’s head, but it was perfect for her. She didn’t do 'put together' and the loose and bumpy strands that decorated the braids were very much her.

“It’s nice,” she said, eyes catching Ben’s in the mirror.

His lips were turned up at the edge and pride was seeping from him as she used the mirror to better look at the other sides of her hair as well.

“Wait,” he said, using her shoulder as an aid to help him stand up from the floor and walking away from her, his eyes looking for something in his world. She stood too, eyes following him around.

“Ah…here!” He exclaimed to himself before turning and coming back. In his hand was a mirror of his own, small and compact. An actual mirror, not a piece of shiny tin.

He held it up in front of her. “Can you see yourself in it?”

She nodded. She hadn’t seen a real mirror in…well, a long time. She felt her face get warmer as she looked in the glass, her reflection staring back at her clearer than she’d ever seen. She took her own tin mirror in her hand and held it behind her head in an attempt to reflect the back of her hair into the real mirror. It worked good enough and she could see the two braids intertwined into each other to make one large circle around her head.

“Is that your…dress?”

She looked up quickly, eyebrow perked, only to see Ben staring into the reflection of her tin mirror in her hand. He hadn’t been able to see the mirror before when it was propped up against the wall…perhaps things had to be in their hands for the other to see it? But she would dwell on that later. Now she glanced back at her tin realizing that it was reflecting the grey dress that hung on the back of the door straight ahead of her.

“Oh, um, yeah…” she trailed off as the mirror he held was lowered from in front of her face.

He continued to silently stare into the tin she held so she adjusted her hold so as to hold it easier.

“Do you...like it?”

“That’s my mother’s dress.”

She about dropped the mirror as her sight was taken away from her and replaced with scenes of another woman not much older than her. The grey dress swirled around the stones…quickened paces as small feet took off into a run…”Ben!”….”You can’t run off like that”….the rustle of the grey fabric against a tear stained cheek…soft whispers and softer lips against his head…”You can’t scare mommy like that”…a larger, stronger hand came to rest on his back...a familiar, gruff voice..."I thought we weren't gonna find you, kid"...

The scene was ripped back from her head as if it had been jerked away.

She was left panting from the force of it.

Ben’s eyes hadn’t moved from the mirror.

He was so close to the light yet he refused to see it. Refused.

“Yeah, she brought it down earlier,” she said, choosing not to address the vivid memories that echoed in her mind.

He swallowed, finally blinking and looking back to her. Something in her made her wonder if Leia knew more about their connections than she let on knowing what she knew now from Ben and his mind.

“I’ll have to put it on soon,” she continued, setting the tin on the ground. The mirror he held similarly disappeared, probably set down on something in his world.

“Oh,” was all he said, eyes still distant.

“I could put it on now…?” She wasn’t sure why she said it, but if Leia had given her that specific dress for a reason...

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again and swallowed instead. “No, no…”

Instead she brushed past him to take the dress into her hands and disappeared into the washroom, hoping that the Force didn’t decide to materialize him in there with her. She went to undressing out of the clothes she had on and slipped easily into Leia’s dress, the hem just brushing her ankles as it was a tad short for her. Not even bothering to fasten the back, she came back into the main part of the room with her other clothes bundled up in her arms.

“Well?” She said, depositing her clothes on her bed and standing before him, the light from her small window shining off the small reflective stones that decorated the sleeves.

“Like a queen…” he breathed taking a few steps toward her to trace the gentle patterns on the see-thru sleeves. “All you need is a throne,” and with that their eyes met again.

“I can’t, Ben…you know I can’t. I will not sit on the throne of the Sith. I won’t. Not even with you.”

He leaned forward and latched the hook of the dress behind her neck before stepping back, letting his hands trail down her arms until he held her wrists.

“I never said it had be the Sith throne…”

She felt her heart skip as his fingertips swept across her hands before the touch faded away.

She looked up.

He was gone.

Chapter Text

She awoke to fingers running through her hair.

“Are you still braiding?” She asked, her voice groggy and eyelids heavy.

“Mhm.”

She fidgeted and sank deeper into her bed.

“You’re taking a long time…”

“I’m trying something new, it takes time,” he answered.

Her eyes fell shut for a moment, but she forced them back open, determined to not fall back asleep, not yet. “You still haven’t showed me how…I’ll figure it out on my own if you don’t…” she yawned.

“I will…one day,” his voice was soft and his tone almost sad (why sad, had she said something? She only wished to learn how…) His hands left her hair and came to rest gingerly in his lap. “Can you turn over? I need the other side now.”

She had felt him appear in the bond earlier, the sky still dark and the base peacefully quiet. He had been standing on the other side of the room, his back towards her. She had asked him what he was doing. He had told her he had just come in to retire for the evening, she had told him it wasn’t quite time to wake up where she was. He had told her to go back to sleep, that he’d do her hair when she woke back up.

She told him that he should go to sleep and not worry about her hair.

He told her that he had all the time in the galaxy, especially for her.

(He of course meant for her hair. They were enemies on either side of a war, there was no time for the individual person. Her hair though, that was all he meant…all he meant.)

She told him he might as well do it now in that case.

So he did.

She hummed and rolled over to her other side, now facing him. He was knelt on the floor (her bed wasn’t very high off the floor to begin with, she had slept on the ground for so long it felt strange to be very far away from it while she slept) with his torso leaned over the frame towards her. She stole a glance up at him, his features serious as he worked.

“Where am I?” She whispered.

His hands stopped, eyes trailing down to meet hers before a rare, curt laugh escaped his lips. “Is that a trick question?”

She paused, confused, but then cracked a smile as she realized. “No, no not that…where am I where you are?”

His eyebrows were still scrunched together.

She sighed, turning her head to look at him easier. “In my world, you’re knelt on the floor next to my bed…where am I?”

She felt him stiffen through the force before she felt her hair fall from his fingers and watched him look away from her.

“A bed…”

It was her turn to look confused. “A bed? As in mine…can you see my bed?”

He shook his head. “It isn’t important.”

Why wouldn’t he tell her? Was he somewhere secret or—

Oh…

Images of a metal framed bed and pristine white walls flooded her mind, but the bed wasn’t empty. She was on it (in it, would be a more accurate description, really), hair half braided and legs curled around grey blankets.

Her eyes flew open and she was back in her own room and her own bed with her own blanket.

“I shouldn’t have showed you, I…” his voice was quiet, almost embarrassed as he ran a hand through his hair, gaze still on the ground.

“Am I…in your bed…often?” She doesn’t know what made her ask it. Did she really want to know? She could already feel the heat creeping up beneath her cheeks. What if she was and he’d never told her or did the Force connect them while they were asleep and neither of them aware?

“I…” Don’t know, his mind finished for him.

The silence grew tense around them, each passing moment passing by slower and slower.

His hands once again began combing through her hair, shaking out what little he had done on her next braid and starting over.

“So you can’t go to bed until I get up?” She asked, questions swarming in her mind of this new realization. The Force had never projected him on any of her bedroom furniture, or maybe she had just never caught him laying down…

He shrugged.

“The Force eventually solves that…”

She was quiet at that and settled on instead watching the way the muscles in his arms moved under his shirt as he bent over hair, gentle and fluid.

It was easy to pretend in these moments. Easy to pretend that there was no war going on outside the walls of her room, that there were no battles to be fought, no oppressive leaders to overthrow…easy to pretend that the man beside of her wasn’t who knew how many star systems away…easy to pretend that he was on her side, the light side…

She rather liked pretending.

Why did the force connect them? What reason did it serve, what purpose was there really? Could it sense the loneliness that she pushed down and tried to cover up or was it merely by chance? Had the Force just chosen them at random? Why her— why him?

“I wonder the same things,” Ben whispered, taking another lock of her hair from behind her ear.

She pursed her lips, frustrated that she had forgotten to shield her thoughts from him. Again.

“You do?”

A pause.

“I do.”

And in that moment, for just the briefest of flashes, her walls pulsed deep red and there were tears clouding her vision and Ben didn’t stand before her but in his place was Kylo Ren with Ben’s eyes, hand outstretched to her across the distance between.

Please.

And then she was back where she had always been, in her bed, beneath her thin blankets with tender hands weaving her hair, connecting them, weaving them together.

Please, the voice echoed in the back of her mind. She wasn’t sure whether it was a memory or his thoughts through the bond, she didn’t know how to distinguish between the two sometimes—

“I could teach you the difference,” he spoke up. “I could, I will, if only you’d…” but he trailed off with nothing but a shaky breath, his voice quieting as he tied off the second braid with something from his world, wherever he was.

“If I’d…?” She asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

“Join me and let me teach you. I’ll find you, trace your coordinates and I’ll show you—“

“The dark side of the Force? The immeasurable power of it?” I don’t want it, her mind added after, her tone sharp.

His eyes narrowed. What do you want?

What did she want? Wasn’t that the question of her whole entire life. She wanted her parents to have come back, wanted them to have never left, she wanted answers and peace and someone who…someone who…

She had never blocked out her thoughts from him harder.

She closed her eyes tight, shaking her head, ignoring the hand that was fading away from her shoulder, ignoring the whispered apology that slipped out from his lips…it was something too personal to face. Something she didn’t want to face.

When she opened her eyes he was gone, and she was alone again with the light of the morning pouring in through her small window. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. He’d only braided the top half, leaving the bottom half to rest just below her shoulders.

She hadn’t worn her hair down since…that day.

Maybe he knew that too.

Was he the one who had filled her thoughts with memories of that place? Or had it been her own thoughts, tempted by the only person who offered any connection…what would it take for him to turn? The light was there, bursting through the cracks of the wall that was his clinging to the dark side he felt he needed to shield himself with. She could feel it in his mind, in his thoughts, in his touch…why couldn’t he see that for himself?

She wanted someone who wasn’t going to leave her, needed someone who actually cared about her and not just about her powers through the force.

Kylo Ren would never understand that. 

But Ben could.

Chapter Text

She had never been late to training— never— and this morning was no exception, but as she rounded the corner to the clearing that had become her training field she thought that her perfect record was about to change.

Leia was already there.

Leia was never early, always just right on time. She was busy and important and there was no room to leave time in there to be wasted on being early—

But there she was.

Back turned and greying hair neatly braided into a single bun with her head tilted toward the sky, eyes closed.

Rey hated to disrupt her from whatever she was doing.

“Leia,” Rey breathed, with a nod of her head as she set her small pack on the ground beside her.

Leia lingered for a moment, back still turned to Rey, before she looked over her shoulder and her lips turned upwards into a small smile.

“Rey.”

There was something different in her eyes this morning.

They were soft, but looked as if they knew something she didn’t. Perhaps she did. She’d seen that same look in Ben’s eyes when he thought she hadn’t been looking. Not quite pride, but knowing. The kind of wisdom that looked out of place in the age of the person. Except it suited Leia she supposed, but not Ben…not Ben…

Maybe she did know something.

Or maybe she was reading far too into things. Again.

Force knew she’d done that too many times to keep count of. How many times had she mulled over the very timbre of his voice until she came to the conclusion that it was light she had found in the tone of his voice? How many hours had she spent dwelling on the way his fingers had twitched at something she said until a completely deliberate purpose for the action had been found?

Being alone had allowed her time enough to waste on insignificant things like that.

She swallowed and offered back a smile.

“I see your hair is different today, Rey.”

Her smile faltered. This was it. This was the moment her force bond secrets were going to come tumbling out and the general would know that she’d been seeing—talking— to Kylo Ren. The enemy…but had he really been that to her? She had hardly seen Kylo Ren the past few months, Ben or at least what she could only assume to be the remaining fragments of him were who she’d been meeting with no matter how unwillingly. (Was it unwillingly? It seemed nowadays merely thinking of him too long summoned him to her…)

“Oh…yes it is.” Was all she could manage to say in response, lifting a hand to trail down the braids in her hair. He had done them last night and her tossing about in her sleep had mussed them up a bit, but they were still intact. Ragged braids for a ragged scavenger…

He had only braided the top half of her hair again.

She was starting to like it like that though.

Leia took a few steps closer to her, her eyes tracing over her carefully crafted braids until a small smile touched her lips.

“I wore braids like that a long time ago…”

She breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe Leia didn’t know as much as Rey assumed she did.

Just as she’d seen Ben do so many times, Leia’s eyes seemed to catch on something in the far distance as she stood silent, deaf to the world around her and mind focused on a different time entirely.

What it must be like to have fond memories to look back on…

She felt a familiar tingle in the back of her mind but shook her head. It was just Leia’s own force signature, not his like she’d thought (like she’d half hoped). She wished she were able to see whatever Leia was seeing like she could see Ben’s memories. Was Leia’s as golden hued and warm as his? Or were they painted with a different perspective, one she wouldn’t be able to grasp or interpret correctly?

Never one to like the silence for too long she cleared her throat, blinked and turned back to Rey.

“I know this is Jedi training, Rey, but have you thought any more of joining the mission to find the prisoners the First Order has captured? I know rescue missions aren’t exactly your style but…I know Dameron has a lot on his agenda and they could use another good pilot.” And with that she offered a knowing wink and a smirk.

Rey knew what she was doing.

The tingling in the back of her mind was back.

Luke may have trained her in how to use the Force for moving things, summoning things…but Leia used the Force much more subtly. If she didn’t know exactly what it felt like she wouldn’t even realize it was the Force and not just the charm of a well-spoken diplomat. Leia was very good at teaching her how to manipulate others through pure suggestion with the Force.

She smiled and shook her head. “No General, I don’t think they really need me. I would cause more unwanted attention than needed and I wouldn’t want to be the reason the mission failed.” She meant it. She really did. It wasn’t exactly a secret that she was still very much wanted by the First Order and it would cause more trouble than she was worth to sabotage an entire rescue mission if she were to be recognized just because Leia thought she needed something to do. She had plenty to do. Like…practicing meditating or decoding the sacred texts or rewiring a part for the Falcon or…

She couldn’t admit that the reason she truly couldn’t go is because she didn’t want to risk meeting him again in person.

She couldn’t face Kylo Ren again, not after all the time she’d spent with Ben Solo…or at least who she believed could be Ben Solo.

It wasn’t that she was afraid of seeing him again, no—

She didn’t trust herself enough to know for a fact she wouldn’t stay with him if given the chance.

And that was a chance she couldn’t risk taking; not while Kylo Ren still existed.

Leia shrugged and crossed her arms. “It was worth a try…I’ll admit you caught on faster than last time I tried that on you. Still, it was an honest offer, they really could use your help. It isn’t easy blowing up those size ships…”

Something nudged in the back of her mind at the idea of the Resistance blowing up a ship that he might be on. It was something she had thought about a lot in morning briefings and there was another question that burned in the back of her mind every time she thought about this war between them.

She doesn’t know what made her ask it, but she did.

She shouldn’t have.

The question came out, her voice barely above a whisper as if afraid of being overheard. (Who would overhear? The wind that moved the leaves on the trees? The Force itself?)

“How can you think about blowing up First Order ships when Kylo Ren—“ she stopped and swallowed, “when your son could be on one of them?”

Rey regretted her words the second they poured out of her.

Leia’s gaze turned cold and her arms that were already crossed grew tighter around her torso, nails digging into the fabric of her jacket.

“I have no son.”

Familiar words echoed in the back of Rey’s mind:

“I have no mother…”

Like mother like son.

It was strange seeing similarity between them. She saw Han in the features of his face, in his character, in his walk, in his sly smirks he’d give her when it was only them and the expanse of a galaxy that didn’t exist for a few moments. But the similarities between him and Leia were different. It was stubbornness and soft eyes and pridefulness neither wanted to back down from.

It was hard to not see Ben when she looked at Leia.

It was hard not to become overwhelmed with the scenes that her mind replayed for her that she had stolen (or had they been willingly given?) from his memories…flashes of a younger woman who hadn’t quite hardened into a general whose duty was only to her cause— the Resistance.

Then she heard a faint sigh and whispered words that she wasn’t sure if she had imagined or not: “Not in the First Order. Not anymore…”

Perhaps mother was like son. Perhaps the woman she’d seen in Ben’s childhood was still there, buried beneath the surface not unlike someone else she knew…

“Rey…I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

Her heart froze in her chest at the words.

This was the moment she’d been dreading. Leia always knew more than she let on, and being Force sensitive herself surely she knew how to read Rey’s thoughts too or had felt Ben’s presence when they connected or…or…

She wasn’t ready to confess to her force connection. It was sacred to her. It was private and what if it went away? That was her only connection to someone else who…who understood. What would happen if someone else knew? Especially if that someone else was Leia…

She turned her head to look at her, hoping desperately that she couldn’t see the fear in her eyes.

“Yes?”

Leia looked down at the grassy patch she stood on, her right hand twisting the rings on her other hand slowly. A habit most likely; a twitch to distract her from her nerves…

Ben’s hands twitched when he talked to her too.

“I don’t know how much more I can teach you. I know I’m not the best fighter and all I really have to teach you are those…books and I know you’ve read them cover to cover and back again,” she let out a curt laugh under her breath, shaking her head. “Force knows I barely understand it myself and…”

Rey relaxed as the words continued on, but not in relief. True she hadn’t brought up the Force Bonds (yet) but this was not a conversation she’d expected to have. Leia was already a much better teacher than Luke had been. It had taken her so long to even get him to pay attention to her much less train her and here she had Leia who willingly used her early mornings to stand out in the forest with her nearly every morning.

“Leia,” Rey cut her off, her voice gentle as she stepped closer to her.

Leia’s eyes met Rey’s as her hands dropped to her side.

Those soft brown eyes that she saw in the face of another…

She cleared her throat. “I think you’re a great teacher and I am thankful that I have you.”

Her lips turned up into a smile as Leia’s expression lightened slightly at her words.

“Thank you, Rey. That means a lot.”

A beat.

“Especially from you,” and with that she enveloped Rey into a hug, patting her back gently.

They pulled apart, but Leia’s hand ventured up to drift across the braids on Rey’s head, a smile still tugging at the corners of her lips.

“And I think you should keep the braids, they suit you…” she added with a wink before giving her a pat on the shoulder and stepping away. “Now then…I believe you have a training course to run?”

Rey blinked and pulled herself back to the moment she was in and nodded, fastening her lightsaber to her belt and pulling on the leather strap that covered the scar on her upper arm from that day— that fight.

“Right,” she said, swinging her pack over her shoulder and securing it on her back. “I’ll be back.”

Leia shrugged, the ghost of an unshed tear still lingering in her eye. “I’ll be here.”

And with that, she took off.

Chapter Text

The Jedi training course was perhaps a bit…less than state of the art, but Leia honestly had so little to go off of when designing it, and she had mentioned at one point that this little floating ball was one of the few things left from her own brief training.

She did not care for it.

Helmet on, her vision was completely shut off, solely relying on the Force to direct, to push her the direction that stupid, shooting ball was. She had chased it a good distance away from where she had left Leia, a safety measure more than anything. She couldn’t begin to think of what she would do if one of the blasts were to hit Leia and injure her (even though she was certain that Leia would easily be able to defend herself against them). Still, it felt good to have lots of room to swing her saber around without fear of anyone getting harmed-

Clash!

Her eyes widened beneath the helmet.

What the…

It had sounded as if her lightsaber…had hit another lightsaber?

That wasn’t right. The small blasts never made such a noise, and she had hit her fair share of trees, and they did not sound like that. Something else was here, something was in the forest and she had somehow managed to miss it. Was the whole point of this helmet not to grow stronger in sensing her surroundings? 

She swung her lightsaber once more.

Another hit. 

“Rey! No! Kriff!”

Ben?

Her helmet was off in a flash, practice droid all but forgotten about—

And before her stood Kylo Ren in all his wicked glory, sweat dripping from his hair and lightsaber sputtering red flames in front of him. His gaze bolted between her and something she clearly wasn’t privy to.

His lightsaber came down again, and she blocked it, pushing back against it.

“Ben, what are you doing? Why are you fighting me?” She half screeched as their lightsabers separated, his swinging over her head as she ducked.

His teeth ground together as he hissed, “Rey, it’s not…you…ugh! Now is not the time- on your left!”

With that she swung her saber to her left, slicing through thin air- except it didn’t feel like air. It had depth and weight and…she was confused. What was happening? How could she feel something she could not see?

“Ben, where are you?”

She watched as his lightsaber caught resistance midair as it struggled against some unseen enemy. 

“At an incredibly -” 

Vwoom!

 “Inconvenient-” 

Slash!

“Location for this!”

Their lightsabers met again, the glow casting a purple light on both of their faces, Rey’s jaw clenched tight with narrowed eyes, attempting to catch any better hint at what he was dealing with. She twisted her saber downward, feeling the shudder of something invisible meeting her blade. It was like cutting through smoke with bone hidden inside — wrong, heavy, resistant.

Ben grunted, stumbling back from a blow she couldn’t see. He barely caught himself, hand sliding through mud. Rey stepped closer without thinking, lightsaber still humming at the ready.

"How can I help?" she asked, voice low.

"No," Ben panted. “You need to break the connection.”

Another clash — this time not between them. She heard the sizzle of energy, saw his blade arc in a defensive sweep, sparks flying from nowhere.

It was strange, surreal. A shared hallucination wrapped in reality. And they were fighting it together.

Rey moved beside him, back-to-back instinctively. The unseen presence circled, closing in. Who was it? Had he stumbled upon a resistance base, or worse had one of them stumbled upon him? How was she to fight if she could not see his enemy? How was she to know how to help, where to help?

She paused and closed her eyes. 

This was no different than her training exercise. She could not see the training droid yet she still fought off the blasts, she only needed to rely on the force…

She took a steadying breath and let her mind go.

Ben muttered, “It is none of your friends if that is what you’re concerned over.”

“How do you know that?” she asked.

“Your thoughts are loud,” he said dryly, swinging again.

She let out a short, surprised laugh — just as something lashed across her upper arm. She gasped, stumbling backward, saber jerking out of line. The pain was sharp and immediate — a searing burn that cut clean through her sleeve, leaving a smoking welt behind.

“Rey!” Ben turned instantly, his saber spinning to shield them both.

Her hand went to the wound instinctively, hissing between her teeth.

“I’m fine,” she gritted out.

“Let me see.”

“I said I am fine.”

His eyes flicked down to the injury anyway — and the sight of it, the proof of her vulnerability, pulled something fierce and protective into his expression.

Ben suddenly ducked and turned, swiping his saber through the unseen foe, other hand gripping tightly to her forearm, urging her close.

"Stay behind me," he said, voice lower now, almost hoarse.

“I’m not staying behind anyone ,” she snapped, fighting against his grip.

She only needed to trust in the force…in her own abilities…

She pushed off his back and leapt with momentum, slicing her light saber through the air, doing her best to follow where the force was leading her motions while also avoiding the trees that encircled her. They fought in tandem — unpracticed, imperfect, but with an odd kind of rhythm. She parried while he struck, he ducked as she pivoted. She could feel her own saber being blocked by the unseen presences and she held it there, using her strength to push back until she felt Ben at her shoulder, and watched red sparks impale an invisible target.

She clicked her lightsaber off, the blue dim disappearing as she lowered her arms.

Whatever enemy had been there was gone.

The air went still.

They stood in silence, breathing hard. The connection between them hadn’t faded — in fact, it felt stronger than ever, humming like a live wire. Rey could feel his heartbeat. His confusion. His worry. His fear .

Ben looked at her, blinking away sweat. “Where are you?”

She hesitated. She could lie…

But he would know. 

“…training,” she said.

A new sound filtered in. Muffled. Real . A voice — calling her name.

“Rey!”

Leia .

Her focus wavered, and the moment her guard dropped, the connection pulsed too wide. Ben flinched, as if her thoughts had rushed in all at once.

His eyes went sharp. “Rey, tell me who you are with.”

Rey froze as he backed away from her, his eyes unfaltering in his stare.

She swallowed and answered, “I think you know.”

“ She is training you?” His voice cracked, disbelief twisting into something raw.

She didn’t know what to say. There was no denial that wouldn’t be a lie, and no truth that wouldn’t hurt.

Betrayal found his face before words did. Something flickered through him — anger, hollowness, maybe even jealousy — and then he backed away, one step at a time.

The bond between them quivered, splintering.

“Ben—”

But he was already pulling back.

“You led her right to me.”

“Ben!”

“ No .”

The connection snapped shut like a door slammed in her face.

The forest reappeared around her — too quiet now, as if it, too, had just witnessed something sacred fall apart.

“Rey?”

She turned toward the voice, chest tight, arm still aching.

Leia emerged from the trees, her face calm, but her eyes alert. She stopped short when she saw the burn on Rey’s arm, her expression flickering with concern — but only for a moment. 

She knew.

“So,” Leia said gently, picking the training helmet up from the grass. Leia looked at her, gaze steady. 

She’d always known.

“When were you going to tell me you’ve been communicating with him ?" 

Chapter Text

The next time she saw him was two weeks later. 

Two weeks of avoiding Leia but obsessively trying to coerce a connection through the Force with Ben. Two weeks of loneliness. Two weeks of pitiful attempts at recreating the woven styles that had almost become her normal at the base…

She had just finished bathing and her hair was still damp, dripping tiny water droplets on the floor as she readied herself to settle down for the night. Well, what was left of the night anyway. 

He wasn’t in his usual attire.

His clothes were still black, yes, but it was almost as if he had stripped himself of the top layer, leaving only a black shirt that covered his arms and a pair of black pants. His feet were bare and he had one hand in his back pocket and the other in midair like he was leaning against something in his world. Perhaps a door? A window?

His back was turned to her and his breaths came out in heavy pants. 

“Can’t sleep?” She spoke up first.

He jumped slightly as his head snapped back to look at her over his shoulder, surprise and then relief flooding his eyes as he realized it was just her. Or at least, she supposed that was the reason. Really, he was a difficult being to try and decipher, especially when his emotions were almost entirely left up to his eyes to express. It was almost like a game trying to rely on his facial expressions and the feelings she felt through the force to guess.

He shook his head, turning back away from her.

He was troubled, she could feel it. 

She edged toward him. 

You can tell me…

Moonlight pooled around where he stood, his back illuminated by its soft glow as it shone through her small window into her room. It was almost enough to take her breath away. Almost .  She took another step.

“Is it night where you are?” He finally broke the silence, raising his head but still facing away from her. 

“Yes,” she said, now standing right behind him. If she moved just another step she could touch him… just another fraction and there would be no distance at all between them. What would he do if she just placed a hand on his shoulder, just to let him know she was there or…

He turned, tired.

Tired , but that’s what his eyes always conveyed. It constantly radiated from him, but especially so right here in this moment, his face cast in shadow. A face so young yet eyes so old…

“You can tell me,” she repeated, this time out loud, her voice barely above a whisper, looking up at him.

Dark, crashing waves and clashing red lights surged through her mind. Lightning, wreckage, darkness, her wielding a double edged saber, her holding the flaming red weapon in the air, her racing towards something, fire, thunder— 

She gasped as if she were coming up for air from what the Force had thrust upon her so vividly.

A nightmare. He’d had a nightmare.

“A vision,” he corrected her, eyes fixed somewhere over her head.

“How do you know?”

He didn’t answer.

She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “Ben, it was a dream —”

“I’ve seen it before.”

She stopped. 

“What?”

He walked past her, leaving her to watch him as he paced. “That night…when you touched my hand…I…” he swallowed, shaking slightly where he stood.

“That’s not what I saw,” she said, firm where she stood.

His eyes flickered down to meet hers.

She reached out for him, catching his wrist. His eyes were glued to where she touched him. 

“Rey—”

“I don’t know what that was, who that was, but that was not me. It cannot be, I won’t allow it.”

He released a dark chuckle, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. “You don’t know the Force and the ways it drags you under…the dark side is too powerful…”

“And so is the light,” she stood in front of him now, her head lifted to better look him in the eye. “You feel it, I know you do. The light is there within you, Ben, you just have to reach out—”

He went to push her away, but his attempt was feeble. “It is not like that. I can’t go back, and neither can you. How you can’t feel it I will never know…”

“I do feel it.” 

Of course she felt it. She had been abandoned on a desert planet to fend for herself, her parents apparently willing to trade her freedom for their own. She felt it’s pull, she felt the anger, but she resisted. That’s what she did best. The only way to escape the darkness was to combat it with light.

The light did not come naturally to her, she had to make it for herself.

“I feel it, yet I resist. There is light if you only choose to seek it out. Seek out my light, Ben,” she whispered, a hand reaching as if to cradle his face, but falling to her side, lacking the boldness. 

“Seek me… ”

But her voice trailed off as a different set of images seeped into her mind. Images of a green lightsaber held high above his head, flames rising tall above the trees—

“Luke is gone,” she cut him off, refusing to watch anymore of whatever he was trying to prove to her.

“Not everyone is,” Ben was quick to reply, eyebrow cocked and head tilted just slightly to the side.

She narrowed her eyes in confusion.

And then it clicked into place.

“You see…Han?” She asked, realization slowly coming to her.

He didn’t answer.

“Does he…talk?” She finally asks, never having experienced a Force Ghost herself.

He shook his head. “He is not a projection of the Force.”

Then how…? Her barrier was down, and any attempt to keep her thoughts her own was long gone.

“I suppose he is a figment of my own delusions…haunting me…he lingers over me…just watching…”

Rey reached then, taking his wrists into her hands.

“Maybe it is a force projection of a different kind?”

He looked down at her, incredulously.

“My father did not have the Force.”

She softened at that. When was the last time she had heard him call Han father? 

(How often did she like to imagine calling Han that herself?)

“No, but I know someone who does…who knows how to manipulate its uses subtly, even if unknowingly–”

He flinched at that, attempting to pull his hands away, but she tightened her grasp, holding him there with her in the moment.

“I know you will never admit it, I know she will never admit it, but there is still good left between the two of you.”

“Stop…”

“She wishes so desperately for you to return to her. What if she is subconsciously sending her own projection of Han to bring you back to her?”

“No-”

“The Force has many uses, most of which I cannot even begin to comprehend. I do not think it is out the realm of possibility!”

She gasped as her thoughts her interrupted by a flood of images, flashing so quickly through her mind she could hardly grasp what the memories were about. Flashes of a boy...a boy and his mother and gentle laughter, images of him hoisted high on his father’s shoulder, making fighting noises as they zoomed around the room, images of a boy and his uncle playing swords in a soft grass field…

“Argh!” He cried out in frustration, ripping his arms from her grip and dropping to his knees. 

The memories were ripped away almost as intensely as they had appeared, leaving her attempting to catch her breath. She stared at him as his shoulders shook with sobs.

“I will not turn,” she whispered, softer than before. 

“Why?” The sound from him was broken, like a cry from the back of his throat as his eyes raised to look at her through his tears.

She shook her head, casting her eyes away from his. “Ben…”

“Why?” He repeated, catching the underside of her arm with his hand and directing her back towards him.

“Don’t ask this of me, I can’t—”

“I could give you everything you ever wanted! I could give you galaxies. We could be together . If our bond is this strong through the Force over this distance, imagine how strong it is when we are together! We would be inseparable, unstoppable.”

Her legs moved without command as she kneeled beside him. “You don’t understand, I do not want that future for myself. I do not crave power, I do not crave galaxies. What will it take for you to grasp that? What I saw…”

His eyes swam, searching her. “Tell me then. Show me,” His voice was desperate, as if he were grasping for anything that would prove him wrong.

A sad smile crossed her lips.

He was not ready for what her vision had shown her that fateful night. 

“I can’t,” she said a bit too knowingly for his taste.

The air was silent, all except for the quiet drops of water hitting the wood of the floor beneath them as Rey’s hair still hung wet from her shoulders.

“I would let go…for you…” His voice was hushed, as if he did not want to admit it, even to himself.

Rey allowed herself to reach for his face, swiping at a tear.

“Let go of what?” she asked, eyes searching his face for any sign of what he meant.

Yet, she knew. 

She knew.

“There would be no light side, no dark side, only the Force…only us…please, Rey,” his eyes were sharp, staring through her. “The Force is all that matters. The Force is not good or evil, we are not good nor evil. We just are. Let go of the light, and I will let go of the dark-”

“I don’t believe you.”

His eyes shut again, squinting against whatever memories he refused to show her.

“I could be Ben for you .”

Her eyes welled with tears of her own. 

How long had she wanted, longed, for him to say that? To realize that Ben had been inside all along, screaming to escape the facade of Kylo Ren? 

Yet she could not appreciate the moment she had worked for so long to live in.

Somehow, somehow it wasn’t enough.

She leaned forward, close enough so that their foreheads touched, her hands seeking to hold his in their laps. 

“I am not the one who needs you to be Ben…”

She felt him squeeze her hands at that as he grappled with what she had just admitted.

She closed her eyes as she felt a tear fall from her eyes and onto his cheek.

“ Rey… ” he whispered as if her name was the last rung of footing he held on to. 

“Please…she needs you, Ben, much more than I do…”

She took his face into both of her hands, urging him to look at her. “Not as a Solo, not as a Skywalker…as her son .”

With that, she raised her head enough to place her lips softly against his forehead, tears continuing to stream down his face.

She felt his physical form dissipate long before she felt his sorrow in the Force leave…his ache her only companion in her lonely quarters.

The stars were still.

Leia stood alone beneath them, hands tucked neatly behind her back as her nose was upturned toward the sky, the hush of night folding around her like a familiar shawl. Her eyes were closed, but the Force moved gently through her...not with intention, not with purpose....

Just…flowing.

She exhaled.

There were so few quiet nights like this. Fewer still when she allowed herself the time to sit and feel, without trying to search , without reaching for her son like a drowning woman gasping for air. She had stopped doing that some time ago…or at least she told herself she had.

Her eyes flung open as the Force shifted around her, bristling with a sensation she had not felt in a long time.

Hope .

It wasn't a vision. Not even a voice. Just... a weight that had been there for years suddenly lightened. 

The stars glittered back, indifferent. But Leia Organa knew the Force when it whispered to her. And it had just leaned in and whispered change .

She tilted her chin to the sky, letting her thoughts remain quiet for a long moment. She did not allow herself to hope.

(She did not cry, either.)

Instead, she reached one hand to her chest, just above her heart, and laid it there, steady.

What came next was not a call, not a plea, not even a wish.

“Ben,” she said softly, lips parting as she beheld the stars above her.

It was not just his name, it was a promise she was still keeping.

A promise to herself to bring him home.

A promise that felt closer than ever.