Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Silence groaned as she opened her eyes. The sun was still low in the sky. So low, in fact, that it hadn't even risen yet. Despite her exhaustion, she pulled herself out of bed and shambled out of her bedroom, towards the bathroom for a morning shower, and then back to the bedroom after that. Several minutes after that, she emerged once more, still quite disheveled, but far more presentable. If not something refined and elegant, then at least the look of a woman who didn't wake up at four in the morning for work.

She crept around the apartment quietly, doing her best to be as quiet as possible to avoid waking the other residents. She made herself a quick breakfast and, without any time wasted, grabbed her purse. With one last glance behind her, she left for work.

By the time she arrived at the lab, it was nearly five. She paid little mind to the reception room, sparsely occupied except for a few patients waiting to be met with, and waved at the receptionist as she stepped inside and made her way deeper into the building. Coworkers mulled about quietly. With one last yawn, Silence got to work.

Many hours later, she was finally home. At the table in the front room sat two women, a white-feathered woman and a small child. As Silence closed the door behind her, the two looked over at her. The child stood up and started running towards Silence. “Mom! Mom!” As the child ran, the white-feathered woman stood and followed. The child continued excitedly, “Mom, today was great, you should have been here. Momm-”

The white-feathered woman put a hand on the child's head. “Olivia knows what occurred today. I am sure you do not need to tell her.” The child frowned.

“But I want to tell her!” The white-feathered woman smiled, but shook her head. “Ifrit, you should go back to your room. Olivia and I need to talk.”

Ifrit’s frown turned to a scowl, but she sighed. “Fine. Whatever.” Before she could walk away, the white-feathered woman grabbed her wrist. “You can tell her once we're done. I just have some important things to say first.” She mussed Ifrit’s hair, then turned back to Silence. Behind her, Ifrit rolled her eyes and walked away.

The woman directed Silence to the table. “Dinner leftovers are available.” Silence nodded. “Thanks.” Before sitting down, she pulled out a plate from the fridge and put it in the microwave. After tapping a few buttons and starting it, she sat down at the table.

“She was here. I can smell her.”

“It is remarkable that you can still remember her scent, given how long it has been since you last saw her.”

“Can it, Ptilopsis. I wish I could forget, but coming home to shit like this means I won't forget.”

Ptilopsis shook her head. “I am sorry, Olivia. However, this is only once a month. You need to allow this for Ifrit. You know how much she still loves Lady Saria. You also know how much your long-lasting hatred hurts her. Could you not try harder to accommodate Lady Saria for her sake?”

Silence didn't respond. The pair sat quietly for a short time longer until the microwave beeped. Silence stood once more and removed the plate. “I'll be eating in my office.”

“Will you talk to Ifrit when you are done?”

Silence frowned, but relented and nodded. “Once I'm done. Ifrit isn't the one I'm mad at. It's not her fault.” With that, she turned away and walked up a nearby staircase, then through a short hall until she was at her office. She entered and sat down and started eating. As she did, she started mulling over the events of the day as she knew them.

She had known in advance she would be visiting. She came by on the same weekend of every month. That had been in the settlement after their divorce. At the time, it seemed like it was a victory in favor. Custody, all for the low cost of one day out of every month. It took time for it to settle in that it meant she would be seeing her every single month. It didn’t take Silence long to start picking up extra shifts on those weekends, to ensure she wouldn't have to be around, and not much longer to start going into work early too. She justified it to herself in so many ways. The fighting always scared Ifrit, that's why the divorce happened in the first place. Work is always short staffed, and could use the extra hands. It's better to give the two the day on their own to make up for lost time. It's better for Ifrit. It's better for everyone.

At some point, Silence realized she had finished her dinner minutes ago. She checked her desk clock and sighed. Practically time for bed, both for her and for Ifrit. She stood up and walked downstairs to wash her few dishes. Then, with no other excuses, she walked back upstairs and towards Ifrit’s room.

She knocked, then opened the door slightly. “Hey, kid.” She stepped inside and saw Ifrit laying in bed. Silence pulled up a chair beside her and sat down. “So, tell me what your day was like. It sounds like it was exciting.”

Before Ifrit could respond, she found herself fading out. Ifrit's response became dampened and distant as the room around her seemed to pulse and darken as it vanished from her vision only to be immediately replaced by…

The Rhode Island medical lab.

Silence blinked. “What… just happened?” She looked around, doing her best to get her bearings. It was as if she had been teleported, if such a technology were real. Her coworkers seemed to notice her confusion, as one tapped on her shoulder, then once he had her attention, pulled her off to the side.

“Olivia, are you okay? You seem pretty disoriented, like something hit you out of nowhere.” Silence tilted her head and stared at Ansel. “What… do you mean? I just got here. I was just at home, t-talking to Ifrit, and then suddenly I appeared here. What happened to me?”

Her coworker gave her a confused look. “You came to work as usual. You did tell me a little about what Ifrit was up to over the weekend. Right now, I think she's at school, or maybe training? You would know better than me.”

Silence’s breath grew heavier. “I, um. I'm going to take a break. I'm sorry to say I'm a little out of it right now, I guess.” She stepped away and took a seat on a nearby bench where she did her best to catch her breath. After a few minutes, she opened her eyes again to see Ptilopsis sitting next to her.  Upon noticing that Silence could see her again, she started speaking.

“I heard from Ansel that you are having issues with disorientation. He said you are showing little or no recognition of the events of today.”

Silence shook her head weakly. “N-no, I don't remember any of that. Last I remember, I was talking to Ifrit last night. Then suddenly I'm here.” She swallowed. “How much did I miss? What happened today?”

Ptilopsis thought about it for a second. “It has been a normal day. Ifrit left for school and we came to work. Since then, we have been working here. No major progress, but it has been a productive day nonetheless.”

“What time is it?”

“It is shortly after two o'clock.”

Silence didn't respond and after a couple minutes, Ptilopsis stood up and returned to work. After several minutes more, Ansel approached Silence once more. “Um, Olivia? If you're feeling out of it, maybe you should clock out early. We're well staffed today, so we can get by without you if you don't think you can work.”

Silence began to protest, “No, no. I'm fine, I just-” before suddenly the world faded out once more as the lab vanished from her vision and was replaced by…

Kal’tsit’s office.

Silence blinked, then took several sharp heavy breaths. Kal’tsit nodded at her. “Are you feeling disoriented? Ansel brought you here and reported such symptoms. However, from his reporting and his recounting of Ptilopsis’s report, I suspect that ‘dissociation’ might be the more pressing term. But before I proceed, I would like to hear this from you. And before you proceed, it's standard process to inform you that I'm recording our conversation for my records. If you take issue with this, I can halt my recording instead.”

Silence swallowed. “That's… fine. I consent to being recorded. If I'm being honest, I am quite disoriented right now. It feels like the world around me has become unstable. From one moment to the next, I went from my daughter's bedroom to the medical lab and, shortly after, from there to your lab. I don't understand what has happened.”

Kal’tsit nodded. “This correlates to the accounts I was given. Thank you.” She pushed a folder across her desk. “Are you familiar with the caster operator, Nightmare?” Silence shook her head. “I don't recognize that codename, no.” Kal’tsit nodded once more. “And what about Gloria Pasbelletti?” Silence thought on that for a second. “I don't recognize the name as an operator, but if I recall correctly, isn't there a Gloria in the medical department? In the treatment section, I believe, rather than the lab, so I can’t say I’ve spoken to her much.”

“Correct. Gloria Pasbelletti, medic operator of the medical department, is also Nightmare, caster operator of the combat department. She is one of several instances of a phenomenon that the psychology section of the medical department has been becoming more aware of in recent years. Are you, Oliva Silence, familiar with Dissociative Identity Disorder?”

Chapter Text

“Dissociative Identity Disorder? I've heard of it, but psychology was never my field.”

Kal'tsit nodded and opened the folder on the desk. “Dissociative Identity Disorder is most commonly present in those who have experienced a great trauma. As a coping mechanism, their mind is broken up into multiple identities who then each serve their own role within the system. However, in recent years, Rhode Island has become aware that oripathy infection can also cause dissociative identity disorder, as is the case with Gloria Pasbelletti and several other operators in our care.” She gestured to Silence, who picked up the folder and started flipping through. In it were more detailed explanations of what Kal'tsit had explained, as well as information about the operators she had mentioned.

Kal'tsit continued, “Based on the testimony I've received, I believe it likely that your infection has caused you to experience Dissociative Identity Disorder. I don't want one of our top researchers to be held back by a disorder such as this, so for the meantime, I will be putting you on paid leave, as to allow you to partake in an observation period. At the end, you will be allowed to return to work and you can begin treatment in the psychology department.”

Silence began to protest that. “Wait. You can’t just do this. Didn’t you only just diagnose me? Shouldn’t there be more time to be sure before you take me away from my team? We’re doing important work there and I’m core to the team. You can’t do this to me!”

Kal’tsit shook her head. “It is fully within my authority.”

Silence was doing all she could to keep herself from lashing out. “It doesn't matter what authority you have! This is about the work I am doing and what I mean to my team.” She was standing now, hands pressed against Kal'tsit’s desk to hold herself up. Kal'tsit sighed. 

“You were brought here because members of your team noticed something was wrong. If you care about them, you'll take this time off and let the evaluation happen. It is in your best interest to not cause a fuss. Speaking on behalf of Rhodes Island, I dislike want this just as much as you, but when your other personality is a new element that is totally unknown to everyone, we need to try our best to understand what is happening. Dr. Silence, you should just enjoy your time off. You'll need to come in for psychology evaluations, but otherwise, feel free to stay at home. Spend time with your daughter, perhaps.”

Kal'tsit began gathering some papers into a manila folder. As that happened, Silence stared at her, stunned speechless. Eventually, Kal'tsit neatened the papers and closed the folder, before sliding it across the desk to Silence. “Here. This includes information about the nature of your paid leave and the psychiatric care you will be receiving, as well as information about dissociative identity disorder, so you're aware of what you're dealing with. I hope you find the time to read through it all in a timely manner.” She stood up and started walking to the door, clearly gesturing for Silence to follow. With a resigned groan, Silence picked up the folder and took after the Feline.

The door opened and Silence was ushered into the lobby of Kal'tsit’s office. It was barren, except for a Cautus sitting in the corner, reading one of the magazines from a nearby table. As he heard the door open, he glanced up from the magazine.

“Oh! Olivia, are you feeling better?”

Before Silence could respond, Kal'tsit preempted her. “Dr. Silence is doing fine, but you should escort her home, for her own safety.” Silence turned back to Kal'tsit and whispered, “What did you tell him?” Kal'tsit nodded the Liberi’s concern away. “He's been told nothing more than necessary. Your diagnosis will remain a secret for as long as you want it to or until it is unavoidable.” She nodded one last time, then walked over to Ansel and started whispering to him. Silence couldn't tell what was being said, so she hung back until the pair was done. It wasn't long, thankfully, until she was done. Ansel stood up and Silence walked to the door.

The pair left together. No words were exchanged as they walked towards Silence’s home. As it came into sight, however, Ansel turned to her and spoke up.

“I don't know what's going on, but Kal’tsit told me you're on leave. I'm gonna miss you in the lab. We all are. I hope whatever’s going on passes by quickly.”

“I hope so too. I assure you, this leave isn't happening of my own volition.”

Ansel nodded. “Kal'tsit didn't say anything to that effect, but I assumed as much. You're the hardest worker of any of us. I can't imagine you taking something like this easily. Still, I hope you rest up. You deserve it.”

Silence felt herself drop a little involuntarily. “Ansel, I promise you, this time off will be anything but restful.” He nodded and responded in kind, “I'm sure, but still. Make the most of it. Please.”

As Silence approached her front door, she nodded. Then, she vanished behind the door, leaving the Cautus standing outside, alone.

Inside, Silence hurried up to her office. It was still midday, so Ifrit would be at school and Ptilopsis would be at work, with neither due home for several hours more. That gave her plenty of time to read over what Kal’tsit had given her.

She knew that most of that time would be spent just processing what she had learned.

It was true that she had been zoning out lately. That fact was unavoidable. But the diagnosis that Kal’tsit reached from that seemed unreasonable. And not only that, but using it to force her off work for a yet unknown length of time… If it were anyone else, Silence would suspecting it was a ploy to remove her from her team, but Kal’tsit wasn’t the sort to engage in such behaviors, especially with such little reason.

It was past lunchtime, but she didn’t feel hungry. If Kal’tsit’s diagnosis was correct, the other Silence would have taken care of that. There was no way for her to verify that, it seemed, until she had a thought. She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Ansel.

Did I eat lunch today?

She set her phone down and slumped in her chair. Just asking the question made her feel pathetic. And it’s not like Ansel knew what was going on, so how would the question come off to him? Kal'tsit had told him something, but Silence still didn’t know what it was. She hoped it was a passable excuse for asking something like that.

After a couple minutes of waiting for a reply, she sat back up and returned to the documents. Either way, she wasn’t hungry, so it wasn’t an issue, and there was still a lot for her to read.

The more she read, the more unhappy she became. It became clear what it was that Kal'tsit was diagnosing her with, and how it could affect her life if the diagnosis held true. As she continued reading, a dread began to grow in the back of her mind, until at last it was unignorable. She took that as a sign that she should stop reading and step away from her desk for a bit.

One of the rules of medical evaluation was that she was not allowed to leave her home alone. The explanation was that with the other Silence being a total unknown, as far as Rhodes Island was concerned, the medical department wanted to make sure that she wouldn’t cause problems or get lost. She had slotted into Silence’s life fine, it seems, and was able to continue her work in the lab, but they still had the rule to prevent worst case scenarios. It made Silence feel like a prisoner in her own home. So instead of leaving to go for a walk, she paced around her living room for a while.

As she did so, she began to think. In the information she had been given, it was said that those suffering from dissociative identity disorder didn’t share memories between different people. It seemed half-true, at least, given that Silence couldn’t remember anything from when she was out, but she was uncertain if it went both ways. The other Silence was clearly able to present as Silence, which meant she wasn’t a total amnesiac. Perhaps it was only related to short-term memories being lost, then. She wasn’t sure and there was no way to tell. That made her concerned if the other Silence would be aware of her present situation. Silence had woken up in Kal’tsit’s lab, so it was likely that the two had discussed, but she had no way of knowing what was said. Certainly, there wasn't any way that Kal’tsit would tell her.

Did the other Silence even realize her position? Or was she going through life thinking that she was the same Silence who had always been? What kind of person was she? Someone similar to Silence, obviously, but what else?

There was no way of knowing.

There was no way of knowing a lot of things, Silence was finding.

She returned to her office. As she sat down, she noticed her phone had a new notification. She picked it up to find a text from Ansel.

Well, that’s an odd question. You had lunch during our break. Everything okay with you?

That elicited a sigh in her. An odd question indeed. At least he didn’t seem to know why she was asking it. And she had her answer, too.

I’m fine. My memory was failing me. Thanks for answering the question.

She set her phone down and slumped in her chair once more. Reality was beginning to settle in. this was her life now. Even if Kal’tsit’s specific diagnosis was wrong, there was clearly something happening here that had to be dealt with. She gave a token glance to the rest of the papers she still had to read through before deciding those could be dealt with some other time.

Should she start writing notes? If they wouldn’t be remembering what the other Silence did, then perhaps the two could use that as a better means of communication and to ensure that no important information was lost. Would that work? Was that necessary? Would it make it look like, to all who didn’t know what was going on, that she was losing her mind?

Was she actually losing her mind?

Silence buried her fingers in her feathers and dropped her head to her desk. It certainly felt like she was losing her mind.

She heard the front door slam closed. That would be Ifrit, home from school. Should she go downstairs and greet her? But then she would have to explain why she was home so early.

But she would have to explain that anyway, given she wouldn’t be working until further notice.

She stood up and headed downstairs. As expected, Ifrit was in the kitchen, rummaging through a cupboard for some sort of after-school snack. Her bag was laying on a nearby chair. Blissfully, she didn’t seem to notice Silence.

Until Silence cleared her throat. She stood awkwardly at the doorway to the kitchen, unsure of how to hold herself. Ifrit cocked her head curiously. “Mom?” Silence nodded. “Yeah. I, um. Work put me on paid leave, so I’ll be home more for the next week or so.” She smiled awkwardly. “Hi?”

“Uh. Hi?” Ifrit turned back around to the cupboard and grabbed a bag of chips, then turned back around. She picked up her bag and headed to leave the room. “Glad you’re going to be home more.”

It proved to be a quick exchange, but it was still one that assuaged one of Silence’s fears. No matter what happened, it seemed like Ifrit would be fine.

She returned to her office. There were only so many ways she could put off reading the rest of the papers she had been given. She resigned herself to her fate as she sat down once more and picked up the folder.

Hours later, the door closed again, albeit more quietly. That would be Ptilopsis.

Less so than Ifrit, but she would also need an explanation. However, given her position in the lab, it was likely she had already been given one. Perhaps this was a way that Silence could figure out what Ansel had been told. However, as she walked downstairs, Ptilopsis immediately pulled her aside.

“Kal’tsit informed me as to your condition and the situation surrounding it. I have also been instructed to help you record any abnormalities in your behavior, as you may not recognize them yourself.” She tilted her head slightly. “How has your day been, Olivia?”

She was fuming.

“What did Kal’tsit tell you?”

Ptilopsis looked around herself, before nodding. “Perhaps we should do this in your office in your lab, where we can be free of the threat of intrusion.”

So they came to be sitting in Silence’s office, just a few feet from each other. Silence had hurriedly closed the folder when she came in. She sat uncomfortably, staring daggers at Ptilopsis.

“Tell me. What did Kal’tsit tell you?”

“She informed me that you have been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder and that you will be under medical examination until further notice to determine how you should be handled. To that effect, for the meantime, you are no longer medical personnel and are instead a patient. I have been informed of this to allow Kal’tsit a means of monitoring you while you’re at home as well as ensuring your alter does not cause unnecessary damage. I am sorry if my knowing this is causing you anguish, but Kal’tsit thought it for the best and I agreed. I just want to help you, Olivia.”

“If you wanted to help, you wouldn’t be complicit in this.”

Ptilopsis shook her head. “Olivia, I implore you to look at this from another angle. This is only temporary. If all goes well, you will be able to return to work soon. Until then, please go along with your evaluations.”

Silence pointed to the door. Ptilopsis understood the implication and left without saying another word.

Silence stayed at her desk for a short while longer, but soon decided to turn in for an early night. Her first evaluation would be in the morning and it assuredly would be an exhausting affair, so it would be in her own best interest to rest up beforehand. She rubbed her temple and went to stand up, but before she could, she felt herself losing consciousness.

Chapter Text

Silence blinked. She was mid-stride, walking to somewhere unknown. Her escort didn't seem to notice any differences and he wasn’t making conversation, so she opted to stay quiet.

She recognized her surroundings. It was the medical department, which she expected, but it seemed as though she was being taken to Kal’tsit’s office again. According to the information she had been given, she was going to be meeting with a member of the psychological department, but Kal’tsit’s office was nowhere near there. Perhaps the plan had changed without Silence’s knowledge.

Her escort brought her to the front door of the office and ushered her in. Once Silence was inside, the escort left, leaving her alone in the lobby. Seconds later, the door on the other side of the room opened and Kal’tsit came out. She nodded to Silence and gestured for her to follow. The pair came to sit down, exactly as they were just the day before.

“Why am I here?”

Kal’tsit wrote something on a notepad before replying. “We discussed this earlier. I decided that it would be better for you to be dealing with a familiar face during these evaluations. Check your phone. The texts should still be there.”

Silence tore her gaze away from Kal’tsit as she pulled out her phone and scrolled through old texts. True to Kal’tsit’s word, there had been a lengthy conversation hours prior. Silence’s breath became shallow as she stared down at her phone, seeing numerous messages from her that she had not sent. She had agreed to this. Or, not her. But it had been agreed to.

“I take your consternation to mean that you are not, at present, the same Olivia I was talking to at that time. Have there been other switches since then?”

Silence recognized the term switch from the packet she had been given. Rather straightforwardly, a term for when a system changed who is in the front. That’s what all of Silence’s moments of blocking out had been.

Silence shook her head. “No, only the one. After I left this office yesterday, I went home and read the papers you gave me until evening, when I was going to prepare myself for bed. I faded out and when I awoke, I was on my way to your office.” Kal’tsit nodded and wrote down another note.

Silence continued, “Why did you tell Ptilopsis? There’s no reason she had to know. I don’t want my home life involved in this.”

Kal’tsit leaned over her desk at Silence. “It doesn’t matter what you want this to be. It is what it is and what it is, is something happening to you in every facet of your life. I know based on others’ testimony that your dissociation has happened both at home and at work. You can’t just avoid this.” She leaned back and sighed. “I don’t want these evaluations to be confrontational. I’m here to help you, first and foremost. I hope you can find them comfortable. I assure you, were I in your position, I would likely be acting the same way.”

The Feline set her notepad aside and closed her pen. She smiled in a facsimile of friendliness. “Why don’t we just talk about each other today, then. We may be seeing each other like this for some time, so it would be to our benefit to come to more amicable terms. How has Ifri-”

Silence blinked and looked. She was still sitting in the office and it seemed like nothing had changed, but upon closer examination, there were small differences. Her posture, for one, was slightly different than it had just been. Kal’tsit’s, too. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, if not for the fact that it was brought from a sudden shift. Kal’tsit seemed to notice her confusion and smiled.

“Welcome back. Don’t worry, you weren’t switched out for very long. But it did give me some time to have a conversation with your alter. It was quite pleasant, I assure you.” Silence stared at her, unsure of what to say, but before she could speak up, Kal’tsit continued. “Would you like to know more about her?”

“Can I go?”

“No.”

“And if I leave anyway?”

Kal'tsit sighed and started reaching for her desktop landline phone. “If you do that, then every one of these evaluations going forward will be a home visit and you will find that going forward, they would be much more uncomfortable. Don't take that as a threat, though. I want to work with you. I want this to be as smooth as it can be.” She hovered her hand over a button on the phone, then looked up at Silence. “Well?”

“Don't threaten me in the same breath that you promise to not threaten me.”

Kal'tsit shrugged. “If you choose to interpret that as a threat, so be it. Now, as I was saying, do you wish to know more about your alter? You two won't be able to communicate properly, so this may be your best chance to learn about the other existence that now inhabits your body alongside you.” Silence glared with as much malice as she could, but despite that, she relented.

“Fine.”

Kal'tsit smiled and leaned forward slightly. “Excellent! Your alter is very similar to you, as expected. She's aware that she is an alter and does her best to avoid being noticed, which means she tries to pass herself off as you. She's able to do it well, which I imagine is why it took so long for anyone to notice the difference. Rest assured, she will not be giving you up. But that isn't to say she is your duplicate. She's far more personable than you when she lets the mask drop. Outgoing isn't a word I would use to describe you, Olivia, but it certainly fits her.” Her smile turned to a smirk. “What might be most important is that she still has feeling for-”

Silence stood up and started for the door. “The appointment was supposed to last two hours. It's been two hours. You can't keep me here any longer. I'm leaving.”

As she stepped into the lobby, she saw the same Feline as before sitting near the door. He got up when he saw her and directed her out the door.

For the entirety of the walk home, for the first time since this debacle had started, Silence found herself wishing she would black out.

Chapter Text

There was an awkward, still quiet covering the room. The three figures sitting in the room seemed entirely uncomfortable with the presence of the others. Silence felt at odds, being notably older than either of the other two. Gummy’s issue was somewhat similar, in that she was far younger than either Silence or Gloria. And Gloria was uncomfortable by the mere presence of others, having grown used to similar appointments being done personally in a one-on-one manner. Each looked like they wished to be elsewhere, either in irritation or in anxious fidgeting.

Thankfully, after several minutes of that discomfort, the door opened and Perfumer stepped inside. She gave her patients a curt bow and walked over to a small table nearby. As she worked on that table, she spoke over her shoulder.

“Hello, all. Glad you could join me today. I'm quite happy that our group can exist now. I was a little surprised to hear from Kal'tsit that there were now enough systems at Rhodes Island that we could put together a group like this. I think it will be better for everyone! I already know all of you from outside of the group, but why don't you three introduce yourselves to each other?” The room was quiet for a minute before she continued. “Gloria, why don't you start us off?”

Gloria looked at Perfumer, then at Silence and Gummy, then back to Perfumer. “I'm Gloria and my alter is Nightmare. I work as a medic operator. I have been doing therapy with Lena for a year and a half now.”

Perfumer lit the candles she had set out on the table and turned around. “Thank you, Gloria. Olivia, why don't you go next?” Before Silence could speak, Perfumer turned back around and returned to her work.

Silence sighed and hung her head, but complied with Perfumer’s request. “I'm Olivia Silence. I… don't know much, anything about my alter. I typically work in the medical lab department, but have been put on leave to be… here.”

As she spoke, Perfumer picked up several candles and scattered them throughout the room. While she did that, she stopped in front of Gummy. “And why don't you tell us about yourself?” The young Ursus fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat. Before she could speak, Perfumer walked away, intent on finishing her task. Eventually, the timid girl closed her eyes and practically shouted her introduction. “I’m Lada! I’m an Ursus from Chernobog! I, um. I first started hearing from my headmate when I was in middle school. During the, um.”

Perfumer, finished with preparing the room, interrupted Gummy as she walked by back to her head. “Gummy is a survivor of the Chernobog incident. It’s believed that the trauma of that is what caused her dissociative identity disorder.”

Gummy fidgeted and stared at the floor as she spoke up again. “Oh, but, um. I’m not like Gloria. I don’t think that thing you call us is right. She’s not around right now, but I do talk to Rada!”

As this unfolded, Silence watched from her seat with a dismissive look. A number of rude thoughts ran through her head. Already, this was much worse than her examination appointments with Kal’tsit. But, to her chagrin, this wasn’t optional. Perfumer had been enthusiastic about getting a group therapy appointment together. For the longest time, Gloria was her only patient. Only more recently, Gummy had been diagnosed, and more recently than that, Silence. As soon as Kal’tsit had given her permission, Perfumer had started putting together the plans.

But plans don’t always account for reality. The plan was that a group setting would help the three of them, but the trio each had very different problems to be working through. Combine that with their wildly varying ages and it was quickly apparent to all that it was a brewing disaster in wait.

Perfumer smiled and looked between her patients. “Well, now that everyone’s been introduced, why don’t we share some more information? I know that Lada mentioned her alter, but wh-”

She was interrupted by Gummy’s shout. “Don’t call her an alter!” Her hands were balled up into fists. “We don’t like it when you call her that.”

Silence sighed. Her grip on her chair grew tighter as her patience wore thin. Unfortunately, she was granted no reprieve as Perfumer turned to her. “Olivia, why don't you say something? Your diagnosis was recent, wasn't it? How has that been for you?” Silence scowled with all her ire.

“Do you really want to know that?”

“Sure. That's what we're here for.”

“It's been miserable. Just shy of being the worst week of my life. Even knowing that the diagnosis is correct, it all feels like this is just a waste of time. I don't want to be here. I never agreed to attend and only came because my superior threatened me if I disobeyed her. I hate having to do this, but I especially hate having to do it with a child. This all is beneath me and I don't think I should be subjected to this.” She started rubbing her temple.

The room very much quickly became awkward as she finished her quick tirade. Gummy shrank in her seat a little. Perfumer watched her patients as her mind raced, trying to figure out how to salvage the situation. Eventually, she hung her head. 

“Well, Olivia, is there anything I or the rest of the medical department could do to make this better for you? For as long as you're our patient, I'll do anything at all to make sure things are as pleasant for you as possible.”

“Then I can leave.”

Perfumer frowned and shook her head. “Anything but that.” She sighed. “Look, Olivia, I'm trying to help. That's what this is supposed to be. It would be easier if you accepted that and went along with it.”

Gloria perked up and chimed in. “Right! I've found my time with Lena to be really helpful. She’s-”

Silence tuned Gloria out. Even if her attendance was mandatory, her participation would be difficult for Perfumer for force. Perhaps Kal'tsit had made an error in assigning her a therapist younger than herself.

Gummy said a few more words, but also seemed content to stay quiet. That left Gloria practically monologuing to the room. Perfumer stayed engaged and the two started having a back and forth. To Silence, it seemed as though it was just a regular appointment for Gloria, albeit with unwilling guests.

Granted, when it was just the two of them, it did run smoother.

But as soon as the clock hit an hour, Silence practically bolted from the room. She didn't even look behind her as she hurried out. Once in a lobby, she grabbed the arm of the waiting intern and dragged him to the door. What little patience she had after the last week had been burned through wholly and now she just wanted to go home.

Thankfully, when she finally got back, no one else was home, so she could slam the door as hard as possible.

Chapter Text

Silence had never been happier to see a weekend. Kal'tsit had given her a rest from the therapy and the evaluations, so she could spend the time at home with minimal worries. She was going to try to spend time with Ifrit and alone, making the most of the two days she got. Ptilopsis had even promised to cover cooking for the weekend, for that little bit more of ease in her life.

So of course, when she blinked on Friday evening, she opened her eyes to Saturday night. Dissociation had become an everyday occurrence to her, but it was never so disappointing as in that moment.

She came to at the dining table. Her plate was almost clear and it seemed as though Ifrit was already done.

“Hey, mom? What's up?”

She tried to shake away her remaining fugue left from the switch. “Oh, I'm, um. I'm fine, sweetie. I'm just a little bit tired. What about you?”

Ifrit cocked her head. “I don’t believe you.” That made Silence hang her head and sigh. “Ifrit, I promise you, I’m doing fi-”

“You don't seem fine to me. There's something going on, isn't there?” Silence stared at Ifrit, unsure of what to say. Thankfully, she didn't have to respond, as Ifrit quickly continued, “Is it something with mommy? Have you been talking to her again?”

Silence's eyes grew wide at that. She was glad that it seemed Ifrit was still in the dark, but that wasn't a guess she was comfortable with. “No, I haven't been. It's just stress from the lab.”

“You're lying to me, aren't you? You told me you weren't working in the lab this week because your boss said you were working too hard.” Words Silence knew she had never said. “I'm not just a kid anymore.”

The tension between the pair was broken suddenly by a sound nearby. They both turned to face it, only to see Ptilopsis standing up from the table. She picked up her plate, then walked to Ifrit and picked up her plate as well. She dropped them in the sink, then turned around. “Ifrit, if your mother does not wish to tell you, then you should respect that. Her issues are her own and if she wishes to keep them a secret from you, then so be it.” She bowed slightly, then turned and started washing the dishes from dinner.

Ifrit turned back to Silence and stared. “So I was right! There is something going on. Why won't you tell me?” Silence looked down at Ifrit, then pushed her plate away and stood up.

“I'll be in my office.”

She walked away, ignoring Ifrit's protest as she did so. As soon as she was inside and the door was closed, she practically collapsed. It had only been a few minutes since she switched in, but those few minutes had thoroughly exhausted her.

Once she had caught her breath, Silence sat up and opened the journal on her desk. She had brought the idea up to Kal'tsit during an appointment and the other woman had encouraged it. Thus, the next day, when she arrived, she was handed a small diary. It was the sort with two sides, where you could flip it and have it be the right way no matter what.

Silence had initially been uncertain of what to do with her side. In theory, the person she was talking to was practically identical to herself, so she felt as though there was nothing to say. Still, she wanted to write something. In the end, it turned into ranting about Kal'tsit.

She wasn't expecting a response. Maybe she should have been, but she hadn't been. On the other side of the journal, in handwriting resembling her own, was a reply. It also came with an introduction. It was the first communication, formal or otherwise the pair had managed and it was entirely by accident. Silence was still uncomfortable about the subject, and was not so secretly hoping this would all stop out of nowhere, but she wrote back anyway. Most of her entries consisted of ranting about her therapist, but it seemed like neither of them particularly enjoyed the Feline’s care, so she felt like she was in good company.

Silence picked up the journal and flipped to where it had been left off. It was hard for either of them to know when a switch was going to happen, so instead of updating before it happened, they would write whenever they found the time or felt like it. In expected fashion, Silence found the notes scattered and disorganized, but it let her build a picture of the day she missed. The other Silence had assumed Silence's position and thus had spent the day with Ifrit. Unfortunately, it was hard to discern the quality of the time spent together. Perhaps Silence could interrogate Ptilopsis about it later.

Nothing had happened yet in her day, but she knew she needed to write something. She started by saying a few words about Ifrit and the interaction at dinner, then petered off into rambling about her ire towards Kal'tsit. Whatever fills the page.

Kal'tsit had still yet to tell her how long this period of medical evaluation would go on. The dissociation wasn’t getting any better, but it was beginning to seem like it was never going to. If she had to live her life like this, what would that life be? Maybe, once the other Silence had been adjusted into her new life, they could return to work? As long as they both knew what was happening, they could coexist.

But that would be in part through the support of those around her. Friends, family, coworkers. They would need to know. Telling Ansel and the others in the lab would be the easiest part. They were all doctors, they could handle the subject maturely. Ptilopsis already knew. But Ifrit-

Silence still wasn’t comfortable letting Ifrit know and she wasn’t sure if she would ever be. Perhaps if it came to that, if telling Ifrit was unavoidable, then perhaps she could have Ptilopsis tell her. The other Liberi had never had a problem with being direct and for her, it was far less personal.

Silence buried her head in her hands and ran her fingers through her feathers. This was all too much to think about.

Thankfully, a knock on the door came to knock her out of her stupor. She opened it to find Ptilopsis on the other side. “Hello, Olivia. I assume what happened during dinner was a switch. I noticed the differences in your behavior today.” There was a pause. “May I come in?” Silence nodded and the pait sat down nearby.

“Ifrit is asking me questions.”

The statement was given no prelude. Silence had been expecting, had been dreading it. Hearing the words said aloud did little to shift Silence’s thoughts. Ifrit was catching on. “Ah, of course. She’s a clever girl, isn’t she?” Despite her lack of shock at hearing this, Silence didn’t know what to say.

Ptilopsis continued, “She had been asking me questions. I am uncertain of how you wish for me to answer. I have been avoiding the question as much as possible, but that will only work for so long. What should I tell her? If you wish to have a cover story, let me know so I can inform the other Olivia to ensure that neither of you contradict the other.”

Silence glanced back, practically a gesture to the journal on her desk. “I'm not sure. Give me time to think about that.” She hung her head and sighed. “I don't like having to lie to her, but more than that I hate this entire situation. I wish I could disregard it entirely. I wish I could go back to normal. I wish that none of this was a problem.”

Ptilopsis cocked her head slightly. “But Olivia, it has happened. That will not change. You need to adjust to your new life. I assure you that once you do, you will find it getting better.” As if on a dime, she switched subjects. “And what about your appointments with doctor Kal'tsit? Have those been going well?” Silence shook her head with such a fervor that she was afraid her feathers would fall out.

“Not even remotely. If anything, she's doing me harm. I don't see the point in this. Even if I must take time off of work for this, I have no reason to put up with her inane bullshit. I'm so close to snapping and calling HR on her. There's no way she's allowed to do this.”

“But Olivia, even if you disagree with her methods, you must agree that there is a necessity here. Your alter is unpredictable and even after having time throughout your evaluation to get to know her, I think there is still reason to suspect she is hiding something. You may not like it, but reality is reality.”

Olivia stood up and grabbed Ptilopsis’s arm. “Out. Now.” She dragged the white-feathered woman to the door and opened it, intent of shoving her out.

Only for Ifrit to fall in as the door opened. She stared up from the floor at Silence, who stared back down at her. All was still for what felt like an eternity until Silence blew up.

“Ifrit! What are you doing here?”

The young Sarkaz blushed ashamedly, but didn't respond, until Silence's frown deepened. That broke Ifrit. “I was going to the bathroom when I heard you and aunty Ptilopsis talking. I know something’s going on with you, so I wanted to know more. And now I know there's definitely something going on! Why are you hiding this from me? What are you hiding from me?”

It was then that Silence realized she was still holding onto Ptilopsis's arm. By now, her knuckles were white and she was pressing into the flesh considerably. She did her best to throw the arm out the door. Ptilopsis took the message and left without another word, closing the door behind herself. That left Silence and Ifrit in the office alone.

Ifrit scrambled to her feet and took a seat in the nearby chair which had been recently vacated by Ptilopsis. As soon as she was still and Silence was sitting down, she began again. “Mom, what's going on? What aren't you telling me? What was that about doctor Kal'tsit? What's happening?”

Silence prayed to black out, to dissociate away from this situation and only come back to when it was over, but she knew that even if that did happen, it would only make things worse.

She couldn't put this off. Not with Ifrit's passionate face staring intensely at her. She sighed. “This last week, Kal'tsit diagnosed me…”

Little over an hour later, she was done. She had been as thorough as possible, intent on leaving Ifrit with as few questions as possible. The young Sarkaz hadn't seemed totally accepting of the answers she got, but she was quiet about it. By now, Silence had put Ifrit to bed and returned to her office.

What Ifrit now knew was information which had to be included in the journal. Silence hadn't been sharing everything that happened to her, but something of this magnitude affected them both. And besides, she decided the other Silence would enjoy knowing she didn't have to play pretend anymore.

Despite all the evening's anxieties, Silence was still in front when she herself got into bed. In a week of tiring conversation after tiring conversation, it had proven to be the worst in that regard. As sleep claimed her— and she could tell it was true sleep and not just another bout of dissociation— she merely hoped that the worst was past her.

Chapter Text

“So you’ve told Ifrit. Good! I think that is an important step forward.”

Kal'tsit was smiling. Silence was not.

They were once again sitting together in Kal'tsit’s office. Silence hadn’t informed her of the weekend’s events, but all the same, she wasn’t surprised that the news had gotten to her. The Feline had a way of keeping an eye on her.

“I didn’t want to tell her. It was unavoidable. This didn't need to be a part of my life at home. I didn't need this at all.”

Kal'tsit was giving Silence the kind of warm yet insincere smile that the Liberi was learning to dread. “But Olivia, you know that you couldn't have that. Already, your alter was living half your life and spending time with Ifrit. Isn't it for the best that she knows what's happening around her? Ignorance isn't always bliss, especially when it comes to a child's mother. She doesn’t deserve to be kept in the dark about this. You, as her mother, should care about her enough to not lie to her about something as serious as this.”

Silence practically spat her reply, full of vitriol. “And what makes you think you have any authority on raising children? I know Ifrit better than anyone!”

In the face of Silence's outrage, Kal'tsit’s smile cooled considerably. “May I remind you, Olivia, that you're not the only mother in the world. You may have more experience raising your daughter than me, but I'm not ignorant to what that's like. I have my own daughters as well.”

There was a moment of tension between the two. Silence glared at Kal'tsit with a deadly look. Her outrage had boiled over into proper anger and hate. “I'm not going to take advice from someone who sends her children off to war!” She was doing her best to not shout, but that was already becoming a difficult task. Despite that, Kal'tsit was nonplussed. Silence had hoped to hit a nerve, but it seemed she missed.

“Olivia, I don't wish to see my children harmed. I want them to live peaceful lives and to not have to worry about war. But that's not the world we live in. If not for me, I can only imagine things would be worse. I do what I can, but that's not always enough to keep them out of co-”

“Bullshit!”

Kal'tsit cocked her head. “Is it? Last time I checked, Ifrit was registered as a combat operator. Do you not agree that there are times where such a thing is necessary?”

Silence didn't want to answer the question, so she turned away.

Kal'tsit’s office was rather barren. Ill-fitting of a therapist, but then, Kal'tsit wasn't a therapist. Her work was typically more administrative and this suited that position. Still, it wasn't barren. A number of shelves sat along the walls and on them were a number of various things. From her limited angle, Silence could see a few small plants and framed pictures of Kal'tsit’s children. However, as she examined the room, Kal'tsit continued.

“I know about your work habits. Long nights and weekends. You're not home enough for her. I do my best to ensure I am home for them as much as possible, even when I, too, have to work nights and weekends. Although, I suppose, it might help that my position allows me the privilege of them visiting me during the day. I truly do love them.”

Silence's attempts to avoid looking at Kal'tsit even indirectly were increasingly conspicuous and she found it harder and harder to ignore the implicit question that had been hidden in those words.

“I work as much as I do for her. My research will save her life. That's what I value in life. I don't want to see my daughter die before me. That's why I oppose her being an operator. If it were my choice, she would never step foot on the battlefield. But it's not my choice. Even if I'm the one who signed that paperwork, that was not the only reason why she became an operator. Circumstances outside of my control brought both her and I to Rhodes Island and those same circumstances made her an operator. I don't like that fact. You say there's a necessity for your daughters to be operators, to be combatants in these conflicts we have to fight, but I disagree. There's no conflict so dire that we need to throw away our children for it. The difference is that you have the choice to remove your children from this fight. I don't. That's why you justify it. I want to protect Ifrit, which doesn't seem to be something you're capable of understanding. I don't want her fighting in wars and hurting people. I don't want her to be responsible for the deaths of others anymore. I don't want my personal psychological problems becoming overly involved in her life. I didn't want to tell her about my diagnosis. I would hope that as a mother, you would understand, but when you don't understand why other mothers want to protect their children instead of sending them to war, I have no expectations that you would understand this.”

Kal'tsit didn't respond, but instead started writing down notes on her pad. Silence watched her do this for several minutes, until she got tired of that. It seemed as though Kal'tsit was going to be writing for some time. The Feline seemed to notice Silence's boredom and gestured with a dismissive wave. “You can leave. Consider our appointment over as of now.” Silence watched her for a few more seconds before grabbing her bag and standing up. As she stepped out the door and into the lobby, she saw the intern who had escorted her to Kal'tsit’s office earlier— by now, a different intern than the one who had escorted her throughout the week prior— was sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting anxiously with her halo. When she saw Silence, she perked up and stood, then waved. “Ah, Doctor Silence!”

Silence gave no indication that she had heard the young Sankta as she headed directly for the door. Her escort hurried to open the door for the and follow as the Liberi seemed to have no intent of slowing down or stopping. She did her best to keep up as they continued through the halls and out onto the deck of the ship. “Um, Doctor Silence, can you slow down?” Her cries were ignored. Eventually, they made it back to Silence's residence. Without looking back, Silence stepped inside and slammed the door behind her, leaving her escort frightened and stunned. As quickly as she could, the intern wrote down the time on her clipboard, then hurried away.

Chapter Text

Silence blinked. She had just been in her home office. Now she wasn't. This was becoming an ordinary part of her life, to her dismay, but this seemed different.

For one, she wasn't in Kal'tsit’s lab. Neither was she in Perfumer's greenhouse. She was in a restaurant, and one of the finer ones on the Rhode Island landship. She had only been there a handful of times. More importantly, she had never come alone.

She wasn't alone. Another woman sat across the table from Silence and as soon as she saw who it was, she scowled deeply. She grabbed her purse, stood up, and started to leave. Before she could get far, however, Saria grabbed her wrist.

“Olivia… What's happening?”

Silence's scowl didn't lessen as she started at the Vouivre. Given how she was dressed, given how Silence was dressed, it was obvious: this was a date. But it was not a date Silence had consented to, or had even known about.

“I don't know why I'm here, but I shouldn't be. I'm leaving.” She attempted to wrestle herself free from Saria’s grip, but the other woman was holding her tightly. “Olivia, please tell me what's happening. You had no issue with this just a moment ago. What changed?”

Everything happening was a lot for Silence to process at once. She understood where she was, who she was with, and what had been happening. She was even beginning to understand the how and why. But it still didn't make sense. Why was she here? And why was she here?

With Silence still silent, Saria continued, “Olivia, please. I… thought things were going fine, for once. I thought it was getting better. What just happened?”

It was clear to Silence that she couldn't just leave at this point. With a beleaguered sigh, she sat back down. “Did sh- What did I tell you at dinner so far? What led to this?”

Saria stared at her, stunned. She was unsure of what to say. She did her best to stammer out a reply. “Well, um. You texted me last week. We've been talking on and off since. Then, a couple days ago, you suggested we have dinner together again. I- I was taken aback by it, I'll admit, but I was just happy to go along with it. I wasn't going to reach out to you anymore, which is why I was so glad you did it for me.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Olivia, what is going on?”

“Has Kal'tsit talked to you at all recently?” Saria shook her head. “No, she hasn't. I heard from Ptilopsis that you've been taking some time off work, but I haven't heard why.”

“And you don't need to know why. Goodbye.”

Silence stood up again, but she once again felt her wrist be grabbed. “You still haven't told me why your attitude changed so suddenly. You initiated this date. I wouldn't have come, I wouldn't have done this, if you had not insisted on it. I made sure. I even asked Ptilopsis. I did my best to make sure this was fine. So it hurts to see that something is wrong. What did I say? What did I do? If it was something I'm at fault for, will you please let me know?”

Silence stared at her. Slowly, her scowl softened into a disgusted glare. She hung her head and sighed as she sat back down. “It's- This isn't your fault. I shouldn't have come in the first place. You shouldn't have been involved. If it were up to me, none of this would have happened.” She paused, then continued. “Things have been happening in my life that I'm not comfortable with, this included. Were it up to me, we would have continued our separate lives with no further contact. This wouldn't have happened. But this wasn't my cho-” She stopped herself, realizing what she was about to say. “Things are happening that I don't want anyone, least of all you, knowing.”

“Olivia…” Saria opened and closed her mouth a number of times, but she couldn't figure out what to say. Eventually, she turned away. “I did my best to make sure you were of sound mind for this. You insisted on it. I wasn't sure about it, even as we both showed up and dinner began. But as we talked… It reminded me of how things used to be. Of how things were before we had to leave Rhine, before you turned on me. It really seemed like you loved me again. And if that's not the case, if I was mistaken, I'm sorry, but I want an explanation for why you were acting like that. I don't think this was entirely my mistake. Why the sudden shift?”

Silence looked Saria square in the face. Even after years apart, she was well familiar with the other woman's expressions and she knew that what she was seeing now was determination. She wasn't getting out of this without some sort of explanation.

“It… wasn't me who agreed to this. It wasn't me who you were on a date with. It wasn't me who was enjoying time with you. Because, I assure you, I would do none of those things. I've…” She stopped and winced. “Kal'tsit diagnosed me with dissociative identity disorder. It literally was not me who you were talking to. Can I go now?” Without waiting for an answer, she began to stand up.

“I'd rather you didn't. I still don't understand why this happened.”

“And I can't tell you!” Despite her best attempts, Silence was struggling to keep her voice low. She realized what had happened and looked around to see a number of other patrons staring at her. She quickly sat back down and ducked down, covering her head with her hands. Her next words were a whisper. “I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why she was talking to you. I don't know why this date happened. This wasn't my choice. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't know this was going to happen. She is not me and I assure you, our feelings are not one and the same.” She started standing up once more. “Feel free to ask her yourself, later. I really don't want to talk about this.”

Saria frowned and shook her head. “Don't leave just yet. Please. I know you hate me and I understand this wasn't your choice, but… I don't know. You haven't explained to me what really happened. I don't get it.” Silence started walking away, but stopped and looked back over her shoulder. She said, with a mix of emotions in her voice, “I don't want to explain. Ask her .” She didn’t wait to hear Saria’s response.

Towards the front of the restaurant, the Sankta from the other day was sitting around. As Silence approached, she looked up from her phone. Before she could react, Silence grabbed her by the arm and stormed out of the restaurant. The pair exited out onto an empty street, where Silence continued to drag the Sankta until the restaurant was out of sight, at which point she stepped into a small corridor on the side of the path.

“What happened? Why was I here? You’re here, so it’s not like she snuck out for this. You know something. Tell me.”

The Sankta held her hands up defensively and whimpered. “Um, I don't know. I just escort you wherever Kal'tsit tells me to. I don’t schedule things like this.”

Silence sighed and stepped away, letting the intern step away. After a few deep breaths, she turned back to Silence. “Scheduling is well above my position. You should, um, probably talk to Doctor Kal'tsit about this, since she’s your case manager.” She instinctively ducked away and covered her head with her hands.

Silence groaned. She considered punching a nearby wall, then reconsidered, then did it anyway.

As she winced in pain, the Sankta intern slowly stood herself straight again. “Should I take you home now? I was told that you couldn't stay out once the dinner portion of the date was over.” Silence shook her head. “No, I want to talk to Kal'tsit. I assume she's still in her office.”

The intern blinked as Silence's words washed over her. At once, she began to panic. “Um. I'm not really sure she's… Doctor Kal'tsit is probably bu- You shouldn't do that. You'll be seeing her tomorrow, so I recommended you w-”

She was cut off by Silence grabbing her wrist again. The Liberi pulled her out of the corridor and onto the main path, where she hurried away with her escort in tow.

Chapter Text

The door to Kal'tsit’s office was unlocked. Silence didn't knock. As the door crashed open, the Feline didn't look up. Even as a hand slammed down on her desk, she seemingly paid it no mind.

“What the fuck was that, you bitch?”

Kal'tsit finished signing the papers in front of her, then set them aside and glanced up. “Oh, Olivia. Why don't you take a seat?”

Silence glared. “You know what happened. Answer me. Why did that happen?”

“She asked me to have a night out, so I gave her that. Really, why don't you sit down.”

Silence stared at her for several seconds more before relenting. She took a seat in the nearby chair and immediately resumed her line of questioning. “Why did you let her do this? You've had me under house arrest for weeks now, but the second she wants to fuck around with my ex-wife, you're fine with it.”

“If you had requested time outside of your house for a similar reason or something equivalent, I would have granted it. I don't think it's my fault that you never asked.” 

Silence was fuming. She was doing all she could do to stop herself from reaching over and punching Kal'tsit in the face. “And you knew this date would happen. You knew she wanted it. You let it happen, all without telling me. You cunt.”

“Now Olivia, I know you're frustrated, but for the sake of civility, please restrain from such language. I'm doing my best.” She walked over to a nearby filing cabinet and removed a Manilla folder, then returned to her desk. “Your alter and I discussed this at length during one of our appointments last week and she had already been in contact with Saria before that. I was under the impression you already knew and simply didn't care. It was odd, because I'm familiar with how ever-lasting your ire can be, but the only other explanation is that you never once checked your phone while you were fronting.”

Silence's eyes grew wide. She rooted through her purse until she grasped her phone in her hand and pulled it out. She opened it and-

She stared at it, unblinking. Going back a week were a number of texts sent between her phone and Saria. The mood was light and even somewhat flirtatious. It was totally unlike Silence.

“And you just let her do this?”

Kal'tsit dismissed that with a shrug.

“Why wouldn’t I? She made a request and I granted it. If you’re angry that you were never aware you had that privilege, then I say you had no one to blame but yourself. Now, please Olivia, before we start talking ourselves in circles, was there anything else you had to say? Or are you merely outraged because of an inconvenient switch? It’s unfortunate, sure, that it happened like this. I’m sure your alter won’t be particularly happy about having her time with Miss Saria cut off, either, but she seems to understand that is the life you two are living now. I’d suggest you learn from her attitude, but then, you can only communicate with her secondhand, and, as we now know, she doesn’t tell you everything. Perhaps if you bring this up to her yourself, she’ll relent and the two of you can talk about it like the adults you are. Now, if you don’t mind,” She gestured to her desk. “I still have work to be done and I would like to get home to my girls before tonight becomes tomorrow.”

Silence sat there, unable to form a response. She didn’t move, even after Kal'tsit halfheartedly attempted to wave her off. Her focus was square on the Feline in front of her, even after Kal’tsit seemed to lose interest in her.

Kal’tsit reached into her desk and pulled out a stack of papers and started reading through them quickly, stopping every few moments to sign somewhere on the page. All the while, Silence continued to glare. It was apparent to Kal’tsit that her visitor would not be leaving on a timetable that suited her. Still, she didn’t see a reason to give what she saw as a problem that would solve itself more attention than it needed.

The two sat like that, first for minutes, then eventually for an hour. Kal’tsit had not dignified Silence with so much as a second glance once she had decided that she was done talking to her.

But Silence wasn't done. 

“How much longer is this going to last?”

Kal'tsit didn't so much as look up from her papers at that. “You can leave whenever you want, Olivia. It's outside of our usual appointment hours, so I'm not holding you here. In fact, you're welcome to lea-”

“You know that's not what I mean. When will I get to live my life again? When can I return to work? When can I leave my house without having to be escorted everywhere?”

That elicited a sigh from Kal'tsit, who shook her head. “It's the same as it ever was.” She capped her pen and pushed her papers aside once more. “Your evaluation period will end once the medical department has some assurance that your dissociative identity disorder will not cause you problems in the workplace. Likewise for your daily life. We want assurance that a random switch won't cause problems like happened tonight. We can't have one of our best researchers waylaid by such issues. If you want that to happen sooner, perhaps we could attempt to find you some specific therapies to help the two of you control your switches, but that could take longer. My current plan is to reintegrate you and your alter into a single person once more. That, too, is a process that tak-”

“And what makes you think I want that?”

Silence blinked. In an instant, she had leapt from her seat and slammed her palms down on the desk. Silence could only stare as her body continued to move without her, acting only as a viewer to the events unfolding. Still, the tirade continued, “Why do you think I shouldn't exist just because I wasn't the original? I'm not causing any more problems than she is. We can coexist if you just let us, but instead you've already decided that I don't deserve to live.”

Kal'tsit’s displeased expression quickly shifted as she took on a cold smile. “Welcome back, Olivia. How was your date?” Silence stared at her, uncertain of how to respond. She went to say something, anything, but it felt like gears had become locked. She found herself unable to speak or even move. Her body was growing tense. Her eyes fluttered quickly.

“Ah, um.”

Kal'tsit cocked her head. “Is something wrong? You seemed displeased with me, but now it seems as though you're exhibiting symptoms of a stroke. Perhaps I should call for medical support.”

Silence shook her head. “I- I'm fine. I-” She stopped, then continued, “It feels odd. I'm not sure what's happening.” Kal'tsit nodded, then tapped a button on her desk.

“Understood. If you're medically sound, then you should go home. If you wish, this conversation can continue in the morning. I would rather it didn't.”

Anyone watching Silence leave the office would've assumed she was drunk, from the way she staggered out. The tension that had built was lingering and her breathing was growing heavy. The Sankta intern ran over and hoisted one of Silence's arms over her shoulder. “Um, Doctor Silence, let me help you.” Silence was in no state to disagree, so she let herself be carried through the halls. The late hour meant that few were around to see her be led out the building and through the halls of Rhodes Island. It wasn't long before she was home. From there, Ptilopsis took over the duty of guiding her. The intern did her best to explain the situation, but she knew nothing of what was happening, so she couldn't say much.

Ptilopsis led Silence up the stairs and into her bedroom. From there, Silence was able to hobble over into bed. Once she was sure Silence was doing alright, Ptilopsis turned off the light and closed the door behind her as she left.

Silence stared upwards at the ceiling. The tension was slowly beginning to leak from her body. As that continued, she began to breathe heavily.

“What the hell was that?”

“How should I know?”

Chapter Text

When Silence shambled out of bed in the morning, she still felt like she was in a daze. Even after showering and getting dressed, it felt like a fog was left over from the night before. As she meandered downstairs to make breakfast, the telltale signs that Ifrit had come and gone were obvious. Only one set of dishes were in the sink, but it was early enough that Ptilopsis could have still been asleep.

A small breakfast was made. Silence sat in the still room. On that brisk morning, the house felt simultaneously more empty and more claustrophobic than it ever had.

When she was done, she washed her dishes and left them in the sink and sat back down at the table, head buried deep in her hands. It was as if she had been running on autopilot and that had suddenly been shut off.

“Olivia.” Silence ignored that. Or perhaps didn't hear it in the first place. Once again, however, “Olivia.” When no response came the second time, Ptilopsis sat down across the table from her. “Olivia.”

Third time's the charm. Silence rubbed her eyes as she looked up. “Oh, hey Ptilopsis.” She dragged her palms down her face, then leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “Sorry. Not a good morning for me today.”

Ptilopsis nodded. “That is acceptable. Which Olivia am I currently talking to?”

Silence stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before turning her head to Ptilopsis. “No?” She shook her head. “Yes.”

“Olivia, did you become intoxicated last night? When your escort brought you home last night, you seemed to be intoxicated. In your restrictions for your observation period, alcohol is one of the items prohibited, so-”

“I didn't get drunk last night. She didn't either. Other stuff happened. I switched in during the date. First time I heard about it. Pissed me off like hell, so I stormed into Kal'tsit's office to yell at her, but other stuff happened. I'm-” She cut herself off. “I'm trying to sort out what all happened. If you don't mind…” Ptilopsis nodded and stood up. “Understood.” She took some food with her, then left the kitchen for her room.

Left alone again, Silence sat unmoving. By the time Ptilopsis passed through the kitchen again on her way out to work, she had collapsed, leaving her head resting on the table, her hands resting on the back of her head.

Once she heard the door close, she stood and walked back upstairs slowly. She stood in the hall for a short while before heading into the bathroom. She turned the handles on the bath and water began to flow. As the tub filled, she sat down on the ground next to it and watched the water rise.

“Didn't we just shower this a couple hours ago?”

“Yes, we did. This is different.”

A few minutes later, she shut off the water and quickly undressed. It had been a cold morning, and considering that, she had been underdressed since getting up, which ensured that the hot water was as rejuvenating as she had hoped. She leaned back in the tub and let her body be covered as much as possible by the water.

“What the hell?”

“Is that really your way of starting this conversation?”

“Yes. What the hell?”

“I'm going to assume this was about last night. Not gonna apologize. I was hoping we wouldn't switch and you'd never know. I even asked Ptilopsis to play along. If it had all gone well, you would've remained ignorant and things would be fine.”

“I don't subscribe to the idea that ignorance is bliss.”

“Neither do I, but what you don't know can't hurt you. Besides, if you're not going to love her anymore, why can't I?”

…

…

…

“Because I don't want to see her or hear about her or even smell her. I don't want to perceive that she exists so that I can pretend she doesn't.”

“And I did my best to work around that. I don't think I can be blamed for an untimely switch.”

“You can be blamed for not planning around such a thing when our switches are incredibly unstable as is. It's a miracle you got as far as you did without anything going wrong.”

…

…

…

“Well, regardless, what happened happened. The past is the past and the present is the present.”

“How tautological.”

“My point is, I think we have bigger things to worry about than what happened last night. Like, for example, how are we talking?”

“Words. Phrases. Language.”

“You know what I meant. You're being more pithy than usual.”

“Perhaps you're bringing it out of me.”

“Answer the question, Olivia Silence. Or at least give a guess of some kind.”

“We're thinking. I don't need to say my thoughts because you already understand them without that. Perhaps we could communicate even without that, but…”

“That Lada girl, she had something similar, didn't she?”

“You remember that? I wasn't aware you attended therapy with her.”

“Did you ever go to a second appointment?”

“...”

“Exactly. I met her there. Lena and Nightmare, too. Also had to apologize to the poor intern you kept terrorizing. She was planning to end up in the medical research department, but I hope you didn't scare her away. Anyway, the point to all this is that it seems this sort of thing, this internal communication, isn't unheard of. There's a precedent. We're normal.”

“We're not normal.”

“We're relatively normal.”

“We're not normal.”

“Is anyone?”

“Yes. That's what defines normal.”

…

…

…

“My point is— wow, I feel like I'm saying that a lot— that we're relatively normal. This isn't unusual. Frankly, I'm happy about this development. Without unpredictable switches, we can go back to work, right?”

“I can go back to work.”

“We can go back to work. I spent exactly as much time in university studying for this job as you did. It's our job.”

“Regardless of anything else, I look forward to that. This is over, isn't it?”

“It should be. I don't expect we're heading back to work right away or anything, because they'll want to make sure we're fine and all that, but the worst is passed.”

“I look forward to when this is all a distant memory. But I suppose we have more to settle, too. How do we live like this?”

“How did you live beforehand? I think we just keep doing that.”

“But now you're around. That changes everything. What is work like now? Do we tell everyone? Just the people we're close with? Anyone? Do we need to tell anyone? Is there an advantage to it? What is our actual work going to be like in the face of this? How will that change? What about Ifrit? You're a very different person from me-”

“Only so different.”

“Different in meaningful places. How will we raise her going forward?”

“She's getting older. She has her issues, but I don't think she needs to be babied. That'll be fine. I'm sure she'll appreciate having a more lenient mother around.”

“And what about our daily life? How do we coexist? What do we do together? What do we do alone? If I could, I would ensure you never talk to Saria again, but I don't think I can, so what does that mean?”

“We'll figure it out. We just need to figure things out one at a time. Eventually, it'll all come together. Eventually, it will be as though we were always like this. This is our life now and rather than waste time wondering how it can happen, I think we should just step forward and see how it plays out.”

“I suppose you may be right. Still, how do we tell people? We're not the only ones like this around here, but we aren't common. We-”

“We take it as it comes. Tell one or two people to start and see where it goes. Start with Ansel. I'm sure he'll get it. Ptilopsis already knows. This is fine.”

“And Ifrit. But we're going to have to tell her what changed.”

“She already knows everything that Ptilopsis does. If anything, I think this would be easier to explain. ‘So you know how your mom has multiple personalities? Well, now they coexist and one is less strict.’ Something like that.”

“I take issue with part of that.”

“We can work out the details later.”

…

…

…

“What about Saria?”

“She's hot.”

“Not what I meant.”

“Well, I'd like to keep seeing her. Even if you'd prefer to salt that earth, I don't, and she clearly doesn't either. I'm not going to push my luck for something like moving in together, but I want to go on another date with her at some point to make up for the one I missed out on, and more after that.”

“You're saying all this like I have the ability to deny you this.”

“You do. I don't want to get on the bad side of someone I share a body with. I know how long you can hold a grudge and I have a feeling I'm the same way. I don't want to cause fights between us. That's why I'm bringing this up to you directly. I'm sure there's a way to make both of us happy here.”

“I won't be happy with her in my life to any degree.”

“Don't be so melodramatic. We both need to give and take. Otherwise, you might find me pushing back against things you like.”

“Then it can't be helped.”

“But it can. We can find a way to coexist, I'm sure. If you don't want to have to deal with me dating Saria, then switch out for the evening. It doesn't need to be a big deal.”

…

…

…

“What about Kal'tsit?”

“What about her? As soon as we demonstrate that we won't have issues in the workplace anymore, we're free. You can go back to never talking to her again. I doubt she's going to bother us again soon.”

“Is it that easy?”

“I certainly hope so. It's about time we had something good, don't you think?”

Chapter Text

The lab was loud. No louder than usual, but compared to spending two weeks alone at home, it was deafening.

Silence waved as she entered, doing her best to deal with the sound. That proved to be easier than expected.

From nearby, Ansel waved back at her. “Oh, Olivia, welcome back!” A few people nearby looked up from their stations, having not noticed Silence before. A crowd quickly developed around her and a litany of voices began to form.

“Why were you gone for so long?” “What was going on with you and Kal'tsit?” “How was your time off?” “How's Ifrit doing?” “I heard you went on a date with Saria while you were gone.” “I missed having you in the lab.”

Silence pushed past them to the back of the room, where Ptilopsis was standing. The two had left the house together, but with this being Silence's first day back, a number of administrative issues had to be dealt with before she could arrive properly.

She made her way from there to their desk just a few feet away. A thick layer had developed in their time away. Except, she noticed, on the pens, which seemed to be spotless.

“At least they returned them before we got back.”

Silence didn't respond to that. Instead, she took a seat and turned on the computer. An uncomfortable number of emails were sitting in their inbox, so she started checking them. It was a number of things, from dated office party invites to summaries of what work was done during her absence to questions asking why she was gone. Some were read, some were answered, and some were ignored.

She sighed and sat back in their chair. The entire time, an internal conversation had been running, discussing everything happening. Olivia rubbed her eyes, then groaned. “You handle this.”

Silence blinked, then leaned forward and started typing once more.