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Miss Sharma did not like to admit when she was wrong. It was an affliction she developed as a young child, a trait her father would describe with pride. He was a competitive fellow himself, after all. Kate was not the beautiful Sharma sister. However, she was glad to be the strong headed sister. She needed it to protect dear Edwina. 

And though it was well known amongst her family and friends that she was strong willed, she was not pleased  when the gentleman from this morning’s ride was able to detect it. She did not enjoy being so seen, so visible during her sacred, meditative rides. Especially by a man who seemed of high status. A handsome, charming man of high status. 

Suffice it to say, Kate was thus especially displeased to be proven wrong twice in the same day — when Lady Danbury tactfully noted how woefully unprepared she was for Edwina’s first season. All of the reading and gathering of information felt for naught. Kate watched Edwina dance and tried to quell the frustration rising in her throat. 

“Miss Sharma,” Lady Danbury stated, eyes still on Miss Edwina, “May I advise you to seek information about the ton from those who have experience. If you expect your sister to marry well, it would do you some good to let someone else lead.” 

Kate sucked in a cheek, and nodded. “If you’ll excuse me, Lady Danbury. I believe a moment of air is needed.”

Weaving her way through the crowd, Kate made her way toward the patio. She glanced toward Edwina once more, ensuring that she seemed well, before allowing the footman to open the glass door. The sound of gentlemen laughing and women chatting was low, and she closed her eyes to center her thoughts. 

All of her preparation would not be wasted or dismissed. She would not fail her sister. She would not fail her family. Once calmed, Kate looked around the garden area and saw a stone bench along the edge of the patio. She took a seat, freed the pencil from her dance card, and pulled a worn piece of paper out of her corset. Reading through the names of gentlemen and her gathered notes, Kate bit her lip in thought. Lord Lumley was still a potential match, as she hadn’t heard anything of scandal about him. However, Lord Dusen would not do as a suitor since Kate saw the man try to grope a young woman he was dancing with just a few moments ago. She scratched his name and wrote a note about the incident to recall for Edwina tonight. She continued scribbling her thoughts when a familiar voice interrupted. 

“Of all the balls and soirees I have attended, I have never seen a lady take the time to write notes.” Kate’s hand froze and she slowly moved her gaze to meet the owner of the voice. The man from this morning. Naturally. He wore that same amused, yet curious expression. It both vexed and flustered her. He took a step closer and said, “Do you make it a habit to do the absolute opposite of what is expected of a young lady?”

Kate blinked, and sat up, discreetly folding the paper into her palms. “Well perhaps that is where you are mistaken, my lord. You see me as a young lady when in fact I have been told I may be a spinster.” 

His eyebrows shot up and he let out a laugh. “At the age of…?”

“Six-and-twenty.” 

“Ah, I see. Quite the spinster, indeed. My apologies.” 

“Perhaps I should offer my apologies instead.” At his confusion, Kate continued, “I am merely acting the way a spinster is meant to act. It is you who has not had the opportunity to meet an independent woman who cares not what others think of her. How unfortunate for you.” 

“You do not care what others think of you?” He asked. The man studied her and then quickly looked at their surroundings. “I find that difficult to believe.” 

“And why is that?” Kate was not certain why she felt compelled to argue with the man, though he seemed to enjoy the back and forth. As did she, not that she would admit as much.

He tilted his head. “You are attending a ball where the goal of nearly every unmarried person is to find a suitable match. We base such matches on what we think of others actions or status, do we not? To attend such an event disproves your earlier claim.”

“Attendance does not mean an alignment of values. Simply that something else compels me to be here.” At that, Kate stood up and mirrored his curious expression. “Aside from that, I do not believe that is truly the aspiration of most in attendance tonight.”

“There are many in that room that would agree with my assessment.”

“Enlighten me, my lord. Is that your goal? Are you looking for a suitable match?” 

Their replies had been quick until this moment. Kate relished the small victory and watched the man seriously consider his next words. 

He pursed his lips and looked away momentarily, and Kate felt herself almost sway at his movement, as if pulled into his orbit. He took a step closer. “And if I were to say yes?” 

They looked at one another closely, as though they were playing a game of chess. She felt a flush spread across her chest and her pulse quickened. “If you were to say yes, then I would suggest it would do you better to peruse the dancefloor rather than this terrace.” 

The man laughed, truly surprised and Kate bit her cheek. His eyes were bright and she resisted the urge to lower her guard at the sight of his smile.

“I never did get your name,” he said. “I was wondering if we would meet again.” 

Kate smirked, a retort ready, when her eye caught Edwina’s eye through the glass wall. Her sister was hiding a grimace with a polite smile as she listened to an older gentleman prattle on, gesticulating wildly. Immediately, Kate placed her list of notes back into her corset, and she heard the man make a noise of surprise. “It appears you will have to wonder at least once more, my lord. Excuse me.”

Without waiting for a response she curtsied and left him alone. 

“Anthony! There you are, my dear. I cannot for the life of me find your sister. There is a long list of young men wanting a dance with her. However, she is hiding yet again. Have you seen her?” 

Anthony did indeed search the ballroom from where he stood, though not for his sister. No, he was intently looking for a woman with a steely gaze and a smirk to match. After a moment, Violet prodded his side. “Anthony? Did you hear me?” 

He cleared his throat and looked at her. “Eloise, hiding, suitors. I have not seen her since we arrived. You would have more luck asking Miss Penelope.” 

“While that is true, I have yet to find her either. So —” 

“Who is that?” Anthony asked. He finally spotted her standing next to Lady Danbury. Was she acquainted with Lady Danbury? If so, how had he never met her before? Had she never visited London?

Violet followed his gaze and gasped softly. “Oh, my. I do believe that is Lady Mary Sheffield. No, not Sheffield anymore. She married a man without status, though his name eludes me. My word, she has avoided London for quite some time. I wonder why she has returned.”

“You know of her?” Anthony asked, and his mother turned at his evident interest. He cleared his throat, and tried to appear less inquisitive. 

It was difficult. The young woman beside Lady Mary — the spinster as she described herself — was impossible to ignore. After this morning, Anthony truly did not think they would meet again, at least not so soon. Their discussion on the terrace confirmed his idea from this morning. Anthony needed to secure her acquaintance. He did not know why he felt such a pull to her. He only knew that it was very urgent. 

He ignored how the nature of his thoughts made him feel as though he was back to being Gregory’s age. Obsessed and overcome without comprehension.

“It appears she has two daughters with her. I believe the eldest is actually her stepdaughter. If I recall correctly, she married a widower.” 

“Is that so?”

He kept his eyes on the young lady as he spoke, and his mother slipped her hand through his arm. She pulled them toward Lady Danbury and whispered, “It is evident that you would like an introduction.” 

Anthony frowned at her, and Violet simply chuckled and patted his arm with her left hand. Once they were within a few feet, Lady Danbury and the young lady from before noticed their approach. They reacted with near opposite emotions — Lady Danbury, smiling widely, while the young lady poorly concealed her irritation. 

It made Anthony grin, to which she responded with a frown. 

“Lady Bridgerton. Lord Bridgerton. You both are looking well.” Lady Danbury took the hands of Lady Bridgerton and they both smiled widely at the other. 

“As are you, Lady Danbury! What a beautiful ball you have planned. Absolutely stunning,” Lady Bridgerton replied.

“I believe you have met Lady Mary before?” 

“Ah, of course. Lady Mary, how delightful to see you again.” The two women smiled genially, and Violet added, “May I introduce you to my eldest? The Viscount Bridgerton.” 

Anthony bowed his head and stood up straight, preparing himself to finally learn of the horse rider's name. Lady Danbury gestured behind her. 

“And Lady Mary’s daughters, both of whom I am sponsoring this season. Miss Sharma and Miss Edwina Sharma.” 

There it was. Miss Sharma. Anthony bowed his head at their curtsy and caught the eye of Miss Sharma. She held her head up high and raised an eyebrow, challenging him. 

“Are you enjoying London, so far?” He asked, and the elder sister put a hand on Miss Edwina’s shoulder. 

Miss Edwina smiled, primly. “Indeed, my lord. London is quite different from our home, however I find the city to be invigorating.” 

Anthony gave a curt smile and shifted his attention to the sister, who appeared content on staying silent. That shall not do. “And you, Miss Sharma? Do you find yourself invigorated?” 

She nearly flinched at his direct question, but schooled her expression to one of politeness. “I have spent time in London prior to this season. The weather is fair.” 

“What a wonderful reply, Miss Sharma, as it had notes of pleasantness, without an answer to my question.” 

“Anthony!” Violet admonished, laughing lightly to lighten his tone. “Pardon my son, he can be a little more forthright than others.”

Miss Sharma smiled at the Viscountess and said, “It is fine, my lady. He is correct that it did not answer his question. An astute observation, my lord.” 

“Ah, another reply that still does not answer my question.” 

Edwina chuckled and interjected, “ Both of us rather enjoy the country as it is where we are accustomed to living. Isn’t that right, Kate?” 

Kate . Miss Kate Sharma. 

“Yes, bon,” Kate smiled, tightly. “My sister is right, and is able to make such a statement without sounding too critical. She speaks with all amiability.” 

“Which makes her an excellent match for any fine young gentleman seeking a wife,” Lady Danbury added, looking pointedly at Anthony. 

“Lady Danbury, as you know my focus this season is to assist Eloise through her first season.” 

“Ah, yes. I am certain you learned many a lesson during your other sister’s first season.” Her mouth twisted into a knowing look. “Did you not, Lord Bridgerton?” 

He paused at the woman’s smirk. “Quite, Lady Danbury,” Anthony answered, though he pulled his gaze back toward Miss Sharma. 

“Perhaps you can offer some words of wisdom to Miss Sharma,” Lady Danbury replied, and Kate’s eyes widened at the suggestion. “As she is also acting as her sister’s guide through the marriage mart.” 

“I am certain that Lord Bridgerton has enough to concern himself with, Lady Danbury. No need for him to take on any more work,” Kate said through a forced smile. The encounter almost made Anthony audibly laugh, watching the two women speak through codes to one another.  

“I would be honored to share some of my wisdom. Perhaps we can discuss it during the next dance, Miss Sharma?” 

Her shock and annoyance were barely concealed and he could no longer hide his amusement. He smiled, widely, ignoring the curious gaze of his mother and Lady Danbury beside him. The needling tickled him, and he found he had never been more entertained at a ball in his life. 

He watched Miss Edwina’s eyes widen in excitement as she looked at her sister. Then to Anthony, Edwina said, “My sister would enjoy that, my lord.”

Kate turned her head sharply. “Edwina!”

“Didi!”

“Kate, darling,” Lady Mary said, softly. “Remember that you are also a lady who… dances .”

She pursed her lips tightly and Anthony offered his hand. Miss Sharma looked at it with mild disdain, but took it nonetheless. Anthony half expected her to simply walk away or even step on his foot as she dismissed him. Either would have pleased him.

They silently made their way to the dance floor, and Anthony considered caressing her hand, the silk of her glove smooth. As they took their beginning stance across from one another, Anthony was able to truly admire her appearance. During previous meetings, Miss Sharma had been sitting. Here, he could see that she was quite tall. Her posture spoke of her confidence, of her guarded demeanor. Her blue dress fell against her silhouette with elegance. 

Unfortunately, it was a misleading elegance. “Do you always try to lead when you dance with a gentleman?” He winced slightly as their feet went to the same location. Kate scoffed. 

“I am more accustomed to taking the lead as I was the one who taught my sister how to dance.” 

Anthony studied her. “You do much for your sister.”

“I must. I am her guardian, for all intents and purposes.” 

He spun her. With her back against him, her hair nearly tickled his cheek. “Your father did not join you on your journey?” 

Though he could not see her face, Anthony felt her tense within his hold. He did not know why he asked the question, why he assumed. As soon as he felt her tense, however, he regretted his bluntness. 

“My father passed some years ago, my lord. Lady Mary has been the most excellent mother, though I am the one with the natural disposition to act as my sister’s guardian.”

“I apologize for my frankness, Miss Sharma.” She turned, facing him once again, and he blinked, quickly at her smirk. 

“By which frankness do you mean, my lord? Inquiring after my father or for your comments about my unladylike behavior?” 

He grinned. “For the former, Miss Sharma. I have no qualms over any other comment between us thus far.” 

“Of course.” 

At that, Miss Sharma stifled a laugh, clearly attempting to hide her amusement from him. He considered it a victory no less, a surge of pride flooded him, wavering his typical steady pulse. It was a sensation he had not felt in quite some time, and he did not want to let it go. He did not quell the desire to continue chasing it, but fueled it instead. 

“May I ask why your focus is solely on your sister’s marriage prospects and not your own?”

“I am happy to remain unmarried, my lord. I have no plans of being a wife. I plan to go back to India once my sister is married and secure.”

All of it was said without bitterness or defeat. Anthony admired her determined independence, with nary a thought for the swooping sensation in his chest at the image of her leaving. Though he supposed attachments were never without their great fault. Attachments were always, inevitably cut short.

“I meant my offer, Miss Sharma. Regarding your sister’s pursuit of a proper match this season. Though Lady Danbury meant it in jest, I did learn from my time last season. I made many foibles that I would advise against.” 

Kate looked at him, curiously. “Such as?”

“Such as telling your sister which suitor is desirable and which ones are not.”

She furrowed her brow and frowned. “How else am I to help her if not by eliminating all of the unworthy suitors?” 

“I did not say that,” Anthony replied, “You must simply do so with subtlety.”

Miss Sharma had no immediate reply and they continued their dance. During her silence, he noted that her smell was one of lilies. He had first noticed it during their discussion on the terrace, but could not quite place the scent. He had it now. Lilies. 

“When we spoke outside earlier this evening,” Kate finally said, “I was making note of a man that I once believed to be honorable. Lady Danbury was quick to inform me that his background could not be studied through title and ownerships alone. I have not lived here. I do not know of these rumors and behaviors. I am feeling a bit…” 

“Unprepared.” 

She clenched her jaw. “Quite. If you are serious in your offer of help, Lord Bridgerton, perhaps you can be of use to my sister.”

Anthony nearly preened at the near compliment, and could not help himself. In a low voice he asked, “Does that mean I may also take some notes on that paper you hold? That I may take a glance at what you have hidden?” 

He saw her blush and when Anthony made sure she saw his teasing expression, she scoffed. Kate continued, “I must ask you a question before accepting anything.” 

“Of course.” They made their final turn, then held one another's gaze as the couples around them curtsied and bowed. 

“Are you truly not looking for a wife this season?” 

He felt his face get warm. “Why do you ask?” 

She looked at him analytically. “I need to ensure you have no ulterior motives toward my sister. I need to make sure I can trust that you have no plans to court her or ask for her hand through this endeavor. I will not be manipulated, my lord.” 

Certainly she had to see that he had no interest in her sister. He made no efforts in concealing his interest in Miss Sharma herself. Yet, she thought he may have ulterior motives for…her sister? 

Anthony glanced over her shoulder toward their family. Miss Edwina looked at them with excitement. He saw the hope in his mother’s expression, the hope that he may finally pursue a wife. However, Anthony remained steadfast. He could not inflict that pain onto another person. And though Kate questioned his intentions with her younger sister, Anthony knew he needed to consider his intentions with the Sharma sister in front of him. 

“You have my word, Miss Sharma. I have absolutely no plans on marrying this season.”

“Sister, you danced with Lord Bridgerton so beautifully last night. Did she not, Mama?” 

Kate glowered over her cup of chai, which did nothing to disway Edwina’s prodding. Her sister simply smiled wider when their mother agreed. “Yes, Edwina. She and Lord Bridgerton looked quite lovely on the dancefloor.” 

“I do not understand why we must discuss the one dance I participated in, when Edwina danced several times with various men. You and Lord Lumley seemed to be having a pleasant conversation.” 

Edwina nodded, but wrinkled her nose. “He is a bit of a dandy.” 

“Or perhaps he is gallant?” Kate put down her teacup and leaned back in her chair. “He is but one of the many interested suitors. The queen announced you as her Incomparable of this season!” The two sisters nearly jumped with glee when the queen touched Edwina’s chin and declared her this year’s diamond. Kate finally felt some relief after months of preparation. Her sister shall have all that she wants in this life. As she should. “I assure you, bon — you will have the pick of the lot. Whoever your heart desires will soon be running to propose.” 

“You do not know that for certain yet, Kate,” Edwina replied, though she blushed at the praise. “We will have to see who decides to call this morning. That is, if anyone decides to call this morning.” 

Lady Danbury finally spoke, tearing her eyes away from the latest Whistledown pamphlet. “My dear, there is no if anymore. There is no energy to waste toward being humble. Not when you are the diamond. You will need all of your spiritedness for a long morning sifting through calling cards.” Lady Danbury chuckled, apparently amused by her own private joke. With a nod she stated, “Prepare yourself, Miss Edwina for a long and arduous day.” 

“Do you plan on making any calls this morning, Anthony?” 

All of the Bridgerton siblings looked up from their individual endeavors and shared a confused glance. After a moment, Anthony cleared his throat, “As I have yet to make any calls on any lady over the course of several seasons, no. No, I do not.” 

Violet hummed to herself and shrugged. “Over the course of several seasons, you have never shown an interest in being introduced to a young lady. Yet last night, you did.” 

“Mother…” Anthony warned, but he was ignored. 

“Nor have you requested to dance with a new acquaintance, which —” Anthony opened his mouth to interrupt, but his mother simply spoke louder, “You did last night. So, based on this pattern, I simply thought perhaps this season is one of new experiences.” 

“She’s got you there, brother,” Benedict stage-whispered, and Anthony rolled his eyes. Eloise placed a finger in her book and leaned forward. 

“I also spoke to Miss Sharma last night. As well as her sister, Miss Edwina the diamond . I wanted to offer my gratitude to her,” Eloise chuckled, “Thank heavens the queen did not choose me.” Violet frowned, but her daughter continued, “The Sharma sisters are absolutely lovely! A breath of fresh air, really. We discussed books . Miss Sharma has a very similar taste in novels as myself. Miss Edwina, on the other hand, is more interested in philosophy, which I find rather fascinating. In fact, we had a lively discussion about which genre exposed the human more!” Eloise sighed, and resumed her slouched position, book in her lap. “I hope to make their acquaintance again soon. With Miss Sharma having no interest in finding a husband, she will make good company at any future events, to be sure.” 

“Oh, dearest, Miss Sharma may say that now , but she does not truly mean it,” Violet replied, and Eloise grimaced. 

“Actually, I have reason to believe Eloise may be right,” Anthony said. He thought back to their dance. “Miss Sharma is not like any other lady I have met. She is very content being considered a spinster. Told me as much herself.” 

Eloise scoffed. “Yes, God forbid a young lady crave independence more than a spouse!” 

“Is she truly a spinster?” Hyacinth asked from her spot across Gregory. “I thought spinsters were meant to be old. How old is she? As old as Mama?” 

“Hyacinth, let’s not discuss your mother’s age, shall we?” Benedict answered, and Violet simply raised her brows at her son’s cheeky grin. 

“She is six-and-twenty,” Anthony replied, and his mother turned to him quickly. 

“You asked the lady her age? Anthony!” 

“Miss Sharma had no issues calling herself a spinster or supplying her age. All she cares for is her sister’s chances of finding a love match this season. Miss Sharma plans on returning to India once Miss Edwina is married and settled.” 

At that, Benedict closed his sketchbook and truly looked at his brother. “You seem to know a lot about this Miss Sharma, Anthony.” 

“It is customary to talk whilst dancing, brother. You would know, if you ever decided to dance with a woman,” Anthony sniped and Benedict laughed. 

“That’s rich, coming from you. Aside from familial dances, you have danced at a ball…” Benedict feigned confusion, “ Once ? An act you have yet to explain to any one in this room.” 

Anthony glared at his brother’s betrayal and Benedict pretended not to understand. Anthony sighed and replied, “There is no secret to be revealed. I have no plans on courting Miss Sharma, nor does she expect it. I did not realize enjoying a person’s company was anything of note.”  

“For anyone else, no,” Eloise said, “For, you, dear brother . Yes, quite. That news is quite noteworthy. Jarring, really.” 

Benedict nodded, solemnly. “You have transformed overnight. Truly, a changed man.” 

“Despite Benedict’s teasing, rest assured there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a changed man,” their mother proclaimed. “Especially if that change is due to a beautiful and intelligent young woman.” 

“Right, that seems to be enough gossip for one morning,” Anthony announced. He put down his paper and straightened his waistcoat. “I will be in my study today. Should any of you have any questions about the people at last night’s ball — please do not speak to me about it.” He gave a sarcastic smile and promptly walked out of the room, Eloise laughing at his closing remark. 

Benedict bowed his head at his sister, which Eloise returned, congratulating one another on a job well done. Violet tutted while the youngest siblings giggled. The children went back to their quiet hobbies, with their mother deep in thought. Violet rubbed her bottom lip and looked at Eloise. 

“Eloise?” Her head popped up at her name, and Violet continued, “If you are serious about a friendship with the Sharma sisters, perhaps we shall invite them for dinner?” 

The scent of lavender drifted toward Kate and she tried to let it soothe her aches and pains. She had opted for the lily soap again, while Mary had chosen roses. It was their own indoor garden. 

“Didi,” Edwina sighed, “Do you believe it is possible to strain one’s cheeks from smiles? It is quite exhausting being amiable all the time.”

“You have shown the most valiant of efforts, bon. I am amazed by your restraint and wit every day. I must say, a few of the gentlemen from yesterday’s calls…” Kate sighed deeply. “It took all of my strength to hold my tongue.”

“Held your tongue, did you?” Mary asked. “I believe you told Lord Fife that his opinion of literature sounded as though he had memorized the mundane thoughts of a child. Wanting and unoriginal.”

Kate smiled to herself and didn’t reply, though Edwina let out a giggle. She looked at Mary’s expression through the steam, and saw her mother’s scolding had no true strength. It was clear they were all exhausted by the lackluster men of the ton. 

“Perhaps tonight will be a respite,” Mary continued. “The Bridgerton family is kind, and there are no potential suitors to woo or charm.”

“Mama!” Edwina said slowly, “You mean there are no potential matches for me. Kate…”

“Shush,” Kate tutted. Edwina had practically leaped when they received their dinner invitation. She had been making sly comments about the viscount all afternoon. 

“Why must I shush? The viscount is charmed by your sharp tongue! I think it is rather lovely. Not to mention he is very handsome indeed.”

Edwina raised her eyebrows and Kate had to laugh at her sister’s antics. Mary let out a laugh as well, and added, “She is not wrong, Kate.”

“Mary!” 

“Kate, dearest — no one can refute the fact that Lord Bridgerton is handsome.”

“Especially the viscount himself, I am sure,” Kate muttered. “It does not matter as I am not looking to marry and neither is he. It was nothing but a dance and polite conversation.”

“Whatever you say, Didi,” Edwina cooed. 

Kate blushed at the memory of their polite conversation. When he teased her about the note she had hidden…Huffing, Kate slid down the basin, letting her hair fall beneath the water. 

“Eloise will be placed next to Miss Edwina, with Colin and Benedict seated across the way. Lady Danbury and Lady Mary will sit by me. Hyacinth and Gregory…hm, perhaps we will switch Gregory and Colin, so that Colin may sit across from Miss Sharma who will be next to Anthony, of course.”

“You must see how transparent you are being, Mother,” Anthony commented, fussing with his cuffs. 

“And you as well, son.” Violet smiled and adjusted his cravat, and Anthony frowned. He followed her out of the meticulously set dining room toward the rest of their family. Hyacinth and Gregory were already arguing about a hidden toy, while Eloise and Colin were already sharing swipes at the others' expense. 

“Colin, I beg of you — please, please do not bore Miss Sharma with your tales of travel.”

“You assume she will be bored. It seems she enjoys traveling. Perhaps she would like to hear about Greece.” Colin mindlessly stroked the hair on his face and Eloise grimaced and swatted his hand. 

“Yes, that’s exactly what she will want to hear, brother. A man talking at her about the beauties of the world when the woman, herself, is more traveled than all of the men in this family combined.” 

Colin opened his mouth to reply, though seemed at a loss for words. Benedict watched all of this unfold from his seat, and only turned when he sensed Anthony walking into the room. 

“Are you feeling well?” 

Anthony looked at him confused. “Of course. Why?”

“You keep fiddling with your clothes,” Benedict replied pointing to his cravat. Anthony glanced at his hand tugging on its knot, and his ears heated. Clearing his throat, he dropped his hand and held them both behind his back. 

“Not nervous are you?”

“Why would I be nervous?” 

The footman arrived at the doorway to announce their guests and Anthony nearly choked on nothing. Benedict winked and clapped him on the shoulder as he stood. Their guests walked in, and Violet and lady Danbury made the necessary introductions. Anthony trained his gaze on his mother, but found his glance on Miss Sharma more often than not. 

Her hair was not as tightly wound as it was the other night, with some tendrils around her face. Her dress, as well, was a purple rather than a shade of blue. He wondered if — 

“Isn’t that right, Anthony?”

All at once they turned toward him and Anthony nodded at his mother’s question. “Yes, absolutely.”

“Oh, how kind of you Lord Bridgerton,” Lady Danbury replied. “Now that you all have flattered me to no end, shall we eat?”

“I wholeheartedly agree, my lady!” Colin said, extending his arm to lead her toward the dining room. 

They all laughed politely and grouped together. Anthony waited to follow them out only to find himself walking toward dinner with Benedict and Miss Sharma. 

“I have heard you are quite the artist, is that right?” Miss Sharma asked Benedict and he made a self-deprecating expression. 

“I am not sure anyone would call me quite the artist. Most would likely say I am more the aspiring artist.”

“My brother sells himself short, Miss Sharma. He is excellent,” Anthony interjected and Benedict raised his eyebrows, pleased. “Thank you, brother!”

Kate glanced at Anthony and he could not help giving a small smile. She turned back toward Benedict. “Well then, you must tell me the best shops to peruse art supplies.”

“Are you an artist yourself?” Benedict asked and Kate tilted her head. “Not even an aspiring one,” she retorted to which Benedict laughed. “Though I find painting with watercolors to be soothing.”

“Watercolors?” Benedict looked impressed. “Miss Sharma there is no need to be humble. That is a tricky medium.”

“You are too generous, though I appreciate your kindness.”

They smiled at one another and Anthony felt an odd curl in his chest that he refused to identify, despite knowing it’s name. He interjected, “I am sure we would love to see some of your work, Miss Sharma.”

“Would you, my lord?” She asked. They reached the dining room and Benedict paused at their end of the table. “And what kind of commentary would you have to offer?”

Anthony pursed his lips, considering his next step. “Well, for any other young lady of the ton, perhaps I would compliment their color choice or the likeness of the landscape. For you, Miss Sharma. Only brutal truth.”

She smirked, and he felt the familiar thrum from the night before. “I would not expect anything else from you, Lord Bridgerton.” Benedict grinned and pulled out her chair. She nodded toward him, but turned back to Anthony to add, “To which I would reply with my own honesty.”

Anthony took his seat beside her. “I look forward to it.”

The Bridgerton family was an interesting assortment of people. Kate noted that they teased one another relentlessly, despite their mother’s protests. The youngest siblings, Gregory and Hyacinth, were never spoken down to or treated with condescension, which Kate appreciated. Benedict was the most lighthearted, by any measure. Colin was far too serious about inconsequential notions. Eloise was strong willed, yet respected in a way unlike other families Kate had known.

Anthony — well. Kate had musings about him though she was not as certain about them as the others. He was clearly fond of his family. Protective and loving. Yet, he was the coldest as well. It was an imbalance. The rest acted like children while Anthony acted as…

“Kate?” 

She blinked at her name and saw Edwina looking at her over their dessert. Fortunately, most of the table was in small, grouped discussions and only their end of the table noticed her fumble. Edwina raised her eyebrows, and Kate cleared her throat. 

“I apologize, sister. I was lost in thought for a moment.” 

“Lord Bridgerton inquired about how we are managing with the suitors who have called,” Edwina repeated with a repressed grin – still all politeness and decorum. Kate, however, nearly balked loudly, but managed a mild-mannered laugh. 

“All of the suitors have left Lady Danbury’s house with nary a scratch. Only slightly wounded egos.” 

“Ah, yes,” Edwina added, “What was it you said to Lord Brunswick during our tea?” She turned toward Colin and Anthony, with Eloise leaning around to hear. “He was opposed to trying some of our cook’s rava kesari and my dear sister replied…?”

“I replied to Lord Brunswick that should he want to court my sister, he shall have to learn how to eat something other than potatoes and his own foot.” At that Colin and Eloise laughed uproariously, and Kate added, “However, it was due to the fact that just prior to his refusal to try any Indian cuisine, the gentleman had raved about his interest in exotic fancies.” 

“Good lord,” Colin said, delighted, “I certainly did not think any sibling could scare off a suitor worse than Anthony, but Miss Sharma I believe you have bested him.” 

“I do not know if I agree with her besting me,” Anthony said, and Kate scoffed. He continued, “Though I must applaud your intuition, Miss Sharma. Lord Brunswick is an odious man whose only fancies include brothels and gambling rings.” 

“What is a brothel?” Hyacinth asked, and Benedict immediately leaned over and said, “It is a place you shall never set foot in as long as you live. Gregory, on the other hand —” 

“Lord Bridgerton,” Kate interrupted, though with an incredibly bemused look, “I do recall you offering any useful information. Clearly, you agree with my assessment of Lord Brunswick.” 

“Quite,” Anthony nodded, shooting a look at Benedict. “I would also stay far away from his closest cadre — that includes Wickson and Steele.” 

“Yes, I have already eliminated those two as serious matches,” Kate nodded, and Colin laughed again, “Good lord. There are two of you.” 

Eloise leaned near across the table. “Should either of you decide to ban any suitors from entering this house, I would not mind it.” 

“My sister does not ban any man from the house,” Edwina stated, “She simply presents herself truthfully, and the men can decide for themselves.” 

“And how do you feel about it, Miss Edwina?” Benedict asked, and she shrugged. “I trust my sister with my whole heart, and love her fiercely. Any man who is unable to love Kate’s wit is not a suitable husband in my eyes.” 

Kate and Edwina smiled at one another, and Kate felt so incredibly blessed to have a sister such as hers. There was a content moment of silence, until Gregory grumbled, “Why can’t I have a sister like that? Instead, I have Hyacinth who mocks me daily.” 

“If only you were not so foolish, I would not need to mock you.” 

Kate leaned closer to the youngest brother and assured him, “When we were your ages, my sister and I had our fair share of arguments. There is still time. Unfortunately, as the older sibling, you may have to be the model.” 

Gregory’s face turned bright red, and Kate leaned away from him to lessen his embarrassment. His eyes were wide and his mouth slightly agape. “Miss Sharma, I will be the greatest model of decorum. And may I say, you have the loveliest eyes I have yet to see in my life.” 

“Gregory!” They all turned to see Lady Bridgerton lightly admonishing the boy, and Lady Danbury smiled. “Oh, do not mind the boy. He is simply making his intentions known. He shows a strong sense of courage! Other men of the ton would do well to learn from him, your ladyship.” 

Kate watched Lady Danbury’s eyes rest on something over Kate’s shoulder, yet when she turned all she saw was Lord Bridgerton taking a drink. 

The rest of the night quickly passed and as they walked the Sharmas to their carriage, the all spoke of seeing them soon. Eloise and Edwina discussed attending a panel of some kind, with Lady Bridgerton frowning beside them, with Colin adding sarcastic comments. Lady Mary was helped into the carriage by Benedict and Kate was left beside Lord Bridgerton. 

She curtsied. “Thank you for your hospitality, my lord. My mother would not say it aloud, but I know the invitation pleases her. It helps knowing she is welcome by some of society.” 

“You will have to thank my mother, especially. She enjoyed your company as well.” He paused and Kate nearly made her leave before he added, “You are planning on more callers tomorrow morning, I take it?”

“Perhaps some in the morning, however Edwina is set to promenade with Lord Lumley tomorrow. I will be chaperoning them, of course.” 

“Of course.” He grinned, and bowed his head. “Until next time, Miss Sharma.” 

“Yes. Until then, my lord.” 

As the carriage left the drive of the Bridgerton house, Kate took another look out the window and watched the viscount return inside.

Chapter Text

“Remind me again why we must promenade as a family, brother?” Eloise tugged on the collar of her dress and her mother tutted under her breath. “Mama, I will wear the dress and all of its bits, but I am allowed to remark and act on the heat of the day.”

Lady Bridgerton sighed, and took out her fan. “Despite the heat, dearest, I like that we are walking together as a family. I feel as though we rarely do this often enough!”

“We live together, do we not?” Benedict remarked, and his mother lightly tapped his arm with her fan. 

“Not to mention Francesca is away, Daphne is in Clyveston, and Gregory and Hyacinth had to remain home with their studies,” Colin added and Eloise grumbled, “I wish I might have stayed home with my studies.”

“Hush, please,” their mother said, “You are disturbing the peace of the park.” 

They continued their slow gait down the path of the park, nodding their heads and stopping to say hello. Despite the fact that Anthony was the one who dragged them out to the park, he was by far the most distracted. And with Eloise on his arm, it was difficult to ignore the two fidgeting whenever the family stood still. Violet glanced at her eldest as his eyes quickly scanned the park. 

“Perhaps we should turn around? If we are all quite done with the park today?” Lady Bridgerton suggested. They all looked at Anthony, but his attention laid elsewhere. He was stopped in his tracks with his focus trained a few feet to their left. 

“Well would you look at that?” Benedict said with a knowing lilt, “Lady Danbury and the Sharma family. What a coincidence.” 

“It is a coincidence,” Anthony replied while leading them toward the tent the ladies had set up in the grass. A picnic was arranged on a small table between Lady Danbury and Miss Sharma, while Miss Edwina listened to Lord Lumley read out of a small book. Edwina had a slightly strained expression that brightened significantly at the sight of the Bridgerton family. Kate, noticing the change in demeanor, looked over her shoulder and met Anthony’s eye. Her eyes narrowed as he got closer and he gave her a large grin.

He stopped at her chair and bowed his head. “Miss Sharma, Lady Danbury. Miss Edwina. How fortunate to cross paths on this fine day.” He paused. “Lumley.”

Lord Lumley stood abruptly with a pleased smile. “Yes, same to you Lord Bridgerton. Truly a lovely surprise. How wonderful.” 

Anthony shot Benedict and Colin a look to stop their snickering. Kate, whose suspicious gaze stayed on his face, replied, “I suppose surprise is one way of describing this meeting. It is certainly a surprise for some of us here.” 

“Yes, I had no idea you would be set up on this patch of grass. We were simply enjoying a stroll as a family.” 

He gave her a cheeky grin, to which Miss Sharma nearly smiled. Nearly a proper smile. Closer than he had gotten at the ball or at dinner last night. Progress, to be sure. It delighted him, despite the fact that he knew she was likely laughing at his transparency. 

He moved closer to her seat and glanced around the picnic area. Eloise and Benedict were distracted by the book of poems that Lumley had brought and his mother began talking to Lady Danbury. Colin, however, had drifted toward the refreshments, helping himself to a handful of grapes and some bread. This left Anthony to continue talking to Kate. She shook her head and pursed her lips, turning to look back at her sister. “I believe you may be following me, Lord Bridgerton.” 

“I told you, Miss Sharma, it is a complete coincidence. I had no plans to meet you and your group at this particular point. Perhaps, it was destiny.” 

“A man of destiny? I find that difficult to believe.” 

“Hm, perhaps destiny is not the word. Luck?” 

“I believe in this instance,” Kate gave him a knowing look, “A certain gentleman made his own luck.” 

“Hmm, I cannot disagree with you on that point. I rather like it.” 

“I thought you would.” 

Anthony took note of her dress color — different from her typical dark hues. It was bright, in fact. A mix of green and blue. This time, her gloves were not the formal silk type, rather ones of thin lace. He very much wanted to take her hand in his own. “You look lovely today, Miss Sharma.” 

She turned her head at him quickly, and didn’t reply. As though she were waiting for another quip. When nothing followed, she shifted uncomfortably, and held her head up. “Thank you, my lord.” 

“Sister!” Edwina called, pulling their attention. “I would like to stretch my legs again, and Lord Lumley has agreed.” 

“Certainly, Bon.” Before she pushed herself out of her chair, Anthony offered his hand. Kate looked at it, and continued to stand on her own. He chuckled, and Kate walked toward a maid. “Come, Newton!” 

“Ah, is this your dog, Miss Sharma?” Colin asked, amused by Newton’s tail wagging. 

“He is rather…rotund,” Anthony commented, and Kate threw a sharp look over her shoulder. Anthony eyed the short beast, its tongue hanging out the side of its mouth. 

“Newton is in perfect health, Lord Bridgerton. It is simply his short stature that makes him appear rounder than other dogs. In fact, he is quite strong! Isn’t that right, Newton?” She took his leash and bent down to scratch under his chin. 

“He also has a penchant for slobbering over one’s finest furniture,” Lady Danbury muttered, and Lady Bridgerton hid her smile behind her hand. Kate stood and went to follow her sister down the path. 

“My siblings and I shall gladly join you on your walk, Miss Sharma. This way, Mother can rest here if she would like.” 

Eloise wrinkled her nose. “What if the rest of us would like to rest?” 

Anthony smiled tersely at his sister and brother. “Benedict? Offer your sister your arm.” Benedict rolled his eyes, but offered his arm nonetheless, and Eloise reluctantly threaded her hand through its crook. Colin attempted to drift away from the group, but his elbow was quickly taken by Eloise’s other hand. 

Kate watched Anthony and looked at his proffered arm. She pursed her lips having no choice but to place her hand on his arm. Edwina smiled brightly, and Kate gave her an affectionate one in return before they all began walking. Under her breath, Kate said, “You are fortunate to have such patient siblings, my lord. Willing to go along with your brazenness.” 

“They are less patient than you think, Miss Sharma. And they are as brazen as myself, though they pretend otherwise.” 

“We can hear you, brother!” Benedict announced, and Eloise added, “Only brazen with my thoughts and ambitions. I shall not be faulted for society labeling such women as unruly.” 

“Sister, it is not your ambitions that have people thinking you are unruly,” Colin replied, “But all of the other facets of your personality.” 

“Oh, I apologize, brother. I could not understand you with that growth still on your chin.” Eloise and Colin continued to bicker, and Benedict shrugged at the eldest in amusement.

“See?” Anthony commented. After a moment, he asked, “So. What are Lord Lumley’s prospects thus far?” 

“Hm, he seems to be faring better than most others. He enjoys poetry, which pleases Edwina. His taste is a bit lacking, however that is something that may be easily fixed with the right guidance.” 

“Lord Lumley is a decent man. He has no debts, due in part to his rarely gambling. He dotes on his mother and does what is expected of him.” 

“That is good and well,” Kate sighed, “It is just…” 

“He is rather unoriginal,” Anthony finished, and Kate furrowed her brow in thought, scrutinizing the man as he walked with her sister ahead. Eventually, she replied, “Edwina thinks he is rather a dandy.” 

Anthony laughed, and nodded. “To be sure. Though, there are worse things to call a man. Rather dandy than unkempt.”

“True.” They paused as Newton stuck his nose in a patch of grass, nearly snorting like a hog. 

“Good God, that sound is ghastly.”

“He is merely sniffing! Leave him be.”

“May I ask why you chose this particular dog?” 

“Newton is an excellent companion. A solid judge of character to boot.” 

“Is he?” he replied to which Kate frowned. “I simply pictured you with a companion that was more…intimidating? Such as a hound.” 

Newton sneezed and shook out his fur before pulling them onto the path again. Kate gave the corgi a look of such pure affection that it nearly knocked the wind out of him. He had yet to see her look at something so softly, so lovingly, that he found himself oddly jealous of the fat dog. Eventually, Kate said, “I think I am intimidating enough for the both of us.” 

“Oh, that I will not argue.” 

She gave him a look of deep thought. He felt his face heat, and he clenched his jaw, turning his gaze elsewhere. “Lord Bridgerton…” 

“Yes?” He said quickly, and they slowed their steps. She tilted her head to look at him closely and he wondered what she was searching for and what she saw. 

“Why do you keep seeking me out? I cannot understand your persistence.” Before he could make a pithy remark, she pressed, “I have no intentions of marrying and neither do you, so I know it is not a courtship. I appreciate your insight on the suitors attempting to woo Edwina, but that cannot be your sole purpose.” Kate blinked and his heart stuttered at her precise questioning. “Tell me. What is your intention?” 

He opened his mouth, then swallowed. Anthony discreetly scanned their surroundings for any potential eavesdroppers. When he saw his siblings admiring the ducks in the pond nearby, deep in their own conversation, Anthony turned back to the woman on his arm. Kate’s mouth was straight and serious, and he struggled to find an appropriate answer. 

Anthony could not tell her that he thought of her. Could not tell her how his mind continued to drift to their past encounters. That their past encounters brought a smile to his face and a thrum to his chest. He could not articulate how their meetings have brought him a surge of delight he had not experienced in years. How could he explain that needling her became a sort of high, that trying to get her to laugh  — a true and proper laugh — was a prize he wanted to win over and over again? 

How could he explain that he cannot court her because it would bind her into a position that Anthony barely wanted himself? And he certainly could not explain why, despite knowing that, he could not find the restraint to distance himself.

“I have no ulterior motives, Miss Sharma. You are correct in stating our desires to remain unmarried. I seek your company because…” He faltered, but continued with resolve, “I enjoy it. You are unlike anyone I have yet to meet. It is as simple as that. I enjoy your company.” 

He saw her breath quicken with the rise and fall of her chest and the longer her silence the tighter the knot in his chest. Anthony felt oddly exposed and vulnerable as her sharp eyes crossed across his face, and he shifted his eyes to their surroundings rather than her face. Eventually, her face shifted from one of defense to one of curiosity. “You are seeking my friendship?” 

His body relaxed, then cocked his head, feigning contemplation. “I am not sure friendship is quite the word considering how often we bicker with one another.”

They started to walk again, and Kate hummed in agreement. “You certainly vex me more so than any other acquaintance.” 

“And I would say the same about you. A maddening woman, indeed. So intent on disagreeing with everything I say.”

“I see now why you insist on stalking potential friendships because clearly flattery is not your strong suit.” 

Anthony bit back a grin. “I think there are many a young lady that would say otherwise.” 

“And yet this particular young lady has yet to hear such sweet words.” 

“Well, Miss Sharma, if I recall correctly, you are not a young lady.” He looked at her profile, and saw a clear smile. “Yes?” 

Kate paused, clearly trying to find a way to win. Her nose wrinkled, and his hand twitched at the thought of smoothing out the lines. Finally, she acquiesced, “Yes. For once, Lord Bridgerton, you are not wrong.” 

“A visitor for Miss Sharma.”

Lady Mary muttered, “Oh, I wonder who that could be so late in the morning.”

No one bothered to listen to the footman announcing Lord Bridgerton into the room. It was late enough that the suitors were gone by now, such was Anthony’s routine. Though their respective families understood their friendship no party involved wanted to generate any salacious rumors. And so, Anthony would visit after calling time. If the Sharmas went to the Bridgertons’ home, they typically came in pairs and Anthony would join the families for tea. 

Though Kate thoroughly enjoyed the Bridgerton family and their kind words, visits to their home were not as relaxed in part to the viscount’s role within it. 

“Brother, I do not understand why one must learn so many different languages. Especially since all of our circle in London speak English,” Gregory complained one day. Hyacinth, without looking up from her cake retorted, “Gregory, perhaps you should consider the fact that it is not the number of the languages, but the person attempting to learn the languages.” 

“Hyacinth, please,” Lady Bridgerton chided. Anthony sighed, “Is it your tutor, Greg? Is he not sufficient?” 

“He talks so quickly,” Gregory replied, sitting beside Anthony on a couch. “And he expects me to memorize conjugations overnight. I simply am not able to recite things that quickly. And it’s not as though I do not try —” 

“I know you try,” Anthony replied. He furrowed his brow as he watched his brother’s face turn pink. Though Kate was seated with Eloise and Edwina, her attention was fully on Anthony whispering something into Gregory’s ear. She noted the way Gregory attempted to hide his tears of frustration, and her heart ached for the young one. 

She put down her tea, and sat across from the two Bridgerton sons. She waited until there was a pause in their conversation. “You know, memorizing conjugations was quite difficult for Edwina as well. I was her teacher. We worked on it quite often.” 

“You taught her a different language?” Gregory asked, and Kate smiled softly. “More than one different language, actually. Our first language is Hindustani, but I was born in London so I also grew up speaking English. My father made sure I also knew Latin and Greek. And then I passed it all along to my sister.” 

“Your intelligence is incredible,” Gregory replied quickly, and Anthony stifled a laugh at his brother’s evident adoration. “If you were my Latin tutor…”

“Miss Sharma has other duties. She obviously cannot be your Latin tutor.” 

“Well,” Kate thought, “I do plan on being a governess when I return to India. I would not mind, when I am ever in your company, to offer my assistance, Gregory. Do you think that might help?” 

Anthony was ready to decline, but his brother spoke faster, “Absolutely! Everything you say sounds infinitely better than anything my Latin tutor has ever said in his life.” 

“Greg,” Anthony said, “Why don’t you go get your notes and books from your room.” They watched as he ran out of the room and Kate could not help chuckling at the viscount’s embarrassment at his younger brother’s eagerness. 

“It is not fair to the young boy,” Anthony said, and she furrowed her brow, waiting. He continued, “He is tragically in love with you, I’m afraid. He will not get a lick of studying done if he’s too distracted by his feelings.” 

“I am a very focused instructor. You may ask Edwina. I run a tight ship.”

“Hm, yes however Miss Edwina is your sister and Gregory is a young boy absolutely infatuated with you.”

“You exaggerate.”

He barked a laugh, and shook his head. “I really do not. The other night he asked the likelihood of you waiting for him to be of age.”

Kate repressed a laugh of her own and replied, “His crush will soon pass, sir. I am certain he will find another girl who is much more amiable.”

“Perhaps,” Anthony playfully tweaked one side of his face, and grinned, “But a Bridgerton man enjoys a challenge.”

“Considering my spinsterhood, I do not foresee any man would enjoy conquering the challenge that is my temper.”

Anthony looked at her closely, opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it. He glanced over his shoulder where Gregory had run out of. “His crush reminds me of his innocence. I forget how young he is sometimes. He acts so much older than his age…I think I often treat him too harshly. Expect too much of him.” 

“You are only trying to help him.” 

“Yes, well. Trying is the operative word. There is always room to do better.” 

Anthony seemed to say this more to himself, and she felt a pang of sadness. This was a different man from the one who teased her on her first morning ride in Mayfair, and the morning rides since. Different from the one who insisted on testing her nerves, who enjoyed starting a debate whenever possible. And though Kate admired his dedication and love for his siblings, she could not help but wish, in that moment, that he would go back to teasing her. 

The shadow of his duty and responsibilities followed the viscount at every corner of his house. And though Kate felt a tad selfish for admitting it, she much preferred his visits to Lady Danbury’s, 

During those visits, Kate started to see Lord Bridgerton as Anthony — though she did not refer to him as such. His duties were less pressing whilst at Lady Danbury’s home, even during the days he brought Eloise to discuss radical politics with Edwina or the two youngest to fawn over Newton. 

With his shoulders lighter, he and Kate were able to discuss whatever topics at hand. Every visit included a thorough inspection of every one of Edwina’s passable callers, occasionally laughing at any particularly abhorrent ones. Other days Anthony told her of the comings and goings of his family with affection and frustration. At least once a week the two debated current events, and during those days a brave maid or footman was directed to be their chaperone — a necessity despite the platonic nature of their meetings. 

They did not see one another every day, of course as that steered too close to improper when their friendship in nature already skirted that line. 

Still, whenever three days passed without word from the viscount, Kate noticed herself start to fret. She would go on a second walk with Newton and drag along Mary. Or, she would reorganize her current list of suitors for Edwina and explain her adjusted rankings. 

It was a new development that Kate rather disliked. Waiting for a man. Wondering of him and what he may be doing during his day. Wondering if, somehow, he had forgotten her. 

“Kate, must you move so much?” Edwina asked one such afternoon, only a day ago. “You will leave nothing for the maids with all of your nervous energy.” 

“I am not nervous, Bon. I have nothing to be nervous about,” Kate replied, folding and refolding some of her shawls. Edwina sighed. “No? So this has nothing to do with the fact that Lord Bridgerton has yet to visit this week?” 

Her hands froze over her pile of clothing and her heart quickened. Face warm, Kate released a light laugh and shook her head. “Of course not, sister. That would be ridiculous. I cannot...” She swallowed. “We are simply friends. I have never concerned myself over the whereabouts of a gentleman, and I certainly will not start now.” 

She continued picking up bits and pieces of accessories around their room and felt her younger sister’s gaze follow her pace. Finally, Edwina hummed and caught Kate’s attention again. “Didi, if what you say is true — that you two are simply friends — then, I must tell you that concern for a friend is nothing to hide. If my friend, lady or not, acted out of character and did not send word as to why, I would begin thinking of them, too. You care so deeply, sister. There is no shame in it, as it is one of your best qualities.”

Kate found herself contemplating Edwina’s words when she watched Anthony come in on this particular day. He greeted her mother and sister, both of whom were looking at recent dress designs in a pamphlet. And when he came over to sit on the same settee as Kate, she had a deep furrow between her brows. 

“My, my, whatever made you so concerned? Is it Newton? The old ball finally ate one of your silk shoes?” 

She hesitated, unsure of whether she was being too intrusive or meddlesome. However, Edwina was right. They were friends. Friends could inquire after friends. Friends were allowed to care. 

“No, my lord. In fact, this furrow is all your doing.” 

His eyebrows shot up, and all humor drained from his face, and was soon replaced with concern. “Mine?” 

“See, when one typically speaks to another person three to four times a week, they become accustomed to such regularity.” 

She paused, and saw he showed no comprehension of her true meaning. Kate continued, “So much so, that when the other person sends no word or message over the course of several days, it can lead one to…” 

Kate’s voice faded as the smugness on Lord Bridgerton’s face grew, and once his level of smugness resembled one of a male peacock displaying its feathers, she stopped speaking altogether. “Would you care to explain why you appear smug?”

“You are vexed that I did not send communication to you.” 

“I fail to see how you should feel pride in this situation.” 

He smiled even wider, and she nearly took a decorative pillow and thumped him across the face. Instead, she narrowed her eyes in frustration and blushed from slight embarrassment. 

Anthony glanced over his shoulder, then leaned in, and half-whispered. “Miss Sharma. Did you miss me?” 

Her jaw dropped and he relished in her reaction. “I did not say —” 

Anthony leaned back. “Ah. You missed me, dearly.” 

“You are  —” She shut her mouth, quickly, and took a breath. “Lord Bridgerton, I said no such thing.”

The man sat against the back of the silk couch, crossed his leg, and rested his hands in his lap. His face was all arrogance and pride, and she was suddenly overcome with…affection. Affection for this peacock of a man who frustrated her to no end. 

Kate bit the inside of her cheek. “Does it really please you this much? The possibility that I might…” She swallowed and closed her eyes, loathe to admit defeat to this man. 

“Does it please me this much,” Anthony said, “To know you missed me, so dearly?” He took a long breath, as though he needed to ponder the notion deeply. Then hummed and finally answered, “It does, Miss Sharma. It pleases me to know that my presence has grown on you. In fact, I dare say, I believe you actually enjoy my company.” 

“What a scandal.”

“A scandal so surprising even Whisteldown has nary a chance of finding it.”

The fight left her, and Kate repressed a smile for this viscount who, in this moment, looked so boyish in his victory. 

“Kate.” 

He looked at her quizzically, and she explained, “You may call me Kate.” 

The light in his eyes from her small offering was disarming. It was almost too much to bear, the amount of joy he got from her friendship. He held her opinion at such high-esteem and Kate wished she had more to offer, something more than only herself. 

She requested tea service and kept her eyes on her hands, his eyes still on her. 

In a more subdued manner, he explained, “I was held in meetings at parliament, then had several urgent issues dealing with our funds. Next time, I shall send word.”

“You have a number of responsibilities, my lord. I do not want you to think I misunderstand —“

“If the roles were reversed, I would want the same. And please. Anthony.” Their voices had shifted to a quieter tone, making it all entirely too intimate. She met his gaze, despite her discomfort, and he smiled gently at her. “I thought of you, as well. Kate.”

The tea service arrived, and Kate began making her chai while the maid poured some tea for the viscount. She waited until the maid stepped away, and Kate smiled over her teacup to reply, softly, “Thank you. Anthony.”

“As much as I adore being your errand boy,” Benedict proclaimed as he walked into Anthony’s study, “You must know that I am more than my parts. I have a mind. I have a heart! Not merely a set of legs and arms with money to spend.”

Anthony looked up from his paperwork. “I take it you found the set.”

“Yes I found the bloody set.” Benedict held out the box and Anthony took it and yelled for his valet. Benedict watched as his brother scrawled a note and fixed it to the package. “As you only know one person who enjoys using watercolors, I assume this is for Miss Sharma? Seems a little dishonest considering I purchased them.” 

“I am giving you the credit for the physical purchase. No need to whine. Ah, there you are Turner,” Anthony picked up the package and handed it to his valet. “Would you please ensure this is sent to Miss Sharma? I would also like some flowers sent with it as well.” 

“What kind, sir?” 

“Tulips, please.” Anthony turned back to his desk and paused. “And make certain that they are a warm, bright color. Perhaps, orange or yellow. A mix would be best.” 

“Yes, my lord.” 

Benedict watched the valet walk out of the room, mouth agape. Anthony ignored his brother’s pointed stare and began organizing the documents on his desk. He glanced at his pocket watch and sighed, “I believe I have time for one cup of tea before my meetings.” 

“I am sorry, but I cannot let this go without explanation.” 

He looked up and waited, Benedict slowly blinking as he formulated his thoughts. “You sent…a thoughtful gift with flowers to Miss Sharma…and you are not courting her.” 

Bringing his attention back to his desk, Anthony logically explained, “I sent Miss Sharma a note to state I will not be able to come to visit later today during our scheduled time. She said she would like notice if my schedule becomes busy, and so I am sending her notice. It is fairly simple, brother.” 

“And, again I must clarify, you are not courting.” 

He sighed deeply and gave Benedict an annoyed glare. Benedict laughed and shook his head in disbelief. “I am simply trying to understand! Seeing a young lady consistently, sending her gifts and flowers, enjoying her time and company — I do not see the difference.”

“The difference is that neither of us intend to marry. We are friends. That is all.” Anthony went around the other parts of his study, collecting what he may need for his afternoon, and Benedict followed his path. 

“I am not one to fuss over the formalities men and women are forced to adhere to, Anthony. I am aware that men and women can be friends without any romantic entanglements. Yet, this seems different than that.” 

“I do not see how.” 

Benedict waved his arms and let out an exasperated laugh, again. “Because you do not have such friends! Because it — it is not —” He dropped his hands to his hips and Anthony gave him a shrewd look. Benedict sighed, and tried again. “You are telling me, right now, that you do not feel anything romantic for Miss Sharma? That you do not feel any sort of…attraction to her? You do not find her beautiful?” 

Anthony paused, a crease between his brows and a frown on his face. “Those are two different questions. Is Miss Sharma beautiful? Of course.” He scoffed as Benedict raised his eyebrows and made a face as though withholding his words. “Do not twist what I say,” Anthony defended to which Benedict replied, “How is that twisting what you say? You said, outright, that you think she is beautiful.” 

“Literally, yes that is what I said. You are twisting the meaning.” 

Benedict’s jaw dropped, amused. “You cannot be serious.” 

“It is evident that she is a beautiful young woman. She is striking. However , that does not equal attraction.” 

“Okay, then you are saying you do not feel attraction for Miss Sharma. No attraction. Whatsoever. Not at all.”

“I — “ Anthony’s words caught in his throat and his mind frantically searched for how to respond. He shook his head and pointed his finger accusingly. “You are trying to trap me with your questions.” 

“No, actually!” He backed away and sat on the edge of Anthony’s desk. “I am attempting to figure out what is happening between you and the woman with whom you spend hours speaking to on a weekly basis. The woman you talk about every day. The one you send gifts to and act in a manner completely unlike your past self! Believe it or not , brother,” Benedict asserted, “I am simply trying to ensure that you are truly thinking about what you and Miss Sharma have together. Because if it is more than friendship…It may be worth exploring.”

Without waiting for a reply, he left Anthony in his study. He swallowed, rubbing his thumb along the spine of a book he had mindlessly held while evading Benedict’s prodding. His brother’s questions only echoed the endless thoughts Anthony had every night since he’d met Kate, failing to fall asleep again and again. 

Certainly he had thought about Kate beyond friendship. He tried not to, as he didn’t enjoy being masochistic all the time. 

Yet at night, he dreamt of her. 

He dreamt of the two of them together, kissing urgently, their two forms so close to one another he could practically feel her pressed against him once he woke. Images from his dreams had begun drifting in his mind whilst in her presence. Too many times during their last few engagements, her scent overcame his senses. Kate would turn just so, the expanse of her neck exposed and he would be reminded of his improper thoughts. Anthony would trace her decolletage with his gaze, reminded of his dreams in which he trailed kisses across her neckline and she would respond by threading her fingers through his hair to which he would pull her even closer to him and he would tug at her skirts and — 

And then her wretched dog would jump on his leg, startling him, and he would be left warm and embarrassed. Urgently in want of this woman while sitting in Lady Danbury’s pink, silked drawing room. 

Of course he was attracted to Kate. However, he also enjoyed simply being around her. Talking to her. Listening to her opinions and observing her reactions to the events around her. In truth, he dreamt of those moments as well. The two of them together with no chaperone or audience. The two of them without their responsibilities. 

He craved all of it. All of her. 

And during those moments, the ones that left him feeling short of breath and out of sorts, Anthony would remind himself — It was one season. Edwina was the diamond, and she would soon find a man worthy enough to marry and Kate would leave. That would be that. 

He had one season with Kate. He was too consumed to leave her be at this point. It was not possible. One season, and then he would stop. He would stop and be Viscount. Find a wife and fulfill his duty. One season. That is what he told himself. 

Unfortunately, his plans were soon upended, for Miss Edwina fell in love. 

Chapter Text

They met at a soiree of some sort. He was at the refreshments table, leaning against a window pane, reading. 

“Reading?” 

“Is it not charming, Didi?” Edwina giggled over her scone. “He was so engrossed in his book. And it was a good one at that! Oh, Kate! He is intelligent, kind, and soft-hearted — his character quite different from all of the men I have met thus far. Mr. Bagwell looks at me as though I am…” 

“A diamond?” Lady Danbury asked, and Edwina shook her head. “No! Not a diamond for that implies I must be displayed. No, Mr. Bagwell…he looks at me as though he wants to absorb every word I speak. He truly listens and, and is awed by my opinions. And I certainly feel the same.”

Kate smiled widely, and grasped her hands to her chest. “Oh, Bon! That is wonderful. He sounds quite lovely.” 

“Mr. Bagwell is incredibly doting and the epitome of politeness,” their mother commented, also pleased by her daughter’s bliss. “You will approve, Kate. I am sure of it.” 

“It is quite surprising you have yet to meet him, Miss Sharma,” Lady Danbury said, an eyebrow arched. Kate steeled herself for whatever implication came next. “They have been promenading and he has called on her several days now. You have been otherwise engaged, I suppose?” 

She cleared her throat, and sipped her chai. “I suppose, so Lady Danbury. A visit to an exhibit with Miss Eloise and working with Lord Bridgerton’s youngest brother – the season has been eventful.” 

Lady Danbury pursed her lips in judgment and Kate remained confident in her actions. Eventually, Lady Danbury took a breath and her gaze went back to the newest edition of Lady Whistledown. “Quite, Miss Sharma. Fortunate that you are available to chaperone your sister at the races.” 

“It is alright with me , Didi,” Edwina interjected. She smiled coyly, “I understand that Lord Bridgerton is a demanding gentleman. Especially with those he is very fond of...” 

“Bon, you know I follow no man’s demands,” Kate replied with a small, teasing smile. “I am eager to meet Mr. Bagwell today. If he has won your heart, he must be a wonderful man.” 

Edwina giggled, cheeks blushing, and began discussing her choice of dress for the Royal Ascot, and Kate swallowed back her guilt. Lady Danbury had noted the precise insecurity she had been trying to repress since she first heard of this new suitor. She was meant to be her sister’s guardian, the one vetting all of these men. And now, somehow, Kate was the last to meet him. Her duty, her responsibilities, her role — all were being woefully neglected and all because Kate could not stop herself from accepting every invitation, every opportunity to see a man who had no intention of even proposing marriage — a negligible point as Kate had no desire to marry. 

Being around Anthony caused a swell of paradoxical emotions. Comfort and imbalance. Affection and frustration. She wanted to guard her thoughts yet could not help her vulnerability spilling out of her when discussing her home, her father, her opinions. She craved it, like she did her morning rides. 

However, this Mr. Bagwell was a startling and necessary reminder. Kate was here for Edwina. She was here to ensure her mother and sister would be secure, more secure than with their current dwindling funds. Kate needed to focus today. All her attention must remain solely on Edwina. 

“Miss Sharma!” 

Kate turned at Anthony’s voice and looked unimpressed at his smug grin. “My lord. It is a tad early in the day to be so smug, is it not?”

Anthony’s grin grew as he showed her proof of his wagers. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, and Benedict laughed behind him, “I told you she would not be impressed.”

“Nectar? Are you quite serious?” Kate asked, a look of near disgust and Anthony’s ego was both wounded and inflated, a feeling he was learning to expect when with the woman. 

“I have a feeling about him.” 

“A feeling ? You merely picked the horse everyone else has chosen. A feeling ,” Kate muttered with distaste. Anthony frowned and replied, “There is nothing wrong with having a feeling about a bet, Miss Sharma. It is a gamble, is it not?”

“Feelings are a part of a gamble for the average person, however I am a gambler of strategy. I put thought into my decisions. This process leads to a feeling of strong confidence in my choices.” 

“Miss Sharma,” Benedict sighed, pleased, and took a step closer. He clapped his brother on the back, “I have grown quite fond of your barbs. Truly, they bring immeasurable joy.” 

“Oh, the joy is all mine, sir,” Kate replied and smiled. She bowed her head and Benedict mirrored her. She then seemed to remember something, her expression shifting, and she looked over her shoulder, looking through the crowd. 

The day was bright and quite hot, the heat unrelenting in the crowd. Still, Anthony had been looking forward to the race. He and Kate had been debating which horse would win for nearly a week and decided that he would place his own wager and then one for her as well. The prize for the winner was yet to be decided, though the other day Anthony swallowed the urge to suggest a prize that would make her blush. 

“Ah!” Kate said to herself, and Anthony followed close behind her, Benedict in tow. Anthony asked, “Who is the suitor today for Miss Edwina?” 

“A Mr. Bagwell?” Kate replied. Recognition crossed Benedict’s face immediately. 

“Ah! Matthew Bagwell. Yes, I know the man. He entered Cambridge as I was leaving. Though I believe he resides at Oxford now.” 

“Oxford?” Anthony replied. “Good man, indeed.” 

“My sister is quite fond of him,” Kate said, and gave Anthony a stern look. “Best behavior!”

Anthony simply nodded his head and they stopped in front of the courting couple, both of them looking completely smitten with the other. Anthony whispered to his brother, “Do you recall ever being that glaringly smitten?” 

“Once, from what I can recall. I was fourteen and was maddeningly in love with Daphne’s governess.” 

“Was she not quite old?” 

“Quite,” Benedict nodded, “It was more for her French than anything.” 

Kate looked over her shoulder toward them. They stepped forward as Kate gestured toward them. “Mr. Bagwell!” Benedict greeted. “Nice to see you again.”

“Thank you, Mr. Bridgerton! You as well.” Bagwell’s deep voice was tinged with nerves, though he was clearly attempting a confident facade. Anthony did not blame him. Meeting Kate would do that to a young man like Bagwell. The boy was rather lanky and tall, his height emphasized by his mound of blonde hair. Mr. Bagwell did not say much for every word and movement was utterly genuine. His hand fluttered nervously as he pushed his glasses closer to his face, and Edwina smiled sweetly at the movement. 

“Still a scholar of philosophy at Oxford?” Benedict asked, and the man nodded quickly. 

“He is quite knowledgeable,” Edwina added, and Mr. Bagwell blushed, the redness evident on his pale complexion. He shook his head, and quickly replied, “She is entirely too kind. Miss Edwina is far more intelligent. I have the luxury of studying at a university, yet Miss Edwina is one of the most knowledgeable persons I have met. All on her own accord.” 

Edwina beamed. “Not entirely on my own, Mr. Bagwell. My sister was a most excellent tutor.” 

“Ah!” His face reddened. “My apologies then, Miss Sharma. You have much to be proud of, to be sure.” 

Kate smiled. “Yes, Mr. Bagwell. You are correct. My pride is neverending for my sister. And I look forward to hearing more of your studies in the future, sir. I feel as though we would have much to discuss.” 

“Good luck to you, Mr. Bagwell. When such an occasion occurs, you will need it,” Anthony stated then checked his pocket watch, unaware of the nerves he had caused within the young scholar. “The race is set to start soon. Shall we find our seats?” 

They all began to move toward the stand until Lady Danbury stopped them with her cane. 

“Ah!” She waved and they all turned to their right. “Mr. Dorset! How wonderful to see you today.” 

“Lady Danbury,” Dorset replied. Anthony studied his former Oxford classmate, surprised by his sudden appearance. Last he had heard of the man, he was away in the Americas. He looked slightly rumpled, as though he barely had time to brush his hair, yet oddly collected. Anthony wondered when Dorset and Lady Danbury had become so acquainted.  

“The pleasure is all mine.” Mr. Dorset nodded at the gentleman, then his eyes lingered on Kate. “May I be introduced?” 

“Yes, of course. This is Lady Mary and her daughters — Miss Kate Sharma and Miss Edwina Sharma.” They curtsied, and Lady Danbury turned to Kate. “Mr. Dorset and I ran into one another the other day, while on a promenade. He has studied medicine extensively, all around the world. The man mentioned his time in Bombay, and you came up in conversation.” 

Kate raised her brows and studied Lady Danbury closely before she smiled politely toward Dorset. “Is that so?” 

“Yes. My time in Bombay was wondrous! I look forward to visiting again. Though, I daresay, those who call Bombay home will not be pleased by my Hindustani. It has yet to improve despite my many attempts at learning.” They laughed politely, save for Anthony who furrowed his brow and glanced at Lady Danbury. 

“How fortuitous that you should meet us here, Mr. Dorset,” Lady Danbury proclaimed. He smiled at her. 

“Yes, indeed. Miss Sharma,” Dorset gave her a small grin, “I would be honored to escort you to your seat. Perhaps we can discuss more of our familiarity with your home before the race.” 

“That won’t be necessary.” 

The doctor’s eyes widened slightly and turned toward the voice who answered. Anthony smiled tightly and continued, “We are all sitting together, so no need to escort Miss Sharma. But yes, do feel free to sit beside us.” Anthony held his arm out for Kate, who looked at the viscount with amusement. She reluctantly took his arm and he quickly guided them away from the rest of their party. 

“You must know that Mr. Dorset is simply abiding by Lady Danbury’s demands.” 

“Then all the better for me to dismiss the man as nothing but a nuisance,” Anthony replied and Kate breathed a laugh. “Wanting to escort you to your seat immediately after your first introduction. Absurd.” 

“If I recall, I was asked to dance by a viscount immediately following our introduction,” Kate needled and Anthony immediately replied, “That was not the same.” 

She laughed as he led them toward the front row. As they made their way to their seats, Anthony quietly continued, “For that was our first formal introduction, not our first ever meeting.” 

“Ah, I see,” Kate said, nodding. Anthony sat at the end of the bench and Kate beside him. Anthony directed his gaze toward his brother, silently communicating to him that Miss Edwina must sit beside Kate. It was imperative that Benedict stall Mr. Dorset in his pursuits. 

Fortunately, his brother was not totally inept. “Miss Edwina! After you, of course. Mr. Dorset and I will gladly take the end of the row.” 

“If I may suggest — Miss Edwina and Mr. Bagwell will be better seated near the end. That way, the lady will have a better view as she is shorter than the rest of you, you see?” Lady Danbury held Edwina’s arm and herded Dorset with her walking stick. “Mr. Dorset, you first. Wonderful!” 

Kate laughed in disbelief and shook her head, and Anthony felt his jaw clench and frustration flare in his chest. Dorset smiled as he took his place beside her, and Anthony refrained from rolling his eyes. They sat in silence at first with Benedict talking to Bagwell and Edwina. 

Mr. Dorset cleared his throat and leaned toward Kate. “Miss Sharma. It seems that Lady Danbury eluded sharing with you the planned introduction. Am I correct?” 

“Yes, sir,” Kate replied. He laughed and said, “I apologize for the surprise, though I hope it is not an altogether unwelcome one.”

“It is a tad intrusive, Dorset,” Anthony commented. “As we had plans, you see.” 

Dorset smiled softly, and nodded his head. “You have not changed much since Oxford.”

“I fail to recall an image of you during those years, Dorset. Perhaps your presence was not as distinguishable.” 

Kate looked at Anthony in surprise. Before either man could answer, the horses were at the starting line and the entire crowd jumped to their feet. 

“Are you ready for defeat, my lord?” Kate asked, smirking and Anthony scoffed, “Nectar is the most likely winner. You must prepare yourself , Miss Sharma.”

“Nectar may have won recently, but today is entirely different. It is hotter, the track is wet, and your horse will inevitably tire and lose speed on the final lap. High Flyer is a cooler and much lighter horse — his traits are perfect for the track conditions today.”

Anthony blinked, and Kate’s smirk widened. He pursed his lips and replied, “You withheld these musings when we discussed this race the other day.”

“You did not ask.”

With that, the race started and Anthony and Kate lept out of their seats. The entire crowd cheered and clapped, yet Kate was the one of the most boisterous spectators. Anthony nearly laughed at the magnitude of her enthusiasm and nearly fell over when she began whistling. However, his affection was not enough to quell his competitiveness and he focused on his chosen steed. As Nectar rounded the track for the last lap, Anthony watched in dread as the horse began to slow, appearing worn. And he nearly let out a curse when he watched High Flyer cross the finish line first. 

He sighed deeply and dropped his head while Kate clapped loudly and yelled with glee.

“It seems you did well today, Miss Sharma,” Mr. Dorset said, and Kate let out a pleased sigh. She smiled widely at Anthony and cocked her head to the side. 

“I have won many times in my life, yet I have never bested a viscount. The victory tastes so much sweeter!” 

“Miss Sharma, you take too much pleasure in besting me,” Anthony replied, slightly cross, and Kate raised her eyebrows and her smile shifted into a smirk. 

“Do you not take pleasure in how much it pleases me, my lord? It is what makes our acquaintance so unlike any other.” Kate lowered her voice, “I am certain you are eager to hear what I request for my prize.” 

A wave of her scent filled his senses and she stood closer to him than the norm due to the crowd. Anthony was suddenly hot with wanting, despite the fact surely Kate meant no impropriety (well, fairly certain. She was a lady, she surely did not mean…)

He leaned in and considered whispering into her ear all that he would gladly bequeath. Her effect on him as of late was consuming and visceral. It was her confidence, her competitiveness — the glint in her eye. He felt his jaw twitch and his breath quickened as his body grew hotter. That damn smirk of hers! It made him want to —

“Lord Bridgerton! If you may escort me to our carriage? I believe Miss Sharma is taken care of,” Lady Danbury commanded, her hand outstretched and waiting. The two of them looked at the bottom of the rafters and saw the rest of their party had already descended from their seats. 

Dorset smiled and offered his arm to Kate, who nodded and walked down to meet him. Anthony smiled tightly and followed. He held his arm out for Lady Danbury, and they walked silently and slowly. He waited for Lady Danbury to say her piece for he knew that she must have something to say. 

“Lovely weather for the races!” 

He looked at her suspiciously. “Quite. Warm, but not overpoweringly so.” 

“Yes, exactly. The sky is magnificently clear — no fear of any impromptu storms. I am one who always likes to be prepared for such events. I am certain you are the same, are you not, my lord?” 

“I suppose you are right in your assessment.” 

Lady Danbury looked at him closely, “Miss Sharma is the same. As is right. Any lady must be prepared. However, Miss Sharma is not simply a lady. She is a lady who bears the brunt of being her family’s guide in life. She plans. She protects. Yet…I fear she may have been unprepared for an upcoming reality.” 

Anthony turned toward her, his mind quickly sorting through any potential issues Kate may have mentioned. Nothing came to mind. At his confusion, Lady Danbury sighed. 

“What will become of Lady Mary and Miss Sharma when Miss Edwina marries a second son? When she marries a scholar ? Lady Mary insists that she and her financial situation will be fine, but I am no fool, Lord Bridgerton.” Lady Danbury lowered her voice, and he clenched his jaw. “An unmarried daughter working as a governess. A daughter married with only enough wealth for a modest life for herself and whatever children may come. A mother denounced by society for following her heart.” Lady Danbury paused, and pursed her lips. Raising her brows, she asked, slowly, “Now, tell me. What does that future look like to you?” 

He closed his eyes briefly, and watched the images fly by quickly. The Sharma family would be fine, perhaps. However, it would be a life of scrimping and saving. Kate making barely enough to keep for herself as she would surely send anything to her mama. Edwina would soon need to feed any children she births, leaving less and less for Lady Mary. 

Anthony’s jaw clenched and he pressed his thumb tightly within the fist behind his back. He cleared his throat and muttered, “I empathize, yet I fail to see how you are connecting this point to me.” 

“Then let me make it plain,” she stated. She pulled them to a stop and glared at him. “If you do not like Mr. Dorset forming an acquaintance with Miss Sharma, I suggest you do something about it. For he is offering something that you are wary of offering yourself.” 

“Miss Sharma does not want to marry —” 

“No, she may not, but you leave that notion to me. When she considers the fate of her future now that her sister is nearly betrothed, Miss Sharma will make the practical decision. She is stubborn, yes. Thoughtless? Selfish?” Lady Danbury raised her chin. “You know neither to be true. So, I will say it again. Either extend a worthy offer, my lord, or let Miss Sharma accept another.” 

Lady Danbury extricated her arm from his and smiled at the footman by her carriage. Anthony remained where he stood, breathing heavily, jaw clenched. 

“Brother? Are you well? You look slightly murderous,” Benedict said, furrowing his brow in concern. Anthony glimpsed at him, but did not answer. Instead, he looked toward Kate, and saw her laughing kindly with Dorset. It was not her truest laugh. It was the one she used for Edwina’s suitors or an unfamiliar debutante at a ball. Was that the life Lady Danbury wanted for Kate? No. It would not do. 

“I am perfectly well, Benedict,” Anthony finally managed. “The tracks remind me of former gambles — remorse, that is all.”

“My, is that another bouquet from Mr. Dorset?” Edwina asked, admiring the red roses. Kate smiled and nodded. He had sent one the day after the races, as well as the one today. They were both roses, a flower that Kate never really liked, a fact Edwina knew. Her sister sighed, “The man means well. You know suitors believe that roses are the only flower to exist.” 

The sisters giggled, and Kate gave a teasing grin. “Not all men can be like Mr. Bagwell, sister.”

Edwina blushed furiously, and shrugged her shoulders, attempting to hide how pleased she felt. “He is truly like anyone else I have met, Didi. He respects me and my mind. He makes me reconsider what I believed to be true, only to make me laugh a moment later. It is nearly beyond comprehension.” 

“I am so, so happy for you, Bon. Truly, I dreamed and hoped you would meet a man that offered you the love you deserve for years. And now it seems it is finally happening. He will soon be planning a private meeting with Mama. I know it!” 

Edwina shook her head. “Do not jinx it, Didi! I dare not speak it aloud, just in case.” 

Kate rolled her eyes with affection as Lady Danbury and their mother walked into the room. “Ah! The two young ladies we need to speak to this morning,” Lady Danbury said while taking a seat by Kate. Lady Mary explained, “I think it would be best to separate our plans today. I must go to the shops to acquire more stationery, and Edwina would like to peruse the book shop.” 

“I do not mind attending to those errands with you,” Kate said, but Lady Danbury cleared her throat. 

“I think it would be best if we stay here, this morning. You would not want to miss any callers, now, would you?” 

Kate narrowed her eyes and looked at her mother. Lady Mary sighed and gave her an apologetic look. Edwina looked between them, confused. “Which suitors are we expecting?”

“Come along, Edwina,” Lady Mary replied, pulling her up by the arm. “Let us go get ready and leave at once. We do not want to get there while the shops are too busy.” 

Their mother all but dragged Edwina out of the room, and the two stubborn women sat in silence. Kate pursed her lips and turned toward Lady Danbury. 

“I thank you for your thought and concern over my wellbeing —” 

“Do you?” She interrupted, “I am quite certain that you are vexed at my thought and concern. That you would much rather I keep my concern to myself. Am I wrong?” 

“You know I do not wish to marry. I want my independence, ma’am. I wish to return to India and become a governess. I am perfectly content with being an aunt.” 

They stared at one another, silently assessing the other. Lady Danbury spoke first. “And your mother?” 

“She has agreed to come back with me, now that it seems Edwina will marry Mr. Bagwell. Their living will not account for all three of them. Mama and I can work back home.” 

“Miss Sharma, I have no doubt in my mind that you and Lady Mary are capable of looking after yourselves. However, I fear you are rejecting what you do not understand.” She shifted her body to face Kate, and continued, “ Independence and marriage are not mutually exclusive concepts, though I understand why you may think so. Wives and husbands have learned to live in harmony while pursuing their own endeavors. The right partner can secure comfort and independence. It does not have to be a love match, but rather a future that matches both of your desires.”

“Why must I have a husband to attain the future that matches my desires?” 

“You do not , Miss Sharma. That is not what I am saying.” 

“It certainly sounds as such.” 

Lady Danbury huffed, and hit her cane against the floor. “ Unfortunately , our reality dictates that women cannot have the wealth or luxuries of men without marrying or the privilege of a large dowry. It does not have to be fair or just in order for it to be true,” Lady Danbury said, adamantly. “A husband is a means to an end. Mr. Dorset desires to travel. He does not want to live a life in the ton. He makes a more than a modest amount of money for the two of you. You can go back to India, and visit your sister often. You can travel the world and experience new wonders. And, ” she paused, “You can provide for your mother. It would be a better allowance than one from a scholar and one from a governess.” 

Kate swallowed, though did not refute any claim. 

It was a small worry that had begun forming in her mind the minute she found out the wealth of Mr. Bagwell. She had already started planning a way to keep finances manageable. She would work more and could try to become a governess for a wealthier family. Perhaps she could do secondary work as well, to ensure her mother did not have to strain herself the older she grew. For the older her mother grew, the more likely Edwina would become with child — multiple times. 

Lady Danbury softened her expression, and patted Kate’s hand. “You have already conceded to a life without a love match. Perhaps, you can accept a future that holds a pragmatic match. A match to secure the future of your mother. Of yourself. And, after some years, your relationship with Mr. Dorset may even blossom into one akin to love.”

Pulling her hand away, Lady Danbury studied Kate’s face. Kate tried to remain guarded and strong, but her resolve was weakening at the lady’s argument. 

Finally, Lady Danbury softly said, “Marriage does not have to be a prison. For a young lady, well — in truth, marriage can be one’s freedom .” 

Kate felt her heart beating rapidly when a footman came into the room. “A visitor for Miss Sharma — a Mr. Dorset.” 

The two women looked at each other until she shifted her gaze out the window. Oddly, Kate found herself wondering after Anthony. What would he think if she shared her concerns? What would he say to Lady Danbury’s suggestions? She swallowed and nodded toward her sponsor. 

Lady Danbury nodded back, and turned to the waiting footman. “You may send him in.” 

“Anthony?” Gregory asked from his chair. Anthony made a noise without moving his gaze from the paper. “When will Miss Sharma arrive today?” 

His shoulder tensed and he kept his face hidden. “I am not sure Miss Sharma will be here today to help with your Latin. She may have a busy schedule this week.”

“She sent a note this morning confirming that she plans on calling later today.” 

At that, Anthony dropped any pretense of reading the news and sat up. “She did? Why did I not receive it?” 

Gregory smiled smugly, his cheeks red. “Because the note was addressed to me , not you.” 

Eloise snorted from her place across from Anthony, while Hyacinth rolled her eyes. “You are such a dolt, Greg. You act as though she may actually fall in love with you.” 

“No!” Gregory said, though his cheeks flushed further. “She simply treats me with equal respect, and it is nice to be appreciated.” 

“Miss Sharma will be here today, then?” Anthony asked, squashing the potential bickering. Eloise sighed, and answered for her younger brother. 

“Yes, Anthony, Miss Edwina mentioned it the other day as well. Miss Edwina and I plan on comparing notes on a recent pamphlet we have read. She mentioned her sister coming with her several times.”

“Ah,” Anthony replied, his thoughts racing. Eloise, unaware of her brother’s state continued rambling while still perusing her book. 

“Apparently Miss Sharma is looking forward to the call as she is exhausted from being run ragged by Lady Danbury. Constantly needing to dote on whatever callers the woman brings through her home. Implying that Miss Sharma must marry and forcing any gentleman possible to present himself like a prized pig,” Eloise snorted and shook her head while Anthony felt his thoughts come to a sudden stop. 

“Multiple callers?” He hated how urgent his tone must sound, but his blood was beginning to boil and he was trying to remain calm while not understanding this wave of anger.

His sister raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. “Should I not have said that?” 

Anthony stood up abruptly and mumbled an excuse about work, and attempted to bury himself in ledgers. He feigned intense concentration, though there was no audience to convince. All the while, he waited to hear the footman announce a guest. 

It has been nearly a week since he had seen her. Kate. Lady Danbury’s lecture had circled through his mind every day since their day at the races. He could not offer a courtship. He could not offer a marriage. A note was sent to her of course — Anthony blamed it on upcoming parliament meetings and an influx of papers to review. The truth of it was he was in the depths of constant debates within his own mind. Anthony was wasting her time, as well as his own. He had responsibilities at home and, soon, he needed to find a suitable wife for himself as well. 

He knew his time with Kate was limited. He simply did not expect how tortuous the ending would feel. It was lunacy, true lunacy, the way Anthony could scarcely recall his life before Kate. How did he fill his time between work? Brothels, he supposed. Even longer ago — Siena. 

With Siena, it was true escapism and a completely different sector of his mind. She was never a part of his daily life, never met his siblings. Excluding the delusion when he truly believed he could combine his two worlds, Anthony knew their relationship was not one to last. It was cruel to her, and he looked back at that time regretting his actions and immaturity.

The lust and strength of his connection with Siena was potent, to be sure. Despite the inevitable end, during their acquaintance, Anthony thought of her while working. Of course. Though that was a completely different experience than the one he had with Kate. 

It drove him mad, the incessant thoughts of her. The dreams and the wanting and the jealousy. After over an hour of this rumination, he genuinely began to believe he was coming down with some affliction, when he heard the footman announce the Sharma sisters, and he flew out of his seat. He paused at the door and listened to the dull murmurs from their drawing room. 

The noble thing to do would be to stay in his study. He walked out of the room and followed the sound of Kate’s voice. 

“Gregory, this set is nearly all correct! You are improving!” Anthony stopped at the doorway, admiring the scene. Edwina and Eloise crowded together in one corner with Kate and Gregory’s backs facing the entryway, poring over his latest assignments. A tight knot stuck in his chest at the domesticity. 

He forced himself to clear his throat and adopt a casual expression. “Soon Gregory will no longer need any help with Latin. He will likely be the one teaching all of us a lesson or two.” 

“Surely, not,” Gregory replied quickly. He glanced at Kate whose eyes were now on Anthony. “Latin is improving, but my maths are quite abysmal. I will go get my last set and you can see for yourself!” 

Greg bounded out of the room and Anthony and Kate shared a look before laughing softly. Anthony took a seat across from her and said, “I told you. His romantic notions have not passed.” 

“In enough time,” Kate replied, “His affection will subside.” 

His smile dropped, slightly, at the irony in her statement. Neither of them spoke at first, and Anthony took the moment to drink in her presence. It felt as though they had been apart longer than reality. He expected her to be different, yet was pleased that she looked the same. She wore the bright blue-green dress from their first promenade and it made him ache. 

“You have been quite busy, my lord?” Kate finally asked, and Anthony nodded. 

“Have you received my notes?” 

She nodded quickly, and then smiled. “Your notes and flowers are much appreciated.” 

“Well,” Anthony placed his lands in his lap, and looked at his signet ring. “I am sure what I send is only one of the many bouquets. Hopefully, mine do not pale too much in comparison.” 

“The flowers you send are always beautiful, Anthony.” When he looked up again, her smile had turned into a slight frown. She did not look mad, only contemplative. He knew she was studying him, trying to determine why he would say such a thing. It was nearly self-deprecating and it was unlike him. He is not sure why it slipped at all. He is not sure why he cannot stop himself from continuing. 

“Have you been seeing much of Mr. Dorset?”

Kate visibly flinches at the name. “Why would you assume I have been seeing Mr. Dorset?”

“He was clearly fond of you at the races as he attempted to vie for your attention. He would be a fool not to call on you, and from our time at Oxford I know he is not so foolish.”

“I thought his time at Oxford was not so remarkable, thus you should not be able to form any strong opinion.”

She raised her eyebrows and he caught her reference with a smirk. “I believe I said that his presence lacked anything distinguishable — which is true. Very few men at Oxford are completely foolish, thus he blended in well. Therefore, my assessment was true,” He nodded his head as he connected his points, “Dorset was rather indistinguishable.”

Kate let out a breath and a chuckle at his pettiness, and Anthony laughed lightly as well. They looked at one another in silence until she finally sighed, “He has called twice since the races.”

“And the flowers?”

Here she pursed her lips. “Roses.”

“Red?”

She nodded and Anthony cringed exaggeratedly, “Rather trite, is it not?”

“His intentions are good, my lord. He means well.” Kate shook her head, though was clearly fighting off a smile. She added, “He is perfectly amiable.”

The knot his chest returned at the remark, his face falling. He saw that Kate caught his reaction, and he attempted to put on a neutral expression. Yet, he found his mouth opening as if on its own accord. 

“Is that what you wish for? A life with a man who is simply amiable?” 

He should not have asked, as was evident by the way Kate’s eyes widened. He blamed it on the growing knot in his chest. It grew and pushed the words out of him. Kate furrowed her brow and seemed nearly speechless for a moment. “My lord, why is that —” 

“Ah!” 

The two startled at the voice of Lady Bridgerton, and they turned to see her smiling as she walked into the room. Kate rose and curtsied, to which the dowager waved off. “No need for such formalities when you are such a regular guest, my dear. Please, sit.” 

Kate smiled tightly and Anthony could not help but look at her from the corner of his eyes. Her eyes were trained on his mother, whose timing was incredibly unfortunate and quite the blessing in this instance. When Kate caught his eye, he quickly turned back to his mother and tuned into her words. 

“...delight as I have just sent the invite to Lady Mary!” Violet said, “I hope you all are able to accept.” 

Anthony looked at her confused, as he had missed the beginning of her story. Fortunately, Kate was able to reply, “I do not see why my mother would refuse. It is an incredibly generous offer, ma’am. My mother has sorely missed the countryside since we left India. I think she would greatly enjoy the serenity.” 

“That is what I thought as well,” Violet replied. “A few quiet days at Aubrey Hall without the other guests always does the spirit good! You and your sister have brought much joy to our house this season. It is the least I can do, extending an invite.” 

“What invite?” Eloise asked, walking closer to them with Edwina behind her. Kate cleared her throat and answered, “Your mother has graciously invited my family to Aubrey Hall a few days prior to your country ball. Our mama has been talking about missing the idyllic countryside of our home, and I think it will please her.” 

“Oh, yes!” Eloise exclaimed, gripping the pamphlet tightly across her chest. “What a boon it will be to have more intelligent women there. That way I will not have to tolerate the mundane stories about Colin’s adventures in Greece.” 

“Eloise!” Violet chastised, and Eloise simply rolled her eyes. Edwina tried to hide a giggle as she said, “That sounds absolutely wonderful. Does it not, Didi?” 

Anthony clenched his hands when Kate looked at him again. She was breathing deeply and Anthony realized that his chest matched the rhythm of hers. Kate stood and quickly guarded her emotions yet again. “Yes, Bon. If you will excuse us, Lady Bridgerton, I believe Lady Danbury is expecting us back in time for dinner.” 

“Yes, of course.”

They all shared their goodbyes, Anthony’s hands still clenched behind his back. Kate turned to him, a curious look on her face. He bowed his head. 

“Miss Sharma.” 

Without waiting for her reply, he walked back to his study and shut the door behind him. 

She was certain Anthony was avoiding her. He continued sending notes and flowers explaining every absence. However, they had not had a proper conversation in over a week, and it made her furious.

When she saw him last at his home, it almost seemed that he was upset about her potential courtship with Mr. Dorset, though she could not determine why. It did not affect him. If anything, it would mean she may stay in London more often and they could continue their friendship. Perhaps, that was the cause of his vexation? Perhaps he was trying to distance himself prior to her potential marriage?

Kate shook her head and took a deep breath. There was not even a potential marriage to discuss. Mr. Dorset had only offered a courtship, and even then Kate had politely asked for time to consider. 

“Your grip on my arm suggests you are either frightened or vexed,” Mr. Dorset said teasingly. “And seeing as our setting does not typically incite much fear, I am inclined to think it is the latter.” 

She blinked and quickly smiled, hiding her true feelings. “You may believe that to be true, sir, however for many a young lady a promenade in the park can be quite daunting indeed.” 

Chuckling he nodded, and replied, “Ah, of course. I would offer protection if I did not already know you are much better equipped for such a task.” 

They continued walking toward the boats, chatting, and he helped her into a rowboat for a turn around the lake, her mama stopping by the edge of the lake with Edwina and Newton. Whilst rowing, Mr. Dorset continued to charm — tales of his travels, remarks about her wit, and all things pleasant. Kate played the charmed debutante as best she could without being completely spurious, laughing at what she truly found amusing or offering a kind comment when needed. 

Such was their routine. Mr. Dorset would call on her and they would have moderately interesting talks about their lives or current events. And as soon as he left, Kate would feel all of her energy drained from her body from the constant performance of it all. Then, later at night, she would be unable to sleep due to her racing thoughts. 

Could she do this for the rest of her life? Could she truly have a marriage with a pragmatic and amiable match? If they married, would she ever have the time to herself to unwind? To regain energy to continue playing a wife? Or, would the role of wife soon become her normal guise and thus less taxing? Would that transformation be a better fate or a worse one?

Suffice it to say, Kate was rather exhausted. Edwina had attempted to coax her concerns out of her, constantly asking about her feelings toward Dorset, but Kate could not tell her the truth. She could not tell her that she was only considering the man out of responsibility to their mother. She certainly could not tell Mary. Lady Danbury — well she was the one who began the entire ordeal. 

What Kate needed was to speak to someone who could provide insight. A person who understood the importance of supporting one’s family while trying to maintain some sense of agency.

All of this to say, Anthony’s avoidance was particularly frustrating at the moment. 

“You are deep in thought.” 

Kate turned toward Mr. Dorset who had paused his rowing. She sighed and tried to smile again. “Apologies. I am rather tired. I am not used to the constant activities of a season in the ton.” 

“I quite understand. I have traveled in ships and navigated my way through unfamiliar lands. And yet, I find that there is nothing more exhausting than engaging in the marriage mart.” 

They both laughed lightly, and Kate took a deep breath and rested her back against her seat. She felt his eyes on her, but she kept her gaze on the water. The light glistening on the gentle waves brought about a serenity she had not felt in quite some time. 

“Miss Sharma,” Dorset started. She met his gaze, which was more serious than she had ever seen it. “I know you have always wanted your independence. I am not in the mindset that you are a woman who dreamt of marriage and becoming a wife. However, I want you to know that…I genuinely enjoy your company. You are compassionate and clever. You need time to consider a courtship, and I do not mean to rush you. I only want to say that, well, I think you and I could have a pleasant partnership. I want you to know that I care for you.” 

A weight pressed against her lungs. “Thank you, Mr. Dorset. You are too kind.” Kate swallowed and glanced back to the land and saw a familiar figure standing by her sister. She sat up and quickly looked away. “I believe I am ready to return to my sister, now. Newton gets rather riled when I am gone for too long.” 

Mr. Dorset nodded and grinned. “Of course, Miss Sharma. Let’s return you to land.”

The last time Anthony had swung his fists at another person, it was with his now brother-in-law last season. They had done quite the damage at White’s and have since resolved the anger that brewed between them. It was an immature decision, Anthony understood that soon after their fight. Yet he found himself filled with a rage that he could nearly begin another fight right in the middle of this park. 

“You knew Mr. Dorset at Oxford, yes?” 

Anthony swallowed and tried to regain his composure. “Yes, we crossed paths once or twice.” 

Edwina nodded slowly, and turned her gaze back to her sister. They both watched as Dorset slowly made his way back to the small dock. After a moment, Edwina quietly said, “He is a kind man, to be sure. However, I cannot help but think that if Kate truly wanted to marry him she would have accepted his offer of courtship the day he asked.”

“They are courting?” Anthony asked quickly. “They have made it official?” 

“No, he offered and she is merely considering it.” 

“I see.” 

Edwina, oblivious to his murderous thoughts, continued, “You have gotten to know my sister quite well, my lord. I believe you will be able to pull the truth from her. I do not want Kate marrying a person for anything other than love. Certainly, she would never admit it, but she is the one who read me fairy tales and stories with a ‘happily ever after.’” She sighed and looked up at Anthony. “She is a romantic! She believes in true love. It is just that she never considered the concept for herself…and I wish that she would. My sister deserves a true love match.” 

There was a pause, and Edwina giggled awkwardly, “Oh dear. I apologize, my lord. I often ramble if no one stops me. Especially about my sister. That was not my place.” 

She had taken Anthony’s silence as annoyance, when in truth Edwina’s words nearly shook him to his core. A true love match. 

Anthony was not so much a fool to think that Kate loved Dorset. It was evident that she did not. Still, Anthony could at least admit to himself that he was jealous of the man. But what right did he have to be jealous? None — not when he had sworn to never marry for love. How could he yearn to be the only man to make Kate laugh, the only man to vex her, when he was no better than any other suitor of the ton?

“My lord?” Edwina asked, and Anthony blinked quickly, turning away from the sight of Kate and Dorset approaching the land. “Are you well?”

“Yes, indeed, Miss Edwina. My apologies — I was lost in thought.” He looked back toward the dock and saw Dorset attempting to tie the rowboat to a post. “If you will excuse me.” 

He bowed and quickly made his way to the dock. Kate’s laugh grew louder with every step and his chest was a disgusting mix of jealousy, self-loathing, and fury. Anthony knew, as soon as he stopped before their boat, that Dorset would be his punching bag. 

“Lord Bridgerton!” Dorset said, smiling amicably, hands still on the rope. “Enjoying this fine day?” 

“That knot will not hold, Dorset.” 

Dorset sighed and subtly rolled his eyes. “I think it will be fine. Another couple shall use the boat soon, so it is not of great importance.” 

“You have no way of knowing how soon another couple will use it.” Anthony bent down and tried to take the rope from Dorset’s hands. “I will tie a proper knot.” 

“My lord…” Kate said, but Dorset pulled the rope away. 

“You cannot be serious, Bridgerton?” Dorset chuckled, “I am perfectly capable of tying a rope to a post.”

“Are you? Because you are failing spectacularly at the moment.” 

Dorset’s eyes narrowed and he barked out a laugh. Anthony’s tone was harsher than he meant it to be, but he felt out of control at the moment. He had spent days avoiding Kate’s presence, avoiding the thought of her and Dorset together, avoiding the feelings he had when he thought of Kate marrying anyone else. Now, being near her scent, hearing she may soon accept a courtship, seeing that she had no true affection for this plain gentleman before her — 

“Bridgerton, you must let go of the rope. You are making this entirely more difficult than necessary,” Dorset said, his tone now matching Anthony’s competitiveness. 

“Well, if you let go then I can secure it to the post, which is the responsible thing to do after using such equipment.” 

“You are both acting like fools right now!” Kate hissed as she looked around them, trying to appear calm. 

“Miss Sharma you must —” 

“No, Dorset, you are — “

Back and forth the two men tugged at the small line of rope while Kate quickly removed herself from the small boat. From the movement of the boat and the jerky movements of the men’s quarrel, Anthony suddenly lost his balance at the exact moment that Dorset pulled on the rope with too much force. 

And suddenly, all Anthony could feel was the freezing water.

It was an incredible scene, really. Both of the men were sopping wet, clothes sagging under the weight of the water. Dorset would not stop talking about how exhilarating and refreshing the water felt and how he wished they could all jump in, his brutish mood suddenly gone. 

Truly, it was quite amusing. Edwina could not stop giggling. And if Kate were not so incredibly frustrated at the moment, she would be giggling, too. 

Kate glowered at Anthony standing several meters away, using a spare tablecloth a servant pulled out from their basket. Kate watched as his mother attempted to help and his siblings all laughed hysterically. Finally, Anthony stalked off, presumably toward his carriage, and she could no longer stay still. 

“Excuse me,” Kate said quickly. Her party looked at her confused. “I need a moment away from the crowds.”

She curtsied and left without any further explanation. 

“Are you pleased?” 

Anthony froze where he stood. His face had been covered by the spare cloth, but he knew her voice. 

“Excuse me?” He asked, turning around. She was clearly furious, and though he understood why, he was not yet calm himself. And so, he added, “You must be attempting a joke at the moment, and I must tell you that I am not really in a humorous mood.” 

“Neither am I,” she sniped. She took a step closer and he clenched his hands at his sides. “You have obviously been avoiding my company, and I have been sitting at home with absolutely no clue as to why. Suddenly, you reappear only to create a scene and push Mr. Dorset into the lake!” 

“I did not push him,” Anthony growled, “It is not my fault that you chose a man who is so inept at tying a rope that he caused both of us to fall into the body of water.” 

“What? What are — I did not choose any man.” 

Anthony scoffed and shook his head. He turned back to the carriage and threw the cloth into one of its seats. He could still hear Kate behind him as he unbuttoned his jacket and loosened his cravat.

“Are you truly upset with me?” Kate asked in disbelief. Anthony did not answer, but simply threw his jacket and cravat on top of the cloth. He turned around and she was studying his face. “You cannot be thinking clearly for what you are saying is utter nonsense.” 

“I am thinking perfectly clearly, Miss Sharma,” Anthony whispered furiously, and she narrowed her eyes. 

“I do not see how I could be the one at fault in this situation. You are the one who decided to challenge Mr. Dorset to a pitiful competition so you may inflate your own ego!”

“It was not done for my sake!” 

“Oh? Then who was it for, my lord? Who was the beneficiary of that horrid spectacle?” 

They stood not far from one another, Anthony still dripping wet, their breath short from the exertion of the events as well as their own frustration. Anthony took a step closer, and his eyes flitted toward her lips.

“You will not marry him.” 

“That is what is vexing you? Mr. Dorset?” 

“No, it is not him. It is the —” Anthony huffed angrily and paced. “You are not acting as yourself. Courtship. Marriage. None of it. It is not you.” 

“Are you saying that I do not know myself?” 

“You are being obstinate. Kate. Listen to me. You will not— ”

Kate scoffed and interrupted, “You will not tell me what to do! You have no right to dictate or object to any of my choices.”

“I will not allow you to do something so against your will.” 

“If I ever agree to marry, it will not be against my will for I never do anything against my will!” Kate argued. She balled her hands into fists when she saw him scoff and shake his head. 

His nostrils flared and he took a deep breath. “You swore you did not wish to marry.” 

“I said I am content with being unmarried. I am content being a spinster — that is still true. However, I am not content with letting my family live in strife if I can ensure a better life for them. The only promise I ever made to myself was to protect my sister and my mother. That is all. And if that includes marriage, then it is my duty.” 

“You do not need to speak of duty,” Anthony said, drowning out the last of her sentence, stepping closer. “I know what a marriage of duty means. I know it because I have been anticipating it for my entire life —” 

“Our situations are not the same! Do not paint them as such,” Kate said quickly, and his eyes lit with indignation. He attempted to interrupt again, but she spoke over him. “You are a viscount seeking a perfect viscountess. I am a spinster of six-and-twenty with no wealth or prospects in the near future. I do not have the luxury of waiting and searching and being particular. I gave that luxury up the moment my appa died.” 

Anthony shook his head and took a few steps away as she spoke, then turned back to reply, “You are throwing aside your values to abide by these rules. These rules you claim to not care for. It is unlike you! You do not let others make your decisions for you. You do not acquiesce to the — ” 

“Please tell me more about my own person and mind since you apparently know more about myself than anyone else!” Kate shook her head and was furious to feel her eyes water, and they both tried to catch their breath. She raised her chin and met him with a steely gaze. “Your entitlement is astounding. You speak as though you have authority when you have no way of understanding my position. I must be a family’s protector while remaining all things proper for my sex. As such, I must seek advantageous opportunities. I must put my wants aside.” 

“You think I do not do the same?” Anthony countered, “You think I do not put my own wants aside for my family?” 

“You are choosing to marry for duty, for a reason I do not understand but will not question.”  She furrowed her brow. “You are able to wait for a match. What time do I have? Mr. Dorset is the only man offering potential security. Tell me, Anthony — Tell me what other solutions you have for my quandary. Tell me a better solution.” 

It was as though she knew what words were close to falling out of his mouth. As though she knew the war raging within his head. Anthony pursed his lips and his face twitched, his mind yelling at him to tell her, to offer her anything she desired. 

He opened his mouth, and felt his throat close. He closed his eyes to try and gather his thoughts, only to see his mother crying hysterically. He saw his mother, pregnant with Hyacinth, sobbing over his father. When Anthony opened his eyes, he knew he could not. He could not offer her anything. 

Taking a step back, Anthony cleared his throat. “I have nothing, Miss Sharma.” 

He watched her take a deep breath, her eyes wide and chin tucked down. The near opposite of her typical stance. It sliced through his heart. She shook her head. 

“Goodbye, my lord.” Kate looked away, brushing past him as she left.

Chapter Text

Kate debated which aspect of the ride to Aubrey Hall was more infuriating – the soft footed remarks from her mama or the reprimanding glare from Lady Danbury. 

“Didi, it will not be as difficult as you believe,” Edwina placated as the carriage went over a particularly harsh bump. She winced, but quickly smiled again. “Remember — our company will also include Miss Eloise and Mr. Bridgerton. You and Mr. Bridgerton get along quite well, do you not?”

Kate sighed and stroked Newton’s head as he napped on her legs. “Bon, I am fine. Truly. I will be perfectly amiable. I promise.” 

“Yes, you shall!” Lady Danbury said, quickly. “After the spectacle at the Serpentine with Lord Bridgerton, we cannot have anything else outlandish during this event. We have to appear the epitome of peace and harmony.” 

The trip had been quite the sore point over the last few days. Kate had tried her hardest to convince her mama to rescind their acceptance of arriving at Aubrey Hall before all the other guests. Surely the family would understand. 

Yet Lady Danbury deemed the entire idea to be petty and childish. Especially once Lady Whistledown had remarked on the event. Kate’s stomach had curled as she read how the gossipmonger described it — ‘The heated argument between the spinster sister and the rakish viscount has led me to wonder…Could it have been jealousy? Is the Viscount finally ready to marry only to wed a spinster of low-birth? Dear readers, I may assure you, this writer will be watching.’

No, absolutely not. Kate had somehow gone from guardian to a name on a scandal sheet. Not only that, but the implication of some sort of secret love as well? It was well known that Anthony wished for a practical match, without love. One would need to feel romantic affection to feel bouts of jealousy. 

There were certainly moments when Kate thought she saw his eyes linger. Moments when he showed obvious care. Moments when she felt a pull that he clearly felt himself. When their eyes would meet after a particular jab or quip — her heart raced and her face burned and her breath shortened. She did not know it at first, but she understood now. It was a deep desire she only read about in novels. And, as she was fairly intuitive, Kate was not so naive to think Anthony did not occasionally reciprocate such desire. 

Desire, however, did not equate to anything of promise.

Kate determined Anthony must be upset that she had broken their unspoken agreement. That neither would marry, that they may entertain one another during the season. Even if upset, his reaction was entirely absurd! He had no right to forbid any courtship she may pursue! His commands made her want to scream. 

Yet when he gave his passionate argument against Dorset, Kate wished for him to continue, to tell her why she must say no. She wished for him to keep fighting for her, which further tilted her world on its axis. 

Newton let out a snore and Kate wished she was as ignorant as her beloved pet. The gentle touch of Mary’s hand over hers settled some nerves. She turned and saw her mother smile softly. “All will be well, Kate.”

Though she did not believe her, Kate nodded and tried to steady her heart. 

“Oh my!” 

Kate’s reverie was broken by Edwina’s awed gasp and she sat up to peer out the carriage window. 

It was striking. The vines, the flowers, the faint color of the facade. She was so taken by the view of the magnificent Aubrey Hall, that she stepped out of the carriage unthinkingly. She wandered away from the rest of the group, after a curtsy to Lady Bridgerton, and admired the luscious greenery hanging above her head. She felt as though she had stepped into a storybook setting. Smiling, Kate took a deep breath and closed her eyes, savoring the freshness of the country air and the warmth of the sun on her face. There was a spirit to the countryside that always comforted her. Even in India, Kate preferred the wide swaths of land over the bustling shops of the city. 

“You may want to conceal how the country pleases you, Miss Sharma, as my brother looks as though he may do something daft in front of our entire family.” 

Benedict winked at Kate, and she glanced over his shoulder to meet Anthony’s intense stare. The viscount quickly shifted his eyes elsewhere, and she swallowed. 

“Something daft?” Kate asked, turning back toward Benedict. “Such as — what? Arguing with another gentleman over a knot and falling into a shallow lake?” 

Chuckling, Mr. Bridgerton shook his head, “Not nearly as idiotic. I was thinking of something a little more scandalous.” 

“I do not know what you mean.”  

Before Benedict could answer, she felt the presence of someone else approaching. “You must be Miss Sharma! I am honored to finally meet you.” 

Kate smiled at the Duchess of Hastings and curtsied. “The honor is all mine, your grace.” 

“You may call me Daphne. My title is much too formal for a few days with family at Aubrey Hall.” 

“Then you shall call me Kate.” 

Daphne smiled and took her arm as they entered the house. “I am not sure you understand how delightful it is to meet someone who can best my eldest brother. I have heard many stories over the last few hours about your winning retorts. Not to mention every detail about your beauty and intelligence from dear Greg.” 

They both laughed, and Kate replied, “I cannot accept the words of Gregory as he is much too generous in his descriptions of me. However, I will accept any claim made about my besting Anthony.” She saw Daphne’s surprise at the use of her brother’s name, and Kate quickly amended her statement, “Forgive me. Lord Bridgerton.” 

“No! No, no, please. Forgive me ,” Daphne said, shaking her head. “I apologize — I only…” She pursed her lips, in thought. “It has been quite some time since my eldest brother has allowed someone outside of our family to address him by his birth name. I was simply surprised.” 

Kate suddenly felt self-conscious, which only worsened when the man himself stood beside his sister. He bowed his head, while she raised her chin. 

“Miss Sharma,” Anthony said, tightly, “I see you are well.”

“Yes, my lord. I am perfectly fine.” Kate expected to feel awkwardness and unease. However, she found herself expressing her frustration in her tried and true way—mirth. “And you? I certainly hope all of your clothing has been divested of lake water. I shall warn you that it can be difficult to fully dislodge water from the ears. May lead to difficulty listening, though I daresay that may not be a new fault for you, my lord.”

He clenched his jaw and exhaled sharply, an expression Kate always likened to a bull or a tempestuous horse. Daphne attempted to stifle a laugh, and Anthony tilted his head and replied, “I am much more concerned about your ears. Have they not gone numb from the dull musings of indistinguishable men? In fact, I am surprised that you are still able to engage in conversational sparring as your wit must not be of use with any recent guest of yours.”

Kate’s eyes narrowed and for a short moment she saw Anthony smile, victoriously. 

“Well,” Daphne said, stilted, “It seems you two are much more familiar with one another than I had even gleaned from the stories.” 

“You would not believe,” Benedict mumbled, and Anthony threw a glare over their sister’s head. They were soon interrupted by Colin, who was smiling widely, “Now, now, now. Anthony, Miss Sharma — Do not get all of your anger out yet. You must save some of your competitive spirit for pall mall.” 

“Pall mall?” Edwina asked, and they widened their circle to include the elder Bridgerton children, as Hyacinth and Gregory were enthralled by Newton. 

“A Bridgerton tradition!” Daphne declared with a clap of her hands.

“It is simple, really,” Eloise added, holding onto Edwina’s arm, “Each player has a mallet and a ball. Get your ball through all of the wickets before any other player, and you win!” 

Edwina smiled, “A simple party game. How fun!” 

However, Kate knew better as Anthony had described the game to her weeks ago and lauded over his wins. She knew how much he cared. How it brought out his competitive spirit. 

“Yes,” Kate said, “I look forward to it.”

“The only proper thing to do is to let our guests choose first,” Daphne reasoned and Anthony huffed. 

That morning he had paced maddeningly around his study, his stomach a torrent of anxiety and mild shame at his past behavior. However, when Kate finally arrived Anthony was then consumed by desire and yearning — it had been too long since he had seen her. The sight of her smiling at his home, the sight of her basking in the warmth of the sun…He nearly walked over to smell her intoxicating scent and to kiss her senselessly. Then, the woman had to make snide remarks in front of Daphne and desire was pushed by frustration rolling through his chest. Honestly, the day had barely yet begun and Anthony already felt his sanity was coming to its end.

As he watched Edwina pick the blue mallet, Anthony bounced on his heels to expel the deluge of emotions through sheer exertion. 

He crossed his arms and rubbed his bottom lip, a habit that always came about during this event, as Kate eyed the mallets thoughtfully. She smiled at him and a jolt of heat ran through his entire body. 

“My lord, do you recall the Royal Ascot?” 

Anthony furrowed his brow at the unexpected question. “Yes, of course.” 

“It is time I claim my winnings.” With that Kate grabbed his lucky mallet and everyone, save for Edwina, gasped dramatically. 

“The mallet of death!” Eloise let out in a breath. Benedict and Colin laughed, while Daphne stood mouth agape, clearly delighted. 

“You cannot be serious,” Anthony said, quickly, and she raised her eyebrows. 

“The agreement was that we could request anything we desired, and I have heard nothing but winning tales about this particular mallet.” 

“Kate,” Anthony warned.

“My lord,” Kate replied, smugly. She stared at him challengingly, and he took a deep breath. She continued, “I know many men often feel lost without their familiar tools, like a child without his blanket. I hope this will not be too difficult for you.” 

The Bridgerton siblings snickered once again and Anthony went back to rubbing his lower lip. He counted to five, then stated, “It is of no cost to me. You are welcome to it.” 

“You nearly threatened to bludgeon me with the thing the last time I tried —” Colin started, and Anthony cut him off quickly, “You exaggerate!” 

Kate smiled, triumphantly, and Anthony’s mix of emotion only grew worse as she nearly skipped back to her place by Edwina. Seeing her smirk, even at his expense, heightened the emotion he hoped to quell the most – adoration. 

For that was the root of it all, Anthony knew. Complete adoration for this vexatious, intelligent, and beautiful woman. It was quite annoying as he had promised himself to avoid such feelings more than ten years prior. 

Anticipating such a swell of unwanted feelings, Anthony had told himself to distract himself during their stay at Aubrey Hall. He had even compiled a list — ledgers, readings, inserting himself in the business of his siblings. 

However, the events of that morning had already shown the difficulty of the task at hand. Her competitive spirit aroused something within, and Anthony needed to squash it. Attempting to continue his avoidance of any admiration, he decided to throw himself into his own competitiveness. For the duration of pall mall he swore to focus solely on ensuring Kate’s loss. Unfortunately, as the morning passed, his attempts seemed to fail as he fell dangerously close to fourth place. 

“You are off your game, brother,” Daphne said, as they all watched Edwina’s poor attempt at striking her ball through the fifth wicket. “Is something affecting you?” 

Anthony looked at his sister who appeared entirely too knowing. “I do not know what you mean. There is nothing of significance to affect me.” 

“Is there not?” Daphne slowly turned her line of sight toward Kate. His shoulders tensed and he refused to reply to her expression. Instead he stalked off and stood next to the woman in question and leaned closer to her. 

“Miss Sharma, I do wonder how you plan on winning a game that requires such precise movements. Our dances together have shown that particular skill is not your strength.” 

“Lord Bridgerton,” Kate scoffed, “You cannot truly think that your light jabs will distract me from besting you in yet another field.” 

“What other fields do you suppose you have bested me?” 

“Horsemanship,” Kate started, counting on her fingers as she spoke, “Linguistics, gambling, and, of course, keeping one’s balance whilst on a dock.” 

She smiled sarcastically at him, which he mirrored before she walked off. Behind him, he heard Daphne’s voice say, “If you are attempting to prove your earlier point, might I suggest avoiding Miss Sharma rather than gravitating toward her at every opportunity.” 

“It is incredible the amount of ridicule a viscount must endure on his own private land.” 

“Oh, brother, it is not all viscounts. Only you.” Daphne tapped his shoulder and followed the rest of the group. 

It took Anthony a while longer to catch up with the head of the pack. Fortunately, he was not in last place, a truly dismal result. Anthony was on equal footing with Benedict and Eloise, at least. He stood with his arms crossed, and watched as Edwina’s ball slowly rolled toward the woods. 

“Ah! Poor luck!” Miss Edwina said, clearly putting on any feeling of disappointment. “I suppose I must cut out.” 

“Actually,” Colin replied, “You are welcome to find the ball in the woods and continue. We have no bounded area when it comes to this game.” 

Edwina’s eyes widened and she glanced back at the woods. “Well.” 

“I do not think that is a wise idea,” Kate interrupted, “As my dear sister is quite sensitive to particular plant-life. It may cause quite a headache for her.”

“Yes!” Edwina nodded, shoulders dropping in relief. “Yes, Didi, you are always so attentive. It is best I go sit in the shade with the mamas and drink some lemonade.” 

Picking up her skirts she quickly made her way to the covered area, and Eloise let out a snort. Kate walked over to her ball, her mallet over her shoulder, eyes trained at the pink and black balls sitting perfectly beside one another.

“You have the perfect opportunity to best him!” Eloise remarked and Anthony’s eyes widened. 

“Oh, how wonderful!” Daphne exclaimed, laughing.

“What do you say, my lord?” Kate said, mischief in her eyes. “Are you in a losing mood?” 

“It is of no concern to me,” Anthony replied, in an admittedly poor attempt at nonchalance, “I am certain that I will be victorious over you no matter your decision.” 

Kate raised her eyebrows in near glee, and Anthony knew instantly that she planned on hitting the ball as far as she could. She quickly hit it far beyond the distance of Edwina’s and he watched in frustration as his ball disappeared in the greenery. He wondered if she pictured his likeness while striking. 

Clapping and raucous cheers erupted, and he politely clapped to show some sort of sportsmanship. Kate flounced back to her place by Eloise and they all watched as Colin situated himself by his own ball. However, much to Anthony’s delight, Colin quickly stepped a couple of paces to the side and hit Kate’s ball with as much force as she did, her ball sailing into the air. 

“Oh, I believe that was your ball Miss Sharma,” Colin said, “What a pity.” 

Kate’s jaw hung open and Anthony laughed, and said, “Colin, I take back any remarks about your recent excursions.” 

Colin looked between Anthony and Kate with amusement. “It seems you two have quite a ways to go. Unless, of course, either of you would like to cut out.” 

Their heads quickly turned toward one another and under his breath Benedict muttered, “Ah, yes, this will go well.”

“Absolutely not,” Kate answered. Anthony gestured toward the woods, and stated, “After you.”

She quickly walked down the slope of the land, and he followed close behind.

“Cheers!” Colin yelled out from behind them. “Should you two get lost, I will ensure that Benedict is able to take over the viscounty!”

His siblings' laughter was fairly faint at that point as he and Kate frantically searched on the ground as well as in the branches of bushes. Anthony used his mallet to thwack at any overhang to create a path. “Let’s hope your little stunt does not lead to either of my brothers claiming victory. They will be insufferable the rest of our stay should they win.” 

“And I am certain you are such a humble victor,” she replied, and he rolled his eyes. Finally, they reached a clearing and they both saw their balls in a rather large puddle of mud. Kate mumbled something in Hindustani while Anthony muttered, “Dash it!” 

He turned to her, “As this was your brilliant move, I suggest you think of a solution?”

Kate narrowed her eyes at him, glanced back at the puddle, then squared her shoulders. Without hesitation, Kate lifted her skirts as she neared the mud. Before he could intercede, she walked directly into the midst of the mud. 

Anthony watched in shock as her pink, satin shoes disappeared. She hit her ball and they watched it make its way back to sturdy ground. Kate smiled, gesturing at his own ball. 

“Your turn, my lord. Unless you are too concerned about dirtying those fine boots of yours.” 

“Do not worry about my boots!” Anthony replied, feeling slightly churlish. He nodded his head and walked into the mud puddle, determined. He refrained from visibly cringing as his feet sunk into the muck. He quickly did his turn, his ball landing next to hers in the grass. “There! Not so difficult,” he remarked, turning around to make his way back to the grass. As he subtly checked his boots to assess the wreckage, he heard Kate let out a frustrated sigh. 

“Help!” She demanded, and he looked over his shoulder. It appeared as though the ground had devoured her feet, her silk shoes no match for the thick mud. 

“Just,” Anthony gestured with his hands, “Pull.” 

Kate looked at him utterly exasperated. “Ah, yes of course. Let me simply pull my foot as if that is not the exact movement I have been attempting. Thank you, Anthony, for your cunning solution.” 

“You are impossible.”

“You are not helping!” She extended her arm, waiting, and he rolled his eyes. He begrudgingly made his way back into the slop, feeling his feet sink further than they had before. He grabbed her arm and pulled, and Kate yelped, “Ouch!”

“Do you want my help or not?” Anthony retorted, frustrated, and Kate looked at him, her frown slowly morphing into a giggle. “This is ridiculous,” he said, shaking his head. “Here, just —” 

Anthony stood beside her and wrapped an arm around her waist to gain more leverage. He tugged with no avail, and then tried again only to completely lose his balance. 

“Oh —!” Kate exclaimed, cut off by their both falling backwards. 

Immediately, his jacket was seeped with mud, the coldness up his neck and in his hair. His trousers were completely covered, the filth already making its way through the fabric. “Ugh!” 

Sitting up, Anthony looked at himself before glancing at Kate. She was as sullied as he felt — mud covered the back of her pink dress and caked through her thick hair. Surprisingly, she laughed. 

Anthony scoffed, “This is not amusing!”

Her giggles continued and she shook her head. “I did not say it was.” 

Kate’s laughter only increased and Anthony found himself starting to laugh with her. Soon, they were both laughing quite hard, the entire situation suddenly feeling incredibly absurd. 

They lifted one another up and finally made their way out onto the grass. Anthony flicked his arms as he had nowhere to wipe his hands, while Kate removed some leaves from her intricate hairdo. 

They looked like a couple of farm animals. He hadn’t been this filthy since he was seven and Benedict had pushed him into the lake, only to discover it was an unexpectedly shallow portion. Anthony had stumbled into the house covered head to toe in lake sludge much to his mother’s horror. 

Kate brought out this side of him. A side he thought he had lost since becoming Viscount. She made him feel light and himself — well, if he knew who he was without the viscounty. His pride and jealousy had stood in their way for the last several days, a realization that made him humbled and chagrined.  

“I believe, in this state, it is impossible for me to ignore how humbled I feel…around you,” Anthony said, and he saw her expression soften, yet still guarded. “Kate,” his smile weakened as he continued, “My behavior at the park was reprehensible. I do not have a valid reason or a way to explain it, nor could I attempt to fully understand my choice in words. I have no place to dictate your choice to…” Anthony faltered, “To do whatever you please. Might you be able to forgive me?”

A moment passed where neither of them spoke — they simply met the other’s gaze, trying to determine the other’s true thoughts. Kate’s expression relaxed, and she nodded her head. 

“You must promise to never do such a thing again.” 

“I promise.” 

“And you will not argue with me about my choices.”

“Never about how you live your life. About other things, such as your preference in dog breeds or your opinions of world affairs — those you cannot expect me to leave alone.” 

Kate bit the inside of her cheek, and the weight on his chest lifted as she could not help but smile. “I will allow it.”

He let out a breathy laugh of relief, and she chuckled with him. Distantly, they heard Daphne’s voice echoing, “I won! I did it! I won!”

Anthony hung his head and sighed, and met Kate’s eye. “She will be difficult to handle at dinner.” 

“Perhaps. Still, I prefer her victory over a Bridgerton man,” Kate replied. 

“Of course you do.” Anthony gestured for her to begin walking first, laughing again at the sight of his arm covered in mud. Kate turned and picked up her ball as she went. They walked in companionable silence. 

Before he could determine whether or not he should say it aloud, he found himself voicing his thought anyway. “I have missed you, Kate.” 

She glanced at him, surprised at his vulnerability. Facing forward again, Kate admitted softly,  “And I you, Anthony.” 

“Whatever is the matter with Benedict?” Daphne asked, and Anthony merely shook his head as he ate his dinner. 

“I haven’t the faintest idea,” he answered. They all looked down the table and watched as Benedict slumped in his chair, waxing poetic of the lights in the room. Edwina and Eloise could barely contain their amusement as Colin seemed oddly nervous. 

Clearly the brothers had gotten into some sort of mischief. It was similar to a man she once saw when she was a child whilst walking down the busy streets of Bombay. Her appa had simply explained that the man was in a euphoric state, likely due to some sort of concoction, and that he would calm by day's end. 

“Your family is rather different from what I expected,” Kate noted with a smile, “An illustrious family of the ton, yet so…” 

“Loud?” Anthony remarked, but Kate shook her head and said, “Boisterous with love. Teasing yet affectionate.”

Daphne laughed, and nodded. “You describe us well, Kate. When my husband stayed at Aubrey Hall the first time, he found himself needing many breaks from the raucousness. He grew up without siblings, you see.” 

“I may only have Edwina, but we certainly got into our fair share of mischief.”

“Hm, I can imagine.” Anthony leaned back in his chair with a cheeky grin on his face, and the gesture of him rubbing his lower lip inexplicably made Kate blush. She sipped her drink to cool herself, and she wondered if it was due to their lack of calls. 

Since they had returned from pall mall, freshly bathed much to the relief of Lady Bridgerton, Anthony sought her out — wanting to talk about current events and Gregory’s studies and her interactions with Mr. Bagwell. He never mentioned Mr. Dorset, so neither did she. They only stepped away from one another when it was time to dress for dinner. 

Now they sat beside each other at the table and Anthony would not stop looking at her. It was rather disarming and made her uncharacteristically entirely too self-aware. Did she appear different? Did she change over the course of several days? If anything she looked less well as she had not slept much after their argument. 

Truthfully, Kate had wanted to press against his apology, to force him to explain what he had been thinking. Why was he so upset that day? Why had he evaded her prior to their debate? Yet, when Anthony had offered her an olive branch, despite her usual stubbornness, Kate felt her anger dissipate. For she did miss him. And, at least while in his home, she could accept his peace offering. 

Daphne cleared her throat, “And how is your sister’s debut going? I know the expectations of being the proclaimed diamond can be quite taxing.” 

“Yes, but Edwina has handled it beautifully,” Kate boasted. “And it seems she has found her match. Mr. Bagwell has requested to speak to our mother upon our return. Soon, we will be planning a wedding.” 

“How lovely! If you ever need assistance, do not hesitate to send a letter. I quite enjoy planning events,” Daphne said. 

“I am not sure the wedding of a scholar matches your vision of a wedding, Daph,” Anthony teased and Daphne stuck her tongue out at him. She turned back to Kate. 

“And, what will you do when your sister is married, Kate? Take residence close to her? Continue a season as a debutante yourself?” 

The question was innocent in intention, as Kate and Daphne had yet spoken about her views on marriage. Kate kept her eyes on her plate and chewed slowly, ignoring the heat of Anthony’s eyes on her face. She shook a tendril of hair out of her face and smiled politely at the Duchess. 

“I have no set plans yet, your grace.” 

“You do not wish to have your own season?” Daphne asked, and Kate noticed the way her eyes moved to her eldest brother, though his gaze was set on his hands.

“My plans will be based on what is best for my mother and sister.” 

“Not yourself?” 

“Daphne, enough,” Anthony said with a light chuckle, “You have just met Miss Sharma. Perhaps you shall let her finish her dinner before interrogating her like a mama of the ton.” 

Daphne blushed, and shared an apologetic expression. “My apologies, Kate. I was not thinking of how my questions must sound. I was simply curious.” 

“It is no problem at all,” Kate assured with a smile. “It is rare to meet a lady who is uncertain of whether or not she plans on marrying. My answer would be different if you had asked me at the beginning of the season. However, with recent events, I am not so sure. I have a responsibility to my mama and Edwina since my father’s passing, and so my future choices must be best for all of us.” 

Daphne looked at Kate, curiously, and turned toward her brother. “That is remarkably similar to you, Anthony.” It was evident Daphne was attempting to silently communicate with Anthony, but he merely crossed his legs and replied, “I suppose it is, sister.” 

As she opened her mouth to make another remark, they heard a thud from the other end of the table as well as giggles and reprimands. 

“My goodness, Benedict,” Lady Bridgerton chastised, “You are alarming our guests.” 

“It is quite alright, Lady Bridgerton,” Edwina said, while Eloise stuffed something into her mouth to prevent herself from laughing loudly. Benedict slumped lower in his chair and covered his face with his hands, still smiling. 

“I believe your brother may need a cold bath and a cup of tea,” Kate whispered to Anthony. He leaned toward her and whispered, “Perhaps. Or, alternatively, we could let him continue whatever it is he is doing and see what occurs when he sees the dessert is a tower of cakes with a pineapple as its crown.” 

“Oh, the poor man will either sing with joy or hide in terror.” 

“Hm, my hope is that he will force Lady Danbury to don the pineapple herself.” 

At that, Kate let out a very undignified snort and she covered her mouth, embarrassed. Anthony merely began laughing behind his hand and she nearly kicked him under the table. Kate was only able to settle herself when Lady Danbury caught her eye, and looked at the two of them with an intense curiosity. 

Kate realized they were sitting slightly too close to one another, and she fixed her posture accordingly. She took a deep breath to calm herself, yet when she turned toward Anthony a moment later, she could not help matching his teasing smile. 

Despite her attempts for the rest of the night to remain proper, their renewed friendship did not go unnoticed. 

“I am so pleased to see you and the viscount have mended your friendship, Didi,” Edwina said while Kate oiled her hair. “Your mood has been rather gloomy since the incident at the park.”

“It has not! You are exaggerating.” 

“Trust me sister, I am not. Even Matthew mentioned it, and he rarely ever makes a remark on your mood lest he says the wrong thing. He is rather intimidated by you.” 

“He has asked you to call him by his given name?” Kate asked and Edwina nodded. Kate responded with a raise of her brows and sly smirk until they both giggled. 

“I think he will propose soon…” Edwina said, quietly, “Do you think so?” 

“I have no doubts in my mind that by the end of the season, you will be Mrs. Matthew Bagwell. Not only that,” Kate bent down to look at Edwina’s face in the mirror, “But you will be the most beautiful bride this society has ever seen.” 

Kate’s heart filled with joy as Edwina blushed at her words. Everything she wanted for her dearest sister would soon come to fruition, and Kate could not help but feel proud that one of her greatest duties will be fulfilled. As Kate finished the task at hand, she watched a small furrow form on Edwina’s face. She saw her sister’s lips pursed in thought. 

“It seems as though you are in a state of serious contemplation,” Kate finally said, wiping her hands on a nearby cloth. Edwina caught her eye in the reflection of the mirror then looked at her hands. Kate sat beside her on the bench of the vanity and waited for Edwina to speak. 

With her eyes still on her lap, Edwina finally sighed, “Didi. I know you are concerned about our financial security. I am not ignorant about what this marriage will entail for you and Mama.” 

“Bon, do not worry yourself about any of that.” 

“No, Kate,” Edwina lifted her chin with determination, “I am not a child anymore. I am to be a wife soon, running my own home. You cannot continue to shield me from your worries.” Kate leaned back and held her tongue at Edwina’s adamant tone. Edwina took her silence as encouragement and continued, “As soon as you began accepting the attention of Mr. Dorset, I knew something was afoot. He is kind and warm, but it is not love between you two. When he offered a courtship, I expected you to deny him yet you are genuinely considering the match.” 

“He is a kind man,” Kate offered, but Edwina shook her head. 

“We both agreed that neither of us would ever marry another person for anything other than love.True love.” 

“I do not remember making such a promise,” Kate said, genuinely confused. Edwina smiled sadly. 

“I should have expected you to forget as it was so long ago. It was while Appa was sick. You were reading me one of his favorite tales, and I asked if happy endings truly existed.” Edwina's eyes went slightly glassy at the memory. “And you looked at me, and said that I must never concede to anything but a happy ending. You made me promise, and I would only agree if you promised, too.” 

The memory came back to Kate, vividly, and she recalled that when she had made that promise, she had only meant it for Edwina. At that point, with Appa near his passing, Kate knew of her duty to her family. 

“It is not that simple, Edwina,” Kate said gently, “That was a long time ago, and our current state has changed completely.” 

“You would never let me marry someone out of duty, yes?” Edwina pressed, and of course Kate nodded. “So, I must do the same for you. For you are my sister, and I believe, even if you do not, that you deserve the happiest of endings. You have done so much for us, Didi, and I only want you to live the life you truly desire. Whether or not it includes marriage.”

“Values are all well and good, and I do not mean to invalidate your concerns. I only want us all to be comfortable and secure.” 

Edwina took Kate’s hands and looked at her with a fierceness that reminded Kate of herself. “See, Kate? You and I want the same. Comfort does not mean money. Do you really think you would feel comfortable in a marriage with a man you do not love? Disregard myself and Mama, think about yourself. Living with him. Laying with him —” 

“Edwina!” Kate chastised, yet Edwina only raised her voice. 

“— having children with this man. It is not only the money — it is a life and all of the lives that result from the matrimony.” 

They sat in silence, the only movement caused from the flicker of the candles around them. Hubris and anxiety coursed through Kate’s veins. 

“Somehow, you have grown much wiser than me, Bon,” Kate finally said, and Edwina’s face lit with hope as she asked, “Does that mean, you —”

Kate sighed, “I will consider it.” 

Edwina beamed. “You deserve to be loved as fiercely as you love others.” 

The sisters hugged one another tightly. Kate closed her eyes and tried to ignore the tightness in her throat. Try as she might, the tightness formed into a knot by the time she awoke the next morning. 

Kate tiptoed out of bed, and dressed quickly, putting her hair in a simple bun herself. She needed to think, and she always did her best thinking during an early morning ride. 

Fortunately, the stables at Aubrey Hall had horses to spare, and beautiful acreage for her to admire. The horse was quick and responsive, and the breeze hitting her face was the reprieve she needed. Edwina’s words did not offer any relief, thus Kate had barely slept. 

If she married Mr. Dorset, or any man out of duty, she would very likely have children with them. Surely, she would love her children with all her heart. Would that then turn into love for their father? Or, could it drive a wedge further between them? 

Her children would only have a loveless marriage as their model. How would she respond if she had a daughter who wanted a loveless marriage? Kate would not want it for her, but any child of hers would argue and use her own marriage as a key example. If put in Mary’s position, would she ever let her daughter sacrifice as much? 

But even that was too difficult to reason through. She and Mary had very different temperaments. Mary was more of a romantic, and Kate a pragmatist. And the situation would be entirely different. Any sacrifice Kate made would be worth it. She owed everything to Mary. It could not compare to Kate’s hypothetical.

Kate could not say how long she was riding, but she only turned around when it was evident the horse needed to rest. As she climbed down from her steed, someone from the garden called her name. 

It was Anthony, standing by some lilies. “Of course you are out on a morning ride. I would not expect anything else.” 

She walked toward him and released a breath, attempting to remain even keeled despite her inner turmoil. “Fortunately the grounds here are beautiful. It made for a pleasant experience.” 

“I am glad you think so!” Anthony smiled, genuinely pleased, and it made Kate smile in return. Still, she must have hid her confusion poorly since he frowned and scrutinized her face. “Something is bothering you.” 

“I do not know what you mean, my lord,” Kate evaded, walking toward another patch of flowers. She stopped to admire some lavender, aware of Anthony’s eyes still on her face. 

“I can see it, in the slight pinch upon your lips. You get that look when you are concerned.” 

She looked at him, surprised, and he shrugged. “I noticed it toward the beginning of our friendship. You would get that look whenever Miss Edwina was talking to a shifty sort of gentleman.” 

Kate wanted to share her thoughts, but worried the wound was too fresh. “I worry that should I share it with you, it may lead to another argument. And I would rather avoid that considering we are staying at the same estate for at least two more nights.” 

“You have my word, Kate,” Anthony said, “I will remain even-tempered.” 

She could not help giving him a look of disbelief, yet he smiled and nodded, signaling her to speak. Sighing, she turned to face him fully. “I am having doubts.” 

He cocked his head to the side. “That is very unlike you.”

“Yes, I know. Hence the concern.” Kate smiled playfully, glad for some levity, and he chuckled. 

“What is the concern for? Your sister’s impending betrothal?” 

Kate braced herself. “About my impending courtship.” 

The strain of his jaw was evident as he ducked his head down to look at the flowers around them. Before she could take back any of her words Anthony cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. “You are having doubts about what, exactly?” 

His voice was tight, and Kate considered ending the conversation. But he was trying, and so she needed to do the same.“I am not sure I can point to one particular issue. It is my duty to my family to ensure our security. I am forever indebted to Mary — I am not hers, yet her love never wavered. However, Edwina and I had a conversation last night. She is not as ignorant about our financial situation as I once thought. I suppose I should be proud, as she spoke with a fierceness much like my own,” Kate sighed, “Edwina urged me to marry only for love. She argued that a marriage of duty would not truly lead to any sort of comfort for either of us. How she would not let me concede to anything less. I suppose her words affected me more than I ever expected. “ 

Anthony looked at her intensely and took a step closer. “You believe in marrying only for love?” 

”It cannot qualify as a belief as most marry for crucial economic reasons. As well as the roles they must fill, such as yourself. I know you do not think love has a place in your marriage — only the tenets of a perfect viscountess. I understand your position, I do. I do not berate it.” 

“But, for you?” He pressed, “Is that what you wanted for yourself?” 

“Not for many years. As a young girl, it was what my father always wanted for me…” Kate sighed and focused her attention on the beautiful flowers beside her. “I do not sincerely envision a loving marriage in my future. My age would seem to indicate as much.” She paused. “Yet, I am beginning to wonder whether or not my situation is something I believe I must do, rather than a situation that is truly without choice.”  

Kate shook her head and met his eyes, and saw conflict within the lines of his face. “You are withholding your opinion. I suppose we are both acting out of character this morning,” she remarked. 

Anthony attempted a grin, but remained fairly solemn. “I am trying to remain even-tempered, per our agreement.”

She raised her brows and waited. Rather than answer, Anthony led them further down the row of flower beds. Eventually he stopped and said, “You were right — I cannot understand the difficulties of balancing the role of being a lady as well as the family’s caretaker. Perhaps there is someone else who would be more adept at this, specifically?” 

“I am a little vexed that when I ask for your opinion you do not offer it, yet when it is not requested you give it so freely,” Kate muttered, and he chuckled at her annoyance. She continued, “You will never understand my exact position, but your sense of duty is similar to mine. In fact, I do not know of another person who could truly empathize. I feel as though…you may understand this part of myself unlike anyone else I have met.” 

It struck her while she said it. Somehow the Viscount of Bridgerton had filled a role in Kate’s life that she did not know even existed. She was wary of ever saying it aloud, but it seemed the opinion she valued more than anyone belonged to Anthony. 

He furrowed his brow and nodded. “Kate. I only —” Anthony stopped suddenly and Kate blinked, confused. “Hold still.” 

She watched his face as it was suddenly consumed with panic, his eyes shifted away from her face. Kate moved slightly closer to ensure everything was well. “Anthony? Are you —?” 

“Do not move!” His voice was barely above a whisper, and he grabbed her arms. “Kate. Do not. Move . You must stay still!” 

She followed his gaze and merely saw a bee flying around her chest. Kate continued looking, searching for what may cause such wild fear. “What is it? Why are you so concerned?” 

“You must stop! Hold still —”

“I do not understand,” Kate shifted her shoulders to loosen his grip. 

“Dammit, Kate! Hold still! You mustn’t —”

With her movement against his tight grip, the bee became irritated and stung her by her collar. Kate winced, and sucked in air between her teeth. “Ouch!” 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, waiting for the stinging pain to pass. His grip on her arms tightened, and Kate opened her eyes to see his gaze on her face, his eyes wide. 

“Can you breathe?” He asked quickly, and she attempted to center her thoughts.

“What?”

“Answer me!” His voice rose, and Kate leaned away in shock, but his grip brought her closer. “Can you breathe? Are you —? Do not — Please. Kate. No. You cannot —” Anthony’s break quickened and his eyes seemed to transcend this present moment. He was hysterical. 

Kate placed her hands on his own arms and attempted to catch his gaze. “I am unharmed, Anthony. Truly, all is well. It was just a bee.” 

His breaths became shorter, and she knew that he was not of right mind anymore. She took his hand and placed it over her heartbeat and lowered her voice. “I am unharmed, see? It was just a bee.”

She took his other hand and put it over his own heart so that he may become grounded once again. Kate matched his breathing to his and repeated herself in a soothing tone. Mary would often get like this, when she was in her deepest depths of grief, and Kate knew from that experience how to calm a person in this state. 

Slowly, their breaths began to even, and Anthony started to deepen his breathing. He leaned his forehead on her own and she continued to speak calmly, “It was just a bee. You must breathe, Anthony. Breathe.” 

After a moment, Anthony seemed to return to himself. Once Kate felt his heartbeat calm under her palm, she shifted her gaze back to Anthony’s face only to see his eyes on her lips.

Did he…? Surely, he did not want…?

Kate’s pulse raced at their proximity. She had not realized their position, as she was solely concerned with calming Anthony from his panic. Now, it was impossible to ignore. 

Their noses touched. She took a deep breath and was inundated with his scent — clean and wood — and it made her head even murkier. She moved her face slightly away from his, but Anthony seemed to chase after her, his nose touching hers yet again. This was not proper. This was not fine. 

Yet she could not move. 

His lips were so close to her own, she could almost feel him against her cupid’s bow. There, electricity ran between them. Kate let out a quiet whimper, and her face was set aflame at the embarrassing want she felt. His eyes darkened and his hand tightened against her own, still pressed to her chest. Good lord, his hand was moving lower. She should slap it away and yet, she desperately wanted to know how it would feel. 

How would it feel if she pressed herself against him entirely? How would his hands feel around her waist? What would it feel like, his full weight on top of her?

A distant neigh from the stable caused both of them to leap away from one another. Kate pressed a hand against her decolletage, confused. Anthony looked at her, mouth slightly ajar, hands clenched at his sides. 

They blinked at one another, both still in shock. He spoke first, “I did not mean —”

“I must go!” She nearly yelled, and bent down to pick up a glove she dropped. They had been holding hands ungloved! She had not even realized — !

“Wait! Kate, you must let me —” 

“I must get back to my lodgings to my sister,” Kate kept her eyes on the ground and walked as she spoke, “She will be worried when she sees I am not there. Apologies!” 

With that Kate walked as quickly as she could until she was certain he could not see her. Once far enough, she sprinted back to the house. She ran and ran only slowing down once she got to the entryway, where she was scrutinized by servants setting up for the upcoming event. She tried to subtly catch her breath and quickly nodded her head at any servant she passed, continuing her quick pace until she reached the hallway of her room. Finally, Kate collapsed against the wall, exhausted. 

Her chest heaved as she caught her breath, and though her legs were sore, her face still cool from the morning breeze against her face, all Kate could feel — all she could think about — was the sensations lighting her body aflame in all the places Anthony had touched. Her lips, her hands, her chest. All of it burned. 

Gulping, Kate leaned forward, and held her head in her hands. 

What had she done?

Chapter Text

When Anthony was feeling most anxious, his siblings could always tell. They knew when he started compulsively checking his pocket watch, Anthony was too far gone. He did it the day of Daphne’s presentation. For the first two months of being Viscount, his watch was rarely in his pants pocket. Unfortunately, his nerves were getting the better of him this morning. 

“Dear lord, Anthony. Either keep it out of your pocket or sit in front of the longcase,” Benedict chided from his place across the table. Anthony swallowed, but glared furiously at his brother. 

Standing by the spread of fruits, Colin commented, “Benedict, you forget that he must check the clock whilst in front of us in order to display how his duties make him so needlessly busy.” 

“Boys,” Violet warned, “Enough, please. Before our guests arrive to break their fast.” 

“I believe after pall mall the other morning, we do not have much to hide,” Eloise countered. 

“True. They have already seen us for the competitive monsters that we are,” Benedict smiled before glancing back toward Anthony. “In all seriousness, you are quite squiggly. Will you be fine in time for the hunt?” 

Anthony tore his eyes away from the doorframe and smiled tightly. “Yes, of course.” 

At that moment, their guests walked in, and the men stood and bowed at their entrance. Anthony’s breath fell short as he attempted to catch the eye of Kate, yet upon further inspection he realized she was not present. After taking her dinner in her room last night, he assumed she would return in the morning. Evidently, he was wrong. 

“Is Miss Sharma still feeling unwell?” Anthony asked. Lady Danbury raised a brow in his direction, and he sat back in his seat. 

Edwina answered, “She is breaking her fast in her room this morning. I think it is merely fatigue. She has assured me that she will be present when the other guests arrive.” 

“Did you notice anything unusual with her yesterday, my lord?” Lady Danbury asked, suspiciously. 

“I did not see her yesterday, so I cannot tell you,” Anthony remarked, picking up his tea and shifting his eyes back to his plate. He heard her make a noise of interest, but he continued eating to refrain from engaging any further. 

The rest of the family began to explain the events of the day to the Sharmas, while Anthony’s mind continued its incessant train of thought — the encompassing smell of lilies. Kate’s eyes on his lips. Her own lips parted, slightly. The feel of her chest under his hand. The sound — dammit, that sound — that escaped from her throat. Her whimper had flooded his body with heat.

It was a vicious cycle that Anthony attempted to halt by reminding himself that it would have ruined her. For the whole of yesterday, he convinced himself he would not have acted on his primal urges. He was a gentleman after all. 

Still he could not blame Kate for her avoidance. Kate had run off so quickly that he did not even have the chance to apologize for taking liberties with her, let alone explain his irrational fear of bees. He was certain he had mucked everything up, just as they had mended their row. All Anthony could hope was Kate knew that he would do anything to protect her. 

Thank God for the horse that broke the spell between them. One more moment and he may have taken her in the flower bed, a fantasy he had been unable to forget the night before. 

Wait. No. He was a gentleman. He would have stopped it before then. He would not have acted on his urges. He would not — 

Anthony forced himself back to his present setting. He was surrounded by his family, for goodness sake. 

“I think I will take a ride around the grounds this morning,” he announced brusquely, and his mother looked at him oddly. He cleared his throat and explained, “To ensure everything is prepared for our guests. Leave no stone unturned.” 

“Right, of course,” Violet replied, though she still appraised him curiously. He bowed his head and quickly walked out of the room, telling himself that he must, by all means necessary, avoid the gardens. 

“You were missed this morning!” 

Kate turned from her seat by the window and continued stroking a finger through the tail of her plaited hair. She smiled as her sister began browsing Kate’s dresses. Edwina hummed and continued speaking despite her sister’s silence. 

“It sounds like we must prepare for an eventful day. Cards, lawn games. The men are going on a hunt — oh!” Edwina turned toward her, holding up a bright gown, “Perhaps you may go hunting with them! You are an excellent shot. I am certain you can outshoot any man who attends the excursion.” 

“I am certain that is true, Bon,” Kate smirked, “However I do not think it would be proper for me to attend. I can stay by Mama today.” “Since when do you concern yourself with what is and is not proper?” Edwina asked, teasingly. Truthfully, Kate would have loved to hunt and she was certain she could have convinced the viscount to invite her. 

However, that would greatly impede her mission to avoid Anthony at all costs. She had managed to take dinner and breakfast in her room, however the rest of the days events were necessary to skirt any great concern. Kate had determined the night before that with the rest of the ton in their company, she should have no issue dodging any serious conversation with Anthony until she collected her thoughts about their near-kiss. 

Near-kiss. Dear God, Kate thought, she was six-and-twenty fretting as though she were a debutante younger and greener than Edwina!

There was a light knocking on the door and they heard Mary’s voice, “Girls?” 

“You may come in, Mary,” Kate answered, taking the bright gown out of Edwina’s hands, who pouted at the dismissal of her choice. “Kate, darling, are you feeling up for the events of the day?”

Mary cupped Kate’s cheek despite the fact that Kate had already explained she felt no signs of a fever. Kate nodded and pulled away, feeling a stab of guilt for lying. “Yes, of course. I believe the trip and all the socialization drained me. That is all. I am perfectly fine now.”  

Looking at her trunk, Kate pulled out a dark blue gown and Edwina tutted, “Didi, please. It is a ‘Hearts and Flowers’ event. Can you please wear a lighter color today? Perhaps leave some curls out?” 

After a short staring contest between the two sisters, Kate finally conceded, “I will wear my hair pulled back, but forgo the dark blue for this lighter shade. Does that please you?” Her tone was sarcastic, but it did please Kate when Edwina took care in her dress. 

“I think you will look lovely!” Edwina smiled. Mary cleared her throat, “Edwina, if you are ready I believe Miss Eloise was looking for you. She is quite eager for someone to accompany her to greet the guests.” 

With that, Edwina left, excited to see the grandeur of the day. Mary studied Kate’s face, and Kate wondered if she could see her shame somehow. If something on her face betrayed her. 

“Let me help you dress, and then I shall do your hair,” Mary offered, and Kate smiled. They remained quiet throughout most of the dressing routine. Mary always knew how tight to pull Kate’s laces, unlike Lady Danbury’s maids who often pulled them too tight. It was not until Mary brushed her hair, with Kate looking through her hair pins that Mary finally spoke. 

“You have been subdued lately.” 

Could she have seen her with Anthony yesterday? Could Mary know her secret? “I told you, Mary,” Kate explained, “I am simply not used to the activity of London society.” 

Even as she spoke, however, Mary shook her head. “I am not only speaking of our time at Aubrey Hall. I noticed before we left. Before the debacle at the Serpentine, even.” 

“Ah,” Kate said, lowering her gaze, secretly relieved, “It seems you and Edwina have had the same idea. Speaking to me about Mr. Dorset.”  

Mary continued gently brushing out her hair. Kate knew Mary was waiting for her to continue, but Kate kept her lips pursed. 

“Kate, I hope you do not think that I…” Mary took a breath and Kate looked at her through the mirror. “I did not request that Lady Danbury play matchmaker with you. I told her that you have always wanted your freedom.” 

“I did not think you did anything of the sort. You have always supported my wishes.” 

They were quiet again and Kate watched as her mama twisted her hair, arranging it in an elegant bun. “When I met your father, I knew I could not marry the suitor my parents had chosen for me. Oh, he was just so effortlessly charming. Fierce and strong headed, yet incredibly softhearted.” 

Pain clenched Kate’s heart as she listened. She worried if she spoke, Mary would stop. It was a rare event whenever Mary spoke of that time in her life. Kate wanted to soak in every word. 

“Of course I considered betraying my heart for the sake of pleasing my parents. They were all I had, my only family.” Mary’s eyes remained on Kate’s hair, but it was clear her mind was elsewhere. “A foolish part of myself believed if they knew how much I loved your father, they would surely support the match.” 

“They were your parents,” Kate insisted, “How could you expect anything less? They should have supported you.” 

“Perhaps,” Mary nodded, smiling ruefully, “In an ideal world they would have loved him as much as I did. We could have remained close. You would have had a relationship with them. However…I see now how their actions were their own expression of love. For all its faults, it was love.” 

Mary held her hand out, waiting for a pin, and Kate held up several in her hand. She continued fixing Kate’s hair in silence, the soothing strokes of Mary’s hands lulling Kate’s nerves. When she finished, Mary admired her work in the mirror, her hands placed on Kate’s shoulders. 

They smiled at one another, yet Mary’s face was resolute when she spoke again. 

“Your father and I never wanted our daughters to fear sharing their desires with us. We never wanted you to choose between us and your futures. You must know, Kate. You must know that I would rather spend the rest of my days a penniless maid than a comfortable lady of means if it meant you had chosen the life that brought you happiness.” 

Kate’s eyes welled, and she shook her head and stared at her hands. “That was a long time ago, Mama. Things are not the same.” 

“Circumstances may have changed. Your father may no longer be with us, but the promise we made together for our daughters will never waver. We swore to each other the day we married that we would never put you through the same turmoil caused by my parents. I gave up title and rank and my home country, yet I cannot regret any of my actions. How could I? It brought me to you. It brought me Edwina.” 

She remembered the day they married. Kate was so young, but she remembered how much she adored Mary as soon as they met. She remembered seeing the joy this woman brought to her father. They were a true love match. A team. It broke her heart to see Mary suffer after Appa died.

To hear Mary extol her love and care so passionately, to hear her willingness to live in poverty for Kate’s own happiness — she was overcome with the incredible love Mary offered that she did not know how to accept it. It felt wrong. It felt unearned. Still, Kate wanted to wrap herself within it, wanted to believe she could claim it as hers.

“Do you truly mean that?” Kate asked, softly, and Mary sat beside her, immediately. 

“I have loved you since the day I met you. I did not birth you and I will never replace your mother, but you must know that I have always seen you as my first daughter. I swore to always protect and support you until my very last breath. Kate, darling,” Mary held Kate’s face in her hands, “I am so honored you accepted me all those years ago. I have felt that honor every day since. Thank you.”  

With that, tears shed from both of their eyes as they embraced each other tightly. Kate laughed at the grip of Mary’s arms, but she did not mind one bit. As they hugged, Mary whispered, “Living a life that is true to oneself is always worth any hardships, my dearest. Remember to always choose yourself.” 

Clearly, Kate was still avoiding him. Anthony walked around the lawn, greeting guests and playing the part of host all the while looking for her among the crowd of faces. Where was she? Certainly she could not be in her room still. Lady Danbury would have pushed her out by now. 

“Lord Bridgerton!” 

He turned and bowed to Miss Edwina. “Miss Edwina, are you enjoying the festivities?” 

“It is wonderful!” She exclaimed and he could not help smiling at her positivity. “I have been enjoying all of the games and talking with the other guests. However, I am feeling a bit tired. Perhaps you would like to join me at the table? I am waiting for my sister to join us, and I believe it might do her well to have two familiar faces to greet her.” 

“Yes, of course!” Anthony said quickly, following her to a shaded table. Once seated, he forced himself to keep his eyes on the Sharma sister before him, rather than seeking out the other. “I am glad to hear that Kate will be joining us soon. You said she was feeling better this morning, yes?” 

“Yes, my lord. She says it is from the exertion required by London society. Neither of us are quite used to this level of activity.” 

“A person’s first season is always difficult. Even for someone as formidable as your sister.” 

“I must tell you that I did hope to speak to you before she joined us,” Edwina whispered, and Anthony’s heart nearly dropped to his stomach. Dear God, did Kate tell her of his impropriety? Was he about to be loudly disgraced by the younger Sharma sister?

Edwina glanced around, and he held his breath. “I hear you are going on a hunt soon with the other gentlemen.” 

Confused, Anthony nodded. She continued, “I mentioned it to Kate as she is an excellent shot. Truly, better than the young men of the royal family our father worked for! That is where she learned to hunt, you see. Kate truly enjoys hunting, and I suggested she should request joining you. However, she seemed against the idea.” 

Anthony could take a guess as to why. Instead, he replied, “Did she?” 

“Yes, she said it would be seen as improper, which I thought quite off considering my sister’s usual opinion about proprietary.” 

“Ah.” He ducked his head to hide any redness in his face at the mention of Kate’s thoughts about propriety. Clearing his throat, he turned his head away from Miss Edwina and asked, “Are you requesting I invite her myself? So she may feel included?” 

“If you would not mind!” Edwina said quickly, “I recognize that it is unusual, but I would like for my sister to enjoy all the aspects of country life while we are here. I —” She suddenly pulled away from him and he could see she was holding her tongue. 

“Is everything alright?” 

Edwina nodded quickly. “Yes, of course. I only meant to say that I want Kate to enjoy herself. That is all. And if it means I must coerce her, then so be it.” 

“You are more mischievous than you ever let on,” Anthony noted, and Edwina smirked. 

“I am a younger sister, am I not?” Her eyes drifted and she suddenly sat up. “Kate! Come join us!” 

Quickly following Edwina’s gaze, Anthony spotted Kate in the crowd. She looked rather shocked and he knew she wanted to turn around immediately. He was quite grateful that Edwina seemed keen on pushing them together. Reluctantly, Kate walked toward them and he slowly stood to greet her. 

“Miss Sharma,” Anthony said, attempting to meet her eye. Eventually she lifted her chin, her expression guarded. “Lord Bridgerton.” 

They had not spoken since the bee incident, and he simply wanted to see her. To read her expression and assess the damage he caused. Edwina eyed the two of them suspiciously, and Anthony attempted to act as though nothing had occurred. “I am glad to see you are feeling better, Kate. I was concerned you would miss the excitement of the day.” 

“Yes, I am feeling refreshed.” 

“Did you tell the viscount of your bee sting?” Edwina asked, and Anthony nearly rubbed his face at the irony of the situation. 

Kate gave a tight smile and said, “I was stung.” 

“Oh.” 

“I am well.” 

His eye darted to the light blemish on her chest. He could still see the slight swell of the bee sting, and his traitorous mind imagined pressing a kiss on it. Licking it. Instead he swallowed and replied, “...Ah.” 

Another lull in the conversation fell upon them and Edwina continued looking between the two. She settled her eyes on Kate, and he watched as Kate’s eyes widened at the curious stare of her sister. 

“Miss Edwina tells me you are an excellent shot, Kate. Might you be willing to join the men on the hunt?” 

Kate’s head snapped toward him at the invitation and her eyes narrowed. “You are inviting me on the hunt?” 

“As I have heard you enjoy the sport, I would be a bad host if I did not at least extend an invite.” 

“An invite to what, brother?” 

He felt Benedict slap his shoulders, and Anthony stood at his arrival. “To the hunt! It seems that Miss Sharma’s skills never cease to surprise. I thought she might want to join us. Perhaps show us her excellent aim.” 

Benedict’s eyebrows shot up in shock, though clearly amused. “Why, I think that’s a fantastic idea. What do you say, Miss Sharma?” They both looked at her and she pursed her lips. 

“That is very generous, however I am not sure the other men will approve.” 

“Seeking the approval of the gentlemen? Well, well, well,” Anthony teased, “Perhaps you have learned a thing or two about being a lady.” 

Kate’s jaw dropped and he felt a flare of satisfaction. He smirked and she gave him a murderous glare. “I was simply trying to be an amiable guest as this is your mother’s event.” 

“Were you? Or perhaps you are afraid of a wounded ego? Certainly you can aim straight on a field, but perhaps, while out on our land, you may have difficulty…managing.” 

“Why would I have any difficulty managing?” Kate argued. She held her chin up. “I will gladly join you on your hunt.”

“Splendid!” Anthony exclaimed with a wide smile. “I look forward to it. I will ask Lady Danbury to spare a maid to act as chaperone. Now, if you will excuse us, we must prepare.” He bowed and walked away quickly before Kate could change her mind. He heard Benedict following close behind him. 

“You did not just say that to Miss Sharma. She very well may use you as target practice.” 

“She was being stubborn,” Anthony answered. “And simply needed a little push.” 

He needed her to go on the hunt. He was determined to find a way to speak to her, to apologize, to explain, to…fix it. Of course, Anthony knew she would not make it easy. Naturally, once it was time to make their way to the hunting camp, Kate insisted on riding closely with her maid, despite being clearly annoyed by her maid’s abysmal riding skills. 

Looking over his shoulder, Anthony watched Kate’s repress rolling her eyes at the woman shrieking while the horse walked at an incredibly slow gait. Beside him, Benedict started to laugh and Anthony quickly turned back to his brother. 

“I do not know how you manage to win at any sort of game of cards at White’s, brother, as you are horrid at hiding your thoughts,” Benedict said, still chuckling. 

“Oh? And what thoughts do you see on my face?” 

They looked at one another, silently daring the other to reveal their cards first. It was Benedict who broke first, facing the front of the herd once again. “I fear you will push me off my horse should I voice it.” 

Anthony rolled his eyes and shook his head. Benedict sighed, goodnaturedly, and continued, “That you wish to speak to her, yet she quite obviously does not wish to speak to you.” 

“Hm, an observation that Gregory could draw himself. So grateful you have shared your intelligence, Ben.” 

They rode in silence for a moment. “I see that you care deeply for her,” Benedict said, quietly. “It is in the way you look at her. It is similar to the soft colors of a Turner sunrise. Warm, but not fully awake. It puzzles me, Ant. Why do you wish for the sun to stop its course?” 

Anthony kept his eyes forward, his hands tight around the reins of his horse. Benedict knew to remain quiet, and rode somewhat ahead, keeping pace with Lord Featherington to leave Anthony with his denial. 

Cloven-shaped tracks. Kate quietly stepped closer to ensure their validity, and she sighed, frustrated. She looked over her shoulder, glaring daggers at the men following the guide. Anthony was admiring the sun with Benedict and Lord Featherington and Kate could no longer keep to herself. 

“Ah, yes. Men enjoying a day in the sun. A mark of a successful hunt, to be sure.” 

Benedict guffawed, but quickly shut his mouth. Lord Featherington, a man she only knew in passing, eyed her with clear amusement. 

Anthony sighed, “Yes, we all know you prefer the darkness, Miss Sharma.” 

She turned away, still not quite ready to spar with him. Unfortunately, he stopped and waited for her, forcing her to pause as well. He gave her a wary look before offering his hand to assist her across a log — as if she cannot lift her own leg! 

“I take it you are still upset we are following the guide.” 

“No,” Kate said, lifting her skirts, dismissing his hand, “I am upset that I cannot follow my own instincts. We are walking toward the center of the wood, when deer prefer the edges. We would surely meet our goal if we spread out and head to more secluded areas toward the perimeter.” 

She had continued walking and only turned when Anthony did not immediately scoff. Kate studied his clenched jaw and his downward gaze, his thoughts elsewhere. He swallowed, his throat bobbing. “Yes, well. Perhaps you are right. Either way…” Anthony walked past her, but she stopped listening to his voice and turned her attention toward a rustling to the side. 

Kate quickly and quietly made her way to a canopy of low branches and hid behind a large rock. It was the perfect height for her to kneel and await her stag. Another rustle — there must be something there. 

She waited patiently, and took a moment to try and settle her thoughts. Anthony was baiting her, obviously hoping to speak to her. However, Kate was not sure she wished to hear it. She had spent the entirety of the night before along with this morning mulling over the potential conversation. Would he be remorseful? Ashamed? Oh, she was not sure she could possibly face his shame for nearly kissing her. 

Certainly the entire incident was all things improper. The two of them had been entirely too close to ruining not only her reputation, but more importantly, the prospects of Edwina. The thought made her stomach roll. 

Oh, but still. Kate did not want to hear Anthony’s remorse for desiring her. The thought of him confessing such feelings created a tight knot in her throat. 

For, despite its impropriety, Kate could not bring herself to feel any shame. Embarrassment, yes — she had felt so open and vulnerable and it made quite literally run away. Shame, however, meant a deep feeling of wrongness. Their closeness, his hand on her chest, his breath on her cheek — none of it felt wrong whatsoever. And that realization made her stomach feel even worse. 

“Kate!” 

Her shoulders tensed, but she refused to move from her position. She focused again on the wooded area, and strained her ears for potential prey. “Kate, you cannot just leave the group while walking alone with a gun.”

“Sh!” Kate hushed, and she felt Anthony huff, angrily as he continued reprimanding her, “I know the rules do not matter to you —” 

Muttering under her breath, Kate said, “You cannot truly be so concerned about rules .” 

“— However there is reason for our conventions. Good reason.” 

Rather than addressing his admonishments, she shushed him again, “Will you be quiet?” 

Kate kept her eye through the eyepiece, determined to have a successful hunt before any of the men. After a moment, Anthony continued to speak. 

“If I am quiet, will you finally speak about the other morning?” 

Her breath shortened, but she remained in her position. “What of it?”

When he did not answer, she finally looked toward him and his mouth was set in a hard line. He took a breath and turned his gaze upward.

“The other morning,” he said, “When you put my hand on your bosom.”

“To show you I was unharmed,” Kate quickly defended. “ You were overcome.”

“I was not!” 

Before she could reply, she heard a clear rustling of leaves not too far from her position. They both lowered themselves and Kate adjusted the gun in her arms. 

“There is no way you will be successful if you mean to hold a gun like that,” Anthony muttered, and she quickly snapped, “I know how to hold a gun!”

“Evidently, not a British one.” 

The weight of the gun had indeed caused an awkward pain in her right arm as the balance was unfamiliar. Not that she would admit such things to him. 

Anthony sighed, and she tensed even more as his arms moved toward her. “Look. You must hold it —“

“I do not need instruction,” she hissed, but Anthony ignored her protest.

“Hold it like…” He lowered her right elbow and tucked the end of the gun beneath her arm. Her arm immediately felt relief which she tried to hide with a grimace. 

Anthony moved closer still, his arms covering hers to adjust her hands, and Kate found it even more difficult to breathe. 

He was closer than he had ever been, the heat of his chest pressing into her back. She could feel his breath on her cheek. His scent flooded her senses. She felt Anthony turn his face toward her, his nose nearly pressing against her hair. Her breath faltered when she felt him inhale, and she wondered if he was as intoxicated by her as she was him. His arms pressed even tighter against and she unconsciously leaned her head closer toward him. She nearly leaned her body further into his embrace as her eyes fluttered to a close. 

“It will not be long now!” 

They sprung apart at the voice of the hunting guide, and Kate’s heart beat erratically. She swallowed and kept her gaze on the ground, using all of her strength to prevent portraying her inner chaos.

She stood, still slightly off-kilter, and followed Anthony toward the group. She heard Benedict state, “Ah! There you two are! We were wondering where you went. Come along, best to continue quickly before the rain ends our venture.” 

Kate paused to catch her breath. Her face was hot and she had never felt so completely flustered. From being close to a man of all things! It made her desperate and consequently, weak-willed. She simultaneously hated and yearned for his affect on her body. Finally, once calmed enough, she looked toward Anthony’s retreating figure. As she wished for a modicum of serenity, the rain started.

It was a common occurrence – Anthony’s nightly walks around the manor. They happened often during the beginning of his stays at Aubrey Hall. A restful night of sleep typically eluded him until at least the second or third night in his familial home. The bad memories were always the first to greet him. Only the passage of time brought some of the good to the front of his mind. 

Yet this was his fourth night here, and he still could not fall asleep. Not that he was very surprised. He knew the cause. The hunt had been an utter failure – no stag and no time to talk to Kate. She then sat far away from his place during dinner, and was preoccupied talking with some of the other young ladies who had arrived earlier that day. 

He had wanted to apologize and instead he had wrapped his arms around her and nearly pressed kisses along her jaw in the woods. It was perhaps the opposite outcome from what he wanted that morning. Despite wanting to kiss her, to be with her, to be the only man who ever gets the real unguarded Kate Sharma, Anthony knew that he cared too much for her to let himself feel anything more for her. If he expressed any of his desires, it would either lead to a total loss of their friendship — which would devastate him — or reciprocation — which would be momentarily euphoric, until it was inevitably turned even more devastating than the former. 

Kate deserved better than him. She deserved a lifetime of freedom. If he acted on his selfish desires, she would be shackled to a lifetime of responsibility after his inevitable and untimely death. Unfortunately, Anthony hadn’t conceived of a way to keep her friendship without outright rejection. 

Though that also assumed she shared similar desires as Anthony. He was fairly certain she did. However, Kate did often surprise him. Perhaps she wanted nothing to do with him other than the occasional tea. That would be good…and horrible.

A light in his study caught his eye, and he stopped walking. Antony racked his brain, trying to recall whether or not he extinguished every candle. If he did not, typically his valet returned to make sure everything was set. Perhaps Turner forgot to check or maybe he fell asleep early. He went to the door and looked inside only to see Kate perusing one of the upper bookshelves. 

“Apologies,” he stammered. Despite quickly averting his eyes, Anthony could not help noting the length of her hair and the fall of her nightgown. Standing atop the library ladder, with the glow of the candle light — She was absolutely resplendent. He moved further toward the hallway and explained, “I saw the light of a candle and thought I forgot to extinguish one.”

“No! It is my error,” Kate replied, making her way down the steps. “I was wandering. You would not expect to find me here.” 

Anthony glanced back toward her. He nearly turned to leave her, but found himself staying in his place. “Are you well?” 

“Yes — I could not sleep. That is all.” 

“Is it your lodgings? If they are not comfortable, we can —” 

“No, no,” Kate said, quickly. She shook her head and looked at the book in her hands. Sighing, she explained, “It is the storm...I find it difficult to sleep when there is thunder. Usually, reading soothes me, so…”

She lifted the book to finish her sentence, and Anthony nodded. He stepped into the room, unable to remove himself. He had never seen Kate in such a state — nervous. It made her look so young. Anthony clenched his fists to stop himself from wrapping his arms around her. Instead, he silently asked to see her chosen book. 

“Much Ado About Nothing,” Anthony read, “Have you read this one before?”  

Kate smiled and nodded, “Many times. Appa would often read them with me during storms like this. When I met Mary, she could not believe I was so well-versed…though at the time my father skipped the more scandalous japes present in Shakespeare’s work.” 

Anthony laughed and Kate started chuckling along with him. “I suppose I should not be surprised that you favored the Bard over fairy tales as a child,” he replied. 

“I enjoyed fairy tales as well. However, I read those books to Edwina. On nights like this, Appa almost always chose a comedy. He wanted to make me laugh. By the age of thirteen we had already read every one of his plays. We read the dramas for my amma…” Kate pursed her lips. “Apparently she preferred them.” 

Handing Kate the book, Anthony paused before asking, “You do not remember much of her? Your…amma? Your mother?” 

“I was only three when she passed,” Kate said, eyes still downcast. He watched her take a deep breath, then she shook her head and raised her chin. Her guarded expression returned. “I have fleeting memories, but my greatest recollection of her is the day she died. There was a bad storm.” 

She smiled grimly, and he immediately connected to her sardonic expression. It was one he knew well, one he wore often during his time at Oxford. One he wore often at White’s when he had too much to drink and he was feeling particularly self-pitying. 

Anthony sighed, and closed his eyes. “My father was stung. By a bee.” 

Kate’s eyes widened, and he could see her connecting the events of the past two days. It was his turn to wear her grim smile, and he walked over to his desk. He leaned on the edge and stared at his father’s portrait, arms crossed. He rarely ever allowed himself to look at it too closely or for too long. 

“Anthony. I am so sorry.” 

His eyes did not stray, but he felt her move closer to him. She leaned against the desk as he did, and admired the portrait. He wondered if she saw a resemblance. Anthony never could. 

“It was…humbling, to say the least. To see a great man felled by such a small creature.” 

They remained quiet for what felt like a long time though perhaps it lasted mere minutes. The silence was comfortable and familiar, and Anthony found himself longing to stay in this feeling. If he asked, would she be willing to forget their near scandal? Could they return to this simplicity? 

“What did your father enjoy?” Kate whispered. 

Anthony blinked at the unexpected question, and looked at her. Kate was still studying the portrait, a thoughtful expression on her face as though she were trying to imagine the man coming to life. It had been years since he had thought of his father in that light. He cleared his throat, hoping to remove any gruffness. 

“He was playful. He enjoyed playing pranks on us, though mostly on Benedict. He loved lilacs. I remember one night he was unable to join us for dinner during the parliamentary season. It was a special dinner, though I fail to remember why. The next morning, the drawing room was covered with lilacs and roses. My mother smiled the entire day.” Anthony smiled at the memory, the lump in his throat subsiding ever so slightly. “I wanted to be just like him. Even shaped my hair like him.” 

He gestured toward his sideburns while he spoke, and Kate’s eyes widened and she cringed. Anthony scoffed jovially and Kate burst into giggles. 

“I am sorry, but —” Kate pulled her face away from his and narrowed her eyes. She shook her head and covered her mouth, “You did not shape your facial hair into mutton chops. Tell me you are joking.” 

“You are making fun of my father!” Anthony scolded, though he could not stop himself from laughing with her. 

“I am not!” Kate defended. “I am making fun of you . The style suits the shape of his face. I simply cannot fathom the style on your face.” 

“Many people found the look quite fetching.” 

“That cannot be true,” she replied, shaking her head. They looked at one another and continued chuckling. 

“So you are saying you prefer the clean shaven look?” 

“Yes, of course! I believe most ladies do.” 

Anthony rubbed the side of his face with his hand and gave her a smile. “I could always grow them again. Perhaps you need to see them in their truest glory.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes and he chuckled again. He’s not certain what compelled her to do so, not sure if she put any thought in the act whatsoever — When he pulled his hand away from his face, Kate placed her thumb on his cheek. She outlined the shape of his former hairstyle, the gentle touch lingering on his skin.

A bolt of lightning lit the room and they both jumped from the suddenness. She began to pull away. “Oh! Forgive me, I was not —” 

“It is alright, Kate. It is alright, just — ” Anthony assured, speaking over her. 

Before Kate could pull away her hand completely, he took it into his own. He looked down toward their hands, his thumb tracing the lines on her open palm. Her skin was smooth, yet not as gentle as any other young lady. It was rough from work and the effects of riding. Anthony tightened his hold and Kate carefully closed her fingers around his hand. 

“Just…wait.” Their eyes met, and he suddenly felt desperate for her to stay. Desperate, though not with lust, only for her presence. “Please.” 

Her eyes stayed on their hands until another bolt of lightning came through, accompanied by a low rumble of thunder. Kate jumped again, and stepped away. She glanced out the window and pulled her shawl tightly around her shoulders. 

She turned toward him, and Anthony wished she hadn’t stepped into the darkness. He wished to see her face. Instead, all he saw was her outline as she walked backwards toward the door. 

“Thank you for the book.” 

“Of course,” he replied, resigned. “You are welcome to seek another one later.” 

Kate did not reply, and they stood in silence. Finally, he heard her sigh deeply as she softly said, “Goodnight Anthony.” 

“Goodnight, Kate.” 

It struck her while she laid in bed, reading by candlelight only an hour or so later. 

It was in the fourth act of the play, the words spoken by Beatrice — Kate’s most beloved character. ‘I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.’

These were the lines that caused Kate’s heart to stutter with epiphany. 

Oh. Oh. She always felt so strongly connected to Beatrice — her biting wit and her fierce independence. Traits she greatly admired and aspired to as a young girl. Yet now, she laid in Aubrey Hall and realized she was much more like her favorite heroine than she could have ever imagined. 

For Kate, with all of her adamant rants and her strong headedness, also found herself in love. In love with the man who vexed her and teased her and whom she loved to jab. Kate loved Anthony. 

Except this was reality. And Anthony surely did not love her.  

Chapter Text

“I thought you said you would be working, brother.” 

Even at the sound of Benedict’s voice, Anthony made no move to sit upright in his chair. There was no point in pretending to review ledgers with Ben. Instead, he kept his gaze toward the window and tapped his fingers against the armrests of his chair. 

“I believe I said that I will be in my study until tonight,” Anthony replied, glibly. Benedict snorted and took a seat on one of the chairs by the fireplace. 

“Are you hiding from someone?” 

Rather than answer his question, Anthony raised an eyebrow and asked, “Shouldn’t you be off painting somewhere?” 

“Not your best. Really, quite uninspiring.” 

Anthony sighed deeply, and sat up to rest his head in his hands. He rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Being in his study surely did not help his predicament as he could still faintly smell Kate’s scent from last night. Lilies. Always lilies. 

Lifting himself up, he cleared his throat and picked up his quill. “And why are you here? Requesting something or hiding as well?” 

“Request, on behalf of our dear mother and sister. Apparently they would like to discuss something about the dance order tonight or something or other.” 

“Daphne and Mother have never needed to discuss plans with me.” 

“I said the same when they broached me,” Benedict replied with a smile. Anthony sighed again and Benedict stood and gestured toward the door. “Shall we?” 

They walked toward the drawing room where Daphne and their mother were whispering while sitting on a settee. When Anthony cleared his throat, they both sprung apart and wore an eerily similar smile. 

“Good God,” Anthony muttered and Daphne glowered at him. He took a seat across from them while Benedict sat at a table of biscuits, picking up his sketchbook as he did. “Clearly this is not about any sort of plans for tonight, so you may as well tell me your true intentions.” 

“Must you always distrust us, dearest? We are not always scheming, you know,” Violet countered. Anthony simply raised his eyebrows impatiently. 

“We only wanted to tell you that our plans are nearly all set for tonight,” Daphne said, slowly. “And…well, I asked Mama if you had your own plans that have been discussed.” 

“It seems Daphne has noticed something that I have also taken note of, and so we thought to bring it to you…” Violet added and Anthony blinked rapidly. He looked over his shoulder toward Benedict, who was clearly avoiding any involvement in the current conversation – his head ducked down and focused entirely on his sketches.

“What?” Anthony finally asked, and Daphne rolled her eyes while their mother got up to pace behind the settee. 

Daphne sat forward and put her hands in her lap. “It is quite clear to all of us that you and Miss Sharma cannot stay away from one another. You are clearly besotted and she is looking for a husband!” 

He shook his head and let out a frustrated laugh. “You are mistaken. Mis Sharma is not seeking a husband. You have been gossiping with Lady Danbury far too much, sister.” 

“We know she has at least been offered a courtship,” Violet interjected, “And she is considering it for the wellbeing of her family. It would be incredibly beneficial for her to marry someone of your status. Anthony, she is perfect for you —” 

“No. We will not be discussing this.” He stood and straightened his waist coat and Daphne quickly blocked his path. 

“You are being stubborn! Will you not listen to reason?” 

“Me?” Anthony countered. “You cannot be serious.” 

“Anthony, please. Listen to us, for only a moment.” Violet stood by her daughter and gave Anthony a steely look. “You are upset about Mr. Dorset, evidenced by your behavior at the Serpentine. Darling, it does not matter that you had no intentions of marrying this season. Love never arrives when you expect it —” 

“Love shall have no place in my marriage,” Anthony replied quickly, placing his hands behind his back. He watched as the two women flinched. Despite the irritation bubbling within him, he attempted to explain calmly, “I shall marry someone who agrees that there will be no love in our union. We will be partners, and we will be cordial. I will never stray, but our lives will be separate aside from our duties. There are many women who approve of such marriages. That is what I seek.” 

“Anthony,” Violet chuckled in disbelief and Anthony sighed, and moved his gaze toward his boots. “You cannot mean that.”  

“I do, actually.”

Daphne scoffed, “Brother.”

“Sister.”

“A loveless marriage is not you,” Violet continued. 

Anthony started to shake his head as he clenched his jaw. Eyes still cast toward the floor, he muttered, “You speak as if you truly know me.”

“I know what a sweet child you were!” Violet said adamantly, “Always so generous and earnest. Always wanting to make other people smile.” She sighed and stepped closer, “After your father died, it is like a wall came up inside you. It was as though you began to view love as a weakness rather than your greatest strength. And that, my dear, is not you.”

Shaking his head even more, Anthony let out a beleaguered breath. He lifted his head and kept his eyes on the opposite wall, trying to hold onto any remnant of serenity within his being. The more Daphne and his mother spoke, the more restraint leaked out of him. 

“Anthony,” Daphne coaxed, “Despite your distorted notions around duty, you are able to choose happiness.” 

With that, Anthony began to laugh sardonically. He shook his head and took a step back, and from the corner of his eye, saw Benedict stand. 

“Perhaps we shall leave this be for now?” Benedict asked, ever the peacemaker. “Focus on the events of tonight?” 

“You act as though I am uncaring or unfeeling,” Anthony said, quietly, “When in reality I am thinking only of her.” 

“How could you possibly think that to be true?” Daphne pushed. “You care for her! She cares for you! Why are you denying yourself joy? Not only would Miss Sharma be the perfect viscountess, but she also complements you! She makes you laugh and smile more than I have seen in years. It would resolve everything .” 

“It would resolve everything?” He replied, sarcastically. “You genuinely believe that a proposal will fix all of our qualms.” 

“I am not suggesting that marriage fixes all problems, Anthony,” Daphne rebutted, “I am saying that if the two of you marry, it would resolve both of your current situations. Her family will have the financial support they need and you will have a wife befitting the Bridgerton name.” 

“Ah, yes,” Anthony muttered. “ That is my most troubling plight. Finding a wife.” 

“Well you certainly paint it as such,” Daphne replied. “You speak of marriage as though it is a walk to the gallows. This solution brings about a marriage to someone you love — ” 

“Love shall have no place in my marriage,” Anthony repeated slowly. He scoffed and continued, “What of Kate’s wishes and desires? If you truly knew her, you would know that she wishes for independence. Really, think of what would occur if she became my wife. Shackled with the responsibilities of being the viscountess. Shackled by the rules of the ton. I cannot —” 

Anthony caught himself and took a deep breath. His pulse pounded and he found he could no longer keep the words to himself, to hide his true meaning. “You speak as though a loving marriage is the cure to all ailments when history has shown it to be the catalyst of worse afflictions. Since I must marry, the union shall only consist of pleasantries, a life untouched by heartbreak and the ravages of grief.” 

The room was silent. 

“Ant…” Benedict started, his eyes wide and solemn. 

It was eerie to see Ben so serious, yet Anthony felt a twisted vindication at the sight. His mother’s face was turned away, and a rush of frustration pushed Anthony to continue. Frustration at how oblivious she was at the turmoil he faced all those years ago and every year since. 

Anthony stepped closer to his mother and lowered his voice, “You were barely there when he died. Yet I am cursed to remember every single moment. I could never —” His voice caught in his throat, and he took a moment before continuing, “No matter how hardhearted everyone makes me out to be, I could never be the cause of such pain.” 

He turned to Daphne, her lips pursed and eyes glassy. “And you suggest I inflict that sorrow on Kate ? My —?” Anthony paused and shook his head. “To even picture her in a similar state…I could never do that to her.” 

“You cannot truly —” Daphne started, but Benedict interrupted with a soft admonishment, “Daph, leave it be.” 

Anthony’s eyes returned to his mother, whose eyes were still downcast. “Next time, Mother, perhaps you shall consider whether you truly know your child before you begin your plotting.” 

Without waiting for a response, and without any resistance, Anthony stalked out of the room. 

The decision was clear as soon as Kate realized her true feelings. She could not pursue any courtship with Mr. Dorset. Yes, he was kind and thoughtful. They would have a pleasant marriage. In her bones, she knew it would not be fair to him. Agreeing to be with him would not be fair to herself. She could see that now. 

“Are you certain you are alright?” Edwina asked, worried. Her sister’s concern was sweet, and Kate grinned at the thoughtfulness. 

“Yes, Bon, I am certain. I feel no heartbreak over the courtship’s end, and neither will Mr. Dorset. Perhaps a mild disappointment, but nothing more.”

Edwina reached over to hold Kate’s hand as they sat on her bed. “It is not that I do not believe you, Didi. There is…a melancholy around you this morning. I cannot place it.” 

There was no heartbreak over Mr. Dorset, but Kate did feel a quiet sadness over her revelation from last night. She loved Anthony. A man who refused to fall in love, yet had the audacity to be one of the best people she knew. They could never work, for Kate refused to dilute herself in any capacity. 

“I did not sleep well last night. I do not look forward to putting on any guise for tonight’s ball. I would much rather stay in bed with Newton.”

At his name, the dog lifted his head from between his paws and looked at his mistress. Kate smiled lovingly, and Edwina squeezed their hands even tighter. 

“Well, I assure you that we will have some fun tonight. We will dance and dazzle all of the ton!” 

“Edwina, your light rivals the sun. I do not know how you manage to always stay bright,” Kate said, not unkindly. Edwina sighed and shrugged. 

“What else is there to do but continue to hope?” 

A gentle knock interrupted their talk and Mary walked inside without waiting. She had a glow about her as she held tightly onto a small letter. 

“Mama?” Edwina asked, and Mary smiled widely and sat across from them at the vanity. 

“I have received correspondence from Mr. Bagwell,” Mary replied, and Kate and Edwina looked at one another quickly. “It seems he must return to Oxford sooner than he thought and cannot bear the thought of leaving without first seeking a private audience with you, Edwina. As soon as we arrive in Mayfair.” 

Edwina’s jaw dropped and her hand went to her mouth. “Wha…But — He has not asked for your —”

“He asked for my blessing before we left for Aubrey Hall,” Mary replied, and now it was Kate’s turn for her jaw to drop. 

“Mary! You did not tell me!” 

“He wanted it to be a secret,” Mary said, laughing. “I apologize for the omission, but his intentions were so sweet I could not refuse. However, I could not keep this to myself.” She held up the letter and Kate could see Mr. Bagwell’s messy handwriting across the papers. “It seems we have a wedding to plan as soon as we return!”

There was always something pleasing about the Hearts and Flowers ball. Anthony was never one for balls, but to see Aubrey Hall so beautifully decorated in his mother’s pristine taste — it was typically the ball where Anthony felt most himself. 

This year’s ball was apparently not the same. He could not stop looking toward the stairs, anxiously awaiting Kate’s arrival. He could no longer prolong this silence between them. He would make sure to discuss the garden incident before the end of the night. He needed to know…Well, he was not sure what he wanted to hear from Kate. That she wanted him just as much as he wanted her? That they should pretend it never occurred and return to their normal behavior? 

Certainly the latter scenario would be the smoothest of courses. It still brought a rolling sensation in the pit of his stomach. Two hands slapped his back and Anthony frowned. 

“I have not seen you since this afternoon,” Benedict said, “You seem even more tightly wound than usual.” 

“Do I? I haven’t the faintest idea what could have possibly left me feeling unsettled,” Anthony remarked sarcastically, still eyeing the staircase. Finally, he saw Kate descend, following behind her sister and mother. The pink of her dress made her look quite different from her usual shades of blue and purple. It was not her typical palette, but she looked stunning all the same. 

Before Anthony could walk toward her, Benedict tightened the hand on Anthony’s shoulder. He shot an annoyed glance toward Benedict, whose expression showed mild chagrin. “Brother, I did not know the conversation would turn so serious.” 

Anthony sighed, and shook his head. “It is alright, pay no mind to it. It is done, Ben.” 

“No,” Ben started, and the tone caused Anthony to pull his attention away from Kate and focus on his brother. Benedict’s eyebrows were pulled together as he frowned deeply. “Your words…about love and marriage —” 

“Benedict —” 

“I cannot tell you how sorry I am that you were forced to endure that pain on your own. I know you witnessed more than any of us, you shielded us from so much. And I…” 

There was a pause and Anthony cleared his throat, and straightened his jacket. He found it difficult to look at Benedict, since his words were more affecting than Anthony wished. Benedict continued, “Ant, I just do not want you to shield yourself from the possibility of being the one cared for, rather than the one to do all the caring.” 

Anthony’s gaze drifted toward Kate again, her attention turned toward some of the other guests in attendance. He nodded at Benedict, unable to articulate anything else, but was soon accosted by Lord Fife. “Bridgerton! I have finally found you! We must continue talking about that business we started at White’s last week.” 

“Business?” Anthony asked, struggling to remember the last conversation he had with Fife. Unfortunately, that conversation led to another, only to expand to include Lord Featherington. All the while, Anthony watched Kate float across the ballroom looking luminescent. His head began to hurt from the benign conversation as well as the words of his family from earlier that day. 

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” Anthony said abruptly, cutting off Fife midsentence. They all blinked at him, but he did not care for all he wanted was a moment to speak to Kate. He had waited all day, and he refused to wait any longer. He could not think about Benedict’s words. He could not think about his mother’s wounded look. 

He just needed a moment of peace. He wanted a moment with this person who understood him better than anyone else.  

Fortunately, she stood alone by the edge of the dancefloor, watching her sister dance with Colin. “Miss Sharma, it seems we keep missing one another tonight.” 

Kate turned to him, and he saw her eyes widen for only a moment before she reset them to their usual guardedness. “Lord Bridgerton. You have been busy speaking to your guests, and I have been getting to know the other guests. That is all.” 

“And how do you find them?” He whispered, and he could see her refrain from smiling.

“Perfectly well. Except for a particular guest who seems intent on glaring daggers at my sister.” 

They both looked toward Miss Cowper scowling beside her mama. They both giggled, and Anthony finally felt some relief from the stress of the day. Less than a moment with Kate, and he was feeling better. 

He glanced over his shoulder to see the current set was over. Anthony, without thinking too hard about the offer, turned back toward Kate. “May I have your next dance, Miss Sharma?” 

Her smile dropped, slightly, but she regained her composure once more. “Yes. You may.” 

They had danced with one another at every ball thus far. Anthony was sure to always pick the one he knew would vex her the most, and she made sure to step on his toes. By their last dance, he had become quite adept at avoiding her trampling and she had become more adept at following rather than taking the lead. 

It was a part of their sparring. They had not danced since their fight at the park. They had certainly not been this close to one another’s faces since the garden. Kate’s body had never been pressed quite this closely to his own. It was intoxicating. 

“You do not have much to say, my lord,” Kate said, breaking Anthony’s reverie. 

“Neither do you,” he replied, quickly. In truth, he was distracted by her hair so close to his face. He desperately wanted to pull her closer. To allow her scent to imprint on his jacket. “You have no thoughts to share? No opinions on the food or games? No news?

At that, he felt Kate tense and he knew she must be hiding something. 

“Or…do you? What are you hiding, Kate?” 

She was silent for a moment, but her next statement came out in a rushed whisper. “I do not plan on marrying Mr. Dorset. Once we return to Mayfair, I plan on rejecting his courtship.” 

Anthony’s mind went blank. “And this is what you wish?” 

“I cannot marry a man when my heart lies elsewhere. Not when I am longing for another life. It would be unfair to the both of us.” 

Where exactly did her heart lie? They continued their dance, Anthony turning her so they faced each other again, his chest clenching at the proximity. 

Kate continued, “Mr. Bagwell will propose to Edwina within the upcoming days. Mary received a note this morning that he must return to Oxford sooner than anticipated. Their wedding will be held quickly. Then…I will return home.” 

“Home? As in…to India?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“How quickly?”

“No more than three weeks. As soon as the license allows.” 

“Three weeks?” At that he dropped her hands, and he was grateful that it timed perfectly with the end of the dance. He felt frantic, a wave of anxiety washing over him. His heart had soared at her declaration of refusing Mr. Dorset only for it to plummet at the image of her leaving the country. 

“Yes. That was always the plan. To leave as soon as Edwina is wed. I shall obtain a ticket as soon as possible.” 

“You will leave immediately? Without ensuring your mother is secure?”

Without ensuring that I am secure? That I can bear your absence? When will you return? Will you ever come back? The questions circled his head. 

“My mother will return with me,” Kate explained. She glanced around, noting that couples were leaving the floor. Anthony knew they must move, but he could not. He stood stock still at the idea of her leaving so soon. Of course he had known their time was limited. Yet he did not expect to feel utterly bowled over by it. 

She curtsied and waited for Anthony to bow in return. Instead, he stepped back. “Anthony?”

He glanced toward her before abruptly leaving the dance floor, making his way down the nearby hallway. Anthony focused on regaining his breath, focused on trying to regain some composure, but his inner frenzy was so startling Anthony could only think about escaping. Faintly, he heard footsteps behind him. 

She watched him leave, her heart in her throat. Frazzled, Kate looked around the ballroom only to come face-to-face with Edwina. 

“Where is the viscount going? What did you say to him?”

“I…” Kate swallowed, feeling entirely too exposed. Edwina gently moved them away from the dance floor and pressed, “Is he alright?” 

“I do not know.”

The next song started and fortunately the dancefloor crowded again. Kate took the distraction as a means to an exit. “I will go find him,” Kate whispered to Edwina and before she could hear her protest, Kate quickly left the room. As soon as she turned the corner she saw Anthony’s figure.

Her heart pounded as she followed him down the hallway, her pace increasing with each step.  Finally, he turned into his study and she followed him and shut the door. 

“Why are you so distressed?” She asked as Anthony paced by his desk. She watched, slightly alarmed. His hands clenched as he set them on his hips. She could see the muscle twitching in his jaw. His nostrils flared. 

“You are leaving in three weeks?” Anthony asked, tightly. She blinked. 

“If all things go accordingly, then yes.” 

“And when did you think to tell me of such plans?” 

“I told you of my plan during our very first dance. I do not understand why you are acting as though I have uncovered an elaborate scheme. As though I have deceived you in some way.”

Anthony’s chest rose with each deep breath. He opened his mouth, then immediately closed it and clenched his jaw again. She watched with low simmering anxiety as he leaned both arms on the edge of his desk, the workings of his mind quite clearly flitting about with speed.

“I foolishly thought,” he said, quietly, “I could release this friendship at the end of your sister’s season. I truly believed your departure would end my —” 

Anthony stood and finally looked at her with manic devastation covering his face. He walked toward her slowly and with each step, Kate felt herself grow more and more flushed. “Kate, you must see it. You must see —” 

She waited for him to stop, to stand the proper distance. Kate stood still, her breath quickening, as Anthony walked closer and closer, stopping only when his face was a breath away from her own. 

“Anthony…” She whispered, eyes fluttering shut. She felt his breath on her cheek as he continued to talk. 

“You drive me to utter madness. Since our first meeting. Your glare. Your wit. Your scent,” He paused and inhaled along her jawline, and she let out a gasp at the intimacy. Kate opened her eyes, and saw his own eyes burning through her. When their gaze met, he leaned closer, touching his nose to hers. “Kate…night and day, I dream of you. You are the bane of my existence…And the object of all that I desire.”

His gloveless fingers brushed the lightest touch along her exposed arms, setting her skin ablaze. “Do you even know?” He whispered, “All the ways a lady can be seduced? All the things I could teach you?

“I…” Kate started, but quickly lost any train of thought as he stepped closer. As his face went to her ear. 

“Say you do not care for me. Tell me you feel nothing, and I will walk away.” 

She could not think. She could not fathom putting any distance between them. She could not — She could not…

Kate heard her voice as though it was its own separate entity. “What if I were to say you light a fire within me? When you stand this close?” 

She heard him suck in his breath and hold it. Then, quickly, frantically, their hands reached for the other’s face as their lips crashed together. 

This was not her first kiss. It had been a simple peck on the lips with one of the sons in the royal family for whom her father worked. Then, a second time with a neighboring friend. Those kisses were short and nothing extraordinary. Kate was glad to have done it to simply say it was something she had experienced. 

Kissing Anthony was an entirely different beast. She could not stop herself from running her fingers through his hair or pulling his face closer to her own. She could not stop herself from pushing her body close to his, craving the strength of his chest and his arms. Craving his weight to fully engulf her entire body. He moved them toward his desk, and Kate felt the edge press into her. She opened her mouth at the contact and Anthony took that as an invitation for his tongue to savor hers, causing a moan to escape her throat. 

This only encouraged his intensity, and she reveled in the way his arms wrapped around her midriff. His hands gripped her back tightly, squeezing her tight against him. Anthony moaned as her chest pressed against his own and she felt a thrill at the power she held over him for simply existing. For having a body he craved, as she craved his. 

The more they pressed against one another, the more Kate found herself leaning against his desk. “Wait,” she breathed, and she quickly perched herself on the desk and unconsciously wrapped her legs around his body, pulling him closer. He let out a noise of approval. 

A voice in the back of her mind told her this was wrong. She knew it may end very badly. Oh, but it felt so good at the moment. Kate never expected to feel this desire, this lust. She had never thought it truly existed for a woman, and yet now all she could think about was laying herself on the desk and demanding he climb on top of her. 

She used her legs to pull his waist toward her and gasped when his hardness pressed between her legs. Anthony groaned and gripped the fabric of her dress in his fists. “Kate,” he whispered, “Kate…” Anthony whispered, slightly pulling his body away from her, hands still running up and down her body. “I will stop.” 

“Do not stop.” 

“I will stop.” 

“Do not stop!” She said, fiercely and apparently it was all the encouragement he needed. 

As though relinquishing all restraint, he pressed himself against her and she moaned at the friction, a heat building within her. Their kisses became messy and even more intense with each passing moment. Anthony pulled his mouth away from hers to start kissing her neck and chest, Kate bending her head back at the heat of his tongue. He stopped where she had been stung and circled his tongue around the small blemish before kissing it over and over. 

Kate deftly unbuttoned his jacket and she moved her hands under his waistcoat, wanting to feel all of him as he began to move his hips in a circular motion. She found herself close to the brink of intense pleasure when a sharp knock rapped on the door. 

They sprung apart. Kate covered her mouth with her hand. She dared not move lest she make a sound, and on the other side of the door they heard Daphne’s voice.  

“Anthony? Are you in there? Anthony?”

Kate met Anthony’s wide and crazed gaze. She watched him swallow and close his eyes, and despite being very close to true catastrophe, Kate found herself wanting to untie his cravat and press her thumbs into the indentations of his neck. 

“Anthony, if you are in there, tell me now!” Daphne said, sternly. Finally, after a tortuous amount of time, they heard her shoes walk away from the door. Kate sat up, but Anthony put a finger to his mouth and quietly walked to the door and pressed his ear against it. 

Eventually, he sighed and covered his face with one hand. “Oh, thank God.” 

The knock released Kate from the thick haze of lust and she was struck by the severity of their actions. She took in his state — his ruffled hair, twisted and partially unbuttoned waistcoat, lips swollen. 

Her breaths became more and more shallow as she sat up. Kate twisted her skirt back into place, her hands shaking with nerves. 

“That would have been a disaster. Complete ruin,” Anthony mumbled as though only speaking to himself. He let out a frustrated sigh and placed both of his hands over his face. “That should not have happened. That…should not have happened.” He shifted his hands on his hips and walked over toward the fireplace, eyes on the floor. “If Daph had walked in…Surely, we would have been forced to marry. We would be shackled.”

Kate let out a laugh of disbelief, his last word like a wash of cold water on her face. Anthony’s head snapped up and she knew her eyes betrayed her. They shone with the pain she wanted nothing more to hide. Despite the dim lighting, she saw Anthony’s face drop in remorse. 

“Kate, I did not mean —” 

“No, you are right.” She stood and straightened her gloves and brushed any stray hairs back into pins. Her blood was rushing through her, and she tried to conceal any panic. It was her own fault. He never hid his disdain for a loving marriage. For a marriage with passion. Kate should not have expected anything else. 

“For once,” Kate said, meeting his gaze, chin raised, “I agree with your sentiment.”

“Kate, please,” Anthony said, sighing. “You misunderstand —”

“Shackled,” she interrupted. Anthony shook his head while she continued, “Shackled. I would not want you to be trapped by a lowly spinster with no dowry.” 

“You must wait,” Anthony said, touching her arm as she made her way toward the door. Kate paused, and he stood close behind her once more. The sting of the tears behind her eyes pressed against her face. Her tattered state and Anthony’s words of regret made Kate feel so horribly weak and wholly unspectacular. She refused to turn toward him. Refused to let the proximity overwhelm her, again. 

How could she have let this happen? 

“Do not concern yourself, my lord. I will ensure the hallway is empty before I go toward my lodgings.” 

“Kate,” Anthony pressed, but she tugged her arm back to herself and stepped out into the hall. She stayed in the shadows until she was certain there was no one else around her. She calmly walked up the stairs and back to her room, nodding politely to two stray guests walking up the stairs as well. It was not until she made it to her room that she released the storm of emotions in her body, and cried.

Anthony did not sleep. Did not even bother any sort of attempt to sleep. He only went back to his quarters when he was certain all guests were in their rooms. He wanted to bathe, to pretend he did not reek of dishonor. He never wanted to bathe again to keep her scent on his person. 

Kate was going to leave. Her lips, her hair, her voice in his ear as he kissed her neck. Three weeks and Kate would no longer be a mere horse ride away. Could he stow away on the ship with her? His family was more capable than they once were. Back when he took over his duties. If he left, if he followed Kate — Benedict could manage most of the work. Colin would need to stay close by, naturally. Eloise could barely stand his presence as it was and Francesca was away studying her music. Gregory would leave for Eton soon, and Hyacinth…

Anthony hung his head. No. He had to stay. Anthony knew there was no other course. There was no fleeing the situation. Should word get out, Kate’s reputation would be ruined. 

He needed to propose.

“Your belongings are all packed?” Mary asked. 

“Almost!” Edwina answered, still searching the room for a pair of her gloves. “I cannot find the pink lace gloves, Mama. I thought I left them by the vanity, and they have disappeared.”

Mary began walking around the room. “Have you seen them, Kate?” They were met with silence, and Mary turned toward her daughter. “Kate?” 

Kate blinked and lifted her gaze away from Newton in her lap. She shook her head. “No, Mama. I have not. Apologies.” She stood and picked up her own gloves. “I am all packed and ready and am feeling rather restless. I will be at the front of the house with Newton.” 

Before they could respond, she took Newton's lead and walked out of the room. She passed by a footman and told him that her belongings were ready to be brought out to the front. Kate wanted to prevent any unnecessary run-ins with Anthony. She could hide out front. She would be the first in the carriage. 

When she reached the door, she finally felt like she could take a deep breath. The air was slightly cool, the clouds low to the ground. Kate let Newton pull her toward the grass and she watched him sniff at the grass. 

Kate spent the night ruminating over the entire season, how she had been pulled in all directions. Swaying between Edwina and Anthony. Her duties and her budding friendships with the Bridgertons. Dorset or India. 

By the early lights of dawn, all Kate could see were Mary’s words only two days prior. “Living a life that is true to oneself is always worth any hardships, my dearest. Remember to always choose yourself.” 

To choose oneself — herself. What did that mean? 

Tears welled in Kate’s eyes, and she shook her head to will them away. 

“Please do not dismiss me.” 

Kate stiffened and huffed, frustrated. Of course Anthony would not leave her alone. Of course he sought her out. 

“My attention belongs to Newton at the moment. He needs to get his energy out before we take our leave.” 

She heard his boots turn in the gravel of the drive, and her shoulders released their tension. Until she heard Anthony loudly state, “We are in need of a footman. Miss Sharma’s dog requires a jaunt and we are in the middle of an important discussion. Please.” 

“I am perfectly fine with the task!” Kate said, turning around but a footman was already there and waiting for the lead. She debated whether or not she could slyly refuse, then Anthony took the lead himself and placed it in the footman’s hand. 

Her jaw clenched while Anthony started, “I am not here to spar. Please, Kate.” 

His eyes were wide with genuine pain and the expression hurt her heart. She swallowed and nodded, allowing him to speak. 

“What happened last night was unconscionable. You must allow me to apologize. I am so sorry, Kate. My actions…I was raised to be a gentleman and I acted abhorrently. I did not want it to…” Anthony swallowed and briefly closed his eyes. “I did not want it to happen that way. You deserved better. You — do deserve better. Much better.” 

“You do not need to apologize for both of our actions. ” 

“Yes, I must. I…As a gentleman, I must rectify the situation. I must apologize and —” 

Kate’s eyes stayed on her shoes. “You have already apologized —”

“— And I am compelled to request your hand in marriage.” 

Her eyes widened in shock and she stared at his face to assess the seriousness of his proposal. “Anthony, you do not need to propose. Please.” 

“I do!” Anthony took a step closer and leveled his gaze to her eyes. “Kate. We can marry. I am asking. You will make a wonderful viscountess.” 

“You are simply saying that to spare my feelings. You swore to only marry a perfect viscountess, and I am not —”

“You are, Kate,” Anthony interrupted. “You are — You are far more intelligent than every other person in every room you enter. You are strong and thoughtful. You see the people for who they are — faults and all. You do not withhold empathy despite vexation. You are more than capable.”

“I...” She took a deep breath and attempted to calm her shaking hands. This was so wholly unexpected and her head developed a severe ache. “I cannot marry out of obligation. I cannot. It would not be true to who I am, Anthony.”  

There was a pause as he seemed to consider this. “I understand,” Anthony replied, stilted. “However, it would rectify the situation —” 

“You have already said that,” Kate interrupted, and he sighed, frustrated. Before he could continue, Kate swallowed and turned her head. “My lord, perhaps we should let the matter lie.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Perhaps we should acknowledge that our friendship has run its course. I will be leaving soon and prior to said departure, I will be rather busy planning my sister’s wedding. Maybe,” she paused, heart wrenching, “Maybe this is where we say our goodbyes.” 

“You do not think we could move past this? We could go on as though the night had not happened at all.” 

Kate could not bear to look at him. She knew if she saw any sort of pain upon his face, her resolve would crumble and she would proclaim all that she felt for him despite knowing it would not matter. It would change nothing, for Anthony refused to marry for love. Any love proclamation would end them all the same. At least, by ending it here, Kate held on to her dignity. 

His throat cleared, and she steeled herself. 

“If that is what you truly desire,” he said, “Then I shall honor your wishes.” 

Kate let out a deep breath — relief, devastation, and loneliness churning in her chest. She clenched her jaw so tightly, telling herself not to cry. Kate nodded, gaze still averted. 

“Goodbye, Anthony.” 

And with that, she walked toward the footman watching over Newton — only coming back toward the carriage when they were saying their farewells to the other Bridgertons. Anthony was notably absent.

Chapter Text

There were only so many tasks Kate could do over the course of three weeks. Which was not to say they were idle. Not in the slightest. 

Every day, the Sharma family went to stores, called on acquaintances, and readied for Kate and Mary’s trip. They needed to assure Edwina felt safe, developing a stronger relationship with the Bagwells to secure her place in their family. Their days were filled with constant smiles and perfect manners, leaving Kate utterly exhausted. 

If only she could sleep properly. 

Naturally, she dreamt of him. There were the salacious dreams — Daphne never knocked on the door during those dreams. They were the mundane ones that consisted of them being an old married couple of society. The most common dream, however, was the most disturbing. It was always set during their last conversation in front of Aubrey Hall. Dream Kate, however, could not resist looking over her shoulder to see his face. Then, every time she turned, Kate would see that she was no longer at the country estate but in her childhood home. 

It was always raining. Then her father would come in, and tell her that her mother was gone. And she would cry.

Kate hated those dreams the most. 

“Didi, you are going to fall asleep on the silk!” 

Her body jerked awake, and Kate sat up, quickly moving her face away from the silk of one of the garments of Edwina’s trousseau. “Apologies, Bon. It is the warmth of the room.” 

Edwina peered at her, unconvinced, from her place on the short platform. The modiste was fretting and clicking her tongue as she stuck pins in the nearly finished wedding dress. 

“Are you certain?” Edwina asked. “This is the last garment of the afternoon, and you have already given your opinion on it. Perhaps you should go home and rest. The carriage can come back for the rest of us.” 

“It is alright,” Kate replied, putting a smile on, “We will be home soon. Another trip will waste the driver’s time.” 

Kate blinked quickly and shook her head to wake up. Soon, she would be sailing home and hopefully then, the dreams would stop. Hopefully the distance will weaken his hold on her. 

“I am feeling rather restless myself, actually,” Mary said from across the room. “Lady Danbury, would you mind staying with Edwina while Kate and I take our leave?” 

Lady Danbury nodded without looking up from the swatches of fabric in her lap. “Wedding planning is rather draining. Best to stay rested before the day.” 

The carriage ride was quiet and Kate did her best to remain alert. She nearly ran out of the carriage when it stopped before the house, only for her mother to stop her. 

“Let us walk around the gardens, Kate. I think the fresh air will be good for us both. I am eager to see how the rose bushes are blooming.” 

As it was not stated as a question, Kate could not refuse. So, she nodded and handed some of her belongings to the nearby footman. Mary smiled at her softly, and Kate took her arm as they walked. 

Mary commented on the color of some such flowers and they paused to admire the lilac. The walk was pleasant, and the fresh air did liven Kate’s spirit. Still, dread crept up her chest — Kate knew that she was not acting as herself. She had been rather sluggish this past week. They would be enjoying a meal only for Kate to realize she was caught in a day dream halfway through a conversation. 

They had all noticed, but were too busy with the upcoming nuptials to prod her about the change in behavior. Until today, it seemed. Mary guided them to a stone bench by the roses and Kate waited for the inquisitiveness to begin.

She closed her eyes as the breeze kissed her face. Kate rather missed the country, even with all of the painful memories of their stay. 

“Kathani.” 

Her eyes shot open at the use of her full name. Mary had not called her Kathani since they departed India, and even then it was quite some time before their departure. She had adopted the name Kate only two to three years earlier, when she determined that shaping Edwina into the perfect debutante would likely lead to a London season. Mary had insisted it was not necessary to go by an English name, but Kate refused to let her identity lessen Edwina’s prospects. Mary had continued to call her Kathani at first, but eventually became familiar with calling her Kate. As did Edwina. 

“You called me Kathani.” 

Mary took her hand. “Because you are lost, dearest. Where are you?” 

“What ever do you mean? I…” Kate’s throat tightened at the deep furrow and the lines of worry around Mary’s mouth. Her mother’s face was distraught, and Kate found she could not finish the lie. 

“Please, Kathani,” Mary urged, “No more lying. No more facade. You are not well. I am your mother and I can see that you are hiding something.” 

Kate bit her lip, but could not find the words. 

Mary sighed. “Perhaps I should not be allowed to force you to share your thoughts and feelings. Not when I have let you hide them for so many years.” 

“What?” Kate looked up, confused. She watched as Mary looked toward the fountain before them, lost in thought. 

“Certainly I saw how you transformed from eldest daughter to head of the household. I was in a stupor after Nimish passed, but I do remember all you did for us. All you continue to do for us. You should not have been Edwina’s guardian this season. It should have been me, but…” She paused and swallowed, “Anyway. By the time I awoke from my grief, you had already completed Edwina’s teachings. I lessened my guilt by telling myself you enjoyed the responsibility. You enjoyed taking on the role. Oh, but Kathani…” 

Mary’s eyes welled with tears, and Kate was too tired to refrain from crying as well. Mary brushed aside a tear and continued, “Seeing you here. Seeing you with Lord Bridgerton. Even with his siblings — you were finally laughing again. Playing. I could no longer believe my concocted delusions only made to alleviate my failings as a mother.” 

“You were grieving, Mary,” Kate said quickly, tears flowing in earnest. “You were not in the state to —” 

“You were grieving your father. How could I —?” Mary shook her head, and they both took a moment to catch their breath and wipe their eyes. “I cannot change how I reacted then. But I am determined to change my behavior now. You are suffering. I believe you have been in pain far longer than I even know. I could not see it until I saw how happy you have been these past few months.”

Kate’s tears increased, and Mary cupped Kate’s face between her hands. She smiled softly at her daughter and said, “You can always confide in me. No matter how distressing or painful. It is my role to help you, as well. No matter how much you have grown, you shall always be my child.” 

“Oh, Mama,” Kate took a shuddering breath, “I fear you will think differently after you hear what I have done.” 

“Impossible.” 

She gripped her hands around Mary’s wrists, and they leaned their foreheads against one another. Kate sniffled and noted how her shoulders already felt lighter. How her pain had already been slightly eased. Kate could no longer keep it to herself — her love for the Viscount. And so, Kate sighed and revealed everything to her mother. 

Three weeks, he had been sitting in this stew of misery and self-pity. Three weeks of throwing himself into work, counting the days until he knew she would be out of the country, as if the distance would lessen the blow. Everyday, Anthony checked his watch as though it would tell him the exact number of minutes until she was gone. 

He knew the pain that love brought. He knew the way grief battered a person. At least, in this instance, he was the only victim. At least there were no children to take on the bruising. 

Anthony rubbed his eyes, exhausted, and he heard a knock on the study door. His valet entered and informed him of some guests. His mother requested his presence at once. 

“Who are they, Turner?” he asked, stretching as he stood from his chair. 

“Lady Mary Sheffield-Sharma and Miss Edwina Sharma, my lord.” 

He stood stock still, trying to articulate an excuse. “And my mother insists I join them?”

“Yes,” Turner nodded, looking slightly apologetic, “I was in the vicinity and heard Lady Mary inquire after you. It is clear she is interested in speaking to you, specifically.” 

Swallowing his anxiety, Anthony nodded and made himself presentable for company. He racked his mind for any potential errors made that Lady Mary may know. Did she believe him to be a scoundrel for not calling lately? Had she heard Kate say something about their impropriety?

“Lady Mary. Miss Edwina.” Anthony bowed his head and the women curtsied in return. Edwina resumed her seat beside Eloise, the two in great spirits. 

“Miss Edwina came by to provide her future address once she becomes Mrs. Matthew Bagwell,” Eloise explained, smiling. “I shall be in correspondence with a married woman.” 

Edwina giggled, her cheeks pink. 

Anthony smiled, “Our sincerest congratulations, Miss Edwina. “

He turned toward Lady Mary, who stood next to his seated mother. Her face was stoic, though not quite angry. Anthony shifted his weight as she smiled at him and spoke. 

“Lord Bridgerton! What lovely timing. I was inquiring after your well-being. It has been many days since you have called upon Lady Danbury’s home.” 

“Ah, you are too thoughtful,” he replied, “All is well. Simply busy running the estate and attending parliamentary sessions. My apologies for not visiting.” 

“It is alright, my lord. I was about to take a turn about the room. We shall catch up.” 

Lady Mary held out her hand, expectedly. He looked at the outstretched hand and glanced at his mother. Her eyes were curious though seemingly without any panic. Anthony smiled tightly and walked forward, offering Lady Mary his arm. 

They walked toward the other side of the drawing room, and Anthony cleared his throat. 

“I am surprised you have called on us as the wedding is tomorrow, is it not?”

“Edwina insisted she pass along her address to Miss Eloise. It is comforting to know she will have a close friend to confide in once she is married. Not to mention, I needed to speak with your brother before the pre-wedding ritual tonight. He has just left to get some supplies.” 

“My brother?” Anthony racked his brain for any indication that one of his brothers would be going to Lady Danbury’s tonight. Unfortunately he pushed Benedict and Colin out of the study every time they tried to barge in. 

“It is called a Haldi ceremony. The family gives its blessings to the couple before they begin their marriage. Mr. Benedict Bridgerton has been commissioned to create a painting to memorialize the night. A wedding present from Kate and myself.” 

“That sounds lovely.” 

They were quiet again, and he wondered if he could ask about Kate without raising suspicion. 

“And…Miss Sharma? Is she well?” 

Lady Mary regarded him closely, and he felt himself nearly twitch under her steady gaze. Though she and Kate were not related by blood, it was clear Kate took after her stepmother. 

“No. She is not,” Lady Mary answered quietly. Heat flushed Anthony’s face, as Lady Mary continued to speak. “My daughter confided in me yesterday. About the evening you two shared during the Hearts and Flowers ball.” 

Guilt pressed in his chest. He stopped walking and closed his eyes. “Lady Mary. I cannot begin to —”

“I do not need to hear your apologies or any of your remarks about being a gentleman.” Mary took a deep breath, “You took liberties. With my daughter. If I did not trust Kathani’s heart and mind, this would be an entirely different sort of conversation.” All of this was said in a quiet rush, and once she paused, Mary glanced toward her youngest to ensure their privacy. “However, it must be said that she is not naive. She acted with her own will, as well. There is no need to paint her as an ignorant damsel.” 

“It does not signify,” Anthony replied, quietly, “My behavior was inexcusable.” 

With that Lady Mary’s face softened. “My lord…do not torture yourself. Let us be grateful that no one saw, and that her reputation is still intact. Nothing can be changed, thus nothing more can be said of the matter.” 

He nodded and Lady Mary took another look around the room. She walked further away from the rest of the group and sat, motioning for him to sit beside her. 

Lady Mary looked down at her hands, her fingers playing with the folds of her skirt. “I have been a negligent parent.” 

Anthony was surprised by the change in topic. He nested his hands together in his lap, anxiously twisting his signet ring. He watched as Lady Mary continued speaking. 

“Kate took on so much responsibility after her father died. I mistook her self-sacrificing nature as resiliency at a time when I felt so fragile. I see it now for its true nature — fear. Fear of being left. Of being weak. Of being hurt. The fears of a young girl who had lost entirely too much.” 

The image was upsetting — a young Kate, hiding her grief to continue to support those around her. He knew how crushing that weight was upon one’s shoulders. He wished, fruitlessly, that she had never experienced such pain. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Anthony asked, throat tight. 

She looked up with a solemn, yet determined gaze. “I am telling you this, my lord, because I must atone for my negligence. As much as Kate claims it as truth, I know she does not want to return to India. I know her heart lies here, and will remain here no matter her residence. Unfortunately, she does not believe she has the option to stay.” 

“I offered marriage,” he quickly replied, brow furrowed. “I proposed. I told her she would be a more than capable viscountess.” 

“She informed me of your proposal.”

“So then you know that she refused. In fact, she wished to end our friendship entirely. My absence has only been out of respect for her wishes.” 

As he spoke, Lady Mary shook her head. “She refused under the notion that you were not offering her sole requirement of marriage.” 

“Her sole…” 

She held onto Anthony’s gaze, and he desperately tried to flit through his memories of their discussion on marriage. His heart stuttered as he remembered her words. I cannot marry out of obligation…Edwina urged me to marry only for love…I suppose her words affected me more than I ever expected. 

He focused on his thumb rubbing against his knuckle and the clench of his jaw rather than the lump in his throat. 

“If you truly do not want to be with my daughter, then, please, leave her be. Do not correspond with her, do not visit her — cut her out of your life completely and spare her heart. On the chance that I am right, you must speak to her plainly. And you must do it soon.” 

Lady Mary turned her head toward the rest of their party, preparing to take her leave. He wanted to scoff loudly at her implication. That it was him who ended their acquaintance. 

“Kate does not want me.” 

She quickly turned to him again. Anthony’s entire body was taut, his attention trained toward hiding any anguish. “You did not see her when we parted. It pained her to even glance in my direction. She refused. She does not want me.” 

After a pause, Lady Mary quietly responded, “I have watched you with my daughter over the course of several months. At first, I must admit, the friendship was rather odd to me. However, Kate has never been one to adhere to the rules of society.” Here she smiled, softly, before continuing, “I have seen how you care for her. I have seen how you hold her in high regard. My daughter, however, paints herself as a duller figure than her true self. She does not see how others admire how brightly she shines.” 

Her words caused Anthony to recall his first dance with Kate, when she asked his true intentions about marriage. Kate thought he was attempting to get close to Edwina, only. Despite his clear affection for her and her alone. 

Without waiting for his response, she stood and politely cleared her throat. “I apologize, Lady Bridgerton, for I have promised to call upon Mrs. Bagwell today to discuss wedding details. Edwina, darling? Are you ready?” 

“Oh, of course,” Violet said, warmly. Anthony wondered if she saw their conversation. Was his racing heart audible to everyone around him? He felt its beat thumping in his head. He stood and bowed to the two women as they were guided out of the room, Eloise following the footman. His mother stayed in the drawing room and he kept his eyes on the carpet. 

“Did Lady Mary have anything of importance to relay?” 

The conversation had left him slightly nauseous and he could not tell if he needed to lie down or if he needed to throw something. 

“No,” he answered in a clipped tone. “Nothing of importance at all. If you will excuse me.” 

Anthony made his way out of the room and he heard light footsteps behind him. 

“Will you be joining us for family dinner tonight?” 

“Not tonight, no. I will have a tray sent to my study.” 

“You have not eaten a meal with us in over a week, Anthony!” Violet called after him. Without a pause in his step or another look, Anthony merely waved his hand and slammed his study door shut. 

The room was stunning. 

Kate always tried to remain humble, but she could not help but feel immense pride when taking in the brightness of the room. The wedding had been the work of Mary and Mrs. Bagwell, with some assistance from Lady Danbury. 

The Haldi ceremony was hers. She was glad that she packed enough decor – the warm palette of her scarves and fabrics covered the surfaces of the small guest room allotted by their host. Lady Danbury had offered a grander space, but Kate wanted it to be intimate. She wanted to imprint the memory forever. Hence the commissioned artist, who walked into the room at that moment.

“Mr. Bridgerton!” Kate smiled, and Benedict gave a wide smile in return. 

“Miss Sharma! I cannot tell you how unbelievably grateful I am for my first commissioned piece, though I will not accept more than a cup of tea as a form of payment.” 

She shook her head, but could not refrain her gentle smile, “That price is much too low, sir. Other than the fact that you are being entirely too generous, your price must reflect your value. Your art is worth much more than a cup of tea. It is a disservice to your talent to suggest otherwise.” 

His expression softened and a slight blush formed around his ears. “Well…thank you for your encouragement. It is most kind.” Ducking his head down, Benedict began to set up his sketchbook, charcoal, and paint while he spoke. “You are putting quite a lot of faith in my abilities as you will already be on your way to India when the painting is complete.” He sat on the stool Kate placed by the easel and small table. “When do you set sail?” 

“My mother and I will leave in two days time.” She ignored the pang in her chest at the thought. Benedict nodded slowly and kept his eyes on his tools. 

“Your presence will be sorely missed,” he finally said, “You have become quite a fixture at the Bridgerton household. No one has fit our odd dynamic quite as well as you, Miss Sharma. A part of me had hoped…” Benedict cringed and she could see his hesitation. He looked at her, trepidatiously, “I had hoped to call you sister, one day.” 

Her eyes widened and she held her breath, dropping her gaze from his face. Benedict continued, “I apologize if I am overstepping —” 

“No, no,” Kate shook her head, blinking away any tears, “It is alright.” 

“I only mean to say — ”

“Mr. Bridgerton,” she interrupted, a pleasant expression affixed on her face, “You do not need to flatter me or assuage any bruised ego. Your words are kind, but unnecessary. Do not concern yourself. From the beginning, there were no set expectations. All is well.”

She continued to smile and Benedict sighed. He gave her a small smile. “You have become a dear friend, Miss Sharma. Know that should you ever need anything all you need to do is send correspondence. The offer extends to your sister, also.” 

“Thank you…It is comforting to know that Edwina can call upon your generosity while I am away.”

“Indeed, Mr. Bridgerton. I am sure Lady Mary will find comfort in your words as well!” 

They both turned and greeted Lady Danbury, who stood in the doorway with an all too knowing expression. She looked quite different in the brightly colored dress that the Sharmas insisted she wear. Still, she looked just as regal and elegant in her golden orange gown, hair still pulled back tightly, the Sharmas’ concession for the night. 

Kate blushed, hoping the woman had not heard other aspects of their conversation. Knowing her hostess, however, Kate was certain that Lady Danbury had heard it all. Kate excused herself to ensure everything was sorted with the servants, and was dismayed to hear Lady Danbury follow behind her. 

“Miss Sharma, if I may.” 

“I do not know why you frame it as a request, as we both know you will continue with or without my permission,” Kate said, her tone lacking any real frustration. Lady Danbury smiled, and arched a brow. 

“Too right you are,” she replied. “I heard Mr. Bridgerton and his hopes to call you sister.” 

Kate nodded, stiffly. Unexpectedly, Lady Danbury’s expression softened as she stepped closer. There was no pity in her eyes, but a deep understanding Kate had not seen before. “You genuinely believe the viscount has not harbored any romantic feelings.” 

“He desires a marriage of convenience, not love.”

“An arrangement I do not disagree with, as you well know, and a decision I would not contend if I truly believed he felt as much. However, it is clear that there is love between you that you continue to deny.

“I believe you are mistaken, Lady Danbury,” Kate argued, scoffing. “I have not refused any sort of proclamations of love.” 

“Have you made any proclamations?”

The words were quick and Kate nearly stepped back. She blinked quickly, and pursed her lips. Was she so transparent? Could everyone see her foolishly lovesick state? 

Lady Danbury examined her and stated, “I cannot claim to understand what has occurred between you and the viscount. All I may comment on is from my observations over these few months, as well as our stay at Aubrey Hall. There is love. Reciprocated love. If you seek to be the woman you claim to be, then there is no need to wait for his declarations.”

“You are so certain he has declarations to make,” Kate whispered, and Lady Danbury scoffed as Kate had a moment ago. 

“I have known Viscount Bridgerton for his entire life. Not once has he engaged in dancing. In promenades and calling cards. Not once has he shown so much care and affection for a person without the last name Bridgerton. He may not realize why he sought your attention. I do. I know when a man is in love, for I have seen so many who are decidedly not.” 

They stared at one another, waiting for the other to speak first. Kate attempted to steady her breath before she cleared her throat and held her chin high. “And what do you suggest if you are wrong? If he continues to deny this supposed affection?” 

“Well, Miss Sharma. It will likely feel as though you are crumbling,” Lady Danbury replied, “And then, with time, you will see that you are wholly intact. As you have always been. But there is strength in vulnerability. Do remember that.” 

Any attempt to work was not possible for Anthony’s mind was completely consumed by the event at Lady Danbury’s home. He sat on the bench in his study and leaned his arms on his legs, head in his hands. If Kate had genuinely confided in her mother, then Lady Mary’s words must be true. Kate did not think he loved her. 

Why would she? He was always adamant about having a loveless marriage. He certainly proposed to keep her here, but made no declarations of love. Did he love her? 

What a preposterous question. He scoffed at his own idiocy.

Anthony never favored tales of love during his studies, and he certainly never thought of the experience of falling in love. But he knew, in his heart, that he loved Kate. He loved her. He could not imagine his life without her. He loved all aspects of her. Despite never being in love with a woman before, he knew that this was it. Kate was all that he desired, and she always would be. 

And he was too much of a coward to tell her. A rather humiliating epiphany. 

“Benedict has left for the celebration tonight.” 

Anthony lifted his head to see his mother standing before him. Earlier that day, Benedict asked, without directly stating, if Anthony wanted him to deliver any sort of message to Kate. Naturally, Anthony gave no response. 

“Oh, Anthony darling,” Violet tutted, “I hate to see you in such agony.” 

She went to sit beside him and he leaned back in his seat. Anthony refrained from meeting her gaze, but she bent over to meet his eye level. Her expression was filled with such concern and pity that it overwhelmed him. It weakened his resolve. 

“Something is broken within me,” he said, softly. “I know that I love her. I know I want a future where she is a part of every nook. And yet…I cannot bring myself to run over there and declare myself. My logic against love is unsound. It is irrational, and I desperately wish to be unburdened by this fear. But, I cannot —” 

Anthony swallowed and closed his eyes. Tears fell and he made no effort to hide them anymore. “How is it that Benedict, Colin, and Daphne…how are they all romantics? They aspire to it, to love. Yet I am still so stunted. I should be over this grief. I should be able to live freely.” 

“No, Anthony, do not frame yourself as the guilty party,” his mother said, quickly. “You were so young…I hate that you were the one with Edmund when he was stung. It is unthinkable finding someone like that. Someone you love.” Violet’s lips trembled, and Anthony could only look away. 

She let out a shaky breath. “I am sorry. I am… so sorry that you were the one to find him like that. I am sorry for everything that happened after. I wake up every morning thinking of the pain inflicted upon you. It is my deepest regret — the responsibilities you shouldered due to my being unwell. It was not fair.” 

He did not reply, but took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His hands over his mouth. Anthony swallowed and kept his eyes on a spot on the floor. “What if my fate is like Father's? What if I leave her and our children?” 

“Kate is a stronger woman than me. Not only that, but she will have all of your siblings, and all of her family, to support and care and love your children with her.” Violet paused, and squeezed his hand. “But, Anthony…you cannot live your life like this. It is not tenable.” 

Anthony shook his head, and wiped stray tears from his cheeks. He felt his mother’s eyes on his face. She sat up straighter and kept her eyes steady on his profile. “Losing Edmund was the most difficult time of my life. And the pain that I felt…beyond description. But there is one thing that has given me at least some modicum of solace. It is knowing that I would choose the life I led with him every time.” Anthony looked at her shining eyes, taken by her resoluteness. She continued, “And I would undoubtedly feel the same pain all over again if I had to because real love is worth it, dear. No matter what.” 

Listening to his mother explain it as such, Anthony knew his answer would be the same. He would choose Kate, every time. In every world, every future — he would choose Kate. How could he not? If he were to die tomorrow, he would want to spend this night with her. He would want her to know that he loved her with his entire being. She deserved to know how much she was loved. 

“Mother…” Anthony said, standing. He looked at her and she smiled, teary-eyed. “I must —”

“Yes, of course. Do not lose her Anthony. You cannot lose her.” 

Watching Edwina beside Mr. Bagwell, their eyes bright, Kate was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. Incredible joy for her sister’s happiness. Pride, that she was a part of her sister’s growth. Sadness at the thought of leaving her sister to live in this country without any family. And, though she tried not to think too much about it, remorse. 

It was difficult not to dwell on Lady Danbury’s and Mr. Bridgerton’s words. Kate knew that Anthony was closest to Mr. Bridgerton. If he believed Anthony to be infatuated with her, then perhaps it was true. 

A heavy weight settled in her chest at the thought. If that was the case, then Kate had made a great mistake. She cut him out of her life to protect her heart, only for her heart to break more and more with each passing day. The idea that it was all for naught…That he could also love her?

No. She could not think about him during this ceremony. Kate smiled as she dipped a hand into the golden dish to take some of the haldi onto her fingers and gently coated Edwina’s arm. They both looked at one another, tears spilling over their cheeks from the consuming love of sisterly affection — Mary beaming on Edwina’s other side.

The Sharmas stepped away to allow the Bagwells some space. Their movements were hesitant but excited. She watched how Mr. Bagwell looked lovingly at Edwina. She thought back to when the young man had been terrified whenever in Edwina’s presence. Kate was struck that Mr. Bagwell was perhaps more courageous than she had ever realized. More courageous than Kate had ever been in her life. 

He fell in love with Edwina hard and fast. He stuttered and faltered along every step of the way. And still, he continued. He showed her his adoration without a second thought. Mr. Bagwell would never run away. Unlike Kate. 

A footman behind her cleared his throat. Confused, Kate glanced over her shoulder and saw a nervous look on the man’s face. 

“Is there an issue?” She whispered, not wanting to disrupt the ceremony. 

“Erm, perhaps a slight problem, yes,” he answered, and Kate furrowed her brows, annoyed. She had stated, very clearly, not to bring her any problems until the end of the ceremony. 

“If it is not a pressing matter, then leave it be. I can attend to it later.” 

“Unfortunately, Miss Sharma,” the footman whispered, quickly, “He will not leave until you see him. And he is beginning to get rather loud.” 

Her head whipped over her shoulder and her heart started to race. “Who?” 

The footman cleared his throat, and leaned in closer. “Lord Bridgerton.” 

“What?” She asked, rather loudly and Edwina immediately responded. 

“Is something the matter, Didi?” Her sister’s eyes widened in concern, the haldi already coating her face and neck. Kate shook her head, but they could all soon hear a distant voice, “Kate! Kate!” 

Edwina’s eyes widened even more and she smiled widely. “Is that Lord Bridgerton?” 

“It does not matter, Bon,” Kate replied, but Edwina scoffed and shook her head. 

“It is, is it not?” The question was addressed to the footman, who cautiously nodded in reply. Edwina squealed and jumped up from her place. 

“Bon! Stop!” Kate pleaded, standing up. Yet, Edwina bounded up to her quickly only stopping to place haldi across Kate’s forehead. She blinked, surprised at the sensation, and looked at her sister, confused. 

“Is it not also said, that when spread on an unmarried person, haldi will help them find a worthy partner that makes the rest of the world quiet, too?” Edwina said, quietly, only for her to hear. Warmth spread in Kate’s chest at her sister’s magnanimity. Kate caught Mary’s eye behind her, who smiled, encouragingly. Edwina nudged her with her foot. “Go, Didi! He will come storming in otherwise.” 

Kate took a deep breath, suddenly filled with nerves, and nodded. She cleaned off her hands, then turned and quietly made her way to the doorway where Benedict stood. He had a large smile across his face. 

“My brother has a flair for the dramatic, Miss Sharma,” Benedict whispered, “But I knew he would wisen up, eventually. One can always depend on Anthony.” 

Anthony waited on the first landing of the staircase. His pulse erratic from the burst of energy that jolted through him when he first left his study. 

“Kate! ” He yelled for the third time, however this one was immediately met with a huff of frustration. 

“I am already here, my lord! You may stop your yelling. Let my sister enjoy her pre-wedding rituals with her intended.”

Her eyes were a storm of emotions that Anthony struggled to parse. In large part because Kate was absolutely bewitching. Her hair flowed down her back, and the warm, bright color of her dress complemented the depth of her complexion. Even with some odd smudge across her forehead, she was angelic. He nearly blurted his adoration upon first sight. 

His chest ached for he was finally in her presence again. He had missed her so, only now allowing himself to feel its severity. “You…You are resplendent.” 

Kate widened her eyes, and her guard fell ever so slightly. She looked over his shoulder, avoiding his gaze. “Why are you here, Anthony?” 

“Are you still planning to leave for India?” 

She did not answer immediately, but briefly studied his face before looking away once more. Kate shrugged, and pursed her lips as she took a deep breath. “My ticket has been purchased. My belongings are nearly all packed.”  

Anthony tried to collect himself, for his breathing had quickened since her arrival, attempting to remember the words he practiced on the carriage ride over. 

“I was fearful of losing you,” he said, stepping closer to her. They still stood on the landing, faintly aware of the footmen by the door trying to give them some privacy. 

Kate furrowed her brow, confused. “What?” 

“I was fearful. Of losing you,” Anthony repeated, “That is why, when we met, I made no attempt to court you. Despite being completely enamored by you and every aspect of your being, I could not fathom the thought of having you in my life only to experience the heartbreak of losing you.” 

He reached for her hands, hesitantly, and was relieved that she let him take hold of them. “I have been convinced, for the better part of my adulthood, that love only brought pain and devastation to those who fooled with it. I wanted to push you away, I insisted we were not courting, but Kate — it was denial. I called on you because I could not stand going a day without seeing you. I sent you flowers because I knew they would make you smile. I was overjoyed when you wanted correspondence of any absence, for it meant that you cared for my well being. I have never met anyone like you, Kate. You consume me.”  

Kate’s eyes shone while she continued to study him. 

“Anthony…why are you saying this?”

He let out a small laugh, almost frustrated that she could not understand what he was trying to say. 

“Forgive me then. I have done a poor job of making my intentions and feelings clear.” 

He stepped closer and put a hand on his chest, as though he needed to contain the erratic beat of his heart. “I love you. I have loved you from the moment we first raced each other in the park. I have loved you at every dance, on every walk. Every time we have been together and every time we have been apart.  You do not have to accept it. You do not have to embrace it. Or even allow it! And knowing you, you probably will not. But you must know it. In your heart…you must feel it because I do. I love you.”

They were quiet for a moment, and he stood with bated breath. Perhaps she does not feel the same, but he still needed a reply. He needed some sort of acknowledgment. 

“You are saying that you love me?” Kate asked, blinking away tears, and Anthony could only nod. “Then it seems you have finally won a race, my lord.” 

His hand dropped from his chest as he tried to comprehend her meaning. The corners of her lips twitched and she took his hands back into her own. “I had hoped to tell you much the same tomorrow morning. It seems you beat me to it.”

The breath rushed out of him and he felt slightly lightheaded. “You —?” 

Kate laughed, and nodded, her eyes still watery. “I love you, too,” she whispered.

The words brought about an inner levity that could have thrust him into the night sky. He laughed in disbelief or perhaps from giddy relief, and Kate soon followed suit. Anthony was not sure why they giggled, but It did not matter for he had never felt so unbelievably happy in his life. He moved his arms around her waist and she rested her hands upon his chest.

“I want a life that suits both of us,” he said, voice shaking, “I know I am imperfect, but I will humble myself before you, for I cannot imagine my life without you.” 

“You know that there will not be a single day where you will not vex me,” Kate teased and he smiled. He leaned his face back. 

“Is that a promise, Kathani Sharma?” 

Her eyes widened at her given name, and he promised to call her Kathani every day, every time if she so wished. Rather than answering, she crushed her lips against him and he savored the softness of her lips and the taste of her tongue. Her fingers ran over his scalp and he relished the fact that he would get to kiss her, to hold her, appreciate her hands raking over his body for the rest of his existence on this earth. 

And for the first time in a long time, his future was not filled with dread or failure or disappointment. His future was hazy and bright. In fact, it was not merely a future. It was a life.  

One year later

“You cannot be serious,” Kate frowned at the man across from her, watching as sweat formed along his brow. The day was warm, pleasantly so, but the exertion of rowing the boat along the Serpentine was beginning to show on her dear husband. 

“Only a little bit further, Kathani! Patience is a virtue, is it not?” Anthony gave her a cheeky smile and she threw one of her gloves toward him. He made no attempt to dodge it, only smiling wider when it hit his face. 

“Please tell me you are not rowing us away from civilization because of some misguided vendetta against Mr. Dorset.” 

“No,” Anthony said, sternly. They rowed in silence, the rest of the park beginning to fade into the background. “Though, you may note that this is much farther than where he took you. Not to mention the trip altogether will be much more pleasing than a simple turn around the lake.” 

Kate rolled her eyes and leaned back into her seat. “You are an absurd man.” 

“You are an obstinate woman. And,” he winked, “I love you.” 

She bit the inside of her lip to prevent a smile, but there was no hiding her amusement. She merely closed her eyes and leaned her head toward the sunlight. It was a rare day where Anthony did not have much work to be done. The family decided on a day in the park together. It had been mildly frustrating at first, trying to get Eloise to join their outing. She only complied when Kate allowed her one book as a companion. Even so, Francesca had been quite eager to see one of her suitors, which led to a snippy comment from Eloise which then led to a short argument between the two sisters. The season had been…tumultuous for Kate. 

The surprise boat ride was certainly a reprieve. However, she began to wonder if Anthony was planning on rowing them to an entirely different city. 

“Here we are!” 

Kate opened her eyes and saw Anthony tie their boat to a low sturdy branch. He had taken them to a small inlet of some kind. Looking over her shoulder, she saw they were quite far from their starting point. In fact, she could not even make out the site of the festivities. 

“I thought a peaceful luncheon away from family and gossipers was much needed.” Anthony smiled and stretched his hand to help her out of the boat. 

Kate smiled and allowed her husband to assist her out of the boat, despite not needing any help. She placed a small peck on his cheek and rested a hand on his chest. 

“And did you inform your mother that she would need to be the main chaperone?” 

He nodded and led them toward the middle of the small wooded area, basket and blanket in one hand and Kate’s hand in the other. They stopped at a fairly hidden space, wildflowers growing all around them. 

Every day of their marriage had not been like this, though Kate was often surprised by how much joy they had shared thus far. Not that she had anticipated their marriage to be anything less. Only that she could not believe she could feel this much happiness. 

They argued as it was in their nature. They were typically small clashes. Over the course of their marriage thus far, they have had two or three battles that lasted no longer than a day. They had stewed and given the other space before they eventually missed the other too much to hold on to any anger. 

Her duties as a viscountess were stressful and overwhelming at times. There were awkward moments between Violet and herself due to the shift in title. They managed to work through it without any significant scrapes.

All of the Bridgertons treated her as their own. 

Benedict loved to sketch in the same room as her — she had started using watercolors with more consistency at his insistence. Colin had an endless litany of questions about her journeys, and they discussed the highs and lows of traveling. Daphne, though her visits were few and far between, sent regular correspondence which Kate returned with delight. Eloise respected Kate’s opinion more than anyone else. Francesca was still getting used to Kate’s presence, but she had opened up more with each passing day. Gregory, whose crush vanished as soon as Anthony announced their engagement, was always talking of his studies and asking for her clarifications. And Hyacinth was always easy to please, eager to play and simply be heard. 

When she and her husband finished their picnic, Kate brushed her fingers through his hair as he laid his head on her lap. His eyes were closed, and she traced the slight lines on his face. He was beautiful and more than she could have ever asked for in a partner. 

“Do you recall our first promenade?” Kate asked, quietly. Anthony opened his eyes and hummed. 

“Our first walk…with Edwina and Lord Lumley?” 

Kate nodded and Anthony smiled and added, “Of course.” 

“I interrogated you about your persistence in seeking me out,” she continued, “And you told me it was because you enjoyed my company.” 

“That was the truth. I also happened to think you were gorgeous and desperately wished to get you alone,” Anthony smirked, “But I certainly could not reveal such thoughts.” 

Kate laughed and brushed her thumb across his bottom lip, looking at her husband with adoration. He looked up at her with equal amounts of affection. “Why do you ask, my love?” 

“I was just thinking… that I thoroughly enjoy your company, as well. I enjoy you. I enjoy us. I enjoy our life. Together.” 

The couple was overcome with love and contentment, and as they kissed under the canopy of trees, they were especially glad that this was merely one day of so many more.