Chapter Text
gc: class reps
nanami: hey guys…
murasame: what’s up?
nanami: waiting for everybody else to be online
murasame: okay
ishimaru: I’m here! Please tell me as soon as you’re ready, Nanami-kun!
chiebukuro: :0
kinjo: hello.
hamasaki: what’s up???
yumeno: what is it nanami-san?
nanami: yukizome-sensei talked to me today about this and told me to share it with you guys…
nanami: so we’re going on a school trip to jabberwock island in about a week, i think…
nanami: each of our classes are in charge of different things…
nanami: i have a doc of it all if you’d maybe like me to send it…
chiebukuro: that’d be great, chichi!
nanami: okay…
nanami sent a link
ishimaru: Thank you for informing us of this, Nanami-kun!
yumeno: yeah this is really helpful
hamasaki: you’re the best, nanami-san !!!!!
kinjo: we appreciate it.
chiebukuro: ^^
murasame: thank you for being the best class rep ever, nanami-san
yumeno: id say im offended but i dont rlly care for yr opinions
chiebukuro: roasted!!
gc: class 79
chiebukuro: guys !!!
kinjo: guys
kurokawa: whats up?
kobashikawa: Spill spill spill
chiebukuro: THERE’S A SCHOOL TRIP TO JABBERWOCK ISLAND IN LIKE A WEEK!!!!!
kinjo: our class is assigned to take care of the refreshments and activities on tuesday and thursday evening
otonokoji k: KARAOKE ON THURS
otonokoji k: PLS
otonokoji k: OR YALL R DEAD 2 ME
kinjo: karaoke sounds good to me
mitsume: whatever gets kanade to shut up
iranami: ooh ooh !! satsuki knows !!
iranami: kobazing can do plane tricks in the air on tuesday !!
kobashikawa: NO
kinjo: sorry, iranami-san, but i’m vetoing that
kinjo: anybody else?
yuki: hm we could just watch a movie !!
kinjo: sounds good to me bae <333333
kinjo: we just need to figure out what to watch
kisaragi: jaws
kinjo: no
sannoji: jaws
kinjo: no
yuki: jaws
kinjo: jaws it is <3
dms: sannoji mikado > sannoji mikado
alter ego: FATHER !! we have a major problem !! (*´Д｀*)
mikado: what is it?
alter ego: there’s a school trip to jabberwock island in 2 weeks !! ( ´○｀)
alter ego: and if both of us go we’ll surely be found out !! ( T_T)＼(^-^ )
mikado: well, i was thinking we should tell the class anyway…
mikado: i mean. yomiuri-kun already knows.
alter ego: wAIT WHAT
mikado: i ran into him when i was buying ramen and he recognized me as having divine luck
mikado: he introduced himself and i forgot he was in our class so i introduced myself too
mikado: and then i kind of had no choice to explain.
alter ego: AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME ??!!!>!!!>?!?!!?!!
mikado: because i know you would react like this
alter ego: FATHER
alter ego: THIS IS YOMIURI
alter ego: THE GUY WHO’S MY LITERAL WORST ENEMY
mikado: wait HES the one you hate?!?!?!?!
alter ego: YES ??
alter ego: i thought u knew this !!!
mikado: well this is a problem
alter ego: why?
mikado: …
alter ego: you have a crush on him, don’t you
mikado: yes
alter ego: how do we even have the same brain structure…
gc: class 79-b
sannoji added sannoji mikado to the chat
sannoji changed one name
sannoji: everybody! please meet my father! (^o^)
mikado: hi
sora: THERES 2 OF THEM ???
mikado: im not actually his dad he. just calls me that.
kabuya: wait a minute whats going on
yomiuri: i can explain
kabuya: ty
yomiuri: but i wont
kabuya: >:(
big sis suka: multiverse theory?
mikado: it's not as grand as all that
sannoji: basicallyyyyyy, i'm an alter ego created by father in a human body created by mother! ✌︎('ω'✌︎ )
hibiki: AYO WHAT?!?!!!?!
kanade: tbh i kinda was expecting this
hibiki: ??!!?!?????!!!???!?!?
maeda: hold up
maeda: so who is your mother anyway?
mikado: mitsume-san’s aunt
mikado: kurokawa kokoro-sensei
mikado: i kind of lived with her during the summer
mitsume: oh so you’re the greasy-haired homeless-looking guy i saw when i went to kurokawa-oba-san’s house in july
mikado: ?!!!!!!???!!?!!!
sora: she really just roasted him like that huh.
yomiuri: as somebody who’s met the og sannoji
yomiuri: i can confirm that he is a greasy-haired homeless-looking guy
mikado: :-(
sannoji: come on, father !! you can't say he’s wrong !!(*´꒳`*)
kabuya: wait a minute
kabuya: are we just going to have to refer to these guys as og sannoji and secondary sannoji?
big sis suka: greasy mik and silly mik !!
sannoji: father, you should send them a picture of yourself !! ☆〜（ゝ。∂）
mikado: ugh fine
mikado sent a picture
big sis suka: koko and nik were right…
mikado: :-(
sannoji: everybody !! i just had a wonderful idea !! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆
sannoji: how about instead of calling me sannoji, you all call me ai ?? then father can go by his own name !!
magorobi: oh that’s a pun!! i’m all for it!!
maeda: wait how is it a pun?
hibiki: yeah hes using the kanji for love which considering his personality is kinda ironic but i don’t see a pun anywhere
kanade: idiot
magorobi: well yes but if you romanize ai, it uses the english letters a and i, which stands for artificial intelligence
magorobi: so it’s not only a normal name but also a reference to his status as an alter ego!! :D
maeda: oh
sannoji changed their name
mikado changed their name
ai: much better !! (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡
og sannoji: i’m glad
magorobi: @nijiue @makunouchi
magorobi: scroll up
nijiue: JAJDJOWPAMS OMG ???
makunouchi: i’ve gotta say i didn’t expect that
ai: i’m obsessed with how chill you guys are about this !! (*´ー｀*)
kanade: we r literally hopez peak students this isnt exactly the craziest thing thatz happened at this school
sora: literally
ai: (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)
yomiuri: sannoji-kun. translate.
og sannoji: he’s saying that his pride is wounded
hibiki: ok but can we talk about whatever the h*ll that kaomoji is?
og sannoji: why did you censor?
hibiki: the student handbooks boot you from the chat for like ten minutes if you swear
hibiki: i’m not taking any chances
ai: she’s right, father !! ♪(´ε｀ )
ai: at the beginning of the year, our dear yomiuri-kun tried to curse, and he was booted from the chat !! ✌︎('ω')✌︎
yomiuri: stop digging up my sordid history, you snack cracker
og sannoji: snack cracker??
magorobi: hey guys, i have an idea!!
magorobi: we should all meet up at the park by the dorms tonight!!
magorobi: so that we can get to know the real sannoji-kun!!
magorobi: after all, there’s only so much you can learn about one another over text!!
kanade: letz do it
kanade: @everyone
kagarin: what is it, солнышко?
trashimoto: OMG WHAT DO YOU FCKING WANT
kanade: scroll up
trashimoto: who says im going?
kanade: 1000 ¥
kanade: in advance
trashimoto: deal
big sis suka: riri, can you bring the alcohol?
makunouchi: DO NOT
kagarin: конечно! you can count on me, chiebukuro-san!
sora: @trashimoto translate
trashimoto: you expect me to translate a single word for you, albino?
sora: i mean you literally just typed 11 so…
sora: yes
kagarin: @mitsume KOKORO are you coming?
mitsume: if you want me to
kagarin: :D
big sis suka: you dont need to ask if anybodys coming riri
big sis suka: theyre all coming whether they like it or not! <3
yomiuri: big sis you are honestly terrifying sometimes
yomiuri: i was planning on coming anyway for the scoop but now i know i couldn’t skip even if i wanted to
og sannoji: is chiebukuro-san really that scary?
hibiki: suka’s not scary !!!!
hibiki: not if you behave :)
big sis suka: biki’s right!! you dont need to worry as long as you behave :)
ai: ε=ε=(っ*´□`)っ
gc: the children of utsuro
nikei added sannoji mikado to the chat
nikei changed 1 name
sannoji: oh hello
emma: nikei . why did you add him .
nikei: he's one of us, dipstick
iroha: W. WAIT U MEAN
hajime: sannoji, you were also blessed by utsuro-sama?
sannoji: yeah
sannoji: twice actually
emma: *applause*
emma: wait what
iroha: TWICE
sannoji: twice
hajime: wait, nikei, how did you know this
nikei: *cutely yeets away*
iroha: *takes a picture*
emma: *gasps*
sannoji: do you guys always do this
hajime: yeah pretty much
hajime: we used to use this chat for serious stuff but since we actually got into contact with utsuro-sama it’s deteriorated
iroha: *turns into a cat*
emma: *pets your head*
nikei: *falls off a bridge*
sannoji: i can see that
hajime: aight guys no more roleplay
hajime: we've got to leave for the party thing in a few minutes. i’m going to drag you all out of your rooms by the scruff of your necks
intermission no.1
Nikei jotted down another note of something Mikado had said. This was a major scoop, after all, and he refused to miss a moment of it by socializing.
At least, that was his plan. When his sister Sora came near him with a frown on her face, it became pretty obvious pretty quickly that his plan wasn’t going to work.
“Nikei, if you don’t talk to Sannoji, I will break every bone in your body,” she deadpanned. He rolled his eyes.
“I’m kind of trying to write an article here,” he said.
“Which is something you can do anytime. Besides, wouldn’t it be better if you actually talked to Sannoji in-person?” Sora said, wearing that satisfied grin that meant she thought she’d won.
“I’ll get an interview later,” Nikei insisted. “It’s better to do stuff like that in private, it allows more professionalism.”
“That’s your problem , idiot,” Sora said. “He’s your classmate. He should be your friend. Don’t think I missed the way you looked at him when we first got here.”
Nikei’s face heated up. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sora sighed. “Just talk to him? The way you’d talk to me? I know you’re really close with me and Void, but it’d be nice if you had some more friends. Please?”
Nikei reluctantly put away his notebook.
gc: the children of utsuro
iroha: that was super fun!
emma: nikei why did you start actually interacting ? that seems p outta character for you
nikei: sora made me.
emma: ah
iroha: btw tsumiki-chan invited me to go play rhythm games with her and some others so seeya later :)
hajime: make sure not to stay up too late
hajime: it’s already ten pm and i know how much you need your sleep
iroha: DONT SAY THAT IN THE MAIN CHATTTTTT
sannoji: (°▽°)
sannoji: this is fascinating information on our dear nijiue-san ! (*^▽^*)
hajime: get off sannoji’s e-handbook, ai
sannoji: (O_O)
hajime: i mean it
sannoji: fine ! _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):
sannoji: i’m back
sannoji: can you turn off notifications on this app?
nikei: RUDE
sannoji: no not you guys
sannoji: alter ego is spamming me
iroha: alter ego?
sannoji: that’s what i used to call ai. his new name is kinda hard to get used to lol
iroha: oh okie
hajime: i don’t know about the notifs, sorry
hajime: i’m pretty bad with technology
nikei: sannoji . aren’t you the ultimate hacker?
nikei: you should be better at this
sannoji: in all fairness the e-handbook chat app has more firewalls than a castle made of fire
emma: …
emma: a castle made of fire?
sannoji: shut up i’m bad at metaphors
emma: clearly
nikei: don’t be mean to him
emma: oh does somebody have a crushhhhh
sannoji: LZJKSDFGJKLSAEGH;K ?
nikei: LAKJSEGHAR;
hajime: you hit it spot on, emma, but next time take it to dms
nikei: e
sannoji: yomiuri-kun ?? did you forget how to spell ??
nikei: i m
sannoji: yomiuri-kun are you okay
sannoji: yomiuri-kun please don’t make me call 110
nikei: im ok
emma: should we leave you two alone or
nikei: EMMA I WILL THROW YOU INTO A HECKING HORROR MOVIE
sannoji: please don’t use violence
sannoji: i’m pretty sure we’ll get in troubl3wlkhuieghpuiodjkajsdk
sannoji: o(≧▽≦)o hello everybody !! i have managed to steal father’s e-handbook from him for a limited amount of time !!
sannoji added sannoji mikado to the chat
sannoji changed one name
sannoji: I’M BACK
ai: (＠・｀ω・)v・・・．．．…━━━☆
nikei: sannoji please keep a leash on your gremlin son
sannoji: HES NOT MY SON
iroha: im back!
iroha: what did i miss?
emma: nikei’s one braincell fell out of his ear
iroha: nooo not the braincell
iroha: nikei you picked it up in 5 seconds right
nikei: …
iroha: NIKEI NOOOO
iroha: THE 5 SECOND RULE
iroha: ok so you wanna hear smth weird?
nikei: why not
iroha: when i was heading back to the dorms otori and iranami and kobashikawa and maki from 79-a saw me, then said i was super cute and tiny and stuff?? and patted my head a bunch??
emma: yeah that’s the sunshine quartet for you
hajime: okay you guys are all going to bed now. i’m going to go to all of your rooms and make sure you’re in bed
hajime: sannojis, this applies to you also
gc: the sunshine quartet
kiyoka: so we all agree that nijiue is our shared daughter now, right?
satsuki: !!!!!!! YES
teruya: absoLUTELY
kobazing: I dont see a problem with it