Chapter Text
Wed 1 May (1:34pm)
Oh boy. Can we reschedule our lunch meeting? Got pee drops on my khakis again. I know. Don’t ask. Dinner later? My treat.
(1:35)
Who the fuck is this? Why do we have a meeting? And, most importantly, did you seriously fucking pee your pants?
(1:37)
God, sorry! New phone, wrong number! Please forget you read this.
(1:38)
You’re seriously not telling me how you managed to pee yourself while standing in the bathroom, huh? Come on. The information is already out there.
(1:39)
You’re oddly interested in this part of the story for someone I don’t know. And how do you know I was standin’?
(1:41)
You peed yourself. You must be a man. Usually is the bunch that comes with the stupidity.
(1:42)
Actually. You’re right.
(1:45)
Usually am.
(1:46)
So? Is that what happened? Just a yes or no question.
(1:50)
You’re asking too many questions for a stranger.
(1:51)
You were the one to text me first. Besides, I’m bored.
(1:53)
Sorry about that again! Bummer to hear how bored you are, but I gotta run. Change of clothes and all that. Nice chatting with you, stranger!
(1:55)
Meh. You could’ve been my one entertainment for today. Good luck with them pants, pee-pee man.
—
Wed 8 May (1:24pm)
It’s actually pretty common for grown men to wet their pants while using the bathroom. I Googled. Nothing to be ashamed about.
(1:26)
…Who is this?
(1:27)
Wrong number from last week.
(1:28)
Stranger! Bored again?
(1:29)
See. You do remember me.
(1:31)
Never said I didn’t.
(1:31)
Same day and time as last week, huh.
(1:33)
Yes. It’s called “weekly work meeting”.
(1:35)
Shouldn’t you be paying attention?
(1:37)
Already know all this. Big numbers, this much in profit, lawyers will be in touch, blah blah blah. Nothing new.
(1:38)
Sounds like a serious job.
(1:39)
Nothing serious about grown men kicking a ball.
(1:40)
Dang, your job involves soccer?!
(1:41)
Football.
(1:42)
So you’re British, huh.
(1:43)
This is a phone number registered in London area. What did you expect?
(1:44)
Something tells me you’re not from this land.
(1:45)
I’ll give you two hints: sparklin’ red shoes and a dog named Toto.
(1:46)
Gross.
(1:47)
C’mon now.
(1:48)
Hey, you work with Beckham?
(1:49)
That’s confidential. But no.
(1:50)
Too bad. Was hoping maybe you’d ‘wannabe’ my next step to the Spice Girls. Ha!
(1:51)
You’re weird.
(1:52)
You’re the one who keeps talkin’ to me.
(1:53)
And you keep replying.
(1:55)
Should I change my phone number? You one of those stalkers Scream 1, 2, 3 style that comes in the middle of the night with a knife askin’ what’s my favorite scary movie?
(1:56)
God. Should I change *my* number? That’s oddly specific.
(1:57)
There’s more Scream movies than that by now.
(1:57)
Couldn’t keep up. First three scared me for life. It was like watching the news channel.
(1:57)
Scream is not scary. The Exorcist is scary.
(1:58)
But people who pee on themselves and text about it afterwards scare me more.
(2:00)
Heck, let this piece of information die already.
(2:05)
You’ve got 5 minutes left.
(2:05)
What for?
(2:06)
The end of my meeting.
(2:06)
Oh. Your meeting with Harry Kane.
(2:07)
You Googled that name, didn’t you?
(2:07)
Oh yes.
(2:07)
Ted.
(2:08)
…Drake? Dead footballer from last century?
(2:08)
What? No. My name is Ted.
(2:09)
Ok, why not.
(2:10)
…Aaaand now it’s the part where you tell me your name back.
(2:12)
Really?
(2:13)
Now that’s a mean move! Definitely something crazy stalker from Scream would do!
(2:15)
See you this time around next week, Ted!
(2:16)
And you say I’m the weird one.
Wed 17 May (1:45pm)
Ted.
(1:45)
Teeeed.
(1:46)
What is Ted short for? Edward?
(1:50)
Theodore.
(1:51)
Theodoreeee.
(1:55)
Do you just like my name or do you need somethin’?
(1:57)
Why do you keep eating your ‘g’s?
(1:58)
Huh?
(1:59)
Somethin’?
(2:01)
Like I said, American.
(2:04)
If you’re American, why is your STD code registered in the London area?
(2:06)
Now that’s just giving too much about myself.
(2:07)
Again, not a killer.
(2:08)
Sure.
(2:10)
Someone’s grumpy today.
(2:11)
What happened? Did you pee your pants again?
(2:13)
We’re still doin’ this?
(2:15)
Starting where we left off last week.
(2:17)
I’m really not in the mood today.
(2:18)
Want to share?
(2:20)
I though you were in the sport biz, not psychology.
(2:22)
I heard talking to strangers might help.
(2:24)
I’m not into that.
(2:28)
Rebecca.
(2:30)
Excuse me?
(2:31)
My name.
(2:32)
Ok, why not.
(2:34)
Ha. You think you’re so clever.
(2:35)
Now we’re not strangers anymore. Go on.
(2:37)
Lots of Rebeccas I don’t know. Still a stranger.
(2:40)
Ted.
(2:44)
Could you just focus on your own activities for once and stop using me for distraction?
(2:50)
Ok.
(2:51)
Sorry for bothering you.
Wed 24 May (1:00pm)
Hey, Rebecca. I want to apologize about last week. I don’t want to make any excuses, there’s none. Not to being that much of a $#%@&head. Wasn’t on my best state of mind. I’m truly sorry. Can we try again?
(1:05)
Who is this?
(1:07)
You go on texting other people Wednesday afternoons? I thought that was our thing!
(1:10)
Do we have a thing?
(1:12)
Now we do.
(1:15)
So?
(1:16)
Shoot.
(1:18)
About last week.
(1:20)
Oh. Yeah. Crappy week.
(1:22)
Can I say the offer still stands or will you snap at me again?
(1:25)
Do we really wanna do that?
(1:26)
Do what?
(1:28)
Details. Personal stuff. Real life feelings.
(1:30)
Ted.
(1:31)
Rebecca.
(1:33)
Why do you keep texting me?
(1:34)
You keep texting me!
(1:36)
Oh, for God’s sake. The he-said, she-said it’s getting annoying. You came back and started it again today. Why?
(1:39)
Well, I don’t know that, do I!
(1:40)
Lovely.
(1:50)
Dang it. Listen. I miss home. Been livin’ in England for the past couple of months and I miss the familiarity of knowing how roads work and bein’ sure if it’s gonna rain or not. I’m in charge of a job I don’t understand. I’ve been having panic attacks as y’all have tea and it’s hell when you’re alone to deal with the aftershock.
(1:52)
Also, last week, that very same Wednesday, was the day I signed my divorce papers.
(1:53)
Is that what you wanna talk about?
(1:59)
I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have thrown it all at you like this.
(2:00)
You were betrayed.
(2:02)
What?
(2:04)
By the jiggle. You know. I heard men jiggle to prevent themselves from going out with pee drops on pants, but sometimes you trust too freely and forget to check. So I heard. Was that what happened?
(2:05)
Sorry. That was an inappropriate time to try and make a joke.
(2:07)
Thank you.
(2:10)
For apologizing?
(2:13)
For making me smile. I like jokes.
(2:15)
😊
(2:16)
Woah, is that an emoji? Are you an emoji user?!
(2:18)
Can’t help if I become unserious when I’m nervous.
(2:19)
Nervous, huh?
(2:20)
Shut up.
(2:21)
Aaaand there she is! Back in the game!
(2:22)
Have to go. Duty calls.
(2:23)
Next week?
(2:24)
Can’t wait. 🤠