Chapter Text
Hunter pushed his way through the tangle of bushes that grew freely around the Owl Lady’s shack. It was a long, irritating trek from the castle and Hunter would have much preferred to use his staff for the journey, however, this particular mission required the utmost stealth and subtly—something his rather ostentatious staff didn’t provide. So, every Moansday, and Fearday, he woke up two hours earlier to sneak past the servants and guards, weave his way through the bumbling throng of overly chatty early-morning civilians, and poke and prod his way through a hexed forest that seemed to grow even denser with foliage each time he visited.
Hunter scowled to himself, narrowing his eyes as he stared across the clearing. Throughout his long tenure with the Emperor’s Coven, he’d had plenty of missions that were irritating, dangerous, even deadly, but none had ever carried such heavy personal and political ramifications as this particular job. The price of discovery was one he could not afford—but the penalty for not trying was greater still. The Owl Lady was his last hope.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, he forced his expression into something more neutral and stepped out of the shadows. The sound of voices reached his ears even through the hut’s thick walls, and he raised an eyebrow at the young, feminine voice he heard from within. Since when did the Owl Lady receive visitors?
Before he could assess the situation further, the Owl Lady’s house demon caught sight of him. The weird bird-tube thing lit up the way he did every time, a smile curving over his beak, as if Hunter were a dear personal friend. He didn’t bother holding back a groan as the house demon stretched forward.
“Hoooot! Caleb, it’s so great to see you! I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever, hoot, hoot!” The demon creaked as he moved closer, not stopping until he was less than an inch from Hunter’s face. He wriggled his body in what Hunter could only assume was excitement and Hunter couldn’t help but roll his eyes, even as he sidestepped the creature.
“It’s been two days, bird-tube,” he sneered. Honestly, the Owl Lady was one of the most fiscally secure criminals on the Boiling Isles. Couldn’t she invest in a security system that was less annoying?
“So, you’ve been counting the days too!” The demon gasped dramatically, a beaming smile crossing his face. “I knew it! You missed our stalwart companionship, our long, thought-provoking talks, our silly hijinks and craaazzy adventures!”
“Have you gotten into the hard apple blood again? It’s 6:40 in the morning.”
“You missed me! You’re just too stubborn to admit it! But it’s ok, Caleb. A bond like ours transcends the need for mere words, hoot!” Hunter’s ears twitched, swiveling back at the low rush of wind. He spun on a dime, swinging his foot in a wide arc. The heel of his boot crashed into the side of the demon’s face, causing him to draw back suddenly, fat tears appearing in his eyes.
“Ow! That really hurt! Hoot!”
“Don’t care,” Hunter grunted, lowering his leg, but not daring to relax his battle stance, even for a moment. “You know the rules, bird-tube. I have to play nice, but if you try to trap me, all bets are off. Not even the Owl Lady can save you then.”
“It was a hug, not a trap! Why won’t you let me love you?!” The demon wailed dramatically, tears flying from his eyes as he threw his head back and forth. “Why are all my friends so punch-y and kick-y today?!”
“Hey! What in the Demon Realm is going on out here?!”
Hunter turned to see the Owl Lady standing in the doorway, one hand on her hip and an impressive scowl on her face. All of which might have been very intimidating if she hadn’t also been wearing stained, rumpled pajamas and even rattier looking bunny slippers. “I thought we talked about this. No trying to kill each other before I’ve had my apple blood.”
Hunter opened his mouth, prepared to argue that the demon had been trying to hug-trap him again and that this was very clearly a case of self-defense on his part, but an eager gasp interrupted his argument before he could present it.
“Whoa! Witch-boy!” Suddenly, a civilian was standing in front of him, studying his face with the intense, wide-eyed kind of adoration that was typically only reserved for his other persona. “Hi! It’s nice to meet you! I’m Luz Noceda, Eda’s new apprentice.” She stuck her hand out then, and Hunter immediately took several steps back, crossing his own arms over his chest. Even if it wasn’t insanely dangerous for her to touch him…
“You’re a human,” he identified easily, his gaze trailing the round curves of her ears. Her smile only widened, though she thankfully lowered her hand.
“Yep, that’s me. Luz the human! And you are…?”
“Annoyed,” he answered honestly, unable to help the slight spike of vindication he felt when her smile started to fade.
The Owl Lady snorted into her mug, peering at them both over the rim. “That’s Caleb,” she told the human. “My original minion. We have a similar arrangement to the one you and I have, only instead of learning how to be a witch, I pay him top snails for his services.”
“You pay me 3 snails an hour less than the minimum wage,” Hunter sneered, silently making note of the information he had learned. A human who wanted to be a witch? That was worth keeping an eye on.
“And you agreed to it, so who’s the real chump here?” The Owl Lady needled, shooting him a cocky smirk as she spun on her heel and headed back to the shack. “Come along, minions. I have too many errands to pawn off on you and not enough time in the day to do it.”
“…She’s probably just kidding about that whole ‘minion’ thing,” the human said optimistically.
Hunter only sighed.
The Owl Lady led the two of them up to one of the balconies, chattering inanely with the human about her businesses and the type of work the human would be expected to do to ‘earn her witch’s staff’. Hunter nearly choked on air when he heard that claim—no one, not even the second most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles could force a Palismen bond. And who had ever heard of a Palismen choosing to bond with a human? The very idea was absurd. Still, Hunter wisely kept his mouth shut until they arrived at the spire overlooking Bonesborough. The Owl Lady gestured to the settlement.
“Today, Luz, you’ll be delivering packages to that town over there: Bonesborough. You’ll need to be careful; I have rivals everywhere who’d love to take my business down and you along with it. You wanted a dangerous magical quest? Sister, you got one.”
The human gave a confident grin, saluting her ‘mentor’. “I won’t let you down, Miss Eda.” As she turned, the bag bumped against the wall and fell from her grip, crashing to the ground.
Hunter snickered as the Owl Lady slanted a very unimpressed look in the human’s direction. “I’m sure.” With a heavy sigh, she grabbed the human by the shoulders and began pushing her back through the house. As the Owl Lady rattled off her last few pearls of insanity, Hunter heard the soft pitter-patter of claws on the carpet. He gave a low scoff, careful to breathe through his mouth as the last inhabitant of the Owl House turned the corner.
“Weh? What’s going on? Don’t tell me Eda’s putting you to work already.”
“Yep, I’m going to deliver some packages and earn my witch’s staff!” The human cheered, reaching down to pet the little gremlin like he was a dog. “Then I’ll be one step closer to becoming the first ever human witch!”
“I dunno know why you’d want to be a witch.” The Owl Lady’s pet grumbled, leaning into the human’s touch before seeming to remember himself and quickly scurrying over to a chest by the door. He climbed onto it and held out his claws menacingly. “It’s much better to be the terrifying King of Demons any day!”
The human giggled, but Hunter narrowed his eyes in irritation. “You are not the ‘King of Demons,’” he spat. “There’s no such position.”
The little furball pouted. “Well, not now, Jerkface. But there used to be. Tell ‘im, Eda!”
“Oooh boy,” the Owl Lady blustered. A smile stretched over her mouth that was too wide, too bright, to be anything but a lie. “Well, that sounds like an excellent arguem—I mean, topic for discussion. Why don’t you kids talk about it while you help Luz deliver those potions.” She pushed the three of them out the door with a playful wave. “Bye now. Be back by nightfall, and if you get eaten, make sure who ever it is reimburses my merchandise!”
Hunter scowled. “Wait just a second, I never agreed to—”
The door slammed shut in his face and Hunter groaned low as he turned to glare at the filthy little rat. “For the record, I blame you for this.”
“Me?” The furball squeaked indignantly. “You’re the one who started the whole thing! All you had to do was agree with me, is that so hard?”
“It is when you’re wrong,” Hunter grunted, turning to track the human as she bent down to pick up the bag of elixirs. “Which, to be absolutely fair, is most of the time.”
“Oh, that is it! You wanna start something, Jerkface? You ‘n me, right here, right now! Let’s go!” The rat yapped, jumping around Hunter like an over-excited Cerberus pup and balling his claws into fists.
Hunter smirked, turning his most patronizing stare on the little furball. “You really sure you wanna go down that road, rat?”
“Why you—!” The furball lunged at Hunter and might have even made it as high as his stomach had the human not snagged him by his collar at the last possible second.
“Whoa, whoa!”
“Luz!” The Owl Lady’s pet twisted in the human’s hold, reaching up to pry ineffectively at her fingers. “Lemme go! I won’t hurt him…much!”
“Guys, c’mon,” the human whined, glancing between the two of them. “Look, Eda gave me a job to do, and I need both of you to help me do it. Please?”
The rat stopped squirming and tilted his head curiously. “You need both of us to help you deliver packages?”
“Yes! Don’t you get it? This is exactly like The Good Witch Azura! A plucky young heroine destined for greatness—”
“Which I assume by the intensity of your tone and your dramatic, but ultimately weak battle stance, refers to you?” Hunter questioned, raising an eyebrow at the way the human positioned her feet inward instead of out and puffed out her chest proudly. If that was her idea of rooting herself, he sincerely hoped she never needed to actually fight for her life.
“Off on an epic quest of courage and danger, desperate to prove her worth and save the world, regardless of the personal cost—”
“You’re gonna save the world by peddlin’ Eda’s snake oil?” The rat blinked. “What, are we gonna be attacked by giant, crusty snakes?”
“With only the faithful presence of her two best friends at her side!”
Hunter shared a glance with the rat. “Are all humans this delusional nowadays?”
“I think it’s just her,” the furball whispered back. “But I haven’t met a lot of humans. Maybe the whole species is cuckoo bananas.”
“We are not!” The human lowered the Owl Lady’s pet back to the ground, before whirling around to point dramatically at the sky. “I’ll prove it to you! Don’t worry, I’ve read every Azura book to date, including the short, but very crucial, spin-off series from the early 2010s! I know exactly what to do! Get ready Boiling Isles, cause we’re about to rock your world!” She heaved the bag over one shoulder with a grunt, muttering something about ‘weak nerd arms’, and stalked off triumphantly.
“So…I guess we should follow her?” Hunter asked as he watched her breech the dense forest.
“Only if you don’t want her to get eaten,” the rat replied.
Up ahead, one Clinging Vine reached out to press against the side of the bag, attaching itself with a sickening slurp. The human yelped as she was suddenly pulled off her feet. As she regained her balance and began arguing with the plant for possession of the bag, Hunter just shrugged.
“Eh.”