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Marriage (And Other Lies You Tell The Government To Get Out Of Criminal Charges)

Summary:

Bart blurted out "We're already married!"

OR,

Bart, Cassie, Kon, and Tim get ("re")married on an alien planet without telling anyone. They just wanted to learn how to fly their spaceship.

Notes:

takes place some amount of time after young justice issue 29. probably a few days who knows though.

also I'm calling secret "suzie" bc that's her name as far as this point in the timeline is concerned.

later chapters will be significantly longer

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Robin's Fault - Narrated by Bart

Summary:

(Totally not Bart's)

Chapter Text

If anyone asks, it was Robin's fault. Hopefully no one asks, because that would mean they KNOW, but– if they DO, it's Robin's fault! Definitely not Bart's fault in any way, shape, or form. Nuh uh.

 

Robin was the one to crash the ship! He was even the one who suggested the trip in the first place, AND the one who offered Young Just Us's services and then tricked the rest of the team into going above and beyond and catching the perp! All signs point to Robin as the fault-taker. Bart can attest, and Kon would probably even back him up! Maybe.

 

...Or Cassie?

 

Definitely not Robin, though, because Robin doesn't blame himself. Kon says Robin always blames one of them and Kon's probably right. Bart should probably know, because he's been here, but who cares! Point is, it's Robin's fault.

 

What's Robin's fault? Oh, uh...

 

Okay, so it obviously started in space. Robin insisted that he get to learn how to fly the spaceship first because he apparently is "the only person who'd actually read the instructions except maybe Cassie, sorry Cassie" and therefore he gets the first turn at the controls. By "the first turn" he of course meant "the one to fly them to Myrg so Doiby can actually teach them how to fly a spaceship". And then, what nerves, Robin CRASHES THE SPACESHIP! Lucky them, he crashes the ship into an inhabited planet- but immediately they are pestered for papers!

 

Oh, what a horrible government, so attached to formal papers- and of course, they have no papers, so off they go to the dungeons! And there, they meet the King, of course. Cool guy, really, if not for the paper-obsession. A bit sad, though, because the Queen just died and he has NO CLUE who killed her! Robin negotiates their freedom as payment for figuring it out (See? It's Robin's fault) while the rest of them try to find a way out.

 

The King took his sweet time getting back to them, of course, because he had to fill out forms (Ew) to give them permission to go out to solve the mystery. Robin took this time to (Finally!) actually tell people what he agreed to. Kon snarked at Rob a bit for offering help before asking them, but everything was okay because Kon probably would've done the same and Robin pointed that out and Kon couldn't deny it (His spluttering was extremely amusing). After that, Robin passed along the brief the King had given him and the King came and collected Young Just Us for the investigation. He said a bunch of words, but what matters is that Robin solved it real quick once they got the details and they went and picked up the perp who killed the Queen (Her sister who thought the King'd marry her if the Queen was dead, yikes) because SOMEONE (Robin) thought that the King wanted them to capture the assassin when actually he just wanted them to figure out who it was.

 

The whole thing was over rather quickly, which just meant that the King felt he owed them MORE than just freedom. Young Just Us all tried to convince him that they'd be fine with just freedom and their ship repaired, but the King INSISTED that they get another gift. He offered his daughters' hand in marriage to ALL OF THEM. Panicked and not wanting an arranged marriage, Bart blurted out (And this is why he has to specify it was ROBIN'S fault) "We're already married!"

 

The King, for SOME REASON, immediately went "Oh, I should've guessed. Of course you four are married to each other- I'll just have to help you update your marriage forms for here, then."

 

Young Just Us TRIES to get him not to without revealing that the King's wrong (And they can't do that for weird legal reasons, at least according to Robin once they were left alone. Still not an excuse for BITING THEM every time they tried to say that, ROBIN) but in the end the King wins. (At least they managed to convince him not to add his daughter in, he got DANGEROUSLY close)

 

When they eventually get somewhere out of hearing range of the King, the other three immediately blame Bart. RUDE! They give up pretty quickly though (And by that Bart of course means they got side tracked by pestering Robin for the reasons for the biting), and they talk about plans! They can't escape until their ship's fixed (Which is going to take FOREVER), so they just have to deal with the King's attempts the help them "plan their second wedding" (that's actually their first because THEY'RE NOT MARRIED) and then never talk about this again once they're off. It's not like any of their mentors would find the marriage certificate since it's from a random planet. Probably.

 

Bart goes to bed that night certain of one thing:

 

THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS ROBIN'S FAULT.