Chapter Text
As it turned out, alien weddings do differ from Earth weddings or even Kryptonian or Amazonian or future weddings, at least from what little Tim knows. He certainly knows more now than he did before. The alien wedding planning process (or at least re-wedding planning process) goes like this:
0.5. Married people share a bed (not a big deal, Young Just Us usually sleeps in a pile on days they're together anyway, but it's still probably worth mentioning)
"Ah" Tim stops in the door of the bedroom they had been guided to "I definitely should've expected this"
"What?" Bart asks, peeking out from behind him "Oh! Cuddle pile!!"
Tim snorts, and steps aside just in time for Bart to sprint onto the single (extremely large) bed. Kon and Cassie trickle in after him.
"Bart! You better not be taking the center!" Kon calls after him. Cassie snickers.
Bart whines, but shifts to make room for Kon on his right. In Standard Young Justice Cuddle Pile Formation™, Bart is leftmost, then Kon, then Tim, then Cassie, and finally, if she's there, Cissie. Anita, Suzie and Lil Lobo never join in; Suzie's unfortunately incorporeal and cuddle attempts usually just make her sad, Anita usually perches somewhere off to the side, and Lil Lobo leaves as soon as the action is over. Kon plops down on the bed with a huff. Since no one's calling out positions, Tim's pretty sure it's safe to assume they're going Standard for this.
Kon sinks into the mattress with a relaxed sigh. A moment later he looks back at Tim and Cassie "What're you doing? C'mon! Bed's nice"
Tim huffs but, after the necessary alterations to make his uniform comfortable for sleeping, joins the others on the bed. Cassie is faster, already burying her head into a pillow on the right side of the bed by the time Tim spreads out in the center.
"I'm so glad my mom doesn't know what we do on our missions" Cassie murmurs into the pillow. Tim chokes laughing, because yeah, he gets that. He feels the same about B. Kon makes a disgruntled sound and flails an arm to shut Tim up.
Tim lets out a final few snickers, but acquiesces to Kon's wordless command to just sleep. They'll figure it out in the morning.
1. A time and date range are selected (usually a month after engagement, but Young Just Us bargained down to a week (which they will regret); then the re-wedding is to last one day)
"Please?" Bart begs, holding his hands together above his head, kneeling "I don't want to wait a month to leave!"
Tim's lip twitches. He's amused, he'll admit it, if only in the safety of his own mind. "If you can find a way to present the case to the King without being offensive, sure."
Bart lights up. "Thank you!" and then he speeds away.
"Check with me before you present it!" Tim calls at his retreating back. Hopefully Bart heard him.
(Bart did check with Tim first, though whether that was because he actually heard him or if Bart just figured that would be good to do is still up for debate. The angle Bart ended up going with was "We have business to attend to elsewhere and we wouldn't want to miss out on it". It worked, though Tim's still trying to figure out if that's a good thing or not.)
2. The guest list is decided on (subject to change at any point; since Young Just Us didn't bring their family, they got stuck with everyone in the castle as theirs)
"Oh god, we're totally going to be expected to kiss, aren't we?" Tim realizes as soon as they step foot back in their temporary bedroom.
"Yyyeah?" Bart says, coming to a stop "Probably?"
"Why do you say that?" Kon asks, a bit bewildered.
Cassie turns to Kon and informs him "Newlyweds generally kiss at the end of weddings, and since we're going to be in front of strangers..."
"Oh" Kon sounds kind of strangled, face stained a vibrant orange.
Tim buries his head in his hands "My girlfriend's going to kill me if she ever finds out about this"
"All the more reason to never talk about it ever!" Cassie cheers. Tim's pretty sure she's just hoping her mom never finds out.
2.5. Symbolic objects are selected for each missing family member (Young Just Us has a breakdown that night because oh god they're actually doing this and their families have no idea)
"Alright, who are we including?" Cassie asks the group, pen in hand ready to write down their decisions
"Anita, Lil Lobo, Suzie, and Cissie" Kon says immediately "Just because they couldn't come doesn't mean they don't deserve to be here"
Cassie nods "Of course, I already wrote them down. Anyone else? I'm also including my mom."
The other three share pinched expressions.
"Max" Bart volunteers "Kon can have Clark, even if he's a prick"
Kon makes a choked grossed out noise "No, no, Clark doesn't get to attend. How about… Dubbilex?" The other three immediately veto the idea. Kon pouts, and Cassie, Bart, and Tim exchange looks and silently agree to torment Clark when they get back. It sounds like he did something again.
Tim makes a face but says "I guess we should probably include B and Nightwing. They're not my family, but I feel obligated. Maybe Spoiler, but it kind of feels disrespectful to invite your girlfriend to your wedding" Based on Cassie scrunching up her nose, she agrees.
"What about your parents?" Bart asks, hanging from the ceiling "You have those, don't you?"
Tim shakes his head vehemently "They wouldn't show up to my real wedding if it wasn't public" He does not, in fact, miss the murderous looks the other three share. He just ignores it.
"Well" Cassie says, looking down at their list "Object time, I guess"
"B's a batarang and Nightwing's a bird statue" Tim says immediately "I have spare batarangs and there's probably something resembling a bird in one of these shops"
"Bart?" Cassie asks "What's Max?"
"A clock" Bart informs them.
Cassie nods "Alright, now for the rest of Young Just Us"
"An arrow for Cissie" Kon suggests "And a bottle for Suzie"
"Cissie could also be a gold medal" Bart points out
Tim waves a hand "We probably don't have one of those. An arrow is easier. Anita could be a doll?"
Cassie nods her head "Sure, yeah, those work. Lil Lobo?"
There's a moment of silence as they think of something before Bart blurts out "A wheel! Because, y'know..."
"Yeah, sounds good" Tim nods, instantly getting it. Kon and Cassie start nodding too a few seconds later.
"Let's go! Maybe this won't be too hard after all!" Kon cheers.
3. A location is selected (they look for several hours and then just go with the castle gardens)
"I don't knowwww" Kon whines. The rest of the group isn't doing much better.
Cassie claps "Okay, that's it. No more being indecisive, we're just going with the castle gardens."
No one has the energy to argue, even if Tim barely restrains a frown at going with their first choice after so long looking.
4. The spouses (and yes, marrying multiple people is normal here) get presents for each other (kind of like wedding rings, but anything that can be kept on them at all times works)
While they're wandering around looking for locations, Tim sneaks off to buy jewelry for them. He's pretty sure the others also sneak off to acquire their own gifts then.
5. Food and drink is decided on (it's apparently a requirement for there to be each spouses' favorite food)
"Nothing too weird or hard to make" Cassie requests "The King was kind enough to say he'd find the food vendors for us as long as we put together a list of foods" Tim raises his hand "Tim?"
"Zestis?" Tim suggests
"If you brought any with you" Cassie reluctantly replies "I'm not asking the King for any energy drinks"
"Pie!" Kon requests "I'm guessing we don't get to have normal Earth fruits?"
"You'd be right" she grimaces "This place has zero trade with Earth"
Kon and Tim mimic her grimace, but Tim points out "Less likely for our mentors to find out about this?"
Cassie relaxes a touch "You're right." She exhales "At least there's something good coming from our misery?"
"Can we try a bunch of staple foods here?" Bart asks eagerly "So we know what to list?"
Cassie sighs fondly "Yes, Bart, we can"
"Let's go!" Bart pumps his fist in the air
"I'll open the spreadsheet" Tim adds, resigned to a day of food taste testing.
Kon snorts "Remember to grab the edibility tester!"
"I'd never forget!" Tim calls back as he walks away to grab his statistics tablet.
(It wasn't that far away, they'd already tried a few different foods the day before while looking for locations.)
6. The spouses have to write their "new" vows (Young Just Us agree to be genuine in their vows, if tweaked a bit to sound more romantic)
"Is this cheating?" Tim wonders aloud "Am I cheating on my girlfriend?"
"No" Bart says
"Maybe" Kon hedges
"Yes" Cassie informs him
Tim scowls "It was a rhetorical question!"
"No it wasn't" Kon snips "If it was rhetorical we would know the answer"
Tim falls back onto the bed, groaning "Why is writing vows so harddddd"
"Skill issue" Bart chirps happily, easily dodging the batarang Tim throws. To be fair, he threw it knowing Bart would dodge.
"There's no way you aren't struggling just as much as I am!" Tim protests
Tim sits up just enough to catch a glimpse at Bart's evil grin. "I'm done, actually"
"No" Tim says "I refuse. You're not."
Kon and Cassie snicker at him, the traitors. He glares at them to remind them that they aren't done either.
6.5. Waste another day panicking because if they're being genuine then this kind of actually counts as getting married and oh god they're doing this
Tim lays face-down on the far-too-comfortable bed, listening to Cassie panic about this while Bart doesn't understand why she's panicking and Kon pretends not to understand why she's panicking. Luckily, Tim's internal screaming has yet to upgrade to external screaming.
"Does this mean I can no longer say I'm single?" Kon asks
Tim makes an inarticulate sound of distress. Bart vibrates at an audible frequency (his happy vibrations, Tim notes) and probably nods. Cassie flat out says no.
"Bart, have you even dated someone before?" Cassie asks
"No, why?"
Cassie looks a bit despairing "Are we going to be your first kiss?"
"No" Bart says, and Cassie looks relieved, but Tim knows- "I kissed Robin ages ago"
Cassie screams into her hands.
Kon chimes in "Is he a good kisser?"
"Oh, yeah, it was great" Bart vibrates at louder frequency "I haven't actually kissed anyone else before but I doubt they're as good as him"
Kon hums "Well, that'll change soon, I guess. Unless you want to change it now, as practice?"
Tim looks up blearily to see Kon wiggling his eyebrows. Dork. Bart's up in Kon's face and Cassie's still screaming into her hands. "Sh'dup Cassie" He grumbles "You're almost as loud as Bart's vibrating"
Cassie does not stop screaming. Tim takes it upon himself to unpeel himself from his bed, glance at where Kon and Bart are making out, and then go over and snap in Cassie's face.
"Hey" Tim says "Walk?"
She nods sadly.
They leave.
(Unfortunately, when they return later that day Bart takes it upon himself to inform them how the kiss went. Apparently it was about on par with Tim. Kon was too much of a blushing mess to rate Bart's in comparison to other kisses he's had but they're all pretty sure Bart made it to Kon's number 1 spot.)
7. Remember to stay in shape because apparently ritualistic combat is part of re-wedding ceremonies here.
Cassie grins at Tim from across the gym as they finish their stretches. Luckily, the King let them access a good enough gym to spar in. Kon counts them in.
"3"
Tim gets into a ready position. Cassie mirrors him.
"2"
They both step forward, beginning to circle each other
"1"
Tim analyzes Cassie and Cassie analyzes him in return.
"Fight!"
Cassie dives in first. They've sparred enough times for Cassie to know that she has to. She ducks down for a low kick at his legs but Tim cleanly dodges and takes the opportunity to hit her with a twist of his bo staff. Cassie rolls with the hit, popping back up and going in for a punch that Tim blocks. He winces slightly at the twinge of pain. He blocked wrong and his poor arm is paying the cost. He steps back and goes to hit her with the bo staff again, but this time she blocks it.
Normally in a fight, Tim takes the time to analyze his opponent and strategize, but here he already knows his opponent, and he's just here to warm up.
Tim pulls his bo back and then tries again lower. She blocks again. He steps forward, she tries to punch, he barely dodges. He swings, hits, and they rotate. Cassie pushes forward, punching and kicking. He blocks or dodges most hits, but she manages to get in a few. He gets in just as many in the openings she leaves with her barrage of attacks.
Tim sidesteps another kick and then crouches away from a punch. He tries to sweep her legs out from under her, but he only gets one leg. She pivots and turns his attack into a kick into his chest, and he shoots up, hitting her with his staff. She grins at him and he grins back. He extracts himself from punching range and they spin around each other, looking for another opening.
Tim strikes. The first hit is blocked, but she doesn't dodge the kick. She falls back and Tim darts forward to pin her. Cassie lets him.
It's a moment of them breathing, Cassie pinned with Tim's bo, before Kon and Bart start cheering. Tim smirks, and offers her a hand up. She accepts, a glimmer in her eyes.
"Alright, who's next?" Tim turns, addressing the room.
8. Oh right weddings need entertainment, go find some (Young Just Us only start a few fires looking)
Tim looks up to see Bart and Kon sprinting into their temporary bedroom, slightly singed and with guilty expressions. "What did you two do."
Their expressions quickly morph to their best i'm-totally-innocent looks "Nothing!" Kon insists at the same time Bart explains "Wewerelookingforentertainmentandwesawacoolgameandwekindamaybeplayedtoofastanditexplodedandtheownerwasreallymadatussowejustran"
Tim pinches the bridge of his nose. At moments like these he's glad he trained his brain to understand Bart even when he's talking fast. Cassie snickers in the background, because apparently she's mature enough to be in charge of wedding planning but not mature enough to deal with Kon and Bart.
"Did you at least find something viable to serve as entertainment?"
"Yes!" Bart says, vibrating "Wefoundsomeothergamesandsomecoolguys"
Kon shrugs "We didn't actually ask anyone though, we figured the King could do the convincing for us"
"Okay" Tim sighs "Give Cassie a written list so she can ask, I'm going to go make sure you two didn't break any laws"
"Gotit!" Bart nods rapidly.
(The answer was that they didn't break any laws but they did break significantly more objects than Bart claimed. Tim wastes several hours trying to make it up to all the shop owners. At some point he drags Kon and Bart out to join him because apologies are easier to accept when it's by the people who actually committed the act.)
9. Make a wedding music playlist (the King wanted a live band but Young Just Us managed to convince him to let them just play some music from their speakers)
"Make it stopppp" Tim whines, covering his head with a pillow.
Kon, Cassie, and Bart ignore him and continue going through music. Ten songs later, Kon calls over "If you don't participate you don't get a say in what music plays!"
Tim groans, but reluctantly shows his face "This one sucks. Don't play it."
Kon notes that down, having taken over as music organizer three songs in. Bart is fidgeting, trying his best to not vibrate loud enough to impede their ability to gauge whether it's a good song. Cassie's head is down on the table but she's still in a better mood than Tim.
"Can we take a break?" Tim begs "We can go eat something!"
Bart shoots up "Sure if I get to pick where!"
"Go for it" Tim tells him, once more collapsing his head onto the bed.
"I'm up for a break" Cassie says, perking up a bit.
Kon pouts, but turns off the music. He knows when he's outvoted.
10. Flowers!
Tim slumps into the table in defeat. Cassie pats his back "It's okay, Tim, it doesn't have to be perfect"
A groan sounds from the downed Robin. Kon, on the other side of the table, is in a similar condition. Kon's the one to break the news "They don't have real flowers. Only weird possibly sentient alien ones."
Cassie winces "Well, it is an alien planet. C'mon, let me see"
Tim briefly unsticks his face from the table to slide a brochure of 'flowers' to an open spot at the table. Cassie sits to look over it, her wincing getting more and more pronounced as she looks at it.
"I-interesting, um" Cassie squints "What about this, uh, 'nice' blue one?"
Kon peers at it "The King's allergic to that one."
Cassie makes a wounded noise.
"You know what, we're in the garden anyway. We don't need flowers." Tim decides.
Cassie takes another glance at the pamphlet and quietly agrees. Kon doesn't even do that, just gives a thumbs up and walks away.
11. Have the wedding
And then suddenly it's the day and they realize that they completely forgot that weddings usually need special outfits.
"It's fine. This is fine." Tim murmurs, pacing and running his hand through his hair "We're superheroes. It's perfectly normal to not change outfits, even for a wedding. Yeah."
The other three snicker at him.
(He's not convinced, but it's too late now)