Chapter Text
ACT II
SCENE I — The underground prison, but specifically the cell where the DOCTOR lies alone in his ragged shirtsleeves. A manacle is fastened to his ankle and is attached to the wall by a long chain. His coat is strewn in the corner of the cell. The prison is squalid and there is a chill. If one listened closely they'd hear the faint chattering of rodents from within the walls. His hair is matted and his nails are blackened from futile attempts of escape. The soft chant of “Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.” is uttered in the background as the Doctor awakens.
RECITATIVO and ARIA
[Aria sung to “Vesti la Giubba” from Pagliaccio]
DOCT. (slowly rising to sit on his knees)
Oh! How my head spins!
I cannot take another second
of this torment!!!
What is left or right? What is
North or south?
Who am I anymore!?
Who...who was...I?
Hark! Since I have been confined in this
Sordid sepulchre,
I no longer know what I think
Or what I feel!
And yet I must stay pragmatic,
I must try!...
Pah! You are not a Doctor!
You are a clown!
You wear your costume and toffee
Your nose
They want you to humour them with
Your virtuous sensibilities
And when the miscreants steal away
Those whom you love
Prance, clown, and all will be humoured!
Turn your anger and sobs into
Jokes,
Your pain and sorrow into a smirk
Ah!
Laugh, clown,
At your shattered life!
Laugh at the grief that plagues
Your soul!
(he swoons)
SCENE II — ROCCO and PERI
PERI. (shivers despite holding a torch). No matter where I am, it seems like all these tunnels look the same...and are always cold.
ROCCO. There’s only so many ways one can construct an underground prison.
PERI. Or lair. Or throne room. Or anything else.
ROCCO. (pointing) Hark! There he is.
PERI. (approaching the Doctor with trepidation). H—he isn’t moving…! Are...are we too late?!
ROCCO. Did you expect him to be doing flips?
PERI. N—no, but it’s the middle of the day. I...just expected him to be up...calculating figures or...or monologuing about metaphysics or something…
ROCCO. Meta—? He’s been locked away for decades with nothing but morsels of bread and an inch of water every day. The last thing the mind wants to do is exert itself with useless thoughts.
PERI. Maybe you’re right...
ROCCO. He must be sleeping. After all, it is a close friend of death. No matter, here—(hands Peri a pickaxe) let us begin. The area in question is over there.
(ROCCO and PERI start their task. The torch is set in a wall holster.)
DUET
(hushed)
ROCCO.
Let us dig, let us dig
The grave for this poor fellow
PERI.
Let us dig, let us dig
Before the poor man bellows
ROCCO.
We strip the earth
Piece by piece
Till we reach sufficient depth
PERI.
We toss away
The rocks inside
Till we reach the ideal breadth
ROCCO. (wiping brow). It’s hard work but someone has to do it!
PERI. (out of breath). My arms feel like they’re on fire...and my hands...oof. (leaning against wall) Can we take a break?
(ROCCO hands her a pitcher of wine and continues to toil)
ROCCO.
We’re making speedy progress
Look at what we’ve done
If we stop now
He’ll surely frown
For patience he has none
PERI.
(aside). I wish I could stop
And end this all
And rescue the feeble Doctor
I don’t care much for the opinions of
The stupid, wicked Master
PERI. He moved!
ROCCO. The criminal? He has awoken?
(PERI minces towards the Doctor, but ROCCO leaps out of the grave and takes the lead)
ROCCO. How was your sleep? Restful?
DOCT. Restful? Restful?! Look at me, man! I’ve been chained to a rock in the most insalubrious of places for practically half of your lifespan while being starved, beaten, and plagued with rats nipping at my feet! And you have the audacity to ask if I’m restful?!
ROCCO. And yet you speak as though a free man. You see, Fidelio? (gesturing at the Doctor) The man is abrasive and insolent. He’s more of a Bottom than a Puck.
PERI. (approaching the Doctor, whose head now hangs low as he tries to muster his strength) H—he’s just…(she cannot get herself to say any more)
DOCT. (his voice slightly raspy). Please, who is over this prison? I need to know.
ROCCO. Governor Koschei.
DOCT. Koschei. Koschei…you must describe him in the best possible detail that you can.
ROCCO. What do you take me for?
DOCT. Just do it, man!
PERI. It’s a simple request, Father!
ROCCO. Ehh, average height. Dark hair...beard. Beguiling—almost hypnotising—eyes. Not buff but not scrawny either. Strong, yet calm, voice that can swindle the most experienced tricksters.
DOCT. (seeming to regain all strength). Exactly what I’ve thought all this time: this is the Master’s doing. Most likely under the orders of the Barnyard!
ROCCO. Barn...yard…? You really are mad.
DOCT. Also known as the Valeyard. I’m sorry, but I can’t explain any further. I need to find a way out of here.
ROCCO. Still? Haven’t you tried every technique in the book already?
PERI. (with conviction). He doesn’t surrender. Especially when faced with adversity.
ROCCO. You speak as though you know him.
PERI. N—no, never seen him before in my life. Um…(looking down at the pitcher she still holds) can we allow him a sip? Considering what’s going to happen to him?
ROCCO. (nonchalant shrug). You may; why not.
(PERI hands the Doctor the pitcher and he gulps gratefully)
DOCT. Peri...It reminds me of Peri, so sweet and...(whimpering) Oh, my dear Peri!! How I yearn for her daily with every last fibre of my being...So many years...without even a farewell...oh! Tell me it isn’t true! Tell me that she will once again appear before my weary eyes! (he swoons once more).
ROCCO.
If he still calls out for love
He can’t be too far gone
The image of her is strong enough
To help him carry on
PERI.
(aside) He speaks of me like
I’ve gone away forever
Little does he know
I am right here.
In due time, I’ll reveal my secret to you
Once I’m sure there is nothing left to fear
SCENE III — The former
[Enter the MASTER]
MAST. Have you finished?
ROCCO. We have.
MAST. Good…(suspicious) and take that child away.
ROCCO. Go, Fidelio.
(PERI does not leave, but instead tip-toes towards the part of the wall where the shackles are bolted. She finagles with it over the course of the conversation.)
MAST. (Steps towards the Doctor, who has reawakened by the sound of a familiar voice. They face one another with eyes of rage).
I’m sure you’ve figured out who I am by now, Doctor.
After decades of humbling that loathsome ego
Now, the time has come
For me to destroy you
Feast your weary eyes upon me!
As I have won!
And so easily it was done
With a little help from our friends
DOCT. What exactly are you getting out of my humiliation? I find it difficult to believe it’s just to stroke your own sadistic desires; waiting fifty years to kill me isn’t your speed.
MAST. The Valeyard and I have made a pact. After you are finito, we have decided to split your remaining lives amongst us.
DOCT. Don’t tell me you believe in that chimerical scheme! The Valeyard only acts in his own self-interest!
MAST. Your opinion of him is wrong, Doctor. No, I now see the true meaning of friendship and why humans crave it so dearly. It does have its advantages...
(A window to nothingness opens within a rock face)
ROCCO. (flinching, jumping back) What the deuce!
MAST. (aims his tissue compression eliminator at the Doctor, who is struggling to stand) Don’t try to get up. I wouldn’t want to see you desperately scrounge together the last bit of fortitude you may have left.
PERI. (having successfully unchained the Doctor she brandishes a knife at the Master) Oh, no you don’t!
MAST. (turning towards Peri). Didn’t I tell you to get out of my sight?! How dare you come between the Doctor and I!
PERI. You homicidal fiend! It’s you who should be locked up for eternity, not him!
MAST. Ahh, I know that petite voice from anywhere...Miss Peri Brown, is it? Come to save her prince.
PERI. From the wicked witch of the west!
DOCT. and ROCCO. Peri?
PERI. If you want to kill him, you’ll have to go through me first!
(the MASTER sets his sights on Peri, aiming the TCE on her instead)
ROCCO. What is going on!?
DOCT. (jumps to his feet and kicks the TCE from Koschei’s hand. In one fell swoop he picks it up and points it at the Master).
After locking me away for fifty years,
This the best you’ve got?
I’m really quite disappointed in you,
It seems you’ve lost your touch!
MAST. (while taking a step back, he raises his hands palm-outwards to his chest for a brief second)
No, there was more, Doctor
I had it all planned out...
But then this dastardly minster decided
To step in and ruin everything
DOCT.
You were afraid of being caught
Keeping me prisoner without any justification
So you employed the help of two innocent people
To assist you in covering up the crime
But in your haste,
You neglected to properly vet them
(aside). Thank you, Peri
PERI. (pleased with herself). Don’t mention it, Doctor!
DOCT. Now, you will leave here and never return. Don’t believe for a second that I won’t use this!
MAST. Ah, but if I do then how will you leave? Yes, Doctor, you’re trapped not on Earth, but within the Matrix. Everything you see here is a fabrication. Don’t look so surprised—I’m really quite disappointed that you didn’t notice. Perhaps you really did lose your mind after all!
PERI. Is it true, Doctor!?
(The ‘door to nothing’ becomes a desert wasteland).
DOCT. (lowering his hand). I—I don’t…
MAST. Watch, my dear...and learn!
(The MASTER removes a pebble from his pocket and slams it on the ground. The entire stage goes dark.)
SCENE IV — The MASTER, PERI, and the DOCTOR stand in the middle of a barren desert. Rocco has vanished along with everything that was in the prison, save for the Doctor’s coat which now graces his body. The Doctor’s dirtied appearance has been returned back to its former, immaculate self; as has his vigour and mental stability.
TRIO
MAST.
Yes, Doctor, gaze upon yourself:
The Imaginary Invalid
DOCT. (preening himself).
I must admit, this whole charade
Has me rather riveted
PERI.
But it doesn’t make any sense
Why would he go through all these lengths
Just to spite you
DOCT.
Exactly. Usually your plans are rushed
Haphazard
But here you have spent all of this time,
Watching me fester in a jail cell
As though you lack a sensible pastime
MAST.
Ah, I have but one last trick
To show you
One that may come at a shock
I am not the Master that you know...
(he removes his full-face rubber mask, throwing it to the ground)
DOCT. The Valeyard? (scoffs). Your obsession to cause malice against me is utterly despicable!
VALEYARD. I am not a very patient man, Doctor. I have been waiting to detach myself from you for centuries. But having been granted the splendid opportunity to do with you as I wished...I had to opt for the dramatic, self-indulgent route. What is another fifty years? A hundred?
PERI. You’re horrible!
VALE. Have you ever witnessed your dear Doctor, who portrays himself as a supercilious jester, begging on his knees? Grovelling for mercy every night as his madness grows exponentially? How arresting was the sight.
PERI. It’s you who should be arrested! You...you sadist!
VALE. Control your virago, Doctor. She should be on a leash.
DOCT. You brought me here again—for what? I was capable of destroying you the first time, and I can do it as many times as deemed necessary!
VALE. Capable being the key word. That was a rather admirable attempt, but—(he removes a handheld MASER from his robe) I was one step ahead. Now I am the one in control.
PERI. What...what does that do?!
DOCT. Are you mad!? If you use that you’ll never have a chance to claim my remaining regenerations! You’ll be dead, just like the rest of us!
VALE. I should be offended by your lack of faith in me, but then again, it’s that credulity which gives me the dominant hand.
DOCT. Don’t you dare!
VALE. Goodbye, Doctor. Peri. It has been a pleasure...and now the pleasure is all mine. (he presses the button right as the Doctor is about to pounce on him...).
PERI. (...and she pounces upon the Doctor right as the stage goes dark) Doctooooooor!!!!
SCENE V — The DOCTOR and PERI stand in the same idyllic garden as in Act 1, Scene 1. The Valeyard is nowhere to be seen. In fact, it appears as though the former are the only two around. Peri’s fairy form has returned.
DUET
DOCT.
(pleasantly surprised)
It appears your stratagem was futile,
Unless your intention was to send us
To a spot where the
Ambiance is positively brutal!
PERI.
He didn’t send us here—
I did!
DOCT.
You did?
You must expound, my dear!
PERI.
With my fairy powers,
I sent us back
To my precious homeworld:
The land of trees and flowers!
Here no one can find us,
We can be safe for life
Bask in the everlasting sun
And pick the edelweiss!
DOCT.
(he picks her up and twirls her around)
A-ha!
That’s the Peri I know and love,
Whom I’ve waited so long to meet
To gaze upon your face again
Is a remarkably wonderous treat!
When they said you’d left me,
I couldn’t bear to think,
But here you were,
One step ahead,
Engaged in this elaborate hoodwink!
PERI.
Did you really think I’d leave you
After all that we’ve been through?
DOCT.
(spoken) Well, you were supposed to be dead,
So...yes.
PERI. Oh, Doctor, don’t you know? I’m practically immortal!
[Enter QUEEN]
QUEEN. (gasp) Peri has returned! Fairies near and far—the one and only Peri has returned, successful from her quest! And she’s brought the Doctor!
[Enter FAIRIES]
ALL. Is it true, is it true!?
DOCT. Indeed, it is! (he takes the hand of the Queen and she curtsies) It’s an honour to make your acquaintance.
CANDY. And he’s so charming! Ahh..! (she ‘faints’ into another fairy’s arms)
MEL. Wow, Peri, I had no idea you were into such...characters.
PERI. Me neither! But sometimes the best things in life are unexpected.
QUEEN. Profound and accurate! Now, let us revel in this day! Doctor, do you intend to stay and live amongst the fairies?
DOCT. I do appreciate the offer but I— (he looks at Peri who is smiling up at him with rosy cheeks) Oh, why not! I could go for a bit of loafing about! Although...my TARDIS...I haven’t seen her in much too long…
CANDY. (disturbed) TARDIS!?
PERI. He means his space, time machine.
QUEEN. Space, time?...Ah! You mean this!
(TARDIS sound from backstage, but ‘in reality’ the box would have appeared in front of them)
DOCT. Oh, just look at the ol’ girl. Not a scratch on her that I can see; thank heavens! (satisfied sigh) Now that I have my two favourite ladies back...let the festivities commence!
KATHY. Huzzah!
ALL ex. DOCT. Huzzah!
FINALE.
(sung to “Finale” from Iolanthe)
QUEEN.
What a gallant man is he,
Who Peri has set free,
Before we continue, let’s not tarry
We can all be as one
I shall make the Doctor become
An honourary fairy!
PERI.
Every, every, every,
Everyone is now a fairy
Though as a general rule we know,
The Doctor flies also to and fro,
But never in such a dainty way
We must show him how us fairies play!
ALL FAIRIES.
Though as a general rule etc...
MEL. When the blossoms are in bloom,
Pick a handful — make a plume!
There are new treasures every day
If you look
If you believe
In the fanciful fairy way!
DOCT.
In this enchanting realm, sky-high, sky-high
Free from the rogues of Gallifrey
I/he will be surely happier, for
I’m/He’s such a noble, respectable Time Lord!
ALL.
In this enchanting realm, etc.
FIN.