Chapter Text
Colin was so grateful to Penelope for her advice. He would have never thought of starting his own travelogue channel on Youtube otherwise. He had been called a charmer multiple times, whenever he attended one of his mother’s charity balls in the London social scene, but never before he thought that as a compliment. Instead, it used to feel like an insult- making him feel like he only had charms and no brain to pursue any actual vocation. Now his usual amiable manners, and good humour were proving to be useful and he was starting to believe they actually seemed attractive to people.
But, in the 5th month of his travel itself, Colin had realised that he missed London. He missed home. He missed his mother, Benedict, Eloise, Daphne, Francessa and the twins. Hell, he even missed Anthony and his speeches about his ‘duties’ as the head of the house. But the one he missed most ardently- was Penelope!
And so, this time when he had come home in summer, to Aubrey hall, he was prepared to declare his intentions towards her. He knew she would be there, it had become their tradition for the last 2 years. And he was sure, this time, judging from the frequency of their video calls and chats, that what she felt for him had moved from ‘crush’ to somewhere up. He just had to find out whether it had reached ‘Love’ or not.
And what a good opportunity it would be, as her birthday would fall in the same week.
Penelope was delighted to see Colin’s boyish smile once again. Almost after some odd 8 months. She missed him dearly, and she knew she longed to talk to him, to be close to him. To just look at him. But as she thought about his recent trip to Burgas, she remembered his Bulgarian travel guide- ‘Marina’, was it? - and she realised, maybe that was all she was supposed to do- look at him from afar, while he spent his days abroad, side by side with exotically beautiful girls like Marina.
She was also acutely aware of how different their personalities were. Colin was a globetrotter- a free spirit. What he seeked was a wildflower. How boring would his life be if he was tied to an English rose like her? Penelope wouldn’t know a single thing about where to find the perfect shopska salad, Marina would know.
So, despite her initial excitement to see him after so many months, she decided to mask her emotions and stay neutral with him. Friendly, but not over friendly. She could do that. After all, she didn't want to scare him away on another trip after confessing her growing feelings for him.
Colin was confused by her hot-and-cold attitude. It wasn't the case that she was unfriendly. She still heard stories of his adventures abroad with same enthusiasm, despite of reading his blogs and watching his videos, still was concerned about his well being, still laughed at his jokes… as long as they were not the only people in the room. But she almost completely avoided him whenever he seeked her to talk in private, why? He didn't know. It was like she was afraid he was going to pounce on her. This was completely in contrast of the penelope he knew from before. They used to spend a lot of time, only the two of them, together before, without being awkward. Now, it felt like she used Eloise or Hyacinth as a crutch to wiggle out of a private conversation with him. And on the day of her birthday, when he tried to feed her the cake, she had smiled politely and took the piece from his hand and ate it herself. Everyone else fed her the cake and she didn't bat an eyelid, but when he tried to do that… Huh… Was he being so obvious in his affections towards her? Was that making her awkward? Was that the reason she avoided him now? Did she not like him enough?
He was pacing in front of the pool, already frustrated by the plethora of questions that were going round and round in his mind, when his elder siblings approached him.
“Well, well! Here’s our dashin’ baby brother…” Benedict called out and Anthony chuckled.
“I thought after spending 8 months apart from us, you’d be more willing to spare some time for your brothers.” said Anthony, clapping on Collin’s back, “But, perhaps you’re just missing someone?”
“No, who would I miss? Everyone I care for is right here under this roof!” Colin exclaimed and Benedict and Anthony exchanged a meaningful look.
“That's very reassuring to hear,” Anthony said still looking at Benedict, then slowly dragged his gaze towards Colin and said, “I was half expecting you to shift to Bulgaria by next year.”
Colin frowned at that. Why would they assume that! “I don't understand!” He said looking suspiciously between his brothers.
“Well, what's the deal with this ‘Marina’ girl?” It was benedict who spoke up.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Anthony frowned. “It doesn't seem like 'nothing', judging by how she keeps frequently appearing in your videos.” and benedict quickly added, “Or the looks she keeps giving you in your videos.”
Colin sighed. He loved his siblings, but each and everyone was so meddlesome that it got on his nerves some days. Today was one such day. “Well, it's nothing from my side then, I don't know about her.”
Anthony glanced at Benedict and they both smiled in relief. “Okay, so our next line of thought was obviously -” They both whispered together, “Penelope!”
Colin was instantly alert at that. “What are you talking about? What about penelope?”
“Come one, brother! We all have noticed how your face instantly perks up whenever she enters the room.” said Anthony with a teasing smile.
Was he that transparent, that he couldn't hide his feelings from anyone? It was crystal clear then, why Penelope was avoiding him. She didn't like him that way, but she was too polite to confront him about the unwanted attention he was bestowing on her. So she thought it would be best if she avoided getting alone with him. He felt like a prick for making her uncomfortable. Darn! He had to do some damage control before she completely abandoned him, even as a friend.
“Listen, I don't know from where you get these ideas in your mind, or what kick you get from harassing me about my love life, but let me make this clear. I am not dating Marina and…” He paused to let out a shaky breath, “And I’m certainly not dating Penelope!”
A dull thud made all of them whip their heads at the source of the sound. Penelope was standing by the door that opened in the patio in front of the pool. She was looking extremely put out and Colin could guess why.
“Pen- I am sorry, I just…” He started saying, but she cut him off mid sentence.
“Why are you sorry?”
Colin looked at her in surprise. “Well, I didn't mean it as an insult and you're clearly upset…” He began speaking but was cut off by her laughter.
“Ohh… I’m sorry.. I’m just… Its so hilarious!” She said while clutching her side, as if she was genuinely amused by the whole concept. Colin looked at his brothers for guidance, but they were both looking so uncomfortable, like they wanted to be anywhere but here. “Pen, are you alright?” He asked in concern and she just nodded vigorously.
Once Penelope’s laughter subsided, she spoke, “ Oh, Colin! Why would it upset me?” She asked him, then suddenly switched tracks and looked at Benedict, “ Ben, I’m not going to date you!”
“Excuse me?” Benedict frowned in confusion.
“And Anthony!” Anthony flinched at her addressing him, “I am certainly not dating you!”
Anthony sighed, “Of course.” He simply said. Then she again turned to face Colin, who was looking at her incredulously, and said, “See, Nobody’s dating anybody, and yet no one is upset! Did I upset you boys?” she asked the other brothers.
“Nope”
“Not at all!”
They said in unison.
“Okay, So now that’s clear, just move aside for me, I’m going for a walk on the beach.” She said and made her way through them towards the beach.
“Penelope,” Colin called from behind her,”Its going to get dark soon. Let me accompany you…”
“I know my way around here, Colin. I can manage myself.” She said without turning back and exited from the house. Colin started walking towards her direction but was stopped by Anthony’s hand on his shoulder.
“Bad idea brother, give her a break.” He said solemnly.
“Its not safe, you know it. Its such a secluded beach.” Colin said, desperately wanting to follow her, but again, Anthony pressed his hand on his chest lightly.
“Allow me to accompany her.” He said seriously, then slowly, a smile appeared on his face, and he added with a wink, “I’m not going to steal your girl, I promise!”
Which only earned him a deathly glare from Colin. But when he removed his hands from Colin’s chest, he stayed put.
Penelope couldn't understand what was wrong with her. She knew in her heart that Colin was so different from her, that he would never choose her. But still it had hurt to hear it from his mouth. That soft, sensual mouth which had wiggled its way in almost every sweet dream of hers. She knew there was no hope for them, like ever… and yet, today, she felt like all her hopes about finding her one true love were crushed.
Well, maybe then, she hadn't really stopped hoping that one day Colin would see her in a different way. Not since he danced with her in the Spring Dance, all night, barefoot, giggling like fools. She had never accepted any date from anyone after that night. Her first date with Colin. Sure, he was just acting as a standby, and it was all platonic. But she couldn't forget the way he held her so close to his body that night, or the way his eyes were focused on her, the way he had muttered under his breath that she looked beautiful, not really expecting her to hear. But she had heard it anyway. And hoped that one day, Colin Bridgerton would fall- really fall(and not just in a swimming pool) - in love with her. But that wasn't supposed to be.
Because he was certainly not dating Penelope!
She flinched as she replayed his words in her mind. Maybe, it was time to let this dream go. To let Colin go…
“Pen…” Anthony called out softly from behind her, and she quickly wiped her tears.
“Anthony! You really shouldn’t have bothered…” She started saying with a small smile, but Anthony cut her off, “Do you think he would have forgiven me if I didn't ensure your safety?”
Pen shrugged and looked at her toes. Anthony sighed and patted her back awkwardly. “Hey kiddo, I know you’re hurt. But he didn't mean to hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt.” She said defensively.
“And I’m the Viscount.” He exhaled noisily looking at her sulky face, then assumed calm demeanour, “Look, I know Colin can be a bit dense sometimes but he definitely cares about you. And he would hate it if he looses you because of a misunderstanding. He definitely didn't mean it the way it must have sounded to you. It might very well be our fault, we were trying to get a rise out of him. And he lashed out. Thats all.”
“But is that all, really?” Penelope whispered hopelessly, and Anthony wondered how deep this thing was between her and his brother?
“Pen, if you don't mind me asking,” He started hesitantly, “Do you have feelings for my brother?”
Penelope looked at him in alarm. She quickly rearranged her features to hold neutral expressions and said, “No, not at all.”
But Anthony had seen through her denial. He just hoped his brother could see it too, and save himself from heartbreak.
The second time Colin pretended to be Penelope's date, she was 21, and he was 24. She had just graduated from Uni with a Bachelors degree in Mass Media, and Colin had just returned from his extended stay in Singapore.
It was a chance meeting, neither Colin nor Penelope had planned on meeting in that upscale pub at Piccadilly Circus. But here they were, oblivious to each other’s presence. Well until Colin spotted her sitting on a bar stool, alone, sipping beer.
“It’s such a sour sight, a beautiful girl drinking alone in a place like this…” He said in a soft whisper, startling her.
“Colin! What a surprise!” She jumped on her feet and gave him a quick hug, one which he returned equally enthusiastically.
“Hello!” he grinned goofily.
“I didn't know you were back in London.” She said, her shock on seeing him face to face was still not fully abated.
“Well, you don't talk to me anymore.” He accused her, and she actually looked a bit ashamed about the fact.
“Uhh… I’m sorry. Life gets in the way. Plus college was hell. But hey… I graduated last week!” She said excitedly, and this time Colin pulled her in a hug.
“Congratulations, Pen. you did well!” He said in genuine admiration. They stayed in that embrace for longer than appropriate for any congratulatory hug. None of them wanted to pull back. But then reluctantly, Penelope pulled back. “Well, now your college is out of the way, can we celebrate with a drink?” He asked hopefully.
Penelope hesitated. “Ahh.. sure.. But tonight I’m...”
“Colin Bridgerton!” A voice boomed from behind her, “What a surprise!”
Penelope watched Colin’s expression turn sour from pleasant, before again he masked them into a charming smile, and she turned to face the lady standing behind her. It was Marina- the wildflower. And penelope was sure Colin wasn't pleased to see her. Why wasn't he pleased to see her? He seemed to like her before.
“Hello, Marina.” He said assuming a cheerful tone, and Marina, instead of replying with words, chose to sidestep Penelope without acknowledging her, and pulled him in bone crushing hug. Penelope let out a startled laugh, as her eyebrows shot up in her hair, and Colin just rolled his eyes at her.
“Ah.. its so nice to see you pretty boy!” She said with a thick bulgarian accent, before finally breaking apart. Penelope had to suppress a smile when she noticed Colin let out a breath that he was holding in.
“Same here, Marina.” He said warily. Marina was still eyeing him like he was a prized stud, and still kept ignoring the presence of Penelope like she didn't matter. Which frankly hurt her more that it should have. But then Colin was placing his hand on Penelope’s wrist and pulling her to his side. His hand swung on her shoulder before she knew it and then he said something that totally shocked her.
“Meet my girlfriend, Penelope.”
Her eyes shot up to his face, just as Marina’s eyes were whipped to her face, acknowledging her presence for the first time. Colin felt her gaze on his face and looked at her imploringly, ‘come on Pen, just play along…’ . she was amazed to realise that after all these years, they could still communicate with just their eyes. It was their thing, wasn’t it?
“Hi Penelope…”, Pen reluctantly dragged her eyes away from his face to look at Marina.
“Hello!” She said pleasantly and she didn't even have to fake it. The fact that his hand was wrapped around her and her side was pressed against him was pumping her body with Oxytocin.
“So… I was hoping to catch up with you…” Marina trailed off, looking between the pair, and Colin simply shrugged.
“I’d love to catch up. But its a date night, you know…” He too deliberately trailed off, and nestled his head above Penelope’s. What has gotten into you .. Penelope thought, suppressing a smile. But she held up her tongue wisely.
“Oh.. alright.. Umm.. I’ll le you two have fun.” Marina bid her farewell and walked towards the other end of the pub, where all the dancing was happening, and Penelope separated herself from his embrace.
“What was all that about?” She narrowed her eyes at him.
“Ahh.. don't ask… she’s been pursuing me since Bulgaria. So many messages, emails…” He said with an eye roll.
“But…I… I thought you liked her?” Penelope asked in genuine confusion.
“No, never. I mean she’s fun and full of life, and I genuinely liked her enthusiasm about exploring new places. But thats about it. I frankly just thought of her as a friend. But then people started commenting on my blogs and youtube videos about how cute we look and speculating that we were together. And that got to her head. I just didn't want her to give any false hopes so I kept my distance. In fact, I’ve seen her after two years today.”
Oh. What a grave mistake.. Penelope thought. She looked at Marina again, who was stealing glances at them from across the pub. Penelope had distanced herself from him thinking that he was with Marina. And here he was, avoiding her completely. But then why…
“Why aren't you dating anyone Colin?” she finally voiced her thoughts.
“Who said I’m not dating? Here I am, on a date, with my favourite girl…” He said playfully, and she chuckled. “Colin, seriously… don't joke around.”
“Hey, you think this is a joke!” Colin assumed a look of affrontation.
“Well… pretending to be on a date is not what I had in mind.” She said with a soft smile, “What I meant was, why don't you date someone seriously?”
“You think I’m not serious enough?” Colin pouted.
“Argh.. Colin! Stop twisting my words…” Penelope said impatiently, “when I say dating, it means romantic dates.. Not .. not these … platonic ones…”
Colin looked in her eyes for a long time, then slowly his gaze dropped to her lips. And when he bent down to press those soft lips that had invaded her dreams on hers, all she could do was close her eyes and sigh.
Cause we were just kids when we fell in love
Not knowing what it was
I will not give you up this time
But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own
And in your eyes, you're holding mine
It was a tentative kiss, a featherlight touch of his lips on her, like he wasn't sure how it would be received. And when he pulled back to look at her face, he found her eyes were still closed.
“Pen…” he whispered.
“Yes.” she breathed out equally softly.
“Is this romantic enough for you?” He said and she opened her eyes to look at him. There was so much uncertainty in his eyes.
But Penelope was in no condition to form a reply. All her eloquent words and her smart mouth had abandoned her the moment his lips touched hers. And only one thought was wreaking havoc on her mind.
Holy moly! Colin Bridgerton had kissed her!
Was she on a different plane of existence? Is this some kind of parallel timeline where Colin was in love with her? Could it be… was it possible?
She chuckled at the absurdity of the thoughts.
"What's so funny?" Colin said with a frown. He looked so vulnerable, and she cursed her absent-mindedness. "Was it that bad?"
"No … no, it was good. Really… really good." She rushed to add, " It was pretty romantic." she mumbled shyly.
Colin let out a breathy laugh at that, it appeared like he was holding his breath for her reply. But as the haze that was caused by Colin's sweet kiss started dissipating, a thought appeared in her mind. A thought that dragged her down from her cloud nine and knocked her down to ground zero.
She couldn't kiss Colin. It wasn't right not when she didn't belong to him. Not when she was here on a date, on a real date. Not with Colin.
And as if her thoughts made the man take a corporeal form, there he was, sliding on a bar stool beside hers, putting his arms around her midriff and pressing a light kiss on her temple, before ordering his usual drink at the bar. Her boyfriend of 5 months, Andrew.
And as she sneaked a glance at Colin and watched him turn his face away from them, her heart was filled with only one regret - she should have told him sooner.