Chapter Text
All of Me
“This is for your own good, Hummel…” He whispered to himself in a breathy voice as he stared up at the doors of the all-boys prep school, Dalton Academy. “You’ll be safer here, just be confident, and everything should pass over unnoticed…” He once again reassured himself, clutching at his tote bag strap that was slung over his shoulder, taking a much needed and calming breath as he pushed his way into the front doors, glancing around.
He had been here once before with his father to discuss his transfer with the school’s head master, so it wasn’t like he had never seen the school before…
“I don’t think I can accept your… your son, Mr. Hummel.”
“Dalton is my only option right now, with the zero tolerance policy for bullies; no other school in the county has that. Please, I’m begging you… I need to keep my boy safe.”
He shook the memories of his first visit to the school out of his head, once again taking a breath as he put a smile on his face, heading in the direction of the head master’s office, his eyes still wondering over all of the fixtures inside of the building as he headed down a familiar flight of stairs. The walls were a creamy white color, and he could have sworn that if he stood against the walls nude, no one would notice him because of his pale skin complexion. It was an odd thought though, and he shrugged it away. He distracted his brain of the weird thoughts by admiring the beauty of the large glass dome above his head, iron rods poking out in an almost flower like and complex pattern, and the shiny grey of the spiral stair case that lead down to a small room, that room branching out to halls that contained all of the classrooms.
It was when he got halfway down the steps though, that he realized he had no idea where he was headed.
Letting out an exasperated sigh as he let his eyes wonder to try and remind himself of where to go, he eventually gave in, stopping one of the boys that was walking down the steps himself.
“Excuse me? Uhm, hi. Can I ask you a question? I’m new here.” He asked with a slight hesitance as he reached out to gently tap a passing boy on the shoulder, getting his attention and causing him to turn around with an obvious look of curiosity.
“My name’s Blaine.” The boy introduced with a friendly smile, reaching a hand out to offer in a hand shake. Kurt had to fight down the blush he felt trying to form on his cheeks as he realized exactly how handsome this boy, Blaine, actually was.
His hair was a dark brown, in contrast to his own lighter shade of brown hair, and was slicked back. It was easy to tell that the boy must have been slicking back a large mass of curls by the slight wavy texture. His bright hazel eyes glinted with a happiness that Kurt figured must have been there all the time, since already Kurt could tell that Blaine seemed to be a very positive person. His skin was absolutely smooth and blemish free, and once again in contrast to Kurt’s own features, quite tanned. He was also quite short and had quite a pair of eyebrows, but Kurt figured he could look past that.
He tried to hold back a smile that threatened to spread awkwardly across his face at the thoughts as he stared down at Blaine, his mind soon rushing back into reality. He had to introduce himself. He moved his mouth in an attempt to form some sort of intelligent response, but to keep from embarrassing himself past the staring, he settled for keeping it simple. “Kurt..” He replied as he took his hand to shake it, his voice sounding high pitched and flustered like it always did when he was nervous. Why was he nervous? “So, do you think you could help me? I’m trying to find the head master’s office so I can get my rooming info and my schedule. I’ve just gotten a little lost on the way…”
“Oh… Yeah, of course.” Blaine nodded and flashed him another friendly smile and then, much to Kurt’s surprise, reached out to grab his hand. Kurt couldn’t help the flare up of his cheeks this time as Blaine began to pull him down the last few steps. “Come on, I know a short cut.” That’s how he found himself being led down a short and unpopulated hallway, his delicate hand clasped inside of Blaine’s stronger one. It was strange; he’d never had someone be so forward with him about physical contact at his old school. In fact, most of the male population shied away from him when he came within a three foot radius of them. It was a strange change indeed, but definitely not unwelcomed.
Blaine led him down a few more hallways that were now starting to look familiar to him, and soon stopped in front of a wooden office door, the words “Head Master Nicholas” written out on a plaque attached to the door.
Turning to face Kurt, that friendly and simply wonderful smile was already in place on Blaine’s face, his arms crossed comfortably over his chest. “Welp, here you go. Hopefully I’ll see you around, you seem nice, Kurt. I’d love to stay to show you around to your classes, but I have to head to Warblers practice to make it to, so I’ll see you around-.”
“Warblers?”
“Yes?”
“That’s the show choir here, right?” Kurt questioned curiously, although he knew it was true. When he was in the New Directions in McKinley, they were going to be one of their next competitors at sectionals, along with the Hipsters.
“Oh, yeah, it is. The Warblers, and I’m not trying to toot my own whistle here, are pretty awesome.” Blaine replied cheerfully once the slight confusion at the sudden questioning of the Warblers had worn off. “The Warblers are like rock stars.”
‘So their glee club was actually cool?’ he thought to himself, his lips pressed together in a thin line as he thought. As much as it killed him to betray the New Directions…
“Can I maybe… Well- I’d like to audition. Can transfers do that? I have recommendations from McKinley if I need any; I was a part of the New Directions there.” He stuttered nervously as he requested an audition, biting down at his lip for actually sounding so nervous. ‘Breathe Hummel. If you get so flustered around every attractive guy you meet, you’ll get nowhere in life.’
“Oh, you were?” The shorter male questioned with a slight bit of surprise to his voice, but he nodded nonetheless. “I’ll be sure to bring it up with the council, but I’m sure they’d be glad to take you in for an audition. We’re always looking for fresh faces to join the Warblers. And we’ve heard lots of good things about the New Directions, so hopefully that will sweeten the deal for you, having had previous experience.”
Kurt flashed him a smile at that, though whatever he was about to say was cut off when the door in front of him opened, the familiar face of the head master, Mr. Nicholas, standing in the doorway. His face looked momentarily confused as the door swung open, though when his eyes landed on Blaine, it instantly went away. “Ah, hello Mr. Anderson. I thought I heard voices out here. Mr. Hummel, I’ve been expecting you. Please, come in.” He added with a strong accent (Kurt easily placed it as an English accent) as his eyes turned towards Kurt, stepping aside to allow him to come inside.
Mr. Nicholas was a rather tall man, probably around fifty if the wrinkles visible on his face were anything to go by. His hair was in the middle phase of losing its color, being a dark grey color. He wore a suit similar in design to that of the uniforms the boys wore at Dalton, though the blazer was plain and black, and his tie was just red. If Kurt didn’t already know he was his head master, he would’ve guessed he was a lawyer.
Taking a deep breath for the third time that day to cure his nerves, he turned back to Blaine, flashing him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Blaine. See you around?”
“Definitely, and don’t worry so much, you’ll fit right in.” He softly patted his shoulder with his hand, and then he actually winked at him, turning to head off to his rehearsals for the Warblers.
“That Blaine, always such a charmer.” The head master chuckled softly with endearment as he watched the other boy walk into his office, the door shutting behind him before he went around his desk, sitting in his chair. His expression had gone serious though as Kurt sat across from him, resting his bag in his lap.
“So, will I be having a roommate?” Was the first of his questions, nervously adjusting the tie that was tied around his neck. He remembered that being one of the main topics of discussion when he and his father had come in before.
A soft sigh left the elder man’s lips at the question, and he slowly nodded. “Yes. I’ve been thinking it over, and I think I’ve found a boy who would work well as your roommate, despite your… Situation.” Kurt squirmed a bit nervously at the look Mr. Nicholas was giving him, and he figured the sooner he had gotten out of there, the sooner he could relax and get into the school work he would have to do to catch up with that he missed in the beginning of the year. “Well, okay… I’ll just need m-my rooming information, and my schedule, th-then I can go…” He murmured, standing to let the head master know that he meant he wanted them now. So he could leave, now.
“Right…” The older male nodded and picked up two sheets of paper that were laid out on his desk, handing them to Kurt. “Your dorm room is in the west wing of the dormitories, room 23. You may need to ask for help to find your classes the first day.”
Nodding to show he understood, Kurt didn’t stay in the room long to hear anything else Mr. Nicholas had to say, and bolted from the room, heading to the dormitories as he pulled out his cell to call his father.
“Hey, buddy. You ready for me?”
“Yeah dad, you can bring my bags in now. I’m moving in.”
……
Seeing as he had to wear a uniform daily, Kurt thankfully didn’t have to push his father when he came in with two suitcases, one full of pajamas, the other full of casual clothes. Kurt followed behind him with a box in his arms full of other necessities (toiletries, his computer, a lamp, a few books, his skin care products, etc…), carrying the box tightly against his chest.
When he and his father had arrived in the dorm, there was no one inside of it, but it was still obvious that someone lived there by the tousled up bed sheets on one of the beds in the room, and the few posters were hung up on the wall, including some Harry Potter and Star Wars posters.
“I’m rooming with a total geek…” Kurt mumbled to himself after he had finished hanging his clothes in the closet on his half of the room and his father had left so he could settle in, quickly slipping a brown paper bag onto the floor of the closet in the process before shutting the wooden doors. He wasn’t all that picky about who he roomed with, as long as they didn’t smell and had an okay sense of fashion.
He was a bit busy setting up things on the desk on his side of the room that he hadn’t noticed the dorm to his room open, and a pair of hazel eyes fall on him in surprise.
“Kurt?”
Kurt yelped loudly at the sudden voice, nearly dropping his lamp as shot his head around to glance at whoever was in his room, noticing how the other boy seemed just as surprised as he did, and now a little shocked by the high pitched yelling from a few minutes prior.
“I- er, I just… Uhm, sorry.” He mumbled, and his face blushed a bright pink as he set the lamp down, though the bubbly laugh that he heard come from Blaine forced a smile onto his face.
“It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting you’d be here. I should have guessed though, Mr. Nicholas said I’d be getting a roommate soon.” Blaine smiled at him as he moved to his own half of the room, dropping his school books down onto his messy bed. “I talked to the council by the way. You can audition anytime, perhaps today during lunch?” He questioned, a curious look spreading across his features as he strutted over to Kurt’s half of the room, taking a seat on the edge of the other boy’s bed.
“Oh, that’d be wonderful.” Kurt grinned as he finished putting all of his things away, looking around at his handy work. They had given him his entire first two days here to set up his room and get his things together, and he had finished before lunch on the first day.
A large grin was sent right back at him at the agreement, though his expression turned a bit serious as he glanced over him. “So, you went to McKinley, that’s not that far from here… Why the sudden transfer?”
Kurt’s body stiffened as the memories of McKinley flashed back into his head. While he had so many fond memories there at that school…
Lady face!
The queen freak.
Super homo…
“I just had to get out of there… There was way too much homophobia that I couldn’t stay… It killed me to leave my friends, but… I’m afraid I would’ve gotten hurt, or would have hurt myself, if I’d stayed there any longer.” He mumbled in reply, looking down at his shoes nervously. He knew that while everything he said was true, he was leaving out a major detail. Him and his father had decided to try and keep that hidden for as long as possible though, so he fit in and wasn’t once again out-casted like he was at McKinley.
“Oh…” Blaine nodded, and Kurt noticed a strange look of understanding in his eyes. “I actually transferred here for a similar reason… I was harassed a lot for being open about my sexuality, so I had to get out of there. I ran, I’m sorry you had to do the same.”
“Really?” Kurt gave him a sympathetic look, although he couldn’t help but smile faintly at having someone who understood exactly what he was going through.
Well, maybe not exactly, but close.
“Well, hey, that’s in the past.” Kurt added in a chipper voice, grabbing his iPod off of the desk to quickly flip through the songs he had on his playlist. He found the perfect song to display his talents quite quickly, and glanced back up at Blaine with hopeful blue eyes. “Would you like to lead me to this council so I can do my audition? I have the perfect song, and I’m in the mood to wow some people.”
……
When Kurt was auditioning for the Warblers, he expected there to be the three people that Blaine had told him were on the council, Blaine, and himself in the room. When Blaine showed him into the choir room though, there was an entire room full of judging eyes, and Kurt felt his breath hitch in his throat at everyone staring at him.
“Kurt Hummel?” A voice behind the desk at the front of the room asked, and Kurt nodded his head quickly, setting up his iPod stand on the table where the three men were sitting, his fingers fumbling a bit with his nerves. He had no idea why he was so nervous; maybe it was because he was singing in front of so many new faces, though he guessed the actual reason rather quickly.
‘Calm down, Kurt, breathe. There are plenty of other counter tenors, they won’t immediately start thinking you’re a girl just because of your voice. They’d only start thinking you were a girl if you started stripping… Note to self, do not strip.’
Once he had finally gotten his iPod set up with his selected song on the screen, he glanced back at the three men at the desk, one of them giving him a nod. “You can go whenever you’re ready.”
“Okay…” He nodded and took a deep breath to calm his nerves slightly. His heart was thrumming in his chest, and he had no idea why he was so nervous. He pushed the play button nonetheless, hoping that the soothing beginning to the Evita song he had picked out would help to calm him some, it didn’t really. His eyes darted around the room quickly, and God, he didn’t feel this ill a few minutes ago-.
But then, his blue eyes met with a pair of equally intense hazel eyes, and his heart was beating quickly again, though not with nerves this time. ‘Jeez, Hummel, did you already have a crush on this guy?’ He thought to himself, though when Blaine gave him an encouraging thumbs up, he smiled to himself, feeling his courage build back up in his body. He could do this, he told himself. He could definitely do this.
“It won't be easy, you'll think it strange,
When I try to explain how I feel.
That I still need your love after all that I've done.
You won't believe me.
All you will see is a girl you once knew,
Although she's dressed up to the nines,
At sixes and sevens with you.”
He glanced around the room at all of the faces of the Warblers in the room, their faces lighting up by the pleasant surprise. Kurt’s voice was high pitched, yes, but technically, during his first one and a half years at McKinley, he was a soprano named Kara.
Well, to everyone else he was Kara. He had known since he was younger that he wasn’t like all of the other girls in elementary school, running away from all the boys because he had cooties. Hell, he thought he had cooties. Or in eighth grade, when there was a graduation dance at his middle school, and all of the little girls were worrying over how they were going to do their hair, or what dress they were going to wear, or what boy they were going to take. His little girl self did want to take a boy with her, although the fact that he would have to wear a dress made him feel extremely uncomfortable. A lot of things that the other little girls did that were his age made him feel weird (he did enjoy the fashion though), and it wasn’t until he got into high school that he learned what “transgender” meant. Everything soon fell into place in his head, and he knew then what he wanted. He wanted people to call him Kurt, he wanted to be identified as sir, and grow up to be a loving husband to the man of his dreams (the teenage girl half of his brain still freaked out at the sight of attractive men). He wanted to be, no, he was a man. Maybe a very flamboyant man, but a man nonetheless.
With his head held high and a new burst of confidence at the pleased looks on the other men’s faces, he continued with his song.
“Don't cry for me Argentina,
The truth is I never left you.
All through my wild days,
My mad existence,
I kept my promise,
Don't keep your distance.
Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know, That every word is true.”
As he held out the last note, the room of boys erupted into a wave of hoots and hollers, and many loud applause. The praise caused Kurt’s face to heat up a bright red, even more so when he saw Blaine with as much of a shocked, pleased and amused expression of his own. He then mouthed to him “That was amazing”, and Kurt nodded his head back slightly, bowing before gathering up his things.
As he stuffed his iPod back into his pocket, he felt a firm hand on his shoulder, and glanced behind himself to see who it was. It was one of the council members (he later learned his name was Wes), who had a large grin on his face as he turned to face the rest of the Warblers. “Do we have any objections to Kurt Hummel joining in our choir? If yes, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Kurt glanced around the room, his chest tightening a bit. He had almost expected someone to speak up and say that they thought he was horrible, or even try to call him out on “not being a real man”, like he had so many times before back at McKinley. But, much to his surprise and thankfully pleasure, the room was silent. They had accepted him, and it made it feel like his heart was going to burst from his chest.
He walked back to his room with Blaine, a large grin… And a bird.
He had a feeling he was going to like it here at Dalton.