Chapter Text
Mr Holmes, stop texting
your brother. He is in
a meeting.
The obnoxious bastard can
turn off his phone.
SH
He is waiting for a call.
Who are you?
SH
I’m sure you’ll figure
it out.
Is that a challenge?
SH
It’s an observation.
Give me a clue.
SH
Stop texting your brother.
That is not a clue.
SH
Stop.
If you tell me who you
are.
SH
I thought you’d have figured
it out by now. Should I be
insulted?
You obviously work for my
brother; you need no further
insult.
SH
Now you’re getting somewhere.
I was starting to think your
brother thought too highly of you.
I find it a bit unfair that you
probably know everything from
my school grades to my DNA
profile and I don’t even know
your gender.
SH
Life is unfair.Would my
gender matter?
No, it wouldn’t.
SH
And don’t flatter yourself.
I don’t care about your grades.
But my genomic sequence?
SH
Chromosomes are very hot.
I think I like you.
SH
I’m sorry Mr Holmes, but
I’m married to my work.
You work for Mycroft.
Get a divorce.
SH
Oh, the troublesome
bureaucracy.
At least I hope it’s
a sexless marriage.
SH
Isn’t that the definition
of a marriage?
Touché.
SH
-x-
Your brother wants
to know if you’re going
to your mother’s.
He knows the answer.
SH
Is that your final answer?
Yes. Feel free to improvise
an insult of your choice to
accompany it.
SH
-x-
The car is outside.
Not going.
SH
-x-
I’ve been asked to remind
you that it is illegal to
rob graves.
Thank you for reminding me.
Going to write it on a post-it and
put it on my bathroom mirror.
SH
Sarcasm doesn’t work well
in texts.
Stating the obvious today,
are we?
SH
I apologise. I’m tired today.
You’re excused, you work
for Mycroft. The fact that you
don’t have a constant
migraine is unbelievable.
SH
My migraines are never
work-related.
Again: unbelievable.
SH
-x-
Bored.
SH
Magnetic.
?
Thought we were
picking random
adjectives.
I thought you were
intelligent.
SH
Ditto.
I’m bored.
SH
I’m important.
Self-important
maybe.
SH
Pot, kettle, black.
Stop using random
words.
SH
jfgi
Amusing.
SH
But you’re not bored
anymore.
-x-
Your brother is
driving me up the wall!
Told you this would
happen.
SH
Kicking when I’m
down? Classy.
You have better
opportunities to kill
him than I do, so there’s
not much I can do.
SH
How do you think
I should do it?
Exploding umbrella.
SH
That’s not very refined.
Didn’t know killing one’s
brother needed to be
refined.
SH
Poison? You’re a chemist
after all.
Please don’t say
this is a hypothetical
conversation.
SH
Either way, you made
me smile. Thank you.
You’re welcome.
SH
-x-
Scrabble app available!
The game is on!
SH
Zymase? Really?
Says Ms Amniote.
SH
So you figured that out
at last. What gave me
away?
The 29 day migraine
cycle and the
murder by poison.
SH
Maybe you do have a
brain after all. The
poison was a bit
prejudiced though.
But not incorrect.
SH
JUKEBOX, 3xword.
Read it and weep.
Rematch?
SH
-x-
Guess who I just
picked up.
Case. No time.
SH
Wrong.
Serial suicide.
SH
Heard about those.
Anything yet?
Theories. Definitely
murders.
SH
Fascinating. Lestrade
invited you?
Finally.
SH
He’s hot.
Please stop.
SH
Guess who I just
picked up.
You know I don’t
guess.
SH
A Dr John H Watson.
God. How can
you work for that man?
SH
He’s hot too.
I just vomited.
SH
I’ll bring your doctor
soon. I think he’s
flirting with me.
Haha! Go for it.
SH
The cane is a bit of a
turn-off.
It’s psychosomatic.
SH
The cane?
The limp, obviously.
I’ll get it fixed for you.
SH
Married to my work,
remember?
I thought I told you
to get a divorce.
SH
Do you want me to
eavesdrop on the
conversation?
No, I think I’ll mess
with him myself.
SH
You’re texting him?
Yes, but I was think
about you all the time.
SH
Thank you.
On our way back now.
Went by his place to pick
up a gun (or something
similar, he has it inside
his jeans. Hard to say).
Or maybe he’s just
happy to see you?
SH
He is. But he brought a
gun.
If the limp is a deal
breaker, I can fix it.
Honest.
SH
Don’t you have a case?
-x-
Told you he had a gun.
Told you I could fix
the limp.
SH
Thought you’d like to
know I’ve raised your
surveillance.
Worried about the
army doctor much? I think
he can take care of himself.
SH
Not my orders.
I can give you a
poison of your choice to
feed him.
SH
Only I wouldn’t.
I was so close to
falling in love with you.
SH
Good night, Sherlock.
Good night.
SH