Chapter Text
“What I don’t understand...” Arthur stated, without looking up from his desk. He trailed off, playing with the feathered end of a quill. Merlin continued picking up clothes and putting them into a basket, focused on his task.
“Well there are plenty of things you don’t understand, sire. Could you be a bit more specific?”
It didn’t elicit the response he was hoping for, as Arthur’s brow just furrowed further.
“Why don’t you trust me?” Arthur finally raised his gaze from his desk.
Taken aback, Merlin wasn’t sure how to respond. “What do you mean? Of course I trust you.” There’s so many directions this could go, and Merlin didn’t particularly like any of them.
“You didn’t trust me enough to tell the truth about what happened with Morgana.” Arthur countered, finally standing up.
This time, Merlin stiffened and had to swallow a hysterical laugh. He couldn’t very well tell Arthur to be more specific about that. He adjusted his grip on the basket. The most recent event being the assassination debacle, but there was little Merlin could have done in the way of trusting Arthur there. He imagined telling him, ‘Oh hullo Arthur! Just another day of preventing myself from killing you.’ Merlin wasn’t even aware of most of it, only understanding what was happening in brief snatches of clarity here and there. Had he wanted to tell Arthur (which he hadn’t), there would have been little opportunity to. It wasn’t a matter of trust, simply necessity. Arthur hadn’t needed to know. Merlin recognized this for what it was though. It was an opportunity to explain himself. To clear the air. But he couldn’t quite explain himself if it turned out to be one of the myriad of other ‘truth about what happened with Morgana’ moments.
And there was the simple matter of there being no way Arthur could have known Merlin was captured by Morgana in the first place.
“Don’t just stand there gaping like a fish, Merlin. You’ll catch flies doing that.” Arthur groused, leaning against the desk.
“Sorry sire, I jus-”
“You just what?”
Merlin closed his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts. “I just don’t know-”
For the first time, Arthur raised his voice. “If you’re going to lie to me Merlin, at least do it while looking me in the eye.”
Merlin opened his eyes, but continued to avoid Arthur's gaze. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” He threw his free hand out to the side helplessly, before finally looking Arthur dead-on. “I don’t know what prompted this. I’ve never meant to give the impression that I don’t trust you.”
Arthur snorted. “No, you’d much rather I be unaware of it, wouldn’t you?”
“Arthur-”
“Don’t.” He sighed, pinching his nose. “Just sit down, will you?”
Merlin silently set the basket down and took a seat at the head of the table. Arthur turned as if to pace, but shook his head and sat down across from Merlin. His eyes never left Merlin's, as if challenging him to try and dodge the question again. Or as if trying to see through him.
Arthur leaned back and clasped his fingers together. “One week ago, you were taken by Morgana.” Merlin opened his mouth as if to protest, but stopped when Arthur raised his hand.
“You were captured by Morgana, and you didn’t even think to tell me. Why?” He looked away from Merlin. “Do you really trust me so little?”
“No, Arthur -” Merlin sighed. His mind was racing. If Arthur followed him to Morgana’s hut, did he overhear anything? “It’s complicated.”
Arthur’s expression darkened as he glared at Merlin. “By all means then. Explain it.”
Grimacing, Merlin tried to relax his posture. He had tensed up and hunched over without even realizing. “Well. If you know about Morgana, did you know about the…” He wiggled his fingers vaguely. “The fomorrah?”
Shaking his head, Arthur watched Merlin intently.
“Well. It is a creature of dark magic. It could be used to control someone. Morgana thought to use me as a way to kill you.” Merlin swallowed nervously, watching as Arthur raised an eyebrow and gestured to go on. “When you found me, I wasn’t quite myself. I don’t remember anything after being in Morgana’s hut. I woke up in Gaius’ room after he had managed to stop the effects of the fomorrah.”
Momentarily lost in thought, Arthur took a drink from his goblet. “You were a pretty terrible assassin then, hm?”
Merlin was almost offended. “I wasn’t in control!” Privately, he thought that he could kill Arthur much more efficiently than whatever he had been doing before. But it probably wouldn’t be a constructive thing to say at the moment.
The king didn’t react no. “You’re free from her influence now?”
Merlin nodded.
“Alright. So you’ve explained why you didn’t tell me at first. But why not after?”
Gods, he hated this. Merlin could usually read Arthur like a book. But his expression was impenetrable, and it was throwing him completely off balance. He was used to having more information than Arthur, and trying to navigate without was leaving him off-balance.
He looked away from Arthur, and shrugged. “I didn’t think you needed-” Glancing at Arthur’s expression, Merlin hesitated. Too late to backtrack here, he guessed. “I didn’t think you needed to know.”
“Try again.” Arthur’s tone brokered no argument, and gave away nothing as to what he was thinking.
“It’s the truth. And I didn’t think you’d believe me, entirely.” Merlin watched Arthur’s expression carefully. A vein jumped in his forehead, but he didn’t react right away.
“And why, pray tell, would I have not believed you?”
“Because of who was with her, commanding the bandits.”
“Who was it, then?”
Merlin looked at Arthur shrewdly. “I’m not sure if you're ready to hear that, sire.”
Slamming a hand down on the table, Arthur exploded. “It is not your place to judge me ‘ready’ to hear something, Merlin. I am your king, and you will respect me as such.” He paused and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he sounded only marginally calmer. “Stop acting so cagey, and just answer the goddamned questions.”
“Of course, sire.” Merlin replied in a clipped tone. He straightened, an expression of distaste plainly on his face. “The bandits took me to Morgana. But before that, I woke briefly. Agravaine was leading the group, giving instructions.”
Rather than ranting against the accusation as Merlin expected, Arthur stayed quiet. He took in a deep breath, and looked as though a great weight had fallen on his shoulders. “They were working together?”
“Yes, sire.”
Merlin shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Arthur sat motionless, contemplative. The silence stretched out unbearably long.
“Arthur?” he asked tentatively.
Arthur didn’t react. Merlin took it as permission.
“How did you know?”
The candlelight flickered as the silence continued.
When Arthur finally spoke, his voice was rough. “Did you want to tell me anything else, Merlin?”
There were so many things Merlin still didn’t know. Did Arthur have any idea of his magic? Did someone follow him when he was captured? Was it Arthur? It couldn’t have been, he should have ran for it after he realized Merlin was lost. And Arthur hadn’t seemed to know about the fomorrah. He would have, had he stayed and listened to Morgana’s little monologue. Regardless of what Arthur was aware of, there was only one answer Merlin knew how to give.
He shook his head silently.
Arthur didn’t seem surprised. He waved his hand. “Leave me.”