Chapter Text
'Not yet appearing: Choi Beomgyu.' The news guy says, high-pitched voice and none real concern for the situation. Taehyun can see how he reads the fucking teleprompter. It never ceases to amaze him how little people care, that they're only interested when there's a new lead in the case, that they don't help more than they should, a bogus anonymous call to inform the police that they've seen Beomgyu in five different parts of the country at the same time, all to spice up their shitty lives with someone else's suffering. It makes Taehyun fucking sick.
'After four weeks there is still not a clue to indicate Choi Beomgyu's whereabouts.
His husband, Choi Soobin desperately asks for a sign that he is still alive or simply the location of the body.' Kim Seungmin flashes a rueful smile before moving on to the next new thing. It was different when it all started, whole shows after shows about the mysterious disappearance of a successful, happily married young Beomgyu. Taehyun wasn't so sure about the part where Beomgyu was successful, much less happily married. But someone had told them that presenting an enhanced image of him would help the public to sympathize. People want the best for those who already have the best after all.
"Really hyung? Why are you assuming he's dead?" Kai asks, his eyes are looking at the floor. Taehyun wonders as well. Why is Soobin asking for a body so early on? Why is Beomgyu being dead an easy option for him?
Both Beomgyu and Soobin changed when they got married, they never let each other shine their own light. Taehyun knows that Beomgyu feels like this, cornered and unhappy even though he loved Soobin more than anyone, more than his family, more than his friends, more than Taehyun. Soobin is the same according to Yeonjun, but Taehyun doesn't think Soobin loves Beomgyu half as much as the younger one loves him.
The clear proof was in all this, in his little and feigned concern in the disappearance of his husband of six years.
"Why do you assume he's dead?" Taehyun asks again, with a different tone than Kai's, a little stronger, a little more aggressive. Soobin's indifference makes him nauseous.
But he gives no real answer of his intentions or meaning of words, instead he replies;
"I just want him to come back"
And that's all Taehyun needs, really. Because he knows that's just not true.
"We should stop doing this." Yeonjun says from where he's sitting, his shoulders look heavy but that's how everyone looks now, since that day. "Everyone should watch the news in their respective homes."
It is not a new conversation, every day for four weeks they have seen each other without fail at the Choi house, they watch the morning news together and then they go to hand out flyers until there are no more sheets left, it is difficult for everyone to manage their schedules, but they do it, maybe because they feel guilty or because they care about Beomgyu, maybe both, like Taehyun.
When Soobin called him with a broken voice telling him that something very bad had happened, Taehyun didn't know what he could mean. His hope was that Beomgyu wanted a divorce, god knows it was something Taehyun asked for every night but Soobin couldn't explain it over the phone, and when Kang got to the couple's house he soon forgot about it when he saw the patrol cars.
It's hard not to feel guilty, really, because Beomgyu had been missing for a full day before anyone noticed or so the police said, the house turned upside down, all the doors and windows wide open and blood on the floor that ended at the porch. Not so much blood that it was worrisome, Beomgyu didn't bleed out, not in the house at least.
Soobin had been a mess back then, shaking and with air coming out of his mouth and nostrils so fast that he couldn't breathe well, so different from these last few days where the older man has been almost in perpetual boredom, with his hand on his cheek and drooping eyes.
That makes Taehyun's blood boil. Because everyone is bending over backwards to get Beomgyu back while Soobin just stands there pitying, too busy playing the worried husband role that everyone fucking swallows.
If Taehyun were Beomgyu's partner none of this would be happening, he would know how to take care of him, pay attention to him and love him properly. But Beomgyu preferred Soobin all those years ago, even though he knew how Taehyun felt about him. Even knowing what Soobin was really like.
"He's different when it's just us." Beomgyu confided to Taehyun on a cold day, in the darkling night, both of them too drunk to think properly. Kang remembers being so excited, because he hadn't been alone with Beomgyu in months, but then he started telling what Soobin had done to him that same afternoon, and the times before it.
Taehyun wasn't so happy when he left.
And he couldn't look at Soobin the same.
Maybe it's the reason why anything the older does looks suspicious to Taehyun, because he knows Soobin wouldn't hesitate to resort to a quick hand or fist that would leave a burning, throbbing path to stop his husband from talking, from complaining, from asking.
-
"See you tomorrow." Yeonjun says, still holding flyers because they drove around town today rather than handing them out and pasting them.
"I can't, I have to work." It is the answer that Taehyun gives. It's the truth, but he'll still be there, suspicious of Soobin and doing stupid things that get them nowhere.
"Sure." Their hyung says, shrugging his shoulders, not giving importance to Taehyun's words because in the end they don't have it. They both know that the most important thing for most of them at this moment is not the continuity of their day to day, but Beomgyu.
Doesn't mean they don't miss it anyway.
"I'm so tired..." Soobin runs his hand through his hair and face. He doesn't look so tired, he doesn't seem to lose sleep over this but the other two give him a sad smile. "Don't come tomorrow, we need to rest, I-just-we need to rest"
It's the first time he says something like that. Taehyun and Huening Kai share a quick look at each other.
"Soobin... are you sure?" The oldest of all looks relieved.
Soobin just nods, frowning and eyes closed. His lip is trembling but Taehyun can tell it's on purpose.
"Yeah... I'm sure."
-
"Something doesn't add up." Kai is sitting across from him, listening to his rambling at the loud bar. Just them, because Taehyun doesn't trust Yeonjun. More than anything because of the way the older one has been overprotective of Soobin.
"I know."
"I think it was Soobin hyung." He didn't want to say it out loud, it felt like an intrusive thought but as more time passes it's hard to ignore that the main suspect has always been Soobin. They are simple statistics and pretending they don't apply to your friend is absurd. Especially when Kang knows what was going on behind closed doors.
Kai shudders in his seat, and drops his head into his arms before looking Taehyun square in the eye, not surprised, more like resigned.
"Taehyun...you shouldn't say those things..."
Shouldn't I?
"It's just what I think."
"Yeah well, no one asked you, did they?" It's another change they've had as a group, irritated with everything and everyone, no matter who. But it's okay, Taehyun can deal with it, he can deal with Sunny Kai being a jerk, he just needs him to listen to what he has to say.
"I think he got rid of Beomgyu." He spills again, unable to stop what comes out of his mouth. "I don't know why but I know it was him."
"Shut up now." Kai looks at him with annoyed eyes. "Beomgyu being dead isn't enough for you? Do you have to say shit too?"
No, no, that's not right. Taehyun takes a moment to untie his throat.
"He's not dead." He shakes his head, he's not because it's not a possibility that Taehyun has brought up in his head. "He can't be dead."
"Don't you see what you're doing to yourself, Tae?" Huening Kai tells him. Angry and exasperated. "They found a sea of blood in the house and we haven't heard from the police in a week."
The younger one takes a gulp of his drink and then a big sigh.
"You're doing the same as Soobin hyung." He says. "But the person who has the right to be paranoid is Soobin, not you. You can't blame him for working 12 hours and not being there when it happened. He feels guilty enough."
Huening Kai tugs his hair in a desperate manner.
They see each other everyday. But he feels that they were closer in the way they dealt with it at the beginning, confused and so worried they didin't know how to handle it.
Yeonjun hasn't really left that stage just yet. It makes sense. He's the oldest, has known Beomgyu since middle school. And he's afraid Kai is just burying everything to look put together, he assumes he's tired of the sadness he has become, perhaps that's why he's so tense now.
But Taehyun can't stay still any longer, he did when Beomgyu first disappeared. Confident that the police would find him soon. But he can't sit and stare at nothing like Yeonjun does, and he also doesn't want to rush to get over his dejection and move on as fast as Kai wants to.
Perhaps Huening Kai is right. But that would be accepting that Beomgyu suffered inexplicable violence, that it simply happened to him, that the people who did this could be anyone, anywhere in the country.
Taehyun can't accept that. There must be a culprit who pays. And Beomgyu has to come back.
"Okay..." He pauses "I'm just saying we shouldn't be so sure..."
The younger groans loudly as he slams his glass against the table.
"I need fresh air. You're impossible." And he gets up to leave.
Maybe he is, but understanding the complexity of Taehyun's psychic is not the priority, finding Beomgyu is.
-
Kai is squatting in the parking not far from him, fingers drawing meaningless things in the dirt, then dragging his hand up and erasing everything to start over. That is something that Kang himself applies in his life too, if he doesn't like certain things he just decides to do something about them, there is no fear in Taehyun for being wrong, for change.
But there is something false about that, because six years ago he decided to accept being the best man at a wedding that he wanted to interrupt, a few months ago he decided not to report a case of domestic violence and now he decides not to assimilate that it is possible that Beomgyu is simply not here anymore.
He fears so much lately he can't live.
Huening Kai spits on the ground before standing up. And Taehyun looks at him, the dark circles under his eyes evident against his white skin, he looks older than he really is. Just twenty six. Taehyun thinks he most likely looks worse.
He wonders if Kai knows what their friend suffered at home, the abuse that goes beyond the verbal, that goes way above the physical. He probably doesn't. Beomgyu was never one to speak his problems to the world. The pair that Beomgyu and Taehyun make has always been different from the others.
"What would you do?" He asks once he's in front of him.
"Hmm?"
"What would you do if you were right? If Soobin did do something to Beomgyu?" There's a thing about him now that wasn't there inside the bar.
Taehyun does not know how he could voice what he thought he would do if he found out who did such thing to Beomgyu.
I would kill him.
''Call the police.'' It's an answer that Kai doesn't like, Taehyun notices it in the way the younger's face falls a bit, his eyes look a little to the left instead of making eye contact.
It takes a while for the other to say something else.
''There is something wrong with Soobin...'' he begins, ''I didn't know what to make of it but maybe you do.''
Kang nods, and hopes his friend doesn't say some stupid thing just to shut him up. It's something Yeonjun has done too, although he doesn't share his suspicions about Soobin with him, he does share his concern and despair to find Beomgyu alive.
But Huening Kai is acting different, coy as he shrinks into his height.
''The day after...'' another break.
It's a difficult thing to remember after all, they had been scared shitless, standing outside the house they all visited once a week while men with uniform went in and out of it. The press with it's clicks and flashes tormenting them a few meters away. It had been so stressful, dealing with the fact that something awful had happened to their friend in broad daylight while rehearsed voices asked who the husband was —Taehyun had been over the moon when they thought it was him—. They had to take turns so Soobin wouldn't be left alone in that haunted house and the intruders in the yard. Kai had been the first, the next day because Soobin didn't want to leave and risk it. 'What if he comes back?'
Taehyun felt so sorry for him. Now he can't say the same.
''Soobin talked to someone that day, I don't know who but it was fucking early morning and I heard voices and-I thought he was crying so I went to his room but he wasn't crying, Taehyun.'' Kai looks at him as if defeated. ''He was talking on a phone, not his phone, but a phone'' He's repeating himself, but Taehyun can imagine it, a small phone that used to come in cereal boxes, untraceable and only working as necessary.
"He sounded happy." Huening Kai's mouth twists downwards, it's impossible for the younger to remove it from his face so he covers himself with his hand at the same time that the tears begin to roll. '' He said 'it went well.' ''
Kai says no more as he lets himself be consumed by his sobs. He has nothing more to say. Taehyun knows he didn't stick around to hear the rest. He has never been brave enough. it's almost pathetic.
''Do you think it was Soobin?'' His tone is serious and harsh, too loud in the parking lot but he doesn't have time to sweeten his words for Kai's well-being.
And Kai understands Taehyun's anger for keeping that secret for weeks when he could to go to the police directly, the annoyance he feels because Huening Kai knew something was wrong, had evidence, unlike Taehyun that was pure speculation and still decided to do nothing. A cowardly piece of shit who is good for nothing but doubt and fear.
''Yeah.'' His voice cracks, he looks torn, Taehyun wants to feel sorry for him but he can't. Only Huening Kai would keep information like that to himself to protect Soobin, for fear of accepting the worst from his favorite hyung or who knows. ''I think it was Soobin. I think he has someone else and they wanted Beomgyu away.''
It doesn't surprise Taehyun at all. That Soobin is unfaithful is something to be expected with the little attention he gives to Beomgyu, but it's still annoying to hear, the uncomfortable truth.
Beomgyu gave everything for him.
He still remembers when he met both of them in his first year of high school, he didn't like Beomgyu back then but the impression was great. A skinny boy so artistic that he left all the teachers and classmates speechless, so different in a good way.
Everyone expected a lot from Beomgyu, expected him to take off and become a celebrity. When he entered his dream art program the neighbors threw him a huge party. When he dropped out on his fourth semester to marry Soobin and be a house husband no one but close friends came to the wedding.
It was never enough for Soobin anyway, taking away Beomgyu's big dreams that day when he proposed to him with a cheap ring, some alcohol and adrenaline because the police almost arrested them for something they never wanted to tell, an inside joke between them. Draining him of hope by putting him in a pale-walled house with nothing to do all day but think about his failures.
It wasn't enough for Soobin to bind Beomgyu to his side in an unhappy marriage, he also had to make him disappear.
And now Taehyun has to find him. He must find him.