Chapter Text
It’s been three months. Three months. Merlin was starting to feel worried, for what this might lead to. For three months Arthur and the knights have been threating Merlin more like a servant than a friend. They kept their interactions as short as possible, and if Merlin tried to speak any longer, they would excuse themselves and then leave.
Even Lancelot was acting weird. Not as weird, thank the Gods for that, but he was still acting weirder than usual. Merlin still had Gaius, the only normal part in his life was his great uncle of a physician. Because the knights clearly didn’t want Merlin around as much, he had started to spend more time with his mentor. He quiet enjoyed it, he had learnt a lot and was spending some quality time with Gaius.
But even how much he tried to ignore it, he couldn’t. Arthur and the knights didn’t want him around. After everything they had been through, this was how they were going to end their friendships? Merlin felt lost. It made him wish that he never had come to Camelot in the first place.
The friendship between him and Arthur was the only reason for Merlin to be his servant, it was what have kept him going. Sure, the destiny part had given him another motive, but when it all came down to it Merlin knew that he was doing it for his friend, for his best friend. But now Arthur had thrown it all away, as if it didn’t mean anything to him.
Gaius tried to comfort Merlin, to tell them that his friends still loved him and that they just had a lot on their plates at the moment. Merlin tried to believe him, he really did, but it was hard. They couldn’t even spare Merlin a few minutes.
When Merlin was walking through the corridors of the castle, he could he hear Leon and Lancelot speak. He was sure he heard his name being mentioned, he stopped before the corner, weighing his options. He could either stay there and listen to something he clearly wasn’t supposed to hear, or he could continue his walk to the kings chambers, meaning that he would pass them. He did not stand there for long, even though he wanted to know why they were speaking of him, it was wrong.
Merlin turned the corner, and the men didn’t even seem to notice him at first, he was a servant after all. Then as he got closer, did they see him.
“Hi, Merlin.” Lancelot said, quite nervous. Leon did not look any better, he took one arm up and waved to Merlin, he had never done that before, and did not look comfortable doing it now either.
“Hi guys. I was thinking that we could do something tonight. I’m sure Gwaine would like to have company to the tavern.” Merlin said looking a bit hopeful at the men. If he could get them drunk, he might be able to ask them why they were talking about him behind his back.
“Ah, Merlin I would love to, but there are some notes from the council I need to look over tonight. And ehm Lancelot promised to help me.” Leon added a bit hasty. Merlin being the expert of lying have learnt of to spot lies, and Leon was not a very good lair to begin with.
Merlin nodded to them. “I understand. Maybe another day then.” He said then continued walking to the kings chambers, feeling tears come to his eyes. The two knights stood still watching Merlin go, then when he was out of sight, did they continue their conversation.
Merlin stopped outside of Arthur’s chambers taking a deep breath to gather himself from the encounter with the knights. Then he knocked on the doors. It still felt weird to knock on Arthur’s door, he never used to do that, not even on his first day did he knock on Arthur’s chambers. But now things were different. He had started knocking on the door three weeks ago, he did not like it.
“Come in!” He heard Arthur through the thick door. Merlin pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“My Lord.” He said looking at Arthur, who sat at his desk reading. Arthur looked up at Merlin and gave a weak smile, then he continued reading. Merlin went over to the closet, grabbing what he thought needed to be washed, then he put it in the basket. When Merlin started to head towards the door did Arthur stop him.
“Ah Merlin before you go. Me, Gwen, and the knights are going to have dinner in my chambers tonight. So, you will need to work a bit longer.” Merlin felt tears coming to his eyes once again. Not only had Leon and Lancelot denied going to the tavern with him, but they had also lied to him and now Merlin needed to be present as a servant during that lie.
Merlin nodded to Arthur. “Of course, sire. Anything else?” Merlin wanted to wash his mouth with soap each time he spoke the word ‘sire’ to Arthur when they were alone. It was one thing to do it in front of other nobles, but he never used to refer to Arthur as ‘sire’ or ‘my lord’ before when it was just them. And the worst part was, Arthur did not seem to care. He hasn’t given Merlin any reaction to being called ‘sire’ by him.
“No, that would be all.” Arthur said, turning his focus back to his papers. Merlin turned around, leaving his chambers. He walked as fast as he could down to the washing-room. He placed the basket down, looked around, when he was sure he was alone he fell to his knees and cried.
When Merlin managed to gather himself enough, he looked out and saw that the sun was setting. It was time for Arthur’s dinner. He left the basket with Arthur’s laundry, thinking that he could do it after dinner.
Merlin went to the kitchen and asked for help about the dinner. He and a lovely maid, Anna, brought up the dinner to Arthur’s chambers. When they arrived were some of the knights already there. Anna had asked Merlin on their way there if he was feeling alright, he had only shrugged and said that he was tired. Merlin was afraid that his eyes had swollen, therefore he made sure to take a look at himself in one of the mirrors they passed by. He looked tired with dark circles under his eyes, but no swelling from his crying could be seen.
They both stepped into the chamber silently, starting to set the table as the others sat around the table. Gwen, being the lovely woman as she was, greeted Merlin and Anna, asking them how their day were, as if she was still a servant herself and not the queen. Gwen smiled at Merlin, at least she had not left him, but she was however also more distant, or maybe that was just because he wasn’t with Arthur as much.
When they were done setting the table, all the guests had arrived. Anna filled their cups then she went to stand bedside Merlin. Merlin also held a pitcher with wine, cheaper wine, that he was going to poor in later, when they were too drunk to notice the taste.
None of the knights had greeted him when they came, which hurt of course, but he was starting to get used to it. Now however he had Anna. They had a silent conversation going, she even made Merlin laugh at one time. Merlin quickly got embarrassed as he realized that he was a bit to loud, as it had made some of the knights’ heads turn towards them. Anna put a hand on his arm trying too silent him. But she giggled as she did.
Even how much Merlin didn’t want Anna to leave. She was needed in the kitchen, and she had already stayed for to long. As she put the pitcher down at a table beside Merlin, he whispered to her.
“Thank you, really.” She meet his eyes and they both blushed.
“It was nothing. That is what you have friend’s for.” Then she left. That made something twist in his stomach. The word echoed in his head ‘that is what you have friend’s for.’ It was not that he didn’t see her as a friend before, but now he saw her as a closer friend than he saw himself with anyone else in the room.
He never remembered that a servant had helped him setting the table before, and someone who had stayed to talk with him. But that was because he had talked with the ones at the table. But now even though she wasn’t needed, she stayed, simply because she enjoyed Merlin’s company, because they were friends.
The ones seated was not even halfway through their food when Anna had left, and Merlin already felt how he wanted to leave. None of them looked at him, none of them invited him into the conversation like they used to. He had never been seated with them, but he had stood closer to them, constantly adding comments that would make the rest of them laugh. He tightened his grip around the pitcher, staring out through the window in front of him, whishing he was out there instead of here.
Merlin had cleared the table of dishes. The evening had continued as it began, no one spoke to him or even looked at him. Except for Gwen, she had given him a small smile two times during the dinner. Merlin felt his own stomach longing for food. But that was not his main reason of why he wanted to get out of there, he needed to get away from them. He could not stand it, watching them enjoy their evening, while he himself was being tortured by his own thoughts.
When Merlin had poured the last of the wine into Gwaine’s cup he decided to make is leave after that. He knew there was a lot more to the evening, that they would stay there at least one more hour before the first one would give in and leave for their own chambers. Merlin realized he would much rather have Arthur scream at him for leaving the cups there under the night than to stay there one more second.
When he grabbed the dishes did Guinevere turn to him. “Are you leaving so soon Merlin?” Merlin was startled by the question, of course he was going to leave, no one even acted as if he was there. The question almost made him drop the silverware, Arthur shoots him a look at the movement, looking at him as if he was the worst servant in the castle. Three months ago, that look would not mean anything to Merlin, he might even have laughed at it, but now, it hurt, it hurt more than Merlin would be able to tell them. He gathered himself and met Gwen’s kind eyes.
“Yes, your majesty. Unless you want something else” Merlin said, hoping for dear life that she wouldn’t. “No of course not.” Merlin then went on with his movement towards the door. Gwen’s question had managed to silence the whole table, he could feel their eyes on him.
“But Merlin. I was just wondering, have you been sleeping alright? You look tired.” Merlin turned around facing the queen. He had been standing there, helping them the whole evening, doing everything a servant is meant to do, only for them to question his appearance. Merlin felt anger rising in him. But he kept his face normal, not letting any of his feelings show.
“I’m alright, thank you. Just have had a few bad nights of sleep. No if you’ll excuse me, I’ll take my leave.” Merlin kept his voice even, impressing himself as he did. “Of course, Merlin, sleep well.” Gwen said, once again giving him the warmest of smiles. Merlin pushed up a smile himself, then he turned to leave.
He went to the kitchen and left the dishes. He looked for Anna, maybe she could lighten his mood, but when he did not find her, he went to Gaius chambers. On his way there he thought a thought he never thought he would think ‘maybe I should quit as Arthur’s manservant.’ He stopped in his steps, surprised by himself to even think that. He pushed the thought away, telling himself that Arthur still needed him. But the thought did not go away.
After thinking about it for five days he decided to talk to Gaius about it. He explained that he could protect Arthur if he stayed in Camelot by being Gaius apprenticed at full-time. Gaius was skeptical about it, asking Merlin to think about it for a bit more before he did anything drastic.
Two days after that did Merlin write a letter, asking to quit. Gaius raised his eyebrow at Merlin when he sat at the dinner table writing it, but Merlin told him it was for the best. After all it had been their friendship who had kept him as Arthur manservant. He enjoyed the small moment when he could tease Arthur and the time he sheared with him in the armory, but those times were gone, along with their friendship.
Dear Arthur.
I thought this day would never come. I would like to resign.
I have during the past months understood that I am in fact replaceable, and I am sure that you will find another servant to fill my roll.
I once thought that you saw me as something more than a servant, but I can see now that I was wrong. And if I have done anything wrong, sorry.
And even though I am not willing to accept it, Gaius is getting older. It would be good for him with a full-time apprentice.
Yours always
Merlin.
Merlin folded the letter and put it in his pants, he decided to give it to him after the meeting at the council.
Merlin stood a few meters behind Arthur where he was sitting at the table. It had been a long meeting and Merlin found himself grateful that Arthur no longer used to talk to Merlin about how he felt during the council meetings anymore, because Merlin saw how Arthur’s jaw twitche. Merlin thinks that Gwen has taken over that role, being there listening to Arthur rant about the old nobles. Arthur’s voice brought him back into reality.
“Then it’s settled I and some knights will ride out as quick as we can, looking into the matter. You’re all dismissed.” No one needed to ask which knights he would bring it was obvious that it would be the knights of the round table. The members of the council started to walk out.
Merlin went up to Arthur holding the letter in his hands. “Merlin prepper the horses, we leave as soon as possible.”
“Sire, I think you should have this first.” Merlin began, showing Arthur the letter. Merlin did not want to join them on this quest, he would rather be home with Gaius, sorting herbs or something. Arthur glanced at the latter then waved with his hand.
“I’m sure it can wait. Place it on my desk and I will look at it tomorrow.” Arthur waved his hand to Merlin to dismiss him, but Merlin stood his ground. “Arthur please, just read it now.”
“Merlin what does you not understand? Go and prepper the horses, we are losing valuable time!” Merlin looked at Arthur with disgust. He was screaming at him over something so foolish as a letter. Merlin did not say anything else, he quickly hurried himself out of there and began prepper the horses.
Gaius came out and helped him. Gaius tried to get Merlin on better thoughts, for him to see this as an opportunity to end his era with the king and the knights, and to enjoy it while it lasted. Merlin was grateful for Gaius care, but he knew that he was not going to enjoy this trip, no matter how hard he tried.
When Merlin was done did the king and his knights come down the stairs in shining armor. They all went to their horses, barley noticing Merlin and Gaius’s presence. They all got up on their horses, awaiting Arthur to start riding of.
“Come on Merlin, get up on your horse.” Arthur said from upon his horse, looking like the king he was, brave and strong. Merlin quickly shoot him a glance, then looked back at Gaius as they went in for a hug.
“See what I mean?” Merlin whispered during their embrace. Gaius whispered back to him.
“Try and enjoy it as long as it last, tomorrow it will all be gone.” Merlin huffed and let go of his Mentor. Arthur and the knights slowly turned away from the courtyard, Arthur waving goodbye to Gwen, who stood on top of the stairs. Merlin got up on his horse and rode after them.
Merlin was riding at the back of the group, trying to enjoy being out in the nature, feeling the magic surrounding him. He kept an eye on Arthur during the journey making sure that he was safe. The knights were laughing along to some bad jokes as they rode.
Then seemingly out of nowhere screams was heard. They came from everywhere, all around them, they were trapped. “On me!” did Arthur scream to his men. They all jumped down from their horses and closed in on their king, placing themselves to keep him safe.
Merlin looked for a tree nearby to hide behind and to assist to the battel, trying to give the knights the upper hand. But there was already to many bandits, there was no where he could go where he wouldn’t run into one and putting himself in danger for exposing himself. He therefore went up to the knights, placing himself beside Lancelot. Lancelot took Merlin by the arm and dragged him closer the circle the men had created.
As Merlin looked around, he quickly concluded that there was to many, they stood no chance. The bandits kept coming. His fears were confirmed when he heard Arthur scream. “For the love of Camelot!” Merlin knew that he only screamed that when he actually feared for his life. The knights repeated Arthur’s line with their own screams and become more forceful in their actions. Merlin however did not scream, because what he was about to do was not for the love of Camelot, it was for the love of his friends.
Merlin took a step away from the circle of knights, preparing himself, letting his magic flow through him. Lancelot grabbed him by the arm and tried to drag him back into the circle. Merlin looked at Lancelot and for the first time in three months did it feel like Lancelot did care for him, to sad it was to late. Merlin pushed Lancelot’s hand away and took several steeps out from the safe circle, drawing all of the attention of the bandit to himself.
“No! Merlin!” Did Lancelot scream. No of the others had seen it happened, but when they heard Lancelot’s scream and noticed that the bandit shifted their attention, they turned to look.
Merlin then held up his arms and screamed “furculiţă.” His eyes turned golden.
A strong wind came from where Merlin stood, sweeping all of the bandits in front of him to their feet. Some of the bandits hit trees and rocks, making their necks break, others where wounded by the fall.
Merlin heard screams come from behind him, he turned around and saw more bandits come running towards him. He put out his arms once again, looking at two big branches. His eyes turned golden once again, draining the blue out of his eyes. The branches broke and landed on the front row of the men who came running. When the other bandits had seen his golden eyes, did they turn around and started running the other way.
Merlin let his arms down as he looked after the men running away. He let his magic feel the place, looking for other possible bandits trying to attack him or his friends. When the adrenaline disappeared, realization hit him. It all happened so fast.
He had used magic in front of the knights. In front of Arthur!
Merlin quickly turned around, gold could still be seen in his eyes as blue tried to come back. Merlin only looked at them, fear covering his face. This was it.
Three months ago Merlin would be certain that he would not have to face death because of his gift, the wors possible outcome would have been banishment, which is as bad as death in Merlin’s eyes. But then Merlin had also thought that Arthur might let him stay, he had seen that Arthur was a changed man, he did not despise magic users as much as his father.
But now, with Arthur only seeing him as a servant, he was doomed. It was as if Merlin already could feel the fire covering his body.
He looked at them, but his eyes did not register anything it saw. He could not tell if there was betrayal, anger, disgust, or sadness on any of their faces. Before any of them said anything, or so much moved a muscle, Merlin felt himself running.
His feet carried him away from the scene, where Merlin just had used his magic to kill all the bandits, that the finest knights of Camelot even couldn’t handle. This was not how Merlin wanted it to be done.
He ran. If anyone was screaming for him, he could not hear them. Merlin knew where his feet was taking him, even though he hadn’t commanded them to. They were taking him back to Camelot. Now any other sorcerer would call him a fool, even a non-sorcerer would call him that, but Merlin knew that he could never leave Camelot. Even if all his friends would turn him away, and never so much as look at him again, he knew that a life in Camelot in the dungeons, was better than a life outside of Camelot. Even no life, was better than a life outside of Camelot.
All Merlin could think of, was one last hug from Gaius. To thank him one last time, and to tell him how sorry he is for everything. To one last time feel Gaius embrace, feeling loved and wanted.