Chapter Text
Elsa was always there. Even if Anna could ignore her presence -and she never could despite her attempts to do just that, Elsa was all-pervading to Anna’s mind. This fact was slow to dawn on Anna. Like the sunrise or sunset that plays in the background until you are suddenly encompassed by light or plunged into darkness, Elsa’s consistency made Anna’s senses dull to Elsa’s presence until it, too, either fully encompassed her or left her bereft. Even when in the full embrace of Elsa’s being, such constants in life are never truly recognized until there is a moment when said constants are suddenly gone, as Anna would dreadfully discover.
Though, even when Elsa would physically disappear from Anna’s sight and life, Anna would find her hard to really forget. Elsa’s presence would still permeate throughout Anna’s experiences regardless of Elsa’s physical presence or even emotional tie to Anna. Anna, again, would not realize this fact until it too slowly crept up on her like a slight breeze of air settling across her skin. A breeze only noticeable enough when it’s perpetual being raises goosebumps to alert of a draft’s existence. An extra, physical sign is almost always necessary to bring attention to what was always there, but which never had any notice. Yes, when looking back to their relationship and prior to even really knowing Elsa as she would come to do, Anna could not think of a time when there was no Elsa – not a time that truly mattered, not for her at least.
For Elsa, the same could be said about Anna. Anna was not someone Elsa ever saw herself forgetting. From the beginning, Anna’s ever presence was much more obvious to Elsa than her own presence was to Anna. Anna radiated a warmth and comfort that matched the sun. A cliché and overused thought when it came to Anna, in Elsa’s opinion, but only because of the truth it held. If Elsa could think of a better analogy, or if anyone could offer a better one, she’d gladly ask to use it. The closest so far had been when she heard Andrew Garfield describe Emma Stone as a shot of expresso. Elsa had paused her actions and listened to that whole interview identifying with his description and how she felt around Anna immensely; however, even Mr. Garfield had briefly mentioned the sun and it’s warmth by way of sunlight to describe a person’s ability to be so full of positive life. There was no other way to describe Anna other than as someone who added to life in the best way possible – simple and just and good. So, as clichéd and overused as the description and analogy was for Anna in Elsa’s opinion, if Anna was the sun, Elsa revolved around her as any object who grew too close would. Without meaning to and without paying direct attention, Anna was there. Even while making her own rotation, Elsa would always be aware of Anna, even if not always by choice.
Anna had a very different background compared to Elsa. Anna came from old money. Elsa came from new money. Well, not technically. Elsa’s father grew up in the world of the wealthy with his own father mentoring him. Elsa’s mother, however, came from the other side of the train tracks, metaphorically speaking. Elsa’s mother was an orphan who had been taken in by a family friend. A woman of same age as her parents. Elsa’s mother would never really knew the exact connection the woman had to her parents, but she would find familial love and comfort from the woman nonetheless. The woman was stoic but patient and wise. Still, Elsa’s mother was left to her own devices and had to pave her own destiny. Along the way, Elsa’s mother would work her way up in the world enough to end up at the same place as Elsa’s father.
Elsa’s parents would meet, grow close, marry, and then create their own family. Elsa’s mother would be a grounding force for Elsa’s father. Like a breath of fresh air and a splash of cold water, Elsa’s mother would wake him up to the world outside of his own. Elsa’s father would be invigorated by the freedom and passion of Elsa’s mother to be inspired to leave the world of old money behind. His own father would disown him after Elsa’s father would choose a life with her mother over promised fortune and inheritance. Together, they would work their way up and back up to be as well off as Elsa’s father would have been had he chosen his old life over Elsa’s mother. He and his wife would choose not to re-enter the world of wealth despite their riches. Elsa would be raised modestly and with more inspiration from her mother’s past than her father’s. Her father would still have a heavy influence in Elsa’s behavior. While immersed in her mother’s reality, she’d find herself relating more to her father. Elsa would experience the world without privilege, though, she would ironically have the privilege of her parents’ money behind her if she so needed.
Anna, in contrast, never knew her parents. She would be raised by her extremely wealthy and influential grandfather after her young parents died in a storm while traveling in the family private jet. Anytime she’d ask her grandfather about them he’d grow irate and lash out on whatever furniture or closest object he could find. Eventually she stopped asking. No one else around the estate dared to mention her parents either. She’d grow up never knowing their names, what they looked like, or having closure over their absence. She’d develop a fear of flying and abandonment as a result. Her grandfather would see her as nothing more than a pawn for negotiations when she was of appropriate age to benefit his business deals. She’d often feel purposeless and lost, but then none of her other wealthy friends had close relationships with their own relatives and they were alive! So, soon, she learned to make the best of being unattached to anyone until she found someone who would want her and fight for her.
She’d be left to her own devices as a child. Raised by estate staff, the head maid and butler would become closer to parental and authoritative figures for her than her own grandfather. She’d nickname her grandfather her manager, for that’s all he seemed to be for her. He’d manage her life and give denial or approval to her schedule and activities, but he would never engage with her or get to know her. As a result, she’d become quite rebellious and rambunctious. The head maid and butler would be her grounding force. Their influence being the reason she’d never go too far, be too impolite, or too reckless. If not for them, Anna would be exactly like the spoiled and bratty peers of wealth and old money who surrounded her. She gives the credit for being anywhere decent and less prejudiced to her beloved head maid and butler, but they would always be quick to remind her that she has a choice to listen and care for others as well. They’d tell her that her own positive choices shouldn’t be overlooked or discounted, giving Anna confidence in her own actions when they contrasted with those of her grandfather’s wishes. Allowing her to promise herself that she would do better if gifted her own partner and family. She’d start by being a good person, a good friend, and then keep looking for the next right thing in life until the void left by a lack of family was filled.
Upon meeting Elsa, Elsa would notice this in Anna. Anna’s effort in recognizing consequences and genuinely make connections with others would show Anna as a diamond in the rough amongst the wealthy elite. Elsa would immediately be drawn to Anna’s kind and open temperance lacked by the rest of the wealthy whom she’d be introduced. In return, Anna would recognize Elsa as someone who didn’t look straight past her. Elsa would be someone who also ignored status and the superficial to actually see Anna as a person. Elsa would be the first to actively try and understand Anna without first disregarding her as a stereotype of wealthy or airheaded. Anna wouldn’t be a rebel without a cause to Elsa the way she was seen by her peers. Elsa would identify why Anna was Anna without judgement. Anna would notice that Elsa’s genuine interest is something she never truly experienced in her own life. A maid and butler who grew to care for Anna as a result of being around her due to the nature of their job is very different from meeting a person who wants to be around her just for the sake of personal interest. A bond would thus be created between them unmatched by any other friendship the two would come to know. Still, their backgrounds would constantly force an appearance as a reminder of how different the two essentially were.
Entering into the world of wealth and influence would leave Elsa isolated. Compared to the comfort and acceptance of the lower- and middle-class world, Elsa would find it hard to cope in the world of the upper-class and predominantly wealthy. Never knowing the feeling outside the walls of the wealthy elite, Anna would never be able to understand the effect isolation had on Elsa. Anna had dealt with and ignored the loneliness brough by wealth easily enough (in her mind) up to Elsa’s appearance in her life. Anna couldn’t understand why the ostracization had such an effect on Elsa when they had each other at the very least. Though she would try to support and validate Elsa’s feelings when this reality presented itself, Anna would feel frustrated at Elsa’s willingness to give into the loneliness. She’d never really comprehend Elsa’s need to address the seclusion rather than ignore it and keep moving forward.
Anna never turned away or ignored what or how Elsa felt when Elsa expressed herself. The problem for the two would be when Elsa pulled away and chose not to express herself. Elsa was not very comfortable with her emotions where Anna wore hers on her sleeve. Attempt at navigating the difference in emotional approach when young and inexperienced would prove a pain point in the early years of the two’s relationship. Still, it was a difference that Anna was confident they could get through together, and Elsa wholeheartedly agreed. But, when you are young and thus lack the experience to be able to explain the outside world to someone else’s reality, you only have two real options. The first being to leave. The reason for leaving most likely being to try and find peace with someone who does understand or to try and be content with loneliness that the one person you wanted to understand didn’t. The blame for them not understanding would either fall on you for not being able to help them or be pointed towards them for not caring enough. (Anna, of course, would never take the fault in Elsa’s mind.) The second option being you doing your best to protect that person. You try and shield their reality from the harshness of the reality YOU know exists. You’re young and thus see no compromise or middle ground to the differences in life journeys and understandings.
Elsa, as it would turn out, would attempt to turn to the latter whenever she could. They promise to try and be there for one another come what may. Of course, in their youth the promise was not made with deep words such as that, but the understanding and meaning was still there in their actions and in what they felt. Without being able to comprehend the depths of their emotions, they would each know what feelings those emotions evoked, within themselves and one another. They also respected one another too much to put each other in harm’s way – whatever that meant. Elsa would protect Anna with all that she could do. Similarly, Anna would stand by Elsa as long as Elsa needed her. Off to the side, behind her, or right with her, Anna would be what Elsa needed.
What Elsa did not prepare for was when the two above-mentioned options overlapped. It never occurred to her that maybe one day she would have to leave Anna to protect Anna. Of course, Anna would face her own surprise. How could Anna be what Elsa needed if she did not always know what Elsa needed? How could Anna be prepared for the fear of not knowing what Elsa needed? And, finally, what would happen if what Elsa needed was to not be with or around Anna? Each would question if a relationship in any nature could survive and if any two such people could be as close as each wanted to be with when the other provided this analysis. Add in other life complications, obstacles, and people fighting against them, and Elsa would roll her eyes while Anna would sigh in frustration at anyone who would compare their situation to Romeo and Juliet while deeming it anywhere near romantic.
There was nothing romantic or fair wherever the two lay their scene. Even at the resolution of their most troubled ordeals, any type of relationship takes hard work – and, with these two, maintaining a lack of relationship and interest would be just as much work as maintaining any kind of true connection with one another.
Elsa thinks the world cannot be changed. She fights for it anyway, hoping that she is wrong. If she can make a difference and the world can be changed, she accepts that it only will be so after she is long gone and after sacrifice. Anna has always been her own force in the world. It's easy when she has the means and nothing seemingly in her way. She wants to show Elsa how easy choosing yourself and each other can be while making a difference in the world. Elsa vows to protect Anna from the blinders Anna's own privilege's have provided to make Anna such an optimistic force. Anna vows to show Elsa that life can be enjoyed even while acknowledging the bad it may bring. Anna isn't as naïve as Elsa thinks. Elsa is more willing to follow her heart than Anna believes, she just needs the freedom to do so.