Chapter Text
“…What?” Elphaba asks incredulously, raising her eyebrows as she glances up from her book. It’s the first thing that Galinda has said all night to take her roommate’s attention from her nighttime routine. “Are you…joking?”
Galinda giggles as she prances from her side of the room to Elphaba’s, pushing aside her legs to make adequate room for the frills of her fluffiest nightgown. “Obviously not, Elphie. The math works out—”
“—What maths, Galinda—”
“—and I’ve figured out that the easiest way to make you popular,” she continues amidst Elphaba’s protests, although she is secretly pleased at the attention, “is to have you date a popular person. And…who better than I!”
It’s a foolproof plan. She goes into it in great detail (“Surely you’ve dated before, Elphie, it’s just the same!”) and by the end Elphaba has all but agreed (“No. Absolutely not.”).
However in truth, and unbeknownst to her friend, Galinda has a much more nefarious agenda in mind.
See, there are several problems:
- Elphaba is unpopular. This is simply unacceptable, and as her beloved best friend, it is entirely upon Galinda’s shoulders to amend this.
- Fiyero, as popular and somewhat desirable as he is, also happens to be a bit of an airhead. And that was coming from her! However, this did not stop him from pursuing her, so she had to find a way to get him to knock it off.
- Galinda…perhaps, just a tiny bit, likes Elphaba more than she would like a roommate. Or a friend. Or a best friend. In short, Galinda Upland always gets what she wants, and for some Oz-awful reason, she desperately wants her prickly, bookworm roommate.
The plan was probably more to Galinda’s benefit than Elphaba’s, if she’s entirely honest. Because the biggest reason why she wanted to do this was staring her right in the face with the most perplexed expression settling on her striking features: Elphaba, despite her academic excellence, was a thickheaded idiot.
Galinda had been trying, for some time, to get Elphaba to ask her out, to no avail. It simply wasn’t right for Galinda to ask herself, because that simply wasn’t who she was. She was a person of gentle, delicate courting, and her attempts at flirting so far had ended up sailing right over her roommate’s head entirely.
“You’re beautiful, Miss Elphaba,” she said almost every single day, sprinkling in other compliments here and there, and yet, without fail, Elphaba would continuously find some way to disagree with every single one of them. Galinda couldn’t be any more obvious! Oz, it was basically impossible!
Flirting under the pretense of dating meant that Galinda could escalate from ‘subtle’ to ‘basically begging’ much, much faster, due to the graveness of the situation, and it was this urgency that would eventually allow for Elphaba to finally open her stupidly gorgeous green eyes to the truth, and she’d finally grow half a brain and ask her out.
Foolproof, wasn’t it? Galinda quite prided herself on her plans.
“You…want to pretend to date me,” Elphaba frowns, her gaze turning back to the book in her lap, much to Galinda’s dismay. The most riveting idea she had ever thought of, for Elphaba’s own gain (as she framed it, anyway), and yet it was still impossible to tear her away from her literature. “That sounds like a very, very bad idea.”
“I don’t see what’s so bad about it,” Galinda huffs, shuffling closer to subtly divert Elphaba’s attention back to her again. It works— Galinda notes this with glee— and Elphaba regards her with a raised eyebrow. “I think it’s worth a try. Everyone will love you if they think I do, don’t you think?”
If they think I do. It was already humiliating being the one desperately in love, instead of the other way around, but with someone so steadfastly against the idea of being loved? It was excruciating. Sometimes, with the way Pfannee and Shenshen stare at her in disbelieving fear whenever Galinda’s eyes unwillingly follow her roommate’s figure across the room, she thinks that the only person who doesn’t know is…well, Elphaba.
(And Fiyero, maybe, but she didn’t entirely care about him in the present moment.)
The green girl’s cheeks darken as she flushes and turns away. “Well, it’s true that many of them lack the ability to think for themselves.”
Galinda takes this as a yes. “Yes! So we’re doing it, right?”
“I admit, I’m absolutely at a loss as to how you’re going to be able pretend to like me enough for this to work.”
Oh, sweet, oblivious Elphaba. “It’ll be totally easy,” Galinda says, thinking the entire opposite. For someone so used to having suitors fall to their knees in front of her, this particular situation was almost painfully aggravating.
This…would be fine. Surely. Galinda was nothing if not almost annoyingly optimistic.
‘Fake dating’ would entail almost nothing new, for the most part. Just about immediately after the whole Ozdust Ballroom debacle, their relationship had made a sudden leap from an almost childish rivalry to what can really only be described as a best friendship for the ages.
Galinda— who, contrary to popular belief, did not actually have anyone she held to the same high esteem as she did Elphaba— used this as an opportunity to be as close to the green girl as possible. Literally. This was surprisingly not difficult at all— Elphaba, unfamiliar with the concept of friendship as a whole, simply accepted this as the basis of their relationship, and just about tolerated it.
(Although, ‘tolerated’ could be a stretch. While Elphaba was more than vocal about her apparent distaste for Galinda’s physical affections— “Miss Galinda, do you really need to be lounging on my bed?”— she never made any moves to stop it.
In a giddy, hopeful way, Galinda thought that she might actually like it.)
Despite her ditzy exterior and general personality, Galinda was not stupid. There was admiration, and there was yearning, and she knew exactly which one applied to this situation. Truth be told, it should have been obvious from the beginning— even during the more contentious rivalry that coloured the beginning of their days at Shiz— that “loathing” was less of a definition and more of a misspelling. A few letters in the wrong place, if she let herself think of it in that way.
She certainly did not loathe Elphaba at all. In fact, she did quite the opposite. It was simply the idea of her that was so infuriating, but the girl herself? Oz, Elphaba is gorgeous. And that was no exaggeration, despite the green girl’s protests to the contrary. One would have to be blind to deny it, and Galinda is naturally drawn to beauty— truly, it was a matter of time.
“So, here’s what we do,” Galinda cracks her knuckles, stretched across Elphaba’s bed like a cat in the midday sunlight, tapping her favourite glitter pen against her favourite pink paper. “We pretend to date for, say, 3 months. We tell everyone. And then we act super cuddly in the public. And then we also have to kiss.”
Elphaba, at her desk as usual, turns to her in mortification. “Okay, first of all: what. Second of all: what. And third of all: what?”
“Oz, you really are a prude,” she groans. “Publicity? Affection? Kissing? You haven’t done anything interesting in your life, have you? Never dated a guy to climb the social status?”
“If anyone wanted to date a head of broccoli, maybe I would have,” snarks Elphaba, turning back to her paper. “Do we seriously have to do this? Is there not any other way? I still don’t know why you want to—”
“Because I’m the most amazing best friend of all time.” Lie. “And I want you to be popular.” Lie. “And it’s totally entirely just for that.” Also lie. Three in a row! That might be a new record.
See, in the time since she’d created the first list, Galinda had realised several flaws with her plan:
- If Elphaba becomes popular, she might not hang out with Galinda anymore. This was very, very bad, because Galinda might be a little selfish and desperately wants Elphaba to herself.
- If Elphaba never figures out the true reason she started this, they would have to fake date forever or eventually fake break-up. And that means no hanging out with Elphaba anymore.
- If Elphaba doesn’t ever manage to ask her out, like she’s planned, Galinda might explode. This is a very, very real possibility, because despite her glasses, Elphaba is so incredibly oblivious. And stupid. And pretty. Gah! Galinda! Focus!
Mostly, the major flaw was underlined in glitter and sparkles: NO MORE ELPHABA.
This was, of course, bad. Galinda thought she might implode at the thought— after so long (a month) around her, the prospect of living without the exasperating bookworm that took up so much of her brain space was entirely unfathomable.
“You’re insane,” Elphaba’s voice jolts her from her thoughts. There’s a crease between her eyebrows, as she frowns at the book under her fingers. It’s a deliriously adorable sight, and Galinda feels a sudden urge to scream. “There’s no way this is going to work.”
“Too late, you agreed,” she grins with a dramatic flourish. Inwardly, she groans. “Now, come on. I have an extensive game plan.”
(It’s a three-pointer, as most of Galinda’s lists are. She can’t entirely stand to write nor read more than that. )
Step one: Spread the news to everyone.
“Is this really necessary?“
“Obviously, Elphie. Keep up! If nobody knows we’re dating, how are you going to be popular?”
“…Hmph.”
Step two: Become masters of PDA.
“This, of course, isn’t a huge problem for me. As you well know.”
“Considering you’re stuck to my arm right now, Miss Galinda, yes. I am far more than familiar with your ways.”
Step three: Learn to kiss—
“Okay, wait, hold on,” Elphaba sits up at this, frowning as she pulls up the paper. “I thought you were kidding about this part.”
“Why would I kid about this? I never joke about anything. I’m very serious, Elphie, you know this.”
Elphaba’s eyebrows raise high enough to disappear under the loose strands of hair that are draped across her forehead in an unfairly effortless and gorgeous way, and Galinda seethes. “I’m going to ignore that, on account of the obtuse lie you’ve just shamelessly told me. But, seriously, Galinda. Isn’t this too much?”
“It’s never too much,” says Galinda, at the same time she thinks that this might not be enough. By Oz, Elphaba is so clueless. For someone with such big glasses and a wide scope of knowledge, she was so frustratingly blind. At this point, Galinda might have to hire a plane to write the words Elphaba Thropp, just ask me out already, Oz damn it, for the green girl to recognise her obvious affections. “Listen. We’re making you popular, no matter what. Just because I’m the bestest best friend ever.”
Her roommate rolls her eyes and tuts, dropping the paper back on the bed before retreating to her side of the room. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, I suppose.”
So, that’s a yes!
Galinda mentally cracks her knuckles (she can’t physically do it a second time, what if she ruins her perfect hands?), and carefully constructs a second, secret plan— Operation: Fake Dating That Will Hopefully Turn to Real Dating. Step one: Start off subtle.
“But you’ll kiss me, right?”
Okay, so maybe ‘subtle’ isn’t in the cards.
“Galinda.”
“Oh, fine,” Galinda sighs, falling back onto the bed. Oz, Elphaba’s pillow smells like her. She’s going insane. “We don’t have to kiss. At least, not now. But at least by the third month. Or, we can—”
“I’m not practising kissing with you,” Elphaba deadpans. Damn it.
Galinda drops her head in her hands. This…was going to be a long, long, long three months.
Month one: So, rough start.
- Elphaba is being awkward. Galinda is being awkward. This is not normal behaviour for two people who are supposed to be dating.
- Everyone keeps talking about them. This is…good? Like, this is what Galinda wanted to happen. So, it should be a good thing that it is happening.
- Suddenly, Galinda has zero confidence at all!
The library is abuzz with the news, and Galinda flicks her notebook shut as soon as Elphaba appears in the peripheral of her vision (there are…a number of pink hearts around glittered initials that she would never let her gorgeously annoying roommate see), and she scoots aside to allow for the green girl to sit with her.
“I feel like everyone’s watching us,” she mutters, pulling out her books and collapsing into the seat beside her. Her hair is, as usual, meticulously braided and curled over her shoulder.
Galinda hums, and casts a glance towards everyone else. It’s true— there are more eyes on them than usual, and that’s saying something, with how often Galinda is stared at. So far, the plan is working. “Well, that was the whole point, wasn’t it? Now they’re talking, and now they see you with me. This is the first step to popularity.”
Despite her words, Galinda feels a sense of unease with all of the eyes. This is uncommon, as Galinda is more than used to being watched, as the crown jewel and centre of attention of many in Shiz, but for some unknown reason there’s a strange squirming in her chest as people peek at them from behind their books. It’s not like she’s ashamed of being with Elphaba; everyone is just about used to seeing them together now that they were best friends, but this was…different. Probably because they were ‘dating’.
Who knows. But…it wasn’t enough, she thinks.
“Elphie. Come here. Hold my hand.”
”What? I need it to to write—”
“Just do it, for Oz’s sake! You can write with your other hand!” Elphaba continues to protest, until Galinda gives up and grabs the hand herself. Her hand is warm, and strangely soft, and also home to some terrifyingly long nails. (She tries not to think of what that might mean.) “See, this isn’t so bad. It’s just like usual.”
Elphaba glances at their hands, and then out at the student body, before looking back at her. “Well, the implications state otherwise—”
“Elphaba, I don’t care about the implications. Just do your writing. It’s working!”
New problem: It’s working.
While this seems to be a good thing, considering her earlier words, Galinda is now considering swallowing her pride and admitting that she’s not entirely happy at how things are working out. Sure, Fiyero has stopped his advances towards her, and has instead revealed himself to be quite the companion. But, people are starting to be friendly towards Elphaba (although not fawning over her as they do Galinda), like smiling at her, laughing with her, and—
There’s a sudden pain in her palm, and Galinda yelps as she releases her fist from their iron grip around her pen, glancing down to see crescent indents in her skin from her nails. Oz, maybe this situation is a little more dire than she originally thought. There’s something maddening about it, which in turn was confusingly annoying. Galinda wasn’t selfish, or at least she hoped she wasn’t. She wanted Elphaba to be popular, because she was her best friend, and no best friend of Galinda’s was going to be unpopular and unliked.
But…not too popular, hopefully, because as much as Galinda pretended to enjoy the presence of others, she would probably die if Elphaba spent too long away from their dorm room.
As of late, even before the fake dating, Galinda had broken her usual ritual of hanging out with Pfannee and Shenshen or whomever else after classes to make a direct beeline to their dorm room just to have a few hours with Elphaba before bed, even if those hours were spent in an amicable silence.
It seemed that her infatuation had overpowered her every other sense. It was known to the entire student body that the green girl excelled in the art of sorcery, and now she had Galinda put under her spell. The idea of this new habit being discarded as her original one had been was both ludicrous and also terrifying to her, and it occured suddenly that Galinda had to do everything possible to prevent this.
Nevertheless—
“—alinda. Galinda!”
Oh. There is a green blur in front of her face.
Galinda’s eyes come back into focus to the sight of Elphaba’s worried eyebrow-creases, and her pretty green lips drawn downwards. “Are you…okay? You’ve been staring into space for ten minutes now.”
Well. This dilemma was definitely a lot bigger than she originally thought.
“Of course, Elphie,” the blonde smiles easily, releasing her pen onto her desk and beaming at her. “I’m fine. Just thinking, maybe. About our plan.”
“Your plan. Are you regretting it yet?”
Yes. Sort of. “No. Are you?”
She only rolls her eyes in reply, before standing up and moving back to her side of the room. Galinda feels, suddenly, quite cold with her absence. “If you’re sure, then.”
The rest of the night is spent in their usual quietness, where Galinda hums along to whatever melody has stuck itself in her head, and Elphaba spends her time dutifully completing Madame Morrible’s extra Sorcery work, and some. Honestly, how long could one spend poring over words? It seemed so entirely…well, not useless, but unnecessary.
Jealousy is an ugly emotion, Galinda thinks, but unfortunately it is one she feels rather often with the presence of the ghastly books Elphaba keeps stacked haphazardly on her desk. But as usual, she simply lets her be. She’s happy with her books, as she will be happy in her newfound popularity, once it inevitably happens, after all of this.
Unless she finally learns to use those eyes of hers. Oz, please let this work.
The next few weeks are basically no different. Galinda attaches herself to Elphaba’s side, pink becomes synonymous with green, and eventually Elphaba is sought out by their fellow students and talked to just…like everyone else.
The green girl, despite initially expressing distaste with Galinda’s plan, seems to enjoy the fruit of its efforts— she comes back to their dorm with a smile on her face, and tells Galinda of the people who sit with her in the classes they don’t share. And Galinda is…happy for her.
Of course she is! What kind of best friend would she be if she weren’t? Elphaba seems so much happier now, and Galinda wants nothing more than to see her smile.
She has a pretty smile. And Galinda likes seeing it, even if it’s….because of someone else. Because at the end of the day, it’s her that Elphaba is fake dating, after all. And her who gets to see the sweet look on her face in front of everyone else, and her who gets to hold her hand between classes—
Gah! Galinda! Focus!
She shakes her head and blinks out of a semi-conscious daydream involving Elphaba, long fields, and the beautiful sparkle in her eyes, before glancing up at the girl herself, who is laying in bed, propped up with pillows, with an open notebook on her lap.
It seems like it would be so easy to just lean over and tell her now. Tell her about the dreams she has of emerald skin and gentle smiles, tell her about how Galinda doesn’t actually want that damn prince because for some reason she just wants her.
Unfortunately, actually articulating it into words is proving to be rather difficult.
Hey, Elphie, remember how I said that fake dating was a good idea? Well, what about real dating?
Elphaba Thropp, you’re an idiot and I’m in love with you!
Are you absolutely sure we can’t practise kissing?
Horrible. Terrible. Ugh, is this what everyone else feels like? Elphaba is blind and so absolutely naive and so difficult to pursue, unlike Galinda’s long line of suitors, and yet Galinda did nothing but chase after her. Is this what all of the princes in all of her favourite books as a child felt, singing to their princess?
Well. None of their princesses were green, and stubborn, and gorgeous like Elphaba was. And Galinda had absolutely no experience in being the asker-outer, since most pined after her, instead of the other way around.
“You’re staring,” Elphaba says, and Galinda almost breaks her neck jolting out of her trance. “Are you alright, my sweet?”
What.
What?!
Ooh. This is bad. Galinda’s cheeks are suddenly as pink as her outfit. “…What?”
Elphaba turns to face her with a nervous smile, raking her fingers through her hair to sweep it into her signature braid. “Well, you said I’m not good enough at the whole ‘dating’ thing, so I decided to up my game. You like these little endearments, don’t you?” She hums, tapping her pen against her lip. “You don’t like it?”
On the contrary, Galinda thinks, she might like it a little too much.
“It’s good,” she says instead, tapping on blush to hide the very real one hiding on her face. “Yeah. It’s good.”
No, it’s really not. Elphaba knew how to use pet names now? Where was her nervously unsociable roommate? The prickly, stubborn girl who pretended to hate her with a burning passion at the beginning of their Shiz days? It was undoubtedly an adorable endearment, and in any other situation Galinda would have fawned over it, but right now she was trying not to develop a fever with how warm her face was getting.
Where did this come from?!
Oh, it’s bad. It’s bad. And this is just month one out of three!
“Okay, well, good,” Elphaba says, pushing her chair back from the desk, and holding out a hand. She takes it, and pulls the green girl into a hug, something that had very quickly become a staple of their relationship, even before the dating, and Elphaba hums and draws her closer.
She’s screwed. Galinda drops her head onto Elphaba’s shoulder, breathing in the scent of peppermint, and wishes desperately that she weren’t such a fool.