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  1. Tags
    Summary

    After Peter Parker, gets saved from a few too many kidnappings by Deadpool, people who have unconventional interests in the mercenary catch on to the fact that the photographer makes pretty good bait.

    Some light life upending ensues.

    Basically I couldn't stop laughing about the idea that the 'Peter Parker getting kidnapped' trope would lead to The Daily Bugle having to give Peter hazard pay or it would make their insurance insane. And thus I am here to provide Absolute Crack, taken absolutely seriously.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    70,771
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Comments:
    150
    Kudos:
    588
    Bookmarks:
    108
    Hits:
    8,142
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Peter is working his ass off just to make ends meet and somehow ends up working in a shady bar surrounded by even shadier people. However, college tuition and rent are a bitch, so what does he care if he's working for a money laundering scheme so long as his tips keep paying for his groceries and rent. Besides, the job has some perks in the form of who he's positive is, some kind of mercenary who seems to be single-handedly paying to keep his fridge stocked.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,846
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    226
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    3,096
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Deadpool already missed the contact. The funny haze in his head had faded minutes ago. He looked down at the corpses and, out of sheer frustration, crushed a skull under his boot. The crack of bone and brain matter splattering wasn’t enough. Not yet. He didn’t want to go back to boredom yet.
    He paced the office like a caged animal. He should’ve broken her ankle. He should’ve tied her to the railing.
    —Bad Deadpool. Stupid.
    He was about to let it go. He could head to Sister Margaret’s, drink his pay, maybe even start a bar fight. That’d distract him for a while. But then something hanging off a chair caught his attention. Just like her, that cheap bag didn’t belong here. Inside he found little: a makeup bag, a small notebook, and an office ID card.
    Deadpool grinned wide again. The fun wasn’t over.
    —Gentlemen, get ready to make worth the stalking tag.

    Or

    We know how the first month of that “friendship” went.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,719
    Chapters:
    2/3
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    26
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Deadpool ya extrañaba el contacto. La sensación chistosa en su cabeza se había disipado unos minutos atrás. Volvió su vista a los cadáveres y de pura frustración aplastó una cabeza con su bota. El cráneo hizo un estruendoso crack al reventarse y esparcir sus contenidos. Todavía no, Todavía no quería volver al aburrimiento.
    Deadpool recorrió la oficina como un animal enjaulado. Debió haberle roto un tobillo, debió haberla amarrado al barandal.
    —Deadpool malo. Estúpido.
    Iba a dejarlo pasar. Podría irse a Sister margaret’s y beberse la paga, tal vez incluso podría iniciar alguna pelea. Eso lo distraería un poco. Antes de irse, un objeto colgando de una silla le llamó la atención, tal y como ella, ese bolso barato lucía como algo que no debía estar allí. Al acercarse y abrirlo se encontró con poco: un estuche de maquillaje, una pequeña libreta y una tarjeta de identificación del edificio.
    Deadpool volvió a sonreír con fuerza. La diversión no había acabado.
    —Señores, prepárense para hacer valer el tag de stalking.

    O

    Conocemos como fue el primer mes de esa “amistad”

    Series
    Language:
    Español
    Words:
    12,279
    Chapters:
    2/3
    Hits:
    4
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Peter is grieving. Wade is not sure what to do.

    OR - Peter is dealing with Aunt May's death. His change in behavior leads him to be involved with a very nosy Wade. Wade helps him heal, but of course, grieving doesn’t magically go away.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,985
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    115
  6. Tags
    Summary

    So there I was, minding my own business (lying—it involved dynamite), when boom, science happens. Suddenly my healing factor’s dating Wolverine’s without permission, we can feel each other’s paper cuts, and some spooky government Power Rangers keep trying to bag us for parts.

    Turns out Killebrew’s back from the dead—or dying again, it’s hard to keep track—and he’s using our regenerative mojo to build himself the ultimate cure. Problem: if we don’t stop him, our bodies melt into one awkward man-hug forever.

    It’s gross, it’s violent, it’s possibly romantic. Mostly it’s Tuesday.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,455
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    8
    Hits:
    98
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Wade shows up at your house drunk and high.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,652
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    136
  8. Tags
    Summary

    In another universe, Wade Winston Wilson is just a normal human bartender. He has a normal human boyfriend, Logan, who works a normal human job as a high school history teacher. Unfortunately for them both, Logan notices that one of his students happens to look a lot like him... and he thinks he remembers her mom and dad.

    Wade does some digging. What he finds is not normal.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,559
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    26
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    281
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Peter has spent nearly the entirety of the last decade a slave. He's fought tooth and nail just to stay alive. When freedom finally comes, delivered by the many working hands of the great Pirate King, he'll do anything to keep freedom in his grip. Refusing to allow his status as an Omega define what he can and cannot do, Peter is determined to become one of the most revered pirates known to man - even if that means putting his own life on the line.

    Wade has been the feared King of the Pirates for more years now than he can count. When his hunt for Death throws an omega into his lap, he finds himself resisting the temptation to find joy in a life worth living. After all, love never lasts forever and heartache lasts a lifetime.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,311
    Chapters:
    6/10
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    227
    Bookmarks:
    60
    Hits:
    3,350
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Wade broke up with Peter, then disappeared for two months. Now he’s back, and Peter is losing his fucking mind over it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,400
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    301
    Bookmarks:
    39
    Hits:
    2,125
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Peter hosts a forgotten late-night radio show, where silence fills most of his shift, until a new segment is suddenly added to his routine, still no one is there, except for one, who keeps on calling.

    Wade is used to feeling alone, but something about the awkward, nerdy voice on the radio makes the nights a little easier.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,723
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    72
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    477
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Peter's been in Hydra custody for two years until a certain merc with a mouth crashes the party. Neither of them expected the other, but fate works in mysterious ways. They can't fix each other, but maybe they can be broken together. Maybe together, they can navigate vigilantism, grief, life, and a relationship that, for the first time, might last.
    .
    .
    .
    A completely self-indulgent fic that follows my own canon. I have a lot of ideas for this fic, so buckle up, this will be a wild ride. Title is a song. Sour Times - By Portishead | "nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,886
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    292
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Deadpool's just passing through a dusty town looking for work. A WANTED poster catches his eye, and so does the name "Spider-Man".
    A bounty worth $10,000 is more than enough reason to hang around.

    "I came to this dustball of a town to make ten grand and maybe shoot something. Instead, I got emotionally compromised by a sad farm twink with beautiful eyes and commitment issue. Send help. Or pie."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    0
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    239
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    1,720
  14. Tags
    Summary

    “I can’t believe you just called me gross though. Isn’t Spider-Man supposed to be nice and friendly?”

    Spidey shrugs, clearly not caring about being nice or friendly at that moment. “Maybe we should call it quits for tonight.”

    Wade actually feels disappointment bubbling in his stomach, but he can’t think of any good reasons for them to seek out criminals if there aren’t any out and about. “Sick of me already, baby?”

     

    or, The man who wants nothing more than to die meets the man who's trying to live again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,033
    Chapters:
    6/9
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    230
    Bookmarks:
    38
    Hits:
    3,255
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Wade Wilson has never seen himself as husband material. But after accidentally-on purpose marrying Peter the night they met, he's going to do everything he can to keep the man of his dreams in his life.

    --

    Or, Wade thinks Peter will only stick around if he provides food, security, and totally platonic cuddles.

    A story of secret identities, redemption, and learning how to love and be loved in return.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,443
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    273
    Kudos:
    804
    Bookmarks:
    148
    Hits:
    12,027
  16. Tags
    Summary

    In New York City's nefarious underworld, James Barnes reigns supreme, managing legitimate businesses, illicit activities, and a network of connections. Those in society respect James; he has the local law enforcement in the palm of his hand and is feared by those around him. He believes he needs no one and is content with his lot in life. Until a naive small-town girl becomes his personal assistant, as she unwittingly pulls him into unfamiliar territory, James finds himself navigating uncharted waters of emotion and desire.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    270,938
    Chapters:
    49/?
    Comments:
    210
    Kudos:
    208
    Bookmarks:
    80
    Hits:
    15,073
  17. Tags
    Summary

    There's cash in front of him, a briefcase full of it, to be more precise. There are also documents strewn over the table, containing all the proof needed to make it easier for Deadpool to accept the contract. There's also a photograph and a name: Peter Parker.

    Or: Deadpool's hired to kill Peter Parker, former CEO of the now bankrupt Parker Industries, and Wade decides he better ask his trusted superhero crush Spider-Man—and Parker's former bodyguard—if his ex-boss really deserves a katana to the chest.

    Things are much more complicated.

    Spider-Man wanted to say something and make sure that corny line wouldn’t be the last one he heard, but his whole body felt like a bruise being pressed down. The man was opening his mouth to let out something evil and abnormally personal against Spider-Man, when a voice came down the dark alley.

    “But the record keeps playing the same old song.” Spider-Man and the bad guy turned their heads to the mouth of the alley. They couldn’t see anyone, but the male voice sang on. “They say aha, aha. Keep your hands off my girl.”

    Peter’s head thumped against the wall. “No. Just… no. Do me a favor, just crush my windpipe."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    155,565
    Chapters:
    27/30
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    1,020
    Kudos:
    1,795
    Bookmarks:
    347
    Hits:
    46,859
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Peter took a deep breath, absentmindedly rubbing the bruise on his wrist. It was a fresh one. In fact, he had gotten it just that morning.

    He hadn't been Spider-Man at the time.

    Of course, he was used to it. He was strong. He could take a few hits if it meant protecting the younger kids.

    or

    Peter Parker, a 15 year old foster kid, Spider-Man, gets a job at The Hellhouse. Chaos ensues.

    or

    Easy they come, easy they go
    I jump from the train, I ride off alone
    I never grew up, it's getting so old
    Help me hold onto you
    I've been the archer
    I've been the prey
    Who could ever leave me, darling?
    But who could stay?
    - Taylor Swift

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,492
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    70
    Kudos:
    443
    Bookmarks:
    83
    Hits:
    4,934
  19. Tags
    Summary

    I am the original author of this fic and basically lost access to everything but it's ok because I'm back and better than ever! I've edited and added some to the original chapters and also have a new chapter for you all! Smut is still loading but it won't take years! I prommy

    "Weasel is sweating his hermit ass balls off, climbing up the fire escape, with 7 pounds of C4, in 90 degree heat, in JEANS. All because he forgot his fucking-

    "HEY WEAS!"

    Ok, haha, very funny God, you're just laughing it up huh? Is it "make ol' Jack regret not being aborted" day? Nana is visiting NEXT week anyways.

    "WEAS BABY, I NEED TO HAVE A COMPLETELY SERIOUS UNSEXY CHAT WITH YOU!"

    "Fuck off Wade."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,123
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    189
  20. Tags
    Summary

    The events of Deadpool except with Logan instead of Vanessa.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,627
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    236

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