mark is kind of a mess
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Mark thinks that whatever he and Johnny are supposed to be is a funny thing. Mark does not truly know what Johnny is to him because they’re not friends but they are something. Johnny is something to Mark. He’s a force that drives Mark forward, watching him, pushing him, and surrounding him and Mark feels like he could get lost in it.
But Mark is sure Johnny doesn’t think about them like that, he doubts Johnny really thinks about him at all. Mark wishes he could be more like Johnny in that way, in a lot of ways.