RazzleDaJazzle
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Summary
After tripping a mad wizard’s trap, Astarion—now blinded—must navigate the Underdark with Eleanor back to their crew. These two shitheads must cheat, stab, and flirt their way through flooded caves, monsters, and something hunting them in the dark. All while very confusing feelings begin to muddle up Astarion’s Very Simple plan.
Sequel to Feeding Alligators
Series
- Part 2 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 109,532
- Chapters:
- 43/43
- Comments:
- 1,697
- Kudos:
- 2,499
- Bookmarks:
- 294
- Hits:
- 63,570
Bookmarked by RazzleDaJazzle
31 Aug 2025
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Summary
Turns out, it’s not heart disease that gets you. Not a car crash, the second coming, or even a plain old slip in the shower that removes you from this mortal coil.
It’s motherfucking aliens.
Your Uncle Randy would be so proud.
Or: two losers cheat, stab, and flirt their way to a win.
Series
- Part 1 of these two shitheads
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 157,727
- Chapters:
- 72/72
- Comments:
- 2,577
- Kudos:
- 3,936
- Bookmarks:
- 647
- Hits:
- 108,335
Bookmarked by RazzleDaJazzle
27 Aug 2025
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Summary
“I will give you a tenday to convince your love to relinquish his Ascension. If, in that time, he agrees to the terms and nullifies his contract, you both regain possession of the seven thousand souls and gift them to me.
“If, after ten days, Astarion does not agree…” Raphael reaches forward, his hand outstretched to you. “...you pledge your soul to me. Forever.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 405,561
- Chapters:
- 93/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2,687
- Kudos:
- 4,058
- Bookmarks:
- 811
- Hits:
- 208,041
Bookmarked by RazzleDaJazzle
02 Dec 2024
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Summary
“Tempting not to bite you and draw a full meal, but I do need you alive. For now, anyway.”
He could do it, his fangs are so very close to your neck. One little lash outward and you’d be resisting a slow and chilling demise. But you see through the arrogance in his eyes. He doesn’t need you to find traps or lead you through treachery. He doesn’t need you to find a cure to your shared mindflayer predicament. No, he doesn’t need you for anything. In his eyes that hunger persists, and you realize he simply needs you.
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You and Astarion are trapped alone. You're bleeding. He's a vampire. The sexual tension is palpable. You know what happens next, darling.
Bookmarked by RazzleDaJazzle
13 Sep 2023
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“She swallow all my kids, she a bad babysitter”
An hour ended up flying by much faster than you expected, and you couldn’t help but jump when you heard keys jingling in the front door. Not long after you turn toward the foyer, Leon walks through with his briefcase and a bottle of wine in one hand, large pizza in the other. You quickly hop up and walk over to him, offering to help him carry something.
He chuckles at your eagerness to help. “You can take the wine and grab a couple glasses from the kitchen,” he states as he reaches his hand forward.
You fight off goosebumps when your fingers accidentally brush his and you notice his sleeve is rolled up on his forearm. You bite your lip and focus your eyes upward, away from the delicious sinew of muscle on display. That turns out to be a mistake, as well. You immediately catch the way his dress shirt is already unbuttoned partially down his chest, showing off more muscles and a light spattering of chest hair.
Series
- Part 1 of Drive Me Home and Back Again
Bookmarked by RazzleDaJazzle
07 Sep 2023