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I'm Not a Burglar, You're Not a Whore by clearbluewater
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types
06 May 2015
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Summary
What if Thorin was first instead of last to Bag End? And what if Bilbo had been expecting someone completely different?
Bilbo Baggins may be a bachelor, but he still has needs. He has been corresponding with someone from Bree, and they have arranged a meeting at Bag End. Only when Bilbo opens the door, he hadn’t thought his partner was a dwarf. Or quite so handsome.
Or, that one where Bilbo mistakes Thorin for his hookup and Thorin isn’t quite sure what to make of his prospective burglar propositioning him for sex. Misunderstandings are had, hair beads are lost, and Gandalf is left wondering how those two could fuck things up quite so badly before the quest even starts.
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Summary
Belladonna Baggins is nearly 3 years past her majority and time is running out. If she doesn't find a husband soon she will loose not only her inheritance but Bag end and everything inside it as well. Just when she thinks she will have to settle for Bobby Bolger Gandalf shows up looking for a burglar.
Dwarves won't let an unmarried female travel with them, and when Bella's cousin Fortinbras hears this he offers up a solution - have one of the Dwarves marry Bella, save her estate and she can travel to help them on their quest. Of course a contractual marriage of necessity isn't the best way to start a relationship, especially between two people who have vastly different cultures.
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Summary
Bilbo was not sure what he had expected when he had agreed to supervise the restoration of Erebor House, on the lonely tidal island in the North sea, but it was not this. The winters up here are cold and harsh, and there is a strange feeling on the air, thick with the brine of the sea and secrets to which he is not privy; there is some part of the long and troubled history of the place that has not been spoken of, a shadow between the broken family gravestones and the caves beneath the cliffs, dark and dangerous.
Perhaps it is all in Bilbo’s mind, but as the nights grow longer, he starts to doubt it, and as Thorin sinks ever deeper into black and incalculable moods, he will have to find what has been lost, before it takes them all.
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Summary
Fifty years after the Battle of Azanulbizar, Frerin lives as a slave in a compound of Men. When a Hobbit Fauntling by the name of Bilba is unceremoniously dropped into his life, Frerin does everything he can to do right by his wee one. And if that means eventually being freed and returning to Ered Luin, well, at least his little one will be safe.
Or, how Frerin gains a Wee One, how Fili gets engaged over sweets, and how Bilba is a master frog hunter.
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Summary
It has been six years since Ro left Erebor for the Shire, but it’s time for her to come home.
Secrets will be revealed and political powers come to rise. The final stage has been set.The final entry of the Daughter of Thief and Guard series BEGINS!
Series
- Part 4 of Daughter of Thief and Guard