12 Bookmarks by alex_is_sad
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Summary
Ten years, 6 girlfriends, 18 jobs, 4 multi-level marketing schemes, one short-lived attempt to keep a dog and three pregnancy scares later, Jeremy looked at Mark and thought, "Well, why not, then?"
Series
- Part 2 of Sitcom fics
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“When you think about it Mark it's really the most brilliant plan ever! If we get married we get loads of pressies, our old girlfriends will think they've turned us gay, and your parents will be furious. I don't know why we haven't thought of a revenge marriage before now.”
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There comes a time in a man's life when he realizes his longest and most functional relationship has been with his male roommate and that they've lived together longer than the requirements for a common-law marriage so he might as well get the tax advantages.
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Mark and Jeremy get married only to figure out they already were married, but at least they got a new blender out of the whole thing.
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Mark awakes to the sound of the dawn chorus and a general feeling that things are somewhat, well... out of place in his life.
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Jeremy has a job opportunity. Thing is, he kind of, sort of told the guy that'll be interviewing him that he and Mark are married.
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Mark's already ruined his life. Why not?
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“You don’t get it. Everything’s changed. Before it was only glamorous porn stars, desperate Eastern Europeans, and German perverts making porn. But now anyone can.”
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sometime after the el-dude brothers resign themselves to co-dependency, all that tension finally has to give. jeremy pats himself on the back for completing a simple task and mark, somehow, complains his way into a blowjob.
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Jeremy poses a question to Mark (spoilers: it's not a proposal).
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Jez is caught masturbating on the sofa, and it spirals out from there. It's honestly surprising this hasn't happened sooner.
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“Oh, this feels good. This just feels so right, you know?” Jez says, ransacking Cally's pantry. He glances back at Mark, who is standing there like an idiot, clutching his hand and swearing under his breath. It’s fine, he’s fine, he’ll be fine, as long as they just keep at this it’ll all be fine —
And that’s when Jez, completely unthinking, blurts, “let’s fuck on her sofa.”
(Set during 5.05, "Jeremy's Manager"- sort of an alternate version of that scene where they destroy Cally's caravan)
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"So will you do it?"
"Jeremy, I think you might have skipped over some important details here. You still haven’t created a link between your ex being at some frankly awful sounding party and us pretending to be an” - he scowled around the word - “item. Please just skip to the part of the story where this all makes sense."
"I don't know what else you want from me! She’s terrible, I'm not going to be able to avoid seeing her at this party, I need to make her think she turned me gay, to do that I need a boyfriend, it's cut and fucking dry, Mark." -
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Jeremy is in his bed when Mark decides to turn in.