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   Fuck, Marry, Kill (or, how Usopp becomes the best matchmaker of the sea without really trying) by adietxt

   Fandoms: One Piece  

   • Teen And Up Audiences
   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • M/M
   • Complete Work

   14 Oct 2018

   Tags

   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
   • Vinsmoke Sanji
   • Roronoa Zoro
   • Usopp (One Piece)
   • Nami (One Piece)
   • Monkey D. Luffy
   • Nico Robin
   • Franky (One Piece)
   • Tony Tony Chopper
   • Brook (One Piece)
   • Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates
   • Tashigi (One Piece)
   • Misunderstandings
   • Fluff
   • Comedy of Errors
   • Mutual Pining
   • Sanji has overactive imaginations and a whole lot of denial
   • also basically crew hijinks & shenanigans

   Summary

   Everyone wants to marry Zoro. Hypothetically. Sanji can’t believe everyone would pick that useless patch of growing mold over him, and considers killing Zoro. Not hypothetically.

   He has a list on why Zoro would be the Worst Husband Ever, not that he spends a lot of time thinking of a (purely hypothetical!) situation where he is married to Zoro, fuck you very much.

   (a.k.a, the one where Usopp invented Fuck, Marry, Kill.)

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   4,836

   Chapters:

   1/1

   Collections:

   1

   Comments:

   284

   Kudos:

   18,735

   Bookmarks:

   2,644

   Hits:

   109,397

   Bookmarked by daf_lou

   09 Sep 2025

   Bookmarker's Collections:

   • One Piece works of art

   Bookmarker's Notes

   ZOSAN IS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME AAAAAAA!! Also, this one shot is fucking incredible, i love idiots being in love