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Sam stood in the middle of his empty motel room and stared around him, mind barely able to even grasp where he was or what was going on. His body ached, though it was nowhere near as bad as the ache in his heart. Looking down at his hands, still marked with dirt from the grave he’d just dug, a tremble ran down his entire body and almost took him to the floor.
He was gone.
The pain of it hit Sam square in the chest. He was gone. Dean was gone. Sam had – he’d failed. He’d failed to save his brother. Despite everything he’d done, despite all the crap that he’d put up with from Ruby, all the books he’d read, all the information he’d sought, he’d failed, and now Dean was gone. The grief of it, he couldn’t breathe around it. How was he supposed to do this? How was he supposed to keep going now, knowing that his brother was gone, he was dead, being tortured in Hell, and all because of Sam?
That hurt almost more than anything else. The fact that he was in Hell because of Sam. Because Sam had been too weak to take out the enemy. Because he’d been stupid enough to turn his back on someone he should’ve known would stick a knife in it. Sam had always been the weak one, the soft one, ready with a kind word and easy trust for just about everyone, and look where it’d gotten him. Dead, brought back, and now it had his brother in Hell. All because Sam couldn’t be strong enough or hard enough to do what needed to be done.
As Sam looked around his room, still covered in the dirt from his brother’s grave, he felt his spine straighten. He wasn’t going to be weak anymore. He wasn’t. Being weak was what had gotten Dean killed. If he wanted to find a way to bring him back, he was going to have to be strong, be hard.
Nothing was going to stand in his way.
It took him two days to find the courage to make the call he knew he needed to. Though Tony and Dean had never met, he knew Tony would want to know that it had happened. He’d want to know that Sam was okay. And really, it wasn’t beyond him to try and track Sam down if he didn’t call him after something important. The idea of having Tony just show up at his motel room door, it was both terrifying and yet, a tiny bit appealing. Sam knew Tony wouldn’t just leave him here. He wouldn’t just let Sam wallow. There was no telling if he’d let Sam continue his hunt to bring Dean back. Bobby hadn’t wanted to. He was so sure that Dean was just, gone, and Sam refused to accept that.
Sam didn’t know how Tony was going to take it all. But he knew he needed to call and tell him. Deep inside, he could admit that, really, he just sort of wanted to hear his voice. To know that he still had someone out there. Someone who would try to take care of him just like Dean had always done. Sam didn’t want to replace him – no one could replace Dean! – but Tony… in his own way, he took care of Sam.
It only took three rings for the phone to be answered. Only, instead of Tony’s voice on the other end of the line, it was JARVIS. “Mr. Winchester.”
There was a hint of something like… pain in JARVIS’s voice. More than that, though – he’d called Sam ‘Mr. Winchester’. He never did that. Sam sat up a little straighter on his bed and stared at the far wall, not really seeing the picture there. Something was wrong. “JARVIS. Is everything all right? What’s going on?”
“Have you been watching the news recently, young sir?” JARVIS asked him.
Sam set his phone on speaker and immediately moved to grab his laptop. In an instant he had the news sites pulled up. He didn’t even have to try and search for anything dealing with Tony – it was right there on the cover of everything. TONY STARK – MISSING. It was the first headline everywhere. The biggest. Sam’s eyes grew as he read his way through the articles. Tony had gone to Afghanistan to show off the Jericho missile and the convoy he’d been in had fallen under attack. He’d been missing now for almost two weeks. Two weeks, and Sam hadn’t even known. He hadn’t had a clue. He’d been sitting here, grieving the loss of one brother, without any clue that another was out there missing.
Air hitched in Sam’s chest. He found himself bent over, hands clenched down on the table, his heart pounding in his ears as he gasped. Dean was gone and Tony was missing. There was – there was no one. They were gone.
They were gone.
The panic attack gripped Sam firmly and there’s no telling what would’ve happened to him had he been alone. But he wasn’t alone, not quite. Somewhere nearby he could hear the sounds of something familiar, a voice talking low and steady to him, and Sam gripped on to that sound to try and ground himself as the panic ripped him apart and his heart tried to fly straight out of his chest. His arms were tingling and he knew he wasn’t getting enough air.
“…that is right, young sir, another breath in. You are doing well.”
That was JARVIS. Sam recognized it now, the sound of JARVIS’s voice. He was on the phone. Sam had put him on speakerphone while he’d grabbed his computer. That meant the AI was still there with him. He was there, listening, and trying to talk Sam through this. Sam held on to that sound and listened as JARVIS continued to speak.
“There, young sir, you are doing much better. Is there anything that you need of me? Anything that I might be able to do to assist you?”
“Just…” Sam sucked in a breath, trying to fight past the ache there, the pain and the grief and fear. “Facts?”
Bless his heart, JARVIS seemed to understand. In short order the room was filled with the sound of the AI’s voice as he talked to Sam about the facts and statistics behind the newest missile from Stark Industries. He gave Sam facts; something that he could focus on and hold on to. Something to ground him amidst the chaos.
Eventually, Sam got his breathing under control. But the fear and the pain didn’t go away. Those still sat inside of him, heavier than before. His brothers were gone. Both of them. Closing his eyes, Sam tilted his head down, trying to keep himself under control. “Is there… do they have any hope, JARVIS?”
“There is always hope, young sir. We will continue to hold on to it until there is absolute proof that Sir is truly gone. Sir is resourceful – I would not count him out just yet.”
A broken laugh slipped from Sam. Yeah, Tony was damn resourceful. He wasn’t the type to just lie down and take it. If he had been captured over there – a distinct possibility, considering who he was and what he did with his life – those idiots would have no idea what they’d taken on by holding him. Tony would do everything he could to get out of there and get back home. He’d find a way to make it somehow. Sam had to hold on to that. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep going if he didn’t. Still, he had to offer “Is there anything I can do, JARVIS?”
“Not at this moment. There is nothing to indicate this is supernatural in origin, young sir, in which case it is a job better left to those with the proper skillset. Lt. Col. Rhodes is a part of the team trying to find Sir and he won’t rest until he does.” There was a brief pause and then JARVIS spoke, a little more hesitant than before. “How are you faring, young sir? I’m aware your brother’s deal has come due…”
A lump built in Sam’s throat. “He’s gone. I failed, J. I didn’t… I didn’t save him.”
“You did everything possible, young sir. I only wish I’d been able to help more.”
“You were great, J. You and Tony both. You guys did everything you could, I know that.” It just, it hadn’t been enough. None of the stuff they’d done had been enough. “Maybe… maybe it just wasn’t possible to cancel a deal.”
“Though Sir is not here, I would like you to know that he made sure there was a room prepared for you, should you wish to come and stay here if things went wrong. I admit, I would welcome the company as we wait for Sir to return.”
That sneaky little shit. Sam knew the last part wasn’t a lie, but he also knew that it’d been said as a way to try and entice him into coming out there. Because the both of them knew that Sam wasn’t going to do it. Likely Tony had known as well. Sam could only imagine how the man had planned to ‘invite’ him out there. “I’d like to, J, really, but I can’t. I can’t… I can’t just sit back while my brother rots down there. I have to get him out. I just, I have to. I have to find a way.”
If there was a way for an AI to sigh, Sam was sure he would’ve heard one. “If there’s any way I can be of assistance, young sir.”
“If there is, I’ll let you know.”
When Sam finally hung up the phone, he felt worse than when he’d started. How had this happened to him? Dean was gone. Tony was gone. One brother he knew was dead and the other one, no one had any idea what was going on with him, and Sam couldn’t seem to be able to help either of them.
No, he told himself. No. I will help them. I’ll get Dean home. And if no one finds Tony soon, I’ll... I’ll find a way over there to help him myself. I’m not going to lose my entire family in one swoop! I’m not! If he didn’t hear anything about Tony soon, maybe he’d find a way to ask Ruby for help that wouldn’t give away too much what the two meant to one another. He didn’t trust the demon and he wasn’t in the mood to hand her a weapon to use against him, which was exactly what Tony was.
Closing his eyes, Sam took a deep breath. He’d find a way to get his brothers home. He would.
Somehow.