Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Phil stretched as he stood up, turning off the TV in the flat.
Dan and Phil were new roommates who were now in their second year occupying University housing. Luckily they were placed in a 2 bedroom duplex on the outskirts of the campus due to room issues in the dorms. This actually fit both of them better anyway. Neither one of the boys were suave in social situations, so having to only deal with one other person, verse a dorm full of people, was perfect. They were even happier yet when after only 3 days of knowing each other, it had felt unusually natural for them to be living together.
Dan had come from a very small town and Phil noticed that Dan seemed very sheltered. He was also much more shy than Phil was. Phil would often see him get embarrassed when he would mention something Dan was not familiar with. Dan was an Internet nerd, but he still seemed to have a limited view on the world when it came to actual life things. Dan needed an uncommon amount of help to figure out bills than Phil would have considered appropriate for his age. Phil helped him a lot with things like that, leading Dan forward when he didn't seem to know what to do. Phil could tell Dan felt as he was inferior, but Phil never saw it that way. Phil was more than happy to take care of Dan. It was almost natural at this point. They both had soared past friends to best friends and they fit together well. Things couldn't have been going better.
It was late on a Friday night and Phil was headed to bed. Earlier in the night, he and Dan had ordered Pizza and split a 6 pack of beer. Neither care for beer that well, but it was cheap and readily available at the shop near their home. Dan had excused himself to be only a half of an hour earlier, the he had only had three beers, Phil could tell he was a little tipsy. As Phil made his was towards his room, turning off the lights as he pass, he could hear Dan whimpering in his room.
They had lived together for about 4 months now and this was the third time that he had heard the whimpering. He knocked on the door.
"Dan?" He heard Dan gasp
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Ye-yeah just a small head ache.”
"Do you want me to get something for you?"
"NO!" Dan yelled, "I-I mean I am fine Phil."
"You don't sound fine, why don't you let me come in?"
"Just a second."
Phil leaned against the door frame until Dan came to the door, he only cracked it. His face was flushed and hair curling slightly.
"What do you want?" Dan snapped
"Dan?" Phil asked concerned.
"I'm FINE Phil."
"Ah, Dan... did you take some medicine or something? I mean before you drank the beer?"
"Oh my God, Phil! I'm not high!"
Phil shrugged. "You look sick, Dan. You are very flushed."
"Phil, please just go," Dan said through clenched teeth.
"No. I heard you whimpering and you look like you have a fever and probably need to go to A&E."
"Jesus Christ Phil, I don't need A&E."
He pushed the door and forced his way in as Dan turned his back.
"Come on Dan, look at me." I walked behind him and rested my chin on his shoulder. "Please?"
"Phil, It's not what you think. I am not sick and if you don't leave now we both are going to be very embarrassed"
Phil froze "oh." He was beet red
"Yeah."
"So where you..."
"What? No."
"Come on, Dan."
"Phil, This is awkward."
"Well, I can leave If you want to take care of yourself." Dan whimpered again.
"I can't." He whispered
"What? Why. I will leave." Phil turned to walk out as he reached the door he heard Dan whisper "I don't know how. I mean, in theory of course I do, but" Phil spun around and glanced at Dan, his eyes were down cast. Phil drug his eyes down Dan's body, finally see his erection pressing against his pants.
"How to what?"
"Masturbate, Phil. I never really have. Growing up, I was told that,” Dan stopped and sighed. “I just try to ignore it until it goes away, but it is really bad tonight."
"My God, Dan. You have blue balls."
"Ha ha, Phil."
“I'm not kidding, Dan. So you've never jerked off?”
“No, not intentionally,” Dan said.
“What does that even mean?”
“Well, I have,” He stopped, blushing even redder then continued. “You know, i-in my sleep.”
“A wet dream doesn't count.”
“Oh,” Dan said, he felt so stupid. Phil smiled and shook his head.
“I know you have watched Porn, Dan.”
“Yeah, I have.”
“So you just watched it to watch it?”
Dan shrugged.
“That must be immensely frustrating.” Phil walked towards him and pushed him back wards towards his bed. He's eyes held something that Dan had never seen them before.
"Phil?" Dan's tone was warning
"Not only am I your flat mate, I am also your best friend, yeah? Trust me."
Dan closed his eyes and fell onto the bed. “What are we, I mean how? Or...” Dan, clearly nervous, stumbled over his words.
“You implied that you were told growing up to never,” Phil made a jerking-off motion with his hands, “But you live on your own now, Danny.” Phil laid next to him "Unzip your pants and take yourself out." He said matter of factually
"W-wait. What?"
"Well, you need to cum. So take out your cock. I am going to teach you to cum."
"Um, I don't know Phil. I can just wait like always."
"Dan, you need to cum." Phil stared directly into his eyes.
Dan slowly unzipped himself and when he pulled himself out, Phil gasped.
“Okay even if you have never done it, you know the motions, so, go on.”
“I-I don't know Phil. I am scared I am going to embarrass myself. “
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” Phil said, swallowing as he looked at what was now in Dan's hand. Dan was just somewhat holding it.
“You aren't peeing, Dan. You've seen it on porn, you've had to have seen it in porn.” Dan started to speed up and he started to breath heavier. “There you go, much better.” Phil stood up. “I'll be right back, just keep going.” He left the room and soon came back with a small bottled of lube. “Hang on,” Phil said, popping open the cap. “This will make it better.” Dan moaned loudly.
“Tell me the truth, Dan,” Phil said with his voice a deep. “Do you just want me to be here, Dan? Just to watch you?”
“W-what?” Dan stammered, blushing.
“Just trying to get an idea what you want; do you want me to touch?”
Dan didn't say anything but his body shuttered. “I t-thought you were going to teach me.”
Phil chuckled “I still don't know if I believe this is the first time you've done this, pretty boy.” Dan moaned loudly.
“Phil, please. “
“Please what?”
“H-help me.”
Phil took his shirt off and leaned into Dan. He pressed his lips against him, Dan gasped surprised but kissed back while whimpering in the back of his throat. Phil pulled away and kissed down Dan's throat, then over to his neck.
“I meant tell me what to do.” Dan moaned loudly. “Phil- don't my neck is...” Dan cut himself off when he felt a hot tongue on his neck
Phil pulled back. “I told you to trust me. Do you Dan? Because what I want to do won't work if you don't”
“I- I don't know. I mean yes, I just-”
“Dan, it's a yes or no answer. Do you trust me and do you want more?”
“Y-yes. More, please, more.” Dan said breathily.
“Okay, follow my direction. Take off your shirt.” Dan quickly did what he was told. “Now take your trousers and pants the rest of the way off. “
Dan did so, then looked at Phil. “You too.” He mutter.
“No, not just yet. Lay on your back and relax, Dan. I am going to make you feel really good.”
Phil kissed down Dan's neck again, pausing near his ear “Play with your nipple.”
“W-which one?”
“Dan, you are making this difficult.”
Dan laughed, leaning up until Phil forcefully pushed him back into the mattress.
“Play with your nipple.” He repeated with a no-nonsense tone. Dan sucked in his breath as rolled his nipple between his thumb and forefinger.
“That's it, pretty boy.” Dan groaned but it got caught in his throat. “You like that, Dan? When I call you pretty boy?”
“Phil.” He whined back.
“Trail your hand slowly down your chest and stomach.” Dan did so quickly. Phil shook his head, grabbing his hand. “Slower, Dan. It's not a race.” Dan nodded and Phil let go, as Dan slowed down.
“Grab your cock.” Phil moved away from him, so he could watch. “Move.”
Dan did so, slowly. He was still slightly uncomfortable. “Um, Phil this is strange.” Dan choked out.
“Shh. Now flick your wrist.”
Dan swept his head up and looked Phil in the eyes, Phil growled.
“You're so hot, pretty boy. Beautiful.”
“Phil?” Dan asked in a moan
“What do you need?”
“Y-you do it.”
“Do what?”
“Jesus Christ Phil. Clearly, you are ah, turned on too. A-and you said you would help. Please, touch me.”
Phil slapped Dan's hand away and wrapped his around Dan's cock. “Okay, pretty boy. I need to know how far you want to go.”
“W-well I don't-” He moaned as Phil sped up. “Fuck, I trust you, Phil. You can do what ever you want to me.”
Phil chuckled, “Good boy.” He lubed up a finger as he kept stroking Dan, slowly he teased Dan's rim. “So pretty.” Phil praised as Dan whimpered.
“Oh, oh God.”
Phil frowned, becoming concerned. “Have you ever done anything like this?”
“N-no, I just told you I haven't even, you know, well not before now.”
“Do you want to stop?”
“NO!”
“Does it hurt?”
“Not really. New.” Dan grunted.
“Okay, Pretty boy. “ Phil slowly pushed his finger into Dan after awhile he added another finger and went deeper.
“Oh my God, Phil. I-i Oh, it feels so good.”
“Just wait.” Phil crooked his fingers into Dan's prostrate, causing him to shriek and then loudly moan.
“Oh my God, Oh my God, OH MY GOD” Dan chanted.
“Fuck,” Phil said softly watching Dan writhed against him
“More, Phil, please.”
“More?”
“Please, yes, more.”
Phil smirked, “I didn't even know you were gay.”
“I'm not-” Dan stopped because what he was asking for was certainly the gayest thing he had ever done. Phil chuckled.
“Right,” Phil added another finger, Dan started to tense up.
“Listen, pretty boy, if you don't relax this will be worse.” Phil leaned up, placing a gentle kiss on the inside of Dan's thigh.
“I just-” He stopped and whined as Phil hit his prostrate again. “So fucking full.”
Phil started to stroke Dan in rhythm with his fingers dancing along Dan's internal pleasure point.
“Oh my God Phil, I feel so hot and, like so good.”
“Yeah? You think you are getting ready to cum, pretty boy?”
“I don't know, but please Phil, please don't stop.”
“Had no intention of doing so. Dan you are so beautiful wrecked.” Dan didn't know really what Phil meant, but he didn't care. He started to feel a low pull in his lower region that was starting to burn. His stomach tensed and he started to get nervous. “Phil,” he whined “Is it supposed to feel like this?”
Phil could hear the apprehension in Dan's words. “Yes, Dan. You are fine. You will be cumming soon.
“Oh God, Phil. Please, I don't even know what this is, but I need...”
Phil looked Dan in the eye and said. “Like I said, Pretty Boy, You need to cum.”
“Ah, oh God. Oh, Phil... yes...” Dan's whole body shook and he started to breathe very heavily. Suddenly Dan felt is stomach go taut and heat rush down faster and faster towards Phil's fast moving hand.
“Phiiiiil” He moaned, loudly as the first portion of cum landed on his stomach.
“So hot Dan, oh my God.” Phil moaned as he continued to jerk Dan's cock, working out more and more cum.
“Oh thank you, thank you.” Dan chanted in a slurred voice. Phil slowly withdrew his fingers, still slowly stroking Dan until Dan's hand covered his own.
“I'll be right back, Dan,” Phil said going out of the room returning with a flannel and a towel. Dan was already going in and out of conscientiousness. “Hey Dan, sit up for a second.”
“Noooo.” Dan moaned causing Phil to laugh. “Dan, trust me when I say you want to clean up. It will not be pleasant when you wake up.”
Dan sleepily and shyly sat up with his eyes down cast as Phil started to clean him up. He started to shake slightly.
“Are you cold?” Phil asked, starting to dry him off.
“N-not really.”
“Are you okay?”
“I really don't know.” He said not making eye contact.
“Hey,” Phil said, tipping his head up so their eyes could meet. “Why are you upset?”
“I feel dirty.”
“Well, then have a shower.”
“Not like that, Phil. Like I'm a perv or something.”
“You're not anything. That's ridiculous. Stop listening to demons in your head and then tell me what DAN thinks.”
Dan slowly moved towards Phil, locking eyes with him completely now. He looked at Phil's lips and then kissed them. Phil was surprised, but only for a moment before he was kissing back. After what seemed like far too short of a time Phil pulled away from Dan, who slowly opened his eyes and blushed.
“Sor-” Phil put his finger to Dan's lips.
“It's fine Dan, turns out I like kissing you.”
“Phil?”
“Mm?”
“Thank you for everything. Not just this, like, you know everything.”
Phil wrapped his arms around Dan pulling him into his chest and laying back onto one of Dan's pillows. Dan's head now was resting on Phil's still clothed chest. It wasn't long until Dan's breathing deepened and Phil knew he was asleep. He shifted slightly, attempting to go back to his own room so Dan wouldn't feel awkward when he woke up. Phil started to rise, but felt Dan snuggle into him harder. “Please don't leave me, Phil.” He murmured, sadness in his voice.
“Okay, pretty boy. I won't. Go back to sleep” Phil settled back down, pulling the duvet over them hearing a contented sigh from his chest. Phil sighed as well, with the warmth Dan was provided, he could get used to this too.

Chapter Text

Phil had woken up due to the urgent need to wee. Dan was no longer next to him so he slipped out of bed, got things from his own room and went for a shower. He was really worked up from last night as he started to absentmindedly stroke himself.
He wondered how Dan was handling the dreaded morning after only briefly before the image of Dan coming undone in front of him played in his mind encouraging his strokes to be faster and more needy. Phil found his release and finished his shower.
What Phil didn't find, was Dan. He was nowhere in the house and had not returned Phil's text, nor his call. Phil sighed as he made himself coffee and loaded his laptop. He had studying to do anyway.

Phil had not even noticed he had fallen asleep until he heard the door waking him up.
“Hey” Phil called to Dan.
“Hi.” Dan responded, his voice off and so sharp that Phil could tell he wasn't okay.
“Are you okay, Dan? Where were you?”
“Out, okay Dad?” Dan snapped turning red as he somewhat lost his aggressive nerve and slightly stumbled to his bed room. The aggression quickly returned with a slam of the door effectively ending their conversation.
Phil sighed, Dan was very immature, he had know this prior, but now Phil's feelings were hurt. This didn't stop him from wanting to go to Dan like he always had in the past to try to fix things, but this time he was too upset. Phil pulled on some shoes and decided to go to the coffee shop that was a few blocks away to meet up with another one of their mutual friends.
Candice was a senior who had taken both of them under her wing when she was assigned to them as sort of a “intro to uni:” buddy. She was short, only reaching 5'1 but would take no shit from anyone.
They had been sitting and talking for about an hour, their drinks were now cold, but neither seemed to notice or care.
“Listen, Phil,” Candice said as she sipped her latte. Phil had only told her he was upset, but nothing about the night before. “Dan is naive. I am not trying to be insulting, but he is.”
“I know.” He said, sadly.
“The thing I have noticed about Dan is he is very needy. He needs someone to tell him what to do, how to do it, when. He needs to be taken care of. I don't know much about his upbringing, but It seems as if it was very sheltered.”
“You've no idea Cands, No idea.”
“Do you know what you did?”
“I have an idea.”
She cocked her eye brow. “Well, then that's a start.” Candice was always noninvasive about things like this. She could read Phil well and knew when he didn't want to go into details. “You guys are like soulmates, but keep in mind you have only know each other for a few months at best.”
“That's not entirely true, we met last year through mutual friends.”
Candice scoffed. “Once, Phil. One time at a party that neither of you wanted to be at or, if I recall the story correctly, that neither one of you stayed long at. You are living together, Phil. Totally different.”
Phil sighed “I know.”
“Though I don't know for sure what this tiff is about, I do know that Dan gets pissy when he is confused. So, I bet he misunderstood something.”
“Maybe. I'm not sure?”
“Well the wrong person to ask, aren't I?” She glanced at her phone and said. “I have to go. I have a date with the captain of the debate team.” She winked at him.
“I doubt that, He's gay.”
She laughed loudly and snorted. “Well that may change my whole “house and kids” thing then, yeah?” Phil rolled his eyes “We are setting things up for a panel, I'll spare you the droll details. Phil, talk to Dan, guide him. From what I learned of him last year, that's what he craves.”
“Thanks for talking with me, I really appreciate it.” He smiled at Candice.
“You know I am always here.” She stood gathering her things. “Go to the shop, get some wine and make dinner. Food and Wine are always good.” She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. “He can't stay mad forever, right?”
“I hope not. Bye, Cands.”
“Later, Philip.”

Phil found himself in the shop doing exactly what he was told. He figured he had nothing to lose. Chicken Stir fry and a large bottle of White Zinfandel was to be their dinner. As he paid and started to walk him he got a text from Dan.
“Are you coming home?”
“I am almost home now.”
“K”
Phil sighed, shaking his head he walked into their house, noticing Dan was still not around. He started to prepare dinner anyway, hoping that he could convince Dan to at least come out and eat with him.
When the food was done and the table was set, Phil cautiously knocked on Dan's door.
“Yeah?” Came Dan's voice
“I made dinner. Come eat.” Phil didn't ask, he more demanded and walked back to the Kitchen, sitting down to wait. He did not have to wait long, Dan slowly made his way to the table, his face was blotchy and Phil could tell that he had been crying. Phil felt bad, but ignored it. “Would you like some Wine or something else?”
“Yes, wine please.” Dan said, his voice timid as if he was a child who had been scolded. Phil poured him some and slid it to him. “Thanks.”
“You're welcome. You should eat, Dan. I am sure you haven't had much.” Dan's head was still dropped and he looked up through his lashes.
“Okay.” It was very strange eating this way, with the silence and tension and no buffer of the telly. Phil poured Dan more wine when he had finished his glass.
“Are we still fighting?” Phil asked dryly. “Or are we okay? I don't know Dan.”
“I-” Dan took a large sip of his wine. “I am not ready to talk about “it” yet. I am sorry I shouted at you earlier.”
“Forgiven.” Phil said smiling. This was progress.
“So, how are, I mean are you, like, mad?”
“I'm fine Dan. I was worried I was going to have to find a new flat mate.” He said as causally as he could. He wasn't trying to push either, but damn it, he wanted Dan to speak.
“Oh. Well, no. Un-unless you want to leave, or want me to leave.” Dan sounded broken.
“No, Dan, no.” His voice softened. “I love living with you.” Dan gave a weak smile. Phil sat up straighter, his voice now more authoritative. “I know you are not okay, I figure it has to do with last night, but I don't know for sure. I don't want to push you, but the worry is making me sick.” Phil sighed. “I am sorry, if what I had you do or did to you made you uncomfortable, but you should have said so, Dan. I would have stopped.” Dan looked up at him, tears were streaming down his face and his hands were grasped firmly together in his lap.
“Why are you crying?” Phil asked, frowning.
Dan shook his head and brought his hands up to cover his face. “I'm sorry I fucked up. I don't mean to, Phil!” Dan sobbed through his hands. “I am just-” Phil quickly moved to his side and pulled him up out of the chair and wrapped him in a hug.
“Shh, Dan. It's okay.” Dan continued to sob and shake as Phil stroked his back bad rocked slightly. “It's not apparently, Okay. Well, let it out pretty boy.” Phil didn't even catch what he had said until it was out of his lips. It wasn't acknowledged thankfully. Dan cried for about 10 minutes until the sobs turned into sniffles.
“I got you all fucking gross.” He muttered into Phil's shoulder.
“It's fine, Dan.”
“I don't understand what my problem is.”
“Well you need to eat for one. Sit. Eat.” He turned and got handed Dan a tissue. Dan sat down after and slowly started to eat. In a few minutes he was shoving food into his mouth quicker.
Phil laughed. “Slow down, you're going to choke.”
Dan stopped and blushed. “This is amazing. Thank you.”
“I am glad you came out to enjoy it, Dan.” He smiled
“Me too, Phil Me too.”

The rest of the evening was less tense but things still were not totally okay. They watched a movie as they finished off the bottle of wine on the couch. The movie wasn't that enthralling but it was still entertaining enough to slightly hold their attention.
“I'm a baby. A scared, childish baby.” Dan had said after several minutes of silence. Phil turned to face him. “Yesterday,” Phil held up his hand.
“I don't think we should have this conversation drunk, Dan.”
“We are wine drunk, Phil. It's fine.”
“Still,”
“You wanted me to talk, right? Well this is how I will.”
Phil sighed, “I don't want to make things worse.”
“Fuck off, okay? Let me talk.” Phil looked at Dan, he looked vulnerable and helpless. This did things to Phil he wasn't prepared to share. Dan was so fucking-
“The thing is, Phil, What we did last night. It was-” He stopped, drinking the last swallow of his wine as if he needed a shot of courage. His voice was very soft when he said, “It was amazing.”
Phil groaned without meaning too, but asked “Good.”
Dan sucked in his breath sharply. “I was scared though,” He quickly recovered. Phil backed down a little. Right, Dan wanted to talk. Just talk.
“Why?” Phil asked.
“Well, I had never done that ever, let alone with another person who happened to be my best friend, flat mate and, by the way, a boy.”
Phil chuckled “I'm sorry you were afraid....” Phil trailed off
“But?” Dan enticed
“You enjoyed it though, yeah? It was-”
Dan's face changed, Phil saw the dark clouds of lust rolling in his eyes. “I have never felt that good in my life, Phil. I was so overwhelmed after. And emotional, so fucking emotional. I am confused of who I am not being who I thought I was. Oh my God, did that even make sense?”
“Yes.”
“The more I think about it, the further I sink. Not knowing who you are is terrifying.”
“I know.”
“Phil, am I a fuck boy?”
Phil choked out a half snort. “What?”
Dan started to smirk “It's not funny Phil!”
Phil just laughed harder and harder, which set Dan off as well.
“Shut up, I wasn't kidding.”
“Fuck boy.” Phil said through giggles.
“You dick.” Dan sputtered
“No, Yours.” Phil said as their laughter started to die down. Looking at Dan he saw the same clouded lust in his eyes. He could see the wine had made him brave.
“Yeah?” Dan asked shakily.
Phil shifted slightly edging closer to Dan. “Yeah.”
“I feel like I can just be open with you, myself. Yeah?”
Phil nodded.
“I was scared, but I want it. I mean again. You made me feel things,” Dan looked down and blushed. “I didn't tell you to stop yesterday, because no matter what battle I was fighting in my head, nothing that happened to me was unwanted.”
Phil moved so he was almost touching Dan and slowly let his lips lightly touch Dan's neck and he said. “Oh, pretty boy. I'm so glad. The things I want to do to you.”
Dan couldn't stop a moan from escaping his lips.
“How drunk are you Dan?” Phil said again suddenly breaking the spell.
“Drunk enough to communicate, sober enough to say no.” Dan said low and husky
“Are you saying No?” Phil was confused.
“No.” Dan turned his head forcing Phil to move his lips.
“I'm sorry.” Phil muttered, mistaking the situation. Dan faced him now and reached out his hand to Phil's cheek.
“No need.” Dan breathed as he softly pressed his lips to Phil's. Phil's hand shot to Dan's cheek as the deepened the kiss. He pulled away. Phil said. “I wasn't aware you actually wanted this.”
“I never knew until last night.” He said, voice strained. “I never knew a man would make me so hot.”
“Mm. You, you are hot. So beautiful.” Phil praised. “What do you want?”
Dan blushed chewing on his lip. “I understand that you are nervous, still I would like an answer Daniel.”
“I don't know. I just, I want to feel close to you again. Like last night. But more.”
Phil smirked, “Asking for more again.”
“Please, Phil. I am somewhat drunk and you know how I am.” Dan shot him a pleading look.
“It's okay, we will just see what happens. You tell me to stop if you need too.”
Dan nodded.
As their lips met again, Phil started to take Dan's arms out of his shirt, breaking only to take it off of his head. After a few moments, the kiss broke.
“Phil, may I see you?”
“So polite. Yes, you may.” Dan's hands reached over to Phil and removed his shirt.
Dan looked at him, he was uncomfortable, but also enjoying his shirtless flat mate that was in front of him. “I can tell this is new to you. I wont push you, but If you want to explore, I wont stop you either.”
Dan pulled Phil into his arms, as their bare chest met he gasped. Phil held Dan a little closer and much tighter, the high he was getting from the close skin contact was unlike anything he had ever known.
“Phil,” Dan muttered. “This feels so good, I feel so safe.”
Phil moaned, “Oh you are pretty boy. So safe.” Dan's erection was becoming evident pushed up against Phil, he moaned. “Dan, do you want to continue or?” Phil gasped as he felt the pad of Dan's thumb circling his nipple in between their bodies. “Oh baby,” Phil moaned as he felt Dan twitch against his leg. “Tell me what you want?”
Dan tipped his head up and whispered into Phil's ear “I want to see you.”
“Oh you do? I thought you weren't gay.” Dan pulled away and glared at him, which Phil stopped by grabbing Dan's clothed erection. “I was just kidding.”
Dan moaned feeling Phil's hand against him. “Yes. Okay.” he complied.
Phil stood up and pulled down his trousers. Dan looked away out of habit. “Look at me, Dan.” and he did. The lust on Dan was intoxicating. “That's it baby.”
“Phil, please.”
“Shh, soon.” Phil took himself out. “Do you like what you see?” Dan merely nodded. “I want to see you again. Trousers and pants off.” Dan stood up and did what he was told without hesitation. He was still other thank his deep breathing.
“Are you doing okay, Dan?”
Though he was still looking at Phil's erection he mumbled. “I guess.”
“Can we try something?”
Dan's eyes snapped back up. “L-like what?”
Phil walked to Dan urging him up against the nearby wall. “Use the wall as support if you need, understand?”
“Y-yes, but-”
Phil cut him off by kissing him, then trailing kisses down his throat and his neck. He made sure their erections were not touching each other.
“Trust me, pretty boy.”
“Oh god.” Dan gasped. Phil stepped closer and suddenly their hardness was pressed together.
“Phil!” Dan shrieked
“You feel so good against me. May I touch you?”
“Please,” Dan whined. Phil wrapped his hand around Dan, stroking him gently, his cock still pressed against Dan.
“I want to try something, Dan. Stay here.” Phil returned shortly with lube. “Good. Dan, if you want this to stop, just say so, okay?”
“Okay.” His voice was small.
“This is for enjoyment, Dan. Are you okay to continue?”
“Yes.” Phil poured a good amount of lube in his hands, then taking himself and Dan into is hands he started to move up and down slowly.
“Oh Phil, I can feel you on me. Oh my God.”
“Mmm, yes Dan. You feel amazing. So hard against me.”
“It's going to happen again soon.” Dan warned
“Let it happen. I am not far behind.”
“Phil, Oh my god, please.” Dan was shaking now, briefly Phil thought about how maybe being pinned up against a wall for support when it was only your second time cuming ever, may be a tad bit cruel. Dan's whimpers made him forget easily. “Please, Oh please.”
“That's it, pretty boy. Cum with me. Let me make you feel good.”
“Oh god, Phil, it's happening” Phil sped up as Dan arched his back. “Yes, daddy.” Dan moaned as he came. Phil was cuming almost instantly moaning and rutting into his own hand.
“Dan.” Phil cried out as he finished. Though Phil's legs felt like jelly, he pulled Dan into his still bare and now sticky chest. He planted gentle kisses on Dan's face.
“So good.” He whispered as he led them slowly to the bathroom. He started the shower and urged Dan into it. “Clean up and then we got to bed.”
Dan was exhausted “Mkay” He muttered.
Once in Phil pulled Dan back to his chest under the water for a moment. “Okay I am going to wash us quickly.” Dan grunted in response. Phil got them both cleaned, rinsed and then dried walked them to Dan's bed room. Still wrapped in a towel, Phil got out clothes for Dan. “Here, you will get cold.” He said as he left to get his own cloths.
When he came back Dan was dressed, sat on the edge of the bed yawning.
“Want me to stay with you?” Phil questioned, Dan nodded.
“Why haven't you said anything? Are you okay?” Phil asked.
Dan smiled and blushed. “Embarrassed.”
“Oh.” Phil said going over to the bed, “No need. You were perfect.”
“Th-thanks.”
“Let's sleep.” Phil help opened the covers and Dan rested his head on Phil's chest.
“I feel much better.” Dan said
“Me too. Sleep now. Sundays are busy.”
“Mhm. Good night, Phil.”
“Night.”

Chapter Text

Phil woke up alone again, only this time he could smell breakfast being made. He smiled as he walked out into the Kitchen.
“Morning,” Phil called out as he entered.
Dan smiled shyly at him and reached to get plates. “Almost ready, Coffee's done.” He said
“A man who knows my heart.”
“It's not like you're that hard to figure out Phil.” Dan sassed.
The ate and joked like usual, the tension from the day before was no more. Sundays were laundry, homework and tidying. Phil had to monitor it closely, otherwise Dan would end up mindlessly browsing Tumblr. As awesome as it was to live in this duplex, there was not on site laundry so they would have to go out.
“Laundry first, yeah?” Dan asked, surprising Phil that he had remembered.
“Yes and then what?”
Dan sighed. “Revision.”
“That's right!” Phil joked as Dan rolled his eyes. “That's rude you know.” Phil said, “I don't really like it.”
“Sorry.” Dan said bashfully “H-hand me your plate.” Dan put them into the sink. “Let's let breakfast settle, yeah? We can do laundry in like an hour?”
“Okay, but I don't want to leave much later than that.”
Dan nodded and walked to his room. Phil started to do the dishes, thinking about how much three days had changed things. An hour had passed so Phil knocked on Dan's door. “It's been an hour, Daniel.” He said. Nothing happened so Phil pushed open the door and saw Dan sleeping, his hair a mess. Smiling a thought passed through his head, “He's so adorable.” Phil shook his head and walked over to him. “Hey, Dan.” He said. “Wake up, it's laundry time.”
“Nooo.” Dan moaned.
“Yeeeees, Now I wasn't kidding. Get up.” Dan moaned again but did as he was told.
“Phiiiiiiiil, I hate laundry.”
“I've noticed, get your things so we can start walking.” Dan was like a child tasked with a chore, he was sulking and dragging his feet the whole way. They had gotten to the laundromat and started the clothes washing, then Dan sat down and huffed out a sigh.
“Oh the petulance. Is it really that bad Dan?” Phil asked irritated. Dan was an adult, sometimes his childish behavior really was annoying. Phil was sick of his attitude.
Dan blushed clearly hearing the perturbed tone in Phil's voice. He bit his lower lip. “N-no, I'm sorry. I'm being a shit.”
“Watch your mouth,” Phil growled. “There are babies in here. I told you before, not in public or around kids.”
Dan's eyes dropped to the floor swiftly “Sorry, Phil.” He muttered and didn't look up.
Phil watched him carefully out of his peripheral vision. “Dan,” He said in a hushed whisper. “It's okay.” Dan didn't look up and when Phil stood up,his eyes didn't follow the movement as the usually did. Phil sighed as walked to the bathroom. He didn't want something started to cause or draw more attention, but someone had to teach Dan how to act. Still, he feared Dan would have a huge blow up in the middle of the clothes baskets and machines. Once there he looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head. He couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with Dan. He knew his upbringing wasn't conventional, as he would put it and Dan really didn't like chores, but this was getting a bit much. Things like this happened more lately and after 4 almost 5 months of the constant struggle, it was getting old.
Phil used the toilet, washed his hands, took a final look in the mirror accompanied by a deep breath and left to go back to his seat. As he neared he could see that Dan was up and switching the laundry, with his head still down and avoiding Phil. Phil sighed and sat back down, a little trickle of guilt creeping into his mind. When Dan was finished and had started the dryer, he sat back down, saying nothing.
This is the way the rest of the laundry trip went both there and on the way home. When they finally did got home, Dan muttered a quick “Revision.” and scurried to his room, again without making eye contact.
“I give up!” Phil said to the air. He didn't understand this at all. Dan knew Phil didn't like him to swear in public at all, but most of all when children were present. Phil busied himself putting his laundry away, then doing his own revision. Maybe Dan just needed some space. Maybe he was just having a bad day, didn't feel well or was grumpy. Maybe their closeness as of recently was bothering Dan and he couldn't find the words to tell Phil.
It was time to call it quits with his revision, Phil's head had a dull ache and he couldn't possibly read over one more set of notes. He put his things away, stretched and opened his door. He paused a moment, hearing a steady thumping against Dan's wall. What was he doing in there? Shaking his head he went to the Kitchen and started making Dinner. Phil enjoyed cooking for them, though tonight it was done with a bit of apprehension. Phil got things cooking and to a point where it could be left for a minute and walked back to Dan's room. He could hear that the thumping had ceased as he knocked. “Dan, I am making dinner. You should come out and wash up.”
“Okay.” Phil heard from the other side of the door, though no movement occurred. Phil turned to go back to the Kitchen, he had to watch the food anyway.
Phil had gotten into cooking and did not noticed Dan sit at the table with his head still down, quietly waiting. Phil turned, saw him and screamed in surprise. “Oh my God.”
Dan bit his lip and muttered. “I didn't mean to,”
Phil laughed a little, “I know, it's okay.” Phil waited, but Dan wasn't laughing. Why wasn't Dan laughing? He should be laughing. “Dan, please. I am sorry If I embarrassed you.” Dan didn't move. “Really, please talk to me?”
Dan still didn't move, but said. “What would you like me to say?”
“Oh for Pete sake, Dan, look at me!” Phil said sternly as Dan's head snapped up and he looked directly at Phil. His eyes were puffy and his face tear-streaked. “Dan?”
In a small voice he said “Please don't hate me, Don't leave me, Phil. I will try to do better, no, I will do better. I promise. I'm sorry, so, so sorry.”
Phil's face broke out into a sympathetic smile. “I don't hate you, Dan. I could never.” Dan snuffled a little. “I just don't understand what happened today. I mean you don't like chores, I know this, but today was just strange.”
With his voice barely above a whisper, he said. “I can't stand it when you are mad at me, Phil. I lose my sh-stuff.”
“I wasn't really mad, just annoyed.” Phil admitted. “I just wish I understood you more.”
“Sorry.” Dan still looked at Phil, they held prolonged eye contact before Phil finally broke it to dish up the food.
They eat in another uncomfortable silence. Phil was trying very hard to see things from Dan's point of view. Maybe Dan thought Phil mothered him too much. Phil didn't feel bad about it though, because Dan really did need the guidance with a bit of gentle encouragement sometimes, most times if he was honest. Phil doubted that Dan would understand that anyway even if he did realize it. When they were finished eating, Phil looked at Dan again noticing that he looked almost unbearably sad and very ashamed. “Dan?” He asked “Please don't be so sad. I am not mad at you.”
“I keep making it worse!” Dan cried, throwing his hands in the air. “Maybe I should leave. My God.”
“No. You can't leave.” Phil snapped quickly adding, “I mean, that's not what I want at all, Dan.”
“I just never know what to do. I am not sure what I am doing when I do. I feel like a child, like I am stupid. I am, aren't I? Stupid I mean.”
“Not even close. It just seems you need some discipline, or maybe a more set scheduled or some structure.” Phil said.
“I am an adult in Uni, Phil. I feel so worthless. You are always cleaning up after me, or guiding me. I am stupid. I have to be. I am not sure why you even-
“Stop it now." Phil said a little louder and more seriously. “Stand up.”
Dan quickly did so as Phil walked over to him, grasping his shoulders he said. “That's enough of this Dan. Today didn't go to plan, but it's in the past now. Yeah, you have some cleanliness habits I could really do with expanding, but it's okay. I don't like it when you speak of yourself in such a way. You need to stop it right now.”
Dan inhaled sharply “I know, I just-” Phil cut him off
“I said enough, Daniel. Not another word of this. Let it go.”
“I- I don't know how. I feel like I am fucking up your life.”
“Watch your mouth.” He growled as he tightened his grip on Dan's shoulders. “And, I said stop talking like that.” Dan shifted under the increased pressure and closed his eyes. Suddenly he gasped loudly his eyes dipping lower and then back up quickly as he and turned red.
“What?” Phil asked.
Dan shrugged out of his grasp and pushed him away roughly, retreating to his bedroom.
“Not again, Dan!” He yelled as he went after him. “I am tired of you running away when we are in the middle of a discussion.” He knocked on his door “I am coming in.”
“No! Phil. Don't.” Phil ignored him, entering the room Dan was sitting on his bed with a pillow on his lap.
“What are you doing?” Phil asked, incredulously.
“Nothing, just go away Phil.” Dan was embarrassed again, Phil didn't know why. He went and sat next to Dan.
“Dan, please just tell me what's the matter, okay? We are adults technically, we need to have adult conversations.”
“Not about this.”
Raising an eyebrow, Phil asked, “About what Dan?”
“Please, Phil. Leave it.”
Phil glanced down to the pillow noticing it was adjusted just right to cover Dan's- “Oh.” Phil said. Dan covered his face with his hands.
“Dan?”
“Please, can we just drop it, Phil?”
“Why is there a pillow on your lap?”
“Because.”
“Why?”
Dan didn't respond. “Are you hard, Dan?”
“Oh my God, Phil. Please.”
“Answer me.”
Dan's hands came away from his faces and he meekly said “Yes. I'm sorry.”
Phil chuckled. “Why are you hard?”
“I-” Dan cut himself off and sighed.
“Was it me?”
Dan nodded.
“You find me attractive when I am upset?”
Dan shook his head forcefully.
“What was it then?”
“Phil, I don't want to talk about this.”
“Too bad. What was it?”
“I noticed when you grabbed me and then told me what to do,” Dan said his voice barely above a whisper.
Phil smiled. “Did you now?”
“Yes, now will you please leave me alone?”
“It seems unfair of me to have caused this and not fix it.” Phil said deeply, glancing down to the pillow. Slowly, he reached out his hand towards the pillow so Dan could have every opportunity to stop him. When he didn't, Phil pulled away the pillow finding that Dan was still clearly hard. “Do you want me to help?”
Dan sucked in a breath and nodded.
“Tell me.”
Dan looked made a face that was silently begging Phil to stop.
“Tell me, Dan,” Phil said more gruffly
“Phil, I want you to help me,” Dan said, soft and meek again.
“We are going to have to work on how you ask for things, pretty boy.” Phil stood up, pulling Dan with him. “Take off your clothes, Dan.”
Dan almost whined as he obeyed orders. Phil should have seen it before, but with how inexperienced Dan was it wasn't surprising that he didn't figure it out straight away. Dan had very submissive personally traits and qualities. Phil should have noticed it on Friday when all of this had started.
“I want you to be honest with me Dan.” He said as Dan stood in front of him, naked, with his hands clutched loosely in front of his crotch. “Do you like being told what to do?”
Dan shrugged. “Use your words.”
“I don't know.”
“Your body says otherwise, yeah?” Phil closed the gap between them, running one hand down Dan's left arm. Dan looked away, bashfully. “You don't have to be embarrassed around me, Dan. It's just me.”
“This is all so confusing,” Dan blurted out. “I keep thinking about how I am not gay and how I love it when you-” Dan stopped and looked at Phil. “I'm scared, Phil.”
“I will take care of you, Dan. If I could ease your fear I would, but I think that is something that comes with time. Dan, you are in control, alright? If you say stop we stop, right?”
Dan nodded again, his head still turned away. Phil grabbed his chin and turned him so he was staring into Phil's eyes. “Want to try that again, pretty boy?”
“Ah- yeah, yes. It stops when I say stop.”
“Good boy,” Phil said and as he suspected Dan closed his eyes and leaned into Phil's touch. Of course, he liked praise. “Now about the situation I have caused. How should I take care of it?”
“It's up to you,” Dan muttered.
“It always has been. Now, what do you want?”
Dan started to tremble and slowly moved closer to Phil, resting his head on his shoulder.
Phil wrapped his arms around Dan, holding him closely as they stood there. “Is this what you need? To be held?” Dan nodded into Phil's shoulder. It suddenly dawned on Phil what was going on, Dan needed reassurance. “I care about you a lot, Dan.” Phil said softly. “So if you need to cuddle, rather than me get you off, that's okay.”
“I-I'm not sure,” Dan said.
Phil led Dan to his bed, he laid down and motioned for Dan to do the same. Once he had, Phil pulled Dan's head to his chest and covered them with the Duvet so Dan wasn't so exposed. “It's okay Dan. I know you are feeling pretty bad about today, but I forgive you.”
Dan snuggled closer to Phil, sighing content.
“You are safe and I don't judge you, you just confuse me sometimes.” Phil could feel Dan poking his leg with his erection. “Would you like me to take care of this?” Phil said reaching down and tracing Dan's erection with one finger.
“Please, I'm so hard, Phil.”
“Mm, yes, I feel that pretty boy.” Phil wrapped his hand around Dan's throbbing cock. “I don't want to make a mess though,” As reached out a grabbed a few tissues from the nightstand. “I should make you wait to cum, because you were so naughty today.” Dan cried out. “Shh, don't worry, Not today." Phil started to stroke Dan more rapidly.
“See, the thing is, pretty boy. I just realized something about you.” Phil leaned in closely so he was whispering right in Dan's ear. “I think you are a sub, that wants a Dom, even if you don't really understand it.” Dan moaned and slightly thrust his hips. “I am not really a Dom by definition, but I think I can manage, don't you?” Dan started to breath faster. “You want that don't you Dan? You want me to control you, guide you, protect you.” Phil started to flick his wrist. “I sorta already do that, don't I?”
“Phil, please. Close.” Dan huffed.
Phil got the tissues ready. “I love to watch you lose control. That's it, baby. Cum for me.”
“Oh god, Phil, please.” Dan starting to thrust into Phil's hand harder. “I said Cum, Daniel.” He said sternly as Dan cried out finding his release. “Good boy.” Phil praised. He got up from the bed discarding the tissues. “I'll be right back, get dressed and wait under the Duvet.
Phil went to his bedroom to take care of himself. Once there it only took a few frantic tugs until he was cumming. Phil changed into PJs and went into the kitchen to make sure nothing was left out that shouldn't be. He grabbed two bottle of water and went back to Dan who was now laying back with his head on his hands, looking at the ceiling.
“Here, got you some water.”
“Oh, thanks.” Dan grabbed it and took a sip. Phil laid down next time in the same way Dan was laying.
“Are you okay?”
“I think I am.” He said. “Phil, this thing we are doing?”
“Yeah?”
“What happens if I don't want to do it anymore?”
“If you actually mean it and are serious it stops. Remember? That hasn't changed. It never will.”
“Okay, good.” Dan took a deep breath. ”I am not good at asking things as you know. I just want to make sure that whatever we have doesn't mess up our living situation or Uni. So If I say stop-”
Phil cut him off. “It stops, we go back to being flatmates and best friends, just the same without the extras.” Phil turned so he was facing Dan. “This is all up to you, Dan.”
“Okay. Thanks, Phil. Um, would you, I mean could you maybe cuddle me again?” Dan's voice sounded as if he was waiting for rejection.
“You know I will.” Phil said pulling him to his chest. Dan was slightly trembling. “Were you that scared to ask?” Dan nodded against his chest. “I meant what I said. I care about you a lot.”
“Me too” He mumbled
“Am I sleeping in here?”
“Please?”
“Okay, but we are getting up early then so we are not late for class.”
“Okay.
“Rest now Dan. Don't overthink things.”
“Mmhm.” Dan replied already falling asleep. Phil held Dan a little tighter and closer. He didn't know what was going to happen in the coming days, but he did know he wanted to make Dan happier than he had ever been. “I will take good care of you. We will be happy.” Phil whispered as he started to drift off himself.

Chapter Text

The next morning, as promised Phil had them up early and to class. Dan did not protest as much as Phil thought he would. The week went by without incident or any other contact between them. When they had their meal break mid-day, Dan and Phil always ate together as well. It was Thursday and Phil was waiting near where they always met up, but Dan was late. Phil nervously started to eat his sandwich when his phone went off. It was Dan.
“Phil, I'm really sick.”
Phil frowned at his phone
“Where are you?”
“West Hall bathrooms.”
“I am on my way to you. How long have you been there?”
Phil started to power walk as fast as he could, if Dan were in the west hall bathrooms, he must have been there for at least two hours. Dan's response made his heart drop.
“Long time.”
Phil finally got to the bathroom. "Dan?”
“L-last stall.” Dan's voice gave away the amount of pain he was in. Phil walked down as he heard Dan fumbling with the latch. Dan was covered in a sheen of sweat, one arm leaning on the toilet seat and the other clutched around his midsection.
“Oh my God, Dan,” Phil exclaimed, covering his mouth with his hand
“P-Phil, it hurts. It really hurts.” Dan whined.
“We need to get you to A&E, right now.”
“I-I can't really get up.”
“I will call an ambulance.”
“No! Phil, please. The West exit is only a few doors down, please don't make me be wheeled out of here. Please.” Dan begged
Against his better judgment, Phil nodded. “Okay. I am going to have to carry you.” Phil reached down and put Dan's bag over his shoulder then scooped up Dan. Dan moaned in pain.
“Dan?” Phil said nervously.
“Just. Get. Me. Out.” Dan grunted out through his teeth. Phil was not sure how he did it, but he successfully carried Dan out the door and to a bench near by. He sat Dan down, then the bags and sat next to Dan so he could support him.
“Okay, we are out of the building. Now I am calling an ambulance.” Dan had no fight left in him so he nodded against Phil.
They were waiting for the ambulance after the call to 999 had been made when Dan squeaked out. “I'm so scared.”
“It's going to be okay, Dan.” Phil stroked the side of his head.
“Tell them you're my boyfriend.”
“W-what?”
“They'll let you ride with me.” Dan groaned again.
“Of course,” Phil said
And that's exactly how it happened. The paramedics let him ride with Dan and the nurses allowed him to be in Dan's room. They had given him pain meds through an IV as they waited on tests.
“You still okay?” Phil asked softly
“This fucking hurts.” Dan murmured.
“I know, the doctors are working on it.”
“Make it stop.” Dan groaned.
“You can still feel it that intensely?” It seemed to Phil the meds were not working at all.
“Yes, Phil, fuck sake.”
Phil walked out to the nurse's station “Excuse me, Dan is still in a great deal of pain. Can someone come in?”
The nurse nodded as Phil went back to Dan.
“Phil?”
“Yeah, I'm here. The nurse is coming back in to help.”
“I am so tired, but hurt too much to sleep.”
“I'm sorry, pretty boy,” Phil said, again using the pet name without meaning too.

The nurses came back in and gave Dan more meds, Dan's whimpering started to lessen. Dan was out of it, he eyes couldn't focus.
“He's going to be sleeping now, it seems as if it takes longer for his system to process the medication.” The nurse explained as she walked out of the room.
“Phiiiil” Dan moaned “W-what's going on?”
Phil moved close to him and stroked his hair. “You're okay, Dan. It's the pain meds.”
“I want to sleep, daddy.” Dan moaned out.
Phil blushed slightly, he was glad the nurse was gone. “Then rest. It's okay, close your eyes, I will be right here.”
Dan reached out for Phil's other hand and clasped it, falling into a deep sleep.
An hour had passed and Dan was still asleep. Phil was glad that he was sleeping so he wasn't aware he was in pain. The doctor came in a short while later.
“I see the pain medication is working.” The doctor said offering a smile.
“Phil, yeah?”
“That's me.”
“Right. Dan needs his gallbladder out, it's past the point of treatment.”
“O-okay.” Phil stammered.
“I understand that sounds scary, but it's not that uncommon anymore. We are going to come get him at half past and he will be in surgery for about 45 minutes and in recovery for about two hours. I will have someone come to bring you to the recovery room when it's done. In the mean time feel free to get something to eat or make phone calls. He probably won't be awake for another 2 hours.”
Phil just nodded. Phone calls, of course! Phil had to call Dan's family, as well as their professors. He stood up, kissed Dan's forehead and decided to go get something out of the vending machine and make the necessary calls.

Dan was fine, in recovery with Phil next to him. Time flew by for most, but for Phil, he had never felt time pass slower. Dan had already been in recovery for two hours, this was because of how slowly his system passed the medication. Normally he should have been awake, though the doctors were not that concerned. Phil's phone conversation with Dan's mother was one of the most awkward he had had. She was not in country so it wasn't as if she could come to the hospital, but Phil promised to keep her updated via text. Phil shook his head, his mother didn't seem worried at all. The amount this hurt Phil for Dan surprised him. He actually had shed a few tears. Uni had allowed him and Dan a two week leave as Phil was the only one around to take care of Dan. Phil sat next to Dan's sleeping body, hands intertwined and his head down on the bed. It had been a long day.
Phil suddenly felt something stroking his thumb as he opened his eyes, he saw Dan with a sleepy smile on his face. “Hey.” He slurred.
“Oh thank God.” Phil breathed rushing up to place a kiss on Dan's forehead. “How do you feel?” Phil asked looking in Dan's eyes.
“Sleepy. I'm fine Phil. What happened?”
“You had your gallbladder removed.”
“Oh.” Dan tried to move. “Ow.”
“Daniel, stop! I just told you-you had surgery. Don't try to move!”
Dan smirked and blushed. “Y-yeah okay.”

The nurse came back in, Dan's vitals were fine and as long as they stayed that way, he would be able to leave in the morning. Phil slept in a chair beside Dan's bed all night. There was no way he was leaving. Morning came quicker than he thought it would, though it also brought more soreness than usual. He opened his eyes to see Dan just starting at him. He smiled.
“Are you okay?”
“Am I okay? You've just had an organ removed and you are asking if I am okay?” Phil chuckled shaking his head. Yes, Dan, I am fine.”
“Can I have my phone?”
“It's dead, I don't have a charger here. I'm sorry. Mine has a little left, you can use it, though be quick because I am going to have to call for a car or maybe Candice to get us home.”
“Well, I just wanted to call home and maybe Uni.”
“I already did that. Hence the dead phone.”
“You called my mum?”
“Y-yes?”
Dan blanched. “What did she say?”
“Well, they are out of country and asked me to, ah, text her when I knew you were okay. I did that when you fell asleep again, then they battery died.”
“Thank you,” Dan said quietly. “Sorry, this happened.”
“Why? It's not your fault, is it?”
“No.” Dan grimaced.
“Are you in pain?”
“Yes, but it's not too bad unless I move.”
“I'm sure they will give you something, then probably more to go home with.”
That is exactly what happened. Dan was allowed to go home with very strict restrictions. For at least the next three days, Dan was to take it easy. Not a lot of movement without help. Phil had called Candice who, though pissed this was the first she had heard of it, skipped classes to come and get them. The nurse gave him one more dose of IV medication about an hour before Candice got there so it would take effect on the journey home.
“Hey Candy pants” Dan greeted her.
“Hello High as fuck, Dan.” She smiled softly. “Ready to bust this joint?”
“Only if Philly comes.”
“That's the plan, Kiddo.”
“Yay!” Dan said, smiling and starting to clap his hands until Phil stopped him.
“Easy, Dan. Organ removed, remember?”
“Oh, shit.” Dan's face contorted “I had surgery!”
“Sure did, Danny boy.” Candice quipped. She could tell he was starting to get nervous. “Let's go home, that weeb trash you enjoy won't watch itself.”
“Fuck off Candyass,” Dan said playfully.
“That's enough Dan. Let's go okay Cands?” Phil asked, pressingly.
“Yeah, sure Phil.” She said
Phil helped Dan into the wheel chair, out of it and into Candice's car. Phil sat in the back with Dan to make sure he was sitting properly. When they got home, with a little help from Candice, Phil got Dan into his bed and resting.
Candice was still there, fresh coffee poured. “Thought you may need this.” She smiled
“Thank you.” Phil sat down, took a sip and sighed. Before he even knew what was happening he started to cry. Fat tear drops started to splash down his face. Candice grabbed his hand, comforting him.
“Been stressful 24ish hours, huh?” She sad soothingly.
“Y-yeah. I was so scared.”
“I know.”
“I was afraid I would lose him. I know I was overreacting, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.
“Well, that's what happens when it's someone you love, Phil.”
“Yeah, but I was being really dramatic. Wait, what?”
“Caught that did ya?”
“Candice, no. It's not like that.”
She scoffed. “Sure, sorry. My mistake.”
Phil sighed as he drank his coffee. Candice had offered to go to the shop to get food and supplies while Dan rested with Phil graciously accepted. Phil was very conflicted, Dan wanted a Dom, he new that, but did Doms cry? If he was this emotional, this sappy, could he possibly be what Dan needed? Did he love him? Phil shuttered at this thought briefly. No, he couldn't love Dan like that, it wasn't what Dan wanted. Did Doms fall in love with their submissive? Phil didn't know. Candice had returned, helped put things away and then left, making Phil promise to call if he needed anything. Dan had a diet plan he had to follow for the first 3 days as well. He looked at the list:
Applesauce
Bananas
Broth
Crackers
Jello
Eggs
Chicken or fish, steamed or braised
Rice
Soup
This is what he sent with Candice. He made some rice to be heated up later and put it away before he went to check on Dan. When he got to Dan's room he heard Dan moaning.
“Dan, are you okay?”
“Please fuck me, Phil.” Dan moaned as Phil gasped. Dan was having a dream, he wasn't awake. Phil's heart started to race slightly as Dan woke up and looked at him. “Phil?”
“Yeah, we are home, Dan. Are you okay?”
“I-I don't' know. I feel funny.”
“Pain meds.”
“Yep, that will do it,” Dan said suddenly swinging his legs to the side of the bed. “Holy fucking shit.” He shrieked, gabbing his stomach.
“DAN!! Be careful. What are you even doing?”
“I have to pee, Phil.”
“Okay, you need to tell me, and then I will help you, okay? The doctors said that you are not to be very active at all until at the very earliest Monday.
“What is today?”
“Friday. Now let me help you.” Phil moved to Dan as Dan started to get up. Phil surprised him when he picked him up and carried him.
“Um, Phil?”
“This will keep you less active. I mean it, Dan. You need to listen to me, understood?”
“Yes, Phil.”
“ I won't leave the room, but I will turn my back.”
“O-okay.”
Dan finished, Phil helped him wash his hands and carried him back to his bed. “Are you hungry?”
“Gross, no,” Dan said.
“Okay, here, drink some water though.”
Dan nodded and took two good sips. “May I have my phone? I should text my mum.”
“Sure.” Phil handed it to him. “I will be out in the lounge if you need anything.”
“Okay. Hey, Phil?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for- well you know, everything. Once again you save my life.”
Phil laughed, “Of course.”
Phil sat down on the couch. What the hell just happened. Sleep Dan was asking Phil to fuck him. Phil moaned slightly when the memory replayed. “He is high as a kite, Phil.” He scolded himself, but it still didn't prevent his cock from starting to harden. Dan was sick, too sick to do anything like that and Phil never would try with him obviously recovering, but it still had an effect on Phil. Phil had given Dan about a half of and hour and checked on him when he hadn't heard any noises for awhile. Dan had fallen asleep, his phone in his hand. Phil smiled down at him, too his phone out of his hand and covered him.
“Phil,” Dan said softly. Apparently, he wasn't that asleep.
“Yeah?”
“I am in a lot of pain again.” He said, his voice shaky.
“Okay, I have tablets for you, but you will have to try to eat something first.”
“Oh, okay.” Dan opened his eyes completely and smiled up at Phil. “I would be in really bad shape without you, you know.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Phil joked “So you can only have certain things per doctors orders. I have rice made, there is applesauce, crackers, bananas...”
“I really want Pizza.” He muttered and Phil laughed.
“Sorry, not on the menu. So, what will it be?”
“Applesauce.”
“Okay and I will get you a banana, I don't know if applesauce alone will protect your stomach.”
“Okay. He shuffled slightly. “Are you going to carry me to the Kitchen?” He asked with a raised eye brow.
“Well, if you want to be in the Kitchen, yeah. Otherwise, I'll just bring it to you here.”
“Oh, right. Yeah. I can stay here.”
Phil came back quickly with the applesauce and banana; as well as the tablets and more water for Dan.
“Here, let me help you sit up.” Dan nodded and leaned into Phil. “You good? Does this position feel okay?”
“S'okay, not for long.” Dan started to eat quickly. Phil would have scolded him, but he knew Dan was in pain and he had to hungry. When finished, Phil gave him the meds and they just sat for awhile.
“Dan, did this just come on suddenly or had you been feeling ill for awhile?”
“Suddenly, I was getting ready to go to East Hall and got sick before I could even walk. I was scared. It was gross. I am gross. I need a shower.”
“Sorry, no showers yet. What I can do is get you set up in the bathroom so you can wash.”
“Yeah, okay. Let me rest a little.”
“We do this at your pace. I'm not the one who was cut open.” Phil smirked standing up.
“I will let you rest, but I have to go tidy to make it easier for you to get around.”
“Okay. Pain is less now.” Phil helped him lay back down and covered him up again.
“Just rest, Dan. When you wake up, text me and I will come back to help you if I am not near.”
“Okay,” Dan said sleepily.

Phil did just as he had said and pretty much sped cleaned everything. When he was done, he sat down on the couch and unintentionally dozed off. He was awoken by someone brushing his hair off of his face. He opened his eyes and jumped when he saw Dan leaning over him.
“Dan? What are you doing?”
“I tried to text you, Phil. But it's fine.” Dan staggered to the couch and sat down as gently as he could, still crying out in pain.
“Dan, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep.” Phil felt awful. “Yeah, taking real good care of him aren't you?” He thought angrily to himself.
“I am okay, Phil. You were out cold, so I guess you needed sleep too.”
“Yeah, okay,” Phil growled as Dan flinched.
“Phil?” Dan said meekly “Are you mad?”
“Yes,” Phil said
“I'm sorry, I had to pee and you didn't answer.”
“No, I'm not mad at you.” Phil smiled at him “I'm sorry. I am mad at me.”
“Oh.” Was all Dan said. “Well I'm right here now, so if you need to sleep more I can just watch the telly.”
“No. I thought you wanted to get cleaned up.”
“Well, yeah, but that can wait if need be. You spent a night at the hospital sleeping in a chair, Phil. I am sure you are sore too.”
Phil laughed in spite of himself. “Once again says you, who had an organ removed.”
“Not this again.” Dan groaned. “You can still be tired and sore too.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Phil stretched a little and stood up quickly, dizziness surrounding him as he did so.
“Shit. Phil.” Dan said reaching out his hand for Phil to take grasp of. “When was the last time you ate anything, Mate?”
Phil smirked. “Had coffee this morning with Candice.”
“No matter how much you want to it be Phil, Coffee is not a food group. You need to eat.”
“Yeah, it's fine I will later.”
“Phil! Go, eat now. If you pass out I can't pick you up, at least not now. I will have to call Candy and she will have to pick your ass up.” He giggled a little, Phil stared at him. He was so beautiful and care free. The pain meds had diluted his constant state of fearful insecurity and self-doubt.
“Wow, you got bossy.”
Blushing, Dan said. “Well, I don't want you to get sick.” He winked “And not only because I need you to help me do, well pretty much anything for awhile. I care about your health too. Okay?”
“I was only teasing. Okay, I am going to go eat something quick and then I will get things set up for you to wash.” Phil said.
“Good.” Dan softly sat back on the sofa and flick on the telly, he was feigning nonchalance, but Phil could tell he was worried. Something had shifted between them, they were no longer just friends or even best friends. Phil had no idea what they were, all he knew is that Dan needed him and Phil had no problem taking care of him. Maybe he would be able to be a Dom, albeit an unconventional Dom, but Phil knew he could make Dan happy. Sighing happily Phil finished his food and went to get things ready for Dan. This was his life for at least the next few days, and if he were honest, he couldn't be happier.

Chapter Text

It was the Saturday after Dan's surgery. He woke up with his head on Phil's chest to his rhythmic breathing. Dan slowly peeked up at Phil, he looked exhausted. Stretching slightly he let out a small whimper and Phil's face turned into a scowl. “Shh, I'm okay Phil.” He said softly. Dan laid as still as possible so Phil wouldn't wake up until he couldn't hold is bladder anymore. Moving at a snail's pace, he moved away from Phil and slowly sat up. Pain shot across his stomach as he moved, he bit his lip to prevent any noise escaping from his mouth. Slowly he got up and stood for a moment, feeling how shaky his legs were, he sighed. He hadn't eaten much and he had been on pain medication for the better part of two days now. Slowly, taking careful steps he made it to the bathroom and out again back to the sofa in the lounge.
This gave Dan a chance to think. He slowly started to process what had happened, from the pain at Uni, to Phil's panicked expression when he had woken up. Dan would be forever grateful for what Phil did for him. His family was out of country on another one of their family vacations that he no longer was invited too. There was a small stab of sadness with the last thought, but Dan pushed it away. He figured that crying wouldn't help his newly healing incision.
His mind then wandered to what had happened with Phil only the weekend prior. He flushed and smiled as he thought of how Phil had made him feel. Dan liked being taken care of and told what to do, though he had no realized that until it happened. Was he a sub? Dan didn't like labels, but it seemed to make sense. Was this is a mistake? Would this ruin Uni? Life? Their friendship? What was the point of any of this anyway? Death was imminent so there is no point to anything. Dan shook his head, “No energy for an existential crisis now, Dan.” He said out loud to himself. He leaned back and closed his eyes. He never imagined that anything like this would happen with his Uni flatmate, nor that he was gay. Maybe he wasn't gay, maybe he was just horny and Phil was there. That must have been it because Dan had always though that no matter what happened otherwise, he would find a wife and start a family. Now, however, the thought of that made him sigh. Was that what he actually wanted, or did he keep saying that growing up to appease his family? Dan groaned at himself, he was starting to sink into a spiral of unanswerable questions. “Stop Dan.” He told himself, pushing the pads of his thumbs into his eyes.
Phil. Dan would make breakfast for Phil. He nodded at his own thought and slowly started to rise. The pain was sharp but short-lived as he slowed his pace and made his way to the Kitchen. He started the coffee, leaning against the counter as the room started to spin. “I got this.” He said out loud reaching up to get the pancake batter from the cupboard, carefully reaching and retrieving the box. The process was slow and painful. Halfway through he had to sit down and rest, drinking water and forcing down apple sauce and a few crackers. He needed to take a pain pill. Dan finished the stack of Pancakes, set the table for Phil and took his medication. He walked slowly to the bedroom and woke Phil up.
“Hey, Phil.” He said softly as he shook him.
“Hm? What?” Phil slowly opened up his eyes and smiled, he couldn't see Dan without his glasses, but he knew it was him. He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand before he noticed the smells. “Dan?”
Dan smiled, proud of himself. “Come, ” He said reaching out his hand for Phil to get out of bed. “Meet me in the Kitchen when you are ready.”
“Dan, what are you doing?”
“Just humor the gimp, okay?” With that, Dan turned to walk out of the room. He stopped into doorway briefly and continued. Phil went to the bathroom and then to the Kitchen.
Pancakes and Coffee were set up in his spot with Dan leaning against the counter smiling at him.
“Dan, did you do this?”
Dan nodded and continued to smile.
“Oh my god, Dan. You are not supposed to be doing this! Why?”
“Er, I just w-wanted to do something nice for you.”
“What part of “not active” did you not understand?” Phil said firmly, watching Dan's face fall. Phil started to panic with the thought of how badly he could have injured himself. “This is not okay Dan! Did you tear out stitches? Are you in a lot of pain? You need to heal, rest and stay still! You may not heal right. What were you thinking?” Tears formed in Dan's eyes as he choked out
“Fine. Fuck off.” He started to walk out of the Kitchen “Enjoy breakfast.” Dan went into his room slamming his door. He felt rejected, defeated and hurt.
“Damn it!” Phil cursed at his pancakes. He took a sip of his Coffee, sighing as it passed over his tongue. Dan knew exactly how he took his coffee and had gone to a great deal of effort to make a nice breakfast for Phil. Guilt slowly crept in. Phil wasn't trying to hurt Dan and knew how much effort it must have taken for everything that occurred before Dan had woken Phil Phil looked down at his plate smiling sadly. As he walked away from his plate, his stomach complained noisily, growling with hunger.
He knocked on Dan's door. “Dan, may I come in.”
“No,” Dan said meekly. “I-I don't-”
Phil tried the door, it was locked. “Dan...”
“N-no Phil.” Dan's voice was laced with tears and slurred.
Phil assumed he had taken pain meds. “Did you eat before you took medicine, Dan?”
“Not a stupid twat, Phil.” He slurred. “Go eat, Phil. M'fine.”
“I am not fooling around anymore. Open the door.”
“Fuck off.”
“Excuse me. That is twice you have said that to me today.”
“Fuck off. There's three.” Dan coughed a little and cried out in pain followed by a gruff “You ass.”
“DANIEL! OPEN THE GOD. DAMN DOOR!!!” Phil screamed “Now.” He heard urgent rustling and Dan finally opened the door. “I should put you over my knee,” Phil muttered softly as he looked up at Dan. He was sweaty and his face was puffy from crying.
“You really hurt me. But then again, fuck up Dan, right?” He said weakly with his eyes drooped.
Phil's anger melted and he sighed. “You should lay down. Come.” Phil encouraged Dan onto his bed. “I kinda lost it out there,” Phil said rubbing his neck nervously. “I really didn't mean to be so rude to you Dan,” Phil said seriously as he helped Dan under the Duvet. “I was really scared. It's not an excuse pretty” Phil corrected himself “Sure that's what caused me to overreact.”
Dan looked up at him confused. “Why? What was there to be scared of?”
“Many things. Dan, you could have really hurt yourself. Please don't think that I take this lightly, I do appreciate the gesture, so thank you. You are so a very sweet boy.” Phil brushed Dan's hair out of his face. “I just want you to heal right and get better, Okay?”
Dan flushed and nodded. “M'sorry.”
“Me too. Rest okay?” Dan couldn't fight it at this point, he nodded again and closed his eyes.
Phil made his way to the Kitchen sighing at himself and sitting down. Though they were now cold, Phil ate the pancakes and finished his coffee. Hopefully, when Dan woke up later, he wouldn't still be upset.
Phil started on some course work, his professors had emailed him assignment so that he didn't fall so far behind. Dan had some as well, but Phil doubted he would do it anyway. Though he was trying to focus on his course work, he couldn't help but keep thinking about how quickly Dan scrambled to get to the door when Phil yelled. He wasn't trying to be mean, but he needed to get to Dan. A small part of him wanted to gush over and apologize to Dan, however that wouldn't be what a Dom did, would it?
It frightened Phil a little how easily the roll had come to him. He wondered if they would ever get into safe words or other things in their “relationship,” whatever the hell it was.
Shaking his head he refocused on his assignments. Right now none of that mattered, Dan's recovery was all that mattered.

A few hours had passed, Phil had finished cleaning the flat and was mindlessly browsing the internet. He started to hear soft moans coming from Dan's room. “Dan?” he called.
“M'okay.”
Phil went to Dan's room, his half curly half matted hair was a mess, but Phil had to suppress a low moan. Dan looked hot. Shaking his head he walked in. “Need help getting up?” Dan nodded shyly. Phil lead Dan to the bathroom, allowing him some privacy, he said. “Call me when you're done, yeah?”
“Okay,” Dan muttered, clearly embarrassed.
“Dan, it's just me okay? Don't be embarrassed about this. You are injured, okay?” Phil closed the door without giving Dan a chance to respond. He sat on the sofa, willing his half hard cock to deflate. “He just had surgery, Phil.” He scolded himself. He couldn't help it, helpless sleepy Dan was hot. Phil shook his head trying to clear the thoughts that were less than innocent.
“P-Phil?”
“Coming.” Phil got up and helped Dan to the Sofa.
“Um,” Dan said hesitantly. “A-are you still mad at me?” His eyes were glued to a spot on the floor.
“No. I wasn't ever really mad.”
“Okay.” Dan sighed “Can you help me with something then?”
Phil smiled. “Of course, even if I were mad I would do that.”
“I was thinking maybe you could help me.” He stopped and looked up at Phil's face. It looked eager like he was earnestly waiting to help. He looked into Phil's eyes, which showed no hesitation. “ Ah, put dry hair shampoo in my hair. I know I can't shower, but my head itches and hopefully that will help.”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.”
“You're welcome. You don't need to be shy about asking for help. I want to take care of you, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay.” Dan sighed, tension draining from his face.
Phil lowered his voice. “It's just me Dan, I know you like being taken care of and I like taking care of you. So stop stressing, pretty boy. It's okay.”

Phil helped Dan sort out his hair and then made him eat something (which once again was apple sauce and a few crackers)and started to gather laundry for tomorrow. Dan wouldn't be able to join him so Candice was coming to stay with him while Phil took care of it.
“Phil?”
“Yeah?”
“When do I have to go back to Uni?”
“You have two weeks, don't worry about that yet, okay?”
“Okay.” Dan shifted. “Phil?”
“Yes, Dan.”
“Will you play Mario Cart with me?”
Phil smiled. “Sure.”
“I need a distraction.”
“No rage mode, though. You are not healthy enough.”
“I'll try,” He looked at Phil and smiled, “But no promises.”
“Well keep it under control, mister, or we will turn if off!” Phil said in a mock “dad” voice.
“Yes, sir.” He said, smirking.
Dan only made it three races before his eye started to droop again. Dan slowly got closer and closer to Phil eventually leaning on his shoulder.
“Dan-” Phil started
“No, can you just play? I'll watch you?”
“For a little while, okay? I think you need to lay down again.”
“I really am sick of my bed.” He said, yawning.
Phil laughed and continued to play. He didn't make it to the end of the round until Dan was asleep on his shoulder. Shifting and leaning back so Dan's head was resting on his chest, Phil arranged his arms so he could support Dan and still play. Dan's circulatory system was so slow that Phil knew that it took a long time for Dan to stop needing continuous naps With the pain Dan clearly was in, he knew that Dan would have to take more soon. Right now, Phil was just enjoying Dan sleeping peacefully on his chest while he played the game. Dan's soft breathing was starting to beckon to Phil almost as if it was inviting him to sleep as well. Phil paused the game and snuggled into Dan more, falling asleep himself.
Phil woke up a short time later to Dan grinding his pelvis into him. Phil wasn't sure what to do, he was afraid Dan was going to hurt himself, but also did not want to embarrass him. He cleared his throat in hopes Dan would naturally wake up but no such luck.
“Hey, Dan?” Phil asked. “Dan, wake up.”
Dan's movements slowed and he slowly opened his eyes.
“Hm?” He asked softly.
“I have to go to the toilet and I didn't want to hurt you.” Phil lied. Dan shifted over sleepily and winced. “Sorry,” Phil said as he went to the bathroom. He was hard, Dan humping his leg so desperately apparently turned Phil on very much. “It will go away.” He said to himself in the mirror. Breathing deeply and concentrating on calming down he groaned. Dan was none the wiser, but he was really giving Phil a case of blue balls. Phil chuckled when the memory of him telling Dan the same flashed through his head. Phil washed his hands and walked back out in the lounge. Dan's cheeks were red, he must had realized he was hard.
“You didn't flush, dude,” Dan said, his eyes still closed.
“Right. Still sleeping.” Phil when back to the bathroom and flushed the empty toilet.
“Do you need anything, Dan?” Phil asked as Dan's blush now spread to his ears.
“No, I think I'm okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Okay? I'm fine.” Dan snapped.
“Clearly,” Phil said dryly
“M'sorry. I guess I am crabby.” He muttered as he tried to stand, falling slightly as Phil caught him.
“Be careful.”
“Phil,” Dan whispered. Phil noticed Dan's erection pushing into his leg.
“Still hard huh?” Phil gently teased
“Oh my God, you felt it earlier”
“It's fine Dan, it happens.”
“Oh God.” Dan looked down. “I am so sorry.”
“Dan, enough,” Phil ordered and Dan nodded. “Why did you get up.”
“Bathroom.”
“Okay let's go.”
“I will go myself,” Dan said, trying to move his body so he wasn't pressing into Phil with his painfully stiff cock. Phil pulled him gently back into his side.
“No, Dan. Just because you have an erection, doesn't mean that you can move freely. It's still only day two, Dan.”
“This is humiliating, Phil.”
“We are men, Dan.”
“I'm well aware of that. Now, may I please go to the bathroom?”
Nodding Phil helped guide him there. “Only go to the bathroom. Any other, ah, movement may hurt you.”
“Oh my God Phil.” Dan rolled his eyes.
“Told you before I didn't like that, Daniel. Call me when you need help walking back.”
“Fine,” Dan said, though his tone wasn't snarky, it was acceptance.
“Okay,” Dan called after awhile. Phil came back and helped him back to the sofa. His erection was starting to go away, but not completely gone. He was so mortified. Dan remembered his dream and could only assume he was humping Phil's leg in his sleep.
“Thanks, Phil.”
“You're welcome. Now, what do you want to eat? Maybe some soup?”
“I'm not hungry.” He said as his stomach growled. Phil cocked an eyebrow. “Well I don't feel hungry, but I guess I am.” He chuckled softly.
“Okay, soup it is.” Phil winked at Dan as he went to the Kitchen. This did not help Dan's problem. All that wink did is make Dan fully hard again.
“I'm so stupid,” Dan said out loud.
“What was that Dan?”
“Nothing, talking to myself.”
“Okay.” Thankfully, Dan talked to himself all of the time, so this wasn't an unusual response.
A few moments later Phil came back in. “Soup will be ready in a few minutes.”
“Okay, I would like to eat at the table today.”
“Okay, I will help you there when the soup is done.” Phil noticed Dan's hands were folded in his lap, but he chooses not to mention it. Dan was so embarrassed as it was, but it seemed as if his erection wasn't going down at all.
“Okay,” Dan said, not making eye contact.
“Are you okay Dan? Are you in pain?”
“Only slightly.”
“Okay, well you can have more meds after food if you want.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Dan agreed. At least if he took the meds he could probably sleep more and escape this hell. He knew Phil saw but was immensely thankful when Phil didn't say anything. It was like his body was a magnet to Phil's. He wanted Phil to touch him so badly, but he didn't want to ask. He assumed Phil would scold him, “movements” and such. No, Dan would just have to wait for this to go away. He did it for years before last weekend, what were a few days? Still, the strain in his pants persisted. Why was this so much more difficult now? Phil was like a drug. Phil smiled at Dan and turned to go back to the Kitchen. A few moments later he was back to the sofa.
“Soups ready, let's eat!” He smiled at Dan and Dan couldn't help smile back.
Once settled, Dan hesitantly spooned soup into his mouth, followed by urgent eating.
“Dan, slow down.” Phil laughed. Dan stopped eating, a guilty look on his face and soup now dripping down his chin
“Sorry.” He muttered with a full mouth.
“Here.” Phil leaned forward and wiped his mouth and chin with a napkin. Dan's eye swept up and looked into Phil's. Dan swallowed hard. Phil slowly rose his hand, cradled Dan's cheek and softly pressed a kiss to his lips. “I'm sorry this happened to you, Dan.” He murmured into his lips as he pulled away.
“S'okay.” Dan stammered.
Phil smiled “Eat your soup.”
Dan went back to eating, a little more politely this time. Phil watched him, he still had a constant blush on his face and looked frazzled. Was Dan still hard? Would he be able to sleep? Phil may have to take care of him, after all, he would need help. Phil worried about his mental state, however. He in no way wanted to take advantage of Phil.
“Phil!” Dan snapped as if he had been trying to get Phil's attention for awhile.
“What?”
“Wow, mate, you were on some other planet. Did you steal my narcotics?” Dan grinned widely.
Phil shook his head. “Sorry, I “Spaced out.” Phil raised his eyebrows.
Dan scoffed. “Nice.”
“I'm a funny guy,” Phil said.
“You're something alright.” Dan retorted.
“I see eating has perked you right now Danny boy!”
“Ugh, Phil. Don't call me that.”
“You seem to like pretty boy better anyway.”
It was as if time stood still. Phil stared at Dan with a neutral look on his face and Dan flushed as red as Phil had seen him. It was too silent and just as Phil was about to back peddle and try to recover Dan said softly. “Yes, I do.” More silence. “Say something, Phil!” His brain barked at him. “Good. I like it too.” was what came out. Dan shifted and gasped in pain.
“Be careful!” Phil scolded.
“My incision is fine, Phil,” Dan said, frustrated.
“Doesn't sound fine.”
“What else could it be, Phil,” Dan said looking at him pointedly.
“Does it hurt somewhere else?” Phil asked
“Yes, but more like, sweet agony.”
Phil smirked. “Still hard, huh?”
“Yeeeees,” Dan whined. “It's so fucking annoying Phil! I used to be able to just ignore it and it would go away, but now, no way. It's your fault you know, coming into my room, teaching me things.” Dan stopped
“As I recall, pretty boy, I made you cum. Hard.”
Dan shuttered. “I remember too. But it doesn't stop. I just, I am so hard and I want it to stop.” Dan glanced down and then back up at Phil.
“How do you want it to stop, pretty boy?”
“I don't know!” He said loudly, clearly flustered. “You just said I couldn't, I mean earlier in the bathroom. Oh God, you know what? Just forget it okay” Dan buried his face in his hands.
“Dan.” Phil said softly, “Look at me.” Dan slowly removed his face and looked up. “I told you, you don't have to be afraid to ask me. Am I taking care of you, right? If you need something, ask me.” He moved closer to Dan. “Stand up pretty boy, wrap your arms around my neck.” Dan did so and Phil carried him to his room. “You said you were sick of your room, so a change of scenery is in order.”
“Thank you,” Dan said nervously.
“I will help you, but we may need to use trial and error to see what you can and cannot do, okay?”
“Sure.”
“You trust me, right?”
“Yes.”
“And if you say stop it stops, right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, pretty boy. I am going to take such good care of you. I need your pants and trousers off. Do you need help?” Dan shook his head, but Phil ended up helping anyway. “Good, now on the bed, on your back if you are able” Dan slowly laid down. “Good.” Phil looked at Dan's erection, then up to his face and smiled. “You are beautiful Dan, do damn pretty.” Phil knelt between his legs, rubbing his hands up and down Dan's thighs. “Dan, I want to suck you off, okay?”
“Oh my God, please,” Dan whined.
“Okay pretty boy, you have waited long enough.” Slowly Phil dropped his head until it was inches from Dan's cock. “This is still only day two, pretty boy. If anything I do hurts you, tell me.” Phil liked a stripe down then back up Dan's cock. “And don't push yourself because you need to cum. If this doesn't work, we will find another way okay?”
Don nodded. “I need words.”
“Right, okay.” He panted, Phil smirked.
“Do you want me to continue, Dan?”
“Please?”
Phil started to swirl his tongue around the head of Dan's penis before taking him in his mouth entirely.
“Oh my God, Phil.” Dan thrust his hips involuntarily and then cried out in pain.
“No thrusting. Stay still.” Phil held his pelvis with his left hand as he used his right to extend his mouth.
“Phil.” Dan moaned.
Phil pulled his mouth off of Dan but continued with his hand. “Does that feel good Dan? Do you like being in my mouth?” Dan moaned and Phil sped up.
“Phil, I- It's, I'm close.” He whined.
“Good, you need sleep.” Phil took Dan back in his mouth and bobbed up and down as fast as he could.
“Phiiiiill.” Dan whimpered as he tried to move his hips again. Phil pushed down harder now, holding him in place. “Please.” Phil sucked harder and started to twist his hand at the base of Dan's cock, that was all it took. Soon Dan was cumming down Phil's throat. Phil slowly pulled off of Dan and looked up at him. He was sweaty his eyes were fluttering open and then shut. “God, you're beautiful,” Phil said. Dan smiled shyly. Phil help Dan put his pants back on and pulled the duvet over him. “Rest now, pretty boy. I will be coming to bed soon anyway.” Phil stood to leave the room as Dan said.
“Please don't be gone too long, okay?”
“I won't.”
Phil cleaned up the kitchen, got cereal out of the cupboard and put it on the counter along with a bowl in case Dan decided to be independent again and shut off the lights. The day was a mix of sleeping and caregiving and Phil felt satisfied. A small worry crept into his mind about how he was falling in love with Dan too hard and too fast was quickly dismissed as he crawled into bed next to Dan.
“Thank you,” Dan said.
Phil leaned over, kissed his forehead and gently pulled him to his chest.
“You're welcome. Sleep now.”
Phil didn't know what they were, he didn't care. Dan was right, labels were stupid.

Chapter Text

Dan was up before Phil again, however, he felt a little better today. He shifted slightly testing out the pain, it wasn't that bad. If Candice was coming over to babysit him, he wanted to clean up. He was able to slip out of Phil's bed and gather his own clothes and take care of it. He tried to put his Skinny jeans on, but it was too much for him so he opted for another pair nylon joggers and an over sized jumper. That would have to be good enough. He went out to the Kitchen, smiling as he saw Phil had left the cereal, a bowl, and spoon on the counter. He shook his head slightly, he really was being a shit, continuously trying to do things for himself. “I guess Phil realized he wasn't going to stop me, so he just opted to make it easier.” Dan wasn't trying to be a shit and cereal was not on his food list, but he was going to eat it anyway. He was so independent that he wanted to do things for himself like he had been since he was a kid. Dan did love Phil taking care of him, but he feared soon Phil would grow tired of him. He had too, right? Dan sat at the table and ate his Shreddies thinking again about their relationship. Was is even okay to call it that? Were they just really good friends? Dan blushed thinking about how Phil had taken him in his mouth last night. It was the dirtiest thing they had done together. Dan sighed as the thought that he hadn't ever reciprocated floated into his mind. He wasn't ready. He didn't know what to do. Did he even want to reciprocate? His cock twitched a little at the thought. Sure, physically, he was ready; emotionally he wasn't. Would Phil get fed up with this?
“I am such a mess.” He muttered out loud. He had made the decision that today he was going to try to make it all day without the narcotics. He was done with this whole gallbladder fiasco, he just wanted to move on with normal life. Scoffing at himself he thought, “Even if I don't know what that is yet.”

“He only is supposed to have food from the list,” Phil instructed Candice. “So don't let him swindle you into ordering a Pizza. He may need help getting to and from the bathroom, or into bed if needed. If he seems like he's in a lot of pain, his pain pills are here. He may fight going to sleep-”
“I am fucking sitting right here Phil. Also, I had Shreddies this morning, that you left out for me,” Dan said, “I am not a child.”
“I know,” Phil said and turned back to Candice. “If anything happens, call me.”
“Jesus, Phil. Relax will yah? Dan is not dying and I promise to take care of him for the hour or two you are going to be doing laundry. Just go.”
“Okay, Yeah.” He looked at Dan “Are you okay?”
“Oh my God, yes, Phil. Go.” Dan gave him a side smile.
Phil smiled “Okay, I will see you later.” He left with their laundry in tow.
The door had been shut from Phil's departure all of 5 minutes and Dan cleared his throat.“Hey, Candy?” He put on his sweetest voice.
“What do you want Howell?”
“Ugh. How cool of a baby sitter are you?”
“Well, I'm not really a baby sitter... what do you want?”
“Coffee. Please. Just one cup. I won't tell Phil. I would make it myself but the reaching kills me.”
Candice laughed “You, Mister naughty pants, are going to get me taken off the friend's list.”
“Please? I won't tell. I have already deviated from the list and I feel fine.”
“Okay, okay. Are you really sure you feel well enough?”
“I have been high as balls for days now, Candice. I just need some mental clarity It's really starting to fuck with my head.”
“Okay. If you tell Phil, I will kill you.”
“Fair enough.” Dan smirked, “If he doesn't kill you first.”
“Cheeky bugger. You know, you're probably right.”
They both sat at the table and chatted, sipping the contraband.
“So how are you feeling otherwise?” Candice asked.
“Confused,” Dan said. Talking with Candice was easy, she was smart and sarcastic. Dan really loved her like a big sister. “I, like, have you talked to Phil about us?”
“Not really. It's clear to see something is going on, though.”
Dan flushed. “Candy, I have no idea what the fuck I am doing. I don't know how much I want to say, but let's just go with, things are changing. I don't know how I feel about it?”
“Excited? Nervous?”
“Terrified.”
“Really? Terrified?”
“Yes.”
“Why though. Phil would never hurt you intentionally, Dan.”
“Yes, but, you don't know what that means for me.”
“So tell me?” Candice phone chirped. “Phil wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Ugh, he's suffocating me. I am not dying.”
“He thought you were, though.”
“He did?”
“Yep. He was really upset, Dan.”
“ Tell him I am pooping.” Dan laughed
“No! Gross. I told him you were fine.”
“Clearly, Phil knows that too.” Dan winked.
“There you are. I guess you did need coffee, huh?”
“I told you!”
There was a comfortable silence for about 5 minutes when Candice said, “What are you terrified of, Dan?”
“The way I think I am starting to feel.”
“Which is?”
“I don't know yet. I don't know.”
“Well, maybe wait until you heal, until you are really able to be free of this, then decide?”
“Maybe. I am scared Phil is going to end up hating me.”
“Impossible.”
“Not in the slightest. I am a mess.”
“Everyone is a mess in some way, Dan.”
“I suppose that's true. Hey, let's move to the sofa, this is getting sore.” Dan said motioning to the hard Kitchen chairs they were currently sat on.
“Can you make it there yourself?”
“Yeah.” Dan stood quickly, wincing slightly.
“Careful! No rush, love.”
Dan flushed. “Sorry.”
“It's fine. Go, I'll take care of the cups and meet you out there, yeah?”
Dan nodded and slowly made his way to the sofa.
Candice sat next to Dan. “What's on your mind.”
“Have you ever felt like everything you know is a lie, therefore you know nothing of yourself?”
“Not really.”
“Well, this may not make sense, then. I am not sure what to do. The things Phil and I have done are not anything I-” He stopped and sighed. “I don't know. I am having an identity crisis.”
“Stop over thinking it. Maybe you should just let it happen how it is.”
Dan nodded and yawned. He was starting to get tired again. “Damn It.”
“Hey, why don't we watch something, yeah? Enough stressful talk.”
“Okay.”
They had been watching something and Dan fell asleep. He had sagged down and now was sleeping on Candice. She just smiled at him and shifted so he was more comfortable sleeping on her and continued to watch the show. About an hour had now passed and still, Dan slept peacefully. The silence was disturbed by Phil making his way into the flat instantly dropping the large heavy laundry bags.
“Dan?”
“Shhh,” Candice responded as Phil walked into the lounge.
In a hushed voice, Phil said. “Why isn't he in bed, Candice?”
“He fell a sleep on me, didn't want to move him.”
Phil saw how she had him cuddled up to her and saw red. “Well you will have to wake him now, you can leave.” He didn't look at her as he walked out to retrieve the laundry and started to put it away. He knew somewhere deep in the back of his mind, he was being mean to her from his jealousy. That didn't stop what happened next, though. When he came back out, Candice hadn't moved.
“Okay, I've got him. Bye Candice.”
“Hey, arsehole. Relax.” Candice whispered harshly as she slowly shifted Dan from her to the sofa as she stood. She grabbed Phil's arm and dragged him to the Kitchen.
“We're good now,” Phil said, tight lipped.
“Hey, captain jealousy, stop it. You are being rude as hell and I don't appreciate it.”
“Well, I said take care of him not throw yourself at him!” Phil barked and immediately regretted it. Candice's face showed shock, followed by hurt, then anger.
“That was a fucking low blow and you know it, Philip. You know I don't want Dan in any way other than a friend. Hell, you both are like little brothers to me.” Phil looked at his shoes. “I get it, you both are all “Should we, shouldn't we.” But you do not get to be a dick to me because you have suddenly claimed ownership of Dan. I am leaving now. When you get your head out of your high and mighty ass, text me.” With that, Candice turned around and walked towards the door. “Oh, and you're welcome, by the way. God.” with that she left. The silence buzzed in Phil's ears and his face felt hot. Glancing at Dan who was still sleeping on the sofa he went to his room and closed the door. Hot tears streamed down his face. What the hell was he doing? He tried to rationalize what he had just done, but there was no way. He was a jealous ass and he had no right to take it out on Candice. She was right, as always. His insecurity had caused him to be unnecessarily rude to his one advocate. He started to cry harder.
“Phil?” He heard Dan say at his door, sleep still in his voice. “Are you okay?”
“Y-yeah.” He hiccupped.
“May I come in?”
“I'm fine, Dan. Go rest.”
“Already did that. I'm coming in.”
Dan opened the door and saw the evidence of the cries he had heard. Dan sat next to Phil. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Phil didn't make eye contact.
Dan wrapped his arm around Phil's waist and rested his head on his shoulder. “Okay.”
Phil continued to cry as Dan pulled him a little closer. Phil was disgusted with himself. Not only because of the Candice thing but also, how could he be what Dan needed him to be when he was crying like a baby? This wasn't Dom, this wasn't anything but Phil. Stupid, lame and shallow Phil. He started to cry harder.
“Shh, Phil. It's going to be okay.” Dan comforted.
“No, it's not,” Phil whispered.
“Well, then we will forget about it together. Mario Cart?”
Phil sniffled and smiled. They were still best friends, despite whatever was going on otherwise. “Yeah, okay.”
“That's the spirit!” Dan got up “I'm kicking your ass, Philly. Get up, blow your nose and get out there!” Dan smirked as he walked back to the lounge.
Dan. Dan was amazing, smart and sweet. He knew nothing of what Phil had done, but still, he accepted him and offered a distraction.
They had been playing for awhile when Phil said. “I was really mean to Candice.”
“What? Why?”
“Bad timing, mostly. I was really rude to her.”
“Well, tell you you're sorry, mister!” Dan mocked shaking his finger in Phil's face, Phil didn't smile. “Hey, I was kidding. Besides, Candy is very forgiving. Text her.”
Phil texted Candice that he was an idiot and sorry. There wasn't a response, but he knew Candice needed time to cool off as well. This whole day had been a disaster.
“Give it time,” Dan said with a smile.
“Thank you, Dan. I really appreciate you being here for me. I'm sorry.”
“Why?”
“I should be taking care of you.”
“You have been, Phil. Maybe that's why you got so worked up. Maybe you need a break from having to treat me like your child.” Dan looked at him “I appreciate everything you have done for me. I am getting better every day. You need time to yourself, Phil. So maybe go out to dinner or just a walk.”
“I don't need a break from you, Dan. I need a break from me.”
“Okay, well more Mario Cart it is then!” Dan smiled and started another race. Hours passed as they played. Candice had responded “Forgiven” and that was enough.
“I am very hungry,” Dan said finally.
“Me too, actually. How about chicken and rice?”
“If I still have to eat off that damn list, though I had Shreddies this morning, I guess that sounds like the best option. I want Pizza.”
“We will see, maybe tomorrow. You had Shreddies, I knew about that, but I think that, and then coffee was enough adventure today.”
“Oh my god. Is that why you were mad at Candy, how did you know?”
“No, no. I really was just being an asshole. Your favorite cup was in the sink.”
Dan flushed.“Well, I begged her. I needed the coffee Phil, I'm sorry. I have been high so many days on the pain meds, I just wanted some clarity.” Dan babbled.
“Hey, take it easy. I'm not mad. Just worried.”
“Well, it was fine.”
“Yes. So chicken and rice coming up.”
“Okay.”
When Phil came back to the lounge, Dan was on the phone.
“No, I understand mum. Sure. Yes, you too. Bye.” Dan's face held a look that made Phil's heart clench.
“Dan?”
“They don't love me at all, do they?” He asked, his voice devoid of emotion.
“I'm sure that's not true, Dan.”
“Yes, it is.” He whispered.
“What happened?”
“I called my mom, she had forgotten I was even sick. Then tells me that they are spending the holidays in India this year.”
“Oh.” Was all Phil could say, the anger once again was building inside him. How dare they!
“I feel like I don't belong anywhere.”
“You belong with me, Dan,” Phil said, not realizing that that statement had more than one meaning.
“Thanks, Phil. I just want to forget that conversation ever happened.” Dan shifted.
“Is my slop ready?”
“Hey!” Phil said, “It's not going to be slop.”
“Rice and Chicken, plain, is slop.”
“Fine, I will eat it all myself.”
“Hold on, I didn't say that.” Dan smiled.
“There you are,” Phil said.
“Yeah, yeah.”

“I want to leave the house tomorrow,” Dan said as they were finishing dinner.
“I don't know if you're ready for that yet.”
“Yeah, I am just sick of doing nothing.”
“Well, we have done some stuff.” Phil said, quickly recovering “Mario cart, movies.”
Dan smirked but didn't say anything about Phil's possible implication. “I haven't even needed my pain meds, though.”
“Really? Or are you trying to trick me to let you go outside?”
“Wow,” Dan said “Never thought anyone would have to “let me go outside” I hate outside”
Phil snorted “Yeah. You know what I mean though.”
“No, Phil. I haven't had that much pain. The whole reason I had coffee earlier is that the meds are causing more issues than they are worth.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just don't want to be high through my life. Death is soon enough.”
“Wow, Dan. Okay. Yeah. Maybe you need some fresh air.”
“Yay!” Dan said.

Phil walked slowly next to Dan, keeping a watchful eye. Dan was limping slightly, but he seemed to be in good spirits
“I never thought I would be so happy to be outside.” He said softly.
Phil smiled. “Well, we are just walking to the shop and then back. This makes me very nervous.”
“Phil, I am fine. I am not even in that much pain.”
“Still.”
They continued to the shop, picked up what they needed and walked back home. When they got there, Dan insisted on helping put things away.
“Okay, we walked, shopped and cleaned up. Now you need to sit.” Phil said, guiding Dan to the sofa. “Do you want food?”
“No.” Dan's voice sounded defeated.
“It's okay Dan, you did a lot today.”
“Yeah. I know. I feel sick” He ran his hands through his hair
“Do you need a pain pill?”
“No,” Dan said his eyes widening. “I don't want them, Phil. They make me feel weird and I never know if I am dreaming or not.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like when you got me off. Was that real?” Dan snapped. He always got nastier when he was sick or in pain.
Phil scowled. “You don't know if that was real?”
“Phil, these last few weeks, regardless of meds, I don't know what's real. I don't even know who I am.”
“I'm sorry.” Phil blushed. Had he taken advantage of Dan?
“Phil, I am not upset with you.”
“Well, I clearly have not been helping you.”
“This isn't even about you, Phil. God.”
“What the hell am I supposed to think, Dan? I don't know about anything either. I have been doing what you wanted, what I thought you wanted anyway.” Phil shook his head. “I didn't mean to do things you didn't want Daniel. I am very sorry.” Phil turned and walked into his room, his head hung low as he closed the door.

Dan groaned. At first, he wasn't trying to be mean, he was being honest, but now he had hurt Phil. “Fuck.” He said loudly. He leaned back into the couch and started to softly cry. He didn't want this. He didn't know what exactly he did want, but he knew it wasn't to hurt Phil. When Dan was aware of anything again he could smell food cooking and realized he was laid down, on a pillow with a blanket around him. Dan blushed and cursed himself for hurting Phil. Even after that, Phil still was taking care of him. Dan went to sit up without regard to his injury and hissed in pain. “Mother fuckin-” He cursed.
“Dan, are you alright?” Phil called
Through somewhat clenched teeth Dan said. “Yeah.”
Phil was already next to Dan before Dan had a chance to move again. Phil reached out to Dan and helped him sit up, but he couldn't help but notice Dan flinch.
“I am not trying to molest you. I am just helping you up.” Phil said in a partially monotone partially anger laced voice.
“Oh for fuck sake, Phil,” Dan said grabbing the cuff of Phil's shirt to pull him closer. When he was inches away from Dan's face, Dan reached for his arm and guided to his crotch as he pressed his lips into Phil's. It was a fast action, but for Phil, it was as if time slowed down. When his hand met Dan and felt how hard he was, Phil moaned into Dan's mouth. The kiss deepened and Phil brought his other hand to Dan's face, flexing his fingers causing Dan to squirm. The kiss broke and Dan was panting.
“Holy shit Dan. Look how desperately you want me to touch you!”
Dan whined, agreeing and said. “Please, Phil. Please.”
“Okay, pretty boy. I just don't want you to hate me.”
“Never, Philly. I promise.”
Phil chuckled and slowly moved to pull down Dan's joggers. He kissed Dan's leg softly and made his way to Dan's hardness. “You're sure, pretty boy?”
“Yes, oh god yes, please.”
Phil wrapped his lips around Dan and soon the boy was slightly thrusting and moaning.
“So good, Phil. So close.”
Phil sped up giving Dan the encouragement he needed and soon he found his release, Phil slowly removed his mouth.
“Oh my God Phil.” Dan breathed as Phil smiled.
“Pretty good huh?”
Dan nodded shyly. “I'm so sorry, Phil. I didn't mean to hurt you earlier.” Dan whispered.
“I know, Dan. I don't want to hurt you either. This thing we are doing, skirting around and ignoring can cause so many more issues. I don't want to push you, pretty boy.”Phil said, emotion clear in his voice.
“You haven't, I was being a selfish twat, Phil. I'm sorry, I just- I wanted to show you that- well you know.” Dan said embarrassed again.
“I'm glad pretty boy. Now, dinner should be ready soon. I, ah need to wee and I will be out in a minute.”
Dan nodded.
It took Phil exactly three tugs to find his own orgasm. Dan wanted this, at least in some way. Phil was afraid he had lost him. The thought of losing him was too much to handle so Phil had to push it away. Phil was screwed though, you see; he has suddenly accepted that he was now very much in love with a certain shy submissive boy who was sitting on their couch.

Chapter Text

The following days passed without incident of any kind. Dan was pretty much back at 100%. It was Friday of the following week and Dan had gone all out and made a large breakfast for Phil with all of his favorites. Dan wanted Phil to understand how much it meant to him that Phil cared for him. Dan couldn't put into words exactly what he was feeling, but he wanted Phil to know he appreciated it. His family didn't bother to follow up or call him after his last conversation. Dan sighed sadly. He didn't think his family members were intentionally selfish and self absorbed, but they were nonetheless. He was just finishing pouring coffee when a sleepy Phil poked his head into the Kitchen.
“Well, Good morning.” Dan said softly
“Hi. Is this heaven? Am I dead?”
Dan laughed. “Nope, just a “Thanks for taking care of my sick ass” breakfast.” Dan cocked his eyebrow at himself. “That didn't sound as it did in my head.”
Phil laughed and sat down, taking a long sip of his coffee. “Thanks, Dan. Though all this wasn't necessary.”
Dan blushed and smiled as the sat and ate breakfast in a comfortable silence. Dan would peek at Phil through his eye lashes ever so often. This felt right.
“We should do some cleaning today.” Phil said.
“Yeah. I need to revise too.”
Phil feigned a shocked look. “You actually remembered revision?”
“Shut up, Phil.” Dan smirked.
“My little Danny is growing up.” Dan rolled his eyes playfully. “So, cleaning. I'll do the Kitchen since you cooked this glorious feast. Do you want to tackle the lounge?”
“Yeah.” They both stood up at the same time reaching for plates when Phil caught Dan's arm and pulled him into a quick kiss, then hug. “You are such a sweet boy.” He whispered into Dan's ear.
“Don't mention it.” Dan mumbled into Phil's shoulder, relaxing into its welcoming warmth.
“I'm glad you're feeling better.”
“Thanks.” Dan sighed contented and Phil pulled away looking into Dan's eyes, smiling.
“Okay, let's get cleaning. I want to take you out, I mean I would like to go out tonight with you. I mean, if you are feeling up to it.” Phil bit his lip. Did he just ask Dan on a date?
Dan's eyes were wide, but he only said. “Where?”
“Candice and a few others are meeting at Spence's” Spence's was a bar that had been turned into a Uni student night club. It was very low budget and somewhat dilapidated, but it was still the place to go.
“Okay. Yeah, let's go.” Dan said, his voice on edge. Phil choose to ignore it this time, turning to the sink to start the dishes. When he was alone he started to wonder if Dan was agreeing to agree of if he actually wanted to go out. Phil didn't really enjoy clubs, but he did want to talk to Candice in person. The last encounter they had, Phil had been rude and ungrateful. If nothing else, he at least owed her a drink. They also had been cooped up in their flat for many days and going out may do them both some good.

It was a little after three and Dan was revising. He did as much as he felt he could and started to get his clothes out for the night. He wanted to look good. They were going out, he reasoned with himself, but he knew deep down he wanted to look good for Phil. Dan was so confused and conflicted, but the true reason was still that he wanted to look good for Phil.
The had gotten ready, stopped somewhere for a quick meal and went the club, meeting Candice and a few of her friends at the entrance. Phil sighed, this was going to be interesting.

“Watch the alcohol intake, Dan.” Phil yelled over the music later on as Dan finished his third glass.
“Sorry, Dad.” Dan said, smirking. “I'm fine Phil.” He rolled his eye. Phil glared at him.
Candice laughed from behind them.
“Hey, shut it Candy ass.” Dan snapped as he broke his gaze from Phil's, shuttering. She continued to laugh as she flipped them off walking to the bar.
They had been there for about two hours, as their friends rotated between the dance floor and their table. Dan and Phil for the most part had held their table, watching the people and casually chatting.
“Phil,” Dan whined. “Dance with me?”
“I can't dance, Dan.”
Candice stopped at their table long enough to drop off another round of Drinks. Phil had had two cocktails and now had switched to water. Dan grabbed his drink and chugged almost half of it.
“Daniel,” Phil warned.
Dan leaned in closed. “Phil, let's dance.”
“Dan I don't really want to dance.”
Dan leaned close to his ear, planting a small kiss on his face and whispered “Please, Daddy?” He pulled back and look deeply into the brown abyss that was Dan's eyes.
Phil stood up. How could he say no to that?
So off the to dance floor they went, holding each other close and grinding and swaying to the music. Dan was very intoxicated, but Phil didn't care. Holding him like this, publicly, felt like it was bridging a gap in their relationship, whatever it was. What felt like hours of time passing was only about 6 minutes. Phil inhaled Dan's smell and sighed. “I will make you so happy, Dan.” Phil said softly as the song started to slow down.
“Yes, Please.” Dan said, his face burning red.
“Another?” Phil asked and Dan shook his head. His eyes were wild and pleading.
“Do you want to go home now?”
“Please, daddy.” Dan purred in his ear, grabbing his hand pulling him back to their table. Candice had brought yet another round, even though Dan still had half of his last drink left. Dan sat down as Phil pulled Candice to the side, presumably to tell her they were leaving. Dan drank the last half of his drink like a shot. He did the same to the full one, setting it down quickly so Phil couldn't see. Phil and Candice looked like they were having a deep conversation. Dan stood up again, about to go over to them as he became impatient, however he jumped when a hand ran across his back. A guy he didn't know was pulling him closer. Panic started to rise in Dan, as the smell of cheap cologne filled his nostrils.
“Hey, wanna dance cute stuff?”
“No, thanks.” Dan tried to pull away.
“Hey, come on babe, just a dance.”
“No, Piss off!”
“Oh, feisty, are you?” The man spun Dan around and grabbed him by his wrists and started to drag him. Dan dug his heels into the floor and fought against the man pulling him roughly by the wrists. He was doing his best to fight him off, but he was losing.
“Don't be like that, hun, just a dance.” The man said as he started to pull him more forcefully. Dan was starting to hyperventilate with anxiety, he was too drunk to handle this. He didn't know what to do.
“It's just a dance.” the man said as he still was pulling Dan away. Dan needed help, he needed to be saved he needed....
“PHIL!” Dan screamed. Phil head whipped around and his face immediately went red. Even in the dim lighting, Dan could see the look on his was was animalistic and angry. Dan's mouth hung open in surprise and Phil marched up the the man, ripped Dan's hands out of his.
“Back off, he said no.” Phil snapped protectively pushing Dan behind him.
“Take it easy buddy, we're fine, aren't we sweet heart?”
“Fuck yourself.” Dan spat peeking out timidly from behind Phil.
“Leave. Now.” Phil hissed.
“Maybe I don't want too. You his boyfriend?!”
“As far as your concerned, he belongs to me!” Phil screamed. Looking back over his shoulder he said. “Come on Dan.” Phil pulled Dan in front of him, pushing on the small of his back.
“I think he should get to decided.”
Phil turned around, walking closer to the man. “HE SAID NO! You stupid fuck.” Phil clenched his fists and was shaking slightly. He was livid.
“Phil.” Dan called weakly. “Can we please go?” His voice shook.
Phil's anger subsided enough to turn his back and walk back to Dan.
“Hey, get back here you wanker.” The man yelled, but was ignored. They went out side of the club and Phil steered Dan to a near by table on the patio. Dan was shaking.
“Hey, Dan, you're okay.” Dan was acting far more intoxicated, he must have drank the rest of what Candice had bought. Phil kept glancing around to make sure that man wasn't following them.
“I couldn't get away, I said no, he just wouldn't let go.”
“Shhh, I know.”
“I-I didn't want too, Daddy. I'm sorry. I said no. He didn't listen. Why didn't he listen?” Dan whimpered. He clearly was too drunk to be here any longer.
“He was an asshole, Dan. It's okay now.”
“Fuck, Phil if you weren't there.”
“I won't ever let anyone hurt you, pretty boy. I promise.” Phil glanced around again, making sure they were still alone. Dan noticed this time.
“C-can we go home Philly?” Dan said, his voice small and scared.
“Of course Dan.”
Candice came rushing out and scared them both. “Christ sake. Dan, you alright mate?”
“Physically, he's fine.” Phil answered for him “I mean I don't think that thing in there hurt him Physically. I don't know though. I'm calling a car now to take him home.”
Candice shook her head, “No,I'll take you. He's pretty upset and drunk. Don't know if a ride in a strange car now would be a good thing...”
“Shut up.” Dan whined. “Stop talking about me if I am not here. I can still hear, you know!” Dan snapped.
“Sorry Dan, I am glad you are safe. Let's get you home.”
“Sorry! Don't have to leave because of me. I've ruined everything again, haven't I?” Dan said, clearly feeling bad.
“Dan, you dummy. You haven't ruined anything. Christ, mate. You are more important than all that” she motioned to the club.
“Sorry, but thank you..” Phil said.
“It's okay love, this place suddenly isn't as friendly anymore.”
“Just drop me off. Phil can come back with you.”
“No.” Phil said
“But-”
“No. Dan. Enough. Let's get to your car, yeah?” He said to Candice.
“I'm sorry, Candy.” Dan said again.
“You're fine, love. I am not upset.”
Dan nodded wiping the forming tears out of his eyes. For most of the car ride, Dan laid silently against Phil's shoulder and slept. It didn't take them too long to get to their flat, Candice dropped them off and waved goodbye.
Phil got Dan in the house and sat on the sofa. “Probably bed, yeah?”
“Philly,” Dan whined again looking at his phone. “It's only 10:30!”
Phil laughed. “Well you drank a lot, when I told you not to, didn't you? Are you okay from, well you know.”
“ Whatever, that disgusting predator can prey on someone else who doesn't have a owner.” Dan looked up and smirked at Phil, who instantly looked down and rubbed the back of his neck, nervously.
“Dan, about that...”
Dan shook his head. “Can we do something else?”
“Like what?”
“You need more to drink.” Dan popped up and went to his bed room and produced a bottle of wine.
“Dan, you are going to be sick tonight, if you drink anymore.” Dan stuck his lip out a pouted. “Well fine, you need to catch up then.” He said uncorking it. It had seemed as if the earlier events were forgotten with in the safety of home. Phil was glad, if he were honest. Seeing Dan violated made him sick to his stomach. He took at deep breath, shook his head as Dan just handed him to entire bottle, to which Phil took a swig. ”Now what?”
“Um, truth or dare!!”
“What are we, 12?”
“Hey, shut up.” Dan giggled. “It's fun.”
“You start then.” Phil said smiling.
“Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“Were you scared, Philly? I mean, at the club.”
So it wasn't forgotten. Phil swallowed, hard, then took a deep breath. “Scared isn't the word, I don't think I was scared.”
“Did you want to hit that man?” Dan asked, not making eye contact.
Phil pulled his face into a scowl. “Yes.”
“That is not like you. You are never violent. Why?”
Phil stood up and ran his hand through his hair. “He was going to take advantage of you, Dan.” He said darkly, Phil looked as if he was about to hit something now.
“Whoa, okay. Easy.” Dan smiled at him, “It's my turn, yeah?”
Phil clenched his fists, sighed and said “Yeah, yeah. Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“Are you in pain?”
“What?”
“Your incision, you know. We danced and were more active than we have been since...”
“You are so boring. Yes. I'm fine. You cheated.”
“No I didn't. Not technically.”
“You have to go again.”
Phil sighed. “Okay.” He sat back down. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
“Dare?”
“That's what I said.” Dan looked up at him through his thick lashes.
Phil sighed. “The mood isn't right for a dare.” Phil drank another swig of the wine. He had just sat down again, but decided got up to get a glass.
“Well, okay then. For you Philly. Truth.” Phil handed him a bottle of water.
“Drink this.” He shifted. “Why did you drink so much, Dan.”
“I haven't had any fun in a long time. I just wanted to have fun and not feel so inept at being a human.” Dan drank half of the bottle of water.
“Drink it all. What does that even mean, Dan?”
“You know how I am. Strange, weird, weak.” Dan finished the bottle of water.
“There is nothing wrong with you, Dan.”
“Oh, says you.”
“Yes. Says me.”
“Well, I do belong to you, apparently.”
Phil sat down with his glass pouring himself more wine. “I can't tell if you are mad about that or like it, Dan.”
Dan smirked. “Your turn.”
“Truth.”
Dan sighed.
“Are you gay?” He blurted out, sloppily.
Phil stared at him. “Ah, I would say I am Phil.”
Dan laughed and nodded. “Sorry, rude.”
“No, it's fine.” Phil patted Dan's shoulder, Dan leaned into his touch. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare.” Dan looked directly into Phil's eyes. Phil set down his glass.
“Oh, I see.” Phil smirked “What type of a dare?”
“Phil, that's not how this works.”
“So anything I want?”
“Possibly.”
“I dare you to prank call Candice.” Phil said.
“PHIL!”
“What? It's a good dare.”
“She will know it's me, Phil. Also,” He stopped and shook his head in mock disgust. "Lamest dare, ever.”
“Hey! Now you're being rude!”
Dan laughed. “Suck it up, Lester. I want a real dare, you wimp”
“Right. Ah.” Phil looked at Dan.
“Come on, I haven't got all night.”
“I dare you to kiss me.”
“That's more like it.” Dan was bold with his liquid courage. He smiled and moved closer. He leaned in and forcefully started to kiss Phil. Hands thrust and tangled in each others hair, they went with instinct, with what felt right. This continued uninterrupted until a low growl started in Phil's throat. Dan pulled away.
“If you don't want this to continue, we need to stop pretty boy.” Phil whispered.
“I want-” Dan stopped. “I want to-”
“What do you want, Dan?”
“You.” He said, no hesitation in his voice. Dan reached to Phil's fly, unbuttoning and unzipping. His had timidly touched Phil's hardness through his pants. Phil moaned in surprise. Dan never had initiated anything like this. It made him harder. “Oh God.”
“I-is this okay?” Dan said, slurring his words a little. “I mean I don't know exactly what...”
“Whatever you want, Dan.”
“When I say stop...” Dan looked up with concern in his eyes, meeting Phil's.
Phil let out a long breath, knowing once again he had to reassure Dan. “It stops.”
Dan nodded and started to squeeze Phil. “This is so hard for me.” Dan admitted. “I want to do this, but my brain tells me it's wrong. I just want to give you what you have given me.”
“Dan you don't have to do anything you don't want too. No matter how far we go.”
“I want too. I want to help you.”
“I won't stop you.” Phil picked up his glass and finished the rest of his wine as Dan retracted his hand. He stumbled back, Phil grabbing his arm in support. Phil briefly felt guilt. They were both drunk now, but he still was clear headed. Maybe he should stop this. Dan pulled away, leaning back in, his hands clusimly slipped on either side of Phil's waist, attempt to take off Phil's trousers. Phil wanted this so bad, but he still felt like he should stop this. Phil was now in his pants, his trousers around his ankles, he shifted back.
“Dan..” He started, his tone unsure.
“It's okay Phil.” He said as he stripped to his pants and then straddled Phil.
“I don't want to take advantage of you.” Phil said softly.
“Well, from my angle, I am on top of you, yeah?”
“Yes, but you are not sober.”
“Are you?”
“No.” Phil admitted.
“Phil, you are always taking care of me. Let me do this for you.”
“O-okay.” Phil shuddered as Dan shifted more, pressing himself into Phil.
“Good” He said, rolling his hips and leaning forward. “I-I'm sorry if I'm shit, I am so nerv-” Phil cut him off with a kiss. As it intensified Dan start to move his hips more, testing what was acceptable.
“Mmm.” Phil moaned as the kiss broke. He gazed at Dan above him. Dan was so pretty like this, lust blown pupils and nervousness. Phil couldn't help but smile.
“Phil, this is okay right? It's not weird?” Insecurity radiated off of him.
“No, not weird. So sexy” Phil panted “You can do what feels right, pretty boy.” Phil choked out, “I will tell you if I don't like it.”
“Oh my god, Phil.” Dan started to rut harder and faster. “I like this. I really like this.”
“Me too. Feels good, Dan.” Grunting and groaning they both moved together, chasing after orgasms. Messy kissing and sound of moaning filled the their flat as they both neared end.
“Oh my god, Phil, I'm- I'm going to-.”
“Cum pretty boy, I am there too.”
Dan cried out wordlessly and Phil came undone with a loud cry of Dan's name. The mess left in the wake was no concern at all as the clung to each other, Dan collapsed on Phil's chest. This was deeper than a drunken hook up. Both of them, in the fleeting moments of bliss afterwords, had similar thoughts and feelings. Phil was the one to speak first.
“Oh, Dan. I really hope you don't regret this in the morning.”
Dan sighed sadly at himself. “I am a twat. I may act like a dick tomorrow.” Dan snuggled into Phil, pressing a kiss on his lips quickly. “But I really enjoyed that, Phil. You make me feel really good. In so many ways. I am so lucky...” He trialed off.
“I'm the lucky one, really. Okay, lets get you some more water, you are going to be hung over I'm afraid. “
Dan closed his eyes and muttered “Worth it.”
Phil picked up the wine bottle and glass, walked to the kitchen and returned with another bottle of water. “Dan sit up.”
“Noooo, I wanna sleep.”
“I know, but you need to drink this and we need showers.”
“Don't wanna.” He whined, though he still sat up and drank down the bottle.
“Good boy. Now go shower. I will get clothes and towels for you.”
“No, Phil. I don't want too.”
“Daniel, I am not asking.”
Dan's eyes opened wider and a blush spread across his face. “Oh,” Dan muttered as he got up and made his way to the bathroom. Phil did as he had said, still thinking to himself. It was only midnight, but it felt like it was early morning. Phil realized then how tired he was himself. He was still so afraid of the actual morning coming. Would Dan be mad? Would he hate him? He shook his head and un-tucked Dan's Duvet, getting it ready for a drunk, sleepy Dan. When he emerged from the shower, his smell made Phil close his eyes and take another inhale. This was home.
“Okay, Now I am going to bed”
“Okay, got it ready for you, there are two bottles of water on your nightstand. If I were you I would drink another half of it before you sleep, yeah?”
Dan nodded, walking sleepily towards him and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you for taking care of me Philly.” His voice still slurred
Phil hugged him tightly. “Always.” He choked out, voice filled with emotion. “Good night, Dan.”
“Night” Dan pulled away with a sleepy smile on his lips, walking into his bedroom. Phil waited until he was under the covers to shower himself. When he was done he paused at Dan's door, listening for the telltale signs of sleep.
“Phil?” Dan wasn't asleep.
“Yeah?”
“I don't want to sleep alone.”
“I'll be right back, then.” Phil put his things again, drank a bottle of water himself and slid in behind Dan.
“Better?”
“Much.”
“Sleep, Dan.”
“Yes daddy.” He said, slurred and half asleep.
Phil shivered slightly. Dan had called him “daddy” so many times tonight. Phil suddenly had sadness stab through his heart. The fear of the unknown running after him as he fell asleep himself.

Chapter Text

Christmas was quickly approaching. Phil knew that he had to make sure Dan had a celebration as his family hadn't included him in theirs. Dan was out with Candice and their friends, Phil wanted to stay home. He needed to call his mom.
“Well, you can just bring him here.” His mom said.
“I know, but Dan is so shy and after the surgery and his family, I don't know how comfortable he would be.”
“Phil, of course, I want you home for Christmas, but if you feel like you have to stay there, you stay. I trust your intuition, Phil.”
“Thank you,”
“Is there something else going on Phil? You seem stressed.”
“Not really, I am just worried about Dan.”
“Why?”
“I always worry about Dan,” Phil admitted sounding more vulnerable that he would have liked. He was sure his mother knew that Phil's flatmate was more than that as well as more than a friend. Phil said his goodbyes and turned back to the laptop. He started to look up how to cook a Christmas Dinner, as he had never done it on his own before. If he was going to do Christmas at home, he needed to be prepared. A few hours had passed and it was now pushing midnight. He sighed sadly, he missed Dan. Phil shook his head, he was becoming obsessed with Dan, or maybe he already was. His phone chirped.

“Why are you not here?” It seemed as if Dan missed Phil too.
“Because I'm here. Are you okay?”
“I guess.”
“ What does “I guess” mean?”
“Lonely. Needy. I miss you.”
“I was missing you too. How many drinks have you had?” Was Dan drunk again?
“Enough”
Phil started slowly getting dressed to go out. He missed Dan anyway and if he was drunk, Phil wanted to make sure he got home safely.
“So are you drunk?”
“Maybe”
“I see.”
“Are you mad?”
Phil shook his head, smirking he replied. “Maybe”

When Phil got to Spence's, he saw Dan next to Candice on the dance floor, reluctantly dancing. Phil smirked and walked up to Dan.
“Hey.” He said, his voice lowered.
“Phil!!” Dan shrieked, throwing his arms around Phil's neck “You came!”
Phil smiled and pulled Dan's arms around his waist, cupping his hand. “Dance with me?”
Dan nodded as they danced. Eventually, Dan's head rested on Phil's shoulder.
“M' sleepy,” Dan muttered into Phil's ear.
“Do you want me to get you home?”
“Yes, Daddy.” Dan purred
Phil told Candice they were leaving, he wanted to get Dan home. Dan was drunk, but he wasn't as drunk as he could have been. He seemed to be deep in thought as they got into the car. He cleared his throat. “Phil?”
“Yeah?”
“Is it okay that I call you daddy?” Dan sounded so fragile.
“Um” This was so awkward. “Yes, if it's what you want.”
“Well, I like it.” A somewhat child tone came from Dan's mouth, Phil coughed.
“Well, then it's fine.”
“Phil?”
“Yes, Dan.”
“I'm hungry.” Phil chuckled.
“We have Pizza at home.”
“Yay!”
When the car dropped them off, they made their way back to the flat, arms touching as they walked.
“It's getting colder” Dan murmured
“I suppose it should. It's December.”
Dan frowned “Christmas soon.”
“Yep.” Phil unlocked the door “We should get a tree!”
“We should?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” Dan shrugged off his coat on the floor, stepped out of his shoes and headed to his room. When he came back, he was in an over-sized sweat shirt and his pants. Phil looked at him, eye brow cocked. “What? I'm lazy and hungry.”
“You're beautiful,” Phil said without thinking. “Pizza?”
“Yes, Please.”
Phil went to the kitchen and tried to calm down the erection that was starting. Whenever Dan was like this, something sexual happened. Phil didn't feel right about that. Maybe because he still felt like Dan didn't know any better or what he was doing. As the pizza went into the oven, he made a vow to himself that he hoped he would have the strength to keep, to show Dan affection without any type of sexual activity. Phil started to hear some far off music, approaching the lounge, he saw Dan dancing. His face split into an excited grin as he said, “Phil, dance with me!”
“Dance with you, huh?” Phil asked as he made his way to Dan.
“Please?”
Phil smiled at him as they danced together to a club song. They both were bopping around and clumsily having fun, laughing at each other's dance moves.
“We really can't dance.” He said. “We look like seizing gazelles.”
“We try awfully hard, don't we?” Phil responded, laughing. The music stopped and the next song suddenly slowed into a lyric-less piano piece.
“What's this?” Phil asked.
“Ludovico Einaudi, Ombre." Dan said shyly.
Phil pulled Dan closer, cupping his cheek. “It's beautiful.” This was the most intimate they had been. Sex was amazing, but this was open, raw, close.
“It really is. Sometimes you don't need lyrics to hear what the composer is trying to say.” Phil hummed in response and pulled Dan flush to him. They moved together, slowly, both getting lost in the music. As this song started to picked up, Phil spun Dan as they attempted to try to do some sort of waltz. It wasn't silly like before, but nerves still made them giggle softly. When the music changed again, Phil pulled Dan close again. Dan rested his head on Phil's shoulder and sighed as they now just swayed to the music. Neither one felt awkward and shy, it was just them in that moment. No insecurities, no fears, no one to impress. It was just Dan and Phil. There wasn't anyone they needed to explain themselves to, it was just Dan and Phil. Dan slowly placed a soft kiss on Phil's neck . As the song was nearing its end, Dan sighed and pulled away. Phil looked into his eyes and slowly inched forward. As the last notes played, Phil kissed Dan softly and slowly. It was the most emotional kiss they had shared. Phil pulled away again and stared into Dan's eyes that now had tears forming in them. Phil smiled slowly as oven beeped signaling that their pizza was done. Phil took a step back, nodded his head and went into the kitchen. Phil took out the pizza and leaned against the counter for a moment. He took a deep breath in. He had never been in love before, but he felt like he was drowning. He was scared, confused and cautious, but he also had never felt so happy.
“Pizza is done.” Phil's voice seemed too loud, too intrusive for the moment.
“Yeah. Thanks” Dan said softly, taking the plate that was being handed to him.“Hey, Phil?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for the dance.”
“The pleasure was all mine.”
Dan flushed and looked down. “You're so cheesy.” He said, fondly.
“Only for you.” Phil winked.
The Pizza was gone, Dan and Phil were sitting on the floor leaning against the couch. Dan had sobered up some and was lost in thought.
“Phil?”
“What's wrong, Dan?”
“Do you think I'm a bad person? Or really annoying? A nuisance?”
“What? No, Dan. Of course not.”
“I don't get my family. They don't even care. I think they are glad to be rid of me.”
Phil didn't know what to say.
“I used to love Christmas, I didn't realize it that was a thing of the past once I left home.”
“It doesn't have to be.” Dan looked at Phil. “We could celebrate here!”
Dan smiled at him.“What about your family?”
“It's fine, already spoke to them.”
“What? When?”
“Earlier.”
“Phil, No. You should be with your family on Christmas. I'll be fine.”
“Dan, I am not going to leave you by yourself, alone and sad.” Phil frowned.
“Don't let me ruin your families Christmas Phil, that makes me look like an asshole.”
“No, it doesn't. Nobody should be alone on Christmas. We will get a tree, bake cookies, sing carols, whatever you want.”
Dan smiled softly. “You are too nice to me.”
“Why wouldn't I be nice to you? We are best friends.” Phil cringed slightly with the implication that the label could have brought. They were obviously far more than “best friends.” Dan didn't seem to take exception to it though and said.
“But won't your mum be sad?”
“Maybe, but I've spoken with her. She invited you to come home with me as a solution.” Phil smiled
“Wait, really?”
“Yeah. It's okay though, no pressure. I told her I didn't know.”
“Wow. They don't even know me. And she just invited me, just like that?” Dan couldn't believe it.
“Well they know you are important to me, and that's all it takes for my family.” Phil watched Dan's expression change from surprise to sadness to concentration. Phil was about to apologize for the awkwardness when he heard Dan sigh.
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” Phil asked.
“I'll come with you.” Dan knew Phil would miss out on his families Christmas if Dan didn't agree to come with.
“Really?” Phil was surprised. “Wait, Dan, you don't have to-” Dan cut him off.
“Yes. Really. Just make sure they know how strange I am.”
Phil laughed. “Okay.”
“Phil?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. You are, just, well the nicest person I have ever met.”
“You're welcome.”
Dan moved closer to Phil and put his head on Phil's shoulder. “You really are too good to be true, you know? You put up with me with a smile. I am so lucky.”
“I'm the lucky one,” Phil said leaning his head against Dan's
“I- I am not sure who I am Phil. I don't know. I hate my life. I hate school. I am such an idiot.”
“Stop, Dan.”
“No, hear me out. I feel like I would never have made it this far without you. I know that we are in a.” Dan stopped and sighed. “I don't know what this is, but I am glad it is.”
“Me too, Dan.”
Dan pulled away, his face was flushed and eyes serious. “Will you hold me?”
“Of course.” Phil pulled Dan across his body and cradled him there. “Are you okay?”
“I'm sad, Phil. And scared. But when I am with you, I feel so different. I feel like I matter, at least to someone.”
“You do. More than I think you know.”
They fell asleep, Dan on top of Phil, backs pressed against the sofa. Phil was woken up by Dan sucking on his ear. “Hello to you too.” He said, sleep thick in his voice.
“Hi” Dan whispered kissing down his neck. “Daddy.” He breathed.
“Dan, are you being naughty?” Phil sighed his memory returning to him. He didn't want that night to turn sexual, but with Dan's lips on him, it made it almost impossible.
“Maybe.”
“You should probably stop,” Phil said, still trying to stick to his commitment from earlier.
“Why? You like this.”
“Mm, but we always seem to end up here, don't we?”
“Your fault. You have created a monster.” Dan sassed
“It wasn't that hard to do.”
Dan pushed Phil's shirt down and start to suck along his collar bone, he moaned.
“Dan, really. Maybe we shouldn't”
“Oh yes, we should.” He purred as his hand's started to snake up Phil's chest.
“You are being a very naughty, disobedient pretty boy,” Phil said huskily. Dan moaned as he sucked harder. “Mm, so naughty. I said stop, though.”
Dan pulled away from Phil's body and looked up at him through his lashes.
“Make me.” He said as his hand shot down to Phil's crotch, giving him a quick stroke through his trousers.
Phil practically growled. “I may have to punish you.” Phil pulled Dan's hand away and saw the lust on his face. “You are not listening at all.”
Dan blinked a few times. “I do what I want.” He sassed again.
“Get on my bed, Daniel,” Phil stood up pushing Dan off of him roughly. “Now.”
Dan fumbled to get up and rushed into the room. Phil leisurely followed.
“Hands and knees. Good boy. Now, waking me up with kissing is something I enjoy, however, you didn't stop when I asked you too did you?”
Dan looked back at Phil and bit his lip.
“Did you, Daniel?”
“N-no” he stuttered
“I think spankings are in order.” A choked moan escaped Dan's lips. Phil crawled behind Dan and ran his hands over Dan's ass. “I bet you wish you were wearing more than these pants now, huh pretty boy?” Dan whimpered as Phil gave him a harsh slap. Dan gasped. Phil pushed Dan's shirt up and placed a kiss on his back, right above his pants.
“I want you over my knee.” Phil moved to the edge of the bed when Dan hesitated. “Same rules apply as always. Do you want to stop?” Dan shook his head and crawled over Phil's lap. Phil could feel how hard Dan was as his cock pressed against his own.
Phil spanked him again, swiftly and with some force, Dan hissed.
“You are so naughty. I feel you against me.” Another spank. “I love how you just want me to do these things to you.” Spank. “So good.” Spank. Dan squirmed against Phil. Spank.
“Daddy.” Dan moan breathlessly.
“Mm, Yes pretty boy.” Spank.
“P-Phil please.”
“Please what?”
“I-I want more.”
“More spankings?”
“Yes. No, I don't know. I'm so hard, Phil.”
Phil moaned and laid back, pulling Dan on top of him. “You did so well pretty boy.” Phil kissed him forcefully. “What do you want, Dan?”
“Anything, everything.”
“So easy to please.” Phil snaked his arms around Dan and flipped him so Phil was now on top of him. He ground his hips down, causing Dan to whimper. He pulled back, slid his thumbs into the waist band of Dan's pants and pulled them down. Before Dan had time to process what happened, Phil already had him in his mouth.
“Oh my God, Phil” Dan moaned “Yes,” Phil smirked as he sped up, he knew with the spankings Dan wouldn't last long.
“Phil-daddy, I'm going to-”
Phil pulled away, taking himself out. He laid on his side so his cock was next to Dan's head. Dan's eyes went wide for a second. “Just watch, pretty boy, relax.” Dan nodded slowly and turned his head as Phil started to stroke himself. “You do this to me, Dan. Make me have to touch myself.” Dan moaned at Phil's words as Phil took Dan back into his mouth.
“Oh God Phil.” Phil sped up his mouth on Dan to match the rhythm that his own hand was moving on his cock. “This is so dirty.” He heard Dan muttered, he was close. Phil started to swirl his tongue around the head of Dan's cock. “Daddy, Oh, I am going to cum.” Phil groaned with encouragement and started to bob up and down again, getting close himself. “Oh, Phil...” Dan moaned, the last part of the name going up a few octaves. Dan came, hard, into Phil's mouth as Phil came on his stomach and the duvet. “Oh, Daddy.” Dan moaned as he started to come down. Phil pulled himself off Dan, went to the other side of the bed and pulled Dan onto his chest. They had been lying quietly when Phil broke the silence.
“I know you think that I have all the power or control or whatever,” He sighed “That's the farthest thing from the truth, Dan. I am powerless to you.”
“Mm, what?” Dan had been sleeping.
“Nothing, It's okay. Let's go to your room, we once again have made a mess of my bed.”
Dan snickered sleepily. “You made a mess.”
“That you caused. Okay, up.”
They made their way to Dan's bed and fell asleep. Still, as Phil drifted off the guilt he felt was real. He had broken his commitment to himself, therefore to Dan. Maybe Phil was taking advantage of him.

The next morning Dan woke up alone. He stretched and got up, looking for Phil.
He wasn't in the flat, Dan had a text. “If you wake up before me, I went to get us breakfast, be back soon.” Dan smiled and stepped in the shower. He could tell Phil had already taken one, the smell made him smile.
When he got out there were donuts and croissants, fruit and two cups of coffee on the table.
“Morning,” Dan said, smiling.
“Hi. We didn't have anything I wanted, so I went out and got us something.” Phil explained, not making eye contact.
“Well, thanks,” Dan said, noticing something was off.
“You're welcome,” Phil said as he smiled. The smile was fake, Dan could tell. It didn't reach his eyes.
“Are you okay?” Dan asked.
“Of course. Let's eat.”
“This is really good Phil.” Dan smiled again.
“I'm glad.” He said, sadness in his voice.
“Phil, clearly something is wrong.”
“It's fine Dan. Nothing for you to worry about.”
“D-did I do something wrong?” Dan's voice shook a little.
Phil looked up at him, sympathetically. “No, No. I'm sorry. You didn't do anything. I'm just, Well it's me. I don't really want to talk about it.” He said more aggressively. He shook his head and sighed. “Sorry. I mean, I just.” He sighed. “I don't want to talk about it.”
“Okay,” Dan said, smiling. This time Dan faked the smile.
“I need to lay down and take a nap I think,” Phil said, rubbing his head after they had finished eating and cleaning up.
Dan frowned. “Are you ill?”
“No. I don't know. I just feel off.”
“Okay, you rest. I will take care of laundry. I will also get groceries, okay?”
“Thanks.” Phil didn't even have it in him to protest as he headed to his room.
“Hey, Phil?”
“Yeah?” He said as he turned back. Dan's face was red.
“B-better sleep in my bed, yeah?”
“Oh. Right.” Phil went and laid down, closing his eyes. A few minutes later he felt lips pressed to his forehead. His eyes fluttered open.
“I'm headed out. I left tablets and water here. I just wanted to say bye.”
Phil smiley sleepily. “Thanks, Dan. Be safe okay?”
“I will. Get some rest, Philly.”

Dan was happy, he did the laundry by himself with no issues. He dropped it off when it was done stopping only long enough to put it away. He looked in on Phil who was asleep. Dan thought he may have been crying at one point, but he couldn't know for sure. He made Phil's bed and put his clothes in Phil's wardrobe so he wouldn't wake him.

Dan decided to make dinner for Phil. He didn't really know how to cook, but he figured he could at least make something easy. Chicken Stir fry was what he decided. Gathering the ingredients as well as the other things they needed Dan paid and went home. It was only one and Dan already had everything done they needed to do, other than cooking dinner. Phil was still sleeping, which worried Dan. Maybe he was sick.

Another hour passed and Dan couldn't wait any longer. He slipped into bed with Phil, so he was facing him and gently placed a hand on his forehead. He felt warm, but did he have a fever? Dan withdrew his and tucked it under his head, looking at Phil sleeping. His eyes were puffy, Dan was sure now that he was crying. Why though? “Stop it.” He thought to himself. “Phil doesn't want to talk about it.” Phil's face slowly started to curl into a smile as his hands reached out and pulled Dan into a hug.
“Whoa,” Dan muttered.
“Hi,” Phil said into his neck, inhaling deeply.
“Hey, yourself.” Dan tightened his arms around Phil. “How are you feeling?”
“Better, now,” he said through a yawn. “Did you get everything done?”
“Sure did. Are you going to get up now? I'm bored.” Dan whined and Phil laughed.
“But you're so cuddly and soft, like a bear.”
“Um, great,” Dan said snickering
“What? You are!”
“You're an idiot.”
“Maybe, bear.”
“Ugh” Dan playfully pushed Phil back. “Nerd.”
“I need a wee.” Phil groaned.
“Ha! Now you have to get up.”
“True. You did just do laundry, I guess wetting the bed wouldn't be good.”
“Gross, Phil!” Dan said playfully. Whatever had been bothering Phil had seemed to be forgotten now. Dan untangled himself from Phil and sat up. “Go.”
“Bossy” Phil stretched and sat up. “Hey, Dan?”
“Mm?”
“Thanks for taking care of the stuff today.”
“Well you always take care of me, I figured I could take care of you sometimes too.” He flushed.
“You are a sweet boy.” Phil turned and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. Dan bit his lip. Phil shook his head smiling as he got up.

Two hours into Mario cart and several angry shouts later Phil's stomach growled.
“Hungry?” Dan asked smiling.
“I guess so.”
“Well I am making you dinner tonight, so I will get it started.”
“You can cook?”
“HEY!”
“Well, no offense intended, but still.”
“I'll have you know, mister, that I can cook some things and I shall.”
“Well, thanks, I guess.”
“Oh, Ye of little faith. I am going to cook and you are going to like it, you little shit.”
Phil chuckled “We shall see.”
“Fuck off,” Dan said in singsong as he walked into the kitchen, leaving Phil alone to think. This was so domestic, so coupley. Phil had spent hours thinking and crying over everything. He was so weak. He wasn't a Dom. He shook his head at himself. Maybe he was over thinking it? Maybe he shouldn't be so concerned with labels. He just didn't want to mislead Dan or use him. With the way Dan was acting, however, Phil didn't think Dan felt any of these things. He seemed happy. Happier than he had in awhile. Phil made a decision to let it go, at least for now. Dan couldn't have been too upset if he was cooking dinner for him.

“Okay, it's ready. Dan called from the Kitchen. When Phil walked in he saw the curtains were drawn, the light was off and two candles were lit on the table.
A pitcher of Ribena was next to them as well. The kitchen smelled amazing.
“Wow, Dan,” Phil said. Dan flushed.
“T-to m-much?” He asked. Phil shook his head.
“You are so nice.”
“Okay, well, let's eat while it's hot.” Dan served their plates and sat down, but didn't eat. He watched Phil who was oblivious, Dan wanted to see Phil's face when he ate. He wasn't disappointed. Phil closed his eyes and chewed making a loud appreciative moan as quietly as possible. Dan still heard it.
“So, It's not trash than I see.”
Phil's eyes snapped open and this time he blushed and nervously grinned. “Oh my God Dan! We have been living with each other for almost 6 months and this is the first time you made this?”
“So It's good?”
“Yes! This is amazing. It may be the best Stir fry I have ever had.”
“You're just saying that.” Dan laughed as he took a bite.
“No. Not even trying to boost your self-esteem, this is really, really good.”
“Okay, Phil.” He shook his head and softly said. “You were feeling so bad earlier and were really sad. I just wanted to do something nice that would make you smile.”
“Thank you, Dan. This is very nice.”
“Well, there's something else I want to do after dinner, though,” Dan said.
“Or is there now?”
“Phil! Not like that, you perv.”
“You're one to talk, as I recall someone woke me with some not so innocent intentions.”
“I feel like we have talked about this, besides, as I recall I was punished for that last night. I shouldn't be bullied about it today.” Dan said making Phil chuckle “I mean double Jeopardy, right?”
“Dan, you're perfect.” He said finishing his food.
“There's more if you want.” Dan offered
“Oh, no, thanks. I am full.”
“But you really liked it, right?”
“Yes, Dan, very much. I told you.” Phil smiled.
“Good.” Dan said as he was standing, “because we are going to be eating it for a few meals.”
Phil laughed, “Make a little much, did you?”
Dan was clearing the table and putting the leftovers away. “Well,” he continued for the other side of the Kitchen. “In my defense, the times I have cooked it has been for a minimum of 4 people, most of the time 6-12, so...”
Phil laughed harder.
“Rude, Phil. I'm learning.”
“I-I'm” Phil stuttered, taking a deep breath. “I'm sorry Dan.” He cleared his throat. “You are just adorable.”
“Yeah, Yeah.” Dan sighed.
“Do you need help?”
“Nope. Go sit in the lounge. I am going to get this cleaned up and then we will move to phase two of the evening.”
“I feel bad.”
“Phil, how many days did you do all of this when my body took a shit? Go. Sit.”
“Yes, sir,” Phil said as he did just that. He sat on the couch, scrolling through his phone, getting excited for what part two was. It didn't even matter. Phil was so happy from Dan's kindness already it would just be an unnecessary cherry on top of an already amazing Sunday. It started off rough, but once again Dan made it better.
“Okay,” Dan said startling Phil as he walked in with two steaming mugs. “This is my special hot chocolate, something else I've yet to share,” Dan smirked and handed it to Phil.
“Thank you.” Phil looked into the cup, it smelled of happiness and rainbows. Phil took a tentative sip as to not burn himself. “Dan, this is amazing.”
“There's more!” Dan pulled out a full bag of mini marshmallows out of his hoodie pocket.
“Be still my heart,” Phil swooned ironically. “You really know me.”
“Well, I know how much you love Marshmallows, anyway.” He sat next to Phil and set his mug on the end table. “I'm not done yet, though.” He stood up and put an unmarked DVD into their player and handed Phil the remote. Phil cocked his head. “Just push play.” A title screen came up with a smiley face obviously made on paint. Then a menu that was 5 of Phil's favorite episodes of Buffy.
“Dan, when did you have time to do this?”
“When you were sleeping.” He said bashfully.
“How?”
“I have my ways, Philly. I just knew this would make you feel better.”
“I don't deserve you. Thank you so much.”
“You're welcome.” Dan smiled. “Press play, nerd.”
They watched all 5 episodes and were curled up together on the couch, Dan was sleeping peacefully with his head in Phil's lap. Phil looked down at him and sighed. Love was hard when he wasn't able to tell if Dan felt the same way. Things felt like there were moving too fast, but Phil couldn't slow down. He always wanted more of Dan, so much more. Phil gently brushed Dan's fringe out of his eyes and Dan shifted.
“Hm?” He asked.
“Sorry, pretty boy, nothing. Go back to sleep.” Dan smiled at the use of his name and did so. Phil wasn't at all tired, having slept so late, so he shifted, propped his feet up and reached for his phone. He didn't want to disturb Dan and having him sleeping on his lap felt normal and natural. He quickly texted his mom, it seemed so much later than it was. He let her know that he and Dan would be coming to Christmas, he could tell she was very pleased.
“Glad to hear it, love. I can tell he is important to you.” She responded.
“More than I realize.” Phil texted back.

They would end up getting to Phil's parent's house on the 23rd which meant they had two days before the train. Phil luckily was able to find two train tickets for a reasonable price to get them there on time. He still wanted to buy a tree for their flat, though. Maybe Candice could distract Dan tomorrow. He texted her too, she agreed to keep him busy in the morning to make sure that Phil had enough time to get a tree and get the house prepared. This was going to be his surprise to Dan. Another hour had passed when Phil's back started to get stiff.
“Okay, Dan.” He said softly. “Time for bed.”
“Ugh, so tired, don't want to move!” Phil lifted Dan's head from his body and stood up. Bending down he quickly scooped Dan up and started to carry him.
“Holy shit, Phil. Put me down.” He whined.
“Soon. Almost to the bed, Dan.”
“You're spoiling me on walking.” He snickered
“Well, you were too cute,” Phil said, setting Dan down and crawling into bed next to him.
“Sleep.” He soothed.
“Night, Philly, I hope you feel better.”
“You know, I really do, Dan. Thank you.”
“You're welcome.” He said through a yawn.
Phil pulled him close and sighed as they both fell asleep. Phil was so excited for buying a tree tomorrow he thought he wouldn't sleep, but with Dan tucked into him, he sighed contently and was gone.

Chapter Text

"Please, Dan.” Candice had called him at 10:30 am, waking him up.
“You don't think the ex will get suspicious because I look like a baby?”
“Shut up. I have to be here to greet the new members. He will be here too. Please?”
“Fine, fine. I'll meet you there soon. You owe me Candyass.”
“Yeah yeah, wanker. See you soon.”
Dan hung up and looked at Phil “ I have to pretend to be Candice's boyfriend. Apparently she is mortified and stuck in a meet up with her ex.”
Phil giggled. “Okay Dan. See you later.”

Dan grumbled to himself. This was going to be awkward.
“Hey love!” Candice greeted him cheerfully.
“Hey.” He smiled shyly. “Which one?”
“ Which one what?”
“Which one is your ex?”
Candice looked confused. “Oh! Oh. That one.” She pointed to a taller man over by the snack table. Dan turned to look. “No! No don't look at him!” She hissed
“Okay, sorry.”
“It's fine. Sit next to me.” Dan did so. “So how are things? How is Phil?”
Dan blushed. “Good. We're good.”
“Mm” Candice hummed. “Is that so?”
“Keep fishing.” Dan smirked.
“Fine, fine. Some boyfriend you are.”
Dan laughed. “Uh oh, He's coming over here.”
“Who? Oh him. Oh God.” Candice threw her hands over her face. “I am such an idiot.”
Dan put his arm around her protectively. The man glanced at them but kept walking and never stopped, much to Candice's relief.
“What a dick.” Dan said softly. “He acted like he didn't even know you!” Dan withdrew his arm casually. “How long did you date him?”
“Only a few months, but still.”
“You deserve better!”
“Thank you. And thank you for doing this. I know I am ridiculous.”
“No, I get it.” Dan winked at her, glancing at his phone. “Hey, only two more hours to go, yeah?”
“Yeah... so tell me about life.”
“I am going to Phil's Family Christmas.”
“Awww.”
“Literally shut up.”
“Well it's just so fucking adorable!”
“His family is just too nice, like he is. Phil was going to miss his Christmas because he didn't want me to be alone. I knew if I didn't agree to go, he wouldn't either. What type of a friend would I be if I let that happen?” He shifted. “Still nervous as hell.”
“What about your family?”
“In India.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Yeah, whatever. Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure.”

He had the tree, it was in the flat. Not unscathed, (as his arms were scratched up from the branches) he lugged it into the lounge. There were boxes of decorations and ordainments strewn every where. Phil knew he had gone over board, buying way more than needed, but he couldn't help it. He was so excited to see Dan's face. Phil was on his last batch of biscuits when Candice texted him that Dan was on his way back. The timing couldn't be more perfect. Phil started the hot chocolate and set the biscuit tin on the table. Dan was going to be so excited. He heard the door open.
“Oh my God, Phil. Today was so strange.... Were you cooking?” Dan walked in and jumped slightly at the boxes that lined the room. His eyes then landed upon the tree. It was a live tree and the smell of pine filled the room. His face held confusion, but he eyes almost twinkled. “Phil?”
“I told you we would do Christmas here.” Phil said, smiling widely.
Dan smiled softly “I thought we were going to your parents?”
“It wasn't an either or thing Dan. We were doing this regardless. Now come, sit. I will get your hot chocolate and turn on the carols while we decorate our first tree together!” Phil disappeared into the kitchen returning with two mugs leaving Dan still standing in awe with crimson burning his cheeks holding his mug.
“Phil, this, all this. Well, it was really sweet of you. Thank you.”
“You're welcome! I love Christmas, you said you had too, so lets not see if we can get you to fall in love with it again.”
Dan flushed. “Where do we start?”
“With the lights.” He said with a wink.
“Of course.” Dan breathed.

They had been decorating for about an hour, their lounge looked like Christmas had vomited all over it. “There, done. Much better.” Phil said, smiling.
“You're so stupid. This is such a disorganized mess, Phil.” Dan laughed out.
“You shush. It's beautiful.” He pulled Dan into a hug. “I just love Christmas. You look mighty happy too. Can't be that bad.”
“I am Phil. This was, this was amazing. Much better than I thought when I was woken up this morning.”
Phil started to laugh.
“What?”
“How did pretending to be Candice's boyfriend go?”
“Okay, Like her ex? Total Douche. Walked by he like he didn't even know her... what?”
Phil was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. “What the fuck Phil?”
“Dan-” Phil choked out “I asked Candice to distract you so I could surprise you.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah, I needed you out of the house with out asking too many questions.”
“No fucking wonder!” Dan barked. “I thought this whole thing was really fucking strange.”
Phil just laughed. “I didn't ask her to do that, though. That was her own brainchild.”
“No fucking wonder, he didn't know her at all.” Dan then started to laugh. “Oh my God Phil.”
“It worked didn't it?”
“Yes, It did. Though I cannot imagine what would have happened if I actually confronted the lad.” Dan said.
“Especially since you think you are good at confrontation but you're rubbish.” Phil smirked
“Hey. That's mean.” Dan pouted.
“Oh, I'm sorry pretty boy. Bants getting too much.”
“Never, old man.”
“Hey!”
“You started it, Lester.”
“Not really, Howell.”
“Whatever, Phil. I can't believe I fell for it.”
“I owe Candice dinner.”
“Yes, yes you do.”
Phil pulled Dan into a hug again “Merry our Christmas, Dan.”
“Merry our Christmas Phil.” Dan pulled away, smiling as he looked into Phil's eyes.
“I am very lucky to have you. I know I can be a shit, but I appreciate you, Philip Lester.” Phil leaned away just enough to hit the light switch so the fairy lights gave off their warm glow. “I appreciate you too, pretty boy.” Slowly his lips met Dan's softly and sweetly. They sat down on the couch, pressed closely together enjoying to warm and cozy Christmas lounge they had created.

They were on a train heading to Phil's parents house. Dan was fidgeting slightly and worrying silently to himself. What if the Lester's didn't like him? What if Dan said something wrong? What if they hated him? What if he embarrassed himself? What if he embarrassed Phil? What if-
“Dan.” Phil whispered as he placed his hand on Dan's thigh, “They are going to love you.”
“Y-yeah. Okay.” He said closing his eyes.
“And if something happens and you really can't handle this, we will go home, okay?”
Dan smiled at Phil. “Okay.” He would never let Phil leave with him, but he knew Phil would.
“I'm serious. I wont be upset, no one will.”
“Thanks.” Dan said simply.
When they were picked up at the station, Phil's mum, “Kath” pulled him into a hug.
“Hello, you must be Dan?” As she pulled away she looked into his eyes. “You are welcome at our family Christmas. Being such, don't feel like you are intruding. You are important to Phil, so you are important to us.”
Dan flushed deep red. “Thank you.” He muttered. She smiled at him and turned to Phil.
“Well son, We need to go. The tree is waiting in the lounge and your brother has already started to get impatient.”
“Always is.” Phil mused with a smile.
The car ride home was quiet, it only took about 30 minutes, but somehow Dan had managed to nod off in the back seat. He was so relieved that at least Phil's mum liked him that exhaustion overtook his body.
“He must have been really worried about this.” Phil's mum said softly as not to wake him.
“Hm?” Phil had been lost in his own thoughts
“He's asleep love. I said he must have been really worried.”
Phil glanced into the back seat. “He was.”
“He seems lovely, Phil. Like a really good kid.”
“I think so too.” Phil smiled at Dan's sleeping body.
“I'm sure you do. You love him, yeah?”
Phil's eyes went wide as he glanced to the back seat again, nervously. Dan was not awake and was still sleeping soundly.
His voice hardly above a whisper Phil said “Yeah, I do.”
She smiled at him. “You should tell him, love.”
“No. Not yet. He is just starting to be come comfortable with the fact that I am a guy.”
Kath clucked her tongue. “Well he clearly loves you, Phil.”
“What? How can you tell?”
His mum rolled her eyes, “Philip, he clearly wasn't comfortable coming here, at least not at first. But he did it anyway. For you.”
“I don't know about that.”
“Well I do. And I am your mother, so I know these things.” As she pulled into Phil's old house. She squoze his knee and softly said. “I am going to go in, you wake him. Do it gently, though. He still looks knackered. Poor Kid.”
“Mum...” Phil whined.
“Well he does. See you inside.” With that she smiled and headed into the house.
Phil released his seat belt and as quietly as he could got out of his seat and door. He opened the back door and slid into where Dan was sleeping. He reached over and undid Dan's seat belt and pulled him into a hug. “Hey, Dan.” He spoke softly, rubbing one of his arms. “We're here.”
“Mm?” Dan blinked a few times, looked around and froze. “I fell asleep?”
“Yes, and it's fine. We should go inside though before we get cold.”
“I'm sorry.” Dan whispered
“Why? I'm not. You're adorable when you sleep.” Phil kissed his cheek
“Shut up.” Dan said using his arm to cover his face.
“Well it's true. Besides, we were on the train at 3:00 Am, I'm tired too.”
“We should have gone to bed earlier...”
“Well I got distracted.” Phil smiled.
“It was a good distraction.” Dan said shyly.
“Yes, it was. Let's get in, we can have some coffee while you meet the rest of my family.”
“Okay.”

The Lesters had breakfast made and waiting. Soon after, the door bell rang and Dan met the other members of the family. There were two aunts and uncles, a few cousins and close family friends. They all hugged and laughed as the decorated the huge family tree. He never once felt out of place or unwelcome. It was the most civil Holiday gathering he had ever been a part of. No one yelled, no one was angry, no one complained. It was heart warming and wonderfully festive. Dan really had enjoyed himself and his cheeks held a deep red tint from the laughter and warmth. Currently, it was early afternoon and everyone had left for the day but immediate family and of course, Dan. Everyone was sitting in the lounge, casually chatting.
“Phil?” Kath asked.
“Yeah?” Phil said, his voice strained.
“You alright, love?”
“Headache.”
Dan looked at Phil, he looked pale, which was an accomplishment as he was already porcelain. “Are you okay?” Dan asked softly
“I'll be fine.”
“Philip. Go, lay down. I know you. You should by now too. There are tablets where they always are. Dan will be fine.”
“It's okay.” Phil protested.
“Phil,” Dan said softly. “I'm fine. Go take a nap.”
Phil looked at Dan suspiciously. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, Mate. Go. I'm fine.”
Phil still didn't believe him, but he relented, getting up. “Don't let me sleep all day.” He said.
“Sleep, love. Dad and the rest of them will not even be here for another 24 hours.”
Dan followed Phil into the room and watched him change into Pjs. “I'm sorry you're ill.”
He muttered.
“I'll be fine. Will you? Honestly?”
“Yes Phil.” He smiled. “Your family is so nice.”
Phil smiled. “Told you.” as he laid down.
Dan kissed him on the forehead. “Get better. It's illegal to be poorly on Christmas.”
Phil smiled. “If you feel strange or out of place or anything. Wake me up okay?”
“I will be fine. Sleep.”
Dan left Phil and went back to the lounge and sat down.
“He sleeping?” Martyn asked.
“I think he will.”
“That kid, it's like he thinks we are going to murder you.”
“Martyn!” Kath scolded as they all laughed.
“I think that would fully contradict the Christmas spirit.” Dan replied, they both stopped, looked at him and stared to laugh, loudly. Dan flushed.
“No wonder Phil likes you so much.” Martyn said. “You are funny.”
“T-thanks.” Dan muttered. Kath stood up.
“I have to run to the shop to get somethings, will you go with me?” She asked Martyn who groaned. “Come on you lazy boy.”
“Mom, can we go later? Now I want a nap.”
“Fine. Lazy tart.”
“I-” Dan stopped and took a deep breath. “I'll go.”
“Our guest? Well, I will put you to work.”
“That's fine.” Dan smiled.
“Well thank you, Daniel. Go sleep then, you bad host.”
Martyn smiled, “Thanks, kid” He clapped Dan's arm and disappeared.
Kath stood up “Joke's on him though. We are going to get lunch before we shop!” She winked at him. “We leave in 10.”
“I'll go get my coat.” Dan snuck into the room Phil was in, he was already deeply asleep. Quietly he got his wallet and coat and soon he was traveling to go get lunch with Phil's mum.

They had gotten lunch at a small sandwich shop and were casually chatting. Dan really liked Kath, she was so friendly and funny.
“So you're studying Law?”
“Yeah, unfortunately,” Dan said, laughing.
“You don't like it?”
“Not really.” He answered honestly.
“Then why are you doing it?” Dan was taken back by this question. He had never thought about it.
“My parents like it.”
“That's all well and good.” She said taking a bite of her sandwich “But you will outlive them, and when you do, you wont be happy.”
“Well, I figure I'll just get used to it.”
“No, you won't. You will be miserable.” Dan flushed and looked down. “Sorry! Sometimes I don't know when I should shut my big trap.” She took a drink. “So tell me more about yourself. What do you like?”
“Um.” Dan thought for a second
“I mean for fun, what is your idea of a good day?”
“Eating Pizza and playing video games with Phil.” Dan responded without hesitation.
“See, that. That's what makes you happy!” Satisfied Kath continued to eat her sandwich silently.
Dan, feeling slightly brave said. “So, you.” He stopped as she looked right at him. “Like, I don't mean to be rude or invasive, but, like.” Dan sighed. “Never mind. I'm sorry.”
“Spit it out. It takes a lot to offend me, Dan. I already like you, so relax.”
“T-thanks. Um. So when you found out that Phil, was, well that he wanted to be with-”
Kath cut him off “Oh, you want to ask me about Phil liking men?” Dan nodded and looked down. “It just was what it was, Dan. At first it took sometime to get used to, but not in a bad way. I love my kids, I love them with all of my heart. What type of a mother would I if my love came at a price or with a condition? I want Phil to be happy, I don't care who with. If they make him happy than I'm happy.” She smiled at Dan. “And for the record, you make him very, very happy.”
“T-thanks. Um. Can you not tell Phil I asked? I shouldn't have, I mean especially asked you. Wow, I'm sorry. I just. I don't understand.”
“Hey, relax. It really is okay. I won't say a word, love.” she picked up the check.
“No,” Dan said reaching out “Please, let me?”
“Nonsense! You were the only one who would come and spend some time with this nosy woman. Besides, you will be carrying bags later. This is payment for your services.”
Dan smiled. “Thank you.”
“You're welcome. Do you need to get anything while we are out? I will plan the route accordingly.”
“I would really like to get Phil something for Christmas. I just am not sure what.” He said embarrassed.
“Well, luckily for you, I know my youngest pretty well. Come on, lets go shop. I sure hope lunch filled you up, I need you to carry a 30 pound Ham and at least 20 pounds of potatoes.” She laughed.
“Well I clearly am a body builder, so we should be fine.” Dan japed as Kath laughed harder. “How many family members will be joining for Dinner?”
“Martyn is right, you are funny. I can see why you and Phil get on.” They stood up and started to put their coats on. “Well, firstly, you have not had my cheesy potatoes yet, you will want to eat until you burst.” She paid the bill as they walked back to her car. “Also, don't panic. Phil's father is picking up his mother and sister, plus her family. My sister and her family will be coming back as well. A couple of the family friends stop by usually too. So there will be a few people eating.” She winked at him “Don't worry though, they are all going to love you, I mean those who don't already” Dan smiled staring at his shoes. “Okay Dan, are you ready for the “Kath shopping experience?”
“Can't wait.”
“ Get in. Away we go then!”

Phil woke up confused, this wasn't his bed. Wait, he was home. It was Christmas, Dan was home with him. He smiled and stretched. His head was still sensitive, but it wasn't hurting. He glanced at his phone, it was 3:00pm already. He got up and walked down stairs. Martyn was watching something.
“Where's Dan?” Phil asked, nervously.
“Ha.” Martyn laughed “Mom convinced the kid go with her shopping.”
“What?”
“Yep, they left shortly after you laid down.”
“Well, I hope he's okay.”
“Mom loves him. I am sure he's full and satisfied” He grinned “You really like this guy, don't you?”
“Yes. I really do.” Phil blushed.
“It's not hard to see. If you're happy, I'm happy.”
“Thanks, Martyn.”
Phil brewed some coffee and sat next to his brother as the silently watched the television.

“Cheeky Bugger.” Kath said back at Dan as they walked in. Phil heard Dan laugh, his real laugh.
“I do what I can.” Dan was loaded down like a pack mule, grocery bags hanging off of his arms and a large Ham in his arms.
“Just set everything on the table, love.” Her arms too were full of bags.
Phil stood up and joined then in the Kitchen “Hey, love.” Kath said. “How's the head.”
“Better.” Phil said with a smile. Seeing Dan and his mother get along so well made his heart soar.
“Okay Dan, You go take it easy. The first shopping trip with me is always a feat.” She winked at him.
He smiled and before he turned to leave he said. “I had a lot of fun today. Thank you.”
“Well, look at you, making an old ladies day. I had fun too.” She yelled over he shoulder. “Martyn, come in here and help your mother.”
Dan walked out the lounge and sat down as Martyn went to the Kitchen. Phil sat next to him. “So shopping with mum, huh?”
“Well, she needed help.” Dan shrugged. “My feet hurt.”
Phil laughed, “I bet they do.”
Dan's face turned serious “Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, my head is sensitive, but it doesn't hurt.”
“Good.”
“What did you talk about with mum?”
“Oh, this and that. Your mum is amazing, Phil.”
“I know.”
“I have been assured that I will eat cheesy potatoes until I burst.”
“Oh you will.” Phil laughed. Dan yawned and smiled sleepily. “Why don't you go take a nap for awhile? We probably won't eat dinner until at least 6 and you look worn out.”
“I'm fine, Phil. That would be rude.”
“Not at all. Besides, I was told it was illegal to be poorly at Christmas, I don't want you sick. The police would come, and hand cuff you...” Phil trailed off “On second thought...”
“PHIL!” Dan scolded.
“Hm, when we get home...”
“Stop, Phil.” Dan flushed.
“Okay, okay. But seriously. Go nap, Dan.”
“Y-yeah. Okay.” They stood at the same time and Phil wrapped him into a hug.
“I am so glad you are here, Dan. This will be the best Christmas ever.”
“Thank you for inviting me.”
“Go, sleep.”
“Yes, sir.” Dan smiled.

It was shortly after 6:30 when Kath heard crying from the Phil's room. Martyn and Phil had run out to get Pizza for dinner. She knocked on the door softly “Dan,” There was no response so she went in. Dan was curled into a ball on his side, awake, and sobbing.
“Hey, hey.” She consoled as she sat next to him. “What's all this?”
“I'm sorry.” He choked out
“No need to be sorry.”
“I-I'm an idiot.”
“Hush, none of that.” She slowly started to rub his arm. “What can I do to make you feel better?”
“I am so embarrassed, I can't stop crying.”
“Shh, it's okay love. Sit up.” He did so and she pulled him into her arms. “It's okay Dan, you are safe and loved here.” Dan started to sob more, but this didn't seem to phase her. After awhile he started to calm down and they heard the front door open, Phil and Martyn were back.
“Mom?” Martyn yelled.
“Shh, Dan's sleeping.” Phil scolded.
Dan stilled. “Please,” Kath already knew Dan was embarrassed and didn't want Martyn to see him. Maybe not even Phil.
“It's okay, love. Why don't you have a shower? Then come eat. It's been a long day, yeah?” She kissed his hair. “I won't say a word, I'll just tell them I was getting you towels.”
“Why are you so nice to me?” Dan said, not realizing it was out loud.
“Why wouldn't I be? You are lovely." She pat his back as she went out to the linen closet and handed him some towels. “Go on now, have a shower. Take some deep breaths.”
“O-okay.”
“That's it.” She patted his cheek as she excused herself.

She walked into the Kitchen. “Dan needs a shower so I was getting him set up.” Phil cocked an eyebrow at her, she ignored it. “Shouldn't be too long, then we can eat.”
When Dan came in, Phil immediately could tell he had been crying, though it seemed as if his brother didn't notice.
“After the first one of my mum's Holiday shopping trips, You look great kid.” Martyn teased.
“I don't think I have napped that hard in a long time.”
“You're okay though, yeah?” Phil asked, attempting to sound casual, but failing.
Yeah, I'm good Phil.” He said softly.
After they were finished eating Phil pulled Dan aside. “I want to show you something if you're feeling up to it?”
“I'm fine Phil.”
“Okay. You need all of your winter clothing on. We have to go outside.”
“Oh, okay..”
“Trust me, Dan. It's worth it.”
“I do.”

Ten minutes later, Dan was being led into Phil's childhood back yard. Phil's hand's over his eyes.
“Phil, I don't like this. I am going to break my leg”
“Just a little bit further, okay?”
“Fine.” Dan huffed
Phil had stopped them. “Okay, look.”
When Phil's hand was removed from Dan's eyes he saw a gazebo, fully decorated with fairy lights. “Wow, Phil. It's beautiful.”
“Come on, I want to show you my favorite part!” Phil excitedly dragged Dan into it.
There was a hot tub in the middle of it.
“Oh, that's so cool,” Dan said, instantly afraid he had made a fool out of himself.
“Yeah, it is. But that isn't my favorite part either.” Dan cocked his head “Look up.”
Dan noticed the entire roof was glass. He could see all of the stars and a tiny sliver of the moon.
“Oh, Phil. This is beautiful.”
“I thought you'd like it. It's all shatter proof so it's perfectly safe. I wanted to know if you wanted to sit in it for awhile.”
“In our coats?”
Phil laughed, his tongue sticking out between his teeth. “No, silly. We would go change into trunks.”
“A. I didn't bring any. B. It's fucking December, Phil. We will die.” Phil shook his head smiling. “What? It's bloody cold.”
“Dan, I have trunks you can use. And it's not cold in the hot tub. Trust me, you said you did.”
“I do.”
“Okay, let's go get changed.”
“Um, well... what about?”
“My mum? She's probably in bed or doing prep. She won't care anyway. Martyn is going out with college buddies to a party. We will be left alone.” Phil smiled.
“Oh, Okay...”
They walked back into Phil's room and Phil threw a pair of trunks at him. Dan flushed, Phil could tell that he was nervous.
“Tell you what.” He smiled. “I will go change in the bathroom, and meet you out there. Wear your coat out there, though.”
“O-okay.”
“Dan, if you don't want too...”
“No. I do...”
“Okay. See you out there.” Phil smiled as he walked out of the door.

Dan stared at the trunks in his hand. Hot tubs were notorious for couples to have sex in. Dan wasn't sure he was ready for that yet. Was it what Phil was expecting? Should Dan have sex with Phil? Dan's stomach dropped. No, he wasn't ready for that. What even were they? Was Phil telling everyone that they were boyfriends? Best friends? Flatmates? He couldnt remember from his earlier encounters with the rest of the family. Dan sighed. He had been stand there staring off into space for longer than he realized, he shook his head and changed, grabbing his coat. As he walked towards the back door he could tell some of the lights had been dimmed slightly making the stars shine so much brighter. As he neared the gazebo, familiar notes of a song he loved filled the air. He stepped up into the gazebo, his eyes misty.
“You-you remembered?”
“I know you are really nervous, pretty boy. I thought this might help you relax. I did remember, didn't I? Einaudi, right?”
“Yes, Phil,” Dan said softly. “I-” He sighed “Thank you.”
“You're welcome. Now get in here before you freeze.”
Dan shyly took off his coat and hung it up then crawled up into the welcoming warm water only feeling a slight nip of the cold. Once he was seated across from Phil, the lights started to dim faster and Dan gasped.
“Hey, it's okay. I have a dimmer switch near me, I am doing that.” He shifted close to Dan and pulled him into his arms. “I'm turning them all the way off now, there are softer lights around the outside if we need to get out in a hurry, don't worry.” Phil did so and then whispered into Dan's ear “Look up.”
“Wow,” Dan breathed. The sky was so bright, beautifully lit with dozens and dozens of stars. “Phil, this is amazing.”
“I told you!” He hugged Dan tighter. “Sometimes you can see shooting stars too.”
Dan's heart was racing, he still wasn't clear exactly what Phil was expecting.
“Why are you so nervous, pretty boy?” Phil asked.
“I- like. I don't.” Dan stopped
“You don't what, Dan?” Phil had concern in his voice.
“It's stupid, never mind.”
“No, what's wrong Dan?”
“I am scared that this isn't enough.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Like, I'm not ready for, well you know.”
“What?” Phil still was confused.
“I am not ready yet Phil,” Dan said so meekly it cause Phil to frown.
“I never asked for sex, Dan.”
Dan went ridged
“Hey, it's okay. I swear. I just wanted to hold you and show you these stars. I had no other plans except for maybe a few kisses, okay? “
“Oh God. I am so stupid. I'm sorry.”
“For what? I am sorry If I misled you. I want you to be honest, always.”
“No, I'm a twat. Now I've ruined this.”
“You've done no such thing. Just a misunderstanding, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Now shhh, I like this song that's playing.”
“Get you hooked did I?”
“It's amazing music. What's this once called?”
Dan laughed lightly. “I don't know every song title, Phil.”
“I have a feeling you know this one. I could tell by your body language, Dan.”
“Fuck off.” He chuckled. “Nuvole Bianche”
“Once again, I told you so!”
“Ass.”
“Yours is pretty.”
“Phil!” Dan laughed as he sighed and looked up at the stars resting against Phil's chest. Several minutes passed and several songs played as they were silent together.
“Phil?” Dan muttered after awhile.
“Yes?”
“Thank you for showing me this. I love it.”
“I am glad, love.” Phil hadn't realized he had said it, Dan stiffened a little, but then relaxed. Dan wasn't sure what they were, he wasn't sure what label to assign. Though he hated them, he felt as if he should at least know what it was. Did he even want that? Dan knew he had never felt this close to anyone in his life and he didn't want to lose that.
“Well, I am all pruney. Are you ready to get out?”
“Not quite,” Dan spun around so he was facing Phil and pulled him into a soft kiss. He pulled away briefly, then kissed him again. Phil then leaned forward into the kiss. When they broke apart Dan said into Phil's lips. “I didn't want to deny you a few kisses.” He felt Phil smile. All Dan knew at that moment was, he felt peaceful, he was happy, he was safe and he was wanted. That was enough for now.

Chapter Text

The next day the rest of Phil's family had arrived. Dan had been shy and quiet but still seemed to be having fun. It was Christmas eve and the air held a certain magic in it that only ever happened this time of year. Dan and Phil had snuck off to Phil's room in the earlier afternoon to take a break from all of the people and children that were now in the house.
“You doing okay?” Phil asked.
“Yeah, just a lot of new people... I am not good at being social.”
Phil smirked, “Well, we don't really go outside, so that makes sense.”
“True.”
“I am very happy you are here, Dan.”
He blushed “Me too.”

It was Christmas eve dinner
“So Dan,” Phil's father started “what are you studying?”
“Ah,” Dan blushed “Law.” Dan's only saving grace was that there were enough people and children that the room was not silent.
“Aggressive.”
“I am not sold on it.” Dan said, glancing briefly at Kath
“Oh?”
One of the kids started to cry, effectively stopping the conversation much to Dan's relief.
After dinner the adults sat in the lounge drinking mulled wine, eating confectioneries and talking. Dan sat back and watched them, smiling slightly. It was the perfect Christmas eve. Dan never thought if his lack of a celebration with is own family once, because he felt so included. Soon the kids were put to bed and slowly there after everyone had gone to bed until it was just down to Kath, Mr. Lester, Martyn, Dan and Phil. Dan had about four glasses of wine and was sleeping soundly on Phil's shoulder.
“So, Phil. I take you two are dating?”
“Ah,” Phil said softly “It's complicated.”
“Doesn't seem like it to me.” Martyn said, grinning.
“Oh, stop it you two.” Kath scolded “Clearly he makes Phil happy. Don't you think, Dear?” Kath turned to her husband.
“Yes, that's true.”
“I have to protect him.” Phil said unintentionally. “His family basically abandon him. I'm sure they love him in some way, just not enough.”
“Families are difficult, Philip.”
“I know mom. I just-” Dan sighed and shifted, Phil lowered his voice. “I don't know.”
“As long as you are safe and happy.” Martyn said
“I am. We are.”
“Good, well I have had enough mulled wine for one night.” Kath said as her and her husband stood up.
“Yeah, me too.”
When they had all left the lounge, Phil looked at Dan sleeping. He looked happy, his cheeks were flushed from the wine, his hair had fallen into his eyes. He was so beautiful. Dan shifted again, sighed and slightly woke up.
“What time is it?” He murmured.
“About 1.”
“Sorry,” He muttered pulling back rubbing his eyes. “Didn't mean to fall asleep.”
“You're fine, Dan.” He smiled. “Do you want to head up to bed?” Dan nodded shyly. “You are adorable when you are shy, pretty boy.” Phil said endearingly.
“Shut up.” Dan muffled as the blush rose in his cheeks.

The next morning shrieks of children had them awake at 6:00AM
“Oh my god, I hate kids.” Dan muttered
Phil giggled. “Liar.”
“Well right now, I want to sleep.”
“I know. But we can't. Get up.”
“NOOOOOO”
“Daniel. Up.”
Dan looked up at him through his eyelashes, the blush returned. “Fine.”
As they made their way down stairs into the kitchen, Kath greeted them with coffee.
“Morning, boys.”
“Hi.” Dan said smiling.
“Morning.” Phil smiled as well.
“I think we all will be napping by 9” Martyn said, sipping his coffee.
“Hopefully.” Phil replied.

All the mess had been cleaned up, the kids were playing with the new toys Santa had brought and Dan and Phil were sitting together by themselves in the Kitchen.
“Merry Christmas, Dan.”
“Merry Christmas, Phil.”
“I got you some things.” Phil said standing up.
Dan blushed “Same.”
Phil walked upstairs as Kath appeared around the corner, handing Dan his gifts.
“Thanks, you even wrapped them...”
“I figured with everything, maybe I could do this for you.” She smiled and kissed the top of his head.
“Thank you.”
“Thank you for coming here for Christmas. It has been nice to see Phil this happy.”
Phil came back into the room and Kath excused herself.
They both had gotten three gifts for each other.
“You go first, love.” Phil said smiling.
“O-okay. Thanks”
When the paper disappeared, Dan was left with a Tonberry plushy, a Sylophone and a jumbo sized bag of Maltesers. Phil had a Sunnydale High school tee-shirt, (Phil's moms suggestion) A fridge walrus that talked and a jumbo bag of popcorn.
“Thank you.”
“You're welcome, Dan. Thank you. Not just for the gifts, for being here. I have to say this has been my best Christmas as and adult.
“Mine too.”
“If I am honest,” Phil said leaning closely to Dan's ear. “I'm excited to go home. I miss us alone together.”
A soft moan escaped Dan's lips causing Phil to smirk. “Me too.”
“Okay boys, time for charades.” A voice called into them.
“Okay Dad,” Phil turned to Dan. “Ready for some public humiliation?”
“Can't wait.” Dan said rolling his eyes.
Phil leaned into Dan and quietly, but firmly said. “Daniel, I have told you a few times how much I hate it when you roll your eyes.” Dan audibly gulped but Phil was pulling him up and towards the lounge.

Three hours, several games and sore abs later the games had finished. Dan had fun, despite being embarrassed so often. Christmas Dinner was finishing up in the oven and Dan was becoming sleepy. Actually so was Phil.
“Dinner won't be for about another hour or so. Want to take a nap?” Phil asked. Dan nodded and followed Phil as he climbed the stairs. The feeling of completion was almost overwhelming. Dan fell asleep almost immediately as Phil watched him, he nodded off as well.

“I feel like that guy is staring at me.” Dan whispered unnervingly into Phil's ear. They were on the train ride home, back to London. After a teary goodbye to the Lesters, Dan and Phil found themselves at the platform at 6:00AM.
“Shh, He's not. Why don't you sleep? You look tired.”
“With creepo 5000 staring at me? Pass.”
“I won't let him touch you.” Phil said.
“Still.”
“Dan, rest. You are safe.” Phil said, pulling his coat off handing it to him. “Here, cover your head.”
Dan blushed. “Aren't you cold?”
“We are practically in each others laps, Dan.” He scoffed. “Body heat will keep me warm.” Dan did drift off and before he knew it Phil was shaking him awake as they were back in London.
“We need to get groceries.” Phil said as the exited the train.
Dan groaned. “I don't want to, can we please just get take away?”
“Well we can, but we still need groceries.”
“I don't want to do that with our luggage, Phil.”
“That's a good point.” Phil sighed, honestly, he didn't want to go either. “Let's just go home and order Tesco. It's more expensive, but let's just splash out this one time.”
Dan smiled. “That's more like it.”

A few days had passed since they got home and both of them were keeping pretty much to themselves. They both were introverted, so after spending so much time with others, albeit a pleasant experience, it had left them drained. Dan and Phil had a mutual unspoken agreement when the atmosphere changed, that they needed alone time.

A soft knock came to Phil's door about 10:30PM
“Come in.” Dan was holding a pizza.
“Hey, I bought Pizza, want some?”
“Yes, I do. You have amazing timing.”
“Well, I was hungry.” Dan sat on the bed, laid out plates and napkins got up and left. He came back with two Ribenas. They ate in silence for about 5 minutes before Dan said.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good now.”
Dan smiled. “Yeah, me too.”
“I'm glad.”
“I- ah. I have missed you.”
Phil smiled sympathetically at Dan. “I missed you too, Dan.”
“I am so lame.”
“No, not at all. You are sweet.”
“Shut up.”
“No, it's true.”
“Do you want to do something when we are done?”
“Sure, what do you want to do?”
“Play video games?”
“Sure.”
They ate a few more minutes when Dan spoke again.
“Hey, Phil?”
“Yeah?”
“I- will I never really thanked you for bringing a Christmas orphan to your families Christmas.”
“Dan,” Phil started
“No, let me finish.” Dan snapped causing Phil to cock his eyebrow and Dan to relent. “I-I mean, please, hear me out.” Dan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Thank you. I have never in my life felt more accepted and loved. Even if it was just a show at first, I truly felt it when we left. I-I am not very good with this, well, anything really. I am so repressed, shy. Scared. I am really scared. But, Christmas this year will be something I never forget. I can only hope that I am lucky enough to have a family like that someday.”
Phil was rapidly blinking back tears. “You're welcome.” He managed to choke out.
Dan awkwardly snickered. “Don't cry, Phil.”
“What?” He said as his voice broke slightly. “I'm not.” Phil cleared his voice as manly as he could. “I am glad you had a good Christmas!”
Dan was laughing uncontrollably at this point. He took an inhale. “Oh my God Phil.”
“What?” Phil said smirking. Dan laughing was one amazing wonder of the world. "You know what I mean.”
“I do. You are too nice, Phil Lester.”
“You deserve every bit of it.”
“I don't, but thanks. Okay. Let's clean up the mess and play some Mario Cart, yeah?”
“Sounds amazing.” Phil said as his heart swelled. Phil Lester had found the love of his life. He knew it.

It was New years eve eve as Phil called it. Phil had gone out to shops as he wanted to decorate. They had invited Candice over for New years Dinner and games with her current boyfriend, Lincoln. It had been Dan's idea, which Phil happily agreed to. They hadn't really hung out with Candice for awhile, it would be nice to see her.
Phil was just picking out bottles of champagne when his phone went off. It was Dan.
“Pls pick up antibiotic ointment and plasters/gauze.”
“Are you okay?”
“Will be better with the above mentioned items.”
“Okay, I will be home soon.”
What had Dan done? Was he really hurt? Phil started to panic as grabbed many plasters and gauze then all but ran to the cashier. He made his way down the block as fast as he could and burst through the door.
“Jesus Christ, Phil!” Dan yelled, startled.
Phil blushed “Sorry. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just cut my hand pretty good.”
“How?”
“Broken glass.”
“How-” Dan waved his hands. “Right. Do you need help?” Phil looked at Dan's hand wrapped in kitchen roll. “How bad is it? A and E?”
“NO!! I am not going to A and E on New Years eve eve. I think it's fine.”
Phil rolled his eyes “Let's have a look, yeah? Go to the bathroom.”
When Dan got into the bathroom and unwrapped his hand Phil noticed it was a really serious cut, but probably did not need stitches. Phil washed out Dan's hand and bandaged it up.
“You take really good care of me.”
Phil smiled. “Thank you.”
“Don't you ever get tired of it?”
“Never.” Phil pulled Dan into a gentle hug.
“You really are too good to me.”
“Not at all, pretty boy. You are worth it.”
Dan pulled back slowly and looked into Phil's eyes. Slowly he pulled Phil closer and kissed his lips softly. Phil took over and deepened the kiss. Soon he had Dan pushed up against the counter, being overly careful of his injured hand and snaked his arm around Dan's waist.
A moan of “Phil” escaped the small space in between their lips.
“You are so pretty, Dan.” Phil said, stroking his cheek.
“Phil.... can we, I mean will you..” Phil's hand traveled down to the evident bulge in Dan's trousers. “Yeeees.” He sighed.
“Been too long, has it?”
“Please,” Dan's voice was embarrassingly needy. Phil chuckled.
“I have to put away groceries. If you help, I will give you a reward.”
Dan groaned “Okay, but let's make it fast.” Phil laughed, loudly.

The last bag had been put away and Dan was watching Phil in anticipation. He had no idea what was about to happen to him, but he was excited. Phil glanced at him and smirked.
“Dan?”
“Yeah?” He answered quickly.
“Go to my bed room.”
Dan jumped a little and rushed in as quickly as possible. Phil chuckled as he followed.
“Clothes off,” he called after him.

Dan was waiting, naked and shy on the bed. Phil chuckled. “I am not sure how you are still so shy.”
“S-sorry” Dan blurted out, but there was something more in his tone.
“I was just teasing, pretty boy. I love it that you are shy.”
Dan bit his lip as Phil approached. “I really like you, Dan. You don't have to worry, okay?” Dan stayed silent but met Phil's eyes. Phil leaned in, kissing the side of Dan's mouth. “You are so hot, Dan. It's not even fair.” A small whine escaped Dan's lips. “What do you want to do, Dan?”
“Ah,” As always, Dan was unsure.
“Want me to lead I see.” Slowly Phil pushed Dan onto his back and climbed beside him. Leaning on his side, he ran his hand down Dan's left cheek and pulled him back into a slow kiss. Soon the kiss was heating up and Phil's hands started to travel down Dan's' body. “Pretty boy, I would like to be inside you.” Phil said.
Dan froze but then relaxed when Phil said.
“Just fingers, love, is that okay?”
Dan nodded.
“Words.”
“Yes.”
Phil reached to the bed side drawer and got the lube out. “You don't have to do this, Dan. If you'd rather something else, it's okay. I don't always have to call the shots, you know.”
“I- Phil I can't talk about things like that.” Dan said, throwing his arm over his face, embarrassed.
“It's just me...” Phil said, slightly confused.
“I know... I just. Do we need like a safe word? Like... I don't even know.” Dan sighed. “Maybe we should just forget it. I mean we have a lot of cleaning to do for tomorrow.” Phil's first finger slowly start to touch Dan's rim, effectively shutting him up.
“We don't need a safe word, why Dan?”
“W-what?” Dan was now distracted by Phil's finger. “I don't know.”
“Yes, you do. Because when you say Stop...”
“Ah, yeah. It stops.”
“Exactly. Is this okay?” Phil asked, inserting his finger. Dan arched his back slightly and moaned. “I'll let that be my “yes” this time, but I prefer words.”
“Oh God Phil.” Dan moaned, his cock throbbed.
“So desperate. Can you take another?”
“Yeeees”
Smirking, Phil removed his first finger and reapplied lube. He then started to enter Dan again. “You are doing so well, Pretty boy. You sure seem to like my fingers in you.”
“Please, more.” Dan moaned out.
“More fingers?”
“A-anything, Oh God Phil...”
“I don't want to hurt you, I think we will stay at two.” Slowly Phil moved in and out, watching Dan's face. He stopped only to take his clothes off and then continued.
“Phil... please, touch me.” Dan begged. He was more needy than he had ever been and Phil growled.
“I am touching you.” He slowed down his fingers.
“Please,” Dan begged.
“Tell me what you want, Daniel.”
“Please, Phil-daddy.” He whined. “I need to cum so bad.”
“Oh do you?” Phil started to speed up his fingers, leaned down towards his cock and looked back up at Dan. “Don't cum until I say. When you are getting close, tell me.”
“O-okay.” Dan stuttered.
Phil took Dan in his mouth and started to slowly suck.
“Holy shit.” Dan breathed. Phil sped up his fingers, brushing Dan's prostate, but kept sucking lightly. Dan started to twist his hands in the sheets, hissing when he recalled his cut hand. Phil stopped.
“Dan, be careful! Your hand is cut.”
“No kidding, Phil.” Dan said sarcastically
“No need to be rude. We can stop. Right now.” Phil narrowed his eyes.
“I'm sorry, just don't care about my hand now.”
“I do, stay still.”
“Phil, I don't know how much more I can take.”
“Let's find out.” Phil slipped his fingers back in, increasing his pace. He took Dan back into his mouth sucking more vigorously now. The whimpers and whines coming out of Dan's mouth were enough to get him off alone.
“Phil, please. Let me.”
Phil pulled off his cock. “Let you what?” He sped up his fingers.
“Phil, please.”
“Tell me what you want, Pretty Boy.”
“L-let me cum, please.” Phil smirked, knowing he had won and started to suck harder and harder. “Phil, I am going to cum, oh god, please.” Phil stopped and pulled off of Dan who groaned in frustration.
“Okay, cum.” Phil's fingers keep moving, making purposeful jabs at Dan's prostate now.
“Oh, oh god.” Dan started to chant. Phil slowly stroked Dan a few times.
“Cum for me, Pretty boy.”
“Phil, I-” Dan started to thrust his hips.
“It's okay, I got you. You are fine. Just focus on my fingers, baby.”
“Phil, please.” Phil stroked Dan fast and hard, getting him the the brink, stopping and then inserted a third finger, hammering on Dan's prostate With a silent cry, Dan's back arched off the bed and he was cumming, hard.
“Good boy. Oh God.” Phil had started to tug at him self, watching Dan give up all control made Phil cum. Phil slowed his fingers and gently started to slide out of Dan.
“Holy shit, Phil.” Dan moaned.
“You did so good.” Phil got up and got a flannel to clean Dan up with, Dan was always shy about this.
“It's okay, Dan. I love taking care of you.” Phil dropped it on the floor. “Do you want to get dressed or cuddle first?”
Dan wordlessly pulled himself over to Phil and clutched onto his side and chest, Phil brought his arm around Dan, settling in. “I like this too.” He covered them both and slowly stroked Dan's back with his thumb.
“Phil?”
“Hm?”
“Are we boyfriends?”
Phil was taken back by the question. “I thought you didn't like labels...”
“No, You're right. I don't. I just... If it were just sex, I would get that. But I feel like we are in a relationship.”
“Are we not?”
“Yeah, I mean I think so.”
“How about this, let's just be the others person.”
“Okay?”
“We don't have to be gay, or bi or boyfriends or dating, We are just each others person. As long as we are, then we are JUST each others person. No labels, just Dan and Phil, okay?”
Dan smiled. “Yeah, okay. I like that.”
Phil sighed, relieved. “Good. Me too.” He hugged Dan closed. “Let's have a nap, but then we have to get up and clean.”
“Or you could tell Candy that your person was to lazy and we could play Mario Cart.”
“Dan!!”
“Well,” He said as he yawned. “I'm not wrong.”
Phil laughed. “Sleep. Then we clean, then perhaps Mario Cart.”
“Yes, Daddy.” Dan muttered sarcastically as his eyes fluttered shut. Phil wasn't far behind Dan, but he shuttered thinking about how much in love he was. It scared him.

“Dan, you spilled it!” Candice laughed out. “How much have you had?”
“Fuck off, you know I'm clumsy. I told you I shouldn't be pouring it.” Phil smiled at them. They had ordered Pizza and now had moved onto champagne and wine. It was nice to see Dan cocky, lately he had been shy and reserved.
“Okay, here.” an handed Candice a glass, then Phil, then Lincoln.
“Cheers to the last part of 2017!!” Candice raised her glass. A chorus of “cheers” and clinking of glass followed by the first sip.
“So, now what?”
“Turns in Mario Cart?” Dan asked hopefully.
“FIRST” Candice yelled
“Second!” Dan followed as Phil laughed.
“Dan is obsessed with Mario Cart, good luck, Candice.”
“Oh ye of little Faith.”
Dan and Candice were well into their turn while Lincoln and Phil were standing near the table of crisps. Quietly, Lincoln said
“Love 'im, don't yah?”
“Ah,” Phil rubbed the back of his neck. “Am I that obvious?”
“Sorry Mate.” He raised his glass to Phil and took a drink. “I've seen your look before.”
“Shh.” Phil whispered. “He doesn't know.”
Lincoln laughed. "What? Yes he does!” he gasped loudly. Phil scowled at him.
“Yes he does what?” Dan asked.
“Know how to use the red shells!” Lincoln said back.
“Obviously.” Dan responded. “Phil are you lying about my skills again.”
“No!” Phil insisted. Lincoln was pissing him off. “I'm not.” Phil set his glass down and went to the Bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He know it was his embarrassment, not actually Lincoln, that was making him uncomfortable.
“Phil!” Dan yelled. “You're up.”
“Skip me,” Phil yelled back, shutting the toilet lid and sitting on it. He shouldn't drink anymore. He knew that he may end up saying something that he regretted. After a few minutes, a soft knock and a “Hey,” from Dan came from the door.
“I'm fine, Dan.”
Dan opened the door, closed it behind him and frowned.
“Dan! What if I was going to the bathroom?”
“Knew you weren't”
“How does that even make sense?”
“I just did, okay?”
“Okay.”
“What's wrong, Phil?”
“I'm okay. Just a little emotional.”
“Why? What happened in the kitchen?”
“What?”
“With Lincoln...”
“Nothing, Lincoln is fine.”
Dan cocked his eye brow. “Okay....”
“Dan, could we just let this go, please. Our guests are in our lounge while we are in here.”
“Right.” Dan walked towards him, pulling him up by his hands, then into a hug, Phil hugged back. “You know you can talk to me, yeah?” He whispered.
“Yeah, I know. Thanks. I was being silly.”
“It's okay, you're allowed.” Dan pulled back and smiled at him.
The rest of the night was spent drinking and having fun. Phil allowed himself to drink more after Dan's encouragement. “It's New Year's eve Phil!” He had said, then whispered into his ear. “You don't always have to be in control.” Which had made Phil choke on his drink.
As It neared midnight, the pairs were split up, sitting next to each other.
“10....9......8.”
Phil saw Lincoln getting ready to lean in and kiss Candice. He wanted to kiss Dan, Oh god, should he kiss Dan? His eyes darted around the room.
“7...6....5”
What if Dan was expecting it and he didn't? What if he didn't want it and he did? What should he do.
“4....3....2...”
Suddenly Dan snaked his arm around Phil's waste and pulled him closer. Dan was brave after champagne.
“1!”
He felt fireworks as Dan pressed his lips into Phil's. It was like everything slowed down and it was just the two of them, Lips locked into place. It was over too quickly for Phil's liking when Dan pulled away and yelled “Happy New Year!!” This time Phil was blushing. Dan was not even scared to kiss him with Candice and a practical stranger there.
“To 2018?” Dan raised his glass.
“To 2018!”
They gazed into each others eyes until a small giggle escaped Dan's mouth.
“Phil,” Dan whispered. “I don't think I have ever seen you blush before.”
“Hey, Shut up.” He muttered looking down.
Dan leaned in closer. “Relax. You are adorable.”
“You've a lot of nerve...”
“Oh I know I do. Champagne helps. Phil, you don't have to worry. I like being your person.”
Phil looked up and smiled. “Good.” He looked into Dan's eyes. “Dan.... I-”
“Happy New year!!” Candice shouted, interrupting.
“Happy New year!” Dan yelled back.
It was now 2:00am and Phil was yawning. The mix the drinks he had consumed and the tension was too much for him.
“Sleepy, Philly?” Dan teased
“Yep.” Phil responded. Dan know Phil would never be rude so he yawn loudly.
“Well, I am bushed.” He said.
“Yeah, we are heading out.”
Candice and Lincoln got up making their way to their coats. “We will see ourselves out.”
Dan sat next to Phil and immediately snuggled into him.
“It was a good night.” Dan said, yawning.
“It was. Dan this whole Holiday season has been amazing...”
“Yeah, it has.”
“And you and I, being each others person. I like that.”
Dan snickered. “Me too.”
“Dan, I love you.” Phil said
“Stop.” Dan said jerking away violently.
Phil jumped, startled “What?”
Dan looked down at his hands. “When I say stop, it stops.” His voice was firm, but barely above a whisper.
“Oh,” Phil said, heartbreak clear in his voice as Dan shot up off the couch.
“Candy, wait!” Dan yelled.
“We were just about to leave, what?”
Dan rushed to his room grabbed his shoes and his coat and rushed past Phil.
“I need to stay with you.”
“What? Dan, what are you on about?”
“Please Candice, not here. Can I just stay with you, please?” Tears were running down his face.
“Okay, okay, love. Relax.”
“Linc, take him to the car, I'll be out in a minute okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Come on, Dan.” Lincoln smiled and lead him to the car.
“Phil?” Candice asked carefully.
Phil stood up stiffly and turned. His eyes were glazed over and his hand clutched to his chest. “Just go.” Was all he could muster as he turned and walked into his room and shut to door.
“Well, good talk.” Candice shook her head as she turned to leave. “2018 sure is starting fun!” She scoffed as she made her way out the door (locking it behind her) and out to the car.
Dan was looking out the backseat window, silent.
“What the hell, Dan?”
“Please,” his voice was scared, “I can't, not right now.”
“Dan, Phil is-”
“Candice,” Lincoln said gently. “Just let him be yeah? It's been a long night, it's late. Lets go get some rest, yeah?”
“Yeah, Okay.” Candice sighed.
What the hell had these boneheads done to each other now.

Chapter Text

When Phil woke up at 2:00PM all he could feel was the crushing heartbreak. He knew Dan wasn't okay with the fact that Phil was a guy. Phil should have known better. If he were female, would that be acceptable for him? For his Family? These questions made Phil sadder than before.
Dan's phone, wallet and most of his possessions were still in the flat, Phil wondered for how long. He got up, went to the toilet and went back to his bed. Why would the words “I love you.” make Dan “safeword?” Dan had to have known Phil loved him, before the words left his mouth right? Phil had never felt this way before. Helpless, hopeless and empty. He was exhausted in every aspect. He sighed as he forced himself to go back to sleep. There was nothing to stay awake for anyway.

“Dan, get up.” Candice said.
“Nooo,” Dan moaned.
“Listen here, you little shit, you have slept it off. Now you are going to tell me what the fuck happened.”
“I don't want to talk about it.”
“Tough. Phil is my friend too. You didn't see him after you left. You broke his damn heart, Dan.”
Dan looked up with regret, tears streaming down his face. “I safeworded.”
“What? You were already going at it before we even left?”
“No.” Dan shook his head. “You don't understand.”
“Explain it.”
“I-he-” Dan stopped, shuttered and continued. “I fucked up, Candy.”
“Yeah.”
“I don't know what to do.”
“Text Phil, for starters.”
“I can't. Besides, I am sure he hates me.”
“Bullshit. No he doesn't.”
“After last night, or this morning, whatever, he does.”
“The look he gave me last night had nothing even resembling hate, Dan. He was hurt. What happened?”
Dan placed his head in his hands. “He told me he loved me, I safeworded.”
“What?”
“Phil and I had a sexual relationship before anything else. But it's so much more than that. He took care of me when I was in and out of the hosptial, he helps me be an adult for fuck sake. He even took me, ME, home for Christmas. I was going to be alone and he was going to miss Christmas with his family for me so I wouldn't have to be. Incidentally, his family loved me, but the part that shocked me was that I also really like them. They were all so nice, they didn't judge me. But Phil can't love me.”
“It's too late. You're an idiot. He loved you when you had your gallbladder out.”
Dan's head shot straight up “What?”
“Are you fucking daft?”
“I can't be what he needs. I can't even accept that I am gay.” Dan said softly.
“Oh, kiddo.” Candice say next to him. “Why do you have to be anything? Don't you love him?”
“I don't know if I know what love is.”
“You need to figure that out. Phil is head over heels, yeah? So please don't string him along. You know you are always welcome here, but I am not okay with it if it is only to avoid him.”
“Okay.”
“I am running to the grocery store. I can drop you off now if you'd like, or we can go over later. I noticed you don't have your phone or anything. So when?”
“Later, please. I need to sort my thoughts.”
“Good, but we are leaving no later than 8. So start thinking.”
Dan nodded as Candice turned to leave.

When Phil woke up again he just stared at the ceiling. No matter what happened last night or the ache in his chest, he knew the flat still needed to be cleaned up. Phil got up, shaking his head. He picked everything up in silence, not being able to bear any reminder of Dan. It almost had worked; that was until Phil found his hoodie. Phil clung to it, desperately trying not to crumble. He should have known that by the way, Dan was, that this would never work. “So stupid,” He said out loud. He hated that he had made Dan safeword. Phil let himself fall too hard, too fast and just plowed into expressing his truest feelings. Not that it mattered, hindsight is and was meaningless. Shaking his head he picked up everything he could see of Dan's and laid it on his bed, then he shut the door. Phil took a shower, forced himself to eat a piece of toast and to venture out to the store to try to get his mind straight. He picked up things he did for Dan usually without even realizing it before he paid. He missed Dan in a way he never knew possible. He got back and started to put everything away, leaving Dan's nonfood items on the table. A tear dripped down his face. He quickly wiped it away as he started a movie on his laptop. The loneliness in the apartment was suffocating. Phil still knew that Dan was so confused, so naive and scared. That didn't change the fact that Phil was hurt. He was also sad, frustrated, unsure but not mad. The whole relationship started based on when Dan said “stop” it stops. Phil had to respect that, however, he never thought the safeword would have been used when they were still clothed. If Phil was honest, he was terrified that Dan wouldn't want to even be friends after this. Phil couldn't imagine his life without Dan, not now anyway. He wanted to wait to express his feelings, but the timing had felt right. Clearly, Phil was wrong. He knew his thoughts were just going to loop. He couldn't control the ache of rejection that blossomed inside his heart. Tears streamed down his face freely now as he picked up his phone.
“Mom? Can I come home? No, It's fine, I just. Mom, I need to come home. Yeah, okay. I'm taking a train as soon as we hang up. You too, Bye.”
Phil shut off all of the lights, shut doors and grabbed his bag shoving random clothes and toiletries into it. He needed to leave, he couldn't stand the silence echoing off what used to be warm walls. It seemed as if grief was all that was left in their flat, at least right now. He picked up his phone, looking at it almost as if it were the enemy. Chewing his lower lip and sighing, he sent a text to Dan. “I went home.” and that was all he wrote. He knew that Dan already was uncomfortable, saying anything else may make this disaster worse. Pausing only a moment, he turned off his phone and set it on the counter. He took one last look at the flat as he walked out, leaving his heart and phone behind.

Dan looked into the mirror in Candice's bathroom. “I am gay.” He said aloud, cringing at his reflection. “I am Bi.” Still not okay, he shook his head. “I am straight” No that didn't feel right either. “I am not straight.” Sighing, Dan hung his head and took a deep breath, slowly looking up into the mirror he shrugged at himself. “I am Phil's person.” A small smile crept onto his face. “I am Phil's person.” He said again. Dan didn't know much about anything anymore, but he did know that. He was Phil's person.

As the train started to pull away, Phil closed his eyes and whispered to the cosmos a plea to get through the train ride without sobbing. The heater hummed as he heard portions of conversations that had no importance. He opened his eyes, turning them towards the window as the landscape went by, it was all bleak. Phil was brokenhearted, that much was obvious. How long would it take for life to be beautiful again? Was this feeling of raw, exposed agony going to be the way he felt all the time now? When they were just having sex, everything was simpler. No, that wasn't true either; nothing about Dan was simple. “Not even calling an ambulance,” Phil mused to himself, smirking slightly. That was one of the times he fell in love with Dan. Phil had fallen in love with Dan, several times, actually. Dan trying to make him breakfast when Dan was still recovering, Dancing in their lounge, a game of Truth or dare, the light in Dan's eyes at the Christmas tree he came home to. A hot tub, stars and meeting his Mum. Suddenly the smile on his face faded. Phil was so mad that he had fallen in love with Dan so hard, so many times. It was pointless to be angry, however, he knew he really had no control of loving Dan. Phil's love for Dan was fast, hot burning lava that left no person behind. “He has to forgive me.” He thought. Truth be told, he didn't know if he would ever see Dan again. This terrified him.

“I am Phil's person.” Dan said to Candice.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I keep trying to label myself, even though I hate labels. I feel like in order to understand I have to have a title or some shit. Like, I have to be this, I have to be that. I can't love another man, another man can't love me...” He stopped looking up smirking “But I can be Phil's person. Phil can love me.” Dan sighed, deeply “I can love Phil, I do love Phil. At least as far as I know of love, which is not much.”
“No shit.” Candice roll her eyes. “And no shit you love him you dolt. I wish you would have figured this out earlier.”
“So do I. I am scared, I am also going to give up on my family. This scares me so much. It's supposed to be family to the end, blood is thicker than water and all that.” He paused and continued. “ But with them, I can't be with a man. It would be unheard of.” Dan blew out a breath.
“Dan,” Candice started, but Dan held up his hand.
“No, that's a drama for another day, yeah?” He walked and sat down on the sofa. “I always thought that I would lose so much If I were honest with myself.” He looked up at her. “But what is it that I am actually losing? Phil took care of me when I was hospitalized and I couldn't even get my mom to text to ask me if I was okay. Is that family? I don't know. It's always been this way.”
“No.” Candice said. “No one who treats you like that is family, Dan. I don't care about blood. It is okay to leave family behind if they are abusive, hurtful or mean.”
“That is why this is so hard for me, I am trying to figure out love, life, family.” He shook his head. “I'm so tired of fighting so damned hard just to exist.”
“Then stop, love.” Candice sighed. “Look, you need to learn to love yourself for who you are. Which, by the way, is this amazing kid who just got a little confused. I mean, you came and sat with me on registration to keep me from an awkward encounter with an Ex.”
“That wasn't even a true thing.” Dan snorted.
“I know that, I knew that the whole time. But you didn't. You got out of bed early, came down and sat with me. You even were protective, loyal and pissed when you thought he had blanked me.” She looked at him in the eyes. “Daniel, there is nothing wrong with you. You are young, you are naive, you are inexperienced and you also are amazing.”
“Thanks.” Dan said softly.
“You're welcome. Stop over thinking it, yeah? Maybe just let it be what it is.”
“Even if I am not sure what that is yet?”
“Yes. Even though.”
“Thanks, Candice.”
“I love you Dan, you are like a little brother to me. Just go easy on yourself, okay? And easy on Phil, too.”

Phil sipped on the too bitter coffee that was served. He didn't like it, but he liked how it warmed him up. He felt so cold it was nice. He sighed. He hoped that it was just his mum at home, not his dad or Brother. He knew he would cry, even though no one would have said anything, he still only felt comfortable crying in front of his mother. Unable to take anymore of the vile taste of the coffee, he set it down and closed his eyes again. He wanted to sleep. He was so tired.

“What do I do to say I am sorry?” Dan asked.
“Why are you asking me?”
“When your ah, person, when they have upset you, what have they done for you?”
“Wow, Dan.”
“Well, what? I don't know Candy!!! I've never had a girlfriend or- and I have never been anyone's person before.” Dan was truly asking, he wasn't being funny.
Candice smiled “Dan, you know Phil. What do you think he is doing?”
“Blaming himself.”
“Yeah, probably.”
“Do you think he will ever forgive me? I mean really?”
“I am sure it will take some time,” Candice smiled sympathetically, “But knowing Phil, I am sure he will. He loves you, Daniel.”
Dan blushed. “So, pizza and a new video game?”
“Seems like you already know. Also, words.”
“I am not good with words.”
“Get good.” She said, winking.
“Oh, fuck off Candy.”

Phil yawned and stretched his legs, it was almost his stop. The lights were now on in the train as it was getting dark. Several people were starting to gather their belongings as the train screeched to a stop. Following suit, he walked to exit the train. He stepped out into the cold air, shivering slightly noticing how much colder it was here. Or maybe it was just that he was so upset that is seemed colder. Was it colder here than home? Phil tried not to think about Dan, he knew that sooner or later he was going to cry. He met his Uber who was to take him home, to his safe place. His mum met him at the door.
“Hey, love.” She said softly.
“Hi.” Phil said, shaking slightly.
“Get in here, I made dinner and tea. It's just us tonight. Come talk to your old mother, hm?” Kath guided him by the shoulders into the house,then into the kitchen. Phil sighed. How was he going to explain this to his mother? “Oh yeah, we messed around and I caught feels.” No, that wasn't Phil at all.
“Phil, it's me. Stop thinking so hard. It will be okay.”
“I am not so sure about that, mum.”
“Nothing is forever, love.”
Phil hoped she was right.

“So, now that I have fed your lazy ass,” Candice pause and pointedly said “again when am I taking your ass home to make nice with your boyfriend?”
“Ah,”
“Stop avoiding. I told you I wasn't okay with that earlier.”
“I'm not.”
Candice cocked her eyebrow, “Are you sure?”
“Bloody hell.”
“I get it, you're scared. Only way out is through, yeah?”
“Yeah. You're right.”
“I know I am. Let's go.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Relax Dan, it's gonna be okay.”
“I don't know.” Dan said slipping his coat on. “I have a bad feeling.”
Candice had driven them back to the flat, Dan was nervously ringing is hands.
“Want me to come with you?”
“No. I need to do this alone.”
“I understand. Just be honest, no more of this passive aggressive half truth shit, okay?”
“Yes, mum.”
“I'll show you mum, you cheeky-” Candice stopped. “Just go, fix this. We should all do dinner next week or something, yeah?”
“Okay.”
“Dan, it's going to be fine. It's okay.”
“Thanks for everything, Candice.”
“You're welcome, now it's your turn.”

Dan walked up to the flat seeing that everything was dark. Using their secret hidden key, he unlocked the door and hid it again. As he entered, he reached to start turning on the lights. “Phil?” He called timidly with no answer. He glanced at the table to see his normal items from a shopping trip setting on the table. Phil had bought them from him some time that day. Dan figured this was something that would not have happened had Phil hated him. He smiled tentatively.
“Phil?” He called again, a little louder. There was still no answer, Dan frown and kept scanning the room as if Phil was about to appear. He was about to go to Phil's bedroom when suddenly he caught sight of Phil's phone. Phil would never leave his phone just sitting on the counter. He picked it up, it had been turned off. This also was troubling.
“Phil, are you okay?!” Dan yelled as he started to went from room to room finding them all empty. He saw his phone on the side table, he picked it up, it was of course dead. “Of fucking course.” He said to the empty flat. He found his charger and quickly plugged it in.
As it loaded, he had one new text message from Phil. All it read was“I went home.”
Oh God, Dan had chased Phil out of his own flat. Why didn't he take his phone?
He must not have wanted Dan to be able to contact him. Panic started to rise in his chest as Dan sank to his knees.
“Oh Phily, I am so sorry.” He whispered to the empty house as he started to cry. He didn't want to be alone, but who would he call? Candice was too intense for this, she would be too aggressive, demanding to go to Phil right away. Clearly Phil did not want to be followed, though. He told Dan where he was going, so Dan wouldn't worry or try to look for him, right? Dan wasn't sure. Dan pulled himself up to his feet and headed straight for Phil's room. Kicking off his shoes in the hallway, he got into Phil's bed, turning off the light. He inhaled the smell of Phil's body wash on the pillow and cried himself to sleep. Maybe it was too late for him to be Phil's person.

“I told Dan I loved him,” Phil started, “And I scared him off.”
“Last night?”
“Today, technically.”
“Were you drinking?”
“Yeah, some. We didn't have too much.”
“What do you mean you scared him off?”
“He told me to-to stop and then left with our friends.”
“He told you to stop?”
“Yeah, it's more complicated, but-” He stopped and sighed “I don't even know, mum!” Phil placed his face in his hands, rubbing up and down as he started to cry. He looked up. “I am in love with him and clearly he is not in love with me.”
“I'm sorry, son.” Kath said softly.
“I keep hoping that he will at least still want to be my friend. But then I think, can I even do that? Pretend to just be his friend when I am so deeply in love with him? I think he wanted me to be something I am not, but I don't even know.” He stopped and took a deep breath. “B-but then I start to think, the only other option is not have Dan in my life at all, and that. Thinking about that is almost as if someone sucked all the air and light out of the room all at once.” He shook his head. “I tried so hard not to push him into things he wasn't ready for. I really did. I still ended up hurting him.”
His mum rubbed his back soothingly, just listening,
“If I lose him, I don't know how I will ever think of love again, let alone be in love. I feel like he's that important.”
“Oh, Love. I wish I could make it all go away.”
“I know.” Phil whispered.
“I think you need to speak with Dan sooner than later, Phil.”
“I just- I can't face him now.”
“I understand, son. I just mean, as soon as you think you can stand it, talk to him. Misunderstandings are very common.”
“There is no misunderstanding, mum.”
“Whatever you say, love. Just, don't decide the future before it's even come, yeah?”
“I'm really tired and have a headache. Can I sleep here?”
“Of course, love. You know you are always welcome here as long as you need to be here. Okay?”
“Thanks, mum. I love you.”
“And I you. Up you go, get some rest. Kath stood up, bent down and kissed Phil's head. “It's going to be okay, Phil. Just trust your old mother on that, okay?”
“Night, mum.”
“Night.”
Phil climbed the stairs, as he entered the room sadness rushed over him again. The last time he was here a shy pretty boy was snuggled up to him. Phil remembered the happiness that was radiating off of Dan. He smiled and then suddenly burst into tears. He shoved his face into the pillow to keep down his sobs. Would he ever get to hold Dan again? Would he ever see that level of excitement on his face? Was this the end for them? He hoped that Candice was taking good care of Dan. Phil knew the night ahead of him was going to be long.

Dan woke up in the dark, crying. Phil was at his mums house to get away from him. He had ruined the best thing that ever happened to him. Why hadn't he just kept his mouth shut? Why did he tell Phil to stop? Phil was the first person he could ever really remember that had told him they loved him and really truly meant it as emotionally as Phil did. Dan hated that he had refused that, rejected it, shot it down. Phil would have to come back eventually, in two weeks classes started again. Dan's stomach twisted when he thought that he may not see Phil for two weeks. Panic ebb at the frays of his racing mind, Dan was truly alone. He had no one else to blame but himself. He looked at his phone, he had 4 text from Candice, he ignored them. What did it matter? Nothing mattered. Dan drifted back into a dreamless, numbing sleep.

Later on Dan was dragged from his sleep. There was a pounding that he couldn't Identify. Slowly he woke up and understood it was someone pounding on the door. Sunlight shone into Phil's room. How long had he been asleep? Checking his phone he noticed it was 4:00PM. He had been asleep for hours with many more missed text and 5 missed calls from Candice. He pulled himself out of bed and walked to the door.
“Damn it, you guys, if one of you doesn't answer this bleeding door I am breaking a window.” He heard Candice yell through the door. Dan opened it only partly.
“Hi, Candice.” He said, dryly.”
“WHAT THE FUCK, DAN!” She yelled panicked. “I have been trying to reach you for ages.”
“I was sleeping.”
“Where's Phil?”
“Not here.”
Candice frowned at him. “Where did he go?”
“Home.”
“Well what an asshole, I've texted and called him too!”
“He left his phone here.” Dan looked towards his feet.
“What?” Dan's eyes met hers, brimming with unshed tears. “Oh. Oh!”
“If there isn't anything else,” Dan said stepping back.
“Dan, I-” She stopped meeting his eyes. “Are you safe?”
“Yes. I just need to be alone.”
Candice pushed open the door and gathered him into her arms and wordlessly hugged him. Dan pulled away after a few moments.
“I will let you be alone.” She reached up, struggling slightly and grabbed both his shoulders, looking him in the eyes. “Please send me a message later though. It doesn't have to be anything other than a emote, just please let me know you are okay.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, well. Take care of yourself.”
“Sure. Bye Candice.” Dan shut the door and locked it again, returning to Phil's bed. Hopefully he would be able to fall back asleep again. He heard his stomach complaining for food, but he didn't feel it. He didn't feel anything, really. Ignoring the grumbling, Dan went back to sleep.

Phil didn't sleep well. He was in and out of half sleep for hours. Around noon the next day his mother knocked on the door.
“Love?” She called through the door “Your brother is going to be coming over soon. Thought we'd go out and get lunch.”
“I'm not hungry.”
“That can't be true, I'm coming in.”
Phil groaned and threw his arm over his eyes. “Mum, I just want to sleep, okay?”
“Nope, not okay. Listen I know you are hurting and sad, but you are not going to just stay in bed all day. You will just feel worse.”
Phil sighed. “When is he going to be here?”
“Anytime now, get up. Shower.”
“Okay.” Phil agreed. He could tell that his mum wasn't going to leave him alone anyway. Maybe getting out would help clear his head enough that he could actually get some decent sleep.
“I'll let you get ready, then.” She said as she excused herself, a satisfied smile on her face.

Phil could hear whispered conversation as he went down the stairs. As he got closer he paused and listened.
“That poor kid, he is so confused.”
“Your “poor kid” brother is brokenhearted.”
“I didn't say he wasn't, just-” Phil heard Martyn sigh “Did you see Dan at Christmas? It was like he had never been a part of a family holiday. At least not like that. He was as excited as the little kids. It was like no one had ever really shown him love before. That's so messed up mum”
“I know.”
“Don't get me wrong, my first priority is obviously Phil.” He paused. “But I also feel like Dan is probably hurting too. I like Dan. He is good for Phil.”
“But if he doesn't love Phil, he is hurting him. That can't be good for Phil.”
“Yeah, but that isn't really his fault, is it? Dan can't help it if he doesn't love Phil, anymore than I can help that I am worried about him too.”
“I never said it was his fault love. I am just saying, I don't want Phil to be hurt. I know it's not possible, it's just hard for me to watch and not be able to do anything about.” Phil heard his mother put what he assumed were cups into the sink. “I want him to have a break from all this. So let's not bring it up unless Phil wants to. He was sobbing last night to me. I am sure he cried himself to sleep too, what little he got anyway.”
Phil could hear Martyn roll his eyes. “I have some tact, mother.”
Kath snorted “I know, child.”
“I won't say a word. I will act natural, okay?”
“You had better.”
Phil walked down the stairs the rest of the way into the Kitchen.
“Hey, Phil.” Martyn said smiling. “Finally ready, you took long enough! I am starving.”
“Martyn!” His mum chastised.
Phil smirked. “Yeah, yeah. Wasting away I'm sure.”
“Seriously Phil. The lights are going dim, starting to fade.”
“You are a drama queen.” Phil said, shaking his head.
“We had better go eat before a tantrum occurs.” Kath said, grabbing her keys. “Pile in boys, time for food.”

Dan woke up again about 7:00 PM, his stomach was really upset due to the lack of food, he could feel it now. He slowly pulled himself out of bed, grabbed an apple and sat down at the dining table, the things Phil had gotten him still sat in the middle of the table. He couldn't recall a time where he had ever felt this lonely. It was strange, the flat seemed almost as it had not been lived in. “This is so stupid and dramatic!” Dan said out loud. Dan cleaned the flat. Phil had picked up after the party, but Dan did the normal chores as well. He needed something to keep his mind off of things. He then prepared the meals from the ingredients that were in the fridge and froze them. He knew they wouldn't be eating them for a while so there was no reason to let them go to waste. He reorganized everything in the flat. Hours had passed, Dan was desperate to keep his mind off the emptiness. That only worked for so long. Dan sent Candice a thumbs up and set his phone back down. He went into Phil's room and plugged his phone into the charger so it was ready for him when he wanted it back. If Phil could get Dan item's from the store, Dan could help by plugging in Phil's phone, right? Dan wanted to sleep again, there was nothing else for him to do. Slowly he started to drift off, waiting for oblivion to come.

They had returned from eating and were now sitting around the dining table in Phil's mother's house.
“I feel like things were blown way out of proportion.” Phil finally said.
“Probably,” Martyn replied.
“I still don't know. I want to give him space.”
“Understandable.” Kath said.
“Maybe just text him?”
“Don't have my phone, left it in the flat.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Would it be rude of me if I wanted some time to myself? Say If I went and laid down?” Phil was worn out.
“No, go ahead. I am sure you could use the rest.” His mom quickly volunteered.
“We will talk soon,” Martyn confirmed.
Phil dragged himself up the stairs half hearing the conversation he left behind.
“I know that look, mister. What are you planning?”
“Nothing, mum. I don't have a look!”
Phil had shut the door and laid down. He could hear voices, but didn't understand their words.
“I am your mother, I know that look on your face. Don't rock the boat, Martyn.”
“Me? Never.”
“I'm not kidding.”
“Mum, it'll be fine, I'll see you soon.”
“Martyn....”
“Bye mum!” As Phil was falling asleep, he heard the front door shut and Martyn's vehicle start and leave.

Chapter Text

It had been a little over a week since Phil arrived at his childhood home. As much as he tried for them not to, all of his thoughts led back to the same conclusion; he wanted to talk to Dan. He wanted to fix this. Even if he had his phone, he didn't know if he would have the courage to complete the call. Even if he could get himself to dial, he had no idea what he would say. He felt like he should offer some sort of an apology, but this was a very unusual thing to apologize for. Was it appropriate for him to say he was sorry for saying “I love you?” when he meant every word? Would that be as ridiculous as it sounded? Phil wanted to pretend this never happened and be back home with Dan, letting him win at Mario Cart. Sooner or later, Phil knew he would have to go back to the flat. He had already bought three new outfits, new socks, and new pants, just to avoid having to face Dan. He had spent the majority of his time with his mum, but more so his brother. He could always feel the pity radiating off of Kath.

After hours of Martyn begging, Phil reluctantly agreed to go out for a few cocktails one night. The cocktails relaxed him enough that Phil had told Martyn pretty much everything, leaving out some of the more intimate details. He surprised himself that he had made it through the story without crying.

“I am worried about him,” Phil admitted. “He really does need someone to take care of him. Clearly not me. Not right now. So him being alone, so far away, honestly terrifies me.”

“He's an adult, Phil. I am sure he is fine.”

“I'm not. This whole thing is so, ” Phil sighed. “He needs so much guidance, especially when he is upset. I have to believe he is upset in some way after what I did. .”

“Told him you loved him? Do you honestly think he's that mad at you? I mean, expressing love usually is a good thing, Phil. Why is this so dramatic?”

“It just is. It's not that I expressed love, I think.” Phil finished his third drink. “It's more that I crossed some unspoken line or rule.” Phil shook his head, he knew how absurd he sounded. “I have never felt this way before. If soul mates are real, he is mine. I have never dated anyone who isn't “out” to themselves, let alone others. Hell, I really haven't dated at all. This is so confusing and it feels like it shouldn't be. The whole situation with Dan is overly complicated and hard to navigate. “ Phil sighed. “He is just so damned scared of himself.” Phil took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I hope Candice is taking care of him. She's all he really has.” Phil put his glasses back on. “I hope he isn't just sleeping all day every day.” Phil's eyes finally filled with tears he had been holding back.

Martyn smiled sympathetically “Take it easy, It's going to be okay, Phil.”

“How do you know?”

“I'm older and wiser, please. Just trust me. Things are going to be okay.”

“I really hope you're right,” Phil said, softly. “I don't know how to fix this. Fix us.”

“Of course I am right. Phil, I saw the way he looked at you. He loves you too, even if he doesn't know it. I am sure this will be fine.”

“I want to believe you with everything I have, I want to believe you.”

“Then do it. Fight, okay? Phil, don't you dare give up. I have seen what you and Dan have together. You are good together, It would be a hell of a waste to throw that away because of one presumed mistake.”

“I hear your words, Martyn, but it only matters if Dan forgives me.”

“He will.”

When days had passed and Phil had not come back, Dan gave up. He had nothing. If Phil was gone, the only person he had that cared about him was Candice; he couldn't expect her to take care of him the way Phil had. Hell, he shouldn't have even let Phil take care of him as much as he had. After the first two days, he stopped getting out of bed for any reason other than the toilet and a random glass of water. The only other thing he did was send Candice the one emote a day to keep her satisfied that he was “okay.” He didn't want her around, he didn't want anyone around, he just wanted to be alone. He wanted the agony of loss to overtake him, to sweep him away. He did not want to be a part of this new world he had unintentionally created for himself. Dan knew he wasn't handling this the way he should, he wasn't stupid. He knew he was not functioning like a proper adult, but he couldn't force himself to move. Somewhere in the back of his mind, his instincts were screaming at him, demanding food and a shower. He didn't care, part of him hoped that he would just fade away. He was not suicidal, he just wouldn't have minded if he didn't ever wake up again. Everything was empty and cold.

After his heart to heart with Martyn, Phil was in a constant state of worry. It had already been in the back of his mind, but now it was in the forefront. He knew Dan didn't want him around and yet he was always one second away from jumping on a train and going home. Would Dan forgive him if he just rushed into their flat? Would it make things worse? Was Dan okay? His mind spun endless loops of what-ifs and horrible circumstances. He knew he was going to have to go home sooner than later; Uni started back up soon. At this point, Phil was content never going back again. He knew he wasn't thinking logically. He still could help the way he felt. It was so confusing how much this loss had completely rearranged his life and way of thinking. Phil was the responsible one, the “adult” but at this very moment, he didn't want to take responsibility for anything or anyone. He wanted to be taken care of this time, but there was no one or even a way for someone to do that. Logically Phil knew he was expecting too much, emotionally, he didn't care.

It was late in the afternoon one day when Dan yet again was pulled out of his sleep by someone pounding on the door. “FUCK OFF. God Damn it, Candy.” He muttered as he pulled himself out of bed. “I sent you the emote, I'm fucking fine,” he muttered to himself as he made his way to the door. “I'm fine, Candice, go away.” He yelled through the door. Dan heard a masculine throat clear outside the door, it was not Candice.

“Dan?”

Who was that? “Yes?” He called timidly through the door.

“Hey, can I come in maybe? It's pretty cold.”

Dan froze, he had heard the voice before. Slowly it dawned on him, it was Martyn. Phil's brother was at his door. “Shit,” He said as he unlocked the door. “Um, Hi. Come in.”

Martyn did a once over on Dan and shook his head. “Jesus, mate,” he muttered. “Shit, Dan.”

Dan flushed. “Ah, do you want to sit down?” Dan asked, stepping to the side.

“No offense, but you look like hell and smell even worse.”

“Ah, sorry.” He took another step back.

“I wasn't sure how I would find you, honestly.”

“What does that even mean?” Dan scoffed dryly.

“Nothing, nothing.” Martyn waved his hand in the air, dismissing his previous comment. They stood in silence for a few moments when Dan broke the stillness.

“Martyn? Why are you here?” He said, getting annoyed.

“I was stopping to get some of Phil's things.” Martyn watched Dan's face drop.

'Right, of course.” Dan felt like he was going to throw up. He pulled himself together. “Ah, his phone is in his room next to his charger. I did laundry, whenever that was, so it's all folded in his drawer.” Dan blinked back the tears that were starting to pool in his eyes.

“Oh, thanks.” Martyn did not meet his eyes. He nodded and walked towards Phil's room.

Dan started to hear a high pitched buzz in his ears.“Can you see yourself out?' Dan yelled down the hall.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Safe travels.” Dan choked out as he went back to his room and closed the door. He wouldn't force himself to watch Phil's brother move him out of their flat. He just couldn't. Sighing, he put in his earbuds. If he could distract himself enough, maybe he wouldn't have to acknowledge that his life was being ripped out from underneath him. He listened to the music but felt no connection. Soon he felt nothing as sleep grabbed him again.

When he awoke he had no idea what time it was, but it was dark. His bladder started to protest and he had to get up. Shaking off the memories of earlier, he stood up, stretched and started towards his door. He didn't bother turning on a light, he just opened the door. When he walked out into the hall he smelled food; his stomach groaned loudly, he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten. He went to the bathroom, then out to the lounge.

“Ah, good, you're up,” Martyn called from the Kitchen.

“Why are you still here?” Dan asked, his tone clipped. He just wanted to be alone. Why would Martyn stay here? Could ne not see how wrecked Dan was? Was he here to make Dan feel as bad as Dan had made Phil feel? Was this Dan's reckoning?

“You get really cranky when you're hungry.” Martyn chuckled. “I think you meant to say. “Thank you for cooking for me.”

Dan flushed “Um, sorry.”

“Hey, it's okay. Listen. I made us food. You should shower.”

“Ah, you didn't need to do that...”

“Clearly you had no intention of doing so, so yeah. I did. Now, go shower, you are a mess, mate.”

Dan shook his head defeated. “I don't need you to-”

Martyn cut him off. “Yeah, you do. Shower Dan. Now. Go.”

“O-okay...” Dan did as he was told. “This I know,” Dan thought to himself. Suddenly relief flooded over him. It was nice to have someone else make the decisions, make food and take care of him. He missed that. Dan didn't want to do anything, but something about Martyn's no-nonsense tone made him snap into action. He showered slowly, his head was fuzzy and bouts of dizziness were frequently affecting his balance. When he came out, after showering and brushing his teeth, he was met with two plates on the table with three bottles of water.

“That's better.” Martyn smiled kindly, pulling one bottle towards himself. “Now, eat and drink both of those.”

Dan nodded as he sat down, carefully unscrewing the cap of one of the water bottles, sipping it tentatively. He was nervous. When was Martyn going to start yelling? He had to have been mad, right?

“Dan,” Martyn said softly. “ Relax. It's okay.”

Dan froze, “Do you hate me?” The words spilled out of his mouth before Dan knew what he was saying. He immediately regretted it.

“What?” incredulously, Martyn scoffed. “No, of course not.”

Lying, He had to be lying.“How?”

“How what?”

“Clearly you have spoken with Ph-” Dan cut himself off as the tears sprang back to his eyes. “I am the reason he's-” a choked sob escaped his lips. “Gone.” He whispered.

“You need to eat and drink the water. We can talk after, yeah?”

Dan didn't see the point of the small talk. He wanted Martyn to yell and rant and leave. He had made food to soften the blow, Dan assumed. Knowing there was no other way to start the chain of events, he took a few bites of his food. His stomach churned, it had been so long since he had eaten anything. It was tasteless.

“Would it make you more comfortable if I went into the lounge?”

Dan shook his head. “I-I'm sorry.” Dan sighed.

“I said it's okay. Why are you so nervous?”

“I'm scared, honestly.”

“Why? Of me?” Dan nodded. “Listen, kid, I am not going to yell at you okay? I know this,” Martyn paused pointing around the flat. “Me being here when you and Phil are,” He paused. “Taking a breather? Is not conventional, in any terms. Especially with the circumstance and the fact that we just met a few weeks ago. Honestly, Dan, I am here mostly for Phil, but also for you too.”

Dan's eyes shot up to meet his. “Why? Why would you give a shit about me? After what I did? Clearly, he told you. No one should care about me.”

“Look, is my brother hurt? Yeah, he is. Dan, when you opened that door earlier you looked like death. You still look like death, just smell better." He smirked and continued. "It's no hard to see that you feel as bad as he does, if not worse. When was the last time you were out of bed? Or ate anything? Or showered?”

“I don't know,” Dan admitted.

“That's my point. Before this continues I want you to eat and drink the water. I will be in the lounge.” He picked up his plate, “You are safe with me. I am not going to attack you. I promise.” He started to walk away, casually calling out over his shoulder “However, I am not kidding about the food and water. You need to eat, Dan.” Dan felt his whole face flush as he started to eat again.

“Mum, do you know where Martyn is?”

“Said he had to go out of town for work suddenly.”

“Oh.” Without his phone, he really had no way of talking to Martyn, which was really hard because over the past week Phil had been relying heavily on him as a distraction.

“I'm sure he'll be back soon.”

“Yeah, It's fine.”

“Well, off to work for this old lady. Have a good day, son. Maybe go outside for a few, hm?” She kissed his cheek as she left, not giving him an option to argue.

When Phil was alone, it wasn't good. All he could think about was the ache inside of his chest and the fact that Dan wasn't there. He missed Dan so much that he would give anything for a snarky comment or a tantrum at this point. If he had taken his phone, he would call Candice. No, he probably wouldn't. He knew that she would grill him for the details or may even be mad at him for taking advantage of Dan. Because that's what Phil had concluded in his time away. From the very start, when he first walked into his flatmate's room to help him get off, he had fully taken advantage of him. Dan was a sheltered naive boy from a place that had only taught Dan that if you did not live by societies rules you were worthless. That's why he couldn't be open with Phil, that's why their intimate relationship started the way it had. Dan had never been allowed to feel comfortable in his own skin. Phil knew this was the stem of all of the issues, but still, he knew his role played a huge part in recent events. If Phil didn't love Dan so much, he would just go back to the flat, demand Dan forget what happened and go back to being best friends. That would never work. Not only would Dan develop more insecurities, it was just a shit thing to do anyone, let alone a friend. Still, Phil wished that there was a way to go back. Shrugging his shoulders, he went back to his room. “Sorry, mum.” He muttered as he crawled back into bed.

Dan had eaten all he could; he didn't want to be rude, but he also did not want to be sick. He stood up carrying his bottle of water and went to Martyn.

“How you doing?”

“Okay. I ate what I could.”

Martyn nodded. “Finish the water, though.”

“In a bit,” Dan said.

“Good.”

“Phil's good, yeah?” Dan asked hesitantly, hoping that optimism would win. It did not.

“No, Dan. Phil is not good.”

“I'm sorry,” Dan whispered.

Martyn sighed. “I got the story from him, I know what happened on his end. I want to help, but to do that I think I need to hear your version.” Dan's eyes grew wide. “I mean, that is, if you want to share it. You don't have to.”

“I-why would you even care about my side. Phil is your brother!”

“I know that.”

“But-”

“Just tell me your side, yeah?”

Dan shook his head, still confused as to why he was even having this conversation. “I wish I could take back everything.” Martyn nodded, showing Dan encouragement to continue. Dan took a deep breath as he felt something shift and suddenly words started to pour out of his mouth. “Well, that's not true. I regret New Years. I regret running. I regret hurting him.” Dan dropped his head. “When Phil told me he loved me,” Dan paused and ran his hand through his hair. Panic slowly flooding back into his mind, he took another deep breath. “Don't you see? I had to safeword.” Dan met Martyn's eyes to confirm he understood. He saw acknowledgment shining back at him so he continued. “I don't know what love is. Well, at the time I didn't think I did. I knew that I shouldn't say it back, but I also knew that if I didn't say something, Phil would also be hurt.

I was fucked either way, yeah?” Dan sighed. “If I would have just sucked it up and maybe kissed him? Or smiled? Or, hell I don't know, anything other than safeword? Maybe this wouldn't have gotten so bad.” Dan took a drink of his water. “Maybe I wouldn't feel like nothing was ever going to matter again. I have spent years and years of my life lying about things to please people.” He paused as his tone sadden but was firm. “But, damn it, I didn't want to do that to Phil.”

Martyn nodded.

“I had never had a relationship, sexual or otherwise. I was confused. I was with A GUY. I was breaking the number one unspoken rule of my family. I couldn't be with someone who wasn't female. I was never straight out told that, but you tend to pick up on things throughout the years. Jabs here, derogatory comment there. So I knew that I, no we, my younger brother included, could not be gay. Or bi, or whatever the fuck it is I am. I was to be married and have children. With a woman.” Dan shook his head. “I think Phil is the only person that has told me he loved me that intimately, I panicked. I was wrong. I came home the next day to make things right, but he was gone. His phone was here and he was gone.” Dan choked back a sob. “I knew then that I had really fucked up. He couldn't even look at me, he had to leave. I must have made him so mad that he stormed out.”

“Without him being here, you can't possibly know that.”

Dan shrugged. “He clearly doesn't want to talk to me. He made that clear by the way he left. He sent me a text so I knew where he was. Basically a clear “Leave me the hell alone.”

“My Brother also made a mistake. He shouldn't have run, but I'm not here to judge. Either of you.” Martyn looked Dan in the eyes. “My brother has been in one serious relationship in his life. It lasted a year, but it was in secondary school, yeah? I have never seen Phil so deeply worried about someone, Dan. He misses you more than you know. He's not mad. Trust me when I tell you he's not mad.”

“That's even worse. He's hurt and blaming himself, isn't he?”

“You know Phil.”

“But I was the twat. Why would he blame himself?”

“That's not a conversation for us to have, is it?”

“No, you're right.”

“You need to talk to Phil, Dan. You both are miserable on your own.”

“I was waiting for him. He told me loud and clear to fuck off with that text.”

“Trust me when I tell you that you are wrong. Phil panicked, he made a rash decision that he absolutely regrets. Phil wants to see you, Dan, even if he doesn't say it out loud.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Oh I don't know, maybe because I have watched his sad ass for over a week now. Most days he's just wandering about, looking like a lost puppy.”

“How do you know that he isn't just really hurt because of me? Maybe he's sad at me.”

“ Sad at you?” Martyn chuckled. “No, it's not because of you, you prat, it's regardless of what you “did.” I know my brother, Dan.”

“Right.”

“Keep in mind I feel like this has all been blown out of proportion and a gigantic misunderstanding.” Martyn shook his head. “It's about time they two of you spoke. This dramatic shit is really getting old.”

Dan had to agree with that. “I know. I just want to move on from this, but without him, I don't know what I will do. I am not sure how to be,” Dan paused and looked down. “an adult I guess. How to start the conversation.”

“We are going to fix this.”

“We?”

“Yes, we. Clearly you kids need my help.”

Dan rolled his eyes subconsciously. “ Okay, How?”

“We are going home.” Martyn patted his knee.

“What? To your mums home?”
“I will give you 20 minutes to pack some of your things, I have packed Phil's.”
“Hold on, wait, I don't understand. How is this going to help? By going there I am pretty much disrespecting his wishes.”

“Wishes that you have perceived incorrectly. Go. Pack. We are going to see Phil.”

“Now? Like right now?” Dan asked, his tone increasing in pitch.

“Yes. Like in 20 minutes. I said that. Now. Go.”

“I don't know. This is a terrible idea.” Dan started to wring his hands.

“No, it's not. You jerks need to get over yourselves and make this work.”

“What if one of us doesn't want to make it work, Martyn?”

“Would I be here wasting my time If I believed this was true?”

Dan shook his head slowly. “If this backfires, it's your fault.”

“It won't.”

“I hope you are right. For the record, I still don't like this idea.”

“Noted. We leave in 15 now.”

“Wanker,” Dan muttered under his breath.

“I heard that.”

Phil sensed a change and it woke him up. It was late and dark. He groaned as he got up, his mum must have already gone to bed. He was about to stand when the door creaked open. Phil gasped as he looked up. Martyn. “Hey,” Phil started.

“Get out of bed. Put your trunks on, join me in the hot tub.”

“Now? Have you been drinking?” Phil stood up.

“What? No. Come on. Get going.”
“Martyn, It's late. I literally just woke up.”

“A nice hot tub soak will help you wake up.”

“What time is it?”

“About midnight.”

“Aren't you tired from your work trip?”

“What work- Oh yeah, that. No, I'm fine, come on. Get your trunks on, okay?”

“Don't I have a choice?”

“Not really, unless you want me to stand here and pester you all night. See you soon.” Martyn shut the door softly.

Phil sighed, humoring his brother. It wouldn't kill him to do this for Martyn, but something was off. His brother was acting really out of character.

“Okay,” Martyn said to Dan “He's on his way down.” Dan stood with his coat wrapped around his body with bare feet standing at the edge of the hot tub. Dan smiled as he remembered the last time they were here. “I'm heading out.” The memory shattered.

“Where? What if he wants me to leave?”

“He won't, text me if you need a ride home tonight.”

“Fucking hell,”

“Bye, have fun.” Martyn teased as he dimmed the lights and left.

“Bastard.” Dan scoffed.

“Heard that too, Kid,” Martyn called as he walked away.

Dan was panicking again. It's all he seemed to do when Phil was concerned, at least now. He would be there shortly and Dan had no idea how this was going to go. Would Phil be angry at him? At Martyn? Dan nervously nibbled on his lip.

“Martyn, why the hell are the lights dimmed. Are you sure you're not drunk?” Phil made his way to the hot tub and stopped short. What he saw was a certain shy boy whose head was ducked down and eye met his own looking up through his lashes.

“Dan?” Phil breathed.

“H-Hi,” Dan stuttered.

“Why are you here?” Phil couldn't believe his eyes.

“I knew this was a bad idea. Your damned brother. I'm sorry I am, Martyn-”

Phil cut him off. “You're really here!” Phil was now grinning from ear to ear. “Am I dreaming?”

Dan smirked slightly. “Not unless I am as well.”

“Dan, do you want to be here?”

“If you want me to be.”

“You said, Martyn... Dan? Did my brother force you to come up here?” Phil's hands covered his mouth and he said: “Oh, no, Dan, did he kidnap you?”

Dan's snickers turned into a slight giggle. “Phil-”

“I am so sorry, Dan. I-I can have my mum take you home.”

“Phil, shut up. I wasn't forced to come here, well not really anyway.”

“Oh, good. That's good.”

“Mhm,” Dan said, shivering slightly.

Phil walked towards him slowly. Seeing no objection from Dan's body language, he continued until they were nearly touching. Softly, Phil said. “Dan, I missed you so much.” His voice shook as he whispered. “I am so, so sorry pretty boy. I have ruined everything, haven't I?” A sob erupted from his chest and Dan reached out and pulled him into his arms. Phil gasped, surprised.

“No,” he muttered. “This is not on you.” Dan stroked his hair “This is on me.” He pulled away and looked him in the eyes. “I am the one who is sorry, Phil.” Wiping tears off of his face, Dan smiled. “You are the kindest man I have ever known. I seem to recall an agreement,” Dan swallowed. “About being each others person. And I really, really liked that idea. But I got so wrapped up in my own head to be able to recognize it was the same thing. I know how it all happened,” Dan paused. “Was awful and utter shit of me. I was selfish and I am so sorry I broke your heart, Phil. I never intended to do that. I am so weak, so scared and just so damned sorry.” Dan looked from Phil's eyes to his lips and back again. “What I should have said was;” Dan took a deep breath. “I love you too, Phil.” Dan smiled. “I think I always have.” He moved forward to capture Phil's lips with his own. The kiss was needy and desperate, shaky and bathed in tears. Phil was the first to pull away. “Dan, I am so sorry. I didn't know that we- that this-” Dan held up a hand.

“Phil, were you actually about to apologize because you fell in love with me?” More quietly he added, “And I fell in love with you?”

“I-well, maybe? Hell Dan, I don't know. I don't care anymore, I just missed you so much I just want-” Phil captured Dan's mouth this time, slowly backing him up into the gazebo. Dan met him with equal fever. Soon their coats were coming off and Phil was turning off the light. He broke the kiss long enough to let Dan get in and Phil followed. Phil pushed him up against the side, holding him tightly in an embrace. He started to kiss down Dan's neck causing him to moan. “Yes, Daddy.” Phil froze. He never thought he would hear Dan utter those words again. He pulled back “Wait, stop. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just talk?”

“What?” Dan dropped his hand to Phil's crotch. “You clearly do not want to stop, Phil.”

“No, pretty boy, I don't. I want to make you feel good, but we've only just made up. We haven't even really talked anything through, I don't want to rush things.”

“Phil, please.” Dan's tone needy. “We will talk, I swear, but right now I have missed you so much and I need you so bad. I want you to touch me. I'm okay pausing the talking until later. I just want to feel you, Phil. I haven't felt okay since...”

“Later, yeah. We will talk later.” Phil's hand started to push down Dan's trunks.

“Please, Phil-daddy. Let me touch you.” Dan moaned as Phil turned so Dan could.

And that is how Dan and Phil made up; messy kisses and hand jobs under the stars, together.

“I have missed you so much, Dan,” Phil said.

“Same,” Dan replied.

Shortly after they had gotten out and they both returned to Phil's room where Dan's things now sat, Dan was yawning.

“Sleep?” Phil asked.

Dan nodded shyly as Phil beckoned him towards him. Once they had laid together, Dan said. “Do you forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive. I don't blame you. You felt unsafe and you did exactly what I told you to do. I am not mad or upset with you, Dan. I am mad at myself.”

“ You're not mad? Why?”

“Because I pushed you too far, I guess. I have been taking advantage of you. Since the start.” remorse filled his voice.

“Why? I don't feel that way.”

“You don't?”

“No. Phil. You have always taken such good care of me. I am so thankful. This last week has been empty, lonely and terrifying. I didn't think you would ever talk to me again. Especially when I came home and you were gone. That really scared me. I felt like my world ended. Bloody hell, we are dramatic. Still, It's how I felt.”

'I'm sorry, Dan. I needed to get out of the flat. I needed to think. I thought you needed space too, I didn't do it to hurt you.”

“I never thought you had, Phil.”

“Dan, I know that you are worried because I am male. I knew that the whole time, from that moment I walked into your room when this all started. I did it anyway. I feel bad about that.”

“I appreciate the thought, but I didn't and don't feel like I was taken advantage of. In fact, I feel stronger and braver than I ever have.” He turned to look into Phil's eyes. “You are the first person in my life to accept me for who I am, help me, and love me. I haven't ever felt love before, at least not that I can pinpoint.” Dan bent and kissed Phil's lips softly. “I learned how to love because of you, Phil.”

“That's not only the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, it may be the most powerful.”

“It's the truth. Are we okay?”

“I think we have a lot of things to talk through in the near future, but for tonight? We are okay, Dan. I am so thankful you came here.”

“We have Martyn to thank, honestly.”

“Yes, it seems we do. Let's get some rest, okay?”

“Okay, Good night, Phil.”

“Sleep well.”

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Phil was the first to be up, his mum had already left for her work day. Phil went downstairs and was greeted by a fresh pot of coffee and his brother smiling at him.

“Good morning, little brother. Had a good night, did you?”

Phil blushed. “You could say that.” Phil poured himself a cup. “Was it as bad as I thought? He seems like he has lost weight.”

Martyn shifted uncomfortably. “Yes. It was bad.”

“What made you even go down there?”

“You. Then him.” Martyn took a sip of his coffee. “Phil, I saw Dan at Christmas. He clearly was in love with you then. I like this kid, Phil. He's kind, he's funny and he is sorta perfect for you. I knew I just needed to get you two to talk.”

“Thank you.”

“You're welcome. I hate to see you like this and the way I found Dan really will stick with me.” He sighed “When you were talking the other day about how worried you were, I knew that I should check on him.”

“I am glad you did.”

“So, when are you going home to get things back to normal?”

“I don't know. I had better wait until mum gets home, though.”

“Yes, true. Well, I really do have to go work now, I took yesterday off to retrieve your boyfriend and save your relationship. So, I'll talk at you later. I just wanted to make sure you both were okay, I'm sure you are.” He stood.

Phil walked to his brother, wrapping his arms around him. “Thank you, so much Martyn.”

He pulled away and smiled. “Eh, you were getting too mopey.” With a wink, Martyn left.

Phil sat in the empty kitchen with his coffee in his hand, a sleeping Dan in the room above. The peace that he felt made his eyes droop and a yawn escaped his lips. Phil smiled as he set his mug on the counter and climbed the stairs. It was still early. He quietly opened his bedroom door and snuck back into bed.

“Hm?” Dan murmured in his sleep.

“Shh, sleep, love.”

A sleepy smiled crossed Dan's face as he reached for Phil, pulling himself onto his chest. “Kay.” he sleepily replied.

Phil wrapped his arm around Dan and closed his eyes.

“Love you, pretty boy.” He breathed as he fell asleep.