Chapter Text
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--
CG: ALRIGHT……. WE ARE……. *STILL* DOING THIS……..
CG: FUCK…
CG: DID SOMEONE…….. UUUGH…….
CG: THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA. I WOULD STRANGLE MY PAST SELF IF I COULD FOR BEING SUCH AN….. INSUFFERABLE IDIOT….
CG: UUUUUUUUUGHHHHH…..
CG: WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING?
CG: WE ALL KNOW BY NOW THAT PAST SELVES ARE CURRENT SELVES TO BECOME…… FUTURE SELVES. AND THEY ARE ALL, INCORRIGIBLE ASSHOLES.
CG: NO EXCEPTIONS.
CG: MY FUCKING HEAD…….
CG: PLEASE HELP ME OUT FOR A SECOND BECAUSE I AM KINDA HAZY ON WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.
CG: I REMEMBER MOST OF US WERE INVITED TO DIRK’S AND THEN…….
CG: SOMETHING ABOUT SOPOR?!
CG: IS THAT WHY MY HEAD FEELS LIKE A BRICK WALL ABOUT TO BE TORN DOWN MY A STRANGE ALIEN MASCOT GOING ‘OH YEAH’!?
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID I GET INVOLVED WITH SOPOR!? MY LUSUS RAISED ME BETTER THAN THAT!
--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--
GC: D4V3 M4Y OR M4Y NOT H4V3 G1V3N YOU SOM3 HUM4N SOPOR1F1CS
CG: WHAT?!
GC: H3 4LSO M4Y OR M4Y NOT B3 ST1LL 1N H1S R3CUP3R4COON 4FT3R VOM1T1NG OV3R 4ND OV3R 4G41N L4ST N1GHT
CG: SERVES HIM RIGHT!
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: …..DO I DARE ASK WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 >:]
GC: W3 H4D 4 SOPOR S4MPL1NG P4RTY
CG: WHAT!?
GC: TH3 STR1D3RS 4ND TH3 L4LOND3S COLL3CT3D 4 GR34T V4R13TY OF HUM4N SOPORS 4ND 4LLOW3D 3V3RYON3 TO S4MPL3
GC: TH3R3 W3R3 SO M4NY FL4VORS K4RK4T
GC: SO M4NY D3L1C1OUS FL4VORS
CG: THERE IS *NO* FUCKING WAY I WOULD BE OKAY WITH GOING TO SUCH AN IDIOTICALLY THEMED PARTY!
GC: TH4TS WHY W3 D1DN’T T3LL YOU B3FOR3H4ND
GC: W3 4LL H4D FUN, Y3S 3V3N YOU, SO SUCK 1T UP
CG: THEN WHY DOESN’T YOUR THINKSPONGE FEEL LIKE FUCKING CONRETE?! I DON’T FEEL LIKE I HAD FUN AT ALL!
GC: B3C4US3 1 4M NOT 4 TOT4L PUSSY >:]
CG: GODFUCKING---
CG: OH…….. FUCK…… JEGUS!
CG: THIS HURTS THE THINKSPONGE.
GC: G33SH R3M1ND M3 TO N3V3R S4MPL3 SOPOR W1TH YOU 4G41N
CG: I AM NURSING A HEADACHE THE SIZE OF THE ALTERNIAN FUCKING OCEAN OVER HERE AND YOU ARE NOT HELPING!
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVEN DO AT STRIDER’S?!
GC: YOU DON’T R3M3MB3R?
CG: NO. I SARCASTICALLY ASKED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I ALREADY KNOW. OF COURSE I DON’T REMEMBER!!!!!
--casualArtist [CA] joined memo--
CA: long story chief
CA: long amazing story
CG: OH GOD…… CAN IT BE ANYONE ELSE?
CG: PLEASE JUST….. ANYONE?
CA: wve had some fun pal
CA: evweryone wvas havwing a good time
CG: I SINCERELY FUCKING DOUBT THAT!
CA: see first wve had some light drinks
CG: NO.
CA: then strider got out the heavwier stuff
CG: NO, NO, NO!
CA: needless to say you wvere pretty blitzed
CA: though wve certainly didn’t mind an episode a shirtless vwantas
CG: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!
CA: is nothing to be ashamed of chief
CA: most a us agreed you got a rockin bod
GC: TH4TS R1GHT W3 D1D
CA: you didn’t call me after i gavwe you my number though
CG: IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN TWELVE HOURS SINCE THAT HAPPENED!
CG: I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOUR NAME!
CA: rude
CG: IS IT CARLOS?
CG: I WANT TO SAY IT’S CARLOS.
CA: really darn rude
--arachnidsGrip [AG] joined memo--
AG: Reeeeeeeeally, you FINALLY do something worthwhile and forget to invite me????????
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK 4NYON3 4CTU4LLY FORGOT 4BOUT 1T
AG: Hah hah, veeeeeeeeery clever Pyrope. Just look at me laugh.
AG: You KNOW I can handle my sopors.
GC: NO YOU R34LLY C4N’T
GC: 1TS K1ND OF 3MB4RR4SS1NG 4CTU4LLY
AG: WHAT?!
CG: YEAH, WHAT?
GC: YOU M34N 1 N3V3R SH4R3D TH3 STORY OF VR1SK4 F1ND1NG 4 C4SK3T OF RUM 4MONG H3R 4NC3STORS B3LONG1NGS?
AG: !!!!!!!!
CG: DOESN’T RING A BELL.
CA: sounds lovwely
GC: HOW H4V3 1 N3V3R TOLD YOU TH1S STORY >:O
AG: DON’T YOU D8RE!!!!!!!!
GC: TWO D4YS OF 4 COMPL3T3 DRUK3N STUPOR 4FT3R D3C1D1NG TO DR1NK NOTH1NG 3LS3 FOLLOW3D BY 4 W33K OF B31NG S1CK 1N H3R R3CUP3R4COON
AG: Damn you........
CA: you wvere not a vwery smart wvriggler
CA: wvhat wvould your lusus say
AG: I swear to god if any of you speak of this to Lalonde, there will 8e some seeeeeeeerious pro8lems.
AG: ESPECIALLY for you Carlos!
CA: nowv you are just doing this on purpose babe
CA: that stings
--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--
GA: I Vaguely Remember Hearing About That Err
GA: Event
AG: Not you too……..
GC: D1D YOU H4V3 FUN 4S W3LL K4N4Y4?
GA: Sampling Sopor Is Not My Idea Of A Good Time
GA: I Was Largely Present Because I Was Concerned About Rose And Her Err
GA: Habit
AG: Oh yeeeeeeees. That is a perpetual source of amusement.
AG: You have no idea how much it pisses her off to 8e confronted with thát particular episode.
AG: Its almost as funny as confronting her a8out her grimdarkness.
GC: DO3SN’T SH3 T34S3 YOU 4BOUT B31NG ST4BB3D 1N TH3 B4CK?
CG: YOU SHOULDN’T REVEL IN YOUR KISMESIS BEING A FUCKING ADDICT!
CG: WHY DID YOU EVEN ALLOW LALONDE ANYWHERE *NEAR* THE STUFF!?
GA: In My Defense She Was Very Responsible
GA: I Think The Presence Of Roxy May Have Put A Damper On Her Desire To Imbibe
GC: DON’T L3T F3F3R1 H34R 1T
CG: WHAT IS IT WITH THESE LALONDES AND THEIR COMPLETE AND UTTER INABILITY TO STICK TO THEIR QUADRANTS.
GA: Speaking Of Which
GA: She Came With A Few Very Odd Suggestions When Buzzed
GA: Some Really
GA: Err
GA: Never Mind
GA: I Think I Am Done Talking
CA: wvhat?
CA: just like that?
GA: Why Dont You Tell Us About Your Week Instead Carlos
CA: are you shittin me?
--timeausTestified [TT] joined memo--
TT: Seriously. You people disgust me.
CG: WHAT NOW……
TT: There is so much trash just littered throughout the hive.
TT: Filthy and/or broken glasses everywhere, stains no sane person dares to identify and you don’t want to know what happened to the bathroom.
TT: Dave not being able to handle his alcohol, you get three guesses who got to clean that shit up.
TT: I am like a post-modern rule 63 Cinderella up in here.
TT: Still, I made it to the ball that is this stream. With some luck Prince Charming will arrive, so that’ll be a blast.
CG: BECAUSE IT WASN’T AS IF WE HAD ENOUGH ASSHOLES IN THE STREAM ALREADY!
GA: I Am Sorry Dirk
GA: Perhaps I Should Have Stuck Around To Assist In Cleaning
TT: Eh, it wasn’t all bad.
TT: Wasn’t till this morning that I discovered someone ducktaped Tavros to the ceiling, so whoever did that gets insane brownie points.
GA: You Do Not Like Tavros
TT: What?
TT: No, I appreciate that someone went through the effort to get someone else drunk just to tape him to the ceiling.
TT: That shit takes mad commitment.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha oh that is funny.
AG: Whoever did that deserves aaaaaaaall of the kudos.
AG: Was it John?
AG: Please tell me it was John.
TT: Pretty sure it was not.
TT: Egbert left early to do unspeakable things with Roxy and Leijon.
CA: dude
CA: nice
CG: HURK…….
CG: THERE GOES MY LUNCH.
CG: THE FUCKING IDEA OF EGBERT DOING ANYTHING THAT EVEN VAGUELY RESEMBLES REPRODUCTION IS ENOUGH FOR MY STOMACH TO PROTEST.
--arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo—
AC: :33< oh my god, it was NOTHING like that!
CA: more so the pity babe
AC: :33< yuck
AC: :33< who invited carlos?
CA: OH COME ON!
CA: its cronus
CA: c-r-o-n-u-s
CA: this is not that complicated people
GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3?
GC: B3C4US3 YOU LOOK L1K3 4 C4RLOS TO M3
CA: yes positivwe!
GA: I Am Sorry Nepeta
GA: You Were Saying
AC: :33< right
AC: :33< i wanted to go a bit earlier beclaws i really don’t like the taste of human sopurifics
AC: :33< even the sw33t drinks tasted funny
TT: Yeah, it’s not for everyone.
TT: That’s cool.
TT: I’ll make sure to prep some fizzy drinks for you the next time we’re doing something like this.
AC: :33< thanks but that f33ls kinda childish…
TT: It’s really no biggie.
CA: after all wve just learned serket takes bad to rum so that’s a thing
AC: :33< really?
AG: I thought we were done discussing this Ampora.
GC: 1’M NOT
AG: You aren’t helping!
--uraniunUmbra [UU] joined memo--
UU: good day darlings.
UU: have yoU all been well?
AC: :33< hi callie!
AG: Who?
AC: :33< should have gone to the tea parties vwiskers
AG: You didn’t invite me!
AC: :33< oh yeah :33
UU: that is qUite alright. i have heard so many wonderfUl things aboUt yoU vriska.
AG: Really now?
UU: Oh most certainly.
UU: yoUr tale was a most inspiring one.
GC: D3B4T4BL3
UU: really?
UU: i thoUght her inherent drive to prove herself was very inspiring. not to mention her Ultimately flawed attempt to redeem herself, to show john that she was a good person.
UU: it was very poignant.
AG: You sure know a lot a8out me……..
UU: oh…. err…. well yes.
UU: i do hope it doesn’t come across as very creepy.
AG: Pfffffffft, I think it is flattering. I mean, what did I expeeeeeeeect.
AG: OF COURSE people want to hear my story.
CG: COUGH COUGH, FUCKING COUGH!
AC: :33< callie… maybe not f33d vriska’s ego too much
UU: oh right.
UU: i somehow completely forgot aboUt her occasional narcissistic tendencies.
AG: WH8T?!
UU: U_U sorry!!!!!
AC: :33< she is trying
GA: I Think She Is Just Adorable
AG: OF COURSE YOU’RE P8CKING HER S8DE!
CG: TO BE FAIR, IF WE HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER OR HER IDIOT BROTHER ITS AN EASY CHOICE.
CG: DID YOU SEE WHAT THAT ASSHOLE DREW?!
TT: You mean the thing with Dave?
CG: YES!
TT: And you?
CG: YES!!!!
TT: Man, that was a beautiful display of affection.
CG: GPNEBNVUIABB;PV;BVUVBUQUHGU
CG: I DIDN’T THINK THERE WAS ANY CONTENT LEFT IN MY DIGESTIVE ACID SACK BUT FUCK ME IF YOU DIDN’T PROVE ME WRONG STRIDER!
CA: another one wvho cant take his alcohol?
CG: FUCK OFF CARLOS!
TT: Man, Karkat was living it up last night.
AC: :33< aw, i think i missed it
CG: I AM DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS SUBJECT!
--centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--
CT: D--> No, we sh001d debate that 100d display of the other night
AG: Even Zahhak was invited!? This is 8ullshit!
TT: Hey cupcake.
CT: D--> Hello Dirk
CT: D--> I err
CT: D--> Have you been well?
TT: Certainly. Cleaning the house like the good little maid I can pretend to be.
CT: D--> errrr
CG: OH MY FUCK…….
TT: I’m sorry dear. Was there something you wanted to discuss regarding last night?
CT: D--> Why uhm
CT: D--> Our leaders shirtless state
CT: D--> It was incredibly 100d
AG: Hah!
GC: H4H!
AC: :33< hahahaha
CA: haha
CA: wvhy are wve laughing?
GC: HYPOCR1CY MY D34R C4RLOS
CA: cronus
GC: MR Z4HH4K W4S 3QU4LLY SH1RTL3SS TO OUR ‘L3WD’ L34D3R
UU: oh my. that is a most darling tUrn of events ^u^
CG: RECALLING LAST NIGHT’S EVENTS IS GETTING PROGRESSIVELY WORSE!
TT: We all agreed you both had rockin bods.
CG: NOT HELPING!
GC: TH3N STR1D3R GOT SH1RTL3SS 4S W3LL
CG: FUCKING HELL!!!!
CG: WAIT… WHICH ONE?
GC: BOTH
CG: DOUBLE FUCK!
AC: :33< damnit i left too early!
CA: yeah somehow i missed that
GC: B3C4US3 W3 THR3W YOU OUT 34RLY
CA: oh
CT: D--> Can we maybe not talk about this anymore?
AC: :33< but i wanted to s33 shirtless humans!
UU: do yoU not get to see that on a freqUent basis already?
AC: :33< yes but not those humans
CA: man i am so damn jealous i missed all the good stuff
CA: then again more sobriety and time to wvrite my newvest song
CA: i call it buckets a lovwe
AG: That’s disgusting.
CA: that’s art
--adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--
AT: nO, iT IS DEFINITELY DISGUSTING,
CA: i don’t expect you to understand
CA: here you had the chance to get on the levwel wvith royalty and you fuckin blewv it by your SEVWERE misunderstandin a art!
AT: aND i THINK IT IS YOU, wHO IS MISTAKING THE FACTS OF THIS MATTER,
AT: bECAUSE A SONG ABOUT BUCKETS DOES SEEM TO BE UHM, mORE THAN A LITTLE DISGUSTING,
CA: it is pushin the damn envweloppe!
CA: forget it
CA: i am done debatin this wvith such a philistine
GA: Thank You Tavros
AT: yEAH, nO PROBLEM i GUESS,
AT: sTILL A BIT HUNGOVER FROM YESTERDAY SO i AM REALLY NOT IN THE RIGHT SORT OF MOOD TO LISTEN TO SONGS ABOUT BUCKETS,
AT: i REMEMBER WAKING UP TAPED TO THE CEILING AND UHM, kINDLY FUCK WHOEVER DID THAT,
TT: The perpetrator deserves a medal imo.
AT: aND YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF AS WELL,
AG: Niiiiiiiice going Nitram.
CT: D--> Can we perhaps cease drawing attention to the subject?
AT: sHOULD i TALK ABOUT YOU, dIRK AND kARKAT STRIPPING INSTEAD?
CT: D--> Please no
AT: bECAUSE THAT SURE WAS A THING THAT HAPPENED
TT: I remember it being amusing.
CT: D--> Hnrkt
TT: I also remember giving Lil Hal specific instructions to document the occasion.
CT: D--> Must you torment me so?
TT: You know I do it because I love you.
CG: EVERYTHING IS GOING FROM BAD TO WORSE.
CG: I CAN’T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!
CG: I HAVE A HEADACHE WITH THE INTENSITY OF THE GREEN SUN, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING AND A PLATONIC DISLIKE FOR NEARLY *EVERY* BAG OF BULGE IN THIS STREAM.
CG: WE ARE CANCELLING TODAY. LET’S TRY AGAIN TOMORROW.
AC: :33< nooooo ><
AC: :33< you can’t do that!
CG: WATCH ME!
AC: :33< but its finally my turn and i have b33n looking really furward to this!
CT: D--> Vantas you will allow her to show her movie
AC: :33< yes!
CG: FUCKING MAKE ME!
--antisocialArbiter [AA] joined memo--
CA: ah crap
AA: HELLO I HAVE QUESTION
TT: What’s up?
CG: I SWEAR, IF IT TURNS OUT YOU INVITED MEGIDO’S CRAZY DANCESTOR AS WELL YESTERDAY I AM GOING TO MURDER A STRIDER.
AG: Which one.
CG: EITHER!
TT: Nah, she wasn’t there.
AC: :33< what did you want to ask?
AA: I GET INVITATION FOR DATE.
AA: A DATE THAT IS BLIND.
CG: OH.
GA: Interesting
GA: So Someone Is Attempting To Hook You Up With Another Troll
CG: YES. IT’S A CRYING SHAME WE WILL NEVER KNOW WHO THAT OTHER TROLL IS, OTHERWISE WE MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN ABLE TO MAKE SOME FUCKING DEDUCTIONS.
GC: NO W4Y
GC: W3 C4N TOT4LLY F1GUR3 TH1S OUT
CG: NO WE CAN’T!
GC: DO YOU H4V3 4NY 1D34 WH4T QU4DR4NT TH3 D4T3 W4S SUPPOS3D TO B3 1N M3G1DO?
AA: BLACK MAYBE.
GA: Black
AA: I VERY GOOD AT HATING
CA: yeah no kiddin
AC: :33< i think it’s a cute idea
AC: :33< why didn’t you go on the date?
AA: I JUST GET INVITE
AA: NO ONE TELLS ME WHERE IF WHEN
GA: That Is Very Strange
AA: VERY STRANGE.
AA: NO ALPHA TROLL DID THIS.
CA: you sure?
CA: wvanna bet porrim is behind this
AA: REALLY YES?
--gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo--
GG: hey there :)
GG: what are we talking about?
AG: Appaaaaaaaaarently, Megido’s dancestor got invited to a 8lind d8.
AC: :33< also equius, dirk and karkat were stripping last night
UU: gasp!
CT: D--> I thought you said we only took our shirts of
AC: :33< well i missed the whole thing
AC: :33< i just kinda assumed
CT: D--> I need a towel
TT: See, this is how rumors get started.
GG: huh, so i missed out on a whole lot of fun
CG: THERE IS NOTHING FUN ABOUT BEING HUNGOVER LIKE……. SOMETHING THAT IS HANGING OVER…..
CG: OH FUCK THIS NOISE.
GG: did you drink too much? :P
CG: NO….
GC: Y3S
GG: hahaha you dumb ass
CG: DON’T FUCKING START WITH ME JADE…..
GG: alright, then what was that about blind dates?
GG: because that sounds kind of fun as well :)
AA: I GOT ASKED TO DATE BLINDLY
AA: MESSAGE ON ANON SEVEN NIGHTS PAST
AA: IT WAS CRONUS
CA: wvoah, fuck no it wvasnt
AA: YOU SAD POO
CA: wvhat
AA: YOU WANT TOO BADLY
CA: not thát badly i mean jegus
CA: i like the wvay im all alivwe again and im in no hurry to get back to the bubbles
GG: they weren’t thát bad
TT: Jade, you were in there for like an hour.
GG: it felt like two!
CA: point bein im in no hurry to hook up wvith damara
AG: Further proving aaaaaaaall amporas are wimps.
AT: wAY TO GO cARLOS,
CA: oh come on!
UU: oh bUt this has me intrigUed.
UU: who is this mystery person that send yoU a reqUest for a blind date?
UU: what romance will blossom forth from this?
AA: NO ROMANCE
AA: WANT NO CRONUS
CA: im tellin you it wvasnt me
CA: im bettin it wvas porrim or aranea or somethin
CA: maybe meenah if it wvas actually black
AA: MARYAM?
AA: NICE
GG: no, it couldn’t have been porrim.
GG: i was with her last week and at no point did she touch a computer or anything
GC: G4SP
GC: WH4T W3R3 YOU DO1NG W1TH MRS M4RY4M
GC: TH3 OTH3R ON3
GG: we went to space!
AT: iS THIS A EUPHEMISM?
AT: iT LOOKS LIKE IT SHOULD BE A EUPHEMISM?
GG: what?
UU: yoU woUld make a splendid coUple dear.
AC: :33< oh i agree!
GG: no, no it was nothing like that.
GG: it was just a walk through space
AC: :33< so no cute redrom?
GG: no, she is just a cool lady who enjoys watching the cosmos
AC: :33< except it wasn’t the pawsmos the was looking at
GG: bluh you are the worst
AC: :33< i know a ship when i s33 one!
GG: can we just start the movie already?
CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. CAN WE?
CG: FUCK…… IT FEELS LIKE MY GREY MATTER IS SLOWLY POURING OUT THROUGH MY EARS.
CG: IS THAT NORMAL?
TT: Yeah, you’ll be fine.
CG: STAY IN THERE THINKSPONGE…… KARKAT NEEDS YOU…….
GG: what karkat needs is an aspirine
CG: A WHAT?
GC: TH4T K4RK4T N33DS TO QU1T B31NG 4 PUSSY 4ND ST4RT TH3 MOV13!
AC: :33< YES!
GC: RR1NC3SS MONONOK3 >:?
AC: :33< oh yes!!
CT: D--> I think the subtitles have made an e%cruciating error Nepeta
AC: :33< shush!
CG: OH MY GOD IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED. THE HEADACHE HAS KILLED ME, ALL I SEE IS SQUIGGLY LINES!
CA: im pretty sure that’s wveeb
CG: WHY ARE WE WATCHING A MOVIE IN WEEB?
AC: :33< beclaws it’s the best movie efur!
AT: i AM PRETTY SURE THAT’S WHAT jANE SAID,
AT: lOOK WHERE THAT GOT US,
GA: An Eastern Movie You Say
GA: Was Ponyo Not Similarly Exotic
AG: Uuuuuuuugh that was such a 8ore!
AG: Why are you making me watch all the 8oring movies!
TT: Yeah, this movie is nothing like Ponyo.
AC: :33< you know this one?
TT: Of course. I watched all the hentai.
CT: D--> Hnrkt
AA: I LIKE YOU HUMAN
TT: That’s very sweet of you Damara.
CA: dude, run
AC: :33< and this is our hero
AT: tHE PRINCESS mONONOKE?
AC: :33< what?
AC: :33< no this is prince ashitaka
AG: That is a dum8 name. Can’t we call him something else?
GC: 1’LL TH1NK 4BOUT 1T
UU: I am certain he woUld make a lovely princess.
CT: D--> He does posses a very feminine figure
CT: D--> As well as gorgeous long flowing locks and
CT: D--> Oh my
CT: D--> Is that a bow?
AC: :33< yes it is :PP
CT: D--> I may require more towels
TT: Eyes here cupcake
CA: but he is a prince you say?
AC: :33< yes
AC: :33< sorta?
CG: I DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING STOMACH TO KEEP UP WITH THIS MOVIE TALKING ALIEN.
GC: C4LL1NG SOM3TH1NG 4L13N LOST 4LL M34N1NG SW33PS 4GO
CG: LOOK, I AM NOT READING THE FUCKING SUBTITLES WHEN IT FEELS LIKE MY THINKPAN IS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH TO A WHOLE NEW UNIVERSE. AND SPOILER ALERT: THE NEW UNIVERSE IS, IN ITS ENTIRETY, COMPRISED OF PAIN!
GC: SUCK 1T UP PR1NC3SS
TT: So our hero was patrolling the outskirts of the village and discovered nightmare fuel.
CT: D--> And naturally as prince he is designated to take care of matters
CT: D--> With e%treme prejudice
GG: really?
GG: alternian princes did stuff like this themselves?
AG: Oooooooonly if they felt like showing off, which really wasn’t that often.
AG: They’d stick to their hives, doing royalty stuff like jerking off and whining on FLARPING forums a8out male representation in campaigns.
CA: i resent that
AG: I don’t care.
GA: Dear God
GA: That Creature Completely Poisons The Soil It Touches
TT: A Miyazaki film with an undercurrent of environmentalism? What are the odds.
AC: :33< but ashitaka and his steed are really brave!
AC: :33< he k33ps the beast away from the village and manages to wound it
CT: D--> Majestically
UU: one of those poison tendrils grabs his arm thoUgh.
UU: will that be important?
GC: PROB4BLY NOT
AT: sURPRISE, iT WAS A TUSKBEAST ALL ALONG
AG: How?
AT: hOW WHAT?
AG: How does this even work? It just gets possessed 8y evil tentacles?
AA: YOU TALK ABOUT DIFFERENT MOVIE
CA: that didn’t behavwe like any tuskbeasts I’vwe evwer seen
CA: they don’t growv out tendrils and additional legs do they?
GG: i don’t think so
GG: animals usually just kinda mind their own business unless people enter their territory
GG: this one came looking for trouble
TT: Boars can be dicks
GG: :/
GC: 4ND SO TH3 TUSKB34ST CURS3S TH3 V1LL4G3 W1TH H1S DY1NG BR34TH 4ND ROTS
GC: TH1S T4ST3S S3R1OUSLY R4NC1D
GG: is this a kid’s movie?
GG: because it really shouldn’t be!
GG: with the blood and the rotting and the eew…
TT: I don’t think children were the intended audience no. It isn’t exactly taking little Timmy to see 50 shades of grey but there will be some severe mental scarring.
GA: I Actually Understood That Reference
TT: Drunk Rose talk?
GA: Tipsy Rose Talk
AG: How 8ad was she taking her 8ooze this time?
GA: She Was Drinking Responsibly
AG: Letting her drink is NOT responsi8le!
GA: Yes Yes I Know
GA: But Nothing Happened And
GA: Well Actually
GA: Something Did Happen
GG: oh no!
GG: is she okay?
GA: It Is Nothing Bad Merely Something She Uhm
GA: Suggested
AG: God damnit, I 8etter not have to end up fixing your mess Fussyfangs
GA: I Am Afraid I Can Not Promise This
TT: I am sorry son but with your hand maimed like this, I fear you may never masturbate again.
AT: nOW TAKE THE WALK OF SHAME OUT OF THE VILLAGE,
AC: :33< that is not what is happening!
AA: NO
AA: ASHITAKA TAKE LEAVE TO FIND CAUSE
CA: or somethin among those lines
UU: i see.
UU: so this is a qUest.
UU: he mUst attempt to find oUt what caUsed a spirit boar to rampage and end his cUrse before it kills him.
UU: this could be a beaUtifUl odyssey.
AG: You mean to say adventure.
AG: Odyssey makes it sound lame.
AC: :33< so you like the movie vwiskers?
AG: Its 8etter than Ponyo, I’ll give you that.
CT: D--> This is not very practical
CT: D--> As prince of his nation he sh001d remain there and send his servants to 100k for a cure
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 NOT V3RY PR4CT1C4L
GC: 1T WOULD 4LSO M4K3 TH3 MOV13 4 LOT L3SS 3XC1T1NG
GA: What Is He Even A Prince Off
GA: Because It Looks Like A Tiny Settlement In The Middle Of Exactly Nowhere
AG: And so our 8raaaaaaaave hero travels to the homeland of the 8oar 8ecause apparently that is a thing.
TT: Is anyone thinking Lord of the Rings music right now?
TT: Because I am thinking Lord of the Rings music right now.
AG: The entire village is 8urning to the ground and people are 8eing sta88ed where they stand.
AG: It must 8e fighting.
AG: Fuck this human is dense.
AC: :33< he really isn’t that bad
GC: H3 1S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1MS3LF
AT: wHAT ARE THEY EVEN FIGHTING ABOUT?
TT: Maybe it’s territorial conflict, maybe it’s about taxes and the paying thereof or maybe it’s just samurai being dicks.
TT: Feudal Japan sucked if you weren’t rich and/or a samurai.
CA: i like howv the samurai’s first respons is to try and cut dowvn the seemingly uninvwolvwed stranger
GA: Fights Can Become Hectic Like That
GG: but can’t ashitaka fight back?
GG: he was great with a bow earlier
GG: woah :o
AT: tHAT IS PRETTY HARDCORE
AG: Alright, so his curse doesn’t just kill him 8ut turns him super strong while supposedly dying?
AG: I thiiiiiiiink they confused curse with super steroid.
TT: So basic biology and physics just called. They wanted to know why you never wrote back.
TT: I am fairly certain that this isn’t supposed to happen.
CT: D--> But he is so STRONG
GA: Personally I Am Impressed With His Accuracy
GA: He Did Not Shoot To Kill And Instead Aimed For The Weapon
GC: Y34H BUT UNL3SS HUM4NS C4N SURV1V3 G3TT1NG TH31R 4RMS TORN OFF H3 K1LL3D TH1S B4ST4RD 4NYW4Y
UU: can hUmans sUrvive that?
AC: :33< they are pretty squishy
TT: A few bones may break when our weapon gets knocked out of our hands with extreme force. This is borderline loony tunes.
AG: If the guy spends gold like this he must have 8een loaded.
AT: eITHER THAT OR HE FIGURES HE’S GOING TO DIE SOON ANYWAY,
AT: bECAUSE OF THE CURSE AND STUFF,
GC: WH4T 1S TH3 PO1NT OF TH1S 3NT1R3 SC3N3 W1TH TH3 MONK?
AA: VERY IMPORTANT WORLD BUILD
AA: MANY SIMILAR EAST BEFORUS
AC: :33< they discuss the past and present of their world, the nature of life and death and then part ways again
AC: :33< there is something furry poetic about it
UU: so this really is an odyssey of sorts.
GA: Karkat Are You Still With Us
CG: WHAT?
GA: You Are Uncharacteristically Silent
CG: UUUGH…….
GC: 1TS NOT L1K3 W3 M1SS YOUR CONST4NT Y3LL1NG 4ND R4V1NG BUT 1T 1S 4 C4US3 FOR CONC3RN >:/
AT: iS HE REALLY THAT HUNGOVER?
CG: SHUT UP.
AA: UP YOU GO
AA: NO MORE BEING WEAK
AA: WATCH MOVIE WITH US FOR PLENTY FUN
CG: I WOULD LIKE TO REFER TO MY PREVIOUS COMMENT AND ADD A HEARTILY: BREAK YOUR OWN FUCKING CHESTSPEARS, BEND FORWARD AND GO CHOKE ON YOUR OWN BULGE!
AA: YOU DOING GOOD NOW
CG: AAAARGH!!!
AG: Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, a caravan is under attack 8y two giant wolves and their rider.
AG: Noooooooow we’re getting somewhere.
CA: you enjoy action like this serket?
AG: Yeeeeeeees.
CA: wvell i’ll havwe you knowv i wvas a notorious wvolf rider back on beforus
AA: LIES!
CA: shut your face damara i wvas!
AG: Look, Carlos. I’m going to 8e compleeeeeeeetely honest with you.
CA: wvait, really?
CA: you feel the connection to?
AG: No.
AG: I would sooner d8 Toreadork’s sawn off lower 8ody than you.
CA: wvoah ouch
CA: wvay to reject me you inconsiderate peasant
CA: here i am being completely open and respectful wvith my feelins and you shit all over them
CA: not cool
AA: SERKET YOU SEND OUT BLIND DATE?
AG: What?! No.
AA: TOO BAD
AA: CAUSE NOW I LOVE YOU
GC: TH3 MOV13 PL34S3?
UU: these people are horribly UnaccUrate with their designated strife specibUs.
TT: Yeah, ye olde guns were not the most practical weapons in combat. Add to that the fast and coordinated movements of the wolves and you find yourself in a metaphorical pickle.
GG: but wait, there’s more!
GG: it’s a beautiful adorable doggy!
AT: yOU MEAN THAT WOLF THAT’S CURRENTLY TEARING PEOPLE APART?
GG: well i am sure it has a good reason for it.
UU: So these people are fUlly aware that Moro is in fact a god and yet they stand their groUnd to fight her.
UU: i am not sUre whether or not this is very brave or very stUpid.
GC: W3 4R3 D34L1NG W1TH HUM4NS H3R3
GC: STUP1D 1S TH3 S4F3ST OPT1ON
GA: Well The Humans Do Manage To Fend Her Off By Shooting Her
GA: And Assaulting Her With A Flame Thrower
GA: And Throwing Her Off A Cliff
GG: oh no!
AT: yEAH BUT EVEN THE WOMAN THAT LEAD THE CARAVAN SAYS THAT IT PROBABLY WASN’T ENOUGH TO KILL HER,
AT: sO THE WOLVES AREN’T OUT OF THE PICTURE YET,
CT: D--> I approve of the leader’s actions
CT: D--> She managed to remain level headed and took the deceisive actions that led to the withdrawal of the wolves
CT: D--> She w001d make an e%cellent commander
AC: :33< k33p that in mind for later :PP
AG: 8ut look, Ashiwhatever finds them and 8eing the increeeeeeeedi8le Gary Stu that he is he saves them without second thought.
AG: He doesn’t even consider looting them.
CA: wvell yeah, he isn’t a horrible person
CA: like some other trolls i could mention
AG: Man, I suuuuuuuure am flattered 8y all this UNWANTED attention 8ut I have a perfectly disagreea8le kismesis already
AG: I don’t need someone trying to make horri8ly ineffectual ja8s at me all the time
AA: HE DOES THAT
AA: LET HIM SULK
TT: Not sure if Ashitaka is a real Gary Stu but he certainly is very capable.
TT: Just look at him rescuing those unfortunate assholes.
CT: D--> He is so STRONG I can scarcely believe it
TT: Man, you are going to flip your tits when I show you Dragonball Z. Or Toriko. Or Jojo.
CT: D--> I do not know what these are
CT: D--> However, your judgment thusfar has been incredibly satisfactory
TT: Naturally.
GG: that’s so cute dirk :3
TT: What is?
GG: you and equius
GG: watching series together and being all happy and stuff
AC: :33< they are such dorks together
GG: oh that is the best!
CT: D--> Nepeta, quiet
GG: nepeta keep talking :PP
AT: bUT THEN aSHIWHATSHISFACE LAYS EYES ON THE WOLF RIDER,
AT: wHO TURNS OUT TO BE THIS GIRL
AT: iS SHE THE pRINCESS mONONOKE?
AC: :33< we aren’t told who she is yet
AT: sO IT IS SAFE TO ASSUME SHE IS,
AT: aSHISOMETHING SEEMS TO LIKE HER,
GA: We Really Need A Better Name For This Man
TT: Screw it, from now on he’s Ash.
CA: that sounds halfwvay catchy
GC: TH4T SOUNDS 4WFULLY F4M1L14R
TT: He is on a quest to catch them all
AT: aND HE USES HIS FIRE TYPE RED ELK, kINDA THINGIE TO BEAT THE GYMS AND GET ALL THE BADGES,
TT: Reference secured.
UU: the wolf does look a little fUnny in this shot. like it is aboUt to sneeze.
AC: :33< yes but just look at that girl
AC: :33< she is so cool!
AG: Nepeta likes a feral girl who riiiiiiiides through the wild on her lusus 8ig fucking surprise.
AC: :33< do you not?
CT: D--> The wolf’s b100d
CT: D--> It is
CT: D--> Nnnrghh
TT: Come on bae, we’ve been over this.
AA: KODAMA
AA: THE SPIRITS OF THE FOREST. VERY NICE INCLUDED
AA: MOVIE KNOWS EAST
TT: Well duh, it was made by someone from the human equivalent of East Beforus.
TT: Similarities are bound to happen.
AA: INTEREST
CA: i lovwe howv those other humans flip their shit
GA: Well From The Conversation With The Monk It Is Implied That The Village Ash Hails From Is Isolated To The Point Of It Being A Myth
GA: It Stands To Reason That They Are More Spiritually Inclined Then The More Modern Easteners
CA: eh probably
AT: mAN, jUST LOOK AT THIS SCENERY,
AT: iT REALLY IS LIKE A PAINTING IN MOTION,
AC: :33< that’s ghibli for you
GC: 1 R3C4LL PONYO DO1NG TH4T 4S W3LL
GC: THOUGH TH4T W4S 4 LOT MOR3 BOR1NG
TT: Scenery porn all up in this bitch.
AT: aND SO THEY ARRIVE AT A LAKE THAT JUST HAPPENS TO CONTAIN MAGICAL WATER TO HEAL EVERYONE’S INJURIES,
AT: tHAT IS UHM, AWFULLY CONVENIENT,
AG: Just thiiiiiiiink of the possi8ilities. 8ottle it and sell it for massive profit.
AG: Allow people to 8athe in it, again for massive profit.
UU: well, yoU certainly seem interested in generating an income.
AG: I mean seeeeeeeeriously! How come no one knows a8out this magical spring in the forest that’s 8asically next door!?
AC: :33< beclaws it’s a really big furrest!
AC: :33< have you ever wandered through the alternian woods?
AG: Well no. Not exactly.
GC: W3 H4V3 B33N TO TH3 OUTSK1RTS FOR 4 F3W C4MP41GNS?
AC: :33< trust me, you could be in there fur w33ks without reaching the other side
AC: :33< unless you know how to get there
GG: and you do?
CT: D--> You will find that as far as trackers go Nepeta is simply the best there is
TT: Pretty sure this is an allegory for masturbation.
GG: well im pretty sure that your wrong!
TT: Jade, his arm is swelling up in a manner I can only call incredibly symbolic and he douses it in holy water to repress his urge to sin.
GG: noooooooooo
AC: :33< stop ruining the movie dirk :((
CT: D--> Err sh001d I remain neutral in a conflict between moirail and matesprit
CA: you probably should mate
TT: Well there’s your problem.
TT: You’re a town founded on industry in a environmentalist film.
UU: how beaUtifUl, every one from the villager comes oUt to greet them.
UU: ash is even hailed as a hero for saving those men.
AC: :33< beclaws he is!
AC: :33< he and yakul dragged them all the way through the furrest!
CT: D--> He shared the burden with his steed
CT: D--> Ash is an e%amplary man
GG: but they are greeted by the woman who shot the wolves!
AC: :33< yes lady eboshi
AC: :33< she is really cool to
CT: D--> She radiates command
CT: D--> E%cuisite
GC: SO TH3 WOLF G1RL 1S COOL
GC: TH3 V1LL41N3SS 1S COOL
GC: BUT W3 4R3 ST1LL W41T1NG FOR 4SH TO B3 COOL
CT: D--> What are you talking about
CT: D--> To put it in a base way like you w001d, Ash is incredibly ‘c001’
GC: H3 1S 4 CYPH3R
GC: TH3 ONLY R34SON H3 1S COOL 1S B3C4US3 H3 1S D34D 1NS1D3
UU: yoU mean the cUrse already strUck?
GC: NO
AG: Mary sue awaaaaaaaay. Aaaaaaaall the 8a8es want him.
GG: really, all of them?
AG: Aaaaaaaall the 8a8es.
UU: aaaw i like it.
UU: eboshi is a real people’s person, looking oUt for the women like that.
AG: Oooooooor this is all part of her clever scheme.
CA: please, howv could this evwen be a scheme?
GC: 1NST4NT LOY4LTY
CA: wvhat?
GC: TH3 3NT1R3 C1TY 34TS OUT OF H3R H4ND
GC: TH3 WOM3N SH3 H4S S4V3D H4V3 NOWH3R3 3LS3 TO TURN TO
CT: D--> Indeed
CT: D--> She has effectively created a cult of personality with people worshipping her left and right
CT: D--> Outstanding work
AT: oH COME ON,
AT: sHE IS JUST VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HER FELLOW UHM, hUMANS,
AT: jUST A LITTLE LESS ABOUT NATURE AND STUFF,
GA: Well Now We Know Where That Enraged Boar Came From Earlier
AT: qUESTION,
AC: :33< here we go
AT: iF THE MOUNTAIN BELONGED TO THE BOARS, tHE HUMANS HAVE THOSE BULLETS AND UHM, hATE INSIDE THEM TURNS THEM INTO THE KIND OF MONSTER WE SAW IN THE OPENING,
AT: tHEN WHY AREN’T THERE MORE MONSTERS LIKE THAT?
AC: :33< maybe she was really good at killing the boars and only that one got away?
AT: oH,
AT: tHAT IS KINDA SAD,
GG: but eboshi doesn’t strike me as really evil.
GG: she is even willing to show ash her secret, pretty much on good faith alone.
GG: she could also have given him some gold or other reward for saving the men and send him on his way.
UU: indeed.
UU: she seems more complex a person than jUst another bad gUy.
AA: ALSO SHE SEXY
CA: wvell yeah i guess
CA: if you are into that
CT: D--> She has a commanding presence
TT: I have a commanding presence too you know?
CT: D--> C001d you perhaps……..
CT: D--> E%ert it more often?
AC: :33< equius no
GA: She Is Really Kind To Her Fellow Humans
GA: Even Allowing Mummies A Place In Her Society
GG: i don’t think they are actually mummies kanaya
GA: Well Obviously Not
GA: That One Still Has His Eyes
GA: But They Seem To Enjoy Pretending To Be Mummies
UU: oh that does soUnd kind of amUsing actUally
GG: nooooooooo
GG: these people are very sick
GG: to the point that their limbs can become numb to pain and be horribly damaged or even get amputated without the person feeling it.
UU: oh.
GA: Oh
TT: Contrary to popular believe however, the disease is not very contagious and does not automatically result in the loss of fingers, hands or feet.
TT: Or more intimate bodyparts for comedic effect.
GG: unless they really damage those body parts.
TT: How would you damage your intimates to that extent?
CG: ENOUGH TALK ABOUT THIS……. UUUUUGH….. HORRIBLE HUMAN TOPIC.
AA: THAT’S IT
AA: YOU ENERGY
CG: I HAVE PLENTY OF FUCKING ENERGY. I AM LIKE…… SOMETHING FULL OF ENERGY……
CG: LIKE A…. HUMAN ENERGY BAR?
GC: W34K
CG: I DON’T NEED YOUR FUCKING SASS PYROPE!
AA: TAKE TIME
AA: CLEAN FROM TOXIN
CG: TOXIC, YEAH. I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IS THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO CALL THIS.
AG: What is this?
AG: Ash is getting some character depth. He actually st8es he is perfectly willing to kill E8oshi if it would cure his curse.
AG: 8ut he knows it wouldn’t.
AT: i LOVE HOW SHE OFFERS HIM A JOB, rIGHT AFTER HIS UHM, rIGHT ARM WANTS TO BEGIN THE STABBING,
AT: tHAT DOESN’T STRIKE ME AS VERY CLEVER,
UU: bUt she does take the blame for his injUry. that takes coUrage.
AG: Yeeeeeeees, ignore the fact that your arm is a tim8 8om8 and show off to the ladies.
CA: priorities serket
CA: you wvouldnt understand it
GG: she comforts the wolf like it’s a giant puppy
GG: its so cute :3
GC: YOU C4N PR4CT1C4LLY H34R 4SH TH1NK TO H1MS3LF
GC: OH NO, SH3 1S HOT
AC: :33< not to mention crazy strong and fast!
AC: :33< did you s33 how she just scaled up those walls like it was nothing?
AC: :33< and how she disarmed those guards like with a few quick slashes
TT: Disarmed my ass, that guy is fucking dead.
AG: I love how the entire city is frightened 8y her. Like, it is 1 girl and two giant barkbeast lusii.
AG: I thiiiiiiiink your guns can manage this.
AA: ALSO CONFIRM THE MONONOKE-HIME
AC: :33< she is princess mononoke yeah
AT: wELL, iT WAS REALLY AWKWARDLY EXPLAINED,
AA: IT MEANS PRINCESS OF ANGRY SPIRIT
GA: Appropriate
TT: Strike a Batman pose for the trailers.
UU: eep…. a headshot.
GG: nooooooooooooooo
AT: dON’T WORRY, bECAUSE HER CONVENIENT CLAY MASK WAS CONVENIENTLY IN THE WAY TO STOP THE BULLET AND, iN A CONVENIENT MANNER, pREVENT ANY DAMAGE TO HER FACE AND/OR THINKPAN,
AT: cONVENIENTLY,
AC: :33< it can totally happen!
UU: her lUck mUst be astoUnding.
CT: D--> Ash tries to warn her though
CT: D--> Imploring her to go back to the woods she came from
GA: She Must Really Dislike The People In The Village
TT: Her best friend was a boar?
CT: D--> Dirk you know the answer
TT: I know. Messing around with people is fun.
GA: Luckily Ash Comes To Her Aid And Prevents The Mob From Tearing Her Apart
AG: She repays his kindness with slashing away at him……..
GA: She Misses
AG: It’s the thought that counts.
UU: i am relatively sUre mononoke shoUld have something akin a concUssion from both the gUnshot and the fall.
UU: how does she not only manage to avoid the mob bUt fight eboshi one on one.
AT: cONVENIENCE,
UU: figUres.
CT: D--> So lady eboshi is a capable warrior as well as an entrepreneur
CT: D--> Most impressive
AC: :33< they are so cool!
GG: did eboshi knew she was going to have to fight?
GC: 1F YOU 4R3 1N 4 POS1T1ION L1K3 H3RS YOU L34RN TO B3 PR3P4R3D
GC: 1TS TH3 4LT3RN14N W4Y
GG: yes but the alternian way is pretty dumb
CA: wvhooo catfight
AA: THIS WHY YOU SINGLE
CA: wvell i don’t see you fillin your quadrants any time soon
CA: wvait
CA: fuck you at least got that dumb blind date invwite
AA: I AGREE THOUGH
AA: CATFIGHT VERY SEXY
CA: sigh
CA: thank you
AT: aSH IS GETTING REAL TIRED OF YOUR SHIT,
CT: D--> It is so beautiful
CT: D--> so STRONG
GG: thankfully ash interrupts the fight by casually tossing people out of the way like ragdolls
GA: Again
GA: How Is Immense Strength Part Of A Deadly Curse
AC: :33< have you s33n equius trying to drink milk? :PP
CT: D--> Silence Nepeta
AC: :33< no!
CA: i like howv eboshi is like ‘imma cut that arm’ wvhile mononoke is like’get that shit awvay from me’.
TT: One of them actually knows how scary those molesting purple tentacles are.
AA: I THINK READ THAT BOOK
CA: surprising no one
AG: So he knocks out 8oth women LIKE A 8OSS.
GA: Like A Ill Mannered Brute More Like
AG: Sometimes hysterical dames just need a slapping!
GC: 1 W1LL R3M3MB3R TH4T
AT: i LIKE HOW THE CROWD JUST LETS HIM GO WITH MONONOKE,
UU: woUld you attempt to stop the man with sUper powerfUl tentacles for a arm?
AT: i GUESS NOT,
AG: What was that a8out the crowd letting him go?
AT: i STAND VERY CORRECTED,
UU: oh no!
GC: W3LP, H3’S D34D
AT: uNLESS THEY CONVENIENTLY UHM, mISSED EVERY VITAL ORGAN IN HIS BODY,
AT: bUT WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?
TT: The fucker just keeps moving and even lifts a heavy-ass gate by himself to deliver Mononoke to safety.
TT: Brass balls right there.
CT: D--> So much sinful red
AC: :33< equius no
TT: Equius, no.
CT: D--> Hnnnnrrr……
AG: Yes Mononoke, put your knife to the throat of a guy who is already dying of 8oth gunshot and ancient curse.
AG: Class act.
GA: She Seems Awfully Ungrateful For Having Her Life Saved
AA: IT AN HONOR THING
AA: YOU NO UNDERSTAND
GC: 1MPLY1NG W3 DON’T H4V3 HONOR
AT: iT’S TRUE, wE DON’T
GC: QU13T YOU
CA: seriously megido wvhat the hell
CG: IT’S PROBABLY LESS A HONOR THING AND MORE A CULTURAL THING YOU MISERABLE THUNDERHUMPER!
CA: that doesn’t evwen make sense
AA: YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?
CG: EMPTYING THE REMAINING CONTENTS OF MY DIGESTIVE SACK TOOK THE EDGE OF A BIT. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I HAD ANYTHING LEFT TO THROW UP.
GG: gross :((
UU: that is actUally pretty disgUsting.
CG: AND I RAN OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE ON THE SUBJECT MATTER, SO IF YOU ARE EVEN THE SLIGHEST BIT GROSSED OUT BY ME SHARING THAT HORRIBLE LITTLE INSIGHT THEN I INVITE YOU TO CORDIALLY GO SIT ON A SEAGOAT DILDO SO HARD IT COMES OUT ON THE OTHER END!
AA: GOOD
AC: :33< so by eating a human you get their powers?
GG: no :O
UU: no?
GG: NO!
AC: :33< okay good
AC: :33< beclaws that would have b33n very weird
AC: :33< and maybe a little cr33py
AT: nO, iT WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN VERY CREEPY TO DO THAT,
TT: I want to make a horrible innuendo, but I feel that it is beneath me.
CT: D--> I thank you for your restraint
AG: And so the deus ex machine pond returns!
GA: I Am More Interested In This Ritual Mononoke Performs
GA: Is It Really Necessary To Plant A Branch Like That
GA: Or To Submerge Him This Particular Way
GA: Would The Ritual Fail If It Was A Different Kind Of Branche
AC: :33< you worry too much dummy
AC: :33< just watch the movie
CG: HOLY MOTHER OF ALTERNIA, WHAT THE MAD HELL IS THAT!?
CG: *WHAT* THE FUCK IS THAT!
AC: :33< it’s the god of the furest
CG: WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN BOTHER GOING INTO THAT SHITTY FOREST WHEN THEY KNOW THAT FUCKING TREEZILLA IS STOMPING AROUND!
AC: :33< well they don’t know actually
AT: oKAY, bUT HOW?
AT: hOW HAS NO ONE EVEN NOTICED THE INCREDIBLE UHM, gIANT?
AC: :33< humans are pretty stupid
GG: hey!
AC: :33< im dating john, trust me i know
GG: still rude
AG: Oh look, the face of my nightmares.
AG: Seriously, how does the epic 8east we saw seconds ago turn into that!?
TT: You should have seen what the greek gods were up too. Messed up doesn’t even begin to describe it.
UU: hUman mythology is pretty fUn actUally.
CA: say callie wvas it, can i call you cal?
AC: :33< no
AA: NO
TT: No.
UU: sUre?
CA: swvell
CA: i just realized I’vwe nevwer actually had the pleasure of meeting you
UU: oh, well yoU know. I tend to keep to myself a fair bit.
CA: really?
CA: a babe like you?
UU: Uhm…. u_u
UU: yoU do remember mentioning never having seen me before correct?
UU: are yoU not being somewhat presUmptUoUs?
CA: please, my taste in wvomen is absolutely flawvless
TT: Look Carlos, here’s the thing.
CA: gettin real tired a that shit
TT: Callie is an absolute babe. 10/10, would go straight.
TT: She is also a close personal friend of me and the rest of the alpha gang.
UU: <profUse blUshing>
TT: And if you think I would let a womanizer like you lay a finger on her, you are positively delusional.
CA: pah, wvhatevwer
UU: i think that is the kindest thing yoU ever said to me dirk
UU: <3
GG: yeah dirk
GG: you handled that well
TT: Yeah, yeah, I’m a natural smooth talker.
GC: OH LOOK, 1T 1S TH3 FUNNY MONK FROM 34RL13R
GC: 4PP4R3NTLY H3 D1D NOT1C3 TH3R3 B31NG 4 G14NT B34ST STOMP1NG 4ROUND
GA: Yet He Seems Utterly Terrified Of Being Noticed
GA: As If He Is Performing Espionage
CA: and then suddenly boars
CA: so many fuckin boars
CA: wvhat is evwen the deal wvith all these boars?
UU: it is almost as if they are preparing for war
AC: :33 :PP
AT: sO SHE CAN COMMUNE WITH THE ANIMALS AS WELL,
AT: tHAT IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY,
AT: aLONG WITH HER BEING A WARRIOR WHO ISN’T AFRAID OF ANYTHING, i THINK i REALLY LIKE mONONOKE,
AG: Tavros has a cruuuuuuuush.
AT: wELL NO, bUT I THINK SHE IS PRETTY BAD-ASS,
AT: iS THAT NOT A THING THAT IS HAPPENING?
GG: no, she is definitely a cool lady
GG: anyone can see that
GC: 1 C4N’T
GG: :(
AA: OH YES
AA: GET SEXY TIME
AA: SUCH FUN
CG: OH MY GOD, STOP THAT.
CG: THE DUMB FUCKING PIRATE MOVIES WAS ONE THING BUT THESE ARE WRIGGLER’S FOR FUCK’S SAKE!
AA: ANIMATED IS FAIR GAME
CG: NO, IT REALLY FUCKING ISN’T.
CG: IF YOU ABSOLUTELY *HAVE* TO WATCH YOUR FILTH, AT LEAST MAKE IT CONSENTING ADULTS!
AA: BUT
AA:
AA: FINE
CG: GOOD.
AG: I don’t see the pro8lem here. She is just feeding him flapbeast meat 8ecause he is too much of a pussy to eat it himself.
CG: IT’S THE VERY FUCKING PRINCIPLE OF THE THING THAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!
GG: so the boars are angry because the god of the forest didn’t cure their friend but did cure ash
GG: that’s pretty strange i mean, why wouldn’t it?
AA: BECAUSE IT FLED
AA: THAT SAME BOAR CURSE ASHITAKA
TT: And so once again, everything is connected to each other in a Miyazaki movie.
AC: :33< you don’t like it dirk?
TT: Fuck I love Miyazaki movies, but whenever a new plot element is introduced the resolution is either tiresomely predictable or so out of left field it isn’t even funny.
TT: The scarecrow was the missing prince of a nation we never saw but is important to the plot anyway? Fuck, it still makes me angry.
GG: don’t mind dirk, he hates fun
TT: Me <3< Fun
AG: I liiiiiiiike the warrior spirit of these 8oars. Yes we may die 8loody deaths 8ut we’ll fucking leave these humans in awe!
CG: MORE LIKE FUCKING SUICIDAL. IF YOU *KNOW* THAT THIS IS A HOPELESS SITUATION, YOU MAY WANT TO LOOK INTO OPTIONS OTHER THAN THE MASS GENOCIDE OF YOUR OWN SPECIES!
GC: YOU’R3 NO FUN
CT: D--> She is a STRONG and just leader to join into the fray like this
CT: D--> What’s more, she appears to take down two of the opposing military leaders down herself due to her e%cellent aim
CT: D--> I
CT: D--> Am beginning to perspire
UU: yoU and me both eqUiUs.
UU: she really is a remarkable woman.
AT: pLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE NOT FLUSHING FOR HER,
GA: I Am Mildly Confused As To Why Everyone Is Wearing Those Incredibly Flammable Straw Outfits
GA: It May Not Be The Most Practical Choice In Attire When Dealing With Weapons That Require A Flame To Operate
AA: IT A PERIOD PIECE
GC: W3LL TH3N TH3 P3R1OD P13C3 1S PR3TTY STUP1D
AA: NO U
UU: there, that one sentence perfectly encapsUlates her character.
CA: wvhat nowv
UU: she will slay boars and woUnd wolf gods withoUt fear however, there are samUrai knocking on her door to take what she possesses.
UU: be it groUnd, sUpplies or technologies, they appear to want what she has.
GA: She Is A Protective Motherlusus For Her Entire City
UU: essentially!
GA: She Does Strike Me As A Fascinating Woman
GA: She Is Clever Enough To Assume The Emporer Wants To Double Cross Her And Begins Her Own Preperations
GA: While Finding An Effective Way To Kill The Forest God
GC: WHY MUST YOU 4LW4YS F4LL FOR TH3 MOR4LLY GR3Y WOM3N?
GA: Honestly
GA: Not A Clue
GA: You Have No Idea How Much Of A Problem That Is Becoming For Me
GC: H34R TH4T K4RK4T
CG: WHAT?
CG: WHY DO YOU WANT TO DRAG ME INTO THIS?
GC: YOU 4R3 NOT TH3 ONLY ON3 WHO N33DS 4 MO1R41L H3R3
GC: JUST S4Y1NG >;]
AC: :33< oh my god yes!
CG: OH MY GOD NO!
CG: NO OFFENSE KANAYA BUT IF FOR ANY REASON I HAVE TO CAUSE YOU ANY MORE BLOODY CONCERN WITH MY INANE FUCKING PROBLEMS I WILL LITERALLY CULL MYSELF.
GA: None Taken
AG: Good going moron, you knoooooooow she can’t help herself with her fussing.
GA: Well Not More So Then Is Considered Normal
CA: meanwvhile thousands a miles awvay
GG: no!
GG: bad doggie!
GG: worst caretaker!
AC: :33< she is just looking out fur her charge
AT: aND SO aSH’S TRUE INTENTIONS ARE REVEALED,
AT: hE WANTS TO FUCK mONONOKE, wHO IS REVEALED TO BE CALLED sAN,
AG: I’m gonna keep calling her Mononoke, if oooooooonly 8ecause Wolf8itch would offend Harley.
GG: it would! :(
AC: :33< and it goes d33per than wanting to fuck her!
UU: <giggles>
AC: :33< the two of them have a furry intimate connection!
UU: <snorts>
TT: It is actually more symbolic than that.
GG: oh? explain please
CG: NO, PLEASE DON’T. I DON’T WANT ANOTHER SESSION OF STRIDER EXPLAINS IT ALL.
TT: Instructions were unclear. Began another session of Strider explains it all.
CG: FUCK ME!
TT: Essentially taking Ash as an intentional cypher, San, Mononoke, Wolf8itch or however you want to call her represents our relation with nature, or more extremely put: god.
TT: Eboshi meanwhile represents our desire to progress and grow.
TT: Keep that in mind, because it will be relevant later in the movie.
CA: so wvait, mononoke is god?
GC: SO WH4T 4R3 W3 DO1NG NOW?
AC: :33< purparing the fight the boars
AC: :33< epawshi is cutting tr33s to anger them and using smoke to dull their sense of smell
AC: :33< she is so clefur but its so wrong to kill so many animals if you don’t intend to eat them
CA: and then mononoke chooses to go to the boar leader, knowing he will be blinded by the smoke
CA: wvhat a babe
AT: bUT aSH GAVE A WOLF A NECKLACE TO GIVE TO HER,
AT: aND ALL SHE CAN SAY IS oOOH PRETTY,
CA: friendzoned much?
AT: wHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
CA: ugh, nevwer mind
UU: so is the part where mononoke states to hate hUmans relevant to your symbolic analysis dirk?
TT: Eh, somewhat. The Christian god did go through a period where he was pretty pissed off at humans as well.
UU: how did that go?
TT: He pressed the reset button by flooding the lot.
GC: 4ND 1 THOUGHT OUR CLOWN GODS W3R3 RUD3 >:/
GG: i like how wolfmom doesn’t force her to do anything
GG: she actually suggests to mononoke to live her life with ash
AG: And she is like: fuck that shit, imma kill humans!
GG: err….. yes -_-
GA: Because Nothing Strikes Fear In The Hearts Of Men Like Carefully Applied Warpaint
AT: mEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY,
CA: turns out eboshi wvas right to suspect a double cross
CA: wvhile she deals wvith the boars, the emporer attempts to sack her city
CA: wvhat a dick
TT: His worst crime is refusing to appear in the movie at all.
UU: bUt the women can hold their own with the gUns the mUmmies made!
UU: they tell ash to go inform eboshi of what’s going on so she can defeat the emporer’s forces proper.
GC: W3LL TH1S F1GHT SC3N3 1S GO1NG NOWH3R3
AG: No, 8ut 8y god is it epic.
AG: Ash is a 8east!
CT: D--> He
CT: D--> He caught that arrow out of mid air
CT: D--> This is into%icating
TT: You know dear, it’s almost as if you haven’t realized I’m a jealous man.
CT: D--> Oh err
CT: D--> Sorry
TT: No, no, there is no reason to be concerned. Not yet anyways.
CT: D--> I’m sorry……
AC: :33< dirk don’t tease equius
TT: Actually, I was told he enjoys being put on the spot like this.
TT: Doesn’t he?
CT: D--> I require a towel…..
AC: :33< yes but he gets all gross and stuff when you do that
AC: :33< i cant have my moirail do that in a public memo
AC: :33< such a waste
UU: this is a massacre!
AT: yEAH, i DON’T THINK THE BOARS STOOD MUCH OF A CHANCE,
AA: THEY DID NOT
AA: PEOPLE FUCK NATURE EVERY TIME ALWAYS
AA: IT STINKS
AC: :33< there actually were a lot of giant woods on alternia
AC: :33< we used other planets fur our industrialization so our nature could heal
AA: LUCKY
AA: BEFORUS NOT SO MUCH
CA: industry fuckin evwerywvhere
GG: yes but did you murder your entire population of boars just to murder a forest god?
GG: :(
GG: this is so sad!
AT: wAIT, WASN’T mONONOKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHARGE SOMEWHERE?
GG: OH NO!
GA: I Am Shocked They Used Land Mines And Put Their Own Men In The Cross Fire
GA: That Cant Be Effective Management
TT: It is the emporer’s strategy: thinning out Eboshi’s forces ánd dealing with the boars. It’s win-win.
GA: That Cruel Bastard
GA: Who Does Not Even Appear In The Movie
AT: oH, aSH FINDS ONE OF THE WOLVES STILL ALIVE IN A PILE OF BOARS,
AT: hOW VERY CONVENIENT,
GG: WHO CARES IF IT’S CONVENIENT!
UU: and so the people of iron town redirect their arms to protect their city while ash goes to find eboshi.
UU: i mUst say this tale is qUite exciting.
UU: you have wonderfUl taste nepeta.
AC: :33< hihi, thanks
CA: and you are drop dead gorgeous
AC: :33< uhm….
CT: D--> Ampora
CT: D--> While I appreciate you complimenting my moirail
CT: D--> If I find you doing so with less than honorable intentions there is going to be a
CT: D--> Problem
CA: r-right on chief
CA: nothin but completely sincere compliments here
CT: D--> Good
CG: WHAT THE SHIT!
CG: HOW IS THIS OLD FUCKER STILL ALIVE!
TT: Well, he is technically a god.
CG: WELL THEY ARE NOT PLAYING BY THE RULES GODS USUALLY USE!
AT: sO SHE IS GUIDING HIM TO THE POND OF PLOT CONVENIENCE FROM EARLIER,
AC: :33< is it still plot convenience if it plays such an impurtant role?
AT: mAYBE?
AG: WH8T THE FUCK!
GC: TH3Y 4R3 W34R1NG TH3 SK1NS OF TH3 BO4RS TH3Y K1LL3D TO FOOL TH3 B1G BO4R 1NTO L3TT1NG TH3M G3T CLOS3
GC: 4ND TH3Y G3T 4W4Y W1TH 1T B3C4US3 H3 1S BL1ND!
CG: THAT IS MORTIFYING!
CG: ARE HUMANS REALLY THIS DISGUSTING!?
TT: If doing this would win a hypothetical earth-alternia war, you can bet humans would do this.
CG: JEGUS FUCK!
CG: REMIND ME TO FOREVER BAN THAT IDEA FROM OUR PRIVATE MEMOS!
CG: THAT IS MESSED UP!
AA: WELL WE NO FIGHT HUMANS
CG: IT IS THE FUCKING IDEA BEHIND IT!
AA: WELL IT NOT HAPPENING
AA: SO NO WORRY
CG: FUCK THAT!
CG: DON’T TELL ME NOT TO WORRY!
CG: I DID NOT SURVIVE SWEEPS ON ALTERNIA JUST TO HAVE MY SKIN WORN AS A FANCY DRESS FOR A HUMAN TO MURDER TROLLS IN!
GC: 1 KN3W W3 SHOULD NOT H4V3 L3T H1M W4TCH TH4T HUM4N HORROR MOV13
AA: IT NOT HAPPENING
AA: SO CALM BREASTS
CG: I SAID DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!
GA: I Do Not Understand How This Turning Into A Demon Works
GA: Is It Spiritual
GA: Is It A Parasite
GA: Because It Looks Like A Parasite
UU: i think its sUpposed to be a corrUption of the spirit.
UU: otoke wasn’t fond of the hUmans as it was bUt realizing they Use the flesh of his kin against him jUst pUshes him over the edge and allow the darkness to take hold.
AG: Those suuuuuuuure are some good theories.
AG: I do hope the movie never gets around addressing them.
AA: I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH HENTAI TO KNOW THIS IS GOING WHERE
CT: D--> Eboshi is determined to let the Iron Works fend for themselves while she goes to kill the god of the forest
AT: aND CONSIDERING THESE GODS WORK WITH UHM, dIFFERENT RULES, sHE MAY ACTUALLY SUCCEED IN DOING SO,
AG: Oh gee…..
AG: If only I knew SOMEONE who would kill a god.
AG: Cough cough, Terezi, unconvincing cough.
GC: Y3S BUT 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD H4V3 GON3 B4CK TO H3LP TH3 1RON WORKS
GC: TH3 GOD OF TH3 FOR3ST W1LL PROB4BLY R3M41N 1N S41D FOR3ST FOR 4NOTH3R D4Y, W33K, SW33P OR D3C4D3.
GG: that’s actually a good point
GG: why doesn’t she just decide to kill the god of the forest the next day and save the iron works now?
CA: gotta hand it to ash
CA: balls a steel right there
AG: He’s going to die anyway, what does he caaaaaaaare
GG: a mother will do what is best for her children
GG: good job wolfmom
AC: :33< now the darkness corrupts the pond and both moro and okoto fall dead to the ground
AC: :33< things really couldn’t get any worse
TT: Or could they?
GG: OH NO!
UU: oh no!
CG: OH NO……. THE CREEPY DEER THING WITH A MONKEY FACE….. MY INVESTMENT IN ITS SURVIVAL WAS SO HIGH…..
AA: SUCH SASS
CG: I CAN SASS IF I WANT TO!
AA: I NOT SAID YOU CANT
AA: SASS IS GOOD
CG: GOD, STOP DOING THAT!
AA: WHAT?
CG: THAT!
CG: THE THING WHERE YOU ARE…. FUCK, YOU’RE GETTING ON MY NERVES.
GC: >:?
CG: THE WHOLE, ACCEPTING AND HELPING THING IS REALLY PISSING ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF! I AM FRESH BAKED MAD RIGHT HERE!
AA: I IS CONFUSE
AA: DAMARA IS SWEET GIRL
CA: hah
CA: as if
GG: she is actually
AA: THANK
CG: I THINK CROCKER WON’T AGREE WITH YOU AFTER BEING MADE TO WATCH THAT DREADED PIRATE MOVIE!
GG: oh please
GG: jane showed you the room and that doesn’t make her not-sweet
GG: and damara may be a bit strange but she’s never been unkind
AA: YOU MAKE BLUSH
AA: YOU BLIND DATE?
GG: no, it wasn’t me either
AA: FUCK
CG: FUCK.
AT: aND THEN THE GOD OF THE FOREST WAS LIKE,
AT: fUCK THIS SHIT, i’M IMMORTAL, pEACE
GA: Eboshi Gets Sabotaged From Every Which Way
GA: I Do Enjoy That
UU: ash throws his blade into the barrel of her gUn and the forest god caUses the wood Used in her gUn to overgrow.
UU: seems like things will work oUt after all ^u^.
UU: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!
UU: <flips desk>
UU: gUns do not fUnction like this. normal bUllets do not fUnction like this.
UU: with the barrel of her rifle pierced it is nothing short of a miracle it didn’t blow Up in her face bUt to manage and fire an exploding roUnd accUrately in the neck of the forest god is nothing short of impossible Under these circUmstances.
AT: oH NO, tHE MOVIE WITH TALKING ANIMALS MAY HAVE ONE OR TWO SCIENTIFIC INACCURACIES,
UU: bUt they were so close to getting a happy ending u_u
TT: And here is a major part of Miyazaki’s none too subtle message.
TT: Expanding human territories while forgetting to respect nature and the spiritual elements in our lives ultimately result in destruction.
CA: as if
TT: We have the character literally symbolizing human’s desire for progress and industrialization killing the literal god of this story, resulting in cataclysm. I think the symbolism is more than a little obvious.
TT: Of course, that’s Miyazaki for you. It’s either subtle to the point of meaninglessness or hammered in so hard you wish you could just tune it out.
AC: :33< so you don’t like the movie dirk?
TT: Nah, it’s okay. Just a bit heavy handed.
AA: IT TERRIBLE
AA: FOREST DESTROY
AA: KODAMA DYE
AA: SO ANGRY
CG: IT’S JUST A FUCKING MOVIE.
GC: OH R1GHT
GC: B3C4US3 YOU N3V3R GOT 4NGRY 4T 4 MOV13
CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER.
AG: Yoink.
UU: so all this destruction because the emporer thinks the head of the god of the forest will give him immortality?
AT: iT IS UHM, aWFULLY SPECIFIC DON’T YOU THINK?
AT: wHY NOT IT’S HEART?
AT: oR IT’S EYES?
AT: oR IT’S TOENAIL CLIPPINGS?
AA: HUMANS ARE WEIRD
CG: YOU DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.
GG: we’re not thát weird
AC: :33< actually, you kind of are
AC: :33< you’re pretty sw33t though
CG: WHY THE FUCK IS MORO’S HEAD REANIMATED?
CG: WHAT PRACTICAL PURPOSE DOES THIS SERVE OTHER THAN BEING A CRUEL JOKE THE GODS DECIDED TO PLAY ON NATURE?!
CG: OH….. WELL FUCK.
CG: THAT IS PRETTY BRUTAL
AA: SHE DESERVE
TT: See this is funny. Eboshi earlier stated that even a disembodied wolf head can bite and would you look at that.
AG: Don’t worry a8out e8oshi she’s all right now….
GC: WRONG 4RM D1PSH1T
UU: <chuckles>
AT: wELL SHIT, tHAT DOESN’T LOOK GOOD,
AT: sOMEONE SHOULD REALLY GIVE HER A HAND WITH THAT,
UU: <giggles>
GC: TH4T 4WFUL MOM3NT WH3R3 SH3 R34L1Z3S SH3 SHOULDN’T H4V3 *L3FT* 1RON TOWN
UU: <doubles over in laughter>
GG: guys
CA: to be fair, she left the wvomen properly armed
UU: can’t breathe
GG: guys @_@
AC: :33< she did kill a god just now
AC: :33< we got to at least hand her that
UU: oh my god!
GG: guys!
GG: your puns are really getting out of hand
UU: i can’t..
UU: <rolls over the floor laughing>
CG: MAN….. THIS REALLY IS TRAGIC…..
CG: THE DESPERATION OF MONONOKE, THE HEARTFELT CONFESSION OF ASH….. THE MUSIC SWELLS, ALL THE WHILE THE FOREST IS BURNING AND DYING AROUND THEM. IT REALLY FEELS LIKE THIS IS THE END OF ALL THINGS.
GC: Y3S BV3RYTH1NG 1S OV3R >:]
CG: FUCK, THOSE GODDAMN SUBTITLE GOOFS!
AG: And fuck thát place in particular.
CG: HOLY FUCK, THIS BROWNISH PURPLE SHIT IS DESTROYING EVERYTHING.
CG: JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE FROM THE IRON WORKS WERE KILLED?
CG: HOW MANY OF THE SOLDIERS THAT FOUGHT THE BOARS? THEY WERE STILL NEAR THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE VILLAGE?
GA: Yes I Do Not Think Eboshi Had Forseen These Consequences
GC: N31TH3R D1D 1
GC: WHO COULD H4V3 GU3SS3D TH4T R3MOV1NG TH3 H34D OF 4 GOOFY D33R WOULD C4US3 4 V3RY LOC4L1Z3D 4P4COLYPS3?
AA: SMART IS WHO
AA: YOU TAKE HEAD OF GOD
AA: BAD MAJYKKS
CT: D--> Regardless Iron Town has been made uninhabitable due to the sludge
AG: What do you even call that stuff?
GG: well from the way it reacts with plant life it looks like a highly potent toxic but the way it climbs uphill suggests something like a superliquid: substances that flow without friction.
AC: :33< duh, its just angry spirity stuff
AT: oKAY BUT, hOW DO YOU KNOW HE WILL JUST GO AWAY WHEN THE SUN COMES UP?
AT: tHERE HASN’T BEEN ANYONE WHO REMOVED HIS HEAD BEFORE, sO MAYBE HE IS JUST LIKE, sERIOUSLY PISSED OFF,
AT: mAYBE EVERY TIME THE SUN ROSE HE WENT AWAY OUT OF HIS OWN FREE WILL, lIKE A GODLY NAPTIME OR SOMETHING, dID THEY EVER THINK OF THAT?
AT: mAYBE HE IS JUST SO ANGRY NOW HE WILL KEEP CHASING YOU THROUGHOUT THE WEEK TO GET HIS HEAD BACK,
AT: i AM SURE THE EMPORER WILL UHM, aPPRECIATE YOU BRINGING THIS MONSTER TO HIS PALACE,
CA: wve get it
AT: iT’S JUST A REALLY IRRESPONSIBLE GAMBLE, iS ALL i’M SAYING,
AG: What was even the plan of the emporer?
AG: To mount a god’s head to his wall?
UU: no, there was some mention aboUt eternal life.
AG: Yes, 8ut how does he know that?! NO ONE ELSE CUT THE HEAD OF 8EFORE!!!!!!!!
TT: Human superstition is a curious thing.
CT: D--> I bet he w001d be e%tremely surprised to learn that the head is actually host to a deadly poison
TT: Well yeah, if he intends to eat it.
TT: Maybe he just has to run three circles around it every day to keep his youth.
TT: Your highness, what are you doing?
TT: Getting my immortality ánd my cardio.
UU: that soUnds pretty silly.
AC: :33< its not important to the story what they want to do with the head
CA: no but it wvould certainly help babe
GA: So After A Short Fight Scene
AG: Hold it!
AG: How did Mononoke get afflicted with the curse?!
GA: I Think The Green Liquid Secreted By The Disembodied Head Is Just As Dangerous As The Corruption
GA: Or Whatever It Is Called
GA: It Is Subtle But Take Note That All The Monks Seem To Consciously Avoid Contact
AG: And how do you know it is secreted 8y the head?
GA: Because It Was Not Present When Jiro Put The Head In The Container
CT: D--> An in-movie e%planation w001d not be amiss
CA: hey look
CA: i can see my head from here
CG: BULLSHIT IT DOES!
GA: Karkat
CG: JUST LOOK AT THIS ARBITRARY FUCKING NONSENSE!
CG: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THIS GIANT GODLIKE MOTHERFUCKER RETRIEVES HIS HEAD, THEN TRIPS ON A PEBBLE OR SOMETHING AND FUCKING EXPLODES!
CG: KISS MY ASS!
GC: K4RK4T
CG: AND THE FUCKING SHOCKWAVES FROM THE EXPLOSION NOT ONLY GET RID OF THE TOXIC THAT WAS FLOODING THE WHOLE FOREST AND IRON TOWN BUT SOMEHOW RESTORE NATURE EVERYWHERE?
CG: DEUS EX FUCK MY MACHINA! THIS ISN’T FAIRYDUST PEOPLE!
AT: uHM, kARKAT?
CG: EVEN EBOSHI, WHO WAS ALL ABOUT HUMAN EXPANSION, DECIDES THAT NO REALLY: WE SHOULD LIVE IN PEACE WITH THE FOREST.
CG: WHERE THE FUCK DID ALL THAT BRAVADO FROM THE REST OF THE MOVIE GO?!
AG: Oh my god……..
CG: AND WHAT IS THIS DELIBERATE VAGUENESS ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE DEER GOD IS DEAD?!
CG: DID IT REFORM WHEN THE GIANT ABOMINATION TOOK ITS HEAD BACK OR IS THAT THING A DIFFERENT ENTITY ONLY LOOSELY CONNECTED TO THE DEER GOD!?
CG: WHY ISN’T THIS MOVIE ANSWERING ANY OF MY QUESTIONS?!
GG: uuugh, you dunkass
CG: BUT NO, LET’S PRETEND EVERYTHING IS FINE AND FUCKING DANDY WONT WE!? THIS IS ALL JUST A FRUITY RUMPUS HAPPY-GO-LUCKY WRIGGLER’S MOVIE.
AC: :33< there was nothing in this movie that was wriggler appuropriate
CG: ALL THE ANIMAL GODS ARE DEAD! AT THE VERY LEAST EVERY ANIMAL GOD WE KNOW OFF.
CG: WAS THERE A GOD FOR MEOWBEASTS!? WAS THERE A GOD FOR ASH’S STEED?!
CT: D--> Is there even a god for hoofbeasts
CT: D--> Dare we dream
CG: THIS FUCKING ENDING RAISES MORE QUESTIONS THEN IT ANSWERS!
AA: OI
CG: WHAT!?!
AA: CALM TITS
AA: MOVIE GOOD YES
AA: VERY FUN
CG: WELL YEAH ‘MOVIE GOOD’ BUT FUCK IF IT ISN’T A STUPID PIECE OF SHIT.
AA: GOOD STUPID PIECE OF SHIT
AA: YOU FUNNY
CG: I….. WOULD YOU FUCKING STOP THAT!?
AA: WHAT STOP?!
CG: YOU AREN’T TAKING ME SERIOUSLY AT ALL ARE YOU!
GC: NO ON3 1S 4T TH1S PO1NT
CG: FUCK OFF
AA: YOU SO STRANGE
AC: :33< and so ends princess mononoke
CA: wvait, you are telling me the twvo of them don’t evwen hook up?
CA: wvhat bullshit is this?
TT: You mean the character representing humanity knocking up the character representing god?
TT: Great plan.
AC: :33< i think its more beclaws san still kind of hates humans
AC: :33< ashitaka is just the exception
AC: :33< even if they would make a pawesome couple
UU: oh i concUr.
UU: i can scarcely wait to pick Up my pen and begin writing more marveloUs adventUres for these two ^u^
AC: :33< can i read it?
UU: maybe some of it.
UU: some of the ideas i have really shoUld not see the light of day <blUshes>
AC: :33< can i please read those especially?
UU: <_<
UU: >_>
UU: perhaps.
AC: :33< yes!
AC: :33< so what did efurryone think?
CT: D--> Yes, I believe this was an e%cellent choice Nepeta
AC: :33< thank you
CT: D--> The story presented some noble characters but c001d benefit from the inclusion of more hoofbeasts
AC: :33< of course it could
AC: :33< you are so weird
CT: D--> No I’m not
AC: :33< uhm, yes you kind of are
CT: D--> I am perfectly normal
AC: :33< weeeeeeeird
CT: D--> You will cease these allegations Nepeta
AT: i DON’T THINK EQUIUS’S WEIRDNESS HAS EVER BEEN UP FOR DEBATE,
AT: bUT YEAH, iT WAS A FAIRLY SOLID MOVIE, i THINK,
AT: aND THE ANIMATION AND STUFF LOOKED BEAUTIFUL
AT: i JUST WISHED WE COULD HAVE SEEN MORE OF THE POINT OF VIEW OF THE ANIMALS, bECAUSE THEY SEEMED TO HAVE THIS WHOLE CULTURE ENTIRELY THEIR OWN AND UHM, sTUFF,
AC: :33< of course :PP
GG: i think so too :)
GG: it was a really fun movie but i wished ash and mononoke would hook up at the end because they make a really kickass couple
TT: But the symbolism.
GG: oh shoosh
GG: symbolism should never get in the way of having a fun story
TT: Eh, that’s fair.
TT: Movie was cool by the way. Don’t let my criticism fool you.
GG: dirk just HAS to criticize everything
TT: It’s true, I do. I am obsessive compulsive and everything.
TT: Got a doctor’s note.
AC: :33< uhm, okay?
UU: i woUld have liked for them to hook Up as well becaUse it jUst seemed like that kind of story.
UU: ashitaka saved himself, the day and the girl and has nothing to show for it.
AG: Fuck, I KNOW.
AG: Where is his reward?
CA: an entire city wvorth of wvomen wvanting to shag him
CA: and considerin a large part a them are former wvhores he is in for quite a treat
GA: The Gene Pool Of Iron Town Will Be Irrepairably Altered
AG: It 8etter 8e.
AG: This guy risks everything to save them and their 8eloved leader, the leeeeeeeeast they could do is give him an appropriate reward ;;;;)
AA: APPROVE
AC: :33< karkat, what do you think?
CG: I…… WELL……
CG: FUCK IT, IT’S PRETTY GOOD.
AC: :33< yes!
CG: IT TAKES THE STUNNING ANIMATION FROM PONYO AND APPLIES IT TO A MUCH MORE INTERESTING STORY EVEN IF THIS THING HAS SOME SERIOUS FUCKING PROBLEMS!
AC: :33< but you like it!
AC: :33< you can’t take it back, you like it!
CG: YEAH, YEAH, FUCK ME RUNNING, I ACTUALLY LIKE A MOVIE.
CG: THAT HASN’T HAPPENED SINCE AT LEAST LAST WEEK.
AC: :33< oh shush
CG: THIS UPWARD TRENDS CONCERNS ME. IT MEANS THAT ANY MOMENT NOW WE’LL COME PLUMMETING BACK DOWN IN THE COLD HARD REALITY WHERE NONE OF YOU ASSHOLES HAVE GOOD SENSE IN MOVIES.
AC: :33< but if you like it, why did you try so hard to dislike it?
AC: :33< that is really strange if you ask me
CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW ALRIGHT? SOMETIMES I JUST GET REALLY FUCKING ANGRY FOR NO DISCERNABLE REASON AND IT PISSES ME OFF. AND BECAUSE IT PISSES ME OFF I GET EVEN ANGRIER, WHICH REPEATS AD INFINITUM.
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHY IT HAPPENS BUT IT DOES.
CA: you knowv
CA: that actually sounds like you kinda need a moirail chief
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned casualArtist [CA]--
CG: FAT FUCKING CHANCE CARLOS.
AG: So noooooooow for the exciting part.
GC: WH4T 4BOUT 1T
AG: Who gets to pick a movie next week?
AT: YOU KNOW I WASN’T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING, BECAUSE I REALLY WANT IT TO BE ME,
AG: And watch another pokemon movie for wrigglers?
AG: Pleeeeeeeease.
AT: OKAY BUT UHM, THE THIRD ONE IS REALLY GOOD,
AT: AND YOU LIKED THE FIRST ONE TOO,
CG: WE ARE *NOT* WATCHING ANOTHER POKEMON MOVIE.
AG: So we are doing this?
AG: Who is patient enough to remain in the stream the loooooooongest?
GA: Actually
GA: Vriska
GA: There Is Something I Desire To Converse With You About
AG: Can’t this wait?
GA: Actually
GA: I Fear If I Wait Any Longer Regarding This Particular Subject I Will Cluckbeast Out
GA: It Is About Rose Or More Precisely Your Relationship With Her
AG: WH8T!?
AG: You are not jealous are you!?
AG: I mean, I know I am serious h8b8 8ut I never really got thát idea from you
GA: What
GA: No I Assure You
GA: It Is Nothing Of The Sort
GA: Not Entirely At Least
AG: You are 8eing vague again Fussyfangs.
GA: Perhaps Because I Am Not Entirely Willing To Give Away The Entire Conversation In A Public Memo
GA: Can We Meet
GA: Preferably Now
AG: Geeeeeeeesh fine.
AG: You punks got lucky.
CG: I WASN’T GOING TO LET YOU PICK ANYWAY!
--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--
--arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo--
AA: THAT WAS MANY FUN
AA: I ENJOY WATCHING MOVIE WITH YOU
GG: aaaw, you are so sweet damara
AA: YES DAMARA SWEET GIRL
AA: BUT I GO NOW
AA: NEED A SMOKE
CG: YOU KNOW THAT ERR…. SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU RIGHT?
AA: DON’T CARE
AA: FEEL GOOD
AA: SEE YOU SOON
CG: YEAH RIGHT SO UHM…. TAKE CARE?
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
AA: THANK
AA: YOU TOO
--antisocialArbiter [AA] left memo--
UU: i certainly feel inspired now.
UU: this movie has lifted my spirits and given me so many ideas in regards to pairings yoU have not a clUe.
UU: that being said i woUld like to remain in the stream to see if I coUld sUcceed in choosing the next cinematic ventUre.
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned uraniunUmbra [UU] from memo--
GG: karkat!
CG: WHAT?!
GG: why did you ban her?
GG: she didn’t do anything wrong!
CG: HUH?
CG: OH.
CG: WELL, FORCE OF HABBIT I GUESS.
GG: :(
CG: LOOK, ALL YOU FUCKERS ALREADY PICKED A MOVIE ANYWAY SO I MIGHT AS WELL TAKE THE HELM AND CHOOSE THE NEXT FILM MYSELF.
AT: oH WELL UHM, rEMIND ME THAT I HAVE THAT OTHER THING I NEED TO GO TO NEXT WEEK,
AT: aT THAT ONE PLACE, WITH THOSE PEOPLE,
CG: ARE YOU SASSING ME NITRAM!?
AT: tHAT IS UHM, dEFINITELY WHAT i AM DOING NOW,
AT: bECAUSE THE HUMAN NOTEBOOK DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A VERY GOOD TIME,
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned adiosToreador [AT] from memo--
CG: THE NOTEBOOK IS A FUCKING CLASSIC AND I WONT HEAR A BAD WORD ABOUT IT, UNDERSTOOD?!
CG: FURTHER PROOF THAT YOU BULGELICKING SPUNKMAGGOTS *NEED* ME TO PICK THE NEXT MOVIE.
CG: IT’S ONLY FAIR RIGHT?!
CG: I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS YET HAD THE FUCKING PRIVILIGE TO HOST A MOVIE NIGHT, DESPITE THIS BEING MY STREAM FROM DAY 1!!!!
GC: D4Y TWO 4CTU4LLY
CG: WHAT!?
GC: VR1SK4 HOST3D TH3 F1RST MOV13 N1GHT 1N H3R OWN STR34M
CG: SEMANTICS.
GC: 4ND YOU 4R3 NOT TH3 ONLY P3RSON WHO H4S Y3T TO P1CK 4 MOV13 >:]
CG: OH.
CG: FUCK.
TT: So I take it we’re out of the running altogether?
CG: YEAH, YOU CAN PISS OFF.
TT: Sweet. Equius, what are you doing right now?
CT: D--> I am sorry my sweet
CT: D--> I made prior arrangements with Nepeta
AC: :33< no its no biggie
AC: :33< you two should definitely m33t up and maybe make out a little a lot
TT: Uh huh……
TT: So Jade, what are you doing right now?
GG: nothing in particular
GG: why?
TT: Want me to criticize the schematics for your transportalizers?
GG: do you want me to teleport you to outer space?
TT: Cool. I’ll be there in a sec.
--timeausTestified [TT] left memo--
GG: welp, there it goes :/
GG: i better tidy up a bit
AC: :33< are you two going black fur each other?
GG: what?
GG: no, no, not at all
GG: i mean, why would you even think that?
AC: :33< its just that you s33m to have this sort of rivalry going on
GG: dirk is just being an ass as always
GG: anyway karkat, I’ll see you soon!
GG: have fun with terezi!
CG: UUUUUUGH, MY HEADACHE IS ALREADY RETURNING TO ME!
--gardenGnostic [GG] left memo--
CT: D--> Nepeta, shall we be off?
AC: :33< going off we shall!
AC: :33< s33 you soon karkat
AC: :33< good luck purezi
GC: BY3 N3P3T4 >:]
--arsenicCatnip [AC] left memo--
--centaursTesticle [CT] left memo--
GC: W3LL TH3N
GC: 1 SUGG3ST YOU GO SL33P OFF YOUR H34D4CH3 4ND L3T M3 WORRY 4BOUT TH3 N3XT MOV13
CG: FUCK NO.
GC: COM3 ON, 1T W1LL B3 FUN
CG: I HAVE NEVER BEEN LESS COMPELLED TO DO ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
GC: 1 DON’T G3T WHY YOU 4R3 M4K1NG SUCH 4 B1G D34L OUT OF TH1S
GC: YOU H4V3 L3T 3V3RYON3 3LS3 P1CK
GC: YOU H4V3 L3T 3R1D4N P1CK
GC: 3R1D4N
GC: WHY DO3S H3 G3T TO P1CK WH1L3 1 R3M41N W1THOUT 4 P1CK
GC: 1 4M P1CKL3SS
CG: OKAY, LETTING AMPORA PICK WAS A MISTAKE. I ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AS A MISTAKE I MADE WHILE BEING MY HORRIBLE PAST SELF.
GC: SO WH3N 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO G3T TO P1CK >:/
CG: YOU AREN’T.
GC: WHY NOT?
CG: OKAY LOOK. I HAVE TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING HEADACHE DO DEAL WITH YOUR INANE WHINING RIGHT NOW.
CG: HOW ABOUT WE CONTINUE THIS DUMB CONVERSATION NEVER?
CG: OR AT THE VERY LEAST POSTPONE IT TILL TOMORROW.
GC: QU1T B31NG SUCH 4N 1NCR3D1BL3 WR1GGL3R
GC: D33R GOD
GC: S33 WH4T 1 D1D TH3R3?
CG: I DID AND I DO NOT CARE FOR IT.
GC: B4H
GC: DO YOU N33D M3 TO 4SK MRS M3G1DO B4CK 1NTO TH3 M3MO?
CG: THE FUCK IS ARADIA GOING TO DO?
GC: TRY TO D3FL3CT MY CL3V3R COMM3NT 4S YOU L1K3 K4RK4T
GC: 1 SM3LL3D TH3 W4Y YOU W3R3 COMMUN1C4T1NG W1TH MRS M3G1DO
CG: TEREZI, I SWEAR TO FUCK.
CG: IF I DISCOVER THAT *YOU* WERE THE ONE TO SEND ME THAT BLIND DATE INVITATION I WILL LITERALLY CULL YOU.
GC: G4SP
GC: SO SOM3ON3 1S 4LR34DY TRY1NG TO S3T YOU UP W1TH MRS M3G1DO?
GC: HOW SC4ND4LOUS >:]
CG: AND GUESS WHAT!?
CG: A) THAT SHIT STILL HAS SO LITTLE TO DO WITH YOU THAT EVEN WITH YOUR DUMB FUCKING SMELL-O-SCOPE PERIPHERAL, YOU STILL WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DETECT IT.
CG: AND B) ALL CLUES ARE CURRENTLY LEADING STRAIGHT TO YOU!
GC: CLU3 NUMB3R ON3, TH3 M4TCHM4K3R 1S 4N 1MPOST3R
CG: TEREZI!
GC: K4RK4T!
CG: DO NOT TELL *ANYONE* ABOUT THIS THING WITH DAMARA.
GC: SO YOU *DO* HAVE F33L1NGS FOR H3R!
CG: NO I DON’T SHUT UP!
GC: M3 TH1NKS TH3 L4DY DOTH PROT3ST TOO MUCH
CG: UUUUUGH MY THINKPAN!!!!!
CG: IF I LET YOU PICK A MOVIE NEXT WEEK WILL YOU STOP BLABBERING ON ABOUT THIS?!
GC: COMPL3T3LY 4ND 1MM3D14T3LY
CG: GOOD. ALSO, NOT A WORD TO FUCKING ANYONE ABOUT THIS THING THAT DOES NOT EXIST BETWEEN ME AND MEGIDO, UNDERSTOOD?!
GC: F1N3
GC: NO N33D TO B3 SUCH 4 GRUMP 4BOUT 1T
CG: I AM NOT GRUMPY!
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--
--gallowsCalibrator [GC] left memo--