Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a cool and overcast but breezeless day, and the still ocean beckoned to Hux like a familiar friend. He had the day off although it was a weekday, and looked forward to being able to sail without interference.

Those were the reasons he’d moved here, after all, for his two great loves: the ocean, and being left alone.

He’d once been a Naval Reactors Engineer, the culmination of years and years of hard work. But after his discharge from the Navy following a disastrous mistake, he’d had few options. He couldn’t return home and face his father and even if he’d wanted to he was sure his father wanted nothing to do with him. He had no siblings and his only friends had been his colleagues. He certainly had no significant other to speak of.

His pride in tatters, he’d managed to get a job at a power plant near a coastal town, and his years of frugal saving allowed him to purchase a small but comfortable home outside of town. The property’s winning feature was a short trail leading from the back yard through some sparse woods down a gentle slope to a secluded bit of beach, hidden by rocks on either side. He’d saved up some more, built a dock, bought a small boat, adopted a cat and settled in.

Most days he only took the boat out to drift alone on the open sea, but he did know how to fish and sometimes took a rod and tackle box out with him. He always tossed the fish back; he didn’t even particularly like the taste of fish when it wasn’t sushi and had no desire to deal with anyone long enough to sell it. It was simply a way to pass the time.

That day there seemed to be nothing tugging on the line, which was fine with him, but also made him wonder if the fish knew something he didn’t, as though the calm preceded some oncoming storm. He leaned back in his seat and sighed, enjoying the silence.

A sudden, sharp tug made him cry out as the rod was nearly yanked from his hands. He jumped to his feet and grabbed onto it just as the line went taut, and he pulled.

Something stronger pulled back.

Hux stumbled and skidded across the floor on his bare feet, holding on for dear life, until his stomach collided with the wall, knocking the wind out of him. He barely managed to keep his grasp and his footing, only just avoiding toppling forward into the water.

As soon as it had begun, the pulling stopped, though the line was still tight. Hux felt suspended in the moment, panting hard, arms shaking from exertion, hands white-knuckled from the fierceness of his grip. It was eerily silent, the only sound the gentle lapping of the waves against the bottom of the boat.

For just a moment, the line loosened just a smidge. Hux felt what was about to happen a second too late; he was still holding the rod when the next yank came, harder than the last, and he didn’t even have time to shout as he was pulled over the edge and face first into the water.

The seconds of thrashing around trying to right himself felt like an eternity. He’d definitely inhaled some water and his chest and throat felt like they were on fire as he coughed uselessly. The fishing rod had slipped from his hands and he didn’t even spare it a second thought. His only concern was finding the sky and propelling himself towards it.

He broke the surface and gulped in wheezing breaths of cool air. As his terror subsided and his mind began to clear, he had to wonder…

What the hell did I almost catch?

From below, Kylo watched the man’s thin legs paddle frantically to keep him above the surface. He scowled; of course one of those land-walkers was responsible for this. He’d seen their traps before, but had never gotten close enough for them to be a threat. This time he’d been stupid, distracted by something copper colored above the surface, drawn to it, until he’d felt the jolt of pain low in his tail. He’d pulled away and thrashed to shake it loose but in doing so had only driven it in further, sending sharp tendrils of pain up along his entire tail, making him curl in on himself. When he’d seen the offending item, a barbed metal hook, he tried in vain to work it free with his hands, but they were shaking and slippery and it was useless.

That was when he noticed the thin, nearly invisible line extending from the hook to the surface. To whoever had done this. He paused, examining it, then took it between his hands to relieve the pressure from his tail and then shot backwards, pulling with all his strength.

And now here he was, watching with a mix of rage and curiosity as his attacker struggled. He considered his options: he could kill him right away, it was certainly the most tempting option as every movement sent a fresh wave of pain up his lower half. Or he could let the man tire out and drown slowly while he watched. Also tempting.

He glanced down at the hook again. He still had no idea how to remove it that didn’t involve tearing it out, and the thought made him shudder. He didn’t know how to take it out, but the human…

Hux had just turned to face his boat, tipped forward to start swimming towards it, when he felt something cold close around his bare ankle. A shiver ran up through his whole body; he tried to convince himself it was only seaweed, but it was firmer than that, wrapped so tightly…

As he was pulled roughly under, in his terror he nearly laughed hysterically. Definitely not seaweed.

Down he went, mouth squeezed shut but eyes wide open. The grip on his ankle disappeared but before he could try to swim back up, something grabbed the front of his thin sweater. A hand.

A hand?!

For a fleeing moment Hux thought, hoped, someone else out sailing had shown up and he was being rescued.

The thought died instantly as his gaze met that of someone – no, something – in the water with him. Something almost human but not quite; eyes with large, dark irises, a scowl revealing a row of slightly-pointed teeth, fin-like appendages where ears should have been. Black hair framed the pale face, flowing around him like a halo of dark silk. The curious part of Hux wanted to drop his gaze down and see what other unnatural features the creature possessed, but he was frozen in fear, held there by the thing’s unrelenting glare.

There was sudden movement, and Hux clamped his eyes shut, expecting a blow, or to be dragged deeper down. Then it stopped, and the hand grasping his shirt tugged a couple times, as if to get his attention. Hux’s eyes opened and he was met with an unbelievable sight.

The creature had curved its body in an arc, raising up its lower half, revealing a...a tail.

In the brief glimpse Hux got he saw it was long and thick, adorned with scales in a pattern of black and red and gold. Long, thin fins graced either side of it, and it ended with a wide, flat tail fin.

A few inches up from the fin, jutting from the meat of the lower part of the tail, was Hux’s fishing hook.

Oh.

The thing gave Hux another insistent tug, his other hand motioning aggressively to his tail, and Hux understood.

He needed Hux to take it out. And as the fist in his shirt tightened, and the burning in his lungs went from mild to truly uncomfortable, Hux saw the gravity of the situation: the creature wouldn’t release him until Hux took it out. Maybe not even then, but doing what he wanted seemed the surest way to save himself.

Hux cupped the bottom of the fin in one hand, eyes sweeping over to see where the hook began and ended. The scales around where it pierced had torn away, the skin around it raw and bleeding. The creature must have struggled, hence the pulling on the fishing rod which had taken him overboard. A knot of guilt formed in his stomach, but he was frightened, and extremely pressed for time, and so he shoved it down.

He moved his hands over the end of the hook, hazily grateful that he’d let himself be talked into a more expensive model which released at the shank, allowing it to be removed with minimal damage. He found the latch, pulled the hook apart, and carefully slipped it out. Blood pulsed from the small wound, clouding the water around Hux’s hands a dark red.

The moment he was free, the creature whisked his tail out of Hux’s grip, a look of blissful relief on his face as he gave it a few swishes. Hux expected the hand to release him next, but it didn’t. The creature’s face turned to him once more, mouth pulled into a dangerous smirk. He held Hux there, making no motion to pull him back up.

Kylo watched with sick satisfaction as the man realized he was going to die. He almost admired that he still thrashed and kicked, weak attempts to pull away, all while looking Kylo directly in the eyes, a fierce glare on his face.

Then the thrashing died down and the man’s limbs went slack. His gaze remained fixed with Kylo’s until his eyes slid shut, lips still slightly parted, head tipped back.

In the sky above, the clouds parted for the first time all day, allowing the midday sun to peek through. Golden light broke through the water, close to the surface as they were, and lit up the man’s face. The smirk fell from Kylo’s lips.

In the unlit depths it had been harder to see the man, and Kylo had been too desperate to be free to really look at him, and too angry to care to.

Now he could see: the bright thing, the copper thing, which had drawn him to the surface, had been the man’s hair.

The color was repeated across the man’s face in flecks of freckles over his nose and cheeks, and in pale lashes forming crescent moons along his shut eyes. It stood out in brilliant relief against his skin and lips, growing paler by the second. Unconscious, unmoving, floating limply in Kylo’s grasp, face turned up to the sun, he was suddenly so soft, so beautifully fragile…

Kylo flicked his tail, feeling the lingering soreness, wanting to feel the pulsing anger again, the pure desire to kill.

He let out a frustrated sound and gave another, more powerful flick, propelling himself toward the surface with the man still dangling from one hand. He’d regret this later. Probably.

Chapter Text

Hux woke coughing and sputtering, vomiting bile and salty water and trying to gulp in air between heaves. It took several minutes to even out his breathing and calm his pounding heart. He remained lying curled on his side on some hard surface, soaked and shivering, breathing slowly and heavily through the waves of nausea. Gradually he regained his bearings. One thing at a time, he took stock of himself and his surroundings.

The surface he was on was the floor of his boat; across it he could see his shoes still sitting, still dry, where he’d removed them. It was afternoon, still early, the sun was out warming him. There was no breeze. His throat and chest burned, his stomach felt turned inside out, his head pounded, his side pressing against the floor was sore as if he’d fallen hard onto the deck, but he was otherwise unharmed as far as he could tell.

He sat up carefully and startled when he looked down at his arms. The very edge of the sleeves of his gray sweater were tinted pinkish red. Blood, he realized with alarm. He quickly examined his arms and wrists but found nothing, not so much as a cut.

So why did the image of broken skin and bloody water seem so familiar…

He gasped and nearly began coughing all over again as he remembered. Dark hair pale face sharp teeth hand fins tail tail TAIL...

His head jerked back and forth, eyes darting around like he expected to see the creature still there, waiting to pull him back under. But he was alone, on his boat. Alive.

He stood shakily, slipped his shoes and jacket on, and drove back to the shore in a daze. He’d barely dried off by the time he got there; the clouds had covered the sun once more and the chill in the air only added to the unease he felt.

A low rumble sounded from the sky in the distance. Hux docked quickly and hurried ashore. Never had he felt so grateful to touch solid ground. He abandoned his tackle box and bagged lunch, only remembering at the last minute to grab his cell phone from the little waterproof pouch where he kept it, and hurried up the path to home.

Inside his cat greeted him, meowing insistently for him to feed her. The simple, routine task was comforting, as was going through the motions of preparing tea. While Millicent ate and the tea steeped he slipped into his room to change into dry clothes.

He stubbornly blamed the shaking of his hands on being cold as he slipped the sweater over his head and struggled out of his pants, scrunching up his face in disgust at how the wet fabric clung to his legs. He toweled off, his eyes locked on the discarded sweater where he’d dropped it on the floor. He suddenly remembered the feeling of it clasped in a strong grip and moved a hand quickly to his chest as if to reassure himself that it wasn’t still there.

He dressed quickly and hurried forward, lifting the damp clothes between pinched fingers and carrying them to drape across the edge of the tub, out of his sight. Outside, a light patter of rain began.

Tea in hand, he settled on the couch with Millie and a blanket and turned on the TV. Thunder rumbled again and the rain picked up its pace.  If he were to look out the kitchen window he’d have a glimpse of the waves, dark and churning, but for the first time in his life he had no desire to look at the sea.

The warm tea soothed his throat and stomach and stroking his fingers over Millicent’s fur was calming and familiar. Only the light tremor of his hands suggested anything had even happened. After a while, he felt like he could finally think clearly, and allowed his mind to wander back to what he’d seen. A man, or some half-man-half-fish, who he’d accidentally caught, who had tried to drown him.

His heartrate picked up again: he’d nearly died. Actually, truly died. He took a shaky sip of his tea, staring off at nothing, thinking.

He must have…have fallen in, gotten stuck on something, nearly drowned, and in his delirium he must have imagined something there with him. It was the only explanation he could accept; the other, that the creature had been real, was too impossible.

And yet as he went about the evening in a daze, he could picture it all too clearly: a man’s face framed by dark waves of hair, his expression angry and also…something else. Frightened, maybe. He could still see the colors of the tail, red, black and gold, the way the fin had flicked so close to his face, the angry red where the hook pierced through flesh and scales. As he lay in bed that night, he could still feel the hand holding him under by his shirt, and could still see the cruel smile as he faded out of consciousness.

The longer he thought about it, the less he could deny it. Impossible as it seemed, it had been real. He had bloodstains on the sleeves of his shirt to prove it.

He had so many questions, and they kept him up well into the night. What was that thing? A merman, he supposed, silly as it sounded, but since when were they real? Were there more like him? If he was real, what else might be out there, undiscovered?

And one question above all: how had he survived?

*

The water was warm that morning as Kylo lounged on a flat, algae-coated rock tucked against the wall of a cliff. It was the type of weather he’d usually find ideal for exploring, were his mind not so preoccupied. A school of chromis danced around his head and he swatted at them, irritated.

His tail was stretched out in front of him, fin flicking lazily with the current. His eyes kept wandering to the pinkish-red mark where the scales had been torn away. The skin had already begun to heal, but the scales wouldn’t grow back for days, maybe weeks. He knew he should be grateful to have a quicker rate of healing than many other unfortunate creatures he’d seen, and this was far from his first injury, given his penchant for getting into fights. His arms and torso had scattered pale scars and he could spot every patch of mismatch in his scales where new ones had grown in.

But this new mark reminded him of the man with copper hair, and he wanted the memory gone.

He was ashamed at his own weakness. He’d gotten what he wanted, been freed of the hook, and had the opportunity to kill the one who had harmed him.

He could have brought the corpse back to show off to his...not friends, he didn’t have those, but the other merfolk he occasionally ran into, sometimes traveled with. Others like him who their more civilized kin shunned and rejected, who were alone. He preferred it this way, the freedom to do as he pleased and no one to judge him.

But also, no one to distract him.

And he needed a distraction right now, something, anything to stop him from picturing the bright hair or the pale, upturned face, closed eyes with golden lashes and soft, parted lips…

He hissed out through his teeth, sending up a stream of bubbles, and rose from the rock, spinning in an agitated circle. What was the point of obsessing over the man? It was like anything he’d felt before. He didn’t want to seek and kill him; he’d had a chance to do that already and had blown it the moment he hauled himself up on the railing of the man’s boat and tossed him to the floor. He realized, later, that he didn’t even know if the man had lived. But there was something about him that Kylo recognized. He was a survivor.

So no, Kylo didn’t want to kill him, as much as it pained him to admit. He simply wanted to…find him. And look at him some more. That was all.

After what happened he doubted the man would return to the same area. Maybe he’d never sail again. But with no small amount of bitter resignation, Kylo set off anyway, to lurk until either he found him, or until he gave up on this foolish pursuit.

Chapter Text

By the weekend, Hux’s life had returned to something like normal. He hadn’t forgotten his unusual, life-threatening experience, but he’d managed to set it at the back of his mind and move forward the way his father had taught him. He went to work, avoided his neighbors, fed his cat, did the newspaper crossword and watched war documentaries.

But he didn’t take his boat out, not once.

Every evening he sat on his back porch and looked longingly out at the ocean through the trees. His love of it, his desire to be near it always, hadn’t died one bit. But now it was accompanied by a low hum of fear. Not of the water itself, but at what he now knew lurked beneath.

It was only a matter of time before he returned, though. That Saturday he put away all his fishing gear, locking it up in his small shed. He packed a lunch and a book and made sure Millie was fed. It was warm that day, so he put on khaki shorts and a worn old t-shirt, rubbed on some sunblock, and slipped his feet into sandals.

He forced himself not to think about the merman’s sharp-toothed grin or iron grip or massive tail as he started up his boat and eased away from the dock. It would do him no good. Besides, he didn’t plan on fishing again any time soon, if ever. He was just going to sit out at sea for a while, nothing more.

So then why, he asked himself an hour later, once he was settled comfortably with his book, do you keep looking out at the water for him.

He couldn’t help it; at every flicker of movement, he glanced up. Soon he noticed that his glances weren’t entirely fearful, but also hopeful, and it frustrated him. Why would he want to see the thing that had nearly killed him?

Nearly. Somehow, you lived.

Was it so foolish to believe that the creature had shown him pity? Had saved him? How else had he gotten back onto his boat, when he was sure he’d blacked out still underwater, believing that horrible smile would be the last thing he’d ever see?

He gave up all pretense and moved over to sit where he could lean, just slightly, over the side and watch the water. It was a beautiful day. The warmth of the sun and the gentle sway of the waves calmed him. He waited and waited, but the man never reappeared.

That night he returned home with a new goal in mind, one he couldn’t shake: to simply see the creature again. Not to capture and not to encounter him face to face, but to get another look, and prove to himself that such a remarkable thing really could be.

*

He actually did it, Kylo thought as he peered up through the ripple of the water to the small boat and its passenger. I tried to kill him, and he came back anyway.

Kylo cautiously examined the water underneath and around the boat and was relieved to discover no hooks. It seemed the man could learn from his mistakes to some degree. Kylo didn’t care one way or the other about humans fishing. Some merfolk found fish beautiful and abhorred the act of catching them. Kylo found them a nuisance at best. But he did care about his own safety while he more-or-less stalked the human.

After his initial inspection he kept a safe distance, remaining below the water for the most part unless he was sure the man was turned away and even when he did surface, it was barely, and only for a moment.

He had to be quick and careful because it seemed the man was looking for something, too. For him? He knew his kind were considered a myth among humans. He often took advantage of this, getting kicks out of frightening divers by darting past them in the depths, just fast enough to make them question what they’d seen. One of many reckless behaviors his family had frowned upon.

The man seemed to do little more than sit and watch the water, yet Kylo was still fascinated by him. His appearance, his mannerisms, the far-off look on his face as he watched the waves, as if searching for something, and not just mermen. For something more.

Kylo tried not to dwell on how familiar that feeling was. Perhaps the man wasn’t even thinking that. Maybe he was thinking about…his toes, or whatever it was humans thought about.

Day after day Kylo returned to that spot and watched from just out of sight. The man didn’t show up every day, but most. He never brought the fishing gear back, nor did he ever bring any other people. He watched the ocean and Kylo watched him, until Kylo wasn’t sure which of them was more pathetic.

One day Kylo was feeling daring. He waited until the man was settled at one side of the boat, looking out towards the horizon, and he poked his head out just enough to hear. He was glad the man didn’t play strange music from his boat the way some did, noisy young humans in groups celebrating or old fishermen humming along to tunes while they drank. But sometimes the man talked.

“Why am I doing this?” He was saying that day. “Wasting perfectly good time waiting for…for what? To see some oversized fish-man that might not even exist…”

Kylo almost, almost protested out loud. Oversized fish-man? Who did this human think he was?! His knowledge of human behavior was limited and incomplete, but he knew enough to know when he’d been insulted.

He couldn’t reveal himself, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t retaliate. He quietly swam closer, turned onto his stomach, lifted his tail and aimed.

“What the hell?!”

Hux heard the sound of a loud splash barely a second before water slammed into him from behind. It wasn’t colder than usual, but it felt freezing to his sun-warmed skin. He pulled his shoulders up to his ears and clenched his fists as he swore. Once the shock subsided, though, his eyes widened.

He was alone out here. So what had…

He turned quickly just in time to catch something pop beneath the surface of the water. He hurried to the other side of the boat and leaned over, but it was gone.

Could it be?

Hux waited and waited, tense, but nothing else happened.

At least, not that day.

He returned the next day and waited like he always did. Now that he suspected something, he tried not to seem like he was paying attention, but all his senses were alert, awaiting another splash or worse.

Nearly an hour passed, when suddenly there was a light plop of something emerging from the water. Before Hux could turn to investigate, something landed with a click on the deck in front of him. He flinched away at first, until he saw what it was: a clam shell. He carefully lifted it to find it had been pried open, the insides cleaned out.

As he examined the shell there were several more clatters in quick succession, this time behind him, and he whirled around to find four more empty shells. He scowled and scooped them up, too.

“My boat is not your trash can!” He tossed the shells back into the water. He didn’t know if the creature could hear him, let alone understand, but it was satisfying to yell anyway.

Beneath the water, Kylo watched the shells sink past him and laughed more than he had in years.

The next time, Kylo waited until Hux had dozed into a nap, then shook the boat suddenly from beneath, making him jolt awake with an undignified yelp.

The time after that, Kylo splashed him again. It had been too fun the first time not to repeat.

The time after that, Kylo managed to get an entire glob of seaweed onto the deck without Hux noticing. That was, until Hux walked into it in his bare feet and began cursing at the cold, slimy feeling. He scooped it up into his hands, cringing with disgust, and dropped it back into the water, muttering under his breath that maybe he should bring the fishing gear back next time.

He didn’t mean it though, and from where he hid and listened on the other side of the boat, somehow Kylo knew that.

Hux never saw him, but he was sure it was the merman he’d seen who kept pulling these stupid pranks. It seemed the creature had kept him alive only to make him his plaything.

Maybe he likes to play with his food before he eats it, Hux wondered, thinking of all the times he caught his cat with an unlucky mouse.

Yet Hux returned anyway, still set on his goal of seeing him again. He hadn’t had something exciting to wake up for in a long time; he couldn’t help hoping things would stay this way, just for a little while.

Chapter Text

A couple weeks of increasingly irritating pranks passed before Hux had an idea, one he felt incredibly stupid for not thinking of sooner. It was true he didn’t want to use a line and hook again and risk harming or angering the creature. But that wasn’t the only resource available to him.

He picked a calm, overcast day, much like the one when they first met, if one could call it a meeting. When he set out in his boat, this time he had something new with him: a net, made of thin dark rope.

It didn’t matter that the merman would likely notice it and avoid it; if he was intelligent enough to play tricks on Hux, he was intelligent enough to evade obvious traps. That wasn’t the point. The point was to get him to pull Hux in again or, even better, to reveal himself, even if it was only to laugh at Hux’s attempted capture. It wasn’t much, but it was the only plan he had.

Hux cast out the net, letting it sink and settle into the water, then tied off an end of it to the railing and sat back to wait.

It wasn’t long before there was a tug, gentle at first, then another more violent one. Hux sat up quickly and ran to the side, peering over hopefully. He saw nothing. Another tug shook the boat, nearly making him lose his footing. He scrambled over to the net and untied it, pulling with all his might. The creature was undoubtedly stronger than him, but maybe if he let it know he was there, he’d stop pulling and let Hux free him.

Hux found himself fretting over it; he hadn’t meant to actually catch him. This could be another trick, but as the tugs grew increasingly frantic, he doubted it more and more. If he would just stop struggling and let Hux help him…

The next tug pulled the netting sharply from his hands and Hux yelped as it burned against his palms. The entire net disappeared beneath the water and Hux could only stare after it. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

The easy answer was to give up and leave. Except…what if the merman was actually trapped? And even if he freed himself, he would know it was Hux who did it…

Hux stepped back from the side and opened a compartment under one of the seats. He dug around until he found a pocket knife and slipped it into his pocket. Then pulled his shirt off, stepped out of his shoes, and climbed onto the railing, looking down again at the deceivingly calm water and regretting so many things.

He took a deep breath and dove in.

The net hadn’t gone far; as he swam down, he could see the outline of it moving about as its contents struggled. He surged forward, paddling hard with his legs and reaching out with his hands until he grasped a handful of rope. He pulled, and the thrashing only increased.

Let me help, you stupid thing, he wished he could say as he tried to keep the net from escaping him a second time.

Suddenly instead of pulling away, the net began drifting towards him. Hux rolled his eyes; it was about time. He pulled out the knife and began quickly cutting the net open.

A figure tangled in the net gradually came into view: a human torso down to the waist, then a tail. Hux frowned, squinting in the dim light. He could have sworn the merman he saw had been black and red, this one seemed more of a dark green…

His gaze roamed up the tail, up the torso, to the face, sandy-colored hair and scowling pointed teeth and pale grey eyes staring back at him and…

Not his merman.

Fuck.

Hux let go of the net and, to his immediate regret, the knife, and kicked his feet to swim backwards away. Unfortunately, he’d already cut a significant gap in the netting and the creature slipped through easily, its scowl shifting into a grin as it flicked its tail and darted effortlessly after him, circling him like prey.

Pressure in Hux’s chest reminded him that he needed to get air, and soon. He shot upwards, surprised when the creature didn’t stop him, until it did. He was mere inches from the surface when it grabbed his leg and yanked him back down. Hux thrashed and kicked, his arms reaching for the surface as though he could pull it towards him. He wanted to scream, or cry, or both, as for the second time in a month he was about to be drowned. This time with no escape in sight.

How could I have been so stupid?

He continued to struggle, but his vision was blurring at the edges and he knew it wasn’t much longer. When the hand around his leg suddenly disappeared, he almost didn’t notice. Almost. With every bit of his remaining strength he swam upwards, this time breaking the surface and taking in huge, ragged gulps of air. His legs kicked frantically; he feared at any moment he’d feel an icy grip and be pulled under again.

A quick look around revealed his boat, now a white blur in the distance. Hux cursed; he didn’t know how much longer his legs would hold out, or whether his attacker would reappear.

Once he managed to catch his breath he decided he had to find out the latter before attempting to get back to the boat. He took a deep breath and ducked under the water again.

At first, he saw nothing. Then, slightly deeper, a flurry of movement. He flinched back, thinking it was the creature returning for him. But the movement wasn’t towards him, it was back and forth and around in circles. Too foolishly curious for his own good, he swam a little closer.

Drawing closer, he could make out colors – blurs of green and red – and soon after, shapes, that of not one but two merpeople. One was the one he caught, with the green tail. The other was larger, its tail black, red, gold. My merman, he couldn’t help thinking, though it was far from true.

They were fighting, circling around each other, swiping and grabbing, drawing back from each other only to lunge forward and grapple, turning sharply to swing tails at one another.

This is your chance to get away.

But he didn’t. He returned to the surface for air and then ducked back under. At that point, he decided, if he died it really was his own damn fault, but he needed to know the outcome of this.

Neither outcome would be good for him. If the green-tailed one won, it would come for him next. If the red-tailed one won…Hux didn’t know what would happen. But he wouldn’t allow himself to hope that the creature had become attached. It was far more likely that he considered Hux prey, and was threatened by another trying to take him.

He alternated between going up for air and swimming back down to watch the fight. On his fourth trip down, he caught the red-tailed one gain the upper hand, launching one violent attack after another until the other relented and fled. Hux felt a flare of triumph before imagining that same brute strength turned on him. Even at his best, he wouldn’t stand a chance.

Feeling worn out and resigned, Hux floated to the surface and onto his back. He made slow, weak kicks, pushing him vaguely in the direction of his boat, but his limbs felt heavy and his breathing was labored; his stomach turned from ingesting too much seawater. He didn’t know if he’d make it to the boat but what self-preservation he had left demanded he try.

Kylo watched his opponent flee, a smug grin on his face as he prodded at a cut on his lip with one thumb. He turned his face up toward the surface and looked around until he saw a pair of thin legs kicking slowly.

Any other day he’d want to reach up and grab and pull, toy with him, watch him struggle. But as the post-battle adrenaline slipped away he just felt…tired. Tired of fighting, and of games. Also angry, that he’d nearly lost his human – and when did he begin thinking of him as his? – to some bored local teenager who had probably never even drowned someone before. If Kylo hadn’t gotten there in time…

Kylo flicked his tail and swam just beneath him, a silent guard. He noticed that the human kept stopping to float in one place between short bursts of movement. Kylo knew humans were terrible swimmers, but really, it’s as if he wasn’t even trying.

Kylo knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to see that face and hair up close again, not through the barrier of the water, not from afar or behind. After what just happened the human might never return. This might be his only chance.

Hux stopped swimming again, closed his eyes and breathed slowly through his nausea. A cool breeze blew across the water, making him shiver. He felt miserable but, he supposed bitterly, he got what he wanted and more. He got to see not one but two of something he spent a lifetime believing didn’t exist. He giggled, slightly hysterical, at the realization that he could die with such a secret.

Something dark moved just in his peripheral. He turned his head to the side to see a face slowly poke out of the water. First, just the top of a head, eyebrows, eyes, dark hair sticking to the forehead. The eyes flickered over him warily before the rest of the face emerged. The face was less familiar without the sharp-toothed grin he remembered, but Hux knew who it was all the same. The creature tilted its head as it continued to look at Hux, but there was nothing ferocious about him now, no indication that he planned to attack.

Hux’s lips twitched a little. They were chapped and the motion made them sting, but he slowly drew them into a weak, close-mouthed smile.

Kylo leaned in closer, fascinated. He’d seen human remains before, but he’d never seen one alive up close. Certainly one had never smiled at him. He mirrored the expression, spreading his mouth into the biggest grin he could, the one that used to make his family poke at his dimples and call him a handsome boy.

The human laughed, not unkindly. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of Kylo, but his eyelids kept drooping like he could barely keep them open. His hand reached out, grazing the surface with his fingers extended towards Kylo.

Kylo dipped his face close, tilting it so that the human’s fingers brushed against the fins along the side of his head, red lined with bits of black and gold like his fin. The man’s smile grew as he stroked trembling fingertips across the smooth, sensitive skin. Without meaning to, Kylo sighed at the feeling.

The hand pulled away reluctantly.

“Thank you,” the man said, barely a whisper. He coughed a little. “Are you going to kill me now?”

Kylo tried not to be offended by the question; he thought he’d made it perfectly clear that wasn’t his intention.

And now it seemed that leaving him to his own devices was as good as killing him, so…

Kylo turned over to float on his back beside the man and slipped an arm around his waist underneath the water, pulling him flush against his side. The human made a little sound of surprise but didn’t fight him. His head tilted up, eyes meeting Kylo’s, his confusion evident. Kylo simply tightened his grip and gave a rolling push with his tail, propelling them backwards together at twice the speed the man was managing on his own.

Another push, then another, and suddenly Hux understood what was happening. He sighed, long and slow and relieved, and let his head droop against the merman’s shoulder, eyes closed.

“Thank you,” he whispered again.

Hux didn’t know how long the trip back to shore took. He only realized about halfway through that they were even returning to shore, and not to his boat. He wanted to protest, but he was tired and dizzy with dehydration, and lulled into calm by the gentle sway of the waves.

The merman didn’t speak, Hux still wasn’t sure if he could, but he made a sound low in his throat, pleasant humming that Hux felt as much as heard. His skin was cool and soft beneath Hux’s cheek. Comfortable. At one point something touched his hair, petting at it a few times before pulling away.

Soon he heard the familiar sound of waves crashing against rocks. He forced his eyes open and glanced up. They were almost to his little plot of beach, to his dock. He wondered how far the merman would take him before slipping away.

He wondered if he’d ever see him again after this.

To his surprise, the creature – or man, or both, he wasn’t sure anymore – let the tide push them all the way up onto the sand, Hux still cradled in one of his arms. He slowly, almost reluctantly, uncurled it, and Hux shakily pushed himself into a sitting position. The merman did the same, stretching his tail out in front of him. Water lapped at his tail fin.

Their eyes met. Kylo took a moment to look at the human’s eyes, which he hadn’t noticed before. They were a pale green with flecks of other colors; they reminded him of shallow water in sunlight.

The human would probably want to go home and do…human things, he realized. He probably needed to eat whatever humans ate and…walk places, or something. So with no small amount of regret he moved away and began to scoot back into the water.

Until he felt a hand on his arm. Gentle, not squeezing, not pulling, but there all the same. His head whipped up, expression defensive.

Hux pulled his hand away quickly, hands up in surrender. He hadn’t meant to startle him, it was just…

“You’re bleeding.” He pointed, careful to keep his hand out of biting distance. He wasn’t sure if the thing would bite him but no point tempting fate more than he already had that day.

Kylo frowned and looked down to where blood was beginning to bead out of a long, thin cut diagonally across the center of his chest. It wasn’t deep; he hadn’t even noticed it until now.

“I can help?” the human added, making a little motion with his hand. It occurred to Kylo just then that the man didn’t know he could understand him. He had to fight back a grin. This could be interesting.

The offer for help was sincere, though. He didn’t need it, he’d heal soon enough. But…

He remembered how gentle the man’s hands had been on his ear fins and wanted to feel them again. He liked the color of the man’s hair and eyes and wanted to look at them longer.

He’d never been good at denying himself what he wanted.

Kylo pushed himself a little further up onto the wet sand. The human got the hint and stood, his long legs wobbling.

“Stay here,” he commanded. Kylo almost snorted. Who did this man think he was? But he stayed anyway and watched as the human walked shakily up the small circle of beach to a sandy path between the bushes and trees.

Hux stepped inside his house feeling like a different man from the one who had left it just a few hours earlier. There was a merman on his beach. It was real, actually real. He quickly downed two glasses of tap water before filling a water bottle up with more to take back with him. In the bathroom he grabbed a washcloth and a tube of Neosporin. Almost as an afterthought he grabbed a box of Band-Aids, too, though maybe it was useless to put one on something that spent all its time in water.

It occurred to him as he made his way back down the path that he didn’t know how to give first aid to a creature he’d only just discovered existed, but it was too late for that. He had to at least try, after the merman had rescued him.

Hux half expected him to be gone by the time he got back, but he was still there, lounging on his back with his arms behind his head, his tail a splash of color against the sand. His eyes were closed. Hux approached cautiously and crouched down beside him.

Kylo opened his eyes and blinked up at him. The wind was ruffling the human’s pretty hair. He now knew it was as soft as it looked, from the strokes he sneaked in when the man was floating half-asleep at his side. His eyes wandered down to the man’s freckled cheeks, wanting to touch them next.

“Just, um. Stay still.” It wasn’t a command, this time, but a muttered request. The man lifted up a piece of cloth and wet it with water from the container he was holding, then began gently cleaning the cut. Kylo drew in a sharp breath, but made no other sounds. The water was warmer than what he was used to, the feeling of the cloth foreign to his skin.

The human’s gaze kept roaming back down to Kylo’s tail, likely in disbelief, before returning to his chest. Occasionally he would look up to Kylo’s face only to look away just as quickly when he caught Kylo watching him.

When he was finished he dangled the bloody cloth between two fingertips and made a face of such unbridled disgust that a laugh bubbled out of Kylo before he could stop it. The human blinked at him in surprise, the corner of his mouth twitching up.

He set the cloth aside and picked something else up, a small white tube-shaped thing. Kylo didn’t recognize it.

“I’m going to put this on you,” Hux explained, slowly like he was talking to a child, pointing at the cut. Kylo had to clamp his teeth together to keep from retorting.

He was so focused on not talking that he didn’t notice the human squeeze something onto his fingers and lean forward.

At the first barely-there touch of cool fingertips, all his focus returned to what was happening. The touch was tentative, grazing just along the surface and applying some sort of clear substance to the cut. It didn’t hurt, or if it did, he didn’t notice. The second time was a little firmer, but still gentle, ghosting across the plane of his chest.

Kylo looked at the human’s face again to find it soft and focused. Surely the whole cut was covered by now, but he continued with a few more gentle strokes. There was a warm pressure building at the center of Kylo’s chest; his eyes blinked slowly and his lips parted with a shaky breath. He realized then, with painful clarity, that he couldn’t recall the last time he’d been touched by someone who wasn’t trying to kill him or take his meal.

The hand pulled away and it felt like a cold current crashing down on him. He almost whimpered in protest, but pressed his lips shut to hold it in, and then hissed when he put pressure on the place where his lip had split, which he’d all but forgotten about.

Hux looked up at the sharp intake of breath, his eyes landing on the cut on the merman’s full lower lip. Their eyes met and Hux held up the bottle again in question. There, too? The merman’s eyes widened and he swallowed. He nodded slowly.

If he had taken a moment to think about it Hux might have found it suspicious that the creature was suddenly so docile. Only minutes ago he’d looked ready to bite Hux’s hand off. It was possible he was lulling Hux into a false sense of security, but Hux doubted it. They were on land now, on Hux’s territory.

Hux squeezed a tiny drop of the ointment onto his thumb and leaned forward once more. He paused just before touching, searching the creature’s gaze again for any hint that the touch was unwelcome. Finding none, he closed the distance, cupping the merman’s jaw with his fingers and gently stroking his thumb over the broken skin.

Kylo’s eyes fluttered shut. It went against every instinct, to leave himself so unguarded, especially with a human. He’d heard the stories of his kind being captured and killed or put on display. Likewise he knew merfolk who had done the same with humans, pulling them under to show off their corpses and barter their clothes and jewelry.

Our two species weren’t meant to coexist, kid, his father had once told him when he’d shown a little too much interest in humankind. It felt like a rule, and Kylo had never liked rules. Besides, every rule had exceptions; he decided that this human would be his.

“There,” Hux whispered, feeling some small satisfaction. He may not have helped much, but the merman had sat still for him, and he’d gotten to look at him up close and even touch. He pulled his hand away and the merman’s eyes popped open, blinking up at him.

Kylo’s breath was growing short and raspy; he knew he had to return to the water soon. The human noticed, too, and frowned.

“You have to go back now, don’t you?” He sounded disappointed. Kylo was, too. “I don’t suppose I can ask you to come find me again. But I’ll be there, in my boat. Like an idiot, waiting for something else to come try to drown me.” The last part was muttered, more to himself than to Kylo.

He stepped back as Kylo pushed himself back into the shallow water. Before he got too far, the man blurted out, “wait!”

Kylo turned back to look at him over his shoulder. The man was standing with his hands in his pockets, prodding at the sand with one of his feet.

“You probably don’t understand a word I’m saying, but. I’m sorry I hurt you that day. With the hook, I mean.”

Kylo stared at him. Then he grinned.

“I’m sorry I tried to drown you.”

And with that, he slipped back into the water and swam away. When he reached deeper waters, he leapt out, curving in an arc and diving back in, sending up a spray that caught the light, giving the human a show.

Hux gaped at the display. The merman was nothing short of stunning.

So stunning it took a moment for his mind to catch up with what had just happened. And then it was too late, but he stormed to the edge of the water indignantly anyway, and yelled,

“You can talk?!”

Because of course he would discover that merfolk were real by meeting the biggest asshole in the ocean.

Chapter Text

Hux made it the entirety of four days stubbornly refusing to return to the beach, let alone out in his boat. He felt foolish, having been so obvious about his wish to keep the creature there longer, having talked so much, thinking it was mostly to himself. Yet the merman had understood him all along, was probably mocking him to his…mer-friends, or whatever…at that very moment.

But he could only keep himself from the ocean for so long. Mermen aside, it was one of his few small joys in life.

His next day off was a beautiful one. He didn’t feel like taking the boat out, but spending a day like that on the porch and not by the water would be a horrid waste.

He put a sandwich, an apple, and some bottles of beer in a cooler, nevermind that it was barely one in the afternoon. He preferred wine or whiskey, but there was just something about a cold beer on the beach. He applied a liberal amount of sunscreen, grabbed a towel, a water bottle, the half-finished newspaper crossword puzzle from three mornings ago along with a pen, and slipped on his most comfortable sandals. The promise of spending a day relaxing on the shore, with no one around to bother or demand anything from him, was so great that he found he almost didn’t care if he didn’t see the merman.

Almost.

Settled happily, Hux sat back and worked on his crossword. He had his phone in one of the cooler’s cup holders, the muffled sound of Fleetwood Mac his background music. It was warm, but there was enough breeze to keep it from being sweltering. He took swigs of his beer and ate his sandwich and felt like himself again for the first time in weeks.

He nearly cried “ha!” aloud as he marked down an answer that had been nagging at him from the beginning. Feeling satisfied, he set the paper down for a moment and took a big swig of his drink, finishing it off.

As he lowered the bottle, his gaze caught on something in the distance, near the horizon. Something moving in and out of the water.

Soon he realized it wasn’t just moving in and out, but closer, towards the shore, towards him. It drew closer and closer until…

Hux didn’t know whether to feel elated or annoyed when it came close enough for him to make out the way the sun caught on scales of red, black and gold. He sat up and set his puzzle aside with a sigh.

When Kylo’s eyes had first caught sight of his human finally by the water after days, he had immediately made a beeline towards him. As he got closer, he realized how desperate, how overly eager he must seem, and slowed down. He had no intention of letting the man know that he’d lurked around the area this whole time, expecting to see his boat or perhaps even another stupid net. When the man didn’t show, Kylo grew irritated, mostly at himself. Meddling with humans was dangerous. For all he knew, the man was organizing a party of divers to hunt him.

He didn’t really believe that, though, or he wouldn’t return so readily. There was something about the man which resonated with Kylo. He seemed like the sort who did what he wanted and kept to himself.

When he was almost to shore he popped out of the water up to his shoulders and scanned the little plot of beach. His finned ear twitched a little; there was some sound coming from where the man was sitting, but he couldn’t make it out. No one else was with the human, though, and there seemed to be no trap or threat that he could tell. Still, he proceeded the rest of the way cautiously.

Hux watched the merman reach the shallow water and slip out silently, his dark hair plastered to his face and neck. He drifted in with the tide until he was able to pull himself ashore with his arms. When his top half was in the sand and his bottom half still in the water, he stopped, propping his head in his hands with his elbows in the sand, looking at Hux expectantly from only a couple yards away.

Hux scowled. Kylo grinned.

“…you really aren’t going to talk to me?” Kylo asked after several moments of tense silence.

“You didn’t seem too keen on talking the other day,” Hux snapped. Kylo was unfazed.

“I find it’s safer to wait and judge the situation. ‘Testing the waters’, as one of your kind might say.”

The merman’s voice was…surprisingly pleasant. Deep, with a soft, lilting tone. Now that Hux was less focused on the whole ‘he has a tail’ thing, he took another look at the man’s face. It was as interesting to look at as the rest of him. Hux supposed that even if he saw a human with that face, he’d be intrigued. Big dark eyes and big angular nose and big full lips…he was very much the opposite of subtle, in every way possible.

Hux’s eyes scanned from his face down to his (broad, muscular) shoulders, to his (also broad, also muscular) chest. His lip curled when he saw that the cut he’d treated had disappeared, leaving not so much as a scar.

“You didn’t even need my help,” he grumbled. “What’s your game? What were you trying to accomplish?”

“Maybe I just wanted a closer look,” the merman said softly, cutting off the next accusation before it could pass Hux’s lips.

Hux considered the merman again. Aside from the obnoxious teasing, Kylo hadn’t done him any real harm, nevermind that first time they met and he tried to kill him. Considering the circumstances, Hux could excuse that as self-defense.

Perhaps he wasn’t after anything, or playing some trick. Perhaps he was like Hux: simply curious.

“Then come closer,” he finally replied, feeling bold.

The merman pushed back from the sand and dipped back into the water. Hux stopped himself just short of shouting after him; had he frightened him off so easily? But after a few seconds, the man emerged and pulled himself out onto the beach, using his strong arms and a slightly silly squirming motion with his tail.

He turned to sit on what Hux supposed would be his ass, in the sand just by the edge of Hux’s towel. His eyes scanned over Hux and then, to Hux’s amusement, he mirrored his position, pulling his tail up so that it bent as though he had knees. Right beside Hux’s feet, the merman’s tail fin undulated gently in a way that reminded Hux of the curl of his cat’s tail. Hux mirrored the action with a rolling wiggle of his toes, and smiled when the merman gave a quiet laugh.

Kylo watched the man’s feet move, fascinated by the shape of them, the way each toe was separately jointed. His gaze drifted up the man’s skinny legs, which he could now tell had soft hair a couple shades lighter than that on his head. Every inch of him that Kylo could see had scattered freckles, some pale, others, like the ones on his arms and shoulders, darkened from exposure to the sun. Sun was a good word for the human, in fact. Every bit of him looked warm, his hair and pale lashes, the freckles, the flush on his cheeks, the pink of his lips. Everything was sunlight except his eyes. Those were the sea: seemingly ever-changing pools of green, blue, gold and gray.

“So,” the human spoke, those bright eyes boring into Kylo, having caught him staring. Kylo would have been embarrassed if the man wasn’t also clearly looking his fill, equally fascinated.

“Yes?”

“So…what do I call you?”

Kylo tilted his head.

“There are many names for my kind all over the world.”

“Not your kind. You. What’s your name?”

“Call me Kylo.”

“Kylo.” The human tested it out on his tongue. He had a crisp accent Kylo had heard before from sailors. In his voice, Kylo’s name was like a breeze of cool, salt-scented air.

“And what do I call you?” Kylo prompted.

The human hesitated.

“Call me Hux.”

“Hux,” Kylo said. It was odd, sharp and soft at the same time. Short and to the point but not uninteresting. Much like the man himself.  Kylo grinned. “It suits you.”

“I’ll try to take that as a compliment. May I ask something else?”

“Somehow I think you’ll ask either way. Go ahead.”

Hux snorted, but didn’t deny it.

“How do you know English? That’s, I mean-“

“Your human language, I know. There are many. Too many to count. I know English, and a handful of others. I’ve been all over the world, or, the parts of the world the sea touches. I simply listen. And learn.”

“That’s incredible,” Hux breathed. “What’s your native language?”

“There isn’t a human word for it in any language, that I’m aware of. And I can’t speak it above water.” Kylo smirked. “Maybe someday we could take a swim together and I can show you.”

To Kylo’s surprised, the man’s face flushed.

“That depends if you plan on bringing me back up after,” he muttered.

Kylo laughed, sudden and sweet. The sound of it above water was strange to him, but it seemed to make the human relax, so he decided he’d have to do it more.

Hux fixed his eyes on Kylo’s face as he laughed. Above water, in the light, things were much different from the first time Hux had seen his face. His teeth seemed less sharp, and were gapped and slightly crooked, which made his smile friendly rather than menacing. The pupils of his eyes were still larger than a human’s but up close Hux could see that the rings of the irises were a warm brown. His hair was much the same; in the sunlight, now beginning to dry, it wasn’t pitch black, but the deep, rich brown of Hux’s morning coffee.

“My turn,” Kylo said. “Why do humans go into the ocean, when they’re built for land?”

Hux wrapped his arms around his knees and thought about the question for a moment.

“I can only speak for myself,” he started, “but for me, it’s…the solitude. The openness, the smell of the air, the sound of the waves. It’s the farthest I can get from other people without leaving the planet, I suppose.”

Kylo chuckled. “Leaving the planet. That’s funny.”

Hux raised an eyebrow.

“You know that humans have been into space, right?”

Kylo looked as if he’d just suggested fish had wings.

“But how?”

Hux shrugged. “We build things. Things like…my boat, but bigger, more powerful, more complicated. We’ve been to the moon. Well, not me, but. Others.”

Kylo turned his gaze to the sky, although the moon wasn’t there. The childlike awe on his face stirred something in Hux.

“You know,” Hux said, “until recently, I found the notion that you were real just as unbelievable.”

“And now?”

“You look pretty real to me.” Hux’s eyes skimmed down Kylo’s tail. “Either that or this is a very long, very vivid dream.”

Kylo lifted a hand; his hands were large, the fingers long with a thin webbing in the creases. He brushed the back of his knuckles against one of Hux’s cheeks. His hand was cold, still damp, but the touch was gentle and not unpleasant. Hux blinked owlishly at him.

“I’m as real as you are,” Kylo murmured, entranced by how soft and warm Hux’s skin was.

“Kylo…may I…”

“Go on.”

“May I touch your tail?”

Kylo searched his expression and, finding it sincere, nodded.

As Hux turned over to kneel beside him, Kylo lay back in the sand, his arms above his head to give Hux an unrestricted view. Hux took a moment to sweep his gaze over Kylo’s torso. He really was broad, shoulders, chest, waist, all of him. And he was muscular, but not like the runners and bodybuilders who came to the beaches. A thin layer of fat padded him; for insulation, Hux guessed. The overall effect was sturdy yet soft. Dark moles were scattered about his skin, like the pins on the map Hux had on his wall as a child of all the places he wanted to go.

“You’d certainly have no trouble pulling at the bars here,” he muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Hux scooted down a little so that he was kneeling beside Kylo’s tail. It was long and thick, and likely incredibly strong if swung at something – or someone. Hux hoped he was never on the receiving end of it.

He started his exploration at Kylo’s stomach. To his surprise, Kylo had a belly button. He’d have to inquire about merfolk birth and reproduction, if he got the chance, but now didn’t seem like the time.

The skin of his torso was almost perfectly humanlike. Almost, because when Hux’s fingertips grazed it, just above where the scales began, it felt…smoother, more supple. He wondered if it was some sort of adaptation to protect against the cold of the deep water, or maybe it made swimming fast easier. He had so many questions, he wished he’d brought a notebook down along with his pen to take notes…

Kylo squirmed a little beneath his hand. Hux met his eyes to make sure he was alright, and then realized, with blinding clarity: He spoke to me. He told me his name. This isn’t some lab experiment back in uni, this is an intelligent being who could also easily kill you. Maybe try a little respect.

“I won’t hurt you,” Hux promised. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

Kylo nodded.

Hux trailed his fingers down to where the scales began, scattered at first, like red and black raindrops on the pale expanse of Kylo’s sides and stomach. He leaned in close and traced a finger around the edge of one scale, searching to find where it protruded from the skin. He poked at it gently, glancing up again at Kylo for confirmation that this was okay. Kylo was watching him, wary but without protest.

So Hux continued his exploration, now venturing to the tail itself. It curved out a bit like hips before gradually tapering to the end. He settled both hands on it and slowly, carefully ran his hands down the outside of the tail. The scales felt solid but smooth beneath his palms. Their color was even more beautiful up close, the inky black, rich crimson, and the hints of shimmering gold.

“Can you feel that?” Hux asked, running a hand down the center of the tail.

“Yes and no. I feel the pressure, and the warmth of your hand. But it’s not the same as you touching my skin.”

Hux gave the scales a few more indulgent pets, and then moved his hand over to Kylo’s side closest to him. There were narrow red fins along the sides of the tail, so thin they were nearly translucent. Hux ran his fingers gently down one. They seemed fragile, and so he didn’t linger there long.

He moved down further until he was no longer on the towel. He slid a hand down the bottom of the tail, where it tapered before fanning out into the tail fin. Even at its narrowest point, he couldn’t wrap a hand around it. As he ran a hand along the lower part, where the scales were smaller, he felt the tail suddenly twitch beneath his palm and quickly drew his hand away.

“Did that hurt?”

“No. It’s just, there’s some…what you might call scarring.”

Hux looked down and this time saw immediately what Kylo meant: a small patch of scales which were lighter, softer than the ones around them. Newly grown, the skin beneath them still tender.

With a jolt, Hux realized the spot was familiar, and knew immediately why. It was where his hook had pierced through scale and flesh and muscle, sending a cloud of red into the water under Hux’s fumbling hands as he removed it.

Hux let his hand hover over the spot, but didn’t touch.

“Sorry,” he said again. “But, wait. I don’t understand. The cut on your chest was gone in a few days. This was weeks ago.”

“My skin heals quickly. Bruises, cuts, things like that. The scales, they take longer. I don’t know why. I’m not an expert.”

“Are there, though?”

“What?”

“Experts. Scholars, teachers. Um, scientists? In your world?”

“I suppose. We refer to them differently, their…roles are different to us. We don’t have texts the way you do, knowledge and history are passed down through the spoken word and heirlooms. We have good memories.”

Hux listened, absently stroking Kylo’s tail fin.

“Thank you,” he said finally. He could sit here all day and touch and observe all the unusual features the merman possessed, but he didn’t want to push his luck. Already, this was more than he ever thought he’d get. He sat back on his butt and rubbed at his calves and feet, tingling from him kneeling for so long.

Kylo propped himself up on his elbows and smiled mischievously.

“I hope one day you’ll return the favor?”

Hux frowned. “How so?”

“Those.” Kylo motioned with one hand to Hux’s legs and feet. “I’d like to touch them.”

Hux blushed. It would be strange to be on the receiving end of such attention but he supposed it was only fair. Plus, Kylo had said one day, which promised more encounters, more opportunities to explore.

A soft rasping sound drew him from his thoughts. He looked up to see Kylo’s eyes shut, his jaw clenched tight. The rasping was his breathing, slightly labored now as he tried to breathe in and out through his nose. It was then that Hux noticed a series of thin slits along the side of his neck. Gills. They flared open and shut helplessly, unable to do their job above water.

Hux had so many more questions, but…

“You need to go back in.”

Kylo glared at the obvious statement. Hux rolled his eyes and stood, knees cracking a little.

“Let me help you.”

“I can do it myself.” Kylo began scooting back down the sand.

“I know you can,” Hux snapped. “But you could also let me help.”

“Will you shut up about it if I do?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.”

Hux stood over him appraisingly and then bent down and carefully scooped up the bottom half of his tail. Kylo pushed himself forward with his arms while Hux held it, able to move a little faster without the bulk of it hindering him.

“This is humiliating,” Kylo muttered.

“It’s not that bad.”

“I’m really fucking graceful in the water, just so you know.”

“You even picked up cursing by listening to people?”

“Don’t you know the phrase ‘swearing like a sailor’?”

“Fair point.”

They reached the water, Hux sloshing in up to his shins before he carefully set Kylo’s tail down. Kylo was quick to slip the rest of the way in and float just beneath the surface, eyes closed, catching his breath. Hux moved back and sat in the wet sand. For a moment he felt unsure whether he was welcome here, before he remembered this was his back yard, basically. If Kylo no longer wanted to be around him, he could leave. He had the entire ocean, after all.

Finally, Kylo sat up, rivulets of water dripping down from his hair over his face and body. He turned to look at Hux. Hux held his gaze.

“I should go,” Kylo said.

“I’m not stopping you.”

Hux immediately felt a pang of regret at his own knee-jerk habit of biting remarks and sarcasm. It was an excellent human-repellent and defense mechanism, but it didn’t always work in his favor. He hoped he hadn’t discouraged his new…acquaintance, or whatever, from returning.

Kylo sat there a moment longer. He wanted to stay, but he didn’t want to seem overly interested (because he wasn’t, not at all) and he couldn’t read Hux well enough to tell if he wanted him gone. Of course, even if he did, that wouldn’t necessarily stop Kylo from coming back.

“Remember,” he said finally. “Next time.” He ran a teasing finger down the bridge of Hux’s foot. Hux shivered and jerked it back.

“So you’re coming back?” He tried to sound indifferent but he couldn’t quite keep the hopeful note out of his voice.

“Yes. Is that a problem?”

“When?”

“Whenever I feel like it.”

Hux rolled his eyes.

“Well, no promises I’ll be here.” He hesitated. “But you’re…welcome on this beach any time.” He let the words spill out quickly before he could change his mind.

For once in his life, Kylo didn’t have a smug reply. He was completely caught off guard by the human’s invitation. He had left his family, traveled alone, fought constantly with others of his kind. It had been a long time since he had been welcome anywhere. He wondered if once Hux really knew him, he’d come to regret the offer.

He doesn’t have to get to know you and you don’t have to get to know him. You can look your fill of his toes and weird fuzzy legs and be done with him.

Already, part of him knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

Chapter Text

Summer crept in lazily, the weather gradually growing hotter until before Kylo knew it, the sun was blazing above and the days blissfully long. He tended to stick to warmer areas anyway, but even so, summer was his favorite anywhere.

Depending where he was, he had to be more careful in the summer. Humans flocked to beaches and took their boats out onto the water and wore their stupid diving gear into the water. Fortunately, though, they tended to stick to areas they were familiar with, save for a few adventurous ones. Kylo quickly learned where they wouldn’t go, and stayed those places, or retreated to the dark depths when necessary.

His human, Hux, seemed to have the same idea when it came to people. His home with its secluded beach alcove was nowhere near the public beaches or docks. He hadn’t mentioned if he lived with anyone else, but Kylo had never seen anyone else on the beach or in his boat with him, so he doubted it.

It seemed that Hux was a loner, like him.

Good, he decided. Less chance of him telling someone about me.

Less chance of having to share him with anyone, too.

Kylo could have returned that very next day, after letting the human touch his tail. He made himself wait; Hux had said himself he might not even be there. There was no point rushing back.

When Kylo slept he dreamed of warm, careful hands stroking over his tail. In the dreams, the hands continued upwards, touching his stomach, his chest, his face, his hair, the softer, more humanlike parts of him. Where Kylo refused to admit he wanted equal attention and Hux didn’t seem interested in anyway. Kylo woke with a pang of longing, feeling not quite cold so much as an absence of warmth.

Not long passed before he caved. His excuse to himself was that the human owed him a look at his legs and feet, after getting his greedy hands all over Kylo’s tail.

This time, he found his human on the first try. Hux was sitting at the end of the dock which extended from one side of his small plot of land. He was wearing a shirt which revealed his arms from the shoulders down and pants which ended just above his bony knees. His legs dangled over the edge, feet in the water.

Kylo beamed at being handed such a golden opportunity.

He dipped down low into the water, keeping close to the bottom as he approached. Seaweed tickled his chest and stomach but he remained low as the water grew shallower and shallower. Where the dock ended, the water was about a fathom and a half deep. Just enough for human eyes to be unable to see to the bottom, he hoped.

Kylo rolled onto his back and gazed up at the pale, vulnerable feet swishing lightly around. It almost felt too cruel. Almost.

He floated up, just a bit, and reached out, ready to grab them, ready to hear the surprised yelp, to pop out of the water laughing and be met with a furious glare that was too funny to be threatening…

He swiped for Hux’s feet, when suddenly they pulled up and away, leaving Kylo grasping at nothing but water. He turned onto his back and grumbled curses in his native tongue. So much for his fun. Maybe if Hux was on the dock, he could still…

SPLOOSH!

Kylo was the one to yelp as something plummeted into the water, right onto him, too suddenly for him to dart away. It was a body, a human body, a…a fucking Hux, jumping on top of him. He pinned Kylo to the bottom with his legs on either side of Kylo’s tail. His mouth was shut and cheeks puffed out from holding his breath, but Kylo could see the triumphant gleam in his eyes.

That bastard.

Hux pushed off the ground and swam back up, and Kylo followed. When he surfaced, Hux was laughing.

“You should have seen your face!”

“That wasn’t funny, I could have thought you were attacking me. I could have killed you.” Instead of menacing, he only sounded petulant. Hux laughed harder.

“Not so fun on the other side, is it?”

“What?”

“Being scared.”

“I- What?! I never scared you, I was playing.”

“So was I. You-“

Hux’s words were cut off with a sharp gasp as Kylo lunged at him, sweeping him up where he tread. Hux’s arms immediately wrapped around his neck. Kylo plunged them both under, paddling swiftly into deeper waters while Hux clung on like a barnacle. The deeper he got, the more he sped up, even spinning a couple times just to feel the startled tightening of the human’s arms.

Finally he relented, and shot back up to the surface. The moment they emerged, Hux took big, heaving gulps of air. Kylo chuckled and used one hand to push his human’s hair back out of his eyes.

“That wasn’t funny,” Hux finally rasped, glaring daggers at him.

“What? Not even a thank you? Not many humans can say they’ve swum with a merman.”

“That was hardly swimming, that was- was…y-you might have, could have…”

It was then that Kylo noticed the human was shaking. He took another look at the scowl on the man’s face and saw flickers of fear in it. Hux’s arms were still clamped tightly around his neck.

Being reckless and impulsive kept Kylo’s life interesting, that was for sure. It also had its consequences.

They still had no reason to trust each other. But when Kylo had left himself vulnerable for the human to examine, he’d been rewarded by Hux’s carefulness, his concern for Kylo’s comfort with what he was doing. Then Hux had been similarly vulnerable, joining him in the water, trying to play, and Kylo had to go and fucking ruin it…

Kylo wrapped his arms around Hux’s narrow waist, pulling the human flush against him. It wasn’t an embrace, he was just trying to make Hux feel safer…

“I’m not going to drown you,” he murmured into the man’s ear, feeling more hurt by his accusing gaze than he had a right to. “At least believe that.” As if Hux would, now.

Yet to Kylo’s surprise, the man in his arms slowly relaxed. His iron grip around Kylo loosened and he even nodded in acknowledgment.

The human shifted a little, his head turning towards Kylo. Kylo couldn’t turn enough to see what he was looking at, but his question was answered when fingers brushed his ear fins. He bit back a sigh at the careful touch; those fins were sensitive, and he didn’t feel ready to let Hux know that.

“I like these,” Hux muttered, trying and failing to stay annoyed.

“Thank you.” Kylo wasn’t sure how else to respond to that. He swallowed as the stroking continued. “I’m going to take you back now.”

“Do you still want to touch my feet?” Hux asked with a breathy laugh, as if he found it absurd.

“Will you let me?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Then, yes.”

They closed their arms around each other securely, as if they’d planned it, as if they’d been doing this for years. Kylo tipped them onto their sides and began a slow paddle back to shore. He was careful not to let the man’s head dip under the water, because Kylo didn’t want to drown him, didn’t want to hurt him, and he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t…

This swim Hux seemed to enjoy more, closing his eyes and tipping his face up to the sun. Kylo hoped he would let him stay a while on shore. He wanted to watch Hux’s hair dry from its darker wet color to the soft, shining copper that had drawn Kylo to him in the first place.

Kylo pushed them as far into the sand as he could with just his tail, still holding Hux, not quite ready to not be. Hux let go, though, and so Kylo did too. Hux flopped gratefully onto his back, stretching his arms out to dig his fingers into the sand, breathing deeply.

“Sorry,” Kylo mumbled, leaning over him.

Hux opened his sea-colored eyes. He smirked, already seeming more himself.

“I suppose I’m lucky. Not many humans can say they’ve swum with a merman.”

Kylo gave a startled laugh. This human continued to surprise him.

A few minutes later, Hux was still sprawled out in the sand, but further up, where it was dry. Already the hot afternoon sun was beginning to dry off his hair and clothes and he felt pleasantly drowsy. Kylo was stretched out on his stomach down by Hux’s legs, closer to the water so that he could dip back in to breathe occasionally. He had to do so a lot, in the dry heat, but Hux didn’t mind if it kept him comfortable, and thus kept him there longer.

Hux tried not to kick as Kylo’s cold, wet fingers explored his feet. They traced over the bridge and played with each toe one at a time, felt along his bony ankle and cupped his heel. Hux jerked and laughed suddenly when one foot was lifted and curious fingers brushed along the arch.

“What?” Kylo dropped his foot into the sand, alarmed. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Hux breathed, still chuckling. He ground his foot into the coarse sand to get rid of the lingering feeling. “That tickles.”

“Oh.”

When he didn’t move, Hux prodded his shoulder with one foot.

“Go on. Oh, hey, while you’re down there. Do you know how to give massages?”

“Tail ones, yes.”

“That doesn’t help me,” Hux grumbled. “My legs are starting to cramp.”

Kylo sat up, curling his tail behind him, and pulled one of Hux’s legs onto his lap.

“How different could it be?” Kylo said, more to himself than to Hux as he examined the unfamiliar appendage.

“Well, for one, it’s- oh-“ Hux groaned as strong hands suddenly began kneading his calf, loosening the tense muscle.

“Was that a good sound or a bad sound?” Kylo was smug, like he already knew the answer, but his hands paused anyway until Hux nodded.

“Don’t you dare stop.”

So he didn’t. He continued that treatment on Hux’s leg, even giving his foot a few firm rubs. He pulled up the other leg and did the same, until both of them felt like jelly. Hux doubted they’d support him if he stood. That was okay; he was content to lie there forever and let a handsome merman dote on him.

Wait. Handsome?

Hux didn’t let himself dwell on that thought. He opened his eyes just as Kylo finished and set his leg back into the sand.

“Well?” Hux asked.

“Well what?”

“Was touching a human leg everything you dreamed of?”

“They’re so thin, how do you do anything with them? The toes I like. And the hair is…different. Not bad. I like the color.” Kylo’s eyes widened, suddenly, as if he hadn’t meant to say that last part.

“You do?”

“It’s. It’s a nice color. I don’t see that color much, where I live.” Kylo’s eyes were on Hux’s hair, which was now dry. Hux tilted his head and Kylo followed the movement of it as it flopped softly over his forehead.

“You like my hair.”

“Yes.” Kylo swallowed. “It’s what made me swim so close to your boat that day.”

It was Hux’s turn to be surprised. He was so fascinated by Kylo that he kept forgetting Kylo was also intrigued by him in return.

Well. Hux had gotten to touch Kylo’s tail and fins and scales, which had so captivated him. If Hux’s hair was what interested Kylo, it only seemed fair to allow him to touch it.

He sat up and bent his legs off to one side, mirroring Kylo’s position, his bent knees brushing against Kylo’s tail. He leaned on one arm and tipped his head towards Kylo.

A heavy silence followed. For a moment, Hux worried that he had completely misinterpreted things.

Then, he felt the lightest of movement against his hair. It was almost like a breeze. It returned, firmer this time, fingers stroking the soft strands. The next time it was Kylo’s entire hand, petting his palm slowly over Hux’s head.

He felt a bit silly, but it was also sort of nice. He wondered if this was how Millicent felt.

He let Kylo continue to pet him and run fingers through his hair. Then, abruptly, the hand stopped and pulled away. Hux looked up to find Kylo frowning.

“I have to go.”

Before Hux could stop him, Kylo slid into the water, turned away, and with a flick of his tail, he was gone.

Chapter Text

Hux didn’t expect to see Kylo any time soon after that. He didn’t understand what he’d done wrong, no matter how many times he replayed the moment in his mind. Hux had sort of…liked being admired that way. Clearly, though, Kylo was unimpressed. It shouldn’t have stung as much as it did.

So it came as a surprise to him when Kylo returned the next morning. It was a Sunday, and Hux hadn’t even planned on spending the day on the beach, not when there was still an imprint from where he’d sprawled to let Kylo play with his legs and feet. But he’d left the keys to the boat on a rock by the tree line, afraid they’d fall out of his pocket if he ended up in the water (which he had). If nothing else, he wanted to retrieve them.

It was early and still cool out, so Hux wore long pants and sneakers and pulled a hooded sweatshirt on over his tank top. He walked down the narrow path and then halted when he saw a figure, a man sitting on the beach, facing the water, knees pulled up almost to his chest.

No, not knees. Tail. Not a man, but a merman. His merman. Kylo.

Hux approached cautiously. At the sound of his shoes in the sand, Kylo’s head turned the slightest bit to one side, the fins on the side of his head twitching. Hux closed the distance and sat beside him, hands in his sweatshirt pocket.

“Did you leave something here too?”

“You could say that.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” He hesitated. “…sorry I left.” Kylo awkwardly ran a hand through his hair then scratched at the back of his head; Hux found the gesture surprisingly human.

“Was it something I did?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

Kylo frowned. “Not everything is about you, you know.” Hux huffed.

“You’re awfully moody for a creature who spends his days frolicking in the ocean.”

“I- what? What’s that saying…what the fuck? I’m not a creature and I don’t frolic, and-”

“I’m glad you came back,” Hux blurted. “Okay? I’m glad.”

That shut Kylo up quickly. He stretched his tail out, swishing the fin to graze the water. Hux watched it, feeling as amazed as the first time he saw it. This is real.

“I brought you something,” Kylo said suddenly.

Hux turned to look at him, surprised.

“You did?”

Kylo turned to the side, away from Hux, and picked something up out of the sand. He turned back and held his closed fist out. In return, Hux lifted his hand. Something cool and smooth hit his palm; he eagerly held it up to examine it.

It was a seashell, a moon shell to be exact, roughly the size of a walnut. It was pale gray with swirls of blue, mossy green and golden brown. Hux had seen thousands, maybe millions of shells in his life, but none quite like this.

He traced a finger along the spiral of it. He held it up to look inside and, to his relief, it was empty.

“It was my…what do you call the morning meal?”

“Breakfast?”

“It was my breakfast,” Kylo explained with a grin. Hux gaped at him, equally amused and horrified.

“I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

Kylo only shrugged. His eyes flickered between Hux’s face and the shell in his hand.

And then Hux realized – it was an apology. Whether for leaving suddenly, or for taking Hux on an impromptu dive, or maybe both, he wasn’t sure.

Hux had been given a lot of things in his life. Fountain pens and cufflinks and appliances and gift cards. Useful things from his family, given out of obligation. The things he really cared about were the ones he’d gotten for himself: his home, his beach, his boat, his cat.

This one small shell was the most genuine gift he’d ever been given. He felt warmth in his chest that hadn’t been there in a long, long time.

He realized Kylo was waiting for something, an acknowledgment of some sort. Hux smiled, and found it was genuine. He was too used to forced professional smiles and polite, stilted laughter. But around Kylo he reacted freely without even thinking about it. Without fear of judgment.

“Thank you. It’s really beautiful.”

That seemed to placate Kylo, who smiled in return.

“I see humans take shells sometimes. What do you do with them?”

“Mostly use them for decoration. Like in our homes, or as jewelry.”

Kylo chuckled. “That’s kind of odd, isn’t it?”

“Why?”

“Well, they were once part of a living creature. Though I suppose it’s no different than merfolk keeping human bones as tools.”

“You what?”

“Your bones are stronger than ours, they last longer. So we use them as tools, or sometimes other things. I’ve seen quite a few human skull bowls, for example.”

“That’s…well…” That’s horrible, what’s wrong with you? Hux almost said. Then he pictured the mounted deer head in his uncle’s mountain cabin, or his great-grandmother’s ivory jewelry. It wasn’t so different. Maybe both species were just that little bit depraved.

“…I suppose I’m more surprised that you eat out of bowls,” he said instead.

Kylo raised his eyebrows.

“How else are you supposed to eat mussels?”

Hux stared at him, and then he began to laugh. He flopped back onto the sand, uncaring if it got in his hair, and he laughed.

We’re not so different at all.

On his nightstand he had a framed photo of himself and his mother taken when he was four; the only photo of her he had. That evening, he set the shell beside it. Where he would see it as his eyes shut when he drifted off to sleep, and first thing in the morning when he woke.

*

“What are you eating?”

Hux looked up to see Kylo lying on his stomach in the surf. He’d slipped ashore without Hux even noticing. That day Hux sat in a small fold-out beach chair; it had rained the night before and the sand was still wet, and while usually he didn’t mind, he didn’t feel like getting it all over today. He had a technology magazine in one hand and chopsticks in the other, and headphones in leading to his phone in his sweatshirt pocket. He set down the magazine to remove the headphones and closed out of the music app on his phone.

“It’s…” he looked down, and then back up, sheepishly. “Sushi.”

Kylo pulled himself closer until he could settle beside Hux’s chair. Hux supposed one advantage to the wet sand is that it might be more comfortable for him.

“What’s sushi?”

“You might not like the answer.”

“Last week I told you we use your kind’s skulls as dishes. I’m sure I can handle it.”

Hux chuckled. Why were no other humans he knew like this? He knew he wasn’t very personable, and had a dry humor that didn’t exactly go over well at parties, but Kylo didn’t seem put off by him at all. If anything, he responded in kind.

“It’s fish, usually uncooked. Or sometimes crab. And sometimes other things, like egg and vegetables. Sometimes rice. Oh, and seaweed.”

Kylo craned his neck up to look at the plastic takeout container in Hux’s lap. Hux tilted it for him to get a better look. It wasn’t the fanciest stuff, but the local chain grocery store had surprisingly good sushi.

“Incredible. How do you get so many kinds of fish in one place?”

“Um. Fishers catch them, ship them to wherever people need them, I guess. Wait, you’re not…bothered by this?”

“Why would I be bothered by it?”

“You’re basically half fish.”

Kylo jerked back, his expression comically affronted.

“Is that really what your people think we are? Half fish? Fish are pests, like – like flies, for comparison, or seagulls, swooping in and eating the seagrass right out of my hand. They’re small-brained and useless. If it were easier to catch and eat them like this, I would.” He motioned emphatically to the sushi.

Hux had to bite back a smile at the tirade. He really hadn’t meant to offend Kylo, but he’d never considered that merpeople didn’t consider themselves related to fish, or even fish-like at all. But then, he supposed, it was a bit like men and apes, wasn’t it? He couldn’t have a conversation with a chimpanzee any more than Kylo could have one with a goldfish.

“Sorry,” he said, still trying not to laugh. “I really am.”

When Kylo didn’t look any less upset, Hux picked up a piece of salmon with his chopsticks and held it out to him. “Would you like to try?”

Kylo’s frown deepened. He didn’t want to give Hux the satisfaction of accepting his offer when he’d been so openly insulted, but he was so curious, and Hux was offering.

He opened his mouth, still glaring, and let Hux set the thing – some clumped white stuff with a pinkish piece of fish on top – onto his tongue with the sticks. Kylo turned it over in his mouth a couple times before cautiously chewing and swallowing.

It was…really good. Kylo looked up and opened his mouth again, hoping for another.

Hux laughed. His laugh was a brisk, airy thing, always accompanied by a smile which lit up his whole face, like the sun emerging from behind the clouds.

“If I’d known you were going to eat my lunch I would have brought more.” He fed him a piece of yellowtail next. Kylo tested it with the same curiosity and then gulped it down.

Hux let him have the rest, one by one. He didn’t mind giving up his lunch; it was worth it to watch Kylo enjoy it. When he was done he set the container aside.

“What do you eat?” He asked.

Kylo shifted so that he was sitting more comfortably. He wanted to lie back, but then he wouldn’t be able to see Hux. Instead, he leaned his head against the side of Hux’s leg. If Hux minded, he didn’t say anything. Kylo sort of hoped he’d end up stroking his ear fins again, but Hux’s hands remained settled on his lap.

“Lots of things. Seaweed and seagrass and other plants. And then…what do you call animals that live in shells, in your language?”

“Shellfish.”

“But…they aren’t fish.”

“We say a lot of things that don’t make much sense.”

“Anyway. Shellfish, I guess. Mussels, clams, oysters, others but I don’t know your words for them.”

“And fish?”

“Sometimes. Getting through their scales to the meat is a pain, even with these.” Kylo opened his mouth in a grin, revealing his pointed teeth, looking almost shark-like. The motion made him tip back his neck, and Hux caught sight of the gills along his neck.

“Do you need to go back into the water?”

Kylo closed his mouth. “Soon. I’m fine right now, the air isn’t so dry today.”

“I meant to ask about that. How do you breathe above water?”

“With difficulty,” Kylo replied. Then, seeing Hux was waiting for a better answer, continued: “As I told you, I’m not an expert. But from what I understand, merfolk have the same parts for breathing as humans, but they aren’t as developed. Our gills are how we breathe best, and they only work under water. I can breathe above water through my mouth and nose, but not for long periods of time.”

“Incredible,” Hux breathed. “I wish I had that. I mean, the other way around. Gills to stay under longer.”

“You would want that?”

“Yes. I love the ocean, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Even though there are things in it that could kill you?”

“There are things on land that could kill me, too.”

Kylo nodded. Then, “I have to go back in for a bit. Stay here.”

“Hmph. Bossy.” But Hux stayed.

When Kylo returned from a quick breather, literally, Hux had pulled out his phone and was checking his email. He began to slip it back into his pocket when Kylo scooted onto the sand.

“Wait,” Kylo said. “What is that? I see humans on their boats with them.”

“Hm?” Hux pulled it back out. “It’s my phone. How to explain it…it’s an electronic device, used to talk to other humans over long distances.”

“Like sonar? Or, what is it…radio?”

“Yes and no. It’s hard to explain. But I can talk to someone on the other side of the world with it. And it can do lots of other things. I’ll show you.”

Hux stood from the chair and sat beside Kylo in the sand. He swiped open his lockscreen and hit any random app. It happened to be the camera; the view of the ocean before them popped onto the screen. Hux snatched a towel that had been hanging over the side of the chair and held it out to Kylo.

“Dry your hands and I’ll let you hold it.”

Kylo frowned but did as he asked, and then Hux handed him the phone.

“How…?” Kylo moved the phone from side to side, watching the screen intently.

“Here, you can-“ Hux hit the capture button and the phone made a little click.

“What did you do?”

“Look.” He hit the gallery button, and there was the photo of the ocean. Kylo moved the phone, but the image didn’t leave the screen.

“It stays there?”

“Yes. It’s in there forever, or until I get rid of it. I can leave the beach but still look at an image of it. People use this to…remember things, I guess.”

The gallery on Hux’s phone consisted of photos of three things: the ocean, Millicent, and receipts to upload for points in his shopping app.

“That’s actually very smart of you. Humans have terrible memories, they’d need something like this to keep track of things.”

Hux huffed.

“If you’re going to insult me I’ll take it back.”

“No.” Kylo held it out of his reach. He pointed it in different directions, thumb tapping the capture button whenever he felt like it. Hux sighed. Now he’d have a series of blurry pictures to go through and delete later. Oh well; at least Kylo was enjoying himself.

“Hux!” The sudden shout made him jump.

“What!”

“What is it doing?”

Hux leaned over to see. He chuckled and shook his head. Kylo had hit the button that switched to the front-facing camera, and was now staring in shock at his own image.

“There’s a camera here,” Hux explained, pointing to the spot on the phone where it was located. “So now it shows you what’s on this side. Look.” He waved his hand in front of the camera, and his hand moved up and down in the image on the screen. Kylo relaxed a little. Then his brow pinched and he leaned closer, examining his face in it.

“So that’s me?”

“Of course it is.” Then Hux realized something. “Wait. Have you ever seen yourself? In a – a reflection, or something?”

“A few times, yes. I’ve found mirrors in shipwrecks. But it…this is different.”

Hux supposed it would be. Being underwater would distort things, and the mirrors might have been clouded or cracked.

“Well. What do you think?” Hux asked.

Kylo shrugged like it didn’t matter, but his mouth was turned down unhappily.

“I look...different.” He decided. “Your face is very even. People with your features are considered attractive among my kind. I’m…” He trailed off, lowering the phone quickly.

Hux felt a rush of sympathy for him. He’d never felt attractive among his own kind. Too skinny, too weak, his father had said, horrid red hair like his mother, his stepmother had whispered about him on the phone with her sister. Years of swimming had earned him at least a bit of lean muscle, but he still had thin wrists and knobby knees and a soft face that no one could seem to spare the word handsome for. His hair and freckles made him interesting enough to draw a moment of attention before the rest of him was deemed too plain. Between that and his oddness and introversion, he’d long ago resigned himself to disastrous dates and fleeting relationships. And it had been over a year since even one of those.

Hux suddenly wished he hadn’t handed him the phone. Kylo had been perfectly content with himself before, even a little smug, and now…

“Hey.” Hux snapped. Kylo looked at him, startled. “Hold the phone up again,” Hux instructed.

Kylo did, but at the angle there was a glare. Hoping he wasn’t overstepping, Hux readjusted his position so that he was just behind Kylo, his legs on either side of his hips. Kylo stiffened.

“I just want to see the screen,” Hux reassured. Kylo relaxed and tilted it so that his face was within view again. Hux cleared his throat.

“Look. You have a good face. I like it, or I wouldn’t look at it all the time. And just because it’s not like everyone else’s doesn’t make it bad. Okay?” Hux said it sternly, not at all used to offering encouragement. But he couldn’t stand the thought of doing to Kylo what his family had done to him.

Kylo listened to him, considering his face again. The weight of disappointment seemed to ease a little. His mouth twitched. He leaned back, the back of his head coming to rest against the center of Hux’s chest. He tilted the phone this way and that, until Hux’s face joined his on the screen.

“You have a good face, too,” he told Hux. Hux looked down at him, surprised. If he didn’t know any better he’d think Kylo had read his mind, dug around and plucked out one of his insecurities like a shell from the sand.

He sighed and set his chin on the top of Kylo’s head. His face was framed by the tips of Kylo’s ear fins. Seeing their faces together like this brought their differences into sharp relief. But after a moment, those seemed less when weighed against their similarities. They were just two people, sitting on the beach together.

Hux was so focused on trying to memorize how they looked on the screen that he didn’t hear the soft click.

Kylo left not much longer, and Hux gathered his things and returned to the house. He made dinner and then spent the evening watching M*A*S*H reruns.

He didn’t look at his phone again until he was settling into bed for the night. He had set the alarm and was about to put it on the nightstand when he remembered the dozen or more photos Kylo had taken. It wouldn’t hurt to keep one or two, he decided, but he didn’t need them all.

Hux swiped his phone screen and opened the gallery, his finger ready over the trash icon. With a start, he caught himself just in time before pressing it. On the screen was not a blurry, crooked shot of the water but…them. Him and Kylo.

In it, Hux’s gaze was lowered, looking at Kylo on the screen, his expression calm and…something else he couldn’t name. Kylo, however, was looking right at the camera, his lips pulled up in a little smirk like he knew exactly what he was doing. And maybe he did.

Hux’s thumb moved from delete to settings. He locked the image so that he couldn’t accidentally delete it later, and then lay there staring at it a while longer.

He found himself laughing quietly in the dark bedroom. He had a selfie with a fucking merman on his phone.

Chapter Text

Kylo didn’t like routine. He didn’t like schedules or being told what to do. It was part of why he’d never been able to live up to his family’s expectations. And it was why he moved around a lot. That, and safety reasons, as the longer he stayed in one place the more likely he was to get into a fight. He was surprised that the mermaid he’d saved Hux from hadn’t returned for another round.

But now, for the first time ever, he felt no desire to venture too far.

Because of Hux.

It didn’t make sense. He’d gotten what he wanted: to see the human up close, and more than that, to touch. His curiosity over Hux remained, but it was no longer at the forefront of his mind. It had been replaced by something more insistent, and far more frightening: he liked being around the human.

Even then, Kylo was sure the novelty would wear off. It was simply a matter of who would lose interest first, him or Hux. But as the days passed and that didn’t happen, he grew more and more confused.

Hux seemed to have given up on his chairs and towels, Kylo noted with satisfaction as he swam to shore that day. He always ended up in the sand or water with Kylo anyway, so what was the point?

When Hux spotted him still far from the land, Kylo did a few jumps; Hux always seemed to like that, even if he called Kylo a show off for it.

He finally reached the beach and turned onto his back to lazily let the tide push him the rest of the way. Hux came to meet him, feet padding softly on the wet sand. He sat down and Kylo noticed that he was holding a bowl of something. He tipped his head back to look at Hux.

“More sushi?”

“Nope. Strawberries. Would you like to try some?”

He held up something round and red with green leaves. Kylo had never seen anything quite like it.

“It’s a fruit,” Hux explained when he didn’t reach for it right away. “It grows on a plant.”

“I know what fruit is,” Kylo grumbled. He took the offered strawberry and popped the entire thing into his mouth. Hux’s eyes widened.

“You don’t…you aren’t supposed to…oh, nevermind.”

Kylo bit into it, and then looked up at Hux, pleasantly surprised. He finished chewing and swallowed it.

“It’s sweet,” he said. He frowned; Hux was staring at his lips. He wondered if he’d gotten something on them, and quickly darted his tongue out to lick over them. For some reason, that only made Hux continue looking.

“Yes,” Hux said finally, looking up quickly. Embarrassed to have been caught staring. “Most fruit is sweet.”

“I see. How many kinds are there?”

“A lot. More than I can name. Probably more than I know of.”

“Will you let me try more?”

Anything, Hux thought before he could rein the thought in, just keep coming back.

“Yes,” was all he said.

Kylo smiled at the answer. He was mostly certain that by now Hux wanted to keep seeing him, but anything he could do to ensure it, he would do.

Suddenly, something bright caught his eye, the way Hux’s hair had that day weeks ago. All his senses went on alert as he looked past Hux to see some small, hair-covered creature emerging from the woods. He immediately scowled and tried to make a warning noise before remembering he couldn’t use those particular vocalizations outside of water. He pushed himself into a sitting position with one arm and used the other to pull Hux to him protectively. The creature was small, but he didn’t know what it would be capable of.

“W-what?” Hux nearly dropped the bowl of strawberries as Kylo pulled him suddenly to his chest. His face plopped into Kylo’s damp shoulder. “What is it?” He squirmed until he could turn his head to see what had startled Kylo so much. And then laughed.

“Why are you laughing? That thing is trespassing on your beach!”

“She isn’t. That thing is named Millicent. She’s my cat.” Hux must have not closed the back door all the way when he left. He wasn’t usually so careless, but he’d been eager to get down to the water and meet Kylo. Luckily, Millie never ran when the door opened, and she knew her way around the yard. He was surprised to see her at the beach, though. She didn’t like the water or the sand, as he’d discovered when he first moved here and used to try to bring her down to sit with him. He’d quickly stopped trying to force it.

“Your…cat.” Kylo didn’t know what that was, and didn’t want to admit it. It turned out there were many things he didn’t know about life out of the water, and he worried that Hux would think him stupid for it. Among his own he was quite intelligent, but to Hux, who until recently had thought him to be half fish, of all things, did he seem simple-minded?

“My cat.” Hux said simply, no condescension in his tone. “Humans keep them as…as pets, I guess. Or companions.” He wondered if Kylo would find the notion of a pet appalling.

“Oh! We do that too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Larger fish, crabs, lobsters. Sometimes squids, though those can be difficult.”

Hux listened in wonder, a bit embarrassed by his own naiveté. He’d had it in his head that merfolk would have some sort of…inherent respect for nature that humans didn’t have. Like park rangers or, or vegans or something. But no, if they were all anything like Kylo (though he doubted anyone, on land or sea, was like Kylo) they hated fish and kept sea creatures as pets and ate out of bowls and swore and played pranks. Not so different after all.

Millicent made her way across the sand daintily, her cautious movements showing her distaste, but she was intent on getting to Hux. Hux pulled himself out of Kylo’s grip and stood to go meet her half way, plopping back down in the sand and setting the strawberries aside so he could scoop her up.

Kylo followed curiously. When he got close, Hux clutched the furry thing to his chest suddenly and looked at him.

“She’s – she doesn’t like water. She can’t swim, so don’t…don’t…”

“Don’t what?” Kylo replied, insulted at the way Hux kept the creature from him like he suddenly didn’t trust Kylo, even now, and it stung.

“Don’t play with her like you did with me,” Hux bit back, still holding the cat even though she began to paw at his arms in protest. “She’s all I have, okay? If something happened to her…”

“I wasn’t going to!” Kylo ground out, fighting back the urge to yell. “I just wanted to see her.”

Hux stared at him, still wary, the way he had when he’d cleaned up Kylo’s cut, like he wasn’t sure if Kylo would lash out. It had been mildly irritating then, but now…now it only hurt.

Not knowing what else to do or say, now that he was clearly unwanted, he turned away and adjusted his position so he could scoot back towards the water.  It was embarrassing; he couldn’t even make a proper exit.

Suddenly he felt a warm hand on his back. Tentative, but there. It wasn’t holding him, couldn’t stop him, but he froze in place anyway.

“Wait,” Hux whispered, his voice closer to Kylo’s ear than he expected. “Don’t go. I’m sorry.”

Kylo breathed slowly, evenly, trying not to give Hux any reason to change his mind. He couldn’t remember ever not wanting someone to be afraid of him, until now.

“I’m sorry,” Hux said again. He rubbed his back slowly, up and down. A soothing movement Kylo hadn’t felt since he was a child. “I know you won’t hurt her.”

The tight knot of pain in his chest loosened gradually. When he felt ready, he turned his head just a little and peered up at Hux.

Hux looked apologetic, and he was no longer holding the cat. She sat in the sand, not looking too happy about it. Kylo pushed himself up to sit beside Hux again.

“Millicent,” he said. Hux smiled at the way the word sounded in his soft, lilty voice.

“Would you like to pet her? Here, if you…if you dry your hands off, it’s better.”

Hux didn’t have a towel this time, so he slipped his shirt over his head and handed it to Kylo, who unashamedly let his eyes rake over Hux’s skinny, freckled torso.

Once his hands were acceptably dry, Hux sat cross-legged and scooped Millicent up to set her in his lap. He pet her a few times to demonstrate, and then moved his hands away.

Kylo put his hand on her head like he’d seen Hux do, and then swept it gently down her neck and back, to the base of her tail. He did this again, and again. On the third time, she tipped her head back into his hand, and on the fourth, she began to purr.

He pulled his hand away and looked to Hux for explanation.

“It means she’s happy,” Hux explained. He was watching Kylo fondly.

“Oh.” He adjusted so he was more comfortable, and then kept petting her, feeling pleased when she relaxed enough to curl up and close her eyes. Now that he knew she wasn’t a threat, he found her kind of…cute. Even if she had far too much hair for a creature so small.

They sat in companionable silence while Kylo watched Millicent and Hux watched Kylo. Hux reached a hand towards Kylo, wanting to touch, pulled back in hesitation, then decided it was worth the risk, and slid his fingers into Kylo’s hair.

Kylo froze and halted in his petting. He looked up at Hux through his dark lashes, not angry, just questioning.

“Sorry. It looked- I wanted to- sorry.” Hux pulled his hand away.

“No,” Kylo insisted. “You can.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, unless…” Kylo smirked, though he was half afraid of the answer. “Unless this means you think I’m also your pet.”

“No,” Hux reassured. “God, no. You’re too…human? Or too…I don’t know. You’re not a pet, though. You’re my…” He trailed off. He didn’t know what Kylo was to him, let alone what he was to Kylo.

Kylo hummed. “There’s a word in my language that I think fits, but…I don’t know how to put it in yours.” He was glad he couldn’t; the word meant something like treasured one, but it was almost always used for…well, partners.

“Will you accept friend, until you do?” Hux asked this quietly, uncertain.

“Friend.” Kylo tested out the word. He knew its equivalent in his own tongue, and it meant, among other things, someone who stayed with you. He hadn’t had, or been, a friend in a very long time. If that was what Hux wanted…“Yes. Yes, be my friend.”

Hux smiled. Millicent had moved so that she was sprawled across one of his thighs, leaving the other open. Kylo slid down and set his head on Hux’s other leg. He had to readjust a couple of times to that his ear fin didn’t bend uncomfortably, but once he was settled, he mumbled, “you can touch, if you want.” As if it was him doing Hux the favor, and not the other way around.

Hux’s fingers sunk into his hair. It had dried, and it was a little coarse from the salt water, and tangled, but soft. He stroked through it, gently working out the knots, until it flowed like dark silk through his fingers.

Kylo’s eyes were closed, so now Hux could stare all he wanted. His full lips were still just a bit pink from the juice from the strawberry; it reminded Hux the fruit was still sitting there so he ate one, then another. When Kylo heard him chewing, he tipped his head back and opened his mouth a little, the slightest grin on his face. Smug, but sweet.

Hux sighed. He had a feeling it would become more and more difficult to deny Kylo anything. He picked the biggest, juiciest strawberry from the bowl and held it to Kylo’s lips.

Kylo took it between them and ate, savoring the sweet flavor and humming contentedly when Hux’s hand returned to his hair. I could get used to this, Kylo thought.

Hux closed his eyes, feeling better than he had in a long time. Kylo was with him, and so was Millicent. The day was warm and the breeze ruffled his hair and the waves crashed lightly against the shore. He could definitely get used to this.

Chapter Text

Hux kept his promise of bringing different fruits for Kylo to try. It meant more trips to the farmers’ market, which meant more talking to people in town, but it was worth it to watch the delight on Kylo’s face when he presented him with a new treat. Kylo liked sweet things, apparently, and sweet things were hard to come by underwater. So Hux made sure every time they met to have at least one kind of fruit. By the time a couple of weeks had passed, Kylo had tried peaches, pears, plums, oranges, mangoes, raspberries, blueberries, watermelon, cantaloupe and banana, and loved them all.

In return, Kylo brought Hux things from the sea. Sometimes those things needed to return to the sea – living creatures squirming in Kylo’s palms while he beamed and Hux prodded at them, horrified and fascinated. Eels and small squids and large shellfish, sea urchins and anemones, algae-slick stones with living barnacles still attached. It turned out that there was some protective nature to Kylo’s skin which prevented jellyfish from stinging him; when he held one out towards Hux one morning and Hux recoiled, he’d laughed until Hux shut him up by launching globs of wet sand at him.

Sometimes, he brought Hux things he could keep. Empty shells, sand dollars, pretty rocks, trinkets from ship wrecks. At first, Hux tried to give them back when he was done looking at them. But Kylo had been hurt, insisted they were for him, and Hux ended up putting a new shelf up on his bedroom wall to accommodate his gifts. All but the first shell, the blue-green-brown one, which remained on his nightstand.

Once, Kylo brought him his favorite kind of seaweed to eat. He’d offered other things, living things, but Hux explained that things like that had to be prepared a certain way or they could make humans sick. The seaweed, though, he tried for Kylo’s sake. It was as slimy and unappetizing as it looked, and Hux fought to suppress a grimace as he swallowed it down. When he looked up, Kylo was biting back a smile.

“What?” he snapped.

“You don’t like it.”

“Okay, fine. I don’t like it.” He handed the rest back to Kylo, who gulped it down and then laughed when Hux made a disgusted face.

“It’s okay. I didn’t like that one fruit you brought.”

“Which one?”

“The orange one.”

“The orange?”

“Yes. They sting when you eat them.”

Hux stared at him for a moment, wondering if he’d discovered some previously unknown allergy, before realizing that Kylo was just trying to say they were tart, but didn’t know the word.

Okay, so maybe Kylo hadn’t loved them all.

It also turned out that, just like there were sea foods that could make Hux sick, there were human foods that could make Kylo sick.

They discovered this when Hux had decided to branch out from fruit and bring him something else sweet: candy. Specifically, homemade chocolate fudge he’d been coerced into buying from a bake sale.

Kylo did actually enjoy the first piece, and the second. He ended up eating half the container before something, maybe the sugar, maybe the chocolate, maybe both, was too much for his system. He’d gone very pale and clutched at his stomach, looking up at Hux pleadingly.

And that was how Hux found himself holding a merman’s hair back while he puked over the edge of a rock into the ocean.

*

Kylo didn’t know how he’d gotten so fortunate as to have such a…hands on human at his disposal. But he certainly wasn’t complaining. Hux remained fascinated by his tail and fins and often asked if it was okay for him to touch them. He didn’t have to ask, but Kylo appreciated the gesture anyway. And he always, always said yes.

Sometimes it was firm, warm hands gliding down his tail, feeling the texture of the scales. Sometimes it was gentle fingertips stroking his ear fins, making Kylo shudder and sigh. Sometimes it was as simple as Kylo’s head in Hux’s lap and Hux’s fingers in his hair, while Kylo’s tail waved lazily at the edge of the water.

Sometimes, but not often, it was Hux’s hand on his back or arm or stomach, or knuckles brushing a bit of fruit juice from his cheek. He seemed more hesitant to touch those places, though, like he was somehow afraid of the more “human” parts of Kylo. Kylo didn’t understand it, but he was too concerned about breaking the fragile balance of their relationship to ask for more than Hux already gave him.

Hux was calm; he was steady and decisive and honest. Kylo felt at ease around him.

Hux had long legs with graceful feet and toes which he let Kylo play with. If Kylo moved too far up his thigh, Hux would shoo him away, but everything from the knee down was fair game.

Hux had freckles not just on his face and shoulders, Kylo found out, but all over. On his arms and legs and chest. The longer he spent in the sun the more they bloomed across him.

Hux’s smile was like sunlight and his laugh like a warm current. They were rewards when Kylo had done something good.

Kylo did things for himself, and he didn’t need approval from anyone.

Except, just maybe, Hux.

*

“What are you doing with that thing now?”

Hux looked up from his phone to see Kylo making his way up the sand to him.

“Playing a game.”

“Can I see?”

The game was Bejeweled, one of Hux’s few guilty pleasures. Kylo watched him a while and then asked for a turn. Hux raised an eyebrow.

“You want to play?”

“Yes. It seems simple enough.”

Hux made him dry off his hands on a towel first, and then Kylo got comfortable lying on his stomach and tried the game while Hux ate his lunch.

Two hours later, Hux napped under the shade of a tree while Kylo fought his way up to the next level.

An hour after that, Hux was trying to wrestle the phone out of Kylo’s hands, straddling his back to keep him from squirming away and scolding him for draining the battery while Kylo demanded he let him finish one more round.

*

Kylo decided he liked Millicent. Millicent decided she liked Kylo.

She didn’t join them on the beach often, and Hux refused to take her out in the boat, but when she did, she came right up to Kylo and rubbed against the side of his tail. She liked how the texture of the scales felt, and he liked that he’d won her over so easily.

“Cat,” he realized aloud one day. “That’s like catfish. I’ve heard fishers use that name.”

“Yes. Catfish are named that because of cats.”

Kylo shook his head.

“You have it backwards. See these?” He motioned to Millicent’s whiskers. “Catfish have those too. Cats must be named for catfish.”

Hux’s mouth shut, opened and almost said something, shut again. He sighed. What was the point in arguing? He sat back and kept reading his book while Kylo played with Millie.

*

They always met up in the daytime. Usually on the beach, occasionally out in the water, but always during the day.

Then a week rolled around when Hux would have to work late, until nine at night to be exact, and would arrive home after the sun had set.

“It’s a pain in the ass,” he complained to Kylo the day he found out. “They took on a new client so we have twice the usual workload, but they won’t hire more people, so now we all have to put in mandatory overtime. At least my paycheck will be nice, but…”

Kylo listened to him rant. He didn’t understand much of it but Hux was on a roll and trying to stop him would only end in disaster.

“…so anyway, the point is, I won’t be able to make it down here for the next week or so…”

That he understood.

“What? Why not?”

Hux glared at him.

“Didn’t you listen to a word I just said?”

“Yes. I just don’t see why that means you can’t still meet me.”

“I won’t be back until after dark, Kylo.”

“So?”

So that was how Monday evening Hux found himself arriving home at nearly nine-thirty, changing from his work clothes into pajamas and his warmest sweatshirt and using his phone’s flashlight to light his way down the path to the beach.

When he arrived, finding Kylo was easy: he simply had to follow the sound of complaining about how bright his light was.

“Will you shut that off? You’re going to ruin it.”

“Ruin what?” Hux shut the flashlight off, pocketed his phone, and joined Kylo at the edge of the water.

Kylo pointed upwards. “That.”

Hux followed his gaze and was suddenly reminded of another perk of living far from others: a really gorgeous view of the night sky.

He lay back in the sand beside Kylo, their shoulders brushing.

“Are you cold?” Hux asked quietly.

“No. Are you?”

“A little.” Not enough to miss this, though, not even close.

Kylo was silent beside him for a while. When he spoke again, it was barely above a whisper.

“Do I make you cold?”

“Huh?” Hux asked sleepily.

“Your skin is so much warmer than mine. Does touching me make you feel cold?”

Hux…didn’t know how to respond to that. The simple answer was yes, sometimes. But he found the benefits vastly outweighed that particular downside.

He scooted closer and hooked an arm through Kylo’s.

“Shut up and enjoy the view.”

Kylo huffed, but obeyed. Not much later, he felt warm, soft breaths against the side of his neck. He turned his head to find that Hux had fallen asleep, his face tipped towards Kylo.

Distracted from the stars above, Kylo watched Hux instead. He fought back countless desires: to touch, to hold, to wake him by sticking his feet in the cold water.

He only indulged one. Carefully, so as not to wake him just yet, he turned onto his side and leaned closer. He pressed his nose into Hux’s soft, wind-ruffled hair, closed his eyes, and breathed in. And oh it smelled so good. Kylo couldn’t even quite define the smell, maybe it was something specific to humans. He nuzzled in closer, wishing he could stay like that all night.

But he couldn’t; he’d have to return to the water soon. And Hux couldn’t stay out here, either. He would wake up cold and grumpy and blame Kylo. Maybe he wouldn’t come back at night again.

Kylo reluctantly pulled away and looked up towards the path that led to Hux’s home. His tail had never, ever felt like a hindrance, until that moment when he realized he couldn’t take Hux to where he slept.

He turned back to Hux and brushed a hand across his cheek. Hux sighed, but didn’t wake. Kylo repeated the motion until Hux finally blinked his eyes open drowsily.

“Hi,” he said, groggy and confused as to where he was. But Kylo was there, so it was probably fine.

“Hello,” Kylo replied with a note of amusement in his voice. “I didn’t realize I was so boring.”

“I- oh. Oops.” He sat up and yawned. “I should go.”

“If you have to wait to come back, I’ll understand.”

They spoke in whispers, like they’d disturb the night itself if they were too loud.

“I’ll…let you know.” Hux yawned again. “Maybe we can try in the morning instead.”

He was glad he suggested it. Watching the sun rise with Kylo was just as good as watching the stars.

*

Hux always thought he was a pretty good swimmer. Until he swam with a merman.

Kylo liked to chase, but catching Hux was too easy, and he made sure to tell him so. No matter how hard Hux kicked, Kylo was like lightning under the water, zipping past him to pop up in front of him, a strange noise bubbling from his throat which in time Hux realized was how his natural laughter sounded.

And when they flipped the game, and Hux tried to catch Kylo, he didn’t stand a chance and they both knew it. He gave it a noble effort, though. Kylo eventually took pity on him and slowed down, and Hux would latch his arms and legs around his tail and grin, daring him to try to shake him off. Instead, Kylo would push himself through the water with his strong arms, pulling Hux along for the ride.

Hux had never laughed so much in his entire life.

“You cheated!” Hux spluttered one day as he surfaced. Kylo popped up smoothly beside him.

“How did I cheat?”

“I’m pretty sure using your fin to swat at me when I get close is cheating.”

“When I catch you, you kick me.”

“That’s - !”

“Cheating?”

“You already have an advantage. It’s evening out the odds.”

Kylo chuckled. His human could be so stubborn.

Hux was panting and treading water sluggishly. They’d been out here for nearly an hour, and he was getting tired.

He turned one way, then the other, until he caught sight of the shore in the distance and he groaned.

“How did we get so far out?”

Kylo didn’t answer. He’d learned the other week about hypothetical questions, and he was pretty sure that was one. Of course they’d gotten so far out because they swam that far, Hux knew that.

“I can take you back,” he offered instead. “So you don’t have to swim the whole way.”

Hux glared. “I could do it.”

“I know you could.”

A few minutes later, Kylo floated on his back, in no particular hurry, towards the shore, his tail making gentle propelling waves every time they slowed down too much. On top of him was Hux, his back against Kylo’s stomach, head pillowed on his chest. Hux’s fingers were laced over his stomach and his legs dangled off of either side of Kylo’s tail. He was already half asleep.

Kylo was slow, careful. It didn’t seem like so long ago that Hux still wasn’t convinced that Kylo wouldn’t drown him. He couldn’t fathom the amount of trust Hux was showing now: asleep in the middle of the ocean believing that Kylo would return him to shore.

If he had ever truly wanted to kill or harm Hux, that would have been the time to do it. But he didn’t; he didn’t even want to imagine something happening to Hux. It seemed impossible, like extinguishing the sun itself.

*

The next time they found themselves floating that way, Hux was awake. They had no destination, simply drifting in lazy circles in the water. It was perfect, really. The position kept Kylo’s gills submerged enough to breathe and Hux stayed mostly out of the water.

This time Hux was sprawled on his stomach, the sun warming his back. His arms and legs dangled from either side of him into the water; his head was on Kylo’s chest again. As turned to look one way, his cheek moved across one absurdly soft-but-firm pectoral. He paused, and then nuzzled slightly. Kylo huffed a little laugh. Hux was too distracted to address it. How had he never noticed how soft Kylo’s skin was?

Okay, he knew why. He’d been fixated on Kylo’s tail and fins. But the rest of him, he thought sometimes, the rest of him is quite nice, too.

Under the pretense of getting more comfortable, he slid his face lightly against Kylo’s chest again. He tilted his head, nose bumping his sternum where he could smell his sea-salty skin. Kylo took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling beneath Hux. God, he was sturdy.

“Are you asleep?” Kylo asked quietly.

“No. Do you need me to move?”

“No.”

Hux sighed and closed his eyes.

“…Kylo?”

“Yes?”

“Do merfolk get married?”

“Married?”

“Oh, uh. It’s when you and another person decide to stay together. For life, or that’s the idea anyway. A partner or a…a mate?”

“Oh. Yes, we have something like that. The closest word in your language would be partner, I think. What words do you use?”

“It depends on the relationship. If you’re dating…that’s like courting, do you…?” Hux waited until Kylo nodded that he understood before continuing. “Right, so, if you’re dating you would use girlfriend or boyfriend or partner or sometimes significant other. If you’re married it can be husband or wife or spouse.”

“So you date someone until you decide to stay together, and then you get married. Is that right?”

“When you put it like that it sounds so easy,” Hux said with a sigh. “But that’s right.”

“I see. Yes, merfolk mate for life, so to speak. In theory. Some try out many partners before finding one. Some find a partner but betray them for another. Some never find one.”

Hux didn’t answer right away, and the silence was loaded with the questions they both had but hesitated to voice. A pair of noisy seagulls flew over them.

“And you?” Hux said finally. He just needed to know if some jealous merperson was going to show up one day and attack him for having his hands on their mate. That was all.

“Me?”

“Do you have a partner?”

Kylo went quiet and Hux worried he’d royally fucked up.

“If I did,” Kylo finally answered, his voice warm and teasing. “why would I spent so much time on land with a cranky human?”

“I’m not cranky,” Hux snapped, and then huffed at having proven his point.

“Do you?”

“What?”

“Have a partner.”

“Kylo, I live alone with my cat.”

“I was just asking…”

“No. I don’t.”

Silence. Then,

“Do you get lonely?” Kylo asked, so quietly Hux strained to hear him over the waves.

Hux lifted his head and set his chin on Kylo’s chest to look up at him. Kylo kept his gaze fixed on the sky. Hux curled his arms around Kylo’s waist under the water.

 “Not as often as I used to.”

Kylo didn’t answer, but Hux saw him grin.

Chapter Text

Usually Kylo returned to Hux hale and hearty. His mood varied from grumpy to glum to playful to pensive, but physically, he was usually fine.

Some days, though, he drifted in sluggishly, half-swimming and half letting the tide push him the rest of the way. Hux would slosh out into the waves halfway to meet him and hoist him up under his arms to pull him just out of the water, where the sand was still wet from high tide.

And Kylo would have bruises or scratches or cuts or scales missing.

“I sometimes get into fights,” Kylo would tell him, casually, as though it hardly mattered.

Hux, made vicious by his feeling of helplessness, berated him for it. You have no business picking fights, why can’t you mind your own business, what are you trying to prove?

“How do you know they didn’t start it?” Kylo would ask indignantly.

“Because I know you,” Hux would snap in return.

Hux’s touch was always contradictory to his words. He’d smooth Kylo’s hair back from his face and let him rest in his lap while Hux stroked whatever part of him wasn’t currently hurting. When he was done scolding him, he’d tell him about his day or answer his questions about human life. He’d run inside and get him any food he wanted.

He would offer bandages or medicine, but Kylo always turned him down.

“There’s nothing you can do. I heal quickly. I’ll be fine,” he’d say.

So Hux continued to hold him and talk to him and make him laugh until he felt better, and then he’d watch Kylo swim away and feel fear and anger grow inside at knowing it would only happen again, and he’d take him back again, and feel utterly useless.

His patience hung on by a thread. Inevitably, it had to snap.

The sky was overcast and ominous. If it looked like rain, they usually didn’t meet up. Kylo preferred to go into deeper, calmer waters during storms and Hux, of course, preferred to stay inside where it was warm and dry.

What exactly drew Hux to pull on a jacket and step out onto the back deck, he’d never know. But he did. The storm hadn’t started yet. He watched the sky darken and the water churn; the rumble of thunder was still in the distance, but storms could strike quickly here and he didn’t want to be caught in it. Still, he probably had a little while…

Hux plodded down the path to the beach. He knew there was little chance Kylo would be there, but he hoped anyway. It had been a long day at work and seeing him, however briefly, would take his mind off it.

He reached the shore and scanned the water. There was no sign of him. There was, however, something bobbing in the water, a few feet out from the shore. A long, thin mound that was hard to make out from the way the waves rocked it and water swept over it. Driftwood, maybe? Or a dead animal? Hux squinted, stepping closer. He jumped back with a curse when the chilly water splashed against his sandal-clad feet.

When he looked up again, the thing had drifted closer. Hux nearly choked on a gasp of alarm at the cloud of red he could now see surrounding it. And the mound wasn’t the right color to be driftwood, Hux could swear he saw gold, and it wasn’t smooth enough to be a seal or a whale, there were bumps, no…scales, and…

A wave crashed onto shore, pushing the thing closer still, and then receded sharply, revealing all at once a head of dark hair, a pale torso, and the familiar red-black-gold tail. The sand around him was streaked crimson. He was limp, face down in the sand. He wasn’t moving.

Icy fear gripped Hux. He wobbled and then dropped to his knees in the cold sand, fumbling as he turned Kylo over so he could check for a pulse. Would he even have a pulse in the same place as a human?

Hux never got to find out, though, when to his relief Kylo took in a shuddering breath, gills fluttering. His eyes didn’t open, but he groaned and moved his hand down, as if reaching for something.

Hux’s gaze followed the movement down his tail. He gasped when his eyes landed on the side of it, where there were several gashes, rows of scales torn away, the incisions oozing blood.

Before he had a chance to examine it, a rough wave nearly pulled Kylo back out. Hux jumped to his feet, grabbed Kylo’s arms and dragged him onto shore. It took every bit of his strength; were he less frightened he’d be cursing Kylo for his bulk just then.

He took him as far inland as he could, almost all the way to where the path back to his house started, before dropping into the sand beside him. He forced himself not to look at the trail of blood leading to the water.

It wasn’t only Kylo’s tail, he now saw, that was bleeding, but his head, at the temple. Hux pushed aside his hair to see that wasn’t a deep cut, but was probably from an impact against something hard. Possibly that was why Kylo had been unconscious, or possibly it was the blood loss.

Hux leaned over him and cupped his face. It was paler than usual, almost sickly looking, his lips tinted blue.

“Kylo? Can you hear me?”

A soft grunt of acknowledgment.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“Sh…k.”

“Sh? Shark? You told me once that they left you alone?”

“May have…angered it…” his speech was slurred but at least he was forming full words as he came to. His eyelids fluttered.

Hux put his hands on the ground on either side of Kylo’s head and clenched his fists into the sand. He could have fucking strangled him…

“How?” Hux ground out.

One of Kylo’s hands, the one closer to Hux, moved up and settled heavily in his lap. It was then that Hux noticed it was closed around something.

Hux pried his fingers open and let the thing drop into his hand. It was a pearl, a big one, the size of a marble. Pale ivory and stained with Kylo’s blood. When he looked at Kylo again, there was a little smirk on his face.

It took every bit of self-control for Hux to keep from turning and throwing it back into the water. After what Kylo had apparently gone through for it, he wouldn’t do that to him, but for fuck’s sake…

He pocketed the pearl and leaned over Kylo again, grabbing his face between his hands and making him look Hux in the eyes.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” he hissed, “I don’t care if you find fucking buried treasure, nothing down there is worth this!” He pointed to Kylo’s tail.

“I didn’t attack it first,” Kylo argued weakly, shaking his head free of Hux’s grip with a glare. “I was in a cave getting that and it found me, I was….in its territory, I guess. It attacked, I fled, I hit my head and then it was following the blood, and then…” he turned away, embarrassed. “Stupid overaggressive fish-brained animals, all of them…”

“You need to be more careful.”

“You need to stop telling me what to do,” Kylo bit back.

“Maybe I do! It’s not like you ever listen!”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because one day you might not come back! And then what the fuck am I supposed to do?” Hux shouted.

A tense silence dropped over them, broken only by their breathing and the rumble of thunder in the distance. Kylo stared up at him, brow pinched, but no longer angry. A trickle of blood slipped down his cheek to his lips. Without thinking, Hux wiped it away with his thumb. The sound of thunder drew closer.

“It’s going to rain,” Hux said numbly. Kylo still hadn’t said a word but he slowly lifted his hand and brushed something from Hux’s cheek in return.

Hux blinked. He’d been so furious he hadn’t even noticed he was crying.

“ ‘m sorry,” Kylo mumbled. “I didn’t think you’d c-…didn’t think there’d be anything in the cave…” he sighed slowly. “Didn’t think. That’s what it usually comes down to. Just rushed in, like a fool.” He said it in a way like he’d been told it before. Probably by someone close to him, someone whose words could get under his skin like a splinter. Hux knew the feeling well.

“You aren’t a fool.” Hux smoothed his hair back from his face, like he always did, careful of the head injury. Kylo leaned into the touch. “You might do foolish things, sometimes. But you aren’t a fool. You’re smarter than most humans, that’s for sure.”

Kylo frowned up at him. “I like bringing you things.”

“And I like the things you bring me. I keep them all, you know. But the only thing I really want you to bring back is you. Got it?”

Kylo frowned for a moment, processing his words, then closed his eyes and nodded.

“I’m going to need more than that.”

“Yes. Okay. I understand.” Kylo’s lips pulled up into a smirk again. “Your wish is my command.”

“Cheeky bastard.”

Kylo’s laugh was drowned out by a crack of thunder. It was only a matter of minutes now. Kylo couldn’t return to the water bleeding like this, he’d only attract more trouble.

“Ever seen a storm from the land?” Hux asked.

“No.”

“Well. There’s a first time for everything.” He stood and dragged Kylo over to one of the rocky ledges that framed the secluded spot. He helped Kylo sit up and propped him against the flat wall of it, and then settled beside him.

By the time the rain ended, Kylo still hadn’t seen a storm from the land. He dropped his head against Hux’s shoulder and began to doze off, and Hux held him close and ran his fingers through his wet hair.

As the first drops began to fall, Hux leaned back against the rocks with a sigh. He thought longingly of his worn-in spot on the couch and his soft bath robe and his watchlist on Hulu.

He felt Kylo’s nose bump softly against his jaw as he whispered, “thank you,” before drifting off to sleep, and he didn’t give a damn about any of it.

And they waited out the storm, together.

*

Hux might not have been prone to getting into fights, but he wasn’t always in good health, either.

As a child he’d been thin, weak, sometimes even sickly. His father had despised him for it, made it no secret that he believed he got it from his mother’s side. Hux spent those years in balanced between two extremes: he was a mistake, and would never be good enough, but he was a Hux, and must always be perfect.

He’d become a perfectionist out of necessity, survival. Then, when he left it all behind him, he’d tried to break the habit, if only because he could. It was oddly stressful, sometimes, to be intentionally imperfect, but it was worth it to be able to do things like wear slightly wrinkled clothes, grow his hair past his ears, leave his shoes on around the house, eat messily, laugh loudly. All the little things he imagined those with “normal” childhoods took for granted.

Of course, he still maintained high standards in his work. That wasn’t for his father but for his own pride, his need to believe that his skills were something of his own, not some birthright forced upon him. But in everything else he allowed himself to, for the first time in his life, simply be.

And that meant, among other things, that when he was sick he didn’t have to hide it for fear of showing weakness. And he got sick quite a lot; at least four times a year, once per season. In the spring and fall he tried to blame allergies until it became undeniable that it was worse. Though the winters ranged from mild to warm, still, every year some sort of bug swept through his workplace like a hurricane, and he always caught it.

The worst was in the summer, though. The chills and stuffy nose and sneezing just did not belong alongside the long, hot days and sweet-smelling breeze.

Yet there he sat, waiting on the beach, shivering in a hooded sweatshirt with a pocket full of half-used tissues. Waiting for his stupid merman. Unable not to, at least not for long.

And there he was.

Kylo approached eagerly as ever; he’d mostly stopped putting up a front of indifference. He wasn’t fooling anyone.

But as he drew closer, he slowed down cautiously. Something seemed…off. Hux was curled in a ball. He was sitting on a towel, which Kylo thought he’d stopped doing. He was wearing long pants and a shirt with sleeves. His nose was pink and occasionally he made soft sniffling noises.

As Kylo scooted up onto shore, Hux gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Closer, now, Kylo could see the red-rimmed eyes and pallor. Everything about him muted.

Then, before Kylo could get close enough to touch, Hux held a hand up to stop him.

Kylo was becoming frightened. He wasn’t used to the feeling.

“Have you been crying?” was his first question, hoping that’s all it was. A bad day, maybe.

“No,” Hux said unconvincingly as he sniffed again. His nose twitched, suddenly, and he quickly pulled some thin, white object from his pocket and –

Achoo!

Kylo recoiled, eyes widening.

“The fuck was that?” He’d never heard a sound like that from his human before.

Hux wiped the white thing over his nose a few times, groaned, and stuffed it into his pocket. Then he seemed to process Kylo’s words. “Don’t merfolk sneeze?”

Kylo only glared at him warily.

“…I’ll take that as a no.” Hux sighed. He sighed and curled tighter on himself. Kylo deflated a little, one hand moving forward on the sand a little, wanting to reach out.

“I’m sick,” Hux finally explained. “Do merfolk get sick?”

“Yes. Of course.” Kylo shuddered at the memory of a gill-infection he’d come down with as a child. The only thing worse than being sick had been the slimy salve his mother had to apply every evening until he was better.

“Well. Sneezing is something humans do when they’re sick. Sometimes.” Hux looked like he wanted to explain more, but lacked the energy to do so. He closed his eyes, leaning forward to press his forehead against his knees for a moment.

Kylo scooted closer. He tilted his head, watching Hux with growing concern.

“How do humans get better?” he asked quietly. Maybe there was something he could do.

“Rest. Eat. Take medicine.”

“Are you doing those things?”

“No.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because I’m here.” Hux looked up from his arms and somehow seemed to have grown more tired, more miserable in the seconds he’d been hidden. “Because I wanted to see you.”

Kylo’s heart sank. He tried to think back to the day before, or the one before that. Had Hux been sick those days, and he hadn’t noticed? Had he really been coming to see Kylo instead of staying at home with Millicent and getting better?

Rest. Eat. Medicine.

Hux couldn’t rest out in the ocean with Kylo like he usually did, the cold water would only make him feel worse. Kylo couldn’t give Hux anything to eat, most of what he ate made humans sick. He didn’t know a thing about medicine.

He’d never felt so useless in his life.

“You should go inside,” Kylo said quietly.

Hux frowned at him, squinting the way he did when he was thinking. “But I just got here.”

“But you’re sick.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not!” Kylo pointed. “Go!”

Hux scowled. “Don’t tell me what to d-“ the word was cut off by a sharp sneeze. He groaned again and dug around for a tissue to wipe his nose on.

“You’re sick,” Kylo repeated.

“Yes, we’ve established that.”

“So you need to go get better.” The words pushed out through gritted teeth; why did his human have to be so fucking stubborn?

Hux only shrugged, and finally Kylo snapped.

“I’m serious! You get up on your skinny legs and go take some medicine! Or…go to bed, or something! I don’t know! Because if you don’t…if you don’t you might…what if you…”

Kylo trailed off, struggling to find the words. He was out of his depth here. He didn’t know a thing about human illness, he didn’t know if what Hux had was a small, passing thing or something worse, he didn’t know how to treat it, he didn’t know whether it could get worse or not. His breathing picked up as he tried to ignore the sudden image of swimming to shore to find Hux sprawled limp, lifeless on the sand, his bright eyes closed…

“Kylo?”

Hux’s voice sounded closer than it should. He blinked away the wetness in his eyes and tried to focus.

“Kylo. What’s wrong?”

It was closer because Hux had moved to sit right beside him. There was something warm on his cheek and it took him a long moment to realize it was Hux’s hand. He pressed his face into it, willing Hux not to pull away.

“You have to get better,” he muttered, a little embarrassed. Hux was watching him, his gaze knowing.

“I meant it when I said I’m fine. It’s really nothing. I get sick like this every year and I always get better after a few days.”

“But – “

“I wanted to come see you. That…makes me feel better.”

“But I can’t do anything,” Kylo insisted.

Hux was quiet for a moment. Thinking. His brow was pinched and he kept glancing back at the path to his house. When he finally did speak he seemed reluctant, embarrassed.

“There is…one thing.”

“What?” Kylo perked up. Anything.

Hux sniffled again. “When I was a child, before my mother…” He stopped then started again. “One of my only memories of her is from a time when I was sick. She – “ He stopped again.

Then, Hux shifted and moved the towel out from under himself. He folded it in half and then looked at Kylo. Specifically, at Kylo’s tail.

“May I?”

“Uh. Sure?” He had no idea what Hux wanted to do but he’d try just about anything.

Hux spread the towel across Kylo’s tail, over his hips. Then he shifted until he could lie sideways. He rested his head on Kylo’s lap facing away from him and squirmed until he was comfortable. And then he stayed like that.

After a moment, he began to feel around for something with one hand. And then he found it – Kylo’s hand – and tugged it up, placing it on his head. Still, he said nothing, offered no explanation.

Kylo sat there frozen for a moment, his hand resting hesitantly upon Hux’s head of copper hair. It was so soft beneath his fingers that he couldn’t help stroking them over it, just once…

The moment he did so, Hux sighed and the tension eased from him.

What?

Oh.

Kylo continued stroking, running his fingers through the silky strands. He admired Hux’s hair so often but rarely got to touch it. He didn’t understand how it would help Hux, but…Hux was relaxed now, his breathing even, if a little wheezy. He was no longer shivering. One of his hands was settled lower on Kylo’s tail, thumb slowly stroking the scales.

They stayed like that for a long time. At some point, Hux had fallen asleep, and still Kylo continued to stroke his hair.

Rest. That was one of the things Hux said he needed, and now he was getting it.

Kylo smiled, feeling a rush of warmth so sudden and consuming it was almost frightening. Maybe he could help. Maybe his human did need him when he wasn’t feeling good, just as Kylo needed Hux when he was hurt.

Of course, he couldn’t stay forever, though he wanted to. He’d have to go in to breathe and to do that he’d have to wake and move Hux. He thought briefly, hysterically, of not waking him. Of staying here suffocating just so Hux could rest. Knowing that was ridiculous, considering it anyway. It would only upset Hux more, though, and so he wouldn’t, couldn’t do it.

A pang of regret pierced through the warm feeling in him. This – this friendship was turning out to be more difficult than he’d thought.

But also much, much more important.

Chapter Text

“I’m going to be gone for a couple of weeks.”

Hux thought nothing could make Kylo look up from his current obsession on Hux’s phone – Google maps, where he could see just how vast the world was – but that, apparently, did the trick.

Kylo even set the phone aside and turned from his stomach onto his side to level Hux with a stern look. Hux was lying on his back a couple feet away, reading a book.

Okay, maybe not reading. Maybe staring at the same page for half an hour while trying to make himself break this news to Kylo.

“Are you working late again? I thought we solved this.”

“No. I’ll be gone. In another place. For work, though, yes. They’ve…chosen me and a few others to represent the company at some meetings.” Hux didn’t think he’d be able to explain just how big that was for him, to be trusted after the colossal fuck-up that had ended his previous career. It wasn’t anything huge, but to him it felt like an important step.

“I see.” Kylo wasn’t sure he saw, completely, but Hux didn’t need to know that. “Where is it? If there’s a beach I can come visit you.”

“It’s called Chicago, and there isn’t.”

Kylo’s face fell, making Hux wish he’d been less blunt about it. Hux watched him shift through several expressions before getting it under control, his face a mask of practiced indifference.

“When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“So soon?” Kylo sat up a little. “Why are you just telling me now?”

“I kept putting it off. I thought it might upset you.”

“Upset me? What makes you think it would upset me?”

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re currently upset.”

Kylo took a slow breath, still frowning deeply. Hux traced patterns into the sand with his finger, avoiding Kylo’s gaze.

“So I won’t see you for…?”

“Two weeks.”

“Glad to see you’re so unconcerned.”

Hux looked up sharply.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” It was Kylo’s turn to look away, out at the water. Hux couldn’t help noting how striking his profile was: the prominent nose and full lips, his dark hair pushed back from his face and falling down his neck, the smooth red fins on either side of his head fanned out like small wings.

He’d miss this view as much as that of the ocean. Maybe more.

“It’s just, I’ll…” Kylo’s brow pinched as he struggled to get the words out. “I might. Miss. You.”

“And you think I won’t miss you?”

“It certainly doesn’t seem that way,” Kylo said.

Hux stuck a bookmark into his abandoned book and pushed it aside. He rolled from his back onto his stomach, the movement bringing him right next to Kylo, and snatched his phone out of Kylo’s hands.

Kylo watched curiously while Hux opened his gallery and searched for something. His chin settled on Hux’s bare shoulder and Hux knew he wasn’t really that angry with him.

“There. See this?” Hux held up the phone, showing Kylo the picture. The picture, the one he’d stealthily taken of them together on the beach the first time Hux showed him his phone: Kylo lying back against Hux’s chest and Hux’s chin resting on the top of his head. Hux’s eyes looking not at the sky or the ocean, but at Kylo.

“You kept it?”

“Of course I kept it. I...really like this picture. I look at it a lot, and when I’m gone I’ll look at it every day, ok? I’ll think about you, dumbass, so stop worrying.”

Kylo stared at the picture for a while. Then he poked Hux’s cheek with his nose. “I don’t have anything to look at to think of you.”

“Bullshit. I’ve given you things. Remember I let you look at a fork and you never gave it back? And a watch, and cufflinks, and a candle, and a sock, and the bell from one of Millie’s collars…I can only assume you’re hoarding it all somewhere. I suppose I should feel lucky I still have the phone.”

“Those things aren’t like this,” Kylo argued, motioning to the image.

Hux thought with a pang of guilt of his shelf of gifts Kylo had given him. He was right, really. Hux had brought plenty of “land stuff” for Kylo to look at, but aside from the things he’d pilfered, Hux hadn’t really given him anything.

What could he give him? What would last underwater, and not be too difficult to keep? It wasn’t as though Kylo had pockets. Hux got the brief mental image of a tube of fabric around Kylo’s tail, like a single pant leg, and Kylo rummaging around in the pocket for a wallet or keys. He started to giggle and Kylo huffed impatiently, his breath tickling the side of Hux’s face.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. Look, you’re right. How about I get you something on the trip?”

Kylo sighed. He nodded. “That would be nice.” Then he seemed to realize something. “I don’t care if you give me things, Hux. I just want to be able to think of you while you’re gone.”

“What happened to that impeccable memory of yours?”

“Shut up. You know what I mean.”

“I do,” Hux said quietly. Then, he thought of something. “My flight out isn’t too early. Meet me here just after sunrise?”

“…okay.”

*

Kylo met him as promised, tentatively hopeful. He meant it when he said he didn’t care if Hux gave him things. He liked giving Hux things because…because he just did. He liked watching the joyful curiosity on Hux’s face when he looked at what Kylo brought him; he liked knowing he kept them where he lived.

He liked knowing that at least some part of Kylo could follow him onto land, into his home. The thought consoled Kylo when he wished he could do that. Follow Hux anywhere.

Hux was dressed in long pants and wore a light jacket over a button-up shirt. Unlike his sandals, the shoes he wore covered his whole feet and beneath them socks covered his ankles. His hair was combed down in a way that kept any of it from slipping loose of the style. He looked so different, so...encased. Kylo didn’t like it. He wanted to drag Hux into the water by his feet and remove the extra layers and ruffle his hair free of its confines. But that would make Hux late, which would make him angry.

Kylo pulled himself up onto the shore and looked curiously up at him. Hux took a few steps closer, but didn’t sit beside him in the sand. He must have noticed the disappointment on Kylo’s face at this, because he quickly said, “Sorry. I don’t want to get sand all over, or spend the whole flight in wet clothes…” His sentence was cut off with a yawn.

“Will you tell me about it when you return? Cha…um…the place you’re…”

“Chicago. Yes, I promise. And I’ll take pictures, when I can.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Hux stepped a little closer. With a little grunt, he crouched in front of Kylo.

“I have something for you.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows. “You do? I told you, you don’t have to – “

“I want to. Here.”

Hux pulled something out of his pocket and held it out to Kylo.

It was something small and round on a metal chain. A necklace. There was a simple design engraved on the front. When Kylo took it and turned it in his hands he discovered a latch on one side and a hinge on the other, like a much, much smaller version of some of the chests he’d found when exploring shipwrecks.

“Open it,” Hux instructed softly.

He did. When he saw what was inside he nearly dropped it from how his hand trembled suddenly.

“How?”

Inside was a tiny version of the picture Hux had on his phone. When Kylo reached out a cautious finger to touch it, he found it was covered in glass, safe from the water.

“How?” He asked again, looking up at Hux, who was smiling at his reaction.

“The locket – that’s what it’s called – was from an antique store. That’s where humans sell old valuable things. They were starting to close by the time I got there, I’m lucky they let me in…anyway. Putting the picture in it was easy. You can – I put it on paper, and then put the paper inside there. It’s hard to explain.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Kylo muttered, looking down at the locket again and moving his thumb over the image almost reverently. He closed it and gripped it in his hand. “Thank you Hux…” He didn’t know what else to say. He’d never had anything like this before.

“You’re welcome. Here…” Hux reached for a chain and for a moment Kylo nearly pulled his hand away. But Hux wasn’t taking the gift back, he was only lifting the necklace to drape around Kylo’s neck, careful of his gills. It sat just beneath them and the locket rested at the center of his chest.

For a moment, Hux kept his hands close, fingers hovering by Kylo’s cheeks, their eyes locked. Then something gave way in him and he reached out to stroke firmly over Kylo’s ear fins, just the way he liked. Kylo sighed and closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling while he could.

It was gone too soon. Hux’s hands froze for a moment, like they were stuck to him, unable to pull away. But then he did, his expression apologetic.

“I have to go. You take care of yourself. No fights, no sharks.”

“Yes mother.”

Hux laughed. The early morning sun on his face made him look like a being of pure gold. Like a treasure for Kylo to hoard away.

And then he stood.

And then he left.

Chapter Text

Hux liked Chicago well enough. He could do without the wind tossing his hair around, but he liked the wide open streets and the way the river cut through them like a scar. And while Lake Michigan was no substitute for the ocean, it was beautiful in its own right and the expanse of water helped soothe the thrum of anxiety he always felt when he was too far inland.

He stood at the window of his hotel room, from which he could see the lake in the distance, glowing with the reflection of the city lights. In one hand he clutched the smooth moon shell Kylo had given him. He turned it over and over with his fingers and traced the spiral of it with his thumb and wondered if there were merpeople in the lake.

He had expected to miss Kylo a little, yes.

What he hadn’t expected was how much.

All day he’d been kept busy: first the scramble to make the flight, followed by the flight, checking into the hotel with barely a moment to change before a late lunch meeting with the client, and then his coworkers had decided to see some sites while they had the afternoon free. Since they were all sharing a rental car he’d been forced to tag along.

By the time they returned to the hotel, nearly ten at night, he was exhausted, grumpy, and had heartburn from their late dinner. Luckily, the company had spared the budget to get them each their own room, so at least he didn’t have to deal with anyone once he was in his.

He’d entered the room, slipped the Do Not Disturb sign onto the handle, shut, locked, bolted the door, and leaned back against it with a heavy sigh.

And then he’d stared into the dark room and caught sight of the lake in the distance through the window. It finally sunk in that the work day was over but he wouldn’t be able to slip down to the beach to see Kylo. The weight of it settled like an anchor in his chest and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. He fumbled a hand into his pocket and gripped the shell. He closed his eyes and took a few breaths. When he opened them again, he pulled the shell out and looked at it.

What the hell have you done to me, he thought, irritated and fond and longing.

Was this how people with meaningful relationships felt all the time? God, it was awful.

He set the shell on the nightstand and got ready for bed, ignoring the tightness in his throat and the burning in his eyes. Before settling in to sleep, he pulled up the image of him and Kylo on his phone and stared at it until he could barely keep his eyes open.

Sleepily he plugged his phone in and opened the white noise app, setting it to “ocean waves”. It wasn’t enough like home to really lull him, just like the shell and the picture weren’t enough of Kylo to ease the pressure in his chest, but it was all he had and it would have to do.

Hux drifted off to sleep. He dreamed of warm brown eyes in the sunlight, of bright scales against beige sand, of a dimpled smile and a deep, bubbling laugh.

*

Patience had never been one of Kylo’s strongest qualities. All his life he had wanted things, and wanted them immediately, and when he got old enough to realize he could simply take instead of asking, he had done so with reckless abandon.

He’d been on a pre-determined path set by his family, but he’d taken control and set his own course. He’d taken lives, when he had to, when it was necessary to maintain his freedom. He took risks, so many risks, whatever it took to keep the restlessness and emptiness at bay and burn through the furious energy that welled up in him far too often.

He’d seen a beautiful human in a boat one day and taken him for himself. He’d done all he could to keep him. Not really, not in the way humans thought merfolk lured people close and then dragged them under. Hux wasn’t his prey or his prisoner, but Kylo felt he’d kept him all the same. Hux wanted him around, wanted to talk to him and touch him. In a way, he supposed Hux had kept him, too. It didn’t matter; Kylo had what he wanted.

Except Hux was gone, and he didn’t know what the hell he wanted anymore. He tried some of his go-to hobbies: exploring new areas of the ocean floor, tricking fishermen and frightening divers, swimming just for fun with no destination, collecting things. They killed time and gave him some enjoyment but nothing could fill the gaping emptiness that had grown inside him.

In an uncharacteristic show of obedience, he avoided other merfolk and, just to be safe, certain breeds of shark. He had promised Hux he wouldn’t fight and besides, if he did and he got injured there would be no warm, gentle hands and softly scolding voice to return to, no legs to rest his head on or toes to play with.

It had to be unhealthy, feeling so lost because of the absence of another.

He tried watching other humans, but they held no appeal, even the bright-haired ones, because they weren’t his bright-haired one. He remembered as a younger man thinking all humans were the same, loud and stupid. Not that he thought much higher of his own people, but there was a clumsiness to humans that made him laugh and feel pity at the same time. He never in his life imagined befriending one.

One more risk to add to the list.

Two weeks passed agonizingly slowly. Kylo rarely tracked the passage of time other than for useful things like migration patterns and weather changes and vacation seasons. He didn’t understand how humans lived, always needing to know when they were, their lives bound by imaginary constraints of hours and days. It was maddening.

By the end of the first week, he forced himself to stop checking the beach every day just in case Hux had decided to return early.

Halfway through the second week he began to berate himself. This is ridiculous. You shouldn’t still feel this way. Enough time has passed to adapt.

The closer it got to Hux’s return, rather than more patient he grew more restless. Restlessness made him careless and, the day before Hux was to be back, he found himself in a tussle with a blonde-haired, silver-tailed mermaid who was even taller than him, and nearly as muscular. He’d made some remark in passing to her and she hadn’t taken it well. She was powerful and fast, and he felt almost lucky to have made it out with only a bruise blooming on his ribs and his tail sore from the effort of trying to swing fast enough to hit her.

Hux would be angry. Kylo didn’t care. He’d take a furious, snapping Hux over no Hux any day.

He hid for a while curled up in a reef, swatting at fish as they swam past his head. He lifted the locket for what must have been the thousandth time and opened it to reveal the small image of him and Hux. It was Hux but it wasn’t. Nothing could quite capture the shade of his hair and eyes. The picture couldn’t laugh or joke or tell him stories. But it was all he had, for now.

Kylo closed the locket and held it tight in his fist. He closed his eyes and willed time to move faster.

Chapter Text

Finally, finally, the day came, and Kylo gave up on patience altogether. He raced to the shore as quickly as he could with his tail still aching dully.

When he got close enough to see the familiar beach alcove, he stopped and peeked out of the water. He gasped when he saw the equally familiar figure sitting on a towel in the sand, his copper hair like a beacon. Kylo almost couldn’t believe it. He’s here.

Rather than hurry the rest of the way, he lingered for a moment, watching Hux, who hadn’t seen him yet. He looked the same, all bright hair and long limbs. Kylo wished he was close enough to see his eyes. More than that, he wished he knew what to expect once he reached the shore. Would Hux be happy to see him? Was he only here to break it to Kylo that in his time away, he’d found other things to spend his time on? Or that his job would take him away again, and it was best they end this now?

Before he could keep considering worse and worse possibilities, Hux’s eyes landed on him. Hux sat up a little straighter in what Kylo hoped was eagerness.

It was too late to go back now and he couldn’t if he tried. Not when Hux was back.

He dipped low into the water and headed to the shore.

*

Hux had been sitting on the beach for nearly an hour.

He was tired in the way only hectic days in an unfamiliar place and nights spent in a strange bed could make one tired. His legs were stiff from being bent uncomfortably in the small plane seats; he could still taste the stale complimentary coffee on his tongue.

He should have been inside resting, unpacking, doing laundry, or sorting through the pile of unopened mail that had been waiting for him. Instead, the moment he’d gotten home he’d changed into fresh clothes and hurried down to the water.

The trip had gone smoothly for the most part. After the first couple days, once he’d grown accustomed to his coworkers’ relentless enthusiasm, he’d managed to almost have fun. Working with the client had gone well; Hux was pretty sure he’d impressed them, and felt confident about working with them again. But all of it soon grew tiresome and he found himself daydreaming about his comfortable couch, his cat, his shelf of treasures, his merman.

His merman who was late. Or, he would have been, if Hux had actually told him when that day he’d be returning. He knew Kylo wasn’t attentive to time in the way he was, but if Hux told him be here around low tide, he would have, but Hux hadn’t, and so he wasn’t.

So Hux waited, pulling his knees up to his chest and trying to shove down the fear that in his absence Kylo had left for good, moved on to other things, or worse, to another human. That he’d realized Hux was ordinary, one of trillions, and that Kylo could find the same if not better elsewhere.

Hux sighed and scanned the horizon. The day had the audacity to be beautiful, perfect for swimming or simply lying in the sun. It was still only mid-afternoon, and he’d hoped to spend the day with Kylo to make up for his absence.

And then…there. A dark spot just above the water, which moved suddenly, ducking under, followed by a brief flash of red. Hux sat up a little more, heart thudding with anticipation. He’s here he’s here he’s here.

For several tense moments the water was calm, there was barely a breeze, everything still and silent.

And then, so quietly he wouldn’t have noticed were he not paying such close attention, the top of a head began to emerge, then the red and black tips of fins, then big brown eyes peering up at him. He didn’t come out further than that. He didn’t move closer.

Hux frowned.

“Kylo?” He stood and walked closer. “What is it? Are you hurt again?”

The moment he got knee-deep into the water, he realized he’d made a terrible, horrible mistake. For the briefest second, all of Kylo’s face emerged, revealing the wide smirk on his lips. He felt a cold grasp around his ankle and only had a second to brace himself before his feet were pulled out from under him.

He yelped as he toppled back into the water, sinking under fully. He held his breath, expecting to be pulled in farther, deeper, for an impromptu swim.

And then one hand found waist and the other his thigh and he was pulled above the surface and gathered up into strong arms and held tight against a sturdy chest.

Hux coughed a little and pushed his soaked hair back out of his face with one hand. “You asshole.” He squirmed, trying to free himself, but the grip around him only tightened. Kylo was laughing; Hux hated how much he loved that laugh.

“Don’t be mad, it was – stop squirming, you’re like a fucking squid – I had to, you made it too easy.”

When he realized there was no escaping, Hux scowled up at him. He used the opportunity to look at Kylo’s much-missed face with its striking features and beauty marks. Of course, Kylo didn’t need to know he’d missed anything about him, or how much. Even this, the pranks and the playing. Even his infuriating smug grin.

He only got to stare for a moment before Kylo’s arms curled around him more snugly and he found his face smushed into Kylo’s neck. Gills fluttered in front of his eyes; just below them a metal chain stood out against Kylo’s skin. The necklace Hux had given him.

At the sight of it, Hux finally stopped struggling. Who was he kidding? There wasn’t a place in the world he’d rather be than on his beach in the clingy embrace of his big, stupid, obnoxious, wonderful merman. He’d never been so grateful to be crushed and completely soaked.

“You asshole,” he mumbled again, fondly this time. He wiggled his arms free and looped them around Kylo’s shoulders. Until he did so, he didn’t notice how tense Kylo had been. But the moment Hux returned his embrace, he relaxed and buried his face in Hux’s hair.

He was so strong and stubborn sometimes that Hux forgot the vulnerability he caught occasional glimpses of, often mirroring his own buried insecurities. Suddenly the tightness of Kylo’s grip and his unwillingness to let Hux see his face for long made all too much sense. Maybe he was just as afraid Hux wouldn’t return, or would return disinterested.

Hux curled one hand around the back of Kylo’s neck, keeping him close with a firm but gentle grip. He wasn’t sure he wanted Kylo to see his face, either, when he mumbled, “I missed you.”

A little jolt ran through Kylo at the words, like he was startled to hear them. The arms around Hux tightened, just short of too much. Hux could feel every breath he took; he could feel the thudding of his pulse. He closed his eyes. He tried not to care whether Kylo replied.

“I missed you too.” And Hux released his breath in a sharp exhale. He’d been gone two weeks and his merman was still here. Still wanted him. Didn’t care whether the meetings had gone well or poorly, whether he’d succeeded or failed.

He felt a stinging behind his eyes and hid his face in Kylo’s mop of dark, damp hair. Was this how people with meaningful relationships felt all the time? God, it was awful.

It was also…kind of nice.

They stayed like that until a breeze made Hux shiver. Kylo released him and let him stand and stretch and shake out his numb legs. Hux nodded to the shore.

“Come on. I’ll show you pictures.”

He walked back with Kylo swimming at his side until the water grew too shallow and he had to pull himself the rest of the way with his arms.

As soon as they reached the sand Hux grabbed his towel, shook out the sand and wrapped it around himself. He plopped to the ground and watched Kylo settle beside him.

“…Kylo?”

“Mm?”

“Where did you get this?” He reached out and brushed his fingers just above the edge of a bruise on Kylo’s side.

Silence.

“What was the one thing I asked you not to do?”

More silence.

Kylo turned onto his back and fixed his gaze on the sky.

“It was an accident.”

“The bruise?”

“The fight.”

“Kylo.”

“I’m serious! She attacked me first.”

“So you did nothing whatsoever to provoke it.”

“…I didn’t say that.”

Hux exhaled slowly. He didn’t want to argue, not really. He was just worried and too stubborn to simply say that he was worried.

“Were there other fights?”

“No. Just the one.”

“Good.” Only one in two weeks wasn’t bad at all, for Kylo. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“My tail is sore.”

“From what?”

“From swimming a marathon. From fighting, Hux.”

Hux huffed and looked away. “Next time I won’t ask.”

A cool hand settled on his wrist. He looked back down to see Kylo looking up at him, his expression apologetic.

“Will you touch it?” Kylo asked sheepishly.

“Your tail?”

“Yes.”

“Will that help?”

“Maybe. And you can tell me about your trip.”

Hux sighed and sat up with his legs out in front of him. Kylo shifted and flopped his tail across them, grinning victoriously. Hux rolled his eyes.

“Don’t make me change my mind.”

Hux stroked a hand over his tail, admiring its color and texture all over again. He pet in long, firm strokes, watching the scales shimmer in the sunlight. Kylo lay back, folding his arms behind his head and sighing under Hux’s gentle caresses. Hux found himself unable to keep from looking at the long lines of his torso or the dip of his throat or the curve of his biceps.

When had those things started interesting him more than Kylo’s tail and fins?

He shook his head; he was being ridiculous. He was just glad to see Kylo again, that was all.

Hux began talking about the trip as promised and Kylo listened attentively. Hux pulled out his phone and handed it to Kylo so he could flip through the photos.

“Are all human cities like this?”

“Some of them.”

“Incredible…” He swiped to the next and then made an indignant sound. “An ocean! You liar, you said you wouldn’t be near one.”

“I wasn’t. That’s a lake.” Then, Hux remembered, “Do merfolk live in lakes? Can they, in freshwater?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never tried. Lakes are smaller than the ocean?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think we’d like it.” Kylo yawned and stretched lazily, and again Hux had to resolutely look away from the curve of his back, the flat plane of his stomach just begging to be touched.

“No. I don’t think you would.” Hux’s legs were starting to go numb. He carefully lifted the tail from his lap and squirmed out from under it to kneel beside Kylo. “This thing is heavy enough to be a whole second person,” he muttered.

In response, Kylo flicked the broad tailfin up, spraying sand across Hux’s lap. Hux scowled and brushed it off. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?” The words lacked any real bite.

Kylo smirked. “But you missed me.”

Hux sat cross-legged beside him and traced his fingertips along one of the delicate fins along the side of Kylo’s tail. He followed it up and ran his palm smoothly along where scales met skin, equal parts fascinated by their contrast and reminded of how different they were.

Kylo shuddered. Hux pulled his hand away. “…I did. A lot.”

When Kylo was quiet long enough for it to be suspicious, Hux finally looked at his face, which was an odd mixed of surprised and content, his smugness gone.

He reached a hand to Hux and Hux leaned towards it as if pulled by a magnet. Kylo cupped his cheek, his cool hand feeling oh, so good against Hux’s sun-heated skin. Hux closed his eyes, the last of two weeks of stress and anxiety and longing slipping away.

For a moment, leaning over Kylo, he felt as though he was supposed to do something. He didn’t know what, just that this homecoming, this reunion, was incomplete somehow. He opened his eyes and met Kylo’s gaze, hoping to find an answer.

Kylo’s lips were turned up in a fond smile but his brow was pinched with confusion. It was almost as if he was feeling the same thing.

The wind blew, tossing Hux’s hair into his face and as he grumbled and pushed it back, the moment passed. Kylo laughed and rather than help him fix his hair, ruffled it even more.

Hux sighed and began to laugh, too. He gave up fighting for any semblance of control. With Kylo it felt less important anyway. He could finally relax. He was home.

Chapter Text

Kylo didn’t know what day they’d met or how long it had been since then; Hux kept track of those things, not him. So when Hux found him sitting on one of the rocks that protruded from the water like extensions of the rocky ledge around the beach, and announced that it had been seven months since they met, Kylo wasn’t sure how to react.

Was that significant? It felt like a long time, in the sense that the peak of vacation season had come and gone, and while it was relatively warm year-round, the searing heat of summer had ended. And in the sense that he could hardly remember life before Hux. It felt like another life, a distant dream. What had he even done with his time, and how had any of it been enough?

So, seven months, apparently. In that time they came to know many things about each other, but some remained locked away. Namely, their pasts.

Maybe that was because they wanted to maintain the illusion that they were both the people the other thought they were. And maybe they were also both a little frightened of what they’d find in each other if they dug deep enough.

Kylo suspected there were things Hux wasn’t telling him, but whenever he became tempted to ask questions, he reminded himself that he had secrets of his own, shadows that followed him no matter how much time passed.

Sitting on the rock that day, Hux was quieter than usual. His feet dangled just above where the waves crashed against the side of the rock, spraying water up onto his legs. Kylo’s tail was draped alongside them; occasionally Hux’s toes brushed against his tailfin.

Were the day less cool, and Hux less brooding, Kylo might have grabbed him and tipped them both over into the water. But something was clearly on Hux’s mind and Kylo, for once, had the self-preservation not to “poke the shark”, so to speak.

Usually when Hux was in a bad mood he was snappish and bossy. Usually Kylo was the one who got quiet and sullen. Something must have happened, but Kylo didn’t know whether his asking would be welcome or not.

It turned out he didn’t have to ask. After several long minutes of staring blankly at the waves, Hux heaved a sigh and drummed his fingers on the rock.

“Can I ask you a question, Kylo?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have family somewhere?”

Kylo’s stomach twisted with nerves. The topic of family had somehow never come up between them. He would have been okay if it never did, but it was bound to happen eventually.

“Of course I do,” he replied with forced nonchalance. “Everyone does.”

“Do you get along with them?”

Kylo’s silence said more than words ever could. Hux nodded.

“Me either.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. The wind ruffled his hair and his eyes were distant and suddenly he looked so incredibly small. Kylo wanted to curl around him so the breeze wouldn’t toss him into the waves below.

Hux seemed like he wanted to say more, but was struggling with whether or not to do so. Maybe…maybe if Kylo shared something, Hux would feel that he could, too.

“There are a select few among my kind who take on a…a special duty, you might say, to protect our secrets, our homes and our treasures. I don’t know if there is an equivalent word in your language. Something between guardian and warrior. My uncle was one. He started training me from a young age to one day join them.”

Hux was watching him, intrigued. It was a definite improvement from a moment ago.

“And?” he prompted, when Kylo stopped. “Did you?”

“No.”

“What happened?”

“It…wasn’t for me.” It was such an understatement it almost felt like a lie.

Kylo could feel the warmth against his side as Hux inched closer until their shoulders touched. Hux was wearing a long-sleeved shirt; fabric still felt strange to Kylo’s skin, but it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. And it was Hux, so he didn’t move away.

“I understand,” Hux said. Kylo wasn’t sure that was true, but he listened anyway. “I don’t think I ever really told you what I do. I went to school for engineering. That’s like…designing and building things that serve a purpose or solve a problem. My father was in the military, and his father and grandfather, and so of course I should be, too. We…compromised by me signing up for a program through the Navy. My schooling was paid for, and he got to brag how his son was following in his footsteps.” He said this last part bitterly, his lip curling. “I hated the military part of it. No amount of training changed that. I didn’t get along with others. I’m lucky I made it through at all, but I did it so I could get to the part I actually wanted to do. Research and development, things like that. I – “

He stopped abruptly, as if he’d said too much.

“Anyway,” he said, “I understand having expectations placed on you. And I understand wanting to be free of them.”

Oh. So maybe he did understand.

“What sort of things did you design?” Kylo asked, genuinely curious. He hadn’t expected it to be a touchy subject, but evidently he was wrong, from the way Hux tensed beside him.

Kylo almost thought he wouldn’t answer. When he did, it was quiet, barely audible above the waves.

“Do you know what submarines are?”

“Yes. I’ve seen them before. You made those?”

“Well, designed them, yes, and…”

Kylo forced himself to be patient, to let Hux finish in his own time.

“And weapons.” Hux glanced at him, daring Kylo to judge him.

“Oh.” Was Kylo supposed to be upset by that? “So?”

“So we worked on missiles and such. And tested them in the water,” Hux said more forcefully. It was almost as if he wanted Kylo to be upset by it.

“What’s your point?” Kylo retorted, tilting his head.

“What if merfolk were hurt or killed in the process?”

Kylo scoffed.

“You think I care? I’ve killed my own kind before.”

It was out before he could stop it, and then it was too late to take back. Hux’s gaze was on him but he couldn’t meet it. He curled in a little, bracing himself. It was one thing to make things that could kill, it was another thing to do the killing yourself.

Something brushed Kylo’s hand and he nearly jumped. He looked down to see Hux’s hand rest on top of his where he gripped at the rocky ledge they sat on. Kylo loosened his grip a little and watched as Hux’s slender fingers settled in the gaps between his own slightly webbed ones. Hux’s hand was so pleasantly warm; suddenly everywhere else but that one point of contact felt too cold in comparison.

“I don’t care.” Hux said firmly. Kylo tore his gaze away from their hands to look at him. “Maybe I should, but I don’t. Your life has been very different from mine. I don’t know what’s normal or not for you. I don’t know what you’ve been through, what you might have had to do.” He paused and cleared his throat. “I just want to know you as you are now.”

Kylo felt a weight he didn’t know he’d been carrying lift from his shoulders. He didn’t necessarily regret the things he’d done, nor was he necessarily proud of them, but he’d always avoided being close to others for fear of what they would think. Especially someone like Hux, whose world was so different from his own. To have Hux not mind felt impossible, and yet...

Kylo smiled so wide it almost hurt.

“Thank you. And…the same goes for you.  I don’t care what you’ve done.”

Hux swallowed tightly. “Can I tell you why I moved here?”

“Of course.”

And so Hux told him everything: being promoted, being assigned an important weapons development project. And then The Mistake, as he’d come to call it. He’d missed something, something important, and there had been an accident. An explosion. Three dead, twenty-one more wounded. Hux had been in an observation room above it, had seen the whole thing happen and had come away without a scratch. There had been an investigation and it was ultimately deemed an accident, but he’d been discharged, humiliated, the few friends he’d made wouldn’t look him in the eye. His own father wanted nothing to do with him.

“So you see,” he said finally, “I’ve killed my own, too. In a way.”

When he was done telling the story he looked drained, but calmer. He was gripping Kylo’s hand tightly and when he noticed this he started to let go, but Kylo didn’t let him.

“You haven’t killed me yet, so. It’s fine.” Kylo said, aiming for casual.

Hux gave a startled laugh. “And I don’t plan to.” He squeezed Kylo’s hand.

“Good.”

Hux looked up at Kylo then and suddenly, truly appreciated just how unlikely their meeting and becoming friends had been. Kylo had no reason to believe a human wouldn’t hurt him or capture him or reveal him to others. Against all odds, he trusted Hux. It had been a long, long time since anyone had done that. It was a gift Hux couldn’t bear to squander.

“I’m glad it happened,” Kylo was saying. Hux looked up, slightly appalled. “Because,” Kylo added quickly, “it brought you here so we could meet.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you believe in fate.”

“No.” Kylo leaned in, his gaze intense. “I believe in taking what you want.”

A grin spread slowly across Hux’s face. Sometimes he wondered if they could read each other’s mind. Because it felt, looking at Kylo’s answering grin, as though he was thinking the same things Hux was. Things they both needed to say, and to hear.

We’re alike. I trust you. You’re safe here. I need you. Stay.

Chapter Text

“Just jump in.”

“Hold on. I’m not getting my clothes wet. That happens often enough with you.”

Hux peeled off his t-shirt and stepped out of his sandals so that he was only in his swim trunks. Kylo didn’t understand them, once even tried to peek into them, which had earned him a kick in the arm. Hux had tried to explain that humans covered up certain parts of themselves, but that only resulted in increasingly awkward questions for Hux to deflect. Some things he was simply not ready for, and giving a human anatomy lesson to an adult merman was one of them.

Impatient, Kylo slid down into the water to do who knew what, while Hux perched at the edge of his boat and tested the water with his toes. It was cool, but not unpleasantly so. He held his breath and jumped in.

He found Kylo not far down, doing a series of sweeping loops under the water. Hux called it “doing donuts”, which had led to explaining donuts, which had led to bringing Kylo a donut to try. He hadn’t liked it.

Hux watched him for as long as he could before needing to surface. He took a few breaths, and then ducked back under to watch him.

Kylo was magnificent in the water. On land, he was awkward, and while he could show off a little with some flips above the water’s surface, it was in the depths that he was at his very best. He arched and twirled gracefully; he swam circles around Hux so quickly he was a blur.

It thrilled Hux to see him this way. It also made something heavy and painful form in his chest as he looked down at his feet, awkwardly kicking in the water just to keep him upright. There were places Kylo could go, things he could do, that Hux never would. And he had a feeling that when Kylo watched Hux walk back to his home he thought the same thing. It was true at times that they weren’t so different. They also had insurmountable differences.

Hux went up for air once more. As he sank back down he saw Kylo approaching him, hands extended. Hux reached out and took them. With a smooth swish of his tail Kylo began to swim backwards, pulling him through the water. Soon, Kylo grinned and picked up speed. Hux had to close his eyes, but the feeling. The feeling was incredible. It wasn’t swimming anymore; it was like flying.

Kylo must have been watching for signs that Hux would need air, because the moment the discomfort started to build Kylo’s hands released his and grabbed his waist. He pulled Hux to the surface and held him there while he breathed.

Even once Hux caught his breath and was ready to go back under, Kylo’s hands remained on him. They were smooth and cool against his bare skin, and so big on his narrow waist it made his breath stutter to look at. Hux tore his gaze away from the sight to look at Kylo’s face. His question died on his tongue when he saw the odd way Kylo was looking at him. Gaze soft, mouth upturned slightly. Eyes warm and sparkling in the sunlight.

“What is it?” Hux asked quietly. Kylo’s grin faltered. He swallowed and looked away quickly. But he didn’t remove his hands.

“Ready?” He said rather than answer. He really didn’t seem to plan on letting Hux go, so Hux placed his hands on Kylo’s just plain unfair biceps and nodded.

Kylo pulled him back under. He let them sink down a few feet before stopping, looking at Hux again in the water. His hair floated around his face like an inky halo, his fathomless dark eyes bore into Hux, his parted lips revealed the tips of his slightly crooked pointed teeth. All the features which had once frightened Hux, now familiar, endearing. Hux reached out and brushed a strand of hair back from Kylo’s cheek, continued the movement with a stroke up along the edge of one of his ear fins. Kylo’s lips curled up into a pleased little smile as he leaned into the touch.

Suddenly Hux felt something brush against his ankle and he yelped, sending a surge of bubbles up from his mouth. He drew his knees up to his stomach, glaring cautiously down to see what had done it and finding only Kylo’s tail in the space where his legs had just been. Gradually, still frowning, he lowered his legs again.

Kylo took the opportunity and this time succeeded in curling the bottom of his tail around Hux’s calves, pinning them together. Hux’s frown only deepened. What the hell was Kylo doing? Other than trying to impede his ability to tread?

He squeezed Kylo’s arm and nodded his head upwards. Looking disappointed, Kylo conceded and pulled him back up.

The moment Hux could speak, he blurted out, “what the hell was that?”

Kylo’s answering glare-and-pout combination looked more petulant than truly angry. “I didn’t realize it would make you so uncomfortable.”

“So un- I don’t even know what ‘it’ was, Kylo. Why did you wrap your tail around my legs?”

“I think the closest word in your tongue is embrace.” Kylo’s eyes were downcast.

“Humans don’t embrace with our legs,” Hux explained. “Just our arms.”

“I know that…just with the arms it’s less…with the tail it’s more…” Kylo exhaled sharply, frustrated. “Merfolk sometimes curl their tails together as a…a sign of affection. Like this.” He held up one hand and made a “fingers crossed” sort of gesture.

“Oh,” was all Hux could manage at first. When Kylo’s hands loosened their hold on his waist Hux gripped his arms more tightly, keeping him there. “I see. That’s…okay.”

Kylo glanced at him from under his dark lashes. “Okay?”

“Yes, okay. You can do that. Though maybe it’ll be easier on the beach, where we don’t have to worry about staying afloat?”

Kylo lifted his head a little more, his expression still guarded, but tentatively hopeful.

“How do humans show affection?” he asked quietly.

Hux almost laughed. He was the wrong person to ask; it had been quite a while since he’d had reason to show affection to anyone other than his cat.

And, he supposed, thinking of all those afternoons spent in the sand stroking scales and fins and hair, to Kylo. He hadn’t looked at it that way until now and suddenly it seemed so obvious. Too obvious, and it was too much of a revelation to process at once, so he didn’t try.

“Well,” he began, contemplating Kylo’s question to distract from his own train of thought. “A lot of ways. Embracing, of course. Holding hands. Touches. Kissing. Endearments. Those sort of things.”

Kylo nodded. To Hux’s relief, he seemed less sullen already. “Merfolk do most of those. Except…what is kissing?”

Hux tilted his head. “Don’t merfolk kiss?”

“I don’t know. You would have to tell me what it is first. Or show me.” He said it so innocently that Hux realized he must really not know.

Immediately, Hux’s gaze darted down to Kylo’s plush mouth; he bit at his own lip to keep a small sound from escaping. Or show me. Could he? Would Kylo let him?

“It’s…a bit more intimate than the others.” Hux met his eyes. “But if you wanted, I could show you.”

Kylo nodded enthusiastically, all his previous embarrassment over the tail thing gone.

“Here?” He asked.

Hux considered their surroundings. His legs were beginning to tire and he could use a drink of water. Plus he’d appreciate a moment to consider how to approach this; the ride back to shore would give him time to think.

“No, not here. Let’s go back.”

Kylo nearly whisked him away right that moment, but Hux squirmed out of his grip and returned to his boat. Kylo grumbled that he was faster than the “ugly white bucket”; Hux ignored him and climbed aboard anyway.

Of course Kylo had to prove his point. He beat Hux to shore by nearly a minute. He lay on his back, tail half in the water, propped up on his elbows and watching smugly while Hux docked and walked over to him, feet squelching in the wet sand.

Hux stood over him and, taking in his smirk, threatened half-heartedly, “you know, I think I changed my mind…”

As he turned away, a cold, wet hand gripped his ankle, sending a full body shiver through him. He looked down again to see Kylo’s face had dropped into an exaggerated pout. It was a game, he knew Hux was kidding, but something about the way his hand clung to Hux’s leg spoke of an underlying vulnerability. He’d shown Hux something intimate and unique to his people; now he hoped Hux would return the favor.

Hux tossed his things onto drier sand and settled down beside Kylo, who sat up and turned a little to face him, dark eyes wide and curious. Strands of hair stuck to his cheeks and forehead and Hux stalled a moment longer by pushing them back from his face. His eyes kept darting to Kylo’s lips. The sight of them, full and pink and soft, stole from his mind whatever plan he may have formulated on the trip to shore.

He finished his unnecessary fixing of Kylo’s hair and cupped his cheeks. He scanned his face one more time for any sign of doubt and, just to be sure, asked, “ready?”

Kylo nodded, his eyes locked on Hux’s. Hux held his gaze a moment longer and then let his eyes drift shut as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Kylo’s lips. Just a brush, feather-light, pulling away with a soft little sound. He kept his eyes closed and felt Kylo’s breath on his face as he exhaled shakily.

“Well?” He finally whispered when the silence became too much. He still couldn’t open his eyes for fear he’d see smug amusement or worse, disgust, on Kylo’s face.

“I-I think…it was too quick…you’ll have to show me again…” he was clearly trying to be casual, but the tremor in his voice gave him away. Hux barely noticed, his mind ablaze with what Kylo was asking: kiss me again.

So he did, firmer this time, still gentle and close-mouthed. And then again, because he’d forgotten to take note of just how soft Kylo’s lips were and that just wouldn’t do. And again, head tilted for a better angle, hand sliding down to hold Kylo’s jaw, the tip of Kylo’s nose brushing his cheek. Again, parting his lips more, which made Kylo’s involuntarily do the same as he gasped. Again, unable to stop himself from gently taking Kylo’s bottom lip between both of his as he pulled away, making Kylo whimper. Soft, slow, sweet. Again, again, again, until the only sensations left were Kylo’s flushed skin beneath his palms, the ebb and flow of the waves against the shore and their lips against each other’s, the soft, needy sounds that slipped from Kylo’s mouth.

When Hux finally, reluctantly pulled away to breathe, Kylo’s face tipped towards his with a disgruntled little noise. At some point he’d shut his eyes, but when Hux’s lips didn’t return they blinked open blearily. He was panting in soft puffs, damp hair disheveled and pupils dilated and lips satisfyingly pink and swollen. They reminded Hux of when he fed Kylo strawberries.

He felt a brief swell of triumph at having left Kylo so utterly wrecked. He hadn’t even used his tongue.

“Do you understand now?” Hux asked casually, but his voice was hoarse. In truth he was just as wrecked, only better at hiding it.

Kylo’s tongue swept across his lips as he nodded, still too breathless to speak.

Oh, wait. Shit.

“Do you need to go back in?” Hux asked, his tone laced with concern.

Kylo shook his head insistently.

“Are you sure?”

At that point Hux couldn’t tell if the fluttering in his stomach was excitement or nerves. “Was…was it okay?”

“Yes,” Kylo croaked. “Give…give me a moment, I-“ He took a few long, slow breaths. “Holy shit. That’s what we’ve been missing?”

Hux slumped forward and muffled his relieved laugh into Kylo’s neck.

“That’s so much better than the tail thing!” Kylo continued, lifting one hand to brush his fingers over his lips in wonder. His flittering gaze landed on Hux’s lips and he reached the same hand out to touch them, too.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Hux said. He hooked one leg over Kylo’s tail and grinned more confidently than he felt. “I sort of like the tail thing now that I’m not trying to swim.”

“Mhmm.” Kylo was barely paying attention, still staring at Hux’s lips.

Hux hoped that meant what he thought it did. He sat up. “That’s not all.”

That, Kylo heard. He swallowed thickly and licked his lips again. “It’s not?”

“No.” Hux pressed a chaste, lingering kiss to Kylo’s cheek. Kylo’s mouth fell open in a little “oh”, his lashes fluttering as his eyes slid shut once more. Hux pressed a kiss to each eyelid. Light tremors ran through Kylo at every small touch.

Hux looped his arms around Kylo’s shoulders and lowered him to lie back in the sand, leaning over him and cupping the back of his head. He scattered tender kisses over his cheeks, his jaw, his forehead, his nose. At Kylo’s contented little sigh, affection surged through Hux so strong it was dizzying.

He fought the urge to follow each kiss with a word he’d come to associate with Kylo. Beautiful. Strong. Infuriating. Precious. Mine, mine, mine. But so much, too much, was already pouring out of him, . Words to go with them would shatter the last fragile barrier between him and the truth, a burning coal still too hot to touch.

Hux paused in his increasingly fervent presses of lips, panting hot breaths against Kylo’s cheek. “Do y-“

“Don’t stop,” Kylo pleaded breathlessly and oh, fuck.

Hux’s lips found a spot just below his ear and kissed, and kissed again, and then sucked gently at the soft skin there. Kylo made a high, desperate sound. Emboldened by it, Hux moved up and slid his lips cautiously along the upper edge of the fanned ear fin.

Kylo gasped and gave a full body shudder. His hands fumbled around they found Hux’s waist and held on tightly. Hux was tempted to stay there but he had so much more to explore, and didn’t know how long he’d be allowed to do so. He continued downward, kissing and sucking a trail along Kylo’s jaw to his neck.

When his lips brushed the gills at the side of Kylo’s neck, fluttering frantically as they tried and failed to breathe, Kylo gasped again, tossing his head back against the sand. Hux gave them more cautious kisses, glancing up to what he could see of Kylo’s face. Each kiss sent a little shiver through Kylo. His hands loosened and tightened at Hux’s waist over and over like he was trying to keep himself from squeezing too hard. He was gnawing lightly on his bottom lip, breathing shakily through his nose.

“Hey,” Hux whispered into his skin. “Still with me?” When Kylo didn’t answer, he placed a hand on his chest where he could feel the rapid beat of his heart. The other hand he moved up to his face, smoothing his furrowed brow with his thumb. “Come on…”

“Feels…so good. So good. I never…never knew…fuck, this is embarrassing.” He removed one hand from Hux to cover his flushed face. Hux pried it away and pressed a kiss to his palm.

“Stop that,” he scolded without heat. He kissed Kylo’s wrist, unable to stop himself. “Was that enough?”

Kylo’s face did something strange, then. For a moment he looked almost pained, and Hux wanted to lean down and kiss it away. Just as quickly it was gone, replaced with a forced casualness that Hux knew all too well.

“I think you…demonstrated that human custom well enough, yes.” His words lacked their usual amused lilt. “You-“

Hux cut him off with another kiss, this time to the dip of his throat. He watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed whatever he’d been about to say.

“Idiot,” Hux whispered fondly, resting his cheek on Kylo’s chest. “If you want me to keep going, just say so.”

One big hand found his face and cool fingers brushed over his cheek and hair. Hux bit down on his lip. For a while now they’d been teetering on the edge of something dangerous and now they’d toppled, were in free fall. He didn’t know what they’d do when this moment faded and they were forced to land. Worse still, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He’d cross that bridge when he came to it. And the longer he kissed Kylo, the further away that would be.

“Yes,” Kylo breathed, then, almost inaudibly, “Hux, please.”

That was all Hux needed. He resumed his attentions with renewed vigor, though still slow, lingering so Kylo could feel each press of lips. Still trying to hide under the thin ruse that this, and all their previous touches and all their time spent together, was purely exploration, just curiosity, nothing more.

His lips skimmed down the plane of Kylo’s chest, leaving one reverent kiss after another. He skirted off to one side and mouthed along the curve of one pectoral. Unable to resist, he found a pleasantly sensitive spot just underneath and nibbled at the skin there, making Kylo yelp with surprise and arch up out of the sand. Hux smoothed a calming hand down his stomach and then left it there, feeling the muscles twitch as he nipped and sucked at the spot.

Hux could have stayed there forever, too, but he had a lot of ground left to cover, and it was getting late. He tipped his head up, giving the nipple a quick, promising graze of lips, a hopeful next time echoing in his mind. When the touch made Kylo squirm, it grew and grew, definitely, next time. He didn’t dare consider whether or not there would be a next time.

Keeping his hands firmly on Kylo, he swung himself up to straddle his thick tail. It would be easier this way, give him a better angle, is what he told himself, but he couldn’t deny the thrill he felt at feeling all that powerful muscle between his thighs, or at the graze of scales against his legs reminding him what Kylo was.

He dipped down again, lavishing the other side of his chest with the same attentions before moving down to kiss along his ribs from one side to the other. He continued on to his stomach, muscled but padded just enough to be so perfectly soft. Hux pressed his face into it, nuzzling. He swore he’d never adored a stomach so fucking much. He held on to Kylo’s sides and kissed and gently sucked at every beautiful inch of it.

Kylo’s stomach quivered beneath his lips; his hands trembled as he drew his fingers through Hux’s hair. The sounds of his uneven breaths and soft gasps filled the air. It was incredibly flattering, to be able to reduce someone so strong to a panting mess with nothing more than kisses, but it also spoke of something he’d foolishly not considered, which was Kylo’s experience, or lack thereof.

Of course Kylo had never been kissed; he’d said himself that it wasn’t something merfolk did. But then there was how he’d reacted to every brush of Hux’s hands, how he’d gone quiet at first when asked if he had a partner, how he’d mentioned family and friends long gone but never past lovers.

Was it possible that Hux was the first one to touch him this way at all?

He felt a sudden stab of guilt and froze, his lips hovering over pale skin blossoming with pink marks he’d made. They weren’t even partners, and in his fascination Hux had been so eager to get his hands and lips on him, he hadn’t considered that it might mean something far more to Kylo than just showing him.

While he fretted, Kylo peered down at him, his chest rising and falling shakily as he tried to calm his breathing. His free hand, which had been splayed out to one side gripping fistfuls of sand, found Hux’s face, no doubt curious why he’d stopped.

Hux twitched at the scrape of sand against his cheek. He sat up, still straddling Kylo’s hips, and looked down at him. Kylo’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes half-lidded, full lips parted, dark hair flecked with sand and beginning to curl as it dried. The sun was beginning to set, beams of light through the trees painting his mole-speckled skin gold and his eyes a warm, liquid brown.

He was the single most beautiful thing Hux had ever seen in his fucking life, with or without a tail or fins or webbed hands. For a moment he wasn’t a merman but simply his Kylo, who Hux cared for more than he had the capacity to express, who gave meaning to his days, who filled a gaping void that Hux hadn’t realized was there until it wasn’t.

He was filled with equal parts icy fear and overwhelming affection. He didn’t know whether to stand and run or lean in and capture Kylo’s lips again. His eyes stung. His heart felt like it might swell right out of his chest.

“Hux?” Kylo was speaking, he realized. Saying his name, he didn’t know how many times. His hands loosely gripped Hux’s arms.

Hux shook his head and forced himself to focus, though it felt like the entire world had shifted.

“Sorry,” he said, voice deceivingly steady. “I just- I got carried away. I’m sorry.”

Kylo tilted his head, brow pinched.

“But I wanted it. I liked it. Unless…” his frown deepened. “Was…was I supposed to do something too? Here, I can…”

Kylo sat up quickly, catching Hux by his hips before he could slide off of him. He leaned in and pressed a tentative kiss to Hux’s shoulder, another just above his collarbone.

“Like that?” He asked, quiet and so earnest it made Hux’s heart hurt.

“Yes,” Hux replied. Just moments ago he would have gladly let Kylo pin him into the sand to practice kissing. But now…

Easing Kylo’s head away before he could keep going was physically painful, but he made himself do it. Letting him continue was too risky, and he’d never been a risk taker, always considering every eventuality before making a move. One of the things that still stung about his failure years ago had been that he’d missed something, and his carelessness had cost him everything.

This…had been a mistake. A slip. He’d been drawn in and let his guard down, and now he had no clue where to go from here. All he knew was that he couldn’t let their affection with each other continue until he figured out what he wanted. Otherwise this, too, might blow up right in front of him and this time Kylo would be caught in the blast.

Kylo’s gaze bore into him, confused and longing. He tried to lean forward again, this time aiming for Hux’s cheek, but Hux held his face firmly and pushed it back. Kylo made an irritated sound and pulled his head free of Hux’s grip.

“What is it? Did I do something wrong?”

“No. No. It’s- getting late. I have to be up early tomorrow.” It wasn’t a lie, but a feeble excuse nonetheless.

“Oh.” Kylo studied his face and then tentatively accepted his answer with a little nod. “Okay. That’s okay. Will you be back tomorrow?”

He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t.

“Of course.”

Chapter Text

Beams of pale light streamed through gaps in the rocks, illuminating the sandy floor of the cave. Kylo swam slowly, cautiously, dipping under low-hanging rock while careful not to graze his tail or stomach on the sides. All the while he kept his gaze fixed in the sand, occasionally combing through with his fingers.

Just outside the cavern was an old shipwreck. Kylo had already explored it, had nearly given up in his task when he almost sliced one of his fins on a shard of a broken mirror. He’d caught sight of himself in the glass, over a dozen little reflections in the fractured pieces. He lifted one hand, where he kept the locket from Hux wrapped around his wrist; when it hung around his neck there was too much risk of it getting caught on something when he was exploring like this.

He flicked open the latch and looked at the image inside and it gave him the push he needed. He couldn’t give up now. Too much was at stake.

When the search of the shipwreck proved fruitless, he skimmed the sand around it for buried debris and then, on a whim, slipped into the cave to see if anything had ended up in there.

There were some things: pieces of metal he didn’t know the purpose of, a knife, a belt buckle, some glass bottles. Nothing interesting, nothing good enough.

For the first time in years, he wished that he hadn’t quite so permanently cut ties with his family. Or, perhaps, that he had at least one friend. Someone, anyone, who could help him figure out what to do.

He did have one someone. Hux. But Hux couldn’t help him with this problem because Hux was the problem.

Well. Not problem, exactly. The opposite, really. The best thing to happen to Kylo in a long time. Which was why Kylo was determined not to lose him.

They were friends. But sometimes Kylo felt a yearning, a tug at his center like he’d never felt before. A need to see Hux happy. To be happy with him. A need to cling to him like a barnacle and never let go.

Until recently, he’d mostly ignored it. He didn’t know what humans considered typical feelings and behaviors for a friendship, and he was content with the way things were.

Then, Hux kissed him.

Not once, not a couple times, but all over, and he’d touched him all over, not just his tail and fins but his skin. He’d leaned over him, the setting sun making his hair and eyes blaze, and looked at him in a way no one ever had. Kylo wanted to keep that image with him forever, tuck it into the other side of his locket where only he could ever see it.

That’s when it hit him: he could no longer imagine a future without seeing that face, without feeling those hands and, if he was very lucky, lips. He wanted to hear Hux tell his confusing work stories every day, wanted to keep learning about each other until there was nothing left to learn, until they knew each other as well as they knew themselves.

The thought of staying in one place had never appealed to him until that place came with Hux.

So there he was, trying to find some kind of…something. A gift. Something to give Hux, to ask him…to ask him to be his partner, or mate, or whatever Hux wanted to call it. The word didn’t matter, what he wanted was to know they had chosen each other.

Of course, he knew that he could never be with Hux all the time, that he couldn’t join him on land. Others of his kind had tried and failed to find ways to live on land, always with disastrous results. And he’d never heard of a human finding a way to live in the sea, nor would he expect Hux to.

So yes, there were setbacks. There were risks. Kylo didn’t care, he wanted this. But for once he wanted something he couldn’t just take. Hux had to want it too.

Which was why finding the right way to ask was so important. Yet this search, like each one before it, turned up nothing. He swam back out of the cave, disheartened.

He returned home, or, what he’d come to think of home since he decided to stay in the area. It was a cozy alcove against the side of a cliff. The entrance was mostly blocked by a field of tall, thick seagrass. Inside, wedged in the sand and covered with rocks, was a metal canister Kylo had found. It contained the small items he’d pilfered from Hux as well as things Hux had given willingly.

He curled up against the wall to rest for a bit, gaze dropping to the container and fingers fiddling with the locket. There must be so much more on land, so many things he’d never seen. Maybe there were better ways to express…whatever this feeling was. He didn’t even have a word for it in Hux’s language. If he were human, he thought dejectedly, perhaps he would know exactly what to do, what words to use.

With a sigh, he trailed one hand down his stomach, fingers brushing the nearly-gone marks Hux’s lips had left. He closed his eyes and curled up on his side, trying to remember what it felt like, but his imagination was a poor substitute for the real thing.

Hux hadn’t kissed him again since that day. Kylo wondered if he had done something wrong. Maybe he’d missed something when it came to kissing, but if that was the case, why didn’t Hux just tell him?

He curled up more and pressed his hand into his stomach. Since that day, Hux had also been…different. A little quieter, a little more distant. It only added to Kylo’s trepidation, and when he found himself beginning to doubt, he pictured the way Hux had looked at him.

Maybe…maybe Hux felt the same way. Maybe he, too, was at home trying to figure out how to approach Kylo about it. Maybe he’d be relieved when Kylo made the first move, so relieved he’d pull Kylo into his arms and kiss him all over, teach him the words for this pulsing, warm, dangerous, wonderful feeling in Kylo’s chest whenever they were together.

Or maybe that was too much to hope for.

He curled in on himself, feeling a sudden cold, aching loneliness wrapping around him like a creeping vine. He had to think of something. He would. And it had to be soon.

*

Hux wasn’t expecting Kylo quite so soon that day. He’d gotten out of work early, and so had decided to go down to the beach early. Kylo knew roughly when to show up to greet him after work, and so Hux expected to have some time to sit and think before he had to act like everything was fine.

So it startled him to reach the bottom of the path and see the familiar figure sitting at the water’s edge. Kylo’s back was to him, his broad shoulders hunched a little. He had his tail bent, pulled up nearly to his chest, something he’d picked up from seeing Hux do the same with his legs. As Hux approached, the sound of his footsteps drowned out by the crash of the waves against the rocks, Kylo sighed; he couldn’t hear it, but he saw the gentle heave of his shoulders and the dip of his head. He was upset. It froze Hux in his tracks.

He knew ever since the day they kissed he’d been colder towards Kylo. It ate away at him, the unfairness of it, but he couldn’t help himself. Locking himself away was how he’d dealt with everything from his mother’s death to his father’s neglect to his massive failure at his life’s work. He supposed he should be concerned that at his age he had never learned to process emotions healthily. Until now, he’d never had reason to care. Usually he was the only one who ended up hurt.

He couldn’t keep doing this to Kylo. He would simply have to sit down with him and make sure he knew that he only saw Kylo as a friend, and that he had crossed a line and he was sorry and he wouldn’t kiss him again or even touch him as long as they could stay friends.

And he would never, never tell him what he’d realized that day, the burning truth inside him finally so bright even he couldn’t deny it:

He loved Kylo.

He loved him so much and it felt like being swept under by a powerful, consuming wave.

But Kylo could never know. What good would it do to tell him? It wasn’t as if they could be together. Hux turned the problem over and over in his head night after sleepless night and always came to the same conclusion: it could never work.

Steeling himself, he walked over, making his steps loud enough that Kylo would hear him approach. Sure enough, Kylo glanced over his shoulder and shot him a grin which was trying so hard to be confident. Maybe it would have fooled anyone else, but Hux could tell he was nervous. Maybe he knew what was coming.

Hux sat beside him and tried to offer a smile in return. There was no reason this had to go terribly. Kylo might get a little upset, he might even leave, but he’d understand and he’d come back. He always came back. Right?

“Hi.”

The simple greeting made Kylo almost smile for real. “Hi.”

They sat in silence, watching the seagulls. Hux drew his knees up and took a moment to look down at his feet beside Kylo’s tail fin. He wiggled his toes slowly, mimicking the involuntary little waving motion the fin made. His chest felt tight. He didn’t want to lose this.

Don’t fuck this up, too.

“So, I’ve been-“

“Hux, I-“

Their eyes met and they both laughed suddenly, nervously.

“Sorry,” Kylo said. “You first.”

“No, go ahead.” Hux tried to relax. Maybe Kylo would say what he was thinking and lift the burden from him.

Kylo turned towards him.

“I know we haven’t known each other long, but. But you. You…” He paused, looking down, his brow pinched. “You mean so much to me,” he said quietly, and Hux’s heart sped up. Kylo’s eyes flicked up to Hux and back down. “And. I want to be…yours, just yours. And for you to be mine, too. Like…like partners. Or whatever word you want to use.”

He opened his hands, staring at his own palms. His shoulders hitched with a shaky laugh.

“I wanted to have something for you,” he continued, “A gift. But I didn’t know what, nothing seemed good enough. I wanted to have better things to say, but I don’t even know your words for this feeling.” He looked up, then, finally, his face hopeful and so, so afraid. “Maybe you can teach me?”

Oh.

Oh, no…

Hux stared; his mind had gone into a sort of fuzzy white noise. What Kylo was trying to say…

He’s trying to say he loves you too.

Wasn’t that what anyone would want to hear? That his feelings were returned? It should have made him giddy. It should have been so simple.

It’s not, and it never will be.

It will only hurt more in the end.

For fuck’s sake, if you won’t do this for yourself, at least do it for him.

“No.” His lips barely moved, it was barely even a whisper, that single word carried on a breath.

Kylo frowned and leaned in. “What?”

Meeting his eyes was the hardest thing Hux ever had to do. He cleared his throat. “I said no.”

Kylo remained confused for a beat before his face fell so fast it would have been funny were it not so very, very not funny.

“No you…won’t teach me the word for it?” he tried, painfully hopeful.

Hux shook his head. Kylo’s shoulders dropped.

“No you…don’t feel the same.” It wasn’t a question.

Hux shook his head again. “It’s not that.”

“So you do feel the same?”

“I…” The least he could do was be honest. “I care about you too, Kylo. More than anything. But no, I can’t be your…whatever it is you want us to be.”

Kylo’s expression seemed to war between relief over Hux’s first statement and confusion over his second and a myriad of other things too hard to place. He settled on petulant.

“Why not?”

“I’m sure you can-“

“Is it me?” Kylo pushed, one palm moving to his own chest. “Do you think I wouldn’t be a good partner?”

“No. No, Kylo, you’re wonderful, it’s-“

“There’s someone else, then.”

“What? No! Kylo, listen to me.”

Kylo clamped his mouth shut and lowered his head. He looked strung tight, ready to snap.

“It would never work,” Hux began calmly, but in spite of himself, his voice trembled. He didn’t try to control it. “We can only see each other here, I can’t go everywhere you can and you can’t come home with me. We can’t do any of the things together that other couples do…”

“Other couples?” Kylo interrupted, looking fiercely at Hux. “What other couples? There are no others like us, not that I’ve ever known. Why can’t we just do what we want?”

Frustrated, Hux stood, brushing sand off his shorts more aggressively than necessary. He stood over Kylo, slowly losing his calm demeanor with every word.

“What happens if I get sick? You can’t come take care of me. What happens if you get sick, or hurt or lost? I have no way to contact you or find you. You can’t go with me to weddings and funerals and awful work parties. I can’t go with you to – to whatever merpeople do to socialize. We can’t fall asleep together or wake up together or travel or try new hobbies, anything! All we have is this.” He motioned emphatically to where they sat on the shore. “Just – just listen to me. It. Won’t. Work.”

His rapid breathing filled the silence that followed. It took every bit of willpower he had to hold Kylo’s eyes, but he did. The moment the defiance in Kylo’s gaze began to waver, overtaken by despair, Hux knew he’d never, ever forget the way he looked just then. He’d see it every time he closed his eyes; it would haunt his dreams. Maybe that’s what he deserved.

Kylo blinked rapidly, his jaw working as he swallowed.

“Isn’t this better than nothing?” He said, finally, voice low and thick with emotion. “Isn’t something better than…than nothing? If we…care for each other?”

“Love,” Hux spat out. The pressure in his chest tightened. “The word you’re looking for is love. You see, you don’t even know what you’re trying to say!” When Kylo inhaled sharply, Hux knew he’d gone from honest to cruel. It’s what he’d always done, how he’d always handled others when things got too hard. It was why he would always be alone.

Kylo turned more so he could tilt his head back and glare up at Hux. His eyes were more watery than usual, and Hux had to force himself not to look away.

“You kissed me,” Kylo accused.

Hux deflated a little.

“I did,” he admitted quietly. “I was just trying to show you-“

“Liar!” Kylo snapped.

Hux flinched. He still managed to hold a scowl, even while being chastised, even when Kylo was right.

“I told you then that I went too far and I meant it,” Hux retorted. “And I’m sorry.” Sorry wasn’t nearly a strong enough word. “I’m sorry. I am. But that doesn’t change anything.”

Hux stood his ground and held Kylo’s gaze, unwavering. Inside he felt like shattered glass, pieces of him everywhere, too many to count and irreparable.

Kylo looked away, defeat evident in the slump of his shoulders and his downturned mouth. Something lurched inside of Hux, an urge to reach out, to drop into the sand and hold him and take it all back. But he was glued to the spot, paralyzed by stubbornness and fear in equal measure.

“Okay,” Kylo said finally, and Hux…didn’t know what to feel. It should have been relief, but then…

Then Kylo turned and pushed himself into the water. At first Hux thought he was just dipping in to breathe, but he slid in silent as a shadow and didn’t resurface.

Suddenly Hux could move, and he ran towards the water, stumbling in the sand.

“Wait!” he shouted, hoarse and desperate. He nearly fell as his feet hit the water but kept going, splashing noisily, clumsily forward until he was up to his thighs. “Wait!”

His eyes scanned the water but saw nothing, no flash of red and gold. Either Kylo was hiding just out of sight, or he was gone.

“Wait,” Hux choked out again, eyes burning. “I didn’t mean…we can still…” He stared numbly out at the churning water.

Maybe, he thought, if I stay here long enough, it will swallow me up.

Hux didn’t know how long he stood there. Eventually, he grew cold, and instinct more than anything else guided his shaky legs back up the path home.

He spent the rest of the evening trying to convince himself that Kylo just needed some space, time to think. That he would be back.

Curled up inside his warm home on his worn-in spot on the couch, Millie in his lap and tea in hand, a blanket draped over his shoulders, Hux wondered how it was possible to feel so cold.

Chapter Text

A week passed. Hux spent every day of it in a daze, going through the routine motions of his life. He rose in the morning, he showered, he worked, he cleaned his house and fed his cat.

Every afternoon he returned to the beach to stare at the water, eyes scanning the surface for something that never appeared. Every ripple in the surface or flash of light on the water gave him a moment of brief, blinding hope before the cruel reality set back in.

It reminded him of a time many months ago, what felt much longer, when he’d sat in his boat looking for a glimpse of a red and black tail, half convinced he was crazy for believing such a thing could exist.

Now that existence was undeniable. Hux felt it in every waking moment, in the space within his heart Kylo had settled into, now hollow and longing. He’d never felt so sure Kylo had existed than in his absence.

His coworkers asked if he was sick, and maybe he was. The symptoms were all there: chest pains, loss of appetite, lethargy. When he looked in the mirror, the pale face with dark circles under the eyes that stared back certainly looked unwell.

At the end of the week his boss forced him to go home early. He didn’t argue.

*

Two weeks passed. He managed to pass as alright on the surface. His coworkers didn’t ask questions; he faked expressions so convincingly even he almost believed them.

In the afternoons, rather than just stand at the water’s edge he began to sit and talk.

Usually he just talked about his day, which more often than not devolved into venting about his coworkers. Kylo had always found that amusing rather than off-putting. Whenever Hux got riled up Kylo would just sit there with a little smirk playing on his lips. He never commented. In fact, he was a surprisingly good listener. Hux missed that along with so many other things.

Some days he would offer reminders that he knew Kylo wouldn’t follow if he was here to hear them. Stay out of trouble. Be careful. Be safe. Because Hux worried constantly. What if Kylo was hurt, or worse? What if he wanted to come back but something had happened? The thought of him in pain and all alone somewhere made Hux feel sick.

Other days Hux would sit alone and reminisce aloud, though that was always cut short when the words couldn’t find their way out through the tightness in his throat.

Never did he say the things he needed to say, the things that could begin make it right.

I’m sorry. I did love you. I still love you. Maybe we could try. Please come back.

It didn’t matter. No one was listening anyway.

Halfway through the second week, Hux draped a towel over the shelf of gifts Kylo had given him. He couldn’t quite bring himself to put them away and he was sure he’d never be able to get rid of them, but he couldn’t keep looking at them, either.

All but the moon shell, that first of so many gifts. When he was home it remained in its place beside the photo of him and his mother and when he went out it was tucked deep into his left pocket. He’d tried, on that first, horrible night after Kylo left, to shove it into the bedside table drawer, only to feel somehow even more lost. He’d immediately pulled it back out and returned it to its place. For better or worse, it belonged there. It hurt to look at, but it also reminded him of the first time he was sure Kylo wouldn’t come back but then, to his surprise, did.

It gave him hope.

*

Three weeks passed. Hope began to dwindle.

The trips to the beach were becoming increasingly tiresome. He felt desperate, pathetic, angry.

He knew he had no right to feel angry, and yet he found himself thinking things like why is he so fucking stubborn and if he would just come back we could talk about this.

He said as much aloud and more. If playing nice wouldn’t bring Kylo back, maybe pissing him off would. He’d try anything at this point.

It was a lucky thing no one else lived nearby; they’d probably report him to the police. Crazy ginger man spends most afternoons standing by the water with his arms folded, cursing at nobody.

Within a few days he burned through all of his anger and was left with only numb acceptance.

He began to think he should try to move on.

*

He entered his house on a Friday afternoon after a long day at work, and for some reason that day his eyes landed on a box under the table on which Hux usually tossed his mail and keys.

The box was more of a half-box, and sticking out of it was a collection of old records, still in their sleeves. They’d been his mother’s, one of the few things of hers he had. His father had done away with most of it but these, somehow, had escaped his notice at the bottom corner of a closet.

When Hux found them as a teenager he hid them away and studied their contents. He never wanted to risk playing them and being discovered, so he picked a song from each and had a classmate make him a mixtape. Years later he bought a CD copy of each album. Now, his favorites took the form of a playlist on his phone.

As he dropped his keys into the bowl on the table he considered them with the same feeling he always did: a sort of dust-covered longing for something out of reach but too precious to abandon entirely.

That day the sadness felt heavier than usual.

Sadness for his mother now joined by sadness for his merman. The only two people he’d ever loved; the only two he could never have.

Liar.

The sudden thought came in the form of Kylo’s pained voice, when he’d shouted at him that day on the beach. It was soon joined by the treacherous whisper of his own thoughts, freezing him where he stood.

She’s dead. He isn’t.

You could have had him.

You could have at least tried.

And now it’s too late. You fucked it all up.

He’s never coming back and it’s all your fault.

Suddenly nauseous, he made his way to the couch and dropped onto it. From the doorway to the kitchen, Millicent was meowing for her dinner, but Hux barely noticed. He hugged his knees to his chest and tried to breathe through the sudden wave of emotion that had overtaken him.

Looking around his home, he knew: he had enough. A home by the sea, a decent job, some savings, some hobbies. Millicent, of course. If he tried hard enough he could even form some casual friendships with some of his less irritating coworkers. Maybe he could join a book club or take some classes.

Before all this, it hadn’t been perfect, but it had been enough and that was okay.

Then, Kylo happened. And for a short time he’d known real happiness, held it right there in his hands. And then he’d let it slip right through his fingers.

And now, enough would never be good enough. Things could be okay again, but they’d always just be okay.

After weeks of trying to hold himself together, pretending it would all be fine, Hux finally felt himself break. He slumped over and curled up with his arms tight around one of the couch pillows and let out one hitched sob after another. His vision blurred with tears that slipped down his cheeks and chin. He cried until couldn’t anymore, and then he lay there a while longer, just staring.

What now?

*

Poe Dameron was one of the greatest pilots in the world. He flew with a flight demonstration team called Resistance but also did solo work, traveling the world doing air shows and private events. He was handsome, popular and talented; he had everything.

That was until his personal jet, a modified Cessna with his logo emblazoned on the side, had gone down over the ocean during a joyride. When he didn’t show up for an event, a search team was formed. They found his plane, but no sign of the pilot. After nearly a week, everyone believed him to be dead.

Then, he’d shown up in a coastal town ten miles north of where he’d crashed. He was shaken, had lost a little weight, but was otherwise fine.

The man who had returned was not the same one who’d left. He seemed distracted, frequently lost in thought. He flew fewer and fewer shows and began taking more and more flights on his own. When people asked, he refused to tell them where he was going, but those closest to him said that he’d purchased a floatplane and nautical charts.

This baffled everyone. Why, after what he’d been through, would he be trying to fly over the water?

Many speculated that he’d lost something valuable in the crash. But the only thing missing when he’d returned was the jacket he’d been wearing when he crashed, and that was easy enough to replace.

As the weeks and months passed he became more cryptic, more reclusive. He kept in touch with a handful of friends and family, still did a few shows with Resistance here and there, but that was all.

He seemed to be searching for something, but no one knew what.

He ended up moving part time to a small town where most people had never heard of him. He bought a house with extra room for his plane and kept to himself, coming and going at odd hours. Curious neighbors gossiped that the strange new man seemed to spend all his spare time alone at the shore.

That was where Hux found him.

Hux was walking the beach one afternoon with no particular destination in mind. He’d been walking a while and didn’t know or care how long, stepping around the occasional debris instinctively, not really seeing any of it. His gaze was fixed on the horizon, trying to convince himself to stop hoping he’d see the flick of a tail or the top of a head.

The sharp ache inside him had dulled lately, but not in a way that offered any relief. It sat like a rock inside him, unlikely to move any time soon.

That was when he stumbled upon a man sitting on a rock gazing out to the sea, the wind tousling his curly hair. Hux stopped walking, mildly irritated to encounter someone here in the middle of nowhere. In no mood for conversation, he was about to turn and head back home when his gaze fell on the man’s hand. He was holding something, turning it over and over, and kept glancing down at it with a look of longing. Hux moved closer.

The object appeared to just be an ordinary shell. What caught Hux’s attention was the way the man was looking at it, then back out at the water.

He knew that look.

He’d sat on his own beach and looked that way at his own shell in hand so many times now they all blurred together.

Before he knew what he was doing he began walking cautiously over to where the man sat. When the man heard him he looked up, clearly as alarmed as Hux to find someone else here. But he didn’t leave.

“That’s a nice shell,” Hux said lamely after a moment of standing in tense silence staring at the stranger.

The man’s hand closed around the shell almost defensively. He frowned at Hux, considering him.

“I have one too.” He pulled his moon shell out, holding it up enough to show the man.

“So?” The other finally spoke. “We’re at the beach. There are thousands of shells.”

“Mine was a gift,” Hux said plainly, giving the man a meaningful look. There was a chance he was wrong, but… “Was yours?”

Several expressions passed over the man’s face: confusion, understanding, alarm almost to the point of fear, and then curiosity. The stranger pocketed his shell and climbed down from the rock. He wore cargo pants and a worn leather jacket with a patch on one sleeve.

“Yes,” he said. “It was.”

Hux held out his hand. The man took it in a firm grip.

“Poe. Poe Dameron.”

“Hux. Just Hux.”

Poe grinned. “So, Just Hux.” Hux scowled. He was already regretting this. “What brings you out here today?”

“I’m…looking for someone.”

The man’s broad grin faltered. He looked out at the water then back to give Hux another appraising look. He took a deep breath and nodded, as if agreeing upon something. “Me too,” he said.

Their eyes met and Hux knew.

*

It took more reluctant conversation, more awkward coaxing, before either of them finally admitted what they both knew. And even then, both were hesitant to say the word merman aloud. Both eager to protect their secrets.

They were walking slowly, further up the beach. By now Hux was sure he must be at least a couple of miles from home. It was almost dinner time. Millie would be expecting him. Maybe he’ll give me a ride back, he hoped, but he wouldn’t count on it.

“How did you meet yours?” Hux finally asked.

Poe’s brow furrowed as he glanced again at Hux, still a little suspicious. But he must have found enough sincerity in Hux’s expression.

“I’m a pilot. I fly with Resistance. You heard of them?”

“I have.” Hux knew the man’s name sounded familiar. He’d never been as interested in planes and flying as he was in boats and submarines but he’d gone to a handful of airshows and enjoyed them well enough.

“Well, I fly for fun when I can, too. And one day my plane went down and I – I thought I was a goner. I was stuck, couldn’t move one arm, the plane was sinking so fast.”

Poe looked out at the water as if he was imagining it happening all over again.

“Then someone pulled me from the cockpit and to the surface. I didn’t see who at first. Thought it was just a person, you know? Anyway, we were in the middle of the ocean and I had a mild concussion and he took me to this little island. Still don’t know where it was.”

He paused, running a hand through his messy curls. “I stayed there for days, living off of whatever I could find. And he – he kept coming back. We would talk and talk. And then he’d swim away. And then…”

He trailed off.

“And then?” Hux prompted.

“And then…I caught the attention of a passing boat. I was rescued. But I never had a chance to say goodbye or thank him, or ask if I could see him again. I – I felt something for him, you know? We just clicked. It sounds crazy, after only a few days. But I guess…when you know, you just now. And, well,” Poe sighed heavily. “Well, now here I am.” He smiled. It didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I go searching whenever I can.”

Hux could certainly relate to that.

“And he gave you the shell?”

“Yeah.” Then Poe smiled wistfully. “And I gave him my jacket, sort of. He wanted to try it on and when he swam off that day he was still wearing it. Then I got rescued. I hope he still has it. Maybe he thinks about me.”

Hux thought of the locket. He wondered if Kylo had kept it and still looked at it. Or had he been so upset that he got rid of it, or destroyed it?

He was deep in thought when he heard a throat clearing and looked up to find Poe looking at him expectantly.

“Well?” The other man said. “Your turn. How did you meet yours?”

Oh. He supposed he should have seen that coming. It was only fair, right? Yet even now he felt so protective of the memories that he was tempted to deny the request.

Then again, he might never meet another person who he could talk about this to. Fell in love with a merman and then lost him was hardly a common shared experience.

“Well,” he began, “he tried to kill me.”

“What?”

Hux gave in and told him about how they’d met and began tentatively learning about one another. How they became friends. He didn’t tell everything, though. There were some memories that were just for him and Kylo, he decided, and even if Kylo never came back he’d keep them the way he’d kept his shelf of treasures, even if both were hard to look at some days.

But it did feel good to tell someone. Poe listened attentively, and when Hux finished his eyes were wide.

“That’s…wild. You’re either brave or crazy or both to keep going out there after he tried to kill you. But it sounds like it worked out for the better.”

“Yeah,” Hux said. “I guess it did.”

“So what happened? How did you get separated?”

Hux stopped walking and Poe stopped too. He must have sensed the change in Hux’s demeanor, because he quickly added, “hey, don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine. Or not fine, I guess. He wanted to be…together. Partners or whatever. And I turned him down. And so he left.”

“Oh. Sorry, man.” Poe tilted his head, hesitating about what he said next. “You love him?”

“…yes.”

Poe gave a sympathetic smile. “I hope you find him, buddy.”

Any other day Hux would have raised an eyebrow at such casual friendliness from a stranger. But he only nodded sharply and replied, “I hope you find yours, too.”

“Thanks.”

Hux sighed. “I can’t believe I finally find someone I want to be with and he lives in the fucking ocean.”

Poe laughed. “I know, right? Fucking unreal.”

They stood together a while in companionable silence, just watching the waves.

Hux didn’t feel better, exactly. But for the first time in weeks he felt like his feet were on solid ground, like he wasn’t just floating in some hazy limbo. He felt alive again. And he felt sure of at least two things.

The first was that he could move on all he wanted but he would always, always think of Kylo, there was no use trying not to. It would hurt, yes. But it wasn’t every day that something so rare and remarkable happened. Both finding a merman, and finding love. He wouldn’t be able to forget either.

The second was that he was not ready to give up. Not when he’d finally found something worth fighting for.

“Thank you,” he blurted out into the silence, startling Poe. “For, uh. Talking.”

Poe gave him a broad grin. “Yeah, you too. It’s cool to meet someone who gets it.” He stuck his hands in his pockets. “We should do this again. It gets lonely out here.”

Hux exchanged phone numbers with Poe with only a little reluctance. He supposed it couldn’t hurt to have at least one friend in the area. Then he looked around and realized he had no clue where the hell he was. He took a deep breath and swallowed his pride.

“Could I ask a favor?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“…would you mind giving me a ride home?”

*

That following weekend, Hux dressed comfortably, packed a cooler with some drinks and a sandwich, made sure his phone was fully charged and Millie fed and content.

He was taking the boat out. The weather was less than perfect, high winds and choppy waters, but he felt strangely hopeful. Maybe some of Kylo’s recklessness had rubbed off on him.

If you’re still out here, he thought as he pulled away from the dock, come find me. I’ll be right here waiting.

Chapter Text

In retrospect, going out on a day like that one was probably not his brightest idea. He’d been blinded by his renewed hope, overthinking tossed aside. He should have waited a day or two. But his heart wouldn’t let him wait.

He knew that Kylo would only be found if he wanted to be found. What Hux needed to do was make it clear he was still there, ready and waiting.

So there he found himself, so far out the shoreline was just a sliver in the distance, his boat being rocked and tossed by increasingly violent waves. The sky was gray and the water was darker gray and he could barely see what he was doing because the wind kept whipping his hair into his face.

The first hour hadn’t been so bad. A little rocky, which made him glad he remembered to take a pill for motion sickness, but not unbearable. He was too busy keeping an eye out for his merman.

While he sat and watched, he talked about meeting Poe on the beach a few days ago. It was something he would have been eager to tell Kylo about, and talking to the open ocean and wishing Kylo would hear was the next closest thing.

That, and a petty little part of him thought that maybe if Kylo thought he’d made a new friend he’d resurface just to reclaim his spot in Hux’s life.

Hux regretted ever being confused or irritated by Kylo’s often clingy, borderline possessive behavior. He’d give anything to hear him complain about Hux being late to meet him, or sulk over Hux having to leave.

Hux’s own jealousy flared up when he thought about the situation in the reverse. What if Kylo had met another human? Or a mermaid who he didn’t immediately piss off?

It was…unlikely. Kylo wasn’t exactly sociable. But Hux had met and reluctantly befriended Poe in spite of his own hermit-like ways. Who was to say the same couldn’t happen to Kylo?

As the second hour passed the weather grew worse and worse and Hux was forced to acknowledge that he would have to turn back and try again. He felt a knot of anxiety in his chest at knowing it would be a few days before he had another chance. Every day that passed and he didn’t find Kylo added to his fear that he was gone for good.

He began to direct the boat back to shore, slowly and carefully. Keeping control took most of his attention away from worrying.

But not enough attention that he didn’t notice a blotch of color out of the corner of his eye, standing out against the darkness around it.

Hux pulled the boat to as abrupt a stop as he could, turning to circle it and squinting at the water, trying to make out what it was. His heart pounded in his chest with the sudden hope, even though logically he knew it could be anything. A lot of things were red. But he could only think of one that made sense to see out here.

There. There it was again.

He ran to the side and leaned forward as far as he could, trying to get a closer look, but it was gone. His shoulders slumped.

Had he been so eager to see some sign of Kylo that he’d imagined it?

No. He was sure he’d seen something. Maybe he needed to turn back, get a little closer…

Suddenly a fierce wind blew and the boat rocked violently. The sudden motion jerked him forward and swept his feet out from under him. He yelped as his stomach slammed into the railing, knocking the breath from him. He gasped and tried to shift his weight and lower his feet back down to the deck, but it was too late. It only took another rock of the boat to send him toppling forward into the water.

He landed at an awkward angle and ended up sinking headfirst. Righting himself was a struggle of thrashing limbs but he managed to turn over and propel himself upward. He surfaced with a gasp and a cough.

With one hand he pushed his hair back from his face so that he could look around. Luckily, the boat wasn’t far. He tried to swim forward when he felt something brush his leg.

He whipped around and his fear turned to hope when once again he saw the red thing in the water, so close now. Just as quickly the hope slipped away as he realized what it was: just something floating in the water. He grabbed it with one hand and lifted the heavy fabric. It was a sail, now wrecked beyond repair, the frayed ropes used to hoist it still attached.

Hux let the fabric slip through his fingers with a heavy heart. It was nothing. He really was out here all alone. No one was going to help him. Especially not Kylo.

There wasn’t time to dwell on it; he had to get back to the boat. He struggled to swim, but he kept getting tossed and shoved and pulled and pushed by the unforgiving waters. His muscles strained with the effort of keeping his head above water. His legs were beginning to cramp. There was an ache low in his ribs from hitting the side of the boat. He couldn’t keep this up for long.

He was pulled into the water again, resurfaced again, gasped for air only to be pulled under once more. He fought his way forward. He felt the pressure of tears behind his eyes. Don’t give up. You have to keep trying. You have to see him again.

Finally he made it to the boat. There was a cleat jutting out on one side a little higher up. Hux kicked as hard as he could, reaching an arm up to grab it. He grabbed for it once, then again, coming up short both times. He cursed and tried again.

Another harsh rock of the waves and suddenly the boat was surging towards him and there wasn’t time to pull away and his vision was filled with nothing but the hard surface drawing closer.

Then the sharp crack of his temple smacking against the hull. Then blinding pain.

Then he was underwater again and he couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, his world reduced to the blurry sight of the pale gray sky growing farther and farther away.

Then the gray was blocked out by a person-shaped silhouette. There was something not quite human about it but his fuzzy mind couldn’t discern what.

Arms reached out to him.

And then there was nothing.

*

Why Kylo chose a stormy day to finally return to Hux’s beach, he’d never know. Hux was probably inside, safe and warm with his cat.

After their fight, hurt and angry, he’d gone far, far away, fully intending to stay away.

And yet…he kept feeling a pull inside. His anger dissipated quickly, leaving behind the hurt over Hux’s rejection, along with embarrassment over how naïve he’d been, and longing to go back to the way things were.

As the weeks passed, Kylo expected the longing in him to ease. Mermaids were good at holding grudges, but this wasn’t even really a grudge, it was…

Love.

That was the word Hux had used. Kylo didn’t know it before, and now he couldn’t forget it. He wasn’t even sure how to use it properly, but every time he thought of Hux, that word followed.

It wasn’t long before he knew that he wanted to return and try to salvage what he could of his relationship with Hux.

But would Hux even want him back?

He returned to the area of ocean near where Hux lived, but it was that question in his mind that kept him from getting too close. When he worked up the nerve to at least look at Hux’s beach, he did so from afar, lingering out of sight.

Some days Hux was there, other days he wasn’t. Kylo was too far away to see his face but he’d know those long limbs and that shock of red hair anywhere. It was both comforting and painful to see him.

He’d finally decided to show himself, only to find the beach empty. He tried not to be too disappointed. In a few days the weather would clear and he could try again.

He was returning to deeper waters when he spotted a familiar shape up on the surface. Confused, he swam upwards to take a look.

As soon as he popped out of the water, he recognized the thing floating before him immediately: Hux’s boat. Hope surge through him and he swam closer.

Something wasn’t right.

The boat was unanchored and rocking back and forth violently, uncontrolled. Kylo circled it, trying to catch a glimpse of Hux. But he wasn’t there.

As he came around to the other side of the boat, he saw someone surface. But it wasn’t Hux.

It was another merman, muscular with short hair and deep purple ear fins fanning out to either side of his head. He had something flung over his shoulder. A body. A human.

Kylo would know that human anywhere.

“HEY!” He shouted, and the other merman turned, shock on his face.

“Who are you?” He asked. Kylo was relieved to hear he spoke English; he had a gentle accent similar to Hux’s.

“Give him to me,” Kylo said, ignoring his question. The other merman frowned.

“Why would I do that? So you can kill him?”

“So I can save him!”

“In case you didn’t notice, I’m saving him.”

“He’s mine. That’s my human, get your own.”

“I have my own,” the other stated plainly. “I was out here looking for him when I found this one drowning.”

“He’s mine,” Kylo insisted, drawing closer, a dangerous expression on his face. Hux was right there. Hux was either unconscious or...or worse. Hux needed him. “We’re…friends.”

“How do I know you won’t just drag him back under?” The merman’s arms tightened around Hux’s legs and Kylo’s blood boiled.

Then, so softly it was barely audible over the wind, Hux groaned, and Kylo’s heart stuttered. He’s alive.

He became desperate.

“Please,” he pleaded, “please, I don’t want to hurt him, I need to help him, please. I – here, look.”

Kylo moved closer and lifted his wrist. Looped several times around it was a thin chain, the attached locket dangling on the inside of his wrist. He fumbled with the latch until it opened and held it up.

The other merman approached warily, squinting at the strange object. When he was close enough to see the small image inside his eyes widened.

He slid Hux down in his grip so that he could look at his face. His gaze flickered between Hux and the picture.

Kylo took advantage of the proximity to get a better look at Hux. His skin was so pale it was nearly translucent, his lips tinted blue from cold. His soaked hair was plastered back away from his face revealing a bump on one side of his forehead. Every bit of Kylo was screaming to reach out and touch him.

“How did you…?” the merman pulled back from the locket. “Promise me you won’t kill him,” he said sternly.

Kylo lowered his hand. “I promise.”

He must have truly looked sincere, because with a reluctant sigh the other merman loosened his grip on Hux and handed him over.

Trembling with emotion, Kylo gathered Hux into his arms with care and pulled him to his chest. He cradled Hux’s head against his shoulder and shot the other merman a quick, grateful look.

“Thank you,” he muttered. “You said you’re trying to find your human. What’s his name?”

“Poe,” the merman said with a sad smile. “Poe Dameron.”

Kylo nodded. “When he’s better, I will ask my human to help you find him.”

The other merman replied, but Kylo didn’t catch it. He was too busy adjusting Hux in his arms and tipping back into the water with Hux sprawled across him. And then he swam as fast as he could to shore.

*

The comforting darkness gave way with a violent jolt to sudden, blinding, pale gray light. His body lurched forward of its own accord and he was hacking, retching, coughing up saltwater and bile.

He felt like it’d never stop, like he’d never have a chance to breathe. But finally, finally he could, in harsh, heaving gulps. His throat and eyes burned. His stomach ached and his head throbbed.

In the midst of it all, he slowly became aware that he was above water. That he was alive. Anything more than that was too much to process. He tried to focus on breathing, on not throwing up, on not passing out again.

Eventually small things began to register. The pale gray light was the sky. He could see the still-churning waters below it. And looking down closer to himself, rock. He was on rock.

So why was he lying against something soft? Soft but sturdy, cool and smooth. He pressed his face into it and sighed.

Something tickled his nose. He forced his eyes open to see several long, thin lines of what looked like skin, opening and closing. He blinked at them. Nothing made sense. He closed his eyes.

More sensations: something snug around his waist, keeping him upright. Something rubbing his back. Light presses against his shoulder. A sound. A voice? A voice. Deep and pleasant.

“Hux? That’s it, breathe…can you hear me?” Another soft press against the shell of his ear.

He could. He should answer that.

He tried to say yes but it came out as little more than a small groan.

The voice let out a shaky breath. Something pressed into his neck. The grip around his waist tightened.

“I thought I lost you,” the voice whispered against his skin.

Hux had lost something, too. That was the next sensation to come back: a hollow sadness. Yes, he’d lost something very important. But what?

He opened his eyes again and tried to move. The thing he was on shifted and helped him sit up. Moving made him dizzy and he closed his eyes again. Something cupped his cheek.

“Hux? Please, Hux. Look at me.”

The voice asked so nicely…

He opened his eyes and met a pair staring back at him, warm brown and concerned. The face around them slowly came into focus and…

Kylo.

A sob tore out of Hux as everything came back to him at once. His arms were limp at his sides, trapped by Kylo’s tight embrace. He wormed them out and looped them around Kylo’s waist. They felt heavy, all of him did, but he clung as tightly as he could and buried his face into Kylo’s neck. His legs were straddling Kylo’s tail and he tightened those, too, trying to wrap around him, trying to keep him.

“Don’t go,” he pleaded weakly. “Please don’t go. Please don’t go…”

Kylo held him so tight he was breathless for a moment. Hot tears spilled down Hux’s cheeks, slipping down onto Kylo’s skin. Hands slid gently over him, rubbing soothingly up and down his back.

“I’m here,” Kylo was saying, muffled into Hux’s shoulder. It sounded like he was crying, too. There was another soft press against Hux’s skin. A kiss, he realized. “I’m here, Hux. You’re safe now. I’m here.”

Chapter Text

The waves had calmed by the time Kylo got Hux back to his beach. The skies were still gray, the air and water still held a chill.

Distantly, Hux wondered about the fate of his boat. It was probably fine, but where it was or whether he’d get it back was another matter. He didn’t have the strength to care. All of his remaining focus was solely on Kylo.

They reached the sand and Kylo maneuvered them as far out of the water as he could, which wasn’t far with one arm holding Hux. Panting, he flopped onto his back, and Hux didn’t budge from his spot nestled against his chest. He wasn’t sure his limbs would hold him up if he tried to move. And he just wasn’t quite ready to let go.

After a moment, though, Kylo did. He turned onto his side and loosened his arms, slowly releasing Hux. The fragile calm Hux had settled into crumbled at the feeling of Kylo pulling away from him.

“No,” he rasped, “don’t.”

Hands settled on his shoulders, easing him back. No…

Brown eyes, soft and sad, met his. No, no…

“I’m not leaving,” Kylo said. “But you need to.”

Hux stared at him, uncomprehending. “What? Why? No. Not when I finally found you.”

“Hux, you almost died. You’re soaked, you’re hurt. Go inside and eat something, put on dry clothes, take care of this…” His fingers brushed lightly over where Hux had hit his head and then pulled away immediately when Hux flinched.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he grumbled.

“Hux.” Kylo’s voice was thick. “I wish I could carry you in and take care of you. But I can’t. I hate that I can’t. So I need you to do this for me.”

“But what if…”

“I’ll stay,” Kylo promised. “We…have a lot to talk about.”

Hux swallowed tightly and nodded. His eyes flickered over Kylo’s face, taking in every detail. Just in case.

Kylo’s hand came up to push Hux’s hair back from his face and then slid down to cup his jaw, thumb brushing across Hux’s cheek.

Suddenly, something on Kylo’s wrist caught his eye. He gently grabbed Kylo’s arm and moved it back so he could see what it was.

“You…you kept it…”

The locket dangled inches from Hux’s wide eyes, its bronze color and etched design just as Hux remembered it. He fumbled with the latch until it opened to reveal the familiar, beloved photo.

“I thought about getting rid of it,” Kylo admitted quietly. “But I couldn’t. It was all I had left of you.”

Hux closed the locket and pulled Kylo’s hand back to his face, keeping his fingers curled loosely around his wrist where the chain was wrapped. He held him there a moment, eyes closed. If Kylo still had the locket, there might still be hope after all.

“Hux,” Kylo coaxed, more insistently this time. “You’re shivering. Stop being so damn stubborn.”

Hux’s eyes popped open.

If Kylo was still fondly insulting him, there really might be hope.

“Okay,” he agreed. “Fine.”

It took a bit of effort for Hux to prop himself up and stand, still nauseous and shaky. Kylo held his legs while he took a moment to find his balance.

“You okay?”

“I think so…”

“Be careful.” Kylo reluctantly let go of him so that he could make his way back to the house.

Inside, he downed three glasses of water and ate an entire chocolate bar, stood in the warm spray of the shower to rinse away the ocean water, and changed into warm, dry clothes topped with a hooded sweatshirt.

His head still smarted, but he examined it briefly in the bathroom mirror and decided it didn’t warrant a trip to the hospital.

Instead he took a couple Tylenol, grabbed a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and a water bottle from the counter and turned to head outside. On a whim at the last moment he also grabbed a plum from his fruit bowl for Kylo.

He diligently ignored the possibility that Kylo might not still be there.

Barely twenty minutes after he left he returned to the beach, moving as quickly as his legs would allow him. He felt worlds better, and more like himself, but still a little shaken, uneasy.

When reached the end of the path and his eyes landed on the familiar broad back and dark hair and red fins, still there, still waiting, he could have cried with relief. But he stopped, took a deep breath, and pulled himself together. He wasn’t out of the woods just yet.

“Hey.” He plopped down into the sand next to Kylo. “Here.”

Kylo looked over as Hux held the plum out to him. Hux tried to make it casual, like this was just another day at the beach, but his insides were twisting with nerves.

“Thanks?” Kylo’s lips twitched up a little and he accepted the offered fruit, his fingers brushing Hux’s as he took it. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. Much better.” Hux dropped the water bottle into the sand and pressed the bag of peas to his head with a relieved sigh.

Kylo tilted his head. “What’s that?”

“Cold. Want to feel it?”

Kylo leaned across to touch the bag, only to immediately recoil.

“Too cold. Why would you do that to yourself?”

“Relieves the swelling,” Hux muttered, eyes closing. “Numbs the pain, too.”

“Oh.” Kylo shifted beside him. Hux could practically feel his gaze moving over him.

Hux cleared his throat. “Um. Thanks, by the way. For saving me. You…didn’t have to.”

He opened his eyes just in time to see the surprise flash across Kylo’s features.

“Didn’t have to – Hux, I wouldn’t just let you – you’re still – I still…” he made a frustrated sound, more at himself than at Hux. He looked down and fiddled with a loose scale. Hux yearned to reach out and smooth a hand across his tail.

“I’m not even the one who saved you,” Kylo mumbled.

“What? Yes you were.”

“I wasn’t. There was another merman there, he got to you before me. I…I would have been too late.” He stopped playing with the scale and felt around until he found Hux’s leg, squeezing it.

“Oh.” Hux stared at the hand on his leg. “Wait. Other merman? Did you happen to catch his name?”

“No?”

“Damn.”

“Sorry I was too busy worrying that you were dead to ask his name,” Kylo retorted. “Why does it matter?”

“I met someone,” Hux explained. “A human who fell – who, um. Met a merman. They were separated, he’s been trying to find him.”

Kylo had gone very still. “You met someone?”

“Yeah, on the beach.”

Kylo scowled.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He hesitated. “He hasn’t given you gifts, right?”

“No, Kylo.” Hux felt a little thrill at his sudden possessiveness. “I barely know him.”

“What is this human’s name?”

“Poe. Poe Dameron.”

“…oh.”

“What?”

“Yes, that was him. The merman who saved you is looking for this…Poe.”

“…oh. Shit.” Hux scratched the back of his head. “Well, they’re not far apart now. Maybe they’ll find each other.”

Kylo nodded, and silence fell over them.

Hux tried to relax. If Kylo wanted to leave, he would have by now. But he was here, sitting with his shoulder brushing Hux’s, one hand still curled around Hux’s thigh as if to keep him from escaping.

Just when Hux had mustered up the courage to speak, of course Kylo began speaking first. Hux didn’t know whether to be annoyed or relieved.

“I had…a lot of time to think while I was gone.”

Me too, Hux thought. Too much.

“And,” he continued, “I realized something. What I asked you must have been very sudden for you and…and it was unfair of me. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone and I have no idea how it works.” He ran his free hand back through his hair. He was frowning, brow pinched as he struggled to get the words out. “But that probably wasn’t the best way. And I shouldn’t have gotten so angry when you said no. And I shouldn’t have stayed away so long. I just…felt so stupid. And I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me.”

“Kylo,” Hux interrupted sternly. This wasn’t what he’d expected at all. He scooted closer and hooked his arm around Kylo’s, hoping the touch wasn’t unwelcome.

“Listen. I’m…sorry,” he began. It was surprisingly easy to say, and with it a weight began to lift from his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he repeated for good measure. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who kissed you. Once would have been enough to show you, but I got carried away.”

“But I wanted it,” Kylo insisted.

“I know.” Hux smiled sadly. “But I took advantage. And then, that day…I overreacted. I got scared, and I said all those cruel things. That’s…that’s who I am sometimes, Kylo. I’m afraid for people to see that, most of all you. You didn’t deserve that.”

It was so, so difficult to pull his gaze up to meet Kylo’s, but when he did, the way Kylo was looking at him caught him off guard.

Kylo was cautious, still a little sad, but there was something contemplative and amused about his gaze, his lips pressed together like he was trying to keep from smiling.

“You think you’re the only one who’s an asshole sometimes?” he said, the smile finally flashing across his face before slipping away. “When I’m hurt, I get angry. I got angry that day. One of the reasons I left is that I didn’t want you to see me that way.” He shrugged “That’s why I have no one else. I frighten them. At some point I just accepted it and stopped trying. And then you came along, and…I wanted to keep you, so badly…”

By that point they were pressed as close as they could be, side to side. Hux held onto Kylo’s arm with both of his and Kylo’s grip on his leg was tight, just short of uncomfortable.

“But maybe you were right,” Kylo said, gaze dropping away. “Maybe it won’t work.”

Hux squeezed his arm. All his instincts were screaming to get up and run before they hurt each other again.

“While you were gone, I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he said quietly instead. “I missed you so fucking much.” He hid his face against Kylo’s shoulder. “And I realized that…that…” Why was it so hard to say? “That I want to keep you,” he said finally, stealing Kylo’s words for lack of his own. “I want you here, even if it’s hard sometimes…” he trailed off.

“Does that mean we can still be friends?” Kylo asked cautiously, hopefully. Hux looked up at him.

“It means I love you,” he blurted out. He quickly kept talking, face flushed. “And if you still wanted to be...together, I want to try. Maybe it won’t work but I need you too much not to try…” He took a steadying breath. “Or, yes, we can still be friends. If that’s what you want.”

He clamped his mouth shut, feeling that he’d said more than enough.

“You…love me?” Whispered Kylo’s incredulous voice.

“Yes.”

“You still want me here?”

“More than anything.” A new wave of regret washed over Hux, to know that Kylo had doubted that even for a moment.

“And you want to try to be together?”

“Yes.” Hux squirmed under the questioning, though he knew Kylo was only trying to make sure they were on the same page this time.

Kylo’s tailfin flicked up, just barely, but Hux noticed it out of the corner of his eye. It was something he did when he was happy.

He felt Kylo’s face press into his hair and nuzzle. His heart was drumming so hard in his chest he almost wondered if Kylo could hear it.

“Me too,” Kylo said simply. “I missed you too, every day. And I want to try. I don’t care if it’s hard.” He paused. “So it’s called love?”

Hux nodded.

“Then…I love you.”

The words were so warm, so soothing in Kylo’s deep, soft voice, so close his lips brushed his ear.

Hux had never been in love, he only had books and movies and the word of others to go by, and based on those, he’d have thought this moment would be…bigger. Grand and explosive.

Instead it was like coming home from a long day to a comfortable couch and a hot cup of tea. It was like returning to the ocean after weeks spent inland. He could let down his guard; he could finally breathe. A safe feeling wrapped around him like an embrace.

The waves lapped lazily against the shore. The clouds were breaking, slivers of blue cutting between them like rivers in the sky.

Hux finally relaxed, keeping his face against Kylo’s shoulder to hide his growing smile. But Kylo’s hand came up to his face and coaxed him out. When Hux looked up, he found Kylo was smiling too. He’d missed that smile.

“Does this mean I finally get to kiss you?” Kylo asked mischievously, fingers brushing along Hux’s jaw.

“I was hoping you might say that…”

Hux sat up and turned towards him. He smoothed one hand down Kylo’s tail, relishing the feel of the scales and the way he squirmed at the touch. He cupped Kylo’s face with the other hand and started to lean in, but Kylo stopped him, catching Hux’s hand in his and moving it to settle with his palm flat against Kylo’s chest.

“No. I want to do it.”

Hux grinned. “Stubborn.” But he left his hand there, stroking his thumb over the cool skin, feeling the strong heartbeat, and allowed Kylo to take his face between his hands. Kylo’s dark eyes roamed over his face, his lips parted a little as he looked at Hux with a reverence that made Hux’s cheeks heat. He leaned in slowly, eyes falling shut.

The press of lips was crooked, the angle awkward, and the moment they touched Kylo froze up, unsure of what to do next. He pulled back barely an inch, his nose brushing Hux’s.

“I’m not good at this,” he mumbled, embarrassed.

“You just need practice,” Hux replied, breathless in spite of the less than skillful kiss, simply because Kylo’s lips had felt so perfect against his. Simply because he was here, and wanted this.

Hux brought his hands up to Kylo’s face and angled them better. This time, he leaned in first and captured Kylo’s lips in a soft, tender kiss, and then another. His hands drifted higher to stroke his ear fins, knowing how Kylo liked that, smiling when Kylo shuddered and sighed against his mouth.

“Hux?” he whispered. He clutched at Hux’s sweatshirt, bunching the material in his hands.

“Yes?” Hux kissed Kylo’s nose, his cheek, his lips again. He buried his fingers into his hair.

“I love you.”

“I know. You said so a minute ago.”

“I wanted to say it again.”

Hux laughed. “I love you too you, you ridiculous m-“

He was cut off by Kylo’s lips pressing to his again, soft and insistent and already better than the first time. He gave up on speaking as Kylo’s arms wrapped around him and he was pressed back into the sand and held and kissed and loved.

It wasn’t perfect and it never would be. Kylo had to be careful that his teeth didn’t nick Hux when they kissed, but his lips and tongue were practically made for this, and he was an incredibly quick learner. Hux didn’t have a tail to wrap around Kylo’s but he could curl his legs around it to pull him in closer.

They would encounter many more obstacles over the years to come, but none bigger than the pull they felt towards each other. They were like the waves meeting the shore, forced to part only to come crashing in again and again.

Because, Hux realized, when you found something good, something right, it was worth keeping: a perfect shell in the sand, a treasure in a shipwreck, a place to call home…someone who accepted you, the love of your life.

Even if he happened to have a tail.

Chapter Text

Five years later

The fine sand was soft and warm where it yielded under Hux’s bare feet as he walked out onto the beach. Not coarse and rough, like the sand at his beach at home. He looked out at the water, a green-blue so vivid it was almost unreal, nothing like the darker blue he was used to.

He closed his eyes and tilted his face up to the morning sun. It was already hot, the air thick and sweet-smelling. He could feel the prickle of sweat beading on his back and forehead. He peeled off his shirt and tossed it aside so that he was left in only his swim trunks.

In one hand he held a bottle of sunblock. He popped the cap open, squeezed some out, and applied it as best he could to where he could reach. If it was sloppy and patchy, that would be alright for now. Soon, hopefully, there would be another set of hands to rub it on for him.

Hux dropped the bottle of sunblock onto a spread-out towel, where he’d already set a couple of water bottles, his phone, sunglasses, headphones, and a sealed container full of sliced fruits.

It had taken a good bit of research and saving to find a private beach rental that was private enough for him to feel safe visiting with Kylo. Vacation planning got tricky when your boyfriend was a merman.

The place he’d settled on was worth, it though. It was in the Bahamas, where Hux had never been and Kylo wasn’t sure if he’d ever been, since he tended to not know places by their human-given names. I’ll know when I get there, he’d said.

Getting there was another matter. Hux, of course, flew in to the nearest airport and then took a taxi and then finally a boat to the island. It had been a long day of travel, but he’d been able to do it in a day. He arrived the night before and gone right to bed, eager for the next day.

Kylo, however, had had to swim the journey, and so he left about two weeks before Hux did. It’s nothing, he’d said casually, I’ve swum farther for less. While Hux believed him, he still worried. Worried Kylo would run into trouble on the way, worried he’d overexert himself, worried he’d get lost.

Worried he might not show up at all, though that was an old, dusty fear that only poked its head out on rare occasion. By now they both trusted each other to return.

A dock jutted out at one end of the beach, for vacationers who opted to bring their boats along. Hux hadn’t bothered. He didn’t plan on going far and would be happy to let Kylo chauffer him around the water if they decided to explore.

Hux walked out to the end of the dock and surveyed the water. It was clear enough that if Kylo were there, he’d spot him easily. Which meant either he was further out, or he wasn’t here.

There was only one way to find out.

Hux took a breath and dove into the water. He swam out deeper before surfacing to breathe. Then he closed his eyes and let himself sink downwards, enjoying the gentle tossing of the waves and the feeling of the cool water on his heated skin.

There was a rippling sensation in the water around him, something darting past. It happened again, just behind him. Something brushed his back, his side, his chest. He kept his eyes closed and smiled.

Something cupped his face and there was a sound, bright and sing-song, ringing through the water. His smile grew. He didn’t know what the words meant, but he knew them to be teasing things, loving things. Endearments.

Then strong arms closed around his hips and suddenly he was being pulled up, fast, until he broke the surface and took a big breath, pushing his sopping hair back from his face with both hands.

When he lowered his arms, they came to settle on broad shoulders. He looked down to meet a pair of warm brown eyes, sparkling mischievously up at him over an equally warm smile. Kylo didn’t release him. Hux didn’t want him to.

“Glad to see you made it,” Hux said. An understatement, considering how he’d worried the past two weeks. Kylo knew it and his grin widened.

“I got here two days ago,” Kylo confessed.

“What! How fast did you have to…did you even sleep? You promised you wouldn’t push yourself too hard, you ridiculous show off…”

He couldn’t even maintain a proper rant, because Kylo was laughing and barely listening to a word he said. Hux pushed on his shoulders and squirmed in his grip but Kylo’s arms only tightened. His laughter faded and he propped his chin on Hux’s chest, looking up at him with that deep gaze that made it nearly impossible for Hux to stay angry.

“I slept and took breaks, just like we discussed.” He paused kiss Hux’s chest. “I just found a quicker route. Your phone isn’t as smart as you think it is.” When Hux continued scowling, he added, “I promise,” words he’d learned carried a lot of weight, and so he used them only when he really meant them.

Hux relaxed. “Okay. Fine. Good.” He finally gave in to the urge to touch, cupping Kylo’s face before sliding his hands up to stroke firmly up the fins that flared out on either side of his head. He found just the right spots and rubbed with his fingers. Kylo’s whole body shuddered and he pressed his face into Hux’s chest.

“I missed you,” he muttered, voice already breathy from the simplest of touches, his arms holding Hux so tight, like he was afraid to let go.

Hux finally let his composure slip. Two weeks was the longest they’d been apart since they decided to try this together five years ago. Missing Kylo had been like missing a vital organ. And with him there was no use hanging onto pride or appearances.

He curled an arm around Kylo’s shoulders, the other hand threading into Kylo’s hair as he returned the tight embrace. His legs wrapped around Kylo’s hips until they were pressed together as close as two people could be.

“I missed you too, my treasure,” he whispered, the endearment a rare one he saved for moments when it was most needed. Kylo hummed against his skin, clearly pleased.

As he stroked his hand over Kylo’s back and shoulders, up to his neck, he noticed something missing. He drew one finger softly in a line across the back of his neck.

“Did it break again?” Hux asked, keeping his voice gentle so that Kylo knew if the answer was yes he wouldn’t be angry.

Kylo detached himself only enough to lift one arm up so Hux could see the necklace looped securely around his wrist like a bracelet, a locket dangling from it.

“Nope. Right here.”

It was Kylo’s fourth one and Hux expected it wouldn’t be his last. Two had broken and one gone missing. The first time it happened Kylo had been a wreck when he arrived at the beach, unable to meet Hux’s eyes, apologizing, believing it to be irreplaceable, fearing that Hux would think he’d been careless with his gift.

Once Hux managed to calm him he told him that he could find another and put the photo in it again. It wasn’t the end of the world, and he’d replace it a hundred times if he had to. It wasn’t the thing that mattered, it was what it meant. Kylo had kissed him so fiercely Hux thought he was going to drown in it.

On the fourth replacement, the one Kylo currently wore, Hux had surprised him by putting a new photo in it. This one was from a little over a year ago, another selfie. In it, Hux was leaning back against Kylo. As he’d taken the photo, he turned his head to plant a kiss on Kylo’s cheek, surprising him, his eyes scrunching up with delight just as Hux hit the capture button. It was one of Hux’s favorites, second only to the first one they ever took together.

He took Kylo’s wrist and opened the locket to look at it, though the image was saved in his phone where he could see it every day. Kylo, meanwhile, took advantage of his distraction to begin lavishing kisses over his chest and down his stomach. Hux’s hand curled in his hair and he used it to gently tug him off. Kylo responded with a sound of protest, muffled immediately when Hux guided his head up and pressed his lips to Kylo’s.

Too preoccupied to keep them upright any longer, Kylo tipped back so he was floating on the surface, Hux straddling his hips and cupping his face, kissing him over and over. Kylo gripped his hips and gave back as good as he got. He’d become an infuriatingly good kisser, his soft mouth practically made for it and his good memory perfect for remembering exactly what Hux liked.

They kissed until Hux finally pulled away, smiling as Kylo leaned forward in an attempt to catch his lips again. When he couldn’t, he opened his eyes and pouted.

“Come on,” Hux said before he could complain. He brushed his fingers over Kylo’s kiss-swollen lips. “Let’s go to shore for a bit. I have fruit for you.”

Kylo lit up. “I have something for you too,” he said. “But I have to go get it.”

Hux didn’t like the idea of him leaving again so soon, but even if he argued Kylo would do it anyway, so he just nodded. Kylo held him securely to his chest and drifted closer to shore until Hux could stand and walk the rest of the way himself.

Quick and silent, Kylo disappeared into the water, and Hux couldn’t help the little lurch his heart gave at being suddenly alone, even knowing he’d be right back. He occupied himself by drying off a little and checking his phone and taking some photos of the beach.

Within minutes Kylo was back and pulling himself onto the sand. He had one fist closed around something.

He reached Hux and plopped down over his legs, heavy and soaking wet. Hux sighed; he didn’t know why he ever bothered drying off. Oh well.

“What did you bring me?” He asked. As soon as Kylo’s head settled onto his stomach Hux held him there with a gentle hand on his cheek. His other hand he held out for Kylo to reach up and hand him his newest gift.

It was a gemstone, a pale blue-green that was almost translucent when Hux held it to the light.

“It’s beautiful,” he breathed. His thumb stroked over Kylo’s cheek as he examined the stone. He could feel Kylo’s smile against his skin.

“Yes. It reminded me of you,” Kylo said, rubbing his cheek against Hux’s stomach. Hux’s face flushed. Kylo was always saying things like that, so intense and sincere. It was one thing Hux loved about him: he was naturally open and honest in a way Hux struggled to be.

Hux set the gem carefully on top of his phone where he wouldn’t forget it. He gently tugged on Kylo, urging him upwards until he was sprawled more fully on Hux, his head settled in the crook of Hux’s neck, where he pressed lazy kisses. Hux sighed and closed his eyes.

“I missed this,” he said. He trailed his fingers down Kylo’s sides to where skin met scales. “I missed you. Home isn’t…home, without you.”

Kylo answered by sucking gently just under Hux’s jaw, making him gasp. He sat up and when Hux opened his eyes he found a funny look on his face. Kylo swept his tongue over his lips and frowned. Hux frowned too.

“What is it?”

“You taste like sunblock.”

Hux blinked up at him and then burst out laughing.

“Yeah, about that.” He grabbed the bottle from beside him in the sand. “If you don’t want me to be burnt and miserable all week, you’ll put more on me.”

Kylo’s face scrunched up even more and Hux propped himself up on his elbows, still laughing, to pepper apologetic kisses over his face. “Please?”

“Fine,” Kylo grumbled. He uncapped the bottle and squeezed some into his palm. “But only because I missed touching you so much…”

Anything Hux might have said was cut short when Kylo’s hands slid down his body. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. He could practically feel Kylo’s smug grin radiating from above him, but he didn’t care as Kylo’s big, cool hands moved down his neck and kneaded at his shoulders and arms, smoothed firmly over his chest and ribs and stomach, thoroughly coating Hux with the sunblock. Kylo might complain, but was in his interest to protect the smooth skin he loved to touch and kiss.

Hux was pulled back out of the relaxed bliss by a kiss to his forehead. He blinked his eyes open to meet Kylo’s, his face mere inches from Hux. Hux smiled drowsily and kissed his nose. “Thank you.”

“I’m not done. Turn over.”

Hux groaned. “If you do my back I’m going to fall asleep, I warn you…”

“And if I don’t, your back will burn and you’ll be grumpy. Turn over.”

Hux complied, folding his arms under his head and closing his eyes once more. Kylo rewarded him with a kiss between his shoulder blades before he began massaging in more of the lotion, deliberately slow, enjoying this almost as much as Hux was.

When he reached Hux’s lower back Hux assumed he’d stop, but he slid both hands under the waist of his trunks and squeezed his ass playfully. Hux yelped and turned enough to swat at his hands, laughing and cursing at the same time.

“I was getting so comfortable, too,” he grumbled, flopping back down and turning onto his side. Kylo settled beside him on the towel and grinned, completely unapologetic. His hands lingered on Hux, one on his hip and the other stroking through his hair, like once he’d started touching him he couldn’t stop. He was often like this, grabby and clingy, unable to keep his hands or lips off Hux for long. Hux pretended not to love it as much as he did.

He gave in and pulled himself onto Kylo,               lying on him chest to chest with his head tucked under Kylo’s chin. He felt Kylo’s tail give an appreciative flick. Kylo’s hands caressed up and down Hux’s back and he pressed a kiss to the top of Hux’s head.

“Whenever you need to go back in, just tell me,” Hux said quietly. He kissed the nearest bit of skin he could get his lips on. He didn’t ever want to move from this spot, with his merman on a beautiful beach on a beautiful day.

This was all he’d wanted for weeks, just to be here with him like this. He wanted to explore, too, and swim and talk and whatever else, but there would be time for that. He’d booked the place for a whole week. He tried not to think about the weeks that would follow, the time Kylo would need to return home while Hux arrived back in a single day with nothing to do but wait.

Kylo seemed to sense his change in mood. His hands stilled in favor of his arms wrapping around Hux’s shoulders.

“We have lots of time,” he assured, echoing Hux’s thoughts. “I’m excited. I got to explore a little before you got here, there’s so much I want to show you. It will be like…a whole week of dates.”

Hux smiled at that. Kylo had taken to the concept of dates quickly. Any excuse to spend time together. Other “couple things” less so, like anniversaries. It was, in fact, the week of their fifth anniversary. That was why Hux had picked this week. But he didn’t expect Kylo to remember something like…

“After all,” Kylo said, “it will be our anniversary.”

Hux shot up quickly and stared down at his face. “How did you know that?”

Kylo was grinning but it faded into something more sheepish. He held up Hux’s phone. “You had it in here. I saw it a while back and I made myself remember.”

“Is that why you brought me the stone?” Hux asked, glancing at it then back at Kylo.

Kylo looked confused. “No. That was just because. Though…I do have a present for you, but it’s not something I can hand you.”

Hux sat up more fully so he could devote his hands to petting Kylo’s hair and face, in disbelief that Kylo had fought his natural inclination against any sort of timekeeping just to remember a day, knowing it mattered to Hux. “What does that mean?”

“That thing we talked about…” Kylo’s gaze was serious. He turned his face into Hux’s hand and kissed at his wrist. “I’ll do it.”

Hux froze.

Six months ago, Kylo hadn’t shown up when he said he would, and then had remained gone for nearly a week, with no warning whatsoever. Hux nearly had a meltdown, searching every day and even recruiting Poe and Finn to help him look. When Kylo finally turned he was in rough shape, and Hux was so shaken he’d snapped at him, and it had escalated into a fight that only ended when Kylo looked ready to swim away, which Hux couldn’t bear.

Later, when they’d both calmed down and Kylo was cradled safely in Hux’s arms on the beach, Hux proposed an idea that he knew Kylo might not like: a tracker, like the microchip some people had in their pets, like he had in Millicent. He explained it cautiously, fearful Kylo would feel he was being compared to an animal, that he was being kept somehow. Hux assured him over and over that it was only so that if something went wrong he could find Kylo, because it terrified him to think that something could happen to him and he’d never know.

Kylo hadn’t argued, but he had gone quiet for a while. Eventually he said he’d think about it, and then changed the subject. Hux took it for what he thought it really was: a no. He never brought it up again.

And so to hear what Kylo was saying, what he was agreeing to…

“Are you sure?” Hux asked. He cupped Kylo’s face and searched his eyes for any signs of uncertainty. He found none.

Kylo put his hands over Hux’s and smiled.

“I’m sure. It’s a good idea. If I got lost or attacked or something, I would want you to be able to find me.”

Hux swallowed around the growing lump in his throat. “And you…won’t feel trapped? Or like you’re – I don’t know…” He’d had doubts even when he brought it up the first time. He didn’t want Kylo to feel forced into something for Hux’s sake.

“Hux,” Kylo said firmly. “I said I’m sure. I thought about it a lot. I trust you…no one else but you.”

Hux’s eyes burned. “If you do this and then you ever, ever change your mind, we’ll remove it, I promise, whatever you – “

“Hux,” Kylo said again. “It’s okay.” He reached up and took Hux’s face and pulled him down into a kiss. Hux pressed into it with a sigh, pulled away just a little before stealing another and another. He only broke the kiss to catch his breath and even then he kept his forehead against Kylo’s.

“There’s something I could do, too,” he said quietly. “Not quite the same as the – as the chip thing, but…still permanent?”

Kylo tilted his head, curious. Hux took a deep breath. He’d thought about this a lot, too. It was something he’d wanted but was never sure how to bring up. Now felt like the right time.

“Do you remember when I showed you pictures of tattoos?”

Kylo nodded, brow pinching.

“I could get one. For you, so I can look at it and think of you. You could help me decide what it looks like.”

Kylo’s eyes widened as Hux spoke. He looked about as overwhelmed with emotion as Hux felt and Hux couldn’t blame him. This was a big step for them, unprecedented. The idea of permanence, of believing enough in a future together to make changes to themselves now.

Hux had accepted that he didn’t want anything else from his life than what he had now: Kylo, his home, his cat, his beach. He’d come to find his job satisfying and his coworkers at least bearable. He’d even made a human friend in Poe.

He knew Kylo was happy and loved him, but he also knew he was a different sort of being, that he had a wild streak that Hux never wanted to tame. Hux didn’t ask, was afraid to know, if the idea of an orderly life, of things staying the same, appealed at all to Kylo or would only scare him away.

But if Kylo was willing to do this, maybe Hux’s fears had been unfounded.  

“Really?” Kylo asked. He sat up, Hux straddling his tail. “It would be on you? On your skin?” His gaze swept over Hux’s body and his hands followed, stroking as though he could already picture it. “Where?”

Hux smirked and leaned closer. “Anywhere you want.”

Kylo swallowed, blinking rapidly, the gills on the side of his neck fluttered. “Anywhere?”

“Yes.” Then Hux quickly added, “Well, anywhere I can cover with my clothes when I go to work.”

“So like…here?” Kylo’s big hand curled around Hux’s upper arm. Hux nodded. “Or here?” The hand moved to grip Hux’s thigh. Hux nodded again, his grin widening. He could already see where this was going.

Until it didn’t. Rather than sneak his hand around to grope at Hux’s ass for the second time that day, like he’d expected, Kylo placed his hand on Hux’s chest, palm flat right over his heart.

He hesitated and then looked up at Hux. “Even here?”

For a moment Hux couldn’t answer. When he did, it came out breathless. “Even there.” He felt winded, his breath stolen by how much he loved Kylo. How one man could have him reel from exasperation to laughter to adoration in a matter of minutes, even now, years later,  he’d never know. And he’d never know how to express it in a way that felt like enough.

For now, he’d settle for easing him back down onto the towel and lavishing him with firm touches and eager lips and whispered endearments, pouring his love over Kylo like a wave, leaving no room for him to doubt how much he was wanted.

As always, eventually Kylo had to move back into the water. When he returned, Hux had the fruit out and ready for him, and even let Kylo grab his phone – once he’d dried off his hands – to play games on.

He leaned back against Hux, head propped on his shoulder while he played, tongue poking out between his lips and brow pinched with focus, and Hux wished he had a second phone just to take a photo of how he looked just then.

Instead he committed it to memory and reached around him to plug in his headphones. He made Kylo pause the game long enough to pull up his music app and put something on. Without Kylo having to ask, he put one earbud in his ear for him and popped the other into his own. Kylo smiled when the music came on and turned to plant a kiss on Hux’s jaw.

Hux got comfortable, arms around Kylo’s waist and head leaning against Kylo’s so he could watch and alternate between handing him pieces of fruit and eating some himself. The only sounds beyond the music were passing gulls and the ocean meeting the shore. The sun warmed his skin and the breeze carried the smell of salt water.

Years ago when he’d moved, ashamed and bitter and lonely, to a house by a sea, he never could have imagined he’d be here, warm and content with the man he loved in his arms. He certainly never thought that man would be a merman. And now he couldn’t imagine his life without him. Life was so, so strange.

Lost in thought, it took him a moment to notice the feeling of Kylo’s nose nudging at his cheek, urging him to turn. He grinned and indulged him, kissing his soft lips which tasted like mangoes. When he pulled away Kylo was grinning.

“I never thought I’d be happy like this,” Kylo said simply. If Hux didn’t know any better he’d think Kylo could read his mind.

“Me either,” he replied.

Kylo settled back down against him. Hux held him close and watched the waves.