Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was dark in the room.
But he didn't have the energy to turn the light on. He simply laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling, hardly noticing that the dark had been seeking up around him for the past two hours.
Every time he moved it hurt.
Every time he blinked he saw it.

That damn cold tiled floor.

His hands out in front of him, helplessly pinned down by one large hand.

How he'd attempted to pull himself free.

How eventually he had passed out from the pain, to wake up to an empty room.

He'd been thrown into the corner of the furthest shower afterward, the water dripping onto him. Not helping to clean him in the slightest. A thin veil or red ran through the water next to him. He quickly stood, pulling his trousers back up and grabbed his bag before running as the janitor walked in, unaware of what had happened in the room not long before. Only that there was blood all over the floor and the kid looked a little more than shaken up.

He sighed, finally willing himself to roll onto his side as he heard his father's footsteps coming down into the basement.
"Kurt? Hey bud. You've been down here for ages. I called a few times, Carrol made dinner." Burt smiled, walking over to his son.
"Not hungry." He forced himself to speak, his voice raw from the screaming and please to just leave him alone earlier.
"Whats going off with you? Not the slushie stuff again huh?" Burt sat on the edge of his bed, blissfully unaware of what had happened just a few hours ago.

How his son had almost crashed into everything on his way home through his tears. How he'd fallen when getting out of his car. How he'd forced himself to limp back to his room and flopped down onto his bed. And stayed there for two hours.
He wondered if the blood would be noticeable... Be hadn't taken a shower yet. Nah, the blankets were black and the room was dark.

"Kurt?" His dad's words cut into his thoughts and he looked to him, his eyes lidded half way as they had been for a while.
"Yeah?"
"You coming upstairs? I know it's difficult since Finn and Carrol moved in but I want us to have dinner together as a family." Burt gave a small smile.
"I'm fine dad. I'm just not hungry. I'm going to get in a shower." Kurt answered, returning to staring at the ceiling.
Burt paused for a moment. "Alright... Well there's food upstairs if ya get hungry later. And we're gonna watch TV as a family later so... If ya feel like it."
He didn't answer. And after a few seconds and a heavy sigh from his dad, he felt the bed shift and his dad's footsteps heading back to the stairs.

After a couple moments he couldn't stand the silence anymore. The feeling of the tight clothes around him or the darkness ebbing its way around his vision. The feeling of dried blood down his legs and God knows what else.
He threw himself from the bed and ran to his bathroom, locking the door and spraying the shower on, before leaning over the toilet and throwing his guts up into it.
After a few moments there was nothing left and he spat as hard as he could into the bowl. Cursing slightly he stood, not having felt the tight, burning feeling in the back of his throat for years.
He looked at himself in the mirror, breathing heavily as he glared at the reflexion. It wasn't the scared looking kid he was used to...
His eyes were dull and uninterested, his face pale and sunken. He flipped the light switch on and returned to the mirror. All of his muscels were tensed and his fists were so tight that he could feel the blood dripping from where his nails broke his palms. His hair was disheveled, his clothes out of sorts.
After a few moments he sighed and realised again how tight his clothes felt and quickly ripped them off, wincing at the pain he felt from moving too much.
He leapt into the shower and after a couple moments of staring at the black tiled wall, he yelled angrily, twisting and punching the tile, feeling it crack under his fist before he let himself slide to the floor, the water dripping at his back and the steam rising in the room.
He hadn't realised he'd had that much strength...
After a few more minutes he decided to actually get himself clean... Though it would never be enough.

He decided that washing himself five times and cleaning his hair twice was enough and turned the steaming water off, stepping out and grabbing a towel.
He wrapped it around his waist and looked at the razor his dad had gotten him when realising he was beginning to get stray hairs on his chin.
What felt like an eternity later and he was sat on the cool floor, leaning his back to the marble sink cabinet and looking down at his arm, the razor blade pressing against it...
When had he taken the blaze from the holder? When had he began breathing so heavily his heart felt like a bird begging to be let free?
He decided not to question it... He was DONE with questioning things.
Why had he been the target?
Why was he gay?
What is so wrong with being gay?

He let it all go along with the blood that dropped to the floor from his forearm. For a second he stared at it before letting a tiny smile creep along his lips as he softly touched the slice, the red bubbles coming from it as he pushed down, attempting to get as much pain as he could from the feeling. After a few more and a couple of minutes of it setting in he stood and placed the razor back, and wiped at his arm with a moist towelette. He scoffed at the wipes and threw them in the bin when he was done.

He sighed and got out of the room, not caring that he was in nothing more than a towel. He heard the door open from above and didn't bother turning around as he grabbed his baggy black pyjama top, his clothes from the day in the bin.
"Dude we're watching TV if you wanna join?" Finn's voice came, before a pause as the taller boy realised Kurt was in just a towel. "Oh... Sorry."
Kurt simply shrugged and pulled the shirt on, it had long sleeves so at least his so called brother wouldn't see. He turned. "Is there something I can help you with?" He asked solemnly as he turned and sat back on his bed extremely casually.
Finn looked taken back for a moment. "Uh... TV?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
"No." Kurt stared at him, something he didn't usually do to people, but he found himself keeping the eye contact until Finn squirmed.
"Oh... Ok." Finn hovered for a moment.
"What?"
"Uh... Nothing." He turned and walked away back to the stairs as the smaller boy turned and began blasting music loudly. Not realising it was to keep his mind off of the silence and to keep his mind from wondering back to the traumatising things Karofsky had growled into his ears earlier.
Finn looked back for a moment but shook his head and left the room to go watch TV with his mum and Burt.

Chapter Text

For the first couple seconds he thought everything was ok.
And oh, how wrong be was. Immediately upon attempting to move his leg he felt the pain shoot up and through his body. A groan escaped him as he forced himself to sit up.
The ony thing he felt was done. Done with everything.
He questioned wearing a nice outfit, something black with a streak of colour, but as he looked through his wardrobe he didn't see any of his normal clothes and immediately want to put on a fashion show... Instead he pulled out an old pair of jeans that had been too small for Finn but the taller had kept in his locker incase anyone needed a spare pair from being slushied, and a plain black shirt.
Sure, it wasn't his usual style, especially the demon jeans, but it was better than feeling restricted.
He made his way upstairs after grabbing his bag, not even bothering with his hair and simply just running his hand through it, leaving it messy but flopping to one side.
Upon entering the kitchen everyone looked at him.
"Dude did we have a glee assignment I didn't know about?" Finn asks, that same dopey look on his face as usual.
Kurt gave a small shrug, letting his bag fall to the floor and casually resting back against the side, folding his arms. "No. But I'm sure Mr. Shue has something 'extra fun' planned." He rolled his eyes and let everyone stare at him for a moment. "Well this is boring." He mumbled, grabbing his bag again and walking to the door. "See ya." He called back, not waiting to hear anyone's reply as he made his way to his car. He didn't even bother to close the door to the house and just drove away.
"Well that was odd..." Carole stated, finishing off her breakfast. "You don't think he has a problem with us moving in right?"
"I'm not sure. He didn't have a problem with the wedding so I didn't think he'd have a problem with this..." Burt answered.
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Kurt arrived at school, not even bothering to park properly. He knew immediately that today was going to be a waste of his time as he slammed the door shut and yanked his bag over his shoulder.
He strode through the corridor, walking to his first class and slumping down into his seat next to Mercedes.
"Yo, white boy." She smiled and in return got a slight head nod and a quiver in his upper lip that could have possibly been made to resemble a smile? "Ok..." She looked back down at her book. "What dyou think this week's assignments gonna be?"
"Something drab and boring... Probably about how we should all accept everybody no matter what they do or where they come from or how bad they treat other people." His tone was dreary and uninterested.
Mercedes took his outfit into account and decided to just offer a sympathetic look in the hopes that he would quickly offer up the information. This really wasn't him...
"Alright class, take out your text books." The teacher said from the front of the class as everyone had taken their seats.
"Lost my interest already." Kurt mumbled before standing and walking to the door.
"Mr. Hummel? Do you have somewhere you need to be?" Her tone was accusing, but slightly confused. She at first thought it would be Noah standing to walk out.
"Somewhere more interesting?" He answered, hearing a couple of gasps from around the room.
"Oh, like the principles office." She retorted and he scoffed.
"Sure. If ya like." He smirked and a few minutes later she'd taken him there herself. Though she kept mumbling about 'never acted like this before'
Of course Sue was there when he got there, any chance to pry on the glee kids.
"That's outrageous!" Sue stated. "This young boy thinks the rules don't apply to him! Porcelain, what do you have to say for yourself?"
He was tired of this, all he wanted was to be left alone. There was too many people at the school, and too many noises. And of course, too much crap to go through every day when all he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts. "Bite me." He spoke, standing again and heading for the door.
Apparently Figgins was too busy being shocked to stop him but he heard Sue come after him after a couple seconds delay.
"Young boy." She turned him round and he shrugged her hand from his shoulder, looking up at her and making direct eye contact, something she wasn't used to.
"Yes?" He drolled, raising an eyebrow, uninterested.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I was thinking the park. Or the beach, havn't been there in a while." He said as if it was the most casual thing in the world. He was just so sick of being pushed around by everyone. Glee club, Sue, his family, Karofsky.
"School isn't over Porcelain. Now get back to your lesson before I give you a week's detention."
"Fuck you." He spoke clearly, letting the words roll off his tongue with a nice bite before turning on his heel and leaving the stunned teacher baffled as he made his way to the car.
He took a moment to relax and question what he had just done... That wasn't him. Was it? Had he really just sworn at a member of staff? Especially Sue Sylvester... Above that he'd walked out of class and ditched school.
After a second he realised he liked the feeling of the bird fluttering around in his ribcage, it was a good feeling. It was one of the only feelings he'd felt since hurt yesterday. And he was in control of this feeling, nobody else.
He reved his engine and set off for the beach. He was telling he truth that he hadn't been there in years... And while it was miles away, he pushed the part of his subconscious down that told him it was a bad idea, and cruised down the highway towards the beach. Burying his old self under his new self... At least for now.
That's what he told himself, he just needed a natural bit of rebelling. It would pass... Though thinking about it he wasn't actually sure if he wanted it to.
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When he got to the beach he sat atop his bonnet, staring out at the water. No one was there seen as it was a Tuesday. He had the view all to himself.
He sat there until sunset began, the sky filling with oranges and peaches. The sky mixing like watercolours in the water, almost moulding with the sea itself.
He gave a sigh of content.
All he'd thought about, over and over, was the fact that so much had been taken from him... He would never have a first kiss. At least one that counted. He would never find someone who loved him, and share the other intimate acts with that person. No romance. No boyfriends. That was it for him...
He also thought about Karofsy. How it wasn't actually him tht had done it. In fact, he hadn't known who it was... But Karofsky had pushed him against the locker just beforehand, gripping his throat slightly and whispering disgusting slurs into his ear before giving him a sickly grin and leaving the locker room. Just before the other person had come in.
And when the shit hit the fan he had actually called for Karofsky... For help. Seen as he would have been the closest. But nobody came.
'Well' he though, sneering at himself. 'Someone definitely did...' He didn't laugh at his own dirty mind, after all, he realised he was just laughing at himself. He sighed and laid back on the bonnet, feeling the itchiness on his hands and face from the sun all day. He was grateful it was cooling down now he had been sat staring out, looking at the seagulls and birds with his legs crossed and brought up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them but his head held high, cleaning out his thoughts.
And finally he realised. The person he was acting like today... Was the person he usually decided to keep hidden. But not anymore. He was done being a pushover... Done being told what to do. Done being high maintenance and picking careful outfits and hiding behind them. He gave a smile out to the sea and took a wonder to the mound of rocks, climbing up them till he was at the top, and throwing his arms out, yelling as loud as he could in the progress, out over the ocean, out to sea forever.
The emotion finally flooded him, but he blinked back the tears.

No, this Kurt Hummel didn't cry.

This Kurt Hummel was strong.

This Kurt Hummel was going to show them all.

Chapter Text

His phone rang in his pocket and he pulled it out.

-Dad-

He sighed and cancelled the call before going to throw the phone into the ocean. He stopped and placed it back in his pocket.
He'd be home when it was dark and his dad would probably wait up to talk to him. He sighed and climbed down from the rocks, heading back to the car and getting in.
He'd have enough fuel to get the majority of the way home, probably pass by a gas station on the way so didn't matter too much. He clipped on his seatbelt and looked at his phone, two missed calls from his dad, three from Finn including a text message, and a couple texts from the other kids in glee. He sighed, really not feeling like talking. Seemed they only cared when they could tell he'd changed his outfit, they didn't care about the bullying before that.
He threw his phone onto the passenger seat and began the long drive home.
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The engine spluttered. Yep, out of fuel, just like he thought. He sighed and got out, sitting on the roof for a moment to get a better view of the highway. He'd managed to get to the side of the road and watched as the other cars drove past. The moon was rising in the sky and the cool breeze washed over him as the cars whizzed past.
He let out a breath he felt he'd been helping in forever, and decided to jump off the roof as he spotted a gas station and head to it. Only problem was it was across the four lanes of fast moving traffic...
Giving a small shrug he decided to go for it. It wasn't too busy anyway, seen as it was getting toward nighttime. He readied himself and went for it when he spotted an opening. When he looked back up he was in the middle inbetween the lanes on the grassy strip. He felt a strong wind behind him and could feel that he had almost been clipped by a truck. It honked loudly as he managed to turn, letting out a nervous laugh and running a hand through his hair. "Wow..."
He gave a nervous chuckle and shrugged, the rush felt amazing. Now was the problem of getting over to the other side and making his way back. Piece of cake... Right?
Giving another shrug he leapt the barrier and waited for his opportunity as the cars and trucks whizzed by so close to him he could almost feel them. When there was another gap he went for it.
After a couple seconds of bracing himself he turned and saw he was on the other side again. This time he hadn't closed his eyes, and it felt amazing.
He let out a breath of confidence and stood tall, making his way to the gas station and walking in.
"Can I get a jug for some petrol?" He asked the cashier. The man behind the counter Gabe him a look before handing over a jug.
"It's 22 bucks altogether." He said, looking at Kurt while chewing some gum.
Kurt gave a small side smile. "Well. I only have 20." He placed the money on the counter.
"That's not enough."
"Well then..." Kurt swung under the end of the counter and round the other side.
"Hey! What are you doing?!"
"I gotta pay someway right?" He leant casually against the counter, looking up at the 30 odd year old. There was a moment's pause.
"In not a fag ya know."
"Please I can do it better than any girl could." Kurt smirked and when he went for the other guys fly, he didn't get stopped.
He smirked again and got to paying the man for the petrol.

Afterwards he patted the guy on the shoulder and left him to get cleaned up, grabbing the barrel for the petrol, his own money and about 5 packets of chewing gum without paying.
He didn't even look back at the guy as he walked outside and filled up the tank.
When he got back to his car he popped in a chewing gum and began filling the petrol, looking out over the highway as he did so, humming to himself while he chewed the tutti fruity flavoured gum.
Once the tank was full he got back into the car and checked his phone, another missed call from his dad. He sighed and drove the last 20 miles home.
When he pulled up into the driveway his dad was waiting at the door, his arms folded in that disappointing way he hadn't seen since he was 6 and got accused of cheating on a test from Puckerman of all people.
He sighed and got out of the car, grabbing his phone and slinging his bag over his shoulder, walking over casually.
"What's up?" He asked as he walked past his dad into the kitchen.
"Don't Kurt. I got a call from your teacher today, telling me you disrupted the class by walking out? You swore at your coach? And then! You ditched for the rest of the day! Where were you?" Burt had that tone that Kurt was scared of as a kid. The quiet anger instead of the shouting. But he knew his dad would revert to shouting soon. However, he didn't have the energy, and he didn't feel scared of his dad anymore.
"Beach." He stated. "Hadda get more petrol from the highway." He added, attempting to raid the fridge but finding nothing that didn't make him feel sick.
"The friggin beach?! Are you kidding me Kurt? What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking 'hey I'm bored and want to go to the beach'." Was the answer. And Kurt could tell by his dad's face that while he was furious, he was also taken back by his sons attitude.
"That's it Kurt. I'm done with this, you need to realise that Finn and Carol are here to stay. And another thing-" Burt snatched the keys from his son, who raised an eyebrow in annoyance. "I'm giving Finn your car. Until you learn some respect. And he's gonna drive you to and from school so that you don't end up doing this again. I don't know what's gotten into you Kurt but-"
"Night dad."
Before Burt could even finish his sentence Kurt was walking away to his basement. He locked the door behind him and slumped down onto his bed. He decided he would stay home tomorrow and sort some stuff out, and figured for now a shower, his razor, and his bed would be as good a night as he could make it.

Chapter Text

He had lost count of the amount of times he'd switched his alarm clock off before throwing it across the room.
When it buzzed once again he decided it was probably time to get up.
Standing and walking over he noticed the time flashing on the screen. 11:47. Ten to twelve? Hmm. Perhaps his dad had left him to it. After all, he had locked his door. Maybe his dad thought he wasn't feeling very well or something? Either way he shrugged, he had a long day ahead of him, and first things first was a change of wardrobe.
He cleared it all out, throwing the clothes into the corner and keeping anything that was looser or didn't have a lot of colour at all, mainly white black or grey. Once he was done he stared at the small amount of clothing that was left... He would have to go shopping.
He looked around his room while shoving the clothes into bin bags. He'd have to consider new paint to get rid of the words he'd painted on the walls in cursive, pretty writing. The mantras that used to make him feel better now just made him want to throw up.
'Courage'
'It gets better'
All of it was garbage. All of it was false.
He sighed and made his way upstairs, dropping the clothes bags outside and made his way back in to get dressed and head to the mall. Seen as his dad had given Finn the car he would have to walk. He groaned and rolled his eyes thinking of that as he pulled out a white T-shirt and some black jeans. Not skinny ones.
Then he found one if his dad's old flannel shirts in grey and black that he'd never found anything to do with in his spare-clothes-that-could-be-altered drawer. He pulled it on, it was baggy but felt soft and at the moment he needed baggy.
After grabbing his phone and checking it - fourteen missed calls from various people - he went and brushed his teeth before scraping his hair back with his hand and making his way back upstairs.
He was surprised his dad had actually left him there, though after their conversation last night maybe he didn't want another confrontation. Either way, Kurt was happy his dad wasn't there.
He searched the fridge for anything that wouldn't make him want to throw up. Coming up empty he sighed and just made his way out the door.

When he got to the mall he avoided the shops he would usually go in, opting for thrift shops and even a few skater shops and some goth shops for plain black shirts and such.
He had gotten himself a few pairs of baggy black jeans, one pair of blue denim jeans, two new white t-shirts with a band logo on one. A band he'd listened to a while back but just agreed when everyone made fun of it, even though he actually liked them.
He'd also gotten some necklaces (the ones that would actually be acceptable for guys to wear) some bands for his wrist - that he could expertly place to avoid suspicion of other subjects, a spare pair of black elbow length gloves, some more knee length shoes seen as they actually looked quite good with the new outfit choices, a couple flannel shirts, some fingerless gloves, a beany he'd found that he was actually quite fond of, and a couple of black t-shirts.
He looked at his haul and figured it'd be enough, after all, he had only payed for a few items on the list...
Giving himself a smirk he made his way back outside, heading home.
When he got inside he went straight to his room, his dad would be home soon and he really didn't want a confrontation again. He began blasting music out and the redecoration could begin.
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Burt walked through the door to the house, seeing the bags outside with all of his sons clothes in had worried him a bit, but he ignored it and decided to take his time with some tasks before heading to the basement.
When he finally went down there he noticed what his son was doing, blasting loud music out, paintbrush in hand and ripping posters and pictures off with another. He didn't seem to care how he painted which was strange, he was usually so precise with this stuff.
He called his sons name but the music was too loud to be heard. He tried a few more times, raising his voice when he didn't get a response. But in the end he made his way down the stairs and placed a hand on his sons shoulder, turning him around.
Kurt looked at him and took a step back. "What?" The teen asked, turning the music down a little so that he could hear what his dad wanted now.
"What are you doing?"
"Painting?" Kurt's gaze was as if to say 'what does it look like?'
"Why?"
"Wanted a change. The black looks better. And that walls gonna be white." He answered casually, continuing painting.
"I saw your clothes upstairs." His dad spoke.
"Yep. Well done. And?"
"Well... I'm a bit worried. Ya know, talking back to me, your teachers, staying off from school without a good reason, driving away to the beach of all places."
"Well can't exactly do that anymore can I?" Kurt's tone was accusing and held a slight sharp bite to it.
"I'm seriois Kurt. The clothes the painting. I'm assuming it's rebelling becuase of Carol and Finn. But I'm your dad and I'm telling you to knock it off."
"I'm scared." Kurt retorted, rolling his eyes. "Not everything is to do with them ya know. Well, no, you don't know. You never know, just like everyone else."
"Kurt..."
"If you don't mind I'd like to listen to my music and finish my painting. It's a big room." He said, giving his dad a look as if to say 'you know you're bothering me and in this instance I'm in charge'.
Burt waited a moment before his son rolled his eyes again and turned back to his wall.
"Fine..." He turned and walked away, looking at the closet that was still open on his way out, eying his sons new clothes... If this was his way of getting rid of Finn and Carol he'd have to try a lot harder than that.
Kurt waited for his dad to be gone before making sure to quickly finish his work, moving over to the wall he wanted to be white and painting it quickly, covering up the words he had once used to help.
But no words can help.
After he'd finished he sat on the edge of his bed, panting. He felt sick to his stomach and quickly made his way to the toilet, throwing up stomach lining as he hadn't ate in a few days. Once he was done he yelled at the top of his lungs, knowing the small tiled room was soundproof enough that nobody else in the house would hear. He stood and looked at himself in the mirror. The boy who looked back was unrecognisable. Good.
He punched at his reflection, glass sticking into his knuckles and shattering down into the sink and some onto the floor. He looked to his bleeding hand with the glass sticking out of it.
Before the past few days had happened he had always decided not to fight back because he didn't think he could... The only time he'd thought back was when whoever the fuck decided to take advantage of him. He almost growled and ground his teeth together. He was done playing nice. This was it, he was strong. Very strong. And he knew he could fight back as much as he wanted.
Eventually, he'd no longer be bullied. Eventually he'd be the strongest, and nobody would want to mess with him.
He smirked at the idea, looking at his warped reflection and walking back to his room, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling where he'd slightly painted a skyscape earlier that day before moving on to the walls. He smiled to himself, happy with how this was all turning out. Just disappointed that the means in which to get to this point were so fucked up and that he hadn't been able to make this realisation on his own.

Oh well, at least he was at this point now... Now he could have some fun.

Chapter Text

It always calmed him down, listening to the rain.
Whenever he was upset when he was younger his mum would take him out in the car so he could get to sleep listening to the spatters on the windshield and know he was ok.
It had been raining since the night before and he had easily fallen asleep listening to it. Thankfully the memories of rain helping him weren't tainted by 'that incident' seen as it had only just started raining as he ran from the school. It cleared almost as quick as it had started as well, so he didn't worry about the memories being ruined. He still had them, and his mum being in them only made him more attached to the sounds of pattering at it plastered up above. He knew it was heavy because he could hear it from the basement. And he was thankful it was so loud and comforting.
The next day he decided to go to school and see what had been going on, he also hadn't been to glee club and he knew Mr Shue would want answers. Especially because he also knew the teachers had a fairly good gossip chain, especially when it came to rebelling students.
He got ready quite quickly, guiding his hands through his hair and letting it flop back down. He looked at his reflection in his bathroom mirror. He spotted a black long sleeved shirt with holes for this thumbs, black jeans and his black converse. His hair naturally went sort of spiked up and the sides flopped down, he was actually quite pleased with the look and nodded to himself in the mirror, slipping a couple razorblades into his shoulder bag. He made his way to the kitchen and over to the door.
"Kurt?" Finn's voice.
"Yes Finn?" He turned on his heels and faced his step brother.
"Want a lift? You'll be late if you walk..."
"Fine." He slumped down at the table and slouched in the chair, fully aware of the taller boys accusing eyes on him. "Can I help you?" He asked, not even looking up from checking how many calls and texts he'd ignored over the past few days. 27 all in all.
"Uh... Just wanted to ask if you're ok?" Finn asked, seeming not scared but cautious.
He did look up now, putting his head to one side and raising a bored eyebrow at his step brother.
"Don't give me that look Kurt... You've been ignoring all of glee and skyved for the last two days... And the way you've acted towards Burt..." He lowered his voice to a mumble half way through when Kurt still looked at him.
"Can we go now?" He stood and walked to the door, he didn't want to talk to someone who didn't care until he began acting out, least of all Finn. The taller quickly finished his breakfast and rushed after Kurt, who had already made his way into the passenger seat, and sat begrudgingly waiting for Finn.
He stared forward as they set off, thankful for the rain on the window and the silence other than that and the radio playing classic rock. He forced himself not to fall asleep though as he would never hear the end of it. He rolled his eyes when the older boy began to try and start a conversation.
"So, what's been going on?"
"Can we not just listen to music Finn?" He sounded agitated, rubbing his temple as he stared at the road ahead.
"No, I think we should talk about this. Have you even ate since all this started? You look exhausted and you're not even bothering with combing your hair or keeping up with your skincare stuff."
"Wow, very observant." Hoping Finn would take the hint from his answer that he would leave him alone, but when was it ever that easy.
"Dude. Look at yourself." Finn said.
He rolled his eyes and looked at his reflection in the wing mirror. "Yes. It's me. Can we drop this now. Well. Can YOU drop this now." He was extremely aggrivated.
"What's the matter with you?! Everyone's worried. You can't go all secluded and morbid on us now! Nationals is in a couple months! We need you. And not this." The taller boy gripped the smaller boys wrist and let it go when he saw the death glare from the younger boy.
"Stop." Kurt demanded. "Stop the fucking car Finn."
"What?!"
"Stop the fucking car or I'm rolling for it. Now." Before Finn could actually think to do anything the smaller had opened his door and Finn knew he wasn't joking. He came to a quick stop and watched the smaller boy get out and grab his bag, beginning to walk.
"You can't do stuff like that Kurt!" Finn tried to call after him. "Kurt!"
"Fuck off."
And with that Finn sighed and decided it would be best to just drive the rest of the way without the smaller.
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He got to school half an hour late, heading for his first class, English. With Mercedes and Brittany. Brilliant...
Sitting down while the teacher was having a go at him, he began to take his book from his bag, barely paying attention to the eyes on him or whatever the teacher was rambling on about. Finally she went back to teaching as he doodled in his book.
His old doodles used to be fashion designs and music notes and lyrics. But now he just drew random scribbles all over the pages.
"Kurt? Bells gone." Brittany's voice came from in front of him. He liked around to see he'd fallen asleep to the sound of the rain on the windows. He rubbed his eyes and quickly packed his stuff up.
"I'll see you guys in math later." Mercedes smiled and left the room, making sure to give her best friend a comforting rub of the shoulder before she left. He looked up to see Brittany was still there.
She knelt in front of the desk so that she was eye level.
"I missed you the past couple of days." She smiled her usual faraway smile, like her mind was off in a fantasy world and she was riding a unicorn and eating ice cream. He gave a genuine smile and patted her hand.
"Thanks Brit. I missed you too." He smiled, as much as the other kids in glee had ignored him, he knew Brittany never meant to, she was way too innocent for that. He stood and walked with her to the next lesson, Food. He decided it would be best to sit next to her and help her with the cooking like usual, after all the girl had her own type of smarts, and cooking wasn't one of them. Plus he didn't mind being around Brittany. She was always nice and he didn't want to upset her.
------------
After the lesson he decided to eat his lunch behind the piano in the choir room. Knowing Mr Shue would be eating in the teachers lounge with Mrs Pillsbury. He also wanted to avoid the cafeteria, for both glee kids and the person who had... Done it to him.
After he was done eating he just sat and listened to the rain on the windows, tapping his fingers on his leg, and for a moment Blaine popped into his head. He missed his best friend and somewhat 'fuck buddy' except without the fucking part but they had done other stuff before Blaine's dad had gotten a new job and had to move to a different state, taking his son with him and leaving Kurt alone.
He had gotten a text from the boy but ignored it like he did everyone else's... They were so close before, but Blaine - despite having the option - decided not to stay at McKinley but pack up and leave, telling Kurt that they'd always have the time they got to spend together and they'd probably find each other in New York later on in life. But dispute saying he loved Kurt, he refused to continue the 'relationship' long distance.
He'd broken Kurt heart, and he now knew he was too strong to let Blaine back into his life and just forgive him like he had been trying to before now.
He sighed when the last bell rang, signalling that people would be filing into the choir room soon, seen as he'd decided to skip the last three lessons of the day and just be with his thoughts and the rain. After all, two of the lessons were history with Mr Shue and he didn't want to give the teacher a reason to ask him about this stuff until necessary.
He made his way to the back of the seats, sitting off to one side and watching as the first few made their way through the door, Artie and Mercedes, followed by Quinn, Santana and Brittany and the others soon joined as he noticed Mercedes coming over.
"Ok, what's the deal white boy? I decided not to ask any questions earlier because I figured you'd just been sick or something but this ain't you!" She took in the slouched way he was sitting and also his outfit. "What's with you? Look at yourself. This isn't right! You better give me a damn good reason why I had to make my Dreamcatcher - which was your idea - on my own in home-ech." She demanded.
He gave a small shrug and raised an eyebrow slightly at her. She looked offended, but couldn't say anything else as Mr Shue came in, telling everyone to take their seats. He saw the teachers eyes land on him and a slight pause before he turned to where Rachel was sat with her hand up annoyingly.
He knew where this was going and rolled his eyes and Rachel Berry opened her mouth and began to bore and annoy everyone.
"Mr Shue." She stood and walked to the centre of the room. "I believe we should take this lesson to talk about the elephant in the room." She made sure to look at Kurt when she said that. "We need to discuss working as a team, and how that doesn't work when CERTAIN individuals and skipping class and school all together and aren't even bothered enough to give an explanation." She folded her arms and Kurt was staring at her with a mix of uninterested, agitated, and bored while everyone else agreed, other than Brittany, who just seemed confused. "Mr Shue, we can't work as a team if Kurt insists on skipping out on us."
"Rachel, have a seat. While I agree, did you ever think Kurt has a reason for being absent?" While the teacher said it Kurt could tell he didn't believe himself.
"That's the thing, he doesn't have a reason." Finn stated, still sounding annoyed, Kurt knew he'd spoken to everyone about their conversation this morning. "And if he does he clearly doesn't trust us enough to tell us!" The taller turned and gave Kurt a look, to be met with a glare of expert proportions, and everyone else noticed.
If it wasn't for the fact that this was real life then everyone would have been able to feel the cold in the air.
"Kurt... What's going on buddy? Come on talk to us." Mr Shue asked, attempting to calm the situation.
"I'm good thanks. Besides, we all know no matter what I say or no matter how many times I remind you all that this is none of your business-" he glared at Finn and Rachel. "-none of you will accept that so what's the point?" He slumped back in his chair, folding his arms.
"Kurt that's not fair, we're all just worried about you."
He laughed outright at his teacher, a cold, condescending noise. "Oh please Shuester. Youre as bad as everyone else. Nine of you need to be worried about me, hell none of you were before so what just cuz I'm actually acting how I felt the entire time you have an issue? Did any of you think it's not me with the problem?" He looked around at everyone.
"Kurt! You can't speak to staff like that. We've already had one incident of that this week so don't."
"What exactly gives teachers the right to tell us what to do? You're not my dad. I don't have to do as you say."
"Well it's not like you're being any nicer to Burt is it?" Finn interrupted.
"Well whatever, either way, respect is earned. And as far as I'm concerned none of you are granted it from me. Are you all gonna hold me down and beat the truth out of me? No. So why don't you all shut the hell up and get on with the actual lesson." He grabbed his bag strap, ready to be sent out.
"Kurt what the hell is your problem?!" Finn shouted, standing and turning to the once happy and cheery boy.
Kurt stood as well and made his way down the stepped floor and making sure to barge his shoulder into Finn on the way past. The taller ground his teeth before grabbing the boy and pulling him back, noticing the boys look at him again. "That's it Kurt! Tell me why? Why are you acting like this?! You owe it to us!"
"No I fucking don't!" He pulled his arm out from Finn's, ignoring the pain and glaring around the room as everyone gasped. Santana seemed to be the only one going a slight laugh at what she was watching, though she still seemed uncomfortable.
"Kurt. Do you want me to send you to Principle Figgins?" Mr Shue asked, turning to the smaller boy and putting a hand up to Finn in case he started shouting again.
"Ill do one better than that." The boy almost spat out, turning and heading to the door. "I quit." He called behind himself as he made his way out the door, ignoring people calling behind him. He didn't hear anyone follow him. Good...
He could hear the rain was extremely heavy as he made his way towards the door. He made his way outside and pulled out the car key he'd snatched from Finn when bumping into him. Finn hadn't even noticed. He grabbed an umbrella from the trunk and left it on the doorstep of the school where he knew Finn would come out when everyone was done talking about him in the choir room and calling it 'glee club'. He was beginning to realise just how wrong that word was for the group. Everything usually seemed to be sad or wrong or bad. Not gleeful. Not happy. He wrote 'Finn' on a piece of paper and attached it to the umbrella before getting into the car and sitting there for a while, listening to the rain and wathing it splatter on the window, and nothing else. He made sure not to fall asleep, though he honestly felt like it, especially when the happy memories of sitting wih his mum in the car and letting himself fall into his dreams while the rain poured down.
After about 45 minutes, he finally decided that he would fall asleep if he drove home, so took the keys over to where the umbrella was, and left them there next to it, so that it was obvious, and began walking in the rain, not caring that his hair was a mess and that he was drenched, he simply ran his fingers through it and continued walking. However he didn't walk home, instead he made his way to somewhere else. He needed to be away from home right now. And he knew just the place.

Chapter Text

He entered the door to Scandals, walking up to the counter where they checked ID and handed over his fake one. Not even bothering to smile when the glum man looked at him. He took his ID back and walked in and over to the bar, ordering a vodka red bull and paying before taking it to the smoking area, knowing there was more air out there and it was undercover, so he wouldn't get more drenched, but could still listen to the rain.
He sat for a few moments, away from the other men in seats at the other end of the area, giving him strange looks.
He ran his hand through his slightly dried hair. It was dark now seen as it took him so long to walk here without the car. He sighed and drank some of his drink. It burnt. But he kind of liked it, at least it was a feeling. And regardless of it being bad or good it was something.
He noticed someone was in front of him but he continued to stare at the table. "Cigarette?" The boy asked. He gave a small side smile and was about to decline, changing his mind and taking one of the ciggerettes the boy offered.
"Cheers..." Kurt mumbled, looking up when the boy held out his lighter. He recognised him, he was one of the boys from McKinley, one of the stoners who skipped class to sit on the roof and smoke. Sometimes he'd hang around the skanks as well, though usually only to pick up weed from them. The skanks tended not to like boys. Though they seemed to have been alright to him in the past - probably because of the femininity.
"Kurt right?" The boy asked. Kurt looked up, taking a drag from the cigarette and fighting the almost uncontrollable urge to cough his lungs up. He gave a small nod, managing to keep the cough contained and blew out the smoke. It tasted disgusting, but it was alright.
"Yeah. Would it be too rude to ask what someone else from McKinley is doing here?" He asked as the boy sat next to him, smoking his own cigarette as Kurt took another drag.
The other boy gave a slight chuckle. "I won't tell anyone if you don't." He smirked to Kurt, who raised a surprised eyebrow. "Yeah, I've never been confident enough to say it I guess. Nobody judges here and at least nobody from McKinley would ever be seen dead here so nobody will find out."
"Makes sense." Kurt stated, drinking more of his vodka and continuing to smoke.
"What about you then? I know you're the only openly gay guy. Which I respect. But last I heard you're what 17? 18? What are you doing in a bar drinking away your troubles?"
Kurt gave a slight smile and a chuckle. "Well, bullies, family, life in general." He answered casually. "I wish I could tell you that telling people would make it easier for you but that would be a lie. I didn't use to believe in hiding who you were. Until I realised that's exactly what I was doing." He gave a small smirk to his glass and downed the rest.
"Makes sense." The boy retorted, giving a slight nod. "Anyway, I gotta get back inside to my friend, but it was nice seeing you Kurt. I'll see you around. Maybe we can hang out some time." He gave a small wink and left another cigarette on the table in front of the boy as well as a piece of paper wrapped around it loosely.
Kurt smiled in slight disbelief as the boy left and went back inside, throwing his finished cigarette to the wet floor.
Kurt unravelled the paper and saw the number, giving another smirk and placing it into the back of his phone for later. "Hey!" He called after the boy. "What's your name?"
The boy turned as he was about to go through the door. "Mitch." He smirked, before continuing to walk through the door. Kurt smiled and went and grabbed himself another drink, heading back to the smoking area.
He watched the table for a while before lighting the second cigarette with a random lighter someone had left on one of the other tables, taking a long drag. He was happy he was getting used to it now and didn't feel like coughing as much. He was a little disappointed with the taste that lingered at the back of his throat, but washed it down with more alcohol.
He knew someone was stood in front of him but didn't look up from the table until that person coughed. When he looked up he saw Sebastian Smyth. The annoying meerkat.
"Fancy seeing you here." Sebastian smirked, there was something different in his eyes. Possibly worry? Possibly curiosity?
"Sebastian." Kurt greeted back.
"What's with the getup?" His old rival sat next to him.
"Other clothes make me feel sick." Kurt admitted, not really caring anymore. It was a mix between the alcohol and knowing Sebastian would make fun of him either way.
"Oh... Drinking sorrows away?" Suddenly there was a hint of concern in the boys voice and Kurt raised an eyebrow to him, taking another drag of the cigarette, much to the other boys surprise.
"It's been a long few months since you last saw me." Was all he said, blowing the smoke at the boy, who chuckled.
"I can tell. Nice hair by the way." He drank some of his own drink. When he looked back up he noticed Kurt's expression. "Don't worry, not an insult." For some reason Sebastian couldn't meet the other boys eyes, seeming nervous.
"And what is the great Seb Smyth doing here then?" Kurt asked, attempting to change the subject. Sebastian laughed.
"I come here a lot remember? Wanted a few drinks and possibly a hook up." He paused before continuing. "...have you heard from Blaine...?"
Kurt closed his eyes for a moment before looking back to Sebastian, his look saying everything.
"Ah... Sorry about that. About all of it really. You guys were good together." The other boy admitted. "Say... Kurt..." He knocked the older boy on the shoulder. "I assume you're having issues. If you need to escape you're welcome to stay with me in my room at Dalton tonight?" He seemed confused at himself and Kurt's face made him smirk. "No funny business. Unless that's what you're into now days." He laughed as Kurt's expression became more confused. "Dalton's closer by than your place is and I'm assuming you didn't drive here since you're drinking." He smiled, and for once it was kind.
"Thank you." Kurt smiled back. "I'm gonna get another drink..." He stood before turning. "Want one?"
Sebastian smiled. "Sure. Just a beer thanks."
Kurt went inside and ordered the drinks, bringing them back outside after asking the bar staff if they sold ciggerettes and surprised that they did, bought a packet.
"So... Kurt. What's been going on with you?" Sebastian asked, taking a swig of his drink.
"Same as usual. Just guess I got sick of it all and... Finally decided to stop pretending to be someone I'm not." Kurt gave a sad smile and drank half of his drink straight away.
Sebastian nodded. "I see... Shame, I'm gonna miss those skinny jeans." He commented, taking another drink as Kurt burst out laughing and he followed.

Chapter Text

Surprisingly Kurt had had a good time round Sebastian's. At first he felt awkward but once they got more alcohol in them they weren't having such a bad time.
Once they got back to his dorm room at Dalton Sebastian had told Kurt he could take a shower if he wanted, handing him his old Dalton track suit for pyjamas. Kurt had agreed and took his bag with him, letting the warm water drench him before making a couple of cuts into his upperarm. He then washed the wounds and placing the razor back into his bag. He then stood there for a moment more. It was strang to be showering drunk, he'd never done that before.
He stepped out and got changed into the clothes Sebastian had given him.
They had spent a while laying on the bed and laughing in between kissing - if you'd have told Kurt he'd one day be kissing Sebastian Smyth he wouldn't have believed you. And when Kurt rolloed off the bed they both sat there laughing for a while.
Wes had come in to see what the comotion was about and laughed at the drunk Kurt that was still laying on the floor giggling. Wes had greeted him by helping him back onto the bed and giving him a hug, telling him to sober up before morning before leaving the two to it.
"Shh, Hummel." Sebastian laughed, still seeing Kurt giggling. At least he was happy. "Remember we have a rule here, no sleepovers?"
"Oh please Seb, I know you have guys in here all the time." Kurt did his best bitch smirk and Sebastian laughed.
After a while they had began talking about people and music and school. But eventually Sebastian just had to ask.
"So, Kurt. What exactly happened?" He asked, seeing his new friends - that was weird to think - face fall.
"Nothing..."
"Kurt, look you know I'm not a new direction so I won't be able to tell any of the rest of them, I'm being a decent guy now days, I won't bother you about it... And for once you know I'm being nice. It might help to get it off your chest to someone you may not see again for a while." Sebastian stated honestly, turning to look at Kurt and noticing him staring at the bed below him.
"Um... Yeah. But you need to promise me... I don't think I should trust you after all that's happened but... You're right, you don't go to my school, you don't talk to my friends..." He seemed to be contemplating it and arguing about it with himself. "Promise me...?" His voice was little more than a whisper and he still didn't look up.
"Kurt." Sebastian placed a hand on his shoulder. "I PROMISE you. I will never, ever, unless you want me to, tell anyone." He could feel the other boy shaking slightly but chose to ignore it.
"O-ok... Well... Um. It started last week, I had gone to the locker room to clear out the last couple things from when I played football. And... Karofsky came in and like usual was a bit of a bastard... But then he left and..." The boys voice broke but he continued, though didn't make any notion that he thought Sebastian was there. Like he'd been thinking about it over and over and knew the story down to a T and was just speaking it outloud to himself. "And someone else came in... They... They pushed me into the locker and whacked my head back against it... And I felt really dizzy and fell over, and that's... That's when he..." He paused and closed his eyes, his shaking had gotten worse and his voice was full of unwanted emotion. But Sebastian didn't interrupt, he just waited for the boy to continue. "He... Started to take off my clothes..."
At that point Sebastian knew what had happened and his grip on Kurt's shoulder turned stiff and his expression hardened. If he ever found out who it was... But no, Kurt had trusted his promise.
"He... Did things to me and made me do things to him... And then... I passed out because it hurt too much. And he three me into the showers and left it running. When I woke up I was soaked and there was... Blood everywhere... It hurt to move but I had to get out of there. I felt like I was drowning... And... And I could hardly talk because my throat hurt so much from screaming for help. But no one came..." He took a shakey breath before suddenly he was curling up on himself, crying. "No one ever comes..." He sobbed and Sebastian held him close, not knowing what to say. He opened his mouth a few times to comfort the boy but could never think of the words. He was still shocked the boy had trusted him with the information. And he would make sure that trust was kept.
"Shh... Its ok..." He whispered, holding the boy to his chest.
He knew Kurt could feel his heartbeat and it seemed to be somewhat soothing. Eventually he decided not to talk to calm the boy but to sing. He turned on his speaker and chose a song - he decided on Jessie J 'Who You Are' because it somewhat seemed to fit the situation. He started to sing softly to the music and by the time the song was almost done the boy seemed to be asleep.

Don't lose who you are,
In the blur of the stars,
Seeing is decieving,
Dreaming is believing,
It's OK not to be OK...
Sometimes it's hard,
To follow your heart,
But tears don't mean you're losing,
Everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are...

He repeated the chorus a few times hoping the message would kick in. If you'd have told him Kurt Hummel would be so lost and hurt and alone that he would be spending the night cuddling the boy and singing to him to help him sleep he would have called you crazy. But that's exactly what was happening. And for some reason, he felt honoured.
He let himself drift to sleep once he made sure Kurt wasn't going to wake up and decided he would take the first couple of lessons off tomorrow to get Kurt home. His dad must have been worried sick and Finn was probably trying to look for him.
He sighed and let himself drift off.

Chapter Text

The next morning Sebastian woke up to see that Kurt was already ready and waiting for him before he left.
"Hey" Sebastian smiled, rubbing his eyes.
"Hi."
"Ready to go?"
Kurt simply nodded. As much as he was tempted to leave before Sebastian woke up and forget this ever happened, he didn't have his car anymore and he would need the other boy to drive him at least part of the way home.
He felt terrible, like the fogginess of a cold was settling on his mind. His nose felt stuffy and his throat itchy. He watched as the other boy got up and got himself dressed, having no shame in front of him.
Once they got back to Lima Kurt told Sebastian he could drop him off wherever and he would walk the rest of the way. Sebastian had finally agreed and dropped him off outside the school.
"This isn't exactly what I meant..." Kurt mumbled. "Thanks anyway. But Seb, you tell anyone what I told you last night... I'll kill you." He attempted to give a small smile but Sebastian struggled to tell if he was joking or not.
"Understood. Here." From the car he threw the other boy a packet of pills. "Help with your headache. You'll need it."
"Alright. Thanks." And at that Kurt stepped back and the other boy drove away back to Dalton.
"Hey Kurt!" A somewhat familiar voice called. He turned to see the boy from the night before, Mitch. "Yo, rough night?" He winked. Kurt gave a half arsed smile.
"You could say that." He mumbled.
"Well, wanna come hang out with me and some friends? Beats school."
Kurt looked around to the school where he could see Rachel and Tina were stood at the door, Finn holding it open for them. They all were looking his way and he turned back to Mitch.
"You got that right. Where we going?" He asked as the other boy Gabe him a cigarette and he pulled out the lighter he'd found the night before, walking with the other boy past the school.
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"I'm so worried..." Tina repeated for the fifth time that day as they sat in the choir room.
"Let me guess, 'Rainbow-Corn The Gay' has done something else totally strange that doesn't seem like himself?" Santana asked, her arms folded as she made her way to sit next to Brittany at the back. "If I'm being honest I'm kinda liking the new rebel Kurt. Sorta makes me wish he was a girl." She smirked as she sat down and everyone stared at her, clearly annoyed by her attitude, though none of them were surprised.
"We saw him this morning with that Mitch guy, the stoner." Tina continued.
"Wait, our Kurt has been hanging around with the stoner guys?" Santana asked, suddenly seeming concerned. "Hate to say it but I think gay-face is in trouble."
"Why? It's not like he would do anything bad." Brittany smiled, holding her girlfriends hand.
"Well..." Rachel mumbled, though got everyone's attention. She stood and walked to the front. "We saw him smoking. And from the looks of it not for the first time. And... He was getting out of Sebastian Smyth's car. He seemed pretty hung over as well..."
Everyone seemed to not know what to say.
"What's going on guys?" Will asked as he walked into the room, looking round at everyone's faces.
"Mr. Shuester, all of us are extremely worried about Kurt. We think that punishment for skipping school may help..." Rachel admitted.
"But not something like suspension, but like... Forcing him to come in." Finn added. Tina nodded.
"When did you guys decide this?" Artie asked.
"We've been talking about it all day. None of us three can concentrate on classes. We're all too worried." Rachel answered.
"As much as I hate to agree with dwarf fanny over there, she's right. I think Kurt is all any of us have been talking about..." Santana chimed in.
"Well I'll have to talk to Figgins. However I have been thinking of punishment. But why not suspension guys? That way he could have time to think about what he's been doing?" Will asked.
Tina shook her head. "We saw him this morning ditching with one of the stoners... We also saw him smoking and he looked like he was drinking last night..." She admitted.
"Oh... That... Really doesn't seem like Kurt." The teacher responded.
"None of this is like Kurt." Finn answered.
"We don't want him to throw his life away Mr Shue... We care about him too much and giving him suspension would just be giving him the opportunity to ditch class more and hang out with the wrong people." Rachel added, sitting back next to her boyfriend and holding his hand.
"...has anyone told Blaine? Maybe he could help?" Mike asked from the back. He didn't speak much but when he did it was either because he was happy or because he was worried.
"I've spoken to Blaine but I haven't gone into details." Mercedes stated. "He was worried about not getting a reply from Kurt for days."
"Burt says Kurt hasn't replied to phone calls or texts since this whole thing started." Finn added.
And everyone else in the club added 'me neither' to the mix.
Will sighed and looked at the worried faces on his kids. He wished there was something he could do for Kurt... Maybe there way. But until he could find the kid, he would stick to teaching this week's lesson and practising for their next competition.
"Right guys, I know where all worried and I will look into it further with Principle Figgins. But for now we have a competition to prepare for. Finn, Rachel, you both said you'd worked on something?" He said, attempting to get back to normal.
"Yes..." Rachel answered, standing and walking to the front with Finn.
"I asked Rachel how she was feeling about this and we both agreed on a song that sums it up pretty good..." Finn admitted.
"Yes, it popped into my head while preying for Kurt and his safety and I thought it would be good to do." She gave a sad smile and they both began singing their duet.
------------
Emma was waiting for him in the staff room the next day. He gave a smile and sat next to her.
"Hi, how are you doing?" Emma asked. She smiled when her boyfriend began talking about teaching history and being worried about the next glee competition. "Will, as much as I'm happy to hear about that stuff, you know that's not what I meant." She gave him a sympathetic look as he looked to her. "How are you doing in regards to the Kurt situation?"
Will sighed. "Terrible. Was it my fault? Was I ignoring him? Was it something the kids have done? I can't think of what could cause Kurt to go all... Anti-Kurt. I mean-" he dipped closer and made sure to whisper. "The girls said they saw him smoking, drinking and hanging out with the kids that... Let's face it really aren't a good influence. It reminds me of what happened to Quinn but... She bounced back really quickly. Kurt seems to be getting worse-" before he could continue she grabbed his hand.
"Will, slow down. None of this is your fault."
"I should have seen something was wrong..." He admitted. She gave a small smile, he was always holding the weight of other people's issues on his shoulders.
"Well if it isn't the instigator for the rebellious feminine teens." Sue's voice came as she walked up next to them. "I just wanted to let you know I blame you for what happened to not-so-sweet, dear Porcelain. I have the right to believe that your endless supply of soft, pansy song choices and constant broadway songs that absolutely nobody gives a hoot about is what sent him over the edge. Now he's walking around like Puckerman and acting like a bad person because you've filled his brain with the sound of pure garbage and now that's how he's acting." She gave a smirk but there was a hint of sadness behind it.
"Sue, please don't make jokes about this. We need to help Kurt not make fun of his situation." Emma stated.
"And what exactly is that situation Erma? None of us know what instigated this. Nobody knows in fact. So all we can do is attempt to crack down on him, bring him back to school and hope this all blows over soon. For that kids sake." Sue retorted. "That's our job. See ya later buddy." She patted Will on the back before walking back out of the staff room with her fresh coffee.
"...I hate to say this but for once I think I agree with her. We should talk to Figgins. Organise a meeting between Burt, Kurt and us. See if we can figure out why Kurt is doing what he's doing." Emma admitted.
"Makes sense... I'll make some calls." Will answered, finishing his lunch before walking back to his office.
------------
"All I'm saying is maybe he's just finally going through puberty? Maybe he's finally turning into a boy!" Santana stated, watching as Rachel's face turned to disgust.
"You're a horrible friend Santana." She answered.
"What explanation do you have then?"
"Maybe he got his Hogwarts letter?" Brittany interjected, getting the usual look of confusion from everyone.
"What if the bullying was worse than we thought but none of us noticed? Maybe he's just upset with us..." Mercedes suggested, a hint of guilt in her voice. Everyone was feeling the guilt, while they weren't sure what was wrong they did feel like they could have all done more.
"I don't think the bullying could get THAT bad." Quinn argued. They all nodded.
At that point they noticed the boy walking past them, dressed in the same clothes as the day before and ignoring them completely.
"Kurt..." Rachel half spoke, tugging at his sleeve.
He turned and looked at them all, eyes bored and red.
"Can I help you." He spoke, though it wasn't really spoken like a question.
"We all miss you Kurt..."
He shook himself free before giving a small uninterested shrug. He was clearly stoned.
"Well did you ever think perhaps the feeling isn't mutual?"
"Alright lady, listen here." Santana started, moving towards him. As she went to poke at his chest to put her point across and go all Lima-heights with her words, he grabbed her wrist, gripping it firmly but not too hard. He stared into her eyes, not wavering or changing expression. If it was possible he seemed even more bored.
"No, you listen. All of you." He threw her wrist to one side. "Forget that you knew me. Forget about whatever feelings you may have towards me. That person is gone now. He's not here. This is me now and all of you can either get used to that and stop crying over the idiot I used to be, or you can just go on with feeling sorry for yourselves and moping around because I have better things to do." And with that he turned and continued to where he was heading.
------------
"Kurt?" Mr Shue asked as he walked into his office, surprised to see the boy draped over two of his chairs. He looked up with an uninterested expression.
"Don't get your hopes up. Miss Fuckwhitt sent me here because apparently 'ony you can talk sense into us glee kids'." His voice was full of sarcasm and Will decided to ignore the swearing as he perched on the edge of his desk. He sighed.
"Come on, Kurt. Cut the crap." He spoke, hating to talk to a student like this. Though he knew it was usually the best way to get through to Puck. "Seriously, what's going on with you?" He folded his arms.
"I'm just growing into who I'm supposed to be. If you're not going to give me detention can I go? I've got plans." Was the answer.
"Kurt I'm just worried. We all are. We've all been there for you through everything... What's so bad now that we can't help?"
"Perhaps you didn't help enough before." Once again the kids voice was filled with sass and sarcasm.
"Well tell us how we can help now."
"You can't. Nobody can. Not you, not those guys, not my dad. Nobody. What's done is done. That's it." The boy stood and walked out of the door.
Will sighed and picked up his phone, ready to organise the meeting.

Chapter Text

"Nice shirt dude." Puckerman's voice dragged him from his thoughts.
He had been sat outside the school in his Navigator for the past three hours, biding the time before he would go home. The night before he had hung out with the stoners, and the night before he had been with Sebastian at Dalton. He just didn't want to face his dad.
His phone had died the day before and he didn't really care.
He tilted his head to look at Puckerman, who had thought it a good idea to invite himself into the shiney car. "Thought Finn had his key back?" Puck asked, holding out his hand as if asking for a drag of the boys cigarette.
Kurt rolled his eyes and handed it to the other, pulling out a fresh one and lighting it for himself. "I commandeered them. Gonna put them in his locker before last bell goes." He answered, returning to staring back out of the window.
"Hummel, you have never liked me, and now you're acting like me. What the deal?" Puck asked, sinking back comfortably into the seat.
Kurt scoffed. "Ah yes, because I'm Reckless enough and have such little IQ that I would also attempt to steal an ATM." He chimed, not skipping a beat as usual. This made Puck give a dry chuckle. It was clear he was worried - and if HE of all people was worried, must have been a shock to everyone. "I'm not acting like you Puck. I'm not even acting. I'm just... Becoming myself. Nothing wrong with that. Nice to have the pretend curtains called." He mumbled, still staring forward.
"This is some good shit" Puck smirked, knowing Kurt had been hot boxing the car before returning to normal ciggerettes. "I think you're a philosophical stoner though." He added, getting an eye roll from the boy.
"Well I always thought I would be a happy, hungry stoner but try as I might I can't make myself smile or a sandwich." He sighed, shifting down into his seat.
He wasn't exactly sure why he hadn't kicked Puckerman's out. The guy was another person he didn't want to think about. Someone who hadn't cared - scratch that - who had cared the LEAST when all this bullying went down. He never defended him, pushed Karofsky or any of the other football guys back.
"Kurt." It was the first time Puck had ever used his first name.
"What."
"Tell me."
There was a miserable, long silence before Kurt was telling him to 'get the hell out of his car'. Pick had sighed and gripped him by the arm, thinking intimidation would work was a bad mistake.
Kurt's fist impacted his cheek, but he didn't stop as the other boy fell out of the car, only gripping harder onto the slighter boys wrist and dragging him with him. Smoke plumed from the open door as Kurt didn't stop, he continued hitting Puck until he let go, and then continued afterwards, completely losing sight of the small boy in the back of his mind who not even a week ago was afraid to stand up to anyone.
He didn't know how long he had been going at it but his vision clouded red and black with small white speckles, and he was exhausted and he felt himself being held back, forced to drop whatever it was that he had grabbed to smack the other boy with.
He took a moment to breathe, a small part of his vision coming through between the anger as he struggled against whoever-the-fuck was holding him.
He told himself to breathe. Stop hyperventilating. Don't be a pussy.
After a moment he stopped squirming as much, looking down at Puck who was laying there, face bloodied, looking up at the wild boy as he held his bruised eye. Laying next to him was one of Finn's football shoulder pads. That's what Kurt had managed to pick up in a scramble to get the boy off of him.
He tried to relax his breathing but could hear a crowd around them, and whoever was holding him, his voice finally coming through the ringing in his ears.
"Kurt, stop! Kurt you're OK, stop fighting... Just relax. You're alright now." It was Mr Shuester.
He began to try cooling his breathing once again, this time breathing through his nose and hoping it would help.
He saw Finn come over and help Puck up, who avoided eye contact with Kurt and seemed scared. 'Of course he's scared you idiot...' He reminded himself.
He took a risk at finally looking to the crowd to see more than the glee group there. Turned out about quarter of the school wanted to see this.
He noted the glee members faces, as he still felt himself struggling somewhat to get out of the grip of his teacher, his arms being held behind him and stinging a lot. If anything it was making it ten times worse and harder for him to calm down.
He looked at the faces of disappointment and pure fear on his once-friends. He spotted Karofsky looking worried and cautious. He noted Coach Sue and Coach Biest looking bewildered and hurt. Biest even seemed close to tears as she helped Finn get Puck to the nurses office.
There was an uncomfortable silence that fell around and it seeped into him. Ran through his fibres and in through his bones. Settling in and making him feel both sick to his stomach and itchy all over like he wanted to rip out his own bones just to get rid of the feeling.
He looked away from everyone as Coach Sue began telling all the kids to get back to their clubs or detentions and attempting to get everyone back inside.
After it started to become empty outside again all but the glee kids, Mr Shue finally released his hold on the boy, though wearily still seemed reluctant to do so.
Kurt himself tugged away, tacking a step away from his teacher and subconsciously tugging down his sleeves, not making eye contact with anyone as he found a bloody spot on the floor to stare at.
Coach Sue pulled Will to once side and began speaking - not too discreetly because he could hear everything they were saying - about punishment.
This was when he decide to finally look up, setting his jaw as he stared at his 'friends'.
They all looked terrified...
He looked back to his car... Finn's car. His dad had given it to a son that wasn't even his... Just because of one argument.
He could hear and feel the worry radiating from Coach Sue and Mr Shue as they continued to talk. It surprised him that Sue was talking differently to usual, dropping all of her cocky arrogance and opting to speak about this situation like a normal human being, stealing quick glances at the kid every so often.
Kurt held the gaze whenever she made it, before finally opting to finding that spot of blood once again, and zoning out.
Eventually - though only a couple of minutes had gone by - the situation felt over as Rachel's phone began to ring. Everyone looked to her as she looked to her teachers apologetically.
"Hello?" She called, answering the call. She looked to Kurt before pausing. Seeming like she didn't want to speak through fear of having the same treatment as Puckerman had received. She reluctantly held the phone forward. "It's... It's Blaine." He could nearly hear the whisper that escaped the girls scared, trembling mouth. He looked down for a moment t before walking over, bringing his hand forward. He saw her visibly flinch as he got close. He paused, keeping eye contact, before softly taking the phone. He walked back to his previous spot, his back to everyone now as he felt their eyes stabbing through him.
"Yes?" He asked, his voice a whisper. His throat was sore. He was already ill, but now he assumed he had also been screaming while hitting the boy.
"Kurt?! Oh my god Kurt... What's wrong? Everyone's being really vague and you havnt answered any messages and your phones been going straight through to answer for the past two days! Come on talk to me... Come on baby."
That was it. In a flash of anger Kurt yelled. "IM NOT YOUR FUCKING BABY!" before throwing the phone into the ground as hard as he could, the technology exploding.
He turned fast to the others, panting in anger as they stared - shocked - at him. He didn't hesitate as Will made one step towards him, and ran.
He ran so fast and so hard, making sure to ignore anyone who was calling after him, or any steps people were taking in following. They only made him sprint harder. Faster.
He felt his leg muscles fencing and burning as he ran and ran. No clue where he was headed until he ended up at the corner of the street near his dad's garage.
He took a moment, panting as his dad's gaze met his own.
Realising what had happened, that he'd reverted back to his childish ways of running to his dad's work all the way from school when he was younger when something went wrong, he felt his breathing hitch, his dad taking a step forward as his eyes never left his sons. Worry and anger the main two emotions the boy could tell his dad was feeling.
Without another thought he gave a tiny shake of his head, before bringing himself back to reality and running away yet again.
He ran further and further, to the point where he collapsed at a busstop and sat there, fighting for breathe, seeing white spots fuzzing in front of his vision. He takes a moment, a long, draining moment. Before realising... Half way through running away from his dad... He had started crying.
He wiped at his cheek softly, his fingers feeling fuzzy from lack of oxygen. He stared at the tears, open mouthed as if the world had just ended around him. After almost half an hour of staring at his hand he clenched his fist.
No.












That was all he could think.








It seeped through him, suffocating any attempt the old Kurt made at escaping.




No.






No.











NO.





Fuck Blaine.




Fuck Puck.





Fuck everyone.








No...

Chapter Text

The bird were chirping loudly as he could no longer keep his eyes closed to the bright sun beaming through the slats.
He sighed, almost contently, before shifting slightly, his back and butt numb from where he had been sitting/sleeping. He went into his bag and pulled out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter and lit one, listening to the birdsong and letting his eyes adjust to the morning glow on the concrete.
"Hey, who are you?" A female voice came. He turned to look, noticing the group of skanks coming under the bleachers.
"Tired and in no mood for an argument." He answered, not exactly angrily but enough to warn the girls his mood could change quickly if they annoyed him.
"I know you, you're one of the ones that took Quinn away." The big girl spoke, pulling out her own ciggerettes and leaning against the wall across from Kurt, who looked unamused.
"Not anymore." He answered, taking a long drag of his own cancer stick and looking at the girls in turn.
"Did you sleep here?" The thin black haired girl asked next, noticing the bag next to him and his dishevelled look.
"So what if I did?" He kept eye contact.
"Hard core. How come?"
"Family. Old friends. Life in general." He mumbled back, watching as the girl took a sip of her coffee.
"Havnt I seen you hanging around the stoner kids?" The third girl chimed in.
"That's me." He sighed and stubbed his cigarette out.
"That's a change I never expected." The thin one spoke again. He gave an unamused smirk before standing and draping his bag over his shoulder, nodding to the girls before walking to the opening in the bleachers.
"Hey, Kurt."
He turned to face the girl, who seemed to be the leader.
"We don't tend to get along with guys too much, but you seem cool. Ever need somewhere to hang out feel free to come here. We just gotta get the coach back from Coach Bullshitter that Quinn won us for under here and it'll be more comfortable." She nodded when Kurt nodded and watched him go.
------------
He wondered into the corridor, it was about half an hour early to be there and it was empty as he walked.
Though a few teachers seemed to be dwelling in the staff lounge and he was about to walk past but stopped, shrugged, and headed inside. He wondered over to the coffee maker, pouring the warm drink into a mug and avoiding the stares he got before beginning to walk out.
That was when Mr Shuester walked in. The teacher stopped in his tracks, spotting the boy and taking a moment before talking.
"Kurt, I'm glad you're alright..." Was his first words. "But you can't be in the teachers lounge."
"Dehydrated." Was the answer as the teen made his way to the door.
"Kurt."
He turned.
"I'm glad I ran into you. Your dad will be in in about twenty minutes for a meeting with Principle Figgins. We'd all like for you to join us."
He took a moment to stare his teacher down before sighing and rolling his eyes as he walked out. "Fine."
------------
Burt sat across from Figgins, with Will and Emma sat on the sofa to the side and Coach Sylvester stood on the other side, her arms folded.
Fifteen minutes late to the meeting Kurt rocked up, not even bothering to answer as the secretary attempted to stop him, and walked into the room, slamming the door and dropping down into the seat next to his dad, staring at his principle. He raised an eyebrow in expectance, making sure to avoid looking at anyone else.
"Kurt thank you for joining us. Mr Hummel I am sorry to have called you out from work." Figgins finally spoke.
"Anything for my boy." Burt answered, not missing the eye roll his son gave.
"We shall get right to the point." Figgins nodded to Will and Emma.
"We believe that something has happened to make you act out Kurt." Shuester began. "Maybe bullying or something of that nature. Either way we have tried to help and support you-"
Kurt scoffed. "Please. Spare me the lecture. None of you did anything to help or support me. Teachers say they care but they really do not give a shit." He leaned back in his chair, ignoring his dad's annoyed look at the language he'd used.
"Kurt we can't help if you won't tell us what's going on. Ya know, I don't even recognise you... You're wearing these weird clothes, strutting around like you're that puckerman kid, skipping classes... I mean did you even think to tell me before you spent the past three days away from home?" Burt asked.
"Technically not true, firstly I like my new clothes, they're baggy and comfortable and cheap. Second, I'm not attempting to be anything like Puckerman, I'm only being myself. And third, I have been home you were just working." The kid just stared at the desk through his corrections. "And in case none of you can tell, this intervention or whatever this is set up to be is not and will not work." He now looked around at everyone in turn.
"Kurt we just want to help you. I believe that we should start seeing each other once a week." Emma stated. "I think it could help. And Mr Shuester says he'll let you back into glee, and as long as you stay in school every day then there won't be any reason to punish you."
"And what if I refuse." He answered, clearly unamused.
"Well the first two are your choice, but if you don't start coming to school then your punishment will be to come to school everyday. And be forced into it otherwise the school board will have to look into long term suspension and possible expulsion." Figgins answered.
"This is such bullshit." Kurt sighed. "Other people have taken way more time off than me. You're all just punishing me because I'm not acting like your little perfect gay fairy kid anymore. And now that I'm not letting anyone push me around anymore, you're all threatened. I don't need school. I was smarter than most people here before I stopped coming and expelling me won't do anything." He looked at them all once again, anger in his voice.
"Porcelain." Sue finally spoke up. "I know you and I havnt always seen eye to eye, and let's face it that's probably because you were a part of the club I was aiming to destroy and I know that now you're no longer part of that club I shouldn't really care. But temper tantrums or not you remain one of my favourite students. Heck I think I like ya even better with a bit of backbone." She smirked. "You've always been smart, motivated, talented in multiple fields. I don't want to see you waste all that potential over this... Whatever it is. If someone's done something to hurt you you shouldn't hurt yourself because of it. Because throwing away your future like this is just destroying you. Not whoever or whatever is the reason behind this." She finally stopped, and noticed the kid wasn't looking at anyone anymore, and had gone to pulling at his sleeve slightly.
After a moment he looked up at Figgins. "Can I go?" He asked, though the confidence he had acquired recently was wavering from his voice. The principle took a second before realising he couldn't do anything an gave a small nod.
The boy picked up his bag and placed his over his shoulder, walking out.
"Kurt."
He didn't turn round to face his dad but stopped.
"You don't have to talk when you do, or listen, or do anything other than go down to your room or whatever it is you wanna do. But will you come home tonight?"
He could feel his dad's eyes on him, boring into him as well as everyone else's. He hated it. He hate the feeling.
He don't answer, just walked out as soon as possible, making his way quickly outside where he noticed some of the glee kids near Finn's car. Not his car. Not anymore. He noticed them look at him, Puck even fave a small nod to show no hard feelings - though his eye and lip were still bust from before. He didn't go over, he couldn't. He could feel his breath hitching in his chest. He gripped his bag strap harder and saw their worried expressions when they must have seen his shaken appearance and the fact he had been staring at them.
He shook his head and walked away quickly, feeling their eyes on him as he walked quickly.
He knew his dad would go to work once he was done with the meeting so managed to make his way the long journey home by foot without freaking out too much, but by the time he had gotten there he was almost wheezing for air. He slammed the door shut behind him, feeling his keys drop from his shaking hand and dropped his bag to the floor.
Suddenly the hunger from the past week felt bad, but he knew he wouldn't be able to eat without throwing up. He could feel his arms itching to be cut open, but he couldn't move, his lungs collapsed in on themselves and he gasped for air as he felt himself tumble into the kitchen counter, his vision going black around the edges.
After a few minutes of being curled up on himself he slowly felt the smaller bits of oxygen returning, bit by bit he felt himself returning to normal, having calmed himself down by measuring himself he was alone, no one was here, he was fine.
He gave himself a moment to rest before slowly standing on shaky legs. He leant on the kitchen table for support as he took in the breaths.
He had never had a panic attack before, it was strange. But like everything else he found himself feeling numb to that as well. He gave a small shrug, recovering from his episode, before grabbing a glass of water and downing it before making his way to his room and locking the door behind him, ready to cut some fresh marks and puke his guts up from the feeling of emptiness. At least it would help him feel...
At least he could control it...

Chapter Text

"I heard you hadn't been doing well but..." A familiar voice rung through the air. "Well, I never expected this."
His eyes shot up to meet the bowtie wearing boy.
The underside of the bleachers had become a regular hang out for him, since he could get some rest, no one bar the skanks and some other stoner kids.
"What are you doing here...?" He asked, though he knew his voice had lost all its edge and came out as more of a whisper.
"I told you, I heard you hadn't been doing well... After that phone call the other day I decided it would probably be best to come visit." Blaine answered, giving a small shrug. His face was filled with pity at his ex boyfriend.
He was right about how he looked though. He wore baggy black jeans and a big black jumper, though it hung slightly low around his collar, showing his thin collarbones and thin frame, made thinner by his extremely pale skin and sunken eyes. His hair flopped over his face and his blue eyes lacked the usual spark they held.
Blaine unclenched and clenched his fists anxiously as he stared at his ex, who looked away and grabbed a packet of cigarettes from his bag, not caring when he got a soft gasp from Blaine.
The smaller boy came and sat across from him, still playing with his hands. He gave a small smile as Kurt lit his cigarette and began smoking it.
"So... Mercedes told me all she knows." Blaine explained. "I would have talked to Finn but... I heard you two havnt been getting along all too well and I didn't exactly want a bias opinion."
"If you didn't want a bias opinion you shouldn't have spoken to any of them." Kurt mumbled, staring down at the floor.
"Well, you have been ignoring my texts and calls..." Blaine smiled, attempting to lighten the mood. All he received was silence. "Kurt look... I..." He sighed. "I wanted to visit. I wanted to stay but..."
"No. No you didn't. Or you would have... You left and broke us up and left me all alone... With people who don't care. And won't care. And you stopped caring. Everyone did." Kurt answered, he was too tired for this conversation.
"Kurt I love you, you know that."
"I knew it. I knew you DID. And that's how I know you don't now..." He continued to smoke.
"What's going in Kurt? Seriously, we need answers. I need answers. Did you really think I wouldn't come visit when you did that to Rachel's phone, and everyone told me what you've been doing?"
At that Kurt saw all the images from the past week or so flash through his mind. He blinked hard when he came back to reality, noticing Blaine was now knelt in front of him, a hand on his shoulder and a worried expression grazing his features. "Kurt?!" Blaine asked softly, staring intently into his ex's eyes as the boy came back to his senses, blinking as tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Leave me alone!" He yelled, pushing Blaine back, who fell down, still staring at him. "Leave me alone... Just all of you!" He stood, gripping his bag strap with shaking hands as his voice hitched. But as much as he tried, the tears refused to stop.
Blaine stood, walking slowly over with his hands up in defense, like trying not to startle a dear. "Hey... Hey, relax Kurt... You used to tell me everything... What's going on? Please?" He pleaded, stepping closer. When Kurt didn't move and just stood staring at him, he stepped closer until he could place a hand on his boyfr- his ex's shoulder. When he didn't feel the boy pull away and give just a simple flinch, he quickly wrapped him in a hug.
Kurt froze, what was happening? How had Blaine always been able to disarm him, with everything Blaine was always there to keep him from the brink, to relax him and help calm him until he opened up.
And he was sick of it.
He had given it up.
He had...

But why did this feel good, to receive a hug after all this time? It felt like months since this had started...

And suddenly, the good was replaced with bad, crippling, suffocating, strangling. His breathing hitched again and he began struggling against the hug, squirming, visions of 'THAT day' flashing through his mind.
Blaine finally let go but gripped Kurt's shoulders, shaking him lightly as he hyperventilated.
"Don't! Stop! Please!' Kurt cried, trying to get him to let go, pleading and bargaining as he finally scrambled away.
Blaine could only stare as Kurt broke down. The broken boy in front of him, barely recognisable as he gripped his own arms, staring just through him as his lip quivered. And just like that he was off running, stumbling as he ran and ran and ran. He didn't know where, and he didn't realise this was becoming a habit.
All he thought was that he needed to get away from whoever it was that was trying to hurt him.
Maybe he could run far enough and find someone to help? But who... Who would help? Nobody could.
Blaine yelled after him, clenching his fists at his own stupidity for letting him go. And so very very worried for him... What could have happened to cause this...? Nodding to himself he decided to go search everywhere Kurt would have gone, beginning with the school and then his house. It was something at least...

Chapter Text

"Oh my god I haven't seen you in ages!" Rachel smiled and hugged him. Blaine chuckled.
"I just wish it was under better circumstances." He responded, giving a slight shrug.
"You're always welcome here, Blaine." Mr Shuester smiled, the other glee kids greeted the ex Warbler and afterwards Blaine looked at everyone.
"I wanted to come back before now..." He began to explain.
"We know." Rachel smiled.
"I tried to talk to him, he started crying and... it didn't really seem like he was there. Ya know?" Blaine tried to explain as they made their way into the choir room. "Like he was stuck in the past or at a different place and wasn't quite seeing me." He paused. "He ran off before I could figure out what was going on properly."
"He was crying?" Mercedes asked from the back.
"Not at first. He was... kinda quiet and didn't really show any emotion. After a while he got upset... I don't know, maybe it was a mistake for me to come back at this point. I should have come back sooner. Maybe i could have stopped this from happening or I could have helped at least."
"None of this is your fault, Blaine." Mr Shue clarified. "How long are you visiting for?"
Blaine shrugged. "Couple of weeks. I'm staying with one of the graduates from Dalton for a while seen as my dads gone to Europe for a bit. So it's really when my dad gets back I guess. Don't really like being in the big house all by myself." He smiled. It was good to catch up with everyone.
"What about your mum?" Finn asked.
"She's been really busy recently, works got her running around all over the place. She sleeps when I'm at school and is working the rest of the time." He shrugged. "Still, it;s not all bad. I've thrown a couple of parties at the house and stuff." He smirked. "Anyway, I'd love to join glee today but... I think I should probably try and find Kurt."
Mr Shue nodded in understanding.
"Mr Shue, am I OK to help Blaine look?" Finn called up. The teacher nodded, saying that Kurt was more important. Nationals wasn't for a while so it was all fine.
------------
"Good to see you again man." Finn smiled, strapping himself into the passenger seat of Blaine's car.
"You too, Finn. It's nice to be back. Familiar." Blaine drove out of the McKinley car park, driving down the street and trying to think of where he could have gone while having idle conversation with the quarterback. "So I would like as much info as possible about whats happened... though I know you guys don't know a lot it would really help if you could explain what you do know. I know you live with him so." Blaine smiled.
"I think that might be one of the problems." Finn admitted. "Burt says Kurt was fine up until a little while after we moved in."
"You really think he'd hold that against you guys? He loves you and Carol." Blaine turned a corner.
"I don't know... Maybe." Finn shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road and fiddling with his hands. "It wasn't too bad at first, he was just being more casual and didn't seem to care about anything as much. A couple days into it though he was wearing really baggy clothes and didn't look like himself anymore. Every time I touched him he pulled away, and there was the incident with Puck..."
"That was the phone call thing right?" He took another turn heading toward the Lima Bean.
"Yeah, yeah... They were in the navigator and... we don't know exactly what happened since we didn't get there till after. Puck said he tried talking to Kurt and Kurt flipped." He looked down. "You said it looked like Kurt wasn't there...? Like... like he was stuck in the past or some other place or something?"
Blaine nodded. "Yeah. It was really weird."
"That's how it was then. He just lost it and wasn't himself. We had to hold him back and get Puck away from him. Puck's ok now, he said it's fine. But he is kinda scared of Kurt now and he doesn't really get scared of anything."
"Has anything happened after or other than that?"
"He ended up coming home for a couple days but didn't talk to us. I don't really think he's eating or sleeping much. Oh... he started hanging out with the stoner kids, and uh, Sebastian Smyth. He's been smoking and stuff..."
"Sebastian? Seriously?" Blaine actually smiled a little at that. Those two had always hated each other.
"Yeah it's pretty weird. Basically whatever you wouldn't expect Kurt to do, he's doing." Finn shrugged as they got out of the car at the Lima Bean.
-----------
Kurt sighed, looking down at his phone and smirking as Sebastian walked into the smoking area.
"Hey~" The Warbler greeted, resting against the table and placing down two drinks, one for himself and one for Kurt.
"What took you so long, Smyth?" Kurt smirked.
"Now, now darling, don't get touchy." Sebastian smirked back and held his arm out, asking permission to give his new friend a hug. Kurt paused for a second before giving a small nod and letting the taller boy hug him. Sebastian knew when to stop touching him and sat down at the table, taking a sip from his drink. "So, what brings you here so early in the day?"
Kurt looked down at the table, taking a drag of his cigarette and a sip of his drink. "Blaine." He looked up at the confused Warbler. "He came back. To 'check up on me'." He scoffed.
"You didn't tell anyone else...?-"
"No. I didn't. Only you. It's not their problem and it's certainly not HIS."
Sebastian shrugged. "I see what you mean. It's your choice who you tell, and I feel privileged you chose me." He placed a hand over his own chest in a flattered manner with a small smirk playing on his lips. "What did Bowtie say?"
"Thought you used to like Blaine?" Kurt countered.
He shrugged yet again. "I went off of him. Too preppy, 'perfect' etc. Besides, when i found out that he broke your heart i actually ended up feeling a bit angry toward him. Mainly the way he did it, how he just up and left. I didn't like you back then but i knew you'd never done anything to hurt anyone. Didn't seem fair to me that he would do that to you. That the universe would be so bad for you."
Kurt found a small smile tug at his lips. "Kinda ironic isn't it."
"The universe is a bitch. I know that, you know that. Better we know it now before we go and try and grow up to have everything we've ever wanted put in front of us." Sebastian continued drinking his drink. Kurt did the same. It was still weird to hang out with Seb but he was right. "Wanna invite that cute stoner guy from your school?"
"Sure." Kurt answered, typing to Mitch to see what he was up to. Of course he was willing to come for a drink and then a smoke later. "He'll be here soon." Kurt informed Sebastian.
"I better get the next round in then." Sebastian smirked.
"You got this last one."
"My dad has money, I don't mind pissing some of it away for us to have some fun."
Kurt smirked and watched Sebastian walk back inside. He sighed and finished his cigarette. Everything was getting complicated, he'd have to avoid Blaine, make sure the others didn't try to piss him off, and make sure the teachers didn't try and force him to come back to school. He sighed, and smiled as Mitch and Sebastian walked through the door. He needn't care about anything tonight. Tonight, he could have some fun.

Chapter Text

After a few more drinks, laughing and a quick trip to the nearby river for a smoke, they headed back to the pub.
Sebastian ordered one more round of drinks and they sat outside at their usual table. The inside of Scandals was fun, lots of music, dancing, men. But Sebastian wouldn't let Kurt be put in a crowded room full of men with what had happened. He doubted Kurt would mind too much since he was pretty drunk, but Sebastian didn't want to take that risk.
"Well, little ones, I'm afraid I have to go now." He informed them, finishing the rest of his drink. He didn't miss the smile falling from Kurt's face.
"Why, Seb?" He asked, smoking his cigarette.
"Unlike some of us, I have school tomorrow, and a curfew I missed about-" he looked down to his watch. "An hour ago." A smirk and a wave later and he was heading out the door.
Kurt and Mitch went back to talking and laughing, and not long afterwards Kurt got a text from Sebastian. He hadn't wanted to charge his phone at all, but if he wanted to hang out with different people then he figured it was for the best. He still ignored all texts and calls from his family, his old friends.
'Text me if anything happens - Seb X'
He smiled and placed his phone back in his pocket, going back to his conversation.
------------
The conversation turned into flirting, which turned into kissing, which turned to them heading to the bathroom together. Not the most glamorous place to do it but Kurt didn't care. He needed release.
Nobody at school knew Mitch was gay or bi or whatever either, so it wasn't as if they'd be getting into a relationship. Just a really good night together and then back to friends right after.
They closed the main bathroom door, not bothering to lock it. The men in Scandals knew if they walked in and saw them then they should go pee somewhere else. Those were the rules.
Clothes dropped everywhere and afterwards, they laughed at each other, still drunk and happy.
"Well, you are actually quite good, elfling." Mitch smirked, making Kurt laugh.
"Oh shut up, it's round two time." Kurt smirked right back, already leaning in for another kiss. They began once again but froze as the door opened widely, not the usual slow open and peek that Scandals patrons knew to do, just in case. They both looked up to see Blaine and Finn stood there, Finn quickly covered his eyes and turned around, looking away. Kurt quickly jumped up, yanking on his clothes. "Jesus Christ Blaine!" He shouted, Mitch pulling on his own clothes.
"Not cool, dude." Mitch added, shaking his head slightly as Blaine blinked between the two of them.
"I'm not looking!" Finn's voice came from outside the room.
"Kurt we've been looking for you all afternoo-" Blaine began, but Kurt walked to him, angrily.
"You need to go." He growled and Blaine took a step back.
"Are you two... I mean... you know..."
"Just some fun." Mitch answered, a smirk on his face. He turned to Kurt. "I'll get us another round of drinks, see you outside." Mitch then grabbed Kurt, giving him a very passionate kiss before heading out of the door past Blaine.
"The bathroom man? Classy..." Finn finally spoke up, causing Kurt to roll his eyes.
"Kurt, you have more self respect than that..." Blaine added. "I mean, what the hell?! First of all, one of the stoner kids? Really? Second of all, look at you! You're drunk, you stink of smoke and you're doing it in a public toilet! And let's face it, one of the dirtier public toilets in Ohio!"
"You wanna know what happened the last time me and you were here together?" Kurt interrupted, glaring at Blaine in a way that made the smaller man want to fall through the floor. "You brought me out, got a couple drinks in me, and then decided to tell me you were leaving. For good. I came into this dirty ass bathroom and I curled up and I cried. And what do I find when I come back? You happily dancing with some random guy!" He was practically growling now and Blaine was speechless, staring at his ex with tears in his eyes.
"Kurt... I... I'm really sorr-"
"You don't get to say that to me. You don't get to say ANYTHING to me." He stalked closer to Blaine, looming over him. "None of you do. I'm not a kid anymore, I don't need protecting anymore, and I certain don't need you, or any of you anymore. Your apologies mean NOTHING. So back. Off." And at that, Kurt pushed past the other two and went outside, losing them in the crowd.
Finn looked like he wanted to say something but didn't know what, Blaine stared at here Kurt had been, he turned to Finn. "We-we should try and find him..." He mumbled, turning away from the bathroom as he imagined a hurt, shaking Kurt locking the door and bursting into tears, sliding down the wall as he cried to himself. Maybe this was all Blaine's fault.
Finn nodded and they made their way through the crowd, looking around for him.
------------
Kurt put his phone away as Mitch began speaking, handing him his drink.
"Sorry, buddy."
"It's not your fault." Kurt replied, downing half of his drink, his voice was quiet and weak after the argument. "Sorry you had to see that."
"It's no problem, ex's are a bitch..." Mitch looked down and Kurt suddenly realised something.
"Finn won't tell anyone." He was quick to reassure. Mitch laughed. "I'll tell him not to."
"You really think he'd keep it to himself? After he was so prejudice against you just because you liked him? After the way he's been talking about you to the others in that Glee club?" He sighed and shrugged. "I wouldn't be surprised if I was outed tomorrow."
"I won't let that happen. What happened tonight is nobody else's business and if you're not ready to tell then I won't let Finn tell anyone." Kurt's voice was stern. He wouldn't let that happen. He knew how bad it could be... He knew he should have just stayed in the closet, started acting like everyone else as soon as he got into high school. Then none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have joined Glee, he wouldn't have gotten hurt so many, many times. True he might not be as he was now, the new Kurt, but he would have been more like this than the pushover, fragile gay kid everyone thought he was. "I promise."
Mitch smiled and finished his drink, Kurt following suit. His phone buzzed and he looked down to it.
"I have to go, I'll message you soon, we can come here and forget about things again, or we could hang out under the bleachers and have a smoke or something."
Mitch smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that."
Kurt nodded and stood, heading back to the door.
"Kurt?" He turned. "...Thanks..."
A shrug and a sad smile later, he went back inside to the loud, booming music, the claustrophobic atmosphere, the ringing in his ears. He held himself in his arms, quickly pushing through the crowd to get out of the front door.
"There he is." Finn called to Blaine, pointing to Kurt who was walking out of the door.
They followed him, calling his name. They stopped at the door when Kurt got into a car. Sebastian smiled sadly at the other boy, wrapping his arm around him and letting him silently sob into his shoulder, apologising over and over. He shushed him, rubbing his back and stroking his hair. Then he looked up, eyes meeting with Blaine's and Finn's. They stared between each other for a moment, before Sebastian began the engine, driving away with Kurt still curled in his shoulder. Blaine stared after them, and he knew he had really screwed this up...

Chapter Text

Sebastian drove slowly, going down the backstreets just to make sure Kurt had calmed down and - for the most part - sobered up. After a while he thought the other boy was asleep, but he was staring out of the window. Sebastian watched him, how the streetlight swept over his face. He still had tears slowly falling down but he didn't look sad, or angry. He simply looked peaceful, or, Sebastian realised, empty.
He kept glancing at the other boy, who made no indication he'd noticed, but the Warbler figured he had.
They drove on, comfortable silence filling the car, bar from the soft melody on the radio. Eventually he pulled into the Dalton car park and turned off the engine.
"Blaine didn't deserve you." He found himself saying. "I thought it was the other way round when I first met him but..."
"But...?" Kurt asked softly, turning to look at the other. The sight of him broke Sebastian's heart. He looked younger when he cried. His eyes were bloodshot with dark circled underneath. His jawbones stuck out more than they used to, Sebastian knew he probably wasn't eating very well. He didn't think he would either if he was in that situation. His gaze was as if he was searching for something... his innocence? His old self? ...A friend? Sebastian didn't know. But he knew Kurt had called on himself tonight above anyone else. When it came down to it, Sebastian and Kurt were friends. And there was no way around that. Besides, the Warbler had found himself enjoying Kurt's company.
"You know when I actually got confused about it?" He asked, seeing Kurt's face change subtly to the quiet boy who listened intently to his friends issues. Kurt shook his head. "The night I invited you guys out to Flirtz. He did spend most of the night dancing with me. But, being the idiot I was back then it only spurred me on. Though I still questioned why he would do that, even with alcohol. After that there were sooooo many signs that Blaine wasn't very good for you. But I ignored it because I had a small crush on him and the other Warbler's wanted him back." He shrugged, and saw realisation dawn on Kurt's features. "I guess it was more an..." he searched for the right words. "Interest based on the stories I'd heard. 'Blaine's so great', 'why can't we get Blaine back?'." He chuckled, though there was no humour behind it. "I shouldn't have tried to break you two up. I realise that. But I am glad you did. Given the way he broke up with you and just up and left... expecting you to just wait for him, or accept to just be friends or drop all contact all together after telling you he loved you." He shook his head, and looked back to Kurt, who was definitely listening intently. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm glad I found you that day at Flirtz. I think you need a friend right now... A proper one... And I'm glad that can be me. And Blaine didn't deserve you."
They both laughed. "Thanks..." Kurt responded. Sebastian nodded and went to leave the car, it was late after all. "Seb?" He paused. "I'm glad we're friends too." And there was the all too rare Kurt Hummel smile, something Sebastian doubted he did a lot nowadays.
"Come on, you little drunken elfling, it's late. Let's get you to sleep." He joked and took Kurt to his room, sneaking down the corridors. They narrowly avoided running into some other Warbler's, but safely made it into Sebastian's room. "Get a shower if you need to."
"Is that your way of saying I smell?" Kurt joked, but headed towards the bathroom anyway.
"Kurt." Sebastian tossed one of his spare shirts at the other boy, who thanked him and went to get a shower.
------------
He had been in there a long time. Sebastian didn't want to admit that he was worried, but he was.
Mainly because Kurt had been fairly tipsy, and he could have passed out and drown in the shower or slipped and hit his head, or he could have jumped out of the window... He shook his head, ok, he had had a couple of drinks earlier as well, so that's probably why he was jumping to these conclusions. But it had been an hour. He knew from experience that Kurt liked long showers, the first time he'd stayed round, he had taken half an hour. But this was too long... he hadn't even heard anything but the shower.
He wondered over to the bathroom door and heard sniffling. Oh no...
He knocked but there was no response, and the door creaked oven slightly. Kurt must have left it open... "Kurt...? Are you ok...?" He asked gently. "I-I'm gonna come in, ok?" There was no response, so he pushed open the door and stepped into the steamed up room. Well, the shower was running, but Kurt wasn't in it. He looked around and saw the boy curled up next to the sink, crying, still in his clothes, which were sopping wet. "Kurt...?" He asked, stepping closer slowly. He didn't want to scare the boy, for all he knew, he was stuck in an episode of PTSD.
He knelt down, placing a hand on Kurt's knee. The boy jumped and tried to push Sebastian away. The Warbler held up his hands, showing he wasn't going to hurt the other.
"It's ok, I won't touch you if you don't want me to, but it's wet in here and you need to change into something dry. Can I help you?" He asked, calmly.
Kurt seemed to snap back to reality, but he still had a faraway look in his eye. He nodded slowly.
"Can I help you up?" Sebastian asked, holding a hand out.
Another nod. Kurt let Sebastian help him up and out of the room, he helped him change his shirt and then left him to change his own trousers into some pyjamas. He took that time to turn off the shower and wipe down the big mirror from steam. "Kurt, are you decent?" He asked before he came back out, and heard a small 'yeah' from the other room.
When he went back into the bedroom, he saw Kurt sitting on his bed, wringing his hands anxiously and staring at the floor. He wouldn't meet Sebastian's eye.
"Don't worry." Sebastian spoke up, resting against the door frame. "Seriously."
"I'm sorr-"
"No apologies necessary." He walked over and sat next to the other boy, not too close to touch though. "How are you feeling?"
"Like shit." Kurt chuckled. "You didn't have to come get me, you know... I know I'm an idiot."
"First of all, I DID have to come and get you. I needed to make sure you're ok. Mostly for my own state of mind." Sebastian added as a joke. "Second, you are definitely not an idiot. You've been hurt. A lot. And I'm not just talking about 'the incident'. You're friends have asked everything from you and then not helped you back in and way. You've been bullied since you started school and don't get me started again on Blaine. And now all this on top? You're not an idiot, Kurt. You're the strongest person I know."
"You tryna flirt with me, Mr. Warbler?" Kurt deflected, smirking. It was fake. But at least he was feeling batter.
"Eh, maybe hoping for a cuddle or some kissing." Sebastian winked, showing he was joking. He was relieved when Kurt laughed.
"I'll take you up on that cuddle. I need some sleep..." Kurt sighed and they moved round in the bed to lay down, Sebastian wrapped protectively around the other.
"I am glad we're now friends, Kurt." Sebastian reminded him.
"Me too... Night, Seb..."

Chapter Text

Kurt hadn't wanted to go to school, obviously. It's where Sebastian had dropped him off though, so he decided it was better than having to make his own way back from Westerville. So, he headed toward the exit to the parking lot, when something caught his eye. 
He normally would have avoided a group of guys around a car, laughing. But there were a few aspects to this situation that had his attention. One, the spray paint the group held. Two, the car they happened to be tagging. Three, the word they'd used. 

'FAGGOT'. Written, across the hood of his car. Well, he supposed it was Finn's car now, but they obviously didn't know that. 
One of the jocks caught his eye, smirking as if asking what Kurt was going to do about this. The boy nodded a little, amused as he placed his satchel down to one side, walking over to the group of boys. Some of them laughed, wondering what he was going to do. But then he threw a punch, and the scrap started, fists, bruises and pain. But at the same time, a release for the adrenaline and the pain he couldn't control. 

Unsure what was happening after a while, but still kicking as much as he could against the group, he felt himself get lifted into the air by his waist. He kicked, trying to get free, looking at the group. One of the boy lay holding his head, another was helping the ringleader stand, all looked shocked but annoyed the fight had been cut short as Mr. Shue shouted at them to 'get lost!', pulling Kurt away before he could get himself into more trouble. 
"In there, tough guy." The teacher told him, pushing him into his office and closing the door behind him. 

Kurt looked away, shaking out his main hand, his knuckles bloody and bruised. The other one didn't hurt as much, but it was safe to say he got some good hits in. "You know what a group of guys like that could have done to you?!" 
"I don't care!" Kurt tried not to shout, shaking his head. "Besides, I could handle them..."
Mr. Shue scoffed. "Really? Five against one?"
The boy grit his teeth, clenching his bloodied fists. "You think it'll be better for me now? Now you're made it look like I need help?" He asked as calm as he could, turning away. 

The teacher sighed, stepping forward. "Come with me to the nurse, we'll get you cleaned up-"
Kurt looked back to the teacher, frowning. "It's a scratch." He told him simply, motioning to his beaten up face. "I don't need you to do anything. And I'm not going with you, anywhere."
"Kurt, this is ridiculous-"
"I'm not a child!" The boy shouted then, pure rage in his expression. He turned, pushing Shue's desk over, along with the papers on top. He turned to face the teacher again, pointing an index finger at him, accusingly. "You and everyone else have NO say in what I do, what I say or how I act!"

"That's enough, Kurt!" Mr. Shue told him, shaking his head. "What happened to you?!"
"Life." Kurt told him darkly. "Life, happened. To me." He shook his head, exiting through the other door and leaving via the choir room, ignoring anyone who may be sat in there as he went. 

------------

"Here." Mitch sighed, a plume of smoke leaving his mouth as he rested back against the roof vent, his hands behind his head. 
Kurt took the offered spliff, allowing himself a large puff from the item, watching as he slowly let the smoke release from his mouth, slowly raising toward the sky. "Thanks..."
"Rough day?" Mitch smiled, nudging his shoulder. 
"You got that right." Kurt sighed, running a hand over his face. "People fucking suck..."
Mitch chuckled. "Agreed. But that's what ya got me and my coping mechanisms for~"

Kurt scoffed out a small laugh, closing his eyes and resting back as well, letting his head lull onto the other boys shoulder as he took another drag, looking up at the blue, almost cloudless sky. "Damn right."
"So, plans for the week?" Mitch sighed contentedly, letting Kurt pass him the spliff back. 
"Avoid parents, avoid teachers, avoid life?" Kurt mused. "Same as always."
Mitch chuckled again. "Amen to that."

------------

"Let me just freshen up?" 
Sebastian smirked a little, rolling his eyes. "Whatever, just don't take too long." He watched the random guy he'd found that night wonder into the bathroom, remaining on the bed and checking his phone. 
"Yo, what the fuck?" The boy's voice came. 
"What?" Sebastian sighed, getting up and walking over to the smaller room. "If it's the dildo- Oh... shit." He stared at the corner. It had been dark the night before, and after a day of classes, he hadn't even thought about cleaning up from Kurt's breakdown. But he hadn't expected that. 

"Why the fuck is there a bloody razor on your floor, Sebastian?" The random boy - he really had to start remembering their names, at least while he was still WITH them - asked, looking a mix between worried and offended. 
Sebastian didn't answer, still staring at the offending item, glistening in the low light of his bathroom, the blood dried and tacky around the metal, but it was obviously there. He turned, not caring about the other boy being in his room right now, he had to find Kurt, and that was exactly what he was about to do. 
"Hey, wait a minute!" The boy tried to follow as Sebastian yanked his hoodie on. "I find your razor and you think you can just leave without an explanation?"

Sebastian looked back to the guy, frowning. "It's not mine." Was all he said, motioning to the door and letting the guy storm off before he left and went to go find his friend. God, that felt weird to say.

------------

"Mitch, hey," Sebastian greeted the boy over the phone, once he'd hooked it up to his radio properly and drove toward Scandels, assuming the countertenor would be there. 
"Hey, Sebastian, what's up, man?" The other boy asked. 
Sebastian sighed. "You heard from Kurt at all?"
"Yeah, yeah, we were hanging out earlier." Mitch nodded. "We're are you?"

"On the way to Scandels, you there?" Sebastian took a turning. 
"No, but I can be. I'll see you in about twenty minutes?"
Sebastian hung up, driving the rest of the way. When he got to the club he jumped out of his car, heading inside and looking around hopefully for the unruly brown hair Kurt had taken to sporting recently. Since the incident. 
"Sebastian, hey!" Mitch greeted him as he head into the beer garden. "What's up?"

"Do you know where Kurt is?" The Warbler asked. 
Mitch shrugged. "Last I heard the Skank's gave Kurt some guys number."
Sebastian sighed. "What guy?"
"I don't know, man. I could ask them?" 
Sebastian nodded.

------------

Kurt looked around. His vision was blurred somewhat, and not in the usual drunk way. Hell, he'd only accepted a glass of wine. 
"How's that treating ya, baby?" The man asked. He'd been sweet before, overly kind. He'd forgiven Kurt whenever he was cruel and harsh with his words. When he tried to push things too far too fast, and then closed himself off fully when told 'not yet'. 

The guy perched next to him, his own glass in hand as he finished the last sip of his own wine. "You feeling it yet?"
Kurt clenched his eyes shut for a moment, trying to get his brain to focus. "Whut..." He muttered, confused, but he had a feeling he knew what was going on. 
"Shh... just relax." The guy whispered harshly, placing a hand to Kurt's cheek, bringing him toward him with a tug on the back of his neck. His lips attached to Kurt's neck, and the boy cringed, trying to get his body to just listen to his disjointed thoughts. 

"No..." He muttered. "No..."
"Don't be scared, baby. You've been begging for it all night, desperate little SLUT." The guy grinned against his skin, licking up the boys throat, and Kurt shivered, starting to shake as his mind wasn't focused on now. It was focused on before, on the whole reason he was in this mess, on the cold, wet locker room floor, to blood and pain, so much pain. A pained noise ripped from Kurt's throat, but ti spurred the man on more, as his hand moved from Kurt's neck, down his shoulders, over his thin chest and stomach, and down to his pants. 

That was all it took, it was mostly a blur, but Kurt grabbed whatever he could find, forcing it in front of him, slashing across to get the man off. 
There was a pained gasp, and Kurt blinked at him, tears flowing down his pale cheeks as he watched the man pull back, holding his cheek, where red dripped between his fingers, flowing freely. Kurt stared at him, unsure what to do, looking at the blood, coming back to the present. His limbs were still mostly uncooperative, but he managed to stand, stumbling back into the wall and not knowing what to do. "You little BITCH!" The man shouted, his voice gargled, and Kurt whimpered, unsure what to do in this situation. 
"I-I told you no!" He shouted back, trying to sound strong, sound like he had done recently. 
The man glared at him, and a knock rang at the door behind him, making him jump. 

Kurt looked back to the man, glaring right back at him, the situation settling in now. He gripped his fists, not caring about the glass stuck in his palm from the now broken wine glass. He stilled the man with the dark look not many people had the pleasure of seeing. "I told you, no." He reminded him, simply, his voice dark and threatening, before he turned and opened the door, his limbs still protesting somewhat. "Sebastian..." He let himself fall into the other boy's arms, the Warbler holding him. 
"Shit, Hummel, what happened?!" he asked. 
Kurt pulled away, shaking his head and trying to walk away from the apartment, down the corridor, but he stumbled into the wall and Sebastian followed him, helping him stay on his feet as Mitch looked between the apartment and Kurt. "What happened?" 

Kurt shook his head again. "La-later... please..."
They helped him outside, putting him in Sebastian's car. "Kurt, Kurt can you focus on me at all?" Sebastian asked, and Kurt tried his best to keep his eyes open and on the other boy. "I think he's been drugged..." He muttered to Mitch, who was looking like he wanted to phone an ambulance or something. "Kurt, what happened? Can you tell me?"
"Th-the locker room... he.. I-I had to..." Kurt bit his lip, clenching his eyes shut as his vision was swimming as the adrenaline wore off. "I couldn't... I said no... I told him no!" 
"Shh..." Sebastian stood, holding the boy to him as he started crying, curled up in the passenger seat of his friends car. "It's ok, Kurt. You're gonna be ok."

"What do we do, Sebastian?" Mitch asked, not wanting to intrude. 
Sebastian sighed. "We'll go back to Dalton, if you want to join? I don't want to send him home alone right now."
Mitch nodded, jumping in the back of the car, and Sebastian drove them back to the school. Kurt was swimming in and out of consciousness as they drove, the street lights memorising and all too bright at once as they roamed over the car. 
When they arrived, Kurt had thrown up, and the other boys got him inside. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, though he looked reluctant to close his eyes at all, scared of what the boy's could do, or still trapped in his memories, or the incident earlier tonight. 

------------

"So, your statement checks out, Mr. Hummel." The police officer told him. "We realise it must be difficult for you to come down here and give one, considering the circumstances of the incident."
Kurt shrugged, lounging back in his chair. His dad sat next to him, looking furious. Not at him, of course, at the man who had tried to take advantage of his son. If only he knew... 
"As you know, Peter Magginty wanted to press charges, but given the circumstances, obviously, we've not allowed this to go to court." The officer continued. "But, Kurt, would you wish to press charges on this man in response to what he did to you?"
Kurt shook his head. 

"I sure as hell would." Burt spoke up, frowning at his son. "Kurt, this man drugged you. He tried to..." He shook his head, his lips sealing themselves in a thin line. 
"I don't want to press charges. I defended myself, he'll have some pretty bad scars to remind him." Kurt shrugged a little. "What's done is done."
The officer nodded. "The wine glass shattered when you hit him, the shards got lodged in his cheek and lip, cutting through the skin and muscle. Obviously this was an act of self-defence, and some quick thinking on your part, young man."
"Yay for me..." Kurt mumbled, tired. "The news?"

The officer sighed a little, folding his hands together in front of him. "We've done what we can to keep this out of the news, but with few actual stories in Lima, some reports have gone out. Not with many details, of course."
"What reports?" Burt asked, still angry. 
"Only that Kurt was attacked and defended himself. We believe there's been pictures of both Kurt and Mr. Magginty circulating, but nothing specific is being said, and it'll stay that way if you choose for it to." He turned his attention back to Kurt, who nodded. 

"As long as he doesn't do it to anyone else, keep it away from the news." Kurt shrugged. "Am I free to go?"
Burt frowned. "Now hold on a second, the bastards not going to jail?!"
"He's being charged eight-hundred and fifty dollars, and has earned himself six months of community service, but without a full testimony in court from Kurt himself, and possible other witnesses/victims, I'm afraid-"
"Kurt, this is bull. You have to turn this guy in!" Burt told his son, stern. 

Kurt sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "I just want to sleep. He's not gonna do it again, believe me." He muttered. "I want to go now." He told the officer, who nodded, offering a sympathetic look to Burt that he couldn't do more after this. 

The officer had been right about the news reports. Kurt tried to ignore them as best he could as he locked himself in his room, laying there for days and flicking absently through the channels. 
He didn't really want to reply to messages at all, but he made sure to give Mitch and Sebastian short answers, to make sure they knew he was ok, but he didn't feel like talking. Of course, the new wave of self-hate had reared its ugly head, adding to the feeling from the first time he'd been... attacked. 
After a few days of wasting away in his room, he decided it was best to get out for a bit. 

He got changed in Sebastian's hoodie - the one he'd accidentally stolen the other night when the Warbler had seen him shivering harshly, presumably having been given a high dose from what Sebastian had remembered from his health class - and some of his baggy black trousers, before heading out. 
Finn watched him walk down the corridor, and Kurt couldn't make out his expression. But he left before his step-brother could say anything, heading out and wondering round. 
He didn't want to go to school, but he wanted to grab some of his favourite fiction books from his locker. 

It didn't take long for him to realise most people avoided him, watching him as he walked past, presumably scared after they'd seen the news of him defending himself. He'd seen the photos, the guy with his cheek all swollen, bloody, scarred. He tried to ignore it, opening his locker and shoving the books into his satchel before slamming it closed again, getting fed up with everyone staring at him. 
"Kurt...?" He looked to his right, seeing the glee club stood there. His expression didn't change from the tired frown as he raised a brow to Tina, the one who had spoken. 
"Kurt, honey, please come back to glee." Mercedes asked him, pleading with him with unshed tears in her eyes. 
Blaine stepped forward. "Please, Kurt, let us help you-"

Kurt turned away from them, walking away and continuing to ignore them as he head out the door. 

Chapter Text

"You really need to stop coming to find me..." Kurt mumbled, not looking up from the ground as Blaine made his way over. 
Sighed, Blaine shrugged a little. Kurt looked so tired, but the sun softly hitting him through the gaps in the bleachers was casting him in a golden light that softened the sharp featured his undernourished face had become. Blaine had forgotten how beautiful Kurt could be. "Well, maybe you need better hiding places?" He tried for a joke, and Kurt glanced to him now, stopping him in his tracks. He didn't want to push too fast, he knew whatever was going on with Kurt must have stemmed from SOMETHING. He just needed to find out WHAT. 

Kurt scoffed, rolling his eyes and looking away. "Yeah, maybe I do." He sighed softly, seeming to not have much energy this morning. Blaine wondered why he was even awake and here, when he didn't exactly turn up to school anymore. 
"Saw one of those jocks that tagged your car... Nice right hook." Blaine smiled a little, moving carefully so he could sit the opposite side of the floor to Kurt. 
Kurt actually chuckled at that, shaking his head. "I don't exactly do boxing or anything."

Blaine smiled. He missed Kurt sometimes, he knew he'd probably made a mistake moving away and calling off... whatever it was they had once had. He probably should have asked Kurt out back in the day, instead of just 'keeping it casual' and pretending it was for both their sakes as gay teens. "Maybe I could teach you some boxing at some point? Though based on what I've seen, you don't exactly need help in that area."

Kurt took a deep breath and let it out quickly, forcing a rough shrug. "I don't exactly remember what I do..." He admitted. It was true, he'd heard of seeing red before, but hadn't understood it until now. He just got so angry and overrun with emotions, usually something reminded him of 'the incident', or they just pushed him too hard, or grabbed his self-inflicted wounds, and he'd snap and attack and not know what had happened until it was over. 

Blaine watched him for a moment, and the silence was somewhat nice. But Kurt knew that it wouldn't stay like that. Hell, he knew he shouldn't' still be sat here, he should have left when Blaine turned up, but he was tired and couldn't be bothered today. "So..." Blaine began, seeming not to know where to go with this conversation. "Any plans?"
Kurt sighed, shrugging again and pulling his bag closer to himself, looking about ready to rush off. "Actually, I gotta go-"
"Can I walk with you?" Blaine asked, standing quickly when Kurt was pretty much heading away. "Please?"

Kurt frowned, gripping his bag closer and watching the younger boy for a moment. He bit his lip so hard Blaine thought he might hurt himself, a somewhat glazed look coming over the other boys' face. Like he was struggling with himself, in what way, Blaine didn't know. "You don't want to." Was what Kurt said, shaking his head a little and going to walk away. 
"Of course I want to!" Blaine answered, stepping forward so he was almost close enough to touch Kurt. "I wouldn't offer if I didn't..." 
Kurt let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, Blaine, you realise there's been a lot of things you've offered me that I knew you didn't want." He retorted, bitterly. 

Blaine blanched, not knowing what to say to that, but he knew Kurt probably believed that. It wasn't true... at least, he HOPED it wasn't true. "Kurt, I..."
Kurt shook his head, a frown set into his face. "Don't do this again, Blaine..." He whispered. 
He couldn't help it, he wasn't the best with his words, unless he was singing. Not knowing how else to convey to Kurt all he wanted to, he took the last step to the other boy, gripping softly around his wrist and tugging a little until Kurt's body found his and he pushed his lips against the taller boy's. 

Kurt paused for a second, but kissed back, almost forceful. Like he needed this. Blaine loosened his grip on Kurt's wrist, wrapping his other hand in the hair at the nape of the other boys' neck, and Kurt shivered, but after a moment, he pulled away, trying to yank his arm from the other boys' hand and pull away. "Stop it, no, please..." Kurt pleaded, tears growing and falling from his eyes, staining his pale, sunken cheeks as they rolled. 
"Kurt, it's me..." Blaine whispered, looking into the other boys blue eyes, hoping to get an inkling of what was troubling him. "Kurt..." He wrapped his fingers tighter around Kurt's wrist, still waiting to see what was going on. 

Kurt shook his head, his breath growing heavy and he tugged on his wrist again, finally able to break Blaine's grip. He clenched his teeth, staring at the other boy with those hurt, tearful eyes. "You can't DO THIS, Blaine!" He reprimanded him. "You can't just leave, and-and come back and thing you can just walk right up to me and do this to me again!" He exploded, breaking in front of the other boy. The tears wouldn't stop, his body shook, but he couldn't stop himself. "You all think you can walk all over me, fragile little Kurt, who can't handle himself. Can't DEFEND himself. But since when did ANY of you actually help me?!" 

"Kurt, we all care about you-"
"Don't lie to me!" Kurt growled, stepping back into Blaine's space. "You left, Blaine. You left me, you left all of us. You packed up all your shit and you drove away and you made a new life for yourself. Well, good for you. I did the same. And I don't need you, or Finn, or the Glee club, or Mr. Shue or ANYONE ELSE to tell me how to live my life, and how to deal with my OWN shit." 
Blaine shook his head a little. "I-I'm not trying to..."
"Then stay the hell away from me..." Kurt sobbed, stepping away. "None of you can change what's happened. So just... just leave it." And he turned and left the other boy confused. 

------------

Blaine had been replaying the events from that morning over in his head all day, there were some things Kurt had said that had been confusing, but hinted that SOMETHING had definitely been a catalyst for this... whatever it was. 
Kurt was hurting, he was breaking in front of them all and there was nothing any of them could do about it. 

He doubted it was Finn and Carole moving in like Bur thought it was, he even doubted at this point - though Kurt was definitely holding onto old resentment - that his leaving had been the problem, though it probably didn't help at all. But that didn't help clear anything up even more. Kurt was now adverse to touch, he flinched at sudden movement, he attacked people who mocked or said/did things to hurt him... He wasn't Kurt anymore, but there were times when that mask slipped, and Blaine gained hope that he could get through to him, and then he'd return back to the new boy and Blaine lost hope. 

A knock on the door distracted him and he head to answer. His parents were still in another state, and the lodger in the house (not his part of the house, of course) was out for the week. 

The last person he expected to see on his doorstep in the dark was Kurt. 

"Kurt-"

Before he could say or do anything, Kurt lurched forward, pressing his lips desperately to Blaine's own. He tasted like smoke and whiskey, with that usual fruity sweetness underneath the harsh taste. Kurt's clumsy hands and inability to stay still proved that he was intoxicated. "Kurt-Kurt..." He pulled away, Kurt chasing his lips again and looking at him with unfocused eyes. "What's doing on?" 
"Shut up and let me fuck you." Kurt answered darkly, kissing him with passion once again. 
"Shit, Kurt, are you drunk?" Blaine asked between kisses, though he already knew the answer. He bit his lip as the older boy attacked his neck, nipping and placing sloppy, drunken kisses to his skin. He almost lost himself to the feeling, before he realised that he really shouldn't let Kurt do this, this wouldn't help anything. "Kurt, honey, stop-stop..." He told the other boy, finally getting him to unatttch himself from him. 

Kurt glared at him a little, eyes still unfocused, but not in the usual lust-filled way. It was like he needed this, somehow, and that scared Blaine. "What?" Kurt whispered, staring at Blaine like he just didn't' understand. 
"This isn't right, Kurt, you're drunk..." Blaine tried to explain, but Kurt shook his head, already heading for the door. Blaine tried to call after him, but the door slammed and he was left alone and confused. 

------------

Wes knew he should have been back in his dorm ages ago, but his project was due tomorrow and he had to finish it off before he went to sleep. His attention had been on the project and he lost track of time, researching in the Warbler's room. 
Now, what he wasn't expecting to see, or WHO moreover, was a mister Kurt Hummel wondering the corridors like he owned the place, obviously not caring if he got caught. If Wes didn't say any better, he was on a mission. "Kurt?" He asked, but the other boy walked straight past him as if he wasn't there, his feet shuffling slightly, clearly intoxicated as he headed down the corridor to a specific room, only knocking because the door was presumably locked. 

Not knowing what else to do, Wes watched, dumbfounded, as Sebastian opened the door, also confused, and Kurt promptly kissed the other boy. 
Sebastian stopped him, noticing Wes as he did so. "Goodnight, Wes." He nodded, his meaning clear in the nod that this was something to ignore, and he moved Kurt into his room, closing the door. "Did someone decide to get drunk today?" He asked, folding his arms. He would be lying if he said finding a bloody razor in his bathroom hadn't gotten him worried about the boy who stood - or swayed - in front of him right now. He hadn't confronted the other boy, but he found himself working himself up about Kurt. 

"Less talking..." Kurt demanded, drawing close to Sebastian once again and kissing him harshly, mostly teeth and need. 
Sebastian shook his head, softly touching the tops of Kurt's arms and pushing him away as gently as he could. "Hummel, what happened?" 
Kurt frowned, looking confused as to why the other boy wasn't just letting him do things with him. "Nothing."
"Nothing? Really?" Sebastian asked, raising a sceptical brow. 

Kurt looked annoyed now. "I don't want to talk." He answered, bluntly. 
"You might not want to, princess, but it seems like you need to." Sebastian countered. At Kurt's confused look, he sighed. "I found your razor." He explained, regretting it when Kurts' frown turned more into a defensive, broken glare. "Well... I found my razor that you used to fucking cut yourself." He didn't mean to sound angry, but this sort of thing was something he didn't understand, and it sort of scared him in all honesty, that someone would do that to themselves, that someone could get that low. He somewhat understood, being the only person Kurt had actually told what had caused all of this in the first place. "Why?"

Kurt was defensive, standing in a way where he could quickly defend himself, as if Sebastian would attack him for his actions. "Nobody cares anyway, why should you?" Was his response. "Nobody knows other than you, you should understand... Its' just a way to cope." His voice strained and sounded so different to when Sebastian had first heard him, sounding sassy and care-free. "Those lot only care now that I've been on the news." He spoke venomously, gritting his teeth and swaying on his feet. He was obviously drunk, breaking, Sebastian could see it all, just how BAD Kurt was hurting... "Just let me forget, for a while, please-please..." And Kurt kissed him again, tears streaming down his cheeks now. 

Sebastian stopped him again, just as gently, he didn't want to hurt Kurt by saying no, but he didn't want to hurt him by saying yes either. There was no right answer here, but not letting Kurt throw himself around like that was definitely something he couldn't let happen. "Kurt, this isn't something you want... It's not what you need, ok? I know you feel like you need to be in charge right now, and-and take the lead and a lot of this stuff is helping you, but there are certain things that won't, and they'll make your life a lot more difficult in ways you won't expect..."

He could tell Kurt wasn't listening, was actively trying not to. He knew that at the moment, this wasn't a conversation Kurt was willing to face. But he would be here when he was. He just hoped, maybe, it wouldn't be too late when he did. 
Kurt shook his head, avoiding looking at Sebastian and heading quickly to the door. "Kurt-"
The other boy ignored him, slamming the door. Sebastian swore at himself, running his hand over his face and kicking his bedside table in anger. He wasn't mad at Kurt, not really. He was and at himself. Because he KNEW his 'friendship' with the other boy was pretty much based on a mutual understanding that thy both forget their issues while together. 

It was just getting harder and harder to do that.

------------

"Hey, handsome, drinking alone tonight?" a voice came from behind Kurt as he sat at the bar, drinking in hand which he swirled around his glass, staring at the deep brown liquid in the bottom. He turned to look at the guy, a few years older than himself that was for sure, but he couldn't exactly focus too much on what he looked like with the room spinning like this. 
Instead of small talk and getting to know one another, Kurt downed his drink, seeing the other guy smirk at him as he slammed the glass down on the bar. He grabbed the other mans' hand, dragging him toward the bathroom. "You don't touch me, you don't return the favour, I'm in charge." Was all he said, as he pushed the other guy into the stall. 

Chapter Text

Kurt watched the waves moving and twisting around one another as he sat, once again, on the bonnet of his car. It really was too easy to steal the keys from his step-brother and return them later. And, surprisingly, he was pretty sure the taller boy hadn't even ratted him out to his dad, though he wasn't sure why. 

He'd found himself coming to the beach a couple times this week, staring out at the clouds and the choppy waves, feeling the breeze and knowing that summer was long gone. There was hardly ever anyone around, and he knew they wouldn't think to look here for him, and even if it was a long drive to and from the place, he didn't exactly mind. It was calming to drive at night when no other cars were around, where he could let the windows down and feel the wind whizzing past him as he made his way down the highway. Plus, his time at the beach itself was calming. 

It distracted him from recent events. From the touching, the unwanted shit he'd had to put up with, that showed him that life was simply not going to get better for him. Yet, at the same time, his time spent here with the sand and the sea and the small bursts of light that managed to creep through the thick, overcast clouds also made his mind wonder. He sometimes felt himself jolt to his memories, feeling breath on the back of his neck, the smell of the locker room, the taste of wine or the sudden dizziness he'd felt. The feeling of wrong that overwhelmed him as he sat there, arms wrapped casually around his legs as he looked out to see, outwardly unphased but screaming inside. The only hint being a furrow to his brow, a soft gasp as he jumped back to reality, or a twitch to his lip or fingers. Before he'd settle down again, realising where he was and that he wasn't actually stuck in his past, his memories. 

The sun was beginning to set when he heard sand shifting near him. He didn't need to turn around to know who it was, he had heard the sound of the engine on his spot further down the beach on the sand. He knew the person coming to meet him wouldn't dare drive his expensive car onto the sand to join him, choosing instead to walk down to him. 
"How you haven't broken an ankle, I don't know." The Warbler huffed, putting his hands in his pockets as he stood there, knowing Kurt wouldn't speak first. He looked out to sea where Kurt was looking for a moment, before shifting and jumping up to join his friend on the car hood. 

"Surprised you wanna see me." Kurt muttered, not even glancing to the other boy. 
They sat in silence as the sky grew more orange and less vibrant, before Sebastian felt it was right to speak, knowing Kurt wasn't going to run away or tell him to get lost. "Why wouldn't I wanna see you?" He finally asked. 
Kurt sighed, looking down at his lap for a moment, biting his lip. "I'm sure there's more than one reason."

Sebastian took a deep breath. Truth be told; he had been pissed to find out Kurt was hurting himself. But, having been able to give it a while between Kurt stumbling around, drugged and almost date-raped, to him coming to him almost begging to sleep with him while drunk, to Kurt then avoiding everyone for a few days... Sebastian had had time to think. And, while he didn't understand the coping mechanism himself, he could see the need and the reason for it. "I won't act like I don't wanna talk about it all, princess." He admitted, seeing Kurt flinch a little. "I don't get it, really, but I guess only people that have been in your situation would get it, so... yeah. If you don't wanna talk, we don't have to. I just wanna help." He shrugged in the casual way Sebastian did, but Kurt knew it was his own way of telling him he was there, and he cared. 

If anything, it was him trying to reassure Kurt that he wasn't alone, and didn't have to deal with this by himself like he normally did. Because - clearly - that wasn't exactly working very well. 
Kurt sighed once more, and shrugged back, finally looking to Sebastian and holding his gaze. "Why do we need to talk about anything?" His voice, even to his own ears, sounded tired and weak. 
"Kurt..." Sebastian muttered, and he gave the older boy a pointed look, who closed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath, shaking his head. And Sebastian placed a hand to his shoulder, pulling him in for a hug as he started crying. "It's alright, princess."

Kurt pushed Sebastian away fairly quickly, his tears already dry, and Sebastian let him. He knew he should probably be offended, but he wasn't. He was actually surprised Kurt still hadn't told him to fuck off. And it seemed that while Kurt was sober today - alcohol-wise anyway - his mind couldn't seem to work out if it should continue to act like the new Kurt; to ignore everything that had happened, to continue to go off the deep end and forget his problems, or the old Kurt; needing to talk about it, to break down and let himself process it all, to maybe open up to someone, a friend. Surprisingly, Sebastian was that person. The one that was here, wanting to listen, despite their mutual agreement. 

"So fucking stupid." Kurt mumbled, shaking his head as his jaw wound tight and he looked back out to the sea. 
The Warbler looked to him, tilting his head a little. "It's not stupid. It's a lot." He spoke casually. 
Kurt glanced to him, his eyes narowing a little, before he sighed, his shoulders dropping from their defensive position. "Fuck it." He jumped up onto the bonnet so that he was stood, and stretched, before pulling his top off. 
"What are you doing, Hummel?" Sebastian asked, looking up at the rebelious boy in pure confusion, and somewhat amusement. 

"We're going skinny dipping, Smythe." He told him firmly. "Get up."
Sebastian paused for a moment, before he scoffed and stood, taking off his own clothes as Kurt did the same, both boys only standing in their boxers as they looked to each other, a daring look on Kurt's face while Sebastian was amused. He tried not to pay attention to how skinny Kurt was now, or the red marks thin red marks that littered his arms and some other parts of his body. One thing was for sure, Kurt was attractive as fuck. "We're seriously gonna do this?" He asked, raising a brow as Kurt looked flatly at him, calm and challenging. 

The older boy folded his arms. "Why not?"
"Well," Sebastian turned to the sea, looking out and chuckling. "For one, I didn't bring any towels and I'm sure you didn't either, so we could get ill. It's not exactly sunny or warm today." He glanced back to Kurt over his shoulder. "Two, I don't even know if you can swim."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Pussy." He muttered, smirking, before starting to make his way toward the choppy waves. 

Sebastian couldn't help but smile. As was normal now, he was stuck between loving the new Kurt... and knowing where he'd come from. And he followed him. 

When they reached the water, Kurt winked to him before heading in, ignoring the cold as it made it's way up his legs and washed over his stomach, his chest and finally, over his shoulders. Sebastian wasn't far behind, despite hissing at the cold, because he wouldn't forgive himself if Kurt drown in the midst of what was obviously a mental breakdown. 

Soon enough, both boys were in the water and laughing, moving around, and softly splashing each other. Not too much because they didn't want to hurt each other, they just wanted to have fun. Even if it was a bittersweet kind of fun, it was needed. Kurt bit his lip and smirked as he pulled his boxers off and threw them toward the beach. He chuckled, lifting his brows at Sebastian in challenge once more, and the Warbler felt himself blush, which didn't normally happen. 

He wouldn't back down to a challenge, though. And, knowing that Kurt was sober, neither of them were drunk, and this would be seen as fun more than anything else, not something that may hurt Kurt more in the long run, Sebastian took his own boxers off and threw them as well, before he felt Kurt swim closer, his soft fingers brushing his shoulders as he jumped up and Sebastian held him in the air, before bringing him down and Kurt's lips settled against his own. 

Kurt just wanted to forget it all, to have some control over it, and who better than Sebastian? He wrapped his legs around the Warbler before beginning to take control, and Sebastian let him, not rejecting him in this situation, for all he knew; this could help heal Kurt. He knew the older boy and Mitch had been together in that way and it hadn't ruined anything between them, so why should this be any different? 

In some way... Sebastian knew a little of what this was about. He was the only one who knew about Kurt hurting himself. He knew of the razor and he knew about what caused all of this in the first place. Perhaps being close in this way was giving the old Kurt some form of being closer to the one person that knew about his situation, while the new Kurt needed some form of closeness while it meant nothing, while it could take nothing away from him as the other guy had done. This meant nothing, and while that was normal for Sebastian in his 'relationships', he couldn't help but wonder what exactly this meant for Kurt.

------------

Carol sat at the kitchen table, cup of coffee in hand that she stirred absent-mindedly, looking out the window as the breeze blew the flowers around outside. She's helped Kurt plant those flowers not long after moving in, a couple weeks before all this started. It had been a fun bonding day for the two of them, going down to the garden store, picking out the perfect flowers they both loved, having lunch and then coming home to plant them and add a trellis to the wall that they could climb up as they grew. 

She looked to the door as it opened and her husband walked in. Burt placed his keys on the side, spotting her and smiling softly. "Hey, honey." 
"Hi," She smiled back, fingers playing with her mug. "Good day at the shop?" 
Burt shrugged a little, taking his cap off and running his hand over his head then face. He was tired, they both knew it. All this Kurt drama had the whole family worried. "Was ok." He nodded, pouring himself a coffee from the still-hot pot and taking a seat next to his wife. His large, calloused hand found its way to her knee and he gave a soft squeeze. "How was your day, hun?"

She nodded a little, shrugging. "Not bad."
"You wanna talk about it?" Burt asked. He may not have been the smartest man in the world, but he noticed things, and he read Carol quite well. 
"About Kurt, you mean." She told him softly, smiling sadly as he sighed and nodded. "Obviously, we're all worried..."
He scoffed. "You can say that again..." Another sigh. "I don't know what's gotten into my boy. He's never acted out like this before, no matter what he's been going through. Then you guys move in and within a couple months, he turns into... this." His hand gripped his mug tighter on reflex. 

Carol shook her head. "Honey, honestly, I know we kinda assumed at first that that's what this was but..." She trailed off, looking down into her coffee, unsure what to say. "I don't think that that's what this is. The more that happens, the-the more Kurt acts out, the more this seems like something more. Something else."
Burt thought over his wives words, nodding slowly. "I don't know what else it could be, Carol. All of this started after you and Finn moved in. Suddenly he's lashing out at me, Finn, basically abandoning school..."

His wife nodded, but sighed softly. "I know I don't know Kurt as much as you do, that it was you two for so long, but, Burt, I really think there's something else going on here."
They both sat in silence for a few moments, sipping their coffee. "I don't know what to do."
Carol took her husband's hand, squeezing. "We'll fix this, sweetie. I promise."

------------

Mitch had told Kurt about an old abandoned school which was apparently a lot of fun to explore. And how could he pass that up?

The two met up near school a couple afternoons later, walking to the school and talking as they smoked. Soon enough they came to the crumbling old building. There were boarded windows, leaking roofs, cracked floors. All fun and games for Kurt's new adventurous, risk-loving self. They laughed as they made their ways through the old place, not stepping as carefully as they should in all honestly, but they didn't really care. 

The floors creaked under their boots as they traversed the school, eventually making their way up to the roof over some very rickety, unsafe beams to a broken stairwell up to the ajar door up there. The view was quite good, and they walked to the edge, Mitch sitting cross-legged near there, while Kurt looked out, before stepping up onto the small ledge, tilting his head back a little to feel the breeze in his hair, hands in his pockets. His friend didn't say anything, but watched him closely - just in case. 

They stayed on the roof until the sun began to set, and the clouds grew blue. Eventually, they decided to head back out and go to Scandels, maybe come here again, because there was more to explore. 
However, as the two boys may their ways back down the broken down hallways, there was a clattering down a corridor, and they paused. A group of guys were slamming old lockers around, laughing to each other. They turned the corner, spotting Kurt and Mitch and stopping, smirking and jeering as they made jokes. 

It didn't take long for it to turn into a scrap. 

When Mitch had tried to just move on and take Kurt with him, one of the guys had shoved him, laughing. Kurt wouldn't stand for that, and jumped in, punching the guy away which only led to the others getting involved, and who was Kurt to argue against this fight? He'd thought Mitch might leave, yet he stayed, attempting to break things up instead of including himself in the fight, trying his best to drag his friend away and out of this place, get them somewhere safe before Kurt got himself hurt. Well, MORE hurt. 

Kurt himself? Didn't really remember any of what happened; once again, he was seeing red. He was lost to everything and didn't really care what was going on, as long as he got a few good hits in and defended his friend. 

------------

Kurt stumbled into the house, half-falling into the counter, palms splaying on the cool surface to keep himself up right as his head swam. 

His ribs were hurting so much, he knew he had a split lip and his eyebrow hurt like hell, something was dripping from it and he assumed it was blood. His knuckles were scraped to hell and hurt, already turning black and blue as his hands shook. He closed his eyes for a moment, pushing himself up and continuing his wobbly steps toward the stairs so he could go down to his bedroom. 

What he didn't expect was to stumble again and into the cabinet next to the stairs, where - luck would have it - Finn was walking down and saw him almost fall. He stopped in his tracks, seeing his step-brother in such a state. "Woah, dude, what...?"
Kurt grit his teeth and offered a dizzy glare at him, feeling his face pulling as he did so, grinding his teeth harder at the pain it caused. 
"Kurt, what happened? Are you ok?" Finn asked, coming to his senses and taking the last couple steps at the same time and placing hands on Kurt's shoulders to steady him. 

Kurt abruptly stepped out of his grip, swaying and almost falling over his own feet, but defiantly staying upright, his fists clenched. "I'm fine." He told him brashly, going to head for the door again. But Finn stopped him leaving, holding his hands up to show he meant no harm when Kurt struggled against his grip again. He didn't want to end up like Puck after he'd had his attack from Kurt. Judging by the state of the other boy; Kurt was no longer a stranger to fighting back. Well... he was apparently no longer a stranger to anything. 

"Kurt, come on, calm down a second!" Finn told him, grabbing some wipes from the side where he knew his mum kept them and brought them back over. 
For Kurt the room was spinning and he felt he may be sick, so he didn't have much fight to give when Finn took a wipe to his face to clean his cuts. It only took a moment for him to slap his hand away though, once again glaring, though he felt as though he may throw up. "Aren't you too scared to catch the gay off me?" He ground out, his voice dark through gritted teeth. 
Finn blinked, and was reminded of their argument before their parents got married, when he'd been too scared to let his to-be brother get near him to help wipe his make up off from a performance. And the one after, where he'd called Kurt... that word. "Dude, please... just let me help."

"None of you want to help me," Kurt shook his head, before closing his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before he'd puke his guts up, because that wouldn't help make Finn leave him alone. "None of you care!" 
"Kurt!" Finn grabbed Kurt's hands, seeing him gripping them so hard that blood was dripping from his palms. "Just-just please, please let me at least help you clean yourself up. Then I'll... leave you alone for now." He noticed Kurt didn't pull away, and simply watched him with a weary eye. "Promise." He kept eye contact with his step-brother until Kurt gave the faintest nod. And Finn got to work before he changed his mind. 

He started with the main marks on Kurt's face. He had a scrape across his scalp, barely noticeable under how Kurt had started wearing his hair, but Finn noticed and cleaned it. Then his eyebrow, which was cut from the top of his eyelid to the middle of his forehead. His lip was bust pretty bad, swelling and bleeding. He knew it would hurt to clean it, so he was gentle and soft in his approach, though he still felt Kurt flinch when the wipe touched his lip, and he noticed him grip his fists again, as if he was about to punch Finn but changed his mind, letting him continue. 

Then, Finn gave a small wipe across the rest of Kurt's face, freeing it of the dried blood, the scrapes on his cheeks, a small cut on his ear, and a big bruise blooming on his jawline. Then he moved to his hands, wiping off his swollen knuckles and trying not to wince himself as Kurt flinched a couple times as if to hit him, not exactly from pain, more... reflex? 

Once he'd done, Kurt pulled his hands away and took a couple steps back, watching the floor. He waited a moment, to see if there was anything Finn was going to say. When there wasn't; he moved past and made his way out of the house, trying to keep his steps as steady and non-wobbly as possible. He needed to get away from here, away from Finn's pained look, from the risk of his dad or Carol finding him like this as well. 

------------

"Should I ask who did that to your face, or?" 

Kurt looked up from his glass of rum to see Sebastian stood there, small smirk in place and his own drink in hand. He offered a huff, shrugging and leaning back in his stool. "Some idiots messing with Mitch." He answered, nodding to the seat next to him so that his friend could sit. 
"Ever the knight in shining armour, huh, Hummel?" He sat, sipping his drink. 

Kurt rolled his eyes, lighting up a cigarette and blowing the smoke out into the shelter they sat in outside their regular bar. "I don't really remember most of it. Mitch managed to drag me away and had us running away, got him home then made my way here." He sighed, letting more smoke escape. 
"Hope you managed to make them look as bad as you." Sebastian smirked, earning a fake glare and punch round the shoulder from Kurt. He laughed. "Joking, you look good with a couple scrapes. But right now you look like someone pummelled your face."

"Thanks, Smythe. Always know what to say." Kurt tutted, shaking his head but smiled a little, even though it hurt his bust lip to do so. 
"Still fuckable, princess, don't worry." Sebastian grinned, seeing Kurt laugh before nudging his elbow into his ribs. Kurt gasped, groaning in pain and moving a little away. His ribs had been aching and throbbing since his fight. "Shit, sorry, Kurt..." Sebastian held a hand up as if to touch his shoulder, but stopped, not knowing where else he could be hurt. "You need to go hospital? Might have a broken rib or something?" He tried to sound casual, but he knew his eyes were imploring his friends', worry filling them as if it were tears. 

Kurt shook his head. "It's fine, just a bruise. I checked." He huffed, shaking his head and slowly taking away his shaky hand from his hurting side. He'd gone into the bathroom to check himself over once he'd arrived here. Finn had missed a couple small splotches of blood on his face earlier, but got most of it. He did look like Sebastian had said, but it didn't take long for him to start avoiding his reflection anyway, which was normal for him now, so his state didn't exactly phase him. He'd then lifted his baggy shirt over his head and checked out his marks. Other than his self-inflicted cuts, he had a blooming bruise on his collarbone, a few scattered around his body, a large scrape across his bony hip, and - of course - the biggest, blotchiest, loveliest purple, black and blue bruising conglomerated all across his left side. No wonder it hurt. But he'd shrugged, lowered his shirt, and headed out to the bar to get a drink and forget about earlier that day. Mitch was fine, so he could relax. 

"Next drink's on me," Sebastian told him. "And you really need to stop getting yourself into trouble." 
Kurt flashed him the finger as his friend stood. Sebastian laughed, before heading back to the bar. 

------------

Kurt stayed at the bar until close, even after Sebastian had left, and then took a very slow walk back to Lima from there, since Finn still had his car and he hadn't bothered to take the keys when he'd been in the house. The sun began rising as he sat by the river, smoking a cigarette in the cold chill of the morning. He watched the sun come up, starting to reflect on the water as the sky turned orange. 

Mitch soon messaged asking if he wanted to meet near school and find something to do. At least Kurt knew he was ok, and he text back to tell him he'd be able to make it to the front of school in about an hour. The other boy agreed and Kurt stubbed the end of his smoke out before beginning to make his way to the school. 
Arriving, he saw it was the start of the school day and that people were turning up to go to endless classes with people who would rather see certain people dead or hurt or... what happened to him, than being even the tiniest bit different. He scoffed at the suckers, spotting Mitch and heading over to him. 

The other boy took in the damage to his face, only having a scrape on his temple and a small bruise around his eye himself. He patted Kurt's arm and pulled him into a half hug. "You doing ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." Kurt told him, nodding. "You? How's the eye?"
"Yeah, I'm good. Slept most of the night though." Mitch chuckled. "Figured we could find something fun to do in another town away from people that know us. That's why I messaged so early." 
Kurt nodded in appreciation. "Sounds like a plan."

They began making their way back out of the school, planning on heading to the bus stop to look up times and places they could go to. When a familiar sound came, and Mitch was suddenly pushed against the school fence. "Well, well! Who knew you two fags came to that school! Only a few blocks over from us!" The ringleader from the previous days' interaction grinned at them, fingers still wound in Mitch's shirt. 
Kurt stepped forward. "Take your hands off of him." He told the main one, gritting his teeth and glaring daggers. 
"Or what?" The guy scoffed, looking Kurt up and down. "May have taken me by surprise yesterday, but you know as well as we do that you can't fight off all of us. If your little friend here hadn't dragged you away yesterday; we would have easily won. Maybe we wanna finish off what was started yesterday!"

Kurt took a long, deep breath, and nodded, placing his bag down and stepping forward. "I said take your hands off of him." He simply repeated his previous sentence. 

He didn't realise that nearby stood Puck, who heard the conversation and made his way closer, coming round the corner in time to see Kurt swing his fist into the guys face, and quickly turn to the other guy, kneeing him in the stomach and elbowing his cheek. One of the other guys soon grabbed Kurt, headbutting him and gripping his throat, throwing him into the fence. But it didn't take long for Kurt to get back up and jump back in, pushing Mitch out of the way to avoid him getting hurt. 

Mitch looked around wildly, as if not knowing how to help. Pulling Kurt away yesterday had been a fluke. His eyes landed on Puck, who blinked out of his stupor and made his way over. "You're Kurt's friend!" Mitch spoke, scared. "Help, please!" He turned back to the fight, not knowing what to do to help. 
Puck quickly jumped in, pushing two guys off of Kurt, who was pinned against the fence. The boy wiped blood from his mouth onto his sleeve, standing next to Puck as they stood opposite the group of guys. The group laughed, and rushed the two, who fought back. 

Mitch came back a few moments later, Mr Shue in tow, who quickly pulled his two students away and through the school gate so they were on their own ground and away from the group of boys. "Get out of here before I phone your school and get you suspended! GO!" The teacher shouted, watching the group hesitate but back off and head away, patting each others' backs even though they looked worse for ware themselves.

He turned to his two students and Mitch, who stood watching Kurt as if he might collapse, which didn't look far from the truth. Puck was wiping blood from a scrape on his own elbow, angry but not following the lads that had started this. Kurt himself was leaning into the fence a little, shaking and breathing deeply. He glanced to Mitch. "You ok?" He muttered, flexing his fist out. 
Mitch nodded, not knowing what else to say. 
"You two, come on." Mr Shuester told the two, nodding to Mitch in thanks as he took the boys into his office. He was surprised Kurt followed, though he looked too out-of-it to argue. 

He stumbled as they entered the teachers office, and the teacher turned, seeing worry in Puck's eyes that he was sure reflected back in his own. He took a closer look at Kurt, a new bruise was blooming across his nose, casting his eyes in deep black which only added to the bags around them. He was holding a shaking hand to his side, while he leant slightly over, it was obvious he was in pain on that side. His eyes were practically half-closed, whether from swelling or the fact he was struggling to keep them open, the teacher wasn't sure. He looked pale and as if he might throw up any second. 

Puck huffed. "We're not in trouble, right, Mr Shue? All we did was help Kurt's friend."
"You two tough guys aren't in trouble, no." He sighed, stepping closer to Kurt. "Not at the moment, anyway..." He watched the boy blink down at the floor slowly, and felt as if he was watching him break right before his eyes. "Kurt?"

His blue eyes flicked up to see his teacher, but his head was spinning. He tried to stand up straighter, but the pull in his ribs and chest had his gasp softly and return to his previous position, resting further against the wall. The bruises around his eyes made them look almost unnaturally blue and the teacher watched him, placing a hand on his shoulder and seeing him flinch hard at the contact. "Kurt..."
The boy nodded a little, it was obvious he was pretty out of it. 
"I take it this isn't your first interaction with those kids?" Mr Shue folded his arms. He saw Kurt frown and sighed. "Why do you keep getting yourself into this trouble, Kurt? Fighting, getting yourself hurt-it's not you!" 

Kurt huffed, rolling his eyes but stopping half way through because it hurt. "People shouldn't keep picking fights then, should they." He spoke, but it was obvious he had a small lisp going on thanks to his new even more bust lip. "Especially not with my friends."

Mr Shue sighed and nodded a little. "Kurt, you look like you can barely stand, you NEED to stop getting yourself into these situations, it's not good for you. What if those guys had weapons? What if Puck hadn't joined in?"
Kurt turned his glare back on his teacher. "I don't NEED protecting. Me and Noah worked together, he didn't join in thinking I NEEDED it."
Mr Shue looked to Puck, who nodded in agreement. Since Kurt had attacked him the other week, he knew the boy could handle himself. He'd even somewhat been nervous about Kurt since then, before he realised that he wasn't mad. Something was clearly happening with him, if the look in his eyes when Puck hadn't let go of his arm was anything to go by. "Even so, Kurt, you might not be so lucky next time. What if this hadn't happened next to the school? When you're alone somewhere? One of you against a group of guys like that?"

Kurt shook his head, angry and tired. "Why do you keep telling me the same things? I DON'T CARE if that happens! I don't CARE if I get myself hurt! I'm through with letting these assholes walk all over me constantly! I'm so SICK-" He punched the wall, creating a crack and hurting his already bruised hands more, blood splattering across the plaster. "And TIRED of people thinking they can DO THIS to me! That they all have control over me!" He turned back to face them, gripping his fists. "None of you know what it's like! None of you could ever EVER understand all the pain I've been through! All the pain these dickheads think I deserve!" He grit his teeth, his burst of energy draining quickly as his body screamed up at him in pain. His ribs felt as if someone had stamped on them for hours on end at this point. 
"Kurt, calm down!" Mr Shue stepped closer once again, putting a hand forward, but Kurt stepped back abruptly, knocking into the shelf and sending things clattering to the ground. 

"Don't touch me!" He slapped the teachers hand away. 
"Kurt, just let us take a look at your ribs, they might be broken..." Puck told him then. "Trust me, I've had my fair share of broken bones."
The teen shook his head. "No. I'm FINE." He turned back toward the door, but fell into the frame, his legs finally giving up, and he slumped to the floor, gasping at the pain in his side. 

"Kurt!" the two rushed over, kneeling next to him. Puck looked up to see the rest of the glee kids making their way toward the doorway, scared. "Kurt, stay with me, buddy." The teacher told him, trying not to panic himself. He sighed. "I'm going to have a look at your ribs, ok?" Kurt shook his head faintly, but couldn't stop him, too tired and in too much pain to do anything. 
Mr Shue raised the boys baggy shirt and instantly spotted the deep black bruising from his hip, spreading all the way up to his chest, covering his whole left side, where his ribs were visible, his hip sticking out. 
Kurt's hand swatted his teacher away, pushing his own shirt back down and scrambling to one side, pushing himself up using the wall and staring at everyone for a moment. He shook his head and ran, down the corridor and out of the school. 

As luck would have it; Finn was walking toward the choir room at that point, and suddenly had a Kurt rush into his chest and almost stumble over. He quickly helped him stand and took in his step-brothers' appearance. He was definitely more beat up than the previous day, that was for sure. He was about to give him a lecture, before he sighed, spotted Kurt glance back tot he group standing down the corridor outside Mr Shue's office, and he thought over what was probably the best thing for the other boy in this situation. "I'll leave you alone once we get there, but... do you want a lift home?" 
Kurt blinked a couple times at him, before nodding slightly, and letting Finn help him to the navigator. He knew soon enough his brother would go back to acting as he had before the past two days once he'd healed a bit, it was Finn's way, after all. He couldn't understand what was going on with Kurt so he'd lash out in anger over not getting it, but for now, he'd let his brother get him home so he could sleep. 

His dad would be at the shop, Carol would have a shift now, and Finn would either return to school or stick to his word of leaving him alone. If he didn't, Kurt had no issues pushing him out of his room and locking the door behind him. 

He dozed as Finn drove, not noticing his brother watching him every so often, until they eventually parked up outside the Hudson-Hummel home and he blinked awake. His eyes were mostly shut now from the swelling, and he hurt so much all over, an almost burning feeling spreading across his nose from what he assumed was a punch, or from his face hitting the fence when the guys had thrown him into it... That moment had been when he'd flashed back, when he felt his front connect with the fence and being pinned there... it was too familiar a feeling, too much... He'd fought back, and almost gotten himself free, scratching at them and leaving some deep red marks... but Puck had helped, and Kurt was grateful to know the other boy was one of the only ones that didn't think he needed defending, instead jumped in just to help and get a good scrap in. 

He managed to push himself up, though Finn was stood there ready just in case, the other boy stepped forward when Kurt almost collapsed, and bit his tongue from saying anything as he wrapped Kurt's arm around his shoulders and helped Kurt walk into the house, down the stairs and into his room. He helped him onto his bed and stood awkwardly for a moment, not knowing what to do or say but obviously not wanting to leave his brother alone. 

Kurt would have been touched, once upon a time. If the group that claimed to be a family had actually cared enough before to help as they were trying to now. But they hadn't, and they didn't, and Kurt had been violated, wounded and had had his youth, his optimism and his firsts ripped away from him in a moment that now defined who he was. He nodded to Finn. "I'm fine, Finn. You can go now."
When his brother went to argue, Kurt flashed him the look, and Finn remembered that he'd told him he'd leave him alone once they were back. Finn nodded, and smiled sadly at his brother, before heading back up the stairs and out of his room, closing the door behind him. Kurt managed to push himself up and to the door, locking it behind him before heading to his bathroom to throw up, the pain making him nauseous all day. He could have easily fallen asleep on the bathroom floor, but managed to crawl his way back to bed and flop down, kicking off his shoes though it jostled his injured ribs, and fell asleep still in his clothes. He didn't hear Finn leave, which probably meant his brother was taking the day off school just in case he'd need anything... Idiot.

Kurt finally let sleep take over, hoping for just a little peace in the storm of emotions and pain that was his new life.